WHAT

MATTERS?
AND
WHAT
MORE?
50 Successful Essays for the Stanford GSB and HBS 
(and Why They Worked)

Written by In Partnership with

Jeremy Shinewald and Liza Weale John A. Byrne
 Paul: Shhhh! Can You Hear Me Listening?
Many applicants have preconceived notions about how a great HBS essay should read. A candidate
could be forgiven for thinking something along the lines of “HBS wants to see ferocious, unyielding
leaders who achieve the impossible,” but the idea that most applicants would fit this mold is
unrealistic. Reading this guide should prove that point! In this essay, which is one of our absolute
favorites, the applicant writes about a superpower that effectively plays directly against the
aforementioned perceived HBS “type.” Rather than being the kind of leader who raises his fist and
screams, “After me!,” he listens and is continuously improving his ability to listen, while developing
an enormous well of empathy in his dealings with others. In managing a complicated family
dynamic, he realizes the importance of truly paying attention to what someone is saying, and he
adroitly hones this skill through challenging community work, which itself equips him to solve
personal and professional problems. Throughout, the applicant creates a narrative that is deeply
thoughtful and calming. His voice in the essay gives the reader the sense that he is a fundamentally
introspective person who draws power from reflection. But do not try to simply replicate his voice
in your essay. What is critical is finding your own.

By Jeremy Shinewald

26 “What Matters?” and “What More?”

As we review your application, what more would you like us to know as we consider your candidacy
for the Harvard Business School MBA program? (Word count: 1,213)

Despite all we had been through in recent years, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect when I asked my
mother one summer evening in Singapore, “What role did I play during those tough times?”

In 2014, a pulmonologist in Singapore, where my parents live, told my father he had three months to
live. The only solution was to undergo a complete double lung transplant in America—a precarious,
logistically complex, and financially burdensome procedure. Despite the daunting news, I sprang
into action and spent weeks researching options. I channeled my inner Product Manager and
delegated aspects of the research and planning to different family members, creating dozens of
spreadsheets detailing our to-dos. We then waited patiently for the call.

After months of nervous anticipation, I received word from the hospital that a matching donor
lung had been found. We hastily grabbed our “go bags” and rushed to the hospital. The 10-hour
surgery, though harrowing, was a stunning success. Assuming my work was done, I flew home
to San Francisco with an enormous burden lifted. In the subsequent months, though, my mother
would call me almost every day crying. Sometimes she was upset that my father—struggling with
his recuperation—wasn’t appreciative or, worse, was harsh with her; other times she was stressed
by the body- and mind-numbing labor that goes into postsurgical care. I listened and would tell
her that everything was going to be alright, but no amount of reassurance seemed to make her feel
better. To be honest, I had to wonder if it actually would be; there was no clear end in sight, and
1 In just a few short paragraphs,
everyone’s patience was running thin. 1 we have learned of a life-changing
medical miracle, and one would
expect the applicant’s story to be
There’s a saying in Chinese: “Amongst the hundreds of virtues, filial piety is the first in line (百行孝
fundamentally uplifting, but he
為先).” I had been there for my father and did not want exhaustion to prevent me from supporting then reveals the challenges that
my mother, who had given up her career and dedicated her life to raising and supporting her arose afterward, which serves as
an opening to a discussion of his
children. One evening, I stumbled upon an opportunity to volunteer at Helping Hands, a suicide
subsequent growth. After all, this
prevention hotline that focuses on providing emotional support. I knew that helping strangers story should not be entirely about
would be rewarding in itself but also thought the program could expand my own perspective and his father’s surgery but about
how the experience shaped his
help me guide my family through this emotional crisis, so I signed up on the spot.
perspective.

