1

“MY PARENTS ARE GAY”: LIVED EXPERIENCES OF CHILDREN WITH

LESBIAN PARENTS

Thea Marie J. Andres

Maria Angelica M. Lopez

An undergraduate thesis manuscript submitted to the faculty of the Department of

Arts and Sciences, Cavite State University – Bacoor City Campus, City of Bacoor,
Cavite in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Bachelor of Science
in Psychology, with Contribution No._________. Prepared under the supervision of
Ms. Kimberly Ann S. Cantilero.

INTRODUCTION

The LGBT or the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender community has

and is still facing a lot of challenges with their fight for equal rights. In some countries,

members of the LGBT still face discrimination, harassment and violence (Conde,

2018). In fact, even those who speak as allies for the community, regardless of their

gender and sexual preference, are also threatened and subjected to the same unjust

treatment members of the LGBT face. Additionally, conservative countries with

strong beliefs about religion and traditional views, and norms go against the beliefs of

the LGBT making them a huge obstacle for the community. It is the reason why same

sex marriages are still illegal in numerous countries.

Many have argued against the normalization and acceptance of households

where members, like the parents, identify as part of the LGBT community. In fact, the

Philippines is one of the countries that do not allow same sex marriages. It is the

reason why the ICAB, the Philippine government agency that processes inter-country

adoptions, refuses to allow same sex couples to jointly adopt as a couple in the

country. Therefore, same sex parents that wish to adopt may only do so by adopting

as a single parent. It is despite the Article 26 of the Philippine Family Code stating
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that the Philippines shall recognize the validity of all marriages celebrated outside the

Philippines as long as they are valid where contracted, meaning that same sex

marriage done in countries where it is legal should also be recognized as valid in the

Philippines. Many Filipinos have also been vocal about their disapproval with same

sex parents being a thing in the country, this may be attributed to the fact that the

country is predominantly Catholic (Bueza, 2015). Another reality for households with

same sex parents is the discrimination they face due to the stigma associated with

same sex parenting. Based on an article by Atty. Lorna Patajo- Kapunan, LGBT

families are still under the stigma that same sex parents cannot raise children that

are as stable as children raised by heterosexual parents. There are also those who

argue that allowing same sex couples to adopt and raise a child will be a bad

example for the children as it will leave a negative impression in their minds.

However, as stated by Susan Landry, 2010 despite the parents playing a large role in

the child’s life as their relationship serves as the foundation of the child’s

development the gender of the parents should not affect what can be defined as a

family.

The fundamental reason for conducting this research is that LGBT families

are currently one of the most controversial and misconstrued subjects in the

Philippines today. While there is a research in the United States about same sex

parenting and the stereotypes they face, only a few studies about the children from

LGBT families have been conducted in the Philippines. It shows that the country is

still in the dark about the reality of children raised in households like this. The

researchers attempt to lessen that gap in literature for studies regarding the

experience of children with lesbian parents and would hopefully give a fresher

perspective about the said topic.

The aim is to document how children raised in this households perceive and

adapt to the situation and their experience.

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Lived Experiences of Children with Lesbian Parents

Nowadays, the topic about the LGBT community is a controversial issue

globally and also covered the questions in relation with their capability to raise a

child. The wealth of a nation is not based on the economical and natural resources

but lies more in the kind and quality of its children and youth. The children today will

be the adults of tomorrow, their quality and personality will determine the kind of

destiny that beacons the nation. The experiences of the children that were raised by

lesbian parents may help the community look at the actuality of their life. Within the

pace of being a child there are several factors on how they perceived and look at

their experiences such as childhood, family structure, adjustment and coping

mechanisms. Bullying had been referred to as a “normal part of childhood,” as it was

such a common experience. So often, the reaction was that some kids simply had to

endure bullying as a part of childhood, and the frequent response was that they

should just ignore it. A study showed that children often get bullied for a variety of

reasons and having parents with different sexual orientations makes the children

even more vulnerable to bullying (Clarke et al., 2014). Another study conducted

showed that (50%) of the children from ages 5 to 18 that were raised by lesbian or

gay parents have experienced bullying in the form of verbal and physical because of

the gender identity of their parents. One possible explanation for this is that children

of gay or lesbian couples may be more sensitive therefore more likely to remember

the bullying the have endured because it reminds them that they belong to a minority

family (Tasker, 2005; Glen, 2016). With such bullying received by the children of

lesbian parents they used different adjustment and coping mechanisms to endure

this said bullying. Coping refers to a variety of cognitive and behavioral strategies

individuals use to manage their stress (Folkman & Moskowitz, 2004; Litman, 2010).

Folkman and Lazarus (1980, 1985) differentiated between two major styles of coping:
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Problem-focused and emotion-focused. The former involves dealing with the source

of stress, whereas the latter reflects attempts to handle thoughts and feelings

associated with the stressor. To measure individual differences in these two

dimensions of coping, Folkman and Lazarus (1988) developed the ways of coping

scale, a checklist of problem- and emotion-focused coping strategies that might be

used in a variety of stressful situations. There are also adjustments that the children

had to go through when dealing with these kinds of stigma. According to Klein’s

theory about adjustment, adjustment is both individual and social. The individual

aspect tells how an individual is free from internal conflicts and tensions or

inconsistencies and how skillful to adapt to new situations. The social aspect reveals

how an individual has established a satisfactory relationship between himself and his

environment, between his needs and desires and those of other people.

A family by definition is one of the most important aspect upon the

development of a child's personality. There are multiple studies that examine if there

is a relationship between the family structure of same sex families and socio-

emotional development. A cross-sectional research that used self-report scales and

did observations of parents with their children between 13 to 72 months while they

were interacting while playing analyzed the relationship of co-parenting and social

adjustment of children that had lesbian and gays parents and two biological parents.

The study showed evidences that the gender or sexual orientation of the parents did

not affect or had no association with externalizing problems (Farr, 2013). However, in

2010, a national longitudinal study conducted in the United States investigated and

studied the psychological adjustment of children with lesbian parents. The

participants were both mother and child that had self-reports that assessed

behavioral problems and social adjustment of them at 10 and 17 years old. The

results showed that lesbian mothers rated their children higher than the comparison

group in terms of social competence. In addition, they also reported lower behavioral

problems. In terms of internalizing and externalizing problems with social stigma,

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mothers who recognized that their child encountered stigmatization rated higher

levels of psychological difficulties for their child. Nevertheless, when differentiating

teenagers that admit to experiencing stigmatization to those who do not, there is no

significant different found in terms of internalizing and externalizing problems

(Gartrell et al., 2010). The research found that the development of a child is not

based on what is the gender of the parents nor the composition of the family

structure but how the children were brought up. Few research have proved that there

are no evident differences found from children raised by single parents and same sex

couples in terms of competency and behavior (Power, 2016).

There are also studies that show young adults raised by lesbian mothers

were more accepting and positive about their non-conventional situation than were

the young adults raised by single mothers. Young adults reflecting on their

adolescence as children being raised by lesbian and single mothers suggested that

the negative opinions of others to their situation as a part of the minority prompted

negative thinking of about themselves and their inclusion to a non- conventional

family. Young adults with lesbian mothers who felt that their mothers were too open

about her sexual identity with their peers were less accepting of their family identity

and mother’s sexual orientation. However, when mothers were more discrete about

their sexual orientation with the children’s peer group, the young adults reported

being more open and comfortable with their non-conventional family identity and

more likely to share about their family to their friends. Similarly, those who reported

close relationships with their mother reported being more comfortable with their non-

conventional family identity during adolescence and beyond (Tasker et al., 2005;

SAGE Publications, Inc., 2015).

These results continue to find support with the theory proposed by Wainright

and Patterson which suggests that the relationship between child and parent is the

most influential factor in the child’s perception of his or her non-conventional family

identity and his or her parent’s sexual orientation. Same sex relationships can bear
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children through having children from former heterosexual relationships (as a foster

parent or step parent), sperm donors, and egg donation and surrogacy services.

Another study conducted in 2010 in the United States used the country’s census data

to get a large sample that would represent the nation’s general population of tests of

outcomes for children raised with lesbian parents. The results showed that there is

no significant difference with children raised by same sex parents and those raised

by other family structures when it comes to having a normal progress in school. The

study showed evidence that children of same sex couples do not show any inherent

developmental disadvantages (Rosenfeld, 2010). However, a study by Allen, Pakaluk

and Price (2013) reexamined the results of Rosenfeld’s study by using the same data

set but using an alternative comparison groups or alternative sample restrictions.

After comparing the results with traditional family structures, it was found that

children being raised by same-sex couples are (35%) less likely to make normal

progress through school (Allen, 2013).

The study concluded that children with same sex parents achieved a higher

score on several parent reported measures of child health. It also resulted in the

finding that the mental health of the children is negatively associated with their

perceived stigma.

The results of the study show how increasing and improving awareness will

help the children’s health (Crouch et al., 2014). In 2010, another study by American

researchers showed that from the analysis of 33 studies that wanted to compare and

study the well-being of children raised by opposite-sex couples with children raised

by same-sex couples, no evidence were found that would show that children raised

by lesbian parents did any worse than other children on a range of behavioral,

educational, emotional or social outcomes (Biblarz & Stacey, 2010). Another study

from American Sociological Association (2014) that reviewed more than 40 studies

regarding the same subject also concluded that children raised by same-sex couples

fared as well as other children across several wellbeing measures (Davies, 2017). In
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terms of self-esteem and emotional behavior of children with lesbian parents and

children in traditional families showed that there is no significant difference (Innes,

2013). Another study that compared the answers of 51 Dutch children (25 girls and

26 boys) born to lesbian parents through donor insemination with 51 demographically

similar teens from heterosexual parents. The participants were all similar in age,

gender, education and birth country. They answered questionnaires that allowed the

researcher to measure parent-child relationship, child psychological adjustment and

child substance use. The results showed that children with lesbian parents had

higher self-esteem and lower conduct problems compared to children with a

traditional family structure. The study may be used as evidence to support the claim

that parenting quality is more important than the sexual orientation of the parents

(Sieczkowski, 2014).

In relation to this, a study conducted in Australia with participants that were 18

years old and above and had at least one parent that identified as gay, lesbian or

bisexual showed that children with same sex parents are as psychologically healthy

and as socially and academically well-adjusted as children with heterosexual parents.

