Advice and Trust by Panther2G-AftbyEmA

Advice and Trust
By: Panther2G
Shinji takes just the slightest different action when Asuka offers a kiss…
and everything changes. Suddenly, they're no longer alone, and begin
becoming stronger than they've ever been before. And from their new bond
changes start to ripple out. The Angel War and the plans of SEELE and
NERV will never be the same.
Status: ongoing
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2021-07-06
Words: 376920
Chapters: 57
Rated: Fiction T - Language: English - Genre: Romance/Drama -

Characters: [Shinji I., Asuka L. S.] Rei A., Misato K. - Reviews: 1,500 -
Favs: 3,065 - Follows: 3,190
Original source: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10675474/1/Advice-and-Trust
Exported with the assistance of FicHub.net

Advice and Trust
Introduction
Prologue - Where We Are Now
Ch 1 Snowflakes, Snowballs, & Avalanches
Ch 2 - The First Morning After
Ch 3 - Testing and Proving Pt 1
Ch 5 - Before The Storm Pt 1
Ch 8 - '-we came in' Pt 1
Ch 10 - The Storm Breaks Pt 1
Ch 13 - United We Stand Pt 1
Ch 5-5 - Before the Storm - Interlude
Ch 17 - Advent Pt 1
Ch 18 - Advent Pt 2
Ch 19 - Advent Pt 3
Ch 20 - Advent Pt 4
Ch 21 - Advent Pt 5
Ch 22 - Advent Pt 6
Ch 23 - Advent Pt 7
Ch 24 - Everything I Do Pt 1
Ch 36 - Choices & Sacrifices Pt1
Ch 37 - Choices & Sacrifices Pt 2
Ch 42 - Christmas Party
Ch 44 - Choices & Sacrifices pt 8
Ch 45 - Cards On The Table pt 1
Ch 46 - Cards On The Table Pt 2
Ch 55 - Götterdämmerung 1
Prologue - Where We Are Now
A full moon shone down on Lake Ashi, making Tokyo-3 glow in the
warm autumn night. In the smallest bedroom of an apartment in a
mostly empty building, an old SDAT tape player sat on the desk in a
beam of moonlight, gathering dust in the silence. In the living room,
dinner was over and the table cleared, but the room was still lively,
largely by effort of one woman.
"You're such a good kid, Shinji-kun! You bring me beer and make
dinner so good." Major Katsu- no, it was after 9PM and seven beers,
so it was definitely Misato, not Major Katsuragi now, burbled happily
at her young roommate. She patted her full belly and sighed. She
drained the last of her eighth beer and looked at it suspiciously.
"Hmm, out again. Get me another one, please?" She shook the
empty can at him for a second before arcing it over her shoulder into
the recycling bin without even a look.
Shinji sighed. At least he'd managed to train her that much. When
he'd first moved in, he'd spent hours cleaning and collecting the cans
that had been haphazardly piled and dumped all over the apartment,
including some in places that just made him shake his head in
confusion. In the shower, on top of the TV, all over the balcony… in
the linen closet? He turned from washing the dishes and retrieved a
can of Yebisu from the well-stocked refrigerator. "Here you are,
Misato-san."
She grabbed his wrist and used the opportunity to pull him into a
sloppy hug, her face buried briefly into his side as she sat at the
table. "Such a good boy. Always taking care of us, me and Asuka.
Say, where is she? I haven't seen her since I came in."
"She ate before you got here, and went to take a shower. She's still
in her room." He looked towards their missing roommate's room for a
moment.
Misato's eyes twinkled with mischief, seeing something in his
expression. "Oh? Thinking about her in her towel, Shin-chan?"
Shinji reddened. "I wasn't!" He wriggled out of her grasp.
"You were! You totally were! Ha ha ha! Shin-chan's in looo~ve!"

Misato giggled.
Muttering something at the floor and hiding his blushing face, Shinji
finished up the last of the dishes in the sink. When he turned back
from drying his hands, he found Misato staring at him more intently.
"W-what is it?"
"You are a good boy, Shinji. And I think you do care about her. So I'm
going to help!" Misato smacked her fist into her other palm. She
pointed at the other side of the table. "Have a seat! I'm going to give
you some helpful relationship adice… avdice… advice, on how to
deal with women. And I'll tell you some secrets!" She took a deep
pull on her beer as he sat down. "Okay! So!" She hiccupped. "Rule
number one! 'Women are crazy'!"
Shinji blinked at her. "'Women are crazy'?" he echoed in confusion.
"Yesh! Totally crazy. Nuts. Bonkers. And I know, 'cause I ams one!"
Misato nodded sagely. "Rule number two! Asuka is a woman."
"… And therefore she's crazy?"
"Bin~go! You jusht have to keep that in mind and ride it. Like, you
think she's just yelling at you alln the time because she'z angry?
Nope! She want to you pay attention to her! That's how she says it.
Oh yeah, that's rule numnar three! Women aren't going to say
everything they say, but you're supposed ta hear it all anyways. And
not hear some of the things they do say, becauze they don't really
mean them."
"I… what? Does… does that include what you're saying now?"
Shinji's confusion only deepened.
"Of course not! Theses are the secrets I'm telling you, not me talking
as a woman rights now. 'Sides, it's sweet that you look at me, but
you need a girl your age, like her." Shinji blushed again. "Hee hee! I
know you do!" She took another sip of beer. "I'm shurpised at you
sometimes, Shiin-chan. Me and Ashuka running around in towels
and short-shortz, and you still acting all shy. If Kaji spent all his time
running around here in nuthin' but a towel, I'd… I'd… mmm…
salty…" Misato trailed off, staring happily into space.
The silence stretched on for a while. "Um… Misato-san?"
Misato shook her head. "Er, right! Women! You gotta pay attention to
all the things. You are already pretty housebroken, which girls really
like once they think about it and settle down. I know I do!" She
grinned at him and took another drink. "Rule numner four! Don't
never be afraid." She leaned forward, planting her hands on the
table, and stared at him carefully. "Tha's an importnant one, Shin-
chan. Really listen to tha' one."
Shinji tried, he really tried not to stare at the perfect shot down her
cleavage that Misato's position and loose tank top offered him. He
lost the struggle. After a long pause, Misato started giggling and
snorting at how red his face was turning and sat back. "Cat got yer
tongue, Shin-chan? Hee hee! But did you hear me? Tha's a big one."
Shinji gulped and shook his head to clear it. "Bouncy, bouncy…" he
mumbled. "Er! Yes! 'Don't be afraid', you said! Or something like
that."
Misato nodded, somewhat wobbly. "Tha's right. Bein' 'fraid can stop
you cold, and make you mess up a good chance. I was afraid, and
ran away from Kaji once. Took eight yearz before I got another
chance, eight years of being lonely and missing him, and ifn I'd still
been 'fraid, I coulda messed it up again. So don' do tha'!" She
polished off the beer. "You and Azuka are young, but I can shee the
way you look at her sometimez. And…" She dropped her voice to a
conspiratorial whisper and leaned in closer. "I've sheen the wayz she
looks at you sometimes, when she thinkz no one's lookin'. She even
smiled once, after I told her your liddle jump into tha' volcano was
agains' orders!"
Shinji stared hard at the table and tried not to turn red again. Again,
he lost. He mumbled something too quiet for Misato to hear.
Misato smiled at him, patting him on the head before flopping back
into her chair. Her head sank into her arms on the table. "So don' be
afraid, Shin-chan. Azuka makesh a lot of noise, but she'z a good kid
too. You two are a lot alike, you knowz? You don' have nobody, but
try so hard to be Pilots… She pushes herself so hard to be the
besht, because she doesn' wan' anyone to think she'z useless or
weak…" Misato pulled her head up to give him a beady stare. "You
be real good to 'er, you hear me? Women are crazy, but we need
hugsh and stuff, too. Do nice things. I know!" Misato sat up straight
again. "You should make 'er dinner!"
"I make us all dinner every night, Misato-san."
She waved this inconvenient fact away. "I mean make 'er a special
dinner! All Yuro… Euroo… German foodz and stuff! Let 'er know it's
for 'er! Tha's the kind of thing tha' gets a girl'z attenshun! I'll get Kaji
to take me out for the night and give you two time alone!" She
wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at him before slumping back
down, her head pillowed in her arms again. "Mmm… make him take
me someplace nice 'n private. 'N stay the night."
"I don't know if a dinner is what will get Asuka to stop calling me
'baka-Shinji' all the time."
"I tol' you, don't just lissen to wha' she sayz. Lissen to the thingz she
dossen say and stuff…" Misato mumbled into her arms. "'Cuz
wimmin 're crazy. Ashuka, me, Rits… erryone… She sayz 'baka-
Shinji', I sez 'Shin-chan'… iz all the same. Iz how we say we care…
'cuz we get scared to say it out lou'… Kaji…"
Shinji stood up and walked around to her side of the table, helping
her rise. "I know, Misato-san. I know. Let's get you to bed."
She leaned heavily on the young Pilot as they slowly wobbled her
towards her bedroom. "Okay… but r'member: crazy."
Shinji rose from tucking Misato into her futon and walked to the door.
He stopped and turned in the doorway to look back at his passed-out
guardian. She snored peacefully, occasionally mumbling Kaji's
name. He shook his head. Who was looking after whom here?
"'Women are crazy', huh?" he muttered.
His face froze and his body stiffened in shock as a pair of pale,
slender arms snaked around him from behind to embrace him. A
warm and very definitely female body pressed itself up against his
back and a soft pair of lips nibbled teasingly at the back of his neck.
"Mmm, yes, we are. How else would we put up with men?"
Despite himself, he couldn't entirely suppress a groan of happiness,

closing his eyes and tilting his head to give her better access.
"Nnn… Asuka… the door is still open… she could see us…" His
hands still rose to cover hers and squeeze back.
"She is completely dead to the world and you know it, Third Child.
Has she noticed a thing about how the two of us have been carrying
on for the last two months? We could probably pull off half the Kama
Sutra right here and she'd sleep right through it." Her arms loosened
enough to let him turn around in her embrace and stare right into her
sparkling blue eyes. "Now, are you coming to bed? It's cold and
lonely without you, and you promised me I'd never sleep that way
again."
Shinji didn't even try to conceal the warm smile that spread across
his face. "Asuka, has there been a single night since the first time
you kissed me where I have slept anywhere else but right next to
you? Of course I'm coming." He closed the door to Misato's room as
quietly as he could and let his fingers intertwine with hers as they
walked across the living room towards her bedroom. Her hand was
tiny and warm in his.
"Well, yes, there's the occasional rare night where our esteemed
guardian is not knocked out cold from beer or overwork," Asuka
retorted, but without any heat. "I don't like those nights. It's much
better when she's tired, full of beer, or Kaji keeps her out late."
"I still manage to sneak over into your room after she falls asleep
those times… if you don't sneak into mine first," he pointed out.
Asuka smiled. "I get impatient, you know that. I want my warm baka-
Shinji. It's a good think you always get up before anyone else, too.
We don't want to get caught, do we?"
Shinji's smile faded a little as they reached her… no, their room. He
hadn't slept more than a handful of nights in 'his' bed since the night
Asuka had asked him if he wanted to kiss. A night that had spiraled
out of all expectations for either of them and become the beginning
of a dream more wonderful than anything else he'd ever experienced
in his whole life, all because he'd put his arms around her and
answered her kiss. "I still feel a little bad hiding us from everyone,
Asuka. We can't even go out on a weekend on a normal date or
anything, and I'd really like to do that."
She slid the door open and pulled him inside after her. "I know. But if
Misato found out, she'd make us stop doing this. 'We're too young!'
or some other excuse, like we're not soldiers who could die any day."
She pulled her t-shirt, all she wore, over her head and threw it to the
side. "And I refuse to even think about that. You know I haven't had a
single nightmare I can remember since we started sleeping
together? I used to have them almost every night. I could love you
for that alone, if nothing else, Shinji. Not that the rest isn't nice, too."
She sat on the bed and scooted over to leave him room. "Besides,
no one would believe you and me together." She snorted. "Us? In
love? Truly, madly, deeply? Never."
"Hikari might, if you told her. And I'm pretty sure Ayanami figured it
out in the first few days, given how much she stares at us." He sat
down next to her and neatly folded his shirt up after likewise
removing it.
"And she hasn't said anything?"
Shinji shrugged. "It's Ayanami. She's not exactly a chatterbox or the

school gossip. Who's she going to tell?"
"Mm… still, you should do something nice for her as a thank you,
from both of us. If I did it, that'd be even more suspicious."
"You could try doing it yourself. People change. They might accept
that." He took her hand with a smile and kissed her fingertips.
She stroked the side of his face after he released her hand. "It's hard
enough pretending to everyone that I'm still constantly angry at you
and we're still at each other's throats all day long. I prefer to be at
your throat this way." She leaned in to nibble and suck gently at his
neck. "You're so much more amusingly sensitive there."
He hissed in pleasure. "Eee… gentle! Misato's going to notice I'm

using a lot of her concealer one of these days!"
Asuka's lips curled in a smirk. "Good thing she can't see your back,
then. Those would be even harder to explain."
"No apology for tearing up my poor back?" He smiled anyway.
Asuka snorted. "Not one bit. I'm marking my territory. You're mine,
Third Child. You promised me that the first night." Her arms wrapped
around him tightly as they lay down. "'Together, forever and always'."
Shinji pulled the sheet over them, nodding. "Until the end of the
world, you and me, against Angels and anything else that tries to
hurt us." She pressed herself into his side, purring contentedly. He
pressed his face into her hair and inhaled the strawberry-balsam
scent of her shampoo. "Love you, Asuka."
"You better, Third. You're stuck with me for good," she murmured
happily, squeezing him. "… and I love you, too, baka-Shinji."
In the room across the hall, an old SDAT tape player sat on the desk
in a beam of moonlight, gathering dust. It hadn't been touched in two
months; retreat and escape from the world were no longer needed.
Ch 1 Snowflakes, Snowballs, & Avalanches
"Hey, Shinji, do you want to kiss?" Asuka tapped her fingers on the
table, staring at him from where here head lay in her arms.
He couldn't believe the garbled words were what he'd thought he'd
heard, and pulled the SDAT earbuds out. "What?"
"To kiss. A kiss? You've never kissed, right? Then let's do it."
This had to be a trick. Asuka suddenly being nice… more than nice
to him? "Why?"
"Because I'm bored."
Definitely a trick. "Because you're bored? But…"
"You don't want to kiss a girl on the anniversary of your mom's

death? Afraid she may be watching you from Heaven?" A sly look at
him.
"Not really."
"Or are you scared?"
His anger surged. "I'm not scared of a little kiss!"
"You brushed your teeth, right?"
He nodded.
"Then, here I go."
She walked closer to him, halting close enough he could see her
pulse jumping as fast as his at her throat. He felt himself blushing as
he closed his eyes in anticipation. After nothing happened for a
second he cracked his eyes open to find Asuka staring at him from
just inches away, her expression unreadable.
"Don't breathe, because it tickles." Slim fingertips pinched his nose

shut just before her lips met his.
Shinji's brain and body locked up. 'This is happening! This is really
happening!' He was afraid to move, afraid to think, afraid to do
anything that might wake him up from this dream. He'd say he was
afraid to breathe, but that was already covered by her pinching
fingers. The beautiful, exotic foreign girl who was literally the subject
of more than a few of his fantasies was kissing him. Her soft, soft lips
were pressed against his, and it felt amazing . His head swam with
the dizzying feel of her tongue hesitantly probing at his own, the
strawberry-balsam scent of her hair, the warmth of her body so close
to his…
… and, unfortunately, oxygen deprivation. He started to feel dizzy a

bit more directly than from the sheer hormonal rush accounted for,
but the kiss felt so good he didn't want it to ever end. His knees
started to buckle. He had to do something! If he collapsed, that
would break the kiss!
He desperately reached out for the closest means of support to stay

upright: Asuka. His hands haphazardly gained a grip on her hips and
lower back, tugging her towards him as he stabilized himself. With a
gentle thump, their bodies bumped together.
Shinji was about to let their bodies bounce back apart when he felt
her hand leave his nose and come to rest on his shoulder. Her other
arm came up to curl around his, her hand pressing against his
shoulder blade. Pressing rather firmly, come to think of it. Asuka was
definitely not upset with them being up against each other like this. In
fact, she was starting to make some very happy noises. Increasingly
pleased sounding 'mmms' and such hummed out of her as her
tongue's fencing with his suddenly became much more vigorous. Her
arm against him tightened.
His own grip reflexively tightened likewise. 'Wait… is she… is she
enjoying this as much as I am? More? This… this isn't just kissing
because she's bored or wants to see what it's like anymore…' His
initial annoyance at her goading him into the kiss was all but gone,
replaced by dawning surprise. 'She's… she's liking this. She's liking
kissing me. She wanted to kiss me. Me?!' Light went off behind his
eyes. 'She… likes me ?' She certainly wasn't stopping the kiss, at
least.
Their bodies hadn't really stopped from the wobble their crashing
together had started. The swaying increased slowly until they were
stutter-stepping backwards across the dining room towards the living
room, still holding each other tightly together. Their erratic, blind path
ended with Shinji's heels encountering one of the beanbags near the
TV. He toppled backwards into the beanbag, their mutual grip pulling
Asuka down to end up sprawled on top of him.
The impact of the landing briefly interrupted the kiss. Shinji opened
his mouth to say something in surprise at the trip, but Asuka's lips
met his again before he even got the first syllable out. He did not
protest, his arms wrapping more fully around her back, savoring the
warm, solid feel of her against him. His hands slowly stroked up and
down her back. He still felt dizzy, but this wasn't a feeling he wanted
to stop. He felt like someone had blown the top of his head off and it
was spinning somewhere around the ceiling.
He couldn't tell how long they lay there. Eventually, the nearly
frenetic pace of their kissing slowed to more languid, relaxed ones.
Finally they broke off for a longer pause, breathing hard, foreheads
pressed together. Shinji struggled for what to say.
"Wow. That was….um….wow."
"Yeah," she responded just as softly. Her eyes were still closed.
His brain was still spinning from the high. He couldn't come up with
anything coherent to say. His mouth kept running without consulting
him, however.
"You're beautiful."
That got Asuka's eyes open. Her sparkling blue stare pinned him in
place. "What?"
"You were right, I've never kissed anyone before and I'm so glad it
was you for my first kiss and it was incredible and you're so beautiful
and I think I really like you and oh shit I'm going to stop talking now."
Heavy silence descended. Pen-pen toddled out of his freezer, looked

in at them, cocked his head, and returned to his freezer once more
after acquiring a new beer. Shinji swallowed heavily.
Suddenly, Asuka spoke up. "Say it again," she demanded quietly.
He tensed. "Um….say what again?"
"What you just said. Say it again."
"I'm glad you were my first kiss, it was incredible, you're beautiful,
and I…" he gulped again. "I think I like you?"
More silence.
Asuka turned her head, burying her face in the side of his neck. "Do
you mean it?"
Shinji tried not to shake. He couldn't see her eyes, and her voice
was… there was something intense in her tone, but he couldn't tell
what. He did get the feeling that he better be very honest about what
he said next, though.
"Yes."
A much longer silence.
"I like you too."

Shinji's ears insisted that was what Asuka had whispered right in his
ear, her voice almost inaudible. He froze, his arms still wrapped
around her. "What?"
She turned her head back to face him again. "Do you think I'm the
kind of girl who'll just kiss anybody?" she asked sharply, a bit of her
usual fire seeping back into her voice.
"You just said you wanted to kiss me because you were bored!"
"I lied." Her eyes dropped away from his. "I wanted to kiss you.
Because I wanted to know what it felt like."
"You did?" A distant part of Shinji's brain tried to butt in with the
observation that his last few contributions to the conversation had
not been that impressive. "Why?"
"I don't know! I just keep thinking about it! I'm not supposed to be
attracted to boys like you! I'm supposed to want a real man like Kaji!
I'm not supposed to be wondering what it would feel like to kiss you,
to have your arms around me! It's not supposed to feel this good to
do it! It's not supposed to feel so good to be lying here with you! I
shouldn't want this to never end…" Her outburst ran down into
confusion. "Why is it you?"
"I… I don't know?"
Asuka puffed her cheeks our in frustration. "Well… why do you like
me, then?"
"Because you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Because
you're brilliant, have the most amazing eyes, and are so damn alive.
You… you push me, get at me like no one else. I… I can never figure
out how to talk to you, but I… like seeing you smile."
Asuka colored a bit. "You… you've got nice eyes too." She blinked.
"Wait, if you feel like that about me, why didn't you ever respond any
of the other times I tried to flirt with you? I've been trying to get you
to do something for weeks! "
"Wait, other times? What other times?"
"When a girl walks up to you in a bikini and starts using her chest as
a physics demo, she's trying to get your attention! "
"Oh."
"'Oh'? What about during our synchronization training? We were

alone all night and I even invited you into my room, but you didn't do
anything!"
Shinji frowned at that one. "You didn't invite me in, you told me to
stay out! 'The impenetrable wall of Jerko' you said!"
"Jericho. I… wait, you… You don't know that story? It's in the Bible!
The walls of Jericho fell, Third! I wanted you to come in!"
Shinji tried vainly to close his gaping mouth. "What?! But… we were
alone! We could… I… I didn't know! My Sensei never covered the
Bible!"
Asuka just narrowed her eyes at him. "What Sensei?"
"The one my father abandoned me with after my mother died in an

accident with the Eva! Not that you'd understand that," he bit out. It
was not a comfortable memory. He pinched his eyes closed as the
painful image of his father's retreating back welled up once again.
But when he opened them again, Asuka was staring at him like she'd
seen a ghost. "Me too."
Shinji blinked. That couldn't be what she just said.
Her arms squeezed him tighter as her gaze went far away. "My
mother… There was an accident with Unit-02… She… died,
eventually. My father… didn't mourn very long." Her mouth twisted
sourly. "So yes, Third Child, I know exactly what that felt like!"
Shinji sat stunned, his mind trying to grapple with her shocking
revelation. Asuka… had felt the same kind of loss as he had? She'd
had her mother ripped away from her, and even younger than him?
She… was like him?
"Your father abandoned you after your mother was gone," he said.
She looked at him sharply again. She opened her mouth to say
something, but stopped. Her forehead wrinkled in thought for a
moment. "You have nightmares all the time about it. The memory
keeps coming after you when you try to sleep," she said eventually. It
was only half a question.
Shinji nodded slowly, never breaking here eyes. A memory of Asuka

weeping in her sleep, whimpering for her Mama floated across his
mind. "It's hard to sleep. You feel lonely and cold at night, because
no one ever held you after that," he finally replied. It was even less a
question. There weren't questions. They were connections.
Confessions.
Asuka barely let him finish before she replied. "You never had many
friends before you came here. No on ever wanted to just talk to you
for you."
She knew… This was his life. And hers? "Your father never
explained or apologized for why he just left you."
"No one even tried to understand your pain. No one cared." Her eyes
were magnetic, her voice hypnotic.
"You miss her every day, but don't even have any pictures, barely
any memories. No one tells you about her." He almost felt like it
wasn't his own voice speaking anymore.
Her arms tightened around him even more, almost a desperate grip
now. "And there was never any point in talking about it to anyone,
because there was no one in the world who could understand what
being an Evangelion Pilot was like," she said softly.
Silence hung heavy between them. Shinji vaguely noticed they were
breathing in synch, faces just inches apart.
"You're just like me."
He blinked. He wasn't sure which of them had started saying it first.

Their synchronization training had left a mark.
Asuka blinked as well, but recovered faster. A smile started

spreading across her face that left Shinji positively dazzled. Asuka's
face was lit up, transformed by the look of happiness unlike anything
he'd seen on her before. Not a smirk, not a cocky, superior grin, but
a real, stunning smile. "You… you know . You're cute, you like me,
you're a fantastic kisser, and you understand what it's like ." Her
arms squeezed him in a fierce hug. "You are mine, Third Child!"
She dipped her head to bring their lips together again. She was far
more aggressive than before, but he met her just as eagerly. There
was more than just the sheer hormonal rush this time. Now there
was a dawning realization, a feeling of profound connection. She
knew! He understood! I'm not alone!
Again, time disappeared for them. Shinji had no idea how long they
kept going this time before something finally registered on his mind
besides the hot, electric feel of the German redhead in his arms or
the growing happiness that there was someone who could truly
empathize with what he'd gone through.
Beep. Hiss.
Their eyes popped open simultaneously. That was the front door!
Misato was home! Shit! They sprang to their feet and scrambled
apart, hastily adjusting clothing and trying to hide red faces and
mussed hair. Asuka dove for the TV's remote and turned it on. The
NHK announcer began droning on about tomorrow's weather.
Baritone rumbles of a deeper male voice floated from the entrance

way, mixing with Misato's slurred mumbles. Kaji had come home with
her. They appeared in the doorway from the front all into the dining
area where he and Asuka had begun their kiss. Misato's arm was
slung around Kaji's shoulders and she was leaning heavily on him
for support. Kaji's eyebrows went up as he spotted Shinji standing in
the living room. "Yo, Shinji-kun. Give me a hand with her. She needs
to get into bed."
"Ah, y-yes, Kaji-san." Shinji quickly moved to support Misato from

her other side. Together they guided the stumbling Major towards her
futon. Kaji gently removed her jacket and laid her down, brushing her
hair out of her face, leaving her rapidly sinking into sleep comfortably
arranged on her bedding.
Kaji looked at the NERV Operations Director fondly, a wistful smile

on his face. He nodded to Shinji and Asuka. "Well, time for me to go.
Goodnight, kids."
Asuka jerked in surprise, finally managing to look Kaji in the face.

She'd spent the previous minute carefully keeping him from seeing
how much she was still flushed. "You're not… going to stay the
night? You could…"
Kaji smiled wryly and fluffed his wedding wear. "I'd get laughed at if I
showed up to work tomorrow wearing this."
"But…" Asuka half-raised her hand and drifted after him as Kaji
headed for the door. As Shinji moved to follow them and caught up
to her, Asuka suddenly stopped and remained still as he and Kaji
turned down the hall to the door.
Kaji smiled over his shoulder as he stepped out the door. "Please
take care of Katsuragi. See you later, Shinji-kun. Goodnight."
"Goodnight." The door slid closed with another hiss-beep. Out of the
corner of his eye, Shinji spotted Asuka standing at the end of the
hallway near the dining area, a slightly sad look on her face. "What's
wrong?"
"Lavender perfume," Asuka said. "Misato's. It was all over Kaji. They
really are together again. I should have known. The whole trip here
from Germany Kaji-san was talking about her and distracted, even
when I tried to…" Asuka went red. "N-nevermind! I… it's late. We
should… get into bed too." For some reason she turned redder.
Shinji tried not to let his shoulders slump. Whatever spell had been
cast before, it seemed that now it was broken. The moment was
gone. "Right," he muttered, dejected. He walked back to his room
and changed into a pair of loose shorts and a light shirt for sleeping
in. Before he got to his bed, he stopped in the middle of his room
and closed his eyes. He allowed himself to spend a full minute
reveling in the memories of how it felt to hold Asuka close and kiss
her. He sighed both in enjoyment of the memory and sadness over
the fact that that's all it was now. He reached for the covers to get
into his bed.
"What are you doing?"
He froze and turned around. Asuka was standing in the door of his
room, her arms folded, staring at him.
"I'm… getting into bed? Like you said?" he said, confused. "I…" He
froze again. Her ever-present A-10 interface headset was missing.
Her hair was down, and she'd apparently brushed it for bed. It
haloed her head like a brilliant, smooth waterfall of fire. He had the
sudden, intense desire to run his hands through it. It changed her
whole look. He'd never seen her like this. It was utterly stunning. She
looked even better.
"You're what? And what are you staring at now, Third?"

"Your… your hair… you're beautiful. I-I mean, I've only ever seen
you without your A-10 headset after a shower. You look so different
with it brushed out like that. It's amazing…"
Asuka's hands flew to her head. "I… leave it out to sleep. And I said
we should get into bed, Third. Come on. Mine's bigger."
Shinji blanched. "What?! Us?! I-I-I… Asuka?" He did not resist,

though, when she simply took him by the hand and led him across
the narrow hallway into her room.
"Baka. We were interrupted. We were still talking. And I liked what

we were doing." She stopped at the side of the bed, her back still to
him, but still held on to his hand. "Not just the kissing, but the… the
rest too. Being held, I mean. I felt warm when we were doing that,
and I didn't feel alone. 'It's hard to sleep. You feel lonely and cold at
night, because no one ever held you after that', you said." She finally
turned around to face him again. "You know that feeling. I do too,
and I don't like it. Have you ever felt so warm or good as you did
when we were just doing that?"
Her expression was as open as he'd ever seen her. Her eyes
searched his face, not hostilely, just… looking to find that feeling of
connection again. His heart started pounding even harder than it had
when she'd said ' we should get into bed'.
He gulped. "No. I haven't. Not for longer than I can remember," he

said.
"Don't you want to keep feeling like that?"
He swallowed again. "Yes?" he answered tentatively.
Asuka just nodded. "I do too. And Misato is dead asleep, no one else
is here and you're going to be the first one up anyhow. So if… we
want to spend the night together to keep the cold and loneliness
away, we can. No one will know but us. And I…" Asuka pinched her
eyes shut and forced the words out. "I don't want to be alone…
Shinji."
'This has to be a dream. This has to be a dream.' "Asuka, I… I don't

want to be alone either, but… I'm scared," he admitted. His hand
shook in hers. 'This has to be a dream… or a trick.'
"You're just like me," Asuka reminded him quietly, looking him right in
the eyes. "You think I'm not too? But we're Eva Pilots." She managed
an unsteady smile. "We can handle anything, right?"
She let go of his hand and sat down on the bed. She scooted over to
give him room, then looked up at him, silently asking the question.
Shinji tried to make his body move, but he felt frozen solid. 'This has
to be a dream!' He'd had dreams like this. Misato's words from the
night before echoed in his head. 'Nothing will change unless you
take that first step forward…' He made his right hand stop nervously
clenching and releasing over and over. "Asuka… promise me this
isn't a trick? This isn't some kind of game? You really mean all this?"
In response, Asuka just stared at him for a moment before pulling

her loose yellow t-shirt over her head and throwing it behind him,
well out of reach. "There. If we're caught, no pretending. Does that
show you I'm serious enough? I mean all of this, Third Chil-… Shinji.
I promise. Now get in here, baka! I'm cold!" She flopped down and
pulled the blankets over her, her sapphire blue eyes still locked on
his.
He just gaped at the alabaster vision he'd just seen, and slowly
peeled his own shirt off to drop at his feet. He lifted the side of the
sheets and slid into bed next to her, leaving a careful few
centimeters between any actual points of touching her. He nearly
levitated a meter up off the mattress when he felt her arms wrap
around him and yank him into full flush contact.
"Mmmm… warm," Asuka whispered. "You feel warm. It's nice."

He felt warm, alright. He felt so warm he was faintly surprised that
steam wasn't shooting out his ears. He felt positively dizzy. A small
pinch on his side from Asuka brought him back down enough to
realize she was talking to him. "When someone holds you, you're
supposed to hold them too, baka." Her command was somewhat
undercut by the blush lighting up her cheeks and inability to meet his
eyes. Hesitantly, like he was about to hold a tiger with a toothache,
Shinji worked his arms around her too. Her skin felt smoother than
the finest silk under his fingertips. He could have sworn he felt
electricity running under his hands. 'She's so warm ,' he thought in
wonder.
Asuka had stiffened herself when his arms first went around her, but
abruptly melted into his embrace. After a long moment of just
enjoying the feeling, she spoke up softly. "Isn't this better than cold
and lonely?"
Shinji couldn't help but agree. His heart was still pounding a mile a
minute, but at the same time he felt so comfortable and alive he
didn't want to move. He nodded. "I like this."
"Me too." Asuka burrowed her face into his neck and lay quietly for a
minute. "Shinji… promise me this isn't a dream? I don't… I don't
want to wake up alone and hating everything again," she asked. "I
don't want this to stop."
"You're just like me," he echoed back at her. "Asuka, I'm scared this
is a dream, but I've never felt this good. I'll stay as long as you'll let
me."
"Tonight. What about tomorrow? And the next day? I mean it, Shinji.
I don't want this to stop. I don't want to wake up cold and lonely ever
again."
Shinji tried to keep his heart from hammering its way out of his chest.
Asuka, the fiery dynamo of confidence and energy, was asking him
for… what? To stay with her? To be with her? Like she thought he
might even refuse? If this was a dream, Shinji was going to stay in it
as long as he could. "As long as you'll have me. I promise."
To his surprise, Asuka started to laugh. "Did… did I say something

wrong?"
Asuka shook her head. "This is crazy. One kiss, and we're like this?
One kiss and all of a sudden you're mister smooth? You sound so
serious, like you're ready to… to…"
"Jump into a volcano for you?" Shinji suggested with a tiny smile.
Asuka snorted. "You started playing the cello and have spent years
getting professionally good because no one told you to stop? Are
you going to hold me the same way because I don't tell you to stop?"
He tone tried to be flippant, but even as bad as he was at reading
most social cues Shinji could hear the serious, almost hopeful note
underneath. She meant that question. And he honestly didn't know
how to answer her.
Well, he knew how he wanted to answer her, but 'I want to help you
somehow, and be with you forever' seemed a bit much to offer so
quickly. Even if the German redhead had been on his mind all the
time since they'd met, he was still hesitant to do anything that might
make her pull away again. But he still didn't want to ever let go. He'd
never felt this good in her life.
"I…" He swallowed. "I've never had anyone, Asuka. If you… like me,
and want me to hold you and be there tomorrow, then… I'm not
going to give that up until you make me. I like this. I like you. If… if
you want me to hold you, I will, as long as you hold me too."
Asuka's jaw set more firmly at this. "Oh, I'm going to, Third Child.
You're mine! I like this, and I'm not going to let anyone take that, or
you, away from me. Not Angels, not NERV, not Misato, not
Wondergirl, nobody. We live together, we train together, we fight
together, and now…" She blushed again, but didn't lose his eyes.
"We stay together. That sound good to you?"
He could only nod.
"You promise?" she pressed. "I think you might be a baka, but the
kind of baka who keeps his promises. And I already count on you to
fight the Angels with me. So do you promise?"
"I do. I-I mean, I promise. Together, you and me." The words thrilled
him.
Asuka's eyes flickered with something he couldn't identify, and she

looked like she wanted to say some things, but all she said was
"Good." She pulled him closer for another kiss. Or he pulled her.
Neither of them could tell.
Time went by. He couldn't tell how much. He didn't care. All that
mattered was how it felt to hold someone that wanted him.
Um. How it felt. It felt good. Really good. Heading rapidly for too
good, in fact. He reluctantly pulled back. He needed a second to get
his brain to work enough to form words. "Um… Asuka?"
Her reply was just as dazed. "Umm?"
'Oh gods she feels good.' "Er… we… I… thermal expansion." He

squeaked the words out in a tiny whisper, glad the dim moonlight of
her room hid just how mortified he looked. "We… I'm almost…"
"Er… yeah. I can tell… you're… um… hard to miss." Her breathing
was almost a pant. "I… we… can't. I mean… not… I'm…" Her
whisper dropped even more. "We don't have any… um… protection."
Shinji nearly passed out. 'Did… did she really say… if we did…?"
"I mean… I… Misato has some in her room, maybe, I think…" she
continued, half to herself. "Asuka!" He managed, barely, to keep it to
an explosive whisper rather than a near-shout. "We… you're
serious?!"
"Don't you dare try to tell me you're not interested or not thinking
about it too, baka. You're not fooling anyone." She looked down
between them. "But… no. Not… tonight. Not like this."
"You… you've thought about it?" he asked.
She gave him a stare that was simultaneously warm and sarcastic.
"Tell me you haven't," she dared him.
Silence.
"That's what I thought." She kissed him again. "Perv. I knew it."
"Hey, you just admitted you did too!"
"I didn't say it was a bad thing. And boy, we are not telling Misato
about any of tonight."
"Any?"
"You think the first thing she'd say wouldn't be something like 'Oh
noes! You two have to be kept apart, lest naughty deeds ensue!'?
She snorted again. "They treat us like kids, but we're soldiers. If we
could die any day, any battle… I'm not going to let anyone tell me I'm
not allowed to live first. If anyone finds out, they'd make us stop, and
probably… probably make us live apart." She sounded very unhappy
with the thought. "I bet they'd make me go room with Wondergirl or
something. Blech. So we have to pretend we're… like before."
"Even to my friends?" Or yours?"
"You think those Stooges could keep a secret like this? We'll just
have to… act like we always do, in public."
"I suppose so…"
Asuka kissed him again, softer than before. "It won't be that bad, my
baka-Shinji. When we're all alone…" Her lips curled into a wicked
grin and she wiggled against him.
"Oh gods…"
"When we're alone… you're all mine."
Morning had just begin to grey they pre-dawn skies when Shinji
woke. He blinked blearily as he brushed strands of long red hair out
of his face and wondered why his bed felt strange and he had some
sort of weight on his chest. His eyes bugged wide as memory rushed
in. 'Oh gods… that wasn't a dream?' He looked down without moving
his head to confirm that, yes, the Second Child was wrapped firmly
around him and using his chest for a pillow, smiling faintly in her
sleep. 'Nope, that was really real. Oh gods…'
He carefully slid himself out from under her and got out of bed. She
made unhappy noises as her warm 'body-pillow' was taken away, but
quieted as he arranged the covers over her and she settled in to the
warm spot he'd left.
He stood by the bed for a moment, burning the sight into his
memory. Last night had really happened. All of it. Even the… He
blushed. Even those parts. 'No protection doesn't mean there's
nothing we can do, Third,' she'd said, and proved it. And even more
than that, when they'd finally stopped to drift to sleep, she'd quietly
whispered again 'I like you too.' That meant more to him than
anything else they'd done.
"As long as you'll have me, I promise," he said softly. "Together,

forever and always."
He turned and left to start preparing everyone's breakfasts and some

hangover medicine for Misato. He missed a crystal blue eye cracking
open wide with shock as she watched him leave.
Ch 2 - The First Morning After
Asuka felt warm. Comfy. Someone was holding her. She could hear
a steady heartbeat right under her ear. This was nice. She didn't
want to wake up. This was the first time she could remember in too
long that she hadn't been dragged out of restless sleep by the alarm.
She was being roused anyway, however, by the sudden increase in
the pleasant heartbeat, and then the removal of the warmth she'd
been cuddling. She mumbled sleepy complaints, but the warmth left
anyway. She felt someone gently covering her with the blankets, and
reluctantly burrowed into the warm spot on the mattress.
"As long as you'll have me, I promise," a soft voice said. "Together,
forever and always."
'Oh, that sounds nice. I hate being lonely. Are they talking to me?'
she mused drowsily. Wait, she knew that voice. She'd never heard it
so soft or close before last night, though… Her eye not pressed into
the sheets snapped open. 'Oh. Oh holy shit. That was real. We…'
She could see the familiar back of the Third Child walking out of her
room. Away from her bed. Where they'd spent the night… together.
Eep.
The soft THAP of the door to her room sliding shut was like a starting
pistol. Asuka bolted upright, her heart pounding. The sudden prickle
of colder air on her skin and a quick glance down confirmed her
memory of tossing her shirt across the room to prove to the Third
she was serious. She had no idea where her shorts had ended up.
She'd had other things on her mind at the time. She blushed as
bright red as her Evangelion as memories of exactly what they'd
done after that point flooded her waking mind. It was a good thing
Misato had been totally knocked out and they had no neighbors!
She rapidly tossed on a change of clothes for the day, grabbed her
A-10 headset, and cracked her door open. No one in sight. The faint
sounds of her fellow Pilot beginning breakfast was the only thing she
heard. No sign of Misato. Right. Go.
She slipped out of her door and quietly made her way towards the
kitchen. Unfortunately, the layout of the apartment meant she had to
go through the dining area right off the kitchen in order to make the
bathroom. But as long as Shinji had his back turned, she could make
it there without him seeing her. She wouldn't have to look him in the
eye yet. Which right now, sounded like a really good idea.
A few more steps and she could see him. He was facing the counter,
making something for their breakfast. A quick, quiet dash and she
was in the bathroom, the folding door snapped shut behind her.
Safe.
The reflection in the mirror argued otherwise. The girl in the mirror
looked like she was about to freak out. 'Okay, Soryu… WHAT THE
HELL HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!' She… it had worked. She'd
finally gotten that dense, oblivious, blind baka to finally notice the
fact she'd been trying to get him to react to her hints that she… kind
of thought he was cute. A bit. And it had worked . She'd kissed him.
He'd put his arms around her. They'd kissed some more. It had been
really nice. They'd talked. Connected . They'd gone to bed together.
They'd…
She clamped a hand over her mouth to halt a sudden mad giggle.
They'd… done just about everything two teenagers could do without
risking a surprise nine months later. And every bit had been as
spectacular and dizzying as that first kiss. 'Who'd have thought the
Third Child would be so good at this?' she wondered giddily. And
most of all, he'd promised to be there again tonight. And the next
night. And the next.
'Alright, Soryu, quit dodging the issue. Yeah, losing purity points was
fun and you can't wait to do it again, but that's not why you're hiding
in the bathroom, afraid to look him in the eye right now, is it? He…
said things last night. Made promises. He just did it again. That
stupid, clumsy, dense baka… likes you. And you like him. He
understands what it feels like. He's just like you. You're not alone.
And he wants to stay with you.' "Which is Gott damn terrifying…" she
whispered out loud.
She could admit it now, in a slightly more self-conscious part of her

mind. He was kind of cute. He was polite and self-effacing to the
point it could drive her nuts, but he was also kind, gentle, and could
be stupidly brave to almost ridiculous lengths when protecting
others. 'He dove into a volcano without a second's thought to save
me. No one's ever done anything even close to that for me.' He was
an elite Eva Pilot, like her, a 'prime catch' as some of the other girls
at school had quietly mentioned. He sometimes showed a spark of
energy and anger when she'd pushed at him that secretly thrilled
her, the way he would react to her, pushing to match her, making her
push just as hard to stay ahead of him. He made her feel alive. He
was… a good guy. He'd renewed his promise this morning, when he
must have thought she was asleep. He wasn't just saying things for
her to hear. He meant it. And now he wanted to be with her.
Everything she could want. Pity she had no freaking idea what to do
next. 'Okay, Soryu, you wanted to catch this tiger. Now you've got
him. So now what? I didn't exactly have a plan for part two! Now I'm
hiding in the bathroom because I'm afraid the minute we look at each
other we're both going to go redder than my hair, Misato's going to
figure it out, and make me go move in with Wondergirl. Then Shinji
will realize he can do better than the nasty, useless pretend-Pilot I
am and find someone else because every good thing in my life goes
away and nobody wants me and…
"No!" she insisted at her reflection. "No no no! He promised! He likes

me! He held me! I'm not letting this go!" All her hidden worries at not
matching up to the First Child still boiled up at her. She'd needed
Shinji with her to beat Galghiel and Israfel. She'd beaten Sandalphon
by herself… but Shinji had to save her life. Shinji had killed Matarael;
she'd just been a meatshield. She'd gotten the killing blow on
Sahaquiel… but only after Shinji had caught it himself. Not to
mention the three Angels he'd killed before she even got here. Hell,
Doctor Akagi had killed Iruel! The lab-coated old lady had as many
solo Angel kills with a keyboard as she did in her Eva!
She fought back. She was an elite Eva Pilot! She had no fear in
battle! She was not going to let herself be afraid here! She'd been
afraid last night, afraid Shinji would miss her hints again, but this
time he'd answered! And it had been great ! He'd promised they'd
keep going! She stared into the mirror until the worried look faded
away. The smile that replaced it was a bit fragile, but felt good.
"He likes me. He thinks I'm beautiful. I'm here now, and I'm going to
make him fight hard to keep up with me against the Angels. He's just
like me. Anything 'Invincible Shinji-sama' can do, I can do too! And
he's going to hold me no matter what! I can't lose!" She worked her
A-10 headset in under her hair and started tying up the tails of her
hair in the back to the receiver nodes before attacking it with brushes
and combs to make it shine.
Finally satisfied with the results, she admired herself in the mirror.
She preened. "He thinks I'm beautiful? I'm going to knock his socks
off today!" She looked great. She turned to the bathroom door, took a
deep breath, and opened it.
A zombie lurched at her. "Bathrooooom…" it moaned, arms blindly

fumbling in front, reaching at her…
Asuka blanched. "AAAAAAA!"
Misato squinted her eyes shut even harder and slammed her hands
over her ears. "AAAgh! Not so loud! And turn off that light! Oh gods,
my head!"
Asuka staggered out of the way of the hungover Major and tried to
bring her pulse back down. She'd nearly had a heart attack! Misato
wobbled past her, still moaning. The bathroom door snapped shut
behind her. Wait, that meant she was now in the dining area… Her
eyes shot left.
There he was. He was walking out of the kitchen area with her
breakfast on a tray. He looked up as she appeared, a smile breaking
out on his face…
Which meant he was totally surprised when he walked right into the
table and smashed his toe against the leg. He managed to plop the
tray down on the table without spilling anything, but then started
hopping around sputtering in pain and holding his mashed foot.
'Well, that was a nice anticlimactic way to start the day…' Asuka
shook her head. If painful for Shinji, his accident had at least broken
the ice. The smile he'd started to aim her way had also been
reassuring. He had a nice smile, and it had appeared so
automatically as soon as he'd seen her. Just like her own.
'Soryu, you'd better learn to get that under control if you liked last
night. Misato figures out you and he are sweet on each other for real,
and she'll start watching you like a hawk to keep anything like that
from going on!' she warned herself. She grit her teeth. Right. Control.
They had to be cool when others were around.
"Shinji?"
Shinji looked up from rubbing his foot. He nervously smiled. "H-hi,

Asuka. I mean, good morning. Um…" He trailed off, uncertain.
"We've only got as long as it takes Misato to shower and get back
out here to talk, so we're going to have to be quick. Sit down."
Shinji sat down across from her, his hands restlessly flitting about in
front of him. "Um… yes?"
"I… I heard you this morning."
Shinji blushed. "Er… I…"
"I… it's good, okay? I like it, that you would say that when you didn't
think I could hear it. I know you meant it, just like… last night." She
flushed some herself. "Yeah, all that stuff too but I mean…
everything that we said. I meant it. And I'm glad you did too." He was
starting to smile at her that way again. She started to match him, but
stopped herself. "And I like it when you smile at me like that… but
we've got to stop."
Shinji's face fell. "No…" he said, his voice hollow.
She reached across to grab his hand. "Not like that, baka! You are
still holding me tonight, Third Child! You promised! What I mean is…
we can't just… be all sunshine and smiles at each other like that. Not
while Misato's around."
Shinji's desperate return grip on her hand eased. Color flooded back
into his face. "Oh… right." He sighed in relief. "I… get it. I guess."
"I liked last night, Shinji. I woke up feeling good. I never wake up like
that. I don't want it to stop, any of it. But if Misato catches us, that's
the first thing she'll do, If she even finds out we're… that we really
like each other, she'll be watching for it, So we can't let her catch us,
or even suspect. And that means we've got to act like before, right?"
Asuka argued.
"I suppose. At school too?" He regarded their hands with a slightly

sad look. "I wish we didn't have to. I can hardly look at you without
smiling now, Asuka." He looked up at her shyly. True to his word, he
started to smile. "We're… we're alone when we walk to school,
though, right? We can… maybe hold hands? For some of it?"
'Damn it, Shinji. Stop being so cute at me.' She cleared her throat.
"Ahem! Maybe. If we're in a spot where no one can see us. We'll
have to be careful. I don't want to end up having to live with
Wondergirl, got it? Anyone sees us, and we'll have to deny it." She
squeezed his hands one more time before pulling hers back. The
warmth from his fingers was too seductive, and she knew if she let
herself she'd just keep holding his until Misato came out and found
them like that. "We're going to be like always at school, though. So…
when I yell at you for being a baka… just… know that I don't really
mean it, okay?"
"I… I know." Shinji nodded. "It's… it's okay. I get to see the real you
at home. As long as I know… you're just like me."
A chill ran down her spine. 'The real me?' She suppressed it. 'Stop it.
I am not useless. I am elite. He's going to have to keep up with me.'
She kept her face calm. She let her hand snake back out to grab his
again. His long, deft fingers easily intertwined with hers. She could
almost feel the reassurance flowing through their clasp. "Just like
me. Now let's eat and get moving before Miss Hangover has too
much time to eyeball us."
Getting out of the house before Misato finished up her hangover-

slowed shower routine proved impossible, so over a quiet breakfast
she and Shinji had their first trial by fire of whether or not they could
fool Misato about their budding relationship. A groggy and light-
sensitive Misato proved to be fairly easy to hoodwink, thought, and
they escaped quickly after Shinji finished preparing their lunches
without her even noticing the two Pilots never looked each other in
the face.
Asuka fought down the urge to tow Shinji in through the front gates
of the school by her hand, making her claim on him as loudly and
publicly as she could. It was a bad idea, she told herself. Too many
students would tell their parents, their teachers, or someone else
who would eventually talk to their guardian, and then the game
would be up. So no matter how much the idea of bragging about the
fact she now had a boyfriend (who was, by the way, a fantastic
kisser and good in bed) appealed to her, or the boost she could
expect to her already considerable social status as the exotic foreign
Eva Pilot from being paired up with the boy everyone knew had
saved Tokyo-3 more than once, she'd have to stay quiet. Really.
So she restricted herself to merely holding his hand on a couple of

the narrower side streets during their walk to school. She told herself
it was because he'd asked for it. It totally wasn't because his hand
felt warm and made her feel the same, or because the handclasp
made her skin tingle at the point of contact. Totally not. It must have
been his feet that slowed their walk as they approached the point
where more public streets would require them to let go again.
School itself was relatively easy. She just acted tired and a bit surly,
responding to Hikari's questions and chatter during the day with
grunts and as little talk as possible. She spent most of the day trying
not to obviously stare at Shinji and break into grins. That wasn't too
easy, with memories of last night constantly popping up in her head.
Which inevitably led her to thinking of the coming night…
'There are vending machines and pharmacies on the way home…' a

quiet, subversive little voice whispered in her head. 'You could get
some protection pretty easily that way. Then there'd be nothing to
stop you from a little "special full-synchronization training" hurr hurr
hurr…' She dug her pencil into her leg to stop the blush that wanted
to explode across her face at that thought. She spent the next hour
arguing with her body why they shouldn't do that. She was having a
real hard time finding arguments. Last night had been too much fun.
And more, she felt a deep nee- desire to truly, fully connect with
Shinji, to create the deepest bond with him she could. To be sure, at
the deepest possible level of her mind, that he really looked at her.
'He's just like you,' the voice insisted. 'He's thinking about it too.'
That's just because he's a teenage boy. He'd be like that with
anyone. 'Except no. Have you ever seen him look at anyone else the
way he looks at you? Has he ever held anyone like he held you?
Kissed anyone like you?' No, he… wait. Asuka's eyes drifted past
Shinji to the row of seats by the window, to the other Eva Pilot in
their class.
Wondergirl. The bluenette was apparently ignoring the teacher

again, staring out the window at the puffy clouds drifting across the
sky. She'd more than once seen Shinji staring at the First Child
during class. Or sometimes Ayanami was staring at Shinji. And
they'd been fighting side-by-side for months before she arrived in
Japan. There wasn't anything going on between them, was there?
Shinji had never said a thing, and neither had Ayanami, but it's not
like either were big talkers. 'He does look at her sometimes… and
she does look almost as good as I do. Mostly. Somewhat. And I'm
sure she'd do whatever she was told anyway. Stupid doll.'
Gott, now she was getting worried. She might even have a reason.
When she'd first arrived, she'd been somewhat surprised to learn
that the other girls in their year considered the quiet, unobtrusive
Third Child to still be a hot catch for any girl who might nab him as a
boyfriend. They thought him polite, a good cook who made his own
bentos, kind of cute, and most of all, the famed Evangelion Pilot
who'd defended Tokyo-3 from the attacks of three separate Angels.
At the time she'd merely sniffed, accepting the last part with a
muttered 'of course Eva Pilots are elite' and dismissing the rest as
foolish rumors by girls who didn't know how dull he was in person.
But then they'd been forced to live together to train for their
synchronized battle with Israfel. She'd found herself watching him,
enjoying the way he cooked anything she wanted on demand and
constantly cleaned up after her and Misato… how he took care of
her. How he rose to the challenges of Eva Piloting, despite obviously
not enjoying it the way she did. How he always gave her what she
wanted, whenever she asked (or more often, simply demanded,
loudly). Until she started wanting more from him than she could bring
herself to actually ask for out loud. Then the rumors had started to
make sense.
And now he was hers. So the other girls had declared him tasty, so
what? A few had even made tentative approaches on him, asking
him if he'd like to have lunch and such. He'd always turned them
down, out of shyness or obliviousness to the real meaning of their
requests. But the end result was Shinji had turned down every other
girl who'd approached him… but her. And none of them knew why.
Asuka felt a small smile growing that she couldn't stop this time.
None of them knew why, because none of them knew him the way
she did. 'He's just like me. No one can know him like I do. Not even
Wondergirl. He's mine!' That was a small surprise to her too, that she
was looking forward to talking to Shinji tonight almost as much as
her hormones were looking forward to the rest. Someone who could
understand ! 'He's just like me!' And he'd been scared, last night.
She had been too, honestly. Neither of them were the kind of people
to open up easily. But there was just something about him that dew
her… She… wanted him. As a boyfriend, a confidant, a… a…
everything. Even that ultimate step of intimacy, but… yeah, it was
still a bit scary. So maybe not all the way just yet, but for damn sure
they were going to talk and hold each other tonight. Asuka hadn't
slept so well or peacefully in years . No nightmares, no restlessness,
nothing but comfort and warmth.
And most of all, she hadn't felt alone . 'Gott, this is like a drug,' she
thought. 'First hit's free…' But who cared, when it felt like this?
The lunch bell startled her out of her pleasant daydream. Time to
mask up. She stood up and stalked over to Shinji's desk, a glower
slipping over her face. "Baka-Shinji! Where's my lunch!" she growled
at him, slamming her hands down on his desk.
He jumped at the impact, his mouth opening to say something. She

narrowed her eyes at him, just a hair, and flicked her look at their
classmates. Shinji got the hint and just said, "H-here, Asuka. Just the
way you like it."
She accepted the proffered box with a haughty look, taking it without
another word and walking towards Hikari's desk at the front of the
room.
Her friend was waiting for her with a slightly disapproving look. "You
know, Asuka, you could be nicer to Ikari-kun. He makes your lunch
for you every day, and you hardly even say thank you," she chided
her as they walked outside to eat.
'I almost wish I could tell you about last night right now, Hikari, just to
see the look on your face.' Aloud, she held herself to, "He
understands what I meant. I thank him after dinner at home." 'And oh
boy, am I going to thank him tonight!' "Anyway, I think your sister
owes me an apology. That guy she set me up on that blind date with
yesterday was incredibly boring, and he tried to cop a feel on me
after barely an hour at the amusement park!"
Hikari winced. "I'm sorry, Asuka! Kodama said he was a nice guy!
And she was very insistent and persuasive."
"She probably owed him a favor, or money," Asuka grumbled. ""After

that, I just left him waiting in line and went home. And I'd gotten all
dressed up for it, too. Hmph!"
"I'm really sorry. No more blind dates, I promise!"
Asuka waved her concern away. "It's fine, he's gone and forgotten.
Tomorrow I won't even remember his name. So much for him being
a 'dashing older student' like you said. He was just a selfish jerk out
for a cheap feel, not anything like a real good man, like Kaji-san or
S-" Asuka suddenly coughed violently and covered her mouth. 'Crap!
You idiot! That was close!'
"Or who?" Hikari asked.
"Ssssssschelbert-san. Guy I knew in Berlin. Nice guy, very… er…

tall. You don't know him," Asuka improvised. "But yeah, no more
blind dates. Why don't you take the next one?"
Her friend blushed and mumbled something into her lunch. Asuka
rolled her eyes. Her friend's poorly hidden giant crush on Shinji's
athletic friend was cute, annoying, and right now a perfect
distraction. Asuka mentally growled at herself for nearly blowing
things that easily. Gah. When was this school day going to end?
"Do you think Suzuhara likes anyone in our class?" Hikari asked.
Asuka groaned.
The final bell of the day came as a relief. As they were leaving Hikari
invited Asuka out shopping as an apology for the blind date gone
wrong, but Asuka begged off, citing vague NERV-related things she
needed to do ahead of a synch test tomorrow. She'd signaled Shinji
with her eyes to go on ahead of her, not wanting to be seen leaving
in his company, but she caught up with him before he'd even made
the first corner on their path home. She'd seized his hand as soon as
they were out of sight of any fellow students, though she did ensure
they kept to less visible streets.
Once in the door of Misato's apartment they'd nearly attacked each

other, schoolbags immediately flung away. After only thirty minutes
Shinji somehow managed to pull back and suggest they stop, over
Asuka's protests. He reluctantly pointed out that if they still had
homework and such undone when Misato got home a little later,
she'd probably ask why. Misato knew Shinji was a dutiful student,
and Asuka a college-graduate genius in Germany, so there was no
reason they wouldn't already be done when she got home… unless
something else had occupied them.
With only a modest amount of further pouting, Asuka decided that

they should study together, at least. Misato would accept an
explanation of that being an aftereffect of their synchronization
training if they were found doing that. They could write it off as Shinji
helping her study up on kanji, if nothing else. Plus, Shinji needed all
her genius help on his math and science that he could get. She did
enjoy the look he got when she sweetly asked if she should put on
that bikini again to teach him more physics. She grinned wider when
he managed to stutter a 'yes?'.
Working together to cover their weaker subjects actually made things

go faster. They'd just finished up their studying about 5PM when the
phone rang. Shinji answered it. "Hello? Katsuragi residence."
"And this is Katsuragi. Hi, Shin-chan. I'm making up for the time I
took off for that wedding yesterday, so I'll be running really late. Don't
bother leaving any dinner for me. I'll catch a meal here in the
cafeteria or something. Maybe make Kaji buy me take-out. Anyhow, I
probably won't get home until after midnight, so try not to fight with
Asuka too much. Get to bed on time to get a good night's sleep. You
all have that Synch Test tomorrow afternoon."
He glanced at Asuka, whose face had perked up at hearing Misato's

voice. She made questioning gestures at him, and crept closer. She
leaned in close, trying to put her ear next to the phone to listen in.
"Um, right, Misato-san. We'll be alright. We just finished up our

homework, so we'll get to bed early, both of us," he said calmly.
Asuka reeled away, clapping her hands over her mouth and fighting
to contain her laughter.
"Good boy, Shin-chan. I'll see you in the morning." She hung up.
Asuka burst out laughing. "Hahahahaha! Oh, yeah, we're both

getting to bed soon! Third, I didn't think you had it in you to try
sneaking jokes past Misato like that! Hahahaha!"
Shinji shrugged and scratched the back of his head, but still grinned
back at her. "Well, it's about what I would have said anyway, before,
and it's still true, so I'm not lying or anything…"
She grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the kitchen. "Heh.
Technically correct, the best kind of correct. Now hurry up and make
dinner. The faster you get done and we eat, the faster we can…
ah… do everything else."
He started to open cupboards and pulled out the wok. "We…" He

blushed. "We don't have… I mean… I really liked those parts, Asuka,
but… I like talking to you too. I've… never had anyone who can
understand like you. I want to be… I… I like being able to talk like we
did last night."
"Not just trying to roll me into bed as fast as you can? Are you sure
you're a teenage boy? Aren't you supposed to be all about that? It
sure sounds that way, listening to your Stooge buddies," Asuka
needled him, covering her nervousness at the topic.
Shinji looked at the floor. "I… do like that part too, Asuka. But… I…
you're not just a beautiful girl to me, okay? You're… special. There's
pretty girls in our class and stuff, but they're… They can't
understand. I don't want to talk to them. They're not you. So I don't
want to just kiss you. I… I want all of you."
He raised his head to look at her when he finished. Those dark blue,
so damn blue eyes were increasingly making Asuka's insides melt
when he did that, almost as much as his words this time. She tried to
get her mouth to form actual words. "W-well, what about Ayanami?
She's pretty, and she knows Eva. I've seen you looking at her, too."
Shinji blinked. "Ayanami? She… doesn't talk much. And I like her,
but… she's not… so alive, like you. I don't… I worry that she doesn't
seem to have any friends and takes too many risks in her Eva, but
she doesn't keep me awake at night like you." He blushed again. "I
mean… Not like last night! I mean before that! Oh wait, that sounds
worse… I wasn't… gah…"
Asuka tried not to show how much better that made her feel. "Ohh?
Thinking of me at night Shin-chan?" she asked, sweet as could be.
"Baka hentai Shin-chan, up all night…"
He was thoroughly red now. "I… hey!" His eyes narrowed. "You're
just like me! Were you… doing the same?"
Shinji pushing back? This was new and interesting. And true, as it
happened, not that she was going to admit it so easily. "Me? I'm a
proper and well-mannered young lady! I would never…"
"You totally were, weren't you?" Shinji interrupted, his blush easing
as his smile grew.
Well, mostly about Kaji, at least at the beginning, but Shinji had
started cropping up in there more and more. Thoughts of just
sneaking across the hall one night, slipping into his room in the
dark… A tingle ran through her at the thought that fantasy was now
entirely possible, no, probable on a night very soon. She coughed
into her hand. "… maybe." Gott, this was fun. He was pushing back
at her. He was looking at her.
Shinji set the oven to cook and got out more dinner ingredients,
grinning. "Asuka… this is kind of scary… but fun."
"I know."
"Not just the kissing. All of it."
"I know."
He looked at her closely again, the way he had yesterday just before
he started listing their shared traumas. "You… you're scared at
opening up… but that's even more exciting and terrifying than the…
the parts in bed. But you don't want to stop. You've never felt like this
before."
She made herself meet his look and shot back. "You… can't wait to
get your hands on me again. You were thinking about it all day. It's a
little scary, yeah, but… you want more. Of all of it."
He leaned in closer. "You… last night just happened. Knowing we're

going to sleep next to each other already, at the start of… tonight
is… different. You're…" Shinji placed visibly shaking hands on her
waist, pulling her close. She tried not to shake likewise. "Scared.
This still feels like some kind of wild dream. To you." He added at the
last minute, keeping up the pretense.
She just gave a tiny nod. "We're Eva Pilots. We can do anything."
She let their foreheads press together, looking right into his eyes
from up close. This time their kiss was more tentative, but carried a
different feeling then their earlier, intense make-out. "Finish making
dinner, Shinji. I want to get to bed soon ."
He pulled back and nodded. "Right. We told Misato we would," he

said with a smile. "Synch Test tomorrow and stuff." He turned back to
the wok.
"I am so going to kick your ass in that, Third Child."
Surprisingly, he pushed back at her one more time. "Bet you won't."
She let a delighted shiver run through her. "Oh, it is so on, Third."
Chapter 3 in progress. Leliel is coming. Things will change. And of

course, there will be fan service! /Misato voice
Misato sipped at the soup, making a surprised and pleased sound at
the flavor. "Mmm. Hey, Shinji, did you change the soup stock?"
Shinji carefully lifted up the hot pot with the rest of lunch in it with
mittened hands and turned towards the table. "Yeah, it's a bonito
stock. It's a gift from Ritsuko-san."
"HOTTTTTTTTTT!" The aggrieved shout from the bathroom startled

the two inhabitants of the dining area. A rapid stomping of feet
heralded the door to the bathroom being flung open by an upset
redhead clad only in a pair of towels wrapped tightly around her hair
and torso. She leveled an accusing finger at Shinji. "That bath was
too HOT!"
"I'm sorry," his mouth said on autopilot. A small part of his brain was
concentrating on not dropping the hot pot on his feet, because most
of it was trying not to drool helplessly over the way Asuka's long,
smooth legs disappeared up under the hem of the towel, mixed in
with memories of last night that said sight triggered. Stopping in the
middle of things to take a shower had been Asuka's idea. It had
been a good one; she'd suggested there was a way to save water…
Wow…
Um. She was still pointing at him and yelling. "You always apologize
right away, but do you actually feel sorry?!"
"Um." Nope, brain still off.
"It's like you apologize as a conditioned reflex to avoid being

scolded!"
"I'm sorry." Autopilot was still good, check.
"Exactly like that. You're just fundamentally too self-deprecating!"

He frowned slightly. She'd mentioned something similar last night,
when they were quietly talking in her bed, but her tone had been
much softer then. He could understand that yelling at him now was a
part of keeping up their front of antagonism for Misato, but it still
stung a little. Less than it might have if he didn't know she actually
cared about him, though. It did remind him they were still deceiving
Misato, however, and his face clouded. He hated lying to her.
Misato saw his look darken, but misunderstood why. She came to his
rescue against Asuka's rant. "Now, now, that's just Shin-chan's
way…"
Asuka folded her arms over her chest and sniffed. "Just his way?
You're being too soft on him! He need firm training, not lax attitude!
Haven't you been a little too soft on him lately?"
"Have I?" Misato asked innocently, taking a sip from her beer. She
loved Sundays.
Asuka glared at their guardian. "Just because you and Kaji-san have
hooked up again, don't project your happiness on other people so
easily!"
"There's nothing between Kaji and me," Misato intoned piously.
The phone in Misato's bedroom rang, and picked up on voicemail

after one ring. "Yo, Katsuragi!" Kaji's voice rang out, perfectly clear to
everyone in the dining room. "I found a bar that serves a decent
drink! How about tonight? See you!" Beeeeeep.
Misato's expression was a trifle embarrassed.
Asuka's tone shifted from angry to sarcastic. "Sure, nothing between

you… No daylight, no air gap, nothing but sweat, I bet! Perverted
guardian! Disgusting!"
Misato just tipped her can back and looked intently at the ceiling,
muttering about Kaji's sense of timing.
With Misato's gaze diverted, Asuka took the chance to give Shinji a
wink. 'So Misato will probably be out tonight, hmm?' it promised.
Asuka slipped back into the bathroom as Shinji quickly turned back
towards the kitchen to hide his face. He wasn't entirely comfortable
with hiding their relationship from Misato, but sometimes the game
was a thrill on its own…
"B-type harmonics test complete, no problems. Projected adjustment

values have been cleared," Lieutenant Ibuki's voice rang over the
test chamber's speakers.
Misato covered her mouth to hide a yawn. The observation room

overlooking the test chamber was too warm for her comfort, thanks
to the blood-warm vat of LCL the Test Plugs sat in for the Synch
Test. The heat and short sleep were leaving her drowsy.
She didn't hide the yawn well enough. "You look tired, Misato-san,"
observed Lieutenant Hyuga.
Misato rubbed at her neck. "Yeah, for a lot of private reasons," she
admitted.
"Kaji," Doctor Akagi commented flatly, not even looking up from her
clipboard.
" Shut it!" Misato barked at her old friend. So it might have been true,
so what? It still wasn't what everyone thought. But better everyone
assuming she was just up all night because she and Kaji were back
together than anyone looking closer. Kaji showing her the unearthly
white giant stored away in Terminal Dogma had been enough to
keep her awake for hours all by itself. The drinking she'd done to let
herself finally get to sleep had been entirely medicinal, for a change.
What else was NERV keeping secret besides an Angel in the
basement?
She sighed, returning her attention to the nearly completed Synch

Test. She bent over Maya's chair. "Well, how's the Third Child
doing?" she inquired.
Maya smiled over her shoulder and tapped at her keyboard, bringing
up a simplified results display. "Take a look."
"Hmm, let me see…" It took her a second to interpret the technical

readout and compare it to the prior results, but only one. This was
the 132nd Synch Test, after all. "A six percent jump over last test?
Are… are the results stable? Wow."
Maya nodded. "It's not just him, either. The Second Child is up too,
four percent. Shinji's caught up to her. In fact, he's peaking ahead of
her by a hair on some of the harmonics, but he can't seem to
stabilize that."
"What about Rei? Is this an artifact of the equipment modifications

we're testing?"
The technical Lieutenant shook her head. "I checked her, too. She's
up, but just zero-point-eight percent. It's just Shinji and Asuka getting
this big spike. I'll try to isolate the cause."
"My my… I hope that knowing this will boost his confidence. Asuka is
always going on about how superior and elite she is. Shinji catching
up to her might give him a boost, and maybe spur her on to stay
ahead." She keyed the Pilot's communication link. "Can you hear
me, Shinji-kun?"
Shinji opened his eyes in the Test Plug. He actually looked pretty
happy for once, Misato noted. He perked up further at her voice.
"Misato-san? How were my test scores?"
Misato gave him a thumbs-up. "You're up six points this time, Shinji!
You're tied with Asuka!"
Shinji glowed happily. The rare, straight praise almost seemed to

surprise him.
Asuka snorted derisively in her plug. "No doubt because of my fine
example of how to be a superior Eva Pilot! You should be honored
how much of me has rubbed off on you, Third Child!" Asuka quickly
cut the comm window off and desperately stuffed her hands over her
mouth. 'Oh Gott, now baka-Shinji's got me doing it too! 'How much of
me has rubbed off on him?' Hahahahaha! How about 'all of me,
several times!'?' She grinned beneath her covering hands. Last night
had been even more fun than the first. Shinji's long, sensitive
musician's fingers were good for more than just playing cello. He
gave amazing backrubs.
She was actually enjoying herself. So he'd caught up? She was
going to make him work to stay there. Mama would be proud of her.
If Shinji could raise his Synch Score enough to match her, she could
raise hers just as much to keep ahead. 'I like the idea of making him
chase me, oh yes.'
She sank her head back into the seat and smiled faintly, closing her
eyes. 'I haven't felt this good in years. Mama, would you have liked
him? He makes me happy like you did.… I wish I could show him to
you.'
Maya narrowed her eyes at the test results. Asuka's graph had just
wobbled upwards another 0.5 percent. She glanced up at the display
screen showing all three Pilot's faces side by side. Rei was as blank
as ever. Shinji was smiling, still chatting with Misato. Asuka… had
her head back and eyes closed, like she was meditating. "Asuka,
whatever you're doing, keep doing it. You just went up another half a
point!"
Asuka blinked her eyes open in surprise. A cocky grin grew on her
face. "Oh, does that mean Shinji's no longer caught up, hmm?"
Misato gave her a half-smile. "You are now just ahead of him, Asuka.
You are Number One."
"Oh man, that was a close one, but in the end my natural skill and
superior training record easily beat him. And you were just left in the
dust, First. To be honest, getting beat that easily must be a little
frustrating for you, no? I can't help it that I'm amazing, wonderful,
awesome, just tooooo awesome for you to match! Even the great,
invincible Shinji-sama cannot beat me! Although he is almost as
good as I am. My influence, no doubt. Just being around me makes
him better. You should try it sometime, First."
'Being around Ikari-kun more often would… be agreeable,' Rei

thought. She otherwise tried her best to tune out the Second Child's
happy babbling. The Second had been unusually cheerful the last
few days. Her successfully registering the top Synch Score in today's
test seemed to have energized her even more. She had not stopped
talking since they'd left the test chamber, mostly about her own
superiority. Rei frowned slightly. She was mentioning Ikari-kun
unusually often, and in more complimentary manner than she
commonly favored him with. She had only used 'baka' twice the
entire time. Curious.
Rei shelved the thought for later. Doctor Akagi had ordered her to
stop by her lab, to be followed by her regular full brain scan and
upload in Terminal Dogma. She did not have time to spend listening
any further to the Second's opinion of herself, nor devote to the
mystery of why she seemed less hostile to Ikari-kun lately. She
finished adjusting her school uniform and closed her locker. Picking
up her bookbag, she walked to the door of the locker room.
"Well, that just means you'll get to take it easy from now on, right?
But I guess you should at least do your best not to be left behind,"
Asuka continued, not even looking at Rei as she energetically
danced around in front of her locker, admiring herself in the mirror
mounted in the door.
"Goodbye," Rei said quietly, leaving the Second to continue her

chattering without an audience. Not that Rei cared.
Asuka froze as the door hissed shut and listened carefully as Rei's
delicate footsteps faded away down the hall. Without another word
she rapidly finished dressing and slammed her locker shut. She was
out the locker room door and down the hall in the opposite direction
within thirty seconds of Rei's departure, bag bouncing madly against
her hip as she ran.
'I told him to wait for me at the Geofront-to-surface train station near
the fourth shaft. If I make it there in the next ten minutes, he and I
can catch the bus on the surface almost all the way home. We'll be
alone and in the apartment by 1830!' Asuka grinned and ran faster.
'And I won! So it was by half a point? So what? I'm still the best! And
Shinji's chasing right behind me! With me! Come on, Third Child,
chase me!'
She skidded into the deserted train station with a minute to spare.
She spotted Shinji waiting on a bench near the last door in the train.
The train itself stood empty with its door open. The lack of regular
riders on this particular train was why Asuka had selected it. The
automated voice was already warning them to board. She pointed at
the train as she ran the last few meters to board the car closest to
her. Shinji jogged into the one near him and immediately started
moving his way forward to meet her. They ran together and wrapped
their arms around each other like they'd been separated for days
instead of a few hours.
"The ride… to the… surface," Asuka gasped between kisses, "Is

eighteen minutes. We'll be in public at the surface station and on the
bus, so let's make the most of this ride."
"Un," Shinji agreed, unwilling to waste time with words. His hands
were already starting to work their magic on her back, kneading at
muscles made stiff from hours spent sitting in the Test Plugs.
Asuka groaned in pleasure. 'Mmm… Gott, his hands… you are mine
mine mine, Third Child.'
All too quickly, they were on the surface, waiting ten minutes for the
bus to take them to within a few blocks of Misato's apartment. Asuka
forced herself to wipe the contented smile off her face while they
were in public, forcing it down to one of her more usual haughty
smirks. The crowd of homeward-bound NERV people forced them to
pretend to ignore each other. Happily, the bus fairly quickly emptied
out of most of its passengers as it headed north through Tokyo-3.
The orange light of the setting sun made the whole bus glow, making
Shinji's chestnut brown hair looki like it had a halo from Asuka's seat
behind him.
Once they were almost alone on the bus, Asuka felt safe to talk to
him, and rested her head on her arms on the back of Shinji's seat.
Shinji was staring out the window, a faintly sad look on his face. She
poked him in the back of the head. "Why the glum look, Shinji?"
Shinji blinked and snapped out of his distracted fugue. "Uh? Oh, it's
nothing."
She poked him again. "Bullshit. Talk, Third. I like it when you smile
too."
That did bring a faint smile to his face. "Well… I was pretty happy I'd
caught up to you there for a minute. You're… you've been training for
this your whole life, Asuka. It's kind of intimidating, trying to keep up
with you. It all seems to come to you so easily. But then you
somehow pulled out ahead again. I… I wonder sometimes if I'm
good enough to keep up with you at all."
"Don't. Being the second greatest Eva Pilot in the world isn't exactly
making you one of the unwashed masses, Shinji, especially when
I'm the top mark. You brought your score up six points in a week,
and almost matched me. And who beat Sachiel with no training?
Who beat Shamshel despite two Stooges in the Entry Plug with him
weighing him down? Who was right there with me against Gaghiel
and Israfel? Hm?"
Shinji colored a bit. "Me," he mumbled.

"Damn straight. So straighten up and be proud of it, Shinji. You're
more than good enough to fight with me. We're elite Eva Pilots, one
in a billion. Don't you ever stop chasing me, either. You and me are
the most dangerous people on the planet. There's no one else I'd
trust to have next to me in a fight like you." Asuka stopped and
blinked to herself. She hadn't intended to be that open. She hadn't
even realized how true that statement was until she said it. But it
was. The thought of going into a fight now without her baka-Shinji at
her side was profoundly unappealing. When they were together, they
won . "Until the end of the world, you and me, against the Angels
and anything else that tries to hurt us."
Shinji turned in his seat to look straight at her. His mouth worked, but
he couldn't seem to find the words. Eventually he just nodded, his
eyes glistening a bit. He leaned forward to kiss her softly. "Yes."
A couple of kids at the front of the bus snickered at the two teens
kissing in the back. Asuka eyed them disdainfully. 'Eh, no one we
know. Screw it. They want to stare and laugh? Let's give them
something to watch.' She grabbed Shinji and kissed him harder.
"Mmm, and you keep doing that, Third. Always."
The bus rolled to a halt at their stop with a hiss of brakes. Shinji
stood up, his hand halfway to helping her up before he remembered
they shouldn't be seen doing that. Asuka too it anyhow. "Let's go
have dinner," she smiled. "And get to bed."
On an unremarkable side street in the center of Tokyo-3, the

perpetual summer sun of Japan's post-Second Impact altered
climate beat down on a dark sedan, painting the pavement beneath
it inky black with shadow. The air shimmered from the reflected heat
off all the tall white buildings, but that couldn't account for how the
black shadow began to bulge and spread, rapidly becoming bigger
than the car, than the street, than the entire block…
"Five minutes until the evacuation of the Western District is
complete!"
"Target is advancing slowly southwest at two point five kilometers per

hour!"
Misato skidded to a stop as she finally made it to Central Dogma.

"I'm here!" she shouted, trying to be heard over the screaming Angel
alarm.
"You're late!" Ritsuko joked darkly.
"So sorry! What's the situation? Why didn't the radar observation
station at Fuji pick it up?"
Lieutenant Aoba's hands flew over his keyboard, bringing up

displays for every camare they had with a view on the giant black-
and-white striped orb floating over the city. "It just suddenly appeared
directly overhead, Major. No transition."
"Pattern Orange, no AT-Field detected!" Lieutenant Hyuga reported.
"What does that mean?" Misato asked.
Ritsuko shook her head. "A new kind of Angel?"
Misato wheeled on Lieutenant Ibuki. "MAGI analysis?"
"The MAGI are witholding judgment on if it's an Angel," the tech

replied.
"What else could it be?" Misato muttered. "Damn! Commander Ikari

just has to be gone at a time like this, too. The Evas?"
"Already launched and on the surface. They're arming now from the
weapons structures," Lieutenant Hyuga said.
Misato gestured for him to patch her through to them. "Pilots, can
you all hear me? We're sending you all the data we have on the
target. We don't know very much right now. Approach it carefully and
observe its reactions. If possible, lure it into the airspace outside of
the city limits. One of you take point and the other two are back up.
Got it?"
"Yes, sensei~!" Asuka warbled cheerfully. I think that should be the

obvious choice! Me, of course!"
Shinji gave her a quizzical look over the comm window. "Eh?"
"Well, this is a job for the highest-scoring, utterly fearless number

one Synch Rate holder, right? Me! Or do you think you've got the
power to match me, Shin-chan?" she asked in a slightly mocking
tone.
Shinji's jaw set. "I can do it! I'll show you how it's done, Asuka!"
"Oh, so Shin-chan thinks he's got the mojo now to keep up with me,
does he? Misato said it, I'm Number One! Stay right on my ass,
Third Child, and see if you can back me up, then! First, you give us
long range cover fire!"
"Unit-00 will provide back up," Rei quietly acknowledged.
"It's a man's duty to fight!" Shinji said firmly.
"Please, first you've got to catch up to me, Third! Evangelion Unit-02,

taking point!"
"Damn kids, running with it…" Misato grumbled.
"Shinji's gotten to be quite admirable lately, hasn't he?" Ritsuko

observed. "And Asuka seems to be using him as a rival to push
herself even further."
Misato kept a glare aimed at the main screens. "I'm still going to
have to chew them both out when they get back. It's good they've
got enthusiasm, but they need to keep it under control."
"You might just make a good teacher," her friend said.
"If I don't strangle them one day," Misato sighed. "Get the JSSDF
units organized for the perimeter, Lieutenant."
Shinji ran Unit-01 up to the next building and put his back against it,
peering around the corner at the flying Angel. It was huge, a striped
sphere at least one hundred and fifty meters across, floating along
with a weird buzzing sound. 'I don't see a Core, or eyes, or anything.
Where are we supposed to attack it?' "Ayanami, Asuka, are you in
position yet?"
"I am set," Rei replied.
"My power cable ran out of slack. Stand by one, I'm changing to a
new cable," Asuka said. "I'll be four hundred meters on our left in ten
seconds." There was a short pause before Asuka came back up
again. "Alright, I'm in position. Third, I'll strike it with the axe, then
you hit it when it reacts to me, got it? I'm counting on you."
Shinji nodded. "Ready." ' You can always count on me, Asuka. I
promised.' He gripped the pistol tighter in Unit-01's hand and
breathed out.
Asuka took a deep breath and launched Unit-02 forward. She used a
lower building as a step-stool to jump to a taller one. She flung Un it-
02 off the top of the tower she'd identified as the closest building to
the floating sphere. She gave a banshee howl as she swung her
Eva-scaled Progressive Axe down on the Angel.
And hit air. The Angel vanished as she struck, the sphere
evaporating from view. Asuka crashed back down to the street
below, Unit-02 leaving two gigantic footprints stomped a meter into
the asphalt. "What?!"
"It disappeared!" Ritsuko exclaimed in Central Dogma.

"Pattern Blue! Angel confirmed! Directly below Unit-02!" Hyuga
shouted.
Misato spun towards him. "What?!"
Asuka looked down. "A shadow?!" The shadows beneath her feet
had suddenly turned pitch black and spread out with no apparent
source. Years of Evangelion Pilot training had honed her reflexes to
a fine edge, and she instantly leapt into the air again, reaching the
roof of a four-story building next to her. But just as soon as she
reached that perch, the building itself began to sink into the
blackness.
"What is this?! This think is fricking weird !" Asuka flung her axe at
the black. The huge blade struck but vanished with no apparent
effect on the Angel, like she'd thrown it into a vat of tar.
"Asuka, get out of there! Move!" Misato barked over the radio.
Asuka's building had sunk until Unit-02's feet were once again
almost at ground level, if that term even still applied.
"I know!" Asuka leapt again, sprining to another building fifty meters
further away. "I did this on the high seas with baka-Shinji on my
back! This is nothing!" She jumped again, her path becoming harder
as more and more buildings began to sing and tilt as the Angel's
shadow grew. "I'm… almost…" Jump, jump, jump… "At the edge
of… scheisse !" The next building she'd been counting on as a
landing spot was already sunken nearly out of sight, and had tilted
as it went so that the lower corner was already below the shadow's
surface. Asuka's foot came down where the corner should have
been just below the surface, but met nothing. Her leg sank into the
blackness and Unit-02 toppled forward.
"I can't feel my leg!" Asuka cried. "And… I can't pull it out!" Unit-02
grabbed at the stump of the building remaining above the surface
and pulled, but her effort was futile, and the entire building continued
to sink. She was already more than waist-deep. "Misato, I can't pull
free! I can't feel anything below my stomach! It's… cold!"
Shinji gripped Unit-01's controls harder. She actually sounded…
frightened. He tried to keep hisheart from clenching in matching
terror. She had to be okay. She had to be. He willed his Eva to move
faster. "I'm coming, Asuka! Hold on!" 'I have to save her. I have to
save her!'
"Eject the Entry Plug! Get her out of there!" Misato ordered.
"No good! Signal not received! The Plug won't eject!" Maya replied.
Misato cursed. "Damn! Shinji, Rei, rescue Unit-02, quickly!"
"Roger," Rei answered, just a hint of urgency in her voice. Unit-00

pounded towards the Angel.
Shinji was already at the edge of the still expanding shadow. Most of
Unit-02 was already vanished below the surface. Just its head and
one arm were still above the shadow. Shinji looked around hurriedly.
There had to be something… There! There was the stub of another
building about two-thirds of the way to Asuka. He frantically leapt for
it, skidding to a stop at its edge. He could just reach Unit-02's hand.
He grabbed for it. "Asuka, I'm here! Grab hold!"
Her hand grabbed at his and gripped with desperate strength, but
she continued to sink. "Shinji! Don't let go! Don't let me go!" Unit-02's
head sank below the black surface. "It's cold! The sensors are all
going blank! I can't see anything! Shinji, can you still hear me?!
Shinji?! Don't leave m -" Her voice dissolved into static as her hand
and his dropped below the shadow.
"Asuka?! Talk to me, Asuka!" Shinji's hand went numb. The last of
the building he was crouched on sank away, and his feet began to
go numb too. He tried to concentrate on keeping his hand gripped
anyway, but he couldn't feel if he still held Asuka's hand or not.
"Asuka? Asuka?! Are you there? Asuka, answer me, please! Misato,
I can't hear Asuka anymore, and I'm sinking too! Ayanami, help me!"
Rei sighted her rifle on the hovering sphere that had reappeared and
fired off three shots. The sphere vanished before the shots could
impact and the giant rifle rounds merely chewed up the building
behind. Rei tossed the useless weapon aside and sprinted towards
Unit-01. "Ikari-kun, I am here." She stretched out for his hand, but he
was just out of reach. She wrapped her other arm around her power
umbilical and put one foot in the blackness, leaning as far out as she
could. She sank shin-deep in the darkness almost immediately, but it
gave her enough reach to grab Unit-01's hand.
Rei threw Unit-00's weight back, pulling as hard as the titan's

muscles would let her. Unit-01's sinking slowly stopped and
reversed. Rei used the foot she still had on a hard surface to pull her
other out of the shadow and step back, hauling Unit-01 after her.
Shinji couldn't completely stifle the near-sob that escaped him when
his hand broke the surface… empty. " Asuka !" His breathing rapid
rose to a pant and he could feel a cold sweat breaking out under his
plugsuit. 'No no no no no no NO NO NO!'
Misato grit her teeth. "Shinji… Rei… withdraw," she ground out.
"But…" Rei began.
"Asuka is still in there!" Shinji cried. "We have to-"
"Withdraw. That… that's an order."

"Second tank squadron, arrangement completed."
"Roger. Hold current position and stand by."
"Sub-laser line opened. Data transmitted."
"Roger. Dispatched in C line," Aoba replied, and closed the link. He

turned to Major Katsuragi. "The UN Force's siege formation is
complete, Major."
Misato continued to glare at the Angel through the binoculars.

"Shadow's status?"
"Immobile," Lieutenant Hyuga replied. "It ceased motion when it

exceeded six hundred meters in diameter. But are the land troops
useful?"
"They're intended to let us apply pressure," Misato said flatly. 'Right,

that Angel really looks intimidated. Idiots.' She lowered the
binoculars. Rei and Shinji were standing nearby. She chewed her lip.
She was almost as worried for Shinji as she was for Asuka. He…
she'd known since the first time his name had been mentioned that
Shinji was Commander Ikari's son, and had vaguely noted their
physical resemblance, but this was the first time she'd really seen
just how much alike they were in presence… Shinji's posture, his
stare, the icy, repellent air… for the first time, Misato actually felt
uncomfortable around Shinji… it was like he was an entirely different
person.
And she thought she knew why. It hadn't escaped her notice the way
the two of them had been calling for each other as Asuka sank. If the
situation weren't so grim, she'd have smiled. 'Those two are… you've
got to stop needing to dive in to save her from mortal peril like that,
Shinji. Never stop doing it, though. Those two need a push. I should
see what I can do to help them actually start talking to each other
when we get her back. And we are damn well going to.'
Rei spent a lot of time watching the Third Child. She had passed
much time in their classroom covertly observing him. He was one of
the only people in the world who spoke to her at all on a regular
basis. She was familiar with his mannerisms and habits. She knew
he was not given to talking very much, even when with his few
friends.
But this… this was different. Ikari-kun had not said a word in four
hours, nothing at all since they'd been recovered from their Entry
Plugs. He just stood and stared at the Angel hovering over the city.
Even his stare was unusual. She had never seen him stare at
anything the way he was staring at the Angel, like he was trying to
burn a hole in it with his eyes. He was staring at it like… Commander
Ikari.
Rei processed that thought some more. Yes, the stare, the rigid
posture that radiated controlled tension… it was very much like the
Commander. She… did not like to see Ikari-kun like this. It…
disturbed her. Ikari-kun she had always associated with kindess, with
gentleness. He was the one who spoke to her like a friend, who told
her to smile, who… showed care for her.
This Ikari-kun… she wondered if he would even notice her behind

him. She had been standing nearby for several minutes, listening to
Major Katsuragi receive reports on the status of the JSSDF cordon
and the estimated remaining time left on Unit-02's batteries in
maximum endurance mode. But Ikari-kun had not moved, not made
a sound. His only reaction had been to set the clock on his plugsuit's
wrist with a matching countdown timer for Unit-02's batteries; twelve
more hours.
'He is concerned for Unit-02?' Rei considered. 'No… he is concerned

for the Second Child.'
She had noted the Second and Third Children's interactions before.
The Second's obvious interest in Ikari-kun was a source of irritation
to Rei. The Second Child did not treat Ikari-kun kindly. This made
Rei as close to angry as she really allowed herself to get. When the
Second Child had approached her after her arrival, she had
dismissed her largely because she saw no reason to associate with
her. But afterwards she wished she had accepted her offer, if for
nothing else than it would have provided her with a social avenue to
express her displeasure at how she treated Ikari-kun.
The way Ikari-kun seemed to somehow return the Second Child's

interest puzzled her. During the synchronization training, even
though she had performed perfectly adequately with Ikari-kun after
only one attempt, Major Katsuragi had still insisted that PIlot Soryu
be Ikari-kun's partner. She had been correct in the end; Rei doubted
she could have performed as well in the actual attack as the pair
had, but still… More recently, Ikari-kun and Pilot Soryu had been
acting… like they were acting, displaying a different attitude than
they really felt. It was subtle, but Rei could see it. And now, he was
acting very concerned about her. She had never seen him this tense.
"Ikari-kun."
His eyes flicked towards her, but he did not move.
"Ikari-kun… you are acting oddly. Why?"
His jaw worked for a moment. "I am worried about Asuka, Ayanami."
"Why?"
Shinji kept staring at the Angel. "She's… I Piloted against Sachiel to

protect you, Ayanami. You protected me when we fought against
Ramiel. I dove into Mount Asama to save Asuka. We have the most
dangerous job in the world. I hate it that you or Asuka could die-" He
suddenly stopped talking and pinched his eyes shut hard. It was a
moment before he resumed. "Could die at any time. I don't want
anyone I care about to die. And this time… I failed her. I had her
hand in mine, she was begging me to save her, and… and… I
couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I… what good…" He squeezed his
fists so tight Rei could hear the rubbery material of his plugsuit
creaking.
"So you would do the same for me?" Rei asked quietly. 'Even though
if I die, I could be replaced?'
Shinji turned to look at her. He looked surprised, the first expression

besides coiled tension he'd worn since Unit-02 vanished. "Yes, of
course, Ayanami! You… you're my friend! You are both very
important to me. I'd do anything to save both of you!" He turned back
towards the Angel. "We have to get her back. That matters more
than anything, even my life." His voice dropped to barely more than
a whisper. "I wish… you'd saved her instead of me."
Rei tried to think of what to say. He could not be replaced like her.
Did he value himself so little? Even she was more important to him
than himself? And the Second Child? She meant as much to Shinji
as Rei herself? More? This… would require much thought.
Misato spoke up from behind them both. "No sacrificing yourself or

anything, Shinji. You matter to people too. And we are going to get
her back. I still need to chew you both out together for rushing in like
that, and I don't want to have to give that speech twice. You both try
to get some rest. I'm going to see what Doctor Akagi has come up
with for analysis of this thing."
Asuka flicked the sensors in Unit-02 on again. The Entry Plug

flashed through the wild colors of its startup sequence before once
again stabilizing into the exterior view. Or non-view, as it was
showing now. Nothing but blank white nothing. Even her radar and
sonar readouts read 'null'.
"Still only white noise. Radar and sonar get no response. This space
must be just too vast," she muttered to herself. She'd been doing
that more and more as the time wore on. It pushed the loneliness
back a little. "It's been 12 hours since I switched to life-support
mode… four or five hours left to think of something, Soryu. Come on,
you're supposed to be a genius…"
She'd tried to sleep after the first few hours of futile attempts at radio
contact, radar searches, anything she tried had proved fruitless. But
sleep wouldn't come. When she powered off all the systems to save
battery, the silence, emptiness, and the damned, damned loneliness
pressed in on her. She hadn't realized just how comforting having
Shinji lying next to her was, how easy sleep came to her these last
few days. Not until she tried sleeping without him.
"Gott, you're pathetic, Soryu. Twelve hours, and you're missing baka-
Shinji this bad? Feh." Concentrating on missing Shinji was still better
than contemplating the inexorable ticking of the countdown timer on
her wrist display. Four hours forty-seven minutes, forty-six, forty-
five… "Stop it! He'll come. Or you'll think of something. You're smart
and he's so brave he's an idiot. He's always saved you before.
You're going to have to balance that score, by the way, or he's going
to get a swelled head…" 'Oh, like you still wouldn't fricking cry tears
of joy to see him right now.' "Fine, I admit it, I… Gott I wish he was
here. Or better, I was home. Yeah, in our bed. Gott… it's been three
days. How am I already thinking of it like that? Missing it that bad?
Because I don't feel alone there, that's why. I… I'm not alone I'm not
alone I'm not alonenotalonenotalone-"
She bit her cheek hard to stop the babble. No. She was not doing
this. No. She was not having a fucking freak-out just because she
was more alone than any human being had ever been… Lost in
nowhere… His hand just evaporating out of her grip even as she
held on for dear life…
She pounded her fist on her hip. The spark of pain helped her focus.
"I am not alone! He's right there! Waiting for me! I just need to find a
way out of here!" She ran another sweep with her sensors, then
made herself shut it down again when it came up as empty of results
as all the others. "I just have to think…"
She stared angrily at the walls of the Entry Plug for a minute. "… I
feel hungry…" Shinji's heavenly cooking. Lunches to order. The
Black Forest Cake he'd made her last night, a surprise…
Thinking of all that was better than the alternatives.
Doctor Akagi was deep into some lecture about the Angel. Shinji
tried to listen, hoping she'd offer something to give him hope, but the
advanced mathematical diagrams and jargon-laden explanation went
mostly past him. The Angel was three nanometers thick? Inverted
AT-Field? Imaginary space? The floating sphere was its five-
dimensional shadow? What the Hell was a 'Sea of Dirac'? He shook
his head.
Misato's expression wasn't encouraging. "So the black shadow that

swallowed Unit-02 is the real target?"
Shinji 's right hand clenched and released, clenched and released.
He'd defied Misato's order to withdraw to the extent of picking up
Unit-00's dropped rifle and emptying its magazine into the shadow,
doing his best to force it to give Asuka back. The shots had vanished
into it without even a ripple. It was like shooting a cloud of smoke.
"So what can we even do to it?" he whispered. 'Your fault your fault
your fault…'
Asuka snapped out of her semi-doze with a start. Something was

moving across her field of view! She blinked, then slumped back
down. It was just more tiny bits of stuff floating through the
increasingly murky LCL.
'Damn. The filters are giving out. No more power for the purification
system. Ugh.' She coughed. "It's starting to smell… like blood. Dirty
blood."
Asuka snapped her hands into fists. She had spent most of her life
around LCL. She hardly even noticed its smell or taste anymore.
Does a fish notice water? But now it was off. It was the cold. It had to
be the cold that was making her hands start to shake. Had to be.
And the increasing thickness of the stale LCL was why she was
starting to pant. That's all. It was not panic breathing. She was not
starting to panic because she had less than an hour left in her
batteries and she was alone and cold and so tired and she wanted
Shinji and someone help me please please please I don't want to die
alone I don't want to die I don't want to
The pain in her hands finally made her realize she was pounding on
the Entry Plug hatch and screaming.
She huddle back in the seat, wrapping her arms around herself. She
tried to recall the feeling of Shinji's arms around her. She would not
cry. She had not cried since the day… the day she found her mother.
The only other person who had made her feel better.
"I'm not alone, I'm not alone, I'm not alone," she whispered. "He's
just like me. I'd be finding a way to save him, so he'll come for me."
She squeezed her arms around herself tighter. "Mama… please…
help me…"
Misato's look at her oldest friend was anything but friendly. "What?"
Her tone of voice would have sent sensible people running for cover.
Doctor Akagi did not move.
"It's the only way we've got," Ritsuko said. "Dropping one hundred
N2 mines on the center of the shadow timed for simultaneous
detonation within one millisecond, plus using Units-01 and -00 to
interfere with the Angel's AT-Field should concentrate enough
explosive force to break the Angel along with the Dirac Sea that
forms its body."
"There's no way Unit-02 can take that kind of impact! Asuka

wouldn't… Hell, this is no rescue mission!" Misato declared.
"Killing the Angel is more important than anything else. I'd have
thought you'd be on-board with that, Major Katsuragi." Ritsuko's
voice was clinical, detached and level. "In this operation, the
destruction of the Angel takes top priority. We do not care if Unit-02
is destroyed. Commander Ikari has declared Unit-02 expendable.
Even an Eva Unit is acceptable losses if it means destroying the
Angel. Recovering Unit-02 is secondary."
Misato bristled. "You mean recovering Unit-02 and the Pilot, right?"
"In this case, the Pilot's life is of no concern," Ritsuko said

dismissively.
Ritsuko's glasses made a tiny clatter as they hit the ground by her
feet. The small sound was lost in the resounding echoes of the full-
arm slap that rocked the scientist off her feet and sent her stumbling
backwards. Misato's face was a picture of fury. 'That's one of my
kids , you heartless bitch!'
Ritsuko glared daggers at Misato as she rubbed at her reddening

cheek and picked up her glasses. "If Asuka dies, it's your fault! Just
remember that!"
Misato grabbed the front of Ritsuko's shirt and got right in her
face."Why is Unit-02 'expendable'? What's different between it and
Unit-01 or Unit-00? What the Hell is an Eva?" she shouted at her.
"The material I gave you tells you everything regarding Eva," Ritsuko
replied icily.
"Bullshit! You're lying!"
"Trust me, Misato." Ritsuko walked past her, back towards the
command post. "I am taking command of this entire operation." She
pulled out a cell phone and began ordering the JSSDF to divert local
air traffic to Kankuu Airport.
Misato started at her friend's retreating back. 'Second Impact, the
Human Instrumentality Project, Adam, Eva… NERV has too many
secrets I'm being kept in the dark about…'
The train car swayed and clattered as the train rolled past
undiscernable countryside. The orange glow of the setting sun
backlit the child-sized form in the other side of the car, rendering it
impossible for Asuka to make out the little girl's face. She had hair
ornaments like hers, though. All Asuka felt was a muzzy, almost
numb sense of curiosity about the shadowed figure in the striped
shirt that sat across from her. "Who are…?"
"Asuka Langley Soryu," the figure said.
Was that an answer, or an address? "That's me," Asuka replied,

vaguely puzzled.
"I am you," the little girl answered. "One has another self within the
self. The 'self' has always consisted of two selves."
"Two?"
"The self who is actually watched by others, and the self which
watches itself. The Asuka Langley Soryu in Shinji Ikari's mind, the
Asuka Langley Soryu in Misato Katsuragi's mind, the Asuka Langley
Soryu in Hikari Horaki's mind, the Asuka Langley Soryu in Rei
Ayanami's mind, all are different from the others, but each is a true
Asuka Langley Soryu. You're afraid of the Asuka Langley Soryu in
others' minds," said the figure.
"I'm afraid of being abandoned," Asuka said.
"You hate being hurt. You are afraid of being discarded as worthless.
Are you afraid you have no value?"
"I am an elite Eva Pilot! I am the best, Number One!" Asuka
protested. "I am valued!"
"You fear you are only of worth because you are a Pilot?"
"Shinji values me! More than anyone! Just because of who I am! He
likes me! He… loves me?" Asuka stopped and considered the
thought. It made her heart beat faster, a little afraid, but she wanted
to know the answer. "And… and… Misato and Hikari value me too!"
"Is it enough to be valued by others, if you do not value yourself?"
"It always has been," Asuka said. "Everyone does it. People live by
doing so."
"But if you believe yourself to be worthless at heart, dont' you fear

they will come to share that belief and discard you anyway?"
"He won't! He promised! I believe in him! He's just like me!" Asuka
cried. "We are together!"
"He is just like you. Does he believe he is worthless too?"
"Yes… but he's wrong. He has protected me and others. He holds

me and makes me happy. He makes me better. When we are
together, I don't feel lonely anymore. I will not leave him."
The figure seemed more curious. "Being with him, the other who
values you for who you are, ends the loneliness?"
"Yes. That's something I've wanted all my life. And he does it. He
needs me too, just like I need him. We make each other whole."
"But still you have held back. You have been afraid of that last step.
Do you regret that now?"
Asuka thought about it. "I have been afraid… but I know he was too.
We've been afraid of hurting each other, and of being hurt. But… I
trust him. I've never trusted anyone like this. But… I want to. I want
him to be with me completely. So no matter what happens in the
future, I'll know there will be at least one person who mourns my
memory when I'm gone."
"Well… that's good for you."
'Your fault… What good are you? Useless. Worthless. She was
begging you, and you let her go…' "No! I didn't! I tried to hold on!"
'You said you'd show her how to do it. So arrogant. She charged in
to stay ahead of you. You got her killed.' "She's not dead! She! Is!
Not! Dead ! We'll get her back! We will!" He gripped the control
yokes of Unit-01 until his hands shook. "We have to…"
"Shinji?" Misato's voice broke in on the private fight between his guilt
and despair against his desperate hope. "Get ready. The bombers
are on their way. We're five minutes from the mark."
"Misato-san… I don't like this plan. How… how can we be sure

Asuka can even survive the blast?"
Misato avoided his eyes. "Her batteries will be all but drained by
now, Shinji. We have to try something before it's too late, or there'll
be no hope at all."
'She didn't answer my question.' "Misato-san…"
"I know, Shinji. I don't like it either. But we don't have any other
options. Four minutes."
'Like Hell we don't. I'll find one. I'll make one if I have to. If I have to
tear this Angel to pieces myself, I will.' Shinji set his jaw. 'What good
is being an Eva Pilot if I can't protect someone I care about? Doctor
Akagi said Asuka is still inside the Angel, somewhere… I have this
power… I'm going to use it. Anything I have to…'
He was more than ready. He had four minutes to make this work. He
pushed his will against the Eva and felt its AT-Field unfold, pressing
against the Angel's. He felt the resistance as soon as he made
contact. He gathered all his will, his rage, his need to see Asuka
again… and struck.
Evangelion Unit-01 threw back its head and roared .
In the command truck, Maya blinked in surprise at her readouts.

"Shinji… Shinji's already deploying his AT-Field! It's… the readings
are stronger than we've ever seen from Unit-01. His Synch Score
just hit 81%!"
Doctor Akagi narrowed her eyes at the screens. The Angel's AT-
Field was reacting, rippling like Shinji was hitting a sheet of metal
over and over again with a sledgehammer. "He's too early! This
won't do anything!"
Misato grabbed up the comm headset she'd just put down. "Shinji,
what the Hell are you doing?!" she demanded.
"Give! HER! BACK! "
Asuka pried her eyes open again. It was getting harder each time.
The LCL was now too murky for her to see the far end of the Entry
Plug, and getting very cold. She huddled in the seat, trying to stay
warm. The faint red light on her plugsuit's wrist showing the time left
on the life support battery pulsed one last time and faded out. She
watched it die, and tried not to whimper.
"So that's it? I hate this place. I don't want to be alone. Want my
Shinji. Need Shinji. He promised. I don't want to die… Misato…
Shinji, I'm sorry. I should have… promised… you…"
She coughed weakly. "Mama… help me…" Her eyes sank closed
again. "… elp me…"
She felt a warm hand cradle her face. A familiar presence wrapped
itself around her. As her consciousness faded out, she thought she
heard a voice saying her name.
Outside, four green lights suddenly burst to life in the emptiness.
"GIVE! HER! BACK! "
The Angel's AT-Field was heaving like a sea in full gale now. All the
instruments in the command truck were reporting impossible highs
and lows, sometimes simultaneously. The floating sphere began to
shake and emit strange noises.
"What the Hell is he doing ?" shouted Doctor Akagi.
"AYANAMI! HELP ME!" Shinji screamed.
On the comm display screen, Misato saw the Fist Child freeze in
indecision. She had been ordered to wait, and Misato had never
seen her disobey an order. But her concern for Shinji was visible
enough on her face that Misato could even see it through Rei's usual
blankness. 'What the Hell, whatever Shinji's up to, it can't be worse
than Ritsuko's 'Nuke Everything' plan.' She keyed her handset. "Rei,
do it! Assist Unit-01!" she ordered.
Doctor Akagi snapped her look around to Misato. "What?! No!"
"N2 Mine drop in ninety seconds!" Lieutenant Aoba announced.
An expression almost like relief flickered across Rei's face. "Roger,

deploying AT-Field."
The addition of Unit-00's AT-Field increased the shaking of the

hovering sphere. Suddenly, the black shadow on the ground
shattered, erupting into jagged shards like it was a sheet of glass
that had been abruptly dropped on the floor. The breaks were all
lined in red the color of fresh blood.
The sphere stopped shaking, and one side began to bulge outward
as something pushed from inside. A line of red appeared at the peak
of the bulge, breaking into an open split. A huge red hand, its fingers
curled into claws, tore its way out of the gap. A second hand
grabbed the edge of the split and tore it open wider. A demonic
head, four green eyes blazing like small stars, emerged next. Unit-
01's continuing roar was joined by the bloody howl of the newcomer.
The red giant tore the hole wider still, and the sphere gave out,
shredding into bloody chunks. Gory bits of Angelic flesh rained down
everywhere as the huge titan landed on the ground once again,
dripping with the blood of its kill.
Unit-02 was back.
A distant part of Shinji's mind noted he probably should be shocked

and disturbed by the hunched, bestial posture of Unit-02, or the low,
animalistic growling still coming from both the red Eva and his own.
That part was truly distant right now, however. The rest of him was
consumed by towering joy. " She's back! " he shouted.
In the command truck, Doctor Akagi listened to the exultant roars of

the god-machines, and shivered. "What… what kind of creature did
we copy from?" she whispered fearfully.
Misato narrowed her eyes at her friend. 'I understand that EVA isn't
just a copy of the First Angel, but how is NERV going to use the
EVAs after it defeats every Angel?'
Outside, with blood raining down from the dying Angel, Unit-01 threw
its fists into the air and roared in triumph. And Unit-02 answered it.
Misato barely waited for the support crewman to hose the hatch of
the Entry Plug clean before pushing him aside and opening it herself.
She threw the hatch open and thrust her head and shoulders inside.
"Asuka?! Asuka, are you alright?!"
The faintest glitter of blue eyes peered back at her from the young
girl slumped in the control seat. "Misato?"
Asuka's eyes opened a fraction more as her Operations Director

suddenly threw her arms around her and began to cry in relief. 'I…
she does care about me?' It wasn't as nice as one of Shinji's hugs,
but still felt very nice. 'Thinking of which…'
Over Misato's shoulder, looking almost as tired as she felt, was the
Third Child. Shinji. Her Shinji. No one else could see his face from
where he stood, so he was smiling at her. Right now, he'd never
looked better to Asuka. "I just… wanted to see you again," she
murmured, letting Misato assume it was for her. The way Shinji's
smile widened a bit let her know he'd heard her and understood who
it was meant for.
Even more surprisingly, the First Child was standing just a little
behind Shinji. "You are supposed to chide her and Ikari-kun for their
lack of discipline now, are you not, Major Katsuragi?" she asked
quietly.
Misato finally released her hug on Asuka and looked back at Rei.
She laughed, wiping at her cheeks. "Yeah, I did promise that, didn't
I?" She turned back to Asuka. "Once you're out of the doc's, I'm
going to give you both such a talking to, but right now I'm just happy
you're alive."
Asuka nodded tiredly, and decided now was a good time to pass out.
She came back to the land of the waking in a bed. The scent of
antiseptics and the beeps of medical monitoring gear let her know
she was in the Geofront hospital even before she pried her eyes
open. Once she did, she smiled tiredly to see Shinji slumped in a
chair next to her bed, drooling slightly on his collar as he slept. She
blinked in surprise to see Rei Ayanami sitting right next to him,
reading a small book.
Rei looked up at the motion of Asuka's head. "PIlot Soryu. I am
pleased to see you are alright."
"Wondergirl? What are you…" 'Er, edit, edit…' "Both doing here?"
Rei nodded her head at the sleeping Third Child. "Ikari-kun said 'She
shouldn't have to wake up alone. None of us should ever have to
feel alone again", so we stayed to greet you when you awoke," she
said softly. "Ikari-kun fell asleep soon after we got here. He had not
slept since you vanished."
Asuka struggled to keep her face blank as she looked at the sleeping
Pilot. "Baka," she whispered.
"I am glad to see you back alive and unharmed, Pilot Soryu. Ikari-
kun was extremely distressed at your absence. He was very upset
by his failure to rescue you last night. He said we should all protect
each other, because we are important to each other. I think he is
right." She looked at Shinji. "He has protected me many times. I
have protected him. He has protected you. Next time, will it be you
for me, or me for you?" Rei stood up and walked to the door.
Asuka was stunned. "You… we don't exactly get along, Wondergirl.

You'd still do that? Risk your life for me?"
Rei paused at the door and nodded over her shoulder. "Yes. Ikari-
kun says this is important, and… I trust him when he says that.
And… you are important to him. His happiness is important to me.
So I will protect you as well. I will see you at school tomorrow.
Goodnight." She opened the door and left, quiet as a ghost.
'Did… did Wondergirl really mean all that? She sure sounded like
she did.' Asuka shook her head gently. 'Not such a doll as I thought,
maybe?' She looked at Shinji. She glanced at the obvious camera in
the corner of the room, bitterly regretting that she couldn't just wake
him up and tell him to cuddle in with her. Right now, she wanted to
feel him snuggled up against her almost more than she wanted to
keep breathing. She flopped back on the bed, but smiled at him.
"Baka. Diving in after me again. And I didn't wake up cold and alone.
Just like he promised."
Shinji stirred, waking. He blinked sleepily, then burst into a smile that
made Asuka's heart flutter when he focused on her and saw she was
awake. "Asuka!" He grabbed her hand.
She growled "Hands off, baka-Shinji!"
He froze like a deer in the headlights. She winked the eye away from
the camera and flicked her eyes that way. He got it, letting go of her
hand and pulling back with a stammered apology.
"Don't you put your hands on me without asking, baka-Shinji! I'm a

delicate flower! Humph!" she grumbled with as much of her usual
aggression as she could muster. "And you better not have been
slacking off on your cooking for me!"
Shinji blinked, confused. "Asuka?"
"I said, I want to know what you're making me for my dinner, baka-
Shinji!" She made damn sure her face was away from the camera
before giving him another, slower wink. "I'm really 'hungry'. How
soon can I get out of here and we go home?
Shinji blinked again… and then blushed.
Misato had been caught up in the massive clean-up of the shredded

remains of the Angel and the damage its bizarre shadow had done
to Tokyo-3. She promised she'd chew them out later, but the fond
smile she'd given them when she said it made Asuka feel better than
most praise she got. She'd told them to head on home with a Section
2 car to drop them off.
Home. Her room had never felt so welcoming as now. Especially as

she took in the best part; her baka-Shinji, lying right next to her.
She'd dived into a brief shower to wash away the lingering smell of
rotted LCL and blood that still clung to her while Shinji made a quick
meal for them both. In less time than anyone would have thought,
Asuka was clean, fed, and comfortably burrowed into Shinji's arms in
her… their bed.
'Not alone. Home. This is where I want to be. This is where I want to
stay.' Asuka ighed. This was the perfect antithesis of the cold and
isolation she'd spent yesterday in. She shivered at the memory, then
buried it with the wave of contentment she felt right now. Slightly
blurry memories of things she'd thought in there, like half-
remembered dreams, floated to the surface. There was something
she'd wanted to say, something she'd wanted to do…
"Shinji?"
"Mmm?"
"This is nice."
"Mmhmm."
"I… really missed this, in there. It was the opposite of this; cold,
lonely, lost… I hated it. But… thinking of you helped, because it
reminded me I wasn't alone. I don't even want to think what it would
have been like without that, if I didn't have memories like this to hold
on to." She squeezed him. "But it made me think… what if I couldn't
get out? What if that was it? I know it's only been a few days since
we… admitted we like each other, but we can both feel how strong it
is. When I'm with you, I don't feel alone anymore. We've both been…
holding back a little, because we're afraid of getting hurt, but… I
don't want to hold back anymore."
She could feel his heartbeat speeding up to match hers. "Asuka?" he

asked hesitantly. "I… don't want to either. I… I was going a little
crazy, thinking I might have lost you… or that it was my fault. If you
hadn't come back… I…"
"I know. You're just like me. I know how I'd have felt." She
swallowed, gathering her nerve. "Shinji, I… really like you."
"I really like you too, Asuka."
"And I decided, in there, that… I trust you. I know you won't hurt me.
And I don't want to have any regrets in the next battle about things I
could have done but didn't. So… I want you to be mine. Completely."
"Asuka, what do you-"
"And I want to be yours."
"I don't-" Shinji froze. His eyes went wide. "Asuka… do you
mean…?"
She nodded.
Shinji gulped. "I… I… Asuka… um… what about… before, you

said…"
"I don't care about protection, not right now. I could have died in
there, more alone than anyone has ever been. You're already closer
to me than anyone else has ever been. I want every bond between
us we can have. You gave me strength in there. I want you, Shinji.
All of you. Tonight." She brought her hand up to stroke his face.
"We're alive, together, and… in love. I love you, Shinji. I want to be
yours."
She was unsurprised to see tears starting to flow down his face.
Only her vow to herself at her mother's graveside stopped her from
joining in. But tonight… maybe it was alright to do it. For him.
"I… I love you too," he whispered hoarsely. "I… couldn't have stood
it, losing you. Yes, I am yours, always." He buried his face in her hair
and just held on to her. Suddenly he stiffened in shock. "Er…"
Asuka wiped her cheeks dry. His tears, must have been. She raised
an eyebrow as he pulled back far enough to see her face. He was
blushing. "'Er'? Yes?"
"Um… after that first night, when you mentioned protection, I…

found one of those machines at lunch, and… um… bought a couple.
They're in my room."
Asuka blinked. "You…" She laughed. "You, baka-Shinji, the world's

least optimistic Eva Pilot, felt so good about your chances with me
you went right out and got all ready for it? The very next day? More
than one?" She laughed some more. "Oooh, my pervy baka-Shinji!
You are just like me!" She pulled him into a wild kiss. "Mine!"
Asuka stared at the moon out the tiny window of her room. Wow.
She'd never felt so… relaxed. Shinji's slow, even breathing behind
her was the most soothing sound in the world. 'I… may owe Misato
an apology. I had no idea it felt this good. I might be a bigger perv
than she is.'
A tiny thought intruded on her peace; a last fragmentary memory of

the Dirac Sea. Just before she faded out… 'Did… I thought I heard
my mother? Was I just hallucinating? And my batteries were drained,
totally. How did I get Unit-02 to do all that? When Misato told me
what had happened, she had to show me the footage to prove it.
Why don't I remember any of it? What really happened in there?'
She gave a mental shrug. She wouldn't get any answers tonight.
And she could talk to Shinji tomorrow. She would talk to Shinji
tomorrow. She rolled over to look at him. Hers. The one who could
understand. Having someone so close she knew she could tell him
everything and know he'd believe her was… it made her feel as
good as everything they'd just done. She curled herself around him
and let herself drift to sleep. 'Mine.'
.
Canon is officially out the window, Shinji and Asuka have truly come
together, and the ripples from that will change everything. Now they
have to somehow hide the fact they are happier than they've ever
been from everyone, lest that happiness be taken from them. And
not go nuts in the process.
Next time on 'Advice and Trust': School Days, Maskirovka, and Other
Combat Scenarios
And of course, there'll be more fanservice!
/Misato voice
Author's Note: Going to be a slightly longer gap between this chapter

and the next, as I now need to plot out some of the ripples and how
they affect key players who have yet to appear, especially a certain
someone's father.
I'm talking, of course, about Mr. Horaki. Who did you think I meant?
:P
Many thanks to Stargrave for letting me bounce ideas off them that
helped me get this far, and to Daeleniel-Shadowphyre, my RL bride
and beta.
Keep the reviews coming, everyone. They're what made me take

this from a WAFFy one-shot to a possible re-write of the whole thing
all the way to the end. I've already got an end mostly figured out, and
I don't think anyone will see it coming. :)
Chapter 4
Before The Storm
Shinji felt like dancing. So he did.
He hummed happily to himself, tripping lightly around the

apartment's small kitchen as he prepared everyone's breakfasts,
plus lunches for himself and Asuka. 'I wish I had time to play a little
before we leave for school. I've never felt so… this.' He closed his
eyes for a second and replayed the memory again, of the words he
never thought he'd hear, especially from her.
'I love you, Shinji. I want to be yours.'
He forced back yet another round of joyful tears. He'd already done
that twice this morning.
He'd never felt like this. He wasn't alone. She loved him back !
He started humming Ode to Joy a little louder. Today was going to be

wonderful. He felt like the whole world was new. He spun around
again, exuberantly flipping Pen Pen's fish up out of the frying pan as
he went.
Misato clapped lightly in approval. "Not bad, Shin-chan! Impressive!"
'OhholyshitMisatowhendidshegetthere?!' "AAAAA!" he yelped. Pen

Pen's fish missed his suddenly disrupted attempt at a catch, but
managed to land right in the penguin's bowl on the floor. Pen Pen
didn't seem to mind the sudden delivery and dove right in.
"And you hit his bowl too! Good aim!" Misato continued cheerfully.
His still sleep-rumpled guardian scratched idly at her stomach as she
walked into the dining area and took a seat at the table. "Good
morning," she yawned.
"Misato-san! Um, good morning!" Shinji tried to get his heart rate
back down. 'Did she see-'
"Feeling pretty good this morning, Shin-chan?" Misato's expression

turned sly. "Really? Singing and dancing around the kitchen at this
hour? If you don't cool your jets, Asuka's going to wake up and see
you, and I bet she'll guess why~…" she teased with a wink.
'Oh shit, she knows she knows she knows…'
"I mean, you might as well tell her you're happy she's back, Shin-
chan. What's the worst that could happen? She'll call you a baka
again? Maybe this time your sweet words will sweep her off her feet,
and she'll suddenly confess how cute she finds you!" Misato
chuckled.
"Please don't tell anyone I was doing this, Misato-san!" Shinji said,
panicked. "I… I don't want her to…" 'Move out? Leave? Ever be
away again? Nope, can't say any of those…'
Misato gave him a calming wave. "Easy, Shinji-kun. I won't tell her.
But you don't want her to know you like her? I can tell you do." She
grinned at him.
"I… I like things the way they are right now," he managed to stutter.
"Alright, but remember, nothing will change unless you take that first
step forward! But seriously, Shinji, I can tell you're happy about it. I
bet Asuka is happy to be back here too, though she may not say so
to you. You won't have to duck her yelling at you at school today,
anyway."
Shinji locked his knees to keep from collapsing in relief. 'Oh gods,
we're safe. She doesn't know.' "Um, why not?"
"You'll be going to school alone, I'm afraid. Asuka has to come in to
NERV with me for a full day of debriefs and checks. The data
recorders in Unit Zero-Two were a low-priority system, so they died
after just a few hours into that as the batteries ran down. So she'll
need to fill us in the old fashioned way about what she saw inside
that Angel, and anything she can tell us about why Unit Zero-Two
was acting like it did when she returned."
Shinji smothered the disappointed look that wanted to wash across

his face. Not seeing her all day? But… It wasn't just the not being
close to her. She'd mentioned before he fell asleep that she wanted
to talk with him about what she'd seen, something strange right
before she'd passed out. She'd been pretty intent about it.
Something about… her mother's voice? They'd been planning to talk
about it at lunch, if they could find a place they wouldn't be seen by
their friends having a close, perfectly civil conversation. That would
blow their 'cover'.
"So… will you be back in time for dinner?" he asked tentatively. "I'd
like to make a nice 'welcome home' meal, at least."
Misato laughed again. "Yes, we'll be back in time for that. Going to
make a feast for your sweetie, hmm?"
"Misato…" he whined, blushing. ' My sweetie, my girlfriend, my lover

oh holy crap oh gods she loves me she loves me she loves me! ' He
blushed harder.
Misato, fortunately, misinterpreted his nearly incandescent flush.

