ST.

GREGORY COLLEGE OF VALENZUELA

162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

KUNG MASAYA KA SA PILING NIYA, ‘DI KO NA PIPILIT PA:

A CASE STUDY ON THE ABANDONMENT OF LOVED ONES TO ANOTHER
PEOPLE

A Thesis
Presented to the Faculty of the
Senior High School Department

In Partial Fulfillment
Of the Requirements for the Strand
Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics

CASSANDRA JAZEL D. AGLIBUT

April 2021


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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

Chapter I

THE PROBLEM AND ITS BACKGROUND

Introduction

People live in uncertainties with daily unexpected events that could occur with no

one foresees nor know about. Through living, the society is dwelling with different

circumstances that lead to learnings in a way of good or worse ways.

One important note that people should anticipate is the moment of leaving the

people we cherish and love for different reasons. But what is abandonment? It is a word

that sticks with the negative notion but might also lead to a good outcome. Leaving

someone for another person is a crucial situation for the parties involved. It is a reality

that anyone can experience but we can see these kinds of scenes being portrayed in

movies, interpreted through music videos or short films, and even posted on social media.

Is it hard to pass or easy to let go of the person who once loved? Are there any acceptable

insights behind people doing such acts even if it will affect the person left behind?

Life has an ups and downs cycle, as to show love and life could clash (Ben-Zeev,

2018) that could result in conflicts in the relationship of partners. No one is perfect so as

the connection of people—many reasons can make it or break it and it puts in a lot of

hard work to do so (Young, n.d) and resentments are expected and a minefield of emotion

but once the worries have gone and acceptance towards growing oneself in a better

journey, unfolding a new chapter of life will bring a cleansed and happy attitude to those

involved.


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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

As the topic relates to the relationship connection of the society, Marni Feuerman

(2020) integrates the Sternberg Triangle of Love with the kinds of connection between

people which have been defined by the presence and absence of the triangle’s

components. Moreover, American researchers Robin Barry, Erika Lawrence, and Amie

Langer (2008) conducted a study that discusses the tendencies of having romantic

disengagements in dating individuals and married couples using a psychological

approach.

To support the intense discussion regarding the heartbreaking truth of leaving a

person for another one and keeping away from proper disclosures, this study will aim to

find out the common reasons and the norms of coping by the one who does the act of

letting go.

Theoretical Framework

Sternberg’s Triangle of Love

According to this theory, there are three vital factors of love: passion, intimacy, and

commitment. Relationships are unique to one another and possibly these components

would or would not be present in everyone.

Passion is the attraction of partners physically; commitment is the conscious

choice to be together, and intimacy is a developing characteristic between partners based

on their understanding and judgment towards one another. In connection to the topic, this

Triangle of Love theory depicts the picture that the three values must be present to

determine the lasting of a relationship. No person could be fallen out of love or leave the


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person if he or she sees his or her partner precious and intimate relation between them

appears.

A study constitutes the degree of relationship of individuals that grows through

time. Dr. Robert Sternberg (1984) based the theory of love as a form of the story of

persons in the United States of America with distinct biases that are rooted in cultural

diversity. As the three components interact, different kinds of mutual understanding will

form such as friendship where liking is present, infatuation due to physical lust, empty

love is driven by commitment, romantic love that caused by emotion through intimacy and

passion, compassionate love that only expresses intimacy, fatuous love that has no

intimacy, and consummate love which is the ideal kind of relationship as all are involved

and they cannot imagine themselves with anyone else.

The kinds of relationships are defined using the theory by Dr. Sternberg. The truth

that they are part of our society distinguishes that affection has certain layers and cannot

comprehend instantly taking time will eventually answer the expression people have for

someone and will tell the compatibility through the intimacy, passion, and commitment

they can give to each other.

Process of Disaffection: Breaking Up

An essential study by Kersten (1990) that provides the dynamics of dissolving a

long-term relationship through seeing imperfections, arising disappointments,

miscommunications, or fewer communications, and disengaging with one another will be

the driveway to leave and make the said impressions as the reasons that the relationship

would not work anymore.



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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

Abandonment is a hey-or-nay matter. It is a serious idea that needs a crucial critical

mindset as to consider the person who will be left behind, about the person who will take

part in the new life, and the person who will do leaving as it is not a typical easy

circumstance. Breaking up is like taking away an important piece of being a man and all

concerned are greatly affected and will take time to heal.

In a research conducted by Barry, Lawrence, and Langer (2008), they examined

the romantic disengagements of dating individuals and married couples which resulted in

common grounds of inconsistency, growing apart, lack of love, and lack of affection. The

conceptualized disengagement sees that cognitive and behavioral strategies comprise

that relational distancing that leads to avoidance and refraining from personal disclosures.

