Frientorship

we have a problem and it's a zombie

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apocalypse kind of problem we are the
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zombies
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80% of people 80% of us don't like our
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jobs 87% of people aren't engaged at
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work or even worse they're actively
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disengaged that means they've gotten to
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the point of whatever actively
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disengaged employees cost companies
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anywhere between 450 and 550 billion
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billion dollars each year individually
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our misery is costing us our health our
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relationships and our happiness we're
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zombies just going through the motions I
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remember when I had my what am i doing
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moment I was headed to China for the
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second time in as many weeks it's 6:30
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in the morning and my husband and kids
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are standing in the driveway with me
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waiting for my boss to pick me up to
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head to the airport
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so the car pulls in and my boss gets out
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and she comes over to meet my kids for
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the first time and I make the standard
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introduction and my seven-year-old looks
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up at my boss with her big brown eyes
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and says so you're the reason my mom is
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never home after I picked my heart up
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out of my stomach I thought about it you
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know what my boss wasn't the reason I
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was never home I was the reason I was
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never home I chose a job that demanded
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that of me and I didn't want it anymore
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at that time in my life I was miserable
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and I was becoming more and more
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disengaged I was going through my own
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career like this so how are we going to
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stop the apocalypse
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with friend her ship Fronter ship is a
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combination of friendship mentorship and
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leadership and if we leverage these
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principles we will make ourselves
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happier we'll make our teams happier and
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happiness breeds engagement and
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engagement breeds success it isn't the
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other way around
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let's break Fronter ship down friendship
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the Gallup Organization polls employees
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routinely and one of their questions is
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do you have a best friend at work
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employees who have close friendships
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also have a higher view overall of
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company culture what do you get with
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workplace friendships you get a more
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creative environment more teamwork and
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collaboration shared knowledge and
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knowledge transfer all of these things
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add up to greater job satisfaction and
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higher engagement the ultimate question
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is who's got your back we love to build
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people up and then we stand to the side
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and we watch them make mistakes human
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mistakes that cost them their careers
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like having one too many drinks at the
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company party doing things we live to
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regret you need someone to tell you when
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you're too hard on someone in a meeting
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or to challenge you to look at something
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a little differently
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that's what work friends do and you have
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to be open to that feedback as kids our
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parents and teachers tell us treat
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others the way you want to be treated
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forget it you need to treat others the
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way they want to be treated because
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we're all different and their needs
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might not be the same as yours when I
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was working at the Hershey Company I had
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what I called my chocolate posse
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my posse had my back about three months
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into my job I had to face the corporate
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board of directors for the first time to
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discuss a very sensitive issue
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so I went to my posse and I said guys I
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just spent the last two hours with a
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very rumbly stomach and I'm pretty sure
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that's oh I'm going to spend every min
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up until this meeting not unlike my
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preparation for today I should add my
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work friends we're gonna laugh at me for
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sure but they were not going to use my
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vulnerability against me
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we were brutally honest with each other
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not telling each other what we wanted to
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hear but telling each other what we
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needed to hear so how do you build your
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posse one cup of coffee at a time it
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doesn't take a huge amount of time and
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little moments add up if you're working
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in an office building you're walking by
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offices and cubicles every day stop and
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pay attention we tend to put things on
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and around our workplaces that are
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meaningful and important to us and if
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you work remotely don't underestimate
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the value of a little chitchat a
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beginning of a telephone or
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videoconference the little connections
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will add up talk about the second
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concept mentorship it is my
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responsibility to know what I know and
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to know what I don't know and to find
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the people who can help me fill those
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gaps we need to stop waiting for someone
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to do something for us and we need to do
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it ourselves seek it out people at all
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levels in an organization can be mentors
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organizational rank might not have
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anything to do with life experiences or
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strengths so look vertically and
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horizontally look internally and
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externally not only does both being and
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having a mentor make us more engaged in
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our jobs but research shows the people
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who are mentored earn more money and
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business makes more money employee
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retention as higher customer
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satisfaction is higher there is zero
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downside to a great mentor relationship
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let's talk about the third principle
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leadership leadership is not reserved
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for CEOs leadership is not reserved for
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the boss
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we all are leaders on our career
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journeys when I think about the
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characteristics of a great leader I
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think about my dad in the days and hours
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leading up to his death the death he
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knew was coming but didn't want my dad
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wrote his own obituary having been born
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on August 25 1935 I lived a personally
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fulfilling life until July 23 2016 I was
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however reborn several times first time
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June 1963 second time October 1965 third
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time May 1970 fourth time October 1974 I
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will always be with my four daughters
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there are three husbands whom I
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considered my sons and my five
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grandchildren the legacy I leave the
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living world is my four educated
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daughters they are a credit to
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themselves their families their
