The story of “Hairy Beast and Friends”

(1-8)

every day in this spot you will be regaled with news from the

dramatic story of general animal hospital hairy beast an inoffensive

beastie with green fur was a grossly ugly but gentle animal

once he was madly in love with Hilda hippo a comely hippopotamus

with a hard heart fickle Hilda however decided that hairy beast was

to ugly for her

Hilda the mean lady could no longer stand hairys repulsive warty

visage so she wrote him a nasty vituperative email to tell him of her

feelings

dear hairy you’re a grotesque ugly beast. I do not love you. their,

that’s it

hatefully yours Hilda

(9-12)

hairy beast recieved this odious email on september 12 2013 he

cried copious tears tore out tufts of green fur and demolished his

apartment like a wild beast

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his demeanor was like that of a dog who had lost its favorite

squeakie toy missed supper and been scolded poor sad

woebegone hairy was totally destroyed and his heart had been

broken and stomped on and abused

(13-16)

bertha boa was a sweet thoughtful and kind serpent she heard hairys

laments and she slithered to his apartment to investigate

oh boy she found the door ajar and a total mess inside buy hairy was

nowhere to be seen wow bertha rummaged for unfortunate

grotesque hairy under the bed in the fridge and behind the boots in

the closet

(17-21)

Bertha searched everywhere and could not find hairy yet she still

hears dolorous sobs echoing through the trashed messy apartment

bertha became really perturbed so she goes back to her apartment

to write an email to her friend wilfred warthog

dear wilfred what is wrong with are freind hairy beast. he seems to

have been desolated by something Lets try to console him and

maybe heel come out of hiding love bertha

(22-25)

Wilfred thought that bertha had a good idea so he wrote hairy a short

consoling epistle

6543 dross street hogtown florida 32609 october 2 2013

dear hairy well old chum where have you been and what is wrong

with you that you cann’t answer your door are you all right your

friend wilfred

wilfred wrote hairy the pompous note and bertha sent him a bouquet

of flower’s when the doorbell rang hairy hoping it was news from

Hilda crept out from his hiding place in the bathtub and agitatedly

answers the door

he adored the flowers from bertha but he was insulted by wilfreds

inadvertently unkind note Hairy felt overwhelmed and he had been

jilted by his girl insulted by his freind and had his warts vilified

He burst anew into tears. Then he shredded the flowers and ate

them tears flowing onto the steams like rain luckily wilfred realized

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that his epistle might have been pompous and he went to visit hairy to

atone for his goof-up

Yes when he arrived at hairys apartment Wilfred found his freind on

the floor saturated in his own tears the remnants of berthas flowers

hung from hairys lips

Wilfred gathered hairy up in his arms apologized for his gaffe and

listens too hairys tale of woe

(34-38)

Wilfred then said lets go tell that nasty nerd of a hippopotamus to

plummet off a cliff Hairy sniveled yes then lets persevere hairy said

wilfred

Hairy and wilfred then went to hildas abode and they boldly knocked

on the door When Hilda answered the door hairy showed her all his

warts stuck out his warts stuck out his tongue and sounds a loud

raucous Bronx cheer

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(39-42)

hard-hearted Hilda still loathed hairy and she slams the door and

shrieked get out of my life you vile beast hairy took umbrage at

hildas cruel words so him and wilfred went to see bertha

yes lets go right now bewailed Hairy they trekked to berthas abode

and rang the bell

bertha answered the door. salutations hairy and wilfred she greeted

the three friends sit down and talked. lets forget about Hilda hairy

remonstrated bertha

Wow what a subject to forget said wilfred. Bertha said hairy I’ll never

get over my winsome Hilda wilfred took hairys hand well help you

hairy he said. how wilfred lamented hairy

(47-50)