From this study, a sample of college students suggests that breakups are common to

dating relationships as they tend to seek companionship, social support, and intimacy

compared to friends and family.

Conceptual Framework


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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

Communication

Critical-thinking

Contentment

Abandonment

Happiness

Emotion

Intimacy

Fig. 1 Relationship between the independent and dependent variable

The abandonment is a process that resulted and has been decided through critical-

thinking and emotional involvement. The changes in communication in the relationship

are a primary determinant of whether to give up or stay. While contentment is another

factor that traces the faithfulness and sincerity of the persons in a relationship. Moreover,

this aspect encloses with the commitment to the person, without this the connection would

not work and could damage the communication and add fuel to the reasoning of the

parties.

Secondly, emotion is of internal factor being considered as it takes time to mend

the damage. Happiness and intimacy solidify the emotional attachment to the persons in


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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

a relationship and if the two have this mutually, the secondary trigger could hinder leaving

and separation in a relationship.

Statement of the Problem

The main concern of this present study is to create a study on the people who

leave their loved ones to another people.

In line with this objective, stated below are the problems that will be addressed

throughout the study:

1. What are the common reasons do people leave their loved ones for another

people?

2. With the results, how do people who leave their loved ones for another person

cope with this situation?

Significance of the Study

At present time, leaving a person who has been significant to people’s lives is

being normalized as if it is right and acceptable to society. This study focuses on the

aspects and factors involve as this dilemma is happening and aims to benefit the

following:

Future Researchers

This study will help them to have an insight on the topic related to abandonment

for the sake of another person. Also, this research will help them develop further

conclusions and understanding as to the factors related to the topic being discussed.

Institution


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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

The school will cater the topic as part of the values teaching that will benefit the

holistic learning approach for the students who are at the age of adolescence to

comprehend more the essence of commitment, relationship, and faithfulness to the

person who she or he will meet in the future.

The psychological institutions could have a better source about the topic from an

adolescent age-group. The paper will be a help for them to patent such guidelines on how

the local communities could enable the young people to have an early grasp of

information about the seriousness of being n a relationship and the negativities that might

happen.

Community

This analysis will aid the community in the reality of leaving a relationship with

different factors being considered and not just emotions. The factors that will constitute

the study aims to provide necessary information about the parties involved in the

abandonment of love affairs and minimize the judgment towards them.

Concerned Individuals

Through the methodology to be used, the surveys and interviews that will be

conducted will provide points about the general explanations and experiences that the

people involved have during the process of decision-making, after the breakup, and on

the rebuilding of one’s self-time after the event occurred.

Scope and Limitations

The purpose of this study is to gather facts from individuals who are having

relationship during the time of analysis in the adulthood group ages 18-35 years old since


ST. GREGORY COLLEGE OF VALENZUELA
162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

they are the most prone to encounter this situation who have experienced such leaving a

person for another with their reasons and defined decisions that concluded their past

relationships and the process of building themselves back to their well-being after the

detachment.

The method of analysis will be in the form of an online survey and virtual interview

due to the pandemic restriction. The survey will be multiple choice-type to narrow down

and have definite results while the interview will be more about their involvement in the

problem being studied. This research is limited to the factors involving that affect the

decision-making of the person abandoning his or her loved one such as personal, peer

pressure, and family influences.

Definition of Terms

Abandonment – stems from traumatic events from their childhood that can lead to being

done later in life. (GoodTherapy, 2019)

Commitment – the conscious choice to be together. (Sternberg, 1984)

Contentment – figuring out how to talk about hard things, the things you deflect & avoid

because you don’t want “to hurt the other person”. (Sommer, n.d)

Disengagement – cognitive and behavioral strategies comprise that relational distancing

that leads to avoidance and refraining from personal disclosures. (Barry, et al., 2008)

Emotion – plays a crucial role in our life. It can be positive or negative, but both have

equal importance that help us in enhancing the relationship. (Healtheminds, 2016)

Intimacy – developing characteristic between partners based on their understanding and

judgment towards one another. (Sternberg, 1984)



ST. GREGORY COLLEGE OF VALENZUELA
162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

Passion – attraction of partners physically. (Sternberg, 1984)

Peer pressure – provide a unique context in which children learn a range of critical social

emotional skills. (Pepler, et al., 2018)



ST. GREGORY COLLEGE OF VALENZUELA
162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

Chapter II

REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE AND STUDIES

Local Literature

A relationship is a form of mutual understanding between individuals in terms of

having common interests, ideas, emotions, and aspirations. This general interpretation is

embedded in our society which in reality might not move in certainties.

