Why Is It So Hard To Leave A Bad Job

Careers
Why
Bad Is
Job? It So Hard to Leave a
by Marlo Lyons
September 21, 2023
Anton Vierietin/Getty Images
Summary. If you’ve ever been in an unhealthy work situation, you probably know
how hard it can be to leave. Leaving a bad job is never easy, and each person’s
breaking point is different, so beating yourself up over why you stayed so long in a
traumatic situation won’t help. But... more
Have you ever been in a bad employment situation but couldn’t

bring yourself to leave? Nearly every client tells me about trauma
they experienced at work, whether it’s an unsupportive or
deliberately cruel manager, a company implementing policies
that are unfavorable to employees, continuous layoffs creating
stress and anxiety, or politics that left them feeling devalued.
Yet they stayed, some for years, even though they knew their work
environment wasn’t healthy. Here are five reasons it’s hard to
leave a bad job — and what to do about them.
Loyalty to your “work family”

Working at a company for a long time can create a sense of loyalty
to the organization and team members. My client, Beatrice (not
her real name), worked for a law firm for more than 15 years and
expected to be made a shareholder. But she learned she was
rejected from partnership. “The lightbulb went off, and this was
never going to be my company. I have given my life to these
people, and they didn’t value me that way. I had to decide, did I
want to start over and try to become a shareholder somewhere
else?” That was the breaking point for her, but even with an offer
in hand from another firm where she would be a shareholder, she
still struggled to depart. “I felt tremendous guilt leaving my old
firm. I celebrated every major holiday with them. Two partners
are my kids’ godparents. It was like my family.” In the end,
Beatrice weighed her loyalty to the firm against the firm’s loyalty
to her, which helped her decide to accept another firm’s offer.
What to do about it
Recognize that companies hire you to use your skills and
capabilities to provide a service. If you’re no longer providing the
value the company expects or the company changes its goals and
your skills are no longer needed, the company will let you go.
Now, reverse that logic. Look at how you’re serving the company
through the lens of what you need to feel fulfilled and valued in
your job. Determine if the company is still providing the value to
your life that you need and deserve.
Some questions to ask yourself include:
Is the company providing me benefits and development

opportunities that will enhance my career and life?
Are the company’s policies inclusive of my specific needs?
Is the company recognizing the value I’m bringing with more
money, a promotion, partnership, or some other important
recognition that matters to me?
Every company-employee relationship is about loyalty and

commitment on both sides, not just achieving goals and
collecting a paycheck.
A cult-like atmosphere
When you join a company, everyone is working toward a common
mission or goal. If the company has a righteous mission such as
helping people be healthy, successful, happy, or helping to sustain
the earth, then employees feel like they’re contributing to the
greater good of humanity or the world. Deciding to leave the
company can feel selfish or even traitorous, like you’ve “given up”
on the collective mission.
Even if the company isn’t making big impacts on people or the

world, the inside atmosphere is about collaborating to achieve a
goal together. That feeling of being a critical part of a team or
feeling “strong” because you can withstand any suffering to
achieve the goals becomes addictive and diminishes the
damaging aspects of the job.
When I worked as a TV news reporter, when someone left the

business to move into PR or another field, everyone talked about
them as giving up or not being able to “cut it.” But the person who
left knew they were escaping long hours, working weekends and
holidays, low pay for extraordinary effort, and stressful daily
deadlines. They were seeking more for their life in alignment with
their values.
What to do about it
If you’re feeling an intense camaraderie that prevents you from
leaving what you know is an unhealthy work environment, take
some time to define your what’s important to you and determine
whether those values are being fulfilled in the job — separate
from the company’s needs.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to make that

determination:
What’s important to me at work, and how do I define what that

means?
Which values are being consistently honored or violated?
Is there anything I can do to ensure my values are honored?
For example, if being respected is a value and you define it as

having your ideas heard and considered, but your manager
consistently talks over you or ignores your ideas, your value is
being violated. Can you discuss with your manager why this value
is so important to you and influence it being honored? If not,
you’ll need to decide whether the company mission is more
important than your values.
Nostalgia for what the company was