I had never encountered any experience as intense, rigorous, and grueling as Helping Hands.
Helping Hands volunteers go through an active listening boot camp, with dropout rates higher than
the Navy SEALs. After all, there is no room for error when you’re taking calls on a suicide hotline.
After months of relinquishing all weekend hours to training, I took my first call: a teenage girl who
just wanted to “be a kid and go to school” but had to work to financially support her chronically ill
parent. My first instinct was to respond with phrases like, “it’s ok, don’t worry,” but training taught
me that platitudes prevent the caller from feeling heard. Instead, an active listener must validate
the callers’ feelings and ask open-ended questions, empathetically steering the conversation
“towards the pain.” Rather than avoiding sensitive topics, active listeners get to the root of suffering
through deliberate dialogue.

“What Matters?” and “What More?” 27

 Taking over 500 calls at Helping Hands, I learned how judgment and excellent listening skills are
incompatible, especially when the other person holds views or values that are completely diametric
2 The applicant uses simple
language to clearly explain the to yours. 2 For example, I will never forget the call from a serial pedophile who had nobody to turn
nature of effective listening and to except for us. Helping Hands requires operators to treat every caller equally and with empathy,
its inherent power. He also shows
no matter how you feel about them. So, I cast aside all presumptions and focused on talking to
remarkable dedication—500 calls is
no small feat! the caller like an old friend, listening to what he had to say and unraveling the struggles he was
wrestling with. By helping him get troublesome thoughts off his chest, I could only hope that I
helped reduced the chances of him reoffending. Practicing empathic listening with these callers
3 The applicant could have chosen
not to discuss how his empathy enabled me to understand and connect with humans who are vastly different from me. 3
extended to such a controversial,
even socially unacceptable,
Working with Helping Hands also taught me the importance of knowing my own emotional limits,
individual, but this example
illustrates the true depth and so I learned to practice self-care as a means to engage others. I started journaling regularly and
effectiveness of his skills. In became far more open to being vulnerable. Having inherited a stoicism from my father, I had to
explaining that he spoke with
take an honest, critical look at myself in order to manifest this shift. When I allowed myself to truly
the caller as though he were a
friend—in hopes of minimizing the unmask my feelings, I started to find real strength and resilience within. 4
likelihood that the individual would
reoffend—the candidate is not
As I came to these realizations, I began to incorporate them into phone calls with my mother. I
lauding his abilities as a panacea
but illustrating how he uses his withheld advice and simply listened actively, validating her feelings and allowing her to unpack her
listening skills and empathy to emotions. Slowly but surely, brick by brick, she began to piece her own life together in her own way.
optimize outcomes.
She allowed herself to leave my father’s side and instead to focus on her own well-being. She picked
up yoga and made new friends at her local church. A year later, she even took a solo trip to the UK to
4 In simple, plain language, the
applicant shows that he is capable attend a retreat at a monastery.
of looking inward, critically
analyzing himself, and then
Since my time volunteering at Helping Hands and supporting my mother, I’ve also incorporated
responding with targeted personal
growth initiatives. Improving one’s active listening into my professional life. When I discovered that a teammate was struggling to
core characteristics can often keep up with her programming tasks, instead of jumping to conclusions, I put my active listening
be challenging—the candidate
skills to use. She confided in me that she felt her manager had neglected her and that she had been
credibly conveys that he is capable
of true personal growth. struggling with personal issues outside of work. After talking through her concerns, we made
an action plan that would allow her to get back on track. I followed up with her consistently and
supportively, and a year later, she was nominated to become a technical lead.

In another instance, two executives with disparate opinions on our fraud management strategy kept
talking past each other. One believed that Square should fight fraud using internal resources, while
5 The applicant details how he the other wished to leverage multiple external vendors. When the conversation reached an impasse,
applied his listening skills to defuse
I used my active listening skills to paraphrase each person’s position so both executives felt heard
and then simplify a professional
problem. Some readers might
and followed up with open-ended questions to ensure the issues at hand were sufficiently explored.
consider his ultimate solution, a I steered the conversation out of stalemate, and the executive team reached a multilateral solution—
time-bound test, almost plainly
to conduct a time-bound test of the potential systems before choosing a path. The following day, the
obvious, but the key here is not so
much that the applicant found a
CTO commended me on my approach and my diplomacy. Active listening allows me to work and
way to resolve the issue but that understand people at a level that is simply unattainable if all I do is listen passively or speak without
he was able to do so in large part
thinking. 5
because of his thoughtfulness.
His ability to listen well engenders
trust in others.

