1x03 - Death and The Queen

DOCTOR WHO – DEATH AND THE QUEEN Page 1
THE TENTH DOCTOR ADVENTURES

1.3 DEATH AND THE QUEEN
BY JAMES GOSS
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
THE DOCTOR: DAVID TENNANT

Time Traveller
DONNA NOBLE: CATHERINE TATE

Companion
RUDOLPH:
(M) Charming prince with hidden agenda.
QUEEN MUM:
(F) Queen Mother-in-law from hell.
HORTENSE:
(F) Resourceful lady-in-waiting.
DEATH/CLOUD/SKELETON:
(M) Avatars of alien con-men Mefistoles
OTHER VOICES:
Soldiers
Maids
Courtiers
DIRECTOR: NICHOLAS BRIGGS SCRIPT EDITOR: MATT FITTON

PRODUCER: DAVID RICHARDSON
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: NICHOLAS BRIGGS & JASON HAIGH-ELLERY
BIG FINISH PRODUCTIONS LTD © 2015


SCENE 1. EXT. THE CASTLE GROUNDS / INT. THE THRONE ROOM
FX: A HORSE CANTERING DESPERATELY… IT’S A GALLOPING MONTAGE -

OVER FIELDS…. THROUGH A STREAM… FIELDS AGAIN… AND ONTO A
GRAVEL PATH. WE CAN HEAR THE DOCTOR BREATHING HEAVILY, URGING
IT ON:
DOCTOR:
(URGING HORSE ON: “Hey! Yah! Come on!” etc)
FX: THE HORSE PULLS UP AT THE CASTLE GATES.
DOCTOR:
Woah, Dobbin!
FX: A CLASH AND STAMP OF PIKES BY THE GUARDS.
GUARD:
Halt!
DOCTOR:
I have halted.
GUARD:
State your business.
DOCTOR:
I demand to see the Queen. Oof!
FX: THE DOCTOR IS CLUBBED FROM HIS HORSE. IN A REPEAT OF THE

EARLIER MONTAGE, HE IS DRAGGED THROUGH GRAVEL, ACROSS
FLOORBOARDS AND UP STONE STAIRS BEFORE BEING DRAGGED ALONG A
CORRIDOR.
DOCTOR:
(DAZED) I have to… I have to see the Queen… the Queen. I must
see her…
FX: GREAT DOORS ARE OPENED AND THE DOCTOR IS THROWN THROUGH
INTO A THRONE ROOM. THUD.
DOCTOR:
(DAZED) Death is coming… I have to see the Queen.
DONNA:
Well, you’re seeing her now.
DOCTOR:
Oh.
CRASH IN OPENING THEME


SCENE 2a. INT. CASTLE
DOCTOR:
So you ended up as queen?
DONNA:
I know! If the crown fits, eh? Was it really just a few weeks
ago….
DOCTOR:
ooh, Flashback.
DONNA:
No, probably concussion. Anyway. A few weeks ago, in that
casino in…
CUT TO:

SCENE 2b. INT. FRENCH CASINO FLASHBACK
FX: A FRENCH CASINO WASHES UP. ROULETTE WHEELS.
PLAYERS:
(EXCITED MURMURS)
CROUPIERS:
(CALLING: e.g. “Six a la banque, Neuf a la banque”)
FX: CHAMPAGNE CORKS AND, NATURALLY, A STRING QUARTET.
DONNA:
(IN THE ROOM) The French Riviera!
DOCTOR:
Not Blackpool.
DONNA:
Sulking?
DOCTOR:
Still hoping for a donkey ride. Wonder why the TARDIS brought
us here? Something’s up.
DONNA:
Not complaining.
WAITER:
Champagne?
DONNA:
Absolutely.
FX: DONNA TAKES A GLASS.
DONNA:
Now then, I’m going to lose me some money.
DOCTOR:
Donna-
FX: BUT DONNA IS AT FULL STEAM. SHE ADVANCES ON A CROUPIER
DONNA:
Croupier, excusez-moi, prendez-vous les Euros?
DOCTOR:
(MUTTERING) 1780s. Also, telepathic translation.

DONNA:
Hush. Now, garcon, how does this one work? I’ve always wanted
a go on the spinny thing.
RUDOLPH:
Excuse me, it is called roulette, madame.
DONNA:
Gotcha. You don’t sound French.
RUDOLPH:
I am from Goritania.
DONNA & DOCTOR:

Never heard of it.
RUDOLPH:
(GRAND) I am Crown Prince Rudolph of Goritania.
DONNA:
(LAUGHS) You’re kidding.
DOCTOR:
Nope, still not heard of it.
DONNA:
(STILL LAUGHING) You’re really called Rudolph! Amazing. Donna
Noble. Enchantay.
DOCTOR:
No, don’t do that. (MUTTERING) Goritania? Who made that one
up?
RUDOLPH:
(OVER HIM) Enchanté. Really and truly. Madam, is your friend
all right? He appears to be muttering a lot.
DONNA:
He does that.
DOCTOR:
Oi!
RUDOLPH:
Then if he is quite well, permit me to have the pleasure of
showing you roulette….
FX: UP BIG AND CLOSE, A ROULETTE WHEEL.


SCENE 3. EXT. A BEACH.
FX: THE ROULETTE WHEEL WASHES AWAY, BECOMING A DISTANT RUSH OF

SEA, WITH GULLS AND FEET SPLASHING ALONG THE SHORE.
DONNA:
What a sunset!
RUDOLPH:
As beautiful as your eyes.
DONNA:
Shaddup.
RUDOLPH:
No.
DONNA AND RUDOLPH:

(LAUGH, SUDDENLY INTERRUPTED)
DOCTOR:
Funny thing. Goritania. Why’ve I never heard of it?
DONNA:
(HISSING) Doctor! What are you doing here?
FX: WAVES CRASH INTO:


SCENE 4. INT. A RESTAURANT.
FX: AND THE SEASIDE ECHOES AWAY, BECOMING A CLASSY RESTAURANT.

A DISTANT STRING QUARTET, THE SOUND OF CHIT-CHAT, CUTLERY AND
POSH PEOPLE EATING POSHLY.
DONNA:
(MOUTHFUL) That is just – oh – my – god -
RUDOLPH:
I thought you’d like it. They do them exquisitely here. To be
perfect, an oyster must be absolutely fresh.
DONNA:
‘Course, Rudolph – (GIGGLES) No, sorry. Your name. Still!
Prince Rudolph. Got any other names?
RUDOLPH:
I have 36 formal titles. If you are having trouble sleeping, I
can recite them to you.
FX: DONNA STARTS ON ANOTHER OYSTER
DONNA:
Later maybe. I’ll have another one of these first. ‘Course,
you know what they say about oysters –
RUDOLPH:
(PURRING) No. What do they say?
DONNA:
Well, they say they’re an -
AND THEN-
FX: THE DOCTOR SITS DOWN AT THE TABLE WITH A THUMP OF CHAIR
AND CUTLERY.
DOCTOR:
Thing is. Goritania. Still not ringing any bells. And I’ve
been everywhere. Ooh, breadsticks!
FX: SNAP OF BREADSTICK.
DONNA:
(CHOKING ON AN OYSTER) Doctor!

SCENE 5. INT. ART GALLERY.
FX: AND THE RESTAURANT FOLDS AWAY, BECOMING THE ECHOING HUSH
OF AN ART GALLERY, TWO FEET WALKING SLOWLY ON TILES.
RUDOLPH:
It is a beautiful painting is it not?
DONNA:
Yeah. Looks a bit like you. With worse hair.
RUDOLPH:
You are too kind.
DONNA:
(SOFT) No, no I’m not.
DONNA AND RUDOLPH:

(THEY BOTH LAUGH. IT’S THE SOFT LAUGH OF TWO PEOPLE ABOUT TO
KISS FOR THE FIRST TIME. AND JUST AS THEY LEAN IN-)
FX: CRASH! A DOOR IS FLUNG OPEN.
DOCTOR:
Oh hello, you two! Guess what I’ve found! A copy of the
Goritanian Royal Standard. Pretty rare. Turns out it’s not
just a flag, it’s a declaration of eternal peace. You’ve not
had a war in 500 years. Not even a little one. Fancy that.
Aren’t art galleries brilliant?
DONNA:
Doctor…
RUDOLPH:
(TIGHTLY) Ah, Doctor. How lovely to see you again.
DOCTOR:
I know. Thought I’d lost you in the Dutch Masters (who doesn’t
love a nicely painted apple), but here I am. Anyway,
Goritania.
RUDOLPH:
We’re very dull, I assure you.
DOCTOR:
I’d love to know more about your 500 years of peace.
DONNA:
It’s all about to come to a crashing halt.

DOCTOR:
Really?
DONNA:
Yeah. With a murder.

SCENE 6. EXT. A CARRIAGE.
FX: AND THE ART GALLERY FADES INTO HORSES CANTERING ALONG A
STONE PATH.
DOCTOR:
Smashing day for a carriage ride!
DONNA:
Isn’t the… isn’t the forest that way?
RUDOLPH:
I do believe it is. Doctor?
DOCTOR:
Yeah, well… picnics, they’re a bit rubbish aren’t they?
Especially when compared to a church archive. See that church
over there – they’re supposed to have some fascinating
heraldic scrolls. And… Brass rubbing!
RUDOLPH:
Doctor! Pull up!
DOCTOR:
Why, what? Woah!
FX: THE CARRIAGE STOPS.
RUDOLPH:
One of the horses has thrown a shoe, I’m afraid. See?
DOCTOR:
Not a problem.
FX: THE DOCTOR JUMPS DOWN AND GOES TO THE HORSE.
DOCTOR:
I’ve got just the thing that’ll fix this.
FX: SONIC SCREWDRIVER.
DOCTOR:
Been dying to use the setting for horseshoes. And now, oh yes,
it’s time has come. Oi!
FX: THE DOCTOR YELLS AS, WITH A CRACK OF THE WHIP AND A JERK
OF THE REINS, THE CARRIAGE ROARS OFF.

DOCTOR:
(SHOUTING) Donna! Donna! Come back!
FX: BUT WE ARE CLOSE-UP IN THE CARRIAGE.
DONNA AND RUDOLPH:

(LAUGHING)
RUDOLPH:
Donna Noble…
DONNA:
Yes.
RUDOLPH:
Will you marry me?

SCENE 7. INT. THRONE ROOM.
DONNA:
That was weeks ago. Look, sorry about running off, but you
know… royalty!
DOCTOR:
No, it’s fine. Really.
DONNA:
Amazed it took you so long to find me.
DOCTOR:
Well, I’d never heard of Goritania. Hard place to find.
DONNA:
We prefer to think of ourselves as out of the way.
DOCTOR:
We? And, ah, how are you? How’s being queen?
DONNA:
Brilliant.

