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Aiden Cooper

Prof. Strehle

English 1201

25 March 2021

Children Of Divorce

A child born into a healthy, loving family believes that nothing could ever go

wrong for their whole life. As they go through their happy years with their parents, they

are given joy when they see how ecstatic everyone is to be around each other. But then,

in some cases, the child is struck with something that they never would have imagined

happening. They do not understand what is going on because they have never known a

life in the manner of what is about to happen. Nothing can prepare a child for the

divorce or splitting of their parents. The children who go through this become scared

that everything is falling apart, and they do not know what to do about it. They especially

do not know how to handle any possible arguments or just general aggression between

their two parents. Children are just very impressionable and impactable creatures, and

while they may receive just as much attention and love when their parents are

separated, they may remember how things were before and believe that they were at

fault for the love between their parents being gone, or they may just generally be

mentally and emotionally scarred from the separation itself. Now, there are many

different factors that can cause children to react in different ways to the same situations

than one another, just like all people. However, children who have to go through the

divorce or splitting of their parents are most often affected negatively in the emotional,

mental, and social aspects of their lives.

Background Information

Figure 1A: a chart based on research done by the group named Our World in Data, showing that between 2

and 3 out of 1000 people in the United States are divorced as of 2018.

As stated by the research done by Ortiz-Ospina and their colleagues, the United

States is a bit of an outlier when it comes to the number of people divorced per one

thousand people. The United States has always had significantly higher rates of divorce

than any other country, and this is shown in many infographics on their website, Our

World in Data. Figure 1A is one of these infographics, showing that between two and

three out of one thousand people in the United States have been divorced as of 2018.
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This is generally larger than any other country in the world that has data collected for

the same year by the same researchers.

Figure 1B: a chart based on research done by the group named Our World in Data, showing that between 6

and 8 out of 1000 people in the United States were married in general as of 2018.

According to Figure 1B, which is based on research by the same group of people, six to

eight out of one thousand people were married in the United States that same year. This

means that between one-fourth and one-half of the marriages in 2018 were ended. This

puts things into a new perspective, especially when it comes to how those divorces may

affect any children that were born from the marriage, with over three-million born in the

United States alone in the same year of 2018.

Affect on the Children

According to the article “Children of Divorced Parents” on the Gale Opposing

Viewpoints website, children are most affected by the divorce in the first two years,

however, this could cause the rest of the children’s lives to change completely no matter

how the actual divorce goes. Everything that happens between the two parents, and

also everything that they both say in regards to each other and their possible new

families, can shape the way that the children of the divorce act around other people,

alone, and how they feel about many things. Due to this, the children are generally

affected negatively as the parents do not attempt to talk about the situation with their

children nor do they try to make sure that the child shares their thoughts and feelings.

The thoughts and feelings that children experience throughout the ending of their

parent’s relationship because of the non-positive (not necessarily negative) ways that

ex-lovers speak about each other around their children are generally not positive. As

stated by many of the children in the documentary, Divorce: A Journey Through The

Kids’ Eyes, by the Afineevsky - Tolmor Production Company, the children are generally

in the belief that something bad happened and that it was all their fault. As they

emotionally explain, each child had their own experiences. One of these experiences

was arguments happening between a girl’s mother and father, and the young girl

remembers in her past that she was scared. She would go to bed in fear that she

messed something up and that her father would not be coming home because he would

leave in anger to get away from his now ex-spouse. As another would outline, some

parents do not exactly get along even after the divorce, and some would rather believe
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that the other did not exist. Emotionally, these factors cause children to not be as happy

as children who do not go through the divorce or splitting of parents. The children begin

to believe that they caused problems that lead to their parents, and in turn, themselves,

to be less happy and wondering what would happen if they had just been better.