28 “What Matters?” and “What More?”

So, with this new perspective on personal growth, I found myself one quiet evening chatting with
my mother, looking back at how far we had come from those trying times. She briefly pondered my
role amid our family crisis. Against the sounds of cicadas in the humid Singapore air, she looked
at me and replied, “you were my lifeline through my darkest times, listening to me day after day
without fail.” In the end, the best way to support my mother had been to provide her with the
scaffolding from which to reconstruct her own life.

“What Matters?” and “What More?” 29

 Andrey: Getting Outsiders In
Andrey faces the unenviable task of needing to somewhat distract the admissions reader from
his past, but not for the red flags you might imagine. On the contrary, his pre–business school
credentials, including an analyst role at a prominent investment bank and a subsequent associate
role at a fast-growing private equity firm, are very compelling. In fact, both HBS and the Stanford
GSB allocate an impressive number of their seats to applicants from this very pool. Yet therein lies
the problem: the path of “banker-to-investor-to-MBA” is incredibly crowded, which complicates
such candidates’ efforts to stand out. Everyone in this group has worked on a “big deal,” pulled
an all-nighter, and stepped up to pinch-hit in the role senior to them. HBS has heard these stories
many times before! So, if you are part of this pool, what do you do?

The answer is to share things the school will not readily know about you rather than those it will!
Andrey focuses his essay on the importance of community and how he strives to contribute to his.
Although he mentions his work, it serves merely as a backdrop, and he discusses neither deals
nor transactions and instead reflects on mentoring more junior analysts and building a new tool
to benefit his entire group. Andrey thereby avoids characterizing himself as “just another finance
applicant” and showcases traits that HBS might not be able to assume in reviewing his resume—
compassion, humility, initiative, and empathy.

Andrey’s essay also exemplifies the old adage that the whole can be greater than the sum of its
parts. None of Andrey’s stories on their own would likely be sufficient in convincing HBS that he
is the stuff the school’s future alumni are made of. Yet by mentioning several examples (some
bold and character building, others—such as his effort to drum up interest in his office’s March
Madness tournament—smaller in nature), each of which deals with a slightly different challenge or
learning, Andrey conveys his earnestness and proves to HBS that his dedication to strengthening
communities will enable him to the very sort of leader the school desires.

By Liza Weale

30 “What Matters?” and “What More?”

As we review your application, what more would you like us to know as we consider your candidacy
for the Harvard Business School MBA program? (Word count: 885)

I emigrated from Eastern Europe at the age of eleven without speaking a word of English. Enrolling
in the 7th grade at a local public school, I was lost. No one helped—especially not the two other
Eastern Europeans who seemed to enjoy watching me struggle. The more I was excluded, the
stronger my commitment to learning English and dropping my accent became. I did whatever
it took—watching the Olsen twins’ movies with my mother on weekends and reading ESL books
during recess. As my English skills improved, so did my friendships. I initiated conversations—
risking ridicule for my accent—and asked to join my classmates’ activities. Soon, I no longer had to
ask to be included. In the 8th grade, my classmates gave their final proof of acceptance by electing
1 Being elected class president one
me as class president. 1 Instead of staying on the outside looking in, I invested in friends, the year after arriving at a school in a

culture, and the language. I had finally made America feel like home. foreign land must have felt like a
tremendous stamp of approval.
Note, however, that Andrey does
The next time I had to make a new place feel like home was in college. Though I had the language not focus too much on this success.

