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Frequently asked questions on marriage

and relationship

MARRIAGE GUIDE FOR

YOUTHS

CHRISTIAN MICHAEL

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Copyright © 2019 by Christian Michael.
ISBN: 978-1-9806-7466-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced

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Cover concept/Design by GN Foby

Scripture quotations (unless otherwise indicated) from the Holy

Bible, King James Version, marked KJV (Authorized Version). First
published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible,
Copyright ©1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

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 Dedication

To my father in Lord, Dominic James, the

Evangelist who answerers all my questions
just anytime

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 CONTENTS

Dedication ............................................................... 4

#1

Should I tell him/her my past while dating, or

should I wait till we marry? ..................................9

#2

Is it true that there is only one person that I am

supposed to be married to in the entire world? .. 12

#3

What are the big things that scatter marriages? 19

#4

How do I know who to marry? ........................... 21

#5

Does reading plenty book on marriage guarantee

a successful marriage? .......................................... 24

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 #6

Can a wife work to support the family financially?

.............................................................................. 27

#7

Sir, all my life I have been dreaming of marrying

a Virgin and I have also been keeping myself but
I just found out that my to-be is not. Advise me.
.............................................................................. 30

#8

Man of God, my to-be is more educated than me,

I'm scared if she will respect me. Should I go
ahead and marry her? ........................................... 33

#9

Hello Sir, I don't still get the issue if hearing God

and I'm not getting any younger. Can you draw
from how you knew who you would marry and
speak about this more practically? ...................... 36

#10

How can I know who I will marry? ................... 40

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 #11

Man of God, I have been with this girl for long,

and we have even done some bad stuffs together.
Now I'm having understanding, but I feel pity to
leave her now. Should I just go ahead and marry
her? ........................................................................44

#12

There is this girl, she is just too caring for me.

Could she be the will of God for me? .................49

#13

Sir we are engaged but time to time we touch

ourselves. I think we need advice. ...................... 52

#14

Should a poor guy marry? ................................... 56

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 #1

Should I tell him/her my past while

dating, or should I wait till we marry?

I believe the past in question here talks

about 'the ugly side'. And dating here
refers to a relationship that would
cumulate marriage (courtship stage).

Here's my answer:
We don't marry just an individual. We
marry both their past and their future.
Of course we do that in the present.

Why do you want to risk marrying

someone who cannot put up with your
past? If you hide it now, it might
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explode tomorrow and destroy both of

you.
That single secret will trap you like a
prisoner, making you feel guilty and
often doubt the love your spouse profess
for you. You are prone to thinking, 'if
he truly knows me, will he not run'

I think this could be the biggest test of

love. Tell him now, and if she/he is not
comfortable, they should go. Keep
loving who you are and who you are
becoming. Beautiful days are ahead.
The one truly meant for you will show
up eventually.

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 #2

Is it true that there is only one person

that I am supposed to be married to in
the entire world?

I think this is referring to the 'missing

rib' concept or 'the better half' idea.

To this I will ask 3 more questions:

1. 1f a wife dies, the Bible permits the
man to marry again. The question
is whose rib would that be? Won't
it cause problems in the system?
Or are there spear ribs kind of
Sisters?
2. The next question is, do we have
exactly the same number of males
and females on earth?

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 FAQs on marriage and relationship

3. The last question (which I will

answer), what does the Bible teach?
In Genesis of marriage, we saw that
God took from the man and made 'a
woman', not the woman. And it was
consistent throughout the account--a
woman. Check again.

Scripture says he that finds, 'a wife'. It

is you that interpreted, 'he that finds the
wife or his wife’ .

Another scripture says, 'a wise woman

who can find, her price is more than
rubies'.

Bottom line: Brother you can marry just

any sister. She is made to be 'adaptable
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or suitable', that is if you will be patient

enough. But some are more suitable
than the other. Some are suitable now
but can't take it tomorrow. So we
depend on Holy Spirit leading.
Sister, don't be proud, you are highly
replaceable. If a brother wants to marry
you, and instead of going to pray, you
decide to play with him because he said
God led him to you. God can lead him
to carry on to another sister.

What you need to know quickly is that,

the female is the container and a wife is
the content. We marry content. God
can take the content for a brother and
pour it into another vessel if one vessel
refuses. Or if a brother, because he does
like the container of a sister, decide to
be delaying as if he is praying, God will
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 FAQs on marriage and relationship

just give the sister to another willing

brother who needs same content, maybe
with a little adjustment here and there.