Affect on the Children - Mental

Children who begin to think that they could have done better for the sake of their

parent’s happiness cannot hold that kind of stress. This causes the children to become

mentally unstable compared to others of their age and they will develop as such. The

children will generally show more signs of depression and other mental illnesses. This is

supported by Paul R. Amato, who claims that adults who had to go through a divorce of

their parents in the past tended to have greater levels of stress, anxiety, more cases of

depression, and also tend to be more socially anxious and absent. “Similarly, a

meta-analysis of 37 studies indicates that adults who experienced parental divorce as

children, compared with adults raised in continuously intact two-parent homes, have

lower psychological well-being, lower socio-economic attainment, poorer quality marital

relationships, and an increased propensity to divorce” (Amato). The well-being of

children who have gone through their parents’ divorce generally deteriorates later in life.

This will ultimately affect their behaviors around others, especially their significant others

and those who they care most about.

Affect on the Children - Social

Socially, children of the divorce are not as trusting of others nor are they living as

active of a social life in general. The people who have lived through the splitting of their

parents are just generally scared to open up to other people, and this causes them to
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not trust others as much as they would even like to. The lack of faith these children

have for themselves in social interactions stems from the terms of their parent’s divorce.

When the parents do not think of the feelings of the children, the children begin to

believe they do not matter. This causes them to think that nobody wants to be around

them and so they lose faith in friendship. Piorkowski outlines the topic and states that

the people who have gone through this problem in their life generally have more

problems in relationships. This can be caused by the fact that the way that the human

mind works is by mimicking that by which it has seen. Children see the poor ways that

their parents may have treated each other and that leads to them believing that they

need to act that way in their relationships later in life.

The way that children grow up also may influence their behaviors, however, a

child who grows up in multiple houses learns multiple behaviors. “Also, because of the

stronger intensity, and perhaps different character, of the childhood disadvantages that

are caused by early parental divorce, there may be a larger chance of implications for

adult well-being. For example, it has been pointed out that a parental divorce early in life

is particularly likely to disrupt normal development, with possibly long-lasting

consequences for social behaviour and otherwise” (Kravdal) explains how the split

behaviors of the children can later affect them poorly, causing them to be less confident

adults that are not as great at social interactions as their neighbors. They may be

scared to act a certain way with one parent while they are completely comfortable acting

that way with the other. In the two atmospheres of the two parent’s homes, there may

be new children around or new step-parents that the children love or hate. All of these

factors from the divorce of their parents can affect how they are as an adult, however,
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all of these possibilities do not outweigh the effects that the original divorce had on

them. Finding a new family takes time. Children need to adapt to the new people in their

life just as everyone else needs to. After the new family is found, in fact, children may

feel as though their other parent is being replaced by their new parent. This causes

more distrust in the children later in life and also causes them to be more fearful of

meeting new people that they want to make connections with.

Affect on the Children’s Education

Figure 2, from the souce “Effects of Divorce on Children” This shows the percentage of students who had

been suspended or expelled in grades 7-12 based on their family type.

Children who are in school are surrounded by other people, other people that

may trigger their anxiety and stress that they experience as an effect of their parents no

longer living together or communicating with each other. According to figure 2 from the

“Effects of Divorce on Children”, the average amount of students with family types other

than the “ideal” type tend to be suspended or expelled from school more. This is caused

by inability to cope with the mental stress that comes from the many problems that their

lives may have compared to those who have married, happy families. According to

Amato, children tend to not be able to pay as much attention to school when they are

distracted by home life. This leads to problems with other children that they are stressed

by the presence of. Problems also occur with the adults of the school system, as they

are the least trusted when an early childhood memory instills the distrust of those older

than yourself. “Divorce may also involve children in various other transitions, such as

moving to another area and changing school, which may increase distress” (Kravdal)

explains another cause besides the distrust implanted in the children’s heads. This

cause is the possible movement of schools based on relocation of the parent with

primary custody. This brings the child into a new location that they are not accustomed

to, and they are generally worried or afraid of what could happen to them there. This

causes the same distrust in people, however, for a different reason. When these two

reasons cause the same problems, they amplify the problem. This will in turn cause the

separation that the parents had gone through for the better of themselves to end up in a

ruined education for the child that they may have been trying to protect.