SCENE 8. CASTLE FLASHBACKS.
FX: A SERIES OF WHIP CUTS SHOW HOW BEING QUEEN IS NOT

BRILLIANT. SLIGHT ECHOEY FLASHBACK ACOUSTIC TO ALL OF THEM
DONNA:
(NARRATING, DIFFERENT ACOUSTIC – CLEARER SOUND) I’ve got an
army!

8a. EXT. BATTLEMENTS
FX: A HORN. A DISTANT SCRAMBLE OF ALARMED SOLDIERS
SOLDIERS:
(CRIES OF ALARM: “Invaded!” “We’re under attack!”)
DONNA:
(GIGGLING)
GUARD:
My Lady, did you just sound the war horn?
DONNA:
Oh, is that what it is? Lovely sound though. Sorry.
FX: FADES AWAY


8b. INT. BEDROOM
DONNA:
(NARRATING) I’ve got all the mod-cons….
FX: WATER POURED INTO A TIN BATH
DONNA:
I’m supposed to have a bath in that?
FX: SPLASHING.
DONNA:
(GASPING) It’s not… it’s not even warm!
FADES AWAY…

8c. INT. DINING ROOM
DONNA:
(NARRATING) And the food is amazing…
FX: A LARGE DINING ROOM. A CHAIR SLOWLY PULLED BACK.
DONNA:
Where’s the Prince?
BUTLER:
He is still hunting, my lady.
DONNA:
Never mind, I’m starving. Bring it on.
FX: SEIZES CUTLERY.
BUTLER:
(COUGHS) It is customary to wait for the Prince, Ma’am.
DONNA:
Oh.
FX: THE ROOM FADES AWAY


8d. INT. TURRET.
DONNA:
(NARRATING) And, guess what, I have servants! Me! Waited on
hand and foot!
FX: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS ALONG A CORRIDOR AND UP STONE STEPS.

DONNA IS RUNNING AND SHE IS BEING FOLLOWED.
DONNA:
Can you lot… not even leave me alone for a moment?
HORTENSE:
But Madam, we are your maids.
DONNA:
You won’t even let me dress myself.
HORTENSE:
Of course not, ma’am.
DONNA:
And now you are following me to – the - bathroom.
HORTENSE:
But of course.
FADES AWAY…

DONNA:
Yeah. It’s brilliant here. Just like a fairytale. Ever since I
first arrived and heard those four magic words –
DOCTOR:
(MUTTERS, COUNTING) “I love you” (ALOUD) Three, surely?
DONNA:
Four.

SCENE 10a. EXT. PALACE COURTYARD.
FX: A COURTYARD FADES UP. OPEN AIR. DISTANT BIRDS. SLIGHT

FLASHBACK ECHO.
QUEEN MUM:
Rudolph! Who! Is! This?!
RUDOLPH:
Ah, Mother, this is Donna. I’m going to marry her.
QUEEN MUM:
You will not.

10b INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM
DONNA:
(NARRATING) Well, perhaps it was three little words after all…
FX: AS THE COURTYARD FADES AWAY, WE ARE IN DONNA’S BEDROOM.
DONNA:
Ow!
FX: HAIR BEING AGGRESSIVELY BRUSHED. THE BRUSH-BRUSH ACTS AS

PUNCTUATION TO…
QUEEN MUM:
Sit still! (BRUSH) Honestly, child, (BRUSH) has no-one (BRUSH)
ever brushed (BRUSH etc) your hair properly? It would disgrace
a maid having to sort this out. This is a veritable slattern’s
tangle.
DONNA:
You what? Ow!

10c INT. DINING ROOM.
DONNA:
(NARRATING) The Queen Mum? My biggest fan.
FX: ECHOEY TRANSITION. FADE UP ON THE DINING ROOM. EATING OFF

FINE CHINA PLATES
QUEEN MUM:
Who changed the tablecloth?
DONNA:
Oh, I did. Someone had spilt something.
QUEEN MUM:
The linen is changed on Thursdays.
DONNA:
But it needed-
QUEEN MUM:
You should have come to me.
DONNA:
What? Rudolph – hey. I can’t even get a tablecloth changed?
RUDOLPH:
Donna, my love… [ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING. THINKS BETTER OF IT]
DONNA:
I don’t get to make any decisions around here. It’s
ridiculous.
FX: EATING CONTINUES. CHILLY.
DONNA:
(QUIETER) Ridiculous. (ANOTHER PAUSE. EVEN QUIETER) It’s not
fair.
QUEEN MUM SNORTS. EATING CONTINUES.
DONNA:
And I don’t even get a crown.
QUEEN MUM:
Certainly not. Not until you are married at Rudolph’s
Coronation.
DONNA:
You lot. What are you like? Isn’t that a bit fiddly.

QUEEN MUM:
Fiddly?
AN ICY SILENCE
DONNA:
Yeah. But it is though.
QUEEN MUM:
Rudolph, I am very disappointed in you. I sent you out into
the world to find a bride. And you came back with…. (WITHERING
SIGH) Well.
DONNA:
Do go on.
FX: THE QUEEN MUM GATHERS UP HER BUSTLE AND MAKES AN EXIT
QUEEN MUM:
One shall not stay here to be further insulted. Good night
Rudy dear.
FX: AND WITH THAT, SHE IS GONE.
RUDOLPH:
Good night mother.
FX: HE GOES ON EATING.
DONNA:
Rudolph! Hey! She… she…
RUDOLPH:
(SIGHS) You really ought to make more of an effort with her.
DONNA:
I?!?!?
RUDOLPH:
Really, she loves you.
FX: THE ACOUSTIC FADES AWAY.


DONNA:
(FIRMLY) Oh yeah, the Queen Mum loves me.
DOCTOR:
I’m happy for you. Now, listen-
FX: A DOOR IS FLUNG OPEN. ENTER THE QUEEN MUM.
QUEEN MUM:
What! What is this? (SIGHS) I expected no better of you,
Donna. You, young man-
DOCTOR:
(WHISPER) Me?
QUEEN MUM:
If you’re some no-doubt hastily discarded paramour come to
reclaim this gold-digging minx, let me assure you that you
would ordinarily be most welcome. Regrettably, however, she is
engaged to be crowned Queen at my son’s coronation.
DOCTOR:
It’s not that at all. It’s about- (PAUSES) Marriage and a
Coronation - Isn’t that a bit of a fiddly ceremony?
DONNA:
That’s what I said.
QUEEN MUM:
We are no ordinary kingdom.
DOCTOR:
I thought not when I saw your flag had small print. What
language is that in by the way?
QUEEN MUM:
Clearly not a scholar. What are you? Card sharp? Purse-
snatcher? Or fading gigolo?
DONNA:
Ha!
DOCTOR:
Listen, your majesty, I came here on important…. (TO DONNA) Is
she always like this?
DONNA:
Yup.

DOCTOR:
Poor Donna (TO QUEEN MUM) I’m here on a life or death matter.
QUEEN MUM:
Of course you are. How much do you want? (CLAPS HANDS)
Someone, bring me a banker’s draft.
DOCTOR:
Listen to me. This entire kingdom is about to be laid waste.
Something very bad’s coming.
QUEEN MUM:
A likely story.
DOCTOR:
Look out the window. Actually, not that one. It’s stained-
glass… so’s that one… no… Look, do you have any normal
windows?
QUEEN MUM:
Are we a window-salesman now?
DONNA:
Doctor, never said this before, but fancy a quick trip round
my ramparts?

SCENE 12. INT. CASTLE CORRIDORS AND STAIRWELLS.
FX: THE DOCTOR AND DONNA ARE RUNNING
DONNA:
What the hell do you think you’re doing? Are you going to ruin
all my weddings?
DOCTOR:
I-
DONNA:
Through here. Short cut.
FX: CLANG OF DOOR.


SCENE 12B. INT. SEWING ROOM.
FX: SOUND OF A GROUP OF WOMEN DOING SCHOOLWORK. STARTLED BY

DONNA’S APPEARANCE. THE DOCTOR AND DONNA ARE STILL RUNNING.
DONNA:
Don’t mind us. Just passing through.
DOCTOR:
What is this? A schoolroom?
DONNA:
My handmaids. Used to spend all day embroidering. Stuff that,
so I’ve taught them short-hand-
DOCTOR:
1780s. Not invented yet.
DONNA:
And reading and writing and etcetera. Bit limited as to
textbooks.
HORTENSE:
(NERVOUS) Come now, repeat. “And Nino took her in his arms-“
MAIDS:
“And Nino took her in his arms and, all the while, he murmured
in her ear ‘You rich, capitalist dog’ as his tenderness-“
DOCTOR:
What?
DONNA:
Jackie Collins. About the only book I had on me. (TO GROUP)
Very good. Ladies, this is the Doctor. We’re off to the
battlements. He says the sky is falling in.
MAIDS:
Pleased to meet you Doctor, you rich capitalist dog.
DOCTOR:
Er, charmed.
DONNA:
This way.

SCENE 12C. INT. CASTLE STAIRCASE.
FX: DOCTOR AND DONNA RUNNING UP STAIRS.
DOCTOR:
Donna-
DONNA:
Thought you’d be impressed. Better than spending all their
spare time doing embroidery.
DOCTOR:
I’m… stunned.
DONNA:
And don’t you start on your web of time whatnot. It was either
teach them that or Confessions Of A Shopaholic. (SIGHS) She is
so me.
DOCTOR:
er….
DONNA:
And… Ramparts!
FX: SHE THROWS OPEN A DOOR


SCENE 13. EXT. CASTLE RAMPARTS.
FX: A WIND IS WHISTLING. AND SOMETHING MORE. A THREAT IN THE

AIR.
DONNA:
Oh.
DOCTOR:
See? Donna Noble. The sky really is falling in.
FX: SOUNDS OF A DISTANT, OMINOUS CLOUD.
DONNA:
Ohhhh. That is one weird cloud.
DOCTOR:
Yeah. It’s deadly.
DONNA:
How do you know?
CLOUD:
(DISTANT) I bring Death. The price must be paid. I bring
Death.
DOCTOR:
See?
DONNA:
A giant talking cloud? Oh that is so you! Things are finally
going well for me and you do This.
DOCTOR:
Me?
DONNA:
Yeah. You. Just listen to it -
CLOUD:
I bring death. The price must be paid.
DONNA:
Know anyone else who gets menaced by clouds?
DOCTOR:
Well, ah-

DONNA:
You! Listen. I am becoming queen today. Queen. All the times
I’ve been there for you. You know, saving your skinny little
hide… and I wanted… I wanted just once, to have one happy day
all of my very own. But no. You… you just had to make it all
about you.
CLOUD:
I bring Death. The price must be paid.
DONNA:
And you can shut up.
DOCTOR:
Donna, honestly, I don’t know what that thing in the sky is,
but I do know that it’s coming towards us, and it’s lethal and
we [need to get out -]
DONNA:
Doesn’t matter. Just, you know… bzzzz it. Make it go away.
DOCTOR:
Bzzz?
DONNA:
Your sonic screwdriver. Wave it at the cloud, talk clever and
go home.
DOCTOR:
Not a magic wand.
FX: THE CLOUD IS RUMBLING. OMINOUSLY. LIKE A TERRIBLE ALIEN

THUNDERSTORM. WE CAN HEAR DISTANT SCREAMS AS TREES ARE TORN
UP.
VILLAGERS:
(DISTANT SCREAMS)
CLOUD:
DOCTOR:
I wonder what it’s going on about?
DONNA:
(SOFTER) It’s getting very close. Tearing through the trees
like.. wet paper. It’s bad, isn’t it?
DOCTOR:
Its surrounded the entire kingdom. Destroying everything in
its path. I only just made it through. Anyway. You quite sure
you’re happy?