Despite the infatuation people feel for a person, time could change it all.

Disagreements are part of a relationship battlefield that needs to settle. Obstacles will

happen to test the connection and commitment of lovers, thus, could stumble them apart.

Having this circumstance to happen, cheating is not always the main reason (Perez,

2018) which everyone points at when couples tumble away of love. There is another

explanation why people tend to leave their loved ones and on the top is the ineffective

interaction delivering conflicts that worsens the entire situation. Rooting from this is the

damage in the trust where suspicions will rise; conflict of interests that will upshot to lots

of arguments; Bedroom incompatibility; financial contradictory and mishandling; and

lastly, falling out of love which is the hardest thing to consider due to that it could happen

in no time and for no reason to tell (Pennywise, 2017).

To limit or minimize the probability of exiting a relationship, an article from Smart

Parenting (2018) gives some factors to relieve the agony of breakups. First, stress from

work can cause miscommunication and arguments at home. “Having conscious

decisions” to separate work and home commitments will allow distinguishing the

separation of the groups and could clear people’s minds to de-stress. Second is making


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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

the intimate connection a priority as it is an affection that makes the only individuals

involved unique from others and as it is known to be the private communication to have

an open and honest talk some time. Lastly, money constitutes honesty. It has been found

in a survey conducted on Filipino couples (2018) that triggers unhappiness and

unsettlement in partners. Family-concerns planning is a must before settling in for a

lifetime affair as if each one commits secretive financial arrangements, it can be worse

than having an actual issue with someone else (Perez, 2018).

“A break-up is ultimately a romantic relationship ending because of personal,

individual, or mutual reasons regards to their relationship”, according to Liz Ann Puno,

author of Couple Goals book (Arnaldo, 2019). Daily routine and errands will be greatly

affected as there are damages between parties involved. Thus, moving on is

complimenting with time and acceptance especially when the reasons behind have third

party interest. On other hand, the recovery process takes time to heal and baby steps will

be done like acknowledgement of the sadness, allow the feelings to be felt, maintaining

of psychological wellness, expanding the social circle and get distracted for new hobbies.

Also, avoidance of “what ifs” and “should haves” and if necessary, consultation with

professional help might be the key for the freedom from devastations (Puno, 2019).

The recovery process may take time, depending on the length of the relationship,

but also the individuals’ personality, temperament, social support system, levels of

dependability on one another, and individual boundaries.

Local Study


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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

The fact that people are into a relationship is the sense of companionship and

building a family in the future. However, the reality of hardships to stand in the name of

love could bring high tides that might damage and worse, break the bond between lovers.

In the local setting, Filipino society has different instances when it comes to

relationship matters. Teenagers aged 13-18 have obtained information about love and

sexuality mainly from their friends yet still valued their parents’ opinions (Irala, et al, 2009).

This influence of peers has a great impact on young ideas’ of how relationships work and

this era gave birth to the daredevils who are of independence and thrill-seekers (Lopez,

2017). Very few courtships or periods of acquaintance lasted less than a year and seems

that couples are not rushed into marriage (Abalos, 2017). In a similar study, 49% of the

women stated that they can perceive the considered unfavorable habits in their future

spouses while only 22% of the male respondents acknowledged awareness of poor

patterns towards their future wives. The preparation of affirmation for the younger

generation is made independently (Abalos, 2008) that makes it have the freedom on

deciding the attributes they are looking for as their standard partners.

These statistics of foreseeing the obstacles support the modern trend of

relationship handling. Also, the techie-culture plays a vital role in present’s love life

wherein in the survey titled “Heartbreaks and Healing” conducted by Lazada in 2017, the

internet has a huge role in breakups which resulted in 58% of breaking up using mobile

phones: 30% thru text messaging, 22% on phone calls, and 7% using instant messenger.

On other hand, online profiling has been a standard practice among young Filipinos with

54% checks a potential date’s social media before meeting in person and 6% have lost


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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

interest once they do the research and checking on social media beforehand (ABSCBN

News, 2017).

Foreign Literature

Abandonment often stems from traumatic events from their childhood that can lead

to being done later in life. Human development needs for physical and emotional care to

be met and if fails can result in leaving (GoodTherapy, 2019). There are different types of

abandonment namely emotional, anxiety, and fear. These three attributes may negatively

affect any relationship a person develops because of accumulating feelings of

insecurities, envy, and settling in a less-than-satisfactory relationship due to fear of being

alone. Likewise, this issue surface when the partner fails to meet the physical, mental,

spiritual, and emotional needs of the other half and if the individual could have been

abusive, absent, or neglectful relying on someone to look after you but he or she let you

down (Rowett, 2017).