When you join a company and have a great experience for months
or even years, you’re fully engaged in your job. Then change
happens, whether that be a new leader, new structure, or a shift in
strategic direction, and you may struggle to cope with it.
These kinds of organizational changes can result in feelings of

shock, denial, frustration, and depression. If you find yourself
struggling to accept and adjust to the changes over time and find
yourself saying, “I don’t want to leave because I really love the
company” instead of “I don’t want to leave because I love my job,”
then you may be stuck in the past, hoping the company will revert
to what it once was.
What to do about it
Change is hard, so give yourself time to adjust and process what it
means for your job. After you’ve accepted the change, take an
objective look at whether the present situation still fulfills your
values and career goals. If you’re still struggling in your job post-
change, consider the following questions:
What was the company like when I joined, and what is the
company reality today?
What would make the environment better for me?
Can I make any additional changes or requests to fulfill the
values that are no longer being fulfilled?
Companies, teams, and leaders all change — often especially as

companies grow. It’s up to you to determine whether you want to
live in the present reality or a past that no longer exists.
Equity handcuffs
Some employees receive equity grants in a company, such as
RSUs or stock options. Stock grants vest over a period of time,
usually years. Therefore, after suffering a distressing work
environment, you may feel even more strongly that you deserve
to wait out that vest for what you’ve been through. But how much
trauma are you willing to endure? Waiting for equity to vest could
be detrimental to your health, so it’s critical to understand
whether it’s worth it.
What to do about it
Determine exactly when and how much you will receive from
each vest at the current stock prices and ask your broker or
accountant these questions if you can’t figure out the answers:
After taxes and option strike price payments, how much will I
receive?
If I walk away from this money or wait until my stock vest, will
this impact my retirement outlook?
What net amount would I need to earn in compensation at
another company to make up for the unvested stock value?
Equity incentives are granted to keep you in the job, and many
companies offer additional grants during your tenure through
compensation programs. Therefore, there’s never a “final” vesting
date. But you can break the never-ending vest cycle if you have an
exit date in mind based on how much you want vested before you
depart and how much you’re willing to forfeit.
Fear
There’s no shortage of things to fear when it comes to making a
job change: Fear you’ll jump into another tough situation, that
you’ll have to prove yourself all over again, that you won’t be able
to make as much money. Fear that you don’t even know how to
look for a job. If you’re feeling beaten down from a bad work
situation, fear can leave you with little confidence that making a
change will lead to a better work environment.
What to do about it
To help you bypass your fears, instead of just dreaming about
what your life could look like in a positive work environment,
deliberately visualize it. Close your eyes and consider the
following when trying to combat negative thoughts and fears:
If I weren’t scared to leave, what would be possible?

What does my new work environment look like, smell like, feel
like?
What kind of support do I need to feel more confident in
making a change?
Finally, think about what advice you would give a close friend
about a work situation that mirrors your own.
...
Leaving a bad job is never easy, and each person’s breaking point
is different, so beating yourself up over why you stayed so long in
a traumatic situation won’t help. But learning from each
experience will empower you to own your career choices and
leave earlier if you find yourself in a comparable situation again.
Marlo Lyons career, executive, and team coach

and the award-winning author of Wanted – A
New Career: The Definitive Playbook for
Transitioning to a New Career or Finding Your
Dream Job. You can reach her at
www.marlolyonscoaching.com.
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Careers

Anton Vierietin/Getty Images

Have you ever been in a bad employment situation but couldn’t

Loyalty to your “work family”

Some questions to ask yourself include:

Is the company providing me benefits and development

Every company-employee relationship is about loyalty and

Even if the company isn’t making big impacts on people or the

When I worked as a TV news reporter, when someone left the

Here are some questions to ask yourself to make that

What’s important to me at work, and how do I define what that

For example, if being respected is a value and you define it as

Nostalgia for what the company was

These kinds of organizational changes can result in feelings of

Companies, teams, and leaders all change — often especially as

If I weren’t scared to leave, what would be possible?

Marlo Lyons career, executive, and team coach

Recommended For You

Flourishing at Work: Our Favorite Reads

How to Make Your Resume Match the Job Description

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