DONNA:
You’re asking now?
DOCTOR:
Yes. I care about you.
DONNA:
Rudolph’s great. Bit more baggage than normal. But hey, Royal
Baggage.
DOCTOR:
The Queen Mum?
DONNA:
Her? No worse than mine. And she’s worth it because Rudolph.
DOCTOR:
Mummy’s Boy?
DONNA:
He is not. Look!
FX: WITH A CRASH RUDOLPH AND SOME ARCHERS BARREL OUT ONTO THE
RAMPARTS.
CLOUD:
RUDOLPH:
Men, attack the cloud! That’s right, aim, and loose your
arrows! C’mon, c’mon. Oh, hello Donna!
DONNA:
Hello you.
RUDOLPH:
Oh, and, er, Doctor. Hello again. Come to look round our
museums? Glad to take you, just got my hands full at the
moment. Men, are you ready? Right. Defend the castle!
FX: ARROWS ARE LOOSED INTO THE CLOUD.
DONNA:
That’s my boy.
DOCTOR:
Donna, is he shooting arrows at a cloud?
DONNA:
Yeah.

DOCTOR:
You sure can pick em.
DONNA:
Can’t I just.

SCENE 14. EXT. CLOUD CUTAWAY
FX: WE ARE CLOSE-UP IN THE CLOUD. WE FEEL IT BURNING AND

TEARING ACROSS THE LAND.
VILLAGERS:
(FRANTIC CRIES FOR HELP)
CLOUD:
I bring Death. I must show you what happens when my bargain is
not kept.
VILLAGERS:
(TERRIFIED DYING SCREAMS)
CLOUD:
War… plague… famine… I am the herald of the terror… I bring
death. The price must be paid.
FX: WIPE BACK TO THE RAMPARTS:


SCENE 15. EXT. RAMPARTS (CONTINUOUS)
DONNA:
(SOFTLY) That cloud…. It’s destroying everything
DOCTOR:
Yup. Arrows not stopping it. Surprise.
DONNA:
Shut up. That thing is going to kill everything in its path
and you… you’re just “ooh, Donna’s got another rubbish
boyfriend”.
DOCTOR:
Not at all. Just, you know. Arrows. Cloud. (TO SELF) “Bows and
arrows against the lightning”?
DONNA:
At least he’s doing something.
DOCTOR:
Donna, that thing is lethal. I don’t know what it is. I don’t
know how to stop it. The only thing we can do is to get away
from it.
DONNA:
Not the only thing. You’re forgetting Who’s Queen.
FX: DONNA SOUNDS THE WAR HORN. A HUGE, EPIC NOISE. IT SOUNDS
AGAIN.
DONNA:
(REGAL) Everyone, listen to me. I, Queen Donna, have sounded
the War Horn. Get the people inside the castle and then batten
down the hatches.
RUDOLPH:
Donna? What are you doing?
DONNA:
You heard me, Rudolph. I’m saving my people. (SHOUTS)
Everyone, get inside! (TO RUDOLPH) Come on Rudy, meet me at
the castle gates. Chop chop.
FX: DONNA SWEEPS OFF.
DONNA:
(YELLING ORDERS UNDER FOLLOWING: “Move it!” “Get a shift on!”
etc)

RUDOLPH:
(SOFT) That’s my queen.
DOCTOR:
Yeah, she is pretty amazing, isn’t she?
RUDOLPH:
I must go help her.
DOCTOR:
One question.
RUDOLPH:
Yes, the castle has an art gallery, but sadly it is closed
today.
DOCTOR:
No. The wording on the Royal Flag. It’s in a language even I
can’t translate.
RUDOLPH:
Is it?
DOCTOR:
Hmmn. No help from you on that one. Alright then. Different
question. What is that cloud? You know, don’t you?
RUDOLPH:
All I know is that that it brings Death, and not even Donna
Noble can keep it out.

SCENE 16. EXT. CASTLE GATES
FX: PEOPLE ARE RUNNING OVER THE DRAWBRIDGE. SCREAMING,

PANICKING, THE BLEATS OF SHEEP THEY’VE BROUGHT WITH THEM. AND,
IN THE CENTRE OF THIS CHAOS, MAGNIFICENT, IS QUEEN DONNA…
DONNA:
Keep moving, keep moving. Get them all inside. That’s right –
yeah, okay, go on, bring the sheep – come on, no dawdling. Any
more for any more?
FX: THE CROWDS HAVE DWINDLED.
DONNA:
No? Right then. Raise the drawbridge!
FX: THE DRAWBRIDGE GOES UP, CUTTING OUT THE CHAOS OF THE STORM
BEYOND.
DONNA:
(TO HERSELF) “Raise the drawbridge?” Donna, what are you like!
FX: A BRIEF MOMENT. DONNA, VICTORIOUS. THE PEOPLE IN NERVOUS

HUDDLES. THEN, FOOTSTEPS…
QUEEN MUM:
What! Is! The! Meaning! Of! This! Ah, Rudolph, there you are.
Explain.
RUDOLPH:
(DISTANT) Well, mother…
QUEEN MUM:
There are – peasants – in my castle.
DONNA:
Yes there are. Because, your mumesty, if we’d left them
outside they’d be dead.
QUEEN MUM:
But-
DONNA:
But what?
QUEEN MUM:
How dare you tell me what to do? How dare you issue orders to
the army!
DONNA:
You know what, I’m doing something to save my kingdom.

QUEEN MUM:
Your Kingdom?
DONNA:
Yeah.
QUEEN MUM:
Well. Well. I know my place I’m sure.
DONNA:
(TO GUARDS) Right then. Guards, take these good people out to
the stables. Find quarters for them. And don’t go cooking the
sheep. Queen Donna? Got her eye on you. C’mon! Quick sticks!
FX: THE PEOPLE ARE LED AWAY.
RUDOLPH:
Wow.
QUEEN MUM:
What did you say?
RUDOLPH:
Nothing.
QUEEN MUM:
I thought not. As if there wasn’t enough on my plate. All this
and a coronation to organise. So much to be done.
DONNA:
You’re not serious? There’s stormzilla out there and you’re
still going ahead with the coronation?
QUEEN MUM:
Absolutely. It is what Goritania does.
DONNA:
Deadly cloud? World falling apart? And you, you’re all
business as usual? What is going on here?
QUEEN MUM:
Dull questions. Get out of my way. Nothing must interfere with
the happiest day of your life.
FX: QUEEN MUM STRIDES OFF.
QUEEN MUM:
(DISTANT) Oh, Rudolph, you know what to do. Issue the ritual
challenge. Send out standard bearers against that… thing. Show
it we mean business.

RUDOLPH:
(CALLING) Yes, Mother.

SCENE 17. EXT. RAMPARTS
FX: THE STORM HAS DIED DOWN. A STRANGE NOISE EMERGES FROM IT.
A BRITTLE, CLACKING SOUND.
CLOUD:
(WHISPERING) I bring Death. The price must be paid…
DOCTOR:
(SQUINTING) So, what are you? Well, you’re no longer a cloud.
More of a mist now. Circling the castle. Perfectly circling
the castle. Ho and indeed hum.
FX: VAGUE SONIC CHIRRUPS
DOCTOR:
Strange energy readings. (SIGHS) And, of course, there’s
something moving in the mist. Oh, Donna, Donna, Donna… what’s
going on here?
FX: AN ECHOING SCRAPE OF STEEL. AND THE SOUND OF BRITTLE

MARCHING FOOTSTEPS. MENACING HISSES.
DOCTOR:
An army of skeletons? Well, that’s … unusual.

SCENE 18. EXT. CASTLE GATES
FX: THE ETHEREAL SOUNDS OUTSIDE.

RUDOLPH IS ARMING GUARDS AND MOUNTING THEM ON HORESBACK.
RUDOLPH:
That’s right, men. All of you, hold aloft the Royal Standard.
Issue the Ritual Challenge. Tell them who we are and what we
stand for. We are Goritania. We have had 500 years of peace.
SOLDIERS:
(CHEERS)
RUDOLPH:
Yes. Very good. Well done men.
DONNA:
Don’t do this.
RUDOLPH:
(IGNORING) Go out there, hold your flags high, and make
Goritania proud!
SOLDIERS:
(DISTANT CHEERS)
DONNA:
You’re sending them to their deaths.
SOLDIERS:
(ALARMED MUTTERING “What’s that?” What’s she say?”)
RUDOLPH:
(SOFT) Not the time, not the place. (TO SOLDIERS) Ignore her.
Women, eh? Worriers.
SOLDIERS:
(LAUGHTER)
DONNA:
(HISSING) What?
RUDOLPH:
(LOW) Those men are going out to defend Goritania. We don’t
have to do it often. They don’t need telling they’re going to
die.
DONNA:
Don’t do this. You don’t know what you’re up against. Let the
Doctor…

RUDOLPH:
Go out there and talk our attacker to death?
DONNA:
Less pointless than this. Please!
RUDOLPH:
We have to show the standard. Prove that we live by it. Our
flag stands for centuries of peace.
DONNA:
Don’t be an idiot!
RUDOLPH:
An idiot who’s not going to surrender. (SHOUTING) Men, you are
protected by the Banner Of Goritania! Go out there and fight
for eternal peace!
SOLDIERS:
For eternal peace!
FX: DRAWBRIDGE LOWERED. THE SOLDIERS CHARGE OUTSIDE.
DONNA:
Stupid, stupid, stupid…