According to Ben-Zeev (2018), life and love could clash. There are situations

where people find themselves torn between life survival and love’s growth. Aside from the

disconnection and misunderstanding, breakups happen when two people are not in the

same life stage and everything turns out unhealthy (Davis, 2018). The burden of conflict

of personal interest and agreement of lovers ignites the heat that once reaches the boiling

point, steam will emit noise in terms of arguments.

Being in a romantic love comes in degrees where some are good for a few weeks or

months, but not sufficient for a long-term affair (Ben-Zeev & Krebs, 2018). That kind of

feeling is just temporary, and the couple has a different perspective about one another or


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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

does not see them to last until hair turns gray. Another point of leaving the beloved is

when both parties are together but moving forward on different paths. Love is growing

together yet love could also be growing separately (Owen, 2018). Besides, being too

dependent on the presence of the partner could make the relation weak. This phase of

commitment should not give up the personality and goals in life for the reason that a

person will eventually fall out of love with his or herself only to support and gratify the

other half’s needs (Owen, 2018).

Foreign Study

Love ideologies sometimes come from the unrealistic portrayals of relationships in

social media or shows (Morry et al, 2016). This presentation makes people lost love

interest and if are in love, it fades away immediately because the situation is different in

real life, causing them to feel depressed, hopeless, unfulfilled, and seeking more of what

their lover’s lack.

Moreover, the fascination of having a memorable confession of love is to have an

intimate special event during holidays and celebrations. But sadly, these moments have

the most frequent breakups particularly occurred every Valentine’s day in which ironically

should be the day the lovers testify their affection. According to the survey, 21% of people

to get married on this day are more likely to divorce than those who tie the knot on regular

dates since the date is too forced; married persons could stay at home in their PJs and

watch flicks, while the single and dating society spend all their money trying to form

romance and do their desires freely (Blanzoned, 2015).



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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

For those who abandoned their partners, some suggest that leaving is a form of

breathing from an unhealthy relationship. A feeling of being stuck in a dead-end

relationship keeps drawing back a person to separate. Defying cognitive dissonance is

the reason why people feel bad to break free especially from a long-term relationship

(Breines, 2013). Furthermore, owning the decision made is the best tool to accept the fact

and justify the matter within oneself. Not doubting the act, focusing on the present, and

getting back to self-awareness and self-love could heal the pain to recover and start a

healthy relationship within the self (Breaking the Cycle, n.d).

Synthesis

An intimate relationship can make a person feel like on cloud nine or living in a

world of pain. No love is perfect, yet anyone can make it satisfactorily depending on how

the partners will make it prosper and care for each other.

The related literature and study presented on this research affiliates to debunk the

reasons of leaving a person for another people such as the ineffective interaction,

dishonest, conflict of interests, sexual mismatch; financial infidelity, and falling out of love

(Pennywise, 2017) and pointing out immediately the cheating is not always the case

(Perez, 2018). Furthermore, the presence of online and gadget-dependent society

concludes that people prefer to split remotely. This resulted in 58% of breaking up using

mobile phones while 54% check a potential date’s social media before meeting in person

and 6% have lost interest once they do the research and checking on social media

beforehand (ABSCBN News, 2017).



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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

Abandonment in a relationship is a universal situation. Breakups happen when two

people are not in the same life dispute and orientation (Davis, 2018). The social media’s

approach to unrealistic relationship handling constitutes hopelessness, disbelief, and

craving for attention to have such kind of perfect relationship (Morry et al, 2016).

The people abandoned is not always the victim or hurt, but also the one who leaves.

People choose to end their love affairs because of the reasons stated in this study.

Holding to the verdict made and accepting the result of this action will make it easy not to

disorient with the emotional concerns affecting the decision. Also, self-awareness and

self-love will eventually heal and help to recover for a healthy relationship starting within

the self (Breaking the Cycle, n.d).

Chapter III

METHODOLOGY

Research Design

This study aims to determine the reasons for people leaving a relationship with

another person. To gather data, a quantitative method will be used by conducting an

online survey and virtual interview due to the pandemic restriction. The survey will

comprise of multiple choice-type to narrow down and have definite results while the

interview will be more about their involvement in the problem being studied. This research

is limited to the factors involving that affect the decision-making of the person abandoning

his or her loved one such as personal, peer pressure, and family influences.