The only condition specified in the

scripture about who to marry is:

1. She must be from among your

people (born again) to this our
elders advised, 'a mature believer.
So that people will not just
pretend to believe in order to catch
a sister or a brother.
2. She must not be a divorcee (that's
adultery)
3. She must agree to be married to
you (1 cor.7)

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Then Paul added, if you are having

feelings towards her, marry.
Then Church fathers, by their wisdom
added that, the issue of compatibility
should be checked. But in scriptural
sense, a sister should be trained to be
flexible and adaptable. She is not given
any purpose but the man. Her purpose
is to help the man. So that should
handle the compatibility issue 80%.

Finally, we know that for everything

we want to do, including marriage, we
must ask the Holy Spirit to guide us
and be willing to accept his wisdom. It's
written, the meek will he guild in the
way'.

Brother go and marry. Sister, won't you

marry? Or you are eyeing a particular
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 FAQs on marriage and relationship

brother in the fellowship, while turning

down all proposals and making it look
as if you are waiting on God. You better
be sure the brother is not looking
somewhere else.
Receive wisdom!

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 #3

What are the big things that scatter

marriages?

Actually, there are no big things that

spoil marriages than small things like,
not brushing your teeth before going to
bed, and not taking your bath after
returning from market before hitting
the bed.
Think about the small things and be
wise.

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 #4

How do I know who to marry?

To this question there is no one-plus-

one rule. However for the believer, we
say generally, you will be led by the
Holy Spirit.

The next question usually is, how do I

know the Holy Spirit is leading me?
Answer: How have you been going on
as a believer? How have the Holy Spirit
been leading you all these years?

If you don't know or you are not sure, I

will advise you to forget marrying till
you put yourself together spiritually.

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Plan B: Or you should just forget the

will of God and try your luck, you may
succeed, after all our forefathers did it
and succeeded somehow, isn’t it?
Let wisdom guide you

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 #5

Does reading plenty book on marriage

guarantee a successful marriage?

My sincere answer is NO. There are

cases where well-read people have had a
bad experience in marriage. But I must
also add that these are exceptions and
there are few cases.

The fact is that reading alone does

nothing. Reading is acquiring
knowledge like a mechanic spending so
much money to purchase a tool box full
of all manner of tools. But what good
will the tools be if he doesn't use them
or if he uses them wrongly.

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However, do we say that because some

do not use their tools, no mechanic
should border buying tools? Not at all.

Even Master Jesus, when answering

questions regarding marriage, started by
asking, 'HAVE YOU NOT READ?'
Matt. 19:4

Let wisdom guild you.

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 #6

Can a wife work to support the family

financially?

My sister the answer is A BIG YES.

You're there to help out. And if helping
out means engaging your hands to
support the pocket, why not.
Issue:
1. Don't see working as part of your
responsibility until it becomes. If
he says don't work, then working
is never your duty.
2. Don't plan to work because you
are afraid that your future
husband will not give you money
when you need it. This is a wrong
mindset that could scatter the
foundations of your marriage,
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trust. Don't marry a man you

can't trust fully.
3. Do not work as a way to compete
with the man and show him that
you are also resourceful, and that
you can do without him. If you
are right, why marry in the first
place.
4. Your salary is not your private
money. The way the whole earth
belongs to God that is how all you
are and have belong to your
husband. Don't argue; JUST
DON'T MARRY A MAN YOU
CANNOT SUBMIT UNDER
FULLY.
In summary working is not bad and can
never be.
I hope I did justice to this one.

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 #7

Sir, all my life I have been dreaming of

marrying a Virgin and I have also been
keeping myself but I just found out that
my to-be is not. Advise me.

This one is a very popular worry among

young people especially among the
Christian brethren. First I thank God
you asked before you tied the knot if
not this alone could have given Satan
enough space into your marriage.

Meanwhile, I will ask you to solemnly

weigh your decision very well. The
question is, 'do you want to marry a
wife or a Virgin?' Do you know that
most of the so-called Virgins are only a

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 FAQs on marriage and relationship

piece of shit that still has a hymen?

Character is different from behavior.

One mistake or mistakes does not

accurately define the present and of
course the future. Focus on the
character of that lady. I think that lady
telling you boldly without pretense
gives her a credit.

Do some medical test if you must. But

don't terminate the contract on this
basis alone, it's not wisdom.

If you need more on this, message us.

Thanks for your sincerity.

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 #8

Man of God, my to-be is more educated

than me, I'm scared if she will respect
me. Should I go ahead and marry her?