SCENE 19. EXT. BATTLEFIELD
FX: HORSES TROTTING OUT.
GUARD CAPTAIN:
(CALLING) Halt!
HORSES HALT. A MOMENT’S TERRIBLE SILENCE.
GUARD CAPTAIN:
Men. Hold, hold now. Bear arms. Hold the Royal Standard aloft.
(SHOUTING) Listen to me. In the name of Goritania, we come out
to parlay with you. In the name of peace.
FX: SILENCE. HORSES BREATHE
CLOUD:
GUARD CAPTAIN:
You hear me? In the name of peace. In peace. In-
FX: A SINGLE SLICE OF A SWORD ACCOMPANIED BY UNEARTHLY WHOOSH.
GUARD CAPTAIN:
(DYING CRY)
FX: A TERRIBLE SLAUGHTER. THE CLACK CLACK OF SKELETONS

WIELDING SWORDS AND A GROWING WIND OF DESOLATION SURROUNDING
THEM...
SOLDIERS:
(FIGHTING AND DYING CRIES)

FX: THE SLAUGHTER IS DISTANT. FOOTSTEPS ACROSS THE FLOOR.
DOCTOR:
Not watching the slaughter, your Majesty?
QUEEN MUM:
Our men are doing what must be done in the name of peace.
Flying the flag. One is so proud of them.
DOCTOR:
So proud you’re sitting in the one room in the castle whose
windows you can’t see out of. Uhuh.
QUEEN MUM:
I do not need to see.
DOCTOR:
Oh yes you do. (EFFORT)
FX: CRASH. THE DOCTOR THROWS A CHAIR, BREAKS A WINDOW.
DOCTOR:
See, your majesty. Look out there at your men. Dying. Look.
FX: THE DISTANT BATTLE GROWS STILL. WIND HOWLS.
QUEEN MUM:
It sounds as though there is nothing for me to see.
DOCTOR:
Never tell Donna I said this, but some people almost, almost
aren’t worth saving.
QUEEN MUM:
You have her wrong, you know. I think, after all, she will
make a fine queen.
DOCTOR:
Better than you deserve.
DOCTOR WALKS AWAY.
QUEEN MUM:
(CALLING) Send for someone to repair that window, would you?

SCENE 21. EXT. CASTLE GATES.
FX: HOWLING WIND.
DONNA:
They – they all just died. Rudolph, you sent them all out
there and they died. You said they’d be fine! And I believed
you.
RUDOLPH:
I did what had to be done.
DONNA:
Why did you do that?
RUDOLPH:
Because I would like to be King, and that means… sometimes…
asking people to die.
DONNA:
I could never do that. There’s nothing left of them but their
flags. Even the horses…
RUDOLPH:
Would you do anything I asked you to, Donna?
DONNA:
Why would you send people out to their deaths? Why?
RUDOLPH:
You’re not listening to me.
DONNA:
Cos I just don’t understand. There’s an army of skeletons out
there. And that – that’s mental. But you’re – woah – you’re
taking them in your stride. You! You’re as bad as him.
RUDOLPH:
We have faced this threat before. Trust me. We know what we
are doing. My ancestors prevailed. And ever since we’ve been
at peace.
DONNA:
But… Oh that’s weird.
RUDOLPH:
And yet you – you’re not fainting, you are not calling for
smelling salts, you have not shrieked once. You are
remarkable.

DONNA:
Yeah. (SIGHS) When I met you… oh, I just wanted a break from
remarkable. And some fairytale this turned out to be. They all
died… You sent them out there. You ordered them to die. But
you still haven’t said why.
RUDOLPH:
A king can order anyone to do anything.
DONNA:
Riiiight. (DEEP BREATH) Thing is, this has been fun and all,
but- [I think I’ll be going home]
FX: RUDOLPH GRABS DONNA.
RUDOLPH:
Oh don’t think you’re going, my love.
DONNA:
Hey!
RUDOLPH:
Listen to me. Ruling isn’t all fancy crowns. You have to make
tough choices. For example, if you don’t marry me… then
everyone in this kingdom will die.
DONNA:
You’re kidding.
RUDOLPH:
Look out there at the dead and tell me if I’m lying. (A PAUSE)
Yes, Donna. You said you wanted a chance to make some
decisions. Well, here’s one for you. And no, it’s not fair.
FX: RUDOLPH STRIDES AWAY.


SCENE 22. INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM.
DONNA:
(QUIETLY CRYING)
FX: THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.
HORTENSE:
(OTHER SIDE OF DOOR) Madam?
DONNA:
Go away!
HORTENSE:
Madam?
DONNA:
(TO SELF, FRUSTRATED) Augh! (ALOUD) Come in, Hortense.
FX: DOOR OPENS
HORTENSE:
Madam? Are you all right?
DONNA:
Yeah. Yeah. Course I am. (SNIFFS) I look it don’t I?
HORTENSE:
(COUGHS)
DONNA:
Doesn’t matter. What I really feel doesn’t matter.
HORTENSE:
The Queen Mother sent me to fit your wedding dress.
DONNA:
Yeah. Right. Show must go on. I can’t stop looking out there,
at those bodies. Do you know what that cloud thing is?
HORTENSE:
No, Madam. It is terrible, is it not? I would do anything in
my power to stop it.
DONNA:
Would you?
HORTENSE:
Why yes. It has destroyed my mother’s house, the church, the
woods I played in as a child. It is terrible.

DONNA:
It killed all those soldiers. Just… stripped the flesh from
their bones.
HORTENSE:
All that remains are their flags. I wish it could be stopped.
Do you… No. Forgive me, Madam.
DONNA:
Go on.
HORTENSE:
Do you know a way it might be stopped? It’s only… I am just a
maid. We are a peaceful people. We rely on our betters to
protect us.
DONNA:
Oh, I wouldn’t do that. And don’t go thinking you’re just a
maid. (DEEP BREATH) Can’t let my people down. Come on, get the
wedding dress out. Let’s get this over with.
FX: A TRUNK IS OPENED. A DRESS IS TAKEN OUT. UNDERNEATH THE

FOLLOWING EXCHANGE, DONNA IS FITTED INTO IT.
HORTENSE:
You are very lucky to be marrying the King.
DONNA:
Am I?
HORTENSE:
He is a most handsome man, and he really loves his people. He
is so kind.
DONNA:
Right. Yes.
HORTENSE:
Here is your slip, madam. All the maids have embroidered it
for you. We hope it brings you good luck and a happy life.
DONNA:
Thanks. (PAUSE) It’s beautiful, Hortense, really beautiful.
HORTENSE:
We’re really happy to have you here, Madam. Left arm please.
Very good. Now the right.
DONNA:
There. Yeah? How do I look?

HORTENSE:
Like a queen… your majesty. I hope you have a long and happy
reign.
DONNA:
(SNIFFS)
HORTENSE:
Madam?
DONNA:
Nothing.
HORTENSE:
Forgive me, madam. Of course. You must be so happy.
DONNA:
(MISERABLE) Yeah.
HORTENSE:
Just a few little stitches at the back…
DONNA:
Sure. What’s happening out there now? Seems insane having a
wedding with all that going on.
HORTENSE:
The Queen Mother insists it is the right thing to do.
DONNA:
She would. But look at it all… just… hey… Can you see that? A
figure’s coming out of the mist.
HORTENSE:
Really?
DONNA:
It’s a skeleton wearing a black cloak. It’s just standing
there. Hang on. I don’t believe it. That’s bonkers. We’re in a
castle under siege by Death.
HORTENSE:
The King protect us!
DONNA:
(OVERLAPPING) He’s staring at me. Death is staring at me.
FX: HOWLING WIND.


FX: BUSTLE AND ACTIVITY.
QUEEN MUM:
Move those drapes – no, no, no, no, those are the wrong
flowers! How many times. Where is the man with the velvet? Ah,
Rudolph, have you seen the golden candelabra?
RUDOLPH:
The castle’s still surrounded.
QUEEN MUM:
That’s nice, dear. Now, help me sort out this tablecloth.
Goodness me, those maids.
FX: TABLE CLOTHS UNFURLED.
RUDOLPH:
We sent the men – I sent them out there, bearing the Flag of
Goritania aloft. They issued the Ritual Challenge. And it
killed them all.
QUEEN MUM:
Good good. Oh, there’s a definite crease in this. Maybe it’ll
do…
RUDOLPH:
It just wiped them out. And he has arrived. Death is waiting
outside the walls.
QUEEN MUM:
Wants to come in, I expect. Don’t admit him. Not yet.
RUDOLPH:
I’m worried about Donna. Should we have told her more about
the bargain? She seemed very upset. I had to be quite firm
with her.
QUEEN MUM:
Oh, I’m sure she’ll be fine. But, if she’s managed to make a
mess of her dress, I will kill her myself.

SCENE 24. INT. DONNA’S DRESSING ROOM.
FX: SOMEWHERE IN THIS ROOM IS A MASSIVE CAKE OF A WEDDING

DRESS. IT SHOULD HAVE A CONSTANT RUSTLE AND BUSTLE TO IT,
SUGGESTING THAT IT FILLS THE ROOM.
HORTENSE:
But, my lady…
DONNA:
You heard me, go, get on with your needlework. I can dress
myself, you know. Shoo!
FX: THE MAID LEAVES. FOR A MOMENT, BUSTLE, BUSTLE AND THE
NOISE OF DONNA TRYING TO CLIMB INTO THE AMAZING LACE MONSTER.
THEN THERE’S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
DOCTOR:
Knock, knock! Thought I’d find you here. In amongst… blimey.
That is one amazing dress.
DONNA:
Thanks. As a little girl I never wanted to be a princess. Now
look at me.
DOCTOR:
I mean, it's huge. You could make a blanket fort in there.
DONNA:
Wow. You can't even compliment me on my wedding dress.
DOCTOR:
But blanket forts are... [awesome]. No, you're right. No. I'm
sorry.
DONNA:
Thanks. It's just a dress.
DOCTOR:
I mean I'm sorry because I lied to you.
DONNA:
Oh. (PAUSE. SUSPICION) What about?
DOCTOR:
I said I was fine. Fine about you leaving. And I'm not. So
many of you have come and gone. I never get used to it. You
think I would have done by now... but no. I never do. Just
when I think it's all going well and we'll be together
forever, you're wandering off to go save another universe or
get married. How do you lot fall in love so quickly?