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a trip said bertha. No another girl clamored wilfred. Stop it my

friends cried Hairy I think ill go into quite uninterrupted seclusion he

continued

I want to be left alone all by my lonesome miserable self to abate the

pain of losing my lovely winsome hilda hairy finished. good idea hairy

echoed bertha and wilfred together. Bye my good friends whispered

Hairy

(51-54)

although poor sad hairy was still despondent he trekked to the

market for food Their he purchased bags of candy cantaloupe and

ambrosial Brussels sprouts

he then goes home put the food away cowered in his closet and shut

the door behind him Yes hairy went into hibernation until he could

recover from his calamitous unfortunate love affair with the nasty

vituperative Hilda

(55-60)
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meanwhile hilda went her own noxious nasty way bertha and wilfred

continued their lives without they’re prime friend hairy beast

Hairy the poor thing uttered to himself over and over I don’t love hilda

and I do hate hilda

While all this was going on other inhabitants of hogtown florida were

embroiled in their own problems. ingenuous wilfred and kind

Bertha discussed the new developments

(60-63)

bertha have you gleaned any news about the newest inhabitant of

hogtown florida asked Wilfred No wilfred bertha disclaimed

well his name is eggbert and hes wierd looking retorted wilfred. Oh

asked bertha. Well he has a long gray nose that hands down like a

pendulum and he weighs a ton wilfred continued

(64-68)

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he sounds like a homely grotesque elephant cried bertha and I don’t

want to meet him You havent ascertained the worst bertha said

Wilfred

Whats that hes and elitist. forget about him and we dont need snobs

said bertha yeah assented wilfred. hey lets have a party he added

bertha dispatched invitations to their party and wilfred dispatched

invitations to their party and they even invited hilda the the nasty

hippo

(69-71)

kind sweet bertha even expedited an invitation to eggbert the wierd

elitist elephant Bertha popped popcorn and wilfred popped popcorn

to provide plenty of fodder for there party the biggest even in

hogtown florida all year

just before the guests began to arrive wilfred phoned hairy beast to

implore him to come to the party

(72-75)

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i just dont feel up to it wilfred bemoaned hairy im reading a good

book hear in my closet and its called the malevolent and nasty

hippopotamus and it fits my mood.

abandon that stupid book and come to are party. itll do you some

good insisted wilfred wheres youre backbone man you cant just sit

and vegetate in a closet for the rest of your life he added

(76-82)

you have a point conceded hairy as he pondered a lonely existence

without hilda Hairy as an added attraction there will be plethora of

lovely female animals said Wilfred

ok ill bustle over their you nice freind concluded hairy meanwhile

bertha greeted several cronies from around hogtown florida. each

one had brought their homemade goodies to share

she introduced everyone and then offered them hors d’oeuvres and

punch the guest conversed while music blared from the panasonic

speakers someone played journeys dont stop beleving and a score

of hip animals began to boogie

(83-85)
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about an hour later wilfred discovered that someone had plugged the

toilet with popcorn and hung strands of spaghetti from the chandelier

he noticed that several animals laughed giddily and threw popcorn

at each other and this is getting out of hand he moaned. at that point

he noticed hilda and she was dancing with eggbert as she gazed into

his beady eyes

(86-88)

oh eggbert she simpered your the best dancer and dresser in

hogtown florida and i’ve never met anyone like you before Yeah i

know he answered with conceit as he nonchalantly flexed his

muscles

just then hairy arrived in his striped bell bottoms. wilfred quashed a

chuckle and said your just in time. im going to need help taming this

group

(89-92)

hairy spied hilda dancing on top of the coffee table with eggbert and

at that moment he realized her slovenliness hilda saw hairy spun

around and swooned in eggberts outstretched arms.

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she was as light as a tank eggbert whispered into her ear get a look

at that hideous dude in the bell bottoms he mocked Thus began the

torrid love affair between hilda and eggbert

(93-96)

Several weeks after the party hogtown florida buzzed with the latest

scoop the 2 rapscallions had broken up

Hilda fell for eggbert and got jilted bertha told hairy. shes taking off

to go to tibet to see if she can change. oh replied hairy all the

animals lives will be better off without her interjected wilfred

(97-100)

i love you bertha and wilfred said hairy. you 2 are my staunch

freinds Wow hairy finally shunned hilda. him and bertha and wilfred

happily continued their lives

ill be back for another escapade thought hilda as her plane took off.

Your not rid of me yet all the animals in hogtown florida except mean

hilda and snooty eggbert wish you a good vacation

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