Parental Alienation - 3 Signs To Look For
Parental Alienation - 3 Signs To Look For
Parental Alienation - 3 Signs To Look For
The concept of parental alienation was first put forth by Dr. Richard Gardner in 1985.
Parental alienation primarily occurs during a high-conflict divorce in which the child
identifies strongly with one parent, usually the custodial parent. The other parent is
hated and rejected without any justifiable reason, such as abuse.
This alienation is engineered at the hands of the alienating parent, who often pressures
the child to go along with their hatred of the other parent. The alienating parent
programs the child to despise their other parent by criticizing the alienated parent and
interfering with their relationship.
While the alienated parent obviously suffers in this situation, the child does as well. The
child experiences the loss of their alienated parent like they would a premature death of
a parent. The child is also likely to feel neglected and angry. They may take on traits of
the alienating parent, such as lack of empathy and rigid thinking.
Parental alienation can be classified by its severity, from mild to severe. Treatment will
depend on the symptoms and severity.
Mild
Mild parental alienation is marked by a child who is resistant to visiting with the
alienated parent but enjoys spending time with their parent once they are alone
together.
Moderate
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A child with moderate parental alienation will strongly resist any contact with the
alienated parent and maintains resentment and opposition during their time with
them.
Severe
In cases of severe parental alienation, the child may not only strongly resist any contact
with the alienated parent but may also run away or hide to avoid having to visit with
them.
If you’re worried your child may be experiencing parental alienation, here are some
signs to watch for:
Unjust Criticism
No parent is perfect, some may even lose their tempers or even yell at their children,
and all children get mad at their parents at times. Children with parental alienation,
however, will criticize you severely and without cause.
They rarely or never have anything good to say about you. If they do have fun with you,
they may ask you to keep it from their other parent.
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As much as they criticize you, your child will staunchly defend their other parent. They
have extreme “black and white” thinking. Everything you do is bad, and everything
their other parent does is good. They will deny that the alienating parent has influenced
them and claim their feelings are all their own.
No Feelings of Guilt
While most children who get mad and say hurtful things to their parents will feel sorry
and apologize later, children with parental alienation feel no guilt about their
mistreatment of you.
They feel justified in their hatred and may even extend it to include your entire family.
Their criticism and harshness may include your parents and siblings as well.
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You may also benefit from a parenting coordinator, such as through a parenting class, to
help you and your ex to better communicate and support your child’s relationships with
each other.
If this is done, the child may be placed with you and the other parent will be given
supervised visitation, at least temporarily.
It’s important to recognize parental alienation in its early stages because the treatment
for the more severe stages may do more harm than good. If reunification is forced and
the child sees it as a punishment, it could cause lasting harm. Children who are taken
away from the alienating parent may feel more helpless and experience further
traumatization.
If you think your child may have parental alienation, seek professional help. Start with a
therapist who understands parental alienation and can work with you to formulate a
plan to help your child.
WebMD Medical Reference
Sources
SOURCES:
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: “Practice parameters for child custody evaluations.”
Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers: “Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Review of Critical Issues.”
Journal of the Canadian Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: “Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the
Ties That Bind.”
Journal of Child Custody: “Recommended treatments for “parental alienation syndrome” (PAS) may cause children foreseeable and
lasting psychological harm.”
Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics: ”Parental alienation syndrome: A family therapy and collaborative systems
approach to amelioration.”
Journal of Divorce and Remarriage: “The Linkage Between Parental Alienation Behaviors and Child Alienation.”
Journal of Family Medicine and Disease Prevention: “Parental Alienation: Handbook for Mental Health and Legal Professionals.”
Pediatrics: “Helping Children and Families Deal with Divorce and Separation.”