This emphasizes the resilience children with same sex parents have since they

thrived despite facing issues (Titlestad et al., 2013). There are a lot of studies that

define resilience as a dynamic process facilitating positive functioning when facing

difficulties. Families with same sex parents still remain a controversial and

stigmatized group today as they face a lot of challenges caused by heterosexism in

society. A study conducted with five lesbian couples that are raising children in Perth,

Western Australia used a phenomenological methodology to identify the family

resilience processes used by these same-sex families. Seven family resiliency

processes were identified in the current study, creating family unity, preparation,

support, outness, flexibility, normalisation and humour (Griffiths, 2010).

Children between the ages of 14 to 19 are strengthening their problem-

solving capabilities and decision-making skills. It means that children this age start to
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think about their future and how their decisions may affect this. They also begin to

question everything and analyze each step thoroughly. During this age, they also

begin to self- reflect and start to develop morals and principles. The principles or

beliefs they develop may be very similar or very different from their parents. During

this stage, they also hold importance to their group of friends as their peers may also

help them discover themselves and understand their own identity. Children in this

age group tend to become distant from their parents which is why role models are

very crucial for them as this is the time where they self- assess and explore future

opportunities. They also explore their sexual identity and orientation during this

stage. Sexual experimentation is common for teens this age as they tend to explore

to find out more about their sexuality (Kliegman et al., 2011). However, children from

age 18 to 19 may already learn to value long term relationships since children do not

develop in the same pace. They also may look for recognition in more serious

situations or achievements as they feel that they have reached the final stage of

maturity and have fully grown (Stewart et al., 2013).

Lesbian Parents

Parents are one of the biggest influences in shaping the child’s personality.

The way parents involve themselves with children closely influences their

development. The quality of relationships are very important factors for the health

and well- being for men and women. Intimacy is widely recognized as contributing to

relationship quality and is seen as a sense of mutual closeness and connection.

Achieving this involves working towards boundaries between partners or reducing

this to encourage expression of feelings. Emotion work may be defined as “activities

that are concerned with the enhancement of others’ emotional well-being and with

the provision of emotional support”. This is a common strategy for enhancing

intimacy between partners and, in heterosexual relationships, women are much more

likely than men to do this kind of emotion work. Women in heterosexual relationships
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are also more likely than men to repress their own feelings (a form of emotion work)

to foster intimacy and their partner's well-being (Thomeer & Umberson, 2013).

According to the American Psychological Association, parenting practices

around the world share three major goals: ensuring children’s health and safety,

preparing children for life as productive adults, and transmitting cultural values (APA,

2018). A common way of addressing these complexities is to organize parenting

behaviors into four distinct parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, uninvolved,

and authoritative (Maccoby & Martin, 1983; Tashjian, 2018). These four parenting

styles are based on two parental dimensions: parental warmth, which is related to

parental affection toward and acceptance of the child, and parental control, which is

related to the active role parents play in promoting respect for rules and social

conventions (Maccoby & Martin, 1983; Tashjian, 2018). Studies on the relationships

of LGBT couples have stated the evidences that lesbian partners have a relative lack

of boundaries between lesbian partners, in particular with regard to intimacy and

emotions (Rothblum, 2009; Umberson et al., 2015).

Studies have found that all mothers (heterosexual and lesbian) are more

likely than fathers to be more invested and skilled at caring for children. Research

have implied that when two women co-parent, gender and sexual orientation interact,

with two mothers are focused and cooperating toward creating an equitable and

mutually caring environment that provides a loving and supportive foundation for their

child’s developing self-esteem. It identified parental gender as a factor of parenting

skill. A follow up study has also found proof that the argument that children need both

a mother and father is incorrect as this assumes that men and women can only do

jobs that are traditionally fitting for them, which research has proven otherwise

(AEST, 2010). According to the study, Good parenting is good parenting, whatever

package it comes in. It implied that committed, responsible parenting involves

spending time with children, caring about what they were involved in, and providing

structure, limits, guidance and affection. (Stacey et al, 2001; Mallon, 2014).
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A documentary conducted by GMA Public Affairs denotes a very controversial

issue last 2014 about an international show aired by a popular network that opened a

topic with regards to same-sex parenting. Internationally, a survey showed a

dramatic rise of acceptance in same-sex relationships. Increasing from (13%) to

(49%) in 2014, highlighting a rise of individualism in the US (The Guardian, 2016)

while a survey held by Social Weather Stations survey held in March 2018, only 2 in

10 Filipinos are in favor of legalizing same sex marriage here in the country. Wide

views of opinion were voiced out by the Catholic Bishop Conference of the

Philippines emphasizing that same-sex relationships are not something that is

acceptable and if tolerated will result in to analytic freedom. They also quoted that

freedom will always has limits and that includes the true meaning of loving. In

defense of the network their aim was 'to reflect the themes of diversity and

inclusiveness', but this is the reality of this era. In fact, a family living in the city of

Rizal has this family dynamic, wherein the children were raised by a lesbian dad that

their mom met when they were still in school-age had a great impact in their lives.

Overall, the children highlighted that there is no difference when they met their

substitute father, it's like their family is whole again. Compared with men in same-sex

relationships, women in same-sex relationships place more importance on emotional

intimacy and the importance of intimacy. Men in same-sex relationships are more

likely separate sex from emotional intimacy and to have sexual activities with other

people aside from their partner (Umberson et al., 2015).

The acceptance of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender parenting has a

long way to go in the Philippines although progress is slowly being made. Research

has shown that lesbian parents are as suited and sometimes, much better in raising

children compared to heterosexual parents (Pappas, 2012). In fact, there are

evidences of teenage children with lesbian parents performing better in school and

showing fewer behavioral problems than other children within the same age group

(Gartrell, 2012). A study using a quasi-experimental method by the students from

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Asia Pacific College in Makati stated how gay parents spend more time with their

children and are more involved in their lives therefore contradicting the claim that gay

people are unfit to have children and that this is just mere assumption and is not

supported by any study and just backed-up by biblical allusions. It also provided

evidences that the negative effects on children are not because their parents are gay

but because people keep on discriminating homosexuals. The children are just

victims of prejudice in the society. Results from this study has shown evidence that

the relationship quality of the parents is very consistently and positively related the

child’s well- being.

The study stated that it can be correlated to the behavior problems, social

competence, school engagement, internalizing, parent-child communication, and

parental feelings of aggravation of the children. This research found that, on average,

parents with better quality relationships tend to have better-adjusted children that

have optimistic views toward marriage which leads to the children having positive

relationships as well and desiring good marriages as well (Moore et al., 2011)

Societal Norms

Society in general has mixed feelings and opinions towards the LGBT

community. There have been reports of groups rallying or protesting the anti-

discrimination bill. Other groups have also shown disagreement towards as they feel

like punishing those that choose to show prejudice towards the LGBT will violate their

right and the 1987 constitution. They feel like the LGBT should not be given a

separate law to protect them as it would be unfair towards the people that do not

agree and are against the chance of there being a possibility of same sex marriage in

the country. Despite the bill being passed by the House of Representatives, the

senate is still resistant to it. The bill in fact has been in a period of interpellation since

2016 and members of the senate have also been public with their opposition towards

the bill and has verbalized how the senate is not yet ready for it (Elemia, 2018). This
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may be because the Philippines is predominantly catholic, and Catholicism does not

agree with same sex marriages (Bueza, 2015). The ICAB, the Philippine government

agency that processes inter-country adoptions, also refuses to allow same sex

couples to jointly adopt as a couple in the country as they do not recognize same sex

marriages. Therefore, same sex couple that wish to adopt may only do so by

adopting as a single parent (Filipino Law Group, 2014). Additionally, same sex

parents also face a lot of cultural criticisms. This is because of the stigma that a

family should have one male and one female parent (Smith, 1993; Powell et al.,

2010; Park et al, 2015). Due to the stigma and lack of social support for same sex

parents (Ryan & Whitlock, 2007; Park et al., 2014), some may be discouraged from

pursuing parenthood (Riskind & Patterson, 2010; Park et al., 2014).

Furthermore, same sex parents and their children face exceptional scrutiny

because many questions their ability to raise psychologically well-adjusted children

(Biblarz & Savci, 2010; Park et al., 2014). Despite same sex parents and the LGBT

facing numerous hurdles with regards to society, there are still some that show

progress and acceptance. There are researches that discredit the claim that same

sex parents are not reliable as the study indicated that there are no significant

differences in developmental or social outcomes of children of same sex parents

compared to those of different sex parents (Erich, Leung, & Kindle, 2005; Crowl, Ahn

& Baker, 2008; Park et al., 2014). There are also bills like Republic Act No. 10627 or

the anti- bullying act of 2013 included gender-based bullying as one of the acts that

will fall under what they define as bullying. This means that any action by one or

more students that will humiliate or exclude another student because of their sexual

orientation or gender identity will be bullying. This will be better for students that do

not conform to gender norms as this bill will protect them as the bill will punish

schools and their personnel if they fail to comply with the provisions of this act

(Mendoza, 2013).
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Conceptual Framework of the Study

The conceptual framework was designed to help define the project scope and

assist in navigating patterns and themes.

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Figure 1. The relationship of children with lesbian parents between their family, and
society

As shown on Figure 1, focusing first on what is known independently about

the life of children with lesbian parents including their adjustments and coping

mechanisms. The researchers attempt to further define the children’s perspective

regarding their life having lesbian parents and living in the society with difficulty on

accepting this issue. A glimpse into the way of the children’s experience growing

up and understand the experiences that surface through the society’s perspective

about it. According to structural functionalism by Spencer, he proposed that

society is a structure with interrelated parts designed to meet the biological and

social needs of the individuals in that society, a great sample of this is family. A

family is the basic unit of the society (Ignititum Today, 2013), a family is

composed of two or more persons united by marriage, blood, adoption, or

consensual union, in general consulting a single household, interacting and

communicating with each other (Sharma, 2013). The relationship between a child

and his/her parent is unique and enduring bond. Dr. Bowen’s family systems

theory stated that family is an emotional unit wherein they are interconnected and

interdependent individuals.
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METHODOLOGY

This qualitative study used an interpretative phenomenological methodology

that enabled the researchers to “understand the meaning that participants attribute to

their actions – their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, and assumptive worlds; the

researcher, therefore, needs to understand the deeper perspectives captured

through face-to-face interaction”. (Rudestam & Newton, 2001; Wessinger, 2017). The

researchers used a semi-structured interview to gain the individuals as a child with

lesbian parents, this study focused on exploring and interpreting the lived

experiences.