My brother, we don't marry heads but

hearts. Don't let her head (brilliance)
distract you. The most important thing
is that she agrees to marry you the way
you are.
Let me add that, marrying an illiterate
does not guarantee that you would have
a submissive wife. Some brothers tried
it and today, they are in a big mess. It
doesn't also mean that we do not have
arrogant educated women. What it
means is that SUBMISSION is a
matter of the heart (character); a good
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woman will lay it down to serve you.

She would use it all to help you.
It's dangerous to marry a woman that is
not even smart. How would she be able
to advise you effectively? Meanwhile, if
you have a chance to upgrade your
intellectual status, why not. After all,
you can pay that price if it will aid the
success of your marriage. But know that,
this is not a rule.

Thanks you.

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 #9

Hello Sir, I don't still get the issue if

hearing God and I'm not getting any
younger. Can you draw from how you
knew who you would marry and speak
about this more practically?

The first problem is that many do not

understand the principles of heaven,
and they have resorted to men's
experiences as a worthy guidance.
When this happens and persist,
confusion is the end result.

1. Likely, every zealous brother

wants to hear God give them a
name in a dream or trance like so
and so man of God.

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 FAQs on marriage and relationship

Sorry it's not God's principle. It's

exception.
1. You want to see a vision of you
marrying a certain lady before you
'confirm'. Beware your mind
might trick you.
2. You want to have a laborious
testimony to share like Michael
Smith, so you want to create yours.
E.G, the first girl that will bring
food to my hostel etc.
3. You want to join the spiritual crib
brethren to talk like them. So you
are searching the scripture to see,
'Chioma weds Emeka' . Then you
better get Igbo Bible and pray
harder.

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4. At least it should be like Bro Gbile,

who wrestled with God for 8
hours or 12 hours because the lady
does not appeal to him. So if the
lady appeals to you, it is not God.
Wake up from this nightmare,
brother.
Brother you will be there until you are
60 and all your mate have moved on
while you are still praying.
Did you notice that God did not impose
wife on Adam? He even brought
animals to see if Adam would find a
help-meet. And scripture says whatever
Adam called, became their name. But he
called one woman.
Let's be able to differentiate between the
spiritual component of making choice
(prayer) and physical component,
wisdom.
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 #10

How can I know who I will marry?

Most brothers are still unmarried today

because they're expecting a revelation.
They want to hear voice or dream a
dream. And if you ask them where they
picked the idea, they will quote one man
of God or the other.
God has never chose wife for anybody,
and your case won't be different.
For Adam, God brought first the
animals, but Adam didn't choose them.
Then he brought Eve, 'to see what
Adam, would call her'. Then Adam said,
'this is the bone... She shall be called
woman...'
What if Adam chose Chimpanzee?

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 FAQs on marriage and relationship

Eliezer of Damascus, prayed all kinds of

prayer, but God did not give him a
name, the way you are expecting a
dream. When it was time, he had to
make the choice. He could decide to
pray further for 2 more years to confirm
the already known will of God.

Brother, God may have long said it's

not good for you to be alone. And He
would have also brought all the ladies to
you SO THAT YOU CAN CHOOSE,
but you are still praying. Open your
eyes brother and see if Madam Eve has
been around you all these years.

God will guild the Meek in the way

according to His word. But the Meek
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must make the move in order to receive

guidance.
I hope age is still on your side for those
long religious prayers. Receive sense In
Jesus Name!

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 #11

Man of God, I have been with this girl

for long, and we have even done some
bad stuffs together. Now I'm having
understanding, but I feel pity to leave
her now. Should I just go ahead and
marry her?

This one is one of the most popular

struggle among the brethren. They'd be
cruising around with a girl then the
word of God comes to them showing
them that they are in the wrong track
thus heading the wrong destination.
Now this brother is asking, 'should he
reverse his car or continue to the wrong
destination since they have gone too far'.

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 FAQs on marriage and relationship

And one lady was arguing, how can you

dump her? After using her, now you
want to dump her. To that argument I
will reply, 'who was using who?'

The ladies always want to act as if in

every relationship they're the ones most
vulnerable, most pitiable, most cheated
etc. That's not true! As long as there
was consent, then it is a relationship.
Relationship means that the both parties
where in it intentionally and
deliberately, thus enjoying the ride
while it lasted.

When the lady begin to cry, 'You used

me and dumped me', my brother just
smile and tell her, 'we are used to that
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strategy'. That's an old fashioned

witchcraft strategy to tie a brother
down.

Brother, walk out. It's not a sin. Don't

forget to apologize to her. But still go.
That's the best you can do for her right
now. Or both of you will marry and
you'd be secretly thinking she's not
really your choice. Ladies can
understand what that thought means in
details.

