Bethers 1

Ben Bethers
IB English
McKay Period 4
4 December, 2021

Is Toxic Masculinity Real?

Roberto Ferdman sat in the waiting room, awaiting a diagnosis for his baseball injury.

After the doctor brought him in for examination, Roberto was asked to give his pain on a scale

from one to ten while the doctor applied pressure on various spots of his foot. Although Roberto

could recall “each one [was] more painful than the last... the numbers I uttered barely nudged,

moving up from 5 to 5.5, and then from 5.5 to 6” (Ferdman). When the results came back from

an x-ray, Roberto was informed that his ankle had been fractured. When the doctor came in to

discuss treatment, Roberto remembers being told, “There was no way the pain was less than an

eight” (Ferdman). As Robert clearly was in significant pain during the examination, why did he

still decide to give an intentionally lower score? Unfortunately, there are other men like Roberto

who downplay their pain. When recalling his doctor’s visit later, Ferdman regretted his choice to

underscore his pain and when writing later about why he did it, he attributed it to feeling like he

needed to appear manly. His decision to downplay his pain helped no one, so why did he do it?

Like Roberto felt a pressure to appear tough, many others have experienced the same thing as a

result of toxic masculinity, or the expectation of men to suppress emotional and physical pain in

order to appear in control. In modern society, many people, like Roberto, have noticed that toxic

masculinity is unhealthy because it encourages men to suppress their true pain. However, much

of the media has exaggerated the influence of toxic masculinity saying that it has led to severe

consequences such as violence. Although it is clear that toxic masculinity is problematic, it

clearly does not exist to the extent that the media says that it does.
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First and foremost, it is important to understand how toxic masculinity is a real issue in

today’s society. Generally, toxic masculinity is when men are encouraged to conform to a certain

brand of masculinity in toxic ways. This version of manhood typically entails keeping up a

facade of being immune to emotion or injury and always being able to handle your problems.

Generally, toxic masculinity is most intensely encountered when men face difficult challenges,

emotional or physical. If these challenges lead to any show of emotion or sign of “weakness”

like crying or anxiety, men will sometimes be told to “grow up and be a man” or “grow some

balls”. Such phrases directly convey that, in order to be a “real man”, it is necessary to never

succumb to emotion, even when it would be healthy to do so. Furthermore, not “being a man”

can lead to being called derogatory names like “sissy” or “wimp”, which imply that a man is

weak for giving into pain at any extent. This behavior is widely accepted as toxic, or harmful, to

men who experience it because it encourages keeping up an emotionless facade. As Kali

Holloway, in her article, “Toxic Masculinity is Killing Men: The Roots of Male Trauma”, she

aptly says, “boys are not only told they should suppress their emotions, but that their manliness

essentially depends on them doing so” (Holloway). This can clearly have some detrimental

consequences down the road, teaching men not to express emotions early on can lead to an

inability to express emotion later in their lives. Despite this, many boys and men who are victims

of toxic masculinity feel it necessary to sacrifice their emotional health to maintain an

appearance of strength. Moreover, it is important to realize toxic masculinity is not only

encountered in adulthood, children can face toxic masculinity at a very young age. Kali

Holloway continues her article, recalling an interview with a psychologist named Terry Real. She

says, “Little boys internalize this concept early; when I spoke to Real, he indicated that research

suggests they begin to hide their feelings from as young as 3 to 5 years old. ‘It doesn't mean that
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they have fewer emotions. But they're already learning the game—that it's not a good idea to

express them,’ Real says” (Holloway). It is alarming that such an unhealthy behavior extends to

children, who are less aware of consequences to their decisions. It is likely that children, who

also have very malleable habits and personalities, will think being “masculine” is a good thing

and will embrace the behavior as they grow into adults, failing to see that this will be harmful to

their mental health. Holloway accurately explains why exposing boys to a behavior as dangerous

as toxic masculinity is so dangerous. She explains, “The result of all this—the early denial of

boy’s feelings, and our collective insistence that they follow suit—is that boys are effectively cut

off from their feelings and emotions, their deepest and most vulnerable selves. Historian