Opposing Viewpoints
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In other cases, it is believed that people who grow up with divorced parents are

not affected negatively, as they adapt and understand what is going on while also

getting more fun things such as two Christmases, two birthday parties, and many other

fun things with both parents. These factors may be true in general when the child has

two separate, loving parents, but that does not make up for everything else that they

feel. “Compared to children who are raised by their married parents, children in other

family types are more likely to achieve lower levels of education, to become teen

parents, and to experience health, behavior, and mental health problems” (Parke 8)

summarizes the general changes that a child experiences in a home where the parents

have split in some way, shape or form. The actual effects of the separation of the

children's parents cannot be made up for by material objects and bonus events that they

otherwise would have only experienced once a year. These experiences make up for

the fact that the families cannot be together, however, they do not make up for the fact

that the child was put through more pain than some people can imagine because of the

stress, anxiety and possible depression caused by the splitting of their parents.

Conclusion

The child who is born to a happy, loving family will never know what may happen

later on in their life. They get very comfortable with everything the way that it is, with

everyone loving each other and nobody disrespecting each other, however, they will

never be prepared for the chance that their parents may begin to live separately and not

acknowledge each other anymore. The reality is that this negatively affects the children

in all aspects of their lives. Some people may believe that they are more happy in the

long run, however, having more family to love them and multiple of the same holidays
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does not take away from the pain that they originally felt when their parents first split

apart. These children are permanently affected, whether it is clear or not, in their

mental, social and emotional lives which then pour into their educational lives. Divorce

or splitting of parents generally does not affect children in a positive way, and instead,

however, are most often affected negatively in the emotional, mental, and social aspects

of their lives.
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Works Cited

Amato, Paul R., et al. "Parental divorce, marital conflict, and offspring well-being during

early adulthood." Social Forces, vol. 73, no. 3, 1995, p. 895+. Gale In Context:

Opposing Viewpoints,

link.gale.com/apps/doc/A16955693/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=OVIC&xid=6c5d32a

8. Accessed 27 Mar. 2021.

"Children of Divorced Parents." Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection, Gale,

2019. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints,

link.gale.com/apps/doc/PC3010999344/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=OVIC&xid=a7c

750fd. Accessed 6 Mar. 2021.

“Divorce: A Journey Through The Kids’ Eyes” . Directed by Evgeny Afineevsky,

Afineevsky - Tolmor Production, 2014.

“Effects of Divorce on Children's Behavior.” Effects of Divorce on Children's Behavior

[Marripedia], marripedia.org/effects.of.divorce.on.children.s.behavior.

Kravdal, Øystein, and Emily Grundy. “Children’s Age at Parental Divorce and

Depression in Early and Mid-Adulthood.” Population Studies, vol. 73, no. 1, Mar.

2019, pp. 37–56. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/00324728.2018.1549747

Ortiz-Ospina, Esteban, and Max Roser. “Marriages and Divorces.” Our World in Data,

25 July 2020, ourworldindata.org/marriages-and-divorces.

Parke, Mary. “Are Married Parents Really Better for Children? What Research Says

About the Effects of Family Structure on Child Well-Being.” Center for Law and

Social Policy, May 2003.

Piorkowski, Geraldine K. "Adult Children of Divorce Are More Likely to Have

Relationship Issues." Divorce and Children, edited by Roman Espejo,

Greenhaven Press, 2015. At Issue. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints,

link.gale.com/apps/doc/EJ3010953211/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=OVIC&xid=3813

3e53. Accessed 27 Mar. 2021. Originally published as "Confused Love Seekers:

Understanding Adult Children of Divorce," Going Bonkers Magazine, vol. 12, Oct.

2010.