CH APTER 26

o matter how much we like to think we are independent or different, we cannot

N avoid the fact that we care about the opinions of other people. That is natural.
The more important a person is to us, the more his opinion matters. During child-
hood, our parents' opinion is the one that we value and that affects us most. Because
we want to be loved and accepted by our parents, we try to do as we are told, con-
form to their mores, fulfill their expectations and make them happy.
As we grow older, we come to value the opinions of our peers - that is, those who
are in the same age group as ourselves. It is then that we start to experience "peer
pressure" to conform to the values, fashions, opinions, and mannerisms of our peers.
Conflict often arises between the values of our parents and those of our peers. We ask
ourselves, "Which values shall I adopt, those of my parents or those of my friends? In
whose eyes is it most important for me to be accepted? Do I really know who I am?"

What i~ pe.e-r- pr-e.~~vr-e.?

Like most things in life, peer pressure can be good or bad. Good peer pressure
may push us to conform to a higher standard than we might otherwise. Bad pressure,
on the other hand, may push us to do something we feel is morally wrong. This
pressure comes in many different forms, some subtle, some not. It may be expressed
through looks and comments, or through actions such as ignoring a person or even
ostracizing him. Occasionally peer pressure is enforced with the threat and fear of
violence.
The reason why peer pressure exists is that individuals within a group wish to
maintain a certain standard to which all the members of the group will conform.
Without this conformity there will no longer be a group, since the members will n o
longer have a common identity.
Peer pressure may affect us in different ways. On the simplest level, we experience
peer pressure in the way we dress. For example, a conventional businessman wea rs a
suit and tie. If he turned up at the office one day without a tie, people would look at
him as if he were undressed. Among our friends and associates, there is pressure to
wear a certain kind of clothing - maybe jeans with a particular label, or a certain
kind of footwear. We may feel uncomfortable being different from those we regard as
our peers. The same applies in other areas. There is pressure to use a certain kind of
language or to hold certain opinions in order to be a ccepted. This is where we a re
most challenged. Do we remain silent because we are afraid to contradict the views of
our peers? How can we keep our integrity and not end up feeling one thing, saying
another and doing still another?
Usually matters involving peer pressure are more complex than the externals of
dress. In fact, peer pressure even influences the way the global community operates.

201
 - MY JOURNEY IN LIFE: A STUDENT TEXTBOOK FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT -

Governments are put under pressure by other governments to conform to certain

universally accepted standards of human rights and international law. In a demo-
cratic society, the government needs to consider public opinion, for loss of the
people's trust can lead to the loss of power.

Gtood pu.r pre:.~~vre:.

Good peer pressure helps to maintain society. The members of every community
are expected to behave in a certain way. For example, within the scientific commu-
nity there are standards that all
scientists are expected to meet - in
particular, intellectual honesty. It is
a terrible crime for a scientist to
falsify his results, since this misleads
the whole community. Thus, there is
considerable peer pressure for
people to be honest. The findings of
individual scientists are checked by
their peers to make sure they are
accurate. A scientist who is found to
have cheated no longer will be
respected, and his other work will
also fall under suspicion. His name
and reputation will be tarnished.
Within a community, people are
expected to treat their neighbors in
a certain way without being told,
. reminded or asked outright. Imagine that a family blasted their radio at an intoler-
able volume every night from midnight until three in the morning. What do you
think would happen? In what way would they be pressured by their neighbors not to
behave in such a selfish manner? Should it be necessary to call the police, or do you
think that this behavior could be corrected within the community? This is one of the
ways that peer pressur~ is good. It keeps people from acting as
Evil prospers when good men do they please in ways that harm the community, and thus in
nothing. many cases such pressure restrains people from hurting one
- Edmund Burke
another. Without such good pressure to behave in a certain
way, society would quickly disintegrate into complete anarchy.

Bad pu.r pre:.~~vre:.

Often we may feel pressured by friends or associates to conform by doing or
saying things we know to be wrong. We may be expected to smoke, to drink, to
behave in a certain way, to treat others disrespectfully, or to keep quiet when we
know that something wrong is going on. Often bad pressure is exerted by people who
are insecure. They know that what they are doing is wrong, but they feel that if they
can persuade others to behave in the same way or implicate others in their bad
activities, they will be justified. A person who refuses to "play the game," however, is
seen as a threat because he will not give up his higher standard. This makes the
people who are involved in a wrong activity feel judged. Thus, much of the problem
comes from the insecurity of those who don't know deeply who they are and so try to
find their identity in a group. A person who doesn't conform not only threatens the
group's identity but also unmasks the superficial identity of its individual m embers.
Although people of all ages have to deal with peer pressure, it is felt especially
strongly by teenagers. Adolescence is a time of life that is exciting and filled with