Participants of the Study

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For this study, the researchers gathered a total of six participants. The

participants met the following criteria: (1) they have been raised by Lesbian parents

since they were infants, (2) the parents were together while the participants were

growing up, (3) they were within the ages of 16 to 19, (4) they were willing participate

in the study, (5) the participants were adopted by at least one of the lesbian parents,

and (6) another consideration in this study is the family structure of the participants,

they were all included in a nuclear type of family structure.

Data Gathering Procedure

First, the researchers sought participants that met the set criteria. After

gathering the participants for the study, the researchers asked for the participants’

informed consent after educating and deliberating them on the purpose, procedures,

risks and benefits of the study. They also gave the parents assent forms to ask for

their approval about their children joining the study. After making sure that the

participants and their parents were well informed and securing their consent for the

study, the researchers gathered data through one-on- one interviews. This type of

interview helped the researchers as it allowed a more personal interaction with the

participant. In addition, the open-ended questions provided the opportunity to probe

and the chance to learn more about the participants’ specific answer (Meier, 2018).

After the interview, the participants were again debriefed regarding the study, their

participation, and the accountability the researchers would have in case the interview

caused them harm.

Data Analysis

The study used an interpretative phenomenological analysis that focused in

the findings that convey the researchers' own interpretation of the participants’

explanation of their experience (Smith et al., 2009; Taylor & Francis, 2011). The first

step of the IPA included a detailed reading and re-reading of the transcriptions, along
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with the voice recorder. Variety of relevant topics, ideas, feelings, and potential labels

were encapsulated and highlighted on each page of the transcriptions. The next step

was emerging codes from the topics, ideas, feelings, and potential labels taken from

the transcriptions. After that, a small number of superordinate themes were emerged

after the process of making connections between the emerged codes. The analysis

was then repeated, in which the emerging superordinate themes were frequently

checked and cross linked with the participants’ experiences to ensure that each

theme was visibly embodied in the data.

Ethical Considerations

The ethical considerations in this research were very critical since it was used

to establish the standards of conduct for everyone that took part in the study. Before

starting with the data gathering, the study went through the process with the Ethical

Review Board which checked the readiness and accuracy of the study. They also

made sure that the study was not harmful for the chosen participants. After

complying and gaining approval from the Ethical Review Board, the researchers then

proceeded to data gathering. One of the ethical considerations during the study was

giving the informed consent and assent forms which ensured the autonomy and

rights of the participants. In this study, autonomy was defined as the ability for self-

determination in action according to a personal plan. It was in accordance of

Beauchamp and Childress definition. The informed consent given in the study

protected the participants as it prevented possible negative impact to their integrity.

The researchers also gave assent forms for the participants' parents as majority of

the participants were minors. The form made sure that the parents also understood

the study, its risk and benefits, objectives and the rights their children have as

participants. The researchers were wary of the ethical principle of beneficence which

stated that the researchers have done everything in their power to avoid causing

harm. The researchers have done it by assessing all possible consequences of the
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study by making sure that there was a balance between the risks and potential

benefits from the study. Another ethical consideration was the participant’s right to

confidentiality and privacy, it was stated in the forms given to the participants that

they could withdraw at any time from the study if they wish to. The personal

information given by the participants such as their signatures, cellphone numbers

and the dates of their interview were also treated with confidentiality. The

researchers accepted and respected the request of Participant D to exclude the

questions regarding his thoughts towards the country’s view on the LGBT as he was

not comfortable with answering a question about the Philippines. The researchers did

not force or shame the participant into complying but rather respected the decision

made. After each interview session, the researchers conducted a debriefing that

explained how they would be in touch just in case the participants felt that the

interview has caused them harm and they would need the assistance of someone

qualified to address the issues caused by the study. The researchers also explained

that the thesis adviser would be available to assist if they needed the help of a more

qualified professional.

RESULTS

The analysis of the data established five superordinate themes that captured

the lived experiences of children with lesbian parents. A table of superordinate,

subthemes and illustrative text was presented to further elaborate and discuss the

actuality of the life experiences of children with lesbian parents. The researchers

added two superordinate themes to represent the two of the five established themes

in detailed. Following the interpretative phenomenological lens formed from the

answers of the participants together with the researcher’s subjective interpretation of

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these experiences. Hence, the results would underline both the participant’s

experiences and the researcher’s interpretation.

The seven superordinate themes were the following:

1. Individual Upbringing

2. Family Structure- Thoughts and perception about their own Family

3. Family Structure- Thoughts and Perception about being adopted

4. Thoughts and Perception on societal norms

5. Adjustment caused by societal norms

6. Own family related coping mechanisms

7. Coping Mechanisms for the LGBT Community

Table 1. Lists of sub-themes and illustrative text for each of the superordinate themes
SUPERORDINAT
SUBTHEMES ILLUSTRATIVE TEXT
E THEMES
Individual "Mabibigat yung kamay nila. Yung
Upbringing nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataon na, may
hindi kami pagkakaintindihan lalo na sa
papa ko "
Authoritarian
Upbringing
(“They have violent tendencies. There are
times when we have misunderstandings,
especially with my papa”)
-Participant F
Authoritative "Lagi nilang sinasabi na they will never lie,
Upbringing like if we want to know something, they’re
gonna tell us ayaw nila na at the end, na
parang pagtanda ko na tska ko lang
malalaman na may ganun pala, ayaw nila
nun. As much as possible, they’re really
open with me”

(“They always tell me that they will never lie,

if we want to know something, they will tell
us because they don’t want to wait until
we’re older for us to find out. They don’t
want that. As much as possible, they’re
really open with me”)
-Participant A
"Sila kasi yung parents na di ka naman
dinidiktahan yung ganun, pinapagawa yung
gusto mo pero may limitasyon ka din"

(“They were the type of parents that don’t

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dictate what you have to do, they let you do

what you have but with limitations.”)
-Participant B
"Ang bait bait nung nag-adopt samin kasi
parang love nila kami talaga and binibigay
nila samin yung mga kailangan namin. Yung
needs and wants namin binibigay nila yun."

(“The people who adopted us are really

kind, they really love us, and they give us
what we need. Our need and wants, they
give us that”)
-Participant C
“Ayun, like medyo strict siya pero at the
same time hindi rin naman kasi
pinapayagan din naman nila ako gawin
yung gusto ko pero tinuturuan parin nila ako
kung ano yung tamang asal.”

(“They were somewhat strict but at the

same time they were not because they let
me do the things that I want but they still
teach me good morals.”)
-Participant D
"I was pretty balanced while I grew up"
"I can tell them everything like when it
comes to mental health or umm what else…
or even suicide."
-Participant E
"This family it’s always gonna be there, sila
yung parang sa day one pa lang and a
person doesn’t like that, that’s on them.
That’s not gonna change anything for me,
ako I’m okay with that"

(“This family it’s always gonna be there,

they have been here since day one and if a
person doesn’t like that, that’s on them.
That’s not gonna change anything fot me,
Thoughts and I’m okay with that.”)
Strong family
perception about -Participant A
Orientation
their own Family "Pero at the end of the day, ay thankful ako
kasi may ganito akng magulang. Kahit
pagbulungan nila ako, eh bakit ba. Sila nag
palaki sakin, sila magulang ko eh”

(“But at the end of the day, I’m thankful

because I have this kind of parents.Even if
they whisper things about me, What so?
They raised me, they were my parents.”)
-Participant B
"Hindi palaging masaya, may mga
 21

challenges na dumadating, normal lang

naman yun eh kahit saan. Pero ayun
sobrang strong lang nun dada and mama
ko, ang strong din nun family namin kasi
kinaya namin. Nawalan na kami pero
bumangon sila.”

(“We are not always happy, there were

challenges, that was normal anywhere. But
my mama and dada are super strong, my
family is also strong because we survive
that. We lost everything but they got back
up.”)
-Participant C
“Hmm… maayos naman yung relationship
ng moms ko kasi sakanila talaga ako lumaki
and never ko kinwestion yung pagkawala ng
dad ko kaya di kami parang nagkaproblems
about dun. Close talaga kami.”

(“Hmm… My relationship with my mom is

fine cause I grew up with them and I never
questioned why my dad left that was why
we don’t have any problems about that.
We’re very close”)
-Participant D
"We’re a family, you’re supposed to stick
together through thick and thin."
-Participant E
"Nung bata ako, parang mas malapit silang
dalawa sa akin pero ngayong lumalaki ako
imbis na lumalapit sila sakin parang palayo
ng palayo yung loob naming sa isat-isa”
Weak family
Orientation
(“When I was younger, it was like I was
closer to them but now, instead of growing
closer we are growing farther apart.”)
-Participant F
Thoughts and "When I found out kasi na I wasn’t really
Perception about their daughter. It was an accident, parang
being adopted magaaway na ata sila nun kasi parang
nadulas lang. Di nagreregister sakin kung
ano yung nangyare, tas umiyak ako. Kasi di
ko gets, kasi syempre ibubully ka diba kasi
uso yun, di ampon ka e. I was around
seven? When I found out. Super young,
either pre-school pa lang or grade one,
sobrang di pa siya yung intentional na
Negative sasabihin kaya super problematic yung
experiences nangyare. Sasabihin ba natin or what,."
about being
adopted (“When I found out that I wasn’t really their
daughter. It was an accident, like they were
fighting because it was slip of the tongue.”
 22

“It didn’t register that it what was happening,

the I cried. Because I don’t get it, of course
you’ll be bullied right? Because it’s normal;
no, you’re adopted. I was around seven
when I found out, I was super young either
“Nabully po talaga ako, yung tipong mag
sama kayo ng tomboy mong nanay sabi nila
san yung tatay mo ganyan. Ganyan yung
mga pinsan mo, lahat sila ate ***, nasan
yung daddy mo, nasan yung daddy mo,
mararamdaman mo na, ay oo nga pala wala
pala akong tatay na kinalakihan so sino
ipapakilala kong tatay pag may nag tanong.”

(“I was really bullied, that kind when they

said ‘stick with your lesbian mom’ they said
‘where’s your father?’. It’s your cousin,
every one of them, ‘where’s your father,
where’s your father? You’ll feel like, yes I
don’t have a father that brought me up, so
who’ll I say that my father is when someone
asks?”)
-Participant B
"Tapos narinig ko from afar yung “ampon
lang yan”. Kaya parang ampon lang ganun
ganun pa. So ganun yung naririnig ko, pero
syempre bata pa ko nun. Pero clear parin
yun sa mind ko kasi habang tumatanda ako
naiisip ko na “Ah, ayun pala yung sinasabi
nila. Ayun pala yung naririnig ko” Ampon,
ganun."