DONNA:
Well- [funny you should say that-]
DOCTOR:
(TALKING OVER HER) I just don't get it. Short lives I guess.
Still so, long as you’re happy with the right man. He is the
right man isn’t he?
DONNA:
Ah-
DOCTOR:
Yeah. Course he is. I mean, no man’s ever going to be good
enough for my Donna. But yeah. Off you go. (SIGHS) Every time
one of you leaves, I'm not ready. I never am. You lot – every
one of you a heartbreaker.
DONNA:
That's why you've got two of them, stupid. Listen-
DOCTOR:
(OVER) I guess. It just doesn't make it any easier. You all
leave. Even the robot dog left me. Twice.
DONNA:
Oh, Doctor… I'm trying to tell you-
DOCTOR:
And another thing, the universe just never gives me a break.
Chance to lick my wounds? Spa day? But oh no. Giant Cloud Of
Alien Death. Fine. I’ll sort that out. One more thing. So many
more things. It never, never ends.
DONNA:
Doctor… I’m sorry. All right? Sorry I ran away. But you were…
you were being a bit of a gooseberry. [And the thing is, you
were right-]
DOCTOR:
(OVER) Gooseberry? Just showing an interest.
DONNA:
Yeah. Thing is, you were right-
DOCTOR:
(OVER) Of course I was! Something’s very fishy about
Goritania.
DONNA:
No, no, you were right about [Rudolph]

DOCTOR:
(OVER) Exactly! Giant alien cloud! Skeletons! And, have you
seen- Death himself’s standing outside!
DONNA:
Yeah, but, you see…
DOCTOR:
Death! Isn’t that amazing! See, I was right!
DONNA:
Hey-.
DOCTOR:
Anyway, I wish we had more time together, but you've met your
man. I'm happy for you and… I know when I’m in the way.
DONNA:
But Doctor, look...
DOCTOR:
No, no. Not another word. I just wanted to make sure you were
okay.
DONNA:
But- I’m not, you see-
DOCTOR:
Okay? Of course you won’t be okay, you’ll be superb. I mean,
look at you. Donna Noble. You’re getting married and you look
amazing… but… you’re all alone. Where are your maids? Isn’t
that rather sad?

SCENE 25: EXT CASTLE GATES
FX: A TERRIBLE, SLOW KNOCKING.
DEATH:
I am Death. My bargain must be kept.
FX: KNOCKING
DEATH:
I am Death. I demand admittance.
FX: THE WHOLE CASTLE SHAKES, THERE’S A HOWLING IN THE AIR.


SCENE 26: INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM
FX: THE KNOCKING, DISTANT, THE CASTLE SHAKING.
DOCTOR:
Donna, that thing is summoning some form of psionic assault…
Get down!
DONNA:
(GIGGLING)
DOCTOR:
I’m sorry, what?
DONNA:
“Poor Little Donna All Alone”. Oh you. My maids haven’t
deserted me. They’ve gone to do something very clever, because
they love me, you prawn. (SHE STANDS TO PROCLAIM) Hit it,
girls!

SCENE 27. INT. CASTLE.
FX: AT FIRST WE HEAR THE CLOUD HISSING AS IT SMASHES AGAINST

THE CASTLE. THEN THERE’S THE SOUND OF SHEETS BEING UNFURLED AS
HORTENSE:
(SHOUTING) Yes, your Majesty! You heard the Queen, hang out
the banners!
FX: MORE SHEETS UNFURLED.
MAIDS:
(MAIDLY GIGGLING)
HORTENSE:
(SHOUTING) That’s right, every window. Come on there Juliette!
We must have a banner at every window! Pull tight – make a
circle! Move it! Move it!
FX: THAT LETHAL WIND DISSIPATES


SCENE 28. INT. DONNA’S DRESSING ROOM.
DOCTOR:
What’s going on?
DONNA:
(BLASÉ, YET PLEASED WITH HERSELF) Weeeell, it’s that flag
you’re so obsessed by. When those soldiers went out to meet
the cloud, their flags were the only thing it left untouched.
“The Royal Standard brings luck”? My eye. I got the maids to
paint the flag onto bedsheets, hang em from every window, and
form a ring around the castle walls. Clever eh?
DOCTOR:
Oh.
HORTENSE:
(DISTANT) The flag’s working, your majesty.
DONNA:
Excellent work, Hortense.
DOCTOR:
It’s “Your Majesty” now is it?
DONNA:
Yes. Yes it is. (SHE SMILES)
DOCTOR:
Now, do you know why that worked?
DONNA:
Nope.
DOCTOR:
Me neither. But…
DONNA:
Saving face?
DOCTOR:
Keeping you informed. You see-
DONNA:
Saving face.
DOCTOR:
- I’d never heard of Goritania. Odd. 500 years of peace? I’d
be bound to have heard of that. So, I started researching it
when you first met Rudolph. And, when I saw that flag I
realised-

FX: DISTANT HORNS. CEREMONIAL. THIS IS IT.
DONNA:
(BIG SIGH) Doctor, I’m afraid the clever clever’s going to
have to wait a bit. (PAUSE) I’ve got to go get married.
DOCTOR:
You sure?
DONNA:
(CONSIDERS) Yeah.
FX: DONNA GOES TO THE DOOR AND LEAVES. A MOMENT’S SILENCE.
DOCTOR:
Goodbye, Donna.

FX: A GORITANIAN WEDDING MARCH PLAYS ON HORNS AND MASSIVE PIPE

ORGAN. SOMETHING FULL OF POMP AND CEREMONY. THERE IS A LARGE
LOUD CROWD, AT FIRST WHISPERING…
BISHOP:
… In hope and honour, this day shall see Goritania renewed.
All arise for Queen Donna.
FX: DOORS FLUNG OPEN.
COURTIERS:
(GASPS OF DELIGHT)
FX: DONNA WALKS IN SLOWLY. THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE. WE HEAR HER

FOOTSTEPS.
DONNA:
(WHISPERING TO HERSELF) Blimey. This is quite something.
FX: MORE FOOTSTEPS. DONNA REACHES RUDOLPH. THEY TALK SOFTLY.
DONNA:
Hello.
RUDOLPH:
Hello. I am pleased to see you decided to go through with it.
DONNA:
Yeah. Well… These are my people now.
RUDOLPH:
If I was… abrupt earlier. I apologise.
DONNA:
Doesn’t matter. Well, it does, but hey, here I am. Just a pity
you weren’t nicer about it.
RUDOLPH:
As I said. I apologise. (COUGHS) The people are staring.
DONNA:
All right. Shall we do this? Got a dress, got a crowd. Seems a
shame not to. So, what order do we do this in – do I marry you
first, or are you crowned king? How does it work?
RUDOLPH:
Ah. It’s complicated. Shhh!

BISHOP:
Today sees the renewal of our Kingdom. We are gathered to
witness the coronation of King Rudolph as Queen Donna gives
herself to this nation.
DONNA:
(WHISPERS TO HERSELF) Eh? Did I miss a bit?
BISHOP:
Lady Donna Noble, you are an outsider to our country and yet,
in you, our people are reborn. I must formally ask you – do
you love this man?
DONNA:
Yes.
BISHOP:
And do you give yourself to him and to Goritania?
DONNA:
Ye… Yes.
BISHOP:
And Rudolph, do you love this woman?
RUDOLPH:
I do.
BISHOP:
And do you give her to Goritania?
RUDOLPH:
I… I do.
CROWD:
Awwww.
FX: THREE RAPS AT THE BIG DOORS.
QUEEN MUM:
Let him enter.
FX: THE DOORS CREAK OPEN. FOR A MOMENT THERE IS SILENCE, AND
THEN FOOTSTEPS ALONG THE FLOOR. AND, FAINTLY, A HOWLING WIND.
DEATH:
Good evening. I am Death. I have come for my queen.

SCENE 30. INT. SCHOOL ROOM.
FX: WE DISTANTLY HEAR THE GORITANIAN WEDDING MARCH.
HORTENSE:
(TUM-TE-TUM HUMMING TO SELF)
DOCTOR:
Oh, hello, Hortense isn’t it?
HORTENSE:
Yes. You’re not at the wedding, sir?
DOCTOR:
Nah. Been to one of Donna’s weddings before. Maybe I’ll go to
her next one.
HORTENSE:
But it is a great occasion.
DOCTOR:
I’m sure it is. So great that everyone seems to have forgotten
about the army of skeletons standing outside. Everyone except
you.
HORTENSE:
I am keeping an eye on the banners.
DOCTOR:
Quick thinking, ringing the castle with the flag.
HORTENSE:
It is a tradition among us. When Maids go courting, we wear a
bracelet woven from the Royal Standard. It is believed it
protects us.
DOCTOR:
So you made a barrier out of flags. And, for some reason,
what’s outside can’t touch the flag. Wonder why. What does the
inscription on the flag mean?
HORTENSE:
No-one knows.
DOCTOR:
I certainly don’t. And I can read everything. Literally. Not
lying. Not bragging. Everything. Either those words are from a
language so ancient… or they don’t want to be read. Don’t want
to be read… Of course!

HORTENSE:
Sir?
DOCTOR:
I’ve just been very clever. Come on. I need a close look
outside this window at your banner.
FX: DOCTOR LEANS OUT WINDOW AND IS NOW SLIGHTLY MUFFLED
DOCTOR:
Yes, yes. I’m right. I am so right. I am so right Donna would
kill me.
HORTENSE:
(SIGHS) What is it, Doctor?
DOCTOR:
Exactly the correct question. Hortense, how do you feel about
saving the universe? I may have a vacancy coming up.
HORTENSE:
I require my Wednesday afternoons off.
DOCTOR:
No problemo. Wednesday afternoons the universe puts its Out-
Of-Office on.
HORTENSE:
What have you found, Doctor?
DOCTOR:
Again, excellent question. Well, you see, this writing –
Argghhh!
FX: THE DOCTOR FALLS. THERE’S A STRANGE SKITTERING NOISE.


SCENE 31. INT. THRONE ROOM. (AS BEFORE)
DONNA:
Death?
QUEEN MUM:
(BURSTS OUT LAUGHING) This is who you are marrying.
DONNA:
What?!?
DEATH:
I am Death. I have come for my bride.
DONNA:
You’re not Death.
DEATH:
See – at my touch…. The weak fall.
FX: DEATH STEPS TOWARDS SOME COURTIERS AND TOUCHES THEM.
DEATH:
(RASPING HISS) Die!
COURTIERS:
(GASP AND DIE)
FX: BODIES FALL
RUDOLPH:
Leave them! We made a bargain!
DEATH:
It is a mere demonstration. The price must be paid. The
bargain stands.
DONNA:
What bargain? What bargain?!
RUDOLPH:
I am sorry. We loved each other. You agreed to marry me. And
that means that, by making a terrible sacrifice, I can save
Goritania. I’m truly sorry. I must give you to Death.
DONNA:
You are kidding.
DEATH:
He is not. Come my bride, unite with me.

DONNA:
Stay back! Listen, I may have a pretty bumpy track record, but
let’s get one thing absolutely clear. Even I’m not marrying
Death!
DEATH:
(HISSING HOWL)
FX: DEATH SWEEPS DOWN ON DONNA.