The quasi-experimental approach shall aid the researcher to come up with the best

findings that will give responses from selected 10 individuals who are having a


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relationship during the time of analysis in the adulthood group ages 18-35 years old who

are experiencing and are prone to experience such dilemma in their relationships.

The importance of this research design is to provide accurate, first-hand

information from the chosen respondents as they are about to answer the questions on

their preferences and for the researcher to acquire knowledge relevant to solve the

problem under study.

Meanwhile, this study will also be using qualitative research method for it will

undertake audio or video recorded interview and transcribed for analysis. It will be meet

with 5 different members of the community to participate in order of obtaining more first-

hand opinion about the study and will cater the knowledge of leaving for someone else.

The topic shall have reference to the responses of the participants to be interpreted and

shown on the succeeding chapters of this research.

The Data

The respondents chosen for this study are from age group of 18-35 years old

individuals because it is the most crucial era of a relationship where some are looking for

a relationship, having a partner, or married already. For the proposed 10 respondents, 3

will be composed of 18-21 years old; 4 from 22-25 years old; and 3 from 26-35 years old.

Meanwhile, the interview is expected to be arranged with the 5 participants from a

different sector of the community—one young adult in a relationship aged 18 to 26 years

old, 2 parents who aged 35 to 55, 1 teacher from Junior or Senior High School, and 1

community leader or church leader. These persons will be coming from the researcher’s

affiliates such as relatives, parent’s acquaintances, and online friends.



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The survey questions will be offered through online survey platforms such as

Google Form designed to extract specific information suitable for the study. The

questionnaires will be developed in a combination of rating scale questions and multiple-

choice types to verify the general reasons stated on previous studies' applicability to

modern relationship approaches and will be based on the past surveys conducted by

other researchers.

For the interview, this will be done through a virtual call or video-guided with

questions to ask the respondent. They will be chosen using purposive sampling inquiry

for accuracy about the differences of teenage and adult ages respond to the problem.

They will allow the researcher to encourage the selected interviewee to freely discuss

their insights and have productive communication between the parties involved.

Lastly, the observation from the events in the society will be implied which does

not need for any participant. The researcher’s means to fulfill this norm is thru online

browsing on social media (Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter). This will be in the process

of self-knowledge and comprehension regarding the abandonment in a relationship, and

thru online searching of published articles that talk about the situations of break ups.

Data Gathering Procedure



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162 P. Faustino St., Punturin, Valenzuela City

Fig. 2: Conceptual Framework

This case study will initially look after the studies performed related to the problem

being analyzed. The references will be local and foreign investigations and shall be linked

to the psychological interpretations where it suits. Being a relationship is being observed,

this caters to the behavior and attitude of people involved or in a relationship that

manifests the decision of leaving their loved ones.

The gathering of samples will be through an online approach since the situation of

the pandemic has not yet been lifted. The interview questions will be formulated with

about 15 multiple-choice types and 20 rating scale categories all about the relationship

attributes and satisfaction. While for the interview, the questions will be similar to the

survey, but this case will be opinionated and asked without any references for answers


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with transcripts and audio or video recorded interviews conducted. Upon completion, the

researcher will use graphs and charts to present the data gathered.

The study will be using purposive sampling which is choosing the right participants

to gain an awareness and evaluation of the problem. The participants who are willing to

impart their knowledge and experience in the topic being studied will be the best

respondents and the maximizing of the online platform in this pandemic moment will cater

to the diligence of the researcher to accomplish the case study.

For the output, the researcher will use figures, diagrams, charts, and graphs to

present the findings and results. The quasi-experiment research method will evaluate the

cause and effect as to why abandonment of relationship is vital to our society and picking

the most relevant answers to conclude the study, the interview and observation will

benefit the case study by the summary of the views of respondents and occurrences in

our society.

As the causes are determined, the healing process shall commence. According to

Young (n.d), an important part of healing is ‘self-concept reorganization’ which is

rebuilding and strengthening the senses of self and independent from external

relationship. Some ways of coping up is constant talking about the breakup to omit the

negativities and from a more distant perspective; negative reappraising of ex-partner will

reverse the thoughts of dependency and longing for the partner to come back; and

keeping oneself distracted and busy to keep aside or neglect the ideas from the past

relationship and at the same time implying the importance of individuality that has been

once forgotten (Gregory, 2018). Also, to consider is the writing or chatting down the


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positive outcome of ending the relationship as it has been the most effective and regained

their confidence, optimism, and self-reliability faster than other ways (Lewandowski,

2009). If these characteristics are present to the majority of the respondents, then the

healing process of the person who leaves his or her loved can be assumed to happen.


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