(“Then I heard from afar “She’s just

adopted”. It was like she’s just adopted. So,
I heard that, but I was still young. But it is
still clear in my mind that growing up I would
always think that “Oh, that’s what I’ve been
hearing, Adopted.”)
-Participant C
Positive “Pero there were a lot of problems along the
feelings way, pero is it okay if I don’t tell it nalang?
towards being Yeah, a lot of problems. Okay, sige I’ll just
adopted say one. Like considering… they were
considering like asking for my moms na
ibalik ako sa kanila but then my moms were
like “ano yan gamit na pwede niyong anu-
anohin?”. It’s a child and I don’t want to go
back kasi to them cause I really love my
 23

moms so much so alam nila yun.”

(“There were a lot of problems along the

way but is it okay if I don’t tell it? Yeah, a lot
of problems. Okay, I’ll just say one. They
were asking my moms to give me back to
them, but my moms were saying ‘what is
she? A thing that you can have? It’s a child.
And I don’t want to go back there because I
really love my moms so they knew that”)
-Participant E
“They never really treated me as if na…
parang utang na loob or anything like that. It
wasn’t really parang sa kanila they just love
me and hindi siya, wala silang ineexpect sa
akin na ohh ikaw inalagaan kita since bata
ka walang ganun parang they are, they
were just there and ganyan din sila with my
siblings"

(“They never really treated me as if I owed

them something or anything like that. It
wasn’t like that, for them they just love me,
and they don’t expect me to be in debt
because they raised me since I was a kid.
They were just there and they were the
same with my siblings.”)
-Participant A
"Parang nakakaproud na yung pamilyang
parang pinagkait sakin nung unang
pagkakataon, nahanap ko sa kanila."

(“I feel proud that the family that i was

deprived of the first time, I found in them.”)
-Participant B
"Masaya kasi, never namin na feel na
adopted kami kasi habang lumalaki kami "

(“Happy because we never felt that we were

adopted while we were growing up”)
-Participant C
"Lalo na sa work. Ano talaga siya, dun
nadidiscriminate yung mga LGBT people
natin, kunyare, ay lesbian yan di niya
kayang gawin yan. Yung mga babae nga
nabigyan na ng change mag trabaho pano
pa kaya yung mga LGBT, sa ano lang
Negative
naman yan e.Parang ganun, may pangalan
labelling
naman sila, hindi mo kelangan I-emphasize
na oy tomboy yan, hoy bakla yan. Kasi yun
yung mahirap sa atin e, ginagawa nating
katatawanan yung mga ganung term"

(““Especially in work, we can see that the

 24

LGBT people is being discriminated. For

example, some say that lesbians cannot do
certain jobs. If women are given the chance
to work, then why not the LGBT? Because
people are insensitive of what they say to
others. Sometimes the term “tomboy” is
"Dito kasi parang pag may Nakita silang
transgender paguusapan. Sa mga bakla…
mga gay ganun. Lagi nila sinasabi na “Bakla
naman yan” ganun. Tapos sa mga lesbian
naman na “Sayang naman yan” ganun. For
them kasi, sa mga lesbian, Insult yun. Kasi
yung ibang tao insensitive sila sa mga
pwedeng sabihin sa mga tao. Minsan yung
term talaga na “tomboy” nakaka- offend
talaga yun para sakanila. Mas okay sakanila
yung lesbian, tibo, bisexual. May negative
padin talaga.”

(“Here when they see transgenders, they

gossip. With gays, they always say “He’s
just gay”. Then for lesbians “What a waste”.
For them, for the lesbians, it’s an insult.
Because people are insensitive of what they
say to others. Sometimes the term “tomboy”
is offensive for them. They prefer to be
called lesbian, tibo or bisexual. There is
really still some negative.”
-Participant C
"Well we can say there’s progress pero it’s
such a long way to go pa"

(“We can say that there’s progress but it’s

such a long way to go”)
-Participant A
Recognizing "I am happy with the current situation or
progress experiences of the LGBT community kasi a
regarding the lot of countries are becoming progressive
LGBT na"

Thoughts and (“"I am happy with the current situation or

Perception on experiences of the LGBT community
Societal Norms because a lot of countries are becoming
progressive”)
-Participant E
Negative "But there are still a lot like a lot of LGBTs
feelings get stoned to death just for being gay and I
towards forgot the country that was pero meron eh."
traditional
 25

(But there are still a lot like a lot of LGBTs

get stoned to death just for being gay and I
forgot the country that was but there is.")

-Participant E
"LGBT pero minsan nalulungkot din ako
kasi merong mga tao para sa kanila ehh,
salot, hindi naman totally salot, ahh parang
ayun nga parang di nila tanggap yung LGBT
sa lipunan natin, ganun”

(“It’s sad because people still see the LGBT

as a plaque. They still do not accept the
LGBT in the community.”)

-Participant F

"Yung sa sister ko rin, gusto niya kasi

pakasalan yung girlfriend niya. Kaso nga
hindi pa legal dito. Feeling ko gusto na sana
ng ate ko pero hindi pa nga legal sa
Philippines.”
-Participant C

"There should be a separation of church

views and state. Sabihin natin na ayaw ng religion
niyo samin, okay kahit di kami magpakasal
sa church basta makapagpakasal kami like
in the government. Alam mo yun? In LGUs,
papers. Kasi ang hirap talaga when hindi ka
kasal and then you get into an accident,
sinong tatawagan? Hindi pwede yung ano,
hindi pwede yung partner mo kasi you’re not
legally "

( “There should be a separation of church

and state. Let’s say that your religion does
not agree with us, it’s okay we do not need
to be married in the church just as long as
we can be married in the government. You
know that? In LGUs, papers. It’s really hard
when you’re not married and you get into an
accident, who will they call? They can’t call
your partner because you’re not recognized
legally.”)
-Participant E
"Yung sa marriage. Yun gusto nila ikasal
pero hindi pwede sa bansa natin. Na
naniniwala ang lahat na ang babae ay para
sa lalaki at ang lalaki ay para sa babae Kasi
may nagsulong ata ng same-sex marriage
pero dahil nga sa mga relihiyon na hindi nga
pabor, may kumontra dun. Which is parang
 26

yun din yung pangarap ko para mama at

papa ko noon, na sana balang araw sana
makasal sila pero di nga tanggap ng bansa
dahil nga sa mga relihiyon na meron”

(“The marriage. They wanted to get married

but it isn’t allowed in our country. The belief
that every woman is only for man and man
are only for woman. Because someone
push same-sex marriage but because of our
religion that they against it, they oppose it.
Which is my dream for my parents before,
that someday I hope they get married but
the country doesn’t accept because of the
religion that we have.”)

-Participant F
Gender Bias "Nagtataka ako why isang mom ko lang
in School yung umaakyat ng stage. Tapos parang dati
akala ko ay nahihiya lang yun si mama tas
parang narealize ko na oh it’s because
hindi, uhh nattakot sila how others would
react how they would treat me like
everything they did was to protect me lang."

(I was wondering why do I only one of my

moms got up in the stage. Then before I
thought that mama is just shy then I realized
that it’s because no, uhh they were scared
how others would react how they would
treat me like everything they did was to
protect me”)
-Participant A
"Sa school family day kelangan mo may
nanay ka, tatay ka, nanay lang ung meron
sakin walang akong tatay, dalwang nanay.
Yung nag first communion, ganun din,
kelangan mo ng nanay at tatay. Yung mga
activities na kailangan mo ng nanay at tatay
sa tabi mo. Nanay lang yung masasama mo
kasi"

(“In school family day needs you to have a

mom, dad, but I only have two moms. The
first communion, also, you need a mom and
dad. The activities that you need a mom
and dad beside you, I only have a mom to
be with”)
-Participant B
"Yung family games. Kasi minsan kasi may
mga tatay yung mga friends ko eh. Baka
naweweirdan lang sila dun.”

(“Family games, because sometimes, cause

 27

my friends have father. They might think it’s

weird”)
-Participant D
"The teachings kasi especially in school na
ang man and a woman lang ganyan.
Bumabangga siya… What my teacher
would say, ganyan… sobrang traumatic
talaga like I feel like that’s one of the
reasons I got like distant with religion."

(““The teachings especially in school that it

should only be a man and a woman, it
collides. What my teacher would say, it was
very traumatic for me. I feel like it was one
of the reasons I got like distant with
religion.")
-Participant E
Adjustments "Sa akin if a guy doesn’t like my family,
caused by societal that’s on him, I don’t have to like him if that
norms happens. Ganun na lang, parang nag
babaliktad na, this family it’s always gonna
be there, sila yung parang sa day one pa
lang and a person doesn’t like that, that’s on
them. That’s not gonna change anything for
me, ako I’m okay with that.”
Self-serving
Adjustment (“For me, if a guy doesn’t like my family,
that’s on him, I don’t have to like him if that
happens. That’s it, you’ll just see the
opposite of it. This family, it’s always gonna
be there. They were the ones that were
there since day one and if a person doesn’t
like that, that’s on them. That’s not gonna
change anything for me, I’m okay with that”)
-Participant A
"Masasaktan ako pero pagtatanggol ko
yung mothers ko kasi wala naman silang
masasamang ginagawa eh. So siguro
naman okay lang if paninindigan niya or
mabubuhay sila sa kung ano yung gusto
niya, kung san sila masaya. Kung gusto
niya maging lesbian, kung gusto niya
maging masaya then why not diba. Bakit
natin sila pagbabawalan or idodown sa
kung san sila masaya.”

(“I’ll get hurt but I’ll defend my mothers

because they aren’t doing anything wrong.
So, I guess it’s okay if they’ll stand for or live
according to what they want, where they
would be happy. If they want to be a
lesbian, if they want to be happy, then why
not? Why should we forbid them from
something that would make them happy.”)
 28

-Participant C
"Go with the flow lang ako. Kung san
masaya tao dun. Bahala sila."

(““I just go with the flow. Where people

would feel happy. It’s up to them.”)
-Participant D
"I get overwhelmed a lot of times. Sabi ko
nga whenever I hear homophobic remarks
palang sobrang I get so angry na pero you
learn and you learn to understand people
kasi 18 years, ive been doing it for 18 years.
You learn to understand people like why
they react that way."