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professions in the communities where
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they reside and work peace and good
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health forever
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obituaries the resume of your life our
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professional resumes help us get jobs
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but our life resumes they tell our story
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when we're done living it think about
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all the obituaries you've read have you
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ever come across an obituary written in
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first person and in present tense that's
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how my father wrote his he was focused
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on the future he didn't write a single
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word about what he Frank Marino
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accomplished he was focused on his
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legacy his children his team if you will
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what made him a great leader was not how
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much money he made in business or what
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he personally accomplished what made him
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agree
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was how he trained and nurtured and
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developed his team to be able to rise up
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and lead our family when he stopped
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being our leader that's leadership
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and you do that through accountability
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and communication a few months ago I was
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going through my daughter Karissa's
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school papers and I came across this
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math test and I look at it and I see
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something that vaguely resembles my
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husband's squiggly signature so I showed
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it to him and I said hey Steve did you
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sign this test and he took a look at it
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and he said um nope and I said okay well
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since she forged your signature you're
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the one who has to talk to about it I'm
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off the hook couple of hours later I
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said Karissa - daddy talked to you about
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that math test and she said oh yes mama
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he told me I committed a crime and I
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could go to jail so I better not tell my
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teacher did I mention my husband's a
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lawyer so hold on as parents we were the
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leaders our children are our employees
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and it's our job to teach them to be
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accountable so I turned to Krista and I
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said you will go to your teacher you
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will tell him what you did and you will
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accept the consequences a couple of days
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later I just happened to run into her
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teacher so I said did Krista talk to you
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about that math test and started
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laughing and he said yep she told me
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that she forgit ated her dad's signature
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and then her dad told her she could go
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to jail so she shouldn't tell me but her
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mom told her she had to be accountable
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for her choices so she had to tell me
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accountability is around-the-clock
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obligation it starts in childhood it
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never ends it isn't just for when we get
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caught making mistakes and it isn't just
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for when there is a tangible consequence
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Carissa wasn't going to jail but she was
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going to learn how to have a difficult
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conversation and how awful it feels to
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tell someone you lied employees who
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carry their weight and behave
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responsibly lose
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for leaders who don't hold others to the
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same Sanders and when they lose respect
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they lose their will to put in the extra
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discretionary effort it takes to do the
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job really well and the zombie starts to
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creep in and they do nothing more than
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the minimum and the minimum isn't good
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enough anymore in order to hold yourself
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and others accountable you have to have
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a high level of self-awareness few weeks
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ago I was walking our dog with my older
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daughter Marina this preteen look it
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resembles a disgruntled employee from
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time to time and our dog is really
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strong I mean she basically walks me if
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you want to know the truth so marina
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said mama why don't I be able to walk
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Haiti by myself and I said well honey
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maybe in a couple of years when you're a
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little older and a little stronger she's
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a little older a little less strong and
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then I could see the wheels turning and
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she's thinking and she says huh but by
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then I'll be 14 or 15 and isn't that the
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time and I'll be so wrapped up in myself
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and hanging out with my friends that I'm
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not gonna want to do things like hang
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out with you and walk the dog and I said
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in pointing out the obvious honey if you
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know yourself and you want to avoid
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becoming that person that kid then it
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shouldn't be a problem
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that's self-awareness in a preteen sort
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of way
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second characteristic of great
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leadership communication a great leader
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communicates goals if you're aiming for
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nothing that is exactly what you will
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hit every time an expectation that isn't
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effectively communicated is nothing more
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than meaningless words and it will
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result only in frustration for both of
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you the leader and the people who are
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desperately trying to please you
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great communication is what transforms
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you from an authoritarian a boss into a
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leader the single greatest communication
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failure the annual performance review
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nothing should ever come as a surprise
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I learned this principle as a little kid
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my first performance review came in the
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form of a single question have you been
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naughty or nice and the answer would
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determine whether Santa would bring me
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coal or presents can you imagine if
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parents didn't help coach and shape kids
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behavior along the way yet that is
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exactly what happens every day in our
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workplaces as adults the difference is
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it's about pay increases or bonuses or
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even job security instead of Christmas
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presents so we combine the principles of
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friendship mentorship and leadership and
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we have our internship sure we can keep
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going the way we are and our collective
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engagement and productivity will
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continue to plummet and business will
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fail and maybe there won't be a job for
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us to hate or we can leverage the
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principles of friendship and we can take
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charge of our workplace and career
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happiness and the result will be fully
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engaged individuals and fully engaged
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teams and like my dad will be leaving in
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place people who are ready to lead when
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we're done leading so join the front
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ership movement and start building your
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leadership legacy one relationship at a
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time focused on the future and the
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engaged people you someday will leave
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behind thank you thanks dad
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[Applause]
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