SCENE 32. EXT. INT. CASTLE TURRET
FX: HOWLING WIND. HORTENSE IS LEANING OUT OF THE WINDOW
HORTENSE:
Doctor? What is happening? Doctor?
DOCTOR:
(DISTANT AND UNDER DURESS) Hortense, you really are bullseye
for questions. Since you ask, I’m hanging onto your banner and
there’s a skeleton around my neck. (PAUSE) Hmmn. That’s
definitely never happened before.
HORTENSE:
What?
DOCTOR:
Ooh, that’s another classic. You remember that skeleton army?
Well, they’re scaling the castle walls and they’re tearing
down your banner.
HORTENSE:
The one you’re clinging on to?
FX: FABRIC RIPPING.
DOCTOR:
Ye-es. Also (SWALLOWS) this skeleton is choking me. Very bony
fingers.
HORTENSE:
Doctor, what’s more important, the banner or the skeleton?
FX: FABRIC RIPS AGAIN
SKELETON:
(ROARS)
DOCTOR:
(SLIGHT EFFORT) Oh, you’re good, Hortense. (CHOKES) Both
pretty urgent actually.
HORTENSE:
Fine. Give me a second.
DOCTOR MAKES A FLAILING NOISE.
DOCTOR:
(CHOKING)
HORTENSE:
Watch out!

FX: WHACK AS A BROOM HITS THE SKELETON. IT FALLS.
SKELETON:
(HISSING WAIL)
FX: SKELETON SHATTERS.
HORTENSE:
I’m handy with a broom. Now grab on.
FX: THE DOCTOR CLIMBS, AND HEAVES HIMSELF THROUGH THE WINDOW.
DOCTOR:
(EFFORT) Amazing work, Hortense.
HORTENSE:
Thank you.
DOCTOR:
But, do you know what’s even better? I’ve worked out what the
writing on that banner means. Oh. Quick, I’ve got to crash
Donna’s wedding.

SCENE 33. INT. THRONE ROOM. (AS BEFORE)
FX: DEATH SWOOPING ON DONNA.
DONNA:
Keep away from me! Everyone – please - are you just going to
let… to let this thing…
DEATH:
They have no choice. Death must have his queen. Come, take my
hand. (RASPING HISS)
COURTIERS:
(GASP)
SUDDENLY, THE DOORS OPEN WITH A CRASH.
DOCTOR:
Hello! I’ve got one!
QUEEN MUM:
What?
DOCTOR:
A just cause and impediment! I’ve always wanted to say that.
Have I missed that bit? Hope not.
QUEEN MUM:
Get him out of here!
DOCTOR:
Love a wedding. Especially one where the bride wears white and
the groom wears black. Fancy. You must be Death. Always wanted
to meet you. Couple of near misses, but finally…
DEATH:
(RASPING HISS)
DOCTOR:
Imagine that Donna, you’ll be Mrs Donna Death. Oh, amazing
initials. Get your maids embroidering those hankies now.
DEATH:
Do not mock me. For I am Death.
DOCTOR:
Well. Sort of. Look, shall we stop playing games? Donna, I’m
really sorry, but you’re not going to be honeymooning at a
Tiki Bar with SkullChops here. I’m afraid this has all been an
elaborate trap.

DONNA:
For me?
DOCTOR:
No. For me. Hello Death, is it me you’re looking for? Show’s
over. You can ignore Donna.
DONNA:
What?
DOCTOR:
Sorry. (TO DEATH) Yeah. Ignore her. Well, if you can. I know
what you really are. Who you work for.
DEATH:
I am Death. I work for no-one.
DOCTOR:
Yeeeah. Actually, and this took some finding out, you’re a
Mefistolean Avatar.
DONNA:
A what?
DOCTOR:
The Mefistoles are brilliant con men. Did you know that, Rudy?
QUEEN MUM:
Nonsense!
RUDOLPH:
Con men? The Mefistoles have given us 500 years of peace.
DEATH:
The ultimate gift.
DOCTOR:
Well, peace or simply camouflage. The Mefistoles make the best
Perception Filters in the cosmos. Hire them and your kingdom,
your planet, your solar system becomes invisible. So long as
you can afford the price. And it’s rather steep. Because, and
this is where Death comes in, they do like a soul. Am I right?
DEATH:
Yes.
DOCTOR:
So, forget about Donna. Let her get married to Prince Rudeboy.
Let Goritania carry on being invisible. It’s me you want.
DONNA:
Hang on-

DEATH:
You offer yourself in her place?
DOCTOR:
A Kingdom for The Last of the Time Lords? For Donna, I do.
DEATH:
I shall consider it.
DOCTOR:
It’s quite a bargain.
DONNA:
What are you doing?
DOCTOR:
You were lured here, Donna. They were really after me. Rudolph
wanted to exchange me for a bit of peace. The one thing no-
one’s going to get marrying you.
DONNA:
Oy!
DOCTOR:
Rudolph, I only hope you’re worth it. Take me now, Death.
DONNA:
Stop this. Is what he’s saying true?
RUDOLPH:
You’re wrong, Doctor.
DOCTOR:
Eh?
RUDOLPH:
I asked Donna to marry me because I loved her.
DONNA:
You have a funny way of showing it.
RUDOLPH:
This wasn’t the plan. Believe me.
QUEEN MUM:
No. I reminded him that we were due a sacrifice.
DONNA:
Oh you would. And you – you went along with it!

RUDOLPH:
Er-
QUEEN MUM:
Rudolph always does what is best for Goritania.
DONNA:
Huh.
DOCTOR:
Then Donna, I apologise. I got it wrong. I assumed this was
all an elaborate ruse… and uh…
DONNA:
See? It’s not all about you.
DEATH:
Indeed. The Death of a woman truly loved is of more value to
me than you.
DOCTOR:
Got it.
DEATH:
After all, who loves you? No-one.
DOCTOR:
Steady on.
DONNA:
I just… (TO RUDOLPH) Rudolph! I can’t believe you were going
to feed me to that thing!
DOCTOR:
Not if I can help it. Death, if I may, I need a word with
these Royal darlings.
DEATH:
Be my guest. I have my bride.

SCENE 34. INT. THE THRONE ROOM. DIFFERENT AREA
THE DOCTOR CROSSES THE FLOOR TO RUDOLPH AND THE QUEEN MUM
DOCTOR:
You two are quite the pair. Letting Donna pay the price for…
QUEEN MUM:
A single life for centuries of peace. It is a sacrifice you
were prepared to make yourself.
DOCTOR:
Yeah. But not Donna. That’s not playing fair.
QUEEN MUM:
Life so rarely does.
DOCTOR:
You can shut up.
QUEEN MUM:
How dare you?
DOCTOR:
Quite easily. Rudolph, you don’t deserve Donna. But even you
don’t deserve your mother.
QUEEN MUM:
(SHARP INTAKE OF BREATH)
DOCTOR:
I said shut up. Rudolph – do you love Donna?
QUEEN MUM:
Don’t answer him.
RUDOLPH:
Yes. Yes I do. Please, if you can stop this, do.
DOCTOR:
All right. Let’s step outside.
QUEEN MUM:
You will do no such thing.
RUDOLPH:
Mother, leave me alone!

DOCTOR:
(TO THE COURT) Right. Just popping outside for a minute with
my mate Rudy here. Donna, don’t marry anyone. Death, don’t eat
Donna.

SCENE 35. EXT. THE CASTLE GATES.
FX: CROSSING AN EMPTY COURTYARD
DOCTOR:
Where’s your army?
RUDOLPH:
We don’t have many soldiers. Haven’t needed them. The ones who
haven’t perished seem to have fled. They’ve never had to fight
before.
DOCTOR:
I see.
RUDOLPH:
Doctor, if you sort this out, do you think Donna will forgive
me?
DOCTOR:
Tricky. Ah, Hortense, there you are!
FX: HORTENSE COMES RUNNING UP.
HORTENSE:
Your Majesty.
DOCTOR:
Ignore him, he’s an idiot. This is Hortense, she’s a maid.
She’s worth 100 of you. Done what I asked?
HORTENSE:
Of course.
DOCTOR:
Splendid.
HORTENSE:
Doctor, what would you like doing now?
DOCTOR:
See? Quite the best companion ever. Give us a hand with these
gates would you?
RUDOLPH:
Are you mad? You’ll let them in.
DOCTOR:
And you’d be a rubbish companion. Gates!
FX: THE GATES SWING OPEN. OUTSIDE HOWLING DESOLATION.


DOCTOR SNIFFS AIR.
DOCTOR:
All quiet outside. Good.
HORTENSE:
My maids say that the skeletons are still climbing the walls.
DOCTOR:
Trying to get at that banner. It really is keeping them out.
RUDOLPH:
The Goritanian Flag protects us!
DOCTOR:
Nu-huh. It’s the Mefistolean Contract woven into the flag.
They’re very good lawyers – the agreement is indestructible.
FX: SUDDEN WHACK
SKELETON:
(FALLING SHRIEK)
FX: A CRASH AS A SKELETON LANDS IN FRONT OF THEM.
RUDOLPH:
A skeleton soldier!
HORTENSE:
My maids are knocking them off the walls.
DOCTOR:
Oh, excellent work, Hortense. Come on, let’s go have a look at
this army.

SCENE 36. INT. THRONE ROOM. UP CLOSE
FX: DONNA AND DEATH UP CLOSE.
COURTIERS:
(DISTANT TROUBLED WHISPERS “What’s happening?” etc)
DONNA:
So, Death. Let’s see – what happens if I do not agree to go
with you?
DEATH:
As it says in the wording on the Royal Standard. We shall
destroy the Kingdom.
DONNA:
And if I come with you… well, will it be quick?
DEATH:
No.
DONNA:
Not the answer I was looking for.
DEATH:
Are these people worth it? They would have you fed to me. If
you wish, I could destroy them all with my touch.
DONNA:
Well you could. But (SIGHS) I’m many things, but I’m not that.
A CLOCK STRIKES, OMINOUS. A HUSH FALLS OVER THE WHISPERING

COURT.
DEATH:
The time has come. Take my hand.