down this time, I again knew no one, so I immersed myself in student life. The organization I Perhaps he recognized that in the
eyes of the admissions committee,
was drawn most to was Student Government which emphasized building an inclusive community
the achievement occurred too
above all else. I loved contributing to the sense of connectedness through planning and executing long ago to dwell on; perhaps he

events such as the school-wide semi-formal, the annual gingerbread house competition, and our is humble and does not consider it
as significant an accomplishment
first carnival, a timely break right before exams. When elected as Community Lead, I shifted
as the reader might. Whatever
my focus to advocating on classmates’ behalf. I saw firsthand how my classmates were finding the reason, his choice ultimately

connections through our campus clubs. However, upon taking a closer look, I realized that many strengthens the power of the
example.
of my classmates felt that clubs could be improved. I investigated their issues; the themes I heard
were inconsistent: “Not enough of a budget to get our word out there! Not enough help from the
administration!” I launched an effort to help, putting together a proposal for the Senate Finance
Team that showed the need for increased funding. I slowly built buy-in with the faculty chairs of the
committee and ultimately defended our ask in front of the Dean of Student Life. As a result of my
dedication, clubs were awarded increased budgets, and a new full-time staff member was added to
liaise with the clubs. Not only was UPenn now home to me, but I had also changed that home for the
2 Theme-wise, Andrey’s college
better for current and future students. 2 story here is similar to his eighth
grade story (starting on the
outside, becoming a leader within),
Starting out as a stranger in my own communities, I’ve discovered that I take joy in helping others
but he takes this one a step further
get on the “inside” faster. 3 Throughout college, in addition to my roles in student government, I by explaining how he made a lasting

pursued positions as a Teacher’s Assistant (TA) for three professors and as a Welcome Member impact on the budget process. If
you use the thematic approach in
giving tours of the campus to prospective students. As a mentor to underclassmen, there were the
your essay, make sure that each
easy tasks like editing a resume and explaining how to utilize Excel. But I’ve learned that helping story reveals something new or

others requires real dedication. After Alexander, a student with a learning disability, failed his more about you.

accounting course, a professor asked me if I would help him with the class as he retook it. He
3 Note that only here at the start
needed much more of me than students I’d TA’ed—I created new materials better suited for his of paragraph three does Andrey

needs and started fresh, reviewing each individual concept with him. When he passed the class, state his thesis, but given what
he has shared of his journey thus
I may have been happier than he was. Now, I’m helping Alexander navigate his first year in the
far, we already understand why
professional world. community is so important to him.

“What Matters?” and “What More?” 31

 Today, I still invest deeply in building a sense of community and connections. My side sessions with
fellow analysts on complicated modeling and new accounting topics led to me being selected as one
of two first-years at BankCo to tutor the summer analysts. Two years later and they’re contacting
me for guidance as they embark on the buy-side recruiting process—guidance I’m happy to provide.
At Private Equity Partners (PEP), I introduced new energy into the March Madness and World
Cup pools, replacing the generic email updates with my own 5-minute stand-up routine every
Monday—drawing together partners and associates alike. As a UPenn alum, I’ve created panels and
networking events to help current international students understand the visa process, a maze that I
worked through myself years prior.

I also continue to make my mark on my “homes”: prior to leaving BankCo, I saw an opportunity to
improve communication between industry groups and the M&A defense team by creating a website
for defense team requests. On top of my regular responsibilities, I made the case for the investment
and managed two technology developers in creating a website that is now used across the entire
investment bank. At PEP, I championed the Tech Team Offsite, an opportunity to brainstorm
sourcing strategies and new sub-sectors for investment. In addition to the new investment theses
we articulated, the offsite served as a mechanism to further develop the relationships between
junior members and senior advisors of the team.

My experiences have shaped the type of leader I am today—one who believes strongly in the value of
culture and connections and one who seeks change that will help a broader group. I know what it’s
like to be on the “outs”—I strive to make an impact on others by helping them be on the “in.”

32 “What Matters?” and “What More?”