"Aww, did I blow your mind with that one, Shin-chan? Can't handle
that idea yet? I'll let you off this time, but you should tell her
someday, you know."
"Yes, Misato-san." ' Every day from now on, I will. '
"Yo, Shin-man. What are you lookin' so happy about?"

Shinji blinked back to the present. He'd been miles away, reliving the
memory again. "I'm sorry?" he asked Touji.
"You're just staring into space and smiling all funny. What's up?
You're usually not so spaced out, man," his friend asked.
"I'm sorry. Um… We… we beat that Angel yesterday, and everyone
is safe. I'm happy about that." 'And she loves me. I still can't believe
it. '
"Yeah, we saw a whole bunch of weapon buildings were just gone

downtown this morning!" Kensuke put in eagerly. "That must have
been some fight! Tell us everything, Shinji!"
' Asuka almost died because I messed up, I nearly went crazy
because of that, and then the Evas went rabid… ' "Um… I'm not
supposed to talk about it. But Asuka almost got hurt, and I'm really
glad she's okay."
Touji snorted. "So the Red Demon's okay, great, the devil's probably
too scared to take her to Hell or she'll take over the place," he
mocked. "But some on, Shin-man, that doesn't explain why you're
acting all goofy. Wait… She almost got hurt?" An evil grin spread
across the jock's face. "You got to see her in one of those short
hospital gowns, didn't ya?" He whistled. "Man, she may have the
friendly personality of a porcupine, but mmmm does she have nice
legs! So what'd ya see, man?"
"Touji! It wasn't anything like that!" Shinji tried to stop reddening. '
Oh, I saw more than her legs! '
Touji smiled wider. "Ah ha! You look like a tomato! So you did see
something! Tell us!"
"I did not peep on Asuka in a hospital gown!"
"Well you must have seen something that's got you all smiling and
blushing!" Touji pressed. "Didya see her in just a towel after a
shower or somethin'? Man, you musta seen somethin'! You're so
lucky, living with a hot babe like Misato and one of the hottest girls in
school, even if she is a demon."
"I'm going to tell her you said that," Shinji muttered. "And Horaki-
san."
Touji blinked at the sudden riposte. "Er… yeah, um, like, why would I
care if you tell the Class Rep?" he said nervously. "O-or the Red
Demon?"
"Soryu might kill you on general principles for even looking at her,
dude," Kensuke said. "And the Class Rep… well, come on." He
rolled his eyes at Touji.
Touji launched into another loud declaration of how he didn't have

anything to do with the 'pigtailed dictator', and Shinji sighed in relief.
Saved, for now. He tried to suppress the smile that wanted to grow
again. ' She loves me. There's someone who wants me to hold them.
I'll see her after school. ' The smile won.
"How long is this going to take, doc?" Asuka grumbled. She made
herself sit still. For the first time in years, the walls of the Test Plug
felt uncomfortably confining. "I think I've spent enough time in Entry
Plugs the last twenty-four hours to last me all week."
Doctor Akagi just stared at the readouts in the observation room.

"Just a few more hours, Asuka. Then we can get on to the neuro-
physical exam and the debriefing."
"A few more hours ? And then more crap?" Asuka complained.
"You spent sixteen hours inside an Angel yesterday, Asuka. This is a

unique event, and we want to make sure there was no mental
contamination or other effects."
"Mental contamination?" Asuka asked, worry rising.

"Your readings were all over the map when you… broke out of the
Angel." The lab-coated woman paused like she wanted to say
something else. "We want to be sure it didn't affect you negatively.
Now go through exercise eight again, from step three."
"No."
"Yes, you are."
"No."
"Asuka, you had a four point rise in Synch Rate in the last test over
your baseline from the week before. Four points and steady . Shinji-
kun had a six point rise. And you and he both spiked higher than that
against the Angel. He hit eighty-three percent at peak, and you
had…" Doctor Akagi shuffled her notes. "The monitors recorded up
to one hundred and eight-seven percent for you, but that can't be
right. You did have an average five points higher than your norm for
what parts of the readings we can rely on. Rei has gone up only one
point three percent in the last four months, no matter what we do to
the equipment. So whatever it is that you and Shinji have had
happen from the synchronization training you did or from living
together, we need to see if we can get it to work for Rei as well. So
yes, we are ordering her to spend all her time with you and the Third
Child. And you will follow that order. She will stay with you and Shinji
on the way to school, at school, and as much time after school as
possible, plus weekends, all of it." She fixed Asuka with an
implacable stare.
Asuka sent one right back. "I am not spending all of my miniscule
free time with fricking Wondergirl ."
"Until we can get the same sort of Synch Rate boost that you two are
showing, yes, you are. Commander Ikari has already confirmed my
proposal. You think you're going to go argue with him?" the Project E
head bluntly replied. She put the notes down and picked up an
alcohol wipe and syringe. "Now stick out your arm so I can get a
blood sample. This physical is the last step before the debriefing."
Asuka ground her teeth. ' Fucking great ! Shinji and I finally go all
the way once , and now we're going to get cockblocked every
waking minute by Wondergirl ?! How the Hell are we supposed to
find time to be together? Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! At least this isn't
a full physical. Even doctor dye-job here would notice I'm suddenly
missing a little something since last check! Hmm, on that thought… '
"Fine! And you're a doctor, so can I get some damn medicine, then?"
Doctor Akagi drew the blood sample and wiped away the tiny bead
of blood left behind when she withdrew the needle. "What do you
need, Asuka? You're not ill, as far as I can tell."
"I have really bad cramps and stuff every time I get my period. I want
you to get me on the Pill so I can smooth that out. I'm tired of feeling
like I've been punched in the ovaries every month." Plus, Shinji's
only got two condoms left and I don't like leaving physical evidence
for Misato to find anyway.'
The blond scientist sighed. "Fine, we can get you a contraceptive

implant. That will totally block your periods for about a year. It's what
I use. Now come on. Major Katsuragi is waiting for us in the briefing
theater to go other the battle with us."
"… and then you opened the hatch. I don't really remember the
landing or anything. It's all pretty blurry towards the end, anyway,"
Asuka finished. She stared at the still image of Unit-02 standing amid
the shredded bits of the Angel, covered in blood. It truly looked like a
demon.
Misato looked at her notes and frowned. Asuka's memories were

pretty fuzzy towards the last part of her imprisonment in the Angel,
after the batteries for the recorders had died. Unfortunately, that was
exactly the part they had the most questions about, especially how
Unit-02 had been so violently active after it should have been
effectively out of power entirely. Asuka had confessed to vague
memories of talking to herself, but said she couldn't really recall what
she'd said.
Asuka tried not to squirm when Misato looked at her. She could tell
Misato thought her statements about not remembering what had
been said weren't entirely forthcoming. Misato had too much time as
Asuka's guardian and roommate in the past to be fully fooled by her
poker face. 'I really, really hope she doesn't press on that. Telling her
it was mostly little me asking about Shinji and I, and what we believe
about each other isn't the kind of thing I want to see put down in an
official NERV report where everyone can see it.'
She concentrated on looking tired and annoyed, which wasn't hard.

Despite the fantastic night with Shinji, she still felt wrung out and
unsettled from yesterday, and really wanted some downtime.
Preferably with Shinji. Not just for getting him horizontal again; she
really needed to talk to him. She'd withheld mentioning anything
about possibly hearing her mother's voice. That felt… private.
Personal. To be shared only with those she truly trusted. And as
much as she might trust Misato, she wasn't sure she could trust
Major Katsuragi to keep something like this from her chain of
command.
But Shinji… She knew he would understand why she'd held this
piece back. They'd promised they'd share their stories of losing their
mothers tonight. The prospect of finally sharing that story with
anyone still frightened Asuka, but… with Shinji it somehow didn't feel
as bad. And if she was going to share that tale, she was damn well
going to do it while holding him close enough she could feel his
heartbeat and… catch the tears she knew she wouldn't be able to
restrain. She hadn't let her self cry in ten years, not since she made
that promise at her mother's graveside. But now… Shinji wouldn't
tell. It was safe to tell him things like that. 'Gott… I really do love him,
if I can think like that.'
"Asuka, pay attention!" Misato snapped, breaking her wandering

thoughts.
"Sorry, I… I'm a little tired." 'Great, now I sound like him, too.' "You
were saying?"
Misato pressed her lips together. "The Human Instrumentality

Committee, the UN body that oversees NERV, wants to interview
you about this attack. I tried to put them off by telling them you were
not in shape for it, but they're insistent. I've told them to keep it
short."
Asuka widened her eyes a little. "When?"
"Right now. They're waiting for us in the teleconference room

upstairs. Come on."
"Pilot Soryu, in this incident, do you believe what you experienced

was the Angel trying to contact a human being?" The Committee
member's voice, whiny and nasal with a noticeable French accent to
his Japanese, queried at her like she was a curious new species of
bug on his plate.
Asuka kept her face as mask-like as possible. She and Misato stood
in the center of a beam of light from overhead in an empty
holographic-capable conference room. She couldn't even see their
interrogators in the dark, just hear their voices, but they all sounded
ancient. These old men gave her the serious creeps, and she hated
people poking their noses into her business as it was. She would
almost have preferred she was still wearing her plugsuit rather than
the school uniform Doctor Akagi had let her change into to make the
physical easier. At least then her familiar identity as a Pilot could
have felt like armor against these weird old men. "I don't think so, sir.
When it swallowed Unit-02 it seemed more like its basic attack. I saw
nothing at all inside until the life support was failing. I believe what I
saw was just my brain suffering under the failing environmental
conditions, not any outside attempt at contact."
"If, and only if, you are remembering it correctly," another member
said.
"No external tampering with her memory was detected, according to
Doctor Akagi's examination and tests," Misato said firmly.
"Unit-02's AC recorder was not functioning, so there's no way to

confirm that," a third member pointed out. "Explain what you recall,
Pilot."
Asuka hesitated, trying to conduct a rapid mental edit. "I… it was like
I had eaten too much spicy food and fallen asleep reading Satre or
something. Just a weird conversation with myself about… the self,
and loneliness. It didn't make much sense."
"Was the Angel interested in the human spirit? The human mind?"
the first questioner asked.
"We cannot answer that question," Misato said. "Do the Angels even
have a concept of 'mind'? Do they understand human thoughts?
These are utterly unknown."
A fourth voice spoke up. "This incident reveals a new aspect; that
the Angel tried to take an Eva into itself. What of the possibility of
this aspect of this aspect being a factor in the predicted 13th Angel,
and all Angels to follow?"
Misato gave a slight shake of her head. "Considering the pattern so

far, there is no sign of any systematic organization among the
Angels.
"That's right," the second voice said. "It is obvious they have all
acted independently so far."
Misato narrowed her eyes and turned towards the voice. "What does
that mean?"
"You are not permitted to ask questions here," stated a much older,
colder voice. Asuka did her best to conceal a shiver. This voice was
harsh, dry, deep, and put Asuka in mind of dead leaves scratching
and rattling around a graveyard. It also ordered Misato to silence
without any sense that it could even possibly be disobeyed.
Misato did not appear to react beyond a flat "Understood."
"That is all," the same voice grated. "Leave us."
"Sir." Misato tapped Asuka on the shoulder, executed a parade-

ground perfect about-face, and led the way to the door.
"What do you think, Ikari-kun?" the cold voice rumbled in the

darkness.
Illumination snapped on to reveal Commander Ikari sitting near the

head of the table. "The Angels are getting more and more intelligent.
There is not much time left…"
"Left for us, you mean?"
"I'm home…" came a tired voice from the front door.
Asuka sprang up off the couch like she'd been fired from a cannon.
"Welcome back!" she said loudly as she shot across the dining area
and crashed into Shinji as he emerged from the entrance hallway.
"Oof! Shinji barely had time to drop his book bag and open his arms
to receive her. His smile said he didn't mind at all. The intense kiss
that followed confirmed it. "I guess this means Misato-san isn't
home?" he whispered when they finally pulled back. He still craned
his neck to look behind Asuka, searching for their guardian.
"Yeah, she went to go get us 'victory pizza' in celebration for beating

the Angel. I'd rather have your cooking, but it buys us twenty minutes
alone," Asuka grinned before going in for another kiss. "And after an
entire day of being poked and interrogated by Doctor Akagi and her
Igor, I can really use the cuddles to wash that away. What took you
so long to get home? I thought you'd be here before we were!"
Shinji shrugged. "Hibiki-san was absent again, so the Class Rep
asked me to help Tanaka-san with the after school clean up." He
squirmed awkwardly. "Tanaka-san… asked me to eat lunch with her
tomorrow 'to thank me'."
Asuka growled. "And? You told her no, like all the others, right?"
"Er…" He suddenly couldn't meet her eyes.
"Shinji!"
"She wouldn't take no for an answer! I panicked!"
"Well, she's going to be in for a surprise when I come along! It's a

good thing I trust you, baka." She freed one hand to flick him in the
forehead. Her embrace on him hadn't wavered in the slightest,
however. "You're mine."
"Um… how are we going to explain that? You coming along? She's
going to notice, er, you staking a claim like that. I thought we couldn't
let anyone suspect we're… we're…"
"Together. Boyfriend and girlfriend. Lovers. All that," Asuka said

flatly. She then burst into a huge smile. "Yeah, it's been going
through my head all day, too." Her smile faded away. "And explaining
me will be easy. Wondergirl will be there, too."
"Ayanami? Why? She always eats alone."
Asuka sighed. "You're going to love this…" She quickly explained

Doctor Akagi's decision, and that it was backed by his father's
endorsement. "So we're going to have the First trailing us around like
a shadow until we somehow figure out how to boost her Synch Rate
up the way ours have lately. And I don't think our method is going to
work on her." She leaned back in to nibble and suck at his throat by
way of demonstration.
"I-eeeee! Well, ahhhh oooh… we could invite her here and we all
couldOW!" Shinji's keen of pleasure abruptly turned into a yowl of
pain as Asuka's gentle nibbling suddenly became a bite.
She pulled back and gave him a flat glare. "Pervert. I could hear you
thinking it. You are not getting an 'Israfel Special' with me and her!"
Shinji blushed furiously. "I wasn't thinking it! But now it's stuck in my
head, thanks!" He pulled her back in for another kiss, to which she
offered only token resistance. "But it wasn't um… that that caused
our Synch Rates to go up, remember? It was…" He laid his head on
her shoulder and just held her. "It was this . Just… opening up to
each other. So we just need to teach Ayanami how to open up too."
Asuka let herself enjoy the embrace for a moment before pulling
back again to give Shinji a raised eyebrow. "Fine, whatever it takes
to get her off our tail so we can have privacy again. How?"
"I have no fucking idea."
Asuka rolled her eyes. "Dummkopf. Fine. She's supposed to show

up here to join us on the walk to school in the morning, and Misato's
going to be back soon. So let's make the best use of the last twenty
minutes of alone time you and I are going to see outside of our bed
for a while." She pulled him over to the couch in the living room and
pushed him down onto it. He flopped back to lie flat along its length.
"Outside of bed?" Shinji asked, sighing happily as Asuka lowered

herself down to lie on top of him. His arms automatically wrapped
around her back and held her against him.
"Wondergirl goes back to wherever she lives after dinner each night,
according to this stupid plan of Doctor Akagi's. After lights-out it's just
you and me, and Wondergirl or no Wondergirl, from now on you are
not allowed to let anything in the world keep you from my… our bed
at night, understand? You promised."
"Jawhol, mein Schatz."

"I'm so glad I started teaching you proper German." Asuka grinned
impishly. "Also, we've still got two condoms to use up. After that, I'm
finally going to get something useful out of Doctor Dye-Job; a
contraceptive implant."
Shinji blushed again at the reminder of what they'd shared last night.
"Um… yeah… I… I was thinking about it all day too, Asuka. Even
Touji and Kensuke noticed I was acting all smiley." He hugged her
tighter. "Being with you is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Even if we weren't doing… that, I'd still be so happy. Doing that just
makes it even better."
"Good, because we're not stopping. I've decided I like it. Now, you've
got about seventeen more minutes to make me happy too, so let's
not waste time." She kissed him again. "Mmm… and tonight, we're
talking. I think I saw something… in that non-place I was stuck…"
"What?"
'I think I saw my mother…' "I'll tell you later. I don't want to kill the
mood right now." She lowered her lips to his.
Shinji tied his shoes automatically, his thoughts lost to chewing on

last night's talk. 'Her mother? Was that real? She doesn't remember
anything that happened while her Eva was berserking, just like me
against Sachiel. I don't remember hearing my mother, though. So
what does it mean?'
They quietly told each other their stories last night. Shinji was glad
they had done it, even with all the tears it had summoned. He felt
closer to Asuka than ever, knowing their shared traumas were so
similar. Suspiciously so, noted Asuka, once they'd managed to stem
their tears. Twice could be a coincidence, maybe. But what if it was
all three Evas? They'd agreed to find out about Rei's mother and see
if it was true. 'And if it is, what does that mean?' Shinji thought. 'Are
the Evas powered by human sacrifice or something? They bleed ,
and the battle footage showed Unit-01 and 02 growling and roaring
at each other more like animals than giant robots. What are Evas?'
He felt a small, warm hand take his as he stood up. He was smiling
even before he turned around to meet Asuka's eyes right behind
him. He was glad Misato couldn't see them at the door from where
she sat at the dinner table.
"Last chance before bedtime, Third Child. Make it count," she said,
making sure her voice was pitched too low to carry back to Misato.
He nodded and kissed her softly. "I love you," he whispered back.
She grinned back. "Love you too. Now, game face on, baka. Look
mopey. We're going to have to fool Wondergirl all day long, so don't
be surprised when I yell at you." Her face shifted to a faux-cheery
mask. Just a few days of being open to each other, and already
Shinji could see the difference. It made him feel good, that she let
only him see the real her. She reached over with her free hand and
pressed the door-open button. "We're going, Misato!" she called over
her shoulder.
"Have fun!" their guardian called after them.
Shinji kept his eyes on his lunch. The bento would not hurt him.
Unless Asuka used it to hit him over the head. He didn't think she'd
be intentionally swinging at him, no, but her flailing about with it in
frustrated fury seemed more and more likely. He could feel her
frustration building as she sat immediately to his right, like a pot
getting closer to boiling over.
They'd met up with Rei at the foot of their apartment building. The
walk to school had been nearly silent, like most days. Unlike the last
few days, he and Asuka hadn't been able to surreptitiously hold
hands for most of the way, something he was already missing. His
hand had twitched frequently on the way there, and he'd had to stop
himself from just taking her hand more than once, seeking that
reassuring contact. The mere fact Asuka would let him do that, and
even smile at him as he did, had been a source of much happiness
for him over the last few days. Now it was something they had to
hide like the rest of their tentative new relationship…
He hadn't entirely been able to stop himself. At one point when Rei's
metronome-regular steps had taken her a few meters ahead of them,
he'd spun around and snuck in a kiss from Asuka. The redhead had
been surprised by the uncharacteristic initiative by the Third Child,
but happily accepted the hurried kiss before pushing him away with a
whispered "Careful!" Rei had given no sign she'd noticed the
momentary slip in their act.
Asuka had shifted totally into her public persona once they'd arrived
at school, giving him and Rei nothing more than haughty, dismissive
looks until they'd arrived in class, where she'd proceeded to ignore
them. Now that she was occupying the center of his thoughts so
much, for the first time Shinji had spent the entire morning wondering
about that. Why did Asuka act so differently in public? He
understood a little now, that she drove herself so hard to be the best
because she feared that no one would want her around otherwise,
but… He almost couldn't understand it. She was so good, so
confident, how could she ever worry about no one wanting her? She
didn't have to act like that to make him or anyone want to be around
her. She was exotic, fiery, strong… he'd want her on his side in a
fight even if he wasn't falling hopelessly in love with her. But how
could he convince her that the real Asuka she let him see at home
was even more wonderful than her Elite Pilot act?
He almost laughed at himself. Was he really giving himself the task

of convincing the most amazing girl he knew that she really was as
wonderful as she tried to pretend to be? That she didn't have to act
at all? 'How do I convince her she really is worth the world?'
His musings on how to make Asuka feel as special as she made him
feel were cut off by the bell. Before he could rise from his desk for
lunch, a shadow loomed over him. He looked up to the impressive
chest of Chihiro Tanaka, then quickly jerked his eyes up to her face.
"Hello, Ikari-kun. Are you ready for lunch? I've been looking forward
to this all day!" she said cheerfully.
Shinji paled. Oh, right. He'd forgotten this was coming.
Another, darker shadow loomed from behind him. He was faintly

surprised there wasn't a glowing red aura around Asuka. "Yes,
there's been a slight change of plans. No private lunches."
Tanaka looked from one Pilot to the next. They were all seated
facing her on one bench of the outdoor table near the back of the
school. "So you three are together because…"
"We're not 'together'," Asuka growled. "It's Special Training. We're

not allowed to be separated."
Tanaka regarded the quietly bristling Second Child nervously.

"Right."
"Sorr-" Shinji began.
"Stop apologizing already, baka." Asuka poked him in the side. "You
sound like a broken record." Her hand, mostly hidden below the level
of the table, lingered to gently rub where she'd poked him by way of
apology.
"Are you two always like that?" Tanaka asked warily.
"They've improved greatly since they synchronized. Now they are

totally familiar with each other's moves," Rei spoke up for the first
time. Asuka's mouth dropped open and she and Shinji both stared at
Rei like she'd grown antlers.
Tanaka blinked at her. "Er,… that means…?"
"They developed a bond beyond the physical," Rei said calmly, still
steadily eating her vegetarian lunch.
Takana's eyebrows shot up and her face went red. She rapidly
looked back and forth between Shinji and Asuka. "Wait… you mean-
"
Asuka hurriedly interrupted. "It was training, alright? We trained in

sync, for a simultaneous attack! Only for a battle! That's all! We
didn't do anything improper, no matter what you're imagining!" She
was more than a little red herself. Shinji tried to resist the urge to
sink out of sight into the ground.
Rei continued, perfectly unruffled. "Though I believe this bond

predates that session. Ikari is the first person Pilot Soryu ever let
inside her Entry Plug."
Tanaka went redder. "Is… is she talking about-"
"NO," Asuka almost shouted. She was as red as her hair now.
Tanaka reeled back from the force of Asuka's insistent denial. "Um…
right. Nothing improper! Perish the thought! Ikari-kun is a perfectly
responsible young man! He'd never do anything indecent with you!"
Asuka bristled some more. "What do you mean he wouldn't do

anything with me?! I'm the most beautiful girl he knows! He'd do
anything he could with me, all night long, and beg for more!"
The only sound in their corner of the schoolyard was the gentle click
of Rei's chopsticks against the bottom of her bento and the 'caw,
caw' of a lone crow passing overhead. Shinji buried his face in his
hands.
After a long, awkward pause, Asuka quietly muttered, "That didn't

just happen and none of you remember anything. Or I will scoop out
your brains and make a pie , understood ?"
Tanaka nervously coughed. "Um, right. So how do you fit into this,
Rei?"
Rei finished her meal and closed the bento back up, putting it away
in her bag. "I must bond with both of them. I believe it will prove
difficult. Soryu is not a willing partner."
"But Ikari-kun… er, is?"
Rei calmly met her eyes. "I already have a bond with Ikari-kun."
Asuka coughed as a bite of her lunch suddenly caught in her throat.

She pounded on her chest for a moment to clear it. She stared hard
at Rei. "What?! S-since when?"
"Since after the Fifth Angel, when he forced open my armor with his
blade and burst into my Entry Plug. No one else had ever gotten to
my core with such need. He was urgent and forceful. It… made me
smile." The faintest hints of such an expression appeared on Rei's
lips. "I would like to do it again. Maybe more than once."
Tanaka was bright red and speechless. Her head slowly cranked
around to stare at Asuka, begging for some explanation that was
less lewd than what she was apparently coming up with.
Asuka thought desperately. What the Hell? Oh, right! "… I-it was the
battle, all right, she's talking about the Eva! Baka-Shinji had to
breach her Eva's armor after the Fifth Angel melted it to get her out!
He just had to use the Eva's knife to break through since it was too
hard! Not her um… 'core' or anything! The armor! Hard armor!"
"Yes," Rei agreed placidly. "Ikari had felt my softest part before that,
but I had not understood the meaning of it at that time."
Tanaka whipped her head back to Asuka almost desperately.
Asuka gave her an equally confused look. "… I've got nothing. I can't
decipher that one."
Shinji's eyes went wide. 'Oh no… she wouldn't!'

"He touched my-" Rei began, halted only by Shinji's desperate lunge
to 'accidentally' knock over his cup of tea into Rei's lap.
"Oh no! I've spilled tea all over you, Ayanami! Quickly, we must go
wash it out right away!" He stood up with amazing speed and shoved
his bento into his bag, then dragged Rei away towards the nearest
building with a bathroom. "Come on, Asuka! You can't be away from
us, remember?"
He sped off, Rei in tow. Asuka hurriedly tossed her mostly finished
lunch into her bag and stood up. She gave Tanaka a narrow-eyed
glare. "And stay away from Shinji. You can't handle him."
Tanaka stared after her for a long while, before plaintively asking the
empty air, "What the fuck just happened?"
Asuka smashed the door to the bathroom open and charged inside.
"Alright, Shinji, what the Hell was that? What was Wond-" She
slammed to a halt like she'd hit a brick wall.
Shinji was at the sink, very intently washing Rei's skirt. That Rei was
not wearing. Rei was behind Shinji, standing perfectly still in the
middle of the bathroom, staring right at Asuka as she came in. Her
state of undress below her waist did not seem to bother her. She
also had really boring underwear, Asuka vaguely noted.
"Wondergirl, why the fuck are you standing there in just your
panties?!"
"Ikari-kun needed to wash out the tea he spilled on it. This was the
most efficient way," Rei said, unperturbed. Shinji continued to wash
the skirt in the sink, very carefully keeping his head down so as to
avoid even looking in the mirror right in front of him and seeing
Ayanami's… charms.
"You can't just whip your skirt off in front of a boy like that! Even
baka-Shinji! Boys might get the wrong idea!" Asuka sputtered.
"What idea?" Rei asked.
"Asuka blinked at her. Ayanami had sounded utterly, sincerely

clueless. "You.. sex, of course! A teenage boy sees a girl just strip
down to her panties in a private place like this, they're going to think
you're trying to get their pants off! How can you not know that? Didn't
your mother teach you not to flash your goods at boys?"
"Mother?
"Yes, baka! Your mother! Everybody's got one!"
"No."
"What?
"I was not taught such by a mother."
Asuka shared a nonplussed look with Shinji, who had dared to raise
his head at this strange response. "Well, why not?"
Rei's tone was as level as ever. "I was raised under the care of
NERV by Commander Ikari, with assistance from Doctor Akagi. He
did not instruct me about such."
The sound of running water was the only sound in the room for a
moment.
"What happened to your mother, Ayanami?" Shinji asked quietly.
"I do not know."
Asuka exchanged a very significant glance with Shinji. 'Well, isn't

that interesting? Damn it, Shinji and I need to talk about this! We
need to dig into this, without letting other people know we are. Wait,
other people…' She looked around, suddenly noticing the lack of
urinals. "Baka-Shinji, this is a girls' bathroom! Why the Hell did you
run in here?! What if there'd been people in here?"
"It was the closest one! I panicked!" Shinji whined.
Asuka narrowed her eyes. "Yes, that was a sudden, convenient little
'accident' you had out there. What was Wondergirl about to say? You
touched her somewhere?"
"Umm…"
"He touched my right breast," Rei calmly supplied.
Asuka stared at her, mouth gaping. "What." She shook her head.
"Explain, rapidly."
"Ikari-kun came to my apartment alone. He encountered me as I
came out of a shower. He was examining a personal item of mine.
When I took it from his hand, he fell on top of me. His hand grasped
my right breast as we fell to the floor. He remained that way until I
asked him to move." Rei stared into space for a moment. "It was…
not unpleasant."
Asuka directed a stare at Shinji that should have set his shirt on fire.
"Really? How interesting…" Shinji hunched lower, returning his eyes
to the sink. "Pleasant or not, you can't just let baka-Shinji or anyone
here see you naked like that."
Rei tilted her head to the side by a tiny degree. "I don't mind if Ikari-
kun sees me naked."
'Oh no you do not, you little blue-haired bitch! He's MINE!' "You can't
do that with Shinji! He's… 'MINE! Just for me! Taken! Claimed! In
love with me! GAAAAGHH! I can't say any of that!' "He's… not…
you… WHARRGAGBBL!"
"I do not understand," Rei said after Asuka descended into Angrish
for a minute.
"It's… It's…" 'Come on, Soryu! You're supposed to be a genius!

Think of something! There's got to be a thousand reasons you
should be able to tell Wondergirl to keep her hands and eyes off
Shinji besides 'He's mine and if you try to grab a piece of my sweet
baka-Shinji, I will cut you !' Come on! Ah!' "It's not ladylike!" 'Oh,
good one, Soryu. Now you sound like someone's spinster aunt.' "You
don't just let a boy grab you like that! Sex is supposed to be with
someone you like, someone you care about!"
"I care about Ikari-kun."
Shinji audibly gulped as they both processed the implications in that.

Shinji took Rei's skirt and sidestepped along towards the hot-air
dryers, carefully keeping his back to Rei and his head down.
'Do not start making plans to murder Wondergirl. Do not start making
plans to murder Wondergirl. Do not start making plans to murder
Wondergirl. You're not allowed to kill her, someone might notice.'
Aloud, she managed to hold herself to, "Don't start planning to have
sex with him, Wondergirl. Misato might notice. And for damn sure I'm
not going to let you try it, or run around like that, for many reasons.
We're supposed to teach you how to raise your Synch Score like we
did? Fine. Then we're going to teach you how to be more like us,
because you're sure as Hell not normal right now."
She stepped closer to Rei and swung her finger up to point right in
Rei's face. "For example, if I find out you were doing all that stuff at
lunch on purpose, I'm going to strangle you, but you're so weird I bet
you were actually ignorant of what you were saying?"
"What I was saying? I informed her about factual events of past

actions in our Evas," Rei said, sounding slightly puzzled.
"And damn near everything out of your mouth was a huge double
entendre!" Asuka exclaimed.
Rei blinked at her without any sign of comprehension. "What is a

'double-entendre'?"
Asuka lowered her hand and stared at her. "You… what? You
really… Are you screwing with me, First?"
Rei gave her a look that was either blank or so flat she couldn't see
the difference. "I am not screwing with you, Pilot Soryu."
"A double entendre is when you say something superficially ordinary

with deliberate sexual double meaning. When you started telling
Tanaka about 'Ikari-kun was the first one in Soryu's Entry Plug', she's
going to think you're making a joke about us having sex! And 'he
burst into my core' and 'I would like to do it again' makes it sound like
baka-Shinji's doing you too!"
"I was not attempting to imply such. I am not having sex with Ikari-
kun."
"Tanaka doesn't know that! She's going to think you were doing that
on purpose! She's probably convinced 'Shinji the Casanova' here
has both of us at his beck and call all night thanks to you!"
"Israfel Special?" Shinji muttered behind her, just loud enough for her
to hear.
Biting her lip to stop a smile and suppressing the urge to laugh, she
swung around to look at Shinji, who was done drying Rei's skirt. She
gave him a glare too. "And you! Anyone else I should know about
you getting to Second Base with, baka?"
Shinji blushed. "I… um… it's not like there was a good moment to
bring it up!" he burst out. "It was an accident, Rei slapped me later,
and we both tried to never mention it again!"
Asuka looked at Rei. "You slapped him?" I don't know whether to be

mad at her for hurting my Shinji, or proud of her for acting like a
normal girl for once.' "Good! You can't let bakas get away with just
grabbing your goods like that, no matter then excuse."
"He insulted his father," Rei said.
"Wait, this pervy baka falling on top of you and getting a good feel of
your bon bons didn't bother you, but him insulting his bastard father
got you to slap him?" Asuka asked in disbelief. Rei's eyes almost
flashed a hint of anger at Asuka's choice of adjective, but she just
nodded. 'Ok, scratch the 'normal' part.'
Asuka rubbed at her face. "Fine. Fine! Alright, so we really need to

teach you everything . To start with, you don't let boys get away with
grabbing feels off of you without swift and thorough retribution."
'Unless, of course, you want him to, in which case you tell Shinji to
stop teasing you and go faster!' a cheery little voice in her head put
in. 'Yes, thank you, libido, now shut up!' "Second, you don't just take
you clothes off in front of boys in public restrooms!" 'No, you save
that for the bedroom you share at home, or the living room if Misato
isn't home! The look on his face…' Asuka grit her teeth. 'Not helping
.' "You don't just flash people like that. Don't you have any shame?"
"What is 'shame'?"
Asuka covered her face with her hand. She opened her mouth to
respond to this latest strange gap in Rei's understanding when she
froze. There were voices approaching the door from the hallway.
'Crap!' She grabbed Rei by the shoulders and spun her to the left,
pushing her towards one of the stalls. "Quick! Inside!" She reached
back to grab Shinji's hand and pull him along as well. "Rei, sit down.
Third, you and me up on the back of the toilet. We can't have three
pairs of feet showing."
She grabbed Rei's skirt out of Shinji's hands and dropped it on the
floor around Rei's feet. They had just slammed the stall door closed
and locked when they heard the bathroom door open and a handful
of girls enter.
Asuka gave Shinji a jaundiced stare across the back of the toilet.
"Well, this is going well. Let's try to avoid any further disasters today,
hmm?" she hissed.
"No, seriously, she said 'you can't handle him'! Soryu said he's too
much to handle! And Ayanami was practically drooling at the idea of
him 'touching her softest part' again!"
"You've got to be joking! He's got both of them? And they're fine with
it?"
"The only thing Soryu seemed to mind was Ayanami revealing it all!
And then she tried to warn me off even trying for him? He's got to be
absolutely amazing, and they just don't want to share!"
"I just can't believe it, Tanaka. He's tamed both of them, the Red
Demon and the Ice Queen? He looks so quiet and unassuming! Who
would have expected a raging masculine beast under that quiet
exterior?"
"I did. Totally called it. I just knew he had to be a tiger under that shy
façade. Akemi and Haruko thought so too. That's why they tried
asking him to lunch last month. He's turned down everyone who
asked before, and Soryu guards him like a shark anyhow. How did
you get him to say yes, Tanaka?"
"I just asked him when he was smiling. I guess he was in a good
mood. He's got a cute smile, too."
"I know! And those deep blue eyes! I'll have to ask him tomorrow.
Even if he brings those two along, it's worth it for the chance. I mean,
Soryu told you to back off, but he didn't say anything, right? And he
said yes to lunch!"
"Well, so long as Soryu doesn't kill you for trying…"
"I"m totally asking him again next week."
"Me too."
"Dibs on Friday."
"Does anyone know if he's busy after school? I want to see if he'd
like to walk home together."
"Don't you live east of here?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Fair enough."
"And another thing, First; if and when you ever do show them off to
someone who is not the Third Child, wear something better than
those panties, because that is the most boring underwear I have
ever seen." Asuka threw a glance behind them, making sure Shinji
was still trailing back far enough he wouldn't hear anything. This was
embarrassing enough.
Rei cocked her head at Asuka as they walked towards the school's
gate. "I thought I was not supposed to display them to anyone?"
Asuka sighed. 'I can't believe I had to give the 'birds and the bees'
talk to fricking Wondergirl . I can see Commander Ikari not wanting
to do it, maybe, but why wouldn't Doctor Akagi do it?' This was the
strangest educational experience Asuka had ever had to be a part
of. "Well, in the hypothetical and extremely unlikely situation you
ever have a boyfriend, you should wear something besides that."
Rei shook her head once. "I do not have any other kind."
Asuka looked at her. Again, Rei was acting like she was less a
teenage girl than an alien that looked like one. "Don't you have
anything fancier? Anything to go with pants, stuff that doesn't leave a
visible line?"
"I have seven pairs like this. That is all."
Asuka's look got even more confused. "First, don't you have any
other clothes at all?"
"I have several school uniforms."
"What." Any flatter and Asuka's voice could have been used as
pavement. "Wondergirl, how do you nothave any other clothing but
school uniforms?"
"Commander Ikari never instructed me to obtain any."
Asuka couldn't stop herself from looking at Shinji. "Third, what the
He-… what are you staring at?"
Shinji was not paying any attention to her. He was staring past them
at the school gate. Asuka turned to follow his gaze.
Tanaka and what appeared to be about a third of the girls in their

class were clustered in a group at the gate. And they all were staring
at the Pilots. Asuka felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up.
'No… they're staring at Shinji . Uh oh.'
The nearest girls giggled as they approached, and the one in the
front stepped up next to them to talk to Shinji. Asuka glared daggers
at her. Megumi Haya… something. Asuka couldn't remember, just
that she had an annoyingly cheerful voice, always seemed to be
talking, and was one of the crowd that she always caught eyeing
Shinji when he wasn't looking.
"Hiii~, Ikari-kun," she chirped at Shinji as he drew closer, hands

behind her back and chest pushed out. Shinji eyed her nervously,
holding his book bag between him and her like a shield. "Um… yes,
Hayashibara-san?"
"Are you busy right now? If you don't mind, I'd like to-"
"He's busy," Asuka interrupted. 'MINE!' she wanted to snarl.
Hayashibara leaned away from Asuka's glare, but rallied. "I… I was
asking him, not you, Soryu-san," she shot back, coldly polite.
"NERV business," Asuka shot right back just as coldly. "We're doing
special training, and can't be separated or interfered with. So he's
with us, and we're busy. It takes endless training to be Pilots like us.
If you like not being killed by Angels, you'll avoid interfering with
that."
Hayashibara's hot retort died out i the face of Asuka's harsh

reminder of the realities of living in Tokyo-3. She looked between
each od the Pilots before bowing deeply to Shinji. "Thank you for
your efforts in protecting our city, Ikari-san." She rose, then gave a
notably shallower bow to Asuka and Rei. "And to you both as well,"
she muttered very grudgingly.
Asuka ignored her slight. "First Child, Third Child, ready to go?" she
coolly asked. Shinji gave her a relieved nod and fell in behind her,
Rei trailing along like a ghost.
"Wondergirl, where the Hell do you live?" Asuka complained. She

shifted the mass of shopping bags she carried, the results of the
impromptu shopping expedition Asuka had led them on after leaving
the school, and waved a hand at the bland concrete towers around
them as they trudged down the empty road on the northwest corner
of the city. "This is like the worst part of Tokyo-3 I've ever seen! Half
these buildings are wrecks!"
"This was the residence provided for me when I left the Geofront,"
Rei said. "I have not been ordered to move anywhere else." The
endless BANG-BANG-BANG of some nearby demolition machinery
breaking down a derelict building punctuated her statement. "We are
here."
Asuka looked doubtfully up at the building they'd stopped in front of.

It looked scarcely any better than the abandoned ones around it.
"Seriously? You live in this dump?"
Rei did not respond, merely leading them up to the fourth floor and
her apartment. Asuka's look of disgust and shock deepened as Rei
opened her rusty door and led them inside.
"Gott im Himmel, was zur Hölle ist das?" Asuka burst out as they
reached the solitary room. "Th-this place looks like a Russian prison
cell! First, they make you live here?" She dropped her armload of
bags against one wall and stared at the incredibly Spartan room.
Rei looked at her, slightly puzzled. "Yes."
"Does Misato know about this place, that you live like this?"
"Major Katsuragi has never visited here, no."
Shinji put his part of the bags of clothing and sundry toiletries Asuka
had insisted Rei purchase on the bed and looked around. The
apartment had not changed since hie brief, embarrassment-filled
visit months ago. The same dirty bandages and trash were piled in
one corner, which was in fact rather disturbing. He couldn't stand it.
IT was making his fundamentally neat nature twitch. "Ayanami, may I
clean up a little for you?"
Rei blinked in surprise at him. "Yes?" she answered, sounding

almost uncertain.
Shinji began to pick up loose trash and dump it in a discarded

grocery bag. Asuka snorted briefly at Shinji's habits working
overtime, and returned to her horrified examination of Rei's
apartment. She paused when she noticed the surprisingly large pile
of medication on the chest of drawers that was nearly the only other
furniture besides the metal-framed bed. "First, what is all… this…"
She peered closer. She was right. All the medicine was prescribed
by "Dr. Akagi, R". Was Rei ill? This was a bigger pile of pills than
she'd seen anyone take outside of a hospital.
She picked up one bottle and read the label. "Methoxetamine…

Benzodiazepine… Diazepam…" she read off. She looked up at Rei
in growing confusion. "This… this is nothing but a giant cocktail of
sedatives, dissociatives, mood suppressors, and hormonal
contraceptives! First, why the Hell are you taking all this shit?!"
Rei looked at her blankly. "Doctor Akagi's orders. She said the
commander had required it."
"This… this is nothing but stuff that makes it impossible for you to
feel anything! No wonder you act like a… doll…" Asuka trailed off in
dawning horror.
"I am not a doll," Rei calmly replied, expressionless.

Asuka tried and failed to suppress a shiver. "If… if you're not, then
you shouldn't take these, First. These drugs don't do anything but
rob you of your ability to feel at all. No wonder baka-Shinji falling on
you got no reaction! You must be so numb it hardly registered! No
arousal, no worry, no depression… they make you like a puppet with
this stuff! Don't take it anymore!"
"Docotr Akagi ordered me to take them daily. She said the

Commander required I do so," Rei repeated stoically.
"Just… do me a favor, First Child. Look up the drugs on this label at

school tomorrow. See what they do. There's no reason for you to be
taking all this. Then… just… try not taking them for a few days? See
the difference? It's…" Asuka clenched her hands into fists to stop the
shaking. "If they can do this to you, they can do it to any of us. It's
not right." She put the bottle of pills down like it might explode. She
looked at Rei again. "Please."
Rei looked uncertain. The Second Child had never said 'please' to
her before, never asked her anything in a tone of voice this naked. "I
will… look."
Asuka stared at her for a moment longer before turning to Shinji.

"Third, it's late. I want to go home. Let's go."
Shinji looked up from where he was almost done sweeping the

layers of dust in the room into one pile. "I'm just about done with the
sweeping. Can we-"
"I want to go home right now, Shinji," Asuka said, her voice tense.
Shinji looked at her, surprised, but nodded. "I guess it's kind of late.
We were shopping for a while. We'll see you in the morning,
Ayanami?"
Rei nodded. "Thank you… for cleaning." She silently showed them
out. She returned to her bare room and spent a long time staring at
the pill bottles.
Shinji nearly winced as Asuka seized his and in a hard grip as soon
as they left Rei's building. She pulled him along down the sidewalk at
a fast clip, like she was trying to put distance between her and Rei's
apartment as fast as she could. "Asuka, what's wrong?"
Asuka didn't say anything for a minute. "She's the Commander's pet,
his favorite," she said in a low voice. "Not you, his own son. Not me,
the top scorer. Her. She's the one he likes . And they've got her
taking so many tranquilizers and dissociatives I'm amazed she was
even able to get angry enough to slap you. That amount of drugs
has to be making her nearly a robot. That 's the kind of cocktail you
give to someone you want to keep totally pliable, unargumentative,
too doped up to care about anything… someone you want to make
into a doll ." Asuka shuddered. "If they can do that to the Pilot they
like, what do they think of us ?"
They reached the bus stop, and for a change they were in luck. They
could see a bus just two blocks away, heading for their stop. Asuka
turned to look at him. She looked around, assuring herself they were
alone for the moment, before clamping her arms around him and
holding him tight.
She was shivering despite the warm evening. "Asuka?"
"Don't… don't let that happen to me, Shinji. Don't let them do that to
me. Or you. I'd rather die."
Shinji shifted uncomfortably. He didn't like hearing Asuka like this.

She was fire, light, confidence. She… He'd never seen her afraid like
this. "You think they could?"
"I didn't think they could do something like that to her ! I thought she
was just stuck up and didn't want to talk to me or something. I didn't
think they'd be making her like that." She shivered again. "It's a lot
harder to hate her now that I know that. And I told you how I feel
about dolls."
He nodded and squeezed her back. "We watch out for each other,
right. We promised. Together."
Asuka's shivering eased. "Right," she whispered. "Not alone. Never

again."
The bus pulled up behind them with a hiss of brakes. They climbed
in and settled into seats near the back. This route would have them
home in less than thirty minutes.
"What are we going to do about Ayanami? If those drugs are as bad

as you say, we can't just let her keep taking them," Shinji asked.
Asuka made herself sit up straight, though leaning into Shinji's warm
side was very tempting. "Hopefully she'll see what I meant when she
checks them at school tomorrow. And I've got an idea for her nasty
apartment, too."
"Welcome home! Have fun on your first day of team-building?"

Misato asked them cheerfully from the living room couch as they
arrived home.
"Oh, loads of laughs hanging out with Wondergirl. She's just such a
social butterfly, that one!" Asuka replied sarcastically, marching into
the living room. "I can't wait to see what other amazing things she
can show us. It's going to be hard to top the rat-infested dump she
lives in! Misato, have you seen that place?"
The curvy Major looked at Asuka curiously. "No, I haven't Ritsuko

took care of Rei before I got here. She handled it all. Why?"
"She lives in a demolition zone! The building looks like it's about to
fall apart at any moment! You have to go look at it, Misato! They
can't treat an Evangelion Pilot like that, not even Wondergirl!" Asuka
injected as much indignation into her voice as she could. "I wouldn't
keep a sick dog in that hole!"
Misato's eyes narrowed. "Really? Hmm… maybe I'll drop in on Rei-
chan's place tomorrow. Is that why you two were out so late with
her? Visiting her lovely home?"
Asuka snorted. "Lovely, my ass. We took her out shopping. She

literally had no other clothes but school uniforms! And when we took
all the stuff we'd got back to her place, it looked like she lived in a
prison cell in Stalingrad! Didn't it, Third?"
Shinji nodded behind her as he finished putting away their bags. "It
was a pretty run-down area, Misato-san. Ayanami deserves to live
some place nicer than that. Aren't there empty apartments in this
building or something we could move her to?"
"Eheh…" Misato smiled awkwardly. Their building was in fact almost

empty, many of the residents having moved out of Tokyo-3 in fear
once the Angel attacks began. "Let me look at Rei-chan's place
before we start moving her in next door. Maybe we can spruce it up."
Asuka shook her head. "There's no 'sprucing' that wasteland, Misato.

Now come on, baka. I'm hungry, and then I really want to get to bed."
"Jawhol, schatzie."
Misato's eyebrows shot up and she clamped down on a giggle. Did

Shinji just say that?
Asuka spun around. "What was that?!" she screeched. Once her
back was fully towards Misato she gave Shinji a wink and a blown
kiss before she swung a hand at the side of his head. "Baka Shinji!
Die!"
Shinji dodged around the table towards the kitchen. "Achtung! Help!"
"Awww… he is paying attention to your German lessons, Asuka!"

Misato observed, snickering at her charges.
Rei stared at the red and white pills in her hand and hesitated. This
was new.
Her eyes had snapped open at precisely 0640, just like every
morning. She had never needed an alarm clock. She had gone
through her morning routine automatically, no thought required. She
got dressed, prepared a bland lunch bento, and took out her daily
medication dose. But then she had halted, conflicted.
'Doctor Akagi instructed me to take these daily. She stated the

Commander had required them. She implied they were essential to
maintain my body's stability,' one thought argued. 'Doctor Akagi talks
at me, not to me like the Commander or Ikari-kun do. She does not
care for me. Even the Second Child cares for me. She asked me
'please' not to do this. And my current research confirms her
description; most of the medication in these pills is sedative and
dissociative in nature,' the other side argued back. Disobeying the
Commander, even by proxy still felt… wrong. Rei had never done it.
But Ikari-kun and Pilot Soryu… they had taken her to buy clothes to
help her be more like them, cleaned her apartment out of concern for
her state of life, and warned her against taking medication that
apparently clouded her mind. They… cared about her and her well-
being?
'They fight beside me in battle. They risk their lives for each other
because they care for each other. They have done so for me. Ergo,
they care for me too.' Logic had always come easily to Rei. It made
things simple, clear. Something she liked, since her thoughts often
felt… muddied, slowed, unclear. If Pilot Soryu was correct, this
medication might even be the cause of that.
She closed her hand and pocketed the pills. She would confirm once
more with research at school. She could always take the pills later in
the day if her concerns proved unfounded.
She walked to the door and picked up her schoolbag. She had just
enough time to meet the Second and Third Children at their
residence if she left now.
"Hee hee… Mmm. Rrowl…"
"Shhhh!"
"Come on, one more…"
"This is dangerous…"
"That makes it more fun!" Asuka pouted at him. "Misato can't see us
in here. And I want every bit of you I can get, Third Child. We're
going to be stuck with Wondergirl all day long again. I'm going to
have to spend all day acting like I don't want to get back into bed
with you right now and keep doing what we were doing last night."
"We can't, we used up the last one," Shinji said mock-mournfully. He

brightened. "You're getting that implant thing from Doctor Akagi
today, right?"
"Yup!" Asuka gave him a sly, wicked grin. "So I get one more good
kiss before we go out there and I have to pretend to be angry at you.
Gimme."
Shinji really found it hard to argue, and not just because Asuka had
her tongue halfway down his throat. Her arms came up to gently
wrap around the back of his neck and pull him close against her. His
rose automatically to hold her by the hips. 'This… mmm. This is the
way to leave home in the mornings. Wait, what was that noise? It
was kind of a bing-bong… DOORBELL!'
He and Asuka sprang apart just before Misato's voice called from the
dining area. "Is that Rei-chan? Get going you two!"
Shinji glanced at Asuka, who was rapidly smoothing out mussed hair
and clothes before nodding to him. He hit the door open button to
reveal Rei standing placidly on the doorstep, face as blank as
always.
"Good Morning."
"Good morning, Ayanami. You're here pretty early!" Shinji said with a
nervous laugh. He desperately hoped he didn't have any signs of
Asuka's affection visible on his neck.
Asuka examined Rei's face carefully. "Did you…?"
Rei still had no expression. "I have not. I will conduct research
before any further action." She did meet Asuka's eyes and nod
slightly. "Thank you for… being concerned about me." She looked at
Shinji too. "And you as well, Ikari-kun."
With that she turned to walk back towards the elevators. Sharing a
worried look, Shinji and Asuka followed after.
"Hi~, Ikari-kun…"
"Hi~, Ikari-san…"
Shinji waved and smiled weakly at both girls. He very carefully did
not glance in Asuka's direction. He could feel the murder-aura
pouring off her from where he sat.
Asuka clawed another set of slashes into her desktop and added
Megumi Ogata and Rie Kugimiya to the 'Must Kill Them Later' list
she was rapidly compiling in her head. There had been a few girls
lying in wait in the schoolyard to 'accidentally' run into Shinji that
they'd managed to evade by careful use of cover, but half the female
portion of their class had turned to watch like hawks as they walked
into the classroom, several visibly undressing Shinji with their eyes.
That alone had started Asuka on a slow boil. Fortunately, she'd
managed to make it look like her old 'angry at everyone' routine.
But nearly all of those girls had found excuses to walk by Shinji's
desk and say a personal hello to him this morning, more than a few
putting a flirtatious lilt in it, or a bit of extra hip action to their walk. On
the last two, both. Asuka put them at the top of the list.
"Hi~, Shinji…" Touji imitated as he walked past his friend's desk. He

ran his fingers up Shinji's arm. "You busy later? I've heard sooo~oo
much about you!"
Shinji swatted at his hand. "Knock it off," he grumbled.
"Didya change your cologne or sumthin'? The girls are all over you
this mornin'!" Touji marveled. "Kensuke, you been gettin' all this on
tape for later, right?"
Their spectacled friend nodded with a grin. "Oh yeah," he said,

waving his mini-camera. "The Story of Shinji's Harem, Volume One,
already started."
"I didn't do anything, guys. I have no idea what's going on. As usual,"
Shinji muttered. "They just started coming after me this week like all
of a sudden I smell like a freshly cooked steak dinner. It's just in the
last few days. I don't know why."
Asuka permitted herself a tiny smirk. 'I know why…' The thought did
make her feel a little better. All the girls wanted him all of a sudden
because she had him. They didn't even know why he was acting
more cheerful, or that they'd already lost the game. 'He's mine. I'm
his. None of you are ever going to beat that.' She narrowed her eyes
at Tanaka and Hayashibara, whispering suspiciously together in their
seats in the far corner of the classroom. 'Though I bet a bunch of you
are going to get on my nerves trying…'
"C'mon, Shin-man, you've gotta tell us what you're doin' different, so

we can get in on it! I could finally get one of these hot babes to
notice my studly, well-muscled bod-OW!" Touji's paean to his
handsome form was cut off by the impact of a well-aimed piece of
chalk to the middle of his forehead.
"Sit DOWN, Suzuhara!" Hikari roared at him. "And shut up!"
"Alright, alright, Class Rep! You don' gotta hit me!" He moved back to
his own desk and flopped into it. "Yeesh, why's she gotta pick on me
like that?"
Asuka rolled her eyes. 'Jock-Stooge, sharp as a brick as always. I

have no idea what you see in him, Hikari.'
She glanced at Rei. The bluenette had her laptop already open and
was busily typing away at some search page. Asuka crossed her
fingers. 'I really hope she listens. No one should have their mind
mucked with like that, not even Wondergirl.'
Their elderly sensei finally arrived, and class began.
"What do you mean it takes a week to take full effect?!"
Doctor Akagi looked mildly annoyed at Asuka's outburst. Well,

slightly more than she usually looked to Asuka these days. It was
hard to tell sometimes.
"It's a hormonal contraceptive implant, Asuka, not an injection. It

takes a few days to seep the necessary levels into your system.
Unless your period is right about to start you should be fine before it
hits. Calm down."
"Right, my period. That's not due for at least ten days. I'm fine,"
Asuka hastily agreed. 'Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! That means Shinji
and I will have to stop for a week! We can't just stop at a pharmacy
and get a box of condoms with Wondergirl watching! Not fair! Cold-
turkey withdrawal after just a week of getting a taste for it!' That
thought sobered Asuka and helped her cool her irritation. 'Cold-
turkey withdrawal… I know it's a bad move, but the idea of
Wondergirl continuing to take that witches brew of shit is revolting.'
Asuka's eyes slid to Doctor Akagi's back as she turned to put away
the scapel and other medical implements she'd used for Asuka's
implant. ' That witch's brew, in fact. She has to know what she's
giving Ayanami is doing to her. Why the fuck are they keeping
Wondergirl dosed up with so much shit she can hardly talk?'
Doctor Akagi turned back and gave Asuka's bandage one last look.
"Alright, you're set. You may go. Shinji and Rei should be waiting for
you in the other exam room." She picked up her clipboard and
headed for the opposite door. "Remind them you all have a Synch
Test on Thursday."
She missed Asuka flipping her off.
"Ayanami, are you sure we should be doing this?"
"No." Rei pulled a bottle marked 'Flumazenil' from the cabinet.
"… so why…?"
"My research has concluded Pilot Soryu is correct. There is no

reason I should be required to take my current regimen of
tranquilizers and several other drugs. However, withdrawal
symptoms can be severe. I am acquiring palliatives for the major
symptoms and other drugs that have been identified to reduce
them," Rei said quietly as she placed another bottle in her
schoolbag.
"And we're doing this without telling Doctor Akagi because you think
she'll say no or try to stop you?" Shinji put a couple of IV bags of
saline and some tubing in his bag.
Rei's crimson eyes gave him an unreadable look. "Doctor Akagi is

the one who established this regimen for me. She is a brilliant
scientist and metabiological doctor. She cannot be unaware of what
she is giving me. Therefore, she is doing so on purpose. Ergo, she is
unlikely to acquiesce when I tell her I no longer wish to take them. "
She reached into the medical cabinet again and pulled out a bottle
marked 'Gabapentin'. "Or permit me to obtain counter-agents to the
effects of withdrawal syndrome."
"Like what?" Shinji asked uncertainly.
"Nausea, tremors, insomnia, oversensitivity to stimuli, dizziness,

parathesia, severe restlessness, mood swings, anxiety, panic
attacks… potentially coma and death…"Rei listed without inflection,
ignoring Shinji's squawk of dismay. "The literature indicates
emotional and psychological support from friends and family is highly
important to managing the psychological symptoms. I have no family.
Can I… rely on you and Pilot Soryu for that?" Rei sounded oddly
unsure as she asked him.
"Of course, Ayanami! We're your friends, no matter what!" Shinji

seized her hand. "You know that we worry about you!" He blinked
and looked down at where he held her hand. He blushed and
dropped it.
Rei did not appear to notice. Again, she just held a steady, calm
gaze on him for a long moment. "Thank you," she said even more
softly.
She turned back to the medical cabinet, rearranged some of the

bottles to conceal the small gaps she'd left, and closed it.
"Ayanami, are you alright? You don't look very good." Shinji pitched
his voice low to avoid anyone's notice, but his concern was easy to
hear.
Rei gave a sharp shake of her head, but did not lift her stare from the
surface of her desk. She kept her gaze fixed on that spot with
intense concentration, and her hands were gripping the sides of the
desktop so hard they were shaking. Or possibly just shaking on their
own. Her shaking was making the sweat beading on her forehead
and temples drip a little faster.
Three days after she'd begun cutting her dose level, withdrawal
symptoms were hitting Rei hard. Anticipating they'd need to keep a
close eye on their fellow Pilot and cover for as many of her
symptoms as possible, Asuka had had a quiet word with Hikari in her
function as Class Rep and gotten their seating shifted slightly. Asuka
now sat directly behind Rei, on Shinji's left. That it also moved her
right next to Shinji was a nice bonus as far as Asuka was concerned.
Not that she'd let her mask slip so far as to actually show it in class,
but it was nice to be near him.
Rei swallowed heavily. "I am… feeling nauseous, Ikari-kun. I may

require a bathroom soon."
"Asuka, can you-" Shinji's request to her was cut off as yet another
girl sniffing after Shinji slid in between them, her back pointedly to
Asuka.
Asuka fought hard to keep her hands from curling into claws. Moving
to this new seat let her keep a close eye on Rei, but it also
uncovered Shinji's 'right flank', and put her right up close as all the
other girls kept hitting on her secret boyfriend. And she couldn't
officially protest. It was maddening. Shinji had gotten better at
dodging their constant attempts to get him to eat lunch with them, go
for a walk after school with them, go shopping downtown with
them… None of them had yet asked him out on a date directly, but
they were getting close.
"Good morning, Ikari-san," purred Natsumi Takamori. "I know I can't

possibly interrupt your important special training with the others, but
I'd love to join you for lunch and hear all about what it's like being the
brave Pilot who saves our city over and over again."
"Er… It's not just me, Takamori-san. I couldn't do it without Asuka

and Ayanami. I'd have been killed four or five times already without
them," Shinji attempted to parry. He tried to lean around her. "Asuka,
coul-"
Takamori shifted to stay right in his view, incidentally blocking his

view of Asuka. She flicked a dismissive momentary glance over her
shoulder at the female Pilots. "Oh, they're nice. I'm sure they're
splendid little helpers to you, but everyone knows you're the one
who's the real hero," she continued.
Shinji's face clouded at this. "No, I'm really not," he said more quietly.
"I think you are," Takamori rolled right on. "I'd really like to hear more
about it from you personally."
Asuka grit her teeth. She knew how Shinji hated being called that.
She disagreed, but could see why he didn't like it. They were just like
each other. On too many dark and lonely nights before she came to
Japan, she'd feared that she was worthless too. She had yet to
confess that to Shinji the way he'd told her about his fears, but she
felt that she safely could, and probably would soon. It felt better
every time they shared something, showed each other a little more
of their true hearts. So she already knew Shinji thought himself
cowardly and selfish, not a hero at all. He'd blushed a truly amazing
shade the night Asuka had quietly told him she considered him one,
for diving into Mount Asama to save her from being crushed to death
in magma. She'd melted his further embarrassed mumbles with a
kiss as hot as the volcano he'd saved her from. That had been a
good night.
But from someone like Takamori, it was just a reminder of how he

didn't feel worthy of the title most of the time. 'Fricking skank is trying
to worm her way in to grab a piece of my Shinji, and making him feel
like crap doing it. I will eat your eyes , bitch! How dare you hurt him!'
She couldn't restrain herself anymore. Watching one of these slags
make Shinji's smile crumble enraged her in a way she'd never felt
before. Time to do something, anything to make her leave him alone.
She frantically tried to come up with a good excuse to interrupt. Her
first preference, stabbing Takamori in the neck with her pen, was
right out. 'No, can't stab her brains out… beside, strangling her with
my bare hands is so much more personal and intimate…'
Asuka was just opening her mouth to speak when she noticed Rei
was staring as fixedly at Shinji and Takamori as she was, despite the
sweat sheening Rei's face. Rei also looked a little greener than
usual. Something flickered across Rei's face, almost a hint of anger.
As Asuka watched, Rei stood up and turned towards Shinji's desk.
"Ikari-kun," she began weakly, "I… HOOOORUUGHHHGUG!"
Rey Ayanami began her newest phase of withdrawal syndrome by

messily vomiting all over Natsumi Takamori.
Takamori had ignored Rei's rising, and so caught the first blast in her
side. Her long, silky black hair seemed to make a shiny, attractive
target, as Rei's next couple of heaves liberally splattered across it.
"AAAAAA! Get away from me! EW! EW! EW! Stop it!"
"HUUURGUBBBL!" Rei gave one last wave of bile and bits of her
breakfast to Takamori's shoes before ceasing and leaning hard
against Asuka's desk. "I think I need to go to the nurse's office," she
said in a weak voice, barely heard over Takamori's continued
shrieking.
Hikari looked aghast at the mess as she ran over from her seat on
the far side of the classroom. "Ohmigod… Asuka, can you take
Ayanami to the nurse's office? Kugimiya-san, take Takamori-san to
the bathroom and help her get cleaned up."
"Ewwww… do I have to?" Kugimiya protested.
Asuka tried not to grin as she took Rei's shoulder and led her to the
door. She could feel Rei still shaking under her hand. "Nice shot,
Wondergirl," she whispered as they left the classroom. "You really
are our team sniper."
"We're a team…" Rei agreed raspily, leaning heavily against Asuka

as they walked down the hall. "… You're welcome."
Shinji put the rag back in the bucket and sighed. Cleanup had been
fast with Hikari organizing things, but Shinji had the feeling this
would not be the last such incident to disrupt their day. The girls
pursuing him were persistent. He was too tempting a target at
lunchtime, even with Asuka and Ayanami. He needed more cover.
Fortunately, he and Asuka had discussed the problem last night and
developed a plan.
He turned to Hikari, who was likewise finishing putting away some

cleaning supplies. "Hey, Class Rep? Can I ask you a favor?"
Hikari raised her eyebrows, but gestured for him to go on. "Certainly,
Ikari-kun. What do you need?"
"Um… I'm getting a lot of attention from some of the girls in class, I'm
sure you noticed."
Hikari's expression darkened. "Yes, I have. And they're making you

uncomfortable?"
"A bit, yes. And I think they're kind of messing with the joint training
we're supposed to be doing right now. Um… but I think if we had a
larger group, it would head off them trying to squeeze in to our circle
at lunch, so could you come eat with us, as Asuka's friend? I'm going
to ask Touji and Kensuke to join us too on my side."
The pigtailed brunette brightened up as he made his suggestion, but

went dee-in-the-headlights still when Shinji mentioned his tall friend.
She unfroze after a second and flashed him a wide smile. "Um, sure,
Ikari-kun! I'd love to help you out like that! It'll be just like Major
Katsuragi's promotion party!"
"Thanks, Horaki-san." Shinji smiled. 'Cover obtained, observers

occupied.'
That was part two of their scheme. Hikari was Asuka's best friend,
and Touji and Kensuke his. They were the three people most likely to
see through his and Asuka's ongoing attempt to conceal their
relationship. Shinji didn't like outright lying to them, so he'd
suggested they come up with something to distract them instead: set
them up.
Asuka told him about Hikari's raging crush on Touji. She'd been only
slightly surprised when Shinji mentioned Touji's matching infatuation
with the petite Class Rep that he thought no one knew about. Asuka
had laughed at the foolishness of the two of them liking each other
but failing to see it was mutual, just dancing around each other for
months… until Shinji had given her a smirk and a stare.
She'd flicked him in the nose, but acknowledged the point. She'd
countered with 'if they're doing the same stupid thing we were,
maybe they'll be just as happy together'. He'd agreed to 'give them a
push' and see is he and Asuka couldn't help get them together.
Hopefully, the spectacle would keep Kensuke from noticing much
about Asuka and him, as well as help out their friends.
Now, to rope in Touji and Kensuke… He wasn't even worried about

that part. They usually ate with him anyway, or had before the Pilots
had been ordered to begin this training effort. The presences of Rei
and Asuka and their attempt at declaring lunch to as 'Pilots Only' had
kept them off this week. They'd be happy to rejoin him once he
asked. A little maneuvering to make sure Touji and Hikari sat next to
each other, and Asuka's plan would be in full swing.
He smiled as he returned to his seat. Having a brilliant girlfriend was

pretty neat. Having someone who loved him was fucking awesome.
Asuka fidgeted in her seat by Rei's bed in the nurse's office. The
school nurse had accepted Rei's explanation of a minor illness, and
even helped administer the syringe of withdrawal medications Rei
had pulled from her pocket before leaving Rei to rest. Asuka had
been tasked with watching over her. The requirement that she stay
was running into her desire to get back to the classroom and keep
any more girls from going after her Shinji and driving her nuts. Still…
Rei was doing this because Asuka had told her to. This was her
responsibility, and she was the lead Pilot anyway. She had to look
after her troops, right? Right.
And as much as she might want to be back to keep the other girls
from bothering him, she knew he could rely on him to fend them off.
She knew it was irrational to worry about another girl taking Shinji
away from her, but she was just as aware that her fears on the topic
were not going to be dismissed that easily. He was the first bright
thing in her life in years. Even having a solid hunk of man like Kaji
named as her guardian in Germany after Misato was transferred to
Japan was starting to fade in comparison. Best of all, he trusted her
and she trusted him. She'd never had that before. She could be sure
without looking that he was right there with her.
Rei noticed her smile. "What are you smiling about, Pilot Soryu? You
are… distracted."
Asuka shook herself out of her daydream. "Ah… The look on

Takamori's face when you nailed her. That was priceless." 'Nice
save, Soryu.'
"She was hurting Ikari-kun, and angering you. You are my friends. I
concluded I could take advantage of my illness to help." She kept
looking at Asuka's face carefully. "You are agitated, and I thought
you did not enjoy my company overmuch. Do you wish to return to
Ikari-kun? You do not have to wait with me if you wish to go."
'Oh Gott yes I want to be back with him. Another one of those
harpies could be bringing his spirits down right now, and I like seeing
him smile, especially at me.' "I do want to go back to class, yes. That
baka is helpless without me. And those girls need to stop interrupting
our training. They're bothering him and reducing his morale!"
"You care about Ikari-kun?"
'Red Alert! Red Alert! Top secret information threatened! Deploying

bullshit deflectors!' "Don't get the wrong idea!" 'The right idea, that
is.' "It's not like I like that baka or anything!" 'Well, true, I don't 'like'
him. I love him. He makes me feel whole and loved for the first time
since Mama. He loves me back!' "It's just that he gets into trouble
without me, and I don't want that, it's troublesome to clean up. And
he's my wingman! I have to keep an eye on him in battle. I still owe
him a debt for saving my life in that volcano. I don't want him to die
or anything before I can repay that. It's a debt of honor, and a Soryu
never fails one of those! And I'm the lead Pilot, I have to take care of
my squad! I care about both of you as teammates!" 'There, that
sounds plausible.'
"Including me?" Rei asked. Her gaze at Asuka had not shifted. It was
faintly unnerving. "I thought you disliked me, because I was a 'doll'."
Asuka squirmed uncomfortably. "Well… yeah. I did. But it's a lot

harder to blame you for acting that way now that I know you're
drugged like this. That's why I reacted so strongly… my step-mother
tried something like that with pills when I was younger. I know what
it's like. It's not like I think you would kill yourself or something just
because Commander Ikari ordered you to or such."
"If I was ordered to do so, I would."
Asuka's eyes bugged out at Rei. " What?! Are you crazy? Why ?"
Rei's voice was disturbingly calm. "He has raised me for years. He
cares for me. If he gave that order, I would trust he had a necessary
reason for it." Rei's voice dropped to almost nothing. "… He is all I
have."
"Jesus fuck, Wondergirl! Don't ever do that! Kill yourself just because
you were told to?! I mean… Gott! Never! We're soldiers, yeah, and
we could die anytime, but never just on someone's say-so! Make it
for a reason worth it! Look at baka-Shinji! He didn't jump into a
volcano because someone ordered him to! He did it against orders,
because he thought I was worth risking his life for!" 'And don't you
ever risk yourself like that again, you stupid, brave idiot of mine. I
love you so Gottdamn much. My damn martyr baka-Shinji…' "He'd
do the same for you, just like he said, and… and so would I!
Commander Ikari's not 'all you have'! You're not alone! You, and me,
and Shinji, we all look out for each other because there's no one else
who can in a battle!" Asuka sat back, blinking. 'Did… did I just say all
that out loud? And mean it? Damn it, Shinji, look at what you're
doing to me. You're making me into a Gott damn hero like you just to
keep up. All for one and one for all.' "We're just like each other…"
she muttered aloud.
Rei just stared at her. "I see," was all she said.
"Don't… don't be the Commander's doll, First. You're not. Don't let
them make you into one." 'Please don't let them make you. If they do
it to you, what keeps them from doing it to me or Shinji?' She
shivered.
"I am not a doll. I am I," Rei replied.
"Good. Don't ever let Commander Ikari or anyone tell you are, First.
Being a real person means the ability to choose. To be able to say
'No' when authority tells you to do something wrong." Asuka took a
deep breath and put it all aside. She had to talk about it with Shinji
tonight. "How are you feeling? I know Benzodiazepine withdrawal is
supposed to be nasty…"
"I am moderating the worst symptoms successfully with the counter-

agents and an increase in Diazepam versus the other components of
the regimen. I have cut my current does by over half," Rei said as
calmly as she'd mentioned her willingness to die on order.
"Isn't that kind of fast?"
"Yes, but our constant exposure to LCL stabilizes many of our

systems against chemical disruption. Our Synch Test tomorrow
should help. I will also be interested to see what effects my reduction
of dose and exposure to you and Ikari-kun has had on my Synch
Rate."
"And the sooner we bring your score up, the sooner we can end this
enforced togetherness Doctor Akagi has made us do. You and the
Third are fine in small doses, and you're right there with me in a
fight, but I would like to be able to just go shopping with Hikari or
stuff by myself, too." A smile spread on Asuka's face. "Or just spend
a Sunday morning lying in bed, enjoying being alive, until I feel like
getting up." 'Or Shinji feels like 'getting up' again, heh heh heh. Gott
damn it, baka, I swear I wasn't this lewd before you got a hold of
me…'
Rei studied her face intently. "Enjoying being alive…" she said oddly.
Asuka looked down. "Don't tell me I have to teach you that too."
"Not at this time. I am feeling less nauseous." She sat up. "I believe
we can return to class now."
"Good. I worry that baka-Shinji might have gotten an entire harem

following him by now without me there to keep him in line. Let's go."
Rei nodded, and followed Asuka out of the rest area, studying her
closely the whole way.
"I feel sorrier for the First Child than ever. It just… doesn't make any
sense to me, Shinji. Why raise a Pilot inside NERV so isolated that
she acts like that? Why drug her if you've had that close control over
her upbringing? Why drug her but not us? They can't be all that
happy if the results are Wondergirl. Both of us have much better
Synch Rates than her. What's the point? Is there some reason they
need a Pilot who's willing to die on orders? That's just creepy…"
Asuka shook her head against the pillow's soft comfort.
Asuka waited for a response from her boyfriend, but nothing came.
"Shinji?"
"He raised her. He's 'all she has'? He… he…" Shinji's arms around
her tightened until he shook. "How could he?! "
Asuka blinked in surprise. Shinji was… furious. She'd never seen
him this angry. The usual calm expression he gave the world, or the
warm and loving one he showed her when they were alone was
gone. His face was twisted in a violent combination of anger, pain,
and betrayal. She'd seen the Third Child without his clothes a lot in
the last two weeks, but she'd never seen Shinji this naked.
"Once a year! Once a year I'd see him at mother's grave. He'd barely
say three sentences to me! I ran away once, and he just had the
police take me back to my sensei. He didn't even call. I spent half my
childhood wondering what I'd done that made him just dump me at
the train station and walk away, just seeing his back retreating over
and over again in every fucking nightmare! Why wasn't I good
enough?" Shinji almost pleaded with her, tears in his eyes. "And then
he turns around and raises Ayanami?! Why?! Why did he abandon
me and take her?!"
'Yet more evidence your dad is not exactly Father of the Year
material. Then again, neither is mine,' Asuka thought. She just held
Shinji close and didn't say anything. There was nothing she could
say that could explain Commander Ikari's behavior. But she could
remind him of other things. "I have no idea, Shinji. But… I'm glad he
didn't."
That snapped Shinji out of his rant. "What?" he asked, his brow
knotting.
"Would you want to be like Wondergirl? If your father had raised you,
you might have ended up like her: a drugged robot ready to die when
he orders you to. I… If you had acted l like that, if you'd been raised
that way, do you think Misato would have taken you in, that you'd be
living here, that we'd… be together? If you acted like her, I'd never
have kissed you, and we wouldn't be lying in bed like this right now."
She pulled his head down to hers for a kiss. "I like you the way you
are, my baka. You're just like me. You can understand me and my
pains because you suffered them too. I'm glad you're here and the
man you are, Shinji. I was as alone as you, before. And if you
weren't here, I still would be."
Shinji relaxed into her embrace and let out a long sigh. "I don't blame
Ayanami. It's not her fault. How would she know? But I… I don't
know how I could ever forgive my father. He considered it an
important enough demand on his time to raise her, however badly.
Why send me away? I… I'd still do almost anything to get him to look
at me. I hate him so much, but… You know how much that once little
scrap of praise he gave me after the Tenth Angel made me feel
good. Gods, I'm such a weak idiot if I still want that."
"I agree you're a dummy if you Pilot to try to earn his praise," Asuka
snorted. "You don't need that."
"Don't you? I thought that's why you were so driven to be the best
Pilot, so people would praise you?" he asked right back. "'To display
your talents to the world', you said."
Asuka said nothing for a moment. "I used to," she said softly. "I
needed it. I was so afraid no one would want me unless I was the
best. I had to make people look at me, or I might disappear. But
now…" She freed one hand from embracing him to softly stroke his
face. "I'm not as worried. I know, no matter what, that you're looking
at me. That if I should fall, you'll keep my memory close. Now I Pilot,
I push myself to be the best because I want to be the best, and drag
you with me. The two of us, the best in the world, defending
humanity. You're a good Pilot, Shinji, almost as good as me. You
have a better reason to Pilot now than hoping for empty words from
your father."
Shinji looked at her, waiting.
"Misato. Wondergirl. Me. Even the Stooges. The people who care
about you praise you, baka. Not lip service from a jerk who's
unworthy of a son like you. Forget him. Do it for us. For me
especially. I won't have anyone else as wingman but my baka-Shinji.
You promised me; You and me, together, against everything. Lean
on us, Shinji." 'I need you. I can't even tell you how much. You have
to stay with me. You make me strong.'
"Until the end of the world…" Shinji finished their promise. Yeah… I'd
rather do it for you, and the others." He buried his face in her hair. "I
just wish… I knew why my father is like this. Why he can love
Ayanami, but not me?"
Asuka shook her head. "He makes her live in an apartment I

wouldn't keep a dog in, drugs her so much I'm surprised she can
blink, and has her ready to die on command. I don't think that's love,
Shinji. You don't treat someone you love like that. I think you care
more about Wondergirl than your father does. Hell, I think I care
more about her than he does.
Shinji pulled back far enough to look her in the face again. "So what
are we going to do?"
Asuka grinned. "You want to get back at your father a bit? Then let's
deprogram his little robot, and free Wondergirl from wanting to die.
Let's make her into a real girl instead of his doll."
Shinji gave her a half-smile. "You want to help Ayanami? I thought

you didn't like her?"
"Oh, I'm keeping her far away from getting her hands on you, mister.
Still no 'Israfel Special' allowed. I'm starting to feel better about her,
though, and hate your father a lot more. So we want to take away his
toy, and help her really live?" Asuka said. "Then let's save Rei
Ayanami."
Chapter 5 Pt 1
"-we came in?"
"Just do it, Misato. You know I'd do it if he'd asked me." Asuka
winked in a way far too mature for her age.
Misato gave her a sly smirk. "Oh? So hot to have me out of the
house so you can have alone time with Shin-chan?"
Asuka turned a little red. "EW! Don't even joke about that! Like I'd
spend the whole evening slobbering over a little boy like baka-Shinji?
Please!" She waved dismissively at the kitchen where Shinji was
cooking dinner. "I'd love to get my hands all over a real hunk like
Kaji, but since he asked you out for drinks and not me, all I can do is
encourage you to go so I can imagine it's me instead."
Misato shot Shinji a sympathetic look as she watched his shoulders

slump at Asuka's latest insult to his masculinity. 'I saw that, Shinji. I
can tell it hurts when she says things like that. You really should tell
her you care about her. I think she'd like it. You could stand to be
nicer to him too, Asuka. He's pretty cute already, and he's probably
going to be as tall and broad-shouldered as his father one day. Grab
him while you can!'
Misato shook her head. It was pretty obvious to her sharp little eye
that her two charges were more attracted to each other than either
would admit (she thought it was cute the way they thought they hid
it), but they'd only been dancing around each other since Asuka
moved in. Even more so in the last two months: Asuka seemed to go
out of her way to poke at Shinji some nights. Shinji would even shoot
back sometimes, which made Misato snicker and Asuka flustered,
which made Misato laugh even more. He had a snarky sense of
humor when he let it out.
It had been making her think of her and Kaji back in college. She'd
been hot for the tall, handsome future UN Special Inspector from the
moment they'd met, but they'd danced around each other for almost
a month before the week where they'd just skipped classes and
spent the entire time in her bedroom. Watching Shinji and Asuka,
and thinking about the conversation they'd had after that wedding,
Misato had found herself slowly edging towards Kaji once again. He
still wanted her, even after she'd admitted she'd lied about why she
broke up with him. And she still wanted him.
Tonight he'd invited her out for drinks at that bar again. She wanted
to go. She could even admit to herself she wouldn't mind if there was
more on Kaji's mind than just drinks. But still…
"You sure you two will be alright by yourselves? You're not going to
kill Shin-chan for looking at you funny?" she hesitated.
Asuka rolled her eyes. "Please, Misato. I can handle baka-Shinji.

Somehow, I will control myself against his suave, Don Juan-like
charms and not let him ravish me. Now get going. He and I will eat
dinner, wash, and I'll send him right to bed."
Good enough for her. Misato grinned and picked up her red NERV
jacket. Official wear or not, she looked damn good in it. "Fine. I'll
probably be out late. Both of you make sure you're in bed on time."
She headed for the door.
Asuka smiled and waved. "Oh, we will. Have a good time, Misato!"
She held her pose until she heard the faint rumble of Misato's Alpine
A310 leaving the parking lot.
"She's gone," she said quietly.
Shinji came out of the kitchen, wiping his hands dry. "Dinner's got
half an hour to cook."
"Oh, how ever will we fill that time?" Asuka wondered in a not-at-all-
innocent tone. She grabbed Shinji by the shoulders and dropped him
into the chair at the table that Misato had just vacated. She hopped
into his lap and twined her arms around his neck. "Mmm, hello there,
Third Child…"
Shinji gave her an amused look. "So, you're going to control yourself
against my suave, Don Juan-like charms, huh? Not going to let me
ravish you?"
"I was telling the truth, just like we always do!" Asuka said piously.
"You're much more like 'Shinji the Casanova' than Don Juan," she
cheerfully continued. "He was much more cultured. And nope, you're
not going to ravish me."
Shinji mock-pouted. "I'm not?"
"Nope. It's a Tuesday. My turn to ravish you. So c'mere."
There was no more talking for a while.
Walking down the school hallway on his way back from the
bathroom, Shinji didn't see the pale hand reach out from the door
next to him. He didn't notice it at all until it clamped over his mouth
and dragged him into the storage closet. By then it was too late to
get away, and the firm grip kept anything more than a few muffled
squawks from escaping.
The door snapped shut immediately after he was dragged in to the

dark closet. Shinji tried to pull the hand away from his mouth and
shout.
"SHHHH! It's me, baka!" Asuka hissed right in his ear.
Shinji relaxed, his panic ebbing. Asuka still didn't remove her hand
from his mouth until the sound of footsteps faded away in the
corridor.
"What'd you do that for? I was about to start punching," Shinji hissed
back in the darkness. He turned around to face her, but could barely
see her outline in the dark.
He could hear the frustration and embarrassment in Asuka's voice

perfectly clearly, though. "We need to talk. Wondergirl has been all
over us like Misato on a case of beer for the last four days, and
Misato's been home and sober at night, so we haven't been able to
do anything but cuddle. I know we're helping Ayanami act more
normal, but this is a bit much. I'm going nuts."
Shinji automatically nodded, despite the dark. They'd been force to

be extremely circumspect this week at home. It had turned out they
could both be pretty vocal when 'entangling their AT-Fields', Asuka
especially. So when Misato was around and awake, total restraint
had been their only choice. "Ayanami has been rather persistent," he
agreed.
"She's been a Gott-damned Terminator. So I grabbed you in here so

we could talk. What are we going to do with her?"
"Well, we could-"
"You make that 'Israfel Special' joke one more time, Third Child, and
I swear I will make you eat Misato's cooking… cold ."
"Not that! I was going to say 'Hey, were alone right now…'" He let his
voice trail off suggestively.
There was a moment's pause, followed by the sound of a shirt being

taken off. "I love it when you use your brain. Hurry up and get
undressed."
"The school cleaning supply closet has got to be the least romantic
place we could possibly have sex."
"Good thing I love you so much it doesn't matter. Now hurry."

He unbuttoned his shirt. "Do you think we'll be able to keep it quiet
enough in here? The walls are thicker than at home, but not
soundproof."
"I'm very well motivated to be quiet right now, Shinji, because I really
want this to happen. Now get your 'Positron Rifle' into 'firing position',
quickly."
"You say the most sensual things, liebchen," he said dryly.
"Shut up and kiss me."
Then silence (mostly) reigned.
Rei had always watched the world around her. When she had still
been taking the full dose of her tranquilizers, it had been a very
detached observation, but she had still enjoyed it, as much as she
enjoyed anything back then.
But now that she was clearing her head of the drugs, the world had
developed intriguing new depth, especially with Pilot Soryu's help in
deciphering the complicated world of social signals and
communication that she had previously been content to ignore. It
was proving fascinating. Watching and deconstructing the behavior
of her classmates was providing and increasing database for
assisting her own behavior to be more normal, as well as giving her
something to focus on to control the intensifying mood swings and
hormonal rushes of feeling.
Some of these feelings were becoming very difficult to ignore. She'd

found herself intently watching Aida-san, Suzuhara-san, and Ikari-
kun… very much watching Ikari-kun. She had increasing desires
to… do something with Ikari-kun, but she also observed the way
Pilot Soryu would tense up whenever other girls approached him,
and the sharp rise in signals of anger, frustration, and
possessiveness. Regretfully, but unwilling to disrupt her newer,
friendlier relationship with the Second Child, she had refrained from
attempting any experiments with Ikari-kun, as much as she wanted
to. Careful thought had determined that approaching Suzuahara-san
would likely cause similar reactions in Horaki-san, so she had
likewise rejected approaching the tall, tanned, and athletic boy.
She had yet to begin any experiments with Aida-san, but she felt the
time was about right. She was very interested in acquiring new data
in this field. She-
Her head snapped around. Ikari-kun had returned from a curiously

long visit to the bathroom. Pilot Soryu came in moments later.
Rei's eyes narrowed the tiniest bit. Both Pilot Soryu and Ikari-kun
had left earlier, separately. They had been displaying increasing
signs of tension and frustration over the last few days, particularly
Pilot Soryu. Those signs were now gone. Both of her friends now
looked relaxed, happy, and satisfied. Rei watched them carefully as
they walked closer to her and took their seats.
Her nose twitched. She'd noticed a sharp rise in her senses' acuity
as the drug dosages faded. Colors, sounds, and right now scents
were sharper and clearer than ever before. And right now, both Ikari-
kun and Pilot Soryu smelled strongly of chlorine, ammonia, dust…
and each other.
Several things snapped into place and a cascade of thoughts rolled

through Rei's mind. 'Observation: Ikari-kun and Pilot Soryu have
returned to the classroom smelling alike and of each other, their
tension gone. Conclusion: they have just engaged in some activity
together ina confined space that satisfied them both. Second
conclusion: They utilized the school cleaning supply closet to engage
in… sexual intercourse?' The subject was suddenly utterly
fascinating. 'Observation: Ikari-kun and Pilot Soryu have been
engaged in a complicated act for the last several weeks involving
concealing their actual feelings for each other from the public at
large but not from each other. They have attempted physical
intimacies when they believed I could not observe them. They have
presented evidence of intense, reciprocal affection. Both have
displayed signs of concealed anger and tension when members of
the opposite sex have attempted to 'flirt' with the other. Conclusion:
Pilot Soryu and Ikari-kun are engaged in a romantic and sexual
relationship. Observation: they have taken great pains to maintain
the appearance that they are mutually antagonistic and uninvolved,
especially around Major Katsuragi. They have steadily acted to
encourage Hikari-san and Suzuhara-san to bond and devote their
attention to each other. Conclusion: They are actively trying to
conceal their relationship from their friends and superiors at NERV.
Rei pondered that last point. 'Why? Their feelings for each other are
obvious to me. From her commentary at most dinners, Major
Katsuragi is at a minimum aware of their attraction to each other. Yet
they have spent weeks concealing that they are in a relationship.
Tentative conclusion: they fear exposure of their relationship will
result in actions by Major Katsuragi or NERV command that will
separate them. Sub-conclusion: they would not fear this or devote so
much effort to protecting it if it was not very important to them.
Secrecy is protection and safety for their relationship. They do not
want others to remove that choice or happiness from them.'
Rei turned in her seat enough to be able to see Ikari-kun's face. He

looked so happy Rei had the sudden urge to ask for a hug. Hugs
were another topic that was becoming very interesting to her. She
looked at Pilot Soryu. She was likewise smiling vaguely, and
occasionally shooting lidded glances at Ikari-kun.
Rei settled back into her seat. Her friends were… keeping secrets.
Secrets that they feared would result in loss if exposed. She felt
slightly hurt that they had not confided in her. Was she not their
friend too? A fellow Pilot? Did they not have bonds of shared danger
and experience? She understood from her reading that such bonds
were supposed to be very strong. Did they fear she would tell? Were
they unaware of how good she was at keeping secrets?
'Of course they are unaware. If they were aware of how well I kept
secrets, they would know them, thus disproving the assertation,' Rei
thought with more amusement than she was even capable of a few
weeks ago.
Her mild humor faded. 'My secrets. Commander Ikari has always
stressed that the Scenario is a secret that cannot be revealed to
anyone. That it's exposure would allow SEELE's plan to control the
evolution of humanity to triumph, and end that is unacceptable. I am
entrusted with this secret because of my key role as part of his
Scenario to prevent SEELE's victory. He has state there is no other
choice for humanity but the amalgamation of all souls via Third
Impact, and that his plan is a better end than eternal domination by
SEELE. Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki has corroborated this.
Commander Ikari has stated that I will be permitted to die and return
to oblivion upon the successful conclusion of his Scenario. This is
something I have long wished for. The increased clarity and vibrancy
of the world due to my reduced drug intake is partially offset by the
increasing pain of living. I would eagerly welcome an end to my pain.
Yet…'
She looked back over her shoulder again at Ikari-kun's smile.

'SEELE's plan or the Commander's Scenario… both result in the end
of Ikari-kun and Pilot Soryu's lives as individuals and their happiness
together. I do not wish to harm either of them that way. Commander
Ikari has said Third Impact is inevitable, unavoidable, and that his
Scenario is the best path, the only path. Could he be… wrong?'
Rei placed the troubling, almost heretical thought aside for now. In
the immediate term, she would emulate their tactics: she would
conceal the extent of her own changes from NERV command and
those around her, even her friends, until she had more time to fully
evaluate how the changes affected her. Then she would consider
how much, if any, of her own secrets to reveal to the Second and
Third Children. In the meantime, she'd begin her own program of
experiments to increase her knowledge of life.
"Hey, First. You ready for the Synch Test tomorrow?" Asuka
whispered behind her.
Rei smiled faintly. Her Synch Rate had begun a definite if slow rise
since she began reducing her drug dosage and associating with the
other Pilots. Doctor Akagi had informed her they would continue the
association for as long as her scores continued their rise. She was
glad. She liked having friends. She didn't feel as alone.
"Yes, Pilot Soryu. Perhaps this week I will surpass you."
Asuka snorted. "Fat chance, Wondergirl. You'd have better luck

defeating an Angel by making out with it."
"We shall see."
"Wondergirl? You here?"
"I am, Pilot Soryu," Rei answered from the living room.
Asuka shook her head as she and Shinji walked in. The place was
still nearly bare of furnishings. If not for Rei's reply, Asuka could have
thought the apartment totally empty.
Misato had visited Rei's old apartment after Asuka's description, and
had been (to put it mildly) appalled. She'd complained to Doctor
Akagi and Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki about Rei's living conditions,
and after a week had managed to get Rei moved out. Which was an
entirely good thing as far as Asuka was concerned.
Unfortunately for her and Shinji's privacy, Misato had moved Rei into
the empty apartment right next door to them. Which meant Rei could
stick around them until almost bedtime, and usually ate dinner with
them now too. Asuka and Shinji had been cut back to little more than
their own room for places they could be open to each other.
On the plus side, it meant that on weekends like this, it was simply a
matter of walking right over to Rei's new apartment to fulfill Doctor
Akagi's continuing mandate that they spend lots of time together.
And helping Rei continue to wean herself off the sedatives she'd
been taking was an intense project. It had been starting to show
positive effects. Rei was more lively at school, even more so when
just with her fellow Pilots. She was talking more in school and acting
overall much less like a robot. Asuka was much less put off by her
lately, or would have been if she wasn't a walking impediment to
weekend Shinji-snuggling time.
They had managed to convince Rei it was alright for them to go to

the bathroom separately, at least. That had been a bit awkward at
the beginning. They'd even gotten the occasional twenty or thirty
minutes out of Rei's sight, occasions which Asuka took full
advantage of, usually by dragging Shinji into the nearest shadowy
corner and kissing him senseless. Though over the last few days Rei
herself had begin occasionally disappearing, which Asuka intended
to ask her about today.
"So I heard something weird at school yesterday, First Child. They

found Geek-Stooge passed out in-" Asuka slammed to a halt, spun
around, and slapped her hands over Shinji's eyes.
"Hey! What?" he yelped, startled.
"Don't move, baka. Wondergirl, put some clothes on! "
Rei blinked at her, still holding the lacy, pale blue bra up in front of
herself. She looked down. The matching panties set off her hair
nicely. "Oh, right. Clothes."
"Why are you trying on underwear in the middle of the living room?!
Are you trying to flash yourself to baka-Shinji?!" 'You had better not
be, First Child. Mine!'
"Why would I do that, Pilot Soryu? Ikari-kun has already seen me

without clothing. I am trying the new set on in here because the light
is better."
Asuka growled at the reminder. "That does not mean you need to
give this pervy baka any more free shows!"
There was a rustle of cloth behind them, and Rei announced, "I am
wearing clothes now, Pilot Soryu."
Asuka released her hands from Shinji's eyes and turned back
around. She still ground her teeth. Rei looked great in a light
sundress that clung to her figure. And if Asuka thought she looked
good, she must look fantastic to Shinji. "Alright, Wondergirl. The hall
monitors found Geek-Stooge passed out in the hall yesterday right
after lunch started, and supposedly you had been seen leaving the
area. What did you do to him?"
"I was attempting to follow your instructions on how to interact with

boys, and calibrate my social skills. The attempt provided valuable
data, but inconclusive results."
"Wondergirl. What. Did. You. Do?"
"What you told me to."
"Classmate Aida-san."
Kensuke looked up in surprise. Rei Ayanami had stopped him, which

was new. She'd been looking around class more than she used to,
and he'd even seen her staring at him occasionally, but she'd never
spoken to him before. Up close, her ethereal beauty was even more
stunning. She had such a cool, soothing presence. Of course, to a
fourteen year old boy like himself, that presence did little to calm him
enough to form actual sentences at this kind of closeness. "Er… Y-
yes, Ayanami-san?" He tried not to sweat.
"I would like to ask you a favor."
"Um… S-sure? Anything you need."
"Are these attractive panties?" Rei lifted her skirt. "I have been
advised not to wear 'boring'…"
THUD
"Classmate Aida-san?" Rei lowered her hands and gave a very tiny
frown at the collapsed teen. "It is difficult to evaluate my social
interaction attempts when you fall unconscious, Aida-san. Still, this
does provide some data. Thank you for your assistance."
Shinji and Asuka stared at Rei. They turned and looked at each
other for a second, then went back to staring right back at Rei. "You
what?! " they finally blurted in stereo.
"You told me 'if and when you ever show them off to someone who is
not the Third Child, wear something better than those panties,
because that is the most boring underwear you have ever seen'.
Now that I had different underwear, I determined to test their
attractiveness. I therefore selected Aida-san as a test assistant, as
you have denied me the use of Ikari-kun for such, and Suzuhara-san
spends all his time with Horaki-san."
Asuak tried to make sense of this. "Why the Stooges?'
"They are Ikari-kun's friends. This indicates they are likely good
people."
"You're basing your entire evaluation of if they are 'good people' on

whether they like Shinji or not?"
"It is the largest single factor, yes."
'Well, I can't really say that's a bad thing. I like spending time with my
baka too…' "That's… well, I guess you could pick worse than the
Stooges. But it's a good thing you didn't pull that with Jock-Stooge.
Hikari would have killed you. And maybe him, too," Asuka pointed
out.
"That is why I selected Aida-san, yes."

Shinji smiled. His and Asuka's plan to maneuver their friends
together had gone well. A few weeks of inviting the two along to their
daily lunches and then slipping away to leave them alone had finally
led to Touji (with just a bit of hinting and pushing by Shinji) actually
asking Hikari out last Friday. The pair had been inseparable ever
since, though both of them still blushed any time someone
mentioned it. Kensuke had already started complaining to Shinji
about their friend acting like a 'lovey-dovey idiot'. Best of all, their
friends had been thoroughly distracted from noticing the Pilots'
secrets, just as they'd planned.
Asuka was still looking at Rei in confusion. "But why did you do it?
Why did you feel the need to check how attractive your underwear
was to a boy?"
Rei just stared right back at her.
A look of shock slowly dawned on Asuka's face. "Oh Gott no."
Shinji looked back and forth between them. "What? What is it?"
"Wondergirl has discovered boys ."

Chapter 5 Pt 2
"-we came in?"
Kensuke halted sharply. Rei Ayanami was standing calmly in the

corner at the end of the hallway, like she had been… lying in wait.
For him. Again. Well, maybe 'again': he still wasn't entirely certain
that last incident had actually happened. That couldn't have been
real, right?
Rei's red eyes locked with his. "Classmate Aida-san," she greeted
him. "I would like to request your assistance again."
'Oh, so that did happen?' "Um… um… Ok?" He braced himself, but
Rei did not do anything as nosebleed-inducing as last time. She just
looked at him carefully.
"Have you ever been hugged?" she asked.
He blinked. What kind of question was that? "Um… yes?"
"Good. I have not. I wish to establish a baseline for further tests."
'What? That couldn't be what it sounded like. She's never been

hugged?' "… So you want…?"
"I would like to hug you to establish a baseline."
"… okay?"
Rei lightly stepped over to him and put her arms around him. He
went stiff as a board in shock. Sure, he'd been hugged before, but
that was family members and stuff. This… he'd never had a girl his
own age do this, especially not one that looked like Rei Ayanami.
'Double especially after what she did on Friday oh gods this is a bad
time to think of that she's so warm and pressed right against me…'
Fortunately for Kensuke's peace of mind, Rei released him and

stepped back before he could pass out again, or anything else
embarrassing happen. "Thank you, Aida-san. That was valuable
data for my baseline, and… not unpleasant."
He was very, very confused. "You're welcome?"
Rei turned and walked off without another word. Kensuke stood
there staring after her long after she passed through the doors to the
schoolyard.
"What the heck just happened?" he asked the empty hallway.
Asuka liked a lot of things about being in love, but the quiet times
after all the more vigorous moments in their room were quickly
becoming her favorites. Just lying there with Shinji, holding each
other close, feeling his chest rise and fall with his breath, listening to
his heartbeat under her ear… She could let down all her walls, not
have to pretend anything, not have to fear anything… just be Asuka,
and know she was in the arms of someone who loved her.
She hadn't had that in ten years.
"Shinji?"
"Mmm?"
"I am so glad you decided to hold me, that first time. Look what it led
to."
Shinji was oddly quiet for a minute. "You want to know something
funny, Asuka? I didn't."
She craned her head so she could see his face without having to lift
her head from his chest. "Say what?" she asked, confused.
"I… I didn't decide anything. I was about to fall down. You had my
nose pinched shut, and I was starting to get wobbly from lack of air,
and I grabbed onto you to stay up."
"You were just falling down?!" Asuka couldn't decide if she was
angry, surprised, or just confused. "That's it?"
"I wanted to keep going! The girl of my dreams was kissing me, and I
froze! I just wanted to keep kissing you, so I grabbed on to you to
stay up, so we could keep going. I was afraid to touch you!"
"Afraid to… so if you hadn't nearly passed out, you'd have just stood
there, not moving, because you were afraid to touch me ?"
"Probably. You were literally the girl of my dreams, Asuka. One touch
of your lips and I locked up. I'd have stood there and kissed you for
as long as I could."
"But not done anything. Wow. That would have been bad, Shinji.
When I felt you put your hands on me, I thought I had finally gotten
through to you that I wanted you to. It made me so happy that you'd
finally reacted to my hints. If you'd have just stood there and not
done anything, I'd have thought you were rejecting me. Gott, I'd have
probably run off in tears! I couldn't have stood it, thinking you
rejected me when I'd just kissed you!"
"I… I'm sorry. You know I'm your baka. I'm just… you're too much,
Asuka. I can barely make my brain work when I'm around you. That
first kiss just blew all my fuses." He shook his head. "If you'd run off,
I wouldn't have had the faintest idea what to do. I'd have just stood
there, confused as anything, until Kaji brought Misato in."
"Gott, I'd have been acting all flirty at Kaji, trying to cover up how hurt
I would have been… I really risked my heart on that kiss, Shinji. I'd
have been an utter bitch to you for days afterward if we'd messed
that one up, maybe weeks. I am so damn glad you kissed me back."
"I'm glad too. I've never been this happy, Asuka. I'd just be sitting in
my room for hours, listening to music on my SDAT player for hours
because I had nothing else to do but feel empty. Now…" He nuzzled
her hair. "I don't think I've touched it since that night. You sure had
me convinced you didn't need anything from me. Your mask was just
too good. I didn't have a clue how you felt."
Asuka snorted. "That's my baka-Shinji. Eh, not like I could have just
spit it out that I was attracted to you, not over my pride. Mmm…
speaking of masks, I think we've haven't been hostile enough in
class lately. I've been hearing some girls' locker room rumors about
us. I think we need to have a big public argument tomorrow."
Shinji smiled into her hair. Of all the things that had changed since
he and Asuka opened up to each other, having to schedule their
public arguments had to be the funniest. "Hmm… I could 'forget' our
lunches because I was too busy or something. That'd give you a big
excuse to tear into me."
"Ugh, that means school food. That's definitely a good reason to yell
at you. I'm not going to have to act that part. I like your cooking.
Fine, that'll work. We'll have to make sure we're in a hurry leaving
this morning, or Ayanami will notice later that our excuse doesn't
hold water."
Shinji shrugged. "Like I said last night, I think she's on to us, but just
hasn't said anything."
To his surprise, Asuka shivered. "What's wrong?"
Asuka was silent for a minute. "If she knows, maybe she won't say
anything, sure, but if she can figure it out so can others. And if others
figure it out, it can get back to Misato, and she can… make us stop
this." She squeezed her arms around him. "I… don't want to stop,
Shinji. I… need this. I need you . I can't be alone again."
Shinji considered the idea himself. Being alone again, spending the
nights in hollow solitude in his room, the same tracks on his SDAT
tape cycling over and over… Cold, lonely, no comforting warmth and
steady breathing beside him in the endless, pressing dark… He
shivered as well. He wouldn't be able to stand it either. He'd rather
give up breathing than lose Asuka next to him at night. He tried to
inject as much confidence into his voice as he could. It wasn't a lot.
"Ayanami hasn't said a word about what we've been doing with the
drugs she had to take and stuff. I told you how we got all those
counter-drugs from Doctor Akagi's supplies. She's been keeping that
secret pretty tight. I think she's good at keeping secrets." 'I really,
really hope she is,' he thought.
Even beneath his fears, Shinji still felt a little glow of happiness. The
Asuka of two months ago could never have flatly said to him 'I need
you' to him, or anyone. The Shinji of two months ago would never
have believed it. Now it felt as natural and necessary as breathing.
'She needs me. She loves me.'
"I just don't want anything to keep us apart. I know you need this just
as much as I do." Asuka gave a grim chuckle. "Gott, think about how
our Synch Rates would crash if they did try to separate us. Maybe
we could use that to blackmail Misato into letting us stay together
like this if and when she finds out?"
Shinji laughed softly. "Yeah, maybe." His smile faded. "That day is
coming, Asuka. We can't keep this hidden forever. The way being
together is changing us alone will give it away eventually. Look at
how hard it's getting to keep up the 'we're mad at each other' act."
"I know," she replied. "But I'm happy now, and I don't want anything
to change that. I just want to stay like this forever."
A bolt of lightning shot through Shinji. 'Forever. Forever?' He

swallowed. There was a question that had been looming in his mind
for weeks now, that he'd likewise avoided really facing because he
was content to just enjoy the first honest period of happiness he'd
had since before he could remember. But like the prospect of them
being eventually discovered, it was an inevitable question that had to
be asked. "Asuka… where are we going?"
"What?"
"… us. Where are we going? You just said 'forever'. I… I want to stay
like this too. I can barely imagine living without you anymore. I
think… you feel the same. But I can't even change the will they
made us fill out to name you as my beneficiary without everyone
asking 'why?'. What are we going to do?"
Asuka's grip on him got tighter. "Don't… You're not allowed to die,
baka. Not ever." She lapsed into silence for a minute. "I don't know
where we're going. We're teenagers. We're soldiers. It could all end
next week. As long as we're together, I don't care. And you already
promised me that first morning: 'Together, forever and always'. Until
the end of the world, you and me. We stay together until we don't
make each other happy any more. And if that means until we're both
dead, then that's that." She hugged him again. "We'll get found out
one day, maybe soon. When that happens, when we have to go
public, no matter what I'm claiming you in front of the whole school.
Even if they make us go back to sleeping apart, I'm going to make
sure the whole world knows you're mine and I love you."
"Asuka… did… did you just…" Shinji tried to crane his head to see
her face. "Are you crying ?"
"Just… shut up and hold me, baka."
"… I love you too."
"Yes!" Touji exclaimed happily. "Lunch lunch lunch! It's the best part
of any school day! Especially when it's your cooking, Horaki-san!"
The Class Rep blushed. "Suzuhara-san, you don't have to praise me

like that."
"But I like to! I want everyone to know my girlfriend is an awesome
cook!" Touji still began to match her blush despite his brave words.
He opened the neatly wrapped bento and sniffed deeply. "Mmm! So
much better than school food!"
Kensuke gagged and rolled his eyes in the next desk over. Watching
his buddy act like a lovestruck fool with his new girlfriend was
halfway between comedy and disaster. Touji's swing from deriding
the Class Rep as a 'pig-tailed, pig-headed dictator' to randomly
mumbling about how cute she was had been a mind-warping change
over the last several weeks.
"What do you mean, you didn't bring our lunches?!"
Kensuke smirked as he looked towards the front of the classroom.

Then again, some things hadn't changed at all…
Shinji cowered beneath Asuka's rage, raising his hands in a futile

placating gesture. "L-last night I was very busy with housework and
schoolwork! I didn't have time to cook! And we left in a hurry this
morning!"
"And because of that, you're telling me I have to go without lunch?!"

Asuka yelled at him. "Or eat cafeteria slops?! UGH!"
Touji looked up from a mouthful of Hikari's vegetables and steamed

rice. He grinned at the familiar eruption from the redhead. "Oi, oi,
what's this? A quarrel between husband and wife?"
Much of the rest of the class exploded in laughter, save for Tanaka
and a few of the girls who still harbored designs on the Third Child.
Those gave Asuka death glares instead. Her unspoken claim of
Shinji as her sole private punching bag and servant was well
established.
Shinji and Asuka turned impressive shades of red at the quip and
looked at the floor. Asuka particularly seemed in shock, her
expression going strangely distant for a second before she and
Shinji whirled on Touji and shouted in perfect unison, "It's not like
that!" Their synchronicity only caused the laughter to redouble.
Ayanami caught the momentary glance the two Pilots shot between
them as Asuka shuffled to her seat and covered her face until the
blush faded, but said nothing.
Asuka covered her face with her hands to hide more than the blush
and tried to slow her pounding heartbeat. That… that hadn't gone
quite as planned. 'No. No. No. Do not think that, Soryu. You can't It's
impossible. It's stupid. It's only been two months. Nine weeks. Fifty-
three days. It's too soon to even imagine that.' Her heart refused to
listen, pounding right along. 'But it sounded so good~' whispered the
part of her that had spent too many lonely nights in tears, the part
that had pushed so hard to try that first kiss with Shinji. The part that
didn't want to ever be alone again.
The part that had heard 'husband and wife' and started singing .
'No. No. No. It's crazy, Soryu. You're teenagers! You even mention it,
and he'll think you're insane! And what if he says 'no'?! You could
make him run away, leave! What do you do then?' her fears
screamed.
'He promised, 'forever and always'. He's just like you. He needs you
like you need him. He loves you even without the mask. He's risked
his life for you more than once. He'd tear down Heaven for you. He
asked where you two were going last night, and when you said 'until
we die' he didn't say no…' her hopes countered.
"He's just like me," she whispered to herself. 'He's got to be having
the same kinds of thoughts, right? So… I can… ask him. What he
thought when Jock-Stooge said that, anyhow. I can do that, right? It's
just mentioning a joke and… who are you kidding, Soryu? You can't
lie to him like that, not anymore. He knows you better than anyone
else in the world, and after that conversation last night it won't
exactly be subtle. So we either bury the idea and never mention it for
years, or… we really ask him what he thought about it.' Asuka
swallowed against a suddenly dry throat. 'Oh Gott, don't let me
screw this up!'
"Til death do us part. Until the end of the world. Forever and always.
He's already promised. He's mine! He loves me!' sang a deeper part
of her.
Crimson eyes carefully watched her, and thought.
"Pilot Soryu."
"Wondergirl," Asuka grunted in reply. She'd tried not to let the First
Child's early arrival this morning ruin her mood. They'd been ready to
leave in a hurry whenever Rei knocked to maintain the to-be-used-
later excuse that Shinji had forgotten their lunches, but the bluenette
had arrived even earlier than they'd expected, so Asuka had been
denied her customary last few moments to sneak in a couple more
kisses with Shinji before they left for the day.
And now that they were finally on their way home, Rei had stopped
them on a random side street on the way and turned to face them
with a serious expression on her face. Or as close to a 'serious
expression' as Wondergirl got. Two months and a bit of paying closer
attention to the First Child and teaching her how social behavior had
let Asuka get better at reading the usually stoic Pilot, but it was still a
tricky feat.
"I have a request of you and Ikari-kun."
Asuka shared a puzzled glance with Shinji. "Go on."
"I have established a baseline for social physical contact

experiments. Now that I have done so, I would like to conduct further
experiments with subjects beyond the baseline, to compare the
difference between that and subjects I have special feelings
towards."
'Special feelings?' Asuka exchanged an even more puzzled look with
Shinji. "Er… what?"
"I wish to hug Ikari-kun, to see how that feels different from a hug
from classmate Aida-san, my baseline. I believe my feelings for Ikari-
kun will produce highly different sensations and emotions."
Asuka felt her hackles start to rise and an almost instinctive growl
begin in the base of her throat. "Now wait just a minute here, First
Child! You can't just-" she began heatedly.
"And you as well, Pilot Soryu."
Asuka's growl ground to a confused stop. "What?"
"I wish to hug you as well."
"Y… you want to… what? Me?" Asuka tried to wrap her head around
the request.
"My feelings for you are similar, but different from those I have for
Ikari-kun. You have been a steady support as I weaned myself of the
drugs I had been ordered to take and a tireless guide in socialization.
I believe hugging you would also prove… beneficial to my
exploration," Rei said, a trifle awkwardly.
"I… suppose?" Asuka allowed. "I… damn it, Wondergirl, this is

confusing. Just… do it. Go ahead." She waved at Shinji.
Shinji looked from Asuka to Rei in a tiny panic. The last time he'd
touched Rei, it hadn't been very graceful or proper. For her part, Rei
had the barest hint of a blush on her cheeks. She stepped close to
Shinji and gently put her arms around him. She laid her head on
Shinji's shoulder and closed her eyes, the faintest smile on her lips.
It was so damned cute Asuka found her jealousy somewhat

tempered. "Well, don't just stand there like a stunned duck, baka!"
she growled at Shinji. "Put your arms around her too! When
someone holds you, you are supposed to hold them right back! You
should know that by now!"
Shinji reddened further and he hesitantly raised his arms from his
sides to embrace Rei. The First Child made a small 'mmm' when he
did. Asuka grit her teeth and let it go on for as long as she could
stand.
Just before she was about to demand Wondergirl let him go, Rei
raised her head ans stepped back out of Shinji's arms anyway.
"Thank you, Ikari-kun. It appears my theory was correct. That was…
very pleasant." She turned towards Asuka.
'Ok, this is just strange. Which is par for the course with Wondergirl, I
guess,' Asuka thought. She somewhat awkwardly raised her arms to
accept Rei's embrace as she stepped in to her space.
It was strangely different experience from holding Shinij. Rei's softer

curves and oddly familiar scent were very unlike Shinji's familiar
warmth. 'She smells totally like… LCL?' Asuka suddenly recognized
with some confusion. Sure, they all smelled like that a lit, but it had
been days since their last Synch Test, and Asuka was diligent about
scrubbing herself thoroughly in the showers afterward to get as
much od it gone as she could. She was even more dedicated about
it at home. Her vast array of imported German bath and beauty
products weren't there solely due to her vanity. Getting the smell of
LCL out was a constant struggle.
But Wondergirl smelled only of soap, young woman, and LCL. It was
just… odd.
'Oh, quit trying to distract yourself, Soryu. Wondergirl's not that bad a
hugger. This feels… kind of nice.' As much as she loved Shinji, he'd
been the only person to hold her like that in years. So having another
person hug her as well was still a nice, novel experience.
Rei stepped back away from her after a minute. "I was indeed
correct. That was an entirely different and more complex feeling than
my baseline, from both of you. Thank you both."
Asuka looked at Shinji again. He gave a small shrug. 'Yeah, I don't

know quite what to make of that either.'
"Now I would like to see you two. I think the observation of you both
would be very illuminating for me."
Asuka snapped her face towards Rei. "Wait, what? You want to
watch us hug?"
"Yes."
"Are you crazy, Wondergirl? I wouldn't touch this baka with a ten foot
pole!"
"My feelings for the both of you ensured an extremely different set of
reactions compared to my baseline. I believe the feelings you two
have for each other will produce an even more marked effect. I wish
to observes this closely. You both seem to derive great happiness
from it. I wish to experience that as well, even if I can only do it by
observation at this time."
Asuka gave Shinji a dismissive look before returning her gaze to Rei.
"You think because I hate this baka, you want to watch to what
strong feelings you can see when I hug him?" she said sarcastically.
"No, because you love him."
Asuka had to call on years of learning to control her face in trying to

conceal the bolt of shock and fear that raced through her. She
managed a haughty laugh. "What are you talking about, First? Me?
In love with this idiot? Are you drunk?"
"I am not drunk. You and Ikari-kun have been engaged in a

clandestine relationship for several weeks now. You have intense
romantic feelings for each other. I am…" Rei paused, visibly
struggling to find the right word. "Envious," she said eventually.
" Envious?! Are you fucking with me, Wondergirl?"
"I am not 'fucking with you', Pilot Soryu. That is Ikari-kun's job."
The distant cry of an ice cream salesman was the only sound in their
small side street for a long minute.
Shinji unfroze first. "Did… did you just make a joke, Ayanami?"
Rei turned her red eyes to him. "Oops?" she said. "Did I do it
incorrectly?"
"Nope," Asuka said through a dry mouth, once she had managed to
close her dropped jaw. "That… that was pretty spot on." She looked
hurriedly around. She knew Section 2 was supposed to have them
under constant distant guard, but she rarely if ever spotted them in
action. From what Shinji had mentioned about his first attempt at
running away from NERV months ago, Section 2 had taken days to
track him down, and he hadn't even left the city very far. Asuka had
little fear they were actually watching them. "You… you can't tell
anyone about us, First. They… they'd separate us. We dont' want
that. At all."
Rei's expression was unreadable. "We all have our secrets, Pilot
Soryu. You are my friend. I will keep yours."
The sudden relief almost made Asuka's knees buckle. She put one
hand on her chest to try calming her heartbeat from the rabbit-fast
beat it had kicked up to. "Thank you." She looked at Rei more
closely. The merest hint of a smile was on her face. "My friend, huh?
Then enough of this 'Pilot Soryu' formality. Just call me 'Asuka',
Wondergirl."
A small but true smile spread on Rei's face. "Then please call me
'Rei', Asuka." She gave a small bow at Shinji. "And you, Ikari-kun."
Shinji blushed again. "Aya-… Rei. Please call me 'Shinji'."