SCENE 37. EXT. THE BATTLEFIELD
FX: THE DOCTOR, HORTENSE AND RUDOLPH TRUDGE OUT ACROSS THE
DRAWBRIDGE ONTO THE MUD.
HORTENSE:
The devastation they’ve left already.
RUDOLPH:
My Kingdom.
DOCTOR:
All this is just to soften you up. To make sure you paid. To
make sure you killed Donna.
RUDOLPH:
I am sorry.
DOCTOR:
(SHOUTING) Sorry? Don’t be sorry!
RUDOLPH:
Have you lured me out here to shout at me? I deserve it.
HORTENSE:
He does.
DOCTOR:
No. I need to assess the real strength of what you’re up
against. Calmly. Which is, just now, rather difficult. Oh,
Rudolph, how did you lot end up in this mess?
RUDOLPH:
It’s unclear.
DOCTOR:
Unclear? I was hoping for better than that. No-one thought
doing a deal with something claiming to be Death was… I dunno,
a bad thing?
RUDOLPH:
Well, it wasn’t. No wars. No plagues. No famine even. Just
peace.
DOCTOR:
Hortense, have you ever left the kingdom?
HORTENSE:
No, sir. None of us has. We hear the world outside is…
RUDOLPH AND HORTENSE:

Strange and terrible.

DOCTOR:
Well, it is and it isn’t. But you’re never going to find that
out shut up in Brigadoon. Why, Rudolph here nips out for a bit
of fun, don’t you?
RUDOLPH:
Yes. It is encouraged for the princes to know what we hide
from. And, also, to find a wife from outside…
DOCTOR:
Because no girl in her right mind is going to get engaged to
you if she gets sacrificed on her wedding night. Am I right,
Hortense?
HORTENSE:
It appeals little.
FX: THEY STOP TRUDGING.
DOCTOR:
This army. Look at them.
RUDOLPH:
Thousands of skeletons, standing in the mist.
HORTENSE:
They’re so… silent. Can they sense us?
DOCTOR:
I just wanted a closer look. I’ve got a theory. Let’s see.
FX: DOCTOR SNAPS FINGERS.
DOCTOR:
See? No reaction. Mefistoles talk big, but they have limited
resources. Fireworks, smoke and mirrors. Once they’re
exhausted that’s it. They give up. Now, I think they’re
concentrating their efforts on the Wedding and whatever’s left
on taking down that banner. Most of this skeleton army?
Holograms! See-
FX: DOCTOR TAPS SKELETON.
DOCTOR:
Nope. Not a hologram. Pity.
FX: SUDDEN SWIPE OF SWORD. THE DOCTOR LEAPS BACK.
DOCTOR:
Definitely not a hologram.

FX: SKELETON ATTACKS AGAIN.
SKELETON:
(ATTACKING HISS)
HORTENSE:
Doctor, look out!
DOCTOR:
You really have got the hang of this, Hortense. (LEAPS BACK)
It’s woken up.
SKELETON:
Outside agency detected. Eliminate. (ATTACKING HISS)
FX: IT STRIKES AGAIN.
DOCTOR:
(CRIES OUT)
RUDOLPH:
Would you like to borrow my sword, Doctor?
DOCTOR:
Not going to help out?
RUDOLPH:
No.
FX: SKELETON ATTACKS AGAIN.
SKELETON:
(ATTACKING HISS)
FX: DOCTOR FALLS INTO THE MUD.
DOCTOR:
(A CRY AS HE FALLS) (EFFORT, GASPING) You may be wondering –
what am I achieving – rolling around – in the mud – fending
off a skeleton – well – I was testing its strength – turns out
– strength pretty good – not all my hunches work out – well –
but never mind – fairly soon I shall exhaust it – yep – any
second - actually - help!
FX: AS THE DOCTOR ROLLS TO EVADE, THE SWORD STRIKES AND

STRIKES AGAIN, THE SKELETON HISSING.
SKELETON:
(ATTACKING HISS)

HORTENSE:
Oh, give me that sword.
RUDOLPH:
(GRUNTS)
FX: HORTENSE TAKES SWORD AND WITH A SNICK, DECAPITATES THE

SKELETON. THE DOCTOR GETS TO HIS FEET.
DOCTOR:
Nice work Hortense... you, ah, took its head off.
HORTENSE:
Yes. You may have your sword back, your majesty.
RUDOLPH:
Er, thank you.
FX: THE SKELETON ARMY STIRS.
DOCTOR:
Problem is the rest of them are now waking up. We need to get
back to that wedding. Quickly. Before Donna does anything
silly.
FX: DISTANT ETHEREAL WALTZ STARTS UP.
DOCTOR:
Like that.

SCENE 38. INT. THE THRONE ROOM
FX: A DIRGELIKE WALTZ IS BEING PLAYED BY THE MUSICIANS. THE

DOCTOR COMES RUNNING IN.
DOCTOR:
Ah, Donna, Death – how are you getting on?
DONNA:
Had worse first dates. Death here’s just asked me to dance.
DEATH:
It is time. None can evade me.
DONNA:
He’s very persistent.
DOCTOR:
You know this is a bad idea.
DEATH:
If she does not dance with me now, the contract shall be void.
I shall destroy the kingdom.
COURTIERS:
(GASPS)
QUEEN MUM:
See? You shall not interfere.
DOCTOR:
But –
DONNA:
Doctor, just checking. Absolutely sure you can’t sonic our way
out of this?
DOCTOR:
Nope. But I’m working on it. There’s got to be a way. Give me
time.
DEATH:
There is no time.
DONNA:
You, Death, any small print I should know about?
DEATH:
No. The contract is inviolable and indestructible. I can wait
no longer. You must dance with me now.

DONNA:
Right then. For my kingdom. (SMALL SMILE) Let’s do this.
FX: THE WALTZ BECOMES LOUDER AND MORE INSISTENT.
DOCTOR:
Donna, you can’t!
QUEEN MUM:
Do it girl!
RUDOLPH:
Donna, wait, I love you!
DONNA:
(TO DEATH) Come on then, Skeletor. Take my hand. Death, shall
we dance?
DEATH:
I would be delighted.
FX: THE WALTZ SWELLS UP.
DOCTOR:
No! Donna!
DONNA:
(SOFTLY) I’ll let you lead. You dance pretty well.
DEATH:
It has been said.
FX: THEY GLIDE ACROSS THE DANCEFLOOR. SLOW AND SAD.
DOCTOR:
Donna! Stop this!
DONNA:
Do shut up. (TO DEATH) Can you silence him? Not in a, uh,
permanent way?
DEATH:
Of course.
FX: DEATH SNAPS HIS FINGERS. MID-CRY THE DOCTOR IS SILENCED.
DOCTOR:
Donnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (ECHO FADES AWAY)
DONNA:
Thanks. (SNIFFS) Goodbye Doctor.

FX: THERE IS JUST THE SLOW, SAD WALTZ AND THEIR ECHOING FEET.
THE ECHO GROWS, BECOMES UNREAL.
DONNA:
Do you like your work?
DEATH:
I am Death. It is all I know.
DONNA:
Sounds nice. Not exactly good at small talk, are you?
DEATH:
No.
THEY DANCE ON A LITTLE MORE. THE ECHO HAS GROWN INTO A ROAR.
DEATH:
Our dance nears its end. Prepare yourself. I am hungry.
FX: AS THE WALTZ DRAWS TO AN END THE AIR SIZZLES AS A TERRIBLE

ENERGY BUILDS UP.
DONNA:
Final thought. Just checking – once I’m gone, you’ll keep your
side of the bargain?
DEATH:
Of course. The contract cannot be destroyed.
DONNA:
Fair enough. Just so you know, there’s only one Donna Noble. I
like to think I’m quite the catch.
DEATH:
And now I feed.
FX: THE LAST NOTES OF THE WALTZ ECHO. THE ENERGY BUILDS UP TO
A HUGE MASSIVE BLAST. WE HEAR DEATH’S ROAR, DONNA’S SCREAM AND
THE DOCTOR’S DESPAIRING CRY:
DEATH:
(ROAR)
DONNA:
(SCREAM)
DOCTOR:
Donna!
FX: BUT THERE ARE JUST THE FAINT ECHOES OF THE LAST NOTES OF

THE WALTZ AND THE LAST FIZZLING OF THE DISSIPATED ENERGY… HOLD
ON THIS FOR A TICK.

SCENE 39. INT. THE THRONE ROOM (CONT)
FX: THE LAST OF THE ENERGY SURGE FADES
DOCTOR:
Donna?
ANOTHER MOMENT’S SILENCE. IS DONNA REALLY DEAD?
DONNA:
(STUNNED) Yeah?
DOCTOR:
You’re alive.
DONNA:
Don’t sound so surprised. My dress is ruined, though.
DOCTOR:
How?
DONNA:
For extra good luck, my maids sewed my undergarments out of
the Royal Standard. The one thing Death couldn’t destroy. ZAP.
Talk about lucky pants.
DOCTOR:
But… you mean you drained his energy through logopsychic
transfer?
DONNA:
If it makes you happy then yeah. Figured Death couldn’t get
into my pants. You’re not the only one to have hunches.
RUDOLPH:
(RUNNING FORWARD) You’re alive, oh my love, you’re alive.
You’ve cheated Death and-
DONNA:
Not now, there’s a poppet.
FX: OUTSIDE, A STRANGE AND TERRIBLE SOUND.
QUEEN MUM:
I knew it! I knew it! She’s brought ruin on all of us! The
Kingdom falls!
COURTIERS:
(SCREAMS OF TERROR)

DONNA:
And you can shut up too.
FX: HORTENSE COMES RUNNING IN.
HORTENSE:
The army – they’re rushing on the castle! They’ll be here in
seconds.
DOCTOR:
In which case – how’s my Plan B coming along, Hortense?
HORTENSE:
All ready.
DOCTOR:
Oh Hortense, you’re brilliant!
DONNA:
Blimey, didn’t take you long to move on.
FX: DOCTOR RUNS OVER AND KISSES DONNA ON THE CHEEK
DOCTOR:
Donna Noble, you’re brilliant too. And now it’s my turn to
save the day. (RUNS OFF) A horse! A horse! This kingdom for a
horse!
DONNA:
What?

SCENE 40. EXT. THE BATTLEFIELD
FX: WHIP CUT. A THUNDERING OF HOOVES. EXCITED CRIES. AN

ADVANCING ARMY OF WHISPERING HISSING SKELETONS. THE JUBILANT
CRIES OF THE DOCTOR AND THE MAIDS AS THEY CHARGE ON HORSEBACK.
MAIDS:
(EXCITED AND JUBILANT CRIES)
SKELETONS:
(HISSING AND RASPING)
DOCTOR:
(JUBILANT CRY) Hortense, your maids are pretty good riders.
HORTENSE:
We’ve learned many skills since Donna arrived.
DOCTOR:
Including javelin throwing?
HORTENSE:
Naturally.
DOCTOR:
And there’s a flag tied to each?
HORTENSE:
All the flags we could find.
DOCTOR:
Splendid. Then… Maids! Attack!
MAIDS:
Die, Capitalist Dogs, Die!
FX: AND THE MAIDS ON HORSEBACK TOSS THEIR JAVELINS INTO THE
ADVANCING SKELETONS. WHO HISS AND SCREAM. THE AIR FILLS WITH
EXPLODING SKELETONS.
MAIDS:
(EXCITED AND JUBILANT CRIES)
SKELETONS:
(HISSING AND SCREAMING)
FX: AND SILENCE. THE DOCTOR WALKS ACROSS THE BATTLEFIELD.
DOCTOR:
Mefistoles! Can you hear me?
FX: A SKELETON STIRS. IT SPEAKS


SKELETON:
(CROAK) Yess…
DOCTOR:
Look what little Goritania’s done – it’s beaten your entire
army.
SKELETON:
The operation has been expensive.
DOCTOR:
And, if I were you, I’d cut your losses now.
HORTENSE:
(SHOUTING) We’re just getting started!
DOCTOR:
Hear that?
SKELETON:
Yes…
DOCTOR:
You’re welcome to stay. But it’ll cost you. Leave this land.
SKELETON:
Understood….
FX: IT CRUMBLES AWAY. SILENCE.


