Running head: IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN 1

The Impact of Divorce

On Children and Their Future

Seleena Heyward

Liberty University
IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN 2

Abstract

Divorce is not something that affects the parents only, but also disrupts and sometimes uproots

the lives of the children involved. It is an event that takes an effect on the child (children’s)

emotional and psychological, social, behavioral, and academic state. Divorce alters the

perception a child or the children involved has about the norms of family and the world around

them. For most children parental separation results in an emotionally overwhelming experience

that result in a social, behavioral, and academic decline. What helps the child with the new

changes to their home life is keeping an open line of communication, valuing family, and co-

parenting when problems arise. Another method that can be used is, counseling. Including a

third party, such as counseling, can help with the emotions of the child (children) and be a

gateway to effective family communication. Divorce is still not something that is easy to forget,

but with appropriate attention divorce can be a smoother transition and can make a healthier life

for those involved. For several children, the effects of divorce have immediate and lifelong

results.
IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN 3

Impact of Divorce on Children

“Daddy left, will Mom leave me to?” This is a question many children of divorce ask.

They ask this because they sense change which brings forth countless emotions. Some of those

emotions may be sadness, fear, guilt, loneliness, anger, shock, confusion, and abandonment

among additional emotions. When divorce is decided within a family by the parents they are not

the only ones affected. One of the first steps when divorce is decided is both parents separate

leaving the child in the hands of one parent or shared custody. Another effect of divorce is that

it “…clearly increases the risk that children will suffer from psychological and behavioral

problems” (Emery, 2000, p. 1). Soon the psychological and behavioral problems will translate

into difficulty in social situations and eventually will take a toll on the child’s or children’s

academics. Divorce can also lead to affecting the relationships the child or children may

experience in the future. It is important for positive role modeling to be shared so that a healthy

relationship is displayed. Along with positive role modeling, counseling for both the parents and

the child or children involved can be a major turn around in how their future plays out.

Uprooting

In family law there comes a time when relocation is discussed and/or disputed. The main

interests are that of the child or children involved and the main question is what advantages of

the move are there? Many parents decision to relocate is for their own personal reasons to not

have to see or have a relationship with the non custodial parent. A law firm in Alabama states

that when the purpose of relocation is discussed, the troubles that are caused with the dispute will

fall on the child or children involved (Dunn, p. 1). The bond that the child has built with the

father or mother will be interrupted and may cause issues with their academics, religious

affiliations, their financial dependence, residency, social life, and their desire to see a healthy,
IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN 4

stable relationship and lifestyle (Dunn, p. 1). In the article, Protecting Your Children During

Divorce the author stated that, “roughly one-third of the children of divorce lose contact with one

of their parents, depriving them of years of adult guidance, support and love” (American

Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 2014, p. 4).

Emotional and Psychological Effects

Once divorce is brought up to the child or children the emotional and psychological

damage often begins. A study stated that the effects of divorce in childhood are that children

suffer from lower levels of contentment in their life, higher levels of depression, and rate higher

in the search for counsel with the effects that the divorce has caused (Landsdale, Cherlin, &

Kiernan, p.1614). There is now new evidence to support this research. Boys and girls both

suffer, differently (O'Connell Corcoran, 1997, p. 3). Boys are said to be highly analytical when

divorce arises, whereas girls act out more emotionally (O'Connell Corcoran, 1997, p. 3).

Generally girls show their frustration or hurt, through arguments or physical altercations with

peers in social and school settings or arguments with parents (O'Connell Corcoran, 1997, p. 3).

However children that are from homes of divorced parents will not only show aggression

towards their parents but also their educators as well (Meyer, 2008). Many times because these

children are internalizing their hurt, they develop signs of depression which in turn causes

headaches or stomach aches, and may increase or decrease their eating habits and cause sleeping

disorders (O'Connell Corcoran, 1997, p. 3).

Decline in Academics

Children of a two-parent household have a better chance of being able to succeed

academically. They also have the dynamic of having two individuals that have different

academic backgrounds to assist them. When the parents divorce and the parent that had a higher
IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN 5

level of education leaves it decreases the motivation a child may have towards their education

and reduces the resources that once were available (Jonsson, 1997, p. 277). Once the resources

that assisted in their academic advancements are removed, not only does the school work

decline, but the motivation to achieve declines. Test scores weaken, their GPAs begins to

decrease, misconduct occurs resulting in suspensions and expulsions, and the drive to complete

school diminishes as well. All of these factors results in early dropouts and no effort to

complete a higher level of education, like college. However if their grades do not decline and

there is still some drive for school, there is still the factor of a financial strain if the parent

decides to not remarry. This in turn begins to play a role in the completion of school as well as

being involved in social activities.

Social and Behavioral Effects

Numerous studies on the effects on social and behavior in children of divorce have said

that on average children of divorce have more behavioral issues than those in a two-parent

household. The child or children involved in a household where divorce is occurring, start to

internalize emotions towards the issues that are brewing around them. The feelings that they

may experience are sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and depression. However because it is said that

girls are more prone to internalizing and acting out on their emotions they are more likely to

participate in verbal or physical altercations with those around them. It is not saying that boys

are incapable of the same patterns; it is just more likely that a female may do so. This

internalizing behavior is said to be associated with trust. Children who have a strong foundation

of trust believe that when their parents separate that trust is broken. When trust is broken they

feel insecure and are unable to trust their school or social associates. This holds true for
IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN 6

“especially young children who tend to cut social relationships after the divorce, later in life this

can result in having difficulties building intimate relationships” (Bloem, 2013, p. 2).