(“I get overwhelmed a lot of times. I told that

whenever I hear homophobic remarks I get
so angry but you learn and you learn to
understand people because in 18 years, I’ve
been doing it for 18 years. You learn to
understand people like why they react that
way.")
-Participant E
“Ayun lang, ayun na lang, better be it na
lang. kung yun ang tingin niyo, edi yun na.
Sociocentric kasi kahit ano pang explain niyo sa kanila,
Adjustment yun na yung tinatak nila sa utak nila na
papaniwalaan nila. Yun nayun, di mo na sila
mababago.”

(That was it, better be it. If that is what you

think, so that was it even whatever you
explain to them, that was what has been
imprinted to their mind to believe in. That
was it, you can’t change them”)
-Participant B
“Ako tinatanggap ko na lang siya yung mga
reaksyon, tinatanggap ko kung ano yung
mga reaksyon nila. Hindi na ako nag
sasalita na kung ano ano pa, kasi para
sakin, yun nga hindi ko na kelangan
ipaliwanag kung ano meron sa kanila, na
darating naman siguro yung panahon na
maiintindihan nila yung ganun.”

(“Me, I just accept that reactions, I accept

whatever their reaction is. I just don’t talk
about anything because for me I don’t need
to explain what we have, that someday they
would understand things like this”)
-Participant F
Own family related "I know my parents more than they do.
Action
coping Wala lang iniisip ko yun, siguro may onting
Motivated
mechanisms ano, may pagkamaldita na sure ka ba jan,
 29

makikipagaway ka ng onti pero at the same

time dimo pa din ipupush na. so pala-away
ako pero I know my boundaries lalo na yung
sa ganun"

(“"I know my parents more than they do.

Sometimes I think that i become stubborn. I
fight them a little but at the same time I don’t
push. I tend to fight but I know my
boundaries especially when it’s like this.”)
-Participant A
"Wala ineexplain ko nalang sakanila. Ganun
naman talaga, wala naman ako magagawa.
Ganun talaga ako pinalaki."

(“Nothing, I just explain to them. It is what it

is, I can’t do anything about it. That is how I
was brought up”)
-Participant D
"I don’t know where my line is. But you
know theres a line and you only know if
they’ve crossed the line dun sa situation nay
un like kunwari may nasabi sila na okay, no.
You can get out of my life. I don’t need you.
Yung ganun. That’s how I cope with it. I
learn to let go of people who can’t
understand. Ayun, parang sabi ko you know
I love you but I can’t stay with someone, not
stay, but I can’t be associated with someone
na has so much hate in life and you try to be
there for them but they can’t process it like
sobrang hirap and it’s becoming toxic for the
both of us. So there, I learned to let him go
and honestly, it’s been such a light feeling
for me now."

(“I don’t know where my line is. But you

know there’s a line and you only know if
they’ve crossed the line in that situation if
example, they said something that is okay,
no. You can get out of my life. I don’t need
you. That’s how I cope with it. I learn to let
go of people who can’t understand. Then, I
said that I love you but I can’t be associated
with someone that has so much to hate in
life and you try to be there for them but they
can’t process it it’s so hard and it’s
becoming toxic for the both of us. So there, I
learned to let him go and honestly, it’s been
such a light feeling for me now”)
-Participant E
“Sa akin siguro, maooffend ako pero pinipili
Emotionally
ko na lang na wag pansinin, kasi yun yung
Motivated
tingin nila. Yun naman yung kakaiba sa wag
 30

mo silang idegrade, un naman yung right

nila na yun yung napeperceived niyo so yan
yung judgment niyo."

(““I think for me; I would be offended but I

would choose to not mind because that was
how they see it. That was the difference
with not degrading them. It’s their right. Ff
that was how they see it, that was how
they’ll judge it.”)
-Participant B
“Ayun… parang wala lang akong pakialam
sa mga naging reaksyon ng mga tao. Kasi
ayun alam ko na nasa tama yung mothers
ko. Nasa tama sila, nabubuhay naman sila
na wala sila naaapakan na tao.”

(“I don’t care about the reactions of other

people. Because I know that my mothers
are right. They are in the right, they live
without step on other people”)

“Iniintindi ko na lang sila, iniintindi ko na

lang na, parang sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili
ko na wala akong magagwa kung ganyan
yung iniisip nila tungkol sa amin, as long as
wala naman kaming tinatapakan na tao”

(”I try to understand them, to understand so

I’ll just tell myself that I can’t do anything if
that is what you think about us as long as
we don’t step at other people”)
-Participant F
Action “I try to give my views without saying na
Motivated anak ako, parang everytime na I argue
Coping ayaw kong sinasabihan na bias ka lang
mechanisms for dahil anak ka ng lesbian parents, kaya
the LGBT everytime I argue or eveytime I talked to
community someone about it"

(“I try to give my views without saying I’m a

child of a LGBT couple, like everytime that I
argue I don’t like them to say that I’m bias
because I’m a child of a same-sex parents,
so every time I argue or every time I talked
to someone about it”
-Participant A
"Pag naririnig ko yun, parang tumataas
yung kilay ko, kasi ako pag may narinig
akong di ako agree, napapataas yung kilay
ko though minsan di ako makakreact agad,
sa isip ko, magiisip na ako na pwede kong
idahilan. Isagot or iresponse sa ganung
statements"
 31

(“When I heard that, it’s like my eyebrows

raised, because when I heard something I
don’t agree, it makes me raise my eyebrows
though sometimes I don’t react immediately,
in my mind I think of what’ll I reason out,
answer or respond on those statements”)
-Participant B
"In my system talaga it’s educating kasi
ayun nga pinalaki nga ako ng parents ko to
understand people so yeah I settle with that.
It’s actually the only thing we can do. Tapos
theres a lot of stigmas kasi with the LGBT
eh like “Oh my god, dadami na may mga
STD” ganun. Eh parang, una safe sex.
Second, alam mo yun? Ayun ang daming
stigmas so I’m gonna go back. Let’s
educate people."

(“In my system it’s educating because that

was how my parents raised me to
understand people, so I would settle with
that. It’s actually the only thing we can do.
Then there’s a lot of stigmas because with
the LGBT, like “Oh my god, there’ll be a lot
of STD”. Like, first safe sex. Second, you
know that? That was it, there’s a lot of
stigma so I’m gonna go back. Let’s educate
people”)
-Participant E “
Emotionally “Positive lang, kasi pag nagiging nega ka
Motivated parang mas natritrigger yung utak mo. Alam
mo yun? So parang more on tumingin ka
lang sa positive side ng life. Kasi dadating
talaga yung point na may negative or may
mga tao na negative or may mga
masasamang masasabi. So, ahm… much
better kung titingin ka nalang dun sa
positive side ng life.”

(“Just be positive, because when you’ll think

negatively, you’ll be more triggered. You
know that? So, just look at the positive side
of life. Because there will be point that there
are negative or people that are negative or
they’ll say something bad. So, hmm…It’s
better to just look at the positive side of life”)
-Participant C
"I’m proud na yung parents ko ganun kaya
kahit ano sabihin nila, okay lang sakin."

(“I’m proud that they were my parents so

even though whatever they say, it’s okay”)
-Participant D
 32

“Parang sinusubukan ko din pakinggan

yung side nila, kasi minsan siguro may hindi
ako naiintindihan, pinapakinggan ko kung
ano gusto nilang sabihin about LGBT, pero
ayun lang, hanggang dun lang, hanggang
pakinig lang ako. Hindi ko na sila sinasagot
ng ganito ganyan kasi nga, for sure mauuwi
yun sa argumento”

("I try listening to their side, because maybe

I may not understand, I listen to what they
want to say about the LGBT, but that was it,
I just listen.I don't confront them anymore
about things, because for sure it will just
lead to an argument")
-Participant F

Theme 1: Individual Upbringing

Authoritative Upbringing

Through the participants’ statements, the researchers were able to find that

five of the participants had authoritative upbringing. Generally, the participants felt

fortunate that they grew up in a guided yet open household that allowed them to be in

a path where they could become the best version of themselves without worrying

about not fitting into what their parents’ ideals. It led to the participants developing

good social skills, self- confidence and emotional control:

“Balanse and pagpapalaki sakin kaya alam ko kung kelan ako dapat

maging pormal at kung kelan ako pwede maging malaya.Pwede ko sabihin

sakanila lahat, nakakausap ko sila tungkol sa mental health. Kahit tungkol sa

suicide.”

"I was pretty balanced while I grew up so I know how to… I know the

times that I have to be formal and I know the times that I have to be like… I

know when I can be free which is all the time naman. I can tell them

everything like when it comes to mental health or umm what else… or even

suicide."
 33

The illustrative text above supported how the participants experienced

growing up in an open-minded household where they were able to talk about

sensitive topics such as mental health. It showed how the parents encouraged

expressing themselves and raised them to have the strength to talk to them openly. It

made the participants feel safe with talking to their parents which is evident when

they were able to talk about suicide despite it being a highly misconstrued and

delicate subject. Also, through assessment of the participants’ overall answers, the

researchers gauged that generally, the participants were given standards or limits

from their parents:

“Ayun, like medyo strict siya pero at the same time hindi rin naman

kasi pinapayagan din naman nila ako gawin yung gusto ko pero tinuturuan

parin nila ako kung ano yung tamang asal.“

“It was sort of strict but at the same time it wasn’t because they still

allowed me to do what I wanted but at the same time they still taught me

good morals. “

The text above showed how the participants were given rules and limits while

at the same time were given support and guidance from their parents. The statement

corroborated with the participants feeling free and in control despite describing their

parents as strict. They were happy with their situation and even grateful because

they were taught about good morals.

Through the participants’ answers, the researchers were able to deduce that

most of them grew up with an authoritative style of upbringing. They were brought up

by parents that listened to what they had to say, allowed and even encouraged them

to talk openly and to think for themselves, guided them, nurtured them and were fair

and just with how they taught discipline. The upbringing style they grew up with led

them to feel in control with their own lives and helped them develop positive feelings

towards themselves which showed with how they talked about their family and
 34

childhood. The type of upbringing they encouraged them to act independently and

become self- disciplined so that even without their parents, they would still be mindful

of the rules and morals taught to them.

Authoritarian Upbringing

One of the participants showed a different experience in upbringing, this

participant grew up with an authoritarian style of upbringing.

"Mabibigat yung kamay nila. Yung nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataon

na, may hindi kami pagkakaintindihan lalo na sa papa ko."