SCENE 41. INT. THRONE ROOM
DONNA:
And that’s the sound of your kingdom being rescued by my
maids. Awkward.
RUDOLPH:
Donna, can I just say… er… (SWALLOWS)
DONNA:
Ooh, more awkward.
QUEEN MUM:
What my son is trying to say is that we acted for the best.
DONNA:
You tried to feed me to Death. Do me a favour and shut up, you
evil old prune.
QUEEN MUM:
(GASPS)
COURTIERS:
(GIGGLING)
RUDOLPH:
How dare you speak to my mother like that?
DONNA:
About time someone did, mummy’s boy.
RUDOLPH:
Perhaps you’re right.
QUEEN MUM:
Rudolph!
RUDOLPH:
Sorry mother.
DONNA:
The worst thing about you two? Not that you sold your kingdom
into slavery, not that you’re cowards, it’s not even that you
wanted me dead, it’s that you’ve proved the Doctor right.
FX: ENTER THE DOCTOR AND HORTENSE
DOCTOR:
What was that?

DONNA:
Nothing.
COURTIERS:
(CHEERING “Hail the Doctor!” “Hail the Maids!” “Hail Queen
Donna!”)
QUEEN MUM:
Silence! Don’t you realise what you’ve lost? We’ve given you
generations of peace. Outside, in the real world, is
bloodshed, plague, untold horrors.
COURTIERS:
(MUTTERING “No!” “That’s awful!” “We’re doomed!”)
QUEEN MUM:
But you’ve thrown all that away.
DOCTOR:
Nope. Not really. Although you’ll never hear from the
Mefistoles again, their Perception Filter’s still working.
Unless, you want to turn it off and find out what the real
world’s like. Live a little.
COURTIERS:
(MUTTERING “What?” “Really?” “Is it true?”)
DOCTOR:
Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. With General Hortense’s
all-female army of fearsomely literate warriors, you’re going
to be quite the hit on the international scene.
HORTENSE:
General Hortense?
DOCTOR:
I think it’s the least they can do. If it were up to me, you’d
be running this place. But I don’t do revolutions. Not on…
Tuesdays.
RUDOLPH:
(LAUGHS WEAKLY) General Hortense. Why not? And Doctor, we owe
you. You have taught us the value of war.
DOCTOR:
Um…
FX: SARCASTIC CLAPPING FROM THE QUEEN MUM.


QUEEN MUM:
Well done. You’ve had your sport, but now order must be
restored. We are to have a coronation and a wedding, are we
not?
COURTIERS:
(CHEERS AND EXCITEMENT “Hail Queen Donna! Queen Donna!”)
FX: THE GORITANIAN WEDDING MARCH STARTS AGAIN.
DONNA:
Actually, we are not.
FX: THE WEDDING MARCH STOPS.
DONNA:
Rudolph, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, grow up
and grow a pair.
QUEEN MUM:
How dare you address my son like that?
DONNA:
Rudolph, you’re gonna have to learn how to fight your own
battles. And maybe, when you can do that… well, you’ve got my
number. Give me a call.
DOCTOR:
(MUTTERS) 1780s.
DONNA:
Whatever.
RUDOLPH:
But-
QUEEN MUM:
Donna, we are well rid of you. You’re not worthy of my son. I
never liked you.
DONNA:
You know what, if ever someone needed a Viking River Cruise
it’s you. Go, see the world, cheer up. And stop, please stop,
making everyone else miserable, you old cow.
COURTIERS:
(CHEERING)
QUEEN MUM:
How dare you!

COURTIERS:
(MORE CHEERING “Queen Donna!”)
FX: STAMPING OF FEET.
DONNA:
Goodbye my people. And, when you get a chance, look up the
word “Republic”.
COURTIERS:
(CHEERING)
DOCTOR:
Done?
DONNA:
Done. Not one of my best weddings, not one of my worst.
DOCTOR:
Shall we go?
DONNA:
(A PAUSE) Yeah.

SCENE 42. EXT. OUTSIDE THE CASTLE.
FX: DISTANT, WINTRY BIRDCALLS. THE DOCTOR AND DONNA ARE

WALKING AWAY.
DOCTOR:
The mist is clearing. I think the sun’s even coming up.
DONNA:
That so?
DOCTOR:
(SNIFFS) Donna Noble… Donna Noble…
DONNA:
That’s my name, don’t wear it out.
DOCTOR:
Ah, I love the smell of regime change in the morning. Six
months from now, The People’s Republic of Goritania will be
under the control of Generalissimo Hortense. She’ll eat
Napoleon for breakfast.
FX: THEY WALK ON FOR A BIT.
DONNA:
Not gonna ask me if I’m all right?
DOCTOR:
Well, you are, aren’t you?
DONNA:
There you go again. Just assuming. Left, right and centre.
Captain Assumption. (SIGHS) I’m fine. Well, I will be.
DOCTOR:
Sorry about Rudolph. Nice enough. Be happier running a little
shop.
DONNA:
So long as his mother didn’t move in upstairs.
DOCTOR:
Oh, she would. She definitely would.
DONNA:
Captain Assumption strikes again. (SMILES) Nah. Poor Rudolph.
That sort just loves being bossed around.
RUDOLPH:
(DISTANT) Donna! Donna! Come back, my love! Donna!

DOCTOR:
Yup. Guess he does. Tempted?
DONNA:
(THINKS) No. I’ve had a go at being a fairytale princess. And
I’ll tell you what I’ve learnt…
DOCTOR:
No Happy Ever Afters?
DONNA:
Precisely. Except with you. Come on, let’s head somewhere
amazing. And miss.
DOCTOR:
Hey! (PAUSE) Fair enough.
RUDOLPH:
(DISTANT, DESPERATE UNDER FOLLOWING) Donna! … Donna!
DONNA:
Was I all right? You know, as a queen?
DOCTOR:
You were brilliant, Donna.
DONNA:
- Your Majesty.
DOCTOR:
You were brilliant, your Majesty.
FX: THE DOCTOR AND DONNA HEAD OFF.
END

1x03 - Death and The Queen

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DOCTOR WHO – DEATH AND THE QUEEN Page 1

THE TENTH DOCTOR ADVENTURES

THE DOCTOR: DAVID TENNANT

DONNA NOBLE: CATHERINE TATE

DIRECTOR: NICHOLAS BRIGGS SCRIPT EDITOR: MATT FITTON

BIG FINISH PRODUCTIONS LTD © 2015

SCENE 1. EXT. THE CASTLE GROUNDS / INT. THE THRONE ROOM

FX: A HORSE CANTERING DESPERATELY… IT’S A GALLOPING MONTAGE -

FX: THE HORSE PULLS UP AT THE CASTLE GATES.

FX: A CLASH AND STAMP OF PIKES BY THE GUARDS.

FX: THE DOCTOR IS CLUBBED FROM HIS HORSE. IN A REPEAT OF THE

CRASH IN OPENING THEME

SCENE 2a. INT. CASTLE

SCENE 2b. INT. FRENCH CASINO FLASHBACK

FX: A FRENCH CASINO WASHES UP. ROULETTE WHEELS.

FX: CHAMPAGNE CORKS AND, NATURALLY, A STRING QUARTET.

FX: DONNA TAKES A GLASS.

FX: BUT DONNA IS AT FULL STEAM. SHE ADVANCES ON A CROUPIER

DONNA & DOCTOR:

FX: UP BIG AND CLOSE, A ROULETTE WHEEL.

SCENE 3. EXT. A BEACH.

FX: THE ROULETTE WHEEL WASHES AWAY, BECOMING A DISTANT RUSH OF

DONNA AND RUDOLPH:

FX: WAVES CRASH INTO:

SCENE 4. INT. A RESTAURANT.

FX: AND THE SEASIDE ECHOES AWAY, BECOMING A CLASSY RESTAURANT.

FX: DONNA STARTS ON ANOTHER OYSTER

FX: SNAP OF BREADSTICK.

SCENE 5. INT. ART GALLERY.

DONNA AND RUDOLPH:

FX: CRASH! A DOOR IS FLUNG OPEN.

SCENE 6. EXT. A CARRIAGE.

FX: THE CARRIAGE STOPS.

FX: THE DOCTOR JUMPS DOWN AND GOES TO THE HORSE.

FX: SONIC SCREWDRIVER.

FX: BUT WE ARE CLOSE-UP IN THE CARRIAGE.

DONNA AND RUDOLPH:

SCENE 7. INT. THRONE ROOM.

SCENE 8. CASTLE FLASHBACKS.

FX: A SERIES OF WHIP CUTS SHOW HOW BEING QUEEN IS NOT

8a. EXT. BATTLEMENTS

FX: A HORN. A DISTANT SCRAMBLE OF ALARMED SOLDIERS

FX: FADES AWAY

8b. INT. BEDROOM

FX: WATER POURED INTO A TIN BATH

8c. INT. DINING ROOM

FX: A LARGE DINING ROOM. A CHAIR SLOWLY PULLED BACK.

FX: SEIZES CUTLERY.

FX: THE ROOM FADES AWAY

8d. INT. TURRET.

FX: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS ALONG A CORRIDOR AND UP STONE STEPS.

SCENE 9. INT. THRONE ROOM.

SCENE 10a. EXT. PALACE COURTYARD.

FX: A COURTYARD FADES UP. OPEN AIR. DISTANT BIRDS. SLIGHT

10b INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM

FX: AS THE COURTYARD FADES AWAY, WE ARE IN DONNA’S BEDROOM.

FX: HAIR BEING AGGRESSIVELY BRUSHED. THE BRUSH-BRUSH ACTS AS

10c INT. DINING ROOM.

FX: ECHOEY TRANSITION. FADE UP ON THE DINING ROOM. EATING OFF