ZOB
 - Peer Pressure -

possibilities. There are many things one feels newly capable of doing and wants to
try. Relationships are able to grow to new levels, and one begins to discover who one
is and what one's capabilities are. But this is also a challenging time, and important
decisions have to be made. Some of these decisions can affect the rest of one's life,
and can be made either deliberately or by default - that is, one either consciously
decides to behave in a certain way or falls into a decision as a result of not thinking
about it ahead of time.
An important thing to remember is that all teenagers are in similar circum-
stances. No matter how confident or secure one's friends and peers may appear,
inside they are probably at least a little unsure of themselves. Everyone wants to look
good in front of others; no one wants people to think that he or she is weak or inse-
cure. Taking a look at the way you have handled peer pressure in the past may help
you to decide how you would like to handle it in the future.

~ow ~hov(d I harid(e- pe-e-r- pr-e-~~vr-e-?

Like many people, you may be wondering how best to handle bad peer pressure.
For each person and every situation, the response may be different. However, you
may find the following ideas useful. The most important thing is to know yourself,
who you are, what your values are, and to be determined to maintain your personal
integrity and self-respect. Next is to recognize what is happening when you are being
pressured. When we can see what is going on, it becomes easier to resist peer pressure.
If you feel that your friends may pressure you to do something you're not sure
about, you may want to take time and think about your true feelings and beliefs. For
example, if you know that some of your friends are planning a party and will be
drinking alcohol, you may want to think about how you feel about drinking before
you are ever in that situation. You may want to make a list in your mind of the pros
and cons, or actually write them down on paper. If you have a good friend, you may
talk to him or her about it.
How do I feel about my friends if they put pressure on me
to drink? I don't feel too good about everybody drinking. I
For example: think we could have a good time together without alcohol. If
What is the issue? they are really my friends, I should be able to just tell them
Drinking with my friends. how I feel, and they should be able to accept that, even if they
How do I feel about drinking? don't agree with me.
BAD
• I hate the taste of liquor and beer. What ar-e- the- Po~~it>le- C.011~e-t"e-11~~ of M~ A-c.-tio11~?
• I hate it when one of my relatives comes You may also consider the consequences of your actions.
over for dinner and gets drunk. This may help you make quick decisions with a more level-
• I don't like the way other people act when headed approach. You may think: How will this affect me
they are drunk. later? How will it affect someone else? What will happen if I
• I think people use alcohol because they don't go along with everyone else? Will my actions hurt any of
don't think they can do without it. my close relationships? What is the issue h ere?
• I want to be able to remember all the things Imagine for a moment that you are with a group of friends
I say and do at all times.
who are having a party at a friend's flat. They are playing
GOOD drinking games, and they want you to join in. Most of the
• I'll be like everyone else at the party, and people playing are drunk already.
they won't give me a hard time about not
drinking. What Mi&it happe-11 if ~ov pla~?
• I might feel more comfortable. K You might get drunk too and not be able to go home,
• I'd like to try drinking sometime just to see even though your parents are expecting you.
what all the talk is about.
- MY JOURNEY IN LIFE: A STUDENT TEXTBOOK FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT -

" You might get sick

from drinking too
much.
" You might start
acting stupid if you
drink too much, and the
other kids might notice.
" You might like
drinking a lot and get
into a habit that you
really don't want to
start.
" The other kids might
think you are cool and
respect you for your
carefree attitude.

What Mi~+ happe-n if ~ov don'+ pla~

" You might get rejected by the others who are playing, and they might call you
a little kid.
" You might feel uncomfortable being the only sober person in a room full of
drunk friends
" You might be able to remain friends with all the other kids even though you'd
rather not drink.
Thinking ahead is difficult, especially when you are in a new or unexpected
situation. You may feel awkward and not know what to do, or you may not know
how to reply immediately. You should take the time, even if only a few seconds, to
think clearly about the implications and possible results of your actions.
Although it is difficult in pressing situations, you should try to be honest with
yourself and others about your feelings. This is a big challenge, yet most people
admire and respect those who are able to say what they really feel. You may even be
the deciding influence for those of your friends who also are not comfortable with
what they are doing. Perhaps they will follow your example. 'Being honest about your
feelings takes a lot of courage. You have to be ready to hear your peers make fun of
you or complain. They may want you to join wh(lt they are doing because they think,
"It can't be so bad if everyone is doing it."