Stephanie Coontz has labeled this effect the ‘masculine mystique.’ It leaves little boys, and later,

men, emotionally disembodied, afraid to show weakness and often unable to fully access,

recognize or cope with their feelings” (Holloway). It is even more evident from this quote that

indoctrinating boys with such a harmful practice when they are young because it teaches them

early on to pretend they are immune to emotion. Such behavior being developed at a young age

can foreseeably lead to circumstances like men and boys internally suffering from emotions that

they will not express outwardly. From all of this, it is clear that toxic masculinity does exist and

poses a real problem to men and boys who fall victim to it. However, although it is apparent that

toxic masculinity is a problem and it is important to realize the threat it poses, it is also essential

to not go too far and over exaggerate its danger.

Although it is clear that toxic masculinity is a problem, there is an unfortunate trend in

modern society in which society over exaggerates the influence of toxic masculinity. In his

article titled “The Hard Adrenaline Soaked Truth about ‘Toxic Masculinity’”, author Frank

Miniter quotes an advertisement from Ithaca College for a workshop that solicited teaching
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people how to resist toxic masculinity. Miniter notes, “This workshop’s goal is to help ‘willing

individuals to begin to recognize, acknowledge, own, and disrupt the toxicity of manhood in

order to end violence’” (Miniter). Immediately in this advertisement, there are several, common

presumptuous claims that are made against toxic masculinity by the media. The first comes when

the commercial declares that one of the steps to fighting against toxic masculinity is that

everyone “own” their responsibility for contributing to toxic masculinity. This is an

overconfident claim which not only tries to assert that all people are responsible for toxic

masculinity, but also toxic masculinity is everywhere. Another harmful claim of this

advertisement is that toxic masculinity is synonymous with violence. This is an incredibly bold

statement that has massive implications. Making such a claim moves toxic masculinity from a

threat only to someone's personal emotional health to encompass being a threat to others in a

violent manner. Such bold claims are obviously bold and make out toxic masculinity to be very

dangerous. However, there is one glaring problem with these claims, they don’t have any

evidence. Unfortunately, in today's society there are many similar pieces that make similarly

unsubstantiated claims. Minister continues his article, quoting yet another college, Duke

University’s, workshop which is hosting the same type of workshop as the last college. The

advertisement reads, “‘Examine the ways we present—or don’t present—our masculinities, so

we can better understand how masculinity exists on our campus—often in toxic ways—and

begin the work of unlearning violence’” (Miniter). In this commercial, the same unsubstantiated

claim that the last advertisement does, that toxic masculinity inherently leads to violence.

Furthermore, the very same article from earlier, “Toxic Masculinity is Killing Men”, by Kali

Holloway, makes the same bold claim that the previous advertisements made, that toxic

masculinity inevitably leads to violence. She states, “Statistically speaking, the number of
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addicted and afflicted men and their comparatively shorter lifespans proves masculinity is

actually the more effective killer, getting the job done faster and in greater numbers.

Masculinity’s death tolls are attributed to its more specific manifestations: alcoholism,

workaholism and violence” (Holloway). Holloway makes a claim that toxic masculinity not only

leads to violence, but it causes death, a claim which she makes especially clear in her title “Toxic

Masculinity is Killing Men”. For such a serious claim, the audience would reasonably expect

evidence from Holloway, especially because she begins her quote by saying “statistically

speaking”. However, as with the other advertisements, there are no statistics to be seen, the only

supporting evidence Holloway gives to her claim is that afflicted and addicted men have higher

mortality rates. While the evidence itself is certainly true, it in no way is correlated with her

claim and most certainly does not support it. Holloway does not explain or prove any connection

between toxic masculinity and addiction or affliction. Anyone who has an affliction of addiction

is going to have higher mortality rates no matter what because they have existing conditions that

directly cause death, regardless of whether or not toxic masculinity is present. Using Holloways

logic, it could easily be said that “Addicted and afflicted women having a higher mortality rate

means that femininity causes death”. Even though her reasoning is inherently flawed, Holloway

still intends to push that toxic masculinity and its effects are far beyond what they actually are. It

is clear from this and the previous examples that many people in the media are making

unsubstantiated claims, expecting their audience to only believe them on their word. This is

academically dishonest and dangerous because it supports the idea that toxic masculinity is much

more influential than it actually is. This proves that the media is actively trying to over

exaggerate the toxic masculinity, but that in reality, toxic masculinity is not so dangerous or

widespread as the media says it is.

