Beyond Tuesdays

Tim Lee
Dr. Langan
COMM 221
December 4, 2020
Beyond Tuesdays
The part of the course that resonated with me the most was talking about how to be
assertive and the differences it has when being compared to aggressiveness and
non-assertiveness. The distinction and explanation in class about assertiveness really helped me
understand how I can express myself without regretting what I do or being so self-conscious. In
the presentation, there was a general assertive "bill of rights," and the two rules I really have tried
to apply in my life is "assert oneself even though it may inconvenience others" and "say no
without feeling guilty." Those two really stuck out to me because, for me, those would be
considered to be aggressive and selfish on my part. Thoughts such as "causing a scene" or
"unnecessary conflict" are the first things that pop up when reading the assertive bill of rights.
However, when talking to my roommate about the subject, he helped me realize that it really was
selfish for someone not to assert themselves even if it meant causing some conflict and that one
should feel guilty for not standing up for themselves and expressing their true feelings on a given
topic. For some reason, my mind has made me think that being assertive is the equivalent of
being aggressive, and that simply is not the case. When we let our true thoughts and feelings be
clouded by judgment or negativity, we are not only letting ourselves down; we let others down as
well. It may seem like we are "letting it go" or "being the bigger woman/man," but in reality, we
just don't want to feel responsible for the conflict. When we are not afraid to voice our opinion, it
allows for productive conversation as well as encourages others to speak up for themselves as
well.
Tim Lee
Dr. Langan
COMM 221
December 4, 2020
When talking about my communication skills, I often have trouble finding the middle
ground between being too aggressive as well as being non-assertive. With close friends and
family, it's not hard for me to escalate the situation and be very out-spoken. In fact, when conflict
arises, I actually embrace it rather than avoiding it or trying to ease the situation. However, that
leads me to forget the emotions and thoughts of siblings, parents, and friends and think of only
myself. When someone close to me tells me, I'm wrong or that is something I shouldn't do, my
first instinct is to protect and justify myself, rather than asking them to help me understand what
they find troubling. Rather than being constructive conflict, it becomes a one-sided argument.
We talked about how conflict includes interdependent parties and expressed emotions, and at
times when conflict escalates, I forgot about the other party. However, when it comes to people, I
do not know very well, the way I approach conversation changes. I choose not to express myself
and avoid anything that may raise conflict in the conversation. When someone says something
that I do not like or particularly agree with, rather than speak up, I choose to stay silent. And
based on what friends have said to me when first meeting me, it makes them feel that I don't
want to be there and don't want to talk with them. For me, I want to grow in being able to find
that perfect mix between expressing myself in a way that is not too overbearing but not
completely gone. Being able to grow in the way I assert myself will help me in my future job,
relationships, as well as self, because being actively intentional with how I assert myself will
help me understand how I am impacting those around me as well as how I am bettering myself
and image.
Tim Lee
Dr. Langan
COMM 221
December 4, 2020
The one relationship that I want to see growth in is with one of my high school friends
that I often engage in conversation. Although we enjoy each other's company and talk with each
other often, it seems every time we meet up, at some point, the conversation escalates to an
overblown argument, and we turn on each other. We only want to express ourselves, and both of
us seem to have no regard for each other, and it just leaves a bad feeling whenever that argument
ends. And while we both have matured from high school freshman, we still find ourselves flaring
our emotions upon each other. I want to be able to engage and talk about the concepts of
assertiveness and conflict and help each understand what we both could improve and learn from
each other. Being able to look over the 5 steps of assertiveness and talk about how we can apply
that to our own relationship would immensely help our verbal communication with each other.
While it is okay to be differentiating opinions, I think both of us would want to have a civilized
and productive conversation, rather than just fighting over petty topics. This conversation of how
we deal with conflict in this relationship will hopefully become a positive turning point and
increase the quality of our friendship.

Beyond Tuesdays

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Tim Lee

considered to be aggressive and selfish on my part. Thoughts such as "causing a scene" or

increase the quality of our friendship.

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