Asuka shook her head. "So what gave us away? I thought we were
pretty convincing today."
"You were, but your anger when other girls would attempt to flirt with
Ik-… with Shinji was noticeable. Also, you both came back from the
'bathroom' smiling and smelling like the cleaning closet two weeks
ago." She looked between them again. "So may I see you hug now?
I wish to observe this 'love'. Wink wink nudge nudge."
Shinji turned bright red again.
Asuka stared at her, then began laughing. "Oh Gott, Wondergirl…

you and humor is going to be a whole new teaching campaign for
me, isn't it?"
"Nyuk nyuk nyuk."

Advice and Trust
Chapter 6
The Storm Breaks
"Is the patient in Room 12 ready? Her guests are here."
"You mean that young girl from the first Angel attack? She's been
here quite a while, hasn't she?"
"Well, she did have a rather complex injury. Quite a difficult case."
"Hard for a girl that young. She's still just an elementary school
student!"
"That boy's come again to see her, and he's brought along a girl this
time."
"He never misses a visit. Twice a week, like clockwork. He's a very
good brother, to be thinking of his sister so much."
"You're right. Responsible young men like that are so rare these
days. And he and that girl make such a cute couple."
The nurses' voices were only minor background noise to Touji. He

wasn't really paying attention. Most of his focus was on the petite
brunette with him. He and Hikari were in public. As a couple! He was
trying not to blush again. The entire trip here from their neighborhood
he'd gone red every time he looked at the girl standing next to him
on the train. "Thanks for comin' with me again, Hikari. It means a lot
to me."
Hikari smiled. She was already cheerful from her first triumph of the
day; getting Touji to call her by first name. She'd thrown on her Class
Rep persona and confidently declared it was silly for them to be so
formal, still calling each other 'Suzuhara-san' and 'Horaki-san' when
they'd literally known each other for years and were now dating.
She'd needed her forceful in-school persona for that; when she'd first
tried it in the mirror at home the night before, she'd dissolved into
mumbles and flushes at the audacity of such an intimate request.
"It's nothing, T- t- Touji! She's a sweet girl, and I'm glad to visit her
with you."
"She likes you too, I think." He scratched the back of his head. "I'm
not sure what she meant by 'you have my blessing', though. Blessing
what?"
Hikari went incandescent. "I… I'm… I'm sure it was nothing!" she
squeaked. "Hahaha! That Sakura, such a joker! Talking like she's the
head of the family or something!"
"Well, dad and I usually let her run rings around us anyhow,so she
might as well be in charge. She's totally got dad wrapped around her
finger. I can't say 'no' to her either. She's just too cute." He smiled at
her. "I bet you've got your dad under your control, too, you and your
sisters."
"Well, maybe a little. I just do all the cooking because I'm the best at
it. It's not like I've taken over the house. I'm just playing mom."
Touji looked a little sad at the reminder. "I wish I could have met your
mom. She sounds like she was really nice."
"Yours too," Hikari replied. Their hands sought each other out and
they intertwined their fingers. Finding out they had that in common
had been an emotional date. They'd ended up closer than ever,
though, so Touji couldn't feel totally bad about it
Hikari impulsively pulled him into a hug. "I'm glad we're here, Touji.
I've wanted to date you for months."
He awkwardly returned the hug, still embarrassed about doing it in
public. "Me too. Good thing Shinji and the others asked us to help
fend off all his admirers interfering with their training, huh?" He
laughed. "And we're doing better than Shinji and Asuka are! Man,
those two really need to stop pretending they can't stand each other
and just go out or somethin'. The whole class can see Asuka's
declared him her property."
Hikari giggled. "I know! When I asked her about Ikari-kun a few
weeks ago, she called him a 'baka' every other sentence, but I can
still tell she thinks he's cute. We should talk to them, try to get Ikari-
kun to ask her out. I bet she'd go for it, and I know they'd be so cute
together!"
Touji snorted. "The Red Demon has poor Shin-man too scared of
her. Those two are about as likely to hook up as Kensuke and
Ayanami-san. He came up to me last week babbling something
about how she'd just run up and hugged him, then run off again. And
something about her flashing him earlier, too. Crazy, huh?"
Hikari laughed. "Really? He says Ayanami-san is the Hugging Bandit

now? What's next, he's going to tell everyone he's an Eva Pilot too?"
The endless air shafts of Central Dogma crawled slowly past as the
conveyor belt transported Commander Ikari and Rei across the huge
pit. Rei stared blandly at his back with the ease of long practice.
Eventually, he broke the silence, but still didn't bother to turn and
look at her. "Rei, are things satisfactory?"
Rei pondered the question briefly. It was not uncommon for

Commander Ikari to ask her about her condition in general terms. It
was something he asked semi-regularly, and Rei had always
answered in the affirmative with hardly any thought in the past. She
had never felt the need to complain about it before. Indeed, she'd felt
very little at all.
But not this time. In the immediate sense, she was fine. She was not
hungry, tired, thirsty, or in any other minor physical need. She could
feel the nausea, dizziness, headaches, and general malaise that her
weaning off the drugs was still plaguing her with, but knew that was
not what Commander Ikari was asking about, and very much not
what she should tell him, particularly if she wanted to keep going on
said weaning, which she still did.
"Yes, sir. Everything is fine."
No, it was not. She had never felt the need to conceal her reaction
before. Not from Commander Ikari. But for the first time, Rei was
glad she was behind him, and he had not bothered looking her in the
face since he had ordered her to fall in after him as he walked.
Things were not fine. She was feeling sick, uncertain, confused, and
adrift. She was very, very much missing her friends, and wanted
more hugs. A lot more. Her experiment yesterday with her friends
had been far more powerful than she'd even been able to articulate
to them at the time. Pilot So-… Asuka had seemed to be totally
distracted by her disclosure that she was aware of the clandestine
relationship between her fellow Pilots, with Shinji little better. They'd
separated for the night slightly early, all of them to consider how the
evening's revelations.
The conclusions Rei had reached in the solitude of her new

apartment was that she had really, really enjoyed the hugs and did
not like being alone anymore. The need to be near her friends was
like an acute hunger now. When Gendo had summoned her to the
depths of the Geofront this time for her regular monthly neural scan
and upload, the fact she'd have to spend the next day and a half
down here had caused something not unlike a small panic attack. So
no, everything was very much not fine.
"I will be with Doctor Akagi tomorrow, and back to school the day
after that," she continued.
The quarterly upload-scan of her mind, done to ensure if she was
killed in action before the end of the Commander's Scenario that she
could be replaced with a new clone with her memories written in to it.
She used to mildly enjoy the floating sensation of being in the LCL-
filled tube for hours, and getting plenty of attention from the
Commander. Now… she had so many questions for him, questions
she somehow knew were dangerous to even pose lest they give
away her changes.
'Why have you had Doctor Akagi drugging my so heavily? Why did it
take the accidental intervention of someone who hated me as a 'doll'
before that changed? Why does the Scenario require the erasure of
the happiness of my friends? Is there no other way? I do not want to
hurt them.'
' Why have you never hugged me? Why did I have to discover what
that felt like by myself, with my friends? Why did I live in a hovel? Do
you not care?'
"I see. And how is school?" Gendo continued, unaware of Rei's

unusually intent stare.
'Where I see my friends. Where I learn through my own experiments.

Where I wish to be right now.'
"No problems, sir."
"Very good."
"Oh, Ayanami is absent again, as usual? Hmm… Aida too? Noted,"

their elderly sensei mumbled into the class roll book.
Asuka shook her head in disbelief. They'd noted Rei's absence as

soon as they left this morning, unaccompanied by the bluenette for
the first time in weeks. Now that Rei had revealed she knew about
their relationship, Asuka had been only too happy to have the
chance to walk to school holding Shinji's hand again. But it had been
odd that Rei hadn't mentioned she'd be gone the night before. And
now Aida was out too? Try as she might, the idea of Rei and
Kensuke ditching school together to do… who knows what was too
strange yet possible for Asuka to dismiss as casually as she would
have two months ago. Asuka shot Shinji a look. "You don't
suppose…" she whispered to him.
Shinji had a matching look of incredulous confusion. "I… no way.

That's just too… hang on." He turned in his seat to look back at Touji
a few rows behind him. "Hey, Touji. What's up with Kensuke?"
"New Yokosuka, I think. Following battleships or stuff, as usual. I

think he said the 'Myoko' is in port or somethin', and he wanted to go
see it."
"Suzuhara!" the sensei barked at the lounging teen.
Touji snapped upright. "S-sir!"
"Take these printouts to Ayanami's house later. Now, Koike-sensei is

absent, so Modern Japanese will be self-study…" He droned on as
always.
Touji frowned. "'Ey, Shinji, can you take them, since she lives next
door to you now?"
"Sure." Shinji met Asuka's look again. If Rei wasn't sneaking off to
'experiment' with Kensuke some more, where was she?
Everyone stared at the huge screen built into the floor of the
conference area. A direct overhead satellite shot of NERV-02 in
Nevada filled the screen, the field of view extending more than a
dozen kilometers on either side of the desert compound's perimeter.
Lieutenant Ibuki's voice counted down on a precise rhythm. "Ten,
nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one… contact."
NERV-02 became a glowing red hotspot, then white, then the display
dissolved into static as the flare from the event burned out the
satellite's sensor.
Misato touched the cross pendant she wore around her neck.
"Terrible. Total losses?"
Maya consulted her clipboard. "Evangelion Unit-04, and all the

installations within 89 kilometers perfectly vanished."
"Including several thousand people," Ritsuko added.
Lieutenant Aoba spoke up. "According to the MAGI schedule, this

matches up with the installation and test activation of the salvaged
S2 Engine repaired in Germany."
"Possible causes of the explosion range from a flaw in the

preliminary design to material quality failure to unpredicted high-
energy fluctuations in the activation procedure. Total possibilities; 32,
768."
"Sabotage?" Misato asked.
"It wasn't an explosion, it was a vanishing," Lieutenant Hygua

pointed out.
"Probably swallowed in a Dirac Sea, just like Unit-02 was," Ritsuko

opined.
Misato grimaced. "Then the S2 Engine they just repaired…"
"Vanished, along with our dream of freeing the Evas from their
batteries and cables," Ritsuko finished.
Misato looked at the three Lieutenants. "Continue monitoring. I want

a full summary report ready by the end of the day. Doctor Akagi,
follow me please."
Ristuko fell in behind her, but Misato said nothing further until they
were well out of the room and descending one of Central Dogma's
seemingly endless escalators. "What are the Americans doing with
Unit-03, then?"
"They're sending it to us," Ritsuko said. "The US administration

doesn't want to risk losing First Branch in Boston, too."
Misato harrumphed unhappily. "They obstinately insisted on the right

to build Units -03 and -04, and now they can't get rid of them fast
enough?"
"After a tragedy like that, anyone would get nervous," Ritsuko

shrugged.
"Then who do we use for the activation test? The Dummy Plug
system?"
Ritsuko shivered. "I'll pick someone."
Ritsuko stared at her latest technological achievement and

suppressed a shudder. The ten meter long outer casing of the
prototype Dummy Plug had not been made blood red by accident,
she decided. It was a warning.
"This is the prototype Dummy Plug, Commander. Rei's personality

has been replicated in its programming as closely as the MAGI and I
could manage, but… the human mind, the human spirit is not truly
digitizable. This nothing but a fake, a false copy that imitates the
Pilot's thinking. I… have have concerns about how the Evas might
act if this is all that is controlling them."
Gendo stared at the prototype as coldly and impassively as he did at

everything. "This transmits a signal pattern to the Eva. The Eva
considers it like a Pilot is in it and synchronizes with this. As long as
the Eva activates, that's all we need." HE gave her the briefest
glance. "Install the data on Units-01 and -02."
"This still has a number of problems. The behavior models are too
unpredictable…"
"I don't care. As long as the Eva moves, it will be fine."
'Watch the footage of Unit-02 tearing its way out of Leliel, screaming
and covered in blood, howling to Unit-01 and Unit-01 answering, and
tell me everything will be fine. Those things scare the Hell out of me,
Gendo! And you want to put them on a leash as loose as the Dummy
Plugs? Are we really in control of the Evas?' "Understood, sir."
"The UN is handling the transportation of Unit-03. It will arrive this

weekend. You will have everything ready for receiving it and the
activation test by then?" Commander Ikari said, his eyes forward. He
stared fixedly at the LCL-filled tube containing an unclothed Rei
Ayanami. Ritsuko again, for what had to be the one thousandth time,
tried to tell herself Gendo was staring at the clone, the tool, and not
at the naked girl. She knew the jealousy was irrational, and unfitting
of a rational woman of science like herself.
"Yes. The final adjustment and activation test will be done at

Matsushiro."
"Who is the test Pilot?"
"The Dummy Plug is too dangerous for a test." Ritsuko briefly looked
at her notes. "Rei's Synch Rate is up 6% overall, 3% since the last
test alone. Shinji is up 4.2%. Asuka is up 4.5%. Given these results, I
think we should proceed according to the selection template we
discussed last week. The top one out of our present candidate pool
under that criteria will be…" she began.
"Selected as the Fourth Child?"
"Yes. There are a couple top candidates whose Cores we can

prepare immediately."
Gendo nodded minutely. "I leave the final selection to you. The
Fourth is a useful addition, but not critical."
"Understood."
Gendo smiled, a small and odd thing on his perpetually stony face.
"Rei, we are done now."
Rei opened her eyes in the tube and smiled faintly back. "Yes."
"Let's go eat."
"Yes."
Neither of them noticed the way Ritsuko's eye narrowed dangerously

at the back of Gendo's head.
Misato knocked on the doorframe of Ritsuko's office. "I'm here. You

were looking for me?"
Ritsuko did not even look up from the computer screen, fingers flying
over the keyboard, typing faster than Misato could even read. "Yes.
I've cancelled the order requiring Rei spend all her time in the
company of the Second and Third Children. I'm concerned she's
getting too comfortable with only working as a group. Despite the
Synch Rate rises, I don't want her to become so adjusted to the idea
of a group action that she can't act independently anymore."
'Since when have you ever cared about Rei acting independently,
Rits? I saw that apartment you stuck her in. What the Hell, woman?'
Misato forced a chuckle. "You can cancel the order, but I think she'll
keep doing it anyhow. She, Shinji, and Asuka have all become pretty
close. Well, close for Rei being her usual self, and Shinji and Asuka
constantly sniping at each other, anyway."
Ritsuko quietly ground her teeth. She pressed on with more

important matters. "We'll be doing the activation test for Unit-03 at
the Matsushiro facility on Sunday. You'll be escorting the Pilot, so
you'll have to come overnight with the crew and leave your two
behind for the evening."
"I suppose I can trust Shinji and Asuka to look after themselves for
one night," Misato said.
Ritsuko gave her a droll look. "You are aware Asuka has that
contraceptive implant now, yes? You're going to leave a teenage boy
and girl along together, their hormones firing at full power? You're
amazingly trusting, Major Katsuragi."
Misato snorted. "Those two? They're still butting heads, refusing to

admit they like each other. IT's like watching the first half of a
romantic comedy. They won't even kiss, much less do anything that
requires that implant do its duty."
"Sounds like another couple I remember. Then they spent a week

doing nothing but 'admit they like each other', " Ritsuko said with a
small smirk.
Misato stuck her tongue out at her. "Fine, I suppose I can ask Kaji to
stay over and keep an eye on them. I've been looking for excuses to
get him to come over."
Ritsuko eyed her again. "What happened to 'I'm totally done with him
and over it!', hmm?"
Misato rolled her eyes. "It's just a bit of flirting and some free drinks
on his tab. Watching Shinji and Asuka dance around each other
reminded me of the good parts of the old days, too, you know. Plus,
watching Kaji try to fend of Asuka's attempts to 'woo' him is hilarious.
Hey, if you're not going to need Shinji and Asuka, who's the Pilot for
the activation test? Rei?"
"We'll use the Fourth Child as the test Pilot."

Misato blinked and straightened up from the filing cabinet she'd been
leaning against. "The… Fourth? The Fourth Child has been found?"
"Yesterday."
Misato raised an eyebrow. "I haven't received any report from the
Marduk Institute."
"The official paperwork will arrive tomorrow," Ritsuko continued

smoothly.
Misato's eyes narrowed at her friend's casual tone. "Doctor Akagi,

are you keeping secrets from me again?"
"No, not at all." Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.
Misato visibly decided not to press the issue. "Fine. Who is it?"
Ritsuko clicked a few times on her mouse and pointed at the screen.
Misato blinked. "What? Really? This is the Fourth Child?"
Ritsuko shrugged. "Couldn't be helped. All the candidates were

collected in one place and are being protected that way."
"Wait, so… all the kids in their class are potential Pilots?" Misato
rubbed at her head. "This is going to be hard to tell the others. Rei
will accept whatever we tell her, I guess. Nothing about Evas or
NERV matters ever seems to bother her. But Asuka… Shinji… I don't
want this to upset them anymore."
Ritsuko coolly went back to her typing. "We need Children like this,
in order for us all to survive. They'll deal with it or they won't."
Misato half-glared at her. "Your compassion is heartwarming, Doctor!

I'm the one who has to tell them about this!"
"Attention: The transformation of the Third Area and the prototype
weapons test will begin as scheduled," the PA system announced to
the occupants of the vending machine lounge. "Doctor Nishizawa of
the 3rd Engineering Section, Doctor Nishizawa, please contact the
2nd Development Section immediately."
Kaji glanced at the speaker in the ceiling and sighed. "The complete
armed intercept system is finally finished, and no celebration part is
planned? NERV is such a strict and serious place!"
"Because Commander Ikari is a very serious man," Lieutenant Ibuki

reminded him.
Kaji gave the slender young tech a cocky smile. "How about you? Do
you like to go out for a few drinks and have a party now and then?"
She slid up next to her on the bench, getting in quite close.
"Lieutenant Ibuki leaned away and blushed at the attention. "Are you
sure you should be asking me that, Kaji-san? I'll tell Major Katsuragi
and Akagi-sempai!"
"Not if your mouth is covered…" Kaji winked.
"Taking care of 'business', Inspector?" Misato asked archly, suddenly

entering the room.
Lieutenant Ibuki squeaked and leapt off the bench. "I… I have work
to do! Excuse me!" she sidled out as quickly as she could, her
clipboard held protectively against her chest.
Misato's glare never left Kajis easy smile. "Not to get into your
'affairs', but could you try not seducing everything in a skirt around
here while there's a war going on? And weren't you supposed to be
taking me out of drinks Thursday night? I don't know if I should let
you have the privilege now…"
He stretched lazily and stood up. "Not really your jurisdiction as

Director of Operations, is it? That was just checking on MAGI
security, really. Why, if someone seduced her, they might end up with
sysadmin access to the system." He gave her his best sloppy grin.
"And I thought we were going out together. IS it alright if I try
seducing you, Katsuragi?"
Misato leaned her back against one of the coffee vending machines
and coolly stared at him. "Gonna make you work for it, Kaji. And
you're now taking me out. That means you're paying for everything."
Her voice got more serious. "And it depends on how you answer my
next question: what do you know about secrets like Adam down in
Terminal Dogma and the Marduk Institute?"
Kaji casually swept his eyes around the vicinity, making sure they
were alone. "Oh? What do I know?"
"Don't play dumb. Tell me."
Kaji faced her, his expression still light, though his voice matched her
tone. "It's not your way to ask for help, usually."
"I don't care about 'my way'. I don't have the luxury of staying
ignorant. They've oh-so-conveniently found the Fourth Child, right as
we are being handed a new Eva. What's going on here?"
"I'll tell you one thing." Kaji abruptly moved in closer, placing one
hand on the vending machine next to Misato's head and leaning in
like he was going for a kiss. Misato let herself feel a pang of
diapointment on that front when he halted inches away, but focused
on her mission.
Kaji's expression was entirely serious now. "The Marduk Institute

does not exist. It's nothing but NERV pulling the strings in a puppet
show."
Misato narrowed her eyes. "Nothing but NERV? Commander Ikari?"
"Code 707. Investigate that."

"707? That… that's the address of Shinji's school!" She leaned
forward herself, getting close enough she could feel his breath on
her lips. "You are going to tell me a whole lot more Thursday night,
Inspector…"
Kaji let his smile return. Misato had been letting him closer again, but
this was a new step… "Oh dear. Are you going to force me to give
up all my secrets, Katsuragi? Use your wiles on me until I'm putty in
your hands?"
"In my hands, nothing turns to putty," Misato replied levelly. Her

control almost cracked as she watched Kaji's eyebrows rise,
intrigued. He leaned in…
"Misato-san? Are you in here?" Shinji asked, coming around the

corner from the back hallway, Asuka right behind him.
"Ahem. Yes, what is it, Shinji-kun?"Misato asked from her seat on

the bench. Kaji calmly took a long drink from his can of tea as he
leaned against a vending machine a couple of meters away from
Misato.
"Ritsuko-san was looking for you. She said you're supposed to be at

the meeting for tomorrow's business trip?"
"Right, thank you." Misato gave Kaji a look that said they'd continue
all of this later. "See you later, Inspector."
He gave her a barely perceptible nod. "Roger, roger."
Misato left without another look. Kaji put another easy smile on his
face and looked at the two young Pilots. They way they stood
together… His gaze focused. They were standing together . Their
body language was totally different towards each other. They were
moving in synch, like they were totally aware of each other's
presence and moves without even looking. 'Looks like that
synchronization training sure left a mark. But I wonder… Asuka's not
all over me like usual. Let's test the waters.' "How about you, Shinji-
kun? Want to go out with me for a cup of tea?"
Asuka gave him a shocked and amused look before exploding into
laughter. Shinji gave him a flat look at the well-worn pickup line. "I'm
a boy, Kaji-san." His eyes flickered to his side for an instant and a
faint smile crossed his face. "And I prefer coffee."
Kaji laughed, but filed the reaction away for later consideration.
"What are you two doing here together? Are you so fond of his
company now, Asuka? Or did that synchronization training have
more of an effect on you than I heard?"
Asuka stopped laughing and glared at Shinji for a moment before

returning a bright-eyed and winsome look to him. "Not at all, Kaji-
san! I'm not here because I like watching baka-Shinji wander around
NERV headquarters. I'm only here because of official duties as an
Eva Pilot! Wondergirl didn't come to class today or yesterday, and
we're supposed to all be together as part of that team-building thing
Doctor Akagi ordered. There's a Synch Test later, and we came in
early to look for her ahead of it."
"And then he asks me out to tea," Shinji muttered, still looking a bit
put out. "When I'm right here with… I mean, I thought you were a
more serious adult, Kaji-san."
"My my, you sure don't hold back once you've gotten to know
someone, do you, Shinji-kun?"
"Sorry," Shinji mumbled. Asuka lightly smacked the back of his head.
"Hey!"
Asuka met his glare with one of her own. I'm supposed to remind
you not to apologize for everything, remember?"
Kaji chuckled again. "I'm not upset, Shinji. I didn't mean to sound
sarcastic. And since you've been so honest with me, I'll be honest
with you. Let me show you both something nice." He walked towards
the hallway Shinji had come down, gesturing for them to follow.
Shinji and Asuka looked at each other, shrugged in unison, and

followed him.
"Kaji-san~! Why didn't you ever tell me you were a gardener? We

could have been planting and growing things together in Germany!"
Asuka whined as cutely as she could.
The tall inspector grinned, waving the watering can he held back and
forth over the row of plants. "Don't you think it's cute? This is my
hobby. Keep it a secret. It's my little escape. Making or growing
something, raising it, is a wonderful thing. We see and learn many
things through that, like what we enjoy."\
Shinji stood up from his examination of the watermelon vine at his

feet. He looked around, slightly amazed that Kaji had somehow
planted an entire garden plot next to this secluded small cabin,
tucked away in a corner of the Geofront. "Does Misato-san know
about this place, Kaji-san?"
Kaji shook his head. "No, it's still my little secret. I might bring her
here for a romantic little picnic sometime soon, though. Doesn't that
sound like a nice idea, Shinji-kun?"
A look something like wistfulness passed across Shinji's face. "Yes, it

does." His expression clouded a bit. "It's… sad when you want to do
something like that, but can't. Not being able to do something you'd
like."
"Oh?" Kaji raised an eyebrow. "Have you found something you like,
but can't have?"
"Not exactly," Shinji said.

"What about you, Asuka-chan? Have you found something that
makes you happy?"
The redhead had studiously kept her back to them so far. She turned
her head enough to give the boys a sparkling smile over her
shoulder. "Oh, any time I get to spend with my darling Kaij-san is a
pleasure!"
"You should bring Misat-san here and show her what you've been
doing, Kaji-san," Shinji said unexpectedly. Kaji gave him a curious
look. "You should never miss a chance to do something together with
someone you care about. Missed chances like that are things you
can never get back."
Kaji's eyebrows went higher. "Wise words from someone so young.

Been on your mind, Shinji-kun?"
Shinji shrugged, digging his foot in the dirt. "I want Misato-san to be
happy too. She's been very kind to me ever since I moved here,
more than almost anyone else. And she talks about you, so…"
'Does she now? That's heartening.' Kaji's cell phone rang in his
pocket before he could reply. He plucked it out and looked at the
caller ID. "Speak of the beautiful devil, and she will call." He hit the
accept call button. "Hello!"
"I left the Pilots with you, Kaji. Where did you put them?" Misato's
voice asked.
"I've got them right here with me."
"Well, shuffle them up to the test area. Their Synch Test starts as
soon as they get here."
"Roger, I'll have them on the way in a moment." He hung up and

looked at the Pilots. "Time to test, Children."
Asuka shot a smug look at Shinji. "Time for me to beat your score
once again, Third Child."
Shinji smirked right back at her. " Sure you will, Second Child. Bring
it on."
'Well, at least Shinji's acting a bit more confident. Looks like having
Asuka as a rival is good for him.' "Let's go, then." Kaji placed the
watering can by the cabin and led the way back towards the NERV
pyramid.
The test observation room was warm and humid as always. Misato
plucked at her shirt, trying to fan cooler air into her sweaty skin. "This
is supposed to be the most technologically advanced facility in the
world. Can't we get decent air conditioning in here?"
Ritsuko tapped a few more commands into the console next to

Lieutenant Ibuki, briefly resting her hand on her assistant's shoulder
in approval of the smooth way she integrated the changed settings
into the test records. "There's 800 million liters of LCL on the other
side of that glass at 37C, Misato. You're not beating that kind of heat
imbalance. And we have more important things to do than worry
about making you comfy."
"Plug depth fixed at 3.2. LCL concentration nominal. Harmonics level

is minus 1.2, 1.5, 1.6, 1.8… Present reading is 0.2. Level 3 data
deleted, all others saved to Melchior," Maya recited without pause,
though a smile worked its way onto her face at her sempai's
approval.
Ritsuko pointed at the screen showing the three Children and their
Synch Rates. "Look at this. All three of them up again. Shinji's
caught up to Asuka again. Rei's gains have slowed since last month,
but she's still up over 7.2% since we ordered the Children to work
together. "
"So why are you lifting that order?" Misato asked.

Ritsuko kept her face calm. "I believe we are reaching the limits of
what we can expect from that approach. All three of them have
shown impressive gains over the last two months, but the rate of
increase has slowed."
Misato cocked her head. Ritsuko was acting a little odd about it, too
stiff. "It's still increasing pretty much every Test, though."
"Not Rei's. Her results have been an increase overall, yes, but the
Test-to-Test readings are erratic. Less so lately, but six weeks ago
she was up 8% one Test, down 7% the next, and so on. I want to
change the approach now, and see if we get different results."
Misato shrugged. "Fine, you're the supposed scientific genius. They

get along well enough I think they'll still hang out anyway." Misato's
expression grew pensive. "It's not making it any easier to tell them
about the Fourth Child. I don't want this news to disrupt things when
they're going so well. This is their friend! How are they going to take
it?"
Ritsuko shrugged this time. "They're going to send the official

notification tomorrow, and the activation test cycle begins this
weekend. One way or the other, they're going to learn soon."
Misato looked at the monitor again. Rei's expression was as blank

as ever, but both Shinji and Asuka wore faint smiles. 'They look
happy, Rits. How can I drop something like this on them and not
have it bring them down?' Her face tightened. 'And just how long
were you going to keep it from me that all their classmates are high-
level Pilot candidates? From what Kaji's lead showed me, that's not
an accident. Why would NERV hide that? "For their protection"
sounds fake. Section 2 isn't even watching the students outside of
the school itself, and they're only doing even that much because our
active Pilots are there. Why the gigantic fa ç ade of the Marduk
Institute? If the Marduk Institute isn't searching for the Pilots on
some criteria, who does select the Pilots? The Second and Third
Children just 'happening' to be the children of two of the designers is
way too coincidental to have happened naturally. I know you're lying
to me, Rits, and that tells me you know more than you're saying.
There's just Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki and Commander Ikari above
you, so you've got to know things… And don't give me that 'need to
know' bullshit. I'm the 4th ranking officer of NERV. What possible
reason is there to conceal this kind of stuff from me?
Misato shook her head slightly. 'Who am I even talking to anymore?

My old college friend I used to get hammered with, or the Director of
Project E who never told me about the Angel she's keeping in the
basement?'
Shinji spotted Kensuke sitting against the fence ringing the roof of
the school as he stepped out onto the roof himself. He waved. "Hey,
Kensuke! How was your trip to New Yokosuka?"
The spectacled teen waved back and hoisted his camera.

"Absolutely great! I got some sweet shots of the new JMSSDF
cruiser!" He looked around behind Shinji as his friend took a seat
next to him and began to set out his lunch and a pair of others. "Hey,
where are your two shadows? I haven't seen you without the Red
Demon and Ayanami-san in tow for weeks."
Shinji smiled a little. "We aren't under orders to stick together at all
times anymore. Rei and Asuka are downstairs trying to round up
Touji and the Class Rep for lunch. I got sent up here ahead to grab
us a nice spot and get things ready. Those two have been absent
from class all morning. Any idea why?"
Kensuke shook his head. "Maybe he and the Class Rep decided to
skip school together and elope?" he asked, only half joking. He'd
never stopped moaning over how lovey-dovey the pair acted.
Shinji laughed. "Sure, that sounds likely. Next we'll hear Rei is going
to headline the next school talent show with a cabaret act."
Kensuke looked nervous. "Um… actually, Shinji…"

"What?"
Checking if her underwear was attractive. Hugging. Holding his

hand. And a few days ago, dragging him into an unused classroom
for five minutes of 'cuddling baselines'.
Shinji stared at his friend. "Wut."
"I'm not joking!" Kensuke exclaimed. "And… and… and… I have no

freaking idea what's going on! She never explains anything! She just
'requests my assistance in another experiment'! What is she doing?
Are we… dating? Friends with 'experimental' benefits?" He looked at
Shinji in utter confusion.
"I… I honestly have no idea, Kensuke. We may have been spending

a lot of time with her in the last two months, but she is still as
mysterious to me as how to build an Eva Unit."
Kensuke's eyes lit up at the mention. "Oh yeah! I heard a rumor

about that I wanted to ask you about! Eva Unit-03!"
Shinji blinked at the abrupt swerve in the conversation, but his friend
was obviously more comfortable talking about military hardware than
the beautiful yet confusing Pilot Ayanami. "Eva Unit-03?"
"That's right! The Eva Unit that was under construction in the United
States is now completed, and they're shipping it here to Japan!"
"I haven't heard anything like that. Anything at all, really."
Kensuke inched closer, his eyes shining. "I know you've got to keep
it secret, but please tell me! Didn't you know the rumor that the
activation test will be held at NERV-2 in Matsushiro?"
"Nope."
"You haven't heard that they haven't named a Pilot for it yet?"
"Kensuke, they never tell me anything. It's not like Misato-san
spends her off-duty hours telling me all of NERV's inner plans."
Kensuke's eyes went far away. "She could let me Pilot it! Shinji,
could you ask her for me? I really want to be an Eva Pilot!"
Shinji frowned. "You really don't. It's not what you seem to think."
"Hey, did you hear that Unit-04 was lost?"
Shinji suddenly felt his apprehension increase. "What?!"
"You didn't know that either? NERV-02 in the US was blown up. My
dad's section was in an uproar over it. That's why they're shipping
Unit-03 here, because of that explosion."
"Misato-san never mentioned it."
Kensuke deflated. "Well, I guess the Pilot is just the guy at the
bottom of the chain, even in NERV. I guess they think you don't have
'need to know'. Sorry for asking so many questions."
His head jerked up and he gestured with his chin. "Hey, look out
behind you…"
Shinji turned to look. Tanaka and a couple of the other girls who
were still eyeing him in class had emerged onto the roof for their own
lunches, and spotted him and Kensuke. Their gazes noticeably
sharpened as they noted the absence of any of the usual protective
screen of girls who had guarded Shinji from them for the last several
weeks. "Uh oh… I hope Asuka and Rei get back here soon with the
Class Rep and Touji…"
Kensuke looked at his watch. "Yeah, where is Touji? What's keeping

him?"
"Seen them yet?"

"No, Asuka, I have not. Otherwise, I would have informed you." Rei's
voice lacked even the smallest hint of sarcasm any other teen would
have included.
Asuka shook her head. Teaching Rei to act normal was still a work in
progress. Still, just the fact that she didn't mind walking around with
her, searching for Hikari and her boy-Stooge was a sea change from
when she'd first arrived. Rei had gone from a 'stuck-up, irritating, and
unsettling rival' to a peer, someone Asuka could honestly call a
friend.
Case in point now: she felt almost comfortable being away from
Shinji and searching empty classrooms with her, doing her best as
they went to keep Rei talking and even making attempts at banter.
While still quiet, Rei was worlds better than the near-robotic doll
she'd begun the autumn as. A subtle humor was even beginning to
sneak into her remarks now and then.
Asuka opened another classroom door. "Ah ha! Rei! Found 'em!
Hikari, aren't you and Jock-Stooge going to join us for… what's
wrong?"
Hikari and Touji were sitting facing each other in the emptied
classroom. Though they'd both looked up to note Asuka's entrance,
they'd immediately returned to glumly looking at each other in
silence.
Asuka walked over to stand right next to them. "What's wrong?" she
repeated, a little more insistently.
Touji looked up at her, his mouth working…

Asuka pounded up the stairs to the school's roof. This was
important. Shinji needed to hear about this right away, and they
needed to figure out their public response while still thinking carefully
on their even more important true private one. She pushed the door
to the roof open, and was greeted by a scene out of her nightmares.
Her beloved baka was under siege by at least half a dozen of the
usual Harpies, led by that bitch Tanaka. Shinji sat nervously with his
back to the fence, surrounded by pretty young girls. Geek-Stooge sat
next to him, staring just as nervously at the surrounding ring of girls.
Luckily for him, they were ignoring him in favor of staring hungrily at
Shinji. Shinji had less than a meter of space around him. Tanaka
herself was leaning way into Shinji's personal space, reaching a
hand out to touch his face oh no we are not having that!
Asuka quickly walked up and coughed as loudly as she could. "A-

hem! So sorry to interrupt, 'ladies', but Pilot Ikari needs to come with
me immediately. NERV business." She switched her glare to Shinji.
"Pilots' conference downstairs, right now."
Shinji looked at her with gratifying, naked relief. It turned to confusion

as he processed her words. "Pilots' conference?" He looked from her
to Rei, standing right behind her. "But… we're all right here?"
Asuka shook her head slowly. "No… we're not."
Shinji's eyes widened.
..
Kensuke Aida knew his friend was a Pilot. He'd seen him in action
up close. He considered him a brave guy for walking into battle after
battle, even as he knew Shinji didn't think of himself that way. And as
brave as he could be in combat, Shinji was still a pretty shy guy in
most social situations.
Or at least, he had been. That had been changing over the last two
months. Kensuke had watched his buddy become more assured,
less afraid of social situations, and just plain standing and talking
with more confidence in everyday things. He'd seemingly grown an
inch or two just because he no longer stooped and slumped so
much. The girls of their class had certainly noticed, regarding this
new, more confident Shinji with much more attention and flirtation.
Shinji had gotten much better at polite, firm rejection of their
advances, but those very self-assured and manly deflections
seemed to only make him an even more desirable target. The fact
school rumor persisted in whispering that Shinji was somehow
simultaneously seducing both Rei Ayanami and Asuka Langley
Soryu, two of the hottest girls in school, just drove wild speculation
as to Shinji's talents as a boyfriend. Asuka and Rei's relentless
screening of Shinji from their efforts to get closer and constant
companionship only fuels the rumors further.
So when the group of girls had sighted him and Shinji sitting alone
on the roof, they'd descended on them like a pack of wolves. Very
quickly, Kensuke had found himself at the eye of the storm with
Shinji, as the girls crowded in close, asking Shinji what being a Pilot
was like, if he was busy that weekend, and would he like to go to the
park with them? Even the edges of their attention intimidated the Hell
out of Kensuke. Shinji bore it somehow, never losing his polite,
modest, and self-effacing manner, but Kensuke could see his friend
beginning to sweat as Tanaka and the others pressed in.
Kensuke had never been so glad to see the Red Demon appear as
he was right then. She effortlessly parted the crowd, making them
step aside by sheer force of personality. Even Tanaka had flinched
when Asuka fixed her glare on her. The spectacle had impressed
Kensuke so much he'd almost missed what she'd said. 'There's…
another Pilot? Here? They've found a fourth Pilot?' A pang of dismay
ran through him. 'And it's not me. Damn it…'
The transformation that ran over Shinji was even more impressive.
The confusion and remaining nervousness fell away, and Shinji's
face went stoically calm. His shoulders went back and he stood up.
"I see," he said evenly. "Alright, let's go." He rapidly packed up the
still waiting lunches and headed for the door to the stairs. Kensuke
could hear the crowd of girls murmur in appreciation as he spke and
sigh in disappointment as he left.
Asuka hung behind to give Tanaka and the other girls a death glare,
which they returned. "You and Ayanami-san can't hog him all to
yourselves forever, Soryu-san," one muttered. Asuka just gave her a
smirk and whirled to follow Shinji.
Rei lingered a moment longer herself. "Classmate Aida-san."
Kensuke's heart rate jumped. He knew that specific tone from

Ayanami by now. "Um… yes?"
"I would like to request your hands-on assistance in further

experiments. I need something I can only get from you. I would like it
this afternoon if our schedules permit," she said in her cool, clear
voice that made him want to vibrate in sympathy.
"Um… sure? I'm always glad to… help…" He trailed off as he

became aware that at least half the girls in the crowd had broken off
glaring at Asuka's retreating back to stare at him in amazement.
Amazement that swiftly mutated into open speculation. Whispers

started to buzz across the crowd. "'Hands-on' 'experiments'? Oh, I
know what that means…" "Ayanami is already getting it from Ikari-
san, but Aida has 'something she can only get from him'?! Whoa…"
"Holy shit, how good must he be?" "… he doesn't have a wall of
'guards', either…"
Rei gave no sign she heard the whispering, though she must have if
he could hear it. "Thank you, Aida-san. I look forward to it eagerly.
Out experiments have always been most enlightening and… very
pleasant. I will see you later today. Goodbye." She turned and left,
her posture and gait as graceful and precise as a dancer's.
The slamming of the door was like a signal. All the girls in the crowd
turned to look at him. Some of them looked very interested…
Kensuke swallowed. 'Uh oh…'
..
Shinji opened the classroom door and froze when he saw his friend
and Hikari. "Oh… no…" he said walked over to the desk next to
them and collapsed into it, Asuka and Rei filtering in behind him.
"T… Touji… what did they say? Did… did they offer you something?
You don't have to do take their deals. You know what this job is like
to me…"
Touji looked back at him like someone had shot his dog. He licked
his lips and tried to answer. "It… I didn't…" He took a breath and let it
out. "It's not me," he finally managed, sounding like he was
pronouncing a death sentence.
Shinji blinked. "What? Then who…"
"It's me."
Shinji's head snapped around to Hikari. She was staring fixedly at

her tightly grasped hands. She slowly raised her eyes to meet his.
"They told me I am the Fourth Child. They need me to be a Pilot.
They told me they'd take care of my family, and even make sure that
Touji's little sister gets moved to a NERV hospital so she can get the
best treatment. I asked for that." She laughed weakly. "That woman,
Doctor Akagi, seemed ready to offer anything to get me to say yes,
so I grabbed what I could think of. None of us will have to pay for
college either…"
Touji's hand came down to grasp hers. He squeezed lightly. "Thank

you, Hikari."
Hikari gave him a faint smile, but it rapidly vanished. "I… I have to go
to Matushiro with Doctor Akagi and Major Katsuragi tomorrow, to
start familiarization with the new Eva Unit. It's supposed to take all
weekend and then some. Touji and I… we had a date this
weekend… Now we're not going to make it."
Shinji tried to swallow back the bile that wanted to rise. This was one
of his friends… NERV shouldn't do this to them… "Class Rep, you…
you don't have to do this…" he began.
Hikari shook her head. "You do it. And Asuka. So does Ayanami-san,
even when she was hurt. And… and if I say 'no', they might just ask
someone else, make someone else take this on because I was
afraid…"
"Let me!" Touji burst out. "Hikari, please! I don't… if you got hurt…"
Hikari gave him a sad smile. She reached up to stroke his face.
"That's one reason I love you, Touji. Your compassion… And I know
you'd do everything to protect me… but we don't even know if you
can Pilot an Eva. They told me I was one in a billion, that there's only
four Children they've identified who can be Pilots in the whole
world… And we're all in this room."
Shinji looked back over his shoulder at Asuka. She pressed her lips
together and gave him a look that said she had things she wanted to
talk to him about she couldn't say in public. But Shinji could feel
some of it already. 'Only four of us in the world… and the next Child
happens to be someone we know personally? In our own class?
One-in-a-billion odds and it hits right next to us?' He almost wanted
to ask Hikari about her mother, but it wasn't the time.
"So I can't say no, Touji. I have to do this. I'll be protecting both of our
families, and I've got Asika, Ikari-kun, and Ayanami-san to help
support me. I'm sure I'll be okay."
"As we are to fight together as comrades in battle, please call me

'Rei', Class Representative Horaki," Rei said softly from behind
Shinji.
He blinked in shock. So did the others. He turned to look at her.

"Rei?"
The First Child looked back at him calmly. "Yes?"
"Are… you sure you understand what you are doing?"
"Yes."
Shinji looked at Asuka. She twisted her lips and shrugged in

matching confusion. He looked back at Rei. "Alright, fair enough." He
turned back to Hikari and rubbed the side of his face. "Well… I guess
it will be good to have more friends to count on in a fight. Welcome
to the team, Horaki-san…"
..
The reflected afternoon light only managed to dimly light the crypt-
like office of Commander Ikari, despite the titanic array of mirrors
funneling the light down into the Geofront. The tinted windows turned
what light did enter blood red, highlighting the System Sepirothicum
engraved into the floor anc ceiling. Doctor Akagi could barely make
out the glowing circles of the Commander's glasses as he
impassively to her report.
"The Fourth Child candidate has accepted out offer. She asked only
for some minor things for her and her boyfriend's family. We've
already taken care of it. She'll be picked up by Major Katsuragi in a
few hours and on her way to Matsushiro shortly thereafter," she said
crisply.
"You are certain of your selection of Miss Horaki as the Fourth Child,
Doctor?" Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki asked. "Why did we change
from the previous candidate?"
"Both the First and Second Child have had sharper raises in their
Synch Rates over the last two months than the Third Child. He is still
matching the Second's high scores, but the greater total rise for the
First and Second led me to determine the next Pilot should be a
female. Additionally, while she scores well on willpower and
intelligence, the Fourth Child is more responsive to authority and
hierarchy than the previous candidate. I believe this will give us
better leverage over her than him."
"Very well," said Commander Ikari. "The Fourth Child will be

adequate for our plans. The Un has informed us that Unit-03 is en
route and will arrive within 24 hours. Have everything at Mastushiro
ready to receive it."
"Yes, sir."
"Dismissed."
..
"Whoa!" The co-pilot ran his eyes over the aircraft's status screens.
They were still flickering from the lightning strike. "That was one Hell
of a jolt! I told you we should have flown around this stormcloud!"
"Relax, this bird is hardened against bigger hits than that," the pilot
drawled. "See? The systems are already stabilizing from the reset.
Check on our special cargo."
The co-pilot tapped at the touchscreen and brought up the indicators

for the Evangelion Unit that was their payload. "The… the status
readouts are all over the map… that's weird…"
"Just give it a second. It'll stabilize like our systems. Probably taking
a little longer because it's a newer technology. See? It's settling
down."
The indicators stopped their dance and settled back down into the
green. "Guess so," said the co=pilot. "Still think we should have
flown around. For a second I thought that lightning bolt had our
name on it."
"Chill out," the pilot shot back. "It's not like it did anything."
In the cargo bay, the eyes of Evangelion Unit-03 faded back to dead
black.
..
Shinji wistfully glanced at the tight handclasp Touji and Hikari

maintained all the way to the school gate as they began to leave
school for the day. He looked sideways at Asuka. She was doing the
same thing. He caught her eye and gave her a brief, sad smile. She
replied with a tiny nod. She wished they could do that in public as
much as he did. They resumed their usual public faces before Touji
turned around as they reached the gate.
Touji gave Shinji a wry look, glancing at Asuka too. "What, no 'marital
quarrel' today? You've been pretty quiet."
Asuka rolled her eyes at him. "You're our friends and need our
support right now, and this is serious NERV business. Shinji and I
are more than mature enough to stop fussing and focus when it's
important."
Behind them, Rei quietly said, "Mature? As soon as no one's looking

they're constantly making out, really. They're like bonobos on Spring
Break. Nothing but 'whumpa, whumpa, whumpa' all the time." There
was no change in her usual perfectly deadpan tone.
Shinji and Asuka froze. 'Oh Holy shit! Rei, what happened to keeping
that secret?!' Shinji thought frantically. Touji and Hikari gaped in
shock for a moment before exploding into laughter.
Rei gave one of her tiny smiles. "Just kidding," she said, still totally
flat.
Shinji resumed breathing. "Rei, what are you doing?"
Rei gave him an innocent look. "Helping break the tension with
humor?"
Touji and Hikari exchanged a nervous look, lightly blushing.

"Umm…" Hikari began, "We're going to head home alone together.
It'll be our last chance to talk for a while, and we'll only have a few
hours before Major Katsuragi picks me up. We wanted to make up
for the date we're going to miss this weekend."
Asuka smiled. "I understand. Have a good time."
Rei added, "Be sure to use protection."
It was Touji and Hikari's turn to freeze and blush, and Shinji and
Asuka's to laugh after a second of shock.
"Just kidding," Rei repeated, her face inscrutable.
Touji and Hikari laughed nervously and headed off, still tightly
holding hands.
Asuka whirled on the bluenette. "Rei, what the Hell was that? What
are you doing?"
Rei was not disturbed at all. "I am helping, and teasing my friends. It
is fun," she said, her voice as cool as ever.
Shinji chuckled nervously. "I… you're getting good at that, Rei."
"Thank you." She looked at them, a faint expression of thought on

her face. "I like seeing my friends happy. It makes me happy to see
it, and so I wish to help. Observing Hikari and Suzuhara-san is
somewhat like observing you both. I remain… deeply envious of your
bond, and care for you both. I wish I had something similar. It would
ease the lonliness."
'She's… lonely? She's always with us, but.. I know what she means,'
Shinji though. 'I know just how alone you can feel even in the midle
of a crowd.' "What about Kensuke?"
Rei shook her head. "Classmate Aida-san is… not for me. He has
been a good friend and I have learned much from our experiments,
but I do not experience similar feelings with him as I see between
you both or between Hikari and Suzuhara-san. But I still desire to
see him happy as well, so I have devised a plan to help him." She
turned towards the school gate, angling west.
Asuka stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Wait, aren't you
walking home with us?"
Rei shook her head again. "The next step of my plan involves Aida-
san taking me out on a public date this afternoon. This will provide
me with valuable data on the subject of dating, and being seen
taking me out will increase his stature with the females of our class. I
believe I have already successfully exploited existing school rumors
on our supposed ongoing ménage a trois and Shinji's talents as a
lover to increase interest in Aida-san. As I have planned a lengthy
and detailed experimental protocol for this afternoon, I estimate I will
be out late. I shall see you tomorrow." Rei gave them a short bow
and left.
Shinji and Asuka exchanged a confused look as they walked out of

the school grounds. Asuka spoke first. "Did… did that just happen?'
"I… think so? Rei made dirty jokes, told them the truth about us in a
way that ensured they wouldn't believe it, and now… she's taking
Kensuke out on a date ? To make sure he's attractive to the other
girls?" Shinji replied in bemusement.
"This is unreal. Rei Ayanami, social ninja. On the upside, Hikari and
Jock Stooge taking off means you and I can walk home the way we
prefer," Asuka said a bit more happily. She eagerly seized his hand
as soon as they were out of sight of the school and their classmates.
"Hikari is the Fourth Child… Who could have seen that coming?"
Asuka mused. "I don't like dragging a friend into danger with us, but
I'm happy our next wingman will be someone I know and trust. And
hey, if Misato is taking her to Matsushiro tonight, maybe we'll have a
few days to ourselves in the apartment this weekend?" She gave
Shinji a wicked grin. "I can think of a few ways to occupy our time."
Shinji smiled back, but then frowned thoughtfully. "I don't think we'll
be that lucky. Misato-san is easygoing, but she takes her duties as
our guardian fairly seriously. She'll probably have someone watching
us for her, not just leave us alone. Maybe Kaji-san."
Asuka gave a short laugh. "Heh… Two months ago the idea of
having Kaji-san as a babysitter would have made my day. I'd have
been having all sorts of fantasies of seducing him or something, like I
tried on the Over The Rainbow . "
Shinji tried to smile, but failed. Asuka's confession of that episode

had been more than a bit embarrassing for her, but her follow-on
admission of how much Kaji's rejection of it had bit had been nothing
but a source of empathy for Shinji. He knew Asuka more than well
enough by then to really grasp how much she'd wanted the attention
and love she thought she could get by seducing Kaji, and how badly
it had hurt when he'd shut her down. Shinji's explanation that he
understood exactly why she'd wanted to do that and quiet yet fervent
reassurance that he'd never stop wanting her had been a moment
that really brought them closer… yet SHinji was still fighting with his
worries about having Asuka's former lust-crush around. Not that he
thought Asuka wouldn't want or love him anymore, but that he
looked at the tall, confidant older man and just felt so little and lesser
in comparison.
Asuka too knew him well enough to read all that from his face and
silence. She lightly punched him in the shoulder with her free hand.
"Hey, baka! None of that! You're the one I'm in love with, remember?
Kaji's a tall, tasty hunk of man, yeah, but he's not the one whose
name I say at night. You're mine and I'm yours. I will admit that
having both him and you running around the apartment but us
having to pretend we're not together is just going to leave me
frustrated as Hell from all the yummy testosterone floating about, but
I'm not about to leave you for him. Ever."
This time Shinji did smile. "I know… I just feel so small and
inadequate next to somebody as confidant and adult as him. I'm still
amazed every day that I somehow managed to end up with
someone as beautiful and amazing as you liking me."
"I don't 'like' you, baka. I love you. The constant sleeping together for
the last two months isn't a hint? The fact you and I are closer to each
other than to anyone else we've ever had in our whole lives? So
you're not as tall as Kaji-san? So what? Look at your dad: he may be
a manipulative jerk as a person, but he's certainly tall and broad
shouldered. You're going to have something like that one day.
Mmm… now that's a yummy image. Tall, hunky Shinji, all mine…
Unf! Yeah, I'm keeping you." She pecked him on the cheek.
Shinji blushed lightly. "I guess so. I… I wish I knew what my mother
looked like. I hate that my father destroyed every picture he had of
her. Do… do you have any of your mother?"
Asuka's face went serious. Her mother was still a tender topic,
though Shinji also knew she'd revealed more to him about her than
anyone else alive. "I do. Only a few pictures, but I'll show them to
you. They're… important to me, yeah. Mama… had the most
beautiful smile…" She forced a smile back onto her face. "Eager to
see what I'll look like when I'm older, hmm? Now, how are we going
to keep up the show at home tonight? I was thinking I'd sprawl all
over the living room floor and loudly ignore you, like you'd said
something that made me mad at school…"
..
Misato was just inside the door when they got home. The suitcase at
her feet made it clear she was only holding her departure so she
could see them for a moment before heading off. She still gave them
a broad smile. "Welcome home! I've got to go on a short trip for the
next four days, but I've arranged for Kaji to watch over you. He'll be
here in a few hours."
Shinji gave Asuka a 'told you so' look. She stuck her tongue out at
him. He turned back to Misato. "You're going to pick up Horaki-san
and take her to Matsushiro for the activation test of Eva Unit-03,
aren't you?"
Misato blinked in surprise for a moment before nodding. "Ah, she

told you at school? That's fine. Yes, I'm going to collect her, take her
to NERV HQ to get her registered into the system as an Evangelion
Pilot, and then we're going to Matsushiro. We'll move Unit-03 here
once we're done with the tests."
Shinji hesitated. "Misato-san… what about the rumor that Unit-04

was lost? I heard there was an accident and Unit-4 was blown up?"
Misato pressed her lips together and nodded again. "Yes, something
went wrong at NERV-02 in America during the test of the S2 Engine.
It destroyed the whole base. But we'll be fine here. All of our Eva
Units are in perfect working order, and we've got the best staff and
Pilots in the world. That's why they're shipping it here, of course."
"There's no point in worrying about it, baka-Shinji," Asuka said from

behind him. She shot a sly look at Misato. "Sooo~… when exactly
does my darling Kaji-san get here?"
Misato rolled her eyes. "He's working at NERV HQ right now too. He
should get here by six. Behave yourselves until then," she ordered
sternly. "No abusing Shin-chan, and do all of your homework."
Asuka waved away Misato's orders as she pushed Shinji in the door
ahead of her and down the hall to the dining area. "Oh, don't be such
a worry-wart. I haven't killed him yet, have I? And if anything ever
happened to baka-Shinji, I'd be stuck eating your cooking! That's just
unacceptable!" Asuka shot one last glance over her shoulder as they
reached the end of the hall. "Take care of Hikari, Misato. She's my
friend."
Misato picked up her bag and waved. "She'll be fine. This is just an
activation test. Ritsuko and I will be right there. And she'll be in the
Entry Plug of an Eva. You know how well protected those are. It'd
take another Eva to get through all that armor! I'll look out for her."
Misato waved once more, and was gone.
Asuka let her fake glower at Shinji evaporate once she heard the
door close. "Yeah, but I also know what we fight, Misato." She
sighed, and converted her shove of Shinji into a close hug. "Mmm…
alright, Shinji, we've got three hours to ourselves before Kaji-san
shows. Let's make the most of it."
He put on an innocent look. "Ok, so, I'll get started on dinner while
you study?"
She pinched his nose. "Very funny, Third Child. I'm sending you
straight to my room for that."
"Shouldn't it be 'sent to your room'?"
She grabbed his hand and pulled him along behind her with a smile.
"To my room? How forward, Mister Ikari! What an excellent idea!
Let's go!"
..
Asuka rolled over again and tried to make herself sleep. She got
about as far as she had for the last two hours.
They'd put on a decent show of snapping at and ignoring each other

for the evening. Kaji had marveled at it, asking if they were like this
all the time, or just when Misato was not there. He'd suggested they
all go to bed earlier than usual, just to end the bickering. But bed had
not been the road to peace for them he'd hoped.
Her bed felt cold, and suddenly far too big and empty. There was no
slow and steady breathing beside her in the dark to remind her she
wasn't alone anymore, no comforting arm around her to let her know
she was loved. She hated it.
"Come on, Soryu. You've done this ten thousand times. How hard is
sleeping by yourself?" she whispered to herself.
'And you had to fight the same fears every night, that you'd live alone
your whole life because no one could ever really want you. And now
you've found that One, the One who makes your world right, and
he's not next to you tonight, where he should be. You know why you
can't sleep. You want him with you, every day and every night. A
night without him makes you think about what it's like to be alone
again, and worry that one day he might not be there again.'
She sighed, and crumpled her pillow into a new position. That worry
had been gnawing at her ever since Shinji had asked where they
were going. Did they have a future together? What did she want from
all this?
'The problem is you know what the answer to that question is,
Soryu. You want his life, all of it. You want him next to you 'until the
end of the world', just like you've both promised. But you're damn
well aware that you're both barely teenagers, and that thinking about
what he'll look like when he's older, rings, and kids is fucking crazy
at this point. And you're doubly scared that he'll freak out if he learns
that you're thinking about it anyway.'
"And none of that stops me from wanting it. A life, a family, year after
year of love… Gott, I'm crazy. And nothing stops me from constantly
being afraid that one day he'll decide he can do better than me, and
sleeping alone feels too much like a preview." She reached out a
hand to touch the side of the bed where he usually lay. "I can't even
sneak into his futon, not when Kaji's two meters away. Three more
nights of this…"
'Get back here soon, Shinji. My world doesn't feel cold or lonely or
scary or lost when you're here beside me. I need you.'
..
Shinji tossed and turned. Sleep just wouldn't come. This was even
more difficult than he'd expected. He hadn't had to fall asleep without
Asuka's soothing warmth next to him in weeks. He hadn't realized
how comforting it was to be able to feel her next to him as he drifted
off. He felt… like he just couldn't relax without her there. That nothing
was right without her near him. 'Is this what my father feels like?
Alone all the time? He abandoned me, so is that how he wants to
be? Why did he do that to me?'
He sighed. His father… If he was stuck awake, he might as well

make use of it. "Are you still awake, Kaji-san?'
The inspector shifted on his futon nearby. "Yes. What is it, Shinji-
kun?"
"… what kind of man is my father?"
"Oh? That question is a bit of a surprise. I thought you'd ask about

Katsuragi."
"You seem like you spend a lot of time with him."
Kaji chuckled. "Not me. The Sub-Commander is the one with him all
the time. Are you asking around about your father?"
"I haven't been around him in a long time…"
"So you don't know much about him?"
Shinji shrugged one shoulder. "I've learned some things about my

father recently. About his job, my mother, but not a lot. So…"
"You're wrong there. You only believe that you've learned. People
can't understand others completely. Who knows if you can even
understand yourself? Understanding each other 100% is impossible.
Of course, that's why we spend so much time trying to understand
ourselves and others. That's what makes life so interesting."
Shinji frowned at that. It sounded… like giving up without ever really
trying, assuming you could never win anyway. "Is that also true for
your relationship with Misato-san?"
Kaji smiled sadly in the darkness. "The kanji for 'girlfriend' means 'a
woman far away'. For us, women are on the opposite shore of a river
wider and deeper than any ocean. We can never truly know them."
"Bullshit."
Kaji blinked. Had… Shinji just said that? He rolled over to peer at the
Third Child.
Shinji was staring at the ceiling, with a more determined look on his
face than Kaji had ever seen from him. He looked almost angry.
"Until you start talking, you never realize how much you're alike. She
can be just as lonely as you, and you'd never know because she
doesn't let it show. You have to hear what she's not saying out loud.
You can't just let your fears or feeling like you're not worth her stop
you, or you'll never know that she feels the same way. And then you
have to be worthy of her."
Kaji stared. 'There's no way a kid as shy and reserved as the Third
Child would say something like that unless… he knew otherwise.
'She'? He's got someone. And there's only one person it could be;
he's in love with Asuka. But… he's not talking like a boy with an
unrequited crush, he's talking like a boy who has total certainty that
she feels the same way.' Kaji's eyes widened a hair. 'Ah, so that's
why they're so in synch, why the bickering between him and Asuka
tonight felt so odd and forced; she loves him back… They're putting
on a show to hide it. Why? I know Katsuragi thinks they like each
other already. She'd hardly stop them from dating.'
Shinji was still talking. "'You have to take that first step, or nothing
will change.' Misato-san told me that. You should listen to her, Kaji-
san."
Kaji laughed in surprise. "You're giving me advice on relationships,
Shinji-kun?"
Shinji looked away, the angry, determined look fading into his more
usual polite shyness. "I'm sorry. I just want Misato-san to be happy,
and… she's happy when she comes back from going out with you."
Kaji sighed. "It's not that simple sometimes, Shinji-kun. We've been
together before. It didn't last."
"Because you let her push you away? She's mentioned something
about that, how she made a mistake back then."
"She told me she wanted to break up. I… didn't fight it."
"Do you really think she meant it? Or was she just afraid of making
the next step forward? You can really like someone and still be afraid
of moving forward, because it's so intense. But when you do… it's
worth everything you've risked and more," Shinji said, his eyes
faraway.
'Was she afraid? Was I? I… never could find the courage to say
those words to her. I still can't. And here I am now, getting advice on
love from Shinji-kun. Life is funny.' "How long have you been in love
with Asuka?"
"Since the moment I saw her…" Shinji replied with a distant smile.
That smile collapsed as he realized what he'd just said. "Ah! I
mean… it's nothing! I… we're not… damn it." He fixed Kaji with a
pleading look. "Don't tell Misato-san. We don't want her to…" He
paused. "To… to tease us, or anything."
Kaji chuckled softly. "Don't worry, Shinji-kun. If you and Asuka-chan

being together makes you sound like that, I don't think it would be a
good thing to take that away. And it will be fun watching Katsuragi try
to figure it out. I'll tell her if she asks me, though." He smiled. "I don't
think you need to be as afraid of what she will say as you seem to
be, Shinji-kun. I think she'll approve of you two going out. And if you
two can make it, maybe we can. Maybe I'll ask her out when she
comes back home."
Shinji still looked worried, but nodded. "Thank you, Kaji-san. Please
make Misato-san happy." He looked like he wanted to say something
else, but just rolled over. "Goodnight."
Advice & Trust
Chapter 6 Pt 3
The Storm Breaks
"T-minus 5 minutes to Unit-03 activation test."
"Primary power, standing by."
"Apotheosis No. 2, all clear."
"Refrigeration systems in all sections functioning at standard levels."
"Pressure lock on the left arm secured in place."
Ritsuko glanced around the interior of the NERV Mobile Command

Truck one more time and nodded at the operators as she checked
off the list on her clipboard. "Roger. Team B, start the operation."
The lead operator entered the initiation command at his station.

"Data link to Evangelion Unit-03 established. Steps 1 through 108
beginning in sequence."
"Four combat read Evas. We could destroy half the world if we

wanted to," Misato mused.
"Will it be enough?" Ritsuko asked.
Misato raised an eyebrow at her. "'Enough'? Enough for what?"
Ristuko schooled her face to innocence. "To defeat the Angels, of

course."
Misato didn't look convinced. "And once we've done that? What
happens to the Eva's then?"
"I'm sure the Commander has a plan."
"It would be nice if he shared that a bit."
One of the female operators near them spoke up. "The Fourth Child
is here. She's getting into the Entry Plug now, ma'am."
"Good," Ritsuko replied. "Begin synchronization start as soon as the

Entry Plug is secured."
The lead operator acknowledged. "Entry Plug loading now.

Beginning Phase One connections. Trasmitting pulses. All nerve
links are normal. List clear through 2-5-5-0. Harmonics all reading
standard. Approaching absolute borderline…"
On the indicator board the long line of red system link icons rapidly
ticked from red to green like the teeth of a zipper. They hesitated as
they approached the absolute borderline mark, where the Eva
became truly active. They flickered there for a second, then surged
across.
Dozens of other indicators suddenly went wild. Alarms began to

sound and the lighting in the truck automatically went red. Misato
saw her friend's knuckles go white where they gripped her pen and
clipboard.
"There's a huge power surge coming from inside the Unit!" the lead
operator shouted.
"Abort the test! Cut all the circuits, now!" Ritsuko yelled over the
alarms.
"Impossible! No response from the system!" the female operator

responded. "None of the controls are… Pattern Blue! "
Ritsuko's eyes went wide. "It can't be… An Angel?!"

The remote camera displays showing Unit-03 in the underground
Cage suddenly showed the Eva's titanic jaws gape open, and an
unearthly roar sounded from the Eva's throat.
The world went white.
..
Shinji made himself keep his hands on the controls of Unit-01. He

knew that if he took them off they'd start nervously clenching over
and over. "What kind of accident? What about Misato-san?"
"They cannot make contact yet," Rei said, no hint of any emotion in
her voice. It was only weeks of careful listening that let Shinji hear
the concern in her tone. Her face in the comm window as perfectly
expressionless.
"There's no point in getting worked up about it, baka. Just stay on

your toes," Asuka said from Unit-02. "They probably just deployed us
as a precaution."
"But if we have to fight an Angel, we won't have her running

Operations. What are we supposed to do?"
"Commander Ikari is taking direct command for now," Rei said.
Shinji's mouth twisted. "My father is?"
"Suddenly, I miss Misato," Asuka agreed grimly.
..
"Mount Nobe observation post has a visual on the target!

Transferring to main screen now!" Lieutenant Aoba announced.
The 30 meter wide screen in Central Dogma lit up with the hellish
orange glow of the sunset. At first the screen showed only the empty
road through the pass near Mount Nobe. Then a huge, dark figure
shambled into sight from behind the farthest ridge. Evangelion Unit-
03 slowly walked into view, it's head hunched down and forward like
a beast's. A shocked gasp ran throughout the command center, save
for the two senior men at the top of the MAGI tower.
"Just as we thought," Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki said tiredly.
Commander Ikari merely grunted into his folded hands. "Transmit the
termination signal. Execute a forced ejection of the Entry Plug."
Lieutenant Ibuki tapped furiously at her keyboard for a moment, but

shook her head. "Negative response, Commander. Unit-03 is not
acknowledging the termination signal, and the ejection system is
showing some sort of malfunction. The Entry Plug has not left the
Eva."
"What about the Pilot?" Commander Ikari asked, no surprise in his

tone.
Lieutenant Hyuga shook his head. "No life signs, sir. All signals cut
off at the moment of the accident. The few sensors I can still access
aren't making any sense. I can't tell if the Fourth Child is alive or not."
"Very well," Gendo declared. "From this time, Evangelion Unit-03 is

abandoned, and the target is recognized as the 13th Angel."
Lieutenant Hyuga blanched. "B… but sir!"
Gendo ignored his protest. "Deploy the Evas as planned at Mount

Nobe," he said coldly. "Engage and destroy the target."
..
"All units, stand by for ground battle," Lieutenant Hyuga said over the
net.
Shinji gripped the controls harder. He didn't like this. They wouldn't
give him any information about what they were about to face, and
worse, he couldn't even see his friends. His father had ordered them
to deploy in a line, not across the axis of advance, but parallel to it,
ensuring that they'd meet the enemy one by one instead of together.
They were out there in front of him, somewhere, hidden from his
sight behind the small hills and ridges of the area, but in such a way
that none of them could cover the others until they'd fallen back from
where they were located now. For all the cover and supporting fire
he could offer, Shinji might as well have been back in Tokyo-3. He
knew he was no general, but it made no sense to him. He really
wished Misato was in command. Asuka was at the front of the line, in
the position of maximum danger, and he couldn't even see her, much
less support and protect her in a fight.
"Father, why are we positioned like this? I can't support Asuka or

Ayanami-san like this!"
"Remain in position and await orders, Pilot Ikari. Be quiet,"

Commander Ikari flatly replied. "Your target is there."
Shinji's eyes snapped to the view in front of him. There was a flicker
of movement at the edge of his line of sight. He zoomed all the way
in and his eyes went wide. The implacable gait of Evangelion Unit-03
was silhouetted against the bloody orb of the setting sun like a
demon marching out of the underworld. "What? That's… an Angel?
We're targeting an Eva?" Shinji asked in disbelief. "I… Horaki-san is
in there, isn't she?! We can't attack her!"
"Hikari!" Asuka blurted. "Is she alright? It was taken over by an

Angel? Are we still reading life signs?"
"Engage the target," the Commander ordered her.
Asuka reluctantly raised her Eva-scale rocket launcher from her

kneeling position behind a low wooded hill, aiming at Unit-03, which
was now only a few thousand meters away. Once she had Unit-03
centered in her sights, however, her finger hesitated on the trigger.
After a moment, she shifted her point of aim from the center of Unit-
03's chest to the left leg.
"Pilot Soryu, what are you doing?" Commander Ikari's question
made her aimpoint jump.
"Hikari is in there! These missiles can blow holes in battleships! I'm

not going to fire it near her Entry Plug!"
"There are no life signs from the Pilot. Her life is irrelevant in this
situation. You will fire to destroy the target immediately."
"Like Hell I will!" The rogue Eva was much closer now. Asuka could
see its red eyes, glowing with malevolence. She resettled her sights
on Unit-03's leg and squeezed the trigger twice. Two huge projectiles
as large as ballistic missiles used by conventional ground forces
rocketed out towards her target. They both slammed uselessly into
the orange octagons of a manifested AT-Field, exploding in huge but
futile fireballs.
"Scheiße!" Asuka snarled. She raised her launcher again, but the
first attack had apparently angered and alerted the Angel to her
presence, and it leapt impossibly high and fast into the air, crashing
down right in front of Unit-02, its arms swinging out to strike at her
head.
She frantically parried with the launcher, bashing the reaching hands
aside, but the Angel charged in anyhow, headbutting Unit-02
forehead-to-forehead. The impact knocked Asuka backwards, her
Eva toppling over onto its back. Asuka tried to toss the now useless,
bent launcher aside and recover her footing, but the Angel leapt
again, landing right on top of her. She shoved the launcher in front of
her, using it to keep the clawing hands and open jaws of Unit-03
away from her face.
'What the fuck? Is this thing trying to bite me?' "Damn it! Wondergirl!
Baka! Give me some help here!" she shouted as impossibly drooling
jaws snapped and roared in her face.
"Unit-00, move to assist Unit-02. Unit-01, maintain your position,"

Gendo ordered.
But Shinji was already in motion. He'd begun moving as soon as he
hear Asuka's shout of surprise. His rapid head start allowed him to
make up most of the distance between him and Rei before she'd
begun to move, and they advanced almost together at a run. Their
Evas' huge strides ate up the distance between them and Asuka a
hundred meters at a stride.
"Unit-01, return to your position. Do not advance without orders,"

Gendo's voice was even colder now. "Unit-00, avoid close combat
and engage the target. Shoot to kill."
Rei's quiet "Yes, sir" was overridden by Shinji's shouted, "Asuka

needs our help! What good is it for me to sit here?! Rei, don't hit
Horaki-san! Shoot to disable!"
"Pilot Ikari, so not attempt to countermand my orders. Return to your

position and do not move again without instruction from me to do so.
Rei, disregard him. Destroy the target."
Rei halted within a few hundred meters of the struggling Evas and
raised her rifle. Unit-03 was still on top of Unit-02, seemingly trying to
bite at its face and throat. 'From this position, any fire I direct at its
back in an attempt to strike at the center of mass and possible Core
location will likely also hit the Entry Plug and injure Hikari. This is
unacceptable. But Commander Ikari has ordered me to fire to kill
immediately. This is imperative. These requirements are not
compatible. I… I do not know what to do…"
Asuka's struggle to keep the snapping jaws of Unit-03 away from her
face came to a sudden end as the Angel switched tactics, shifting its
hands to grab at Unit-02's. Capturing Unit-02's left hand, the Angel
yanked it close and sank its teeth into Asuka's arm.
"AAAAGGH!" she screamed. "Get the fuck off me!" She reached up
and back with her right hand to seize the Progressive Knife she
quickly deployed from her right shoulder fin. She stabbed at the
Angel's neck and shoulder. The humming blade sank into the Angel's
flesh, forcing it to release the bite and rear back. Asuka's shout of
victory died stillborn as she became aware of the burning sensation
in her left arm.
Purple goo was dripping from the Angel's forearm where the lighter
panels of the Eva's armor looked like they were melting. The semi-
liquid muck was somehow seeping through her own armor… no, into
it! Her arm felt like it was on fire, and the Eva's arm began to thrash
uncontrollably.
Rei clenched her teeth. She had to do something. She could try
aiming at its head… but the closeness to Unit-02's head made that
just as likely to hurt Asuka. At least the proximity of the two Evas
made it impossible for the Angel to interpose an AT-Field to block
her… she hoped. She aimed her rifle at the Angel's lower back and
fired. The burst of 330mm shells slammed into the Evangelion's
back, chipping and holing the armor over the back and pelvis.
The readouts on Maya's console were going wild. "The Angel is

invading the left arm of Unit-02! The nerves are being corrupted by
some kind of infection attack!" she reported.
"Sever the left arm immediately," Gendo ordered.
Maya spun her chair halfway around to stare up at him. "But sir, if we
don't disconnect the neural links first, Asuka will-"
Gendo brushed her protests aside. "Sever the left arm. Now."
Lieutenant Ibuki swallowed. "Yes, sir." She entered the emergency

command.
Explosive bolts and quick disconnects in Unit-02's left shoulder

socket fired. With a burst of sparks and smoke Unit-02's arm
exploded away from its body, crashing into a house nearby. The
blast pushed the Angel up and back from Unit-02.
"AAAAAAAAAA!" Inside the Entry Plug, Asuka screamed even

louder than before. She'd been fully synched, and felt everything
exactly as she would if it have been her own body. She clamped her
right hand over her left shoulder, desperately reassuring herself that
her arm was still there. She bit back a huge wave of nausea and the
phantom sensation that her arm had just been ripped off whole. She
fought the animal urge to go into a defensive curl around the wound
and tried to order Unit-02 to roll away from the Angel.
Unit-01 skidded to a stop right behind her. Shinji dropped his Pallet
Rifle with a crash, flattening another house, and pulled her away.
She was lucky, as the Angel seemed to regard her injured thrashings
as marking her as no longer a threat. It turned towards Unit-00,
growling in anger from the injury Rei had inflicted.
Rei calmly aimed her rifle at its head. But the Angel ducked as she
fired, dropping somehow low and out of the line of fire. As it
crouched it flung its arm toward Unit-00. The Angel's arm somehow
extended impossibly long as it did, reaching out from 200 meters
away to grab Unit-00's right hand and rifle. As Rei fought to pull it
back and fire again, the Angel reached out its other arm and
wrapped a distorted, too-large hand around Unit-00's head.
Suddenly Rei was blind. She clawed at her face with her other hand.
Unit-00's head began to creak and groan as the Angel squeezed. In
the Entry Plug, Rei winced in transmitted pain as it felt like her skull
was being compressed. An ear-splitting CRACK ran through Unit-00
as the massive cyclopean optic lens cracked in two.
Shinji carefully sat Unit-02 up against a low building as fast as he

could. "Asuka, are you alright?"
"Aaagh fuck fuck fuck fuck! No, this fucking hurts, baka! But go help
Rei!" she yelled back.
Shinji tore his eyes away from his wounded lover and looked at Unit-
00. He leapt up and sprinted towards the fight when he saw Rei's
troubles. He snatched up his Pallet Rifle as he passed, bringing it up
in one smooth motion. "Get away from her!"
He fired at the Angel's legs, trying to cripple it. The huge shells tore
up its leg, but it kept its grip on Unit-00's head and arm. Shinji
snarled and ran closer, smashing at the Angel's arm with the butt of
the rifle. "Let her go! Horaki-san, are you in there?"
The Angel's arm buckled under his strike and it lost its grip on Unit-
00's arm. It retracted it back to normal length, then lashed back out
again like a whip at Shinji. He ducked and darted to his right, trying
to work his way around its side. "Horaki-san! Can you hear me?"
Gendo sounded more angry. "Pilot Ikari, destroy the target. Why
won't you attack?"
"Horaki-san is inside, father!"
"It doesn't matter! It's an Angel. It is our enemy."
"I can't do it! I have to save her! I can't kill a person!"
"You have your orders. Obey them. Destroy the Angel before it can
do any more damage."
Shinji ignored him and ducked the lashing arm again. He could see
behind the Angel's neck and shoulders now. The armor cap covering
the Entry Plug slot was gone, and the white stub of the end of the
Plug was visible protruding slightly from its slot. Evil-looking purple
strings of some gluey matter webbed all over the Plug, sealing it in
the Eva. 'I have to get in close and pull her out!'
The Angel kept turning, moving to keep him in view while still
maintaining its grip on Unit-00. However, Rei took advantage of the
Angel only having one had to attack her with and brought her rifle up
blind to place the barrel against the Angel's arm right in front of her
body. She fired point-blank into its skin. The Angel screamed in pain
as the burst nearly tore its hand off, forcing it to release her.
The Angel narrowed its eyes, glaring at them both, still turning to
keep them both in view… which meant it was totally blindsided when
Asuka landed on its back and stabbed it in the spine with her Prog
Knife griped in her remaining arm. " Surprise, Scheißkerl! Payback's
a bitch, and so am I! Eat this !" She jammed the knife in again and
again, leaving it embedded hilt-deep in the Angel's shoulder. As the
Angel screamed and grabbed awkwardly at the hilt, Asuka grabbed
the protruding end of the Entry Plug and yanked. "And give me my
friend back, you gooey little shit!" She got a solid grip and kicked
back off the Angel, pulling the Entry PLug free with a wet sound as
the strands of Angel-goo tore loose.
Asuka converted her leap backwards into a roll, coming to a halt on

her knees, cradling the Entry Plug like a baby. She looked up just in
time to see the Angel spinning around and charging at her, roaring
like an animal. "Scheiße! Rei! Catch!" She flung the Entry Plug over
the Angel's head and caught its hand with her own. She skidded
backwards from the impact, but stayed upright.
Rei dropped her rifle and caught the Entry Plug. She dashed back
towards the support line they'd started from a few kilometers behind
them.
"Rei, put down that useless Entry Plug and engage the Angel. It is
irrelevant to this battle and may contaminate your Evangelion,"
Gendo said sharply. Rei did not answer, reaching the support line
with its cluster of NERV vehicles mere moments later. She carefully
put the Entry Plug down next to the command vehicle and sprinted
back towards the fight. "Roger, moving to re-engage." No hint of her
mood showed on her face. 'I have protected my friend. Now I must
aid my other friends, and fulfill my function.'
..
Shinji raised his rifle with a clearer heart this time. Horaki-san had
been rescued. Now there was no reason not to fire on the Angel.
Doubly so now that he was fighting next to Asuka. He wordlessly
deployed his own Progressive Knife and tossed it to her without
looking. She caught it one-handed without removing her eyes from
the Angel. "Ready, Second Child?"
Despite the screaming pain in her left shoulder, Asuka found she
was grinning. She was in the thick of a battle, fighting the fight she'd
trained her whole life for, and this time she was doing it with
someone she trusted and loved more than anything in the world at
her side. Nothing in the universe could stop them. And now he was
challenging her to match him again? Glorious! This was the meaning
of her life. She almost laughed out loud. "I was born ready. Do you
still remember the steps, Third Child?"
"On three, two, one…" Shinji counted off.
They exploded into motion, Shinji dashing left, firing as he ran. When
the magazine clicked empty, he dropped his rifle and snatched up
Rei's without breaking stride. Asuka shot right, zig-zagging closer,
dividing the Angel's attention and doing her best to make herself as
hard to track as possible. The Angel tried to block Shinji's fire with an
AT-Field, but it flickered out almost before it formed as Asuka got
close enough to degrade it with her own. The Angel roared in
frustration as the two Pilot's circled around it, forcing it to turn in a
tight circle trying to keep them in view.
It swung at Asuka with its extendable limbs, nearly catching her as

she leapt and rolled to where Shinji had dropped his rifle. She
grabbed it up, whirling around to let the Angel grab it. The Angel
screamed again as it proved to be a feint. Asuka let it grab the rifle,
then stabbed it in the wrist with Uint-01's Prog Knife. She used the
stab wounds like a climbing hold to drag the Angel closer. "Come
here, you bastard! I want a word with you! How about 'Die!'" She
kneed it as hard as she could in the solar plexus when it came in
range. Huge slabs of abused chest armor shattered and fell away
under the blow.
Asuka's eyes caught the ruby red flicker that the breach exposed.
"Shinji! There's a Core under the armor! I can see it! Aim for where
its heart would be!" She parried the Angel's arm with her blade. It
swung at her with the other arm, but with the hand Rei had shot up
dangling uselessly and only slowly regenerating, it couldn't get a grip
on her.
"Roger! Ten seconds!" Shinji ran straight at the Angel's back, now
exposed and turned towards him by Asuka's attack. His second rifle
clicked empty blasting a crater in the Angel's back armor. He
grabbed it by the barrel as an improvised bat. "Three! Two! One!
NOW!"
Asuka blocked, blocked, parried the Angel's punches on the beat,

and at the precise moment of Shinji's cry reversed her grip on the
Prog Knife and drove it into the Angel's Core, putting her entire
weight behind it. At the same instant, Shinji swung the rifle full-
strength into the Angel's back directly opposite her strike, punching
through the remaining armor and crushing the Angel's Core from
behind. Between the hammer of Asuka's blow and the anvil of his
strike, the Angel's Core let off a huge spray of sparks and light
before emitting an enormous CRACK and going dark.
The Angel gave one last scream as its eyes went dark.
Panting like he'd run a marathon, Shinji looked over the dead Angel's
shoulder at his lover, partner, and wingmate. He grinned tiredly. "We
won." 'I love you,' his eyes said loudly.
Panting just as hard, Asuka grinned back, the pain starting to fade a
bit as the Geofront operators began to reduce her synch now that
the battle had ended. "Baka. Of course we did. I told you: we're the
most dangerous people on the planet. No power in the 'verse can
stop us." 'I love you too, baka,' she winked.
..
The recovery team leader waved the crew with the disinfectant
chemical sprayers to move back. They'd collected their samples of
the remaining Angel-goo and verified the Entry Plug was still sealed
tight. Hopefully, this meant the Angel's contamination had been
unable to penetrate and the Pilot was still… well, at least in one
piece. They'd had no life signs or any other coherent readings since
the initial accident. Still, he was taking no chances. A full squad of
guards with machine guns stood by, ready every bit as much as the
medical team right behind them.
Two men in decontamination suits stepped forward with the power

gear to open the hatch. It made quick work of the heavy handle, and
swung back to pull the hatch aside. A tide of LCL flooded out. The
team leader blinked in surprise as the empty plugsuit washed
against his feet. "What is this? Is she naked in there or something?"
..
Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki looked aside at the Commander of

NERV. "That synchronization training Major Katsuragi put them
through seems to have been very useful. Your son proved more
capable than we thought. The Second Child too."
Gendo grunted irritably. "And even less obedient. Their refusal to

follow instructions has grown right along with their skills. Fortunately,
our solution to this problem is nearly ready. I think this episode
shows that we are right to accelerate it."
"Provided Doctor Akagi has survived the accident to complete it. I

am surprised you didn't warn her, given what the Dead Sea Scrolls
warned us about this Angel," the old professor replied.
"She is useful, not irreplaceable. If she is dead, there are others with
sufficient skill to complete it," Gendo said. As far as the Sub-
Commander could tell, Commander Ikari was not perturbed at all by
the possible loss of the long-time head of Project E and his mistress.
"Your concern is touching," Fuyutsuki replied dryly.
"As is your sentimentality, Professor." Gendo unlinked his hands and

rose from the desk. "Have the Second and Third Children arrested
and confined for insubordination once they return. I am finished with
their childish misbehavior."
"Yes, sir."
..
Asuka managed to keep herself from bouncing in her seat from the
buzz, but couldn't stop the grin that wouldn't leave her face. So she
didn't try.
This was great . She and her boyfriend had just killed an Angel.
They'd saved Hikari, fought in perfect natural synch like they'd been
practicing it for weeks, and finished off the Angel with hardly any
collateral damage. She'd even gotten up and kept fighting after that
bastard Commander Ikari had ordered her Eva's arm blown off.
She'd fought like a demon, won gloriously, and was now returning to
the Geofront with her devoted lover by her side for what she was
sure would be a very nice victory dinner and a then a post-battle
'celebration' in their room that night. She snickered in anticipation of
that last. Glory in battle, love at home, and fame all over… this was
the way she'd always dreamed her life would be. And now she was
living it! Life was good.
"Hey, Shinji," she called. He looked up in the comm window. He was

smiling too, a rare but slowly more frequent sight. "Think we should
get Ayanami in on the synchronization dance training too? She was
left out of the real action once we started our awesome routine."
Shinji smiled a little wider. "Who knew Misato-san's plan for

'defeating the Angels through the power of interpretive dance' would
be so useful later? I wonder if Ayanami-san can even dance?"
Unit-02 thudded into place in its cage as the heavy launch/transit

cradle finally reached rest. She began powering down systems to
prepare for the Entry Plug's extraction. "I expect a truly stunning
feast tonight in honor of my grand victory, baka-Shinji."
He snorted at her. " Your victory? I seem to reme-" His voice cut off
as she powered down the communication systems.
"Sorry, Shinji, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I
am!" she trilled cheerfully. The Entry Plug rumbled and hummed as
the extraction arm pulled it out of Unit-02's neck and swung it over to
the access catwalk. She coughed up the usual lungful of LCL as the
Plug drained before the hatch opened. She grabbed the rim of the
hatch and gracefully swung her body out onto the catwalk with ease
born of long practice.
The unsmiling squad of NERV guards with slung submachine guns

was not her usual greeting crew. Her smile melted away into a
confused look. "Wha-"
The lieutenant leading the squad gave her a cold stare. "Pilot Soryu,
Commander Ikari has ordered your arrest and confinement for
insubordination in battle. You will come with us."
Asuka's mouth dropped open in shock. She took a deep breath.
" EURE MÜTTER-"
..
Shinji fumed as he was led at not-quite-gunpoint down into the

depths of NERV HQ where they kept the cells. He was still dripping
LCL residue from all over his plugsuit, leaving a sticky trail of
footprints as they walked. 'Trust my father to turn the best battle I've
ever had into something ugly,' he seethed. 'Insubordination? We
saved the day! We saved Horaki-san and killed the Angel! So we did
it without following his stupid instructions, so what? His orders would
have gotten Horaki-san killed and had me stand there like a post
while Asuka and Rei had to fight without me!'
The silent guards shoved him none-too-gently into a cell and

slammed the heavy door closed behind him. It took his eyes a
moment to adjust to the dark. The only light in the cell was what
came in through the small glass window in the door. Either the cell
was deliberately dark, or they hadn't even bothered to turn the lights
on for him. He could barely make out the tiny bunk-cum-bench or the
toilet in the corner. 'Looks like I get to stay covered in LCL for a
while,' he thought angrily, noting the lack of a shower or any way to
wash himself clean.
The concrete walls muffled most sound from the hall, but his ears
perked up as something did penetrate.
"Verfluchtes Arschloch! Kommandant Ikari ist eine Idiot! Ich werde

mit meiner EVA auf seinem Haus herumtanzen! Zum Teufel mit euch
allen! Lasst mich los, ihr verdammter abschaum! Lasst mich los oder
ich reiß eure Arme ab! Wisst ihr nicht wer ich bin!? Ihr seid Idioten!
Ihr seid ALLE Idioten! Und Kommandant Ikari! SIE SIND DER
GRÖßTE IDIOT!"
A smile returned to his face. He knew that sound. It was the sound of
a familiar voice being loud and very angry in German. He'd learned
some German over the last few months with Asuka, and he was
impressed by the abuse she was pouring out in a steady stream.
He hear the cell door next to his open and slam shut again, cutting
off most of the continuing rant. He couldn't hear her very well, but he
could tell she was still shouting at full volume even if the words were
indistinct.
It took a while before she ran down. Once a bit of quiet had returned,
Shinji found the point on his cell's wall that seemed closest to where
he'd last heard her from and started carefully knocking on the wall
between them. Words might not get through the concrete, but he
could at least let her know he was here.
..
Asuka cleared her aching throat and let her head sink back to rest
against the wall. How dare Commander Ikari lock them up for
winning without his permission? She'd let the goons that dragged her
down here know what she thought of the idea the whole was to this
cell. She doubted any of them knew enough German to appreciate it,
but she'd been too angry to do it in Japanese. The effort had left her
throat a little sore, though.
And now she was alone, locked in a little concrete box. Damn it.
Right now, she should be showering off the LCL and thinking about
what she wanted Shinji to make for their victory feast, not sitting in
the dark covered in cooling slime. Alone in the dark. Alone in the-
She slammed that line of thought to a halt. No. This was not like
being trapped in that Angel with her life support running out. She
was not going to panic. Not. Not! She forced herself to breathe
slowly and deeply. The silence pressed in… but her ears caught the
sound of something.
Tap… tap tap tap… tap tap… t-tap…
Her brow knitted. She… she knew that bea-Yes! That was the beat
from the song Misato had made her and Shinji learn their
synchronization moves to! Her heart surged. 'Which means Shinji's
the one tapping! Who else would be using that beat down here right
now? He's right next to me!'
She quickly located the spot on the wall where the sound was
coming from, right next to her bunk. She put her head closer too it
and began to tap back. 'I can hear you, Shinji. I'm right here too.'
Despite everything, she smiled in the dark. He was keeping his

promise. He was still going to sleep right next to her. 'And most of all,
I'm not alone. Ten weeks ago, being locked in a cell by myself would
have driven me insane. But I'm not by myself, am I? You're with me.
Thank you, my dearest baka. I love you.'
..
She swam back to consciousness slowly, finally realizing the

constant wail of sirens and the flashes of red and blue light were
really going on around her and were not just more hallucinatory bad
dreams. She could feel someone with a large, warm grip holding her
right hand. She cracked her eyes open, wincing as even the dim light
of evening made the pounding in her head redouble. She carefully
rolled her head to the side and a familiar face blurrily came into view.
"Kaji?"
He squeezed her hand. "Katsuragi," he softly replied, his voice full of

relief and warmth. "I'm glad you're alright."
She squeezed back as firmly as she could, which wasn't much. "'S
good to see you to. You've got nice warm hands," she slurred. "'S
nice to wake up to your face."
He smiled briefly at her comment, and stroked the back of her hand.
"Maybe we should do that more often. Well, without the whole 'you
being on a gurney' part. You took a pretty good knock to the head,
and your left arm is fractured in two places. You're not allowed to get
blown up like this again, Katsuragi. What would I do if you…" He
stopped and squeezed her hand tight. "Don't die on me, Katsuragi. I
haven't… I still haven't…" He struggled for words. "You and I still
have things to say to each other. Things we should have said a long
time ago."
She blinked. It was hard to focus her thoughts, but this felt important.
Her pulse was already racing on ahead. Was he really… about to
say what she thought he was? 'I… I don't know if I can take that right
now, Kaji. God, I want you to say it, and I want to say it back, but…
Oh come on, Misato! Why can't you say it first? You coward. This is
just like when you ran away last time! Say it!' "Kaji, I…"
He shook his head, stopping her. "Not now, not like this. You and I
have a lot of important things to say, but it shouldn't be like this.
Later, we're going out for a nice dinner at a restaurant a bit friendlier
to such conversations than an emergency site like this." He smiled
grimly. "You're going to have a good bit of paperwork to do once
you're on your feet again."
Misato's eyes widened a bit. The test! The alarms had gone off,
Ritsuko had shouted for them to cut the power, then… it had all gone
dark. "What happened?"
"An Angel infected Unit-03 somehow. Shinji-kun and Asuka
destroyed it as the 13th Angel." Kaji frowned. "They ignored
Commander Ikari's orders to attack immediately and saved the Entry
Plug. Commander Ikari had them arrested for insubordination right
after they returned."
"Arrested?! What? And they saved the Entry Plug? Is Hikari-chan

alright?"
Kaji pressed his lips together. "She's… MIA."
Misato looked at him, trying to make sense of that. "Missing in

action? How do you go missing from an Entry Plug? I saw her get
in!"
"All they found when they opened the hatch was her plugsuit. No
sign of her."
"Is she… still in the Eva?" Her head pounded. "What's Ritsuko
doing? Has she got anything?"
Kaji shook his head again. "She's not doing anything right now. She
got hit worse than you. She's still unconscious. They're flying her to
NERV HQ right now. The recovery teams are getting Unit-03 down
into the Cages and going over it now, but none of the readings from
it are making any sense. Hopefully Ritsuko can help figure out what
happened once she's awake." He stood up, but held on to her hand.
"For now, you're flying home with me…"
' Oh, yes, that sounds very nice…' Misato thought .
"To Tokyo-3. We've got to get you to NERV Medical too."
Misato's dawning smile faded. "Tease," she muttered. Her thoughts

drifted back to the Pilots as Kaji wheeled her gurney towards a
waiting VTOL with NERV markings. 'Arrested? Shinji and Asuka?
Whahat am I supposed to do with half my Pilots locked up and one
missing? Tell Rei to be in four places at once and pilot them all
herself? What the Hell is Commander Ikari doing?"
..
Gendo stared through the glass of the observation bay at Unit-02.

The Eva's return stare was as expressionless as his own. "Begin the
test."
Lieutenant Ibuki hesitated. "Commander, I really think we should wait

until Akagi-sempai is awake and can check this. The system was not
fully cleared by her, and I'm not certain we can stabilize a lot of the
emotional factors with-"
Gendo shifted his stare to her. "Begin the test," he said flatly.
Maya hesitated again, but capitulated. "Y-yes, sir."
She hunched lower over the keyboard and entered the initiation
commands. "Beginning Dummy Plug system test. Simulated neural
pulses are active and being received by the Core. Approaching
absolute borderline… 0.6… 0.8… 0.95…"
In the test bay, Unit-02's eyes flashed to green. A deep growl began
to emanate from the huge, clenched jaws.
The sound made Maya shiver. 'Just like Akagi-sempai said… It

sounds… so angry, like it wants to kill everyone in here.' "Unit-02 has
activated, Commander," she nervously reported. "Um… there's a lot
of noise in the signal. I… I can't predict how stable it will be."
"Raise the right arm and make a fist," Gendo ordered without looking
at her.
Lieutenant Ibuki tapped at the keys, and Unit-02 brought up its arm
and made a fist, precisely as ordered.
Gendo smiled tightly at his reflection in the glass.

..
"I am disappointed with you, Rei."
Rei let nothing show on her face. She held her stare at the glowing
lenses that looked as if they were hovering above the polished black
surface of his desk. "Sir?"
"You let Pilot Ikari's insubordination distract you in battle. You

hesitated to fire when ordered. You wasted valuable time handling
Unit-03's Entry Plug and exposed your Eva to potential Angelic
contamination," Gendo said. "I expect instant and full obedience
from you, Rei. It is unacceptable for you to fail in that. Your role in my
plans allows for no less."
"Yes, sir." 'I have always followed your orders, sir. I have never been
less than fully obedient to your commands. Why did you need to
drug me? Why was I kept so isolated? Why did it take the
intervention against your orders by Shinji and Asuka before I began
to see what life was?'
"You will not allow Pilot Ikari to interfere with your performance ever
again. You will execute my every order only and as they are given.
You know the consequences if you fail."
"Yes, sir." 'Am I nothing but a replaceable tool to you? I have friends
now, friends who like me for who I am as a real person. You have
been my whole world since you created me. Have I not done my job
perfectly, been your servant as required?'
"You are the key to Instrumentality and the salvation of Mankind from
men like Kihl, Rei. You were created for that purpose, not to rescue
expendable Pilots and endanger the Scenario. You will fulfill that
purpose and that only. Understood?"
Asuka's voice echoed in Rei's head. "Don't ever let Commander Ikari
or anyone tell you who you are, Wondergirl. Being a real person
means the ability to choose. To be able to say 'No' when authority
tells you to do something wrong.' I am I. I was created with the ability
to choose. Hikari is my friend, as are Shinji and Asuka. Am I
supposed to ignore it when they ask my aid to rescue Hikari? I may
welcome the cessation of pain that oblivion promises, but not at the
cost of my friends' happiness. My friends would not abandon me. I
will not abandon them without more cause than your orders alone,
Commander. You owe me that much.'
"Yes, sir."
"Dismissed."
..
"The handcuffs are a nice touch," Asuka muttered as the guards

marched them down the hall to Commander Ikari's office. She rattled
the triple set of handcuffs they'd both been fitted with. "Do they think
the two of us are about to overpower the entire squad of armed
guards and take your father hostage?"
Shinji's face was as stony as his father's usually was. "Two days in
those cells and they won't even let us wash before hauling us in to
see him? I hope he likes the smell of dried LCL and unwashed
teenager. And what was so important he had us sit there for two
days? Where's Misato-san? Why won't anyone tell us anything?"
"Maybe we'll find out from him. Though given how forthcoming your
jackass father usually is, I'm betting no. Misato will have to tell us
later." Asuka shook her head as they approached the doors, her
usually glossy made a matted tangle from the dried LCL. "We beat
the Angel and saved Hikari. That has to count for something."
The broad black doors swung open, and the guards motioned them
inside alone. 'A private audience? What an honor,' Shinji darkly
observed.
His father was seated at his huge desk on the far side of the room,
backlit by the windows until all they could see was a black silhouette
and his glowing lenses. The weird, ancient script design in the floor
and ceiling made him look like a demon king at the heart of a
summoning circle. Shinji tried to stay as straight-backed as Asuka,
but the effect was still creepy and intimidating anyhow.
He and Asuka came to a halt 30 meters from the desk. They waited
silently for the Commander to begin. He let them stand there for a
while, just staring at them. "Evangelion units are the most powerful
weapons on the planet. Your responsibilities as Evangelion Pilots
require the strictest attention to orders or unimaginable devastation
can result, or worse, the Angels could defeat you and all humanity
could be wiped out."
"Father, we-"
"Silence."
Shinji bit his tongue. 'Fine. It doesn't matter what he says. HE's not
getting any apology from either of us.'
Gendo let the silence go on for a minute before resuming. "This is

not the first time you have disobeyed orders in combat. This is
unacceptable. Since we cannot rely on you to follow vital instructions
for the safety of humanity, we have successfully tested an automated
Dummy Plug System to remove the need for Children as Pilots. Unit-
01 and Unit-02 will henceforth deploy under Dummy Plug control.
You are no longer needed."
Shinji felt his spine turn to ice. He heard Asuka give a strangled gasp
in shock.
Commander Ikari's voice was as cold as an Arctic wind. "As of this

moment, you are no longer Evangelion Pilots. Leave."
End of Chapter 6
Author's Note:
How's that for a Wham Line, kids?
Chapter 7 plotted, may be some slight delay as I work out the

details. Another action heavy chapter. You know who's coming to
dinner.
Chapter 7
United We Stand
He waited until the two Children had left the vast, empty office before
entering, watching via the remote cameras as the Third Child caught
the Second before she hit the floor, then nearly carrying her out. He
walked silently into the office, taking his usual position to
Commander Ikari's side and rear.
He waited for a moment before speaking, waiting to see if the

Commander had any comments first. But as usual, Commander Ikari
was silent.
"Is this wise, Ikari?" Kozo Fuyutsuki finally asked. "The dummy Plugs
have performed well in test, yes, but we have never field tested them
against a real Angel. Are you sure about firing our two best Pilots?
And right after a successful kill of an Angel?"
"Their insubordination cannot be allowed to go unpunished. The

Dummy Plugs will be more than adequate to deal with future Angels
with the aid of Rei in Unit-01. She is reliable. And in the event we
need our 'two best Pilots' back, that will not be difficult. The Second
Child is utterly dependent on her self-image as an elite Evangelion
Pilot, as you saw from the way she went into near shock from being
dismissed. She is simple to manipulate. She will not return to
Germany in apparent disgrace like this. She will remain as close to
NERV as she can in the hopes that we will somehow return her to
her place. The Third Child is nearly as simple. He will do as he is
told. He has become dependent on the meager affection Major
Katsuragi shows him and even the abuse the Second Child heaps
on him, he is so starved for attention. And both of them will eagerly
jump right back in if we snap our fingers."
Fuyutsuki regarded him skeptically. "Are you so certain of that? The
look Shinji gave you…"
Gendo made a tiny wave of dismissal with one hand. "His anger at
me is balanced by his desire for my praise and approval. He will not
go anywhere. And you saw how he leapt to catch the Second when
she nearly fainted. He is likely infatuated with her, despite his own
crippling withdrawn nature or the way she treats him. He is a simple
as any other teenage boy when confronted with a pretty face, even
one that detests him. He will do what she tells him, and I am certain
she will do as I have stated."
Gendo finally turned to give his Sub-Commander a razor thin smile.

"Really, Professor, they are not that hard to manipulate. Despite their
ability to Pilot the most potent weapons humanity has ever built, the
Children have no real power here."
Rei stared at the corvette floating serenely in the Geofront lake and
tried to organize her thoughts. They refused to be as easily
marshaled as the once had in the days when everything was still a
drugged haze. Back then, though her mind was blurred by drugs,
Rei's thoughts had been fairly simple and so routine that keeping
them organized in rigid circles was a trivial task. But now that she
had been freed of the drugs thanks to the urging of her friends, her
thoughts were in complete disarray.
Friends who had been confined to the cells deep below for the last
two days for defying the orders of Commander Ikari. For the first time
Rei had found herself deeply concerned for her friends welfare but
powerless to do anything, or even voice her concerns lest the
changes and growth she had undergone be exposed. So she walked
alongthe bank of the lake watching the ship float at anchor and…
paced.
She had never done this before. She'd never understood the need or
the action. But now, the nervous energy of worrying for her friends
drove her to motion, any motion. She'd tried sitting still in her room or
at school as she had done so many time before, but very quickly that
became intolerable. Even the cool, soothing relief of swimming, her
one indulgence, had proven only a temporary respite.
Yet somehow pacing, walking endless loops along the improvised

path she was carving along the lakeside helped somehow. The sight
of the lake was mildly soothing, and the walking helped clear her
mind somewhat. What thoughts she could pin down were… still
unsettling.
For years she had been utterly certain that Commander Ikari's
Scenario was the best hope for Humanity's future in the face of
SEELE's plan for godhood as the controlling minds in charge of a
conglomerated mass-soul. Commander Ikari was not interested in
godhood for power's sake; he only wanted to reunite with his
beloved wife and be whole again. Then he would use his position as
deity in the interests of letting mankind evolve further, to break out of
the dead end SEELE and he believed it to be trapped in. Rei herself
would finally be allowed to die, and let sweet oblivion overtake her, at
last freeing her of the endless, gnawing pain in her soul that marked
her every day since Commander Ikari had incarnated this copy of
her.
And for years Rei had had no problem with this plan. But now… now
she was no longer alone. Her choices no longer affected only herself
and Commander Ikari. Yes, in theory they had always had the most
universal application possible. But that had always been just as
vaguely theoretical to Rei. The faceless mass of humanity at large
and their loss of individuality in the process of Instrumentality had
been meaningless to Rei.
But now that mass had a face. Two faces of particular import to Rei,
and a slowly increasing number of others. The idea of Shinji and
Asuka's bond being overwhelmed and erased by Instrumentality
profoundly disturbed Rei. Even the idea of Classmates Aida-san,
Classmate Suzuhara-kun, and Hikari being subsumed as individuals
bothered her. Watching her friends achieve the happiness they had
in this world had also given Rei hope that such a thing was possible
for her, a possibility that was increasingly tantalizing. Instrumentality
was no longer such an easy choice.
She frowned slightly as she rounded the far curve of the lake and
NERV HQ's pyramidal bulk came into view. Hikari… It had been two
days since Rei had laid the recovered Entry Plug down near the
NERV command post at Mount Nobe, and she had still heard
nothing of her newest friend. It was almost uniquely rare for
Commander Ikari or Doctor Akagi to withhold anything from her. But
Doctor Akagi was still unconscious in the hospital, and the
Commander had been fully occupied with the Dummy Plug testing.
She had no one to ask. It was still odd that Hikari had not been seen
at NERV HQ's hospital or at school. Suzuhara-kun had worriedly
asked her for any information she had the day after the battle, and
Rei had felt the strangest pang of sadness at his expression when
she had had to tell him she had nothing to tell him.
She faintly felt the presence of her greater body far down below her
feet. Commander Ikari had instructed her never to go down there
unescorted by himself. It had been a long time since Rei had been in
the same room as her true self. She knew that one day, not too far
off, she would serve as the half-Lilim, half-Lilith-Angelic bridge
between the fully Lilim form of Commander Ikari and the remaining
Angelic flesh of Adam. The combination of the two Progenitors true
bodies, moderated by Rei's dual nature, would allow Commander
Ikari's Lilim soul to control the process of Instrumentality.
It felt… almost heretical to contemplate it, but Rei was no longer

certain Commander Ikari was the man she wanted to have that
power. Not just for the way he had imprisoned her friends; his
absolute insistence that the Scenario must be completed as he had
drawn up, that no other path was allowable, made Rei… doubt.
Instrumentality would destroy her friends and herself as well. It would
destroy everything Rei was coming to value. And commander Ikari
would accept nothing less. Rei could no longer support that as
unquestioningly as she had.
So Rei paced, waited for word of her friends, and… doubted.

Shinji worriedly watched Asuka's face. She hadn't said a word or
made a sound since they'd left his fath-… no, Commander Ikari's
office. Shinji ground his teeth again. For all the times he'd hurt him
by neglect or indifference, Shinji had never hated his father as much
as he did now. Because every other time his father had only been
hurting him. Shinji had never realized he could be this angry and not
actually berserking at the controls of Unit-01.
He'd hurt her ! Shinji didn't care about what happened to his own
worthless self, but Asuka… when Commander Ikari told them they
were no longer Eva Pilots, Asuka had gone utterly white and started
to collapse to her knees. Shinji had managed to catch her before she
could fall. He'd shot his father a look of burning hatred before
slinging one of Asuka's arms over his shoulder and practically
carrying her out of the room. A waiting Section 2 agent had removed
their cuffs and informed them he was to take them out of the
Geofront immediately and drop them at Misato's apartment. Shinji
had been too filled with boiling anger to do more than brusquely nod
and follow him.
Asuka had moved like a puppet the entire way to the car, and had
been silent for the ride. Shinji had been acutely conscious of the
Section 2 agent driving the car and had bit down on the urge to ask
Asuka if she was alright. He knew damn well she wasn't, but it was
all he could think of to say. The awareness that anything he said
would be overheard and probably reported to Commander Ikari
stung.
Halfway through the drive he'd been unable to stand watching Asuka
suffer and not do anything. He'd quietly slid his hand over to hers
where it lay listlessly on the back seat of the car. He'd carefully taken
her hand, hoping this small gesture of support would be missed by
the driver.
Asuka had seized his hand like it was a lifeline, clamping his hand
with a nearly-desperate grip. Her eyes had drifted towards his, the
first sign of life she'd shown in twenty minutes. She'd given him the
tiniest nod and flicked her eyes to the driver. He'd nodded back,
understanding. 'We can't talk until we're home, right,' he'd thought.
'Thank goodness, she's not… gone or something. She's still there.'
The driver didn't even speak as he pulled up to the entryway to their

apartment building. He just stopped the car and looked at them.
Shinji gave him a equally flat look and helped Asuka out of the car.
Shinji didn't bother waiting or looking back as he led Asuka to the
elevator.
As soon as they were inside Misato's apartment, Asuka wrapped

herself around him. Her body was vibrating with tension like a coiled
spring. "This is not the homecoming I spent the last two days
thinking about, Shinji, but I'm very fucking glad you're here with me,
because I'm about five seconds from completely losing my shit ."
Shinji rubbed the parts of her back that he could reach around her
plugsuit's life support pack and tried to think of something helpful to
say. "I have never hated him so much."
Asuka pulled back far enough to look him in the face. "'You're just
like me'," she quoted with a weak smile. It quickly collapsed. "But…
not this time. I know you never wanted to be a Pilot, or even heard of
it at all before you arrived here… but being a Pilot has been my
entire life since I was four years old. What's left of me if you take that
away?" she asked morosely.
"You're still the stunningly beautiful girl I'm in love with, the brilliant
genius who finished a college degree before she was 14, and the
fearless warrior who defeated alien monsters out of nightmare time
after time," Shinji said firmly. "My father," Shinji spat the words,
"Can't take any of that away from you. There's a lot more to you than
just being a Pilot, Asuka. Even without that, you're still the most
vibrant, alive, wonderful person I know. And we've still got each
other. 'Together, forever and always,' I promised you. Nothing says
we have to be Eva Pilots for that."
Another weak smile momentarily occupied Asuka's expression, but it
just as quickly faded. "Unit-02 has always been there for me. It was
like my last real connection to my mother. I can't… I can't even think
of not having that anymore. I… Gott, Shinji, if I didn't have you to
help hold me together right now, I don't know what I'd do. I'd just…
I'd be so empty, I'd just lay down and wait to die."
He hugged her tighter. "You've got me. I've got you. I need you just
as bad. Without you, I'd… I'd be the same aimless nothing-nobody I
was before I came to Tokyo-3. You make me stronger. I never
wanted to be a Pilot, true, but… now I kind of do, because that
means I can be there with you and fight beside you. I don't care what
happens to me as long as I can stay with you. You said you don't
want to go into battle without me, right?"
That got Asuka to raise one corner of her mouth. "No, I don't," she
said. "I don't want to face any fight without you and…" Her eyes
widened. "Rei! Oh shit ! If this really goes through, that means she's
going into the next fight alone, with just automated Evas backing her
up! She… we can't let her face that by herself! I mean, I don't hate
Wondergirl the way I used to, but it's just being honest to say she's
half the Eva fighter either of us is!"
Shinji looked even more upset than before. "We'll have to talk to her
when she gets home too. Maybe she'll know what the Hell's been
going on while we were locked up." His lips pressed into a tight line.
"We'll back her up, however we can. She's still our friend. I don't
know what we can do, but as long as I can do anything about it I
won't let anything hurt you or her. You both mean too much to me."
She squeezed him tight. "Thank you, Shinji." She laid her head on
his shoulder for a second, but then recoiled. "Ugh! You stink! I stink,
and feel disgusting. Two days of stewing in drying LCL and our own
funk is not a good smell. I feel like a used tampon." She released
him from her embrace and pulled him towards the bathroom. "We
should have some time before Misato gets home. This may not be
the homecoming I envisioned, but we can at least get one part of it.
Come on, my sweet baka. You and I have a date with a long hot
shower."
"Doctor Akagi has recovered enough from her injuries that I have
ordered her to begin a preliminary examination of the former 13th
Angel. Unit-03 was recovered largely intact apart from combat
damage to the armor, and we estimate full repairs can be completed
in just a few days. Basic restoration has already been done while we
examined the Angel's Core," Commander Ikari reported to the circle
of holographic monoliths around him. "There has been no physical
sign of the Pilot. The Eva's Core is damaged, Doctor Akagi has
detected distinctive activity in it that has led her to conclude the Pilot
may have been absorbed in a manner similar to the Contact
Experiment incidents that befell…"
Gendo paused minutely. Only people who knew him very well could
have detected the tiny hesitation, the first sign of human feeling
Commander Ikari had shown. "… Doctor Ikari and Doctor Soryu.
Despite the damage to the Eva's Core, she believes it may be
worthwhile to attempt a recovery procedure."
"Do you think that's wise, Ikari?" Asked SEELE-03. "You have
detected no further activity in the Angel's Core, but what about
Angelic contamination of the Eva's Core? It had full control of the
body, and now you say the damage to the Eva' Core shows signs of
it regenerating, and that the Angel's S2 Organ is still intact! There is
too great a danger of the Eva fully awakening!"
"Indeed, you are fortunate it was not Unit-01 that came into
possession of an S2 Organ. An Eva of Lilith's flesh that acquired a
Fruit of Life would be a being entirely too dangerous to be left in
NERV's hands. One might think you were up to something, Ikari,"
SEELE-11 added darkly.
Gendo's face betrayed nothing. "Unit-03 has remained in cold

shutdown since the end of the battle. As required, it has been placed
under a freeze in the Geofront cages while repairs and examination
have been performed. It will remain under the freeze until…"
"It will remain under freeze only so long as required for you to
arrange its transportation to NERV-3 in Berlin If the S2 Organ is
intact and functional as you describe it, it will be invaluable in our
efforts to produce our own for the rest of the Eva Series," SEELE-04
interrupted.
"Doctor Akagi is the premier expert after myself on the existing

procedures to attempt a recover of the Pilot. Unit-03 should remain
in Tokoy-3 until after we have made that attempt," Gendo calmly
rebutted.
" If we decide to permit such an attempt," SEELE-06 corrected. "The

danger of Angelic contamination of the Pilot even if successful, or
the possibility of reviving the Angel itself is too high to let you do this
without our carefully examining the procedure's risks and approving
it first. Do not overstep your authority, Ikari."
Gendo remained unruffled, flatly maintaining his stare over his folded
hands at the monolith marked SEELE-01. "The 13th Angel is dead.
There is no indication in the Dead Sea Scrolls about any Angel
reviving. Once the 14th Angel has appeared, that will confirm it. The
time of the final release draws near. The Scenario proceeds
according to plan."
"See that it does, Ikari," grated the voice of Lorenz Kihl. The circle of
monolith's faded away.
As the lights slowly came back on in the conference room they

revealed Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki standing a short distance
behind Commander Ikari. "They did not even mention your dismissal
of the Second and Third Children. Interesting."
Gendo stood from his desk and turned for the door. "They know as
well as I do how the Children are essentially irrelevant in this whole
matter. And I am sure they are developing their own Dummy Plug
program to control any future Eva Units. They are not even bothering
with the pretense of the MArduk Institute. There is no time left for
them to bother with such façades."
"Four more Angels," Fuyutsuki mused. "At the rate they've been
appearing, we could be on the threshold of Instrumentality in a few
months at most."
"Mankind has no time left," Gendo agreed. "Soon, all out work will be
rewarded."
Peeling each other out of their reeking plugsuits and getting clean
had indeed been a lot less frisky than Shinji would have expected
after two days of celibacy and being kept apart from each other.
Asuka had mostly just held him as they washed, looking more for
reassurance and affection than anything more intense. Her face had
grown longer as they quietly cleaned off all the dried LCL and sweat.
Even Shinji's best efforts at massaging her back and shoulders had
only briefly lightened her expression.
Shinji briefly puzzled over what to do with their discarded plugsuits

as Asuka dried off. They'd always just turned them in at NERV and
gotten a clean or new one in a plastic sleeve in their lockers later. It's
not like he thought he could wash the rubbery suits with their
attached life support gear in the laundry here. Shrugging, he'd put
them into plastic bags to keep the smell down, tied them off, and left
them by the door. Misato-san could tell them what to do with them
later.
Seating a listless Second Child at the dining table, he'd made them a
late lunch. They'd settled in to eat facing each other, holding hands
across the table. They'd both felt a strong need for constant contact,
like they were making up for two days of isolation. As much as they
both wanted to collapse into bed and hold each other more closely,
they knew Misato would arrive at any point, and at the table all they
had to do was break their handclasp to appear as Misato expected
them.
Eventually they heard the door beep and hiss open. Shinji's jaw
dropped as Misato came around the corner from the entrance
hallway. Their guardian's head was wrapped around with a broad
band of bandages, as was her left arm, which also had a sling
supporting it. Her face was still bruised and she looked incredibly
tired. Her face brightened a bit as she saw they Children at the table.
"I'm home," she said with a tired smile.
"W-welcome home, Misato-san!" Shinji finally stammered in reply. He

worriedly eyed her injuries. "Are… are you alright?"
She waved her free hand. "I'll heal. We're all still alive, so we'll get
better." A weak smile played on her lips. "Give me an eye patch and
I'd look like Rei when you showed up, huh, Shinji?" She looked at
the two downcast teens. "How are you two?"
"Commander Ikari thinks he doesn't need our 'insubordinate' behinds

in an Entry Plug," Asuka growled. "He told us we're not Eva Pilots
anymore. What the Hell is going on, Misato?!"
Misato looked even more tired. "I just was informed of that as I was
leaving. I don't know, Asuka. This is crazy."
"What about Rei and Hikari? How are they? We haven't heard
anything since the end of the battle thanks to being locked up. Are
they alright, Misato-san?" Shinji asked.
Misato blanched. "Um… Rei is fine. She's… been asking about you
two. I think she's worried. Hikari…" Misato took a deep breath.
"She's… MIA."
Shinji stared numbly at Asuka. This was one blow too many. All
they'd done to save her, all the punishment they'd faced from
Commander Ikari for 'insubordination', it had all been worth it, all
justified because they'd won the day and saved Hikari.
And now… they'd failed. Hikari was… gone? Missing?… Dead?