“They have violent tendencies. There are times when we have

misunderstandings, especially with my papa”

The statement above supported how the participant felt that her upbringing

was authoritarian as obedience was enforced without setting proper and fair

expectations. The participant also felt that the growing up, the relationship lacked

understanding which led to recurrent misunderstandings.

The participant experienced corporal punishment rather than positive

reinforcement when making a mistake or doing the opposite of what the parents

wanted. The parents did not explain or help the participant understand what they

wanted, and why they wanted it which led to a lot of misunderstandings between

them. The participant felt that growing up, there was little warmth and nurturance.

The upbringing led the participant to develop a detached relationship with the

participant’s parents. Feelings of anxiety and low self-esteem can also be seen with

the participant.

Theme 2: Thoughts and Perception on their own family

Strong Family orientation

 35

The researchers found that five participants in the study indicated that they

had strong family orientation. It includes how they perceived their family, feelings

towards their parents and their relationship with each other. The participants

appeared to feel admiration and commitment to their parents:

“Di palaging masaya pero may mga times din na dumaan na parang

walang-wala na kami, na parang nawalan kami ng money, May times na

parang nakakalimutan na magbayad ng bills ng kuryente, so one-time

nawalan kami ng kuryente. Pero bumangon yun dada and mama ko. Hindi

palaging masaya, may mga challenges na dumadating, normal lang naman

yun eh kahit saan. Pero ayun sobrang strong lang nun dada and mama ko,

ang strong din nun family namin kasi kinaya namin. Nawalan na kami pero

bumangon sila.”

“It was not always happy, there are times when it feels like we do not

have anything, like we do not have money, there are times when we forgot to

pay the electric bills, so one time we did not have electricity. But my dada and

mama stood up. We are not always happy, there were challenges, that was

normal anywhere. But my mama and dada are super strong, my family is also

strong because we survive that. We lost everything but they got back up.”

The illustrative text cited explained how the participants saw their parents as

unyielding with the problems they would go through. The statements illustrated that

life was not always happy and that was normal, the important thing is standing up.

Those life experiences gave the participants the opportunity to see compassion done

by their parents. The participants also expressed strong feeling of gratefulness to

their family. They perceived their family as their support system- the people who

would always be there for them:

 36

"This family it’s always gonna be there, sila yung parang sa day one

pa lang and a person doesn’t like that, that’s on them. That’s not gonna

change anything for me, ako I’m okay with that"

“This family, it’s always gonna be there. They were the ones that were

there since day one and if a person doesn’t like that, that’s on them. That’s

not gonna change anything for me, I’m okay with that”

The illustrative text emphasized that they recognize that their family would

always have their back like always. They also quoted how unimportant other people’s

opinion regarding them are and it would not affect their views as their child. The

relationship they have with their parents is also strong and that they don’t see the

importance of looking for their biological parents:

“Hmm… maayos naman yung relationship ng moms ko kasi sakanila

talaga ako and never ko kinwestion yung pagkawala ng dad ko kaya di kami

parang nagkaproblems about dun. Close talaga kami.”

“Hmm… My relationship with my mom is fine cause I grew up with

them and I never questioned why my dad left that’s why we do not have any

problems about that. We’re very close”

The illustrative text mentioned showed how the participants saw that having a

good relationship with their parents makes up for what they lost with their biological

parents. They emphasized how they were treated by their parents as a legitimate

child and that it helped them not to have any problems with that. Family orientation

suggested that the participants place more focus and priority on family and

relationship rather than others. Overall, the participants admired and respected how

strong their parents were, they gave importance to the support that their family gave
 37

and lastly having a close relationship with them, resulted to their strong family

orientation.

Weak Family Orientation

The researchers found that one of the participants showed weak family

orientation. It includes how the participant perceived family, feelings towards the

participant’s parents and the participant’s relationship with each other. The

participant felt distant to parents growing up:

"Nung bata ako, parang mas malapit silang dalawa sa akin pero

ngayong lumalaki ako imbis na lumalapit sila sakin parang palayo ng palayo

yung loob naming sa isat-isa”

“When I was younger, it was like I was closer to them but now, instead

of growing closer we are growing farther apart.”

The illustrative text above showed how the participant viewed family which

gave the emphasis of weak family orientation. The participant also mentioned how

the relationship with parents drifted apart while growing up suggested that the

participant have a distant relationship with them.

Theme 3: Thoughts and Perception about being Adopted

Negative Experiences about being Adopted

In general, the participants had negative experiences growing-up adopted

with their parents as same-sex. It includes the experience when they found out that

they were adopted, the bullying they had to go through and their own reactions

towards it. When the participants found out that they were adopted they appeared to

feel confuse about it:

"When I found out kasi na I wasn’t really their daughter. It was an

accident, parang magaaway na ata sila nun kasi parang nadulas lang. Di
 38

nagreregister sakin kung ano yung nangyare, tas umiyak ako. Kasi di ko gets,

kasi syempre ibubully ka diba kasi uso yun, di ampon ka e."

“When I found out that I wasn’t really their daughter. It was an

accident, like they were fighting because it was slip of the tongue. It did not

register that it what was happening, the I cried. Because I do not get it, of

course you would be bullied right? Because it was normal; no, you were

adopted”

The illustrative text cited explained the impact of how the participants found

out about them being adopted. The participants answer generated the confusion

emerged from their discovery that they were adopted. The participants also showed

bullying as form of mockery towards them being adopted and having lesbian parents:

“Nabully po talaga ako, yung tipong mag sama kayo ng tomboy mong

nanay sabi nila san yung tatay mo ganyan. Ganyan yung mga pinsan mo,

lahat sila ate ***, nasan yung daddy mo, nasan yung daddy mo,

mararamdaman mo na, ay oo nga pala wala pala akong tatay na kinalakihan

so sino ipapakilala kong tatay pag may nag tanong.”

“I was really bullied, that kind when they said, ‘stick with your lesbian

mom’ they said, ‘where’s your father?’. It was your cousin, every one of them,

‘where is your father, where is your father? You woudl feel like, yes I do not

have a father that brought me up, so who would I say that my father is when

someone asks?”

The illustrative statements cited above showed the experiences of the

participants being bullied for having lesbian parents and being adopted. The

statements showed how they looked for a father figure to avoid these kinds of

bullying. In total, the participants felt negative experiences when they were young

being child of lesbian parents adopted. The researchers discovered that adopted
 39

children with lesbian parents received different kinds of ridicule from different people

around them, this somehow gave them variety of feelings about it.

Positive Feelings about being Adopted

From the gathered data of the participants showed that they have positive

feelings about being adopted by their parents. The participants appeared to be

thankful and happy that they were adopted by their parents when they were still

babies:

“Kung hindi nangyare na binigay ako sa kanila parang hindi ako, hindi

capable yung nagbigay ng buhay sakin tapos sila tinanggap nila akong

buong-buo, tinuring nila akong tunay na anak, binihisan nila ako, pinaaral nila

ako. Parang nakakaproud na yung pamilyang parang pinagkait sakin nung

unang pagkakataon, nahanap ko sa kanila.”

“If I was never given to them, the people who gave me life isn’t

capable but they accepted me wholeheartedly, treated me like their own

child, gave me clothes, sent me to school. The family that I was deprived of

the first time, I found in them.”

The illustrative text cited explained the participants thoughts and perspective

about them being adopted by lesbian parents. Generally, the participants saw that

being adopted was their second chance of having a family and that their lesbian

parents accepted them as their own child which they were thankful for. They also

realized if it was not for them, they could not have been what they were right now.

The participants also present that they had not feel that they were adopted by how

their parents treat them. The researchers deduced that the participants were grateful

about having their foster parents as their family.

Theme 4: Opinions on Societal Norms

Negative Labelling
 40

The participants pointed out that negative labelling was a reality in the

Philippines and that they feel sad and disheartened because of that. They elaborated

on those that discriminate and use terminologies for the LGBT without taking into

consideration how this would make others feel and if they are comfortable with it:

"Kasi yung ibang tao insensitive sila sa mga pwedeng sabihin sa mga

tao. Minsan yung term talaga na “tomboy” nakaka- offend talaga yun para

sakanila. Mas okay sakanila yung lesbian, tibo, bisexual. May negative padin

talaga.”

“Because people are insensitive of what they say to others.

Sometimes the term “tomboy” is offensive for them.They prefer to be called

lebian,tibo or bisexual. There is really still some negative.”

The text above showed how the participants viewed that the different terms

usually used with the LGBT community was offensive and insensitive. They felt like it

did not represent them the way they want to and that it was full of misconceptions

and stereotyping. The participants showed that the issue was something very close

to them and that it was one of their advocacies since they somewhat belong to the

world of the LGBT.

Recognizing Progress Regarding the LGBT

After examining the participants’ answers, the researchers came to the

realization that the participants recognize the progress in the LGBT movement. The

participants felt that although there was still a long way to go, society in general has

advanced. More and more countries were now adjusting laws and beliefs to slowly

accept the LGBT:

"I am happy with the current situation or experiences of the LGBT

community kasi a lot of countries are becoming progressive na"

"I am happy with the current situation or experiences of the LGBT

community because a lot of countries are becoming progressive already.”

 41

The text above showed that the participants felt positive towards society

becoming more developed and open. They recognized the change happening in

different countries and that acceptance was slowly coming.

Generally, the participants showed gratefulness for society’s effort for the

LGBT community’s fight for equal and just rights. They could see that little by little

different countries have been having a change of heart with their previous

disagreement with what the community has been fighting for.

Negative Feelings towards the Current Traditional Beliefs of the Philippines

Most of the participants gave answers that showed that the current traditional

beliefs here in the Philippines have somehow affected them. After analyzing the

answers, the researchers came to the realization that because they see themselves

as allies of the community, they also feel affected with the actuality of the negative

treatment towards the LGBT community here in the country:

"There should be a separation of church and state. Sabihin natin na

ayaw ng religion niyo samin, okay kahit di kami magpakasal sa church basta

makapagpakasal kami like in the government. Alam mo yun? In LGUs,

papers. Kasi ang hirap talaga when hindi ka kasal and then you get into an

accident, sinong tatawagan? Hindi pwede yung ano, hindi pwede yung

partner mo kasi you’re not legally "

“There should be a separation of church and state. Let us say that

your religion does not agree with us, it was okay we do not need to be

married in the church just as long as we can be married in the government.

You know that? In LGUs, papers. It was really hard when you’re not married

and you get into an accident, who will they call? They could not call your

partner because you were not recognized legally.”