What van ~ov ~f'

" "I feel really bad about doing this."
" "I don't feel good about this."
" "I don't feel comfortable doing this."
" "If I do this, I know I'll be sorry later."
" "I don't think this is right."
" "No, thanks."
Talking to an older person to whom you feel close - your parent, brother or
sister, or other relative, or perhaps a teacher - may help. An older person can give
you a different point of view because he is not directly involved in your situation.

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 - Peer Pressure -

And, although it may be hard to imagine, most of those older than you have been
through something similar- perhaps exactly what you are facing. Make sure to pick
someone you trust and respect, and let him know what you are honestly feeling. Such
a person can encourage you and give you the support necessary to stand up to peer
pressure.

A 1Yve- fr-ie-nd he-fpl; ~ov to be- ~ovr- b~t

.--~-----lf!llll9!ll ____.,..mm1 If you find that what you value is very different from what
your friends value, you may want to consider the reasons you
My best friend tli5 a b6Yfl'len.d now, are friends with them. Can you trust them? Can you talk to
arid •e vet)' night it's. the same ~ing: them about personal matters? Do they respect what you value?
"Please come out with us. If my mom What do you have in common? What do you think is impor-
knows that l'm with you, she won't tant in a friendship? Are they really friends?
mind." I've even had to lie to her Friendship is important to almost every person regardless of
parents on the phone a few times to age, and so deserves serious consideration. In many cases,
save her from getting in trouble. At people have achieved great things because of their friends.
first it didn't bother me, but some- They have found inspiration, support, understanding and
times I really feel like I'm being used, closeness which cannot be found in solitude. But many good
and I especially hate lying to her people also have been corrupted because of their friendships.
parents. I don't want to stop being What kind of friends do you think you have - the kind who
friends with her. I would have a help you to be the best you can be, or the kind who always
rough time in school without her, seem to be doing something you don't like, or who do things
but I hate feeling so pushed to do that hurt you?
and say things I don't feel are right, Although your friends may pressure you to do things that
or just don't want to do. you don't feel are right, keep in mind that you can help them
- Valentina, age 14 to do the right thing too, without acting like a know-it-all or
having a holier-than-thou attitude.
Saying what you firmly believe and encouraging others to
follow a high ethical standard may begin on a basic level (such
as telling people how you feel about making fun of unpopular students), but through
expressing your beliefs in minor situations you are creating a pattern that may
influence many more people in a good way throughout your whole life. You can
initiate peer pressure for goodness!
Many times a real friend may truly appreciate your concern and honesty.
Your friend may be getting involved in something that he or
she feels doubtful about, and will be relieved to hear
what you really think! In some cases it takes only
one person expressing himself honestly to prevent
a whole group of people from doing something
harmful. Your other friends may just be going
along because they are afraid of being rejected
or disapproved of.
Your true friends are more concerned about
you and how things will affect you than they are
about what other people think, so don't be afraid
to be honest. Those people who are true to you
will respect what you feel and not pressure you to
go along with something you know is wrong.

211
 - MY JOURNEY IN LIFE: A STUDENT TEXTBOOK FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT -

~or- Yovr-
Jovntal . Describe an occasion when you experienced bad peer pressure and how
you felt about it afterward. What else might you have done?

M~n'c; Sc-~vdi fov Mc-~ni~

b~ Vlk.tov- rYartk.l

As the existence of each man is different from the existence of

others, man himself is unique ....
The uniqueness of each man and the peculiarity of each life are
indispensable parts of the meaning of human existence. The peculiarity
in question must be distinguished from a superficial difference to others,
because the latter has no value in itself. The fact one person differs from
another by fingerprints does not make them unique.
So when we say that due to its uniqueness a human life is not
meaningless, we mean a different kind of uniqueness.
The existence of man as a personality means his absolute difference
to others. For the peculiarity of each person means they are different
from other people.
Thus man cannot be considered as an element of any system of a
higher order - in this case he would inevitably lose the quality by which
human existence is marked - the feeling of dignity. It is most clearly
manifested in the phenomenon of the mob. A mob in itself has neither
consciousness, nor responsibility. ...
Hiding and discovering in a mob, a man loses his most important
quality - responsibility. On the other hand, when he takes up a task
proposed by society, he achieves quite a different thing: His responsibility
increases. A real community is in fact a community of responsible person-
alities; a mob is just a lot of depersonalized beings.
The really human begins in man when he acquires freedom to
oppose the dependence on the depersonalized collectivism of a mob. For
only there, in that freedom, in the feeling of his free and responsible
existence, a genuine man appears.

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