"No… she can't be…" Asuka mumbled again.
Misato sat at the third side of the table, looking as downcast as the
ex-Pilots. "Ritsuko is… well, like I said, she thinks there's at least
some things they can try to get her out of there. She… it doesn't
mean she's gone for good, Asuka. I trust Ritsuko's expertise."
Shinji looked at Asuka and tried to stop his hand from clenching over
and over. He wanted so badly to go over to her side of the table and
put his arms around her. She looked utterly forlorn, and badly in
need of a hug. But he couldn't do anything, not with Misato sitting
right there. And he could just tell Misato would be concerned enough
about them she'd keep a close eye on them tonight. It would
probably be hours before he and his love would have any time alone
together. Hours before he could hold her and help her bear this. The
knowledge that if he did go over and hold Asuka, it might be the last
time they got to do that for a long time was all that stopped him.
He had to do something . If he just sat here staring at her he'd very

quickly reach a point where he wouldn't be able to stop himself from
going over to hold her. That would be just a little too much of a break
in their masquerade. He pushed his chair back and headed to the
refrigerator. He put a Yebisu beer down in front of Misato, eyed her
broken arm, and picked it back up again to open it for her.
Misato smiled thanks at him and took a long, meditative sip. Shinji
took advantage of her distraction to squeeze Asuka's shoulder as he
put her soda down in front of her. She nodded minutely and mouthed
'I know' to him. He sat back down at his spot and tried to think of
anything else he could say or do. Seeing Asuka in this kind of pain
and not being able to do anything about it was nearly torture. His
own feelings of self-hatred for failing to save his friend were just
added on top.
'Damn it… this is like being back to before we were together. Just
staring at each other, not talking, everyone just hurting and not doing
anything about it. I hate it.' "Misato-san, what… what are we
supposed to do now? I don't… I don't want to just go back to living
with my sensei. I don't want to leave here at all. This is where all my
friends are. Asuka too. I don't think she wants to go back to
Germany like this." He looked over at her, and received a
confirmatory nod.
Misato shook her head. "I… I don't know just yet, Shinji-kun. I can't
really believe Commander Ikari is going to just permanently dump
his two best Pilots for one incident. So yes, you both should just stay
here for now, at least until we figure out what the Hell is going on
here. I don't want you two to leave either. I'd miss our weird little
family." She flashed a tired smile again. "Pen Pen would miss your
cooking, too."
Misato took another drink of her beer and leaned back. "Tomorrow's
Saturday. You two just stay here. Rei-chan and I, er… are supposed
to go in for some kind of tests related to this new 'Dummy Plug'
system. I'm going to talk to Rits about this procedure she wants to try
for getting Hikari-chan out of the Eva's Core. I'll let you know what I
can find out."
Asuka nodded, still staring down at the table. Shinji could almost
watch her spirits sinking. They'd all been supposed to go in
tomorrow for a Synch Test. Asuka had been quietly eager to see how
Hikari stacked up against them. She'd been looking forward to
having another thing in common with her friend, as well as
something to compete over and be the best at.
She abruptly stood up. "I'm going to lie down in… my room. Call me
when it's time for dinner."
Watching her walk off, Shinji fought to keep the pain off his face. He
could hear the 'our room' Asuka had nearly said. He'd never
regretted their charade as much as now. She needed him and he
couldn't go to her…
He watched Asuka's leaving long enough for Misato to notice.

"You're going to have to tell her you like her one of these days, Shin-
chan," she said quietly, a faint hint of more cheerful tones creeping
into her voice. "She could use the pick-me-up right now, I think."
'You have no idea, Misato-san, and right now I almost wish you did.'
He shook his head. "Today is… not the kind of day for it, Misato-san.
I wouldn't want a day like today to be the one I got a confession on,
either."
Misato gave him a wry smile, and acknowledged the point with a tip
of her can. "Mmm, true, but a 'confession', Shin-chan? Oh my! So
serious! I-" She was interrupted from further teasing by the doorbell.
She looked at him. "Shinji, would you mind?"
He nodded, and went to open the door. He tried to smile when their
visitor turned out to be Rei, but he couldn't do it. Rei merely nodded
greetings and stepped inside.
"Hello, Shinji. Are Major Katsuragi and Asuka home as well?" She
looked down the hall.
"Yes. Misato-san is in the dining area, and Asuka just went to o- um,
her room. She's… very upset about Horaki-san and being taken off
Piloting."
Rei looked back at him and nodded. "Then I will be quick. We do not
want Major Katsuragi to see us." She suddenly closed the gap
between them and hugged him.
Shinji jerked slightly in surprise at the sudden contact. Rei merely

squeezed him once and let go. He gave Rei a confused look.
"I was… lonely and worried for the last two days. You two are my
closest friends, and I have determined I do not like being lonely.
Commander Ikari would not elaborate on the whereabouts or
condition of you or Asuka. And I just learned of your dismissal as
Eva Pilots. I desired a hug to both express my pleasure and relief at
seeing you again and concern for your emotional status after being
dismissed. My experiments have established that hugs are excellent
methods for accomplishing this. I have also developed a strong
preference for them and a desire to perform them often with friends,"
she explained. "I am glad you are alright. I will now go express
similar relief to Asuka, after establishing a plausible reason to Major
Katsuragi as to the purpose of my visit."
"Um, thank you, Rei. I'm very glad to see you too. Commander Ikari
did not fire you too?"
Rei shook her head. "He merely expressed disappointment that I did
not follow his orders as promptly and exactly as he desired, and that
I allowed you to distract me."
Shinji frowned. 'Why the difference? Was it just because Rei didn't
speak up about it?' He paused. "If you're going to Asuka's room, can
you give her something from me?"
Rei tilted her head minutely. "Yes. How may I help?"
It was her turn to blink in surprise as Shinji hugged her back. He

smiled sadly as he released her. "Tell her that's from me, and I'm
sorry I can't be there with her right now. And tell her I'm going to do
the only thing I can think of for her before bedtime."
Rei actually had a slight blush on her cheeks. "I- I shall." She
followed Shinji to the dining area.
"Ah, hello, Rei-chan," Misato greeted her. She'd somehow acquired

a second beer while Shinji was answering the door. "Come to join
the non-party? You're not going to find a lot of smiles here tonight,
I'm afraid."
"Good evening, Major Katsuragi. I have come to see my friends after

their confinement and verify that they are alright. Commander Ikari
was not forthcoming with information on their welfare, so I was
concerned. Also, as I live next door now, it would be strange not to
see my friends. If you will excuse me, I will speak to Pilot Soryu
now." Rei bobbed a tiny bow, and headed for Asuka's room.
Misato shot Shinji a slanted smile as Rei left. "Rei was worried about
you two the whole time. She was almost frantic, for her, which
means she was almost noticeably worried for a regular person. Glad
to see Ritsuko's little Pilot-togetherness project worked out."
Shinji shrugged. "It was… worth our time, I think, Misato-san." We're
really a much better team than before." He headed for his own room.
I'm going to play my cello a little before starting dinner, if you don't
mind."
Misato waved her can at him. "I don't mind at all, Shin-chan. It's been
too quiet and dull around here without you all the last couple of days.
Go right ahead."
Asuka looked up in brief hope from where she lay sprawled on her
bed when she heard the tap at her door, but quickly realized it
couldn't be Shinji. Even if he'd somehow made up a decent excuse
to Misato why he'd suddenly decided to visit the Red Demon in her
lair, he wouldn't have bothered knocking on what was nearly his
room too these days. So it was probably Misato. "Come in," she said
dully.
She brightened a tiny bit when it proved to be the First Child instead.
"Hi, Rei. Wish I could say I'm happy to see you, but today's kind of
been one big pile of shit."
"I am pleased to see you, Asuka. I have been alone and worried for
you and Shinji since the battle. I… do not like being alone anymore.
So I am happy to see you and Shinji again," Rei said softly.
Asuka dropped her head back into her arms. "I hope we can see
Hikari again. I thought we'd saved her. That would have made even
getting fired from being a Pilot worth it. Now…"
"Doctor Akagi believes she might still retrieve Hikari from the Eva."
"And she could be wrong. What if Hikari's dead and it's my fault for
screwing up? I get my best friend killed, I get fired from the job I've
had my whole life, I get replaced by a program, I'm fucking
useless…" Asuka pinched her eyes shut and fought down tears.
She nearly gasped as she felt Rei put her arms around her. "I am
happy to see you, Asuka. I missed my friends. You are not useless.
You have saved me from drugged stupor. You fought superbly and
defeated the Angel even though you had only one arm left. You
saved many lives by stopping it so quickly."
"But we failed Hikari! I failed my best friend! And now I'm not even a
Pilot anymore! What good am I?" Asuka nearly wailed.
Rei released the hug and stepped back. Asuka suddenly missed it.
The embrace had been comforting somehow.
"And this one is from Shinji," Rei said, and hugged her again. "He
asked me to give this to you, because he could not be here. And to
tell you that he is 'going to do the only thing he can think of for you
before bedtime'."
Asuka hugged Rei back. "Thank you. So what was my dearest baka
going to do?"
"He did not say, but…" Rei trailed off as the deep, mellow notes of
Shinji's cello began to fill the apartment. "Ah. That is…"
"Bach's Cello Suite No. 1," Asuka said, a more relaxed look
spreading on her face. The piece he was playing the night we had
our first kiss." Asuka managed a tiny smile. "That baka. He always
finds a way. I love him, Rei. He's the only part of my life that's not
falling apart right now. He always makes me feel better." Asuka let
herself relax into Rei's hug. "I don't know what I'd do without him
anymore, Rei."
"I remain highly envious. If you were not my friend, I would possibly
be like Tanaka-san, and desire to have Shinji for myself." She
paused and looked thoughtful. "He is excellent to hug."
Asuka's expression almost made it to a normal smile. "Aww, I'm glad

you're my friend too, Rei. I'd hate to have to kill you for trying." Her
smile faded back into gloom. "Good luck tomorrow, Rei. I wish I
could be there to beat you again."
"I wish so too. I would far prefer you and Shinji at my side in battle
rather than Dummy Plug copies of me."
"Copies of you?" Asuka tilted her head. "What?"
"The core of the Dummy Plug system is something Doctor Akagi

created using scans of my brain."
"Hmmph. Her. Who knows if they'll even work, then?"
"She is quite skilled, Asuka. And I doubt Commander Ikari would

have done this if he was not certain of their functionality. Yet I would
still rather have you and Shinji there."
"That's good to hear, Rei, but it's Commander Asshole who makes
the call. Have you ever seen anything make him change his mind
and reverse himself?"
Rei was silent for an awkwardly long time. "No, I have not."
Asuka's spirits sank again. "That's what I was afraid of. It'll take
some kind of miracle to get us back in an Entry Plug."
"I remain hopeful. We have done more impossible things."
Arms still around each other, the First and Second Children let the
sounds of Bach bring them what peace they could.
Asuka rolled over once again to stare at the clock. 10:32 pm, the
glowing red numbers proclaimed. Exactly four minutes since the last
time she checked.
"That's it. I can't stand this any longer," she whispered to herself.
She hadn't heard any sound from their guardian for at least half an
hour. The coast was as clear as it was going to get.
Rising from her bed, she tugged on an oversized shirt and tip-toed to
her door, opening it as quietly as she could. She carefully stuck her
head out into the hallway, looking right towards the living room. The
door to Misato's room was closed, and no light showed through the
sliding panels.
'If she appears, I'll just claim I'm going to the bathroom or something.
Alright, go!' Asuka slid her own door closed behind her and silently
stepped across the hall to Shinji's door. She had to stifle a gasp and
jerk her hand back when the door suddenly opened before her
reaching fingers even touched it.
Shinji's surprised eyes met her own. The Third Child had been on his
way to her at the same moment. His surprise rapidly shifted to a
warm smile. "Got tired of waiting thirty seconds before I did, hmm?"
he whispered.
Asuka stuck her tongue out at him. "Your place or mine, baka-Shinji?
You know I can't sleep without you next to me, anymore. Now come
on, our bed is too big and cold without you to warm me up." She
seized his hand with unconcealed relief and pulled him back to their
room.
Moments later they were burrowed back under the sheets and
wrapped up in each other's arms. Asuka tried to let some of her
tension go, but her worries barely retreated. Shinji's absences was
the biggest, but not the only reason she'd been unable to sleep.
"Shinji… what do we do now?"
Shinji just held her for a long minute. "I don't know. It's almost funny.
I never wanted to be a Pilot, now I want to be back in an Eva just to
spite my father. I want to fight beside you again, our way, and win,
just to rub it in his face. I want to be a Pilot again because I know
you do too, and I won't leave your side for anything. I can't run away.
But… I don't know what we can do right now to change any of this.
We stay with Misato-san and hope they can get Horaki-san out of
the Eva, I guess." He buried his face in Asuka's hair. "We help Rei
however we can. Keep her from feeling lonely and help her be the
best Pilot she can. I don't think any automates system can possibly
be as good at fighting Angels as you."
"You've still got one more solo kill than I do, Third Child. There's
another reason we need to get our Evas back: I still need to beat
your count." Asuka tried to smile, but it quickly collapsed. "We have
to. I… Gott, I hate thinking of what's going to happen on Monday,
when word gets around at school that we've been fired. I just… I
can't stand the idea of Tanaka and those other bitches sneering at
me, laughing at us for being failures…"
"Maybe it will get her to stop trying to ask me out?" Shinji offered.
"First good thing I've heard about it so far," Asuka replied. "But it
won't work. They aren't after you just because you are… were an
Eva Pilot. They won't shut up about how you're cute, sensitive,
heroic, courageous, a good cook, a model gentleman, and such an
incredible lover you've got me and Rei under your spell at the same
time. You not being in an Eva is just going to spell 'more free time to
ask him out' to them."
Shinji shook his head in disbelief. "They think I'm all that? I'm… I'm
not anything like that," he said.
Asuka squeezed him tight. "Bullshit you're not, baka. Except for that
part about Rei, it's all 100% true. I say so."
"Asuka, I'm-"
"Who's the genius here?"
"… you."
"And I say you're amazing. So there. And you're mine. You're the
only thing that's making me feel better right now, Shinji. I hope you
can come up with something to keep my mind off it tomorrow."
Shinji got a funny, cocky smile. "You want to go out on a date?"
Asuka stared at him in surprise. "… what?"
"I'm asking you out. We haven't been able to this whole time since
we're trying to keep it a secret, but tomorrow we've got no school,
Misato and Rei are going to be at NERV HQ all day, and Section 2
just gave us the boot. No one's going to be watching us. So I want to
take you, Asuka Langely Soryu, my impossibly beautiful girlfriend,
out on a real date."
"Are you nuts?"
"Making you happy is the most important thing in the world to me

now. I hate seeing you this down. And I've wanted to ask you out
since the night you kissed me. So how about we go out for lunch
tomorrow?"'
"… you baka."
There was no more talking.

Chapter 7.2
United We Stand
Shinji blinked slowly awake, and tried to figure out why. He didn't
want to move just yet. He was comfortably cuddled up against
Asuka's back, his arm thrown loosely over her side to hold her. His
slowly opening eyes saw nothing but the red-orange blur of the back
of Asuka's head. It was just after dawn, judging by the wan, grey
light filtering in past the vanes of the blinds in the window. It was only
a little earlier than he'd usually get up anyhow, but something had
woken him. What was it…
His eyes popped wide open. Footsteps. There were footsteps in the
living room. Someone was already awake and headed their way.
They were going to be caught ! Once they had the hallway in view,
there was not even any way for him to make it back across to his
'own' room!
The footsteps were slowly coming closer. They didn't have long. He
shook Asuka's shoulder. "Asuka! Wake up!" he hissed urgently.
"Mmm? Wha? Nn… good morning, Shinji." She smiled dreamily as

she rolled over and blinked at him. "What'd you wake me up for? You
usually-"
"Someone's here!" he rolled out of bed and desperately hunted

around for his shirt and shorts.
"Someone's he-" Asuka suddenly blinked to full wakefulness. "Oh

scheisse !" She likewise sprang out of bed and grabbed for her
oversized shirt, her face a study in panic and anguish.
They both froze in terror as the footsteps stopped at their door. Shinji
had managed to find his clothes, but neither of them had managed to
put anything on. They were dead. 'But I don't want to stop!' the back
of Shinji's mind wailed.
There wasn't even a pause for a knock. The door simply slid open…
… to reveal a perfectly calm Rei Ayanami. "Good morning, Shinji,

Asuka."
Rei didn't move as Asuka's shirt plastered itself across her face.
"Gott damn it, Wondergirl! You nearly gave us a heart attack! We

thought you were Misato!" Asuka snarled. She sagged back onto the
bed in relief. "And didn't anyone ever teach you to knock? It's slightly
impolite to walk in on people when they're naked!"
"No one ever taught me that, no," Rei calmly replied as she pulled
the shirt off her face, stepping into the room to hand it back to Asuka.
"And I do not understand what your nudity has to do with it. I
expected to find you both like this. I sleep naked too. Clothing just
gets in the way of comfort, does it not?"
This time Asuka threw the shirt at Shinji's head. The Third Child had
frozen in place with his shorts half on. "Stop thinking about
Wondergirl naked, baka, and get to your room and get dressed
before the noise wakes Misato." She made shooing motions at him.
"I can't help it!" Shinji hissed back. "She just said it!" He headed for
the door anyhow.
Asuka yanked open another drawer and pulled out a new shirt. "And
you stop ogling my boyfriend's body! I don't care if he's… ahem!
'Easy to watch'!"
"But Shinji is so nice to look at," Rei said, a tiny hint of amusement in
her voice. Her eyes stayed locked on Shinji as he bolted to his old
room and shot inside, a faint smile on her lips.
Once the door closed behind him Asuka finally let herself relax. Now
even if the noise woke Misato, they had plausible deniability. She
pulled the shirt over her head and searched another drawer for a pair
of shorts. She glared over her shoulder at Rei. "That is perfectly true,
and so is the fact that he's mine and not for rent . And just why did
you feel the need to come in unannounced and this early and nearly
give me and Shinji heart failure?"
Rei's small smile faded and she shifted from foot to foot awkwardly.
She suddenly had difficulty looking Asuka in the eye. "I… am…
nervous."
Asuka put her A-10 headset on and started tying her hair into the
clips at the back. "You're what? What are you talking about, Rei?
This is just a Synch Test. You've done them like a hundred times."
"One hundred forty seven times. But… I am not worried about the
Synch Test. This will be the first time I have been at NERV HQ all
day long without you or Shinji with me since… I stopped taking the
drugs. I am… worried that without you around, my altered behavior
might be noticed. I… I do not wish to be discovered."
Asuka left off styling her hair to stare at the First Child. This was
weird. "And… well, I don't know what you think we can do from here,
Rei. We… we're not even allowed back in the Geofront, I think."
Asuka's face grew long. She'd momentarily managed to forget
yesterday's humiliation, waking up warm and happy with Shinji. Now
it all came rushing back in. Shit. She wasn't a Pilot anymore. She
was nothing.
"I… I have never… I do not want to go back, Asuka. I… I am…

afraid. I… have never been afraid before. I do not like it."
Rei being… afraid? Asuka had no idea how to handle this. Well,
maybe. A degree of rage was bubbling up. She hated Commander
Ikari and Doctor Akagi more every day. "Gott damn, Wondergirl.
Those drugs must have really been messing you up if you've never
been afraid before."
Rei fidgeted nervously with her hands. "May… may I have another
hug?"
The sheer frightened-kitten cuteness coming off Rei almost made

Asuka's eyes cross. "What."
"Hugs from you and Shinji are… reassuring. I like them very much. I
understand there are complicating factors of jealousy and your
worries that Shinji might find other girls more attractive than you
which make it difficult for you to feel comfortable allowing me to hug
him, but he's very cute and I like you both a lot and-" Rei babbled.
"Wait wait wait, hold it! Rei, stop!" Asuka put her hands on the
bluenette's shoulders. "Calm down." 'And stop making me worry
about ever losing Shinji to anyone like that, because the last thing I
think we need right now is both of us freaking out like this.' "Is that
why you're walking into our room at… what time is it?"
"0633."
"At way too damn early? Because… you're scared and want a hug?"
Rei nodded, looking pitiful.
Asuka rubbed the sides of her head. It was way too damn early to
deal with this kind of insanity. "You're lucky you're my friend,
Wondergirl. Anyone else costing me Shinji-cuddling time would get a
punch in the head. You get a hug. Come here."
Asuka picked at her remaining breakfast, tracing random patterns in

the crumbs from her toast. Breakfast had been delicious, of course
(Having a live-in boyfriend who was also a budding gourmet chef
was a perk Asuka happily and daily took advantage of.), but this
morning she'd barely tasted it.
The quiet of the apartment was giving her too much time to think.
Misato had been a little surprised to see the Children already up and
working on breakfast together when the noise finally roused her, but
she'd merely thanked Rei for being ready to go so early. They'd seen
Rei and Misato off earlier, with some more clandestine hugs for the
First Child when Misato wasn't looking. Asuka had even consented
to Rei being allowed to get a few from Shinji, once Rei had turned
her best puppy-dog-eyes on the redhead.
But once they'd left, silence had settled in, despite Shinji's best
efforts to keep a conversation going. Watching Rei and Misato leave
for a Synch Test she and Shinji were no longer allowed to partake in
had snuffed out the last of Asuka's brighter mood from last night.
Though she'd felt an odd lift at Rei's plaintive request for emotional
support, it was true. The idea that someone needed her just for
being her, and not because she was an elite Eva Pilot was new.
That thought had buoyed her up a little, remembering she now had
friends and a lover who wanted and loved Asuka, rather than Pilot
Soryu. But 'friends who need me' had just circled her back around to
the friend she'd failed and her mood sank once again. 'But what else
could I have done?! Not try to save Hikari? I couldn't just stand
there!' she argued back at the depression. Nothing seemed to help.
She knew it was probably irrational to blame herself for Hikari's…
missing status, but her gut refused to listen.
Shinji finished clearing the rest of the breakfast dishes and began
circling her like a nervous satellite. She could see his own
expression growing tense and worried as he saw her mood
dropping. "Ne, Asuka, when we go out, do you want to-"
He was prevented from finishing the question by the doorbell. They

looked at each other in puzzlement. It was just past 7:30 in the
morning. Who would be coming to see them right now?
Shinji gave her one last embrace around her shoulders before going
to answer the door. He returned a moment later with Touji following
on his heels. Shinji's face now matched Asuka's own. 'And now his
friend that he failed comes to look him in the face. Damn it. I'm sorry,
Touji.'
The tall jock was almost twitching with nerves and more worried than
she'd ever seen him. "H… hi, Soryu-san. I'm sorry to come over so
early, but Ayanami-san mentioned yesterday at school you were
going to be let out of confinement, and I saw Misato-san's car go by
without you two in it, and figured you might still be here." He fixed
the two of them with a pleading look. "Wh-… where's Hikari? Please,
can you tell me anything? No one's said anything at all to us, just
'classified', and I haven't been able to get a hold of her since she left
and her family doesn't know either and I'm really really worried about
her and I don't know what to do and… and… and…" He was on the
verge of tears.
Asuka shot a look at Shinji. He was standing awkwardly next to Touji,

easily able to see his friend's distress, but just as clearly paralyzed
from doing anything about it by his cultural conditioning. 'Gott damn
all Japanese 'no-touching' taboos.' She cleared her throat at Shinji.
He blinked and looked at her. She meaningfully jerked her head at
Touji, who was clearly about to break down. When Shinji still
hesitated, she sharpened her look into a pointed glare that
threatened fearsome measures if he didn't get moving.
Hesitantly, Shinji laid his hand on Touji's shoulder. "H-hey, Touji,

we're… we're here. Sit down. We'll… we'll tell you what we know. It's
not much."
Touji nodded shakily and stumbled into another of the chairs at the
table.
Asuka took a deep breath. "Hikari is… missing in action."
Touji stared at her in total incomprehension. "What does that even

mean?! Where is she?" he wailed.
Shinji pulled out the chair next to Asuka, facing Touji, and sighed as
he sat down. "Let's start at the beginning."
Shinji led off, Asuka taking up the next part, and then Shinji again.
Back and forth, in automatic coordination. The first reports of some
kind of accident. The scramble to deploy them near Mount Nobe.
Sighting Eva Unit-03 stalking towards them out of the setting sun.
Commander Ikari's order that they disregard Hikari's safety and
attack to kill immediately. Asuka's refusal. The Angel's attack. Shinji's
refusal, impromptu charge, and appeal to Rei to listen to him rather
than the Commander. The Angel's infection of Unit-02's arm and
Commander Ikari ordering it severed without disconnecting the
nerves. Asuka's surprise attack to extract the Entry Plug. Rei taking
the Entry Plug to safety. Their synchronized attack to kill the Angel
and win the fight.
Touji looked hopeful when they described Asuka's rescue of the

plug. Asuka forced herself to keep going with what came next.
Their return to the Geofront and arrest. Days in the cells. Being
summoned to the Commander's office only to be chewed out and
dismissed as Pilots for 'insubordination'. Their replacement by the
'Dummy Plug' system. Misato's report to them last night that Doctor
Akagi has detected signs of activity in the Eva's Core that might
mean Hikari was somehow still in there, and her promise that they'd
try something to get her out.
Touji looked desperately back and forth between them, looking for a
sign of reassurance. "So… so she's… she'll be ok? She's not… " He
swallowed and wiped at his eyes. "She's not… gone?"
Asuka and Shinji looked at each other, then back at Touji. "I… don't
know," Shinji said. "I wish I could tell you that, Touji, but… I don't
know."
( i . imgur / UlNxPmf .jpg)
The midday sun was nicely warming the sidewalk cafe downtown,
making a very pleasant November day in Tokyo-3. Asuka toyed with
the drink that was all that remained of her lunch and waited for Shinji
to return from disposing of their trash. She looked at the clouds
drifting slowly across the sky and actually smiled, if somewhat
weakly.
'He's doing it. My dear, impossible baka-Shinji is doing it. He's

actually managing to make me smile, even today.'
After Touji had left to see his little sister and relay what they'd told
him about Hikari, both Shinji's mood and her own had darkened
further. Watching Touji's 'tough jock' attitude utterly crumble into
tearful desolation at the idea of losing the girl he'd only recently
admitted he loved had been another huge emotional burden added
on top of their already grim day, made worse by how little hope they
had to give him.
But after the two of them had spent a while sitting on the couch just
holding each other in silence, Shinji had stood up and declared they
should head out on their date right away. "It's better than sitting here
soaking in depression. I know, because I spent too much time doing
that before you came, Asuka," he'd said.
So they'd gotten dressed up and headed out. Asuka had been

amused when Shinji had stuttered a request she wear the yellow
sundress she'd worn aboard the Over The Rainbow when they'd
met. He'd confessed it had happy memories associated with it
thanks to that meeting, and that she looked amazing in it. She'd
nodded and almost laughed at the way his face turned beet red
when she said that if the wind gave him another 'show' like then, she
wouldn't slap him this time.
He'd taken them to the shopping district downtown, and done his
best to treat Asuka like a princess: opening doors, getting her drinks
before she even had to voice the request, taking her to any shop she
liked, looking at her with shining eyes, and always, always holding
her hand. He seemed to grow two centimeters just from walking
around in public with her hand in his. She had to admit she felt a little
frisson of excitement too. After months of concealing their
relationship from everyone, marching around so publicly together felt
like something daring, like they were getting away with an audacious
prank.
'Honestly, as long as I just concentrate on enjoying the date and not

anything Commander Asshole did, I'm having a pretty good time. It's
nice to be out like this, just Asuka and Shinji, not having to pretend to
be anything else,' she mused. 'So what if someone might see us? I
want the whole world to know he loves me, anyway. If not for the fact
Misato can still prevent us from sleeping together, Pilots or not, I'd be
yelling it from the rooftops already.'
Shinji sat back down across the table from her and beamed. She
snorted at the sight. Shinji had spent most of the date smiling from
ear to ear. She'd never seen the Third Child smile so much before.
"Having a good time, Shinji, or just hoping that it's going to be a
windy day?" she teased.
Shinji blushed a little. "Well, I wouldn't say a little wind would be a

bad thing…" he smiled. "But mostly I'm just happy, Asuka. I've been
dreaming about today forever. My first date… I know it's not yours,
but I hope I'm doing as well as they did."
Asuka thought back over the collection of older students, fawning

admirers after her body, people she'd gone out with to cement her
reputation as the hottest girl in school, and blind dates she'd had like
the one Hikari had set her up on, and snorted again. "Waaaaay
better, Shinji. None of them managed to make me smile, not for real,
much less on a day like today. And all of them would still get a slap
for a 'viewing fee'. You would not." She drew idle designs in the
condensation rings left on the table from her drink. "… Thank you for
doing this, Shinji. I didn't want our first real date to be on a day like
this, or something you did to help distract me from… everything, but
I'm glad we're here."
He reached across the table to stroke her hand. "Me too, Asuka. I…
I have never heard from any of my grandparents. I don't even know if
any of them are still alive. I doubt it. You know about my mother. And
my father…" He frowned and stared down at the table. "After we
beat the 10th Angel, that tiny scrap of praise, 'Good job, Shinji'… that
was the most I'd ever gotten from him, and it made my whole day.
But now, after the way he treated you… us, for winning against his
orders… I can hardly stand to think of him as my father anymore. So
that's it; I've got no family." He looked back up at her. "Except here.
You, Rei, Misato-san… You guys are my family. And friends like
Touji, Kensuke,… Horaki-san. I… even not being a Pilot anymore
can't take any of that away. So… even if we never set foot in and
Eva again, I wouldn't change any of what got us together, not a bit.
I'm happy anyhow."
Asuka felt her cheeks heating a bit. "Careful with the 'family' label,
Shinji. It'd be a little funny for 'family' to be doing what we're doing,
you and I," she joked to deflect a little.
Shinji just squeezed her hand and smiled. "You know what I mean."
"Yeah. I still want my Eva back. It's been there for me for the last ten
years. It… feels like a part of me. I always felt better sitting in it,
growing up, like my mother was still with me in a way, since she
helped design it."
"I… I guess Eva Unit-01 did feel kind of comforting after a while. It
sure didn't at first, thanks to how my first sorties went." Shinji
squeezed her hand again. "I really wish you'd been there for those,
Asuka. They'd have been a whole lot easier with you fighting by my
side."
"As much as I love Wondergirl these days, she's not nearly as good
a wingman for you as I am, yeah. You and I are truly partners, Third
Child. We saw it in the last fight and the ones before it: when you
and I are together, we win . No matter how fancy these 'Dummy
Plugs' are, I'm betting they won't be as powerful as the two of us,
and soon enough Commander Asshole is going to see that, or his
bosses will." Asuka nodded firmly, looking more like her usual self.
She stood up, tugging him upwards too by the hand. "Come on, let's
head home. We've got a few more hours of good cuddle time before
Misato and Rei get home, and I intend to make use of them."
Shinji was listening to Asuka's steady stream of upbeat chatter as
they approached the door to Misato's apartment, but mostly he was
focused on watching his girlfriend's lovely figure as she led the way.
Asuka was beautiful all over, and her yellow sundress made it very
easy to see she was just as much fun to watch from behind as from
the front. It did help that her chatter was mostly about what she
wanted him to do to said body once they got into the apartment. It
gave him a perfectly valid reason to be staring so appreciatively at
her rear. 'I am so incredibly lucky…' Another thought occurred to him
and he laughed. 'And I'm about to get lucky, too!'
Asuka swiped her keycard through the slot and rapidly towed Shinji
inside by his hand, still talking nonstop as they walked through the
short entrance hallway and into the dining area. She looked back
over her shoulder to smile widely at him, her eyes dancing with mirth
and anticipatory lust. "And for the second round, I want you to do
that thing with your hands on my hips you did in the shower last
week. And then that thing with your tongue! Boy, did that clean me
out! I'm surprised my legs still held me up after that. That last time
was amazing . I-"
"'Last time'?" asked a familiar baritone voice from the living room.
They both froze. Asuka's eyes went wide with panic. She slowly
turned around.
Ryoji Kaji stood in the doorway, the cigarette in his hand halfway to
his mouth totally forgotten as he stared at the two teens. The look of
shock on his face was even stronger than Asuka's.
"Oh… scheiße…" Asuka said softly, her heart rate skyrocketing.
"No."
"Asuka, be reasonable…"
"No."
"You… you're fourteen! Both of you! You can't be doing this at your
age!"
"No."
Kaji massaged his temples and kept pacing back and forth on the
living room mats. Asuka remained where she'd sat down on the
couch with Shinji, one hand unbreakably linked with his, the other
clenched into a tight fist in her lap. Her iron-hard, angry glare had
stayed locked on her former guardian and crush. Shinji sat right next
to her, his position a perfect match for hers. His stare was less angry,
but just as firm. It reminded Kaji far too much of Shinji's father, in
fact.
He tried again. "Asuka, Katsuragi asked me to stop in and keep an

eye on you both since she knew you'd be badly upset by
Commander Ikari dismissing you both. And I was prepared to
overlook some displays of affection between you two since Shinji
told me you are together but still wanted Katsuragi not to know, but
this… I can't let you do this. You have to stop!"
"No," Asuka repeated again, adamant.
"I understand you two really like each other, but you're too young for
sex. Just wait until you're at least seventeen or so-"
"How likely are we to live to see seventeen, Kaji?" Asuka interrupted

acidly. "We are Evangelion Pilots! Every time we sortie, we could die!
If not for Shinji's last-second rescue, I'd already be dead in that
volcano! He could have been fried to a crisp by Ramiel's particle
beam! Rei nearly did get fried! We could die any day, and you want
us to just hope we live long enough to do what I know you and
Misato do every weekend ?!"
Kaji had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. "I'm theoretically a

responsible adult who knows what he's doing. You are not," he
rebutted. "You two in a relationship is cute, and I fully support you
dating, but sex can be massively destabilizing! What happens if your
Synch Rates take a hit? I-"
"Our Synch Rates have gone up 27% since we got together," Shinji
interrupted quietly. " Steadily . Asuka went up four points the day
after we got together. I went up six ."
"Being together keeps us happy and motivated to fight, especially to

protect each other," Asuka added. Shinji nodded. "Besides, thanks to
Commander Asshole, we're not Pilots anymore. Even if they
reinstate us, what Shinji said still applies. Being together makes us
stronger ."
Kaji shook his head. "Still too dangerous. What if you two have a
fight? Or a breakup? If-"
"You think this is some childish crush? A hot little fling of hormones
that will end when we tire of each other?" Asuka shot back hotly.
"Think again. You know what happened to my mother, yes?"
Confused at the sudden change of subject, Kaji nodded. "I know

what happened, Asuka. I read your whole file before I became your
guardian."
"The same thing happened to Shinji's. He knows what it's like to lose
your mother like I did. He knows what it's like to be an Eva Pilot. He's
just like me . No one else in the world could understand me the way
he does or vice versa. From the very first night, Shinji promised me,
when he thought I couldn't even hear, 'together, forever and always'.
And I've promised him 'until the end of the world, you and me,
against Angels and anything else that tries to hurt us.'"
She turned her head to nuzzle Shinji's cheek for a moment, smiling
softly. Her expression hardened again when she turned back and
resumed glaring at him. "You also know being a Pilot was my life,
Kaji. It was all I had. Commander Asshole took that away from me
for winning without his permission. I'd be a basket case right now
without Shinji, just lying somewhere waiting to die. But he's actually
made me smile today despite that. So I will not let any man, woman,
Angel, or anyone separate us."
"Asuka just making you smile on a bad day is not a justifica-"
"He loves me, Kaji. He's said it right to me," she said calmly. "No one
else ever has. Not even you."
Kaji winced. He smoothed his expression back out and said, "It's just
words, Asuka. Words are easy to say. They're a lot harder to really
mean. How can you possibly know if it's true, and will be for as long
as you're talking about?"
"I believe him," Asuka stated with utter conviction.
"Just words," Shinji suddenly said, his voice cold. He fixed Kaji with
another harsh stare that made him think of how much Shinji
resembled his father. "Just words… have you said them to Misato-
san?"
Kaji suddenly couldn't meet his eyes.
Shinji continued. "I love her, Kaji-san. She loves me. Without her I'd
be nothing. I won't let anyone or anything separate us either. I…
came here because I had hoped my father finally wanted to explain
himself to me, the vain hope that he wanted to be my father again,
but… all he wanted was a Pilot. So I did that, hoping it would make
him talk to me. I never liked it. And now that he's tried to get rid of us
like this, I can't really say there's any reason for me to stay here…
but…" He smiled and squeezed Asuka's hand. "As long as Asuka
wants to be an Eva Pilot, I do too. I will never leave her to fight alone
so long as I live."
Kaji sighed and ran his hand over his face. "This… that's good to
hear, Shinji-kun, but you're both still too young for a physical
relationship like this. I'm going to have to tell…" His eyes went wide.
A growing rumble like thunder came in through the open doors out
onto the balcony of the apartment, despite the cloudless sky.
Artillery. A rising wail of sirens began to fill the air. It was a familiar
sound, but never one the Children had heard from this point of view.
The Angel alarm.
"Get the retractable buildings down and locked immediately! All

weapons that can bear on the Angel, open fire! We need the people
in the shelters, now !" Misato snapped out, orders flying as fast as
she could. "How long until we can deploy the Evas?"
"Unit-01 ready to deploy in twenty seconds! Units-00 and -02 starting

up under Dummy Plug control, all systems activating normally.
They'll be launch ready in one minute!" Lieutenant Hyuga
responded.
'It's a good thing we already had Rei in Unit-01 for this test. We'd
never have been able to deploy her in time otherwise. At least she'll
be in the only undamaged Eva. Her Synch Rate is lower in Unit-01,
but Unit-00 and Unit-02 are both still damaged, and Unit-03 is still on
lockdown for possible Angel contamination, plus its own combat
damage. Not to mention my two best Pilots are benched and I have
to use damned 'Dummy Plugs' instead. This is not looking good.'
Misato worried. 'How the Hell did it get so close before we spotted
it?'
The new Angel floated along with no apparent means of support,

meaning it was most likely using it's AT-Field to fly, just like the
others. This one resembled a half-melted parody of Pen Pen,
featuring a tubby black-and-white penguin-like body with stubby legs,
a pair of tiny, flat, metallic squares under bony shoulder plates where
the arms should be, and a gape-mouthed mask for a face in the
upper chest of its headless torso. For all its almost comical
appearance, it was proving horrifically powerful, blasting through the
Komagatake defense line with ease, brushing aside their best
defenses without even slowing down. It was already so close to
Tokyo-03 Rei was going to have to engage it right in the city itself.
"Unit-01, ready to launch!" Lieutenant Hyuga shouted. "Units-00 and
-02 in thirty seconds!"
"The Angel has engaged the city defense emplacements and troops!
It's firing some kind of-" Lieutenant Ibuki exclaimed just before an
immense explosion rocked Central Dogma.
"Weapon Building 9 wiped out! Blast damage penetration of Special

Armor Layers One through Eighteen!" she continued.
"Eighteen layers in one shot? They can't take another blast!"

Lieutenant Aoba exclaimed.
Misato grit her teeth. They couldn't wait, not even half a minute. "Rei,
we have to send you now. The other Evas will follow as soon as
possible. You have to stop this thing."
In the comm window, the First Child calmly nodded. "Roger. I am

ready."
"Launch Unit-01 immediately! Get Units-00 and -02 up in flanking

positions as soon as they are ready!" Misato shouted. "Eva Unit-01,
Launch!"
Advice & Trust
Chapter 7.3
United We Stand
Rei Ayanami had always known what she was. It was hard not to,
when every moment of your existence you could sense your greater
body deep in the Geofront, far below the surface, or feel the AT-
Fields of those around you screaming their isolation at each other.
She had always known she was not the first, nor likely the last Rei
Ayanami to draw breath in the name of Commander Ikari's Scenario.
She had always known she was expendable, that she could and
would be replaced by another Rei Ayanami should she die in battle
with the Angels. And for most of her life, she had looked forward to
dying, the final release from the spiritual and emotional agony that
was her daily existence.
This had changed.
Her hands did not shake on the control yokes of Unit-01's Entry
Plug. Her face had no expression of worry or fear. But she could feel
the harsh, electric tingle of the Angel's powerful AT-Field on the
surface, even at this depth. She could feel the distinct lack of AT-
Fields in the empty Evangelion Units-00 and -02 in the Cages next to
Unit-01, where her friends should be. For the first time since Asuka
had arrived in Japan, Rei was going into battle without her friends.
She was being sent alone.
She did not like it. At all.
She had never had friends, never had anyone she felt the absence
of. She had never had people she actively sought out the company
of, just to spend more time with them because being around them
made her feel warmer, better, wanted. She had never had people
she knew without even asking she could rely on in a fight to protect
her back and that she in return also wanted to protect.
Now she had friends, and they were not with her.
She had always known she could die and be replaced. It had never
bothered her. She had been alone for years. It had never bothered
her. She had never had friends. It had never bothered her.
Now it did.
It bothered Rei more than she could even articulate right now. Never
before had she felt this unsettled and… even frightened before a
battle. The crackling, sizzling feeling of the Angel's AT-Field
overhead made it worse. The AT-Field of Ramiel had been stronger,
but this Angel felt… harsher, Angrier, like its AT-Field was reaching
out to snap and snarl at her.
Rei knew unshakably that she'd feel so much better if it was her
friends in the other Evas going into battle with her. Asuka's blazing
courage mo matter what the threat, Shinji's determination to protect
them all, the sure knowledge that they would fight to protect Rei no
less than themselves… because they cared for her.
Major Katsuragi's voice in her ear, telling her they had to launch her
immediately, unsupported. The surge of acceleration rocketing her
upwards, cushioned by the LCL filling the Entry Plug. The slam of
deceleration as she emerged on the streets of Tokyo-3. The sudden
prickle against her AT-Field as she felt the Angel turn its attention
from blasting away at the city's defenses to stare at her.
Rei Ayanami grit her teeth, unfurled Unit-01's AT-Field, and prepared
for battle. The same thought that always went through her head
before a fight came again.
'If I die, I can be replaced…'

But this time it was different.
'… but I no longer wish to be.'
The Angel's eyes glowed for a second before a beam of energy

lanced out at her. Rei could feel the power behind it, and dodged out
of the way. The beam glanced off Unit-01's AT-Field, deflecting up
into the hills above the city. An entire hilltop exploded into a towering
cross-shaped blast. Rei grimaced in transmitted pain. Even that
glancing blow it felt like a red-hot poker being slashed her face.
'If I die I will be replaced by a-me-that-is-not-me. I will return to be

going numb, drugged puppet. I may forget to my friends and once
more be only the Commander's doll. I may forget what it is like to
feel their arms around me, or wondering what it is like to be loved as
they love each other. I will return to deserving death in Oblivion over
the happiness of my friends. I do not wish this.'
Rei dodged behind a Weapons Building, hoping breaking line of

sight would help even if the building's armor proved useless. She
grabbed a pair of Pallet Rifles out of the rack that opened for her and
sprinted around the other side of the building.
'If I fail, they will die. They are here in the city. I must not let the battle
destroy it. I must not let the Angel reach Terminal Dogma. All
Humanity will fall if I am weak. I must not fail.'
The Angel slowly turned its tubby body to face her, in no apparent
hurry. She leveled both rifles at it and squeezed the triggers. 330mm
rounds blasted out, tracers drawing a glowing trial in the air between
them. The huge shells hammered the Angel with more fury than an
entire squadron of battleships could have dished out. The Angel
hung in the air, unperturbed at the explosions flaring all over the
invisible barrier in front of it. None of them touched its skin.
Rei gripped the controls harder and pushed Unit-01's AT-Field

against the Angel's. She could feel them meeting, pressing, but it
was like trying to shove a mountain. Her AT-Field was barely eroding
the Angel's at all. She could tell from the immense strength of it if
she stopped pressing for even a moment it would quickly start eating
away at her own, but it was taking all her strength to manage even
the negligible offense she was producing. She had to get closer to
have any effect, or use stronger weapons.
The Pallet Rifles ran dry without accomplishing anything. The

Angel's eyes flashed again and Rei threw herself to the side. The
beam missed her by bare meters and vaporized another building
behind her with a cross-shaped blast. Rei tossed the rifles aside and
dove back for the Weapon Building, grabbing a pair of missile
launchers.
Sprinting out from behind the Weapons Building, Rei raised the
missile launchers towards where the Angel had been. It was floating
closer, shrinking the distance between them. She loosed two
missiles at it as she dashed for cover behind a pop-up armor plate.
The missiles detonated harmlessly against the Angel's AT-Field, and

attracted its attention away from the defense emplacements still
futilely hammering away at it with rockets and artillery. Its eyes
glowed again…
Rei felt herself and Unit-01 suddenly flying through the air, tossed by
the blast and flung down the street. The shockwave shattered glass
all around her. The armor plate, a meters-thick slab of alloys and
ceramics that had withstood the twin blasts of Israfel, had melted
away in less than a second. Rei shook her head to clear it, rolling
Unit-01 back to its feet. She looked down with dismay to see enough
of the blast had leaked through to melt a good sized hole in one of
her missile launchers. She discarded it and keyed the line to Central
Dogma. "Major Katsuragi, the Angel's AT-Field is very strong. I am
having difficulty degrading it to any useful degree. I require
assistance. How long until Units-00 and -02 arrive?"
"They're launching now, Rei! They'll be on the surface at Catapult

Ports 4D and 8K in ten seconds! Reinforcements are on the way, just
hang on!"
"Roger." 'Reinforcements… but not my friends. I have never won a
battle without them.'
She darted around another building and brought up the remaining

launcher, ripple firing missiles at the Angel until it too ran out. The
Angel simply hung in the air, letting the missiles hit… and then struck
back. Its eyes flared again and this time Rei had no cover to leap for.
She frantically threw all her strength in her AT-Field. The Angel's
beam crashed against the throbbing orange octagons that
manifested in front of Unit-01. Rei's shield held, but she could feel it
buckling. The blast reflected back off her AT-Field, smashing
buildings around her into ruin. She staggered back, trying to
remember where the next Weapon Building was.
The next blast smashed right through her unprepared defenses,

spearing Unit-01 through the left shoulder. Rei screamed,
sympathetically feeling her armor splinter and flesh begin to burn.
She reeled backwards, staggering behind what cover another pop-
up armor plate could offer. She forced herself to pry her hand off her
own shoulder. 'It… it is only the Eva. I am not burning. I can still fight.
I must fight.' The map display showed the next Weapon Building was
500 meters to her left, but there was no cover between where she
was and there.
"Major Katsuragi, I need support now. I have no cover to reach the

nearest Weapon Building with more equipment."
The Major's voice was very welcome. "Units-00 and -02 arriving now!
They'll give you cover fire as soon as they arm up!"
"Roger." Rei gathered herself for another desperate sprint.
On the far side of the Angel, two giant hatches in the streets opened
up. Blue and red titans erupted from below, ready to fight the Angel.
It turned to face the new threats and Rei took off running.
Shinji gripped the metal beam topping the rim of the balcony so hard
he was vaguely surprised his fingers weren't dimpling the metal. His
other hand remained locked with Asuka's. Her hand was gripping
back just as hard. They'd risen together and sprinted for the
apartment's balcony without a word once the Angel alarm had
sounded, Kaji trailing behind.
"We have to get out of here, kids. We need to head for a shelter right
away. This building isn't armored or retractable," Kaji warned them.
That got him and Asuka to briefly look at each other. Honestly, they
had no idea where to go. "Evacuation drills? What are you, stupid?!
That doesn't have anything to do with us! We're Pilots! In case an
Angel attacks, sitting on our butts in a shelter is the last place we
should be! Baka!" Asuka had ranted at him once, back when a drill
was announced at school. She'd smacked him on the back of the
head for starting to rise and follow the other students.
"There!" Asuka suddenly pointed southeast, at the opposite rim of

the city. The black and white bulk of the Angel was already drawing
fire from the city's defenses. "We don't need to evacuate yet, Kaji! It's
on the far side of the city from us, and it will be going for the
Geofront, not here. They all do. We have to stay and watch,
because… because…" She trailed off and looked helplessly at
Shinji, searching for words.
' Because that's all we can do for Rei right now,' Shinji mentally
finished.
Shinji found it disorienting to watch Unit-01 rise up from the ground

and go into combat without him at the controls. He briefly wondered
if Asuka would feel the same way watching Unit-02, then realized of
course she would. More so, if anything; He'd been the Pilot of Unit-
01 for less than a year. Asuka had been with Unit-02 most of her life.
Asuka's breathing sped up just like his own as they watched Rei
dodge the first energy beams from the Angel. Asuka began
muttering Come on, Rei, come on, Rei…" under her breath.
She cheered as Rei appeared from behind the Weapons Building
with a pair of Pallet Rifles and opened fire. They groaned in stereo
when the Angel ignored the torrent of fire and lashed out at Unit-01
with another beam. Asuka cried out when the Angel's blast tossed
Unit-01 through the air. Shinji winced in remembered pain as another
beam blasted through Unit-01's shoulder.
They both relaxed a fraction when Units-00 and -02 finally rose up
from below to join Rei . 'At least now she won't fight totally alone,'
Shinji thought with some relief.
Unit-00 raised its Eva-scale sniper rifle. Unit-02 hoisted the

Progressive Glaive that had sliced Israfel in half in Asuka's first
battle. Both Evas waited only a fraction of a second before going on
the attack.
Unit-00 fired round after round from its rifle into Zeruel's back as the
Angel turned to face Unit-02. Each tungsten-carbide bolt
encountered only the flash of an AT-Field as they harmlessly
bounced away at Mach 12. The Angel ignored them, its gaping
mask-face twisting slightly to stare at the red Evangelion charging at
it. Unit-02 leapt into the air, swinging the glaive down to slash the
new Angel the same way Asuka had bisected the 7th.
Progressive blade met AT-Field mid-air, the impact producing

unearthly squealing and shrieking from the point where they met.
Unit-02 hung in the air, balanced on the edge of the spear, putting its
entire multi-thousand-ton weight behind the strike… to no avail. The
Angel's AT-Field sparked and screamed, but would not break.
The Angel's tiny metallic 'arms' unfolded into strips that hung down
from its shoulder plates. The strips abruptly stiffened and raised up
above the Angel's head like flat tentacles.
And with a single precise swipe, cut Unit-02's legs off.

Asuka shuddered like she was the one who'd been slashed. "NO! No
no no no no!" Her grip on Shinji's hand tightened to the point of pain.
"Du Arschloch! Du entenfickender Scheißefresser! Ich bring dich um!
No one hurts my Unit-02! Cut his heart out, Rei! Kill him!"
Unit-02 crashed to the ground, a keening bellow of agony emitting

from its still closed jaws. Immense jets of thick, dark violet blood
fountained out of the clean-cut stumps of its legs and sprayed across
buildings for blocks. Unit-02 thrashed like it was having a seizure,
tearing up the street and smashing lampposts in its convulsions. It
took a moment before it suddenly stopped and appeared to be back
under control. Its one remaining hand grabbed at the dropped
Progressive Glaive and tried to lever itself back into a sitting position.
The Angel merely looked down at it for a moment, bringing its flat
ribbon-like arms around again. As Unit-02 tried to raise its weapon
once more, Angel neatly removed Unit-02's last limb at the elbow.
"Nooooooo!" Asuka howled, pounding her free hand on the balcony's

railing. "Get him, Rei! Get him!"
Unit-01 remained out of sight behind the Weapons Building she'd

vanished behind once the Angel turned its attention to Unit-00 and
-02. The Angel coiled its arms back closer to its body and turned to
face Unit-00.
The blue Evangelion started back at the Angel over the sights of its
huge sniper rifle from just a few hundred meters away. As the
Angel's eyes began to glow, Unit-00 pulled the trigger on the rifle
once more.
Misato grit her teeth as the Angel's AT-Field shrugged off another
shot from Unit-00's rifle with no apparent effort. Unit-00 barely
dodged the return blast, its hastily erected AT-Field proving almost
no barrier at all to the Angel's beam. Nothing was getting through!
Maya's readouts were not encouraging. This Angel's AT-Field was
almost the strongest they'd seen, second only to Ramiel's, and that
had taken hours of prep and the entire national power grid to punch
through, luxuries they did not have. She had maybe a few minutes to
come up with something. She needed a genuine Katsuragi Plan, like
she'd come up with for the Fifth and Sixth Angels. There was a
crippling lack of nuke-armed battleships on hand right now, though…
She didn't have much to work with. She decided to try buying time
with a stopgap. "Rei, we're slaving Unit-00's trigger to yours! It will
fire when you do. Try to punch down the Angel's AT-Field as much
as you can and go for a simultaneous attack on one spot! We'll
synch the city defenses to fire at the same time on your target!
Hopefully that will break through!"
"Roger." Rei's response was almost as calm as ever. Almost. Had

she not been in the middle of a desperate battle for survival, Misato
would have spared a moment to wonder at the way Rei sounded
almost… nervous. No time. An Angel was banging on their front
door, ignoring everything they threw at it, and she had to stop it.
Two Evas left. Unit-02 was down, bleeding in the street, no hands or
feet left. Lieutenant Aoba was trying to order it to lever itself up on
the stump of its arm and aim the spike launchers in the Eva's fins at
the Angel, but the Dummy Plug's control signals were a chaotic
mess from all the damage and pan. The city's gun and missile
positions continued to hammer away at the Angel, achieving little but
an expensive fireworks show. The JSSDF had aircraft and more
artillery en route, but so far they'd managed nothing useful. Misato
was running out of options.
'We can't let that thing reach Terminal Dogma,' she thought. 'From
what Kaji showed me down there and told me about it, if an Angel
makes contact with that 'Adam', it's all over. All life on Earth wiped
out. But if Rei can't stop it…' She knew there were self-destruct
charges placed throughout the Geofront for the ultimate contingency.
For stopping it on the surface…
She placed her hand on Lieutenant Hyuga's shoulder. "Makoto,

make sure the self-destruct charges are armed, and get the JSSDF
Special Liaison on my secure line," she said quietly.
The young man looked up at her with a grim expression, but nodded.
The JSSDF Special Liaison was the official contact for requesting an
N2 strike… or a true nuclear one. "Roger, ma'am, but… it's already
in the city, right over us. If we call in an N2 strike, it will…"
"It will flatten the entire city. I am aware."
"Ma'am…" Lieutenant Hyuga sweated. "Most of the shelters on the

surface aren't rated for a point blank N2 blast…"
"I know . We may not have a choice. We have to stop that thing."
'Damn it, Kaji. I wish you were here next to me. Damn Commander
Ikari's order banning you from HQ for 'spying'.' "Get the Liaison on
the line. We need that plane overhead immediately, before it's too
late."
She turned her eyes to the main holographic display. 'God damn
Commander Ikari for firing Shinji and Asuka. I need them here! Rei,
you're our only hope!'
Unit-00 slowly backed away as the Angel drifted forward, keeping

the distance open. But after just a few blocks, the umbilical cable
going into its back began to grow taut. Unit-00 came to a reluctant
halt, its rifle still steadily aimed at the Angel's face. The Angel
likewise halted and its eyes began to glow…
"Hey, stupid," a strangely calm voice roared out over Eva-scaled

speakers. The Angel turned to look back at the call…
… and took a blast of positrons to the face.
Unit-00 fired at the same time. The city guns fired a fraction of a
second later, pounding at the same spot. The Angel's AT-Field flared
under the combined hit, and for the first time stretched and tore. The
huge needle-like dart from Unit-00's rifle slowed from a glowing hot
streak to a visible bolt, but pierced through the barrier and gouged a
deep scar across the Angel's tubby chest. It bellowed its pain and
anger back at them.
'I owe Asuka 100 yen. I am surprised that actually worked like she
said it would.' She hoisted the Improved Positron Rifle Mk II she'd
equipped from the Weapons Building and adjusted her aim to point
at the Angel's face. "I am Rei Ayanami, First Child. I defend this city
and my friends. You shall not pass. "
Maya's eyes widened. "Doctor Akagi, Rei's Synch Rate just jumped
2.4%! Her neural pulse speed is up too! She's never had this kind of
reaction to Unit-01 before!"
Doctor Akagi put her hand on Maya's shoulder and leaned in to

examine the young tech's readouts. "That's… She's still lower than
the Second or Third Child, but this is a new best for her. Good…"
She looked up at the main display. The Angel didn't seem at all
impaired by the one wound they'd managed to inflict on it. It only
seemed angry. "I think she's going to need it…"
"Where's my air support?" Misato demanded.
"UN and JASSDF attack flights inbound, ETA 3 minutes, Major!"

Lieutenant Hyuga reported. "The… Special Attack flight is still
prepping. They estimate 20 minutes before they'll be… ready."
Misato nodded. They'd just have to hold that long, no matter what.
And Rei was on the offensive now. Finally, something going their
way. "Three minutes to air, Rei! Just hold on!"
"Acknowledged, Major Katsuragi."
Rei waited. She let the Angel's eyes begin to glow before she pulled
the trigger again. The blast of positrons tore through its AT-Field by
itself that time, chased by a bolt of Unit-00's rifle and the torrent of
shells from the city's guns a fraction of a second later. The bolt
ripped another chunk of flesh out of the Angel's upper body as shots
from the city guns pockmarked its skin with smaller wounds. The
Angel growled its anger again and prepared another blast.
Rei took a step forward and shot it in the face again. 'I was correct. It
has to weaken its AT-Field a fraction to fire its beam outwards. I can
anticipate the blast and break its attack with my own before it can
fire.' She shot it again, Unit-00 and the support guns following suit.
More wounds appeared on the Angel's hide.
'I can do this. I can defeat it, and protect my friends.' She took
another step, fired again. The Angel was retreating step for step with
her now, drifting backwards away from her and Unit-00.
Step, fire. Step, fire. 'They are counting on me. Major Katsuragi and
the Commander are counting on me. I can do this.' Another step,
another blast. Unit-0 stepped closer, faster, coming in from the
Angel's right side. The Angel turned slightly to face Unit-00 more
directly, unfurling its arms again…
'I will show my friends they can rely on me. I will request of the
Commander that they be allowed to return to duty, so we can be
together again. I do not want to face battle again without them. I
need them with me. I do not want to be alone ever aga-'
The crash of pain nearly drove Rei to her knees. She couldn't see,
couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't hold in the scream that tore its
way free of her lips. It felt like someone had smashed an axe into her
left temple. Blinding spikes of pain threw hallucinatory lightning
across her sight a second before something heavy and solid crashed
into Unit-01's chest and knocked her stumbling back.
Rei barely kept her feet and desperately blinked her vision clear,
shaking her head. What had hit her? What happened? She struggled
to keep the Positron Rifle pointed at the blurry bulk of the Angel.
There was a blue and grey blur on the ground between Unit-01 and
the Angel. Rei focused on it, trying to figure out what had hit her and
put the dent in Unit-01's chest armor. Her rapid blinking at last got
her sight to refocus, but the pain still spiked through her as she
finally saw what it was.
Unit-00's head rocked gently in the street, dark orange blood and
LCL flowing out of the razor sharp slice across its neck.
Shinji's mouth dropped open in shock. The headless body of Unit-00

wobbled and then toppled over. the giant sniper rifle fell out of its
hands, smashed halfway through the roof of a building, and came to
rest pointing aimlessly skyward. The Angel lowered its ribbon-like
arms and turned back to Unit-01.
"Oh… no…" Asuka moaned. "No no no no no no…"
"Shit," Kaji muttered. 'Katsuragi, I hope you've got one of your

rabbits up your sleeve, because this doesn't look good.'
"She… that's it. She's alone," Shinji said softly. "Our Evas are out.
Rei's got no backup left…"
"She… no! None of us alone! We always do better together! We

can't just sit here and watch Rei get torn apart by that thing!" Asuka
cried. "We have to help her!"
"There's… there's nothing we can do, Asuka. That's all NERV's

Evas, right there," Kaji said regretfully. "Unit-02 has half of one arm
left. Unit-00 is… very out of action."
"Drive us to Unit-02! Shinji and I can get it to… to… something !"
The tall Inspector shook his head. "Unit-02 can't even move, Asuka."
"There's got to be something we can do to help Rei! That's my friend

out there!" Asuka almost shouted at him. "Drive us to NERV HQ,
they've got to have something we can do! They're hardly in a
position to tell us to go away now!"
"Do something? With what, Asuka? I want to help Rei-chan too, but
what are you going to do, hoist up a Positron Rifle yourself?" Kaji
looked back out at the battle, avoiding the desperately pleading look
on the young girl's face. "Come on. We need to get to a shelter, right
no. NERV and JSSDF contingency plans in this kind of situation call
for major N2 strikes to buy time, and nuclear ones as a last resort.
We don't want to be here when that comes. And I know Katsuragi,
she will call in those strikes if she has to to stop that thing."
Asuka gave one last despairing look over the balcony's edge at the
fight. Unit-01 was still up, Positron Rifle leveled at the Angel, but the
confident, solid posture it had a moment ago was gone. The purple
Eva now swayed badly, looking like it was wounded and in pain
somehow.
Kaji's hand on her shoulder made her jump. "Asuka-chan, we have

to go, now."
She reluctantly turned to follow him to the door. She made it less
than a step before she was pulled up short by her other hand. Shinji
hadn't moved. He was still looking out at the battle.
Asuka's eyes narrowed. His posture wasn't paralyzed or despairing.

He… he had something? A spark of hope flared in her chest. 'My
sweet baka's thought of something?' "Shinji?"
Shinji turned around, a strange look in his eye. "I've got an idea."
Rei struggled to clear her mind. Her head felt like it had been
smashed open and knives taken to the exposed meat. It hurt. It hurt
it hurt it hurt it hur- 'S-stop that. Yu have felt w-worse. You have
withstood withdrawal from Doctor Akagi's d-drugs. You can handle
this.' She forced down her nausea. Vomiting in LCL could make her
choke.
The Angel faced her again and its eyes began that warning glow.
Forming a coherent AT-Field barrier was impossible with her head
swimming like this. She threw herself to the side, signaling for the
pop-up armor plate there to activate.
The Angel's beam sliced right through her umbilical and the power
cable for the Positron Rifle before destroying the building behind her.
The timer snapped to life on one wall of the Entry Plug and the
numbers began their rapid countdown. 'Five minutes and I am dead,
one way or another,' Rei grimly noted. 'I will make them count.'
The Improved Positron Rifle Mk II had an internal battery for seven

shots. More, if she cut the power per shot, but she doubted that
would be a good idea against this Angel. Then she'd be down to an
Eva-scale pistol and her Progressive Knife. That would have to be
enough. She knew NERV's contingency plans called for N2 Mines,
nuclear weapons, and the destruction of the Geofront if all else
failed. The Angels could not be permitted access to what lay below.
The faces of her friends flashed before her eyes. Their faces, and
more. Shinji and Asuka's bond was… beautiful in ways human
language was inadequate to even begin to describe to her Angelic
eyes. The way their souls lit up when they looked at one another… It
made her glow in response just to be near them and see it. That was
why, despite her love for them both, she had not attempted to insert
herself in that fire, sweet though it might have been. And, oh yes,
now she knew what that feeling she had for them both was. She had
to protect that. 'I must not fail them. I will not fail them.'
Rei steeled herself for a moment, then dove back around the armor
panel, whipping the Positron Rifle back on target. She fired twice in
rapid succession. As she'd hoped, the double blast burned through
the Angel's AT-Field and tore at its skin some more. The huge red
Core in the center of its chest did not seem to have taken any hits
yet, despite all the wounds surrounding it.
The Angel's eyes glowed. Rei moved faster than she ever had
before and snapped off two more shots, at its Core this time. She
was right on target, but when the flash of the hit had cleared the
Core was unmarked. She spotted the leaves of an additional set of
armor around the Core retracting into the Angel's body. 'It has extra
protection for its Core. Unfortunate. Three shots, 4:35 left. Fortunate
for me that I do not fight completely alone.'
"Major Katsuragi, I require a new power umbilical for my Eva and

weapon, and any other support possible."
"Roger, Rei! 800 meters south, Support Building 12B! Air support is
making a run in 20 seconds, coming in from the west! They'll cover
you, so be ready to run when they start hitting it!"
Rei waited until the UN VTOLs were seconds away from their attack
before diving out from behind her latest piece of cover and unloading
her last three shots at the Angel's Core again. She took off running
before the flash of the blast had even faded.
"Can't you make this thing go any faster?"
Kaji eyed the speedometer on the plain Section 2 sedan he'd

checked out of the NERV motor pool a week ago. 152 kph, it said.
He chuckled grimly. "I don't think anyone but Katsuragi's ever said
that to me before, Asuka-chan."
Asuka slid back down into the backseat from trying to get a look at
the ongoing fight out the back window. "Now I know why Misato
drives like that. You taught her, didn't you?"
He grinned tightly. "Hey, back then I just thought it was a fun way to
impress her and get her 'excited'. Good times." He threw the car into
a precisely calculated drift around a corner and aimed for the nearest
Geofront access point. Asuka and Shinji bounced and rattled in the
backseat. Each had their free hand clamped tightly on the door
handles. Their other hands, he noted with a faint feeling of envy, had
never left each other's grasp. In fact, they hadn't let go of each other
since he'd encountered them coming in to the apartment, he
realized. 'Huh… Those two… I'll still have to tell Katsuragi what
they've really been up to, later. Assuming we survive the day, that is.'
"Um… Kaji-san? Aren't we going to have to stop and wait for the
vehicle transport train?" Shinji asked nervously, noting they weren't
slowing down as they shot through the caution-striped metal
gateway.
"Ordinarily, yes, Shinji-kun…" Kaji said absently as they skidded

sideways past the 'STOP HERE FOR LOADING' signs and barriers.
"But during an Angel alert, they lock down the trains at the depo in
the Geofront to save power and reduce MAGI load. So right now the
tracks are empty and it would take too long for a train to get up here.
So this is faster."
The edge of the drop onto the track was coming closer very fast.
"Um… what's faster?" Asuka asked even more worriedly.
"The direct approach," Kaji said with a smile as he aimed the car at
the tracks on a shallow angle.
They shot over the edge and onto the tracks at over 120 kph, to the
chorus of the Children screaming in alarm. The darkness of the train
tunnel into the Geofront loomed in front of them, angling steeply
down.
( watch?v=WjzusWxi774)
Rei's hands shook badly on the control yokes as she tried to train the
Eva's pistol on target. It was difficult; she was not left-handed. But
Unit-01's right hand was now lying two kilometers back, 700 meters
south of the melted ruin of Support Building 4D and her Positron
Rifle. The waves of pain reverberating through her body did not help
either.
She'd faced pain before. She'd lived for years with worse injuries
regularly. But back then the agonies had been muffled, buried deep
in an ocean of numbness brought by her cocktail of drugs. Now she
was clearer-headed and more driven than ever before, but she
likewise lacked the protective buffer against sympathetic injuries and
pain that Piloting an Eva brought.
And today was testing her limits of endurance. Her head still felt like
someone had split it open with an axe, Unit-01 was bleeding from
half-a-dozen wounds where she'd been unable to fully stop the
Angel's devastating beam attack, and now she'd lost her dominant
arm below the elbow. She'd barely been able to scramble out of the
way of the Angel's latest blasts.
She could feel how much weaker and more ragged her AT-Field
was. The pain was making it harder and harder to concentrate. She
shot a glance at her radar. There weren't many aircraft left. Several
had been swept from the skies by the Angel's beam when it tired of
their harassment. The survivors had expended all of their munitions
to little effect, and were now headed back to their bases to rearm as
fast as possible, though Rei knew there was little chance they'd
return in time to do anything.
There was one jet still loitering at the edge of the battlefield. The
Special Attack plane, she knew, armed with N2 Mines and at least
one nuclear fusion device. 'My friends will die by fire if I am weak. I
must not fail. I cannot fail. I will not fail.'
She was backed up against one of the Main Access Gates down to
the Geofront. Meant for bringing down Eva-sized pieces of
equipment or the like, it offered a relatively easy way down into
NERV's fortress. It seemed to be the Angel's immediate objective,
judging by the way it was relentlessly pressing Rei back.
The Angel looked wounded too. Gouges, burns, and shot craters
dotted its entire front, and she'd even managed a scratch or two on
its Core with her next-to-last shot from the Positron Rifle. One of its
ribbon-like arms was now half as long, ending in a melted stub
where her last Positron Rifle shot had struck. But it kept coming,
ignoring all the damage she'd done to it.
The Eva pistol was a poor second to her lost rifle, but she was
running out of options. She took aim, trying to stop the shaking in her
hands. "You will not pass," she declared over the external speakers
again.
The Angel only growled at her again, and slashed at her with its
arms. She ducked beneath the high swipe and dove into a forward
roll, firing the pistol until it clicked empty. The rain of bullets pocked a
few more holes around the Angel's Core, but the two that would
have shipped at the Core itself were again blocked by the extra
armor cover that snapped closed over it.
A tremendous screeching and crashing came from behind her. Rei

darted a look behind her to see the Main Access Gate falling apart.
'It was not slashing at me, it was cutting the Gate open!' Rei realized.
'There is nothing left between the Angel and the Geofront Access
Shaft but Unit-01.'
The Angel's eyes began to glow again. Rei threw the empty pistol at
it and reached for her PRogressive Knife.
Her hand never made it. The Angel's beam caught her right in the
center, smashing through her hasty AT-Field barrier and throwing
Unit-01 into the now opened Access Shaft.
Despite the urgency and terror of the situation, Shinji still couldn't
help himself. He just stood there in stunned awe as his girlfriend
finished sealing her plugsuit and pressurized it. The way the skintight
red synthetic material wrapped around her figure… 'She is just so
beautiful…'
They'd reached the locker room in NERV UQ after somehow

surviving the terrifying descent down the train tracks to the Geofront
floor at speeds that should have left his hair white. Kaji had
questioned they delay to put on their plugsuits, but Asuka had
insisted they'd need every advantage to make Shinji's plan work.
They'd gotten out of their regular clothes and into their suits faster
then they'd ever done it before, but even that haste couldn't stop
Shinji from drinking in her beauty for just a few seconds. Asuka
noticed his stare. "What?"
Shinji blushed. Despite weeks of sleeping next to each other every

night, just getting caught staring at Asuka without clothes was still
enough to trigger intense embarrassment thanks to his Japanese
upbringing. "I… You're so beautiful, Asuka. You're the best thing
that's ever happened to me in my whole life. Even if we don't make it
today, it's still worth it. I hate having to fight, but I wouldn't be
anywhere in the world but right here with you."
Asuka rolled her eyes at him, but smiled. "You say the sweetest
things as the weirdest times, my dearest baka. But you're not
allowed to die, I told you. It's you and me, until the end of the world.
And we're going to win . Together we're invincible, remember?" She
winked at him and slapped his A-10 Interface Headset onto his head.
"Now shut up and get in the giant robot, Shinji."
He smiled and grabbed her hand as they ran out of the room. "Yes,
ma'am!"
Unit-01 fell out from the Geofront ceiling, limbs pinwheeling limply in
the air as it plummeted the 900 meters to the floor below. The
gigantic Evangelion slammed into the ground with a tremor that
shook Central Dogma like an earthquake. Sand and grit fell from the
high ceiling, peppering the consoles and personnel below.
"Shit!" Misato spat the dust out of her mouth. The Angel had cut
open the Access Gate, blasted Unit-01 into it, and followed too
quickly for her to even try ordering the Special Attack flight in as a
last effort to stop it. The Angel was descending into the Geofront
already. "Get the internal defenses aimed at the Access Shaft, now!"
she ordered Aoba. "Maya, tell me Rei's alright!"
Lieutenant Ibuki urgently hammered at her keyboard. "Her life signs
are stable and she's still conscious. The LCL in the Entry Plug
cushioned the hit enough to protect her, but Unit-01 is in bad shape.
A lot of the armor on the back was damaged in that impact, right arm
is totally non-functional now, and the left leg is also disabled."
"What have we got left besides the internal defenses?" Misato

asked.
Lieutenant Hyuga frantically punched commands in at his station.

"We're sending up another Pallet Rifle and Progressive Axe. She's
going to have to use them one-handed, though."
"As long as she can degrade the Angel's AT-Field, the internal
defenses might be able to hurt it. She's already hurt it a lot," Misato
said.
"Unit-01 has 3:58 left on its batteries. I'm trying to get an power cable
set to the Geofront level port," Aoba put in.
Misato tried to rally their last Pilot. "Come on, Rei! You've got to get
up!"
Rei struggled to get Unit-01 back on its feet. She had only moments
before the Angel would reach the Geofront and unless she got back
on her feet the Angel would wipe her out in seconds. 'I c-cannot…
fail. I m-must get up.'
Unit-01 slowly rose to its knees, then shakily stood upright, one hand
leaning against the NERV Pyramid to help stabilize her. The world
still wobbled and spun around Rei. 'Th-there is… a P-pallet Rifle…
200 meters to my left. I must reach it. I must f-fight.'
She staggered towards the weapon lift and power cable station. She
picked up the Rifle, then put it back down when she remembered
she only had one hand left. She'd have to plug in the umbilical first.
She reached around behind her and tried to insert the new cable, but
could not. Something blocked the port. She looked at her systems
display. "Major Katsuragi, the impact of the fall smashed the old plug
into the socket. I cannot eject it."
The Geofront was suddenly filled with the roar of dozens of guns and
missile launchers opening up as the Angel floated slowly out of the
Access Shaft. Rei picked up the Rifle and took aim as best she could
with her remaining arm. "I will fight as long as I can."
" Shit! " Misato hissed. Unit-01 had less than 4 minutes of battery
left, and if they couldn't connect to a power cable, that was it. Game
over. "Maya, is there any other way to get power to Unit-01?"
Maya thought furiously. "The only other system nearby that uses the
same level of power the Evangelion umbilicals do is the launch
catapults. If Rei can go stand on one of the launch cradles, we might
be able to charge her there. But she'd have to stay still while we did
it!"
"Best we can do. Rei, head for the launch catapult access way! It's
450 meters to your rear!"
"Roger."
"Maya, start getting the launch cradle moved there!"
"Roger, I… the system's already activating?"
Rei moved Unit-01 as fast as she could towards the catapult access
port, but the crippled left leg made her best speed a hobble. The
movement still seemed to attract the Angel's attention. She could
feel it swing it's eyes toward her, feel her AT-Field prickle as it once
more pushed the light of its soul against hers. It was getting harder
to push back at all.
She felt its ribbon-arms reach out for her as it swept closer. She tried
to dodge, but couldn't move fast enough. The Angel's arms wrapped
around Unit-01 and threw her in a high arc back the way she'd come,
landing near her initial point of impact. She smashed into the NERV
Pyramid like a runaway train.
Central Dogma shook and lurched like a ship in a storm. Half the
screens dissolved into static. Chunks of the ceiling fell onto the
people below, knocking people down left and right.
"Unhh!"
Maya turned around in alarm at the sound of an impact and the cry
of pain right behind her seat. Doctor Akagi lay crumpled on the floor,
a growing pool of blood spreading from under the piece of ceiling
that still hid her head. " Akagi-sempai! "
Maya jumped out of her chair and desperately threw the chunk of
concrete off her senior. "Akagi-sempai, are you alright?! Answer me!
Please!"
"Lieutenant Ibuki, get back to your station. I want a report on Pilot

Ayanami's status immediately."
Maya froze and looked up at the Commander's station in shock.

Commander Ikari stared flatly at her, his face annoyed. "B-but sir,
Doctor Akagi is hurt! She's bleeding pretty badly! We nee-"
"Get back to your station and give me a report on Unit-01 now.

Doctor Akagi is irrelevant now." He motioned for two more junior
techs to drag her out of the way.
Maya stared as they carried her wonderful sempai away, a dripping

trail of blood following them. "Y-yes, sir."
Misato bit down on a snarl. She and Ritsuko might not be getting
along great right now, but that was still her oldest friend Commander
Ikari had just ordered carried away like a sack of meat.
Rei tried to get Unit-01 to respond, but that last impact had all but
crippled her. She could see the Pallet Rifle lying mostly intact about
200 meters in front of her… right in front of the Angel. It was drifting
slowly towards her, its eyes already starting to glow.
Rei activated the speakers for one last attempt at defiance. "I will not
yield. Come to me, Angel. I will not run away." She prepared her AT-
Field to be as strong as she could make it. 2:47 left on the
batteries…
The Angel halted just past the Rifle. It stared at her for a moment.
She could feel its bottomless ferocity and anger through its AT-Field.
She knew the killing blow would come in seconds. 'I am sorry, my
friends. I would have liked to stay with you longer. I hope NERV
survives this day so that I might see you again. I… I love you both…'
"HEY! STUPID!"
A black and purple blur flew out of the air and smashed onto the
Angel's head. Its AT-Field was oriented toward Unit-01, so there was
nothing to stop the blur from crashing down right onto it and
knocking it to the ground. The blur bounced back off it, landing
behind it.
Unit-03 raised its Progressive Knife and pointed it at the Angel. "Get
away from my friend," two voices said in unison from the Entry Plug.
( watch?v=aNOtyJ4n56c)
Advice & Trust Chapter 7 pt 4
United We Stand
"I've got an idea…"
Asuka held her breath and stared at him hopefully. Anything,

anything that would let them go help Rei, do something besides
stand here and watch their friend fight alone.
"What have you got, Shinji-kun?" Kaji asked from right behind her.
"How fast can you get us to NERV HQ, Kaji-san?"
"Less than 12 minutes, if you don't mind some interesting methods.

Why?"
"There's one more Evangelion down there."
Kaji and Asuka's eyes went wide.
'Of course!' Asuka thought. She spun around to face Kaji. "Yes! Unit-
03! We captured it mostly intact, and Misato said they've repaired it
some over the last few days! And she said Doctor Akagi is trying to
get Hikari out of it, that she was absorbed somehow. If she's still in
there, maybe she can… help us synch to it or something!"
"Asuka, I don't know… Unit-03 might still be contaminated by that

Angel. They're still not sure it's-"
" Please, Kaji! We can't just stand here and watch that Angel tear
Rei apart! We have to do something, and this could work!"
"Asuka and I have Piloted together before, against Gaghiel. We
made it work then, and that was before we did our synchronization
training," Shinji argued. "Please, Kaji-san. Rei is our friend, and
Misato told me that an Angel getting down into the Geofront could
end the world. You have to let us try this!"
Something flickered in Kaji's eyes. "That's right. And Angel can't be

allowed to reach Terminal Dogma. Alright, let's go."
Getting to the Eva Cages had been easy. Everyone was at their alert
stations, and all the 'active' Evas had been launched, so the Cages
were deserted . Fortunately, Kaji had known the commands to swing
the mysterious 'salvage' array away from the Entry Plug already
positioned at Unit-03's neck, and they'd piled inside. Shinji had
looked slightly confused whe she'd insisted he sit in the Pilot's seat.
His confusion cleared up as Asuka settled into his lap with one arm
behind his neck and started tapping the commands for the startup
sequence. Unit-03 was a Production Type, just like her Unit-02, so
the controls were almost identical. That part had been easy.
Then the synchronization had started up, and things got… strange.
Starting Unit-02 had never felt like this. Unit-02 had always felt
comfortable, welcoming, and put Asuka in mind of happier memories
of her mother. Unit-03 had felt… not hostile, but… chaotic, confused,
wary… almost afraid of them? It had been easier when Shinji had
taken her hand and started squeezing it in rhythm, the same beat
they'd trained to. Once he and she were in synch with each other,
the thought-noise had decreased. She felt it without needing any
words when Shinji let her 'take the lead' in trying to synchronize with
Hikari, if she really was in here. Hikari was her friend much more
than Shinji's, after all.
Concentrating on that helped. Their joint Synchronization Rate had

crawled up to 18, 20, 27%. Terrible, and little more than a third of
what either of the managed in their own Evas these days, but
enough to let them move and fight. Letting herself continue acting as
the link to the Eva, Asuka mentally pushed Shinji to take
responsibility for getting Unit-03 in motion towards the launch
catapults. Their joint synch had gotten easier with each step. She
could feel Shinji more clearly and easily through the Eva as they
went, each move becoming an easier act the more they did it.
It was like a dance, she realized. Reading him, feeling his moves
before he made them, watching his responses to his motions, the
mutual feedback… It was just like the dancing Misato made them do
during their synchronization training. Asuka was suddenly seized by
a strong desire to do more regular dancing with Shinji as some point
soon. This was… fun?
It really was. She found herself grinning, Despite the craziness of the
plan, the urgent need to get to the fight and save their friend, Asuka
was enjoying herself. She and Shinji were about to ride into battle
again, together, and very definitely save the day or die trying. Not
that she thought they'd fail for even a second, but you couldn't have
the spectacular save-the-day moment without danger, right? "You
and me, together, against Angels and anything that tries to hurt us,
until the end of the world, ne, baka?" she said quietly as they locked
in to the catapult cradle.
She could feel his smile through the link. "Always and forever. Let's
kick some Angel ass and save Rei."
She grinned harder. The eager tingle between them, the positive
feedback loop, the sheer joy of doing this together… Asuka stifled a
giggle. 'This is almost like the more mental aspects of our sex life,'
she thought. Visions swam across her mind of Shinji's face, close to
hers in the dark of their room, smiling the way he did when they just
laid together afterwards…
The link to the Eva was suddenly vibrating, buzzing oddly with…
embarrassment? Shock? Huh? It suddenly felt like the Eva was…
blushing, and then eagerly inquisitive. Their synch crept up another
few points.
'Oh, shit, did I just out Shinji and I to Hikari? Hikari, are you in there?
Is that you?' Asuka tried thinking directly at the vague presence of
the Eva. She could sort of feel an impression of her friend, like a
silhouette behind a thick curtain… but there was another shadow
behind her, like a second person farther away.
Worry about it later. 'Hikari, if you can hear me, Shinji and I need you
to help us. Rei's in danger and we're all that's left between an Angel
smashing its way through all of NERV. We have to fight!'
Asuka felt a distinct impression of confusion and fear, but it was

capped with uncertain agreement. Hikari was with them. 'At least, I
hope that's what she means,' Asuka thought. She could feel Shinji
nod.
The catapult system was easy to access from the Eva. It had been
built with the possibility the Pilots might have to launch themselves in
mind. The acceleration pressed her down onto Shinji's lap, but the
LCL buffered most of it. Then they were airborne, shot high into the
air over the NERV HW pyramid. She could see the mangled and
scarred body of Unit-01 lying against one face of it, LCL and blood
streaming from wounds all over. The black and white bulk of the
Angel was right below them, dead center of where Shinji was
somehow aiming them with flickers of their combined AT-Field.
Asuka's lips twisted into a feral snarl. She felt Shinji's anger right
beside her own. She/He/They curled one of the Eva's legs and
extended the other. She and Shinji were about to administer soem
Eva-sized boot to the head. Her/His/Their hand drew the Progressive
Knife for a follow-up strike. 'You tried to hurt my friend? Open wide,
Scheißkerl!
"HEY! STUPID!"
"YES! WAY TO GO, KIDS!" Misato shouted in joy.

The mood on Central Dogma's command deck had suddenly swung
from mounting despair to shouts of relief and cheer. Shinji and
Asuka, the Pilots who'd won victory after victory had appeared once
again to save the day. Misato forced herself not to shoot a
triumphant glare up at Commander Ikari. They didn't have time for
that now.
"I need every status reading you can get on Unint-03 and I need it
five seconds ago, Maya! Shigeru, get every weapon we can reach
aimed at that Angel and try to hose it constantly. We can't tie the
shots to the trigger like we did with Rei, so we'll just have to pour it
on and hope it leaks through when the kids get an opening for us.
Makoto, have we got anything left weapons-wise we can get to
them? They've only got Unit-03's onboard knife."
"Working, ma'am!" Lieutenant Hyuga replied, his hands racing over

his keyboard. "Two more Pallet Rifles are all we've got left that might
get through. No more Positron weapons, and nothing else has been
doing much good."
"Get one of our N2 mines moved to the support lines. We might have
to use it, but with two Evas we stand a chance of containing the
blast," she ordered.
"Minimal telemetry available on Unit-03, ma'am!" Maya reported.

"But I'm getting two signals from the Entry Plug! Both Shinji-kun and
Asuka are in there! But they've only got two minutes of power left!"
"Get that umbilical cable reset for them and hurry! Can we reach
them on comms?"
"Nothing yet, but we're trying. I can still reach Rei, and I think she
can relay!"
Rei's heart soared. Despite the pain, a tiny smile crept onto her lips.
'My friends have come for me. I am not alone.'
With her friends here, victory was assured. But she must help. She
must warn them of the Angel's tactics and surprises before it could
hurt them. Fortunately, the communication systems were mostly
buried in the Entry Plug itself, so they should still be functional even
after all the damage Unit-01 had taken. She had little else at this
point. Less than two minutes left on the batteries, one working arm
and leg… Unit-01 still had its Progressive Knife in the right pylon, but
it was not in any shape to use it. Information to help her friends was
her most potent weapon now.
"Asu-… Pilot Soryu, Pilot Ikari, can you hear me? The Angel's AT-
Field weakens momentarily just before it fires a beam weapon from
its eyes. You can disrupt its attack and more easily penetrate its AT-
Field if you strike when you see a warning glow building up in its
eyes. The beam can also be blocked or deflected by a full-strength
AT-Field barrier."
"Rei! You alright?" Asuka shouted, reassured. She was alive, at

least, though she sounded terrible to Asuka's ears. "Thanks for the
hint. Baka-Shinji and I will take it from herOHSHIT!"
Rei's warning came a second too late. The Angel had quickly
bobbed back up after their sudden impact, growling ominously. Its
eyes flashed suddenly, and a blindingly bright beam stabbed towards
her/his/their chest. Asuka felt Shinji mentally push her behind him in
the link, taking the majority share of their synchronization with the
Eva's physical responses.
The beam caught them right in the center of the chest, crashing
through the hasty AT-Field they threw up. Asuka felt the center of her
own chest erupt with heat, like the laser had struck her directly. She
bit down on an anguished cry. Shinji, bearing more of the physical
bond, took it worse. His scream of pain filled the Entry Plug and tore
at Asuka's heart.
Unit-03's chest plate smoked and melted a little, but held. Asuka
craned her head to look her boyfriend in the face. "Shinji?! Are you
ok?"
Sweat beaded against his skin, forming tiny spheres before mixing
into the LCL. He panted heavily, but his hands never left the control
yokes under hers. "Y-you c-call that a b-beam? I've had w-worse!" he
raggedly snarled back at the Angel. "Let's finish him, Asuka!"
"I have managed to inflict some damage to the Angel, but its Core
has additional armor it only exposes when directly attacked," Rei
continued from her comm window.
"We're going to have to finish this fast, no matter what we do," Asuka
said. "We've got less than two minutes of battery life at this level of
draw, and we can't afford to lower it if we're going to put up an AT-
Field to block those beams! I do not want you having to tank another
hit like that, baka!"
"No argument here, Asuka," Shinji said with a grimace. "That wasn't
as bad as Ramiel, but still hurt." He sent Unit-03 charging at the
Angel, raising the Progressive Knife.
The Angel just let them come. Unit-03's thousands of tons of mass
and momentum just slammed to an instant halt when they hit its AT-
Field. The Angel's bone-like facemask leered at them from just a few
meters away, almost within arm's reach. She/He/They pushed
harder, pressing the Progressive Knife forward, slowly forcing the
Angel's AT-Field to stretch…
"Down!" they both suddenly shouted to each other in stereo. They

dropped below the Angel's line of sight less than a second before the
next beam shot out.
Asuka worriedly glanced at the countdown timer's relentless flicker.

1:47. They had to strike fast . She and Shinji shoved off the ground
and bounced back up, tearing at the Angel's AT-Field with all the
power they could muster.
And they were doing it. She could feel it, the AT-Field she and Shinji
were putting up together was stronger than any they'd managed
separately. They slowly tore through the Angel's barrier, pushing
through with a shout from both their throats. They stabbed the Knife
into the Angel's shoulder near a deep gouge from a wound Rei had
inflicted. The Angel's entire shoulder started to tear away.
The Angel bellowed in pain and whipped it's other arm up to slap
Unit-03's hand away. The Progressive Knife went spinning off into
the air. Asuka cursed furiously in German as they grabbed at the
ribbon-arm with one hand and tried to tear the flopping shoulder
completely off with the other.
The Angel charged forward, knocking them off balance and making
them stumble back away. They kept their grip on the shoulder,
though, and it tore free as they fell back. The Angel roared again.
She/He/They ran for the Knife, a few long strides and a diving roll
resulting in them coming back up facing the Angel, armed once
again, but now farther away from it an Rei. The Angel's eyes glowed
again, but this time they were ready. Their AT-Field barrier stopped
the beam dead, though they both could feel the effort needed to
hold.
Asuka looked at the timer again. 1:09. 'Damn. No time for grand
strategies. Charge!' Shinji felt her impulse, and joined right in. They
ran at the Angel again, diving and dodging more beams. They
weren't so lucky on the fourth shot. Even their combined barrier
couldn't hold this time, and they both screamed in unison as the
lance of energy sheared off Unit-03's left hand and took a piece out
of their shoulder.
But the attack didn't stop their charge, and now they were close in
again. The Angel's AT-Field was still weak from the last shot, and
they tore through easier this time. Together, they swung the Knife for
the Core.
Two hemispheres of grey armor snapped closed over the Core the
instant before their blade could strike. The Progressive Knife
sparked and skidded off the curved surface.
"Damn it!" Asuka cursed. "It's too fast!"
"The Knife is all we've got, though!" Shinji replied, trying to bring their
arm around for another strike.
"Maybe we can get to that Pallet Rifle that Rei dropped?"
"The one behind the Angel? We'll have toAAAAA!"
The Angel gave them no time to attack again. It slashed with its
remaining arm, forcing them to parry a strike right at their face.
Asuka flicked her eyes at the timer again. 0:33
'We need something, fast!'
Rei forced Unit-01 to move. It was crippled, mangled, and more

broken than functional, but her will was stronger than ever, and she
made it move. She crawled as fast as she could to where her Pallet
Rifle had landed. It was the only thing left that could reach the Angel
and help her friends.
Her Eva's hands closed on the Rifle and dragged it into a prone firing
position. She took aim at the Angel's back.
She/He/They pressed harder and harder, striking at the Angel with

increasing desperation. Nothing got through. Every strike that got
close to the Core was blocked by the armor. They'd carved half the
Angel's face off with the blade, costing it an eye and making its beam
attack much weaker. But the countdown timer had just reached 0:09
and there was nothing left.
"Hikari, help us!" Asuka shouted in frustration.
The countdown hit zero.
"Oh no…" Misato whispered, her face paling. Central Dogma fell
tomb-silent.
"Move! Move! Move! Move!"
"Hikari, please !"
The Angel drew its remaining arm back, leveling the edge of the
ribbon at Unit-03's head. It struck faster than a cobra at Unit-03's
head.
Unit-03 raised its arms in a futile defensive gesture.
Unit-01's eyes lit up.
An AT-Field stronger than any they'd seen before flashed into

existence in front of Unit-03. The Angel's strike slammed into it and
ricocheted away with a shower of sparks.
In the Entry Plug, Asuka and Shinji lowered their arms together.
"What… did… did we?" Shinji stuttered.
"I… don't think so? It wasn't me. Hikari?" She aimed the last at her
friend's presence.
Confusion and negation . Asuka shook her head and they just stared
at each other.
"If it wasn't us, then…?" Shinji asked, looking back out the display.
Then he saw it.
Unit-01 had its remaining hand stretched out at them.

"You… will not… harm them…" Rei panted. Alone in the Plug, no
one could see her eyes glow faintly red. "I… will… not… permit… it!
"
The countdown timer flashed 00:00, its steady tone like a heart
monitor flatlining. Very appropriate, since it meant they were dead
too… but… Asuka blinked. They were looking out through the
display. The display that was still on! "Shinji!"
"Asuka!" he burst out at the same time, "Look!"
"The displays are still on!"
"No, look outside!" He pointed. "Unit-03 raised its arms when we

did!"
They locked eyes. "We still have power!"
"How?!" Shinji asked.
"I don't know!" Asuka replied. "I… wait! The Angels must have grown
an S2 Organ in the Eva's body when it infected it! It's got all the
power we could need! We can still fight!"
"Then let's finish him!"
Determined agreement! came from the presence of Hikari.
"Now!"
(Two Steps From Hell - United We Stand, Divided We Fall) watch?

v=6O6Q1OiF6LI
Together, they pulled their arm back, and stabbed the Progressive
Knife at the Angel's Core again. The Angel's AT-Field resisted, but
they drew more and more power from Unit-03's Core and pushed
harder and harder. Their AT-Field grew stronger and stronger until it
parted like paper, the AT-Field from Unit-01 combining with their own
to crush the Angel's.
The Angel staggered forward into their attack as Rei raked its back
with fire from the Pallet Rifle. It's shredded AT-Field offered no
protection against the attack from the rear when all its energy was
directed forward. The point of Unit-03's blade actually made contact
with the Core before the armor snapped up around it, trapping it in
place.
"Oh no you don't!" Shinji and Asuka screamed together.
They turned, shifting Unit-03's position to place it to their left side,

moved their weight onto one foot and leaned back. He/She/They
brought up the Eva's gigantic foot and side-kicked the hilt of the
blade with all the might they could muster.
The armor pinched around the blade couldn't stop the kick with the
blade already between the pieces. The Progressive Knife slammed
forward, cracking the Core and sinking hilt-deep.
The Angel screamed loud enough to shatter windows in the buildings

hanging from the roof of the Geofront overhead. It wrapped its
remaining arm around Unit-03 and pulled it up close against it, fixing
one last glare on Unit-03. The broken Core began to glow brighter.
"It's going to blow!" Shinji shouted, trying to pull them back. The
Angel's arm was too strong.
" I… WILL… NOT… PERMIT… IT!" Rei snarled. She took careful
aim at the center of the Angel's back and held down the Pallet Rifle's
trigger.
The stream of bullets tore into and through the Angel's weakened
back, no AT-Field left to stop them anymore. The Core erupted
outward in a shower of sparks and fragments, spraying across Unit-
03's chest. The glow in the Core and the Angel's eyes faded out, its
huge body now slumping limply against Unit-03.
Then Rei could see no more, as Unit-01's batteries died and the
Entry Plug went dark.
"They did it…" Misato whispered. Her face brightened into an ear-to-
ear grin "They did it!" she shouted. Central Dogma exploded into
cheers.
Misato whirled to stare triumphantly at the Commander's station,

ready to smirk at Commander Ikari's expression of distaste that
Shinji and Asuka had saved the day. Her smile faded in confusion as
she saw only an empty chair, and just saw the back of Sub-
Commander Fuyutsuki leaving as well.
"Which leaves me stuck in charge of the clean-up. Thanks, sir," she

muttered. She turned back to her crew and began snapping out
orders to get the Eva's recovered immediately.
Maya stood up, her hands shaking. "Major Katsuragi! May I be

relieved? I… I… I want to go check on…" She gestured helplessly at
the floor.
Misato's eyes caught on the bloodstain on the floor between them,

where Ritsuko had fallen. She looked at Maya's pleading eyes and
nodded. The young tech bolted for the exit heading to the infirmary
as another technician took her place.
'That's one more thing we're going to have to 'discuss' later,

Commander.' She put that aside and focused on getting their heroes
out of their Evas. Unit-01 was in bad shape.
Shinji let his head fall weakly against Asuka's. "We did it. I can't
believe this worked…"
"It was a brilliant idea, my dearest baka. Looks like I'm not the only
genius." Asuka closed her eyes. "I can still… feel Hikari, too. She's in
here, somehow." She unfolded herself from Shinji's lap and knee-
walked forward in the Plug, hands out like she was searching by
touch. "It's… like she's just around the corner or something…"
Shinji nodded. He closed his eyes and sank more deeply into their
link. "I… I can sense her better now that we're not fighting… I can… I
can almost feel her!" He held his hands out blindly, like he could
reach her.
There was a sound like a door slamming underwater, and suddenly

Shinji's lap was full of teenage girl again. Asuka stared in shock as a
very corporeal and entirely naked Hikari suddenly appeared in her
boyfriend's lap. His arms wrapped around her on reflex.
Shinji looked from Hikari's face to Asuka's. "Buhwha?" he said

articulately.
Asuka's face purpled. "You can feel her alright! Now stop! " She
shuffled over and pulled Hikari's limp form out of Shinji's lap and
turned her so her back was to Shinji. "How the fuck did you do
that?!"
Shinji's eyes were wide. "I… I have no idea! Is she breathing?!"
Asuka checked. Hikari's eyes were closed and she appeared

unconscious, but her chest rose and fell. "Yeah… She's alive…" Her
head snapped up to meet Shinji's eyes, a huge grin breaking out on
her face. "She's alive!"
Hikari slowly became aware she was awake and lying in bed again.
It was hard to separate from the dreams at first. Her body felt…
indescribably strange. But that was better than not feeling anything
at all.
'Did… did that all really happen? Mother? Was that really her? She…
she knew me. That was her, I know it! She's in the Eva, she
protected me!' A sigh and a tear of joy escaped her.
"Hikari? Are you awake?" said a familiar voice. A slim-fingered hand

took hers and gently squeezed it.
Hikari blinked slowly and peeled her eyes open. "Asuka?"
Her friend sat just to her right, holding her hand. Ikari-kun was sitting
right beside her. Hikari blinked as memory rushed back in.
LoveLustTrustJoyHappinessTrustComfortLoveLustJoyHappinessTru
stComfort. Closeness beyond the physical. Absolute confidence in
the love of the other. Fierce courage redoubled by the presence of
the other close by. Memories and images of the other's face in
ecstasy over and over again because…
Hikari blushed fully scarlet. 'Ohmigodohmigodohmigod, Asuka and

Ikari-kun are sleeping together! They're really together, all the way!
I've… I've never even seen love like that! Holy shit, I want to feel like
that too! But… why are they pretending they're not together?'
"Are you alright, Class Rep? You're looking… kind of red. Should we
call in the nurse?" Ikari-kun asked gently.
"No! No! I'm… I'm fine! I just… um…" She stopped, suddenly
wondering. "Where am I? What happened? Did… did that happen?
Did we fight an Angel?"
Asuka and Ikari-kun looked at each other and smiled. "Yes, we did,"
Asuka said. "You were there too. You got absorbed by the Eva's
Core when the 13th Angel infected Unit-03 somehow. We thought
you were gone, but another Angel appeared just a few hours ago. It
wiped out Rei and the other Evas, so baka-Shinji and I sort of… er…
hijacked Unit-03 to help her. You helped us fight the Angel from
inside the Core somehow. After the battle, you just kind of appeared
in Shinji's lap. How'd you do that?"
Hikari's breath caught. "She… she told me to. She told me I should
go back, but she'd always be in there, watching over me."
Asuka and Ikari-kun looked at each other again. "What? Who said
that, Hikari?"
"… my mother. I'd swear she talked to me." Hikari rubbed her
forehead, trying to force blurry memories into line. "There… when I
started the activation test, I could feel something was wrong. It felt…
cold, angry, and hostile in the Entry Plug. But suddenly there was
this… other presence. Warm, comforting, familiar. It pulled me out of
the Plug somehow, and then I was… floating in space, talking to…
my mother. Sh-she said she'd pulled me in to protect me from… from
something that would have eaten me. And then… I could feel y-you
and Ikari-kun…" Hikari paused as the memory of their blazing,
ecstatic bond thundering over the link at her swelled up again.
"And… then I could follow you, and sort of see outside. We fought
that thing, and when we won, my mother said…'It's time for you to
go, my child. You have people waiting for you. Especially him.' A-a-
and then… Then I woke up now, I guess."
Asuka and Ikari-kun looked at each other a long time. Hikari could
see it now, the way the two of them were having an entire deep
conversation without a word spoken between them. How could she
have missed that? She'd dismissed it all as just the two of them
being 'like' a married couple, but missed how they really were. And
she could see it plainly now. She'd never seen a couple so close as
that. Not even her vague memories of her mother and father from
her childhood. She felt almost like she was intruding just watching
them.
"You are certain it was your mother?" Rei asked.
Hikari jumped. She'd been so fixed on Asuka and Ikari-kun she

hadn't even noticed the blue-haired girl standing quietly behind them.
Rei was bandaged up again, like she'd been months ago when Ikari-
kun had first arrived. Thick bandages covered her right arm and
more peeked out from under her school uniform. "Ayanami-san!"
"I have asked that you call me 'Rei', Hikari-san."
"Rei-san, right, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there. Um, yes, I'm sure it
was my mother. I don't know how, but it was her for sure."
Rei seemed troubled by this information, but she only nodded at

Hikari and fell silent once again.
Asuka looked troubled too. "Your mother… that's… interesting."
Hikari just looked at her. "Why, what does it mean?"
Asuka shook her head. "We'll talk about it later. We just wanted to be
here when you woke up, but we had to promise to leave right after
that. They want to do a whole ton of medical checks on you. Coming
out of an Eva's Core is… a little weird. So Wondergirl, baka-Shinji,
and I are all leaving. We wanted to give you some alone time with
your Stooge there." Asuka jerked her chin at the other side of the
bed.
Hikari's eyes widened and she snapped her head around.
Touji sat on the other side of the bed, smiling tearfully at her. "H-hi,
Hikari. I'm… I'm so happy to see you." The tears starting to run down
his cheeks almost made it look like he wasn't. Hikari knew better.
"T-touji…" her hand grabbed his. She started to cry too.
Asuka grinned a little as she and the others headed for the door.
"We'll stall the docs for as long as we can. Use the time well, you
two."
Hikari barely heard her. She only had eyes for one person. So she
missed Asuka taking Shinji's had as she left, and Rei's curious,
wistful, and slightly envious stare at her and Touji falling into a tight
embrace.
They stalled the doctors for twenty minutes by a combination of
consultations about their own minor (or in Rei's case, a bit more than
minor) injuries, and when that ran out, death glares from the two girls
at anyone who tried approaching the door past them. The ones from
Rei really seemed to unsettle people just from the sheer strangeness
of seeing the First Child doing that.
The time to make their exit was signaled by a sudden shout of

"THEY'RE WHAT?! " from Touji inside the room.
"Oops. Er, time to go!" Asuka said after they all recovered from the
surprise. She grabbed Shinji and Rei's hands and pulled them down
the hall after her.
"Whoa! Wait, Asuka, what was that all about?" Shinji asked as they
were towed towards the elevators at a rapid clip.
"I, er… might have been thinking about you and I when I was
synched to Hikari. Like… I was thinking about… um… last night? So
I think I 'outed' us to her."
Shinji's eyes went wide and his face red. "Sh-sh-she knows ?!" He
blinked. "A-a-a-and that shout means she just told Touji?! "
"Probably." She shot Shinji a slightly worried look. "I'm pretty sure
Hikari will keep quiet, but what about Jock-Stooge?"
Shinji calmed down a little. "Um… I don't think he'll spread it around.
He'll sure want to talk to me about it, though. Mmm… well, he and
Horaki-san have been getting really close. I hope he'll be distracted
for a little while. But… Asuka… if they know… and Kaji knows… and
that means Misato will know soon… I don't know how we can stay
hidden much longer." His hand nervously squeezed hers.
She nodded. "I know. We're pretty much blown now that Kaji knows.
There's no way he won't tell Misato. I think I can convince him to let
us tell Misato, as long as we promise to do it really soon. Like, within
a week. I've got some ideas on how to do that, too."
They reached the elevator bank and Asuka hit the button. She
looked around to make sure Rei was the only person nearby. Once
she'd verified the coast was clear, she let go of Rei's hand and pulled
Shinji into a hug. "And like I said, no matter what happens, once we
have to go public, I'm making sure the whole school knows you're
mine."
Shinji squeezed her back, and smiled as he closed his eyes to enjoy
the hug. When he opened them again, he noticed Rei staring at
them intently. "Rei, are you alright?"
Rei blinked at being caught staring. "I… you two are so beautiful to
see… and…" She looked back down the hall towards Hikari's room.
"They… Suzuhara-san and Hikari were looking at each other the
way you two do. I think… they will be like you soon. Bonded.
Stronger together. Shining inside…" Rei looked back at them with an
almost hungry look. "I hope that I will find one who will look at me
that way. I wish to feel… loved."
Shinji pulled back from the embrace to share a look with Asuka. She
looked as confused as he did. "We love you, Rei, you know that,"
Shinji told her.
Rei shook her head. "That is not what I mean. I mean love like I see
between Suzuhara-san and Hikari, between you and Asuka."
Rei's eyes dropped to her feet and she actually blushed. "Love like I
feel for you both."
Asuka and Shinji shared another stunned look. They snapped their
heads back towards Rei and asked in stereo, "What?!"
"I… love you both," the blunette said softly. She raised her eyes with
a noticeable struggle. "Shinji, you showed me care and compassion
when no one else ever had, not even the Commander. Asuka, you
helped free me from the drugs that clouded my mind when you had
no reason to do anything but dislike me. And you both came for me
and saved me in this battle. I… I look at you and I know I love you
both."
"Rei, we…" Shinji trailed off. What could he say? He looked over at
Asuka. She shrugged too, at an equal loss.
Rei waved her hands defensively at their shocked expressions. "No!

I do not want to intrude! I… I will never try to… intersplice myself in
your bond! It is too beautiful to disrupt! But… I wanted you both to
know. I understand what this feeling is now. It is love. I will protect
that feeling, and you. I will not allow any harm to come to you or your
bond if I can ever do anything about it."
Rei looked out the window at the still mangled form of Unit-01 lying
in the Geofront, recovery crews still swarming over it. A tall, black
figure was barely visible at the center, directing efforts. "No matter
who tries to cause it."
Rei looked back to them, her face coloring. "I… I should go," she
mumbled. "I… I will return to my apartment, and leave you two alone
today."
Asuka shook herself out of the mild shock. "Er, Rei, you literally live
next door to us now. And you nearly always have dinner with us,"
she pointed out.
"Um… yes. That is so. Um." Rei tried to look anywhere but at them.
Shinji tried to close his gaping mouth. Rei was blushing. She was
flustered . Was that even possible? And what she'd just said…
really? She… loved them? 'I mean, I love Rei like a sister, and she's
probably closer to Asuka and I than anyone else in the world, but…
she loves us? Both of us?'
He could tell Asuka was thinking much the same thing, but the
redhead shook it off for the moment. "Rei, you're our closest friend,
cool in a fight, and just helped us kill the toughest Angel we've ever
seen. You can tell us that without turning into a blushing schoolgirl,
right?"
Rei looked at Asuka and blushed harder. "R-really? You… I do not

make you uncomfortable by saying this?"
Asuka shook her head. "We just saved the world again, Rei, despite
Commander Asshole trying to fire us and make you fight alone. I
don't give a damn what anyone but us thinks right now. You… love
us?" Asuka shook her head again. "I'll… today's been too crazy to
process that. So we'll deal with it tomorrow, and for right now, let's all
go home. My sweet baka owes us a grand victory feast." She took
Rei and Shinji's hands, and led them into the arriving elevator.
The trip home was still a bit awkward after Rei's declaration. Shinji
and Asuka had sat close to one another, no longer caring who saw
them together. They'd spent the whole ride up from the Geofront to
the surface just quietly murmuring reassurances to each other that
they were still alive and whole, together. The subject of Rei's
confession was put aside for discussion by mutual silent agreement.
Even dinner was a little odd. Shinji quickly prepared a meal of fried
rice and vegetables for them out of deference to Rei's dislike of
meat, but conversation had been shy and minimal. Every time Rei
looked at either of them, she'd blush again and mumble into her
plate. Though the mood was high thanks to their victorious battle,
there wasn't a lot of talking.
Eventually Rei had departed for her own apartment next door,
darting closer to give them both brief hugs before skittering off in a
hurry. Asuka had stared after her, shaking her head one more time
before turning to Shinji and giving him an even tighter hug of her
own.
"I am incredibly fucking glad you had that idea, Shinji. We got there
just in time. Rei was about to be… if we'd gotten there even one
minute later…" she whispered into his collar.
Shinji just nodded. Rei would have been likely killed, and then there
would have been nothing stopping the Angel from tearing the whole
Geofront apart, killing everyone. He snorted. When Asuka pulled
back to look at him, he explained, "It's kind of a good thing Kaji was
here to catch us. Without him, we'd never have been able to reach
Unit-03 in time."
Asuka's lips twisted, but she nodded. "True, but now he knows, and
we've got only until next weekend before he tells her if we don't do it
first. I've got some ideas of how to go about that, though. Preemptive
payback for the teasing she's going to hit us with." She broke the
hug and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the bathroom. "Now
come on. I want a shower before bed. And then I want you."
Asuka purred contentedly, enjoying the warmth of Shinji lying

cuddled with her as they cooled down. 'Mmm, how did I ever go
without this before? No better way to feel comforted and alive after a
battle than that most primal of communions. You're mine until the
end of us both, Shinji. I can't imagine anyone but you with me. ' She
hugged him tighter. Shinji's eyes dropped down from the ceiling and
he smiled.
She poked his nose. "Earth to Shinji. After what we just finished
doing, I'm a little miffed you're obviously thinking of something else
besides me, Third Child."
He smiled again and gave a tiny shrug. "Something was sticking in

my head about what Hikari said. About seeing her mother in the
Core. It… I don't know what to think. When I was in Unit-00 during
the Cross-Compatibility Tests, I didn't see my mother, or Rei's… I
thought I saw another Rei, just… kind of odd. I thought at the time it
was just an impression of her left behind, since she was the usual
Pilot, but what if it was something else? I don't remember feeling
anything like that when I was in Unit-02 with you, and in Unit-03 it
was definitely Hikari… and I could feel something else behind her.
Was that her mother? How…" Shinji trailed off, unable to articulate
the puzzle.
Asuka narrowed her eyes in thought. "We… we know people can be
pulled in to the Core without dying. Hikari proved that… hmmm."
She flopped back down, studying the ceiling herself now. "I… I
always felt… something in Unit-02. Something warm, comforting.
Unit-01 feel like that for you?"
He nodded.
"Hmm… and when… your mother vanished during the Contact

Experiment, but mine didn't… but when I thought about her during a
Synch Test, my Synch Rate went up right then… But…" 'Body, mind,
soul… What did the experiment do to my mother? Shinji's mother
vanished entirely. Hikari was… pulled in by her own? Does the
soul… migrate? Who or what was it I saw in the 12th Angel? Right at
the end, I thought I saw… so familiar…'
Her heart stopped. Asuka rocketed up, suddenly snapping to fully

upright, the motion flinging the blankets and sheets aside. She tried
to breathe, but her lungs wouldn't obey her. Her eyes burned holes
in the air in front of her, seeing nothing…
Shinji sat up in alarm, frightened by his lover's sudden shock.