Moreover, the media and society not only exaggerate the reach and effects of toxic

masculinity by making unfounded claims, but they also downplay the values that actively

compete against toxic masculinity. In his article, “The Hard Adrenaline Soaked Truth about

‘Toxic Masculinity’”, author Frank Miniter points out another flaw in the claims of the media.

He notes:

They say telling young men to ‘man up’ or ‘grow a pair’ is making young men do violent things.

They say old-school patriarchal elements of society are pushing them to prove themselves to their

peers in destructive ways. Man’s caveman traits, they argue, run toxic with adrenaline unless our

young men can swear off being men.

Never mind that these academics are ignoring thousands of years of things like Christian virtues,

Confucian principles, knightly conduct and gentlemanly codes developed and used to channel

boys’ natural aggression in positive ways as mentors show them how to be stand-up men living a

chivalric code (Miniter).

In this excerpt, Miniter points out something key when it comes to understanding how the media

exaggerates toxic masculinity. It is crucial to understand from this clip that the media fails to

mention the values that fight toxic masculinity such as gentlemanly codes and chivalric values.

When discussing toxic masculinity, it is essential to acknowledge the healthy practices that

protect against toxic masculinity. Leaving out such values out can create an illusion that toxic

masculinity runs rampant in today’s society, while in reality there are social expectations that

teach men to be responsible, compassionate, and mature. Rather than ignoring these values,
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society and the media should be emphasizing on them and how they can fix toxic behaviors.

However, rather than promoting these behaviors like they should, the media ignores them for

fear that mentioning them will be perceived as condoning masculinity. It is evident that the

media is overcorrecting toxic masculinity. Failing to mention these values makes it appear as if

toxic masculinity is more dangerous than it is, which serves only to exaggerate the effect of toxic

masculinity in modern society. Rather than trying to exaggerate toxic masculinity and

overcorrect, it would be best to simply encourage the values that fight toxic masculinity. Society

can do this by emphasizing on the importance of chivalry and owning up to mistakes rather than

ignoring these values. Overall, this would help correct the effects of toxic masculinity while

ensuring that society does not over correct for it and thus reject the positive effects that come

with healthy masculinity.

All in all, toxic masculinity is clearly a problem in today’s world because it encourages

men and boys to downplay pain in unhealthy ways. However, it is also equally important to

understand that, while toxic masculinity poses a threat to the health of men and boys, it is not as

big of a problem as the media makes it out to be. While it is necessary to acknowledge toxic

masculinity and try to fix it, it is crucial that society does not overreact to it. It is also important

to focus on the positive things of regular masculinity and to encourage healthy traits in men and

boys that will inspire them to be better people in the future.

Works Cited

Ferdman, Roberto A. "The Perils of Being Manly." The Washington Post, 28 Mar. 2016,

www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/03/28/what-happens-when-a-manly-man

-has-to-go-to-the-doctor/. Accessed 10 Dec. 2021.

Miniter, Frank. "The Hard, Adrenaline-Soaked Truth About 'Toxic Masculinity'." Forbes, 18 Jan.

2017,

www.forbes.com/sites/frankminiter/2017/01/18/the-hard-adrenaline-soaked-truth-about-t

oxic-masculinity/?sh=7f2e8e6a2be5. Accessed 10 Dec. 2021.

Holloway, Kali. "Toxic Masculinity is Killing Men: The Roots of Male Trauma ." Salon, 12 June

2015,

www.salon.com/2015/06/12/toxic_masculinity_is_killing_men_the_roots_of_male_trau

ma_partner/. Accessed 10 Dec. 2021.