Impact on Future Relationships

Children look to their parents for guidance in life, relationships, and decisions. When

divorce occurs it not only breaks trust, but also creates less confidence in how a child views a

relationship. Researchers “found that women, whose parents ended their relationship in divorce,

had lower levels of relationship commitment and confidence as well as higher parental

conflict,” (Whitton, Rhodes, Stanley, & Markman, 2008). Men however were not found to have

the same effect as women in terms of how they view an intimate relationship. However if an

open line of communication is built and the parents can co-parent effectively it can reduce the

fears placed in a child’s mind about future relationships.

Effective Co-Parenting Following Divorce

Of the number of negative affects that are placed on a child once divorce occurs, it can

very easily be addressed. Effective co-parenting following divorce will help in the well-being of

the entire family. Psychologist Sam Margulies has given a few guidelines to assist in how to

parent with your ex. The first out of six keys listed is, residence. Uprooting as stated before is

not healthy for building a relationship between both parents for the child and it causes other

aspects of the child’s life to become chaotic (Mann, 2011, p. 2). Keeping the child in the same

state or county as the other parent can benefit the child as well as the parent that want to remain

involved. The second is finances. Once the parents separate, caring for a child or children for

two separate homes can be financially stressful. Keeping communication and agreeing upon a

set standard can reduce a lot of the conflict or animosity one might feel towards the other

parent. Third would be developing a schedule that works for all who are involved. Each parent
IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN 7

needs to have quality time and not be cheated. The more time the less it will feel as if things

have changed. Fourth is respecting differences in parenting styles and living. Although some

consistency between the two households will help when transitioning comes for the week or

weekends, respecting one another and decisions to be different is so important. Less arguing

between the two parents displays a healthier relationship. Fifth is being accepting of new

relationships. Some people chose to move on after divorce bringing in a new partner and it is

perfectly fine so long as the partner is a healthy role model and benefits the parent, but more

importantly the child. Having a neutral opinion of the new relationship will only help the child

become more accepting of the situation. Last but not least is the ability to resolve in times of

conflict. When conflict arises it is important not to do it in front of the child, because it rehashes

old memories; but it is also important to resolve the issue at hand in a mature and rational way.

It benefits everyone at the end of the day. A great way to implement each key above is

counseling; family counseling or individual counseling.

Counseling

Research done by the U.S. Census Bureau states that an, “estimated 50% of all American

children born in 1982 lived in a single-parent home sometime during their first 18 years, mostly

due to divorce. [Of these children, it has been found that] counseling children of divorce has

huge benefits” (Children and Divorce, 2013, p. 1). There are numerous advantages to

counseling. Most counseling is used for assistance and guidance in finding solutions to gain

control of individual, public, and emotional problems. For children the advantage of counseling

would be finding helpful coping mechanisms to deal with the traumatic event of divorce. Not all

children are the same and for some individual or family counseling is not successful; however

whether it is done alone or with the family it does tend to benefit. Research has shown with
IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN 8

counseling that, “children's reactions depend on their age and developmental stage at the time

the divorce occurs” (Cantrell, 1986; Freeman & Couchman, 1985; Kieffer, 1982; Wallerstein &

Kelly, 1980).

Spiritual Formation

In Divorce Poison, written by Richard Warshak, he brought up the point that having a

religious affiliation or a belief system can be beneficial in trying to help a child cope with

divorce and the behavioral issues that may arise. Specifically with Christianity bringing

scripture can help the parent in getting the child or children to soften their heart to the situation.

One scripture that may be of use is, “2 Honour thy father and mother; which is the first

commandment with promise; 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the

earth” (Ephesians 6:2-3, King James Version). A scripture such as this may help them

understand the importance that even when mom or dad do wrong or make decisions that are not

right, honoring them will help you live a long life. Another that could help is, “14 For if ye

forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not

men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15, King

James Version). Doing this can allow them to see that forgiving those who have hurt them is the

only way they can get rid of their hurt and pain and allow them to move forward. They may

never forget the situation, but faith, prayer, and forgiveness may certainly help them in moving

forward onto living a more productive life and find positive and healthy relationships to grow

into.

Conclusion

Divorce is not something that should be taken lightly. The effects that come with it are

sometimes life long for both the parents and child or children involved. Thinking about who you
IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN 9

are marrying before you marry them can save a lot of people from hurting and having support

from God and even counseling could save a marriage. Studies focused on in this paper have

shown the damages that could be if divorce is considered. However the negative effects of

divorce can be managed, by effective co-parenting, counseling, and spiritual guidance.

References

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http://www.children-and-divorce.com/children-negative-effects-of-divorce.html

Chase-Lansdale, P., Cherlin, A., & Kiernan, K. (n.d.). The Long-Term Effects Of Parental

Divorce On The Mental Health Of Young Adults: A Developmental Perspective. Child

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Children divorce statistics. (2013, January 1). Retrieved September 29, 2014, from

http://www.children-and-divorce.com/children-divorce-statistics.html

Dunn, C. (n.d.).  Re-visiting the Relocation of Children Issue. Retrieved September 25, 2014,

from http://www.bfattorneys.net/pub-8.html

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