"Asuka? What is it? Are you alright?"
She turned to him suddenly, her arms latching onto his shoulders
with desperate strength. " Shinji! I know where they are !"
He winced at her grip, but put his arms around her too, holding her
close. "Who?" he asked, confused.
" Our mothers ! "

Ch 5-5 - Before the Storm - Interlude
Before the Storm Pt 1.5 - Interlude
One of my beta readers pointed out I had Shinji remembering his

mother's disappearance in the Contact Experiment in a conversation
with Asuka just after Leliel, far earlier than he did in canon, where he
only recalled the event after his vision quest in Unit-01's Core and
speaking to his mother. As this was likely an important conversation,
it kind of needed to happen 'on camera', but the oversight didn't get
pointed out until I was well past the spot.
And yes, the disruption and slowdown of my writing routine kept

going. So to energize things and get me moving again, I did a live-
writing session over IRC with some of the story followers from
Sufficient Velocity, and they helped push me to complete that
missing scene in one day. So as a little bit to tide you all over while I
try to get moving on Chapter 8, here's the missing scene that should
fall in the middle of Chapter 4, or (Ch 6, Before the Storm Pt 1) on 's
breakdown.
Shinji had learned a lot in the time since Asuka first kissed him. He'd
learned that kissing was an amazingly fun was to spend time with
someone. He'd learned that seeing someone he cared about in
danger could make him act uncomfortably like his father. He'd
learned that just having Asuka near him made him feel
simultaneously happier and more nervous.
And he'd learned that Asuka, the indomitable tower of courage and
determination, would in fact sometimes cry during and after sex.
The first time he'd been doing it too. The emotions of their first time
together were too strong. It hadn't surprised him much that she
would cry too. The relief and happiness he'd felt at seeing her alive
again and in his arms after she'd spent the day vanished inside Leliel
had been overwhelming. And then she took possession of his heart
once and for all by telling him she loved him, and wanted all of him.
So the tears on both of their faces had not surprised him too much. It
was only when it happened again the next night that he began to
worry. Asuka had silenced his concerns with a fervent kiss.
But it kept happening. By the fourth night, Shinji couldn't stand it

anymore. The idea that he was somehow hurting her, making her
cry, was almost physically painful to him. His need to keep the one
who loved him happy was burning in him like nothing he'd ever felt
before. So this night, he made himself ask.
"A-asuka? I really like this, but… I… I can't stand the idea I'm hurting
you. I don't want to make you cry we don't have to do this if it's…
painful or making you sad or something…" he ventured once they'd
finished.
"Just… shut up." She'd wiped at her face and burrowed into his side.
"You're not making me sad. I'm… crying because you're making me
happy. And that's making me remember the last time I really felt that
way. That's what's making me cry."
"… huh?" Shinji commented astutely.
"Baka. I haven't let anyone see me cry in ten years. Feel honored."
She sniffled.
"I… what? You'd have been just…"
"Yes, that young. I… made a promise. At my mother's funeral. I

wouldn't let anyone see me cry. That I'd grow up fast and not need
anyone. That I'd be the best, and make people look at me."
"W… why would you do that?"
Asuka was silent a long, long time.

"Because the last time I felt this happy, this… worth something, was
before my mother…"
Shinji stiffened. He knew this was something they'd both been

avoiding. "You don't have to…"
"I want to." Asuka stopped him. "I… the last time I felt this happy was
the day I was told I was the Second Child. But that was also the
day… Let me start at the beginning."
Asuka rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. "My mother…
was wonderful. She had an important job, but she always made time
for… for her Asuka. One day, she told me she was going to do some
really important thing, a 'Contact Experiment'… and something went
wrong."
The words echoed somehow with Shinji, but he put it aside for later.
Asuka went on, her voice getting cool and brittle. "She… they
wouldn't let me see her for days. I was almost frantic. And I can see
now why they tried to stop me."
"Mama didn't know me."
Asuka shivered and wiped at her face again. "She… they'd cut her
hair short. She looked… terrible. I could see some kind of burns or
scars on the back of her neck. She… she looked at me once, and
then just told the doctors to 'make that girl go away!'. Then she…
went back to cradling and talking to a… a doll she'd made."
"It had my name on it."
Shinji winced himself from the raw pain in her voice. He rolled onto
his side to put his arm around her, tugging her back into a hug. She
came easily, latching onto him hard.
"She… didn't recognize me at all. I begged her not to stop being my

Mama, to look at me… not to ignore me… But she kept talking to
that damned doll like it was me instead. The… whatever that
experiment was, it did something to her mind. She…" Asuka sniffled
again. "She… just went on like that for months. Papa started…"
Venom filled her voice now. "'Carrying on' with one of Mama's
doctors in the next damn room. I could hear them sometimes. And
Mama… never got better."
"Then one day they told me that I was chosen as the Second Child. I
was going to be an elite Eva Pilot, defending the world! I was
overjoyed. I finally had something I could show Mama, make her see
me again. I was so happy…"
"Then I got to her room."
Asuka stopped, and just breathed slowly and deeply into his hug.
"She… she'd found some rope, somehow… She was… hanging
from the ceiling…"
Shinji felt his skin go cold and clammy. "No…"
"And… she'd hung the doll, too. Right next to her." Asuka began to
cry more deeply. "She wanted me to die with her… After that, I just
promised myself that I would live for myself. That I wouldn't need
anyone. That I would be the best so people would have to look at
me… and not stop like Mama did."
Shinji tried to get a grip. He thought his own lonely childhood had
been bad enough. The endless nightmares of seeing his father
walking away, dumping him at the train station and just leaving had
been enough. But Asuka had seen… that?
"But… why no more crying?" he finally mumbled.
"I had to grow up fast. I had to be the best, to be worth something. If

even my mother didn't want me, what good was I? I… I'd have died if
I tried to cry that much. So I locked it away and tried not to
remember it. But it haunts me every night. Or it did… I haven't had
that nightmare since… we started." She sighed and rested her
forehead against his. "Thank you, Shinji."
She just laid against him, the anguish in her face slowly ebbing. "But
with you, us being together at night like this… and us… finally going
all the way… I… I can feel you. You let me have all of you. You…"
She swallowed. "No one has made me feel loved since Mama. No
one, not Misato, not even Kaji. Not the way I wanted to be, that
makes me feel… wanted, just for being Asuka."
Shinji was glad the darkness hid his blush. Hearing anyone talk
about him like this was still almost impossible to believe. That it was
the most beautiful girl he knew who had said flat out she loved him
was even more so.
"I… you're welcome? Um… I don't know what to say."
A tiny bit of her usual fire returned to her voice. "Don't say anything.
Just hold me, baka. That's all you need to do to make me happy
right now. Be here."
Shinji smiled in the dark, barely able to make out her features, but
could feel the heat of her blush anyway. "I will."
He closed his eyes, letting the warmth of her chase out the chill of
the images she'd conjured up. As bad as his memories of his father
abandoning him were, Asuka's were even worse. But… that
phrase… it stuck with him… He'd heard it, somewhere… but where?
He didn't think Doctor Akagi had said it since he came to Tokyo-3 or
anything like that. Was it in that guidebook Misato had given him?
Something Lieutenant Ibuki had said during a synch test?
He tried to let his mind drift. That had been how he recalled things in
the past.
A… a voice. There. He remembered… his mother's voice? No… it

sounded like Doctor Akagi, but older, cooler…
"Why is there a child in here?"
"It's Chief Ikari's son."
A voice he knew… Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki? "Ikari, this is not a

day school. This is a very important day."
"Sorry, Fuyutsuki-sensei! I brought him here." His mother's voice!
"Yui-kun, it's your Contact Experiment today."
Mother again. "That's why. I want to show the promising future to my

child."
His eyes shot open and he bit down on a scream. He'd been there.
He'd watched mother vanish forever!
Asuka felt his muscles lock rigid and lifter her head up. "Shinij?"
"I was there! I saw it! Mother!"
"What?"
Shinji spilled it all out. The lab, the Contact Experiment, his mother…
vanishing. The panic. His father just dumping him at a railway station
a few days later, beginning years of near-isolation. Then nothing,
abandoned by his father for years, until the summons to come to
Tokyo-3 again.
Asuka stared, holding him. "Jesus Christ… you are just like me." She
looked suspicious. "Shinji, what are the odds we'd both see our
mothers die like that? Call me paranoid, but this is… it strains
coincidence and then some to think it would happen to both of us like
that and then we'd meet like this? Yes, we're both tied to the
Evangelion program, but still… this wasn't a couple of accidents, I
don't think."
Shinji nodded, still shaking and clinging to her like a drowning man to
a life raft. "N-no. It's… we're so alike… it… this can't be
coincidence."
Asuka nodded. "There's something else going on here. We have to

find out what. There's too much weird around NERV." She squeezed
him tight. "But we're not going to figure it out tonight. Right now… I
don't care. We'll have to keep our eyes open. As long as I've got you,
the rest can go to Hell."
Shinji managed a single, sad laugh. He understood that feeling.

"Asuka… if I didn't have you, I'd be… a nobody. I'd go crazy. You're
the best thing in my whole world. I won't let anything take that away."
"Good." Asuka laid her head back down, gently stroking a hand
along his temple. "You're just like me, Third Child. And we've got to
take on the Angels and whatever's behind this 'coincidence.' And for
once, I'm looking forward to taking it all on together. "
Ch 17 - Advent Pt 1
Chapter 8.1
Advent
Shinji's face flashed through a kaleidoscope of emotions as Asuka

laid out the evidence that had led to her thunderbolt conclusion. The
feelings they got when they synched with their Evas. The sensation
of a second person behind Hikari in Unit-03, that she'd claimed was
her mother. The way no one else in their class had a living mother.
And most damningly, the impossible coincidence of both their
mothers vanishing or going mad after their Contact Experiments, and
each of them being assigned as the respective Pilot.
"Hikari said it herself; Eva Pilots are one in a billion… and the next
one after us just happened to be someone we go to school with?
That can't be coincidence…"
Shinji just held her and stared a million miles away. His face twisted
in anger and he started to shake.
"He knows . He has to!" he growled.
"Who?"
"My father . He has to know this! He was at the recovery site for Unit-
01 before they even got us out of Unit-03, but he wasn't there for
Rei! He stayed around after she was sent to meet us at the hospital,
she said! And he was still there when we left! He sent me away right
after the Experiment, but stayed where Unit-01 was! He has to know
Mother is in there! So why hasn't he said anything?!"
Asuka stared right back at him. It was… it had to be true. And that
meant someone had to know about her mother too… and no one
had breathed a word. She could sort of see why you'd keep it a
secret: no one who did know would want to admit the Evangelions
were essentially powered by human sacrifice and broken Children…
And keeping it from them, the Pilots, was almost as important.
"We're already broken enough, Shinji. Telling us we're basically

using the souls of our mothers to make the Evas run is… well that
leaves us where we are now. Confused, pissed, and wondering
why…"
Shinji blinked at her for a moment, then pulled her close and buried
his face in her hair. "You're just like me… I… I wish I was as smart as
you, Asuka. You're… you're not freaking out like I am."
Asuka squeezed her eyes shut and pushed the tears that wanted to
escape back. "Baka-Shinji… You know what I'm feeling too. I'm just
keeping ahead of it by keeping my brain occupied. Like… who else
knows? Your father… Vice Commander Fuyutsuki… Doctor Akagi
has to. No one knows more about how the Evas work then them.
They at least have to know. I bet those creepy old men on the
Human Instrumentality Committee who interrogated me know too.
They're your father's bosses, they've got to."
Asuka felt herself starting to shake. 'No no no no do not start losing

it, Soryu… Mama! Mama, you have always been with me! MAMA!'
"So now what?" Shinji's strangely calm question snapped her out of
it. "My father clearly isn't telling me anything. What do we do? Try to
see if the Vice Commander will talk to us? He's always with my
father, so probably not. The Committee isn't even in Japan. So…
Doctor Akagi? Or… I don't even know. Please tell me you've got an
idea, Asuka."
"I…" She thought furiously, forcing herself to stay focused. "I… We

need to… the next time we're in our Evas, we need to try directly
contacting them. There's some level of communication. When I…
when I formed a thought like I was talking to Mama, there was a
noticeable jump in my Synch Rate, remember? On some level, they
can hear us… we… we have to try talking to them . They're not
gone… they're in there. " 'Oh Gott oh Gott oh Gott, Mama I want to
see you so bad please please please be there…'
"But Misato-san said the Evas are all so mashed up it will be weeks
of repairs before any of them but Unit-03 is in shape to do anything.
It… we're not going to get a chance for a while," Shinji said sadly.
'Nonononononono I want Mama now now now now n- Stop. Get a

grip , Soryu, before your actual grip crushes your boyfriend's ribs.'
She forced her almost painfully tight grip on Shinji to relax. "Fine.
We… we deal with it. We talk to… shit… Rei. She said she didn't
know her mother. We need to tell her. And then I think we need to go
with Misato when she visits Doctor Drugging-Our-Best-Friend-Until-
She-Can-Barely-Blink and see what we can find out without telling
her we know. Because I don't think that blonde witch doctor is going
to suddenly find it in her heart to tell us why they've been hiding this
from us for ten years…"
"Rei… oh gods… she said she didn't know what happened to her
mother… I bet we know now…" Shinji whispered, fresh horror on his
face.
Asuka nodded. "We have to tell her. She has as much right to know
as we do. And then figure out what we do next."
"I… Misato-san doesn't know. She's not the kind of person who'd
hide it from us," Shinji said, half to himself. "She… she'll have an
idea of what to do."
Asuka barked a laugh as an idea hit her. Shinji pulled back to look at
her with an expression of confusion. "We have to tell Misato about us
by then end of the week. If we combine that with telling her about our
mothers, it might distract her so much she'll forget to tell us to stop
sleeping together. I'm sure she'll be trying to stop us, not that we're
going to let that happen. At the very least, we can point out that we
saved the fucking world again this afternoon, despite Commander
Asshole's attempt to fire us, so they can cut us enough slack that we
can sleep where we want to."
"I hope so," Shinji said softly. "I don't know how long I could stand
sleeping without you next to me. Especially after… gods, Asuka.
They're alive! Mother…"
Asuka swallowed and laid her head down on his shoulder, cuddling
in closer. "Yeah… we're not going to get any sleep for a while, I can
tell, but just… right now, I'm really glad you're here with me. Even
more than most nights, I'm glad I'm not alone. Holding you keeps me
from running around screaming about this… you know what Mama
means to me. And I know what yours must mean to you."
Shinji nodded. "I'd be… I don't know what I'd be without you
anymore, Asuka. But I know I wouldn't like it or myself very much."
He held her and sighed. "I… gods, what a day. But they're… not
really dead. They're in there. And knowing that is… this whole day is
worth it just for that."
Asuka nodded. "They're not dead. And if we can get Hikari out, we'll
find a way to get them out too. I may have watched them bury
Mama's body, but if her soul is still in there… there's hope. And I
really want to introduce her to my boyfriend." She managed a small
smile in the darkness.
"Oh… um… yeah…" Shinji suddenly sounded nervous.
Asuka laughed softly. "Relax, baka. She'll love you, I'm sure. The
fearless boy who stands with me in battle, who killed an Angel with
me and Mama within hours of meeting? The one who makes me
happy and holds me at night? The one I chose and love? The first
and only person to love me since Mama went away? You'll do fine. I
just want Mama to approve of you."
Shinji just chuckled weakly. "I… I'm still freaked out a bit, Asuka, but
now it's over the terror of being presented to my girlfriend's mom…
Thank you."
"You are welcome, my sweet baka. Now hold me until we can sleep."
Her tone aimed for sharp and arrogant, but her fierce cling told a
different story.
"Yes, dear," he said with a calmer smile than possible just a few
minutes before.
The interior of the Geofront was dark at night under the best of
circumstances. With all the damage to the surface from the battle
and a partly cloudy night, it should have been even darker than
usual. But the area around each battered Eva blazed with light from
all the spotlights set up, turning each recovery site into a multi-
shadowed work zone brighter than daylight.
And in the center of the swirl of activity around Unit-01 was a black
shadow, in its own bubble of silence.
He had been there for hours, since within a few minutes of the end of
the battle. Not saying very much, but standing at the eye of the
storm, recovery workers and Eva technicians swirling around him.
But even in his silence, every worker there felt his stare burning into
the back of their heads as the struggled to first extract the Entry
Plug, then start prying away at the smashed power coupling, trying
to get Unit-01 repaired enough to move it to the Cages for the far
more extensive work that would be needed to get it combat-worthy
again.
And they worked at full speed. The icy, burning stare of Commander
Ikari permitted no less. Only one man was even partly immune to
that stare; partly by virtue of the fact he spent much of his time
standing behind the man, but largely because he remembered the
days before the glasses. It's hard to ever forget it when your first
meeting with the man is posting his bail for drunken assault and
battery.
His lack of the tension the Commander's presence brought to

everyone else was much of the reason the recovery staff would
approach the Sub-Commander first when they had reports and
updates meant for the Commander. Gendo himself appeared to like
it that way anyhow. It let him preserve the isolation from others that
he preferred. For all the intimidating aura and magisterial silence
Commander Ikari surrounded himself with, Kozo Fuyutsuki knew
better than anyone still alive how much Gendo avoided dealing with
other people as much as he could. Fear of intimacy, anger, even
shyness… the reasons why no longer really mattered. The effect
was so established no one even thought about it anymore. Outside
of formal reporting situations, nearly everyone went to the Sub-
Commander whenever the option was available.
Fuyutsuki accepted a clipboard full of reports from the recovery team

leader with a grave nod and paged through it before turning to
Commander Ikari. "They've managed to get the damaged plating
away from the Main Systems Access Point and hook in. Despite all
the damage the inner layer held. The Core is intact, all readings as
normal." He handed the clipboard to Gendo for him to check any
details he liked.
The Commander glanced through it, his eyes missing little, but the
important question had already been answered. The only question
Gendo really cared about, would ever care about. 'Yui was alright.'
He passed the clipboard back to Fuyutsuki with a nod and returned
to starting at the mangled form of Unit-01.
The Evangelion had taken so much damage from the battle, fall from
the surface, and then being tossed against NERV HQ that it would
likely be days before they managed to get it moved into the Cages
for the real repair work could begin. Gendo had arrived on scene
almost before the sounds of the fight had faded and assumed
command of the recovery. It had taken them almost an hour just to
remove the armor cap covering the Entry Plug slot and use the
emergency ejection systems to get Rei out. Gendo had closely
supervised the process, but once Rei had been rescued from the
Entry Plug and confirmed to be only mildly injured, he'd simply
ordered her sent on to the hospital and turned his focus back to the
Core team. He had not even seen Rei personally.
Fuyutsuki shook his head. Of course Gendo was more worried about
Yui's status, but it had still taken hours to get to the Access Point to
do even a remote check. The Eva's prone position and scarred and
melted armor prevented them from a more direct check, and even
when Rei had been extracted they'd known it would be hours before
they could know. It was unsurprising Gendo had been unable to
remove himself from the recovery site, though. Fuyutsuki knew how
Gendo's obsession ruled him. Rei might have deserved at least a
moment's attention, though, or his son…
The old professor's train of thought was interrupted by the trilling of

the cell phone in his uniform pocket. He pulled it out and listened to
the call from Central Dogma with a hard expression. He sighed
tiredly as he ended the call and turned to Commander Ikari.
"The Old Men are summoning us. They want an explanation for all
this, right now," he said quietly. No one but the Commander needed
to hear this.
Gendo merely grunted, still staring at Unit-01.
"They've been waiting for us for a while…" Fuyutsuki prodded his

onetime student.
Gendo finally turned away from staring at the crippled Evangelion.

"The Core is intact. We could not depart before that. Now we can go
and deal with the Old Men."
He led the way back towards the damaged NERV HQ pyramid.
"Ikari, the MAGI report extensive damage to the surface defenses

and that the Angel was able to penetrate the Geofront before it was
stopped. Explain how this was allowed to happen," boomed the
voice of SEELE-02.
Gendo did not let his annoyance show on his face. He simply stared
levelly over his hands at the blank holographic monolith with SOUND
ONLY printed on it.
"The Angel, designated Zeruel, proved to be extremely swift and

powerful. It appeared on our sensors close in and approached
Tokyo-3 too quickly to deploy the Evangelions further out. They
engaged the Angel in the city itself. Units 00 and 02 deployed under
Dummy Plug control. The Angel disabled them in short order. Pilot
Ayanami in Unit-01 damaged the Angel, but it drove her through one
of the Geofront Access points. At that point damage to Unit-01 from
the fall made it necessary to activate Unit-03 as an emergency
measure to continue the battle. Unit-01 and -03 then destroyed the
Angel," Gendo said calmly.
"We ordered Unit-03 frozen due to suspected Angelic contamination!

The Fourth Child was missing and there was no Dummy Plug
readied for it! How did you activate it?" SEELE-05 questioned
angrily.
Gendo had to fight to keep his jaw from tightening. This would not be
easy to dress up. "The Second and Third Children sortied in Unit-03.
"
"The Second and Third Children were dismissed from Piloting. You
assured us the Dummy Plugs made their services unnecessary in
light of their insubordination and inability to follow orders. Explain,"
demanded SEELE-08.
"Unit-01 was effectively crippled from damage at that point. The

Second and Third Children were temporarily reactivated as Pilots."
SEELE-07 sounded incredulous. "That worked? They managed to

activate Unit-3 without a related soul in the Core?"
"Yes," Gendo grated. The fight for internal control was still occupying
most of his willpower.
"How? How did the Pilots maintain a link with an unfamiliar soul
without specialized training?"
"They achieved dual-Synch. Their combined Synchronization Rate
was sufficient to deploy Unit-03 and engage the Angel. Their
acquaintance with the Fourth Child was enough under those
conditions to maintain a minimum Synch with the Evangelion.
Additionally, the Fourth Child… was recovered from the Core of Unit-
03 at the conclusion of the battle. I have ordered her secured under
observation in the Geofront hospital until further notice. The
extraction of the Fourth Child makes it unlikely the Second and Third
Children can Pilot Unit-03 any longer."
He bit down on any expression or feeling escaping his control. He

could not let anything show. Not now, not to these men. But it was
hard, so hard…
'She came out. She CAME OUT. It is possible ! How? How did the
Third Child do it? Yui…'
He forced the thought down. Not now, not now.
He'd been silent too long. The old men took that as the end of his
answer.
"How did you recover the Fourth Child from Unit-03's Core? That has
never been done!" said SEELE-03.
"Unknown." Gendo said with as little tone as possible. "She

reconstituted in the Entry Plug at the end of the combat alert." 'I wish
I knew. It can be done! Yui! I will get you out of there! Wait for me!'
"If it was not by NERV's action, the possibility of Angelic

contamination of the Fourth Child is too high for safety. She is to be
removed from Piloting an Evangelion until examination proves she is
clear," rumbled the unmistakable, dusty voice of Lorenz Kihl from the
SEELE-01 monolith. "Your estimates of the performance of the
Dummy Plug System were obviously too high, Ikari. The Second and
Third Children are to be commended for their efforts and
permanently reactivated."
"The Second and Third are poorly suited to following orders. The
Dummy Plugs are far more reliable," Gendo protested coolly.
SEELE-01 was implacable. "Yet they failed in combat against the

Angel, and you were saved only by the Children. The Dummy Plugs
are not sufficient. You are not to field them while you have Children
available with superior performance. If the Second and Third
Children are not adequately responding to orders, find ways to
convince them it is in their best interest to do so."
"So who will Pilot Unit-03, if the Fourth Child is a contamination

risk?"
"We will send you the Fifth Child," SEELE-01 said.
'Fifth Child? So soon after we 'found' the Fourth? Kihl has to know I
will regard anyone they send as a spy. And he knows I know that.'
Gendo let no outward sign of displeasure show. "Very well. We will

prepare Unit-03's Core for Synchronization with a new Pilot." He
paused. "And how will the Fifth Child Synchronize with Unit-03?" he
asked, perfectly cool.
"The Fifth Child is trained for Synchronization with unfamiliar Cores,"

SEELE-01 said, just as cool. "You will use him." It was an order.
"Understood."
The monoliths faded away. The lights in the room brightened just
enough to show Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki standing a few meters
behind Gendo.
"The Fifth Child," the old professor said. "Well before we expected."
"SEELE is playing their card early. Alert Section 2 to prepare for

increased surveillance on the Fifth as soon as they arrive. They will
not be just a Pliot, I am certain," Gendo ordered as he brushed past
the older man on his way out the door.
"I am going to question the Fourth Child. She must know something."
The door slid shut behind him, leaving Fuyutsuki in the dim room
alone. He sadly shook his head. "Ikari… eleven years and you still
can't accept that maybe this is what Yui chose?"
"Come on, Asuka. We need to get up."
The mass of red hair that was all he could see of his girlfriend shook
against his chest. "Dun wanna. Cmfy. Wrm."
Shinji let his head drop back onto the pillow. "We need to get up
before Misato wakes up and catches us, you know that."
"'ive mur mntes…" she mumbled.
"Asuka… we're going to get caught…" Shinji tried to protest, but he

didn't try very hard to get up either.
"We're already caught, Shinji. Kaji's going to tell Misato on Sunday.

That's why we've got to kick in my plan to set up telling her
ourselves." Asuka's voice was more intelligible as she finally lifted
her head up to frown at him. "So I want to soak in all the time like
this I can just in case Misato still tries to separate us."
"How about we get up because we've got something important to tell

Rei?" he asked gently.
Asuka's eyes went from sleepy to alert in a hurry. "Oh, yeah…

damn…" She sat up, the blankets piling around her waist. "Arg.
Alright, I'm up. You scoot to your room, and I'll be out as soon as I
hear you say the coast is clear."
Shinji cracked the room's door open the tiniest hair, and confirmed
there were no NERV Majors around to see him. He ducked across
the hallway to his seldomly used room. It was little more than a
storage closet for his clothes at this point. He hadn't spent the night
in there in weeks, something he was just as happy about. He still
dusted it compulsively, both for his own habits of cleanliness, and to
make sure it still looked like he was still sleeping there if Misato ever
checked.
Fifteen minutes of dressing and getting ready for the day brought
Asuka to the kitchen as he worked on breakfast. "Any sign of
Misato?" she asked, walking in like they hadn't yet spoken for the
day.
"No," Shinji shook his head.
Asuka glanced back over her shoulder at the living room and the
door to Misato's room. "Hang on."
She walked over and quietly opened the door a slit. "She's not even
here, Shinji. Her futon's not even disturbed from when you made it.
Looks like she stayed overnight at the Geofront again."
"She does that too much," Shinji frowned.
Asuka shrugged as she came back to the kitchen. "It's hard on her,
but we just had a major Angel attack smash things up, so it's hardly
a surprise. And…" She slid up behind Shinji. "No Misato means I can
do this." She carefully planted a kiss on the back of his neck as she
wrapped her arms around him.
"EEeee!" Shinji gasped as the sensation sent a shiver up his spine.

"Hot pan! No fair!"
"The fact you just have to stand there and take it is half of the funny,"
Asuka laughed.
They ate in comfortable silence. Asuka calmed a little as the

morning's tasks bubbled across her thoughts. "We ready to tell Rei
about where her mother probably is?"
Shinji hesitated, but nodded. "Yeah. I was… I thought we might do it
after breakfast. I thought she'd have come over by now, actually." He
looked towards the hallway to the front door.
"Pack up hers, she might feel more comfortable doing it at her own
apartment, and that will prevent Misato coming home in the middle of
it. I don't want to spring that one on her until we're ready to tell her
about us too. Hopefully the distraction will keep her from flipping out
over us as badly as she could."
Shinji nodded and wrapped up Rei's portion of breakfast for the trip
to her apartment. It may have been literally next door, but Shinji still
made sure it was ready for a little walk.
Asuka slipped her shoes on as they paused at the door. "I hope…
Gott, Shinji, what she said yesterday? I mean… she loves us? I…
what do we even say about that?"
Shinji nervously looked at the floor. "I… you're all I want, Asuka, you
know that. But Rei… I…" His head came back up and he smiled
cautiously. "You're just like me. You're too amazed at the idea that
another person might love you to feel bad about it, but not… you
can't even think about handling more than one…"
Asuka nodded. "But you still care about her, if not like… that. And
you'd never want to hurt her by… slamming the door on her."
Shinji's smile was a little surer. "So let's be careful when we tell her
that she's still our friend no matter what."
Asuka nodded and took his hand as she hit the button to open the
door. "Then let's ge-" She froze.
The doorway was occupied. The tall Section 2 agent lowered his
hand from the doorbell and stared at the Children. "Pilots Soryu and
Ikari. Commander Ikari requires your presence immediately. You will
come with us now."
'I'm getting pretty tired of this creepy damn office and it's creepy
damn inhabitant,' Asuka thought to herself as they were frogmarched
in by the severely taciturn Section 2 goons that had picked them up.
'Kabbalistic diagrams in the floor and ceiling, overuse of black and
red in the decor, making us stand 40m from his fricking desk… is the
world's most powerful emo goth wannabe afraid we'll give him
cooties if we stand too close, or just notice that his desk is covered in
bad poetry and porn?'
The guards stopped them a bit more than halfway across the vast
emptiness of the office, still at least 30m from the desk. She and
Shinji were standing just a bit apart. Asuka carefully schooled her
expression to a mix of calm and disdainful. Where once she'd have
regarded standing in front of Commander Ikari as a chance for
praise as an Eva Pilot or recognition of her superiority over the
others, now it was an exercise in restraining the urge to sneer at him.
Commander Ikari was now firmly and irrevocably relabeled
'Commander Asshole' in her head. Firing her and Shinji after they'd
saved the day and Hikari? Kicking her out from the job she'd trained
her whole life for? And treating Shinji, her Shinji, like castoff trash?
'Ok, ok, I was maybe a bit of a bitch to him myself back when I
couldn't figure out why he was on my mind so much, but I'm making
up for it now!' she admitted to herself. 'And Gott, do I wish we could
hold hands right now. I don't know why Commander Asshole wants
us, but I'd feel better, and I like the idea of rubbing our happiness in
his stupid face. My baka doesn't need you anymore, you bastard.
He's got me, and Wondergirl and Misato now, people who like him.
You treat him like shit for ten years and suddenly decide you need
his services? And oh, by the way, never fucking mention our
MOTHERS are in our Evas ?! You can go shove an Entry Plug up
your ass.'
Commander Ikari just stared at them for a moment over his folded
hands.
Asuka stared right back, determined to wait him out.

"The UN Committee that oversees NERV ordered you both be
commended for your actions in the battle with the Fourteenth Angel,
designated Zeruel," the Supreme Commander of NERV eventually
began. "As directed: Second Child, Third Child. Good work."
Asuka stared, barely keeping her jaw from dropping. 'That's it? He
had us dragged down here by his pet Gestapo so he could give us
the world's most token commendation after he'd be ordered to?'
"Your actions aided the First Child's successful defense of NERV

HQ. You are both hereby returned to active Pilot status. Until the
damage to Unit-01 and Unit-02 have been repaired, in the event of
another Angel attack you will both be sortied in Unit-03, in the
absence of another Pilot." he went on in the same tone.
Asuka's heart skipped. 'Wait… what? We… we're back? I'm a Pilot
again?' She couldn't help snapping her head to the side to meet
Shinji's eyes. He was just as wide-eyed as her. 'We're Pilots again!
We can get in to see Mama! We… wait…'
Asuka did her best to pin Commander Ikari with a sharp look. "Unit-
03? 'In the absence of another Pilot'? We rescued Hikari! Why the
two of us instead of her? We're a lot better tactically, I'm sure, but
isn't Unit-03 her Evangelion?" 'And if that really was Hikari's mother
we felt in there behind her, doesn't that mean Unit-03 will only work
for Hikari?'
"The Fourth Child has been removed from active Pilot status," he
said with no change of tone. "You will jointly Pilot Unit-03 until your
usual Evangelions are repaired to combat effectiveness."
"Why remove her? She was just fine at the hospital yesterday!"
'Which you might even know if you'd bothered to visit her or Rei or
us while we were there. But no, you spent all evening at Unit-01's
recovery site…' Asuka managed to keep a sudden wave of surprise
off her face. 'Oh holy shit… that's why he was so intent on checking
out Unit-01 yesterday! He wasn't checking on the Evangelion, he
was checking on Shinji's mother !' Asuka clenched her fist hard
enough she could feel her nails digging into her palm nearly hard
enough to draw blood. 'Mama's Core wasn't hit, she's okay. She's
okay, damn it! And Commander Asshole here wouldn't be so calm if
anything had happened to Shinji's mother, so she must be alright
too.'
"She was absorbed into the Core of Unit-03 when it was corrupted
by the Thirteenth Angel, designated Bardiel. Until such time as she is
confirmed completely clear of any Angelic corruption or infection, she
will not be allowed near an Evangelion Unit and confined."
The words were just as cold and calm as everything else he'd said,
but Asuka felt like there was something else behind them, somehow.
Her eyes narrowed. "Confined? She didn't do anything wrong!"
"She is a potential threat to NERV and humanity. She will be

quarantined until we are satisfied she is not." Gendo's voice was
hard and cold as a glacier.
"You can't just lock her up like that! She's fine! We talked to her
yesterday in the hospital! Perfectly normal!"
"You spoke to her in the hospital," Gendo echoed. His glasses

glinted in the dimly reflected sunlight slanting in through the room's
huge windows. "And what did she say?" His tone was somehow
very, very interested in what she was about to say without changing
at all.
Asuka had the sudden feeling she was midway across a tightrope
that she'd just noticed. 'Shit… 'Um, the fact her mother's soul pushed
her out of the Eva's Core, and that she is very much aware Shinji
and I are as intensely in love as we can be? Yeah, the two topics I
least want to mention to Commander Asshole. Think fast, Soryu.'
"Just… normal stuff. Did she feel ok, did she remember everything,
did she remember us, everything Hikari should know or feel… that
was her, not any Angel!" she dissembled.
"You are an Evangelion Pilot, Second Child. Not an expert on
Metaphysical Biology or Angelic contamination. My order is prudent
precaution. There can be no unnecessary risks in the battle against
the Angels. The Fourth Child will remain in quarantine until we are
satisfied she is clear. You and the Third Child will Pilot Unit-03 until
your Evangelions are repaired. If the Fourth Child is still not cleared
at that time, the Fifth Child will take over Pilot duties for Unit-03."
"The… Fifth Child?" Shinji asked, the first thing he'd said since they
entered.
Asuka could almost feel Commander Ikari's stare shift to Shinji. "The
Fifth Child will be departing NERV-Berlin shortly. On his arrival, you
will familiarize him with Unit-03."
Again, Asuka couldn't stop herself from sharing a look with Shinji.
'What 'Fifth Child'? There was no Fifth Child when I left NERV-Berlin
three months ago! And putting them in Unit-03? How does that fit
with our mother-child link theory for the Pilots?'
Asuka could see Shinji's fists tighten at his sides. "Of course, father .
Is there anything else you want from us right now?"
"No. Leave." Gendo dismissed them from his attention.
Asuka watched Shinji bristle for a second, then turned for the door
with him. 'As warm and loving as ever, Commander Asshole. You
can go to Hell. I'm going to give Shinji all the love you never did.'
They said nothing, walking away from the Commander's office as

fast as they could in perfect unconscious step. The Section 2 guards
that had dragged them down here were waiting at the elevators.
"We're taking you back to Major Katsuragi's apartment," one
rumbled. It was not a question.
Asuka was perfectly fine with it anyhow. They really needed to talk to
Rei. "Fine. Hurry up," she snapped right back at them.
Not being able to take Shinji's hand made the trip home feel even
longer than it should have.
Ch 18 - Advent Pt 2
"Rei, you awake?" Asuka called as they entered Ayanami's
apartment. They hadn't needed to knock. Rei had told them to
consider the place as much their home as hers when she moved in,
and made sure they had one of the spare keycards. As much time as
Rei spent in their apartment, it sometimes felt like they all lived in
one large place anyhow.
But only silence greeted them. Asuka shot Shinji a look, confused.
He shrugged in reply and followed her around the corner of the
entrance hallway into the kitchen area.
Rei's apartment was a mirror-flip of Misato's, so it didn't take them

long to search it completely. No blunette First Child anywhere. On
returning to the kitchen Shinji spotted the note lying on the table.
"Asuka, look over here. I think she left a note."
Asuka walked over next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder as
he read it out. "Dear Asuka and Shinji, I have been summoned by
Commander Ikari to NERV HQ for the quarterly full scan of my brain.
I will also undergo several additional procedures to speed my
healing from the injuries of this past battle that will likely keep me
there until Saturday. I am sorry I will be out of touch for so long."
There was a gap, and near the bottom of the page was added in
more hurried writing: "I will miss you both. Love, Rei." That last was
added almost by itself in the corner, the words themselves all but
giving the impression of fleeing in embarrassment.
"Looks like it's on her mind too," Asuka said softly. "And 'quarterly full
scan of my brain'? What the Hell are they doing to her?"
Shinji frowned, puzzled. "Why would they be scanning her brain?

And quarterly?"
"She mentioned a couple days ago that the Dummy Plugs were
based on scans of her brain. I guess they want to try for an upgrade
after their unimpressive performance against that last Angel," Asuka
said.
"I guess this is why she used to be out from school for days at a
time, but never said a word. It must have been NERV stuff like this."
Shinji frowned harder. "She just never had anyone to tell it to that
she would miss, before."
"Or that would miss her. Damn…" Asuka said. "Never thought I'd be
missing having Wondergirl around."
Shinji's frown faded and he smiled a little. "I wouldn't have bet on it,
no. Well… this is still weird. But if we can't talk to her all week, then
now what?"
"We've still only got that long to set up Misato to accept us as a

couple, and the idea that we're… um… not going to stop sleeping
together. We saved the damn world again, I think that earns us the
right to sleep where and with who we want." Asuka set her jaw firmly
as she finished.
"Misato-san's not going to like that, I can tell," Shinji worried.
"She can damn well learn to live with it," Asuka retorted. "We saved
the world. Again. That has to earn us something. And like we did
with Kaji, we can point out empirical evidence that you and I are way
better since we got together. So we're going to get this. I really, really
want this. I…" Asuka's mouth twisted and she looked away. "It was
hard enough being apart for a few nights when he was babysitting us
while Misato was gone. I don't want to even think about having to be
apart for longer."
Shinji glanced downward at a hint of motion. Asuka's hand was

shaking. He took it and squeezed it until it eased. "So… we do this
right. We convince Misato-san that she has to let us stay together.
We saved the world again . That has to count for something. And
Misato-san more than anyone has seen what its like when the two of
us are in one Entry Plug, and knows how strong we are together."
A sudden blazing grin took over Asuka's face. "Damn right! Together,
we are unstoppable ! She'd better acknowledge that!" Asuka
bounced on her heels and suddenly wrapped Shinji in a tight hug.
"We're Pilots again! We're back in action! Even your stupid father
can't keep us away from our Evas!"
Shinji returned the hug just as hard. "Yeah… I'll never find the same
kind of joy in battle you do, Asuka, but I'm never leaving your side.
To the end of the world. So if we have to convince Misato-san to stay
together, then we do it. That's… that's all there is to it."
Asuka gave him a quick kiss. "That's the spirit, my dearest baka. And
this means once they get the repairs done, we're back in the Entry
Plugs and… we can try talking to our mothers." Shinji could feel her
nearly vibrating in his embrace. "Gott, Shinji, I can't wait to talk to
Mama! She's alive, she's alive, she's alive!"
Shinji just held her and smiled. Her enthusiasm was helping buttress
his own tangled feelings about trying to contact his own mother. The
last time he could remember being happy before he and Asuka had
kissed was when his mother had held him, years ago. But… as
much as he wanted to see her again, the last time had been that
experiment… It had been an accident, surely? But if so, and they
knew that people could come back out like Hikari, why hadn't his
mother? Or Asuka's? Did they just not know how? How had Hikari
managed to do it? And… would his mother still… be his mother?
Remember him, want anything to do with him? It was tantalizing to
have the chance to see her again, but… after so many years of
loneliness, it was scary to contemplate being loved again. He still felt
like it was some kind of impossibly lucky dream that Asuka loved
him. The idea that Rei did as well was still too new and crazy to wrap
his head around. But his mother? It was still… kind of scary.
He pushed the thought aside. That was, for better or worse,

something that wouldn't even be available to them until their Evas
were repaired enough to sit in again. For now… "So how do we
convince her?"
Asuka's grin took on a sharp edge. "Oh, I've got some ideas. We've
got a week to mess with her head and get her used to the idea that
you and I can not only get along but that we're massively more
potent when we are together like we are now, with all that entails.
That's the practical end. But first, we need to mess with her
worldview. She thinks we're attracted to each other, but haven't
admitted it, right? So we start by breaking that idea up, and making
her unsure about what she thinks she knows about us."
Shinji nodded. "Ok, so what's our first plan?"
"Strip chess."
Shinji stared at his gorgeous, brilliant girlfriend for a long moment.

"What."
"Strip chess. And you're going to lose."
The phone rang at precisely 0700, as it always did. "Yes?"
" Rei, we are rescheduling your quarterly upload to this week. Come
to Terminal Dogma immediately," said the deep, gravelly voice she
had obeyed her entire life.
" Yes," she responded automatically. A reflex, no thought to it.
The call ended with a click. There was no order for secrecy, no
warning to drop everything and move. It had never been necessary.
Anything less had never before even been a thought to Rei.
Now it was. Her friends were coming to see her today. They had
promised to discuss the battle… and Rei's confession of her
feelings. Rei feared yet eagerly awaited that talk. Now, it would be
seriously delayed, and her sudden departure could leave her friends
with an impression that she had fled in fear. Rei very much did not
want to give them that idea.
She looked around and grabbed a piece of paper, jotting down a

brief note on where she was going to be all week. Then her pen
froze. There was so much more she wanted to say, but she had no
idea where to begin. Even putting the words down made her start to
blush. She hurriedly scrawled down something, and had to force
herself to squeeze out the last few words, a once perfunctory
statement now full of new meaning.
Placing the note carefully on the table, she fled for the train that
would take her down to the Geofront, grateful no one could see her
face.
Rei had once looked forward to the quarterly scan process. Floating
in LCL, hardly needing to move or breathe at all, and under firm
instructions to clear her mind and not think, the quarterly scans were
as close as she could come to the silent bliss of oblivion she so
longed for. She didn't have to talk to anyone, endure the harsh
rasping of their AT-Fields against the ragged edge of her fractured
soul, pretend that she didn't feel an unnamable pain every moment
of her existence… all she had to do was her best to stop thinking or
feeling at all.
It had been a sweet refuge, as close to peace as she could come.
Had been.
Now, all Rei could think about was the people who weren't here, the
people she wanted to see. She was floating calmly in the tube,
Doctor Akagi and the Commander watching her as always, and for
the first time she wished she was somewhere else. Her thoughts
kept nervously running back over yesterday.
She'd told them. And they hadn't… rejected her, or been upset.
They… did not mind her saying it. It was… Rei had never felt like this
before. She wanted to be back with them as soon as she could-
"Rei, focus. We're getting too much thought noise for the Stage 3
scans," Doctor Akagi snapped at her. The faux-blonde scientist
narrowed her eyes at the readouts on the console in front of her.
"This data is no good. We're going to have to restart this sequence
from step 108. Clear your mind."
"Yes, Doctor." Rei tried to school her face to the blank vagueness
she always showed. It was hard. They accepted her! Her friends
cared for her and knew her feelings!
They had become so much to her. Just being able to be near them
all the time made her feel better, more alive. And watching their bond
grow and deepen with every week was the most beautiful thing Rei
had ever seen. They glowed in her eyes, the bond between their
souls like a crackling aurora. It made Rei feel happier just to watch
them.
Um. To watch them. The cessation of the numbing drugs had

removed the fog clouding her mind… and her body. She had begun
exploring the idea of physicality with Classmate Ai-… with Kensuke,
and then furthered her investigations by hugging Asuka and Shinji.
She had discovered that hugging someone you cared about was far
more intense than just a friend, and that… she really, really liked
hugging Asuka and Shinji. A lot. And wanted more. That she knew
there was no space in their bond for her in that manner made her
somewhat sad, but she desired it nonetheless.
Rei rolled the thought around in her head. She had determined that
she had a definite physical attraction to Shinji, but had also
discovered a matching one for the Second Child. She had become
very aware that she would not mind further physical contact with the
vibrant redhead or the Third Child, or even both. She knew there
was a social stigma attached to same-sex attractions, but that barely
concerned her. She'd never worried much over social conventions.
No more than she had to in order to get by, anyhow. But she didn't
want anything to disrupt her ability to be with Shinji and Asuka as
much as possible. So she restrained herself.
It was more difficult every day, though. Her feelings for her friends
grew every time she saw them, even more so when they went into
the chaos and peril of battle. In that last battle, when the Angel was
about to blast them, she'd broken through some barrier, some
restraint on her inner self that she hadn't even known was there until
it nearly shattered under the force of her desire to save her friends
from harm. It was that breakthrough and the recognition of how close
she'd come to losing them that gave her the strength to tell them
how she felt later.
So now they knew… and did not reject her. That was what made Rei
the happiest of all. Even if they could not return her feelings the
same way, they did not reject her. They might not be able to return
her feelings because they were already so deeply entangled with
each other, but it would be because of that, not because Rei was
someone they couldn't love. It made Rei happier than she could
even articulate that she now knew that love was possible for her.
She might not have it yet, but it was possible that one day she could
look at someone like Shinji and Asuka looked at each other, and
have that look returned.
Decision firmed in her chest. Her friends. Their love. The possibility
of her own one day… They had to be protected. Rei no longer
wanted to see a world where any of those things could not exist. The
Commander's Scenario for Instrumentality was no longer
acceptable. Nor was SEELE's. There had to be another way. And
Rei would fight for that path, the path that ensured her friends would
live to be happy.
Doctor Akagi interrupted her thoughts once more. "Rei, try again.
There's still too much signal noise."
"Yes, Doctor." Rei suppressed a small smile. It looked like there was
no getting away from the direction of her thoughts, so she might as
well stop thinking so hard, and just let them float more abstractly.
That should let the signal noise Doctor Akagi was complaining about
fade, and as a bonus, let Rei herself indulge in what was rapidly
becoming her favorite way to let her mind drift away at night. That it
would ensure that the scan and upload of any future copy of herself
would be deeply enriched with impressions of her feelings for her
friends was also a pleasant thought. She let her conscious mind
quiet and different images take the fore.
'Shinji's deep blue eyes… Asuka's crystal blue ones… her long red
hair… his sensitive hands… her long legs, his compassion, her fire,
her heat…'
For the first time in her life, Rei Ayanami intensely wanted to feel the
heat of the sun on her skin…
"Alright, that's better. The scans are coming through cleaner now.
Keep that thought pattern, Rei," Doctor Akagi said approvingly.
'This is going to be a long week…'
Major Katsuragi groaned with fatigue and let her feet find their way to
her apartment's door on autopilot. The immediate aftermath of any
Angel battle was always an avalanche of paperwork and recovery
mobilizations, but this one had been especially bad. Rei's stalwart
defensive fight in the streets of Tokyo-3 had been prolonged,
intense, and valiant, but it had also done more damage to the city
than any fight since Shamshel. The damage to the Geofront hadn't
been quite as bad, but any damage at all down there was ten times
as complicated and costly as anything on the surface. Plus there
was the recovery of all the Evas from where they lay at the end of
the fight and the beginning of the estimates on the repairs to put
them back in shape. Only Unit-03 could even plausibly fight right
now, and it was still minus a forearm. As a result, she'd been working
flat out for the last 18 hours straight, trying to get a handle on the
worst of it, before she felt safe heading for home for at least a meal
and a bit of rest.
' A home-cooked meal from Shin-chan will be a good way to end this
day. I think I'm going to fall right into bed after that. But first things
first… check on the Children, then it's beer time ,' she sighed. She
swiped her keycard through the reader at her door and let Major
Katsuragi fall away, and Misato arrive at home.
The door slid open with its usual beep-swish, but then silence rolled
out at her. Not a peep of the usual TV noise or kitchen clatter she'd
have expected from Shinji or Asuka at this point.
' I don't know if I should be worried they've run away, or are making
out on the couch. I figure it's got to go somewhere like that one of
these days. Just ask her out, Shinji! Or Asuka, you do it! You think I
can't see how you look at him when you think no one's looking,
kiddo? This is… kind of weird, though.' Misato let her happy
anticipatory thoughts of that first golden beer fade and crept quietly
down the entrance hall and into the kitchen-dining area. Still silent.
A tiny sound made her freeze. Click . Followed shortly by a "Wark!"

and another click.
'Pen Pen?' she wondered, slowly tiptoeing her way to where she
could see into the living room. She did not expect what she saw.
Shinji sat on the floor, a chessboard in front of him. A couple of black

chess pieces were on the floor on his side of the board. His top shirt,
socks, and pants were neatly folded in a pile on the side of the
board. Asuka sat on the opposite side of the board from his clothes,
staring intently at the board, occasionally flicking glances at Shinji or
his opponent, who had a burning, level stare, and far more captured
white pieces on his side of the board.
Pen Pen was clearly dominating the match.
Misato's jaw dropped. '… ok, why the Hell is Shinji playing and losing
a chess match against Pen Pen? With half his clothes off?' She
shook her head and stepped into the living room. "Ok, what's going
on he-"
"SHHHH!" Asuka hissed at her. "It's Shinji's move! And quiet, I've got
money on this!"
"I… what? What?" Misato tried to figure this out. No luck. "Asuka,
why is Shinji playing and apparently losing at chess against Pen
Pen? And why is he out of half his clothes?"
"Baka Shinji here thought he was so cool for cooking dinner, 'doing
all the things a mere penguin can't!', that Pen Pen got upset and
pecked him in the leg. Then he challenged Shinji to a chess match.
Baka Shinji tried to claim it wasn't fair, a human versus an animal.
Pen Pen said he'd beaten you, and upped the stakes to strip chess,
and spotted Shinji starting as White." Asuka raised an eyebrow at
her. "Is that true? He beat you? And at strip chess?"
"I… may have been drunk," Misato admitted. "But… Pen Pen…
what? How does… how does that even work? Pen Pen has one
thing he wears." Misato rubbed her head, feeling her headache
intensify.
"He hasn't lost the lead yet. He's literally beating the pants of the
baka." Asuka pointed at Shinji's slacks at the bottom of the pile.
"And… you've got money on this?"
"I bet Pen Pen 2000 yen he couldn't beat Shinji in less than 40
moves. We're at 27 now, and the baka's losing. I may lose this
unless he can find some better moves soon." She glared at Shinji.
"And I'm not allowed to give him any hints."
"I… I…" Misato's brain gave up and reminded her she was tired and
hungry. "Did Shinji get dinner done before this… whatever it is
started, at least?"
Asuka kept staring at the board, but waved at the kitchen. "Of course
he did. Wonder-chef here put a tray for you in the oven on low to
keep it warm, and there's rice in the cooker."
'I need a beer, right away…' Misato stumbled her way back to the
kitchen.
"Hey, Misato! We saved the world yesterday! Can we have a raise in
our allowance?" Asuka called after her.
'A lot of beer…'
Major Katsuragi sighed. Tuesday had been almost as rough as

Monday. The morning had brought a mild hangover, and a second
avalanche of work as the crews began to tackle the rebuilding. The
reports on the Evangelions had been even worse. Unit-02 needed all
four limbs reattached, Unit-00 needed it's head reattached, Unit-01
had more parts broken than intact, and Unit-03 was down one arm,
possibly still Angel-contaminated, and only deployable with two of
her best Pilots crammed into it at once.
'God help us if another Angel like that shows up anytime soon. It's
going to be weeks before we've got any of the other Evas in any
kind of combat condition. At least Shinji and Asuka seem to be
getting along well enough to make deploying them together possible.
I'm still pissed that they've squirreled Rei away down in HQ
somewhere for 'medical procedures'. Bullshit. Medical procedures so
secret the Operations Commander can't even be allowed in to see
her for a week? How am I supposed to look after my Pilots when I
can't even see them?'
Rei had been… a strange addition to their household, but Asuka, of

all people, had been insistent on Rei being moved out of her old
place. Once she'd seen where Rei had been… living, Misato could
hardly disagree. And Ritsuko's order that the Children all strictly
hang out together had strangely been really effective. All three of
them got along much better than they had right after Asuka's arrival.
Even Rei had opened up a little more. Naturally, Misato had not
objected to Asuka's suggestion that they just take possession of the
apartment next door to hers, empty since the resident fled in the
wake of Shamshel tearing up the town.
Now Rei spent most nights hanging out at the apartment with Shinji,
Asuka, and her. Their own weird little family. Misato would freely
admit… to Kaji only, really, that she enjoyed it, having them all
around. The apartment felt alive with them all there. She'd even
drunk a bit less, not feeling so alone.
'Well… less at home, anyhow. What the kids don't know I do with
Kaji is just fine…' she smiled to herself. They were still calling it a
just fling, at least in public, but unspoken between both she and Kaji
was the tacit admission that they'd both like to… try again. That
same powerful pull of attraction was still there for both of them, and
he'd… grown up a little in ways that were even more attractive than
before. Misato'd spent more than a couple nights at his place lately.
He'd been out of sight since the fight, though, both of them too busy
for more than fleeting text messages. His last had said he knew
nothing about Rei, but was looking.
'You better be available when I finally dig my way out from under this
latest pile of paperwork, Kaji. We've got years of 'catching up' to do,
and I don't like stopping just after we've started again. Eight years is
one Hell of a dry spell, damn it.' God, she had a boyfriend again. No,
she had him again. She couldn't quite tell if watching Shinji and
Asuka dance around each other and her own interest in getting them
together was a cause or an effect, but she felt better than she had in
years. Now if only she and Kaji didn't have the growing certainty that
NERV was up to a lot more shit than was admitted…
She sighed, and swiped her card through the door's slot. Worry
about it later. Home now, and time to relax. 'At least, relax if it's not
as weird as last night.' She had her dinner, grabbed some beers, and
retreated to her room while the match was still going. 'Tonight has to
be less strange than that, right?'
Silence again. She held her breath, slinking towards the living room,
hoping it was different.
It was.
Asuka stared hard at Pen Pen over the chessboard. She was down
to her tank top, short shorts, and one sock. Shockingly, her A-10
headset rested on the sloppy pile of clothes on the side of the board
nearest Misato. A nervous looking Shinji sat on the opposite side.
Pen Pen somehow managed to look smug sitting on Shinji's folded
up pants and wearing Shinji's shirt like a shawl.
'At least Shinji's still got shorts and a t-shirt?' Misato asked herself as
she felt her head start to pound again. "Ok, what the heck is it this
time?"
Asuka didn't turn. "Baka lost. I'm trying to win him back. I'm doing
better than he was." Asuka waved at the pile of black pieces in front
of her, about the same size as the one in front of Pen Pen.
Misato rubbed her temples again. "Win him back ?"
"Pen Pen insisted on a serious bet. So either I win this, or the baka
is Pen Pen's butler for the rest of the month, and I have to do all his
chores."
"But I'm not even drunk yet…" Misato muttered to herself. "I can't
really be seeing this, can I?" Taking a deep breath, she tried to make
the situation make more sense. "Asuka, why is this still strip chess?
Didn't yesterday teach you two not to challenge him like that?"
"Flappy little bastard pointed out he was playing mostly naked to

start, and called us chicken for trying to dodge it. Smug little punk…"
Asuka eyed the warm springs penguin sharply. Pen Pen remained
unflappable.
"But… gah… why are you doing this? I'd have thought you'd be
rolling on the floor at the spectacle of Shinji losing his shirt, literally.
Why are you the one winning him and his clothes back?" Misato
asked almost desperately. Some part of this had to make sense.
"Baka Shinji's mine, not some cheeky penguin's servant!" Asuka

growled, her eyes still on the board. Her hand snapped out, grabbed
her queen's bishop, and took Pen Pen's last rook. "I will not see him
forced to slave at the whims of a bird!"
"But you're just fine with him slaving at your whims?" Misato asked,
rubbing her head again. 'I need more beer, damn it…'
Asuka finally looked up at her, a slightly confused look on her face.

"Well, duh. That's the way things are supposed to go. He's mine. He
belongs to me," she said in a matter of fact tone. She looked back
down at the board.
"D-dinner's in the oven again, Misato. Pen Pen says I can't leave
until the match is done, since I'm the stakes," Shinji said. His quiet
comment snapped Misato out of the shocked freeze Asuka's
statment had blown her into.
"Uh, right, thanks, Shinji." She retreated to the kitchen in confusion.

'Did… did I just hear that? "He belongs to me"? That… that can't
mean what it sounds like, right? Right?'
She pulled the warm tray of teriyaki salmon out of the oven, and
grabbed two… no, four beers to go with it. 'Beer, please call my brain
and let them know you'll be taking over until the world makes sense
in here again?'
Misato slowly trudged the last steps towards her door. Wednesday
had been even more draining than the previous two days. The
strange scenes she had been seeing at home weren't helping.
'If I come home to one more strip chess match against a penguin, I
think I'm going to need more than beer this time. At least I got home
at a more reasonable hour this time. Maybe Shinji hasn't even
started dinner. He's sure better than coming home to instant meals
and ramen curry…'
She warily slid her keycard through the slot, and let her door hiss
open. For the benefit of her sanity, this time the more normal sounds
of the television greeted her. Explosions and dramatic rock music
hinted it was something she might even enjoy watching with the
Children.
"Take the shot, Akram! Jane, stand by to fire as soon as he's clear!"
said a voice in what Misato's experienced ear ID'd as a Berliner
accent.
"Roger!"
"Roger!"
More dramatic music, rising to a climax, pounded out over the sound
of a maser canon firing and an unearthly screech as something died.
Misato cautiously walked in through the dining area to the living
room until she could see the backs of Shinji and Asuka's heads.
Misato blinked at the wild action scene just wrapping up on the
screen.
"The Messenger is dead! Great shot, Jane!" the Berliner shouted. He

was of course a blonde, chiseled slab of Teutonic muscle.
"Unit-06 for the kill once again! Thanks, Gregor! Victory drinks are on
me!" said a incredibly petite Chinese girl with improbably large
breasts and a bizarrely incongruous Texan drawl.
"Sure you are not compensating for your height by carrying the
biggest weapon, mm, Jane?" said an Arab man so devastatingly hot
Misato knew he had to be on all the show's posters. His skintight
pilot's suit left little to the imagination. 'Dayum… I could grate cheese
on those abs… yum.'
"Next time on Children's Crusade! Jane rides the megacats!

Terrifying secrets are revealed! More False Messengers appear to
threaten Team Atlantis! And of course, they're be plenty of faaaaan
serrrrrvice! "
A bewildering array of images accompanied the 'coming attractions'

bit. The German man and an Amazonian redhead chasing people
with what looked like the mutant child of a power drill and a
computerized toaster. The Chinese girl and a slightly taller Spanish-
looking woman riding saber-toothed cats the size of bears. A tiny
Arab girl dramatically eating ice cream in a pillowfort, crying. A young
man with short, light brown hair kissing a taller, whipcord-thin
Chinese woman who then somehow managed to trip and land on
him crotch-first. A tall, even more improbably stacked woman in a
hot pink pilot's suit just… calmly smoking a huge bowl of weed. And
then finally the hot Arab pilot and an almost equally hot pale guy with
silvery hair and red eyes playing each other in a volleyball match that
would have Maverick and Goose panting with suppressed
homoerotic envy. All interspersed with giant robots posing and
blowing things up.
Misato was finally snapped out of her bewildered staring by Asuka's

voice. "That looked awesome ! I can't wait to see it! And that female
lead was great !"
"I don't know… it's supposed to be a giant robot show, but it spent
more time showing a bunch of teenagers doing stupid shit with their
shirts off. Takes itself way too seriously." Shinji replied. He cocked
his head. "That redhead reminds me of you."
Misato looked down. And stared.
The Children had dragged the couch closer to the television to watch
their show, so she'd only seen the backs of their heads so far, side
by side. But now that she was standing right behind them, she could
see Asuka had her feet up in Shinji's lap, and was receiving a
thorough foot massage from the Third Child.
"Mmm, a little. She's nicely badass, and she snagged the proper
German guy as a boyfriend, which is nice. I'm cooler, though. That
yuri couple and Akram are clearly in the show just for fanservice,
though."
"I think Jane and Irune are sweet," Shinji countered. "They're at least
as much a valid couple as Sam and Shula, and they're engaged."
Asuka snorted. "Please, you're such a girl. The way they keep
teasing a threesome with the Arab guy is clearly for horny fans. And
that volleyball match with the albino bishounen was definitely yaoi
fanservice. I mean, talk about blatant. They were both wearing
nothing but Speedos and oil!" Asuka arched her back in a stretch.
"Mmmm, that was nice to watch, though. Now keep massaging,
cabana boy. And then you've got my dinner to make."
"Yes, mistress…" Shinji sighed, and bent his head to concentrate on

her feet.
"What the Hell is going on here?" Misato asked. She was gratified to
see both teens jump.
"M-misato-san! I d-didn't even hear you come in!" Shinji sputtered in

surprise. Asuka just snorted and waved a vague greeting.
Misato arched an eyebrow at Shinji. "Mistress?" was all she said.
Shinji blushed and ducked his head back to his task. Asuka smirked
and said, "I won him back from Pen Pen after you went to bed. Now
he's got to be my cabana boy for a week. Clean up after me, cook
what I want to order, and," she waved at the young man currently
working on her toes. "Massages on demand."
"Aside from the foot massage, how is that different from how you
always treat him?" Misato said, slightly acerbic.
"This time he can't complain about it. I saved him from penguinly
domination!"
"Mistress?" Misato repeated.
Asuka met her stare with prideful arrogance. "He lost. I won him
back. He owes me. So this week that includes calling me 'mistress'.
Besides, he gets to put his hands on me with permission, and that's
plenty of reward for him. Isn't that right, baka-Shinji?"
"Yes, mistress," Shinji chanted, deadpan.
"Good boy. Now, dinner. I think Misato is hungry too."

Shinji just nodded and got up, heading for the kitchen. Asuka
watched him go with a possessive smile. She looked up at Misato.
"You wanna plop down and watch another episode with me, Misato?
Shinji and I have been watching it lately. It's like someone heard
about NERV, took a lot of drugs, and then tried to make it a comedy-
drama-angst-romance with an ensemble cast of traumatized
lunatics. It's a cheesy giant robot show, but a lot of fun. Everyone in
it is pretty hot, too. Especially that Akram guy. Yow."
Misato threw up her hands and sighed. She came around the couch
to sit where Shinji had been. "You know what? Fine, hit it." She
called over her shoulder towards the kitchen. "Pen Pen! Beer me!"
Asuka grinned and picked up the remote, starting the next episode
on the laserdisc player. "'Gregor's Captain and the Demons of
Berlin'? Ah, another episode featuring the cool redhead! Nice."
"Mistress?" Misato tried one last time.
Asuka rolled her eyes. "That'll teach you and baka-Shinji to learn to
be better at chess. Wouldn't you like to beat Kaji-san that way,
mmm?"
Misato quickly stifled thoughts of a strip chess match against the tall
Inspector. "I think I'll stick with just making him try to beat me at
drinking. I've got more training there."
Asuka snorted. "You have no hope of beating him at chess, do you?

You can't even beat Pen Pen."
"Shaddap and play the show, Asuka."
The Second Child smiled and sat back. "So when's my Eva going to
be back together? I want to make sure the Dummy Plugs didn't
screw it up."
"Weeks, Asuka. I'll let you know. Now roll it, I want some cheesy
giant robot action I don't have to handle the budget for."
"Jawohl, mein Major."
"Hey, 'mistress'. Black Forest Cake alright for dessert?" Shinji called.
Misato stared at Asuka again. "Really?" she asked drily.
Asuka just grinned. "To the winner goes the choice of desserts."
Misato just shook her head. Her Children. Life was okay.
Major Katsuragi stepped out of the elevator and shuffled tiredly to

her door. Wednesday had been bad? Thursday was even more
draining. Meetings, endless meetings where everyone wanted NERV
to cover the costs of every last part of the reconstruction. More
endless meetings and briefings on the timeline for restoring Unit-00,
Unit-01, and Unit-02 to combat readiness. Endless piles of
paperwork, all of which could only be completed at her level. It was
almost enough to make her wish for the simplicity of another Angel
attack… except once that ended it would only mean she had twice
as much paperwork now due…
Misato paused at the door and took a deep breath. She could do
this. This was home. Even last night hadn't been too weird. Asuka
treating Shinji like her personal serving boy was not that unusual.
Even the 'mistress' bit and the foot massages wasn't that nuts. She
had to admit, it did seem like something Shinji wouldn't mind doing,
getting to put his hands on Asuka with not just her permission, but
her instruction.
'I wonder if Asuka was trying to use that as a hint for Shin-chan to try
a little more? I really need to give them a push…' She considered
and discarded a few ideas on that front as she swiped her card
through the slot and opened the door.
The sound of clattering in the kitchen and television in the living

room greeted her. She smiled. This was nice. The normal sounds of
her coming home. She stretched her back out until she felt her spin
pop as she walked past the kitchen, the flash of an apron-wrapped
body catching her sight out of the corner of her eye as she passed.
A pair of bare feet and legs sticking out of shorts poked out from the
couch that was still dragged near the TV. Some random action movie
was on, and the Child on the couch probably not even watching,
their feet idly kicking. Misato smiled again. The usual state of affairs
when she came home was back. It would be a nice change after the
last few days of oddity. She trudged towards her room to change,
pulling her jacket off.
'Now, what to wear to best #1) tease Shinji, #2) make Asuka jealous
and provoke her into flaunting her own bod at him in territorial
response, and #3) make me look hot in case Kaji drops by? Hmm…
if Asuka can lay around in a tank and short-shorts, so can I!' She
was out of her uniform and most of the way into a nice comfy set of
cut-off shorts and a yellow tank when she heard the opening salvo of
the usual battle start.
"OI! BAKA! WHERE'S MY DINNER?!"
She started to smile at the familiar opening, then froze. 'Th… that
was not… that wasn't Asuka!' She rapidly finished tugging on the
shorts and styled her hair into a high ponytail as she trotted back into
the living room. "Asuka, what's go… what."
The Child on the couch had indeed jumped up to yell at the occupant
of the kitchen, a bag of potato chips clutched in one fist as the other
pointed angrily, a posture Misato had seen the Second Child adopt
many times. Legs toned by hours of NERV training led up to athletic
shorts, a white tank top, and an A-10 Interface headset atop the
Pilot's head.
Really, Shinji didn't look half bad in the outfit.
"I'm hungry! Hurry it up!" he shouted at the cook.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It's taking longer than I expected! It took me a
while to finish all that homework, and I got started later than I expect-
" Asuka tried to defend herself.
"I don't want excuses, baka! I want dinner!" Shinji rolled right over
her protests.
Misato's jaw hung open as she desperately shifted her stare to

Asuka, hoping it wasn't as bad.
The too-long belt holding up Asuka's black student trousers stuck out
the side from under the pink apron she was wearing, and there were
a few stains of dinner ingredients on the cuffs of her white school
shirt. Her hair was bound off in a ponytail by a hair tie at the top of
her neck, falling smoothly in a red waterfall, since there was no
Interface Headset to get in the way for her.
"Guh," Misato observed shrewdly.
"It'll be ready in just a few more… oh, I'm sorry, Pen Pen." Asuka
looked down at her feet, where the warm-springs penguin had
pecked her in the leg gently to draw her attention.
Pen Pen stared backup at her with a cool expression. "Wark," he

said.
Asuka nodded. "I forgot. Yours is ready, yes. Here you go." She took
a plate of fish off the counter and handed it down to him. Pen Pen
accepted it with a nod, and toddled into his freezer-room, closing the
door.
"Oh, so he gets his dinner first? I rate lower than a stupid bird ?!"
Shinji growled. "Well, it's good to know what the Great and Invincible
Asuka-sama thinks of me!"
"I'm sorry! It's not like that, Shinj!" Asuka pleaded, waving her hands
at him. "I'll have dinner ready in just a couple of minutes, I promise!"
"Alright, both of you, hold it!" Misato shouted over them.
They both fell silent and looked at her, faintly surprised, like they'd
only just now noticed she was there.
Misato let them stare at her in silence for a moment before stalking
past them, into the kitchen, and over to the refrigerator. She pulled
out a can of Yebisu, popped the top, and drained the beer in one
long pull. "Ahhhhh, that's better. Ok, one of you explain to me what
the heck is going on here! Why is Shinji watching TV and you
cooking, Asuka? Since when do you cook? And what happened to
'mistress'?"
Asuka blinked at her. "I… I always do the cooking, Misato-san?"
"What."
"I do the cooking, and the shopping, and the cleaning, and you and
Shinji do… umm.. .things," Asuka offered. "You help clean
sometimes."
"What."
Shinji sniffed. "I keep my room spotless. You keep out, Second
Child! I don't want you going through my underwear." Shinji shot
Asuka a dirty look. "I can guess what you'd do with them. Pervert."
"Shinji, I do all the laundry anyway…" Asuka said quietly.
"What."
"Are you feeling alright, Misato-san?" Asuka looked at her,

concerned.
Misato shook her head, and grabbed another beer.
Shinji rolled his eyes "Whatever. I'm going back to watching TV. Call
me when dinner's ready. Which better be soon, Second Child."
"Yes, Shinji," Asuka said meekly.
Shinji stomped back into the living room, and Misato drained the
second beer. "Asuka, is this some kind of joke?" she asked, trying to
hide her headache and confusion.
Asuka looked at her, looking just as puzzled. "I… don't know? Um…
dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Could you help me set the
table, please? I'd really appreciate your helping me like this."
Misato looked despairingly at the bottle of Snake-Killer Sake on the

shelf behind Asuka. 'I don't think beer alone is going to save me
tonight…'
Ch 19 - Advent Pt 3
Author's Note: Sorry for the long delay, everyone. These scenes took
some effort to write, and it wasn't fast. I also held off on updating
here since the scenes just kept getting longer then I expected, and
the good chapter break point I wanted before I posted just kept
moving back. As it is, Chapter 8 - Advent, still has a good part to run,
at least as long as this portion. But since this portion itself has hit
over 11,000 words and it's been 2 months since the last update, I
thought I should put this part up.
As always, if you don't like waiting this long between updates, come
over to SufficientVelocity. com, where the updates go up first and
faster. I generally post every 1,000 words or more there as I go,
scene-to-scene, and collect them for posting here every 6-10k. Just
search for the title. You don't have to register to read, and I put a lot
of story notes and character discussion there.
In any case, the long-awaited moment has arrived: Shinji and Asuka
go public with Misato about their relationship… and what they've
learned about their mothers. Then we back up a bit, and see what
Ritsuko and Rei were up to during that week.
Enjoy, and please review with your thoughts.
Major Katsuragi steeled herself and opened the door to her

apartment. This time she wasn't going to accept any more
shenanigans. Last night had been too damn surreal. Shinji and
Asuka hadn't 'broken character' all night. Asuka had been meek,
polite, and self-effacing as she did all the cooking, dishwashing, and
cleaning. Shinji had watched TV, read fashion magazines,
complained about everything, and ordered Asuka around all evening
until Misato had told her… him to go to his room. Shinji had stalked
off, muttering in German, and gone into his old room, now Asuka's.
Misato, fairly buzzed at that point in self-defense of her sanity, had
looked at Asuka helplessly. Asuka had merely shrugged and gone
back to preparing the lunches for tomorrow. At that point Misato had
given up and gone to bed.
Tonight… Ok, a week of this was enough. No more funny games. If

Shinji and Asuka were up to anything tonight, she was done putting
up with it. She'd demand and get some answers. She stepped inside
and let the door slide shut behind her.
She could hear their voices in the kitchen, accompanied by the

sounds of cooking. So far, relatively normal. No TV playing, but that
wasn't too unusual. They didn't sound like they were arguing, either,
which was a bit unusual. Whatever, she was ready. Nothing the
Second and Third Children could throw at her was going to rattle her
this time! She rounded the corner and halted in surprise.
They weren't arguing. They were dancing .
Shinji came out of the kitchen with a large hot dish in his hands,
turning without looking as he came around the corner of the kitchen
nook on a course that should have taken him right into Asuka, who
was walking back from putting down some other plates on the table.
But Asuka somehow anticipated his movements, and smoothly spun
herself around him in a move that looked too graceful to even be
practiced, and they exchanged positions without even looking at
each other. The dance repeated itself a few seconds later as Asuka
came right back out with another set of laden plates and spun
around Shinji on his own return course.
Misato stood there staring for a minute. This was even smoother and
closer synchronization than they'd showed at the end of the week of
training she'd run them through in order to defeat Israfel. She perked
her ears up. Yup, they had music playing, slightly low volume, but
definitely there. She realized they were singing too, both on the beat
and in harmony.
They both vanished into the kitchen, and returned into her view a
moment later, spinning around each other in steps that were clearly
unnecessary, and just for fun. Shinji let his plates drop down to the
last open spots on the near side of the table to the kitchen without
taking his eyes off Asuka. She did the same with her plates on the
far side of the table a moment later as their path curled around.
Once their hands were free, they wrapped around each other and
continued their dance until they were back near the kitchen.
Misato goggled and rubbed at her eyes. They were… holding each
other, dancing together, and smiling ? Her mouth twisted in
annoyance. So this was the game tonight? Playing the cutesy
newlyweds? Obviously a trick, though she had to wonder how Asuka
had gotten Shinji to go along with it.
They didn't seem to have noticed her yet. At least, they hadn't overtly
reacted to her standing in the shadows of the entrance hall. So why
were they doing their act already? Even their 'role-reversal' one
hadn't really done anything until she'd gotten home and they had to
have noticed her. So why were they alread-… Misato stared .
Their latest twirl done, Shinji had shifted his grip on Asuka's back,
and was now dipping her in a slow, tight movement. Asuka was
grinning, molding herself into it. Shinji had an almost matching smile.
Their faces were very, very close…
"Alright, that's enough, you two! What the Hell is going on here?!"
Misato's sharp, loud question made them both jump. "I've had
enough of these games. What are you two playing at this time?"
"M-misato-san! W-welcome home!" Shinji stuttered. He carefully

brought Asuka back upright and let go of holding her. "Um… we
were… we were…" He looked at Asuka, who only folded her arms
and stared right back at Misato.
"Getting dinner ready, as you can see," Asuka said unflinchingly. She
waved at the table. "See?"
Misato narrowed her eyes at them. "Sit down, both of you."

The two young Pilots looked at each other for a moment and
nodded. They walked to the table and sat down at their usual places
facing her seat, waiting silently. Misato looked at the frankly startling
array of food laid out on the table and thought about going to change
out of her uniform before sitting down to eat, but her stomach
growled at her and her mouth filled with saliva at the delicious
aromas coming off the table, and that decided her. She sat down and
matched stares with her young charges. 'Eh, maybe staying in my
uniform will remind them I'm once again their commanding officer
and not just their den mother. I need to lay down the law after this
week.'
"Alright… you two have been playing silly games all week, and I've
let it slide since I'm tired and you two playing games isn't entirely a
bad thing to come home to. But it's over. Singing and dancing
around like a couple on a honeymoon is enough. No more playing to
mess with my head," she declared firmly. "You're both Pilots again.
Playtime is over."
Shinji just met her gaze calmly. "This wasn't a game, Misato-san. We
stopped playing yesterday." Asuka nodded. Together they brought
their hands between them up from below the level of the table and
let them rest on the table. Asuka's left hand was on top of Shinji's
right, fingers interlaced in a tight grasp.
Misato stared at the clasped hands. "I don't appreciate you making
fun of things when I'm laying down the rules, Shinji-kun. Am I
supposed to believe you and Asuka are suddenly going out?"
"Not suddenly," Asuka said calmly. "Months."
Misato shot her a sarcastic look. "Really. You two have secretly been
dating for months and pretending you're not at home? Sure. Shinji
swept you off your feet one day, bowled you over in a wave of
passion, and stole your heart with his too-smooth moves. Next Kaji
will confess he's been pining for me the last 8 years and offer to run
away with me to his cabin in the Geofront!"
Asuka blinked, and started laughing so hard she fell over and landed
with her head in Shinji's lap. Shinji just nodded at Misato and said,
"Um… sort of? You're kind of right, but I r-really wouldn't call me
'smooth'. We just sort of… started talking to each other one day a
few months ago, and… found out we're… a lot more alike than we'd
though. It all worked out." He absently ran his fingers through
Asuka's hair in his lap as she kept giggling. "Do you really think Kaji-
san will confess to you like that soon, Misato-san? I know he thinks
about you."
Misato forced herself to remain calm. This had to be just an

extended joke. Shinji's question had to be part of it, not a serious
probe. Kaji couldn't have told Shinji anything like that… could he?
"Yeah, Misato," Asuka finally managed from her position lying in

Shinji's lap as her giggling eased. "Kaji knows about us. This week
was about us shaking you up before we told you. Kaji insisted we…
come clean to you. But my dearest baka and I have been in love for
a while now. Surprise."
'Ok, now I know they're messing with me,' Misato thought. 'Kaji
knows? And they're 'in love'? I know they're attracted to each other,
but successfully hiding a relationship from me for months? No way.
Fine. Asuka wants to push it? I'll call their bluff.'
"My my, Asuka. Who knew you'd be knocked head over heels for
'that baka Shinji'," she said in a sugary, mocking tone. "It's so
romantic! Let me see you plant a nice juicy kiss on your sweetie's
lips. Go ahead."
Asuka looked at her again, slightly surprised. Then she shrugged,

slid her right hand behind Shinji's head, and pulled him down into a
soft, languid kiss.
Misato watched their faces draw together, waiting and waiting for
them to stop at the last minute and admit it was a game. She waited
in vain. Her jaw dropped open. 'What… how… no way… They…
they're really doing it? They… they can't have been hiding this for as
long as they say, could they?'
It was a long, long moment before the Pilots broke the kiss and
Shinji sat back up. Asuka just laid there with a cat-that-ate-the-
canary grin on her face, looking utterly pleased and at peace. Shinji
looked calm and happy too. Neither of them had reopened their
eyes.
Misato just gaped at them for a minute. She forced herself to shut
her mouth with a click. Silence stretched out. Asuka slowly cracked
an eye open from Shinji's lap. "Anything else you'd like us to do,
Misato?" she said amusedly.
"… you're not kidding, are you?" Misato slowly asked.
"Nope."
"You've been secretly in love for months?"
"Yup."
"And you were hiding it from me be-" Misato started to ask, then
stopped as she kicked her brain into gear. Shinji at least was well
aware she found the idea of he and Asuka together amusing and
cute enough that she'd made no secret about encouraging him to
ask the German redhead out. And if they were dating, he must have
told Asuka that. So they should both know Misato would if anything
encourage their dating each other. Unless…
"Because you'd freak out and try to tell us we couldn't do what we've
been doing for most of that time," Asuka said. "We're together . We
wake up together, we eat breakfast together, we go to school
together, we train together, we fight together, we come home
together, and at the end of the day…" She sat up so that both Pilots
were facing her squarely. Their hands sought each other out and
renewed their tight clasp without either of them breaking eye contact
with her. "We go to sleep together," Asuka finished calmly but firmly.
'Unless there was something they were afraid I'd blow up at them
for…' "No," Misato said in a tone of rising anger that said she'd
already figured it out. "No, you two cannot be-"
"We are, Misato! We did it last night, the night before that, the week
before that, and the month before that! And we're going to keep on
doing it!" Asuka shot back hotly. "I have waited most of my life to
know that someone loved me again! I haven't felt loved since I
fucking found my mother's body ! And now I risk my life every
mission to protect the fucking world! So if you want to take away the
only thing that's made me happy in most of my damn life, you can go
to Hell!"
"'Most of your life '? Asuka, you're fourteen ! You two can't be doing
this!"
"You'd have done the same at our age!"
"At your age plus a year I was catatonic from watching Second
Impact at Ground Zero! You are still a child!"
"A 'child' ?! Sure I am, the Second Child ! And Shinji's the Third ! And
we're sure as Hell old enough for you to have us fight for our lives as
soldiers! We've earned this, Misato!"
"You are way too young to be sleeping together! Are…" Misato's

eyes widened. "You're not just 'sleeping together' literally, are you?
That's why you hid this," she all but whispered.
They both nodded; Shinji a shade guiltily, Asuka defiantly. "Since

Leliel," Asuka said sharply. "You know, when I almost died. Again . I
decided I didn't want to maybe die the next mission regretting that I
never told Shinji I love him. So I did. And then… we did."
"You… Alright. Fine. It's done. But you're stopping right now and
going to your rooms. Separately, while I-"
"We are not stopping, Misato," Asuka interrupted. "We'll stop Piloting
before we'll stop sleeping next to each other."
"And leave Rei-chan to fight alone?" Misato replied coldly.
Asuka's hot retort died on her lips. She looked like she'd bitten into
something sour, working her jaw for a moment before replying,
"Commander Asshole just tried that one. Look how well that worked
out. It took me, Shinji, and Kaji's insane driving skills to save the day.
Remember the part where we saved the damn world? We've earned
the right to sleep where and with who we want, Misato."
"You are teenagers . You are not ready for this," Misato growled.
"You are too young for all the complications sex brings. What if you
got pregnant and couldn't Pilot when an Angel attacked? You could
risk the whole world on your being horny?"
"Contraceptive implant from Doctor Akagi before we did anything,"

Asuka snarled, stretching the truth only a little. "We're not stupid,
Misato. This isn't about being horny. This is about us having earned
the right to grab as much life and love as we can when we risk our
lives every time we get in our Evas."
"Both of you, go to your rooms," Misato repeated lowly.
"'Go to your room'?! You can't treat us like kids, Misato!" Asuka
almost shouted back. She started to rise from her chair, but stopped
halfway as Shinji's hand pulled her back down.
"This is me treating you like an adult, Asuka," Misato said tightly.

"This is me sending you two to your rooms so I can think and not
react at you. Because right now, I'm very angry at the two of you not
just doing this, but concealing it from me for months. Sex and
teenagers is a damn explosive mixture, and you two have been
risking all our safety on you both not screwing it up somehow. What
if you-"
"Our Synch Rates have been going up steadily since we got
together, Misato-san," Shinji interrupted quietly. "Asuka went up four
points the day after we first… kissed. I went up six. We've both gone
up 27% since we started. You saw how closely in-synch with each
other we were against Bardiel. And we only managed to joint Pilot
this last time because we are so close. If we weren't sleeping
together… if we weren't in love…" He looked at Asuka and smiled,
then turned back to Misato. "We wouldn't have been able to stop
Zeruel and we'd all be dead now. We are stronger together, Misato.
I've never felt this strong. And I know Asuka feels the same way.
Please don't separate us."
Misato just stared at Shinji for a moment. His quiet listing of facts to
back up their position, combined with the agonized sincerity of his
plea let it sink in a bit more for her. This wasn't just two horny teens
wanting to get off. She knew too well how isolated Asuka really was
from her time as the girl's guardian. She'd seen the same sort of
hedgehog-like isolation and loneliness from Shinji when he moved in
with her; the cell phone that never got calls, the lack of friends for so
long until those two classmates of his had slowly become more than
just people he knew… This was two very lonely people finding
someone to… keep the lonely darkness away with. Like another
couple she knew.
"Shinji… you don't understand how delicate this is… what if you two
broke up? Or if-"
"We won't," they said in unison. She saw their clasped hands
squeeze tight, until they were almost shaking.
"… or if one of you got hit in a battle? Could either of you stand
watching that happen, ignore the screams, and keep fighting?
There's a reason military commands ban romantically involved
people from being in the same unit, you know."
"How would separating us change any of that, Misato-san?" Shinji

asked quietly. "Sex or not, nothing's going to change how I feel about
Asuka, or her me. It won't do anything but make us both miserable
outside of battle, not more effective in it."
"That may be how they do that in normal military units, Misato, but
nothing about this is normal. Yes, we're Children. We Pilot because
only we can," Asuka said in an odd tone. "Haven't you ever
wondered why that is?"
Misato turned her stare to the redhead. "… I have. Ritsuko has
been… not entirely forthcoming on the topic. And…" 'And from what
Kaji's been telling me, the Marduk Institute is a hollow shell. And if
Marduk isn't finding and selecting the PIlots… who is?'
Asuka's anger had vanished, replaced by something colder and

harder. "We figured out why we are the Second and Third Children.
We planned to ask Rei to see if we were right… but I'm certain we
are," Asuka said in that same odd tone. "How secure is this
apartment, Misato? Any bugs? Section 2 isn't listening, right?"
The cold, stark expression on Asuka's face made Misato repress a

shiver. This didn't sound good. "No. No bugs. Section 2 doesn't listen
in on me. Go on."
Asuka nodded. "Good. We learned something ugly about NERV.

We're adult enough to handle sleeping together, Misato. I know we're
mature enough because I haven't already stolen your pistol and
gone after Commander Asshole and demanded some answers from
him. And I haven't greeted you at the door with a knife because I'm
pretty sure you don't know…"
Misato froze. She and Asuka had been pretty friendly while she'd
been the girl's guardian. So a coolly delivered threat to kill her…
"Know what?"
"I know where my mother is," Asuka said.
"And I know where mine is," Shinji echoed a second later. His face
hardened into a near snarl. "And my father owes me some answers."
There was no doubt in their voices. Misato felt her skin crawl. "'Are'?
Asuka, your mother died in the hospital. I… I know you found her.
And Shinji's mother died in the first Contact Experiment with Unit-01
eleven years ago."
"My Mama was mad after her own Contact Experiment, Misato. With,
funny coincidence, my Unit-02. And I'm the only one that can Pilot it.
Another amazing coincidence."
"And no one can get Unit-01 to move like me," Shinji said. "Rei's
best is less than half as high a synch as I manage."
"And we talked to Hikari after she came out of Unit-03's core… she
said she talked to her mother in there. Yet another funny
coincidence."
This time Misato couldn't suppress the shiver. "That… you really
think…"
"Our mothers are in our Evas. I don't know how, but I'm certain of it.
We both are," Asuka said grimly. "And that can't be an accident.
Someone at NERV has to know that. And I don't think it's you. And
above you, there's only…"
"Ritsuko, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, and-" Misato listed.
"And my father," Shinji growled. "He knows . He has to."
Misato didn't want to believe it. She'd have to check notes with Kaji.
But… it fit too well with what she knew. The way all the kids in their
class were candidates. No mothers for any of them. Statistically
impossible, so it had to be part of the selection criteria. But she'd
never imagined it was anything like this. And Hikari's reemergence
had proved beyond a doubt that a human could be absorbed by an
Eva Core and still live. And she'd told Shinji and Asuka that she'd
seen her mother? "There's… been nothing in the reports about
Horaki-chan about… anything like this." It was a feeble straw, she
could feel it even as she said it.
"We intend to try direct communication with them the next time we're
in our Evas, Misato," Asuka said. "So yes, we're not going to stop
being Pilots. Not when we finally know where our mothers are. But…
don't try to separate us. We've earned this. You know what I was
like. You think I'd say 'I love you' to anyone easily?"
"Or me?" Shinji added.
"NERV has been up to some very creepy things, Misato. So Shinji

and I sleeping in the same bed at night? Small thing next to that. And
we've more than earned it. Please," Asuka finished.
Misato tried to force her mind back to the first crisis of the evening.
"I'll… think about it, Asuka. I know this means a lot to both of you. So
I'm not going to react by reflex here. Is that acceptable?" she asked
in a level tone. "You've given me some other major things to chew on
here, you realize."
Asuka lips compressed together and she looked at Shinji. He didn't

look happy either, but gave a small nod. Asuka turned back to her
and nodded as well. "Fine. We'll… sleep separately. Tonight . But…
you've got to let us. I haven't had a single nightmare since we started
sleeping in the same bed. If I have one tonight, I know why and I'll
blame you."
Misato let it pass. She could hear the real worry in Asuka's voice. "I'll
think about it," she repeated. "You two have saved the world, yes.
But this is… delicate. And Commander Ikari could override any
orders I give about it anyway."
"So don't tell him," Shinji said, low and angry. Misato blinked and
looked at him. She'd never even heard Shinji this angry before. "My
father forfeited any right to order my life and take away my
happiness when he dumped me at a railway station and walked
away when I was four, and then ignored me for ten years. He gets
no say in this. I love who I want to love, and he can go to Hell."
Misato blinked at the sheer fury radiating off the Third Child. She
was even more surprised when Asuka leaned closer and tightly
hugged Shinji until his anger ebbed. "Easy, love. He can't stop us.
No power in the universe can stop us. We smash Angels like it's
nothing. Your stupid father can't even begin to match us."
Shinji just let his hands come up and stroke the outsides of Asuka's.
"Thank you," Misato heard him say softly to her.
Misato shook her head slightly. Even more than the kiss they'd both
obviously enjoyed, this drove home how much they'd been
concealing. A week ago, she'd have laughed at the idea Asuka
would just reach out and comfort Shinji just because she cared about
him, or that Shinji would automatically accept it and give back little
nonverbal signs that he understood and appreciated what Asuka
was doing. Now… she was surprised to find a tiny trickle of envy
begin to bubble up from her own heart. 'Why can't I have that?'
"You really… love each other," she said quietly.
Asuka looked up, but continued to hold Shinji. "I told you, Misato.
This isn't about us wanting to just fuck. This is because when we're
lying there together at night, I never feel alone and unloved anymore.
He's all I want. I don't need anyone else but him, not even… Kaji." A
faint smile appeared on Asuka's lips. "Kaji's all yours now, Misato.
Go get him." She looked back at Shinji. "I've got everything I want.
Someone who understands me, fights beside me, and drives me to
always be more."
Suddenly Asuka snorted. "Ok, I admit it, I also want him in my bed
because oh god is he good. Musician's hands, Misato…"
The envy got worse. She hadn't seen Kaji in days . "Just… let's eat.
Then you two can… have the evening to cuddle on the couch or
something. You're still sleeping in your own rooms until I can think
about this." Misato's frown deepened. "And the… other thing. You're
not due for a Synch Test for another week at least, but… I'll see what
I can do."
Asuka just nodded. So did Shinji as his head came back up, his face
calm again. "Thank you, Misato-san. We made your favorites
tonight."
Misato quirked an eyebrow. "'We'? Asuka willingly helped cook?"
Asuka snorted again. "Told you. You won't believe how much about
us you don't know. Dig in. We worked hard to impress you here. We
wanted to make a good impression for this," she waved her hands.
"This whole reveal. It's important, you know?"
"I'll think about it," Misato promised once more. "Now, let's eat."
The Previous Monday
"I'm going to go question the Fourth Child again. She has to know
something more than she's said."
Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki looked up from the shogi board at his

former pupil. Long practice kept his lips from flattening into a line. "Is
that wise, Ikari?" was all he said.
Gendo's penetrating stare shifted from the air in front of his desk to
the old man's face.
"You managed to terrify the poor girl into silence in just 15 minutes
last time. And all she could tell you was she thought she'd seen her
mother, had no idea how she'd gotten in or out of the Core, and had
only the vaguest understanding of what the Angel had done to take
over her Evangelion. You going down there to interrogate her will
likely only frighten her further and gain us no additional information."
Gendo rose from his desk and began to pace back and forth like a
caged lion. "She must know something. She must . She came out,
Professor!" he said in a voice almost vibrating with chained tension.
"If you wish, I can go speak to her. She may respond better to me,"
Fuyutsuki offered.
Commander Ikari just stood silently for several minutes. "Speak to

her. Find out what she knows. Everything. She must know
something," he bit out.
The Sub-Commander of NERV rose to his feet and nodded. Long

acquaintance let him see the way Gendo was holding down tension
that would have had an ordinary man screaming and clawing at the
walls by now. He made a small placating gesture. "I will handle it."
Gendo just tightened his lips and jerked a sharp nod. He returned to
his desk and pulled up a report on the repair estimates for Unit-01,
his hands assuming their standard position folded under his nose as
he stared at the screen, but Fuyutsuki could tell he was not seeing
the words at all.
He sighed quietly and walked to the door. The Fourth Child likely had
little new information to offer, but he would make the effort. He'd not
seen Gendo this wound up in more years than he could remember, if
ever.
Muzzy, painful awareness swam slowly back to her. Her head hurt…
so much… where?
She was lying in a bed. The steady beep-beep-beep of a heart

monitor came from her right, and she realized she'd been hearing it
in the background of her senses for a while. Every part of her hurt.
Her injuries from Matsushiro all screamed at her afresh, and a new,
even more painful little dwarf had apparently evicted the last one that
had begun drilling at the inside of her skull, and gone to work. She
groaned from the pain.
There was a weight on her right leg, and someone was holding her
right hand. They twitched and squeezed it when she groaned. She
pried her eyes open and tried to focus on the blurry mass of brown
hair and khaki NERV uniform that was slumped asleep on her legs,
half on the hospital bed, half in the chair next to it. "M… Maya?" she
rasped.
Her young assistant blinked awake and wiped absent-mindedly at

the dribble of drool at her mouth. "Gwha… sempai! "
Ritsuko found herself gently, but quickly wrapped up in a hug as

Maya Ibuki began to babble happily.
"Sempai!Sempai!Iwassoworried!TheceilingfellonyouwhenUnit-
01hitHQandyouwerebleedingandIwassoscaredandworriedbutComma
nderIkariwoudn'tletmehelpyoubecausetheAngelwasstillattackingand-
"
"Maya! MAYA!" Oww, damn it, shouting made her head pound
worse. "Slow down! Start over! What-… nggg. What happened? The
last thing I remember is… is…" Her head pounded. "Ung… uh, Unit-
01 falling into the Geofront? The Angel was coming after it, and…
the launch catapult was activating?"
"Th-the catapult was Unit-03! Shinji-kun and Asuka um… borrowed

Unit-03 and attacked the Angel! They stabbed its Core out, and Rei
shot it before it could blow up like Sachiel!" Maya babbled excitedly.
Her head was spinning. "Sh-shinji and Asuka… together? They dual-
synched again? In… Unit-03?"
Maya nodded excitedly. "They were amazing! They… they ran out of
power before they killed the Angel, but then the vestigial S2 Organ in
Unit-03 activated!"
'Oh god… Unit-03 was possessed by an Angel, and now has a

functioning S2 Organ?' Ritsuko shivered. 'What… what the Hell are
we supposed to do if that thing awakens? And… wait…" "How did
Shinji and Asuka manage the dual-synch? That… Unit-03's Core
was configured to work with the Fourth Child, not them. And she was
absorbed!"
Maya blinked. "I… I don't know, Akagi-sempai. I… I left Central
Dogma as soon as the combat alert was over and came straight
here. I… um…" Maya blushed. "I… haven't left your side since then.
That was… um… last night. Afternoon… er…"
'… you haven't left my side since the end of the fight, and I woke up
with you asleep on my leg and holding my hand. Goddamit, Maya.
I've been trying to ignore your crush on me for months. This is not
helping.' "Maya, maybe you should-" Ritsuko's stomach took this
opportunity to growl like an angry badger. "… ah,… go ask the nurse
to bring me something to eat?" she finished weakly.
Maya wobbled to her feet. "Y-yes, sempai! I'll… ooh… um… get
something to eat too! I'll be back soon!" She turned and zipped from
the room, almost bowling over the person coming in on the way.
"Ahh! Sorry, Major Katsuragi! Excuse me!"
Misato looked back at the retreating Lieutenant and shook her head.
"Your girlfriend is very devoted, Rits."
"Shut up, Misato. And don't call her that. I've been trying to ignore
her raging crush on me all year," the blonde doctor replied testily.
'It's… Hell, she's… I want Gendo, not… some pretty young girl that
idolizes me.… right? He needs me. He'll listen to me about how
dangerous the Evas are becoming. He has to… He's not just using
me. He's not.' The thought wasn't as sure as it had been a few
months ago. 'She's… I'm not who she thinks.' "This… what am I
supposed to do with this?"
"Take her out for drinks next time instead of me and Kaji?" Misato
said with an impish grin. "It's not like you've never kissed a girl
before. Or done far, far mo-"
"And you promised that we'd never speak of it again, and that it was
only because we were both hammered out of our minds and hadn't
had a guy in months," Ritsuko fired back, then put a hand to her
head to try quieting the throb. "Nnng… don't make me shout
anymore, please?"
"That's not what you said back then…" Misato joked. The smile
dropped away fast, though. "How do you feel?"
"Like Unit-01 punched me in the head," Ritsuko mumbled through

clenched teeth. "They leave any painkillers for me? I'll order some
myself if they didn't. Then borrow your sidearm and go shoot the
doctor that forgot."
"My, someone's grouchy…" Misato deadpanned. "Here. The nurse

handed me these on the way in. Vicodin good enough for you?" She
held out a small bottle of pills.
Ritsuko took the bottle with hands that only shook a little and quickly
swallowed one of the pills. "It'll do. How bad do I look?"
Misato chewed her lip. "Nnnnnot great. You got a good knock on the
head from a falling chunk of ceiling, and that didn't help your
previous injuries… Doc said you should stay in bed for a good week
before trying to get back into things, even desk work."
"Fine, fine. Maya says she came straight here from Central Dogma
after the battle. Obviously we won, but what else have I missed?
How the Hell did Shinji and Asuka get Unit-03 to work for them? The
Core was configured for the Fourth Child, and she was absorbed in
the last fight!"
Misato shrugged. "You're the Metaphysical Biology expert, you tell

me. And Hikari's back. She just… appeared in the Entry Plug after
the Angel was dead and they shut down the combat alert." Misato's
lips quirked. "Appeared in Shin-chan's lap, in fact."
Ritsuko screeched to a mental halt. "Wait… what?! She… came out?

How?!"
"Hell if I know, but she's just down the hall here from you right
now…" Misato went on, not noticing her friend's turmoil.
Misato filled her in. The Evas smashed up, weeks to repair. Hikari
out of the Core, somehow, with no idea how. The Commander
interrogating her, and ordering her on medical suspension until
totally cleared of possible Angelic contamination. The Second and
Third Children commended and put back on active status, assigned
to Unit-03 for now, for lack of any other Eva that can fight at all. The
Fifth Child coming in from NERV Berlin to replace the Fourth.
"The… Fifth Child? What? How the Hell are we supposed to

configure a Core for them? I… I can't do this in a vacuum! What the
Hell is NERV Berlin playing at?" Ritsuko complained.
Misato shrugged again. "I only know what Sub-Commander

Fuyutsuki told me. We've got about a week before they arrive, he
said, and we're to assign the other Children to getting the Fifth Child
up to speed as fast as possible, so Shinji and Asuka can get
reassigned back to their own Evangelions as soon as they're back in
shape." She sighed. "And that is going to take a while. Only Unit-03
can even stand up right now, and it's still missing a hand and has a
lot of damage. Commander Ikari left Central Dogma as soon as the
fight was over and left me to handle everything. He spent the entire
evening camped out at the recovery site for Unit-01. It took them
hours to get Rei cut out, and then he still stayed there most of the
night. He questioned Hikari-chan right after that, then left. "
'Of course he spends half the night making sure she is ok… plus
that stupid doll. And he came to see Horaki, but not me? Damn it,
Gendo… you need me! Don't I warrant a bit of your time?' She
smothered the wave of anxiety and desire that she almost hated
herself for feeling sometimes. Misato was still talking.
"The surface defenses and the Geofront access point are all mashed
to Hell, too…"
"Coordinating the repairs for that is your problem, Major," Ritsuko

said primly. She forced a small smirk. Her friend didn't know who she
was seeing, and didn't need to. "And if I'm going to be laid up with
bed-rest for a week or two, you're going to have to ride herd on the
Evangelion repair crews as well."
"Oh, gee, thanks, Project E Chairwoman, ma'am," Misato retorted

sourly. "Since I had all this free time just laying around, waiting for-"
The phone by the head of the bed rang loudly. Misato raised an
eyebrow. "Expecting a call?"
Ritsuko's head pounded a little more with the annoying electronic

ring. She scowled and reached over to pick up the handset. "Hello,
this is Akagi."
"Doctor Akagi. Are you alright?"
Her heart soared. 'He's calling to see if I'm ok? That's not as good as
a visit, but he does care! Take that, Misato!' "Yes, sir, " she answered
professionally.
"Can you work?"
Ritsuko paused. Her head pounded, but… she could think, and there
were probably important things that- "… I guess so?"
"Come to Terminal Dogma immediately, then. There is much work to

do." Click.
Ritsuko stared at the handset, trying to decide if she wanted to throw

the phone across the room or slam it. 'Come down here'?! Not even
a 'how are you feeling?' What the Hell?!' "Mother fucker !"
Misato raised an eyebrow. "You… ok, Rits? You look like you're
about to stab someone, and I'm the only girl in range, so I'd rather
you don't. Who was it?"
"Commander Ikari. The ringmaster wants all his clowns back out to
the center ring. I'm to report to Terminal Dogma immediately."
Misato blinked in shock. "What? You're in no shape for that. You're

supposed to stay on your back for a week at least."
"In a sane organization I would be. But I'm apparently critical. And
the Commander speaks, and we all hop to obey," she said bitterly.
'Visits Horaki but not me. Gets Rei out of Unit-01, but doesn't see
me. Makes sure she's fine in the Core… but not me. Damn it,
Ritsuko…' She struggled to sit up and swung her legs over the side
of the bed. "Guess I'll have to take that breakfast Maya's bringing to
go…"
"Ritsuko, what the Hell? You should sit back down and-"
"And what, Misato?" she barked back. "Sit back and have a few
beers? Hang out with a bunch of Children and have your meals
cooked for you? Some of us have to do real work!"
Misato's head snapped back at the surprisingly angry tone. "Fine

then, Doctor, I'll let you get on with things." She turned and left
without another word.
Ritsuko winced again as she left, only a little from the pain the
shouting had roiled up in her head. 'Damn it, Misato, I'm sorry…' She
sighed. She'd have to apologize later. For yet another screw-up with
her oldest… and nearly only friend.
Mentally cursing herself, she staggered out of the bed, made sure to
collect her painkillers, and slowly made her way out the door.
"Alright, Rei, that's enough for today." Ritsuko shut down the scanner
with a tired sigh. Progress had been slower than she'd liked. Rei had
a lot more thought noise than usual, and all sorts of interesting
spikes and patterns in her AT-Field and psychographs. Well, they
would have been interesting if Ritsuko had been in good health.
Right now it was mostly a source of annoyance, since her head still
hurt like mad and the painkillers made it tougher to think with the
level of concentration she needed for advanced topics like
Metaphysical Biology. She massaged her neck with one hand and
reached for the pill bottle again.
"Doctor Akagi." Ritsuko tried not to jump. Dammit, why was she so
nervous? There was no one down here but her and the First Child,
who was still in the tube filled with LCL under the scanner array.
Rei's quiet question shouldn't have her startling like a nervous cat.
"I am to remain in the tube overnight for the healing procedures?"

Rei asked.
"That's correct, Rei." Ritsuko's eyes narrowed. Had Rei's

expression… flickered? The usual placid blankness had for a fraction
of a second been… something else? Ritsuko scowled. Not like Rei
never showed other expressions. She had been smiling gently the
entire time Gendo had been there, like she often did.
Ritsuko tried not to grind her teeth. Gendo had hardly been here long
today. He'd been there to meet her, set Rei up in the tube of LCL,
and begin observing the scan, but he'd left after scarcely an hour. An
hour during which he'd only stared at Rei, hardly speaking at all. Rei
of course had smiled slightly and stared back.
"I might as well have been furniture…" she muttered.
"I'm sorry, Doctor?" Rei said.
Ritsuko shook her head, then regretted the motion. "Nng. Never
mind, Rei. Just stay put and sleep. I'll extract you in 2 hours for food,
then you'll have 90 minutes to digest before you're back in.
Commander Ikari wants these accelerated healing procedures done
as fast as possible, so that mean minimal breaks for both of us."
"Yes, Doctor."
Ritsuko spared a moment's look at the bluenette. Rei sounded…

disappointed? That couldn't be right.
Tuesday
"Rei, all these psychograph spikes are slowing down the recording.
This will take until Sunday at this rate if it continues."
"Is there anything I can do to smooth the process, Doctor Akagi? I

have kept my mind as clear as possible."
Ritsuko glared at the screen and tried to will the spiky graphs into
line. "No, Rei, this is… almost structural changes in your AT-Field.
Not part of your thought process, though they're creating noise on
the recording." She punched up the last quarterly scan. Almost
nothing. So this was a recent change. "Rei, I'm going to have to do
more in-depth scans on your AT-Field, compare against previous
ones. I think… that last Angel's AT-Field was so strong I think
interacting with it had some strange knock-on effects on yours.
Just… sit tight and I'll run them."
Rei's AT-Field was… she'd never seen it acting like this before. It
was flaring far more active than ever before, and… Damn it… this
was too strange… "Alright, Rei, I've got to go up to the hospital wing
to check in on the Fourth Child. I've left the scanner running, so just
stay calm and empty your mind, and I'll be back in two hours or so."
"… yes, Doctor Akagi."
Ritsuko flicked another momentary glance at the First Child. That

reply had been… no, that couldn't have been resignation. Rei didn't
get bored.
"Alright, Horaki-san, you're… healthy enough in normal physical

terms. I'm going to need to get you into one of the labs to do a check
for more exotic Angelic effects, though," Ritsuko said while snapping
off her rubber gloves. "We'll set that up for tomorrow."
"W-when can I… um… be released, Doctor? I'd l-like to see my b-

family," Hikari asked, anxiously.
"I don't know, Pilot. That's up to Commander Ikari." Ritsuko saw her
twitch. "And he's said you're not going anywhere until I've fully
cleared you of any Angelic contamination or other dangerous effects.
You were dissolved into LCL and absorbed by Unit-03's Core while it
was possessed by an Angel, so we can't be too careful here."
Hikari looked severely unhappy about this. "But… I haven't gotten to

see anyone but the medical staff, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, and
Commander Ik-kari since yesterday. They haven't let my sisters or
Touji in to see me!"
"Touji?"
"Touji Suzuhara. He's my…" Hikari blushed. "B-boyfriend. Um."
Ritsuko grimaced. 'She has a boyfriend. Of course. Even the damn

Children have boyfriends. Well, this one does. It's not like Rei can
even frame the concept, or the Second or Third get over their own
issues long enough to ask someone out. But what have you got,
Akagi? You can't even admit in public you're sleeping with the
Commander.'
Aloud, she said, "No guests of any kind, sorry. Until you're cleared,
we can't risk exposing you to anyone outside of NERV Medical
Staff."
"But… but Asuka, Rei, and Ikari-kun visited me the day I got here!"
Hikari protested.
"They are Pilots, and protected a bit," Ritsuko lied smoothly. "And
they really shouldn't have, but Commander Ikari hadn't issued the
quarantine order until after they'd been here. The aftermath of the
battle was a little chaotic, you understand."
Hikari looked dismayed. "S-so… how long will I be… um,

quarantined?"
"Only a few more days, I think. We'll get you into the lab tomorrow,
and we should be able to release you, from the hospital at least, by
Sunday or Monday."
"Can I have any visitors? Please? I know Touji wants to see me, and
I miss him! I'm sure I'll be better with him here!" Hikari pleaded.
Ritsuko forced herself not to grind her teeth more. 'Of course, her
boyfriend wants to see her. After the First, Second, and Third, at
least one of the Children had to be normal. It's not like the other
three could ever unscrew themselves enough to have a relationship.
But God, is it annoying to see this girl chirping about her boyfriend…'
"I said no guests, Horaki-san. You're in an unknown and delicate

medical situation, and we don't want anyone else exposed to you
while we determine if you're safe. So sit tight," she not-quite growled
at the young girl.
Hikari subsided with a flinch. "Y-yes, Doctor Akagi."
'Great, now I feel like I kicked a puppy, too. This girl is just a bucket
of fun. And she's got a boyfriend that worries about her. What have
you got, Ritsuko? Cats? Him? The cats at least worry they won't get
fed when you're not there. Him? Damn it…'
"The Fourth Child showed similar odd spikes in her AT-Field and
psychograph as the First, but at lower levels. This is possibly due to
Rei's… unique nature." Ritsuko paused, waiting for Commander Ikari
to give a miniscule nod before she resumed. "I am still investigating
the other odd harmonics I detected in the Fourth Child from her re-
embodiment from the Core of Unit-03, but I-"
"That is your priority project, once the upload on the First Child is
complete, Doctor Akagi," Commander Ikari interrupted. "The
recovery of the Fourth Child from the Core of Unit-04 is…
unprecedented. Her case should be given your highest attention
once the scan of Rei is done."
Ritsuko bit the inside of her cheek to keep her face still. She knew
what he was really talking about. The other person he wanted to see
come out of a Core. 'Don't I matter? You need me! None of this
would be possible without me!' "Understood, sir. There are enough
variable elements in Rei's readings it's going to take until Sunday to
complete her upload and healing."
She paused. She had to know if… he still had room for her. Need for
her. He had to. "Sunday night I'll be… available. Do you want me to
personally brief you on our results?" she hinted.
"No," was all Commander Ikari said. "Begin working on the Fourth
Child and the Core as soon as possible. The Fourth Child will be
barred from active Piloting until you are completely finished with her.
Allow her to contact her family next week, but only via phone, and
have her report to you daily for any additional examinations."
Ritsuko did her best to keep her face impassive, to not let her wince
show. She was a grown woman. She didn't need to beg. Didn't need
him that badly. She was not her mother, or Misato.
'Yes you are, you stupid bitch. You laugh at Misato for being all
moony over Kaji, but look at you. Practically begging him to let you
come over. To be held. And yes, to scratch that itch, damn it. I have
needs too, is that wrong? And he's good, just the way you like it…'
"That will be all, Doctor Akagi," Gendo said, and returned his
attention to the screen embedded in his desk.
Ritsuko pressed her lips together and turned on her heel. Terminal
Dogma was a long walk down.
Wednesday
'These spikes and flares in Rei's AT-Field are… dammit, they are
familiar . Why can't I pin them down? And the Fourth Child is
showing similar signs, but at much, much lower levels. Was her AT-
Field being in the Core for most of the battle the reason? Rei was
facing Zeruel for a lot longer, is that it?'
Ritsuko glared at the screen. The AT-Field scan results of the Fourth
Child were displayed side-by-side with First's. The similarities were
easy to spot, and quite consistent. They were annoyingly absent
from reference scans she had looked at for the Second and Third,
though she had yet to get a post-battle scan for those two. She
tapped a note into the MAGI terminal to order them in for a scan as
soon as she could. If the same AT-Field oddities showed up in them,
that would… well, it might not answer any questions yet, but it was a
data point she needed.
'The point of commonality for the First and Fourth is exposure to the
Fourteenth Angel. Note to self, get the scans of Unit-03 and Unit-01
for comparison. The Fourth and her mother were providing the main
effort for the AT-Field, but if I can isolate the same sort of spikes in
the Second and Third Children, and see bigger spikes in Unit-03 or
Unit-01, that could confirm my theory of the origin, at least.'
Ritsuko pushed her chair back from the desk and shifted her stare to
the First Child, still floating serenely in her tub of LCL. Most of her
wounds from the battle were almost gone already, healing at an
impossible pace under the LCL-enhanced treatment. Ritsuko felt
another pang of envy flash through her. No LCL-accelerated healing
for her fractured bones and bruises; Commander Ikari wouldn't let
her be laid-down for even the few days it would take, and she was
the only one qualified to run the treatment anyhow. So slow weeks of
old-fashioned slings and bandages for her. 'Unlike the precious First
Child, oh no.´
Ritsuko's stare sharpened. The stupid doll was smiling faintly. Like
she did when Commander Ikari came down to see them. See her.
But he hadn't been here today. The First Child was smiling
nonetheless. 'What's she smiling about? She's stuck in that tube until
I decide she gets out. She can't go see the Commander like I can…
in fact, I think I will. Been stuck down here all day. I deserve a break.
I deserve… yeah, I deserve some of what I want. Time to go get
something from Commander Ikari that little doll can't.'
She stood up, set the scanners and recorders to automatic until her
return, and quickly walked towards the elevator. She noticed Rei's
eyes tracking her abrupt movement with faint curiosity, and smirked.
'You can't give him what I do, First Child. And that's why I'll win in the
end.'
Thursday
Ritsuko stubbed out yet another cigarette and stabbed her fingers at
the keys of her computer like she could kill them. Rei's red eyes
calmly watched her, the routine of the week going on. Except now
she was furious, depressed, and hating herself again.
It had been a perfect mistake. She'd gone to his office, stormed

inside like a force of nature, and all but pounced on him at his desk.
He'd finally acquiesced to her very plain desire and taken her, right
there in his office. Again. It had been everything she wanted from
him. Forceful, controlling, relentless, dominating… She'd moaned
and cooed all through it, reveling in her pleasure and her pride that
she was the only one who could give him this… Not Rei, her .
Right up until he'd gasped it, almost silently, at the moment of climax.
Just the tiniest whisper, but she'd heard it.
"Yui…"
It'd all turned to ash on her, right then. She'd silently collected her
scattered clothes and left without a word spoken by either of them.
She'd managed to contain the few hot, bitter tears that had escaped
her until she'd reached the sanctuary of her labs far below his office.
The humiliation had been too much to let her face Rei's stare again
that evening, so she'd blown off returning, retreating to her
apartment to feed her cat and try not to think about the fact that for
all the times they'd fucked, the last person who'd actually just
hugged her had been Maya .
'Who thinks I'm some sort of admirable paragon, someone to crush

on and stare at like that. Not some pathetic woman who is losing a
fight to a doll and a dead woman's soul. Look at you: you can't even
keep his attention when you're right underneath him!'
She shifted her glare back to the girl in the tube. She was still
smiling. It was infuriating. Why was she happy? She was a stupid
doll! She was a toy, a tool made for the Scenario! She wasn't
supposed to be happy .
Her stare sharpened. Happy. Smiling. Rei was not prone to such
things, and all the drugs in her system should have her so dulled any
active emotion at all should be difficult. Yes, Rei would frequently
react that way to the Commander, but… "Rei, why are you smiling?"
she asked neutrally.
"I… do not know, Doctor Akagi," the clone replied.
"What are you thinking of?"
"I was thinking of… Pilots Ikari and Soryu. I experience positive
feedback in their presence. I look forward to seeing them again next
week. They are… my friends?" Rei seemed to be trying the word
out.
"Your friends," Ritsuko repeated doubtfully. 'Her friends. Her friends.