A word for the sisters: Don't go into a

relationship like a slave or brainwashed
person. Make your choice, and enjoy it.
Don't follow a man you are thinking is
using you in the first place. Upgrade
yourself like a Princess you are. And
quality things we come around.
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 FAQs on marriage and relationship

Never do anything to keep a man who

is not married to you or you will keep
the devil God was delivering you from.
If you believe you are that quality,
what's the fear for? The earlier you are
sure he loves you the better for you.
Packaging, no matter how tight, don't
last forever But content.
Shalom!

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 #12

There is this girl, she is just too caring

for me. Could she be the will of God for
me?

It could be that you are asking if caring

is a way to know who to marry? To that
I'll say that you may have to reconsider
your evaluation. Marrying just for
caring sake, is too shallow and naive.

Meanwhile, you should understand that

every female is naturally caring; caring
is wired into them. As long she is happy,
she would be caring.

We have seen cases where a caring

exercise only lasted as long as the fish
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has not taken in the bait. So care must

be taken.

When you also meet that lady in her

provoked state, you might want to
change your mind. Now I didn't say
you should intentionally provoke her
that could mean throwing your gold
into the sea so that you can find it.

Finally, look at other factors, before

hopping in. Marriage is a long journey.

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 #13

Sir we are engaged but time to time we

touch ourselves. I think we need advice.

Sure brother/sister you need advice. Let

me show you an adage:

Have you eaten an unripe orange before?

How was the experience when you took
your first bite? Before that time, you did
everything possible to pluck it: you
stoned, climbed, and all that appeared
very eventful. And hurriedly, you got a
knife to peel it, thinking to yourself,
what a wonderful orange this is. Then
you took your first bite before the sour
taste bit you and reminded you that,
'God's time is the best'.
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 FAQs on marriage and relationship

If you could relate with this story, you

would remember the regret you heard
after tasting that sour orange. You'd
wished you never did.

Wait for the time. Don't waste your

orange. Don't spoil your orange. Don't
damage your feeling. If you wait, you
would not regret it. The pleasure would
far exceed the pain of waiting.

Every touch, every kiss etc takes you

farther away from your God-intended
enjoyment. Some of us who had
committed fornication before always
wished we hadn't. It's a sour orange
experience. I wish young people would
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not engage their emotions wrongly at

all till that night, you'd confirm that the
Maker's manual is the best way to go.

Lastly, when you do those things with

your intended spouse, you chop off your
trust bridge. It could come to a point
when after you'd finally married that
you don't trust yourselves anymore.
DISASTER is the name.

Confess, and refrain totally and God

will restore you. May God help you!

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 #14

Should a poor guy marry?

My first response is, 'why should he?'

Must he marry? Who is forcing that
guy to marry? You need to hear some of
the reasons why some people marry.
The worst is those who marry for
obligation: they say or most times, their
mother told them that at their age, they
have to look for someone and marry.
Now, imagine this happens at the age of
32, what do you expect this guy to do?
He had no plans to marry, so he had not
put his finances together for such an
important decision.

I think sisters should learn how to

politely ask brothers who come to them
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 FAQs on marriage and relationship

for marriage, 'why do want to marry?'

Now I don't want it to sound as IF
YOU ARE BROKE as a brother, YOU
CANNOT MARRY (it's never a rule
in the scriptures and cannot be one).
But let me talk to brothers briefly:

Brother, marriage is not your priority in

life, that's an error. You were created to
do an assignment, that's why you were
created: PURPOSE is your priority.

Marriage is not a destination, the way

village guys view it. It is only one of
many Junctions in life.

Most people today are divorced or are

not enjoying their marriage NOT
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because they're necessarily bad people

BUT largely, due to lack of adequate
preparation.

See God's wisdom which is greater than

your pastor's experience:
 First, God formed the man = THE
MAKING
 Next, He prepared a job
opportunity for him = PURPOSE.
 Then God put the man INTO it
to tend and to keep it (work) =
ASSIGNMENT.
 Next God commanded the man,
'of the trees and herbs of the
garden you may freely eat' =
PROVISION.

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 Then He added, BUT of that tree

over there, you may not eat =
PRINCIPLE.

Then God said, 'it is not good for the

man to be alone ='PARTNER' that is
COMPANION.
Which man is God talking about here?
A man that has been formed.
A man that has enough food to eat. And
where did he get the food? From
working the garden, the food came out.
So he was employed.

And he has some control over his life

(some dos and don'ts); he is a
disciplined man.

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This is God's idea. If you want the best,

follow it. If not follow yours. The worst
testimony you may probably have is
marrying under pressure.

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