 42

The illustrative text above showed how the participants feel about current

traditional beliefs here in the Philippines. It supported the stand they have with

regards traditional beliefs contradicting the rights of the LGBT community. The

statement agreed with how they have feelings of frustration and how they believe it is

unjust and not fair for the community.

The answers of the participants helped the researchers came to the

understanding that the disagreement the country and government have with regards

traditional beliefs and what the LGBT community fights for affected even the children

of lesbian parents nevertheless. The researchers noticed that whether the issue

directly affected them did not matter as they act as allies towards the community and

supports the cause they are currently fighting for.

Gender Bias in School

Families with lesbian parents were not the usual in the Philippines, despite

there being a growing number of LGBT households. After analyzing the answers

given by the participants, the researchers deducted that most of the participants have

experienced school norms or school related activities going against or not agreeing

with their family structure:

"The teachings kasi especially in school na ang man and a woman

lang ganyan. Bumabangga siya.. What my teacher would say, ganyan…

sobrang traumatic talaga like I feel like that’s one of the reasons I got like

distant with religion."

“The teachings especially in school that it should only be a man and a

woman, it collides.What my teacher would say, it was very traumatic for me. I

feel like it was one of the reasons I got like distant with religion."

The statement above supported how the participants experienced conflicts

with the set of norms in school related activities. The participants experience having
 43

to defend their family to the traditional teachings they conduct in school. The

statement also corroborated with the fact that the conflict causes trauma and stress

to the participants.

The participants showed a pattern of having experience situations where they

or the people in their family felt anxious and troubled with school related activities

that required them to be in public and be vulnerable to negative remarks or attacks.

Their parents tried to protect and shelter them from the harsh reality they have faced

as members of the LGBT community by avoiding and educating their children.

Theme 5: Adjustments Caused by Societal Norms

Self-serving Adjustment

Based on the garnered data, the researchers found that the participants

adjust with the reactions they received by prioritizing themselves rather than giving

importance to another people’s opinion. It also suggested that their attitude is

focused to themselves or loved ones:

"Masasaktan ako pero pagtatanggol ko yung mothers ko kasi wala

naman silang masasamang ginagawa eh. So siguro naman okay lang if

paninindigan niya or mabubuhay sila sa kung ano yung gusto niya, kung san

sila masaya. Kung gusto niya maging lesbian, kung gusto niya maging

masaya then why not diba. Bakit natin sila pagbabawalan or idodown sa kung

san sila masaya.”

“I’ll get hurt but I’ll defend my mothers because they were not doing

anything wrong. So, I guess it was okay if they would stand for or live

according to what they want, where they would be happy. If they want to be a

lesbian, if they want to be happy, then why not? Why should we forbid them

from something that would make them happy.”

 44

The illustrative text cited suggested that the participants may somehow be

affected by the predicament they receive but they still look at it as something that

would not hinder their parents’ and family’s happiness. The participants also

expressed how it is normal to do whichever people like as long as they were happy

about it. The answer of the participant were able to understand how they adjust was

based on their stand to protect their loved ones, especially their family. One factor

that help them to be vocal to what they stand for was based on the fact that people

should be happy no matter what they choose in life.

Sociocentric

The researchers found another subtheme that also emerged from the

participants answer. The data gathered showed that some of the participants also

gives importance to other people’s opinion rather than defend their own points. The

participant felt that it’s okay to let other people say what they want:

"Go with the flow lang ako. Kung san masaya tao dun. Bahala sila."

“I just go with the flow. Where people would feel happy. It’s up to them.”

The illustrative text cited explained how the participants’ mindset was happy-

go-lucky wherein they just conform with other people’s opinion to solve a problem. It

expressed that the participants deal with reactions by simply letting other people

comment about it or to avoid arguments and confrontations. The researchers

saw that the participants who showed sociocentric adjustments tend to let other

people speak of what they want to avoid stress and arguments between them.

Theme 6: Own Family Related Coping Mechanisms

Action Motivated

Most of the participants showed what the researchers would call an action

motivated type of coping mechanism. Through careful assessment of the answers

 45

given by the participants during the interview, the researchers were able to find

patterns of coping that was focused on taking actions.

"I know my parents more than they do. Wala lang iniisip ko yun, siguro

may onting ano, may pagkamaldita na sure ka ba jan, makikipagaway ka ng

onti pero at the same time dimo pa din ipupush na. so pala-away ako pero I

know my boundaries lalo na yung sa ganun"

"I know my parents more than they do. Sometimes I think that I

become stubborn. I fight them a little but at the same time I don’t push. I tend

to fight but I know my boundaries especially when it’s like this.”

The illustrative text above corroborated how the participants feel when they

were put into a position where their family was being attacked or affected specifically.

It supports that the participant would be coping through taking action. They cope with

reactions directed to their family by taking steps to defend what they know, and feel

was right from people that were ignorant about the reality of living as a member of

the LGBT community.

After careful examination of the answers, the researchers perceived a pattern

of action motivated coping mechanism from four of the participants. It meant that they

chose to do something and act on the reactions or comments they receive with

regards to their own family. Most of the participants mentioned defending their family

through arguing and educating those who are misinformed and close minded towards

lesbian parents and the LGBT. While some mentioned learning to put their foot down

and letting go of those they feel have crossed the line.

Emotionally Motivated

Some of the participants gave answers that the researchers would classify as

emotionally motivated coping mechanisms. Those participants chose to cope through

 46

handling their emotions and feelings. They felt that what other people believe and

understand are out of their hands:

“Sa akin siguro, maooffend ako pero pinipili ko na lang na wag

pansinin, kasi yun yung tingin nila. Yun naman yung kakaiba sa wag mo

silang idegrade, un naman yung right nila na yun yung napeperceived niyo so

yan yung judgment niyo."

“I think for me; I would be offended but I would choose to not mind

because that’s how they see it. That was the difference with not degrading

them. It was their right. That was how they see it, that was how they would

judge it.”

The statement above supported how the participants decided to focus on

themselves and to just let what they heard, whether it was offensive or not, slide.

They felt that it was of no importance and that they have the right to say what they

want. Some of the participants chose to accept what they heard, while some decided

that denial would be the proper way to deal and cope with the comments.

According to the researchers, three out of all the participants displayed coping

mechanisms that can be described as emotionally motivated.In view of the fact that

their coping revolved around handling their emotions towards the reactions and

opinions they heard about their family. The participants who have been deemed by

the researchers to have emotionally motivated coping mechanisms did speak against

or act towards the negative comments from other people.

Theme 7: Coping Mechanisms for the LGBT Community

Action motivated

The researchers found that the participants deal with the reactions and

predicament that were directed to the LGBT community by solving the problem

directly. The participants who showed action motivated coping mechanisms tend to
 47

be more vocal about their opinion regarding the problem, this is their way of solving

it:

"In my system talaga it’s educating kasi ayun nga pinalaki nga ako ng

parents ko to understand people so yeah I settle with that. It’s actually the

only thing we can do. Tapos there’s a lot of stigmas kasi with the LGBT eh

like “Oh my god, dadami na may mga STD” ganun. Eh parang, una safe sex.

Second, alam mo yun? Ayun ang daming stigmas so I’m gonna go back.

Let’s educate people."

“In my system it’s educating because that was how my parents raised

me to understand people, so I would settle with that. It’s actually the only

thing we can do. Then there’s a lot of stigmas because with the LGBT, like

“Oh my god, there’ll be a lot of STD”. Like, first safe sex. Second, you know

that? That was it, there was a lot of stigma so I’m gonna go back. Let’s

educate people”

The statement of the participant showed how the participants gave

importance upon solving the problem by explaining it directly to the source of the

problem. The coping mechanism helped the participant to avoid and handle the

stress that they were going through. The researchers noticed that for the participants

with action motivated coping mechanism it was important to imposed what was the

right mindset that a person should have, in their own way they endorse the right

mindset by educating people.

Emotionally Motivated

According to the participants answer they had emotionally motivated coping

mechanisms that helped them handle the problem. The participants felt that they

should fight more silently rather than escalating arguments with other people:
 48

“Positive lang, kasi pag nagiging nega ka parang mas natritrigger

yung utak mo. Alam mo yun? So parang more on tumingin ka lang sa positive

side ng life. Kasi dadating talaga yung point na may negative or may mga tao

na negative or may mga masasamang masasabi. So, ahm… much better

kung titingin ka nalang dun sa positive side ng life.”

“Just be positive, because when you would think negatively, you

would be more triggered. You know that? So, just look at the positive side of

life. Because there will be point that there are negative or people that are

negative or they would say something bad. So, hmm…It was better to just

look at the positive side of life”

The illustrative texts showed how the participant handle the problem by

staying positive rather than directly solving it. They also emphasized how other

people would always say negative things about them so they should always see the

silver linings despite being mock by other people. They mentioned how being

negative about the reactions of other people trigger the negative thinking you already

have. The researchers encapsulated the desire to have peace they reframe the

stressor they have in positive terms.

DISCUSSION

This discussion of the phenomenological study of children with lesbian

parents is divided into seven themes with 5 main areas: (1) Individual Upbringing; (2)

Thoughts and perception of the participants regarding their own family & being

adopted; (3) Thoughts and perception on societal norms; (4) Adjustments caused by

societal norms; and, (5) Own family related coping mechanism & LGBT community
 49

coping mechanisms. It was followed by insights to support the lived experiences of

children with lesbian parents.

Individual Upbringing

Individual Upbringing can be defined as how a child was raised. In the study,

the researchers identified two types of upbringing evident in the participants,

authoritative and authoritarian upbringing. According to Baumrind's (2019) child

parent behavior study, authoritarian parenting is characterized by providing low

nurturance, not encouraging independence, little to no patience for misbehavior,

demanding rules, and utilizing punishments without explanations (Cherry, 2019). As

one of the participants described, “They have violent tendencies. There are times

when we have misunderstandings.”, authoritarian upbringing lacks warmth and

encouragement. It showed in participants the researchers observed to have parents

with tendencies to use corporal punishment and have formed detached or aloof

relationships with their children. Participants that were raised in this type of

upbringing were also perceived to lack self-esteem, tendencies to conform easily and

feelings of anxiety. They were also shown to do well in school. It was in accordance

to Baumrind’s (2019) and Tim Kasser’s study that considered the effects of

authoritarian styles of parenting (Rosli, 2014; Smart,2019).