She has friends. Her. The doll. Friends, plural. Who do you have
besides Misato, the one you implied was a lazy alcoholic the last
time you talked? Maya, the girl who's crushing on you because she
doesn't know what you're really like? Rei fucking Ayanami has
more friends than you?'
"I have experienced positive reactions and increased Synch Rates

due to their association on your orders, Doctor," Rei continued.
'And you managed to make the doll happy instead of yourself. Good
job, Ritsuko. Wait… she shouldn't be happy. Damn it, her hanging
around with the other Children must have caused a change in her
neurochemistry that's overpowering her tranquilizers. I'll have to fix
that.'
She pulled herself back to the keyboard, pulling up Rei's last drug
test results. All perfectly normal, just like the last one, but apparently
no longer adequate. Definitely need to increase the dosage.
'I don't want to have to factor that into the healing process or the
brain scans. I'll leave that until they're done. But I definitely need to
up her dose. Can't have Rei waking up one day and deciding she
wants to start doing her own thinking. Little dolls don't need to think.'
She carefully didn't think about little dolls taking a certain

Commander's attention away from her. That had nothing to do with it
at all. She was no petty, insecure woman scrabbling for any
advantage to get ahead, no.
Ritsuko entered a note into the system to remind her about the
dosage change at the end of the scan and upload. She didn't want to
forget about it.
Friday
The stupid doll was smiling at him again. Gendo smiled back at her,
which was even more irritating to Ritsuko.
"I want the upload implanted in the Dummy Plugs as soon as it's
completed, Doctor Akagi."
Ritsuko could not entirely suppress the shiver of fear that ran
through her. 'Gendo, those things are dangerous and the last Angel
tore them apart.' "Are you sure, sir? The Committee ordered-"
Commander Ikari cut her off. "The Committee ordered us 'not to field
them while you have Children available with superior performance'.
That may not always be the case, and it is our duty to be prepared
for the day that is so."
'The last time 'that was the case' was because you caused it. And
you don't listen when I tell you the Evangelions are too dangerous to
be allowed outside of human control! We shouldn't use the Dummy
Plugs. I keep telling you there's too high a chance they could go
berserker or worse, but you don't listen to me! You weren't there,
watching Unit-02 come out of that Dirac Sea, covered in blood and
screaming like a demon! Or Unit-01 answering ! That's your
precious Yui there, Gendo, howling blood and madness like
something from the depths of Hell! Is that what you want back?'
Gendo noticed her hesitation. "Is that a problem, Doctor Akagi?"
She bit the inside of her cheek. "No, sir. They'll be ready. We'll have
the scan and upload completed by Sunday. I'll have it coded and
installed Monday."
He nodded, a hair-thin smile on his lips. "Very good, Doctor." His

expression shifted minutely. "Would you like to discuss the operation
upstairs with me?"
She knew the question meant more than seeing if she wanted to
have a mere technical discussion. It was how he arranged their
trysts from his side. She fought with herself. 'You've still got cast on
one arm, bandages on your head, and feel like you could sleep for a
week.… and you still want it. Damn it. Damn you too, Gendo, for
making me want it. Just do it, Ritsuko. You know you want to.'
"Of course, Commander." She stood up, and put the scanners on
automatic again. She wouldn't be back soon. She fell in right behind
him as he started to walk out. She cast one last look over her
shoulder at the First Child. Unsurprisingly, she was no longer
smiling. But… she was meeting Ritsuko's eyes with… empathy?
What? That couldn't be it.
Ritsuko shook it off and obediently followed Commander Ikari out of
the lab.
Saturday
"I hate this."
Shinji looked down at his girlfriend's face, her head pillowed in his
lap. "Hmm? Usually you really like this." His hands kept stroking
through her hair.
She reached up to tweak his nose. "Baka. I mean the waiting for
Misato to figure out she should let us sleep together. Last night
sucked enough. I think the only reason I didn't have nightmares is I
barely slept anyhow. And I'd bet it was the same for you. Also, don't
stop stroking."
Shinji frowned. His hands kept stroking, though. "It's… I think it's not
just the fact we were, or even the… um… more than literally sleeping
together parts, but the fact we… lied to her about it for months. You
know I never liked that."
Asuka frowned too. "I know. And it wasn't lying, it was just… not
mentioning it bec-… fine, alright, I know what lying by omission is,"
she conceded as she saw his frown deepening. "I just… I knew
she'd react like this. Treating us like we're kids who can't be allowed
to do 'adult' things like this, and then shove us back into the Entry
Plug the next day. "
"She hardly has to push hard. We went willingly last time," Shinji
pointed out. "Against my bastard father firing us, even."
"You know what I mean. Making us shoulder responsibility for

defending all of humanity from Angels, but treating us like kids when
she finds out we're acting like we're mature."
"We are still just teenagers, Asuka. Your 15th birthday is still a few
weeks away, even."
"Why are you trying to defend her side here?" Asuka asked, a little
annoyed.
Shinji was quiet a minute. "Because Misato took me in when she

didn't have to. She was the first person to be kind to me here. She's
the closest thing to a mother either of us have had for years. I hated
lying to her. And… I don't want her to be an enemy. I… I can see her
capitulating, letting us sleep together… but not because she thinks
we've earned or we can handle it, but because she decided she can't
stop us from doing it anyway, since we've been doing it behind her
back for months already." Shinji hung his head, shaking it slowly. "I
don't want her to… give us what we want but give up on trusting us
as a price."
Asuka closed her eyes, letting her annoyance dissipate. "Arrgh.

Fine, you're right. I'm just… I know how bad it will be for both of us if
she makes us stop. As strong as we are together… We saved the
world!… I'm… afraid of what it'll be like if she takes that away from
us." Her hand rose from laying on her stomach to desperately seek
his free one, gripping tight.
Shinji gripped back just as firmly. "I… we won't let that happen. It… if
we have to go back to… sleeping in separate rooms, we will, but…
that's all. Nothing else will change. She can't take us away from us,"
he said quietly. "I… I want to sleep next you every night, Asuka.
But… if this convinces Misato-san we're mature enough to handle it,
it's worth it. And… I don't have to be right next to you to be with you
always. You said it; we're together. Even sleeping apart won't stop
that."
Asuka snorted. "Baka," she said softly, but seemed calmed by his
words. She rolled onto her feet, rising from the couch and his lap.
"We may even behave of our own accord and sleep apart until she
realizes we've earned the right to sleep in the same bed, but that
doesn't mean we have to spend even a minute apart during the day
we don't have to. Come on, you're taking me out on another morale-
raising date. I want to swan around downtown with my boyfriend on
my arm again. And I'm going to rub it right in the faces of that pack of
harpies at school on Monday that you're all mine. Especially that
bitch Tanaka."
Shinji took her hand and stood up too. "Maybe that will finally get
them to stop chasing me like I'm a prize to be won." He cocked his
head. "How come I'm the one with the pack after them? You were
ten times as popular as I was, a week after you arrived, miss
incredibly-hot-exotic-foreign-transfer-student. I know Touji and
Kensuke were making crazy amounts of cash selling beauty shots of
you almost right away. Why haven't I had to chase away a pack of
boys drooling after you?"
"Because I already had them properly terrified and respectful after I

mashed the first two flat when they tried to ask me out the week I got
here and refused to take 'no' for an answer," she said, grinning like a
wolf. "Putting a couple of them on the ground with a few punches
when they got rough taught the others to keep off. You're just too
polite and sweet to girls to scare them off, my darling baka. Now let's
go out and… How long have you been standing there, Misato?"
Shinji blinked and turned around. Their guardian stood in the

doorway to the kitchen/dining area, arms folded as she leaned
against one side. "Long enough. You two are adorable," she said
drily. "And it's heartening to hear you deciding to behave."
"We're responsible and mature, you heard it, Misato," Asuka said
flatly. "And now my darling baka is going to take me around town and
treat me to lunch, the works. If you know about us, there's no reason
he and I can't go out on dates all the damn time now." Asuka chewed
her lip for a moment. "Have you decided anything?" she asked in a
little more subdued tone.
Misato shook her head. "Not yet. I want to talk this over with Kaji
first, since you said he knows about you two already. I want to hear
how and why he found out, and why he didn't tell me right after. But
we haven't been able to meet up yet. Too busy, today. We're meeting
for lunch tomorrow."
"He was waiting here when we came in, and overheard us talking
about things that made it clear what we were up to," Asuka admitted.
"And he didn't tell you because this was literally 15 minutes before
Zeruel arrived and interrupted things. Afterwards, I convinced him to
give us a week to tell you ourselves. Hence, last night."
Misato opened her mouth to probably make a remark about the other
things Asuka had orchestrated over the last week, but was
interrupted by Asuka's next question.
"So you haven't talked to him about… our mothers, either, have
you?"
Misato looked grimmer at the reminder of the other revelation from

last night. "No. Believe me, that's going to be a big one. NERV's got
some dark things going on we don't know about."
"And I bet my father is neck deep in it," Shinji almost growled.
Misato blinked at him in surprise. That level of anger coming from

Shinji was very unusual, and directed at his father no less. "He's the
Supreme Commander of NERV. He has to know everything, yes.
I'm… sorry, Shinji."
"Just… be careful, Misato-san. After all we've already seen from my

father, I wouldn't be surprised if there's even more horrible things
he's hiding from m-… us," Shinji replied. His tensed shoulders
relaxed a bit when Asuka took his hand.
"We'll be out for a while, Misato," Asuka told her, heading off
anything else that would feed Shinji's anger. "We'll probably have
dinner out. Baka owes me a night on the town. So you're on your
own for dinner."
"But it's Shin-chan's night to cook!" Misato protested. "That's way
better than even my best curry!"
"The last time you fed 'your best curry' to Pen Pen, he spent the rest
of the night staring at the ceiling and barking ." Asuka's face held no
mercy. "You've cut off my supply of Shinji-cuddles at night. Until you
see reason and let us sleep in one bed again, you can suffer
deprivation too."
Misato shot a pitiful look at Shinji. "Are you going to make me suffer
like that, Shinji?"
"Sorry, Misato-san. She's my girlfriend, not you. And I miss the

cuddling too."
"Fine," Misato huffed, mock-dramatically. "Stay in touch on your

phones, be back before 2100, and no funny business just because
you're out of my sight. I'll suffer through on take-out."
"Good!" Asuka declared, pulling Shinji along towards the door by his
hand. "This is a proper date, dear baka, so you're paying for
everything. Spend some of that munificent Pilot's pay for once."
"… We get paid?"

Ch 20 - Advent Pt 4
Author's Note: I'm on a roll. Just two weeks since the last update,
and here's 10k more words for you. This is my fault; every time
someone new posts in the story thread on SufficientVelocity. com, I
promise to update by the next Friday. This has gone on for 4 weeks
running now, which means more for you. Next update there will be
this Friday, as well.
Rei's having a bad day…
Sunday
"Caught you. Again. And this time I don't even have to put my gun to
your head."
Kaji stood up from hoeing the last batch of weeds out of the row of
melons and grinned at the purple-haired beauty who'd come to his
hidden cabin and crop. "You don't have to put a gun to my head to
get me to do anything you want, Katsuragi."
Misato snorted at the unsubtle come-on and looked around at the

rows of melons. "So this is the big secret you've been hiding from
me? I thought my melons were the ones always on your mind." She
crossed her arms under said assets and gave them a showy lift-and-
squeeze.
He grinned wider. "It's true, I've been keeping this hidden. You've
penetrated my deepest secret, Katsuragi. I am laid bare before you."
"That comes later," she deadpanned right back. "So… you have
been a hard man. To find, that is. But now I've got you, and like I said
in that message, I want some good, firm cutesy talk from you."
Kaji's sly grin didn't shift a hair. He even let his gaze drop to Misato's
chest and linger a moment before he met her eyes again and
winked. But the tiny nod he gave told her 'message received'.
'Cutesy talk' was the code phrase they'd agreed on weeks before for
when they had important information to discuss on NERV's dark
dealings, SEELE, and other dangerous matters.
He leaned the hoe up against the side of the small cabin next to the
melon patch and opened the door. He waved for her to precede him
inside. "Step into my office, Major, and let's have a nice little
meeting."
Misato's face was set as she nodded and stepped inside, but she did
trail a hand along his jaw and tap his lips as she passed.
He smiled a bit wider. 'Cutesy talk' was about to happen, but so was
another 'little meeting' in what both of them knew was a rekindled
relationship. He closed the door behind him as he followed her in.
Misato sat down on the bed, leaving Kaji to take the solitary chair at
the tiny table that was the only other furniture in the small cabin. She
locked eyes with him and carefully and silently mouthed 'we clear?'
He pulled an electronic sweeper out from a hidden spot above one of

the rafters and did another sweep for bugs. He'd done so just an
hour before when she'd texted him with the message that she
needed to see him, anticipating this, but it didn't hurt to check again.
The little device reported no bugs in the cabin. The screening trees
around the building should make it impossible for anyone to be using
an infrared laser to tap their conversation either. They were as
secure as he could make them without employing more obvious
active measures. He nodded to her and said, "We're clear."
She nodded. "Business first. Shinji and Asuka have concluded, and I
think I believe them, that their mothers are somehow in the Cores of
their Evangelions." Misato rapidly outlined their reasoning, including
Hikari's encounter in the Core of Unit-03.
Kaji sucked in a deep breath through clenched teeth. "… well, shit.
That… makes sense of a number of things, but gives us a whole
new slate of questions."
"Rits has to know this. She knows more about how the Evas work
than almost anyone alive, and she has very definitely not told us
about this. So, why?"
"Ritsuko seems to know a lot of things she's not telling us," Kaji said.
He scratched his stubbled chin thoughtfully. "She hasn't told us
despite your position as Operations Commander, so this has to be
related somehow to Commander Ikari's plan. Which also means
she's still loyal to him if she's keeping that secret from you."
Misato nodded, her mouth a hard, flat line. She was already painfully
aware that her oldest friend's loyalties appeared to lie with someone
who they both were coming to suspect had intentions that did not
quite match NERV's public mission of protecting humanity from the
Angels. "The Children only just figured this out after the last battle.
They intend to try communicating with their mothers directly the next
time they're in their Evas."
"Even if that works, it's going to be a tricky thing no matter what with
Ritsuko and the MAGI listening in and watching the whole time," Kaji
said, his eyes flicking back and forth in thought.
"I'll keep my eyes on her when they try it, see if she reacts to
anything unusual on the readings."
"I'll see if I can break into her files, in her office or her apartment. I've
got the skills for that little bit of ninja sneaking." He ran his hand
through his hair, wincing. "God, you know how many issues Asuka
has about her mother. The chance to talk to her directly, after ten
years? How's she going to take that?"
Misato grimaced. "That's the next thing… Shinji and Asuka are…"
She waved her hands. "Together." She looked up at him. "And
supposedly you knew about this?" Her tone was only slightly
accusatory.
He raised his hands defensively. "I only figured that part out last
week. I came by your place to see you. You weren't there, so I was
waiting inside when they came in. They were talking about…" He
shook his head. "Well, they sounded like you and I did in college. I
was in the middle of talking to them about it when the Angel Alarm
went off."
"So why didn't I hear about this right after?"
"Because right after the battle, Asuka promised me they'd come

clean to you themselves within a week if I didn't tell on them, and if
she hadn't told you by the end of the week that I could."
Misato bristled anyway. "Damn it, Kaji! I know they have been into
each other pretty much since Asuka moved in, and that I've been
encouraging them to ask each other out, but this is too much!
They're not just 'together', they're sleeping together in one bed every
night, literally and figuratively! They're too young for this!"
She blinked in surprise when the tall Inspector began laughing. He

held up one hand when he noticed her glare sharpening. "Sorry,
sorry! I can't help it. Look who's the model of adult responsibility
now."
Misato stuck her tongue out at him. "Oh, shut up. It's not funny. They
spent all of last week messing with me: strip chess matches against
Pen Pen, foot massages on the couch, Asuka acting like Shinji and
vice versa… they were trying to show me I didn't know them or
things between them as well as I thought, that they were mature
enough to handle this. I got them to promise to sleep separately and
hold off on any fooling around until I had a chance to think things
over and discuss it with you, but…" She rubbed at both her temples
as if to ward off an impending headache. "Hell, Kaji. They mean this.
When they came out of their rooms yesterday morning they greeted
each other with a thorough kiss and linked hands before coming to
the kitchen. They both looked like they hadn't slept a wink, but once
they saw each other they just lit up, both of them. Not a word
between them, just these warm damn looks. They spent half the day
on a date, fully in public downtown. They spent the evening cuddling
on the living room floor watching TV, just wrapped up in each other.
And when they went to their rooms to sleep, it was like the morning
in reverse: intense hug, a deep kiss, and trying to keep contact
between their hands until the last possible second when they
separated."
Kaji gave her a wistful half grin. "You sound almost envious," he said.
"I am!" Misato exclaimed. Her still-tightly bandaged arm came up to

grab at the air, trying to seize something that wasn't there to hold.
"Damn it, Kaji, now that they're not play-acting and trying to hide it at
home, they practically glow when they look at each other! Since their
little reveal, I don't think I've seen them apart for more than a few
minutes or when I send them to sleep in their rooms separately.
Which as far as I can tell they are keeping to. They're serious about
this, totally in love with each other, and Hell yes I'm envious! Two
screwed up teenagers have apparently got their heads on straight
and their love lives figured out, why can't we ?" she demanded,
breathing hard.
'Was she just afraid of making the next step forward? You can really
like someone and still be afraid of moving forward, because it's so
intense. But when you do… it's worth everything you've risked and
more,' Shinji's voice echoed in his head. "Katsuragi… this isn't a nice
restaurant like I suggested, but it's a better place than next to your
stretcher at Matsushiro…" he began hesitantly.
She stiffened. They'd both backed off a bit from their near-talk at the
blast site, at least in terms of what they were willing to say out loud
to each other. The same old fears still had them. But that hadn't
stopped them from getting a lot closer. She slept at his apartment a
couple times a week at least these days. They no longer invited
Ritsuko out to drinks, but were out most nights together. They both
pretended they were just using the cover of a rekindled relationship
to give them an excuse to meet and collaborate on Kaji's anti-SEELE
work, and digging into NERV's secrets.
But they spent at least as much time just… being together now.
Laughing and bullshitting like they hadn't done since college.
Screwing just as much too. Their cover wasn't so much a cover for
anyone watching them now. It was to dodge admitting to each other
it wasn't a lie anymore. But neither of them had yet dared say so out
loud.
"I… want that. What they have. We… we're…" Misato tried. "…
why's it so hard for us?"
"Us," Kaji said quietly. "… is there an… 'us', now? Again? Are… can
we…?"
Misato tensed on the bed. "I… let you get away once, Kaji. And
we're already 'together' in this… thing with NERV and SEELE. If you
want to… make it… official that we're… really together like that…
starting again… then… I… I want it too," she said haltingly. "I never
should have lied to you like that. I… don't deserve you, Kaji…"
"That's not true," he objected.
Misato continued as if he hadn't spoken. "But I want you." She

reached up to take his hand and pull him towards her. "I want 'us'
again. I don't know if I can… say it, yet, but… I want 'us'." He
thumped helplessly down to sit on the bed next to her. "If Shinji and
Asuka can figure this out, how to get past the walls between them…
we can too," she continued.
'Just words… have you said them to Misato-san?' Shinji's voice

prodded at him again. 'No, I haven't, because I'm a coward and don't
deserve her,' he thought. He still pulled her against him, mindful of
her bandaged arm. "I'd… like that," he said quietly. "Us. Katsuragi…
I…"
She pulled his face to hers. "Just… we'll talk about it after…"
There was no talking for a while. Little meetings usually didn't involve
much of such.
Kaji rubbed his face and reached over Misato for the pack of
cigarettes on the table beside the bed. He put one in his mouth,
handed her one as well, and lit them both. He stared meditatively at
the ceiling, listening to Misato's breathing beside him, the creak of
the bedframe as he changed position, and the tiny hiss-crinkle of the
cigarette's tip flaring as she took a drag. 'Do it, you coward. What are
you waiting for, her to really die next time?' he lashed himself.
"Shinji-kun… he seems serious about it. And more than that, Asuka
believes he is. She… ah… said he's told her he loves her, and she
believes him," he began.
Misato sighed. "Christ, Kaji… what are we going to do with them? I

mean, if you'd asked me two weeks ago about them admitting they
like each other and dating, I'd have been all for it. Hell, I'd have
thrown them a party. But… sex? Sleeping together? They're too
young! And the worst part is everything else they pointed out about
how they're going is right! Their synch rates are constantly rising,
they've never gotten along so well before, and they're utterly
unstoppable as a pair in battle because of this! They're so damn
happy together I'd feel like a gigantic bitch if I kept them apart, but
what if it goes wrong? I've seen too many couples…" She rolled onto
her side to look directly at him. "Do something stupid and cause a
breakup or fight that didn't need to happen because they had an
attack of fear or stupidity."
"We can't afford them taking eight years to stop it, either," he agreed
wryly.
She snorted at him. "Not just like us. I… you know how volatile a mix
sex, passionate emotion, and teenage hormones can be. Even if
nothing goes wrong between them, I'm terrified one of them will…
break ranks or do something desperate and suicidal in battle
because the other is in danger or something."
"Like jumping into a volcano?" he asked. "Face it, Katsuragi, they've

already done that kind of thing for each other. And… watching them
when that Angel appeared… I've never seen a couple that, mmm…
well, 'in-synch' is the word for it. They can have entire conversations
with just a few looks. They're very, very close. If they are more
effective and potent like this, and they've been doing it successfully
for months now, why not let them keep going?"
Misato almost scowled at her ex-ex-boyfriend. "Are you really saying

I should turn a blind eye to my two teenage wards sleeping
together?"
"Why not?"
"The teenage part! And the fact that the safety of the whole world
against the Angels depends on me being able to count on them as
Pilots! If something goes wrong, and assuming we're not all
subsequently killed by the Angel, the first damn question
Commander Ikari is going to ask me is, 'Did you know about them?
And if you did, why did you let it continue?'" She sighed and let her
head flop onto his shoulder. "If I say 'ok, sure, move in together and
screw each other's brains out every night,' and then it blows up in
our faces, I'll be at fault."
"If they're this good together, forcing them to separate will make their
effectiveness crash. You could be just as at fault on that side," he
pointed out.
"Gaaaaaah!" Misato rubbed her forehead with her free hand. "What
are we going to do? These are our kids messing around like this!"
Kaji couldn't restrain a burst of laughter. Misato's eyes narrowed.

"What's so damn funny?"
He grinned at her, the same sly, sloppy grin as ever, but with new
warmth behind it. "'Our' kids, huh? I like being back together, but I
didn't know we'd have kids that fast."
She poked him in the side hard enough to make him jump. "Quit
laughing! Or I'll suddenly have one of those headaches before round
two, mister!"
"Alright, alright!" he surrendered. "Well… they're better fighters and

happier together, and they've spent a week playing with your
perceptions of them to show you they're stable enough to handle it…
I can't say making them unhappy by forcing them to sleep in
separate rooms is what we want to do."
She frowned. "I thought you'd be with me on this, Kaji. Asuka said
you argued with them too when you caught them."
"And I've had a week to think about it, and…" He shook his head.
"You should have seen them when that Angel attacked, Katsuragi.
They were shouting for Ayanami to take it down, cheering her on,
Shinji coming up with the idea for them to sortie in Unit-03… and
they never let go of each other's hand the entire time. And they
couldn't have dual-synched to an unfamiliar Eva if they weren't that
close. Commander Ikari won't ask about his son, I'm pretty sure. If
anyone says anything, point them at that, but for now… let them be
happy, and keep it quiet, I think. They've earned the chance to grasp
what happiness they can in a war like this."
'And asking them to wait when we could all die in a blink is… more
than we can ask of Children we send to fight for us,' he didn't say out
loud. He could tell Misato heard it, though.
"They're just like us, huh?" Misato asked. She shrugged. "I don't
know. They're doing better than we are, if they're that close and
Shinji's… said those words to her. I'd almost say they're too young to
know how much that means, but… They are that serious about it.
They do know. They live too close to dying too often not to know."
"So we're going to let 'our kids' be happy?" he prodded.
"I'll think about it." She stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray after
one last drag. "In the meantime, Mister Kaji, you should convince
your ex-ex-girlfriend that you mean to fulfill your boyfriendly duties in
a proper manner going forward."
He grinned that way again, and reached for her.
Weight returned and the cool, slick metal of the drainage grate at the
bottom of the cylinder slowly pressed harder against the soles of
Rei's feet as the LCL drained down past her face and body. She kept
her face a cool mask, but inwardly she exulted. 'Finally, the healing
and scan is done! I am free! I can see my friends in the morning! The
ones I love, and that care for me!'
She stepped back and bent at the waist, like she was bowing to the
door of the room, and relaxed her throat. The LCL filling her lungs
and nose dribbled out slowly into the drain that was now below her
face. The sensation would have been strange and nauseating if it
hadn't been one Rei had experienced hundreds of times over the
last few years. Right now, she didn't even notice it. She was too
preoccupied with controlling her face, keeping the smile that wanted
to break free under restraint.
She was so lost in her happy anticipation of seeing her two favorite
people and their glowing bond again she failed to notice the
approaching footsteps of Doctor Akagi until she straightened up. The
labcoated scientist was standing right in front of Rei, a cool
expression on her face.
And a large syringe in her right hand.
Rei was fleetingly glad her natural paleness kept the way the blood
drained from her face from showing. She fought to keep her face
blank. She couldn't scream, couldn't show her distress. She couldn't
even say anything; Doctor Akagi always spoke first.
"Hold out your arm, Rei." She raised the syringe.
Rei slowly complied, trying not to shake. 'No no no no no no more

drugs, not more drugs…' "What is it, Doctor Akagi?" she made
herself ask in a calm, dull voice.
"Your psychographs were too erratic and active this week, Rei. Your
body must be adapting to the medicine that stabilizes you. I'm
increasing the dose. There's a bag with the increased dosage pills
for your daily supplements on the table in the lab outside. Take them
with you, stop taking the older ones. This is a booster shot. Don't
worry, you won't feel a thing."
'That is precisely what I'm worried about! No no no don't please don't

no!'
The needle tore its tiny hole in her skin, the old familiar sting. Doctor
Akagi withdrew the syringe, instructing Rei to put pressure on the
spot for a moment to halt the bleeding. Rei obeyed, pressing far
harder on the spot than she had to, as if she could push the drugs
out of her body before they… they… took… effect…
"I do believe it's working. Good. That'll keep you going through the
night. Come on, it's time to go." She turned away.
If Doctor Akagi had been watching, she might of noticed the careful
rigidity that Rei held her face to melt swiftly into a far more eerie
stillness. But she was already walking away. "It's too late for you to
bother returning to your apartment, Rei. Just use the cot in the old
lab and go directly to school in the morning. Next Synch Test is on
Thursday. Return then. For now, just go to sleep." the faux-blonde
said as she left without looking back.
Rei didn't move, didn't cry out, didn't give any sign of distress. She
just stood there in the empty upload chamber of Terminal Dogma for
a long, long time, the blank eyes of her backup clones mindlessly
watching her from the circling tank. Her stare back at them was all
but identical.
Eventually, she took slow, robotic steps forward, walking towards to

the exit door. She would not need clothes before the morning. She
had nothing else to do but go to her assigned cot and sleep, as
ordered.
Though that was hours more sleep than she required, the wait would
not bother her. Nothing bothered her now. Deep inside, beneath
layers of fog and comfortable numbness, a tiny voice wailed in
anguished protest at the return of the hazy stupor that had so long
consumed her thoughts, but it was soon extinguished, no match for
the tidal wave of drugs coursing through her.
But it was okay. It no longer bothered her at all.
Monday
"You ready for this, Shinji?"
Two young Pilots stared hard at the gate to the schoolyard like they
were about to charge into a hail of gunfire. Their tightly linked hands
hadn't left each other's grip the entire way to school, both trying to
get psyched up for this.
The thin boy nodded. "I'm nervous as Hell, trying not to freak out,
and wish we were back home in our room. I think I was less nervous
for the fight with Sachiel. As ready as I'm going to be."
Asuka nodded, squeezing his hand. "Me too. But I've been thinking
about this moment since… pretty much the first morning after our
kiss. Since we're blown to Misato, there's no reason for me not to
claim you good and publicly, now. And you have no idea how much I
wanted to some days." She smiled at him.
Shinji gave her a more shy smile in return. "Still can't get over the
idea of someone as amazing as you wanting me back, Asuka."
She stuck her tongue out at him. "Better get used to the idea, Third
Child. 'Until the end of the world, you and me', remember? You
promised. You're mine." She reddened a little and looked away. "Just
like I'm yours," she said a little more softly.
"As long as you'll have me," he agreed, matching her blush. He
scratched the back of his head with his free hand. "I-i-i'll try not to
melt in front of the class."
"Giant monsters from beyond, you're a tiger. Publicly announcing

you and I are a couple, and you get all nervous? You are my dearest
baka, alright," Asuka said drolly.
"I know the real you, Asuka," Shinji managed to smile back at her.
"You're halfway between being nervous just like I am, and ready to
shout "I'm in love!" from the roof of the school."
"Yeah, well, maybe," she admitted. She squeezed his hand again.
"So let's go do it."
They marched inside, doing their best to ignore the stares they were
starting to draw from the kids in the schoolyard. They'd never been
low profile once they'd all been outed as Eva Pilots, but after a while
they'd at least stopped getting quite as many looks just from walking
around. Plus, Asuka's loud antagonism of Shinji was known to the
entire student body, so the two of them walking in hand-in-hand left a
trail of buzzing rumor in their wake as they headed to their
classroom.
They marched in, and turned right to the desk near the door. Asuka's
expression shifted to a disappointed frown when they found Hikari's
desk empty, though. "Damn it. I guess they've still got her
quarantined in the hospital. Stupid bullshit… Hikari's not
contaminated by anything!"
Asuka turned to look at the deputy Class Rep, who sat right behind
Hikari's usual spot. "Hey, Iwao-san, I've got a quick announcement to
make to the class before Sensei comes in. Is that a problem?"
Junko Iwao blinked at being on the receiving end of Asuka at full

blast, and meekly nodded. "Th-that's fine, Soryu-san. It's n-not long,
is it?"
"It should only take a minute," Asuka confirmed. She looked at the
clock above the blackboard. "One minute to the bell, anyhow.
Ready?" she asked Shinji.
He nodded. Still hand-in-hand, they walked to the center of the front

of the classroom, right in front of the blackboard. They waited as the
last students filed in and the bell rang.
They got a few curious looks from the students, wondering why they
were standing there. Shinji briefly met the eyes of Touji and
Kensuke. Touji had a look of dawning horror as he noticed their
handclasp. Kensuke looked up from his palmtop and blinked at the
two of them, then started to grin as he reached for his camcorder.
Shinji just blushed a bit more. He didn't worry too much about what
the rest of the class was going to say, but the opinions of his friends
had a bit more weight.
Once she was satisfied she had everyone's attention, Asuka left off
her glaring contest with Tanaka and the other girls who were still
pursuing Shinji and began. "I'm sure this will not surprise some of
you." She shot a look at Tanaka and followers. "And will disappoint
others, but as of today and from now on, Shinji and I are… well…"
She turned to Shinji, dropped the handclasp, and put her hands on
either side of his face. She pulled him right into the deepest, most
intense kiss she could manage.
Shinji heard a wave of gasps ripple through the classroom. He

couldn't stop his lips from curling into as much of a broad smile as he
could in the middle of a kiss. His eyes drifted shut in synch with
Asuka's. It was a long, long minute before he felt her pull away with
a tiny sigh of happiness. He reopened his eyes just in time to catch
her peaceful expression of contentment shift into a catlike grin as
she turned to the class and simply growled, " Any questions? "
She didn't even get another word out before Tanaka leapt to her feet
and slammed a hand on her desk. "You and Ayanami have been all
over him for weeks, Soryu! This is totally unfair!"
"This contest was over before it began, Tanaka," Asuka almost
sneered at her. "You were never good enough for him. He's saved
this city even more times than I have. He deserves someone who
doesn't just want him as a prize like you do."
"And you'll be any better? You've treated him like your private pet,
butler, and chew toy since the day you got here! You foreign bitch, I-"
A firm voice interrupted her. " Asuka has been my wingmate, partner,
and friend since the day we met. We killed an Angel together within
two hours of meeting each other. I know she's not just trying to 'bag
an Evangelion Pilot' because she's one too. And there is no one here
who is braver, smarter, or hotter than her, Tanaka-san. And if you'd
ever asked me about it at any time in the last three months, I'd have
told you so, instead of just ignoring anything I said when I tried to be
polite about telling you I wasn't looking for anyone to 'walk home
with' or 'go shopping downtown with'. And if you ever call her that
again I will not try to stop her at all when she rips your eyes out."
The resulting silence was louder than thunder. Everyone stared at

Shinji, Asuka included. "Holy shit, Shinji! Where did that co-"
Asuka got no further, her next words transformed into a surprised

"Yeek!" and he suddenly wrapped one arm around her waist, the
other cupped the back of her head, and he dipped her backwards
into a passionate kiss of his own. He smoothly brought her back up
after a long moment, enjoying the purring smile she now wore. He
turned to the students himself this time. "Again, any questions? "
Tanaka's mouth flapped a few times at him in confusion before she

sat back down with a thump. After a moment's ringing silence an
excited buzz started back up. Shinji saw several bets changing
hands. "Called it!" Kensuke crowed from the back row. He was
noticeably collecting several bets. "A Monday before class! Did I call
it or what? Eh, Touji?" He elbowed his friend.
Touji's mouth was a wary frown. "I thought I was joking about the
'married couple' thing," he muttered. "Seriously, Shin-man? The Red
Demon? I-"
He was interrupted by the teacher coming in. Iwao-san snapped out

of the open-mouthed surprise she'd fallen into at their first kiss, and
urgently gestured for Shinji and Asuka to take their seats. "Er… err,
ah, R-rise! Bow! Sit!" she stuttered as their teacher took his place
behind the lectern and opened the roll book.
Shinji couldn't contain his smile, grinning all the way to his desk. He
settled into his seat with a happy sigh. He turned to the bluenette in
the seat one over and forward from him. "Hey, Rei. What did you
think about our big announcement?" he asked with a smile.
Rei finally turned from her uninterrupted stare out the window, slowly
turning her head to face him. Shinji blinked, his smile fading as he
suddenly realized Rei hadn't even turned to look when they'd done it.
The most blank, dead expression he'd ever seen greeted him. Rei
blinked at him, silent. She met his stare for a moment before turning
back to the window without a word. The teacher began to call the
roll.
"Ayanami?" the teacher asked.
"Yes," Rei said robotically, her voice flatter and deader than Shinji
had ever heard. She kept staring out the window.
Shinji felt his blood run cold. He snapped a look at Asuka, who
matched his stunned and worried look. "Rei? Rei? Wondergirl, are
you alright?" she asked in a concerned whisper, tapping the First
Child on the shoulder from her seat right behind her.
Rei didn't even twitch. Asuka might as well have been talking to a…
doll.
"Oh… oh no…" Asuka whispered, her voice ash.

Shinji felt his heart sink. Asuka was the love of his life, but Rei had
almost as big a hold on his heart. The only other person in the world
who told him he was loved, and now… He fought not to shiver.
Rei watched a bird fly past the clouds outside, and blinked slowly.
Rei remained all but unresponsive all day. Touji and Kensuke joined
them for a very subdued and silent lunch. Touji made some pro
forma complaints about Shinji and Asuka's declaration of the
morning, but his mind was clearly on other things: he'd had just one
brief phone call from Hikari all last week, and she'd only had enough
time to explain she was being held in quarantine until further notice.
It was Kensuke, the only member of the group still in a relatively

good mood who finally noticed. "Hey… guys, what's wrong with
Ayanami-san? She's… acting kind of weird. Like… like she used to,
all silent and stuff."
Shinji and Asuka shared a fearful look. "Ah… she has to take some
medication from NERV, Aida," Asuka improvised. "I think she might
be having a bad reaction today or something. We'll talk to Misato
after school, make sure she gets checked out."
Kensuke blinked behind his round spectacles. "Oh? Um… ok. Just…
as long as you're alright, Ayanami-san. I still owe you for setting me
up on all those dates."
Rei blinked at him. She hadn't responded verbally to anything but the
most direct questions all morning, and barely any outside of
responding to an authority figure.
Shinji bit his cheek to stop himself from showing more worry on his
face. He was grateful for the nearly telepathic ability he and Asuka
had gained to read each other. In their exchanged glances, she'd
made it clear they had to put off any serious questioning of Rei until
they could get her alone afterschool, and that that would be their
priority. 'So much for asking Rei about her mother, or telling her
about ours. I'm not sure she'd even notice us saying it right now,'
Shinji worried.
"I think it makes her really sleepy, Aida," Asuka deflected. "I… wait,
dates ? What dates?"
"Um… Ayanami-san really… uh… raised my profile with a bunch of

the girls that were chasing Shinji. She… uh… got a bunch of them to
ask me out. So I've… kind of got dates every night this week and the
next one. I'm… umm… I was actually going to ask if I could borrow
some money, Shinji. I'm really running out, trying to take all these
girls out."
For the first time that day, Asuka looked at Shinji not with
nervousness or worry. Pure disbelief ruled her face now. "… loan
money to Geek-Stooge. So he can afford all the dating he's doing."
She sounded like she was unsure if she should laugh or cry that the
world was gone mad.
Shinji just took out his wallet without looking and handed Kensuke
two 5000 yen bills.
"Geek-Stooge is booked up all week, and is running out of money

from all the dating. I… the world makes no sense anymore…" Asuka
complained to Rei automatically. She winced as she realized her
mistake.
Rei's dead look did swivel towards Kensuke, however. "… good," Rei
said, still very flat.
Kensuke blushed and stammered some thanks at Rei while Shinji

shot a hopeful look at Asuka. She nodded, looking a hair less
worried.
The walk home was tense. Shinji and Asuka left the school hand-in-
hand again, to the venomous glares of Tanaka and a few others who
seemed unwilling to give up hope that Shinji would look their way
instead, though most seemed to accept they had no hope of
competing with Asuka after Shinji's speech. The two Pilots hardly
paid them any attention, though. All their concern was focused on
the still all but silent First Child.
Once they were a good few hundred meters from the school, Asuka
tried to get a response. "Rei. Answer me. Are you alright?"
Rei kept walking, footsteps as steady and regular as a metronome.

"Yes," she eventually said very softly.
"You don't sound 'alright'. You sound… like a damn doll again. Did…"
Asuka sucked in a shocked breath. She got in front of her and
grabbed Rei's shoulders, halting her walk. "Did that fucking witch
doctor do something to you again?!"
Rei stared at her, blank. "Doctor… Akagi… adjusted my medication,"

she eventually said very slowly.
Asuka shivered. " Scheiße . That witch . Fine… ok… Rei, you're
going to be alright. We'll get you back to your apartment and…
fuck…" She looked at Shinji, still at a loss. "Shinji?"
"Fucking… Ikari… kun… is… your… job," Rei said, slow and dead.
They both stared at Rei. A hopeful smile started to break out on

Asuka's face, matching the one on Shinji's. "Wondergirl, are you still
in there?"
Rei stood silent for a moment, but eventually said, "Yes."
Rei blinked again when Asuka suddenly crushed her with a tight hug.
"Thank Gott, Rei. We'll get you through this. I'm not having NERV
and Doctor Bitch turn the only other person who I know loves me into
a doll."
Shinji swallowed. He took a couple of deep breaths to fend off

threatening tears, then put his arms around both of the girls and
hugged them. "We love you too, Rei. Everything will be alright.
You're not alone."
"Yes," was all Rei said. Shinji tried to let that comfort him more than
noticing Rei had made no move to hug them back saddened him.
Shinji dug the lockbox of medication and substitutive drugs from the
back of Rei's closet where it was hidden under a pile of extra clothes
and blankets. He rushed back to the kitchen of Rei's apartment,
where Asuka was guiding Rei into a chair at the table. Rei was still
reacting to Asuka's guidance with dull compliance and silence.
Rei sat staring at the table for a minute after Asuka sat her down.
She finally looked up slowly at Shinji as he brought in the lockbox.
She stared at the box once he put it down in front of her before
looking back to Asuka and saying, "Paper."
Asuka raised an eyebrow, but pulled a sheet of notebook paper out

of her schoolbag and placed it in front of Rei with a pencil.
Rei stared at the pencil for a moment before picking it up, and very
slowly beginning to write.
"'Hard to think. Talk. Doctor Akagi. Increased dose. Injection last

night. Took pill morning, before remembered. Need antagonist.
Flumazenil, 2cc. Bottle labeled 'Antagonist #2', 10cc. Put in saline IV
bag. Get stand. IV line. Help?'" Asuka read off as Rei laboriously
wrote, her handwriting still surgically precise. She nodded to Shinji,
but he was already digging into the box, finding the requested items.
Asuka retrieved the IV stand from the closet, and watched as Shinji
took the needle kit from the box and very carefully inserted the IV
line to Rei's left forearm.
"Do you know how long this will take to… wash out of you, Rei?" he
asked quietly as he taped the line down.
"No," Rei replied, still flat. She picked up the pencil again.
"'Feel nothing. Foggy. Do not want this. Feel nothing. Want feeling
back'," Asuka read again. She looked up at Shinji and ground her
teeth. "Shinji, you're going to have to keep me away from that
woman for a good long while. I may not be able to stop myself from
punching her teeth in, or injecting her with a syringe full of this
scheiße the next time I see her! She can't do this to Rei! She loves
us! Now she can't even feel it!"
Shinji just nodded, his mouth a grim line. "I'll… make us something.
Food should help her."
Before he got more than a couple of steps towards the kitchen, Rei's
pencil started scratching again.
Asuka looked once again. "'More hugs?' Any time you need, Rei."
She quickly gave Rei one. "Food can wait. Get over here, Shinji. She
needs us."
"Yes," the First and Third Children said in stereo. It brought a sad
smile to Shinji's face as he put his arms around Rei from behind her
chair.
"Asuka, this is serious…" Shinji said softly to her as he brought back

more washcloths to the table to wipe Rei's face with. The bluenette
had been intermittently vomiting into the sink and a bucket for the
last 2 hours.
The redhead shook her head again. "I said I don't want to."
"Asuka, neither one of us is a doctor. We can't… it's not safe for Rei
to have to rely on just us for this! Look at her!" Shinji stood next to
her and rubbed Rei's back again. She was shaking more violently
now.
"Feel… my feet. But… not," Rei slurred. "They're not my feet. I don't
have any legs. They cut them off, made a puppet out of them… Can't
move… My hands hurt…" She looked up at her two friends. "Why do
my hands hurt?" Her head slumped back down onto the kitchen
table.
Asuka chewed her lower lip. "I… damn it, Shinji! You know how I feel
about this! My step-mother tried medicating away my problems with
drugs when I was seven! Tried to make me into a peaceful little doll! I
know what it's like to have drugs making your head feel like it doesn't
belong to you anymore. Better living through chemistry!" Asuka spat.
"And I'm none too happy learning NERV has been doing the same to
my friend for who the Hell knows how long! I don't trust any of them!"
"You know Misato-san's not like that," her boyfriend countered. "You
said yourself she was your best guardian besides Kaji-san, and she
said she was at least considering keeping you and I secret from
NERV and my father. And…" Shinji's face got starker. "If we can't
trust Misato-san with this, who can we trust? We're still just kids,
Asuka. We're not doctors, not… we need help on this. There's no
way we can cover this up. Rei's in no shape to go to school
tomorrow, and there's no way Misato-san will believe Rei and both of
us have suddenly all gotten sick together and need the day off from
school."
"I know !" Asuka almost shouted. "I'm as worried about her as you
are, you know that! I lo-…" she stumbled hard on the word. "… I love
Rei as much as you do. And I know even better than you just how…
how bad Benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome can get. I just… I
don't trust anyone connected to NERV about this. NERV did this to
her! I know Misato is… agh, it's still hard, alright? I… nnng…" Asuka
ran her hands through her hair in frustration
"Neither one of us wants to leave Rei's side right now, but if we're not
home when she gets there, working on homework and making
dinner, she's going to notice no matter what," Shinji pointed out. "We
have to say something to her soon. She'll be home within half an
hour…" He looked nervously at the clock on the kitchen wall.
Asuka sat down on the other side of Rei, taking Rei's shaking hand,
trying to still the vibration. "Damn it. I was hoping we could just… I
don't know, tell her we were having a sleep-over here for the night to
celebrate seeing Rei again after a week."
"She'd just think we were trying to get out from under her eye for
sleeping together," Shinji predicted sadly.
Asuka shook her head. "I'm pretty sure she knows we've been good
about that. Trying to convince her she can treat us as mature adults
about it. Which I hate, by the way." Asuka rubbed at her eyes. "I
slept like shit again. No nightmares, but… I can feel them, waiting. I
want you back in bed with me, Shinji. I need you."
"Me too. The sleep, I mean," Shinji nodded. "A-and the… needing
you. My room's just too… empty and quiet alone." He looked down
at Rei, still patting her back.
"My body is still sleeping down below. This body isn't my body. I can't
move. I feel cold. Bleeding, bleeding, but I don't bleed. I… I've never
bled. Not like that. Only from the wounds. They never stop
bleeding…" Rei mumbled. "And the other me in the body of the other
flesh is screams so much. She hurts, and I hurt too when I sit in
her… but I have to. I have to protect you both…"
Shinji paused in his patting and looked at Rei, his worry visibly
increasing. "Asuka… we can't handle this alone. Rei's… not
sounding very coherent. We… we need to trust Misato."
"Damn damn damn… even if we move Rei over to our apartment

and put her in my room for the 'sleepover', Misato will want to see
her," Asuka said half to herself. "Nnnnng… Fine! You trust her, baka
mine, and I trust you. So… I'll tell her. And hope to Gott you're right
about her."
Asuka let go of Rei's hand and began gathering up the medical

lockbox and supplies they'd been using. "Start walking her over to
our apartment and get her settled on our room. I'll grab some of her
clothes and things so she can really stay over. I think she's going to
need it. And I'll explain to Misato why she's hooked up to an IV drip
and babbling crazy shit. We go full disclosure: we tell her about the
drugs, that we got Rei off them over the last three months, and,"
Asuka's mouth twisted in a sour expression. "That Doctor
Malpractice may have just shoved Rei right into an Benzodiazepine
overdose, plus all those other dissociatives and other nastiness in
that cocktail."
Shinji just nodded. "I know Misato-san won't let us down." He helped
Rei to her feet, and started her towards the door, the IV stand in tow.
Asuka set her jaw. "I hope you're right."
Misato's hand twitched and started to rise, and again she forced it
down. She was not some lovestruck teenager like Shinji or Asuka.
She didn't need to march around holding her boyfriend's (Boyfriend!
Boyfriend !) hand to prove to herself or the world that they were
together again. Besides, the apartment door was just ahead, and
they'd be inside in a moment. No time to show off anyhow.
She fought down another elated giggle that tried to escape. Still, it
was tempting…
She swiped her keycard through the lock and spun in place to snag
another kiss from Kaji as he followed close behind her. He happily
complied, his hands slipping down to encircle her waist as she drew
him through the door and down the hall to the kitchen.
She broke the kiss with a grin. "So, I hope whatever Shin-chan was
making for dinner can handle one more mouth, since you're staying
the night."
Kaji's eyebrows went up. For all the times Misato had stayed over at
his place over the last several weeks, he'd never been allowed to
stay over at her apartment. Unspoken by both of them was the
recognition that step would have been admitting they weren't just
fooling around anymore. Now…
He couldn't stop the sloppy grin. "Guess I'll have to hope no one
notices I'm still in yesterday's shirt tomorrow."
"Shinji can run it through the laundry in a hur-… ah… Hi, Asuka."
The Second Child was sitting at the kitchen table, still in her student
uniform, calmly watching them as they came in from the entrance
hallway. Her hands were carefully folded on the table in front of her.
She nodded at them. "Misato. Hello, Kaji. It's good to see you." Her
voice was anything but happy.
Misato examined Asuka's serious look and her own amorous smile
faded. "What is it?"
"Rei's in my room right now. She'll be staying the night. Maybe the
next too, we're not sure," Asuka said.
"A little sleepover is fine, Asuka, but she lives right next door, so…?"
"Shinji's with her right now."
"You trust your boyfriend alone with her? My my…" Misato tried to
joke, but it fell flat against Asuka's grim look. "Why is he in there,
then?"
"Because my friend is in the middle of a Benzodiazpine overdose,

shaking, incoherent, and we're concerned she might go into a
coma," Asuka said calmly with no change of tone. "Shinji is staying
with her, trying to keep her anchored in the real world. She's been in
and out of touch with reality for a while."
Misato froze. She could feel Kaji stiffen likewise behind her. Misato
licked her suddenly dry lips. "What?"
"I have your attention? Good." Asuka worked her jaw. "You wanted
us to prove we're mature and can be trusted with handling adult
matters? Well here it is. I didn't want this. But on the advice and trust
of my beloved baka, I'm willing to trust you not to take this to NERV."
Asuka took a deep breath. "For I don't know how long, but at least as
far back as Shinji or I have known her and well before that, Doctor
Akagi," Asuka snarled the name, "has been forcing Rei to take a
Hell-brew cocktail of sedatives, tranquilizers, dissociatives, mood
suppressors, and hormonal contraceptives. Last night Doctor Bitch
thought Rei looked too normal, and shot her full of an increased
dose. Now she's close to coma and crash from it."
Misato felt cold fingers run down her neck. "Jesus, what the Hell,
Asuka?"
"Shinji and I found out about it shortly after Leliel. I spotted the drugs
in her old apartment. I recognized them. My step-mother is a
psychiatric doctor. When I failed to be the perfect, placid little doll
she wanted in the wake of… my real mother, she… tried using drugs
on me. So when I saw Rei with those, I almost freaked out. She said
Doctor Akagi required her to take them daily, and that Commander
Ikari had authorized it. That's why she was such a zombie. She was
always drugged to the gills."
"Y-… you knew about this three months ago, and you're just telling
me now ?! Asuka, what the Hell were you think-" Misato exclaimed.
"Because NERV did this to her, Misato! And you're NERV!" Asuka
shouted back, her hands slamming on the table. "Because I've got
fucking issues with authority figures trying to drug me, and finding
out that NERV has been drugging the shit out of my friend made me
a little fucking worried about who I could trust anymore! I'm only
even willing to do this because Shinji trusts you, I trust him, and you
haven't blown the whistle on us to Commander Asshole! How was I
supposed to be sure you'd never do something like this, if this has
NERV's full approval?!"
"I'd never-!" Misato shot back, but stopped. "Ritsuko… wait, after
Leliel? That was… That's when you came back from visiting her
apartment and complaining until I got her moved here. Why didn't…
grrr… Ritsuko didn't say a damn word, either."
Misato flexed her hands into tight fists and back again a few times.
"Alright." She sat down at the table right across from Asuka, waving
for Kaji to sit beside her. She forced her expression into her best
military officer face and met Asuka's gaze. "Start from the
beginning."
Asuka laid it all out. The drugs, Rei's explanation that NERV required
it of her, the daily pills, their decision to help wean Rei off them once
Rei had accepted that the drugs were only harming her, the long
struggle to help Rei through the withdrawal symptoms… and now
Doctor Akagi unknowingly sending a cleaned-out Rei into an
overdose. "We've been giving her antagonists she stole from Doctor
Akagi's lab, through an IV line since we got home from school. But
she's been shaking uncontrollably and babbling incoherently for the
last couple hours. Shinji and I need to call in sick to school tomorrow.
We're not leaving her, and she's in no shape to even get out of bed
right now."
Misato just stared for a long moment. "Goddamit, Rits…" she

whispered. "What the Hell are you doing?" Her face hardened.
"Alright. Show us to her," she said to Asuka.
Asuka stood up without a word and led them through the living room
and down the short hall to her room. She knocked gently, then slid
the door open.
Shinji looked up from his seat on the edge of the bed where he sat
holding Rei's hand. His gaze flicked worriedly from Kaji to Misato
before settling back to Asuka. She just nodded to him, then walked
to the far side of the bed to take Rei's other hand.
"H-hello, Kaji-san. Welcome home, Misato-san," Shinji greeted them

quietly. He quickly looked back down at Rei.
Misato pursed her lips as she noted the IV drip hanging from the
stand by the bed, then looked down at the First Child herself.
The bluenette was shaking intermittently, her eyes darting around
without focusing on anything. She was mumbling to herself, "Always
dripping. Stupid little boat. Why is it there?"
"She's been just babbling for hours now," Shinji said sadly. "And
shaking a lot." He looked at Asuka. "What did she say?"
Asuka just jerked her chin at Misato. "Nothing yet. I just told her that
we need to stay with her."
Misato just watched Rei for a moment. "You said she detoxed once
already, two months ago?"
Shinji and Asuka nodded together.
"I don't recall anything like this," Misato noted.
"She hadn't just been given a huge 'booster' dose by your friend,"
Asuka said darkly. She handed Misato a sheet of paper. "This is
what she wrote out for us, before she just started shaking and saying
disconnected stuff."
Misato took the sheet and scanned it. Rei's recognizable handwriting
described Ritsuko's abrupt injection of what she thought was just an
increase to Rei's dose. She handed the sheet to Kaji.
He read it just as quickly. "And since Rei was clean, the result was
an overdose, mm?" Kaji looked at the list of medications Asuka had
written at the bottom. "Jesus, Ritsuko… sedatives, dissociatives…
How did Rei even function under all this? And why ? This is the kind
of stuff you give major violent psychotics, not… the First Child."
"Rei's no violent psychotic," Asuka scowled. "You saw what she was
like clean over the last several weeks, just more alive and normal. I
don't know why they were doing this, but I'm not letting them hurt my
friend like that anymore. You've got to let us stay with her tomorrow,
Misato. She needs us."
"Then you know why I can't let you stay home, Asuka." Misato put up
her hand to forestall Asuka's obvious imminent explosion. "Asuka,
you, Rei, and Shinji are three quarters of all the Eva Pilots we have .
You think the three of you can all suddenly 'get sick' and not show up
at school and think no one will notice? You and Shinji have to go to
school."
"But Misato, we-!" Asuka began.
"Listen to me, Asuka!" Misato said sharply over her. "You wanted to
show me you're mature? Bring this to me, asking to help you cover
up… whatever the Hell this is they're doing to Rei? Then this is it! I
don't know why Ritsuko is doing this, or Commander Ikari is ordering
or condoning it, but we will find out. We all know NERV is up to some
strange, dark things. And if you don't want our looking into that to be
discovered we cannot draw attention !" Misato emphasized.
Asuka looked like she was almost in pain. "Please, Misato! Rei
needs us!"
"She needs serious medical help, Asuka. Neither you or Shinji are a
doctor. What you both are, however, is a pair of high visibility Pilots
whose absence from school will be noticed. I'm not even sure I can
keep Rei out of school without it raising flags at NERV HQ." Misato's
eyes narrowed. "Speaking of medical attention, why is this the first
I'm hearing about Rei being drugged. Why didn't you tell me about
this when you complained about her apartment?"
"I already told you; NERV did this to her. You're NERV. We weren't
sure who we could trust at all, Misato," Asuka said a little angrily. "If
Commander Ikari personally ordered this, who can Shinji and I trust?
I'm only trusting you this much because Shinji does, and I knew you
and Kaji from before." Asuka looked down at the sweating and
shivering First Child. "We didn't tell you or anyone else because…
there's not a single doctor in this entire city that doesn't either work
for NERV or can't be leaned on by NERV. I know she needs a doctor
but… who? Rei is… almost as important to me as Shinji. I… we have
to help her, Misato. She needs us the way Shinji and I need each
other."
"We will. We'll figure out something," Misato assured her. "But damn
it, Asuka, Shinji, this is the kind of thing I need to know about!"
Shinji spoke up. "Misato-san… it's hard for us to trust anyone who's
not a Pilot right now. This, and… our mothers…"
Misato wanted to growl at him some more about not being told things
this important about her kids, but had to acknowledge the point. She
didn't trust NERV any more than they did right now. "Alright. Well,
you get your wish tonight, Asuka. You and Shinji get to sleep next to
each other…"
Asuka and Shinji both straightened up and blinked.
"… next to Rei. We're moving her to the living room so all of us can
keep watch on her through the night. You both can set up your
futons next to her, on either side," Misato continued. "Asuka, you and
I are going to go over everything we can about these drugs and the
antagonists while Shinji keeps his eye on her. We'll figure out
everything we can do for her right now. Kaji, you think you can find a
doctor that can keep their mouth shut that can give us a hand with
this? Maybe just an anonymous consult?"
Kaji nodded. "I can find a doc or two, not mention names. At least
get some actual trained medical advice on how to deal with overdose
and withdrawal like this." He shot a look back towards the kitchen.
"Not going to do that on the landline here, though. I'll be back in half
an hour." He headed for the door.
Asuka watched him go. "Sorry for interrupting your night, Misato.
Guess you and Kaji had your talk?"
Misato nodded. "We did. We said a few things. You and Shinji are
still going to have to behave for now. This takes priority."
Asuka and Shinji just nodded acceptance. "That's fine, Misato-san.
Rei is… We couldn't sleep happily knowing she was like this. She
shouldn't have to be alone right now," Shinji said slowly, looking at
the bluenette.
Rei had finally lapsed into a fitful sleep. "Sleeping so long… my

children all over… Protect them…" Rei mumbled.
Asuka shook her head. "She hasn't made any sense all afternoon.
Whatever's in those drugs she got hit with, it's really messed her up."
"We'll figure out something, Asuka. Worst case, we get her on her
feet tomorrow, I drop you all off just out of sight of the school, and as
long as she can walk into class and be there for the roll, I can pick
her up right after and get her back here," Misato said. "That way she
won't prompt an alert from the school about being out sick, and I
think I can cover the rest from NERV alerts. She's with a NERV
officer, right?" Misato put her hand on Rei's shoulder. "Rei's tough.
She's been through worse. She's got you both to support her now.
She'll pull through."
Asuka and Shinji looked back to Rei. "I hope so, Misato-san. Rei's…
we care about her," Shinji said.
A/N: At this rate, next update here will be before the end of 2015.
Reviews and comments in the thread keep the motivation up.
Ch 21 - Advent Pt 5
A/N: Sorry for the delay. I was a bit optimistic when I thought I'd have
a new update before 01JAN16. But to make up for it, here's 10k
more words for A&T. Ritsuko and Rei have bad days.
A pair of chopsticks picks listlessly at a carefully prepared bento.

Occasionally a morsel is selected and eaten, but the meal proceeds
far slower than the appetizing and custom-prepared food deserves.
A wordless look of apology is shot at her partner, sitting next to her.
She can tell her lack of appetite and slow eating is observed and
noticed.
A matching look of understanding and concurrence is returned, with

hints of love and affection mixed in with acknowledgement of mutual
worry over the same cause. His own lunch is hardly more touched. A
slight nod of his head tells her it's alright and that it doesn't bother
him, since he knows why she's worried.
Touji looked helplessly back and forth between his friend and his
newly admitted girlfriend, his jaw hanging open as he watches them
have an entire conversation without a single word said out loud.
"This is downright disturbin'…"
The statement broke in on Shinji's absorption. He turned to face his

friend, finally. "Eh? What is, Touji?"
Touji sat back, leaning on his hands. The three of them had selected
a corner of the school roof for their lunch seating. "You two. It's too
weird, watching you and the Red De-… er, Soryu-san be all…
couple-y. I mean, you two have been… um… kinda… well, there was
somethin' goin' on for the last few months, but… I could kinda
understand that. You'd apologize for somethin', she'd be a raging
bitc-… um… angry, and it was… familiar, y'know? But this," he
waved his hands at them, "is just confusin' ! You're bein' all… cute
and stuff at each other. And… um… Hikari said you're…" He
blushed. "You're… um…" his voice shrank to almost a whisper.
"Um… s-s-sleeping together?"
"Not this week," Asuka growled unhappily. "Misato asked us to

'behave' while she thinks it over whether we should be allowed to do
that anymore. And we have been, to show her we're not just all over
each other for being horny teens. Which has left me a bit frustrated,
Stooge, on top of my being worried for Rei, so don't get on my
nerves. If Shinji and I want to be 'couple-y' at school while we can,
we're going to."
"Ah… yes, we um… were, Touji. Not… um… not that every night,"
Shinji clarified with a blush of his own. "But… sleeping in the same
bed. It… we didn't feel alone anymore." His hand sought Asuka's,
and their fingers laced together without a look. "That was what we
needed. And that's really what we want Misato to ok."
A troubled look flitted across Asuka's face. "Speaking of Hikari… any

word?"
Touji shook his head. "Nothin'. No phone call last night, nothing since
last Wednesday. They won't let me go see her, either. That Doctor
Akagi told me I wasn't allowed, that she was running some kinda
'delicate tests' on her that I couldn't disturb." He looked intensely
worried. "I… guess I kinda know what ya mean, about… I don't feel
right without her no more. This… can't you two find out anything?
You're NERV Pilots too. And… Major Katsuragi was here just this
morning, picking up Ayanami for somethin'! Can she…?" The big
jock's hands nervously grasped at nothing.
Shinji and Asuka shared a look. Shinji watched the blood drain from
his girlfriend's face and felt her hand suddenly grip his much tighter.
He knew exactly what terrifying thought was running through her
mind. "Tests'? Doctor Akagi was just fine with drugging Rei into a
stupor every day. What's she doing to Hikari?!'
"We'll… we've got a Synch Test on Thursday, Touji. She'll have to be
there then. Doctor Akagi, I mean. We'll… find out what we can. We
can talk to Misato-san tonight, too, and see if she can find out. She
and Doctor Akagi are friends… I think." Shinji looked at Asuka again,
no longer so sure of that. Misato knew everything they did, and
hadn't seemed any happier about any of it than they were. On the
contrary, she'd looked pretty betrayed at learning what her old friend
had been doing to Rei.
"Thanks. I didn't know who else to ask." Touji stood up, dusting his
tracksuit's pants off. "Watching you two eat is making me hungry. I'm
gonna go get somethin' from the cafeteria. Be back soon." He
headed to the stairs at the other end of the roof.
Asuka let a shiver run over her once he was out of sight. "Jesus,
Shinji… what is that bitch doing to Hikari? She has no problem
pumping Rei full of poison. Why is she keeping Hikari under wraps
like this? She was just fine when we saw her right after the battle!"
Shinji shook his head sadly. "We need to get Misato-san to find out,
and fast. Rei didn't look that good this morning, even with the
medication Kaji-san brought back."
Asuka grit her jaw and nodded. Kaji had returned from his late night
medical search with a small bag of medication and scribbled
treatment regimen from some doctor he'd scared up, and they'd tried
out the Narcan-derivative on Rei with apparent good effect. But their
friend had still been shaky and nauseous all evening, and the next
morning too. Misato's rescue after just a short time in class had been
well needed, though neither Shinji or Asuka had felt very relieved
watching Rei leave.
Shinji laughed sadly, prompting Asuka to give him a curious look.

"Just kind of funny, Asuka. Two weeks ago, if you'd asked me what
the day after we went public as a couple was going to be like, I'd
have been sure we'd have been totally tied up with that, our friends
all over us. But now Rei's out sick, Hikari's under quarantine, Touji's
moping like I used to, and Kensuke… I can't even believe that one."
He shook his head.
Asuka shook her head too. "I really can't believe that one. He can't
have lunch with us because he's busy with a lunch date with two
girls at once?!" She looked down at the school's athletic field below,
where there were a few lunch tables under a cluster of trees at one
side. They could just make out the blonde hair of the spectacled boy
at one table, with a girl on either side of him. Both girls were leaning
in close to him. The faint sounds of girlish laughter lilted up as far as
the school roof.
"Nope, I still can't believe it." Asuka sank back down. "Still, it's not all
crazy. I expected Tanaka and the other Harpies to give me those
dirty looks as we came in. I savored those."
Shinji grimaced. He and Asuka had come to school in the morning

proudly hand-in-hand. Asuka's grin had only widened when she
spotted Tanaka and a few hangers-on still glaring at her. Shinji,
however, had felt a little ashamed over his outburst the day before.
"Maybe I should apologi-"
"No way. We talked about this already this morning. Tanaka

deserved every bit of… don't look at me like that, Shinji. I…"
His cobalt-blue eyes were relentless.
She crumbled. "Fine! You might have been a little harsh, and I
sounded kind of more arrogant than I meant to. When I said she
wasn't good enough, that was because…" Asuka looked away.
"Because sometimes even I don't feel like I'm good enough to
deserve you. You stupid, brave, caring, too-gentlemanly-for-your-
own-good baka." She looked back at him, her glare returning. "And if
you go apologizing for the perfectly accurate statement that you'd
just watch me rip her face off, they're just going to be convinced
you're a freaking gentleman and keep lusting after you. Trust me."
"I just… think we sounded a bit more 'We're Eva Pilots, we're better
than you' than we meant to, yesterday. I wanted everyone to be
happy for us."
Asuka shook her head again. "Too many of them want you, or me,
for everyone to be happy we're together. And we are one-in-a-billion
special people, Shinji. The defense of the world relies on us. It's hard
not to feel proud about that. Just… be careful about making them
think you're in any way still 'on the market', or they'll never quit."
"No chance of that," Shinji smiled, squeezing her hand. "Like there's
anyone in the world who could be as perfect for me as you."
"Not even Rei? Pretty, exotic haired Eva Pilot who you know likes
you?" Asuka teased. Her teasing smile faded. "Said she loves you,
even. Loves us ."
Shinji could hear the undercurrent of 'not quite joking' even before
Asuka's smile faded. "Y-yeah… um… I… don't know what to tell her.
I mean… w-we love her too, j-just…"
"Not quite the way she… appeared to mean it," Asuka finished.
"Yeah, I… we… I don't think we could handle… it being the three of
us. E-even if we think about it, sometimes…"
Shinji's eyes widened a bit as her heard her mutter "Stupid sexy
Rei…" Asuka cleared her throat. "B-but… Rei's still someone we
both l-love." Asuka stared down at their joined hands. "There's you,
and her, Shinji. Since Mama, no one else got into my heart. Not even
Kaji, though I once thought he was who I wanted to. Just you two.
People I love and would do anything for. So I mean it when I say you
need to be ready to keep me from tearing that witch doctor's head off
when we see her."
Shinji was quiet for a second. "You're just like me," he eventually
said.
Asuka snorted. "You think I'm going to complain that my dearest
baka also wants to punch the lights out of the quack who's been
drugging our friend? You're still usually better at restraining yourself
than I am."
Shinji shook his head. "Not when it comes to you or Rei. Anyone or
anything that threatens either of you… I might be even angrier than
you. I hope my father isn't there on Thursday. I'm not sure how I'm
going to react the next time I see his face, not after knowing about
my mother…"
Asuka took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yeah… I… I hope we
get to sit in our own Evas soon. I want to talk to Mama so bad…"
She grimaced. "And we still haven't been able to ask Rei about her
mom, or tell her that she might be in Unit-00's Core."
"I think we have to wait until she's clear of the drugs again. She was
still kind of… not tracking too well and just saying strange stuff this
morning," Shinji said. "I want to tell her as soon as we can, but… we
might have to wait until after the Synch Test."
Asuka looked unhappy, but nodded. "Yeah, that's… something we

want her able to handle. Throwing that at her right before a Synch
Test if she's still wobbly might just… blow her act or something. If
Commander Asshole and Doctor Bitch figure out Rei is free of their
drugs… it probably wouldn't be good. And I don't want to risk her like
that. The idea of them… turning someone I love into… a robot, a
doll…" Asuka shivered again, harder.
Shinji used their handclasp to pull her into a full embrace. She
hugged him back, hard. "I won't let that happen. You both are too
important to me. I… couldn't stand to see either of you hurt at all,
much less… that."
"Likewise," Asuka promised with a squeeze. "Gott, I hope Rei is

better when we get home. I want to talk to my friend, not worry she's
going to be alright."
"Are you feeling any better, Rei?"
A jittery nod was all Major Katsuragi got in reply, followed by more
retching noises as Rei kept dry heaving into the sink. Eventually she
straightened up and wipe at her mouth with a washcloth. "D-despite
appearances, M-m-major Katsur-r-ragi, f-f-feel b-b-better than
yesterd-d-day." Rei resumed her erratic pacing around the kitchen.
"C-c-can't sit still!" she complained. She wiped at the cold sweat that
had reappeared on her brow.
Misato nodded. The counter-drugs Rei had had stockpiled, plus the
ones Kaji had scared up, had taken a big bite out of the overdose
washing through Rei's body. But the come-down was still brutal. Rei
had spent much of the day since Misato had retrieved her from
school either vomiting profusely or jittering around the apartment,
overwhelmed by nervous energy and reactions.
Rei turned greenish again, but just gulped a few times, sweating
heavily. Misato pressed her lips together. "How long has Ritsuko had
you taking these drugs, Rei?"
Rei shook her head. "I c-c-cannot remember when it started. M-m-
memory fuzzy. Before y-y-you or Sh-sh-shinji or As-s-suka arrived.
More than a y-y-year at l-l-least? The d-days bef-f-fore you and they
c-c-came were… all the s-s-same. I d-d-didn't care or dif-f-ferentiate
b-b-back then. I just… existed."
Misato ground her teeth. More than a year? Probably longer? From
what paltry records there even were on Rei, she'd been under
Ritsuko's 'care' and Commander Ikari's guardianship in Tokyo-3 for
as long as Misato could tell. At least a couple of years. Years of
being drugged to near stupor every day, so numbed she didn't even
bother to mark the passage of time? Misato suppressed a shiver.
She and Ritsuko were going to have a talk about this, soon. "Rei…
did she ever say why she was doing this? This," Misato waved the
list Asuka had written out, "is the kind of thing you dose major
psychotics and violent maniacs with. Not Evangelion Pilots. And…
Jesus. Dissociatives, emotional suppressants, the rest… I can't even
imagine why she'd have you taking most of this stuff!"
"Sh-she said C-c-commander Ikari had ord-d-dered it," Rei added,

her usual pallor slowly returning.
Misato felt her stomach roil with acid. 'Just what the fuck is
Commander Ikari doing that requires one of our Pilots to be tranq'd
to the gills constantly? Rei's no lunatic, despite the drugged babble.
Why would he order this? And why would Rits go along with it? I
know if Commander Ikari said 'You're a frog', she would practically
hop and go 'ribbit', but… nnng.' Misato tried to imagine any legitimate
excuse for dosing Rei like this, but memories of Ritsuko callously
dismissing Asuka's survival as a priority during that nighttime
confrontation in the battle with Leliel kept intruding. Could her old
friend have truly joined Commander Ikari in whatever his obsessive
plan was? Could… no, she regretfully shook her head. She already
knew she couldn't really trust her old roommate anymore. The
question now was just how far down had Ritsuko sunk, and what
was she up to down in Terminal Dogma? Whatever she and Kaji
were digging into just got more twisted and dark the deeper they
went.
"Hurts… head f-f-feels l-like it's f-full of… angry b-bees…" Rei said
plaintively. "Everything hurts… It w-w-wasn't this h-hard the f-f-first
time!" She wandered into the living room and collapsed on the
couch.
"The last time… Rei… you did this before, with Shinji and Asuka's
help, right?" Misato asked, following her into the room. She sat down
on the floor, watching Rei worriedly.
Rei nodded weakly, pressing her hand to her eyes. "T-two months
ag-go."
"Why didn't… why didn't you or they say anything then?"

"D-d-didn't even occur t-t-to me to. Entire c-c-concept of… not
obeying C-c-commander Ikari was… difficult. N-not sure who t-t-to
trust. I t-t-trust them. I… they c-c-care about me. N-n-no one else
ever has," Rei replied.
'Can't say I trust NERV much myself these days,' Misato admitted to
herself. "That's still a… dangerous thing to do without a doctor, Rei."
"I d-d-don't trust Doctor Ak-k-kagi," Rei said with a faint bit of heat.
"Only doctor I kn-know."
Misato frowned. "Keeping something like that secret is not good, Rei.
You… mmm. I wish you'd come to me, at least. And two months
ago… this is right after Shinji and Asuka… started sleeping together,
from what they said?" Misato looked at the First Child carefully,
seeking confirmation. Rei nodded.
"So you knew? Why didn't that ever come up? Did they ask you not
to tell me?"
Rei nodded again. "They were w-w-worried you'd… stop them. S-s-
separate them. They f-f-feared that, more than… even A-a-angels.
They n-need each other. And I k-k-keep my friend's secrets. Isn't that
wh-wh-what you do for those y-y-you love?"
Misato's eye widened a bit. "You… love them?"
Rei's pale cheeks now sported a light blush. "Y-yes. Both of th-them,
ind-dividually and as a p-p-pair. They… c-care for me. And they are
both… their bond is so beautiful. Like a bridge m-m-made of fire and
light…" Despite her jittery stutter, Rei's voice was soft and warm.
She turned her head to look at Misato directly. "I t-told them, after
this last b-battle. I told them and they d-did not reject me. I f-f-fight to
protect them. For my b-bond to humanit-t-ty, and them. They… are a
m-much better reason than… bef-fore."
Misato hmmed. "Rei, that's… very sweet of you. That's why you
didn't tell me, hm? To protect them from…" Misato grimaced. "From
my trying to separate them? Rei, it's wonderful that you all get along
so well, but you and these drugs, and Shinji and Asuka sleeping
together are important things I need to know about as your
commanding officer. This kind of thing can seriously affect our fight."
Rei shrugged jerkily. "I… no one has ever c-c-cared for me the w-
way they do. And I f-for them. They asked me t-t-to help protect their
b-bond." She looked at Misato a little harder. "W-we all keep secrets
f-f-for those we l-l-love. You k-k-keep secrets for Kaji-san because of
your l-love, d-d-do you not?
Misato blanched and almost looked around nervously by reflex. "W-

we haven't-! I mean… um… damn it, Rei! He and I are… that's
private. We're… it's complicated, alright?"
"B-but you would k-keep his secrets and protect him f-for the sake of
y-your bond, c-c-correct?"
Misato pursed her lips, but nodded, acknowledging the point. "Yes, I
would. But he and I are… Rei, you… gah. Couples are a different
thing than I think what you're talking about. Love is… complicated."
"I kn-kn-know. I want to know m-more," Rei jittered. "I wish for a
bond l-l-like theirs. I know there is n-n-no room for me in their b-
bond, though I would be happy to be part of it. But because I have
discovered that I can love them, and they love m-me in ret-t-turn, I
hope that one d-day I can find one who w-w-will love me the s-same
way. Like you have with K-k-kaji-san."
"We… haven't quite… figured that out yet, Rei," Misato temporized.
Rei shook her head weakly. "N-no. I can s-see it already. It is there.
N-n-not as s-strong yet as Shinji and Asuka, but there. It grows.
Shiny."
'Overdose is making Rei think she's Doctor Love, now?' Misato

snorted. She stood up and checked the clock. 1520, Shinji and
Asuka should be home momentarily. She stepped back into the
kitchen long enough to grab a beer for herself and a glass of water
for Rei. 'I'm so glad I'm caught up enough on paperwork to be able to
call in today. Rei really needed the time out of school and caretaking.
Plus that means I don't have to wait until dinnertime for a beer
break.'
Rei nodded thanks as she took the glass. Misato settled herself back
down onto the floor near Rei. She opened the can of Yebisu and
took a sip while she considered the next question she wanted to ask.
"Rei… Shinji and Asuka have… ah… come to a conclusion about
their Evas that… I think I agree with. It's… quite likely that it affects
you too. They wanted to ask you themselves, but…" Misato paused
and bit her lip. "Rei, do you remember your past?" 'Your mother?'
Rei blinked at her. "No. As I s-said, everything p-past a fairly short

while back is fuzzy. My p-p-past is… a cycle of d-d-dull repeats of
the s-s-same events until the arrival of the Angels. I knew only the C-
c-commander and Doctor Ak-k-kagi, and NERV. Why?"
"Do you know where you're from?"
"Tokyo-3."
Misato sighed. 'That helps not at all to find out about your mother or
family, Rei. But Shinji and Asuka asked to be the ones to tell you.
But given that you're the only one in your class with no family I can
find, I wonder if you've got anyone left.'
"Rei! Misato! We're home!" Asuka called from the door. Rapid
footsteps heralded her and Shinji almost running in to see them. "Are
you feeling alright? Are you ok?" Asuka asked as they piled in
around the couch.
Rei's face lit up in a tired, shaky smile as she sat up and raised her
arms to her friends. Misato couldn't stop a smile as she watched the
two newly arrived Children almost crush Rei into a worried dual-hug.
Rei hugged them back for a long moment before she released them.
"I'm alr-r-right," she said, shaking slightly less than she had over the
last few hours. "I am b-better now that you both are home."
"Can I make you anything, Rei? I mean… can you eat? Are you still
throwing up?" Shinji asked, his hand still on her shoulder. "You
should try to keep something down, anyway."
"S-some rice balls, maybe?" Rei asked.
Shinji nodded, then exchanged a quick look with Asuka. She just
nodded back, her hand still on Rei's other shoulder. Without another
word, Shinji bent down to scoop up Asuka's schoolbag and his own.
He headed to the kitchen, and a moment later Misato could hear the
rattle of cupboards and the stove.
"It's ok, Rei, you'll be fine. Shinji and I are going to be right with you
all night. We're all sleeping together just like last night," Asuka
quietly promised.
"Y-you don't have t-to," Rei protested very half-heartedly. "I kn-know
your nights together are imp-portant to you and Shinji. You don't
have to-"
"It's fine, Rei. We care about you too, and," Asuka shot a glance at
Misato, "Shinji and I are… showing Misato we have restraint. It's
days only together, until Misato… comes to a decision on if we're
allowed to carry on."
Rei looked slightly puzzled amidst her jittering. "Misato-san, w-why

do you restrict them s-so? They are f-far s-stronger together, and
happier. How d-d-does separating them help?"
Misato tried to conceal her grimace. "It's… complicated, Rei. They're

very young for that kind of relationship, and teenagers, sex, and
high-stress combat positions are an explosive combo. I asked them
to cool it while I considered things."
"'Asked'," Asuka muttered under her breath. She returned Misato's
mild glare with one of her own. "We've been good, Misato. But this
doesn't reduce our stress any. I need him and he needs me. And
you've got to know how much I mean that if I can admit it out loud."
Her expression lightened up. "Hey, so, now that you've talked to Kaji
and 'considered it'… you come to any conclusions?"
"You're going to regret pushing for an answer so fast if it's 'No',

Asuka," Misato raised her eyebrow.
"Rei said it, short version. He and I are happier, stronger, and less
stressed when we can say goodnight and still hold each other,"
Asuka countered. "You're not stupid, Misato. You've seen us. You
know it's not just us wanting to wear divots in my mattress. It's
everything else."
Misato just gave her a flat stare.
Asuka ducked her head. "Ok, we really like that part too. Shinji's got
amazing hands and… shutting up now. But you know what I mean.
It's about having someone to hold, not just screw."
"You focus on taking care of Rei tonight, Asuka. Probably tomorrow

night too. I'll let you know my decision when I make it. For now,
supporting Rei is our focus, alright?"
Asuka looked unhappy, but nodded. She hugged Rei again. "Fine.
Rei's important to me too." She gave Rei a hopeful look. "You going
to be in shape for the Synch Test on Thursday, Rei? You're still
literally shaky right now."
Rei managed a nod. "Y-yes. A f-f-few hours of s-soaking in LCL will

provide benefits. It b-b-buffers my system against drug withdrawal
effects. And synchronizing with my Eva will… help."
"Unit-00 will be ready for you, Rei," Misato nodded. "First one
repaired all the way. It's going to be you and Shinji and Asuka in
Unit-03 for at least another week."
"That long before Shinji and I can… sit in our own Evas?" Asuka
almost wailed. "But… can't we… Is there any way we can do it
sooner, Misato?"
The major shook her head sadly. She knew what Asuka was really
asking. "I'm sorry, Asuka. They're both too smashed up. They're
repairing them as fast as possible, but it's still going to be another
week for both. I'm sorry."
"Damn it," Asuka growled. "And we're going to have to face at least
Doctor Bitchface on Thursday, and possibly Commander Asshole. I
really hope something good happens this week. It's been kind of shit
so far."
"Watch your mouth, Asuka. I can appreciate your feelings about Rits,
but you need to be able to hold it in when we have to see her. The
last thing we need right now is for her to wonder what's got you so
upset with her."
"She tried to turn Rei into a doll, Misato! My friend! Someone I-…
Just… keep her as far from me as you can. Otherwise I might do
something violent to that witch."
"Me too, Misato-san."
Misato blinked in surprise at the quiet, level statement from behind

her. She turned to meet Shinji's dead even stare from the kitchen.
"My father may have ordered it, but Doctor Akagi did it to her. And
Rei means almost as much to me as Asuka. I won't let her hurt Rei
again."
"Both of you need to stay cool around her, no matter what you feel.
You could risk Rei being hurt even worse if you don't," Misato
warned them. "If you care about Rei, you will keep your cool ."
Asuka and Shinji shared a look for a second, then looked at Rei.
"Then we'll do it. Rei's put everything on the line for us. We can do
no less for her. She's one of us," Asuka said with determination. "We
can smash Angels with no problem. We can handle mere human
monsters too."
static. minitokyo downloads / 44 / 07 / 260394. jpg
'You'd think it would be a little cooler down here, since we're not
actually in the 'outdoors',' Misato grumbled to herself. 'But no, it's still
at least as stupid hot down here as it is on the surface. Hooray for
our high-efficiency mirror system.'
She wiped at the sweat on her forehead and turned to look back
over her shoulder. "I left something in the cabin the last time I was
down here. You three get started on the weeding and I'll be right
back. We can do our picking then."
Shinji nodded quietly, but Asuka, right next to him, just looked at the
neatly tended melon patch with a mild frown. Rei, standing right
beside them stared at the leafy vines and green melons far more
dully, but with better color and motion than she'd shown for the last
two days. Her russet gingham sundress flapped listlessly around her
in the Geofront's meager breezes.
Misato made sure to close the door securely before she dropped to
her knees and felt around under the cot's frame. "Where is it? It's got
to be… ah HAH!"
Her searching fingers found the lace-trimmed silk panty in the

shadows under the bed, and she quickly stuffed it into the pocket of
her white-striped blue shorts. "It would have been a little
embarrassing for Kaji to have had to retrieve these for me… Eh, I
guess not as much as it might have been a month ago, though!" She
smiled to herself as she let a few minutes pass before she headed
back out. 'Don't want to make it too obvious what I was missing…'
The Children were all heads-down in the rows of watermelons,

making fast work of the weeding and clearing. Misato quirked her
lips to note Shinji and Asuka moving in unconscious synch, side-by-
side in two rows. Rei was staying close to them, but moving
independently, if slowly.
With three helpers, it didn't take long for them to finish the patch,
broad as it was. Misato stood up to pop her back and wiped at the
sweat she'd still managed to work up. The Geofront was summer-
warm as always. Despite it being November, she'd broken out
shorts, a spaghetti-strap top, and a straw hat for this trip once she'd
seen the sundress Asuka had dressed Rei in, and the sport top and
pleated blue short skirt Asuka had picked for herself.
She was a fair bit tired, too, though that was from lack of sleep. 'Kaji,
I love having you back and I love having you in my bed again, but
damn, sleep is not just a good idea. Ok, ok, it's not like he was the
only one eager last night. Man, if he's going to keep playing with my
'melons' so much, I'll make him wear some.' She grinned tiredly at
the mental image of Kaji with a couple of the big green melons down
his own top. It hadn't even been a marathon; just talking softly with a
lot of holding for half the night. She'd loved it anyway.
"Green…" Rei's soft voice said behind her.
"Eh?" Misato turned. "What was that, Rei?"
The First Child slowly raised her head from where she'd been
intently staring at the large watermelon in her hands. "This melon…
is very green. Green."
"Still feeling kind of out-of-it, eh? You're better, though," Misato

noted.
"She's still kind of messed up, Misato." Asuka stood up with a

particularly tasty-looking melon in her hands. "Last night she woke
me up with her kind of flailing a bit and complaining about getting
stabbed in the chest." She took the melon she'd selected off to the
side and began cutting it into neat slices.
Placing a trio of succulent slices on a small tray, she turned to her
boyfriend. "Hey, Shinji, don't these look delicious?" She hefted one
and took a couple of juicy bites. "Mmmm! Cool and sweet."
Shinji looked up from the far end of his row and wiped his own
sweaty brow. "Yeah, they do, Asuka. Can I have one?"
"No!" the redhead shot back, a cocky grin on her face.
Shinji blinked, dismayed. "Asuka?"
"Not unless you can catch me, baka!" She took off running, pausing
repeatedly to spin around for a look back, her skirt ruffles flaring as
she spun. "Chase me, baka-Shinji!"
Shinji's downcast look shifted instantly back into a sunny smile, and
he took off after her. Asuka shot around behind the small cabin.
"Eeek! Misato! Shinji wants to grab my sweet melons!" Asuka

laughed as she looped around and ran back past her.
Misato gave her a droll look. "Asuka, is this supposed to make you
look mature enough for sleeping together?"
"Hey, I scrapped the joke about 'oh, he wants my sweet juices all
over his face!'," Asuka shot back, still grinning. "Nice panties hanging
out of your pocket, by the way. Purple lace suits you."
Misato slapped a hand at her hip, her fingers finding that yes indeed,
her moving around the melon patch had let the recovered underwear
stick out enough to be spotted. She quickly stuffed it back into her
pocket. "That's… Oh just knock it off, Asuka."
"I've got to have my fun somewhere, Misato. Just like you apparently
did," Asuka fired back cheerfully. She began squealing happily as
Shinji caught her up in his arms and spun her around. "Oh noes! I
am captured!"
"Now I seize the melons!" Shinji proclaimed. He grabbed a slice off
the tray Asuka still had clutched to her chest. "Victory!"
Misato shook her head. They were both smiling and laughing. The
difference between the delighted couple she was watching and the
angry, withdrawn, and tense pair she'd put through the
synchronization training to beat Israfel was like night and day. 'Damn
it, they really do look happy. And I can't even tell them to 'just wait',
not when I have to sortie them every time an Angel appears. But
what happens if one of them takes a hit? God… they're so tight I
know losing one would destroy the other. God knows I'd be a mess
if I lost Kaji somehow. But there's no safety keeping them apart,
since they still have to go into battle anyhow, and gaaaahh…' She
rubbed her forehead. 'Why couldn't you two just be older, then I
wouldn't have to worry about you being 'too young for this'?'
Asuka had gotten a piece of watermelon between her teeth, and

used it to lure Shinji in for a kiss they both grinned through. Misato
looked at Rei. The bluenette was watching her friends kiss and
embrace with a still blank expression, but a fixed look. Misato felt
herself start to smile in response when she saw Rei's lips finally
begin to curl in a faint smile of her own at the sight. "You think I
should let them sleep together, don't you, Rei?"
Rei turned her head slowly to meet her eyes. "Yes. It makes them
happy. I want them to be happy. They…" Rei fumbled for how to put
it. "They love each other. I love them. Therefore, I wish to protect
their love. It is important to me that they can be happy." She looked
like she wanted to say more, but could not find the words.
Misato sighed, looking back to the happy pair. "Yeah, I wish it was
that simple, Rei. I'll come up with something. In the mean time,
they're still sleeping next to you, and I'm happy to see it's having a
good effect on your recovery."
Rei nodded, a little more animatedly. "Yes. Their presence… is

comforting."
"You going to be in shape for that Synch Test tomorrow?"
Rei hesitated. "I… believe so. I must. Doctor Akagi and the
Commander will… become curious if I am not. We cannot allow this.
Discovery of their role in my rejection of the drugs would… imperil
my friends. That is unacceptable."
Misato rolled a couple more watermelons into a sack to carry back to

the apartment for later. "I hope you're right about being ready, Rei. If
you think you're not, you need to tell me before the test starts, so I
can try something to keep Rits from noticing."
"I will be ready, Major Katsuragi." Rei looked more focused and
determined than she had all week. "I must. Therefore, I will."
Misato hoisted the sack over her shoulder. "Good girl." She looked
back at the other two Pilots, who were still giggling and trading
watermelon pieces back and forth, sometimes with their hands.
"Break it up, you two, it's time to head back home."
Asuka reluctantly broke off feeding Shinji the last of her most recent
melon bit. "Aww, but I was winning!"
"So was I," Shinji added.
Misato rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, you two are cute. Now grab the
other bags and let's get going. I want a watermelon daiquiri and air
conditioning, pronto."
Misato flicked her eyes towards the rear-view mirror again, eyeing
the three Children squeezed into the backseat of her Renault. Rei
was tightly squished in the middle between Shinji on her left and
Asuka on her right, but all three Pilots had firmly rejected the idea of
one of them moving to the passenger seat up front. "You sure you're
up for this, Rei?"
Rei nodded. "I can maintain my composure for the length of the test,
provided I am not left alone with Doctor Akagi. And I can conceal the
remaining shakes until we are in the Entry Plugs. Once there, the
LCL should help settle me further."
Asuka squeezed Rei's hand. "Don't worry. Shinji and I won't let that
bitch get you alone as long as we can help it." On Rei's other side,
Shinji nodded and squeezed Rei's other hand.
Misato just nodded as well, turning her eyes back to the road. 'Rits
and I are going to have a little talk of our own, if I can figure out a
way to ask without #1 wanting to punch her and #2 giving away that
we've have figured out where the Pilots' mothers ended up…'
She shifted into 4th gear and sped up. The tunnel down to the
Geofront access train swallowed them up.
"Unit-00's head has been reconnected, and all the standby system
tests are green, but this is the first live start since it was repaired, so
we need you to work it through a long list of checks, Rei. This also
means we need you to do a direct insertion, not just a regular
remote-link Synch Test." Ritsuko tried to ignore the dull throb of her
skull against the bandage. It was pulsing in counterpoint to the one
on her arm, like a two-tone car-alarm going off in her ear. The
headache wasn't helped by the weird looks she was getting.
Misato's partly-hidden glare she could understand, given their last

conversation. Ritsuko again made a mental note to catch Misato
after the test and apologize. But the cold, too-much-like-his-father
hostile look from Shinji was just confusing. The borderline-
murderous look from Asuka was even stranger. The blank, dull look
from the First Child was almost comforting in comparison. It was at
least familiar, anyhow.
She shook her head, gently so as not to make the throbbing worse,
and waited for Rei's response. The bluenette just nodded silently.
Ritsuko turned to the other Children. "Asuka, Shinji, that goes for you
both as well. Unit-01 and -02 are still undergoing repairs, so per the
Commander's orders you'll be testing in Unit-03 today. We need you
both to be directly inserted in the Evangelion to get the maximum
synchronization with the Unit. We'll try you individually after we do a
dual-test, to see if either of you can reach the activation threshold by
yourselves."
"How soon can we get back in our own Evangelions?" Asuka

suddenly asked. "I want my Unit-02 back. Unit-03 just feels weird."
Her voice and expression tried for irritation, but Ritsuko heard a
strangely intense note in it.
"It's going to be at least another week before they're repaired enough

for a test, Asuka," Ritsuko said, shaking her head. "We're still re-
attaching Unit-02's limbs, and Unit-01 has more damaged than intact
parts right now. If you two tried synching with them, I'd be amazed if
you were able to stand the pain. For now, you both remain assigned
to Unit-03."
Asuka pressed her lips together hard, but subsided. Her extremely
hostile glare soon resumed, however.
Ritsuko tried to ignore it. 'What the Hell did I do to piss her off so
much? Is she that attached to her Evangelion?' She looked at Rei
again. 'I'm already having a shitty week, my head is killing me,
Gendo won't listen to me about the Dummy Plugs, and right now the
only person in this room that isn't looking at me like I just ran over
their dog is the stupid doll!'
Rei looked back at her and blinked slowly.
"Is that all?"
Ritsuko jerked at Misato's question, snapped out of her darkening

line of thought. "Eh? Um… yes, that's all. You three can get to your
Entry Plugs. We'll begin as soon as you're in place."
Misato just held a level look at her for a moment before nodding and
turning away. Rei followed right in her trail. Shinji and Asuka both
glared at her for a moment longer before sharing a look and turning
away in unison and following Misato.
Ritsuko sighed. 'God damn it, isn't there anyone here who isn't either
going to stare daggers at me or stare blankly? I am a brilliant
scientist, a vital figure in NERV! Commander Ikari relies on me to
make everything work! I am not the bad guy!' Suddenly she deeply
missed the times she and Misato would go out for drinks and man-
watching. Even Kaji had been a welcome presence when he joined
in of late. Much of the amusement she got out of it was from
watching him and Misato pretend they weren't still totally into each
other, but still… Commander Ikari was… It was hard to even keep
his attention these days, much less any signs of affection or care.
Her oldest friend was mad at her and hadn't spoken to her in days.
Kaji was practically in Misato's back pocket lately. She still had
friends… right? Wasn't anyone here glad to see her anymore?
"We're all ready in the Pribnow Box, Akagi-sempai!" Maya's cheerful

voice over the PA made her jump again, but she smiled once the
words registered.
'At least one person still looks forward to seeing me around and
wants to spend time with me. Now if only she wasn't… convinced I'm
someone… better than I am.' Ritsuko chewed her lip and reached
into her pocket for another cigarette as she walked out the other
door of the briefing room towards the Pribnow Box. 'I'm… I'm not a
bad person. But I'm not as good as May-… as Lieutenant Ibuki
thinks I am.' She'd been trying to make herself think of her protégé
more professionally, avoiding her first name even though she had
been calling her by that for months. It helped keep thoughts at bay
that were… uncomfortable.
'She smiles every time she sees you. She wants you around her.
She goes out of her way to spend time with you. She likes you,' the
part of her that was increasingly lonely said.
"No, she likes the idealized 'sempai' she's got in her head. She
doesn't know the stupid woman who treats her friends like crap
because she's getting the cold shoulder from the man who's using
her as a stupid blow-up doll stand-in for his dead wife! The one
who's still losing to a dead woman and a doll ! Even Shinji and
Asuka look like they hate me now. Shit, if they knew about their
mothers…"
'You were so sure you weren't the bad guy a minute ago. Now you're
worried what Maya would think if she knew what you've done. And
yet, you still want her to smile… And you try not to think about her.'
"Gendo's what I want. Powerful, dominating, relentless… besides,

I'm not into girls."
'That time with Misato in college says otherwise. You've never

admitted even to her how much you enjoyed it. And Gendo? You
might as well be a fleshlight with a PhD for all the care he shows. He
said 'Yui' last time! Has he ever smiled at you like Maya does all
the time? Like he's happy just to see you?'
"This is stupid. Lieutenant Ibuki is a foolish girl with a crush. I'm not
so stupid. Misato is stupid. Everyone is stupid. You've got work to do,
Ritsuko. Focus on the work. The Commander knows how much he
needs you. He'll see I'm right about the Dummy Plugs and
everything else." She took a deep drag on the cigarette and walked
faster.
Unit-00's test was set to begin during Unit-03's first dual-synch. They
had a lot of work to do today. She didn't have time to waste on
feeling sorry for herself. "Stupid…" she muttered, shutting those
thoughts out.
"Ready?" Asuka said as quietly as she could into Shinji's ear.
He shifted slightly in the Entry Plug's seat. "Um? Uh, yes! Right!"
Asuka had loudly protested when they'd been instructed to let him
have the actual seat, and Asuka to sit in his lap for the test, but she'd
flashed him a wink when their faces were close together, and
surreptitiously stroked his back out of sight of the cameras. He didn't
mind her weight at all. It was hardly the first time she'd sat in his lap
for lengthy periods of time. In fact, memories of such times were just
the problem: He was having increasing difficulty keeping his mind on
the test with Asuka's sleek, athletic, plugsuited form sitting right on
top of his er… attention. They'd managed a passable 35% Synch
Rate when they'd reached the start of the test, and Doctor Akagi had
told them to hold that as long as they could while the crew tuned the
Core for maximum sensitivity to their dual brainwaves. But Shinji was
sure he was far from as focused as he could be. Asuka was
gloriously distracting to have wiggling in his lap.
So her question was very welcome to bring him back to their true
mission here. He linked his hand on the control yoke with hers and
closed his eyes. They both focused inward, reaching for that faint
presence that was much easier to sense now that they both knew to
look for it. They reached for it, and tried, tried…
'Mrs. Horaki? Are you there? Hikari said she felt you, talked to you.
Can you hear us? Are you her mother?'
~Confusion. Surprise. Questioning. Worried acknowledgement,

confirmation. Hikari? Hikari? Hikari?~
They both stiffened in shock. It was working . That was very

definitely not either one of them. They were communicating with
someone else. Shinji felt his pulse start to race. 'If Mrs. Horaki is
really here, then… Mother!' He squeezed his other hand on the left
control yoke so hard he could feel the stick shake. He could feel
Asuka almost rigid with tension in his lap, as wired as he was.
"Shinji, Asuka, your pulses just shot up and your psychographs are
showing a sudden spike of noise. What's going on in there?" Doctor
Akagi's voice broke in on their concentration. Shinji's eyes snapped
open.
"Just trying to push my Synch Rate up and dragging this baka
along," Asuka said, arrogance filling her tone. Shinji was almost
convinced himself. "I may be crushing his hand a little. He'll live. How
much longer do we have to do this? I'm tired of being cooped up with
him!"
"We should be done with the dual synch data in another 30 minutes,
Asuka. Remain patient," the scientist replied calmly.
Asuka just nodded and closed her eyes again. He felt her mental
nudge in the link to the Eva and closed his own. They pushed inward
again.
'We're Hikari's friends! She's ok! She's got a boyfriend, even! We'll
tell her you're here!'
~Wariness. Fear. Confusion. Cautious acceptance.~
Asuka shot him a quick look out of the corner of her eye and nodded.
They couldn't hope for much more, and even this much confirmed
their suspicions. A Synch Test in their own Evangelions couldn't
come soon enough.
Asuka reluctantly removed her hand from Shinji's. She crossed her
arms across her chest and did a fairly good rendition of one of her
old pouts. "Well, hurry it up! I want to get to my solo test, so I can
show this baka and Wondergirl who's the best again!"
"Rei is… not matching her best Synch, Asuka. Unit-00's still not fully
up to speed, it looks like," Misato commented. "She's… wait, what's
going on? Rei? Rei?! Sto-" Misato's voice cut off just as the alarms
began to sound.
An enormous tremor ran through the test chamber. From the next
test bay over, the howl of an Evangelion roaring through its mouth
restraints suddenly filled the silence.
Ritsuko stopped her hand from reaching into her lab coat's pocket
for her pack of cigarettes again . It was the fifth time in half as many
minutes she'd had to consciously stop her twitching fingers from
grabbing for the smokes.
'Damn it, Ritsuko, stop this. You're a scientist and a grown woman.
You do not need to have a smoke right now because you're scared ,'
she tried to tell herself.
The self-castigation did less to help than she'd have liked. She shot
another look out the thick crystal windows at the mammoth form of
Evangelion Unit-00. The blue prototype was locked to the far wall of
the test chamber by a solid array of restraints bolted to its arms and
torso.
'Restraints it ripped its way right out of when it berserked and came
after me twice !' Her fears argued. 'It could happen again! We
shouldn't be here! It can get us! It can see us!'
The Eva's head was fixed straight ahead, tilted down slightly. 'Stop it.
It's not even activated yet. It's not staring at me. It's not.'
She turned to Ma-… Lieutenant Ibuki. "Commence activation," she

ordered. "Connect main power to all circuits."
"Main power supply connecting… complete. Commencing activation

system." Lieutenant Ibuki responded. "Activation voltage is
approaching the critical level. 0.5 0.2 Rising."
Ritsuko's hand made it into her pocket anyway and clutched at the
pack of cigarettes like a talisman in the hopes it could stop her hand
from shaking. "Begin the second phase of the activation system."
"Pilot has begun link-up," one of the senior techs reported.
"Entry has started. LCL electrolyzed." Lieutenant Ibuki recited.

"Initiating first connection. Data received. Reconfirming. Pattern
green."
"All restraints are normal," the junior tech she'd specifically set to
monitor the restraint system said.
She steeled herself. "Start system Phase 2." Her throat was dry.
"Synapses inserted. Junctions connected," the senior tech said.
"Transmitting pulse," Lieutenant Ibuki said. "No problems with initial

contact. Harmonics are all normal. Checklist satisfactory up to 2550."
"Power supplied to brachial muscles in both arms," the restraint tech

said. "All nerve links checking out normal."
"Initiating 3rd connection. Self-psychograph is stable," Lieutenant

Ibuki reported.
"Initiate A-10 Nerve connection," Ritsuko said, swallowing.
"Clear up to 2580." Lieutenant Ibuki said calmly. "Counting down to

the absolute borderline. 0.9, 0.7, 0.5, 0.4, 0.3… absolute borderline
passed. Unit-00 has activated successfully."
Unit-00 raised its head. Its single optic sensor twitched, searched,
halted, and focused on something in the booth in front of it.
Ritsuko kept herself from flinching by an act of will. 'It's looking right
at me…'
The massive cyclopean eye was fixed on her. She could feel it. She
fought down the urge to scoot behind Misato or one of the pillars in
the window so it couldn't see her.
"Harmonics level, plus twenty." Lieutenant Ibuki said. "The First Child
has synchronized at… 37%."
Ritsuko tore her eyes away from Unit-00's stare and looked at her
protégé. "What? That's way down! She was at 58% against the
Fourteenth Angel just 2 weeks ago! She's had drops before, but
nothing like this."
Misato grunted from behind her. "She's been acting stiff and dull the
last few days. I don't think she liked spending a week down in the
bowels of NERV," her old friend said, oddly cold.
'Did I misjudge the dosage increase? Her psychograph readings

were way too active. I had to do something. But I think I'm going to
have to recalibrate things if it's depressing her Synch Rate this badly.
If she'd been down this much versus that Angel, she'd never have
survived,' Ritsuko thought, chewing her lip.
She keyed the mic to the Entry Plug. "Rei, your Synch Rate is down
to 37%. Concentrate. The repairs shouldn't have impacted your
synchronization this much."
Rei's head was swimming. As she'd hoped, getting into the LCL and
letting it cover her had made some of her headache and nausea
fade, and the shaking in her hands had stopped. But then they'd
activated the Evangelion, and she'd tried to synchronize…
It had been like someone smashed her head open with an axe,
again. Worse: In the fight with Zeruel she'd at least been clean. But
now the numbness of the overdose had changed to hypersensitivity,
and trying to synch with part of her soul in the Eva was… it was like
grinding the ends of a broken bone together. Her head was burning,
buzzing, like it was full of angry bees trying to sting their way out.
And the harder she tried to synchronize, the worse it got.
"Rei, you're Synch Rate is down to 37%. Concentrate. The repairs

shouldn't have impacted your synchronization this much," Doctor
Akagi's voice prodded her.
Rei grit her teeth. "Roger." 'I'm trying! This hurts! I can still feel where
the Angel cut Unit-00's head off, and the me inside the Eva is so
angry… she won't stop yelling…'
Doctor Akagi wouldn't stop. "You can do better than this, Rei.
Focus."
'Don't show it. Don't show it or she'll drug you again. Then you won't
be able to feel anything, won't be able to love Shinji and Asuka. You
have to play the doll…'
"Yes, Doctor Akagi. I am trying," she said as calmly and robotically

as she could. She closed her eyes, pushing inward. She could feel
the pain increasing as she did. She pushed on. She had to do this.
Her friends needed her to be able to stand beside them in battles to
come, to protect them as they protected her.
"Synch Rate increasing, Akagi-sempai. Rei is now at 39… 40…

42%. Synch Rate still slowly rising…" Lieutenant Ibuki narrowed her
eyes. "We've got a problem occurring in the Pilot's nerve pulse.
Pyschograph instability increasing."
Ritsuko felt sweat trickle down her temple. 'This… this is too much
like how it started before.'
She made herself stand still. She'd had too many nightmares
already, of Unit-00 smashing its way through the glass before,
reaching inside, reaching for her .She knew what monsters the Evas
really were. She knew the thing in Unit-00 was looking at her that
time.
She quietly pinched at her arm, reassuring herself this wasn't one of
those nightmares, the ones she woke up from shaking and bathed in
sweat. The ones where Unit-00's hand found her, clamped down,
and crushed her to a pul-
She swallowed. 'I hate that thing…' She turned and walked over to
the other set of consoles that were monitoring Unit-03's test.
Checking on the other Children would get her mind off this, get the
nightmares out of her waking mind before she had to leave entirely
in the middle of a test.
The red eye of Unit-00 kept staring at her.

She tore her eyes away from the window and looked over the tech's
shoulder at the readouts. The other Pilots were doing… fairly well for
being in an Eva not their own. They were managing a joint synch of
58.3%.
Ritsuko blinked, her eyebrows rising as it suddenly jumped to 58.7%

and the signal noise went up. The Pilot's bio-signs were going wild,
too. She tapped into their comm. "Shinji, Asuka, your pulses just
shot up and your psychographs are showing a sudden spike of
noise. What's going on in there?"
"Just trying to push my Synch Rate up and dragging this baka

along," Asuka voice said, arrogance filling her tone. "I may be
crushing his hand a little. He'll live. How much longer do we have to
do this? I'm tired of being cooped up with him!"
"We should be done with the dual synch data in another 30 minutes,
Asuka. Remain patient," the scientist replied calmly.
"Well, hurry it up! I want to get to my solo test, so I can show this
baka and Wondergirl who's the best again!"
Misato stepped over behind her, leaning in to join the conversation.

"Rei is… not matching her best Synch, Asuka. Unit-00's still not fully
up to speed, it looks like," Misato commented. "She's… wait, what's
going on?" The Operations Commander looked out the windows at
Unit-00. The Evangelion was…
The Eva was moving. Ritsuko felt her heart skip as Misato dashed
back to the other consoles and grabbed the mic. "Rei? Rei?! Sto-"
Unit-00 threw back its head and roared .
Rei's head was splitting. She'd had to stop herself from biting her
cheek until it bled. Her Synch Rate was slowly crawling upwards, but
each tenth of a point gained felt like it came at a cost of grinding off a
finger.
'This hurts. Why do you do this to me? I hate feeling… nothing. I
hate hurting like this. I accept the pain of existence, but this is… you
are hurting me with the drugs. Even the numbness hurts now, now
that I know what it feels like to know love. I hate it. I hate…'
She pushed on. She had to do this… she could synch with the other
her in the Eva. Suddenly, the pain vanished. She felt some internal
barrier fall away again, just as it had when she forced herself to
project an AT-Field to protect her friends. But it was stronger, sharper
now.. she felt… tall… powerful… angry.
The interior walls of the Entry Plug suddenly reflected the red glow
now coming from her eyes.
I HATE
Rei jerked in her seat. What? The voice had echoed right as she'd
thought it, in perfect synch…
I HATE… HER
'No… I… do I?'
HATE
'I… she hurts me… she hates me…'
HATE
'Do I… want to harm her?'
HATE
The controls shook under Rei's hands. She could feel the Eva's
hands twitching, fingers starting to curl… she felt the phantom
sensation of fingers around her neck, pressing, crushing… Akagi…
the one who killed her… drugged her…
Unit-00's hands curled into claws.

KILL HER!
"Pulses are flowing backwards!" Lieutenant Ibuki shouted.
Unit-00 strained at the restraints, tossing its head, more howls

erupting from its sealed head armor.
"Something's going wrong in the 3rd Stage!" the senior tech shouted
back. "Rejection occurring in the nerve center elements!"
Ritsuko ran back over to the console. "Cease contact. Break all
circuits through #6!" she ordered desperately.
Lieutenant Ibuki shook her head, her hands dashing over her
controls."No good! The signal's not being received!"
Unit-00 curled it's huge biceps, tearing the arm restraint array right
out of the wall. It shook its arm sharply, once, and the huge bolts
sheared off and the array fell to the floor. Unit-00 began to set
forward, arms reaching for the control room window.
She had to cut the power. But… she couldn't move. She couldn't
move. It was just a dream. A nightmare.
"Cut the power! Cut the power!" someone was shouting.
"Power cut! Unit-00 has shifted to backup power! 47 seconds until it

runs out!" Maya's voice? She was never there in her nightmares.
That was strange.
Unit-00's fist reared back, then slammed forward into the windows.
Shards of thick crystal exploded inward from the blow. A tiny line of
fire traced its way across Ritsuko's cheek. The hot blood trickling
down her face was the only sensation she could feel. She couldn't
move.
"CLEAR THE ROOM!" Misato's voice roared from somewhere off in
the distance. There was a stampede of bodies past her. Suddenly
she was alone. Just like all the other dreams. Of course…
The huge blue Evangelion punched the windows again. Huge gaps
appeared in the crystal as the pillars bent inward over two meters.
Unit-00's fingers began working their way through the gaps…
coming right for her.
Ritsuko felt more warm liquid trickle down the inside of her leg. "Just
a dream… just a bad dream…" she mumbled.
Unit-00's fingers were getting closer. Someone was shouting in her

ear, pulling at her arm. She stood still.
Maya was there. Maya's hands were on her arm, shaking her, on her
face, screaming at her. She wasn't supposed to be here. This was
her nightmare. Maya didn't belong in Hell with h-
The slap rocked her head back. She blinked away stars.
"- ome on , Akagi-sempai! Move! Please !"
Someone's hands were pulling her back. She let them drag her
backwards as her hand rose to touch her cheek. Maya's slap had left
a small, clear handprint in the blood on her cheek. It stung.
The giant's fingers were reaching; reaching for her… just meters
away now…
… then they froze… stopped…
… and began pulling back. The Evangelion's hand stopped just

outside the windows, this time for good, as the power finally ran
down and it deactivated. The hand dropped away out of sight as the
Eva slumped, dead.
Maya was holding her, half-cradling her as they reached the back
wall of the smashed control booth and slumped down. She was
steadily gasping reassurances and relief that her adored sempai was
still alive in Ritsuko's ear. It was like music.
She squirmed around in Maya's grip, turning in her lap until she was
facing her protégé. "Maya…" She raised a shaking hand to Maya's
face. The palm was wet with blood from more cuts from the smashed
window that she hadn't even noticed. Ritsuko gently cupped it
against the side of Maya's face. "Th-thank you… you… saved me."
Maya blinked, then blushed at the hand on her face and Ritsuko's
softly spoken gratitude. "Y-you were… frozen, w-when everyone
evacuated! I… I had to go back for you, sempai! I couldn't let you
die! I n-need you!" Maya abruptly clammed up and blushed deeper
as that last escaped her mouth.
Ritsuko smiled, dizzy. She slowly pulled her hand away. She began
to laugh.
Maya looked at her growing smile, worried. "A-akagi-sempai?