Majority of the participants gathered for the study displayed an authoritative

style of upbringing. Those participants have parents that encouraged openness and

independence with their children. The relationships they have with their parents can

be described as warm, nurturing and supportive. Those participants displayed a high

level of self-esteem, well developed emotion regulation, social skills and to view

gender type traits in a more flexible way. Again, it was in accordance to the research

done by Baumrind (2019) about authoritative parenting (Rosli, 2014; Smart, 2019)
 50

Thoughts and Perception of the Participants regarding their own Family and

being Adopted

The thoughts and perception of the participants regarding their family

structure appeared to corroborate with how the participants’ lesbian parents brought

them up. Thoughts and perception are referred to how recognize objects and

interpret them in their sensory impression in order to give meaning to the

environment (Reitz, 1973; Ciarrochi, 2013). The participants thoughts and perception

of their family structure relates to their relationship with their parents, how they define

what family they have and their feelings about their family structure. The upbringing

of the participants is related to their thoughts and perception regarding their family. It

is because their family belongs to their microsystem. According to Ecological

Systems Theory, microsystem encompasses the relationships and interactions a

child has with their immediate surroundings. In this case, the participant’s

microsystem was their family. At this level, relationships had impact in two directions

- both away from the child and their parents. Influencing the thoughts, beliefs and

behavior of the child by their parents and the child influencing the thoughts, beliefs

and behavior of their parents. It encapsulated that the relationship of the participants

with their parents impact their thoughts and perception about their family resulted into

having a strong family orientation and weak family orientation. The researchers

formulated those terms in order to measure the strength of their family orientation. In

the study, family orientation was a principle that puts family at the center and focuses

on their values, strengths and relationships (Steemit, 2018). The participants showed

that they were more family centered rather than believing into what other people tells

about their family. The participants that exhibited strong family orientation had a

close relationship with their parents, saw them as their own role model, viewed their

family as conventional family and valued their family. While the participants that

exhibited weak family orientation suggested distant relationship with parents.

 51

After assessing the study, another variable emerged as part of the

participants thoughts and perception about their family structure, the reality of being

adopted. Those were negative experiences being adopted and positive feelings

about being adopted. The study showed that the participants being adopted by

lesbian parents centered them to being ridiculed by other people but they also saw

that they are lucky having adopted by lesbian parents. In conclusion, five out of six

participants showed that negative insights by the society did not affect the thoughts

and perception of the participants with their family. Adoption do good things because

it gives children a second chance of experiencing enduring family relationships when

birth parents cannot care for them and no other reasonable options are available in

the wider family (Thornbery, 2015). Thus, allowing the participants to see that being

adopted by lesbian parents was giving them another chance to have a family.

Thoughts and Perception on Societal Norms

Through analyzation, the researchers were able to find a pattern from their

answers regarding their opinions on societal norms. Social norms can be defined as

the shared opinions and beliefs that exist within social groups and are maintained

through group approval and disapproval (Mackie et al., 2012). Parsons’

Structural−Functional Perspective defined society as an organism motivated to avoid

and refuse change as to maintain itself in a state of balance or equilibrium (White, et

al., 2018). The participants’ answers showed similarities in observing gender

discrimination and negative labelling towards the LGBT community. They expressed

opinions on how the community is treated unfairly in the workplace and how common

terms used to address the LGBT and different labels were offensive and insensitive.

Most participants also conveyed recognizing society’s progress regarding the LGBT

but still feeling disheartened with the current shortcomings. A specific example of the

shortcomings mentioned was the legality of same-sex marriage in the Philippines,

which had both direct and indirect effect on the participants. While conducting the
 52

interview, the researchers observed how strongly and passionately the participants

felt with the topic. The statement was consistent with the observance of them acting

as an ally towards the LGBT community and their family. The participants also

showed similarities in experiencing school related activities colliding with their beliefs

and their family structure. The researchers gauged the participants’ thoughts and

perception regarding societal norms because according to Family Theory and

Parent-Child Relationship, the stability and health of a family may be dependent to

how well they adapt to societal changes (White et al., 2018). As observed, the

societal norms mentioned by the participants have affected them, whether it was

direct or indirect. The researchers also noted that generally, the participants are

aware of how society’ traditional beliefs and views collide with the LGBT and families

with lesbian parents.

Adjustments Caused by Societal Norms

Through the study, the researchers developed two adjustment that the

participants used to handle conflict with their thoughts and perception of being a child

of lesbian parents which were self-serving adjustment and sociocentric adjustment.

Adjustment is in core the building of attitudes or the changing of the environment so

as to meet the dissatisfied motives (Mckinney, 1949; Jaureguizar & Bernaras, 2018).

Two adjustments were derived from the participants; self-serving means how the

participants were free of tensions from societal norms by prioritizing their own

perspective about the problem while sociocentric exhibits how participants tend to let

society think of what they want to avoid stress and arguments between them.

Through it, the researchers were able to conclude how the participants adjust to

society’s view so that they may either solve or avoid their problems. As observed

generally the participants tend to be more sociocentric when it comes to adjusting to

societal norms.
 53

Own Family Related & LGBT Community Coping Mechanisms

Coping Mechanism are the things people do when faced with situations that

may cause stress or trauma to help them manage (Huljich, 2012). Through

examining the answers of the participants, the researchers perceived two types of

coping mechanisms used by the participants when faced with reactions or stress

inducing situations directed to the LGBT and their family. The researchers decided to

use the terms action motivated and emotionally motivated to represent the two

different coping mechanisms observed in the participants. The term action motivated

coping mechanisms were derived from the proponent of J.A Litman which mentioned

problem- focused and emotion- focused coping. Problem- focused coping includes

handling the source of the stress while Emotion- Focused coping involves handling

the thoughts and emotions related to stressor (Merril et al., 2012). Through the

participants’ answers, the researchers determined that when the reactions were

towards the LGBT community, half of the participants manifested action motivated

coping mechanisms. Those participants resort to taking actions to address the

opinions they receive. They generally respond through taking part in arguments and

educating others. They see themselves as an ally of the LGBT and feel the need to

address reactions directed to the community. The other half of the participants on the

other hand, address the reactions by focusing on how their emotions were affected

and what they need to do to handle it. The researchers noted that participants who

adhere to this type of coping were observed to use positive reinterpretation,

acceptance and denial to handle the opinions other people give regarding the LGBT

community.

A difference was observed when the participants were to talk about coping

with reactions directed to their family. Most of the participants resorted to action

motivated coping mechanisms. Upon receiving opinions about their family, those

participants coped by engaging in arguments, readying themselves to defend their

family, explaining their situations and letting go of those that they felt have crossed
 54

the line. It was consistent with active coping and planning. On the other hand, there

were some participants that used emotionally motivated coping mechanisms, their

answers were in accordance with positive reinterpretation and acceptance. As

observed by the researchers, some participants changed how they coped when the

reactions were specifically directed to their family.

In conclusion, the researchers observed that the participants in general have

a positive and appreciative view of their experience as a child with lesbian parents.

They were also vocal towards their support for the LGBT community and mainly open

minded. Overall, the researchers come to the realization that the participants have

experienced a positive existence as a child in a non-conventional family structure.

Reflexivity

As an inborn Catholic, Filipino and a Psychology major student, I observed

while conducting the study how much ridicule and discrimination people of the LGBT

community received from different religion in our country, especially from my own

religion. With being said so I greatly saw the other side of the coin representing the

people of the LGBT experienced which made me sad that unequal rights were given

to them but on the other hand I was also astonished by the strong and courageous

characteristic of the LGBT community showed. It was inspiring to see that their

perspective about their experience is still optimistic. I also saw how much vocal they

are to let the Philippines know that they also have the right to be a normal human

being. They were also committed upon educating others to end stigma they received

and still receiving. It was something that helped me realized that even those who are

not part of the LGBT can be supportive towards the cause they are fighting for. Being

part of a conventional family, I saw how my parents struggled every day to be a good

example for us, and they are my role model, just how our participants in this study

saw their parents despite the mockery and discrimination they received.
 55

Thea Marie J. Andres

Researcher

I, as a Cisgender, Filipino and Psychology major felt that the study would

reflect on one of the current issues in the Philippines, which is how the LGBTQIA

community here in the country has been struggling with their fight for equal rights. I

feel and believe in the necessity of the separation of church and state as I observed

how my country has been tolerant yet unfair to the community, which can be

observed with how long the SOGIE bill has been in interpellation. I know that one of

the reasons why my country has been disapproving and close minded with the

LGBTQIA is because of our conservative and catholic culture. I am a firm believer in

equal rights and that everyone should have them. However, while conducting the

study, I was impartial as a researcher and remained loyal to the objectives set for the

study which was to document the actual life experiences of children with lesbian

parents. After the research, I realized how important the cause is to the LGBT

community and the people that support them. I witnessed people advocating the

cause at every chance they got. I appreciated and respected their dedication to

making the world a safer and better place for their community.

Maria Angelica M. Lopez

Researcher

Recommendations

As a researcher, I recommended that those who would choose to partake in

studies regarding the life experiences of children with lesbian parents to look for
 56

more male participants as the study payed more attention to the experiences of

female participants as they were more accessible for us during the time of the study.

I would also suggest increasing the number of participants compared to what our

study had achieved as it would give the future researchers more samples of

individual life experiences and would showcase a more in-depth reality of the

experience as a child with lesbian parents. I would also like to suggest imploring in

rural places for possible participants as the experience there might be different from

the experience in an urban community or place. The study focused more on the

parenting of lesbian couples which was why I would suggest having children raised

by gay parents as possible participants in order to see a different view from the

study. I would also propose considering a different research design such as a case

study or narrative to have a further and more extensive viewpoint into the experience

of the future participants.

Implications

The findings of the study had implications that future research on this topic

could be directed towards studying the religion of the participants. The results of the

study showed that growing up as a child with lesbian parents in a predominantly

catholic culture may affect how they view their relationship with religion. The data

gathered also suggested that the feelings or lack thereof, of the adopted child of

lesbian parents towards their biological parents and feelings towards being adopted

might affect their overall life experience. Another factor seen by the researchers

through analyzing the data gathered was the role of the financial capability of the

adoptive lesbian parents in the lives of their children. Another implication of the study

was researching more about the personality of the children since the participants in

the study showed some patterns of similarity with regards to their character. Another

possible area of research would be looking into the future goals of the participants.

From the data gathered in the study, the researchers have seen some that have
 57

goals that relate to their experience as an ally of the LGBT and as a child with

parents from the community.

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