Why…?"
Ritsuko pointed at Maya's cheek. She'd left her own bloody

handprint behind. "L-look! We match!"
Then her eyes rolled up and she slumped against Maya in a dead
faint, utterly limp.
Ch 22 - Advent Pt 6
Advice & Trust Chapter 8.6
Advent
Rei clenched her hands into tight fists, trying to stop the shaking.
She'd been right: Once she was in the Entry Plug and the LCL filled
it, her remaining physical symptoms from the overdose had largely
quieted. So now her splitting headache, shaking hands, and roiling
nausea were all for purely psychological reasons.
But she could not allow any of it to show. Could not. She had been
stuck in the depowered Entry Plug for over an hour now, and could
hear the clunks and thuds through the metal as the test chamber
crew finally got the recovery crane in place to extract it and her.
She knew what, and more importantly, who would be waiting outside
for her. A meeting she was not at all sure she was ready for.
'I must be as I have always been before. He can destroy me with a

single order. I do not wish to be his tool anymore. I do not want to
be… what he has made me.'
The Plug shifted, and she could feel it slowly move upwards and
back on the stand-alone backup batteries. Outside, a technician
must have worked the emergency controls, and the LCL rapidly
drained away. The hatch clunked and swung out. The inside of the
Plug was suddenly harshly lit with the stabbing beams of spotlights
that made her headache pound.
Her apprehension eased just a tiny bit when she managed to make
out that the form reaching in through the hatch was not him, but one
of the test chamber recovery techs. The tech eased her carefully out
of the small hatch, into the basket dangling from the overhead crane,
and lowered them both to the distant floor of the test chamber.
He was there. Towering, hard faced, waiting for her with no outward
expression, but long experience let Rei see the razor-sharp focus on
her covering intense… worry? Concern, even? Or just a puppeteer
worried his prize tool was possibly broken again. 'Am I anything
more than a doll to you, Commander? A replaceable part? I know
what love is now. And that is not what you hold for me.'
"Are you alright, Rei?" he asked, his voice tight. She could see his
hands twitch slightly.
'So I am not the only one recalling the last time we were here like
this.' She kept her face as blank as ever. "I am… not injured, sir."
She paused.
Before she could decide if it would be in keeping with her drugged

state to ask if she'd hurt anyone, Gendo nodded sharply and
gestured with his hand to get her to start following him away from the
crowd of technicians trying to clear away the wreckage of Unit-00's
rampage and return the Eva to its regular storage state. Rei followed
obediently.
Commander Ikari remained silent until they were clear of the test
chamber and away from other ears. "What happened, Rei?" he
asked quietly. "Why did Unit-00 berserk?"
"I was experiencing a significant drop in my Synch Rate compared to

the last Angel fight. At Doctor Akagi's urging, I attempted to force a
deep synch with Unit-00 in order to raise my synchronization. Unit-00
reacted… badly. I was unable to restrain the resulting berserker state
until after a struggle. During that time it attacked the Pribnow Box
control room." Rei let herself blink once as she realized she could fit
in her worries. "Did Unit-00 cause damage or casualties?"
"The control room is heavily damaged again, but we can rebuild it,
just as we have before," Commander Ikari said. "Minor injuries only.
Doctor Akagi had to be taken to the hospital due to passing out,
however. Annoying. I need her working on the Evas, not in the
hospital again." He looked briefly at her. "Why did you lose control?"
"In the deep synch, I was unprepared for Unit-00's anger. It took me
a moment to regain control against its berserk state, though I did. I
need to speak to Doctor Akagi. I believe her recent modification of
my medication dose was the cause of my depressed Synch Rate,"
Rei said as flatly as she could.
"She altered your medication?" Gendo raised an eyebrow.
"Increased. She told me my body was adapting to the previous dose,

and administered a higher one. I believe the increased amount to
have disrupted my ability to synchronize with Unit-00 effectively. I
wish to speak to her about correcting this. I must be able to Pilot to
combat the Angels to complete the Scenario," Rei hinted carefully.
"Doctor Akagi is in the hospital now? If she is conscious, I will speak
to her immediately. I must fulfill my function efficiently."
Gendo nodded. "Proceed. We are too close to the end of the

Scenario to allow for easily fixable problems like this to interfere.
There are only three more Angels. We have come too far to fail now.
Instrumentality cannot be left in SEELE's hands."
They halted outside the elevator back to the upper levels of the
command pyramid. "Tell Doctor Akagi I authorized a return of your
medication to previous levels if needed. We need you to be able to
Pilot, Rei. The Second and Third Children are too unreliable and
undisciplined. You are the one we can count on, and you know what
rests on that. You only have to hang on a little longer, and then you
can have the peaceful end you have desired."
Rei stared at him, keeping her face blank. 'I no longer wish for
oblivion to free me from my pain. I wish for my loved ones to go on.
Humanity is not a dead end if it can produce beauty and hope like
theirs. Instrumentality cannot be allowed to occur, in SEELE's hands
or yours. I would rather…' Rei almost gasped at the audacity of the
thought as it struck her. 'I would rather see that power in their hands.
I would know I can trust them. I am all but certain now that I cannot
trust you.'
Rei's eyes narrowed a millimeter before she forced them open

normally again. 'Doctor Akagi did not kill the other me… but an Akagi
did. Her mother? And I know you are not likely to have allowed the
previous me any more freedom than you allowed me, before Shinji
and Asuka freed me. So however it came about that Akagi the Elder
killed the previous me, you must have known everything. Or… who
would have been in Unit-00, if my other self were not there?'
The question had never even occurred to Rei before. Who else
would the Commander have sacrificed? He was clearly willing to
sacrifice anyone and anything in the name of his Scenario. 'Including
the lives and happiness of the ones I love. I will not permit this.
Commander Ikari and SEELE both must be prevented from their
aims. I am the key. I hold the power to control the gate of
Instrumentality. And I will not allow any who unmake the world of my
loves to pass. Not Angels, not SEELE, and not you, Commander.'
"Understood," was all she said to him.
The elevator doors opened and he stepped inside. Rei followed after,
but pressed a different button. To his mildly inquiring look, she said,
"I will conduct hygiene and proceed directly to Doctor Akagi. Her
injuries will not impede my informing her of the necessity of reducing
my medication or your order for such. Nothing can be allowed to
impair my function. It is what I am made for."
Commander Ikari nodded, satisfied. "The end is coming, Rei. All we

have worked for will be rewarded."
'You would give them nothing but the end of their world. They have
just begun to show me how beautiful it is. My own pain and desire for
oblivion no longer matters. I will protect them.' "Yes, sir."
Rei stepped out when the elevator doors opened for her floor and left
without looking back.
Rei had only a second to blink in surprise when she opened the door
to leave the locker room and found herself nose-to-nose with Asuka.
"Hel-…" was all she got out.
The redhead's eyes went wide. "REI!" She almost tackled the
bluenette off her feet into a fierce hug. " Christ, we were so worried!
Are you alright? We heard the alarms and Unit-00 go berserk, but
nobody would tell us anything and they wouldn't let us out of the
Entry Plug for forever! All the technicians were running around or
working on you, I think."
Rei allowed herself a good thirty seconds to just hug back and enjoy
the almost overwhelming pleasure of holding one of her loves in her
arms and being held. She didn't care that Asuka's plugsuit was still
dripping LCL and it was soaking her fresh student uniform. To hold
Asuka was worth it.
She did her best to hide the happy shiver and mild blush as she
finally let go. "I am unharmed, Asuka. Thank you. Yes, Unit-00
berserked during the test. My Synch Rate had dropped by over 20%
due to the drugs and complications, and Doctor Akagi urged me to
push harder in order to make up for-"
Asuka growled. " She caused this? What did she make you-"
Rei shook her head. "I am the one who lost control. I attempted a
deeper synch with Unit-00 to compensate for my reduced synch. I
was unprepared for the intensity of its anger. It seized on my own
animosity for Doctor Akagi, and I lost control. It attempted to… kill
her. It attacked the control booth and nearly reached her before I
regained control." Rei stepped past Asuka, out the door of the locker
room and into the corridor, but turned back to face her. "She was
injured in the attack and passed out. I am going to speak to her now
at the hospital."
Asuka looked confused. "Why?"
"To apologize."
"What?! To her ?"
"Yes."
Asuka looked like she wanted to spit. "Why the Hell should you
apologize to her, Rei?! She's treated you like a… a… a slave! No
one treats my friends like a doll! Your whole life as a Pilot has been
nothing but abuse from her and Commander Asshole! That overdose
alone could have killed you! She deserves every horrible thing that
could possibly happen to her for what she's done to you!"
"Her mistreatment of me does not absolve my own. And I want to

speak to her not just to apologize, but to… I believe she considers
me a rival for the Commander's attention and… affection. I wish to
explain to her that I no longer wish for either in any way."
Asuka's face twisted in revulsion. "'Affection'?! You… Commander

Asshole has the hots for you? I… ugh! That's disgusting!" Asuka
blinked and her face went pale. "Oh Gott… he hasn't… he's never
tried to-"
Rei shook her head. "No. Commander Ikari never attempted any
intimacies with me. Only Kensuke, Shinji, and you have ever had
such contact with me. I…" Rei blushed. "I am very happy about that.
I find you and Shinji very… desirable."
Asuka flushed too. "Uh… I… um… Th-thank you, Rei. I- I mean we

th-think you're very… um… very… is it hot in here?" She swallowed.
"Um… you s-sure sound like you've recovered to normal from those
drugs!"
Rei gave one of her tiny smiles. "I feel much better. The LCL
exposure helped, as I had hoped. But as my depressed Synch Rate
showed my body's responses are still dulled, though I can think and
feel again. I did not like being unable to feel around you both. I am
very grateful you were there. The hugs helped me not feel too much
like a puppet again."
"You… you can always count on us, Rei. You're… I mean… you
know we…" Asuka's voice dropped to a furtive mumble as she
looked around to ensure no one was nearby. Sighting no one, she
whispered, "You know we love you too."
Rei's tiny smile broadened a little, into what would have been an ear-
to-ear grin in someone more expressive. "I know." She stepped
closer to give Asuka one more hug, then stepped back again. "I must
go. I need to speak to Doctor Akagi as soon as possible.
Commander Ikari has given me permission to require Doctor Akagi
reduce the dose she thinks I am taking, to restore my prior Synch
Rate. I do not want to miss this chance to speak to her without him
questioning what else I might be saying. Please reassure Shinji I am
alright, and I shall see you at home tonight." She turned and
disappeared down the empty metal corridor.
Asuka stared after her, LCL still dripping from her plugsuit. "Damn it,
Soryu. Stop thinking about kissing her," she muttered to herself. Her
eyes widened. "Damn it! I forgot to tell her about her mother and
Unit-00! Fuck!"
' At least this time I don't have any new head injuries or broken
bones,' Ritsuko thought muzzily as she drifted back to
consciousness. 'My mouth is dry, but I'm fairly comfortable, not
bleeding and,' she experimentally squeezed her hand and felt the
hand gripping it squeeze back, 'Yes, she's right there. Her, not him,
of course.'
She worked her jaw and spoke without even opening her eyes. She
didn't have to; the small fingers in her grip were familiar. "We've got
to stop meeting like this, Maya. People are starting to suspect," she
joked weakly.
"Eep! Um, Akagi-sempai?! I-i-I, w-w-we're not… umm…" Lieutenant
Ibuki squeaked in embarrassment from her seat right next to
Ritsuko's hospital bed.
Ritsuko wearily smiled as she opened her eyes. As she expected,

Maya was bright red. The room was otherwise empty, saving her
assistant any further embarrassment. "How long have I been out?"
Maya fought for some composure. "A-about two hours. I s-stayed

with you since I was worried. Y-you… just passed out in my ar- um,
lap!"
Ritsuko glanced at Maya's face. There was still a notable remainder

of her bloody handprint on Maya's cheek. She hadn't even left long
enough to wash it off fully. "And you've been here the whole time,"
she said, hardly even making it a question.
"You passed out," Maya repeated, mumbling into her chest in a futile
attempt to hide her blush. "'Was worried…"
Ritsuko sighed, but couldn't entirely prevent the corner of her mouth
from turning up. "Maya, that's… sweet of you, but I'm a grown
woman. I can walk, chew gum, dress myself, and I… can…"
Sensations that had been prodding at the back of her mind suddenly
became more insistent. She abruptlyblinked and looked down at the
hospital gown she was now wearing. She lifted up the sheet covering
her lower body for a confirming look. "Maya, where are my skirt and
underwear?"
Maya blushed some more. "You… the nurses insisted after they
brought you in! You… um… had an accident."
It was Ritsuko's turn to redden in embarrassment. 'Ok, so, 'pissed

yourself in terror,' doesn't make you sound that grown-up right now.'
"I had them taken to be cleaned! They'll be back in…" A knock at the
door brought Maya's babble to a halt. "Oh… that might be them! I-I-
I'll go check!"
She gave Ritsuko's hand one final squeeze and practically leapt out
of her seat, skittering to the door. But it was not an orderly delivering
freshly cleaned clothes that greeted her once she opened it. Instead,
a perfectly blank-faced Rei Ayanami stood there in her student
uniform.
"Good evening, Lieutenant Ibuki. I need to speak with Doctor Akagi,

if she has regained consciousness," the First Child said calmly. Her
gaze slipped past the young tech to note Ritsuko sitting up in the
bed. "I see she is. May I come in? Or are you both still talking? I do
not wish to interrupt."
"Ah, er, n-no, come in, Ayanami-san." Maya stepped back from the
doorway, letting Rei in past her. "I'll go see about your clothes,
Akagi-sempai." The young woman darted out the door, still a little
red.
Ritsuko blinked when Rei turned back to carefully close the door and
lock it. The clone Pilot's eerie red stare made her shiver slightly as
she approached the bed, halting just out of reach. Her apprehension
was tempered by confusion when Rei suddenly gave her a graceful,
precise bow. "I locked the door so that we might speak privately. I
wished to apologize."
Ritsuko shook her head minutely. "I… apologize about what?"
"I… that was not me. I was angry with you; the increased drugs were
interfering with my ability to synch, so I tried to force a deeper link…
and she exploited that."
"Sh-she?"
"The me inside the Eva. Her . I was… unready for her anger. I
managed to regain control before she could reach you, but… I am
still sorry. I do not hate you or wish you to die like she does." Rei met
her gaze calmly.
" Like she does'? I knew it. I knew Unit-00 was after me.' "You don't
'hate me'? 'She does'? What the Hell good is that to me?! I know
'she' was trying to kill me! What am I supposed to do about the soul
of Unit-00 coming after me? You're the Pilot! You have to control
her!"
"I know. I am sorry that I failed. I do not wish you to die. It gains
nothing." Rei's voice was almost… empty, more hollow than usual.
The depression and desire and anger in Ritsuko boiled over. "Gains
you nothing?! You'll have him all to yourself, won't you? You're his
pet, his precious little doll! He gives you everything he won't give me!
I'm just a disposable tool to him!" she snapped bitterly at the clone.
Rei stared at her. "So am I," she said quietly.
Ritsuko almost spat at her. "You're his favorite! I wish he looked at

me the way he looks at you!"
"No you don't. Rei Ayanami is his favorite. I am not. I am not the first,
and nothing says I will be the last. I can die and be replaced, as
before." Rei's eyes dropped to the floor. "I hope not like before.
Though you dislike me, you are not her. And… I am not the other,
either. "
Ritsuko's eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about? Who?"
Rei's eyes met hers again. "The me inside the Eva. That's why she
hates you. Your mother killed her, before."
Shock shot through Ritsuko like jagged lightning. "…..what?" she

barely managed to whisper. 'Mother… killed her? How?' her thoughts
babbled. 'I… the records in Terminal Dogma don't… there's nothing
in there about Mother killing the last clone! I… ' Her mother's suicide
had been sudden and devastating. Back then, Ritsuko had been all
too happy to have the attention and support Gendo had lavished on
her, letting her quickly assume the elder Akagi's role as NERV's top
scientist… and as his lover shortly after. At the time, she… or was it
he ?… had convinced her that it was because of her unique talents
and insight into the still almost newborn field of metaphysical biology.
Now, it suddenly seemed far more sinister.
"I felt it across the link in the berserk, when I pushed for the deep
synch. And I replaced her. Do not envy me. I… do not want his
regard like that. I am I. A Rei Ayanami is his tool. If I die and he
replaces me, I am not sure it will be me. I am just like you: His tool.
He feels nothing for me that I want." Rei's voice was faintly bitter.
Ritsuko swallowed against a dry throat. 'Nothing for you that you
want… does he feel anything that I want for me?' She had the deep,
disquieting feeling she was no more to him than Rei. Just a
disposable tool…
The room was silent for a moment before Rei spoke again. "He has
ordered me to inform you that my increased medication dosage is to
be reduced back to the previous level, due to the increase interfering
with my ability to Pilot effectively. I will perform my duties. SEELE
must be stopped. But Commander Ikari is… he does not do this for
me. You may have all his attention you desire. I do not want it, and
would not wish it on you." Her voice was almost as emotionless as
always. Almost. That bitter note still lingered.
Ritsuko stared at her, almost paralyzed by the disorienting hurricane

the First Child's brief conversation had flung her mind into. Mother, a
killer? Gendo must have known, nothing happened in NERV HQ that
he did not know about.
"He… he knew. He has to have known… that… he…" she tried to

form a sentence. "I… how could he…"
"He used you. Like he uses me. Like he uses everyone," Rei said,
cold, hollow… and still with that bitter note. She stared at Ritsuko for
a silent minute. "I am sorry. That is another reason I came, to tell
you. You deserved to know. I do not hate you." Rei cocked her head
a tiny bit. "Perhaps I should," she said, thoughtfully. "You have
always treated me as a doll, not a person. But I am I. And… despite
everything, I do not. What we do is too important for such things to
distract from. So I will not."
"I… am not my mother," Ritsuko said haltingly, half to Rei, half to

herself. "I will not… be her. Will not !" Her hands clenched into fists,
wadding the hospital bed sheet into bunches in her hands. She
suddenly froze and went pale. Her head snapped up. "Wait… you
'don't hate me'?! That… you shouldn't be able to hate me or not!
Your medication-"
"I always feel, Doctor. I usually just do not care," Rei said levelly.
"That has not changed. The increased dose you gave me Monday
reacted… erratically. That is why Commander Ikari has ordered you
to resume the previous dosage level. We know that I can function
effectively as a Pilot at that dose. You do not need to worry. I remain
who I was the week before. I am fully dedicated to NERV's mission.
The Angels will be defeated. SEELE will be thwarted. I will fulfill my
function, the purpose for which I was born."
Ritsuko just stared at her. "I… apologize for… treating you like that,
then. I… shit…" Ritsuko forced herself to unclench her hands. "He…
uses us both, and I spend my time being mad at you instead of him
because that's easier…" 'And he never told me about Mother. Not a
word in 5 years… he must know!'
Rei nodded. "We are more alike than you would expect, Doctor
Akagi. We both are nothing but replaceable tools to him… and we
both have people who still care about us."
Ritsuko barked a bitter laugh. "The last time I talked to Misato, I bit
her head off and called her a lazy alcoholic. I'm not doing so well
there. And Maya…" She waved at the door. "Thinks I'm someone I'm
not."
"She is very devoted to you. And Major Katsuragi is still concerned

about you. You do not need to give up. You are not his doll either,"
Rei replied quietly.
She stood up. "I will leave you to Lieutenant Ibuki's care." Rei bowed
precisely to her, then headed to the door. She unlocked and opened
the door just as the running footsteps approaching down the hall
reached the room.
Lieutenant Ibuki burst in, holding a scrap of white cloth over her
head. "Akagi-sempai, I've got your panties!"
Ritsuko covered her face with her hands. "Oh god…"
Rei made sure her back was to Doctor Akagi before placing her
hand on Lieutenant Ibuki's shoulder and giving her a tiny smile.
"Take care of her, Lieutenant. She needs you," she said, just loud
enough for Maya to hear her.
Maya just blinked in surprise at the unexpected comment. "Eh? I…"

She slowly lowered her hand as she tried to parse Rei's statement.
When the underwear in her grasp reached eye level, she looked at it,
and awareness of what she'd just shouted flooded in. "… oops."
"Maya, get in here, close the door, and give me my skirt and
underwear! " Ritsuko said through her hands.
Rei let herself smile for a fraction of a second longer, then forced her
face to its usual blankness and headed down the hall. It had been a
difficult day, and she wanted to see her loves. Time to go home.
Three weeks before Zeruel:
Asuka lay contentedly on their bed, smiling lazily and wallowing in

the aftershocks of pleasure still ringing gently through her body. She
stretched like a cat and let her eyes drift to where her boyfriend was
actually doing what she'd only half-seriously suggested. He was still
as naked as she was, which almost made her laugh.
"Are you really… yes, you are. I was kidding, baka mine. You don't
actually have to 'serenade me with Beethoven in the afterglow', you
know?"
He looked up from his fine tuning of his cello and smiled back at her
as he laid his bow on the strings. "Oh, I know. But I love making you
smile and be happy, and I'm better at music than putting it into
words, so… I want to." He began to play something rolling and
sweet, surprisingly lilting for a deep noted instrument like the cello.
"You are such a dork." Asuka shook her head and laid back, enjoying
the music. Every few days Shinji would do something like this,
something so sweet and devoted that she still got occasional (though
blessedly less and less frequent) twinges about not being worthy of
it. But then the sheer, warming wonder of being loved that much
would hit her, and she'd just shiver happily to herself and abandon
herself to just reveling in it. Then she'd go back to trying to think of
some way to match him. She loved him back just as fiercely, and she
wanted to make sure he knew that too. Because if she was having
these moments of feeling unworthy of that love, he almost certainly
was too, and she wanted to kill that dark notion cold. She liked his
smile as much as he liked hers.
The last mellow note hummed to a finish, and Shinji paused, a smile
on his face again, this time just at the music he'd just finished. She
enjoyed watching him shine at his art, too. She'd watched him play
many nights when they were alone since they'd gotten together.
Cello pieces ending in intense makeout sessions were nearly a
private tradition by now. A thought struck her about this piece,
though…
"Shinji… what was that last one? It's… kind of familiar, but I don't
recognize it."
He blinked out of his meditation. "Mmm? Oh, something of my own.

It's a reduction of a piece I really like, but that a cello isn't meant to
play alone. That was a cut-down version for soloing that I came up
with since I've never had anyone to play a duet or quartet with."
Asuka blinked herself in surprise. "Never had anyone to… wait…
you composed it? Yourself?"
He ducked his head, a faint blush appearing. "I… not really. It's just
an extract of the Händel-Halvorssen Passacaglia . It's not like it's an
original composition entirely. I just…" he waved his bow vaguely.
"Kind of… pulled out the parts I could and streamlined them for a
solo."
"That's still… damn, Shinji. I'm supposed to be the genius, and I

can't even do anything like that."
"There's nothing wrong with that, Asuka. You're not a musician."
An idea crystallized in her mind. She shot him a wild grin, and
jumped out of bed, planting her hands on her hips and putting on her
haughtiest look. "Oh? 'Not a musician'? I am the Great Asuka
Langley Soryu! I am the best at everything! You just watch, Mister
I'm-So-Smart!"
She whirled around toward her closet, flinging open the door and
diving into the deeper buried boxes in the back. "Where is it, where
is… A-HAH!"
She emerged triumphantly with an unmistakably shaped case in her

hands. "I haven't played in a while, so I might be a little rusty, but just
you wait, Shinji! You better have some sheet music for that piece
handy, since now," she darted closer to plant a quick kiss on his
surprised face, "you've got a partner! "
Two weeks before Zeruel:
"Hee… if I'd known this was how you were going to help me get back
in practice, I'd have dug this thing out weeks ago." She wriggled
happily back against him, enjoying the warm, alive feel of him
against her back, and his arms around her own.
Shinji lightly kissed the back of her neck and stroked his hand along
the underside of her left arm. "Well, it's not the most efficient way to
teach you, but I don't think either of us wants to try any other way…"
"Definitely not. Besides, practicing naked means no shirtsleeves to

get caught, right? One, two…"
Shinji's hand gently guiding her own, she brought the bow down and
across the strings of the violin tucked under her chin. The resulting
sound was close to actual notes now instead of the jagged
screeching she'd produced on her first attempt at taking up the
instrument again. Shinji had winced and offered to help. His tentative
embrace from behind to guide her hands had quickly become a far
more close cuddle that was only half about practice anymore.
Neither of them had minded much. A week of such 'helping' had
shaken off most of the rust in her technique.
His hands eventually rose off hers and he stepped back, taking a
seat and picking up his own bow. Her slow, unsteady notes were
quickly joined by his own, and a hesitant duet began. Her eyes
remained mostly on the sheet music stand in front of her, but
whenever they did rise to meet his, he was already smiling at her,
and she couldn't stop herself from answering.
Hours of practice when Misato was not around to hear granted rapid
improvement. They'd both agreed that letting their guardian see
them happily playing together would be too much of a giveaway as
to their true feelings for each other, so they'd determined to hide it
until they had to tell her. They just couldn't stop smiling when they
played together.
Still, Asuka was smiling even when they weren't. They were
practicing every time Misato was out for the night, or left them alone
for the afternoon, and making rapid progress at getting her up to
snuff. It wouldn't be much longer before she really could duet with
him. He said he'd never had a partner to play with before. She
surprised herself with how much she wanted that to be her .
'Me, and no one else who can come close to that. Even Rei won't
have that little channel of intimacy to him. Just me and him,
connected, partners. Mine.' She closed her eyes for a moment and
savored the feel of his arms around her, his nimble fingers guiding
hers, the hum of the strings… a whole world of just the two of them.
It wasn't even about possessiveness, not really. She just wanted to
be the one who could be that partner he'd been looking for for so
long. To be that missing piece for him.
'Like you are for me, Shinji.'
The week after Zeruel:
Sweat beaded her brow, threatening to make her eyes sting as it

dripped. She tilted her head to let it trickle to the side, and played
harder, staring at the notes on the last page as if she could make
them shake in fear out of pure intensity.
The last measure. Her bow flashed back and forth, will and focus
forcing compliance out of still-not-practiced-enough hands to finish in
time and on beat with him.
For his part, Shinji was playing easily, watching her, not his own
page stand. He didn't even have one, Canon in D being yet another
piece he knew from memory. "Besides," he'd said earlier, "the cello
part of Canon in D is literally something I can play in my sleep. It's
that simple."
She finished with a flourish of her bow, breathing hard. "I did it!" Not
a note dropped, not a missed measure… she'd successfully played
an entire duet piece with him.
Shinji smiled gently. "Now… we get fancier."
The night of Unit-00's berserker event:

Rei looked at her own apartment door for a moment, but couldn't
make herself very interested in going in. It was utterly better than her
old place in every possible way, but right now she was uninterested
in going in. She was interested in the apartment next door, the place
who's proximity she considered to be the best feature of her new
domicile: The apartment where her loves lived, and where she spent
every moment she could find. And after a day like today, she really
wanted, no, needed to bask in the glow of their bond and let it soothe
the ragged edges of her own soul. Just being near them was
enough. Knowing they cared for her was almost too good to bear.
'My soul is raw enough from grappling with the other me today, and
concealing my changes from the Commander and Doctor Akagi. I
hope that my apology and notification of the truth about her mother
will alter her view of me and the Commander. She has too much
power over me to let her remain so hostile. I cannot accept any more
numbness. It will impair my ability to protect those I love,' Rei
thought to herself as she used the spare key Major Katsuragi had
provided her to open the door.
She entered the apartment, and was greeted by music. She blinked
in puzzlement, walking quickly through the kitchen to the living room
to discover what the source of the delightful sounds was. The cello
she expected, but who was…
She entered the living room to find her loves glowing, their bond
lighting up the room to her sight with the sheer blaze of emotion and
intimacy they were throwing off like a flame. She closed her eyes
and let it wash over her like a warm blanket of joy and trust.
The music was nice too. ( youtube watch?v= lndgxAN73ZY )
The music stuttered to a halt, though, once Shinji broke the gaze he
was holding with Asuka and noticed her arrival. "Rei!" he exclaimed,
bursting into a relieved smile.
Asuka whirled around, her violin lowering. "You're home!"

She quickly put her instrument down and enveloped the bluenette in
a fierce hug before she could even return the greeting. Rei was not
displeased at all. Rei's happiness only increased when she felt Shinji
join in, his arms wrapping around her too. Caught between them,
held tight and close, with the care for her she could see and feel
pouring off them, Rei closed her eyes again and let herself enjoy the
closest thing she had ever experienced to a moment of perfect
happiness. For the first time in her short, largely numbed life she
understood what 'crying from joy' meant. "I'm home," she whispered
to them.
"Welcome home, " Shinji replied automatically, smiling. He and

Asuka let go and stepped back far enough to talk normally. "Rei, it's
really good to see you. Asuka said you were ok, but… you really
went to apologize to Doctor Akagi? Her ?"
Rei nodded. "I was unready for Unit-00's anger. I do not wish harm
on Doctor Akagi, but she does."
Asuka and Rei shared a look. Asuka turned back to Rei and began,
"Rei… about your Eva… we think we've figured out… something
important about it. And ours. We think-"
Rei brought her hand up to Asuka's lips, silencing her gently. "I… this
has been a day that hurt and wearied my soul and body. I think I
know what you mean to say, but… can we let it wait for tomorrow? I
just… want to be with you both for this evening, and let your
presence and bond ease my pain. Please?"
The Second and Third Children shared another look. Shinji

shrugged. Asuka looked back to Rei again, nodding. "If… that's what
you want, Rei. It's important, but… so are you. That's why we were
playing, actually. We wanted to show you what we've been up to
over the last few weeks, and welcome you home with something
nice after what happened this afternoon. We can… talk about it
tomorrow."
"Thank you." Rei glanced at Shinji's instrument. "You two have been
making such beautiful music together. Thank you for letting me see
it."
Asuka blushed. Shinji blinked at her, then coughed. "Uh… right, the
music. Ah… you're welcome, Rei. Have a seat, we've got more to
play for you. Oh, let me get your dinner first! I made some vegetable
miso and rice for you."
Rei sat down near Asuka's chair and music stand. "You are both…
so wonderful. I hope I can repay you both for everything, one day."
Asuka looked away, still pretty red. "Yeah, well… um… you know
how we feel, Rei. You… neither one of us could stand it if you got
hurt or anything. That berserk thing had us really worried. You… y-
you mean a lot to us, you know? So… w-we're glad you're ok and
home now."
"I am. I will always come back to you two, Asuka. If I can promise
nothing else from my love for you both, I can promise that."
Asuka reddened right back up, and sputtered something. "I… Shinji,
where's her dinner? We've got music to play!"
Rei smiled again, resting, relaxing. This was everything. Returning to

people who loved her and comforted her heart. Yes… no
Instrumentality was worth this. This was home .
"Where the heart is.' I understand now.' Rei took a deep breath and
let her edges down a little. It was like nothing she had ever felt
before. 'But then… I've never been home before. And I never want to
leave.'
Geofront Apartment 298-B was by any normal standards of living

space in post-Second Impact Japan huge, luxurious, and richly
furnished. It was deep under layer after layer of armor, defenses,
and protective weaponry. It was filled with cutting-edge technology
and the latest fashions in furniture and decor.
It was also very cold, lonely, and empty, save for a cat, two empty
bottles of wine, and a crying woman.
'Well… mmaybbe threeee bottles. Cann't tell, they whon stip movin','
Ritsuko tried to think. The wine hadn't made things clearer, but it had
provided vital numbness. On top of the painkillers she had taken at
the hospital, she now felt no physical pain at all.
It had not been a good idea even at the start, but Ritsuko was tired,
aching inside and out, and almost desperately in need of some
numbness, even loneliness. She could feel the breakdown coming
on, and wanted some solitude. She didn't want this to be in front of
anyone. She'd had to firmly dissuade a very persistent Maya from
coming home with her. It had been very hard: Maya had been very
determined not to leave her visibly upset sempai alone, and the
prospect of Maya's plain concern for Ritsuko and unrelenting
cheerfulness coming home and staying with her had been an
extremely seductive idea, so appealing Ritsuko almost started to sob
right in the hospital she wanted it so much. But she knew this would
be a bad, bad night, and made herself tell Maya to go to her own
apartment and that she'd see her in the morning.
"Cannn't let her shee this. Not this. She thinks I'm so grate… great.
Iff she knew half the things I've done, half the sins I've committed…
for him."
She rolled over and sat up unsteadily on her bed. Him. She'd been
everything he demanded of her. Scientific genius, computer wizard,
confidant… slut. She hated how much she wanted it, sometimes.
'And you sneered at Misato and Kaji for indulging so much… at least
they actually cared about each other, loved each other. What does
he think of you? You think he cares ?'
"Shut up…" she mumbled at herself. Stupid voices. The wine was
supposed to keep them muzzled, not let them out. She rose
unsteadily to her feet and stumbled to the kitchen in search of
another bottle.
She looked around the living room as she passed through it on the
way. Stylish, a few cat-themed decorations… and not a single sign of
him. Not so much as a book out of place or single thing from him. No
gifts, no flowers, nothing. He never stayed the night, rarely came to
her place anyway. It was always her going to him. When he called
for her, or when she just went herself. He usually let her.
'And for what? You're just another tool to him. Less even then the
doll. And even she pities you for wanting him. She doesn't want him.
Just you. Just you… just like Mother .'
And there it was. The thought that made the drinking while on
painkillers, made the dwelling on her loneliness and Gendo's lack of
true care for her seem like the better alternative. The thought she'd
been doing her best to avoid all night.
' Mother was a murderer.'
She ripped open the refrigerator and fumbled for the last bottle of
wine. It took three tries to get the cork out. She tilted her head back
and took a long drink from the bottle before she even started back
towards her bedroom. If she was lucky, she'd manage to drink
herself unconscious before… before…
' Mother was a murderer. She killed the first Rei. Then she killed
herself…'
She shook her head, trying to force the thought away. All she
accomplished was to make the room start to spin even worse, the
floor wobbling under her feet like jello.
' And you're just like her.'

She collapsed into the chair at the desk in the bedroom, the sloppy
landing of the bottle knocking over the pair of cat dolls by her
computer. The black and white figurines bounced against each other,
then rolled apart. The black one rolled backwards to bump against
the monitor. The white one rolled to the edge of the desk, evaded her
numb fingers, and shattered in a burst of ceramic shards as it hit the
floor.
' Oh, look, a metaphor,' her inner voice noted bitterly.
"I'mmm not like her. Not. Not gonna…"Her head throbbed. Her body
ached. Her stomach hurt. She reached for the bottle of painkillers
she'd brought home from the hospital. The child-proof cap proved to
also be Ritsuko-proof after three bottles of wine, however. "… jump
off the MAGI!" She threw the bottle at the bed in frustration.
' You're halfway into your fourth bottle of wine and trying to take
more pills. You're a goddam doctor, Ritsuko. Are we still going to
pretend you don't remember what happens when you mix sedatives
and alcohol at this dosage? Are we still pretending this isn't a half-
assed suicide attempt?'
Her eyes widened and her stare fixed on the bottle of pills on the
bed. Her tongue slid around her teeth, the cloying taste of the wine
still filling her mouth.
' You know you've thought about it. Hurting her. That last little
'increase' wasn't just to stabilize her, was it? You wanted to punish
the little doll for taking his eyes off you. That dose was just a bit
below what you knew would be too much, and you didn't even
bother with a blood test first. You knew what you were doing. And if it
was too much, oops, too bad, just pull a new clone out of the tank,
since she's just a disposable doll. You'd not have shed a tear if she
died by 'accident'. All to keep his eyes on you… just like Mother.'
Ritsuko's stomach roiled and she bolted for the bathroom. She
barely made it to the toilet before a violent heave of wine, bile, and
stomach acid erupted from her lips. The bowl looked like an offering
of blood from the regurgitated wine. "'m not her… not her…" she
panted weakly as the heaves finally halted.
' You think a little hair dye makes a fucking difference? You're his
chief science flunky, maintain his Evas and MAGI, you're in his bed,
desperate for his attention, you want to hurt Rei for being a threat to
your so called 'relationship' with him… Face it: You're just misplacing
your hair dye and murdering a girl away from completely turning
into Mother! And then taking a header off the MAGI ! But hey, you
managed to skip the 'murder' part and go straight to the 'suicide'!
You're ahead of the curve! Beat that, Mother!'
"No… wonnn't… nevr…" she slurred into the bowl. "Not like her…
dun wanna be her…" Hot, bitter tears began to join the strings of bile
and snot still dripping from her face into the bowl.
She staggered to her feet, wiping the mess off her face with a towel
that she just threw on the floor. She'd clean up in the morning. If
there was a morning.
'You're just like her… stupid, blind, used…'
She stopped to lean heavily against the bathroom doorframe on the

way out. There was a trail of blood on the floor, leading… towards
her? She looked down, then lifted her left foot to check. Yup, a sliver
of white ceramic protruded from the bottom of her foot, freely
dribbling blood. She hadn't even noticed the injury or the blood. She
felt nothing.
'This metaphor just keeps on going, doesn't it? You can't even feel it
when you hurt yourself running away from something that was due to
him anyhow… oh look, you've even got blood on your hands now,
too!'
She managed to pull the sliver out on the fourth try, gaining another
small cut on her fingertip in the process. She still felt nothing.
'Stupid, blind fool. You think you're so smart. You've known for
months he's just using you, but you kept making excuses. And this
whole time he never said a word about Mother. Bastard. And ten to
one if he called right now you'd still hop and go right to him, just so
you wouldn't have to feel alone. You told your oldest friend she was
a lazy alcoholic the last time she tried to talk to you. She was the one
who came to see you, not him. Just her and… Maya. Who you firmly
told to leave you alone tonight. And then came straight home and
started drinking on an empty stomach and taking painkillers.'
She couldn't bring herself to care about the blood.
'You never could.'
So she just wobbled her way around the remaining fragments to the
bed, reaching over to grab the wine bottle as she passed. She
placed the bottle carefully on the night table before collapsing onto
the bed. The king-size bed that was all too empty and cold. As
always.
"He nevr stayz…" Her mouth tasted of bile and lingering hints of
wine. She reached across the empty side where a partner, a lover,
someone to hold would lie. Her reaching fingers found only cold silk
satin sheets and a still-closed bottle of pills. She shuddered and
pushed them away.
The sheets were still cold. The space beside her so empty. She'd
never felt the utter absence of something mock her so much.
'Was it him being 'charming'? The attention? Just him being there
after Mother… did that? That Electra Complex is a bitch, isn't it? Are
you that afraid to be alone? Afraid that no one wants you? The way
you treat the friends you do have, it's hardly surprising no one wants
to be here with you.'
"Maya did…" she whispered.

'Dear, sweet, innocent Maya, who has no idea who you really are?
Who doesn't know your hands are covered in blood, and you're
willingly helping him plan what he's planning? Who would be
revolted if she was here right now and could hear what you're
thinking? Just picture the look on her face if she knew… You're a
real piece of work, Ritsuko. Misato and Kaji have each other. You
know they're back together, even if they keep denying it. That Horaki
girl has a boyfriend. Even the goddam First Child has friends, plural.
Who do you have?'
Ritsuko couldn't hold in the sob. She grabbed the other pillow and
held it in a crushing embrace. "Hurts… dun… dun wanna… be
alone…"
'You've done a pretty fucking good job of arranging it, though. No

one's looking for you, you told the only person who wanted to be
here to go home by herself and not call you, and then started on
trying to either kill yourself or drink yourself unconscious. You sure
you didn't want this?'
The pillow was becoming a mess of tears and snot. "I don' wan… be
alone…" she mumbled into it.
Unbidden, no, unstoppably, a vision pushed its way into her mind's
sight: Maya, laying next to her, smiling gently, concerned, reaching
over to brush her hair out of her face. She could almost feel her cool
fingertips on her temple. Her eyes, full of care. For her. Just for being
her. Just wanting to be there with her, for her, beside her.
It was so wonderful it hurt.
"She dozn know… can'… can' let her know…
'She was there when you woke up. Twice. That's twice more than he
ever has.'
"She'd hate me…"

'Are you sure? You thought he'd love you. You were wrong then.
You want to keep on being alone that much? You stopped and threw
up this time. You want to bet you won't try this again another night if
you keep feeling like this?'
Memory flashed at her. Him, right after Mother, telling her 'Ritsuko
Akagi, I truly need you.' Tall, dark, dominating, everything that made
her melt. She'd believed him, then. And when he'd let her 'seduce'
him, all awkward 25 years of her, she'd thrilled to his touch, his
weight, everything. She'd felt needed, desirable, fulfilled… And now
she couldn't stop hearing that tiny little whisper of 'Yui' from him…
the last time hadn't even been the first time that had happened.
'She might hate you… but you know for sure he does not care. She
might. Misato still came to see you too. Even Kaji has seen you. And
if those two can forgive each other and start again, maybe… maybe
you can too. Maybe there's a way out that isn't… this.'
"But…"
'If Misato and Kaji and… and Maya still turn their backs on you,
then… you're just right back here. No worse than you already are. It
can only go up. Unless you want to roll over and take some more of
those pills and chase them with the rest of that wine, and finish what
you started.'
Ritsuko lay there, just breathing and clutching the pillow like a life
preserver for a long, long time. Finally, she rolled over, hands
shaking, reaching for the night table where the bottles stood…
… and picked up the phone.
Author's Note: Sorry for the long delay, everyone. New job taking up
writing time, and these scenes were hard to work through anyhow.
A&T keeps chugging along, though. I hope the next couple of scenes
will go faster, but then, I think that a lot. Thanks for all the reviews,
they do keep me going.
I was tempted to leave that last line off, too. But that would have
been a bit evil. :V
Anyone want to guess who she's calling? She is drunk as Hell, so it

could be Chinese takeout. :)
Ch 23 - Advent Pt 7
Advice & Trust
Chapter 8.7
Advent
With some difficulty, she punched in the short designator for the pre-
saved number. It rang several times. This was not surprising; it was
very late. Or very early, really.
Click. "… Yes?"
Ritsuko swallowed. "… I… need your help."
There was a long pause. "… now?"
"Yes."
Another long pause. "… Your apartment?"
Ritsuko almost sobbed in relief. "Yes," she gasped.
The call disconnected. She sagged back onto the bed, the phone
falling out of her hand to lay beside her. The apartment was still dark,
cold, and still… but now she didn't feel quite so alone.'
Her eyes snapped open, a weak, mumbled cry of alarm halfway out
of her mouth before she was fully awake. She sat up, rubbing at her
eyes, trying to slow down her hammering heartbeat and heaving
breaths.
"Gott damn it… Misato, this is your fucking fault." She hadn't had a
nightmare in weeks. Months. Not once since Shinji had started
sleeping beside her. But now they were back, and she knew why: It
had been almost a week now since Misato had asked/told them to
sleep separately until she decided how she was going to react to
learning they were together. It had been bad enough the first night,
with her sleep restless and unsettled, and it had only gotten worse
each passing day. Now she was waking up from a nightmare that
she couldn't quite remember…
She clutched at her chest. No… she only wished she couldn't
remember. Enough stuck with her, more than enough to send
another wave of shivering down her body. She shot a look at the
clock by her bed. 4:23 am.
Asuka bit her lip for a second, but then got out of bed, muttering, "…
that's it. I can't stand this anymore. Sorry, Misato, but I need him."
She grabbed tomorrow's clothes out of her dresser and her A-10
headset off the night table, tiptoeing to the door, and sliding it open
silently. A cautious glance down the hall showed no signs of any
activity from Misato's room. She ghosted across the hall, even
holding her breath for extra silence. She slipped the door to Shinji's
room open and closed in under two seconds. She tucked her bundle
of clothes into the corner by the door. Rising from where she'd bent
over, she almost jumped in alarm when she turned around to find
Shinji already sitting up and staring at her, confusion melting into a
warm smile that sparked a matching one on her face. "Hey…"
"Once upon a time, you sneaking into my room at night in just a shirt
and underwear would have made me pass out from either terror or
lustful nosebleeds. Now I'm just really happy to see you. You couldn't
sleep either?" he asked, lifting his blanket and scooting over to offer
her room.
She gladly took the offer, slipping under the sheets in a second,
enjoying the warm spot he'd partially vacated for her and wrapping
herself around him. "No, worse. I was asleep, and had a…"
Shinji's mouth pressed into a grim line. "A nightmare." He nuzzled
the side of her neck, sending more shivers down her spine, but
happy ones this time. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, Asuka."
She cuddled in close, letting his warmth soak in through her sleep
shirt. She could already feel herself relaxing, some unnamable
tension deep inside her already uncoiling. "Not your fault, baka mine.
But we have got to press Misato about letting us get back to sleeping
together tomorrow. I can't stand any more of this. I like not having
nightmares every damn night, and if I don't have you next to me, I
will. They've been growing all week, and now they're waking me up
again."
Shinji just held her for a moment. "Do… do you want to talk about
it?"
Asuka couldn't stop herself from smiling in the dark. He'd never have
dared ask that of her four months ago, and she'd have ripped his
head off if he had. Now, she just felt warm that she could if she
wanted to, even as she had to throttle the wave of anxiety that
recalling the nightmare awoke. "I… maybe."
"Was it… your mother again?" he asked hesitantly.
She shook her head minutely. "No. A new one. Worse."
She could almost hear his eyebrows rise. "Worse than the one about
your mother? What cou-"
She hugged him tighter, like he might slip away. "You."
"Me? I… oh."
She nodded again. "We're fighting Israfel again, but it…" she paused
and gave him another squeeze, to reassure herself. "It… when it
explodes, something pierces Unit-01's Entry Plug and you're gone
and there's nothing I can do, and… and…" She trailed off, unable to
even say the terrible words aloud.
Shinji nodded. "I… I've had a nightmare or two like that too," he
almost whispered. "M-maybe Misato has a point about us not-"
"No she doesn't." Asuka cut him off. "We're not going to stop loving
each other, so that leaves just stopping being Pilots together, which
also is not going to happen. We're the only ones who can . We
already saw what happens when Rei gets left to fight alone. I'm not
going to do that to her or Hikari as long as we can do anything about
it. And I am not going into battle without you right with me anymore.
And I told you, you're not allowed to die, ever."
Shinji gave a single, sad laugh. She was clinging to him so tightly
now she was almost vibrating. Despite her words, he could tell the
nightmare had really disturbed her. "You either, Asuka. I… I can tell
I'd just completely go to pieces if anything ever happened to you. If…
if I'd missed that jump in the volcano by even a second…" He
couldn't even finish the sentence, just burying his face in her hair.
Asuka was silent for a minute. "A psychiatrist would probably say
we're all kinds of unhealthily dependent on each other, but they can
shove it. I've never been happier. And… I don't want to stop." She
rolled her head to the side to look him in the face. "And I know you
feel the same. That's one of the best parts. I don't have to doubt at
all. I know, because you're just like me."
Shinji visibly pushed the dark thoughts away, and a small smile
crossed his lips. "Oh, so you're a baka too now?"
Asuka stuck her tongue out at him. "No, that's still your job." She
closed her eyes. "As is being my body pillow to keep the bad dreams
away. So I'm staying here, and we'll just have to be sure to get up
ahead of Misato."
Shinji shrugged a little. "I think she'd even believe us if we get caught
and we tell her we both stayed dressed and nothing happened but
holding each other. But… as much as I hate going against what she
asked of us…"
Asuka snorted at the 'asked'.
"… I care about you not having nightmares more." He closed his
eyes too.
"No dying, ever. That goes for Rei, too. You both… be careful,"
Asuka said softly. "Weird as it sounds to say, I don't think I… or you
either could stand losing Wondergirl now. She's… I never thought I'd
say it, but I love her too, almost as much as I love you, Shinji. I don't
want to ever worry like I did in that fight, that we might not make it in
time to save her."
She could hear Shinji swallow in the darkness. "Y-yeah… I… I don't

need… you're all I want, Asuka. But I can see how… Rei could have
been with me, you know? How it could have been…"
"Yeah, me too." Asuka stiffened. "She's so pretty… I-I-I mean-"
Shinji just squeezed her. "I… I don't mind, Asuka. I… I understand

what you mean. It's not… we just love her."
"It's n-not like I'm suddenly into girls or anything! Just… just Rei. I…
you've been thinking about what it'd be like to kiss her lately, haven't
you?"
"… yes. You know I'd never do anythi-" Shinji admitted in a rush.
Asuka managed to find his lips by feel for a quick kiss. "I know. Me
either. But… yeah. We love her. And while we may not… be able
to… um… make room for her, we still want her happy, right?"
"Yes. So… we… help her find someone? I don't know who could…
be good enough for her," he said slowly.
"I don't know either, but for now we just make sure to tell her about
her mom's soul, and… give her more nights like tonight. I don't think
I've ever seen her so happy."
"I… yeah. I wonder if she meant it? Asking if she could learn
something to play with us?"
"Wondergirl's no dummy. She might be able to. And a viola is the

natural complement to make a string trio with you and me." Asuka
smiled in the dark. "We may not be able to date her, but we can still
'make sweet music together', hmm?"
"I… I'd like that."
"Me too. So tomorrow, let's see about it. Let's make sure she knows
we love her too."
: / / chinjyunokobeya. sakura. ne. jp / sblo_files / sabo-p / image /

130226las. p n g
Fortunately, Shinji's habit of rising early protected them from being

discovered still a-bed, and they were both dressed and working on
breakfast before Misato emerged from her room. Very fortunate:
Misato was unusually clear-eyed, showing no signs of her once-
usual morning hangover, though she did look still tired. She'd been
out late with Kaji again or something, which Shinji and Asuka had
enjoyed a great deal, since it left them the evening alone with Rei.
Misato merely mumbled greetings to the pair and waved them on

their way as they left for school. That process was slightly delayed
by a few minutes of kissing before they actually exited the
apartment. Asuka had gotten rather happily used to their morning
departure kiss, a routine that had expanded a good bit once they no
longer had to be quite as careful about concealing it.
Misato did stick her head around the corner of the entrance hallway
after she failed to hear the door open and close after several
minutes. She shook her head at the still happily kissing couple. "Get
moving, you two. You don't want to have to explain this as the
reason you were late to school. I'm sure not going to."
"Explain? Ha! Brag, more like," Asuka retorted, but reluctantly
released her embrace of Shinji and pressed the button to open the
door. "Half our class is jealous of us anyhow. All the harpies who've
been panting after my baka-Shinji sure are. But he's mine mine
mine~." She let a smug grin occupy her lips as she pulled Shinji out
the door after her by the hand.
Their first stop was right next door. They pushed the doorbell for
Rei's apartment together, sharing a smile. Rei'd been practically
floating on air when she finally left last night, a beatific smile on her
face after one last round of double-hugs.
But it was a far more subdued First Child that greeted them when the
door opened. Rei's face was so flat and drawn that for a moment
Shinji worried she'd somehow suffered a relapse of her drugs again.
But the faint circles under her eyes showed it was more normal
fatigue that made her blank today.
"You alright, Rei? You looked a lot better when you left last night,"
Asuka inquired, concerned.
Rei gave her a tired smile and shook her head. "I am fine. I did not
get much rest last night. The events of yesterday were… troubling. I
will be alright. I think my talk with Doctor Akagi achieved new stability
for us. We are more alike than she thought."
Shinji and Asuka shared a look. They'd been glad to hear Rei had
maneuvered the Commander into ordering her old medication
regime reinstated, since they knew Rei could already fool the tests
for that level with the help of stockpiled urine samples collected
before she went off the drugs. But Rei had been somewhat vague
about the rest of her conversation with the faux-blonde scientist, not
saying much besides that her apology had been accepted, and that
Doctor Akagi had even apologized to Rei for how she had treated
her. Asuka looked back to Rei, frowning. "You're nothing like her,
Rei. You are a beautiful person that we love and trust. She is a
titanic bitch who no one would shed a tear for if she fell into the LCL
in the Eva cages and drowned."
"That is perhaps the problem," Rei replied calmly. She stepped out of
the apartment and began leading them to the elevator. "No one
would have shed a tear for me six months ago. I was nothing but a
tool for the Commander. I still am, though now I have better reasons
to fight." She looked back over her shoulder at them, giving them a
small, warm smile that was her equivalent of beaming ear-to-ear.
"Doctor Akagi is no less a tool and victim of the Commander than I
am. That is why I can forgive her, despite her treatment of me: I
understand her."
Asuka sighed unhappily. "You're too good to her, Rei. I sure as Hell
couldn't let something like that go so easily. And I'm still going to be
angry on your behalf at her. Nobody treats my friends like that."
"And even if we do, it's just one more horrible thing my father has
done to people near him," Shinji growled. "I'm not forgiving him so
easily, no matter what."
Asuka nodded, and linked her hand with Shinji's and they piled into
the elevator.
w w w. youtube watch?v = DEtEwR4OYhI
Evaiolin - Symphony No. 9
Slipping back into the routine of school was almost a relief. It would
have nearly been one for real if not for the still hostile stares of the
girls unhappy to see Asuka walk in the school's gate hand-in-hand
with Shinji, with Rei right on their heels. And the way Hikari's desk
still stood empty kept it from truly being a peaceful start on the new
normal.
Looking from Hikari's desk to the back of the classroom, Asuka shot
an actual sympathetic look at Touji, who was also staring at his
absent girlfriend's desk with a truly miserable expression. He looked
up long enough to meet Asuka's eyes, and silently begged her for
good news, to which she had to regretfully shake her head. They'd
been too angry with Doctor Akagi yesterday to get a chance to
wheedle answers out of her, and Misato had done no better in the
short interval before Unit-00's berserking had upset things. He sank
down lower in his seat, looking even more depressed.
"We need to go down to the hospital this afternoon and bull our way
in to see Hikari," she said, turning to Shinji. "And not let any
'quarantine' bullshit, guards, or anything else stop us."
Shinji didn't look at her, staring off towards the door of the classroom.
"I don't think we should go all the way down to the hospital."
Asuka frowned, almost glaring at him. "Why the Hell not? Don't tell
me you think Doctor Bitchface is taking good care of her."
Shinji smiled, turning halfway back to her. "No, I think because we'd
be wasting our time."
Asuka blinked. For the first time in weeks she found herself actually
starting to get a little angry with Shinji. "What are you, stupid? We-"
Shinji just put his hand over her mouth and pointed at the door.
Her eyes widened. She barely had a second to see a smiling Hikari
Horaki standing in the doorway, opening her mouth to greet them,
before an ecstatic shout from the back of the room interrupted.
" Hikari! " Touji shouted as he appeared to almost leap over the
intervening rows of desks.
Hikari had just enough time to spread her arms and gain a dazzling
smile before Touji almost crashed into her embrace and began
desperately kissing her. "ToujMMPH!"
Shocked gasps at the display arose from some of their classmates

who had remained unaware of the Class Rep's relationship with the
tall jock. Asuka smiled under Shinji's hand, and reached up to
remove it from her face. "You could have just said so, baka."
"And miss the chance to watch you look surprised?" he grinned

back.
She poked him playfully in the side. "Dork."
Rei smiled behind them in her seat by the windows. "Such fire…
they blaze like you two do," she said softly.
Asuka raised an eyebrow. "You just enjoy seeing people in love,

don't you, Rei?"
Rei nodded. "Love is… beautiful."
Asuka snorted lightly, but looked fondly at her boyfriend. "Yeah, I

guess so."
Their elderly sensei had to clear his throat a few times before Junko
Iwao got the hint and stood up to help pry Hikari and Touji apart,
since they showed no sign of separating under their own power
anytime soon. A beaming and flushed Hikari finally remembered
where she was and what she was supposed to be doing, and sent
Touji back to his seat with a lingering brush of her hand before
getting into the 'Rise! Bow! Sit' morning routine with occasional
giggles.
"Eh, before we beging class today, um, hem…" Nebukawa-sensei

began, "We have a new transfer student joining us today… please
introduce yourself to the class, child."
Shinji and Asuka blinked. They'd been so happy to see their friend
and fellow Pilot released from her quarantine, they'd failed to notice
the smiling student standing in the hall behind her. Light footsteps
took the newcomer to the chalkboard, where nimble hands quickly
drew a few elegant kanji on the board. He turned to face the class
with a gentle smile.
"Hello, everyone. My name is Kaworu Nagisa. I am very happy to be
here today." His red eyes slid towards the Pilots' corner of the
classroom. " Very happy."
imgur. com. FCvbEEf . p n g
End Chapter 8.
A/N: Well, certainly took us a while to finish Chapter 8, didn't it? But
the Fifth Child has now arrived, and things will get very tense for the
First Child. Thanks for all the reviews, they keep me going.
Advice & Trust Chapter 9.1
Everything I Do…
The reminder of her duties as Class Rep seemed to have knocked

Hikari mostly back into her role. She steadfastly refused Asuka's
attempts at eye contact and subtle gestures to look at her school
laptop for the volley of chat messages Asuka began firing off. Next to
her Shinji was fielding an excited barrage of messages from Touji,
who had turned to his friend when Hikari only replied to his first few
giddy messages with a gentle insistence that they pay attention in
class and hold the rest of their reunion at lunchtime.
Neither one of them paid much attention to the grey-haired

newcomer, who simply smiled, nodded, and headed for the empty
seat at the back row of the class, two to the right of Touji. The
overjoyed jock paid him no attention, too busy hammering out a
steady stream of cheerful chat messages to Shinji and Kensuke to
even look up. Some of the single girls in the class followed the pretty
newcomer's passing with a curious eye, but even they were soon
forced to turn their heads and at least pretend to pay attention to
class, though a fevered speculation on his suitability as a dating
target quickly grew on the instant message system.
Only one person stared at him steadily and hard.
Nagisa didn't seem to notice Rei's stare, or gave no sign if he did.

Rei eventually turned her head back forward, but it was a long time
before her friends noticed her silent tension. They could be forgiven
for missing it for as long as they did: Rei was a quiet person to begin
with, and Hikari's return was more than sufficient distraction to keep
them from spotting it for quite a while. But the stiff-backed tension
pouring off Rei was too much to hide for too long. Shinji, a smile from
Touji's last excited message still lingering on his face, raised his
head and noticed Rei was staring hard at the front of the classroom
when she wasn't darting looks back at the new student.
Shinji's smile dropped away. He and Asuka had gotten pretty good at
reading the tiny signs that were Rei's full-blown emotional signals,
and her body language was currently shouting 'something is wrong!'
He tilted his head towards her and did his best to keep his voice
below the level Nebukawa-sensei would notice. "Rei? Something
wrong? You look… kind of upset."
Asuka blinked and looked up too. Her eyes narrowed as she took in
Rei's stiff posture and miniscule frown.
"I… do not know. Nagisa-san is… he looks strange," Rei said quietly.
"He is… something is not right."
Asuka quickly shot a look back at the new boy. "The grey hair is a bit
weird on a kid, yeah. And the red eyes. But that's kind of like yours,
Rei, and I just think it makes you look ho-" Asuka coughed. " Exotic, I
mean." She looked back again. "I wonder where he's from. His name
is Japanese, but he… kind of looks foreign?"
"He looks friendly enough," Shinji commented.
"I don't like him," Rei said.
Shinji and Asuka looked at each other. They'd never seen Rei take
an instant dislike to someone. Even her initial response to Asuka's
brash greeting when they met had been merely reserved coolness,
not this… tense hostility.
"Huh? Why?" Shinji asked.
Rei shook her head slightly. "I do not know. Something about him
bothers me."
"What? What about him bothers you?" Asuka said, turning to look at
Nagisa again, trying to see what had Rei's hackles up.
"I am not sure. Just… something."
Shinji looked too. "He hasn't done anything but introduce himself and
say he's happy to be here." Shinji's ears perked up as a snatch of
low conversation from the back of the class drifted up. "I think he just
said something about the music club?"
Rei shook her head again. "I understand he has not done anything,
Shinji. But… he just bothers me."
Kaworu's head turned in her direction, meeting her gaze for the first
time. He smiled. Rei did not.
"Just bothers me…" Rei said again, very quietly.
Maya Ibuki swallowed nervously as she walked down the empty

corridor deep in the bowels of NERV HQ. It was rare she was down
this deep near Terminal Dogma. She'd just arrived for the day to start
her regular shift monitoring things from Central Dogma and
debugging the MAGI when Doctor Akagi had called her. She had to
admit, her heart had leapt when she'd heard her voice on the line.
She'd worried all night after Doctor Akagi had all but forced her to go
home by herself once they'd left the hospital. Doctor Akagi looked
absolutely shocked by whatever the First Child had told her while
Maya had been off getting her clothes back, and Maya really hadn't
wanted to leave her alone looking like that. She'd had a terrible
feeling her treasured sempai might do something bad, looking so
depressed, shocked, and hollowed out.
' Take care of her, Lieutenant. She needs you,' Pilot Ayanami had
said. What was she supposed to make of that? She… adored Doctor
Akagi. She was brilliant, cool, analytical, always in control of herself,
and so, so beautiful. She'd tried to be the best apprentice she could,
to impress her, make her notice, show her that she was good
enough to be around such a wonderful person… but she'd always
been afraid to truly say it to her face how Doctor Ritsuko Akagi made
her feel. What if she said 'no'? What if she was disgusted by Maya's
crush? What if… Maya bit her lip again. It didn't matter. She couldn't
help how she felt. She'd almost panicked when she had seen her
knocked flat by the chunk of concrete ceiling in the battle with Zeruel.
Watching her nearly be crushed by a berserk Unit-00 had been even
worse. And both times she'd found herself practically compelled to
sit with her overnight in the hospital, silently praying she'd wake up
and be okay. Her heart soared every time those mesmerizing green
eyes fluttered open.
Maya sighed. She was so stupid. She had no idea if Doctor Akagi
even liked women, much less was interested in someone so small as
her. Crushing on her sempai was stupid. And she'd looked like either
a pervert or a dummy yesterday, running in waving her panties in the
air and shouting. Although Doctor Akagi had been in such a hurry to
get dressed she hadn't even shooed Maya out after she snatched
her clothes out of her hands. Watching her sempai shimmy back into
her underwear and skirt had been… um… very distracting. So much
so that she'd probably been caught with the stunned stare still on her
face when Doctor Akagi finished. The embarrassment still hadn't
kept her from vividly picturing the sight again later. Repeatedly. Like
right now. Um.
' Oh, stop it, Maya. Doctor Akagi did not ask you to come down to
her private lab, immediately and quietly so she could seduce you
and spend the whole day wrapped in passionate embraces. She's a
serious scientist and not full of silly lusts and fantasies! She needs
you for something important!' she reminded herself. A tiny part of her
still protested that it would be really nice if she had done that.
She tapped hesitantly at the door to Doctor Akagi's private lab. She'd
been down here before a few times, but this one was… different.
Once she'd told Doctor Akagi yes, she was not in the middle of any
vital task she couldn't put on hold, Doctor Akagi had told her to come
to her private lab 'immediately and quietly .' That last part had
been… she didn't know what to make of it. She waited a moment,
then opened the lab door. "Akagi-sempai? Are you here? I came as
soon as I could."
The blonde doctor was standing near some complicated looking

machinery that had a strong resemblance to the healing tanks she'd
seen the Pilots placed in after some of the injuries they'd suffered in
battles with the Angels. This one was a bit bigger, sized for an adult,
and had even more diagnostic gear surrounding the head. Doctor
Akagi turned from adjusting something and nodded to Maya. "Maya?
Good. I need your help for this."
"I'll do anything you need, Akagi-sempai! Anything to help you!"

Maya tried not to flush at how eager she sounded, and how much
that could be interpreted as a near come-on. It took an effort of will to
force that line of thought away.
And then it came sailing right back when Doctor Akagi turned around
and revealed she was wearing nothing but a swimsuit under her lab
coat. Maya fought not to drool. She forced her eyes back up to
Doctor Akagi's face after they got stuck in her cleavage for a
moment.
She forced her eyes back up.
She forced her eyes… nope, the eyes were still winning. It took
Doctor Akagi clearing her throat, causing Maya's head to snap up
and her face to go red before she could break the lock.
Ritsuko looked at her with eyes that had dark rings under them. She
didn't say anything about Maya's staring.
Maya blinked, looking closer in concern. "Akagi-sempai… are you

alright? You look…" 'Exhausted. Near-dead. Drained.' "Um… worn?"
"'Hungover and sick' is the term you're looking for, Maya. I had a bit
too much to drink last night. I probably shouldn't have, but… I did
some thinking. Anyway… 'anything'? I…" She looked back down at
the apparatus behind her. "Maya… do you know why I called you
down here?"
"You… you said you needed me to help you with something.

Something you couldn't do alone?" Maya ventured.
Ritsuko nodded slowly, turning back to her. "Yes. I… I don't trust

anyone else to ask this of. But… Maya, I want you to help me do
something Commander Ikari has specifically prohibited me to do. I…
you can say no. I'm not going to make you do anythi-"
"It's ok!" Maya blurted. "I… I know you won't do anything bad,
sempai! Commander Ikari must be wrong!"
For some reason, Ritsuko winced and looked at her hands. "… right.
I… Maya, you don't even…" She shook herself. She reached up to
touch the ring of bandages still wrapped around her head. "You know
how badly hurt I've been. You were there in the hospital both times.
Th… thank you for that, by the way. But I… In any regular place I'd
be on bed rest for at least a week or three with these injuries. But
Commander Ikari needs me… to work. So… I've developed this
LCL-boosted healing procedure. We've used it on the Pilots before.
Shinji after he was burned by Ramiel, Rei after this last battle… but
I'm the only one who knows it well enough to operate it, so
Commander Ikari has declared it classified past the point of civilian
use and prohibited me from attempting to use it on myself."
Maya looked from Doctor Akagi's bandages to the tank-bed behind

her. "… A-and you want to do it anyway, and.. want me to help?"
Ritsuko nodded slowly. "I… you've been there when I was hurt and
when I woke up. You know… how bad it is. How hurt I am. And… I'm
asking you to disobey an order from NERV's Supreme Commander, I
know, but-"
"I'll do it!" Maya interrupted her again. She covered her mouth with
her hands. "I… I… um… I… couldn't stand to just sit and watch
when you were hurt, Akagi-sempai. I… I wanted so much to help
you. If… if this helps heal you, then… I can do it. I will do it. No
matter what Commander Ikari says. I… just… am I qualified to do
this? I'm not a doctor like you are, I'm just an assistant. I can barely
do half the things you do with the MAGI, and not even a third the
speed. This is… I…" Maya looked back at her senior. "I… I want to
help you, but if you're the only one who knows how to do this…"
Doctor Akagi again looked like she wanted to run away. "I don't
deserve…" she muttered. She looked Maya in the eyes again. "I've
laid out the procedure on the computer linked to the tank. And I'll be
conscious for 90% of it. I'll be guiding you through it. I… this should
accelerate my healing by weeks. I'll be… a lot better off. Thank you
for… being willing to do this, Maya. I…" Doctor Akagi turned away
and began tapping at the controls of the tank. "I don't know how to
thank you."
Maya closed the gap between them, walking right up behind her.
She raised a hand to place it on Doctor Akagi's shoulder, but
hesitated… then pulled the hand back. "Akagi-sempai, I… you are…
I…"
"Thank you for saving me yesterday," Ritsuko said abruptly. "I… if

you hadn't slapped me, I would have just… stood there. It was too
much like a nightmare."
"It's nothing!" Maya said. This time her hand made contact with
Doctor Akagi's shoulder. "I… couldn't let you be hurt! I… you…
um…"
Maya almost jumped when Doctor Akagi's hand rose to cover hers
for a moment. "Thank you, Maya. For everything."
Maya fought not to swallow nervously as Doctor Akagi turned

around. She was so close…
"Why are you doing this?" Doctor Akagi asked.
Maya blinked again. "What?"
"I just told you this is against the specific orders of Commander Ikari.
Why… why are you agreeing to do this?" Doctor Akagi's eyes
searched hers intently.
Maya fought not to look away. She could feel the blush creeping its
way up from her uniform's collar. "I… I… you need me to… to help
you," Maya stuttered. "I… you… I had to! I… you're… my, my
sempai!"
Doctor Akagi's searching look intensified. "Your sempai. Is that… the

only reason?" she asked quietly.
Maya felt her pulse skyrocket. Her throat suddenly dried up and she
couldn't meet the other woman's eyes. "I… I…"
"Maya, I'm neither blind nor stupid. I… I know." Ritsuko said softly.
"And… I… am not who you think I am. I don't deserve someone like
you. But… I'm glad you… you…" She coughed and looked away.
"I'm glad you are here. I… I may never be… who you think I am,
but… thank you for… believing I am. You don't even know how much
I appreciate it. You've saved me twice already."
Maya gaped, trying to come up with a response. 'She… she knows

?!' " A-A-Akagi-sempai, I…" She flailed her hands helplessly, unsure
whether she should even try denying it, or admit it, or… anything.
Doctor Akagi just smiled sadly again and shook her head. "We'll talk
afterwards. This will take a couple of hours at minimum. For now, sit
down and let me walk you through the procedure on a dry run first."
She waved Maya towards the computer station next to the tank, the
screen already set.
Still burning red with embarrassment, Maya took a seat. But this time
she didn't jump when Doctor Akagi put her hand on her shoulder.
Asuka practically bounced out of her chair once the bell sounded for
lunch, Shinji following close behind. Asuka had a broad grin on her
face as she made a beeline for Hikari's desk. Even though she was
closer, Touji managed to arrive first, nearly bowling a couple of
slower students out of the way as he zoomed right to his smiling
girlfriend's side.
Asuka snorted as she took in the tight handclasp the two had already
snapped into. "Been missing your boytoy, Hikari?"
"You have no idea, Asuka." Hikari looked at Shinji right behind her.
"Or maybe you do. You owe me some stories, girlfriend. You and
Ikari-kun for months, hmm?" She gave Asuka a raised eyebrow.
"How come you didn't tell me?"
Asuka made a placating gesture. "We had reasons to keep it secret,

I promise. But we're public now. You missed us announcing it to the
whole school Monday." She gave a short laugh. "Just like you just
announced you and Osaka-boy here to anyone in the class that
didn't know already."
Hikari blushed a little at the reminder. "I missed him," she muttered.
"How did you get out of the hospital, Class Rep? Asuka was on the
verge of organizing a Pilots' rescue mission for you this afternoon,"
Shinji asked.
Hikari shrugged. "I don't know why, but this morning, right after
breakfast, Doctor Akagi just came in and said I could go and that
she'd call me back in for tests as needed. She seemed pretty intent
on getting me out the door in a hurry, actually. My father and sisters
won't be home until this afternoon, so I left a message for father and
came straight here."
" Really missed the boytoy," Asuka said dryly to Shinji. Hikari ducked
her head and blushed more, but could hardly deny how it looked.
She raised her head back up, brightening. "So, boy talk over lunch?
Or couples' meet? You… I am pretty sure I remember seeing that…"
Her voice dropped. "That you and Ikari-kun are… are you really
sleeping together ?!" she almost whispered.
Asuka laughed and looked at Shinji, who was laughing too. "And I
thought my dear baka and I were in synch. That is almost exactly
what Suzuhara said to us a couple days ago, verbatim." Asuka held
up her bento. "Come on, let's go find a spot to eat lunch. We'll tell
you why we had to hide things and where we stand now."
As they filed out the front door of the classroom, Shinji suddenly
looked back. "Hey… where did Rei go?"
Even on the campus of Tokyo-3 North Municipal Middle School there

were isolated spots of greenery. The tree-shaded lunch table near
the back of campus was at the edge of a grove of trees that would
have made a modest park out in the city. On the grounds of the
school, they formed a nice, somewhat isolated area out of sight from
most of the main buildings and teachers, making it a popular spot for
private lunches amongst the schools couples… or a decent spot for
an interrogation.
Rei hadn't had to do anything more than follow the new student. He
seemed headed this way all on his own, for whatever reason. And
regardless of why, once he was under the shade of the trees, looking
around with a slight smile and humming some melody she thought
she'd heard Shinji play on his cello before, Rei decided it was time to
strike.
She pitched her voice low, intending it just for his ears. It came out in
a tone as cold and hard as she had once aimed at Shinji when he
questioned his father's competence. "Stop."
Nagisa halted his slow amble through the trees, turning to face her.
He did not seem surprised at all, merely smiling amusedly at her.
"Music is wonderful, isn't it? Singing brings joy and revitalizes the
human soul. I think song is the highest achievement of the Lilim
culture. Don't you agree?"
Rei stared at him hard. "Who are you?"
His slight smile grew a little wider. "Ah? I thought I had introduced
myself in the classroom. I am Kaworu Nagisa." He swept her a small
bow. Straightening up, he continued, "The Fifth Child." He tilted his
head, eyeing her. "You are the First Child, Rei Ayanami-san? You
are just like me. So, both of us ended up in the same form as the
Lilim while we inhabit this planet."
Rei's stare got colder. "Who are you? Why is your light… different? I
cannot see you like everyone else."
"I am just like you. I have been sent here to Pilot an Evangelion." He
broke the stare with her and looked up at the sun-dappled trees
around them. "This is a marvelous city. It is so full of life and
interesting people." He looked back at Rei, still smiling. "I am very
interested in the Third Child. He has… such a pure heart. And the
Second Child was with him? Even more interesting. I think I want to
meet this Shinji Ikari…"
Rei's voice was cold as ice now. "You will stay away from them."
Nagisa's eyebrows went up a little. "Stay away? Why should I do

that? We are all the designated Children, are we not? And I want to
see him closer. You should not interfere with me. There are parties
that would become quite angry with you, or them if you did.
Something might happen to them."
Rei felt her skin prickle as her hair stood on end. "You will not harm
them! I will not permit it!" she growled. She could feel her power
thrumming through her. Her hands began to curl into claws and her
uniform skirt began to ruffle despite the lack of wind. A red glow
began to shine through her narrowed eyes.
Nagisa blinked at took a step back. "Be calm, First Child. I mean
them no harm. My interest in Shinji Ikari is over his pure heart and
key place in these events. He is… a fascinating example of the
power of the human heart. I wish to know his heart, to learn his
feelings. I thought he would be so sad, alone. I want to understand
how he endured it. But he is not. Man can never completely erase
this sadness, because all men are fundamentally alone."
"His heart is not for you to play with. He is not a toy, or a doll. His
heart belongs to Asuka, and those that love him. I will not allow you
to imperil that, or inflict pain upon them," Rei warned, her voice still
low and hostile. The glow from her eyes eased, but did not vanish.
Nagisa stepped nearer, still smiling. "Pain is something that man

must endure in his heart. And since the heart feels pain so easily
some believe life is pain. People can be delicate like glass, that is,
their hearts can be." He cocked his head and looked at Rei
inquisitively. "Do you feel such pain?"
Rei nodded coolly. "Every moment of my existence. But I have found

reasons to live, and face that pain. The rewards are worth every
second of pain. All of it is worth it."
Nagisa seemed honestly curious. "What is?"
Rei raised her chin. "Their love. For each other and for me. I have
told them of my feelings and they did not reject me. Even I can be
loved."
Nagisa's eyebrows rose. "Even you? Do they know what you are,
like me?"
Rei hesitated. "They do not. But I am not afraid to tell them. We were
going to talk today, and I intend to tell them. I have no fear of being
honest with them. They will still care for me, and I for them." Her
eyes narrowed again. "You would be wise to remember and fear
that. I will protect them, from you or anyone."
Kaworu's smile faded away. "If you truly wish to do so, then you will
tell them nothing."
Rei's eyes narrowed further and her lips flattened into a line.
"Explain. Rapidly."
Kaworu looked off into the sky, away from her, his face now calm and
flat. "The parties I mentioned? They do not want knowledge of you or
I spreading, lest it interfere with their plans. They have killed for less.
Telling your… friends what you are is the sort of thing they erase
people for. If you wish to protect them, you cannot let them know.
Those who seek to become the new gods of the Lilim will allow no
leaks that might imperil their plan."
Rei bristled, and had to fight down the impulse to attack him. "And
you?" she said, low and dangerous. "Will you help them do that?
Who do you obey? SEELE?"
"They think I am theirs. That is why they sent me," he said, his smile
faintly returning.
"Are you?"
"By my own will, I will not harm them at all. But if you want to protect
them, you can tell them nothing of us, our natures, or the plans of
SEELE and NERV. That is the kind of knowledge they kill for."
Rei glared at him like she wanted to set him on fire. "I want to tell
them. They are my friends, the ones I fight for and beside. I want to
be true and honest with those I love. You cannot understand how
important this is to me."
"Even to risk their lives over it? This 'love' must be truly powerful."
He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "This body has been producing
some interesting and intense drives to explore. Perhaps I should
'love' Shinji too? Or them both, you say?"
~WHAP~
The Fifth Child bounced hard off the oak tree, flying another few feet
before skidding to a stop in an untidy heap of limbs on the grass
near the lunch table. He sat up unsteadily after a moment, a blazing
red handprint on his left cheek. "… ow?"
Rei stared at her right hand. She never made her body move so fast
before. There hadn't been even a second of thought, just the sudden
urge to slap him until he stopped saying such rage-inducing things.
'Those are MY loves, you invader! MINE! AWAY! HISSSSSSSS~!'
Nagisa touched his cheek gingerly. "Yes, ow. Ow is the word." He

struggled to his feet, shaking his head dizzily. He focused on her
after some difficulty. "Did I say something wrong?"
He focused a little better when Rei grabbed the front of his shirt and
yanked his face close to hers. "You will not touch them! Their bond is
the most beautiful thing in this world!" she almost shouted right in his
face. "They love me and I them, and even I will not risk disrupting it!
You will not 'love' them! You will do nothing that might disrupt it! DO
YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" She shook him like a rat in a terrier's
mouth.
"I ow! I ow! I ow! I understand!" Nagisa said, eyes spinning under
Rei's onslaught. "M-may I at least be permitted to speak to them?
We are to be Pilots together. It would be odd if I did not."
Rei let go of his shirt, letting him fall back onto the ground. Nagisa
crumpled, his second awkward landing ending with him staring up at
Rei. Backlit by the midday sun, eyes still glowing faintly, glaring down
at her prey, Nagisa couldn't help but gape in awe at the angry
goddess looming over him.
'His wide-eyed stare is a pleasing display of fear and respect,' Rei

thought. 'And his red eyes make a pleasant compliment to the
handprint. ' Relenting slightly, she nodded. "Under escort. Come.
You may join us briefly for the remainder of lunch."
She turned and began walking away, back towards the building
where they usually ate lunch on the roof.
Nagisa sat staring for a long moment before he rose to follow her. He
touched the slap mark on his face and winced. "… love is even more
powerful than I thought. And dangerous. Intriguing," he said to
himself, following the bluenette.
Author's Note: I've decided to try a little different approach for the
next little while: More frequent, but smaller updates. I've been doing
well on producing segments here, so hopefully I can put out a 3-
6000 word update every couple of weeks if I'm lucky. I'd like your
thoughts on the idea, too: I can stay with the few, large updates
every month or two, or try to keep up with small, more frequent ones.
Which do you all prefer?
Advice & Trust
Chapter 9.2
Everything I Do…
"So that's where we are now. Misato's said she'll give us an answer
'soon', but we're going to talk to her tonight. We can't stand it
anymore," Asuka finished. At Touji's blush she shot him a dirty look.
"Not sex, you perv, just being able to hold each other at night. We've
both started having nightmares again. We don't when we're
together."
Hikari nodded, sighing, a mix of happy romance and tired

consideration in the sound. "I… understand what you're saying, but
you're still really young for um… being so adult. I-I mean on both
fronts. If I hadn't gotten to see just how you and Ikari-kun feel about
each other I'd probably agree with Major Katsuragi. But since I did…
I have to agree with you."
Asuka sighed herself and took another bite of her lunch. "Thanks,
Hikari. I may try to call you in as a 'supporting witness' if Misato tries
to say no. She knows you're responsible and stuff, so hopefully she'll
listen when you tell her that." Asuka chewed for a moment, then
looked at Shinji when he stirred next to her.
"What… what did we ah… 'look like' when that happened, Class
Rep?" Shinji asked hesitantly. He was blushing slightly. "I know you
er… 'saw' us um… 'being together', but what else did you see?"
Hikari colored at the reminder. "W-well, um… besides that stuff it

was… not really a visual thing. It was… more like just a… a… strong
feeling, like a stream of emotions and impressions that you two had
about each other. It was like… being under a waterfall, a steady,
pressing flow that just felt…" She closed her eyes, trying to force it
into words. "Like someone repeating 'Love Lust Joy Happiness Trust
Comfort, Love Lust Joy Happiness Trust Comfort' over and over. I
was… um…" She got redder and shot a look sideways at Touji, who
looked at her curiously. Her voice shrank in embarrassment as she
spoke, but didn't let go of Touji's hand. "I was really envious. I…
wanted something like that."
Asuka looked at Shinji, who just smiled and squeezed her hand.
"Yeah, it… pretty much feels like that," he said.
Everyone started in surprise when the door to the stairs slammed

open and a visibly tense and upset Rei Ayanami arrived to join the
group.
Shinji blinked in confusion. 'I am not seeing this, because it is

impossible. Rei does not get angry and stomp around. I must be
mistaken.'
Rei stalked over and sat across from the two couples. She began
silently unwrapping her bento without meeting anyone's eyes.
Shinji shot another look at Asuka. She nodded minutely, indicating

she'd also noticed Rei's unusual behavior.
Asuka lightly cleared her throat. "Ah… Rei? Everything alright?"
Rei looked up, a tiny frown on her lips. "No."
Before she could say anything else, the door to the stairs swung
open again, more sedately this time. The grey-haired new student
poked his head out. He smiled on sighting their group, and walked
over.
Shinji stared in increasing confusion at the blazing red handprint on

his cheek. He looked at Rei, looked at the handprint, and looked
back to Rei again. 'Nope. I must be wrong. Rei did not drag the new
transfer student off somewhere and slap him. Not our Rei. That…
can't be it.'
Nagisa sat down to Rei's left, less 'near her' than 'as far from Shinji
and Asuka as possible'. It still left them with a rough triangle of three
pairs facing each other.
Shinji shared an even more confused look with Asuka before turning
back to Rei. "Ah… Rei?" he began before sort of trailing off, unsure
how to phrase 'did you just slap the new kid?' to his usually utterly
calm friend.
Rei did not meet his eyes, poking at her lunch. "Nagisa-san and I
had a talk. He is the Fifth Child," she said.
Everyone's eyebrows rose. "Ah… congratulations?" Touji said

hesitantly. "Welcome to the team? I'm Touji Suzuhara."
"Thank you," Nagisa said pleasantly. "It is a pleasure to meet you all,
and most exciting to be here. I have heard so much about Tokyo-3."
"Where are you coming from, if you don't mind me asking, Nagisa-
san?" Hikari inquired.
"I was most recently with NERV-03 in Berlin. And please, call me
Kaworu, everyone."
Asuka's mouth opened and closed. "The… Fifth Child. Huh." She
shot Shinji a look that said 'more later'. "So…" She glanced for a
moment at Touji, theoretically not cleared for discussing NERV
matters, but shrugged. Boyfriend of one Pilot and close buddy to
another, he'd hear everything one way or another. It wasn't like the
Angels had human spies. "Do you know why you're here now, Fifth
Child? We've got two working Evangelions right now, and more
Pilots than seats. Now that Hikari's out of that quarantine, she's got
Unit-03 back, Rei's got Unit-00, and once Unit-01 and Unit-02 are
repaired, that's Shinji and I. So what are you supposed to do? Are
we getting Unit-05 in or something?"
"Um, actually, I'm not 100% back, Asuka," Hikari answered. "When
Doctor Akagi let me out of the hospital, she said I was released from
the quarantine, but not back on the active list until they cleared me.
So I guess Nagisa-san will be taking Unit-03?"
Asuka looked unhappy. "I'd rather have you, Hikari. No offense, new
fish, but she's my friend," she told Nagisa.
"It is quite alright, Miss Soryu. Of course you would like to be with
your friends," Nagisa said amiably. "It is very good to enjoy the
company of friends, is it not?" His eyes slid across her handclasp
with Shinji. "The bonds of human hearts are very strong indeed."
Rei scowled faintly.
Asuka frowned a bit. "Ah. Yes. So I guess that means you'll be in

Unit-03, then. You're sure not getting in Unit-02 or Unit-01."
"Why is that?"
This time Hikari was included in the shared look. 'What do we say?
'Because we're all but certain our mothers are in there'? Can we say
that to the new Pilot? We don't even know him,' Shinji thought. "Our
Evangelions are… very specifically tuned to each of us," Shinji tried.
"It's kind of surprising that even the both of us together can operate
Unit-03 when it's meant for the Class Rep."
Before anything else could be said, the door to the stairs swung
open again. Kensuke emerged, followed closely by the same two
girls he'd been having lunch with earlier that week. Shinji held in a
smile as they approached. Asuka and Rei had acquired imitators.
Kyoko and Sayaka had taken to tinting their hair red and blue
respectively, even before they had started hanging around with
Kensuke. They were the first, but no longer the only girls in school
starting to color their hair to the limit the school rules allowed.
Kensuke grinned on sighting Shinji. "Hey, Shinji!" He walked over,

pulling out his wallet. "I got paid for some part-time stuff I did, so I
can repay you that loan now. I've got to run after, though. Lunch date
with Sakura-san and Miki-san."
Shinji accepted the 10000 yen from him, but gestured with his head
at the two girls. "Ah, Kensuke… weren't you having lunch with them
on Tuesday? I thought you… er… had a packed schedule?"
Kensuke smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "Ah,
yeah, I did have lunch with them on Tuesday. They um… decided
they wanted more time with me, so combined their separate dates
into two joint ones. I um… might be cancelling the other dates next
week so I can um… stay with them."
Asuka stared at him liked he'd grown an extra head. "'Them'? Plural?
You… you're dating both of them?"
Kensuke looked back over his shoulder at the girls. Sayaka winked
at him. He looked back to his friends. "I think it's more like they're
dating me. They agreed they could share since they've been friends
since they were tiny. Then they told me. I uh… couldn't think of any
good objections."
Shinji tried to process this. "So you're… cancelling on all the other
girls who've been lining up to date you, so you can… spend time
with your two girlfriends?"
Kensuke nodded, looking almost guilty. "I feel kind of bad, since
some of the girls have been waiting weeks for their turn, but… I…
um… I like Sayaka and Kyoko. Sayaka's dad is even in the JSSDF,
and is going to take us to a real firing range next weekend! I think he
approves of me."
Asuka looked at the two girls. "And the two of you sharing Geek-
Stooge is your idea ?" she asked them.
Sayaka nodded with a grin. Kyoko looked a bit annoyed. "Hey, don't
call our Ken-chan that! He's been a perfect gentleman and a
sweetie!" She stepped closer to take Kensuke's hand. Sayaka
matched her on his other side.
"It's fine, Sakura-san," Touji laughed. "Look at the rest of us:

Membership in the Stooges is an elite club! We get to be with the
best ladies in school." He gave Hikari a hug against his side, causing
her to blush.
Asuka turned her head to stare at Shinji. "Kensuke Aida has two
girlfriends. And it's their idea. And he's cancelling on a bunch more
girls for them. I want off this planet, Shinji. It's clearly gone nuts ."
"That is most encouraging to hear, Kensuke," Rei said quietly, a

small smile on her lips. "I am very glad for you."
Kyoko bowed briefly to her. "Thank you for telling us how nice he
was, Ayanami-san. We'd never have known, since he's so quiet."
She shifted her look to Asuka. "Or ever thought of sharing him
without your example, Soryu-san."
Asuka stared at her. "My example," she repeated without inflection.
"The way you and Ayanami-san can share Ikari-san like that."
Asuka jaw dropped. "I-… we-…. I am not sharing Shinji with Rei! I
am not sharing Rei with Shinji! We are not all dating!" she exclaimed.
"I can't believe that rumor keeps going!"
"You're not?" Sayaka said, surprised. She looked at Shinji and

Asuka's handclasp, Hikari and Touji's, and then looked at Rei sitting
beside Kaworu Nagisa. "I… ohhhhhh . I see. I… wow. Didn't you just
meet today, Ayanami-san?"
Rei stared at her blankly. "… Yes? I do not understand your

question."
Sayaka pointed at the three pairs in sequence. "Aren't you all sitting
with your boyfriends?"
Rei looked blankly at her for another moment. A look of almost
horrified indignation slowly blossomed on her face. "I… he is not my
boyfriend!"
"He's not? I just thought you… um… s-sorry!" Sayaka apologized.
Nagisa turned to face the girls more directly, the bright red handprint
on his cheek only now visible to them. "Oh, Ayanami-san and I only
just met today, though I'd heard of her before. She and I are not a
couple." He smiled politely at them.
Sayaka and Kyoko stared at his cheek in surprise. "Uh… I see,"

Kyoko managed. "Did… did you say something to upset her?"
"Yes," the Fifth Child agreed, and did not elaborate.
"Er… um, well, I hope you all get along in the future," Sayaka offered
awkwardly. "Sh-shall we go, Ken-chan?"
"Um…. Yeah. See you later, everyone?" Kensuke nodded to his

friends. He and the girls beat a hasty retreat when the group waved
farewell.
Once they'd gone Asuka finally managed to close her mouth, left
hanging open in shock. "…..Rei?" she finally managed to ask her
friend.
"I do not wish to talk about it right now," Rei muttered into her lunch.
Everyone's eyes shifted to Nagisa. He smiled. "Ayanami-san did not

like something I said about something dear to her. I will be more
careful in what I say in the future. It is alright."
"Good. And if you wish to have any lunch, you need to go acquire
some. The school store and cafeteria both close in 8 minutes," Rei
said coldly, not looking at him. "I suggest you go."
"Ah? I suppose I should, then." Nagisa stood up and bowed briefly to

the group. "It was a pleasure to meet you, fellow Children. If I do not
make it back before the end of lunch, I'm sure we can talk after
class."
Asuka watched him carefully as he walked to the stairs and

disappeared. She snapped her head back to Rei the moment he was
out of sight. "You slapped him?"
Rei looked embarrassed. "I still do not wish to discuss it."
Asuka just gave her a look .
Rei squirmed. "He… suggested he might attempt to interfere with

you and Shinji. I… rebuked him," she admitted.
"'Rebuked him', hmm?" Asuka almost laughed, suddenly grinning.

"Thanks, Rei."
"Rei, you shouldn't do that, no matter what he said," Hikari said, her
Class Rep reflexes provoked. "Especially to a new arrival!"
"I am sorry," Rei said, her head still low. "I did not think. But Shinji
and Asuka's lo- relationship is of great importance to me. I refused to
let him even suggest interfering with them. I-…" She worked her
mouth like she wanted to say more, but fell silent.
Hikari looked unhappy, but nodded. "Since he doesn't seem upset,

I'll let it go, but you have to control yourself, Rei. Didn't your parents
teach you about self-control?"
"No."
Asuka and Shinji shared another look. She looked to Touji.

"Speaking of… it's just you, your sister, and your father at home,
right, Suzuhara?"
He nodded, looking a bit confused. "Uh, yeah. Why?"
"Hikari is just her, her sisters, and her father. Kensuke has just his
dad. Shinji has just his dad. I've got a step -mother… Rei…" She
looked at the First Child. "No mother or father, right?"
Rei nodded. "Correct."
"And as far as I can tell, no one in our class has a living mother. And
no less than four one-in-a-billion Pilots were here, and now they've
added a Fifth. I'm willing to bet if we asked him, Nagisa there doesn't
have a mom either. You think that's a coincidence?"
Touji and Hikari both went pale. They looked at each other, then the
other Children. "I… I… d-did… did they…" Hikari stammered. "Did
they… I mean… are we Children because our mothers are dead,
or… did NERV… arrange that?"
Asuka's mouth flattened into a grim line. "I don't know. What I do
know is I was at NERV Berlin for almost 10 years, and I was the only
Child that whole time. I'm gone 5 months, and suddenly they find the
Fifth Child? Right after they just happen to find you here, in our
class? I don't believe in that much coincidence. And…" She took a
deep breath. She pinned Touji with a firm, intent stare. "Stooge, I'm
going to tell you this because Hikari likes you, I think she's told you
some of what she knows, and I think she's going to need you. But do
not talk about this to anyone else, clear? This is… this is some
serious shit."
Touji swallowed, but nodded. He scooted closer to Hikari and put his
arm around her.
"Shinji and I, and Misato too, are now convinced that our mothers
are somehow in our Eva's Cores. That's why they work for us. Unit-
03 only worked for us because you were in there to make a link,
Hikari, and because…" Asuka paused. "… because when we
intentionally tried to communicate with her this time, we're pretty
sure your mother answered us. She… asked about you. Or at least,
that's the feeling we got. It was… a bit impressionistic."
Hikari was still as a statue. "M… mother? Y-you talked to… my

mother? I…" she raised a shaking hand and looked at it. "I… I… I
thought it was a dream. When she… talked to me, in there. I… she's
really in there?"
Shinji nodded in synch with Asuka. "She… answered positively when

we asked if she was your mom. We told her we'd… talk to you. And
once Unit-01 and Unit-02 are repaired, we're going to try talking to
our mothers." He looked at Rei. "Rei, have you… felt anything in
Unit-00?"
Rei looked… worried? Shinji blinked, trying to understand.
"I… cannot talk about it. She is… angry. She… the berserker event
yesterday… that was… I cannot talk about it," Rei said, hushed.
"Please… do not speak of this where anyone could hear. It is…
dangerous."
Shinji's eyes got wide. He looked at Asuka. She appeared just as

shocked. He hesitated, and tried again. "Rei… do you know more?"
She shook her head, darting a worried look at the stairs. "Do not
discuss it. Even knowing is dangerous. I… I want to protect you both.
This…" She shook her head again. He'd never seen Rei this worried.
"Dangerous? From wh-…" Shinji's eyes narrowed. "My father. Of

course." His hand curled into a fist.
But Rei shook her head. "More than him. Never let anyone know,"
she almost whispered.
"That… 'committee' that questioned me," Asuka suddenly said in a

low voice. "The men Commander Asshole reports to. They… shit…"
She looked at Shinji. "We need to talk to Misato, right after school."
Rei looked more worried. "I… I must protect you. Please…"
Asuka reached over to touch her hand. "It's alright, Rei. We'll… keep
it quiet." She looked at Hikari and Touji. They both nodded nervously.
Rei looked pained. "I… I want to tell you everything, Asuka. But… it
endangers you to know these things, or any more. So I… cannot.
Please be safe," she almost begged. "I… I can be replaced. You and
Shinji… are too important to me."
"No one could replace you, Rei," Asuka smiled at her, and squeezed
her hand before sitting back. "But I get that this is… dangerous stuff.
We'll let Misato handle the stuff we shouldn't talk about."
The bell rang to signal the end of lunch. Shinji looked at the stair
door. "Looks like our new Child didn't make it in time to get back. I
guess we'll see him later."
Rei's stare was hard. "He will mind his manners. I do not trust him."
Dinner at her place. A talk that went better than she could have ever
thought. A night of impossible passion. And now the bright morning
and the light at the end of the dream. Ritsuko reveled in the delicious
warmth of waking up next to someone who wanted to be there, be
with her. Maya looked even better than she'd pictured that dark
night, lying next to her, looking thoroughly tousled. She reached over
with a gentle smile to run her fingers through Ritsuko's hair again.
Ritsuko closed her eyes and almost purred at the sheer sensual bliss
of feeling Maya's slender, dainty fingers gently trace along her
sensitive temple, over and over. She was just giving some thought to
reaching for Maya herself and pulling her close when the younger
woman spoke.
"Waprodure wiz mon, gagagempi. Uuuoke?"
Ritsuko blinked in confusion. "Wha?" she mumbled.
Her bed vanished, and she was drifting in orange, watery space.
"Can you hear me? The procedure is done, Akagi-sempai. Is
everything ok?" Maya voice said, a little louder.
Consciousness fluttered back in slowly. Despite the fuzziness, it was
still a gentler and more pain-free one than she'd had for weeks, so
Ritsuko couldn't help but luxuriate in it. She felt dozens of times
better than she had when she'd laid down in the tank. Her head
wasn't pounding from a skull fracture, her arm didn't ache from the
break, her vertebrae weren't individually screaming their discomfort
at her… everything was better.
' Dinner, intimate talk, passionate sex, and waking up in her arms?
Did you just have a romance dream about her? Oh come on, this is
ridiculous. Are you trying to torture yourself? Alright, time to prove
you're really the mature, in-control-of-herself logical woman of
science and rationality you keep saying you are, Ritsuko Akagi. Time
to get a grip on yourself, calm down, and wipe that stupid grin off
your face .'
She couldn't help it. The smile wouldn't go away. Before she was
fully conscious, before she even took full stock of her vastly
improved health, she felt it. She might have been expecting it,
hoping for it… but it being there still brought an uncontrollable smile
to her lips.
She could feel Maya's hand in hers.
' You are ridiculously emotionally vulnerable after nearly getting

killed yesterday and then nearly killing yourself last night. You know
Maya has a raging crush on you, and that you are flailing, looking for
anything to help you feel less miserable after the last 24 hours. You
know it is a really, really stupid idea to dive right into anything even
approaching a new relationship right now. You should not be thinking
about anything but calmly and rationally telling her you'll talk about
this later, when you're not suddenly feeling so good for the first time
in weeks that you might jump off this pallet and start dancing with
her.'
'… ..I bet Maya's a completely adorkable dancer.'
She squeezed the hand. It squeezed back. She smiled wider.

"Maya, I told you, we have to stop doing this. This is the third time
I've woken up after medical procedures holding your hand. I'd really
like to avoid the 'getting hospitalized' part," she said dryly.
She could practically hear Maya blush. "I… mumble mumble

mumble…" Maya said indistinctly.
"What?"
"….it would have been the fourth time, but we were still coordinating
the cleanup after the 13th Angel when you woke up," Maya said,
only slightly louder.
Ritsuko slowly opened her eyes. Her smile edged up another notch
when she immediately saw what she'd been hoping and expecting to
see: Maya smiling at her, albeit with a blush. "You were keeping tabs
on me?"
"I… I was worried." Maya intently stared at their hands, but didn't let
go.
' Stop trying to figure out how to ask her to dinner at your apartment,
damn it.' Ritsuko castigated herself. 'You need to talk to her about
this rationally, not spend the evening exchanging glances over
candlelight, or wondering how she'd react if you asked her if she
wanted to have breakfast at your place. And stop associating 'I feel
so much better and happier' with 'being around Maya'. That's…
cheating, somehow. And it's far too seductively addictive.'
"Never felt that way around him, either…" she muttered. She forced
herself to remember what else she'd summoned Maya down here
for.
She squeezed Maya's hand one more time and sat up. The LCL-
coated platform felt slick and warm beneath her, rivulets of the
orange fluid dribbling down her body as she rose, clinging to every
curve so well displayed by the swimsuit she wore. She could tell it
was well displayed, since Maya couldn't take her eyes off it. Ritsuko
used the distraction to carefully choose her next words.
"Alright, here we are. I feel much better. Thank you, Maya."
Maya snapped her eyes up, looking a bit embarrassed to have been
caught staring again. "Eh? I-I-I… Y-you're welcome."
Ritsuko sighed and looked at her. "But there are things we need to
talk about." She kept going, ignoring Maya's stiffening. "Yes, I know.
I've known for months. I've been trying to ignore it because… several
reasons, starting with the fact I thought I was into someone else and
didn't want to… encourage you."
Maya looked surprised and a little worried. "S-someone else?" After

a moment she asked a bit more hopefully, "A-and… 'was'?"
"You think I'm some wonderful paragon of intellect and science, don't
you?"
"I do. Y-you're amazing, Akagi-sempai!"
"Well, I'm not. I'm very smart, but that just means I'm that much
better at lying to myself and making myself believe what I think I
want to believe. I thought this person was what I wanted. Turns out
they're just an even better liar than I am. But I wanted to believe…"
She shook her head. "Do you know why I told you to let me go home
alone last night, Maya?"
Lieutenant Ibuki shook her head. "I… no. I didn't want to. You looked
terrible."
"Rei had just told me… something upsetting. Not her fault, just…
something that had been concealed from me. I went home and got
very drunk to avoid thinking about it. It didn't work, either. I just
thought about it all night. Then I nearly did something stupid. Luckily,
I talked myself out of it and called someone instead. I told you to let
me go home alone because I needed to be alone for a bit, and I
didn't want you to see me… like that. You look at me… you don't
know who I really am, the things that I've done. You would be
disgusted if you did. I didn't… want to lose that look from you, so I…"
Ritsuko waved her hand vaguely. "I… hid it away, like I've done with
all my sins. But… it was thinking of that look, that bright way you
regard me even though I don't deserve it… that's what got me
through last night. So… I…" Ritsuko pursed her lips, searching for
words. "I wanted to at least tell you that I knew, and thank you for it."
Maya fidgeted, unsure of how to take this. She looked down at

where she was still holding Ritsuko's hand. "I… thank you? You're
welcome? I… I don't know what to say… but you do deserve it.
You… you give so much to NERV, to Project E… you've given more
than I ever could hope to match to NERV's mission to protect
humanity. You're… brilliant and strong and beautiful and and… I… I
can't help how I feel about you, Akagi-sempai. You do deserve me!"
Maya's eyes went wide and she realized what she's just said. "I
mean it! It! You deserve it!"
Ritsuko seemed to ignore her flailing. "Strong?" she said sadly.

"Brilliant? Ha. NERV's Mission…" Ritsuko looked away. "The lowest
circle of Hell…" she trailed off and turned her face away. After a
moment, she looked back, meeting Maya's eyes. "Maya… What if I
told you I was a horrible person, a pathetic liar trying and failing not
to be the stupid, blind fool her mother was, and failing at every step?
A twisted, dishonest bitch who stabbed her best friend in the back
and betrayed everyone she knew for… for a lie? A useless waste the
world would be better off without? A witch, a criminal, and a traitor to
everything good? Would you still… would I still be… the one you…
admire?"
Maya shook her head in refusal. "But you're not. You're not any of
those things. You're… I want to help you! Any way I can, like I did
today! I know you're not some horrible traitor! You're… you're the
one I…" Maya reddened and looked down at their hands again. "I… I
want to… be with," she managed to force out in a whisper. "S-since
you know already."
Ritsuko just waited until she raised her head again, giving her a cool,
uncertain stare. "I truly don't deserve you, Maya. But I might… need
you. I am all those things… but you make me hope that… maybe I
can be something better. And that one day I might be good enough
to deserve it." She raised their joined hands to her face, and gently
brushed Maya's fingertips across her cheek.
She slowly let go of Maya's hand and stood up, walking over to the
larger MAGI workstation at the wall of the lab. "You know the MAGI
monitor all public lines in the city, and every part of the Geofront,
yes?"
Maya nodded, trailing behind her. Her hands still practically tingled at
that one, brief touch to Ritsuko's skin. "Y-yes?" she asked, struggling
to swallow against a suddenly dry throat.
"They don't in here. I've told them to ignore this room and a few other
places. So what I may tell you won't set off any alarms that way."
She tapped at the keyboard, verifying the MAGI's surveillance of the
lab was deactivated.
"….why?" Maya asked, sounding a bit worried at the apparently

abrupt change of topic. "You know I will keep any secrets you tell
me, Akagi-sempai."
"Maya… you can call me Ritsuko, if you want. When we're alone…"
Ritsuko interrupted, almost shyly. "You've… more than earned it.
And… I think you want to. I… I'd like it if you did." She resolutely
faced the screen, her face hidden from Maya.
Maya almost froze halfway to the chair next to her. "I… I do," she
gulped.
Ritsuko just nodded. "I… I meant it when I said I need you. I… want
to ask your help again. But… more than what we did today. I… even
telling you is… dangerous, though. I want to ask a lot of you, and I
don't know if I have the right. All those terrible things I mentioned?
They're the kind of thing that takes a lot to atone for. I want to ask
you to help me, but… I can't… I can understand if after this you
never want me anywhere near you again, and run as far from here
as you can."
Maya sat down heavily on the chair, her legs suddenly too weak to
hold her up any longer. "And… and what if I say I… I don't care. That
I still want to help you and… stay with you?" she said, trying to keep
her voice steady.
Ritsuko finally turned to face her again, her face a mask. "….this is…
there's no turning back after this, Maya. I…" her eyes dropped to the
floor, and she turned her face partly away. "We… we could just… go
have lunch, and talk about… what I know. We could just… put this
off. Or you could… just leave. I don't have to risk you like this. You
make me want to be better, to deserve to be… cared for, but you
don't have to-"
"I want to!" Maya interrupted. "I… I want to… be with you. You need
me, and… I want to be there."
Ritsuko stared at her, tiny ripples of expression flickering just below

the surface of her poker face. "I hope I can earn you…" she said
quietly.
' Don't do it. Don't do it. You know this is a stupid idea. You're
vulnerable and reacting and needy and this could go so wrong and
it's too tempting and you just want to be held so bad oh this is going
to end in flames…' Ritsuko took a deep breath. "Then, before we
begin… would you like to have dinner tonight? And talk about what I
know then?"
Maya's eye went wide again. "Y… y… y…" she tried. Unable to even
get the word out, she resorted to frantic nodding.
Ritsuko couldn't stop the smile from escaping entirely this time. "I'm
glad." Her smile faded. "I this all ends badly, I'm very sorry for
dragging you in with me, but… I think it's time to tell you about
NERV's real mission, and what I've done. And I hope you can forgive
me."
Author's Note: Well here we are again (It's always such a pleasure),
not even 2 weeks since the last update. Since the vote by reviews
was overwhelmingly for more rapid, somewhat shorter updates, here
we go with one, 5200 words.
Now, we've got some good news and some bad news.
The bad news is I've lost the notepad I was keeping A&T's notes on,
so I need to stop and reconstruct some stuff, but I've have needed to
slow down a bit anyhow, as I've reached another point where I need
to sit back and think about how the next several scenes are going to
go and how various people are going to react to things. So there
may be a bit of a delay while I work things out.
Also slowing things down is my day job. As part of my job, which I

can't discuss, I need to deploy to Kuwait in a few weeks, and the
'getting ready to deploy' routine may take a bit of my time. I should
still be able to write and post from there, but I won't know how much
until I'm on station and settled, early June. I'll be there several
months.
For good news, to make things up to you all, and to satisfy the
people who've asked for more of my stuff, I'm going to begin posting
my other story here: A Crown of Stars . There's a TV Tropes page if
you want a preview and a look at the character art I had
commissioned. It's a continuation of sorts of A Throne of Bayonets,
which is here on FFnet, by LVDB. AToB is a great story, that perfectly
captures the feeling of the series, but just like it's source, ended on a
dark note with only the faintest glimmers of hope. I asked and got
permission to write what came next, and decided to take out an
original universe I'd been playing with for a spin while I was at it. As
such, it's an OU/NGE cross, but I made sure to keep the camera
firmly on Shinji and Asuka to prevent my OCs from stealing the
show.
It's a big story, over 100k larger than A&T is so far. It is the first thing
I've ever written, so I'll admit up front the writing in the early parts is
rougher than A&T, where I'd had some practice. But if you keep
going, it's got some parts I'm very proud of. It's about 90% done, and
I am still working on it, but for the last year A&T has taken over, and
I've been devoting most of my writing time to it. But I'm trying to
juggle both now, and an update for ACoS will be up on Sufficient
Velocity soon.
So if you're interested, check via my FFnet page in a bit, and take a

look. Also, the fact that I've got so much written means regular, rapid
updates until I run out. How about 5-10k word updates weekly or
better?
Advice & Trust
Chapter 9.3
Everything I Do…
The First, Second, Third, and Fifth Children walked out of the
classroom as a group. The Fourth had already grabbed her
boyfriend and bid them a hasty goodbye before speeding off towards
Hikari's home. She'd declared that since she had to be home and
see her family, but she wanted to be with him, it was high time Touji
meet her father officially at a family dinner. Touji had paled, but let
himself be dragged off.
It was an oddly tense group: Rei kept shooting the occasional baleful
glare at Nagisa, and Shinji and Asuka followed along behind them,
holding hands and intermittently exchanging their own confused
looks. Rei, maintaining anger at someone? Someone she had just
met? This was unheard of.
Their surprise mounted even higher when Rei stopped them before
they even got halfway to the shoe lockers and gave Nagisa an even
more nasty look than previous before turning to them. "Please
proceed home without us. Nagisa and I need to… talk."
"Er… are you sure, Rei? I… um… you sure you don't want us with
you to help… keep things calm?" Shinji asked carefully.
Rei shook her head. "I wish you both could stay with me, but… he
and I need to discuss topics it is safer for you not to hear. I will rejoin
you at home as soon as possible." She looked at the Fifth Child
again. "I may make sure he goes to his own residence and stays
there first."
"I will go wherever NERV places me," Nagisa said with a faint smile.
"Don't we all?"
"Silence, new fish," Rei said sharply. "Follow me."
"New fish?" Nagisa said in amusement as he turned to follow Rei

down the hall.
"Asuka called you that, and that is sufficient reason for me to employ
it as a mild derogative appellation until I feel otherwise," Rei said
without looking at him. She led the way down the hall and out of
sight of her friends. She had memorized the school schedule of
activities at the beginning of the year, more because it took her only
moments and the information was in front of her than from any
interest. It was not like she expected to ever join any of the clubs.
Right now this meant she knew the school music room was
unoccupied and would be so all afternoon. She slid the door open
and waved him inside, closing it and locking it once she had followed
him in.
She pointed at the piano bench. "Sit," she ordered. She placed
herself a few feet away, standing and glaring at him. "Additionally, it
covers my irritation and confusion at your light. I look at everyone
else, and I see their AT-Fields easily, in a consistent manner. You…
are wrong. Different. What are you?"
"I told you," he said with that same, faint, and increasingly irritating
smile. "Both of us ended up in the same form as the Lilim while we
inhabit this planet. I am just like you."
"No you are not," Rei replied. "If you were, you would look like me,
your light would be like mine, or everyone else's. I would see a light
like a person's, not a… a… stupid rainbow trout!" Rei said in
frustration. You'd look normal, not like…" Her eyes widened. "An
Angel," she suddenly hissed. Her hands hooked into claws again.
His smile did not flicker at all. He just nodded. "In that vein, you may
call me Tabris, if you wish. Pleased to meet you."
The room began to shudder and the sheets of music on the stands
began to ripple in a wind that did not blow. "You will not harm them,
Adam-spawn! " Rei growled. "This world is mine! I will protect my
children! They will live !"
Nagisa raised both his hands in a gesture of surrender. "You don't

need to do that."
"Why not?" Rei snarled. "You and I cannot coexist, Child of the White
Moon! For all the other lies SEELE has told, they told the truth about
that! I know what compels you! You cannot resist the Call to seek
your origin! You will inevitably try to unite with Adam and fulfill the
drive you cannot deny! And I will not allow you to overwrite all life on
this world!"
"I am not your enemy, First Child," Nagisa said carefully, his hands
still raised.
Rei unfurled her AT-Field, feeling it rasp and clash against his. Yet he
and his own AT-Field remained totally passive. When she pushed,
he resisted no more than necessary to keep from utterly collapsing.
"You have no choice! I know how strong the Call is!"
"I am the Angel of Free Will. There is always a choice. And I choose
my fate, not the old men of SEELE, whatever they may think. They
cannot control me, not like that." He lowered one hand and trailed it
along the keys of the piano, the trickle of notes oddly sweet and
clear against the burning tension of their confrontation. "There is too
much beauty in this world for me to want to destroy it so casually."
He looked back up at her. "And in the people."
Rei paused her metaphysical assault, pulling back just a hair. "…
You said you would not harm them by your own will. That still leaves
wills not your own. And they are the ones that sent you here. I doubt
it was out of goodwill towards Commander Ikari."
"They think I am their instrument. I let them send me. I wanted to

come here. Yes, I feel the Call in my soul, drawing me here. I do not
deny that. But I can still choose, for at least a while. And I want… to
see this world, these people. I… I thought I would meet someone
unique, someone special when I heard about the Third Child. And he
is… but more than I ever expected. You are correct, his bond with
the Second Child… I have never seen anything like it. It is truly
beautiful… I want to see more of it."
Rei pulled back to just a notch above her usual AT-Field. The
shuddering of the room ceased. "Then you understand why I cannot
let you be here. You may choose otherwise for now, but how long
can that last? You are a threat to them and their whole world merely
by your existence. The day you cannot stop yourself, I will . By your
basic nature, you are my enemy."
"What if I do not want to be?"
Rei narrowed her eyes. "What?"
"All this has happened before, all of this will happen again. But what
if I want to choose a different path? You say I am your enemy… but I
do not have to be. I do not want to be."
Rei stared at him, probing with all senses she could command to try
to read him. "… Shinji has taught me to forgive and to give second
chances. So I will give you this one chance, Adam-spawn. But if I
become convinced you are about to do anything… wrong," her eyes
glittered like razor-edged rubies. "Then I will end you."
Nagisa just nodded. His fingers trailed down the keys of the piano
again. "Music… music is the highest achievement of Lilim culture… I
feel… freed when I play. In a way nothing else can match." He
looked up at her again. "I understand the Third Child plays?"
Rei's face hardened a little. "Yes… as does the Second. They play
together . And it is far more beautiful than you can possibly imagine."
"… may I see this?"

Asuka looked up at the ceiling as the building began to shake, but
kept putting her shoes on. "Another earthquake? I'm never going to
get used to those. Japan is just weird."
Shinji finished tying his shoe and rose from his crouch. "Eh, not even
a four-pointer. Earthquakes happen all the time. It's just background
life in Japan. In fact, I'm kind of surprised there haven't been more
since you arrived."
The tremors subsided after a minute. "See?" Shinji continued.

"Nothing exciting. Ready to go home?"
Asuka nodded. "Yeah… and today I think we need to press Misato

for an answer. If we've both hit the point where our nightmares are
coming back, it's going to impact our Synch Rates soon enough, and
that's something Misato has to face is a consequence of not letting
us have one bed."
Shinji took her hand as they left the school's doors. "I hope she
listens." He looked troubled. "I… think we should tell her about this
morning."
Asuka looked unhappy. "Wait, what? Tell her we technically broke

her ban and literally slept together?"
Shinji looked guilty, but nodded. "I d-do. You know I don't like lying to
her, and this will help convince her!"
Asuka just gave him a flat look.
Shinji pressed on. "I'm serious! She'll know we're coming clean, and
I know she'll be able to tell we're not lying when we say it was
because of the nightmares and all we did was hold each other. I
really think it will help our case."
Asuka chewed on her lip for a moment, but eventually nodded

acquiescence. "Alright, my dear baka. If you really think this will
work, I guess we'll do it. I really hope this doesn't make her suddenly
swerve to 'I was just about to let you do this, but now I can't trust you
to keep your word!' or something."
Shinji squeezed her hand. "I don't think she will. She liked the idea of
us together, it was just the concealing it for so long she hated."
"And the 'we're having more sex than she is' part," Asuka grumbled.
"I am still annoyed with her about that. Ten days of celibacy and
counting is maddening! And you know she's been having fun with
Kaji nearly every night, too! Graaah!"
"I think we've been impressing her with our relative maturity and how
we get along, now that we don't have to hide it from her," Shinji
pointed out.
Asuka snorted. "Not a high bar. We're more mature than her, half the
time." She took his hand and started tugging him towards the doors
to the schoolyard. "Let's get going. I want to strut past all the envious
girls again with you right next to me."
"Asuka…" Shinji tried to chastise her. Her unrepentant grin said he'd
failed.
Maya stared at her, face still frozen in shock as it had been for nearly
the last hour. She'd started slowly, hesitantly… but it had been like a
dam breaking. The words, the horrible secrets had spilled out of her
faster and faster. SEELE, counting down the Angels to the last few
left. Human Instrumentality. The Contact Experiments. GEHRIN
becoming NERV. Commander Ikari's Scenario.
The Eva Cores.
What Rei really was.
She barely stopped herself at that point. But Maya could easily see
there was more. And her devoted protégé was far from stupid. She
could see the tumblers clicking in her head.
"… Y… you knew. You had to know. You're the number 3 person in
all of NERV. There's no way half the systems even work without
you…" Maya whispered. "… you… you were part of this." Maya's
eyes widened. "… you were helping him! C-commander Ikari…
SEELE… they're trying to end the world and you were helping?! "
Ritsuko winced. She had to turn her face away from Maya, unable to
bear the accusing stare. "… yes," she admitted hollowly. "I was. I
was ." Ritsuko swallowed. "This… this is why I was afraid to tell you.
I'm sorry…"
"Why? Why would you… Ritsuko-sempai, you're… you're not insane,

so why? "
She winced harder. She had to fight the urge to curl in on herself. "…
because I thought… he loved me. Needed me. I told you I was
stupid."
Maya was silent a long time. "Commander Ikari. You were… you
thought he'd… choose you? Because you did all this for him?" she
asked quietly.
Ritsuko just nodded.
"And now you've… what, just… changed your mind?" Maya sounded
halfway between disbelief and confusion.
"… three times," Ritsuko said barely loud enough to hear. "Three
times I've nearly been killed in the last few months, waking up in a
hospital bed. He never even came by. He doesn't want me. He's just
using me. I'm just a tool to him, like Rei. I've sold my soul to be his…
anything he wanted… for nothing ." She sighed. "But… you were
there. You… just cared about me. Despite me. So… if he doesn't
want me, even after all this… then I don't need him. And I'm not
going to help him burn down the world anymore. I'm asking you to
help me stop this… and maybe I can earn some redemption. You…
you see a better me than I deserve, Maya. If I can… earn some
worth back in your eyes, someone who cared for me when no one
else did…" She swallowed again. "Maybe I can find a reason to keep
going. I came… close last night. To… giving up."
Ritsuko hesitantly raised her eyes again. "Thinking of you helped

stop me."
Maya stared at her again. Finally, she stood up and walked close
enough to put her hand on Ritsuko's shoulder. "… you still are
having dinner with me tonight, right?"
Ritsuko blinked in astonishment, but nodded.
Maya's hand was shaking. "Then… we'll talk." Maya took a deep
breath. "What do we need to do right now to stop the end of the
world?"
"Misato? We're home," Asuka called out as they entered the

apartment.
"Welcome home," came the ritual reply from the kitchen.
The Children blinked when they entered the dining area. Misato was
still neatly attired in her daily uniform and red jacket, visibly waiting
for them at the table. "Have a seat," she said.
Asuka and Shinji shared a look before breaking their handclasp to sit
down across from their guardian. "We've got something to tell you,"
they said in unison. They shot each other another look, this time in
surprise.
Misato laughed. "Boy, that synch training keeps paying off. Alright,
you go first."
"I was in Shinji's bed last night."
Misato went still. After a moment, she let out a tense breath.
"Explain."
Asuka set her jaw. "I had nightmares. I haven't had any for months,
not since we started. But now they're back. Bad enough to wake me
up at four thirty, and I could tell I wasn't going to get back to sleep.
So I went over to his room. He was awake too, same problem. So I
got in with him, we held each other, talked a little, and managed to
get back to sleep. And that's all we did."
Misato looked at Shinji. He nodded carefully. She eyed them sharply.

"What happened to 'no sleeping together until I make a decision, on
your honor? I thought I could trust you two."
Asuka winced, but rallied. "I apologize for this one slip. But we didn't
have sex, like I swore. This was just holding each other to keep
nightmares away. We need each other, Misato. We start having
constant nightmares like I used to, chewing up our sleep, it's going to
affect our Synch Rates. That puts us in direct danger. You have to let
us-"
Misato waved her hand, cutting her off. "Enough, Asuka." She
looked at them both, Misato the Operations Officer clearly who they
were facing, not their beer-happy roommate. In fact, Shinji noted with
mild surprise that there was no sign Misato had even had her usual
'just got home' beer while waiting for them. "I'm disappointed you
broke your word to even that little bit, but glad you decided not to try
hiding it. Doubly so since I bet you could have gotten away with it. As
it happens, I have made a decision regarding your sleeping
arrangements."
Below the level of the table, Shinji's hand automatically moved

towards Asuka. His met hers coming right back at him. They gripped
each other's hand tightly. Asuka cleared her throat. "And?" she
asked, her voice as tense as their grip.
Major Katsuragi stared firmly back at them. "You may resume

sleeping in one bed."
Huge smiles broke out on both the Children's faces.

"But!" their guardian continued.
The smiles dimmed.
"That's it. No fooling around. You're too young."
Shinji could hear Asuka's teeth grind. "Until when ?" she asked
tightly.
"Until you're older."
The grinding got louder. " Damn it, Misato, we- "
"Her fifteenth birthday is in two weeks, Misato." Shinji broke in.

"She'll be older then. Is that enough?"
Major Katsuragi appeared to consider this. "… yeah, that'll do.

Fifteen is older. Good enough."
Asuka's free hand made a solid smack against her own face.
"Misato, are you screwing with us?"
"Why, for what reason would I do something like that, Asuka?"

Misato replied innocently. "And I thought that was your job?"
"'When you're older'? Gaaaah!" Asuka grumbled. "So that's it? We

prove we can hang on to 'mature' celibacy for two more weeks, and
then you'll drop the 'no sweating and moaning' stipulation?"
Misato nodded. "You prove to me that this isn't just hormones, and I'll
allow it. And once you're at least above fifteen, it's easier to excuse,
yes?"
"Did you do this whole thing just to get us back for that week?"
Asuka growled.
"Did it work?" Misato grinned, getting up from the table to get a beer
out of the fridge. "If it's really that bad sleeping apart and it looks like
it's going to affect your piloting, I can bear it. I'm still counting on you
to keep your word about not having sex. I know you could probably
sneak some in when I'm asleep or out. But I'm willing to bet you want
this bad enough to keep the rules, and show me you can handle it."
Misato popped the beer open and took a long swig. "Aaaaah, that's
the stuff. Besides, it's not like I'm going to be," she grimaced, "even
trying to check you two in the mornings to see if you've been… er,
pure. I'm relying on your good word." She took another drag on the
beer and laughed. "And Shin-chan's total lack of a poker face when it
comes to discussing sex."
She grinned and looked at Asuka. "So… does he 'berserk' in bed?"
Asuka's jaw dropped. "What?!"
"You've been 'entangling your AT-Fields' for weeks. Having fun?

Enjoy 'firing the Positron Cannon'?"
"Misato, what the Hell happened to 'we're too young for this'?!"
Asuka was turning red. Shinji was turning red faster.
Misato just grinned wider. She finished the beer, tossed the can at
the recycling bin, and grabbed another. "The cat's out of the bag, we
just finished the official business part, and now it's time for your big
sis Misato to embarrass the Hell out of you both. I get my payback."
Asuka rubbed her temples. "This is going to go on for the entire two
weeks, isn't it?"
"And then it'll really start!" Misato threw a wink at Shinji. "So… two
weeks until her birthday. You better get your girlfriend something
impressive for your first birthday together, Shin-chan."
Shinji stopped turning red and started getting pale.
Asuka looked at him closely. "What are you going to get me, Shinji?"
"Um…"
"Better get started, Shinji!" Misato snickered. "Now, it's my turn to
make dinner, but in light of your little violation of the rules this
morning, I think that means you two get to do it to make up for it. I'll
be watching TV. How about some nice stir-fry?"
Misato stretched and arched her back until it popped, and headed for
her room to change into something a bit more comfortable. She
stopped halfway through taking off her uniform jacket when she
noticed Asuka had followed her and was standing in the doorway.
"Yes, Asuka? Shouldn't you be helping your boyfriend cook dinner?"
Her slightly cheeky smile faded as she noticed the young Pilot's
serious expression.
"He can handle it alone for a bit. I came for real reasons. There's
more, Misato. Shinji and I do do other things than just constantly try
to get in bed together." She held up a folder. "One piece of personal
business… but more serious stuff first. The Fifth Child, Kaworu
Nagisa showed up in class today. Rei And I can tell you for sure
there was no 'Fifth Child' when I left NERV-Berlin 5 months ago. So
he seems suspicious as Hell to me. doesn't like him already either.
She slapped him for… um… inappropriate comments."
Misato raised an eyebrow at this. "Wait, Rei got angry at the new
Fifth Child about 'inappropriate comments'? Our Rei? Miss 'Ice
Princess of Tokyo-3' herself?"
Asuka waved it aside. "He managed to piss her off, yes. He's weird,
too. Kind of creepily friendly. Anyway, once we got rid of him at
lunch, Shinji and I had a talk with Rei, Hikari, and Jock Stooge. We
told Hikari and him about her mother being in Unit-03."
Misato sucked in a breath through her teeth. "I… ssss… I can

understand why you told her, Asuka, but I wish you hadn't. This is
dangerous stuff to know or spread."
Asuka nodded grimly. "Hikari deserved to know, Misato. And that's

about what Rei said when we asked her about what she feels in the
Core of Unit-00. She… Misato, she was scared to discuss it with us.
She said 'even knowing is dangerous', and 'she was angry'. So she
didn't directly say so, but I'm pretty sure that's Rei's mother in Unit-
00. And that either Commander Asshole or that committee he
reports to is willing to terrify Rei into silence and apparently kill to
keep that secret."
Misato just nodded. "Yeah… that's about what we figured. Kaji and I
are digging, but…" She shook her head.
Asuka pointed the folder at her. "You both be careful, Misato. I don't
want you or him… suddenly disappearing on us. What…" Asuka's
lips pressed into a tense line. "… what the Hell would Shinji and I do
if you or Kaji suddenly got caught or… worse? We'd be… I don't
know. It'd be down to just us and Rei trying to keep the world from
ending, and no one left we could trust."
"Not dying is high on my list, yes. And keeping that foolhardy, guilt-
ridden man of mine from walking into a lethal trap in pursuit of the
truth. He owes me years ." She sighed. "I still wish you hadn't told
Horaki-san. This really is stuff that's dangerous for anyone to know
we know, and the more people we tell…"
Asuka pursed her lips. "I know. But… I know how I felt when I figured
out Mama is in Unit-02. I couldn't keep that from Hikari and look her
in the face." Asuka fiddled with the folder. "How long until I can sit in
Unit-02 again? I really, really want to talk to Mama. Just… just to
make sure she's really there, not… gone."
Misato shrugged. " Unit-02's going to be fixed before Unit-01, I know

that. Unit-02's limb reattachment is simple compared to the mauling
Unit-01 got, plus that fall. If your mother is really in there, you'll get a
chance soon. Within a week, I think. I'll have to pin down Ritsuko
and find out when they want to test. She was… scarce today.
Closeted up with Lieutenant Ibuki about something. I only even saw
them at lunch in the cafeteria, and they were both hammering away
at laptops, coding something I think. MAGI shit never ends. But we'll
get you in there soon. I know what it means to you."
She eyed Asuka a bit. "Thanks, by the way."
Asuka cocked her head. "For?"
"You two. Watching you both I thought dance around each other
without admitting you were attracted to each other got me thinking
about Kaji again, and how I screwed it up back then. Made me think
about trying again." She leveled a imperious finger at Asuka. "You
two better not screw up like I did. I panicked about getting close to
him back then, lied to him about there being someone else, and
dumped him. Stupidest thing I've ever done. So you two better not
be as dumb."
Misato couldn't miss the shiver that ran down Asuka's whole body.
"Never. I'm not going to lie to him, cheat, or ever leave him, Misato.
I've been alone for years since I lost Mama. I don't ever want to go
back to feeling like that. Especially with how much stronger and
loved I feel with him. So… here." Asuka handed her the folder. "My
revised will and next of kin stuff. Screw my father and that woman,
Shinji gets everything. Whatever is left if I… don't make it goes to
him. I know you can't file these without somebody noticing the
change, but they're all signed and notarized and such so you can
if… something happens, ok? And… don't tell Shinji I did this. Even
talking about it just makes him worry like nothing else, and I hate it
when he looks that way."
Misato took the folder without expression, and leafed through it. She
didn't say anything, but turned to walk over to her desk on the other
side of the room. She picked up another folder, and walked back to
hand it to Asuka. "Shinji gave me this the night you two confessed
you were together, while you were in the shower."
Asuka flipped the folder open. Her eyes fixed on one object lying on
top of the other papers. "… that's a letter. A death letter." She bit her
lip. "Shinji, you bastard…" Her eyes started to glitter and she
snapped the folder shut to rub at them with one hand.
She thrust the folder back and Misato blindly. "Don't… here. Don't
show me that again. I don't like thinking about it either. What the fuck
do you think my nightmares are about these days?"
Misato took the folder back and returned it to her desk. "That, and
what you just gave me are why I finally decided to let you go back to
sleeping in one bed. That you both did this without telling the other…
I know you're serious. That this is more important than your pride or
anything. Your confessing about this morning sealed it. This is
emotional, not just your bodies driving things. So just behave until
your birthday, and we'll call it alright."
"We can," Asuka nodded. "Not that I don't hate it, since I kinda like
that part, but… being able to feel him next to me in the dark is ten
times as important."
Misato did smile now. "I'm glad to hear it. You two both have had
rough times, and I'm happy you've found each other. You had me
fooled." She snorted. "Hell, if you'd asked me two weeks ago, I'd
have been sure you both were still in the 'everyone can see it but
you won't admit it' part. I've been trying to think of ways to nudge you
two towards each other since Mount Asama. You should have seen
how Shinji freaked out when Leliel sucked you in. I could tell you two
felt something for each other then."
Asuka shivered again. "He told me about it later. We were already

together then, just a few days before. Which I'm very glad for. I'm not
sure I'd have made it out of there without him to keep me from losing
it." She gave Misato a sad smile. "That night was our first time.
Coming that close to dying, again… I didn't want to have any regrets.
So… yeah. We can handle sex, Misato. Since it's not just sex. It's
love."
"Yeah, yeah," Misato waved at her. Even her flippant tone couldn't
totally cover her warm smile at her young charge. "You two are
terribly sweet. Now get back to the kitchen and help him out, and let
me change."
"I dunno, Misato… I might want to go make sure our bed is all made
for tonight. There will be cuddling! " Asuka shot over her shoulder as
she left. "All the cuddles!"
Two women absently slurped at bowls of cafeteria udon, their eye

never really leaving the screens of the laptops in front of them. All
the late night NERV Staff knew better than to interrupt the two top
MAGI coders when they were working.
MAGI SYSOP 01: This is not quite what I pictured when you said
'dinner together'.
MAGI ADMIN 01: Me either, but this is secure. Someone would

probably notice you suddenly having a meal at my apartment,
something we've never done before. This is just 'those two
workaholic computer people doing what they always do, and working
through dinner'. And no one but us looks at the coding logs, so we
can speak freely.
MAGI SYSOP 01:… I don't even know what to say. I… want to… um.
Will we ever have dinner more like… what we pictured? And um…
what do you 'know'?
MAGI ADMIN 01:… Maya… I… want to. But I also don't want to go
too fast and… ruin things. I… um… 'know' you've been kind of
crushing on me for months. I noticed. I tried to ignore it, since I
thought… you know.
MAGI SYSOP 01: It's alright. I… um. Guess I wasn't that subtle, was
I?
MAGI ADMIN 01: No. I was… flattered but… I was being stupid.
MAGI SYSOP 01: You're never stupid, Ak… Ritsuko-sempai. Just…

being in love can make you do… crazy things.
MAGI ADMIN 01:… you didn't.

MAGI SYSOP 01: I spent months crushing on a woman, my boss,
who I had nothing but wild hope that she was even open to the idea
of… women. That's not stupid?
MAGI ADMIN 01: I guess Misato never mentioned the things I used
to do in college.
MAGI SYSOP 01:… you've… dated girls before?
MAGI ADMIN 01: Not since college, but… yes. I told myself it was a
phase. Stupid again.
MAGI SYSOP 01:… you… just being here right now is making me so
happy, Ritsuko-sempai. Thank you.
MAGI ADMIN 01:… Maya, call me Ritsuko. Please?
MAGI SYSOP 01: Not until you take me out on a proper date. With…
with hugs. And stuff.
MAGI ADMIN 01:…
MAGI SYSOP 01: Please don't be mad?
MAGI ADMIN 01:… Maya, 'mad' is the furthest thing from my mind.
Ok, no, that's not totally correct. I'm a little mad you're making me
want to take you out right now when we just can't. And I don't want to
go too fast because… I want to go really fast.
MAGI SYSOP 01:… yay? :-3
MAGI ADMIN 01: I think I may have awakened a monster. :p
Author's Note: Well, obviously my plan for 'more frequent updates'

was kind of defenestrated. I got slammed with work at my office, and
now I'm in the middle of Fort Bliss, Texas, deploying in a few days. I'll
try to keep posting from Kuwait, but no idea how feasible that will be
until I get there. In the mean time, enjoy more Rainbow Trout vs Rei
antics, Misato getting some payback, and Ritsuko and Maya abusing
the MAGI coding logs.
Advice & Trust
Chapter 9.4
Everything I Do…
Rei stared at the tiny closet in the shoddy apartment building that
Nagisa had guided her to when she insisted on 'making sure he
returned to his assigned domicile and remained there'. It turned out
to be a tiny, tiny room, barely more than a few square meters of
space next to a narrow bed. She could just about touch all four walls
if she stood in the center. " This is your assigned quarters?" she
asked with a fractionally raised eyebrow.
Nagisa nodded, still smiling faintly. "I do not have many possessions,
and do not require much space. This is acceptable."
"I would dispute that," Rei said emotionlessly, looking around again.
'I accepted just as Spartan conditions not too long ago. But now I
see how poorly I was treated. I am torn. I wish to see the Adam-
spawn suffer and disappear, to be eliminated as a threat to my loves
and their world. But I also do not wish to see a fellow Pilot treated as
badly as I was by being forced to live like this. I do not know how to
process this.'
Fixing Nagisa with a disapproving look, Rei asked, "Who assigned

you this room?"
"I spoke with Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki on my arrival. He provided

my NERV ID and other accommodations."
Rei frowned. 'So this is deliberate, and altering his residence will not
be simple.' She paused, and re-examined her own thoughts. 'Wait,
why do I even care if he lives in this… kennel? I would be pleased to
kill him myself.'
'… because Asuka saw this situation for me, and worked to change it
when she had no reason to feel anything but dislike for me. And they
would be disappointed in me if I let him live like this, and did not tell
them that I knew about it.'
She shook her head. 'Very well. I will bring it to the attention of Major
Katsuragi, and let her possibly less biased judgment rule.'
Rei paused. 'Less biased as long as she is unaware of his true

nature, at least. She possibly would hate him even more than I if she
knew. In any case, I will let her determine if he should remain in
these cramped and bare quarters.' Resolve firmed in her chest. 'I will
be worthy of my loves. They are not given to cruelty and malice, and
so I shall not be either. I will protect them from this supposed Angel
of Free Will by whatever means I must, but I will not make him suffer
for suffering's sake. I will simply kill him if that becomes necessary.'
She nodded to Nagisa and turned to leave. "I will speak to the
Operations Director about your accommodations. This is not meeting
the standard of treatment for Pilots."
She could practically hear his eyebrows rise. "For someone who has
been rather firmly hostile to me, I am surprised you would bother," he
said, light amusement in his voice.
She looked back over her shoulder at him, saying coldly, "I do not do
this out of concern for you. I do this because those I love would be
disappointed in me if I did not. And their love and regard is infinitely
more important to me than your well-being or lack of." 'What was that
remark from that old film I watched with my loves recently? It feels
fitting here. Ah yes.' She turned back as she put her hand on the
door handle giving him her best blank expression. "Good evening,
Nagisa. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."
She savored his further confused and surprised look as she left, a
tiny smile finally reaching her face.
Misato looked up from the papers she was poring over on the
kitchen table at the sound of the front door to the apartment swishing
open, tensing slightly despite her mild buzz. While there were only a
few people who had keycards to let themselves in, and she'd be
delighted to see any of them (one tall Inspector in particular even
more so), the quiet digging into NERV's secrets she and Kaji were
engaged in was leaving her increasingly paranoid that Section 2
might one day let themselves in. She didn't fully relax until she saw
the flash of blue hair that heralded the First Child's arrival. "Welcome
home, Rei. You're running a little late today."
Rei nodded greetings. "I escorted the Fifth Child to his new
residence, to familiarize myself with its location. I wish to report that
his accommodations are quite sub-standard for how NERV should
treat its Pilots, as Asuka determined when she observed my old
housing. Nagisa-san's is even worse. It is little more than a closet. I
believe you should inspect it as you did mine and determine if it is
satisfactory."
Misato looked a bit surprised. "Really? I suppose I can. But Shinji

and Asuka said you didn't seem that happy with the new kid. You're
still looking out for him?"
"I am not. I am looking out for Pilots in general, and wish to…" Rei
suddenly halted.
Misato blinked. 'Rei… looks awkward ? Has… has that ever

happened before?'
"Asuka did the same for me when I lived in poor conditions. I do not
wish to… lose her or Shinji's regard, and I believe they would be
disappointed in me if they became aware that I knew Nagisa-san
lived poorly and I did nothing. I do not do this for him." Rei somehow
gave the impression of blushing and shuffling her feet without
moving or showing any expression.
Misato shook her head. Shinji and Asuka being a good influence on
Rei? Life was strange. "I'll… take a look at his place tomorrow, Rei.
You… you're staying for dinner, right?"
Rei nodded. She looked around the empty kitchen and then behind
Misato at the living room. "Where are they? Did they go out on
another date?"
Misato snorted. "Just about. They needed some ingredients for the
meal tonight, and decided they were going to the store to get them
together. Just an excuse to go out hand-in-hand again, I think. Asuka
loves showing off that she's got Shinji wrapped around her finger.
They should be back soon."
"Then I shall use the time to change out of my uniform. I wish to

show them the fruits of Asuka's teachings on fashion."
Dinner sat warm and delicious in her belly, a cold beer was in her
hand, and Rei had departed for her own apartment next door by the
time Misato yawned at the evening news starting. She stifled another
yawn as she watched Shinji and Asuka rise from the pushed
together beanbags they'd been sitting next to each other on.
Asuka whispered something to Shinji that got her a tentative smile

and a nod. The redhead turned to Misato with a carefully calm
expression. "Misato, it's late. We're going to bed." Her hand was
already clasping Shinji's.
The implied challenge hung in the air. Misato just took a deep breath
and nodded. "Sleep well."
When their guardian said nothing more, Asuka and Shinji shared a
glowing look. Misato had to fight down a smile as the two Pilots
walked to Asuka's room and almost defiantly closed the door behind
them.
' Looks like I'm going to have to stop calling it just her room,' Misato
mused as she rose from the couch and picked up the cordless
phone from its base. A quick dial and a couple of rings got her the
person she wanted. "One happy couple in bed already. You going to
make me wait?"
A baritone chuckle on the other end. "Yes, dear. Be there shortly."
"Good boy."
"I can't believe we're really doing this," Shinji said quietly as Asuka
closed the door behind them. "And that she's letting us."
"Me either," Asuka replied, kicking off her shorts and removing her
A10 headset from her hair. "But I'm glad she is. We've earned this,
we deserve this, and… and we need this," she finished kind of
weakly, betraying her own real reason.
She hit the lights and pulled Shinji into a hug as he sat down on the
bed next to her. She could feel herself relax almost immediately.
They hardly separated as they laid down and arranged the sheets
over themselves. Blankets were entirely superfluous in Tokyo-03's
permanent summer heat, doubly so with a warm body alongside.
Shinji couldn't quite relax himself. Asuka frowned slightly as she

could feel him still tensing as they adjusted themselves to
comfortable sleep positions. "… what is it?"
"What?"
"Come on, Shinji. Part of why this feels so damn good to me is we've
been sleeping next to each other long enough that it's utterly
comfortable . I can feel you're still almost as tensed up as when we
started. I know you and you know me by now. Talk."
Shinji shuffled a bit, but couldn't meet her eyes. "I… thought of what I
want to get you for your birthday."
Asuka smiled in the dark but pressed further. "Which I like to hear,
but why are you acting like you're about to do something particularly
baka-ish?"
"I want it to be a surprise, but it's something I'm going to need to do a

lot of work on, and I've only got two weeks, so…" He trailed off
weakly.
Asuka waited. When he said nothing, she took a stab. "A surprise,
lots of work, and short timeline… means you're going to have to do it
out of my sight, and need all the spare time you can get between
now and then. So…" She twisted her lips a bit. "It's fine, Shinji. We
can live without being joined at the hip every afternoon, as much as I
like when we are really 'joined at the hips' hurr hurr. You need time to
come up with a truly stunning birthday present for me? I can survive.
I've got an idea I've been thinking about to take up that time
anyhow."
Now Shinji relaxed. "That's… that's good. I'd… probably work on it

with Rei, if that's alright? I don't want to interrupt if she was part of
your idea."
Asuka snorted. "What, I should worry about you sneaking off with
Wondergirl and having dirty trysts behind my back? Without inviting
me along? No kissing Rei without me, baka."
"I wouldn't!" Shinji looked lightly guilty, which she noted.
"But I bet the scenario had crossed your pervy baka mind, my dear,"
Asuka needled gently. "You're just like me, and I know the notion has
crossed my mind. Stupid sexy Rei." She gave him a quick kiss. "I
trust you both, though, crazy as that sounds to me too. I know
neither of you would hurt me, so go right ahead. You and Rei do
whatever your little surprise is. I'll be seeing about cooking with
Hikari, if I can pry her away from her pet gorilla."
"… cooking?" Shinji almost sounded hurt.
She poked him in the side. "No, I don't have any complaints about
my boyfriend being a dedicated chef of no small talent who cooks
anything I want on demand. I just… you do that. You do all the
cooking, almost. It's because you're better at it than me, definitely
better than Misato, and I know it makes you happy to do so, but… I
want to… return the favor, baka."
Asuka could feel her cheeks heating a bit as Shinji stared at her in
surprise. "What? I… damn it, Shinji, you treat me like a princess and
I know it. I want to… do the same for you. Notice I didn't even ask
what you're up to for my present? Because I know you're going to go
all-out and… make it special. Because you know I haven't had a real
birthday with people I want to have around in forever. So I know
you're going to wow me. And I'm… I'm not waiting around a whole
eight more months to match things on your birthday. I'm going to
have Hikari spin me up on cooking some more so I can make stuff
for you too. And you're going to like it!" Asuka finished off with a hint
of her old tsun-fire. The blush more than won out, though.
Shinji smiled in that half-loving, half-sad way that always melted her
insides, like he still couldn't believe he was really there in bed with
her. "Yeah… I will. I know I will. And… I really hope you'll like what
I've got in mind, Asuka."
"I know I will. I have faith in my dearest baka. Now let's get to sleep. I
know this is going to be the best rest I've had in over a week, and it's
one day closer to getting to talk to our mothers." She closed her
eyes and let her head roll against his. "I don't care if we have to
spend the day apart if we get to end it like this. This makes
everything worth it."
"So, what do you think?"
Rei considered for a moment, then looked around her living room. "I
believe my apartment should be adequate, if we take some
precautions and do not use my bedroom."
Shinji smiled. "Thanks, Rei. I… I really want to get this perfect for
her. I don't think she's had a real, happy birthday in forever, and I…
really want her to be happy. More than anything in the world."
Rei gave one of her tiny smiles and nodded. "I understand. I wish for
her happiness as well. And I know that making her happy makes you
happy." Rei's face clouded slightly. "So I will do something that I do
not like, because you both being happy is more important than my
irritation with him."
Shinji blinked, confused. "'Him'? 'Him' who?"
"I know another who can help with this," Rei said with a small frown.
His grin was very annoying, Rei decided.
"Of course! I would be delighted to help a fellow Pilot and musician. I

did want to see them play, after all." Nagisa gave her what she was
sure other girls in the class would consider a soft, appealing smile.
He'd only been here a day, and already several of the girls
disappointed that Shinji was very much taken were already turning
disgustingly desirous looks at the new fish.
Rei forced herself not to scowl. "Him. Not them. We would… like
your assistance in this project. You listed the violin and piano among
instruments you play. I have begun learning viola so that I might
accompany m-… Shinji and Asuka in music. Your assistance would
help me learn quicker, and assist Shinji in producing his intended
birthday gift for Asuka. That is all."
"Even seeing him play sounds delightful. I would be happy to help.

Violin and viola are similar enough I can help you, yes." He was still
smiling. It was getting on her nerves even more than the constant
background itch of her Angelic side screaming at her to destroy the
Adamite interloper.
"Very well. Follow me to my residence at the conclusion of the
school day. We will practice until 1830, at which time you will leave
and return to your quarters."
He still smiled. "Then I will enjoy what time I have to observe him. I
will do my best to teach you. I have some skill, but I have only been
playing for five months. We learn quickly."
Something about his statement tickled at her mind, the slightly odd
tone to his voice. Rei's curiosity got the better of her. "Five months?
What made you begin?"
"I was born. Music seemed… free. I took to it naturally. It was one of
my few allowances."
Rei blinked, waiting for more. "You were born five months ago?"
"Five months, three days, thirteen hours, twenty two minutes."
Rei stared at him. Five months? He was… "You count every moment
of your existence?" Rei asked, one eyebrow rising a millimeter.
"Don't you?"
"Five years, two months, eleven days, nine hours this incarnation,"
she said, half to herself.
Nagisa blinked back at her, his smile fading for the first time since
they'd begun speaking. "What?"
Rei shook her head minutely. "I was not allowed music. I was
chemically numbed. A control mechanism. Therefore, I do not know
how to play. You will assist me in learning."
His smile returned, but noticeably dimmer. "I would be… honored."
For the first time, Rei could see the shadows in his smile. 'He knows
I know what he is, that NERV likely knows what he is. He knows
being here will almost inevitably end in his death. Yet still he walks
forward with a smile. Why? I took little joy in my knowledge of my
role in the Commander's Scenario, even though I longed for the
release of death. Why does he smile?'
She shook the line of thought away. It was not relevant now. "Good.
Asuka's birthday is of great importance to us. It will go well."
She turned and walked away, leaving Nagisa to his solitary lunch.
The crowd of flirtatious girls would no doubt surround him quickly
after she left anyway.
' I am suddenly regretful that I did not conduct any experiments with
Kensuke here, if for no other reason than that would have kept him
from technically being 'the first boy I have brought home',' Rei
thought to herself as she swiped her keycard through the lock on her
apartment door. She turned her head to give the Fifth Child a glare.
"This is my residence. Do not touch anything. My instincts are
already demanding your destruction for the invasion, even
requested."
Nagisa nodded, still smiling, like he had expected her to say

something like that. "I will try not to force you to destroy me," he said
cheerfully.
Somehow, that still annoyed her. "Come in," she muttered. "I will call
Shinji over."
Nagisa put his violin case down in the living room, looking around at
the still rather Spartan furnishing. "This is far more spacious than my
quarters," he observed.
Rei put away her cell phone, the brief call to Shinji already done.
"This is thanks to the efforts of my… friends and Major Katsuragi. My
previous residence was much less. They did this out of care for me."
Nagisa tilted his head a bit. "And you said you would do something
similar for me?"
Rei scowled. "And I also told you I do it for their regard, not care for
you. Do not try to imply anything more. I am still prepared at a
moment's notice to-" Rei cut herself of instantly as she heard the
door beep and hiss open.
Shinji appeared a moment later, cello case in his hands being

carefully moved around the table. "Hello, Rei, I… Oh, hello, Nagisa-
san."
Kaworu's smile broadened a notch. "Please, I asked you all to call

me Kaworu. We are to be fellow Pilots, after all."
Shinji looked a little flustered. Rei was caught between blushing at

how cute that made him look and the urge to growl at Nagisa for
daring such unearned intimacies with her love.
"K-kaworu-kun, then. Um… So I guess you said yes to Rei asking

you to help us?"
The grey-haired boy nodded. "Of course. I have been wanting to

hear you play since I found out you were a musician too. Maybe we
can do a nice duet." He cocked his head. "But how did you get here
do fast?"
"I… I live next door. Didn't Rei mention it?" Shinji stammered.
"Oh really?" Kaworu raised his eyebrows, turning to look back at Rei.
"No, it must have slipped her mind."
Rei fought down the urge to get between Nagisa and Shinji and
protectively embrace Shinji while snarling at Kaworu. "Prepare your
instrument, Nagisa. It is time to perform. Show me what you can do."
Shinji almost dropped his cello case on his foot and clapped one
hand over his mouth, turning red.
Rei blinked at him. "Are you alright, Shinji?"

He made some muffled noises under his hand, but was smiling when
he pulled it away. "J-just fine, Rei! Just… um, let's get started, then?"
"And place in the oven for 25 minutes at 180 degrees," Asuka read
out from the cookbook as Hikari set the dial.
"Done." Hikari turned back to her friend and gave her a mildly
accusing look. "So you and Ikari-kun were trying to nudge Touji and I
together to distract us ?"
Asuka's smile was unrepentant. "Yes, we were, and it worked. I know

just how distracting falling in love can be. And honestly, at the
beginning I was seriously scared of anyone catching wind of us
and… well, leading to anything that might separate my dearest baka
and I. Can you blame me?"
"If I wasn't so happy that Touji and I are actually together now, I
might!" Hikari grumbled lightly. She soon dropped the attempt at a
glower and smiled back. "It is pretty distracting. He and I were
thinking of thanking you by trying to nudge you two together,
actually," she giggled.
Asuka grinned. "You're my friend, Hikari. I wouldn't have done it if I

didn't already have a good idea how you two felt about each other. It
was not exactly hard to see you had a crush on that big block of
beef."
Hikari blushed.
"And once Shinji told me that despite his 'manly' complaints about
you being a "pigtailed tyrant" in the classroom, he kept staring at you
when he thought no one was looking, well,… I laughed at the two of
you dancing around each other, mutually attracted but afraid to say
anything… and Shinji just gave me this look ." She laughed. "So it
felt alright to give you two a hand. I know how incredibly better and
happier I felt once Shinji and I started communicating and… ah,
doing the other stuff," she coughed into her hand, "So I wanted my
best friend to feel that way too. Since you and Touji were acting like
Shinji and I, I was pretty sure it would work out in a similar manner."
Asuka's smile got warmer as her gaze drifted in the direction of the
wall their residence shared with Rei's apartment. "I used to feel
alone. My father and step-mother were never very good at affection,
and I never really had any peers or people I'd let close. You've got
your dad and your sisters, so you never were quite as lonely as I
was, but… Shinji loves me. That's the best part of it all. I don't fear I'll
be alone anymore. No matter what, I've got him. Helping you two
find that feeling too felt… good."
Asuka's face got a little grimmer and her smile faded. "And… this is
a dangerous job. All of us could have died in action multiple times
already. So holding back or 'waiting until you're older' seems… not
the right way. It's not just 'eat, drink, and be merry'. It's… I feel… no,
I know I'm stronger and better in a fight now that I know I'll always
have Shinji with me, backing me up, and being there at night. Being
together makes the myriad stresses of being an Eva Pilot a lot easier
to bear than alone."
"You didn't know I'd end up as the Fourth Child when you started
your little sneaky plot, but point taken," Hikari conceded. "And…"
She swallowed. "Asuka… what are we going to do about… our
mothers? I… I can't even sit in Unit-03 and try to talk to her as long
as I'm off the 'active duty' roster. Nagisa-san is a nice enough
person, but… I want my Evangelion back, even if just to try talking to
her."
Asuka shook her head. "I don't know. But be very, very quiet about it.
They never told me in ten years of being a Pilot, and they had to
know I'd have done anything to be able to talk to Mama again, so
this is stuff they don't want anyone to know at all. It's nearly a miracle
that we figured it out. Just… I don't know. They're supposed to have
Unit-02 repaired enough for me to reactivate it in a few more days.
I'll try…" Asuka had to pause and take a calming breath. "I'll try
talking to Mama, and see what happens. They've got to let you back
in Unit-03 at some point. And your mother answered when we tried,
so…"
Hikari looked down at her tightly clenched hands. "Should… should

we try telling Nagisa-san? See if he can talk to her for me?"
Asuka shook her head again much more sharply. "No way. He's…
we don't know him at all, and he's just appeared out of nowhere from
NERV Berlin, when he wasn't there when I left five months ago? I
don't trust him, have no reason to trust him, and plenty of reasons
not to. He could be working for that 'Human Instrumentality
Committee' I had to talk to, or… anyone. Don't mention any of it to
him."
Hikari had just opened her mouth to reply when the front door
opened. "I'm home," Rei said softly from the entrance hallway.
Asuka's smile returned at full power. "Welcome home, Rei! Come

join us! We're cooking!"
Rei came around the corner into the kitchen area with one of her
now familiar small smiles on her face. Her smooth curve towards
Asuka checked into a halt almost smoothly enough that you wouldn't
notice. Asuka noted Rei's hand twitch like she'd been about to raise
it for a hug, however. Her greeting smile at Rei was just a notch
higher once she did. "A bit surprised to see you, Rei. I thought you'd
be working on my mysterious present with Shinji all afternoon, like
the last two days."
"While I am reluctant to leave Shinji alone with the Fifth Child, lest he
become… impertinent," Rei replied, "I also miss spending time with
you. So I have determined to spend at least one afternoon a week in
your company. As time-demanding as Shinji's idea is, I do not simply
want to give up on seeing my other friends as well for the next two
weeks."
"So mysterious indeed about this present," Hikari said. "And why
would you worry about the new Pilot being um… 'impertinent' with
Ikari-kun?"
Rei very slightly pursed her lips. "He is… he is… bad at personal
space and respecting boundaries," Rei finally managed in a tight
voice.
Hikari looked surprised. "Did… he try something fresh with you? Is

that why you slapped him the day he transferred in?" She looked
even more puzzled. "And now you're worried he'll… hit on Ikari-
kun?"
Asuka gave Rei a funny look. "Rei, tell me that's not what you're
worried about. The new fish was a little strange, but I didn't think he'd
try anything that dumb. He knows Shinji and I are a thing, right? And
that I might feed him his own arm if he bothers my boyfriend?"
"He is very aware you and Shinji are a couple, yes," Rei said. "But
for some reason this only makes him more fascinated with him and
you. I have warned him not to do anything I would not approve of
while he and Shinji are alone."
"You don't think he'll actually do anything, do you, Rei?" Hikari

asked.
"No, I do not. I still do not like him." Rei dismissed him with a wave.
"So, we are cooking?"
"Yup! I'm not going to let my dear baka totally take over our kitchen,
no matter how much an emerging gourmet chef he's becoming,"
Asuka declared. "Plus, I want to see his face melt over something I
made for him instead of the reverse next time. Can't let him get too
far ahead on the 'making your lover turn into a happy puddle'
scoreboard. He's far enough ahead on that one already. He's a good
cuddle," she finished with smug pride.
Both Hikari and Rei looked envious. "So… what's getting to… to go
to bed together like?" Hikari said, blushing.
"You've got your own boytoy, find out for yourself!" Asuka replied with
a grin. "I think you'll like it."
"Shinji does give good hugs," Rei mumbled, a little pink herself.
"Oh my my~, Rei! Did you ask Asuka's permission first?" Misato said
from the front hallway. She appeared at the door to the dining area,
grinning. "I'm home!"
"Welcome home, Misato. Yes, she asked permission first. She

needed a hug. I gave her one too," Asuka said dryly. "You're home
early," she noted.
"I'm ahead enough on the paperwork for once I can afford it. Kaji's
taking me out tonight. And I had a piece of news I figured you'd want
to hear right away, so I decided it was time to call it a day," the curvy
Major said as she got a beer from the fridge. Her smile faded to a bit
more serious look as she turned around and popped it open. She
took a sip, and announced, "Unit-02's repairs are done. They're
ready for the reactivation test."
The other girls turned to Asuka, who'd gone blank. "When?" she
asked, her voice tight.
"1530, tomorrow afternoon."
"… Mama," Asuka whispered.
Kaworu wiped at the sweat on his forehead, his eyes still closed and
a sublime smile on his face. He took a deep breath before opening
his eyes. "Thank you, Shinji-kun. That was… most pleasant."
"Y-you're welcome, Kaworu-kun," Shinji blushed a bit. "I've n-never

done that with anyone before but Asuka."
"That was better than I'd hoped. I would like to do this with you more
often," the Fifth Child said almost breathily.
"I… I th-think Asuka would say that's her job. She might get upset at
you trying to take that from her," Shinji said carefully.
Kaworu considered this. "Maybe we could do it while she watches?

Give her a chance to rest between rounds?"
"What about me?"
Kaworu smiled. "You don't need to rest, Shinji-kun! You have

amazing stamina for this!"
The praise only made Shinji blush further. He lowered his bow. "I've
just had a lot of practice." He stood up and leaned his cello against
its stand. "But I really do need to stop, as nice as our duet was. I
need every bit of time to work on Asuka's present." He stood up and
stretched.
"You two are… fascinating to observe," Kaworu said. Shinji blushed

and ducked his head. "You are not at all the person I expected to
meet, Shinji Ikari."
"Eh?" Shinji looked puzzled by the comment. "What do you mean?

You knew my name before you came here? You expected to meet
me? How?"
"Everyone knows your name. Are you really unaware of your

position? You are the famous Third Child. I began reading about you
soon after reports of your battles with the Third Angel and the others
reached NERV Berlin. But from everything I read, I expected to meet
someone… alone, aching, a pure heart of glass, so fragile and
clear… but… you are not like that. You… you and the Second Child,
you almost glow together," Kaworu said meditatively. "Even now,
when she's not here, I can see you both reaching for each other."
Shinji glanced at the wall between Rei's apartment and Misato's. "I
know she's there. It's… it's amazing, that feeling. Knowing she's
there… I mean, not that she's in Misato-san's apartment, but that
she's… um… there, for me or… um." Shinji sighed. "I don't even
know how to say it. But we… it's like I've found the other half of me.
Like I'll never feel alone again, even when she's not next to me. I
always know she's… here." He touched his chest over his heart.
When he opened his eyes again, he almost wanted to slink out of

sight, Kaworu was staring at him so intently. "Um… sorry. We've had
to hide our being together for so long, I haven't really been able to
talk to anyone about it before. It's… a really intense feeling, like…
like a slow-motion fire."
"I… see…" Kaworu said softly. "It is… fascinating. You… love is
nothing like what I expected. I thought I would meet someone full of
pain and loneliness… but together you two have found ways to heal
that pain, to close the wounds in your hearts, thanks to each other. I
cannot wait to see you two perform a duet."
Shinji didn't know what to make of this. "Um… thank you. I… maybe
during her party, we might play. No time before then, I don't think."
He put his cello in its case and closed it. "I should get back to work
on her present, in fact."
Shinji walked over to Rei's dining room table and sat down, an array
of paper, pencils, and erasers already in front of him. Kaworu sat
down across from him as he picked up the pencil and stared hard at
the sheets. Silence reigned for a bit. Kaworu raptly watched Shinji
start carefully writing, stop, erase a bit, redo…
"I… wish I could do that."
Shinji looked up. "Mm?"
"What you're doing. I… cannot," Kaworu said, regret in his voice.

Or… almost mournfully?
"I… anyone can, Kaworu-kun. Even I didn't just spring to life able to
do this. It takes time and work."
Kaworu shook his head. "I… cannot create, not like you. I do not
have that… in me."
"You play the violin with pretty good passion, though?"
"Passion, perhaps. But I can only reproduce the work of others.

Not… make something new, just from your own mind, just because
you wish to." He pulled one of the sheets Shinji had already put to
his left closer to him and stared at it. "It is… sublime. I sometimes
feel I am on the edge of understanding something profound when I
try, but… I am missing something vital that puts it forever beyond my
grasp."
"Maybe it will come with time. How long have you been playing?"
"About five months," Kaworu said with the ghost of a smile.
"You're very good for five months. I wonder if us being Children has
something to do with it. Asuka has gotten pretty good since she
picked it back up again after a couple of years without playing, and
Rei is…" Shinji shook his head. "It's almost scary how fast she's
getting better. I don't think you've had to show her anything more
than once."
Kaworu's smile was less forced now. "I am happy she learns so fast,
too. And when her hands are full of viola, she cannot slap me." He
almost chuckled.
"Er… why did she slap you that first day?" Shinji suddenly looked
awkward as what he'd asked sank in. "Um… if you don't mind me
asking."
"Oh, it is quite alright. I… did not understand how much you and the
Second Child were together, and made some remarks that Ayanami-
san did not like about… your love. So she became angry." He
touched his cheek in memory. "I did not realize how much she cares
about you both, either. I should apologize to her, later. I apologize to
you and the Second Child, too. Hearing you speak of her and your
bond today has been… illuminating in many ways. I should not have
spoken of it so cavalierly that day. It is… far more than I ever
thought."
"We um… Rei and Asuka and I… have um… been through a lot
together," Shinji mumbled. "We care about each other a lot, since for
a long time it was just us that we could rely on against the Angels.
And… we found more in common than we'd thought. So… It just
happened, how we came to feel for each other."
Kaworu just stared at him, almost hungrily. "I… even the few days
I've been here have been so illuminating. Thank you, Shinji-kun. I
very much wanted to meet you. I might have been born to come
here, for this. To meet you."
Shinji blushed again and looked away. "I… I'm not that important.
Asuka is a genius. Rei is braver than me. Even Horaki-san: She
walked into this knowing how dangerous it is, and did it anyway, for
her family and Touji."
"Didn't you?"
Shinji shrugged. "I… did it so my father… " Kaworu jumped as Shinji

suddenly snarled the word. "Wouldn't force Rei to Pilot when she
could barely move and was bleeding so much. I'm… I tried to run
away, later. I'm just… not as good as the others."
"That's not the Shinji Ikari I read about in the reports. You don't see
yourself how others see you."
"I'm not… that great."
Kaworu looked at him, a vague look of confusion on his face. "Does

the Second Child think that?"
Shinji's shrunken, nervous look suddenly faded. "No… Asuka… I can

believe I'm something better when I'm with her." He started to smile
again.
"And you… always feel her with you, yes? So why the fear you are
'not that great'?" Kaworu asked.
Shinji scratched at the sheets for a moment before replying.

"Because for most of my life I knew I was nothing, a no one that
didn't deserve happiness. Now… she gives me hope that I am
wrong. And every day together is… new. As long as I have her, I
can… can… ," he gestured at the sheets in front of him, "I can do
this. I can fight Angels, protect everyone. I can do anything, for her.
Make a new me, even."
"Love… and creation," Kaworu said. Shinji wasn't sure he was

talking to him anymore. "Thank you, Shinji-kun. I cannot do what you
are doing… but… maybe I do not know everything I can do."
They were deep into another duet that Kaworu had wheedled out of
him when Rei appeared from the entryway. She didn't bother to
knock on her own door, instead silently ghosting in until she was
standing right behind Nagisa, frowning. "You are not supposed to
interrupt his work on her present with your own desires to play,
Nagisa," she said coldly.
Shinji marveled at how Kaworu didn't jump at all when Rei spoke
from right behind his shoulder. She hadn't made a sound audible
over the music, so how had Kaworu known she was there? He was
so relaxed. Shinji envied him that.
Kaworu stopped playing and turned his head far enough to smile at
Rei. "Welcome home, Ayanami-san. We were just playing a little
piece. I know it is about time for me to leave, and wanted to end on a
high note."
Shinji grinned a little. Well, they had been playing in E…
Rei did not appear to share his amusement. She fixed Nagisa with a
flat stare. "You shall depart. Shinji and I are needed at dinner."
"I am not invited?"
"No. It is 1830. Leave here and return to your accommodations. Our

practice will resume tomorrow evening, if not abrogated by events."
Shinji cocked his head. "Events? Is something going on tomorrow,

Rei?"
"Major Katsuragi returned home early to inform us that Unit-02's

repairs are complete. The reactivation test is tomorrow."
Shinji's eyebrows shot up. Asuka must be… "Ah. Right. That might
take up the afternoon. I guess we'll resume on the day after."
Rei swung her stare back at Nagisa. "You will leave now."
Kaworu just smiled, picked up his now packed away violin, and gave
her a tiny bow. "As you wish."
For some reason, this made Rei's glare at him turn to liquid nitrogen.
" What was that ?" she hissed.
Kaworu halted in his move towards the door. "I am doing as you
said. Is there something wrong?"
"Are you…" Rei seemed to fight for the right word. " Quoting at me?"
"….no?"
Rei still looked like she wanted to throw things at him. "Fine. Go.
Away," she bit out, and turned her back on him.
"Goodnight, Shinji-kun," Kaworu smiled back at the Third Child.

"Convey my good wishes to the Second Child for a successful
reactivation test."
"Goodnight," Shinji called as the grey-haired boy left. He looked at

his friend, who was still looking like a bristling cat. "Rei… are you
alright?"
"If I find out he was quoting at me…" Rei muttered. "Nnggg! That
stupid fish!" She shook herself. "I am alright, Shinji. We should return
to Major Katsuragi's apartment immediately. Asuka is excited at the
prospect of the reactivation test tomorrow, but also… agitated, due
to… other factors."
He nodded. 'Her mother… gods, I hope this goes well. Her mother
means even more to her than I do.'
"Right." He left his cello on the stand. "Let's get back."
Being in love had let Shinji learn a lot, and let him pick up some new
skills: German cooking, massage, and now reading his girlfriend's
mood in the dark by touch alone.
Asuka was taut as a string on his cello.
He knew why. Dinner had been far more subdued than usual. Asuka
had swung between giddy anticipation and worried introspection.
She'd given Rei a brief hug before she'd left, then grabbed Shinji and
hauled him straight to their room and an early bedtime.
She'd hardly said much, just got dressed down for bed and under the
covers to cling to him, nearly vibrating. He hadn't said anything
either. He could tell she'd talk when she was ready. And it wasn't like
laying quietly holding her wasn't one of his favorite things anyway.
It was more than 30 minutes before she said a word. "Thank you,"
she said softly, and kissed the side of his neck.
He just stroked her back.
"I'm doing my best to freak out now, because we can't afford it

tomorrow. I can't give Commander Asshole and Doctor Bitchface any
sign I know Mama's in there, or they'll… I don't know, but I bet
something terrible. They've kept this secret so long, they can't want
anyone to know. So I've got to have a perfect poker face tomorrow."
He nodded. He could tell she just needed to vent the tension where
no one but he would see.
She held up a hand in front of his face, just visible in the moonlight
through the window. It was almost vibrating. "Look at me. I'm shaking
like I just drank three pots of coffee…" She brought her hand back
down to his chest right over his heart. It stilled a little.
Abruptly, Asuka rolled so she could get up on her hands and knees.
She leaned down to plant a wild, fierce kiss on Shinji's lips. He was
surprised, but didn't object at all, enjoying the kiss for a long moment
before she stopped and laid back down next to him.
He looked the question at her with a smile.
"Shinji, at pretty much any point in the last ten years I would have
happily sawed off my left arm for the chance to see Mama and talk to
her again. Now I'm about to. I wouldn't even know she's in there if
you and I hadn't started talking, and we figured out that there were
too many coincidences in our stories. If we weren't together, I'd
never have had this chance to see Mama. And it's all because you
got dizzy and held on to me. So… you get a 'thank you' kiss."
He gave a soft laugh in the dark. "You're welcome? Asuka… I can't

take all the credit. We're here right now because you were the one
brave enough to demand a kiss. I'd never have been brave enough
to ask my impossibly hot roommate like you did."
"Let that be a lesson to you, Third Child: Always kiss me. It leads to
good things."
"I can see no reason to disagree at all." He closed his eyes and took
a deep whiff of her scent. He could nearly feel his own tension
floating away. "I'll… make sure I'm there when the test starts. I'll… I
don't know, try to talk to you or something if it looks like you're going
to let slip something Doctor Akagi would pick up on."
"Good. I… Gott, Shinji. Mama! I… I still can't believe this is real. And
not only do I get her back, I get to tell her I've found you." She
squeezed him tight. "This… I don't want to get my hopes up too high,
but this might be the happiest day I've ever had tomorrow."
Shinji smiled again. "Yet. Try 'yet'."
She nipped the side of his neck. "You, turning into an optimist? The
end of the world must be near."
"Until the end of the world, you and me," he said. "Promised."
"Baka." She smiled and let sleep claim her.
Author's Note, 12JUL16: Sorry for the delay, everyone. Deployment

is leaving less time to write than I'd hoped, and we're hitting difficult
chapters that can fight me for a while. Do not fear, though: A&T
continues, and I have no intention of stopping short of the climax and
epilogue I've already got visualized. I've known since I started
planning things out what the last 4 lines of A&T would be, and who
would say them.
A note of thanks to you all, really. What started as a one-shot WAFFy

nothing has become my most popular story, and the fact I can now
see A&T mentioned in the same sentence as Nobody Dies, Once
More With Feeling, and The 2nd Try is just mind blowing. I have a
TVTropes page? O_O
About 2000 more words already down on the next update, which
should be sooner and smaller than this one. Thanks for all the
reviews!
Advice & Trust
Chapter 9.5
Everything I Do…
' This is not going to be easy, now or later' Ritsuko thought to herself.
She made herself look up at the monitor above the observation

window into the Test Cage. If she looked down, she'd have to peer
over Maya's shoulder like she used to, and that would make it all but
impossible to avoid a smile threatening to break out on her face.
The last few days had been equal measures exhilarating and
terrifying. She and Maya had managed to 'have dinner' every night.
Ritsuko had taken to carrying around the slightly bulky hand terminal
she sometimes used for MAGI access because that meant she and
Maya could constantly talk privately through the coding logs.
And talk they did. She'd tried to slow things down, tried to remind
herself she was still rebounding from Gendo's mistreatment, her own
emotional crash, and near suicide. It had crumbled before Maya's
argument that they'd known each other for almost two years, that
Ritsuko had known about Maya's crush on her for most of that, and
that the two of them starting whatever they were starting was merely
a small change of status.
Ritsuko fought down another strong urge to grin. This was

intoxicating . For all the years she'd spent throwing herself at Gendo,
and all the times she had honestly moaned in lustful physical
pleasure under him, for he did hit a lot of her buttons, she knew
perfectly well she'd never felt even a scrap of emotional involvement
from him that she hadn't imagined up out of nothing. But with
Maya… She couldn't even look at her without smiling, and know
she'd find the younger woman smiling right back. She knew, knew
Maya liked to see her and wanted to be around her. She'd spent the
last few nights staying up way too late, messaging back and forth
with Maya until neither of them could stay awake.
She couldn't help it. She stepped a bit closer and leaned over to see
Maya's screen. This let her put her hand on Maya's shoulder and
squeeze gently. She could see Maya smile into the screen, her
hands still typing steadily at the reactivation test protocols.
"Everything looking good?" she asked, for appearances sake.
"Just fine, Akagi-sempai," Maya said cheerfully, giving her a little

nod.
Ritsuko just nodded, but smiled internally. One of the things they'd
talked about was the need to hide. Second Impact had slightly
weakened Japan's general taboo on same-sex couples, but it hadn't
gone away entirely, and most gay couples learned to be very quiet
about it. Ritsuko had assured Maya she didn't care about that. But
Ritsuko herself knew far too much about Commander Ikari's
Scenario, and if he ever got wind of the fact Ritsuko was no longer
playing on his team (Maya had laughed at that), there was a good
chance he'd have them both killed (She hadn't laughed at that. She'd
gone pale.). So they had to give no public sign they were… together.
They hadn't slept together, kissed, or even so much as held hands,

but she already felt a dozen times closer and happier being with
Maya than she had in years pursuing Gendo. She felt positively
giddy at times. Maya wanted her just for being her. Maya wanted to
hold her, say her name softly, and wake up next to her. Without
either of them saying three little words, without a kiss or anything,
they were… a couple.
'I have a girlfriend,' Ritsuko thought with mild amazement.
She'd run that little statement past her conscious mind multiple times
over the last couple days. It just got better every time. Maya was…
amazingly forgiving. Even her involvement in Commander Ikari's
Scenario was forgivable, as long as she dedicated herself equally to
secretly fighting it, now. Even…
She grimaced. Maya was too good. She didn't deserve her. When
she'd explained that as part of keeping Commander Ikari unaware of
them, Ritsuko would still have to… come when he sent for her, at
night, Maya had just… accepted it. No questions, no reservations.
Just 'I understand.' Though her acceptance might have been eased
by Ritsuko's blushing admission that it would not be Gendo she was
thinking of, in the middle if things. And it had been true, too. Gendo
had summoned her two nights ago. With Commander Ikari bulling
away on top of her, she'd instead pictured it being Maya in her arms,
equipped with a toy she already had in her apartment. Her climax
had been sudden and surprisingly powerful. Gendo had thought her
suddenly increased moans had been his doing. She'd managed to
leave before he could see how she kept smiling.
'And I have started utilizing the most powerful computer array in the
world for flirting and ERP with my girlfriend. This is ridiculous. And
now… now you have to stop distracting yourself from what's about to
happen, Ritsuko. The Second Child is about to reactivate Unit-02.' A
twinge of guilt stabbed at her. Maya had accepted that they couldn't
tell the Children how the Eva's Cores really worked. She'd accepted
that far less readily than the other things. Ritsuko had spent years
teaching herself to ignore that part of the Evangelion program.
Maya's relentless look of hurt at the subject had painfully
reawakened Ritsuko's conscience on the matter.
'And you know from her psych profile that Asuka would give
anything to be able to know where her mother's soul is. And you've
said nothing.'
She watched on the remote camera feed to the Entry Plug as the
Second Child got into her seat and the hatch sealed. The Plug spun
down into its slot in the spine of Unit-02 and began to fill with LCL.
The young Pilot opened her mouth and let her lungs fill with the
orange liquid with the ease of long practice. A trail of bubbles trickled
upwards from her mouth as she settled back, her eyes closed and
face relaxed.
' One day you're going to have to face her reaction when she learns
you knew where her mother was all along, and kept it from her.'
Ritsuko sighed quietly. If they all lived through this, she'd need the
rest of her life to even begin atoning for all this. That Maya could
provisionally forgive her gave her some hope, at least. She turned to
Maya.
"Commence activation," she ordered. "Connect main power to all

circuits."
"Main power supply connecting… complete. Commencing activation

system," Maya responded. "Activation voltage is approaching the
critical level. 0.6, 0.3, Rising."
"Begin the second phase of the activation system."
"Pilot has begun link-up," one of the senior techs reported.
"Entry has started. LCL electrolyzed," Maya recited. "Initiating first

connection. Data received. Reconfirming. Pattern green."
All normal so far. "Start system Phase 2."
"Transmitting pulse," Maya said. "No problems with initial contact.

Harmonics are all normal. Checklist satisfactory up to 2500. Initiating
3rd connection. Self-psychograph is… active," she reported.
Active? Ritsuko switched her look to the Pilot readouts. Asuka's

psychograph was… a little more erratic than usual. "Pilot Soryu, is
everything alright on your end?"
"Just fine, Doctor," the young woman said. "I'm just eager to get my
Evangelion back in action. Saving the world in Unit-03 is nice and all,
but Unit-02 is my baby. This is where I belong. So let's get this kitty
purring." She shot a challenging look at the communications window.
"I'm ready. So is Unit-02."
Another pang of guilt shot through her. She managed to keep her
face blank. "Initiate A-10 Nerve connection," Ritsuko said.
"Clear up to 2580." Maya said calmly. "Counting down to the

absolute borderline. 0.9, 0.7, 0.5, 0.4, 0.3… Absolute borderline
passed. Unit-02 has activated successfully."
Asuka tried not to jitter in her seat. She'd never been this nervous in
Unit-02 before, not since the first time she'd activated it ten years
ago. She couldn't stop her hands from gripping the control yokes so
hard she could hear the plastic creak. She hardly noticed breathing
LCL anymore, but for now she tried to concentrate on the greater
effort it took to pump the liquid in and out of her lungs versus air. It
helped distract her, a little.
' Mama Mama Mama Mama Mama…'
Ok, it didn't distract her very much. And now the wait was over, the
desperate wish she'd cried herself to sleep by too many times over
the last ten years was about to come true…
"Absolute borderline passed. Unit-02 has activated successfully,"

she heard Lieutenant Ibuki say from the observation room.
The walls of the Entry Plug went through their prismatic spray of wild
colors and stripes before settling into the fake-transparent view of
the outside. Asuka felt the subtle tingle on her mind of the Eva, the
same feeling she'd grappled with and tried to master every time she
synched with her Evangelion. But now she paid more attention than
ever. This time it wasn't about trying to force a giant doll to obey her.
This time… it was Mama.

She calmed herself as much as she could, and reached out like she
and Shinji had in Unit-03. The smooth wall of presence in her mind,
the way she'd always perceived Unit-02 as, was waiting… but this
time she forced herself not to visualize it as a wall, but a curtain…
and then tried to push beyond it.
The barrier rippled… waved… and parted.
Asuka could feel it change. She'd never tried this before… The Eva
had always been an object, a thing she had to wrestle under control
of her will. This time, she tentatively reached out, sending her
thoughts inward to the Core…
' Mama? Are… are you there? It's Asuka. I'm… I'm here.'
There was a pause, like a held breath in her mind.
And then the Eva responded .
"A… Akagi-sempai, the… I don't… Pilot Soryu's readings are going

crazy!" Lieutenant Ibuki said worriedly from her console.
Misato tried not to react, but then realized she would normally.
Asuka's heart rate had been higher than normal already, but her
readouts on the biofeedback monitors had just gone wild, her pulse
skyrocketing. She could feel Shinji tense as a bowstring next to her.
The right hand of his plugsuit squeaked as he made a tight fist. He
looked at her, his eyes pleading.
"Her psychograph is… there's all sorts of strange readings popping

in. It's getting unstable," Ritsuko confirmed from the nearby console
she'd moved to. "Synch rate at 52.8%… 55%… 68%… 84%! Asuka,
what's happening in there? Do we need to abort?" Her hands moved
to the glass cover over the red Emergency Power Cutoff lever.
' Oh don't you touch that thing, Rits! I think Asuka would rather die.
And if she really is making contact with her mother and you pull the
plug, I'm afraid as soon as she gets out of the Entry Plug she'll steal
my pistol and empty it into you. ' Misato almost spoke over her
college friend. "Asuka, are you alright?"
"I'm fine! This is my Eva! I have… I will get this under control. Do not
stop the test!" Asuka almost shouted at them. 'Do NOT take this
away from me, you fake-blonde bitch! MAMA!' she managed not to
add out loud. It was a small miracle she wasn't crying.
From joy.
~ASUKA! ASUKA! Daughterlovechildhereherehereyou'realivealive!~

The 'voice' was oddly blurred, like listening to two stereo speakers
not quite in synch. But it was definitely, utterly, absolutely the voice
she remembered from her earliest memories.
Her mother was alive .
~Pro-protectlovedaughteralive-ve!~ the voice almost shouted back at

her. ~Here-ere!~ Again, that odd echo.
' Mama, it's me! Your Asuka! You've been here with me the whole
time!' She couldn't stop it. The tears started to form at the edges of
her eyes. She closed them and tilted her head back, trying to ensure
no one could see them.
~Here-ereYesYes-es!~
"Synch Rate now 94.3%!" Lieutenant Ibuki reported.
"That's it, I'm stopping this now. There's something very wrong here,"
Doctor Akagi said. "Cut the power and disconnect the nerve feeds
before something happens to her."
"Doctor Akagi, wait!" Shinji burst out. "Don't cut her off!"
The scientist shot him an incredulous look. "Shinji-kun, we have no

idea what happens once she passes 100% Synch, but I don't want to
find out the hard way! And I think I know more about how the Evas
work than you do!"
"But you've never sat in one. You don't know what it's like. The way it
feels when you just… open up to the synchronization is… I can't
even describe it. Let her be. Asuka's got this. Right, Asuka?" Shinji
raised his voice and spoke towards the microphone near the monitor
at the front of the room.
"Yes! Everything's fine! Don't shut it down! Listen to the baka!"

Figuring everyone was probably staring at Shinji, Asuka took the
chance to quickly wipe at her eyes. 'Mama! That's him! My Shinji! I
found him! He found me! He loves me!'
She sent a cascade of images of the two of them. Mindful of her

accident with Hikari, she made sure to leave out any images of the
two of them in flagrante delicto . She let many, many images of him
lying next to her at night, smiling in the aftermath, tell that story.
~Surprise! Affection. Joy! Loss. Separation.~
' I've missed you, Mama… but you were always with me!' She didn't
want to stop this, but she had to. She couldn't maintain her
composure much longer. 'I… I have to go, Mama! We can't let them
know about you! But I promise! We'll save you! We got Hikari out,
we'll get you out too! Somehow! I want you to meet Shinji!'
~Asuka-ka! Don't leave-ve! LivDie with me.~
Asuka jerked in shock. What? The double-echo thing was getting

worse, but… that couldn't be what Mama had said, right? 'Mama?'
.
.
"Her Synch Rate is 98.5%! I'm pulling the plug!" Doctor Akagi said.
"Maya, shut it down, now!"
"Beginning termination program!" Maya responded, fingers flying

over her keys. Her hands froze. "Unit-02 is rejecting the signal!"
~Die. No! Live! You must live! My daughter! Stay here. Die with me.~
It was distinctly two voices talking to her now. One joyful, loving,
eager to see her… the other… almost the same, but… calling for her
to die also…
The voices were… fighting? Diverging? And getting louder.
~You are always with me! Go! My beautiful girl!~
~Die with me… ~
~No!~
~Die for me… ~
"Synch Rate at 99.8% !" Maya shouted.
"Cut the power!" Doctor Akagi ordered.
This… Asuka didn't know what this was. Both voices sounded like
Mama, but… one was… wrong. Dark. Broken. Happy to see her as
the other one, but… it wanted her to join it in… NO!
Asuka pulled back, withdrawing from the intoxicating joy of finally
speaking with her mother again. She tried to aim her thoughts at the
'good' voice. 'Mama, I have to go. I'll see you again soon! I love
you!~
~Love!~
~Die… Love… Die… ~
"Power cut! Thirty seven seconds of power remaining in Unit-02's

batteries!" Maya reported. "Sh… what? Synch Rate… Synch Rate is
dropping! 94.9%… 90%… 85%… stabilizing at 78.7%…"
Doctor Akagi slumped slightly in relief. Then she threw a glare at

Misato and Shinji before leaning in close to look over Maya's
shoulder. "Alright. So what the Hell just happened?"
Maya shook her head. "The MAGI are unable to reach any
conclusions yet. But… the instability… originated in the Core?" She
tapped at the keyboard. "Unit-02 is responding again. Cutting links
and starting shutdown protocols. Entry Plug ejection signal
accepted."
Shinji stiffened. He could see Misato's jaw minutely tighten. They

both knew what that had to mean. Asuka had succeeded, at least
partially. But succeeded in a way that was entirely too noticeable.
This would be hard to pass off as not worth investigating, if that was
even possible.
' Still,' Shinji consoled himself, 'it worked! Asuka has to have made
some kind of contact with her mother! And that means… I can too.'
"Asuka, what happened? Your readings are all over the place!"
Doctor Akagi's question dragged his attention back to the moment.
On the monitor, Asuka blinked and focused on her questioner like
she was coming back from somewhere else. "I… it was so easy. I
don't know what you did in those repairs, Doctor, but… it was easier
than ever to synchronize with Unit-02. It felt great!" Behind her, the
Entry Plug flashed through it's shutdown cycle, ending in half-
shadowed blank walls.
"You nearly hit 100% Synchronization, Asuka. We don't know what

that would do to you, and that's probably not a good thing to find out
the hard way. We're going to need to go over everything that
happened in detail."
"You handle the technical side, Doctor. I'll debrief my Pilot," Misato
interjected.
Doctor Akagi didn't look very happy at that. "I'm going to need to
question her as well. She went from below 50% synchronization to
barely short of 100% and completely unknown consequences! Or not
unknown: what if she'd been absorbed like the Horaki girl?"
"Then tell me why that happened, Doctor Akagi," Misato shot right
back. "This is the same Pilot we had last time. Only Unit-02 has
changed. If the instability originated in the Core, that's on you ."
Doctor Akagi looked like she was going to escalate further and
opened her mouth, but suddenly stopped, a strange look passing
over her face. "… right. Of course. See to your Pilot, Major. I'll… I'll
talk to you about what we've both gotten later."
Misato jerked a tight nod at her and turned to leave. "Shinji-kun,

follow me. We're done here."
Shinji nodded and fell in behind her. He didn't know what to make of
it, when he looked back, and saw Doctor Akagi with her head hung
low, hunched over the control console… and Lieutenant Ibuki
touching her hand gently.
The meeting room was as Spartan as possible, just a table, a few
chairs, and MAGI terminal in the center of the table. Misato pointed
Asuka to one of the seats. The Second Child silently took her place,
her hair still damp from her brief shower to wash out the LCL. Misato
sat opposite her, Shinji already seated on her left.
Before Misato could even say a word, the door slid open again to
admit a likewise still damp First Child, fresh from her own cleanup.
She'd sat in Unit-00 during Asuka's reactivation test, on Doctor
Akagi's orders, as a precaution against any more berserker events.
Now, she took a seat on Misato's right, giving the appearance of
Asuka facing a board of her Ops Commander and fellow Pilots.
Asuka tried to make her fists unclench below the table. She could
feel her fingernails nearly cutting into her palms, she was squeezing
so tight. But she had to keep a solid poker face for this, no matter
how much she wanted to scream and cry and run right now.
"Alright, Asuka. This debriefing is being recorded," Misato began

with a subtle reminder. "I'm going to keep this as brief as possible,
since the early indications are the sudden surge in your Synch Rate
was due to something on Unit-02's side, possibly due to a side-effect
of the repairs. So just tell us what happened from your side, at your
own pace."
Asuka swallowed, trying to get control of herself. She'd have to

speak slowly and carefully. If she said one word about Mama, she
knew she might not be able to stop her mask from crumbling. And
she'd have to talk fast. She needed to get out of here and
somewhere the MAGI weren't watching before she couldn't hold it in
anymore.
Suddenly, her task got easier. Under the table, out of sight of the
watching cameras and unheard by the microphone, she felt a foot
brush against her leg. Shinji's poker face was pretty good. No sign of
what he was doing showed on his face, but the mere contact with
her lover and wingmate was enough to give her the boost she
needed to get through this.
She took a deep breath and began. "Well, it started normally. I could
feel the systems coming online, and the startup sequence was as
usual. When I tried to synch, the connection was just… sharper,
clearer. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary…"
None of them said a word once they packed into the back of Misato's
car and began the slow ride to the surface from the Geofront.
Despite the offer, no one sat in the passenger seat. Asuka was
perfectly happy to be seated in the middle of the Renault's tiny
backseat, comfortingly squeezed between two people she loved. Her
grip on Shinji's hand was steel-hard. She hadn't blinked more than
once when Rei took her left hand as well.
Soon enough, if not soon enough to Asuka's fraying composure,

they reached the vehicle transport train's terminal on the surface.
Misato drove them out onto the streets of Tokyo-3 and pointed them
northward, heading for home. She waited until the station was well
into their rear-view mirror before she spoke. "Alright, Asuka, we're
clear. I swept the car for bugs this morning." She flicked a glance at
the redhead in the car's mirror. "So… it worked?"
A sob burst from Asuka's mouth. She gasped for breath and
clenched her friends' hands even tighter. "She's alive. My mother is
alive."
Her mask of control shattered and she gave up trying to continue,

her head dropping back against the seatback as tears streamed
freely down her face. "Mama is alive," she gasped between sobs.
"We can save her."
She could feel Shinji's arm wrap around her from her right. Holding
her as she cried in public for the first time in ten years. Slightly
awkwardly, Rei's joined in a moment later.
Misato just pursed her lips at the confirmation of their theories and
drove a little faster. Home was needed.
Asuka had won a small measure of control back by the time they
reached the apartment. She refused to let go of Shinji at all once
they left the car, and only reluctantly let go of Rei, and that only due
to sheer physical difficulty of walking with both of them clamped to
her. Once in the front door, Asuka managed to raise her head and
quietly tell Misato, "Shinji and I are going to our room for a little
while. I need some… time to… to…"
Misato just nodded. "Rei and I will make something for dinner. Take
your time. I'll come knock in an hour if you're still… resting."
Asuka jerked one nod, then staggered towards the living room and
the hall to their bedroom, Shinji still held tightly next to her. Rei
stared after them, her face as blank and stiff as it had ever been, but
this time with recognition that her friend was in turmoil and she did
not know what to do.
She turned to Misato. "Major Katsuragi… I am… I do not know what

to do. Asuka is… undone. I have never seen her… fall apart like this.
Should… should we not have done this?"
Misato shook her head. "No, Rei, this was… you have no idea how
much Asuka's mother means to her. Once she had the idea that her
mother might be in her Eva's Core, I don't think she'd have let
anything stand in the way of trying to communicate with her like she
did today." Misato looked at Rei, a thought striking her. "What about
you, Rei?"
Rei looked uncomfortable. "Me?"
"Your Eva. If our theory is right, it might be your mother in Unit-00.

Have you ever… felt anything? Tried to talk to her? Asuka said you
told her 'she is angry' after the last berserker event."
Rei looked… almost frightened. "I… I cannot talk about it. Please…"
she pleaded.
Misato's eyebrows rose. She'd never seen Rei scared of something.
"Alright," she eventually conceded.
It took over half an hour of clinging to Shinji, weeping, and

occasionally whispering 'She's alive!' before Asuka could manage
anything like a stable expression. Shinji didn't say a word, just
holding her while she let ten years of pain and loss pour out of her
shattered mask. He'd seen Asuka without her clothes a lot over the
last few months, but never this naked. He knew how much of a
privilege she was giving him in this, too. Despite the tears, he felt a
little glow of warmth that she would let him be this close to her, with
all her defenses crumbled, and that she trusted him to be the one to
hold her while she wept.
She signaled her finally getting a grip on her emotions by squeezing

him almost painfully tight. She didn't even have to say anything as
inadequate as 'thank you'. She just gave him a gentle kiss and wiped
the last of the tears from her eyes. "I… She answered! It was her! I…
a-and we can save her !"
"Save her?"
"We can get her out! Hikari came out, so we know it's possible! And
it was definitely Mama. So it's almost sure that your mother is in Unit-
01!" Asuka said, an amazed smile dancing on her lips.
Shinji smiled back, but it quickly faded. "I… I want to see her too,
but…"
"But what?" Asuka stared at him. "I… even with the… weirdness,
aren't you still eager at the idea of having your mother back?"
He nodded a little, but his expression was still pensive. "I.. don't think
it will be that easy."
"What do you… oh."

He nodded again. "My father knows perfectly well she's in there. If it
was easy to get her out, he'd have done it already. There has to be a
reason why not. I don't know… maybe Hikari came back out
because an Eva can only hold one person? Or…" His expression got
gloomier. "Maybe the Evas don't even work without a soul in them.
Maybe mother had to do this, if they knew the Angels would come
one day and attack."
Asuka hummed thoughtfully. "Mama… did say something about

'protecting me'. Maybe… maybe that's it. But… I… Shinji there were
two voices."
His brow furrowed. "Two?"
"It started off like it was just two speakers just out of synch. Then it…
separated more. They were… both Mama, but… one was the Mama
I remember, loving, protective… but…" Asuka pinched her eyes shut
and burrowed her face into his shoulder. "The other one… wanted
me to die with her. Or for her. Or both. I… tried to talk to the good
one. But… I don't know. They were both Mama! Just… wrong."
"But it was her," Shinji said. "And that means… they're not really
gone. Maybe we can get them out, maybe we can't, but… just
knowing they're still alive, still with us.. every time we sit in out
Evas…" Shinji closed his eyes too, and almost held off a tear.
Asuka smiled sadly and pushed herself up onto her arms, dipping
back down to kiss him again. "Yeah… And now we can fight even
harder, knowing they're with us." She sat up, her now badly wrinkled
student uniform looking the worse for wear after so long laying in bed
with him. "Let's get changed into something more comfortable, and
go tell the good news to Misato and Wondergirl. And then some
celebratory dinner. They're alive!"
Misato took a deep, slow sip of her beer before putting it back down
in front of her on the dining room table. She looked like she was torn
between grinning hugely for them and deep thought over the
implications. "Two voices, huh? I… that doesn't sound like anything
good, though."
Asuka shrugged slightly in the seat across from her. "I know. And it's
worrying me more the more I look at it, but I'm still just so happy
she's alive to let it get to me right now. Just knowing she's there for
me to talk to next time I'm in Unit-02 is the best thing I've found in
years." She looked over her shoulder at Shinji, seated next to her.
"Well… almost the best thing. Love you, baka-Shinji." She leaned
over to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Thanks to you falling head-over-
heels for me, we ended up here."
Shinji flushed at the praise and kiss. He still couldn't get used to the
rush of feeling every time she said something like that in front of
other people. "Y-you're welcome," he sputtered.
Rei looked even more torn. She'd hugged Asuka tightly after she and
Shinji had emerged from their room, relief that her friend was back in
control of herself warring with worry like Misato's. Rei's face had
gotten flatter and flatter as Asuka explained what had truly gone on
during the reactivation test. "Two voices…" she echoed quietly. "But
definitely your mother…"
Asuka nodded. "That I'm 100% sure of. And she recognized me.
And… ahem!" Asuka squeezed Shinji's hand. "I managed to tell her
about my dear baka here, too. I think she was happy for me. She
approves of him, I think."
Shinji turned redder and tried to sink into his chair.
Asuka smiled and poked him in the head with her free hand. "Look
on the bright side, Shinji. Next time you're in Unit-01, you get to tell
your mother about your impossibly hot and awesome girlfriend.
Picture that."
While Shinji dissolved into further embarrassed goo, Asuka turned

her smile on Rei. "And… you said 'she is angry', Rei? Maybe… you
can talk to her, right?"
Rei looked like she wanted to cry, or hide. "I… I cannot talk about it."
Abruptly, she pushed her chair back from the table and stood up. "I
have to go." The First Child quickly turned and headed for the door.
The other three exchanged surprised looks. "Rei, wait, you don't
have to-" Misato started.
"I have to go. I'm sorry," Rei said without looking back. She left the
room at nearly a run.
Finding Nagisa was not difficult. Rei knew better than to do anything
visible with her AT-Field when she was anywhere she could be seen,
but unfurling it just enough to look around the city and sense where
that stupid fish was hiding was simple, at least enough for a
direction, and she could pinpoint him easily once closer. A
convenient city taxi got her to within a few hundred meters of him in
one of the city's more parks on the northeastern fringe.
' Isolated, as well. Good. He and I will be having words that I do not
particularly want overheard.'
She quickly found him on one of the overlooks of the hillside park,
staring down at the city coming to life in the sunset. She was quiet,
but she was sure he could sense her approach just as easily as she
could feel his presence getting closer.
His smile broadened a bit as she rapidly walked closer. "Hello,

Ayanami-san. I sense this is not a chance encou-OW!"
She slapped him on the right cheek this time. The sense of balance
was an extra bit of satisfaction.
Nagisa pulled himself off the fence rail he'd stumbled against. "What
did I do this time?" he said with some surprise. "I have not even
spoken to you since lunchtime."
"This is your fault, you… you… stupid Rainbow Trout! " Rei shouted
at him. "She is crying and hurt and upset and I don't know what to do
and yet she still tries to make me feel better and I just had to leave
her and run away because if I don't she'll ask why I can't say
anything or she'll get hurt and aaaaRRRGH!" Rei said in one long
blast. She raised her hand to smack him again.
This time The Fifth Child ducked out of arm's reach. "Please slow
down and explain. I do not understand." He rubbed his cheek. "And I
wish to avoid being slapped."
"Asuka! She attempted communication with her mother's soul in

Unit-02's Core during the reactivation test this afternoon, and
succeeded ! She cried ! I have never seen her like this! She was…
so happy, but couldn't stop crying once she began. And now she is
asking me about my Evangelion, and if it is my mother in there, and I
cannot even discuss it without being terrified that Commander Ikari
or your masters will learn of it and kill them! She is upset and wants
to help me and I cannot even explain why I don't have a mother
without endangering her. And the longer I am silent the more I hate
how I have to lie to them like this! Which is your fault! I was going to
tell them everything about me! I was not afraid of them rejecting me,
because I know they love me! But now… now I have to be silent and
lie to protect them, because of you. I am now afraid of the day Asuka
or Shinji ask me why I never said anything about the souls in their
Evas…" Rei ran out of steam and slumped against the railing a few
meters from him. "I hate you," she finished weakly.
"I am sorry. This is for their own protection. The men you call my
masters have spilled a lot of blood to keep their secret, and would
think nothing of erasing the Second Child if they learned she knew
too much. The same for the Fourth. They would hesitate only a little
even for the Third. That they know of the souls in the Cores is
dangerous enough," Nagisa said gently. "People have died for
knowing less."
"I know !" Rei spat at him. "I love them and it hurts to even think that
I'm lying to them in silence, or of them coming to harm because of
things they… they should have a right to know!" She waved her
arms wildly, more animated than Nagisa had ever seen. "Asuka was
crying . She never cries! Ever! That's how much knowing her mother
was in her Eva meant to her! And… and now I'm scared that one day
soon she or Shinji are going to ask me if I knew about their mother's,
and why didn't I tell them and… and…" She looked at him with eyes
that burned at him with matching pain and fear. "I cannot bear the
thought they would hate me. That kind of betrayal they could not
forgive."
"Did you know?" Nagisa asked quietly.
"I don't even know!" Rei shouted at him again. "Everything before I
weaned myself of the drugs is a fog. I think I knew that the
Commander's wife was in Unit-01 for a while, but I was so dulled and
numb from the drugs I never even put the logic together that meant
that was also Shinji's mother! It never even occurred to me to
contemplate it, or tell him! And I knew nothing about Unit-02 even
existing until it arrived here. It meant nothing to the Commander's
Scenario, so he never told me about it!"
"If you didn't know, then why are you scared? I have seen you all
together. They… the bond you have with them is almost as bright as
the one they have with each other. Do you really think they'd
abandon you, not trust you when you say you didn't know?"
"I don't kno-… wait, you can see our bonds?"
Two pairs of red eyes met. "I… yes," Nagisa said. "I do not think it's
like yours, but… I can see something. AT-Fields shine to me. Your
light… brightens around them. And… I truly apologize for what I said
when I first arrived. I did not understand their bond." Kaworu said.
"Nor yours with them. I came here… please understand, I read all
about Shinji Ikari, the famous Third Child. SEELE has all of NERV's
files on him. I read about someone who was unwilling to be a Pilot,
but successful at it anyway. Someone who had few or no friends.
Someone alone, fragile, but pure. The very essence of a Lilim heart."
Kaworu shifted, levering himself up off the railing and turning to face
Rei. "But then I came here. Earlier than I thought I would. I was so
happy, to finally leave the lab SEELE had raised me in, and be
allowed to meet this person. Yes, it was also to obey the Call,
coming closer like this, but… to meet him, someone who had come
to personify everything I knew about the Lilim so perfectly."
He stepped closer, right in front of her. "But then I met him. He was
everything I had read about but… so different, as well. I did not
expect to see him and the Second Child together like that. I have
never even read about anything like that before! They… they are…
Lilim are supposed to be isolated, separate, each alone behind their
AT-Field! But those two… they are nothing like that! They are… I
can't even describe it! Like two halves of a dance! They're constantly
reaching for each other, even when they aren't even in the same
room! They bend and curl around each other like two pieces of the
same fire! It is… the Lilim part of me calls out to it, aching for
something like that! I… I can feel the emptiness in me where
something like that might go, but… I cannot understand it!"
He put his hands on Rei's shoulders and very lightly shook her. "It is
something that… I can feel part of me hungering for, even as the rest
of me cannot even grasp it. She… the Second Child is… she is what
makes him glow, and vice versa. I… cannot wish to harm that. Him
or her, not when they each are so much an integral part of the
other's happiness. It is… like the Call, it fills that emptiness inside
like nothing else. I… I wish I could have something like that." He
looked right at her. "Do you understand what I mean?"
His eyes widened as Rei grabbed his shirt collar in both hands and
yanked him closer. "Listen to me well, you stupid fish. I had
something like that. When I told them I loved them I felt better than I
ever have before. They accepted me! I was not alone! I felt better
just being around them! And now because of you I have to flee from
them and withhold from them everything I wish to tell them! Your
masters have robbed me of my greatest joy! And you even standing
here threatens everything! It is fantastic that you now begin to
understand why I am so ready to end you if you make any move that
might threaten them! But… you will look me in the eye when I am
talking to you, Rainbow Trout!"
Kaworu had looked away and sweat started heavily beading on his
forehead. "I… do not know if that is a good idea…"
" Why not? I am talking to you!"
"Please understand! This body has urges and drives that I cannot
control!"
Rei's eyes narrowed. "I am well aware of the compulsion the Call
exerts on you, Tabris . That is no excuse. You bear that every
moment and manage to look at me other times. Do so now."
"Not that urge! The Lilim ones!"
"… what."
"All of my will goes to suppressing the Call! I have little left for…
um… stopping the others."
"Fifth Child, if you do not start making sense right now, I will bounce
you off a tree again."
Kaworu swallowed heavily. "… please do not look down."
Rei looked down.
There was a long moment of very tense silence.
"… you have got to be kidding me," Rei said tightly.
"I can't help it! It doesn't listen to me! You're being all hot and angry
and alive and holding me close and it just… goes off by itself!"
Nagisa almost wailed.
Rei looked at him like he'd sprouted another head. "I have slapped
you, yelled at you, and I threaten to kill you in practically every
conversation we have ever had, and this turns you on ?" Rei's eyes
started to glow. "You… stupid fish! This is just making me angrier!"
They both jumped and Rei's eyes darted downward again. "… oh
come on !"
"I can't stop it! It's a rather intense feedback loop!" he said helplessly.
"The Lilim parts of my mind are… making suggestions for things they
want to do with you! You are unfortunately very attractive!"
Rei's eyes were small, dangerously narrowed lamps now. "I have a
suggestion too, then."
"… yes?"
" DIE, STUPID FISH!"
Author's Note, 23JUL16: Well, this time the words just flowed. And I
hope you all enjoy the WAFF, tears, and Rei savagely beating a fish.
Next one may take a bit longer, and I'd like to wrap up A Crown of
Stars, which is hovering at maybe 3-5 scenes from finished. Keep
hitting me with reviews, I love to know when people like something,
and love it when I see how you all speculate.
Advice & Trust
Chapter 9.6
Everything I Do…
"She then proceeded to give him one of the most thorough beatings
I've ever seen from a woman, sir. She chased him around for a while
with a tree limb, yelling something about… fish. We weren't close
enough to hear everything. He managed to get her to stop hitting him
after the second branch broke on his head. They exchanged some
further words, and then left separately," Agent Nakamura, the
Section 2 team leader tasked with the Fifth Child's surveillance,
completed his report. He stood at attention, waiting for the Supreme
Commander of NERV to digest his… odd report.
The Fifth Child had been odd enough, spending his time afterschool
wandering the city seemingly at random, though MAGI analysis had
revealed he was actually slowly covering the entire area over the
Geofront, centered directly over the midpoint under downtown. Only
the portions covered by Lake Ashi were not touched. He rarely
interacted with anyone, but spent a lot of time watching crowds.
Lately he seemed to have added couples to his particular attention.
They had no idea why.
Then he had begun spending long periods of time in the First Child's
Apartment, in the company of the Third. Closer surveillance had
revealed only lots of practice with stringed instruments going on, and
occasional conversation about inconsequential topics. Various
surveillance devices had been left in place, but they always seemed
to fail after only a short while in the Fifth Child's presence.
Today, the Fifth Child had resumed his not-as-random-as-they-
appeared wanderings of the city, covering a portion of the perimeter
up in the hills overlooking the city. He had simply found an overlook
and spent the time staring down at Tokyo-3.
Then the First Child had appeared. They had spoken, he put his
hands on her shoulders, she pulled them close by his shirt collar, for
all appearances like a couple about to take advantage of privacy and
a spectacular view to indulge in some stolen kisses.
… right up until the point she had screamed ' Die, stupid fish!' in his
face and begun hitting him. Shouting and running had ensued. Agent
Nakamura was somewhat concerned. He'd never even heard of
such behavior from the famously quiet First Child before. It did not
appear to disturb Commander Ikari, though it was hard to tell when
he required Agent Nakamura to deliver his report from 20m back
from the Commander's desk.
Commander Ikari's glasses glittered in the sunset light reflected

down into the Geofront. "The First and Fifth Children then returned to
their residences without further incident?" he said calmly.
"Yes, sir. The Fifth Child is very regular. It is unlikely that he will
emerge from his room until he departs for school in the morning. Our
teams have established his routine in detail. Though…" He
hesitated.
"Proceed," Commander Ikari rumbled.
"Sir, he has at times given signs that he is perfectly aware not just of
our surveillance, but is able to pinpoint our agents even at extreme
distances. He made eye contact with one of our snipers watching
him from seven hundred meters. And smiled at him. I do not think we
can effectively observe him without his awareness."
The Commander did not seem surprised. "Very well. Continue the
surveillance, and increase the weapons teams. Even if he is aware
of them, it does not matter. He knows we would be watching him. I
will deal with the First Child. Dismissed."
"Yes, sir." The Section 2 Agent departed quietly.
Silence reigned for a minute before either of the two men behind the
desk spoke.
"This is unusual behavior for Rei," Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki

ventured.
"She can sense his origin. Her hostility is instinctive. We expected

this," Gendo replied, still staring into the distance over his linked
hands.
"Not direct physical confrontation, though. Is there a danger? Could

it cause…" The older man trailed off.
"Neither they or the MAGI reported any appearance of AT-Field

phenomena. If Rei truly meant to damage him, that would have been
obvious. Her conditioning is holding," Gendo said calmly. "Doctor
Akagi reported no abnormalities in her last deep scan and upload
beyond the AT-Field spikes we also saw in the other Children, which
she attributed to exposure to the Fourteenth Angel. Her medication
moderates her emotions, yes, but the levels were established and
balanced for her regular pattern of life. It is not surprising that they
would be inadequate to deal with the impulses that come from being
in close and frequent proximity to what we suspect the Fifth Child is."
He reached for the phone recessed into the surface of the desk. He
pressed a single number for one of the few pre-sets.
It rang twice before a calm, soft voice answered. "Yes?"
"Rei, report to my office immediately after school tomorrow."
"Yes, sir."
Gendo hung up without any further words. He finally turned his chair
to face the older man. "I will see about her intentions. Her hostility to
the Fifth Child will be a useful aid when the time comes to remove
SEELE's pet creature. We will also have Doctor Akagi re-balance her
medication for better control of her emotions in the meantime. She
can do the blood draw and necessary tests tomorrow when Rei
reports. That matter is easy. We have more problems than how to
keep Rei from killing the Fifth Child until it is the proper time. Report."
Fuyutsuki reached down to touch a spot on the desk. The embedded

monitor came to life, displaying several pictures of innocuous marks
on seemingly random trash cans, walls, and hallway panels in places
around the Geofront and city above. "Our suspicions were correct.
Someone has been leaving dead drop marks and other signs on
places Kaji identified as SEELE watch points. Someone not him: The
MAGI confirm he's been nowhere near most of these places since
we barred him from access to Central Dogma."
Fuyutsuki straightened back up. "We have more SEELE moles about
than just him."
"Why haven't the MAGI's own surveillance caught who has been
placing the marks?"
"They're all made at times the camera's are conveniently obscured,

watching in different directions, or in blind spots. More troubling is
that the Geofront ones mean that they have at least one person
inside NERV with access." Fuyutsuki sighed. "As we expected."
"The old men would hardly be so incompetent as to allow

themselves only one spy here, and one we know about to boot. It
does not matter. We are close to the end now, and our security
measures and the MAGI will keep them unable to completely
determine our plans until it is too late for them to stop us," Gendo
said, not overly troubled. "However, we need to increase our security
in key places. We are still vulnerable to one of their agents making
inconvenient discoveries."
"Or targeting the Children," Fuyutsuki pointed out.
Gendo only grunted. "The Second and Fourth are irrelevant. The
Second was always expendable, and the Fourth is useful only
because her Eva has an S2 Organ. The Second and Third have
already demonstrated it will respond to other Pilots. See to it being
tested with the Dummy Plug system before we allow the Fifth to try.
SEELE may have barred us officially from using that option, but I still
want it ready in case we are forced to eliminate the Fifth and the
Fourth is unreliable."
Fuyutsuki raised his eyebrows. "So no protective measures for the

Children at this time? If SEELE has men in the Geofront, they almost
certainly have them in the city. And the Children are natural targets,
far easier to reach than the Evas themselves."
Gendo pressed the button again, shutting down the monitor. "They
need the Angels defeated for their plan to work as much as we do. It
is unlikely they will move against our capacity to fight until the last
three are dead. Nevertheless, order Section 2 to move to threat
condition Delta-2, and increase counter-surveillance measures on
the school and Major Katsuragi's apartment. That should keep
SEELE from sniffing too close for now."
"And the Fifth? Major Katsuragi was… vociferous when she

inspected his current lodgings," Fuyutsuki prodded. "Do we move
him?"
Gendo waved his right hand, dismissing the probe. "I will decide that
once I speak to Rei. She will make an excellent guard dog for the
Fifth, if she can restrain her instincts to eliminate him. We shall see."
Rei put the phone down with a small frown. Despite the typically curt
order, she could guess what Commander Ikari wanted to see her
about. Her… aggressive treatment of the Fifth Child was atypical of
her, and he likely wanted an explanation.
Rei rolled over and tried to settle herself to sleep. It was not easy.
She still felt tense and wound up. She had been afraid to face her
loves after fleeing like that, so had sent an apologetic text message
and made a small dinner alone. Forsaking eating with her 'family'
and enjoying Shinji's cooking was only adding to her turmoil.
That stupid fish! He'd… he'd… "Grrrah!" Rei growled to herself. Her
whole body was itchy! When he'd put his hand on her shoulders,
their AT-Fields had rubbed against each other like there was live
current in his hands. The sheer alien nature of it made it feel like his
hands were still here, touching her. And then he'd… 'Don't look
down', he'd said. What did he think that would make her do?! And
hadn't that little 'touch' been even worse? She could still feel it.
She rolled over again and forced her body to shut up, trying to focus
on what he'd been saying before hormones had interrupted things.
He could see bonds, perhaps not like she could, but enough to
understand now why she'd been so angry when he'd hinted at
interfering with Shinji and Asuka. He even seemed to be starting to
grasp just how beautiful they were together, how they encapsulated
everything Rei had come to understand about love and the
possibility that even the isolation of AT-Fields did not mean everyone
was doomed to be alone.
And he had said that the burning need of the Call felt… like the
gnawing hunger for that feeling of love, or knowing another was
there for you. If not for the fact Nagisa's quest would end in the
destruction of the world, Rei could almost sympathize with that. As it
was, the best she could offer him right now was that she would do
her best to make his end painless when the time came, if she had
any control in it.
She was not looking forward to explaining this to Commander Ikari.

She was even less happy at the idea she might have to explain this
to Shinji and Asuka, too. They had no idea about how big a threat
Nagisa was to humanity, so her anger would come off as bizarrely
unjustified. And she feared their disapproval more than almost
anything.
' It is something that… I can feel part of me hungering for, even as
the rest of me cannot even grasp it,' he'd said. Could she… would
getting him to understand that help him fight the Call? Even
somehow turn him to helping protect her loves too? He said he did
not want to be her enemy, and was starting to understand how
important her loves were.
Could he be… an ally ? Tabris, child of Adam and agent of SEELE?

Shinji would want her to try, and Asuka would back him up. "Stupid,
stupid fish…"
Rei sighed, pushed away yet again the phantom sensation of his AT-
Field against hers, and summoned up her favorite way to fall asleep
nowadays: the memory of being wrapped up by both her loves,
welcoming her home in joy. She did not dream, but this was almost
as good.
Late at night, trying to be quiet was a game all its own. This time
Misato won by cheating: she sank her teeth into Kaji's shoulder
when she was about to lose, and let his nicely firm muscle muffle her
cry. He was in no shape to complain at that exact moment, being
rather distracted himself.
He did nurse the bitemark a bit, lying next to her afterwards. "Good
thing it's below my collar-line this time," he said with a small wince
that melted into a tired grin.
"I'll aim higher next time," Misato shot back with her own smile. "Pity
I can't have you 'drop in' on my office anymore, and rub it in
Ritsuko's face."
"Still not talking?" Kaji asked, nuzzling her hair.
"I had to play off the 'Ops versus Project E divide' to make sure she
didn't insist on sitting in on Asuka's debrief this afternoon. And be a
bit of a bitch, I'll admit. She had this… strange expression when I
implied anything that had gone wrong was her fault. She folded right
after that. And yeah, we're still… not talking." Misato rolled over to
rest her head on his chest. "It's… hard to look her in the face,
knowing what we know now. I'd never have thought my old roomie
could have… been a part of the things we've uncovered."
Kaji nodded, his chin brushing against her hair. "And I get the feeling
there's even more still to come. We still don't know what's down in a
lot of Terminal Dogma. An Angel in the basement is bad enough, but
what's in those labs we couldn't get into? And we're going to have a
Hell of a time finding out, with the way MAGI security and checks
have tightened up."
Misato reached up to poke him in the nose. "You stay discreet, spy-
boy. If I could catch you sneaking into there, so could Section 2. You
are not allowed to get yourself caught and shot, you hear me?"
"Yes, ma'am," he said mock-meekly. "We may have more problems

on that front. Someone's been leaving markers at watch-spots I'd
use to signal SEELE. They've got more eyes here than just me. I'm
still feeding them some tidbits, but I think they're not exactly relying
on me to be their loyal tool."
"Great, just what we need: More things to make me paranoid,"

Misato complained. "Section 2 already knows about this, I take it?"
"If they're watching at all, and I know how paranoid Commander Ikari
is," Kaji confirmed. "They might get into places we want to see too,
so all we need to do is watch for opportunity and grab whatever they
get, or piggyback their snooping."
"And keep them from sabotaging anything critical. Though I'd mind
being stuck in an elevator with you a lot less this time." She left
another hickey on his collarbone. She frowned once she pulled off,
though. "Would they… try to hurt the kids?"
Kaji frowned at the ceiling. "… I don't know. I'd think not, but… these
are high stakes they're playing for. They were willing to cripple the
city's defenses right as an Angel attacks, though it's hard to tell if
that's just bad timing. But if the Children are as specifically critical to
each Eva due to their mothers… I don't know." He snorted. "I think I'll
be higher on their shit list, if they figure out what I stole from under
their noses."
Misato poked him again. "No. Dying. You owe me years. I'm not
letting you go this time, Kaji."
"If you say 'the Children need you' next, I may run out the door," Kaji
joked.
Misato narrowed her eyes and snaked her arms around him tight.
"You're not going anywhere, buster. I may need you to play
bridgemaker with Rits. See if she's interested in going out for drinks
again. That'll give us an excuse to make up, and see what she's
been up to. She's been disappearing a lot lately, some special
project with the MAGI. She keeps taking Maya too. After the Dummy
Plugs, I'm wary as Hell about any more computer-based surprises
she might come up with."
Kaji nodded. "At least we can still ask her out and make peace. I
think Asuka and Shinji want to feed her to one of the Evas for the
things she did to Rei."
"I'd like to smack her a few times myself, but I know how to be a
mature adult," Misato said, closing her eyes and letting Kaji's warmth
lull her to sleep.
"I swear, she's doing this to drive me crazy," Asuka growled softly,
taking her hands off her ears. "She tells you and I we have to wait,
and then she and Kaji keep us awake half the night, going at it like a
pair of cats in heat!"
Shinji swallowed and tried to think calming thoughts. It was not easy,
not after three weeks and counting of celibacy, the soundtrack
Misato and Kaji had been providing, and laying there next to his
stunningly hot girlfriend. A girlfriend who was wearing the minimum
Misato would let them get away with for the next week and a half. A
girlfriend who was passionate, energetic, and could do this little trick
with her-
Shinji stomped down on that line of thought. It was not helping. "M-
maybe she doesn't realize just how thin the walls are? I mean, she
never heard us, so she may not know… um… that we can hear her
just fine." He wiped the sweat off his forehead.
"We are so getting her back once we hit my birthday," Asuka

muttered.
Shinji almost whimpered. Picturing that also wasn't helping him stay
cool!
Asuka rolled over to embrace him. "At least it's quiet and we can
sleep, now." She kissed him on the cheek. "And I can't wait for your
present, either. I know you're going to knock my socks off." She
snuggled in happily against him, her eyes already closing.
"Yeah, sleep…" Shinji agreed weakly.
Asuka cracked an eye open to look at him. "I know, I'm just as
wound up. But if we don't go to sleep soon, I'm not going to be able
to 'behave myself' either. So close your eyes and try, before we start
getting ideas about seeing if we're still able to stay that quiet."
Shinji did whimper this time. "Your birthday can't come soon enough.
Love you." He closed his eyes.
"Love you too, baka-Shinji." A soft kiss on his cheek, and sleep.
MAGI ADMIN 01: Goodnight, Maya. Wish you were here. I feel so…
uncovered.
MAGI SYSOP 01:… Ritsuko-sempai, are you wearing anything?

MAGI ADMIN 01: If you were here, you could check~ )
MAGI SYSOP 01: Just for that, I'm going to leave you guessing as to
whether I'm wearing any underwear tomorrow.
MAGI ADMIN 01: Trying to get me to check? :-3
MAGI SYSOP 01:….maybe I won't stop you if you do.
MAGI ADMIN 01: You wicked bitch. 3
MAGI SYSOP 01: Goodnight, Ritsuko-sempai! :-*
Kaworu stared at his hand, raised over his face as he lay awake.
Sleep refused to come.
"I am a stupid fish," he muttered.
Ayanami. Again, she had come to find him and almost immediately
slapped him, hard. And proceeded to yell at him for things that were
only somewhat his fault, but that he was available to scream at for.
And then he'd managed to make her angrier via his body's reaction
to her. More screaming and smacking had ensued. It had been a
violent and slightly pain-filled end to a relatively peaceful day.
And yet, it was the part of the day that wouldn't let him sleep. He'd
told her about what he now noticed when he looked at the Second
and Third Children. How he felt the painful emptiness of what he
could see he was missing, and might not even be capable of. How it
felt like the Call.
He'd said all this in a rush, put his hands on her shoulders, and
looked her right in the eye. She'd listened . She'd understood ! They
had been communicating! Was his vague thought that he could
maintain his ability to choose, to refuse to obey the Call for an
arbitrarily long period of time possible? Could he and the Lilim truly
not be enemies? It had felt so close…
… and then something else had felt so close.
He sighed again. Ayanami's body was quite lovely, and his own Lilim
side very much appreciated that. Ayanami, alas, did not return that
regard, not after his body had er… so directly made that appreciation
known. It did not help that he could see both with his other sight and
his more Lilim eyes that the Second and Third Child's love had a
strong carnal component to it, and yet that somehow only fed and
intensified their emotional and spiritual joy in each other. The
traitorous, insurgent little voice in his lizard brain that kept suggesting
exploring that vein with Ayanami was not helping right now.
He looked down at his body. His line of thought had brought the
'issue' right back up. "Oh, shut up," he muttered at it. "What am I
going to do with you? You just make everything awkward. A solid
hour in the middle of class today! Just because I looked at her when
she stretched!"
He frowned. He couldn't entirely blame his body. He had been

almost delighted to see Ayanami when she appeared in the park.
She had sought him out. To yell at him, true, but… it was someone
that wanted his company. He knew that he was perhaps the only
person Ayanami could openly discuss sensitive topics with, and that
she could help him understand Lilim hearts, maybe. And… it made
him glad. He was the sole member of his kind in the world. He knew
his fate was solitude, no matter victory or defeat. But to speak with
her, the only other in the world who knew what it meant to be a half-
Angel, half-Lilim hybrid born to be a tool to end the world, a pawn in
someone else's plan… that he was not alone in that was… oddly
comforting. They might be instinctively antagonistic, but… it was nice
to have something in common.
He could still feel the mark on his face where she'd slapped him. His
AT-Field tingled as he touched it. "Truly stupid…" he muttered. His
head flopped back.
"What am I?"
"Rei."
She stood at her usual spot, thirty meters back from his desk, face a
blank mask, perfectly still. She'd done this a thousand times. It had
never been this difficult before. She'd never had to prepare to lie to
him this much before. Good thing she had all night to practice.
"Sir."
"Explain yesterday."
No preamble, no 'we saw you beating the Fifth Child like a rented
mule', nothing. Just the flat order to spill everything, and the
unspoken implication he already knew everything that had occurred.
As always.
"The Fifth Child is an Angel," Rei began.
It was a calculated gamble. Her own hybrid nature meant she should
be able to tell that Nagisa was not purely human. And the old Rei
would have automatically informed Commander Ikari of that. So she
would too.
Commander Ikari just nodded stiffly.
"I am very wary of him. I do not like leaving him unobserved. I could
feel him moving about the city once we left the Geofront after the
reactivation test, and left Major Katsuragi's apartment to find him and
ensure he was not doing anything suspicious. He made… remarks
that he might threaten the city or the other Pilots. I rebuked him."
"While screaming about fish?"
Rei winced internally. So the watchers Commander Ikari had surely

set on Nagisa had heard that part, had they? And her… unusually
emotive reaction. She'd considered this might arise. Time for pack of
lies #1. "Pilot Soryu has labeled him 'the new fish'. I have adopted
her term. I… am agitated around him. Angry. I am instinctively hostile
to him and his presence. I believe this is due to his nature as an
Angel, and he senses it. I think he is learning to fear me."
"Did he confess to being one?"
Rei nodded once, stiffly. "Yes. He described himself as 'Tabris'. He is

aware we know he has been sent by SEELE. I have informed him I
am aware of his nature and origin, and will not allow him to
succeed."
"Good. Do not harm him for now. SEELE will react if we move too
soon. Remain watchful and be ready to eliminate him when
ordered."
"Yes, sir."
Gendo shifted his head minutely. His glasses flashed at Rei. Backlit
by the reflected sunlight from the surface, he was a black shape with
only the flash of his lenses to highlight his form. He was like a
perched demon, sitting in judgement. Or he would be to anyone
normal. To Rei's sight, he was… as opposite the glorious blaze that
her loves put off as she had ever seen. He was like a black hole,
puckered and twisted up into himself until nearly any scrap of his
light was hidden away. He was a dying ember next to their bonfire.
"You were unusually angry and active, Rei."
Rei forced herself to remain blank. She had expected this, prepared
for this. She could not let it show. Pack of lies #2. "Sir. He is the
antithesis of everything I am. His presence is… I react when we are
in proximity. I have to be near him in social settings as a Pilot. I will
control myself as required until you order me to finish him."
Gendo did not react. "We expected this, Rei. Your medication was
predicated on normal conditions. You of course react to the presence
of your enemies. We were prepared for this. You will go see Doctor
Akagi after we are through. She will test your blood and adjust your
medication to deal with the additional pressure of the Fifth Child. You
will be able to remain calm even when he is near you for extended
periods. We cannot have you attacking him before the time comes,"
he said, no emotion in his voice. Like he was talking to a robot.
Rei fought to suppress the shiver that his words tried to trigger. 'No.
No more drugs. I will not let you take away my ability to love them
again.' "Yes, sir."
"The Fifth Child arrived earlier than we expected, but we knew

SEELE would send their spies. Watch him, but do not attack until
ordered, Rei. Everything is proceeding according to the Scenario.
The day of our victory is close."
' Not if I have anything to say about it. You will not harm my loves,
nor destroy their world. I will not let you.' "Yes, sir. SEELE will be
stopped. I will handle Tabris when needed."
He nodded once more. "Good. Go to Doctor Akagi. You will not have
to endure your pain much longer, Rei."
Rei turned to leave. She could not leave fast enough, but forced her
steps to stay robotically slow. 'I will endure anything for their love.
You should know that, given the root of your desire, Commander.
You should know better than anyone what love can drive.'
Author's Note, 01AUG16: Orrrrr maybe I'll please the Muses, and
4600 words will just flow out in a few days. I didn't expect a whole
update to almost be nothing but 'people going to bed', but somehow
it worked. On Sufficient Velocity, this makes 6 weeks in a row of
regular updates. I might have to start posting the Character Notes
and Comedy Omakes here, too. Enjoy, and tell me what you think!
Advice & Trust
Chapter 9.7
Everything I Do…
Rei knocked twice on the door to Doctor Akagi's private lab deep in
the bowels of Terminal Dogma. She once would have walked straight
in without even thinking to pause, but things had changed. She could
see through the thin metal door what awaited her inside, and let what
lay within have a moment to become publicly presentable.
A moment later the door hissed open, revealing a perfectly calm and
official-looking Doctor Akagi. "Yes, Rei?"
"I have just been given new instructions from the Commander. I
need to discuss them with you," she said in her best 'Rei-the-doll'
voice.
Ritsuko's face showed nothing but professional coolness. "Of

course. Come in."
Rei followed her into the lab, noting the even more cluttered and
forgotten-coffee-cup mess than it usually was. Doctor Akagi took a
seat at her work console, the screen still displaying the results of
Asuka's recent test. Rei took her habitual spot facing the doctor,
standing stiffly.
Doctor Akagi waited. After a moment, Rei glanced around carefully,

and silently pulled a small piece of notepaper out of her pocket. She
showed it to Doctor Akagi.
'ROOM SECURE? I WISH TO DISCUSS MATTERS HE SHOULD

NOT HEAR.'
Doctor Akagi's eyes widened fractionally, but she nodded.
Rei nodded back, tore the note into tiny pieces, and left the result in
the closest ashtray on the desk. She pulled up a stool and sat facing
the faux-blonde. "You look much better."
Ritsuko smiled tiredly. "I feel much better."
Rei looked precisely at a spot on the back wall of the lab, where
there was a door to further chambers. She stared at the blank door,
and asked without turning to face the doctor. "I see you took my
suggestion."
Ritsuko blushed and sputtered a little. "I… it… what are you talking
about?"
Rei looked back to her. "Doctor, do you really think I would not
notice? You are practically glowing. You are… very lucky."
"I made a good call," Ritsuko replied.
"Evidently so," Rei nodded.
Ritsuko clung to the pillow so hard her hands hurt. She raised her
head from her fetal curl just enough to look at the clock on the
nightstand. It had been 23 minutes since she made the call. How
much lo-
The doorbell rang.
Even expecting it, Ritsuko jerked in shock. That… that was real.
She'd come. She could barely believe it.
She rose from her tight, shaking curl on the bed and wobbled her
way to the front door.
Rei Ayanami stood there, still in her student uniform. She said
nothing, waiting.
Ritsuko just jerked a nod, hanging on to the doorframe for stability.

She stepped back, beckoning Rei inside.
Rei stepped inside, passing her like a ghost. She walked to the
center of the room, and turned to face her. She looked back at the
older woman, again waiting.
Ritsuko's thoughts were still wildly washing back and forth. Her deep
inebriation was not helping, either. "Whhy 'r' you here?" she slurred.
Rei raised an eyebrow a tiny bit. "You called me for help. Did you
think I would not come?"
" Yesh!" Ritsuko snapped. "You of all people have ghud reason to
hate me! You've ghot no reezon to help me, to sssave me! Whhy 'r'
you here?"
" If you truly believe that, why did you call me? Me, and not Major
Katsuragi or Inspector Kaji, who have known you for years? Not
anyone else?" Rei asked calmly.
Ritsuko stood there swaying for a moment. "Cannn't call Msato… I

jusht called her… stupid, lazy alcoholic… can't… can't let'er shee me
like this… like I just… becaush I… just…" Ritsuko waved vaguely for
Rei to follow her, wobbling her way to the bedroom. She pointed at
the empty bottles of wine on the nightstand.
And the bottle of sedative pills next to them.
" Lllook! I just… I just…" She couldn't finish it. She just staggered to
the edge of the bed and collapsed, barely managing to sit up.
Rei looked at the bottles for a long moment. "I see." She sat down
next to Ritsuko. "And you called me because…"
" Becauzhe you know wha' iz like… to be used by him. To be a
pahwn and… uncared for," Ritsuko mumbled into her lap, head
downcast. "To… want to die so it shtops hurting."
Rei nodded. "Yes. And I have learned how to move beyond that. I no
longer wish for oblivion to ease my pain. I have something worth
living for, now."
" What?" Ritsuko almost begged.
" Love."
Ritsuko stared at her in disbelief for a moment, then started

laughing. Laughter that very quickly dissolved into sobs. "Love?
Love?! I thought I waz in love. But I'm just a shtupid bitch he uses
and uses and uses! I might as well be a fffucking Fleshlight with a
PhD for all he cares!" Ritsuko reached over and grabbed Rei's shirt.
"HE KEEPS SAYING HER NAME! WHILE HE'S INSIDE ME! IT'S
LIKE I'M NOT EVEN THERE!" she screamed.
She almost screamed again, in shock, when Rei put her arms
around her and hugged her. "Not him. He does not love us. He
cannot. He has locked himself off to only her memory. We are just
shapes he uses to try bringing her back. But I did not mean him. I
love and am loved, but not by him."
" What? You ? Who? You're a doll, a pppuppet he made so he could

look at her ffface while he waited to end zhe world for her! You're full
of drugs I keep givin' you! You shouldnnn't be able to even feel that
much!" Despite her words, Ritsuko didn't try to break loose from the
hug. Rather, she clung to Rei like she was drowning.
" Yet I do. And I have you to thank for it."
" How?!"
" You ordered us to spend all our time together."

" What? Shinji and Asuka? What?" Ritsuko pulled back far enough to
stare at Rei in confusion. "They love you? What?"
Rei nodded, a tiny smile appearing on her lips. "Yes. And it is worth
every moment of pain. I can withstand anything, knowing they love
me, and accept my feelings too."
Ritsuko's head was spinning even more than the alcohol could
account for. "How does… you should be numb ! Unable to even
care! How… what? And… and how is that supposed to help me?!
Are you just going to decide to love me too?"
Rei shook her head. "No. You were correct, I have more reason to
hate you than anyone. But I can forgive, because I understand. I
may not ever love or like you, but I can let go of the hate. I can
because I can see you now, and see you are breaking under the
weight of trying to be so useful to him he has to love you. And you
will break, because he never will." Rei looked at the bottle of pills on
the bed behind them. "Or should I say, you have already broken?
And hope that I can help cushion the landing?"
" Couldn't call Misato… couldn't call Kaji… couldn't call him … but…"
Ritsuko wiped sloppily at the tears that were rolling down her face
again. "Hoped… hoped you'd come. You know wha' it's like…"
" You could not call Lieutenant Ibuki?" Rei asked gently.
Ritsuko looked up, fear in her eyes. "NO! No! Can't… don't call her!
Don't let her shee this! I… she… she doesnn… doesnnn't know
I'm… I'm this… this shtupid, blind whore…"
" You do not wish her to see this, because you care about what she'd
think," Rei observed. "Even at the point of drinking yourself to death."
Rei paused. "She would have come, you know. You… are important
to her."
Ristuko almost shrank away from Rei's hug now, pulling away.
"Shhouldn't be. She… shouldn't be dragged down with me. She
deserves better than me. I don't… desherve someone like her… that
just… looks at me with thoze eyes, like I'm so… good." Ristuko
winced again. "I was going to kill her alon' with everyone in the
world, for him ."
" You do not deserve her, no," Rei agreed.
Ritsuko looked up in hurt surprise. This was supposed to help?
" But if you live long enough, maybe you can earn her. There is no
such thing as an unforgivable sin."
Ritsuko shook her head slowly. "I… can't. I've spent years… helping
him. The end of zhe fucking world is nigh, and I've been helpin' !"
" We will stop it. I will not permit SEELE or Commander Ikari to
complete their plans. I will not accept a world that erases those I
love." Rei's eyes had cooly unyielding burn to them now. She looked
Ritsuko right in the eye. "Will you?"
" Love? Who? I have nothing, no one!" Ritsuko wept. "Years of

deluding myself that he'd see me, take me over her… nothing !"
" Do you imagine that you are unloved?"
Ritsuko barked a sad laugh. "Ha! Who, Maya? If she knew even a
fraction of the hideous things I've done…"
" I have more reason to hate you than anyone, know all your sins,
and yet I can forgive. Do you think she cannot?"
Ritsuko looked up at Rei, trying to understand. "Why… why 'r' you

doin' this? You have so many reasons to hate me… there'sh an
entire tank of clones of you down there, just zho we can force you to
keep coming back if you die, to make sure yur there when he needs
you to end zhe world. I've stuffed you with so many drugs a normal
girl would be dead shree timez over… And… Shinji and Asuka
must… must hate me…" Ritsuko's eyes widened. "Oh gods… they
don't know about… their mothers! Oh… oh no…"
Rei put a hand on her shoulder. "I believe they are figuring it out. I
have avoided speaking about it out of… similar fears as yours. But
yes, they hate you for how you have treated me. I am willing to
forgive, because I understand. They are less forgiving."
" So why? " Ritsuko wailed at her. "Why help me?"
" Because I choose to. Asuka had no reason to care for me at all, but
reached out to me. Now she is someone I love. She could have done
nothing. She chose to help me. And it has made all the difference.
So even if you are someone as burdened with sins as you, someone
even she would hate, I will still help. There is no such thing as an
unforgivable sin, if you are truly willing to try to earn redemption. And
love makes everything worth it."
" Love…" Ritsuko said weakly into her lap. She shook her head. "I…
there'zh no way I could…"
Rei put her fingers under Ritsuko's chin and lifted her face. "There's
no way a drugged puppet could find love. There's no way three
broken Children could beat an Angel. There's no way I'd help you.
We do the impossible all the time, Doctor. You can earn a path out of
this."
" How?"
" I suggest, in the morning, that you call her. And confess everything.
I understand confession is good for the soul."
Ritsuko stared at her. "… And you think shhhe will just… accept it?
That I've been part of trying to end the world, and now I… changed
my mind?"
" I think you may be surprised at what Lieutenant Ibuki will do. You
have no idea how much she cares for you."
" How can you know?"
Rei smiled a fraction wider. "I look past the surface, Doctor. Hearts
are harder to hide than you think."
Rei stood up and began to collect the wine bottles from the
nightstand. "I will remove the remaining alcohol from your residence,
and the pills. That will remove the immediate risk of you succumbing
to despair. I will also stay with you until you fall asleep naturally, and
ensure you are alright for the night."
" I'm gunna be in a lot ov pain withou' those pillz," Ritsuko said
tiredly.
" Then I also suggest you utilize the LCL-accelerated healing

procedure tomorrow. The one that has been so successful on myself
and Shinji in the past," Rei said from the kitchen. The clinking of
glass and rustle of plastic signaled she was removing the liquor in
there as well. She reappeared in the doorway with a large garbage
bag of bottles.
" The one tha' takes me to run, and Comm'der Ikari haz prohibited
from ushe on anyone bu' the Pilots?" Ritsuko darkly pointed out.
" I think Lieutenant Ibuki could assist you in that procedure," Rei
suggested. "And… I think if you want to earn that redemption, you
are going to have to disobey quite a few of Commander Ikari's
orders." Rei helped her take off her clothes and got her situated
under a fresh sheet, taking away the tear and snot dirtied one.
She put her hand on Ritsuko's forehead. "Rest. You are not alone.
And in the morning… call her. She will answer."
Ritsuko let the knot of tension she'd been holding onto start to ease.
"No unforgivable sin, huh?"
"' Long is the way, and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light'," Rei
quoted. "We are all burdened with sin, Doctor. But those we love will
help us bear it. And none of us are unworthy. My loves have taught
me that."
" Maya…" Ritsuko mumbled, her eyes sinking closed.
"So, now do you understand why I said what I did that night?" Rei
asked. "It is thanks to their love that I can endure, because I know I
am cared for."
Ritsuko shook her head slightly. "I still can't.. Both of them? I mean…
you all love each other?"
"Yes." Rei let a tiny smile show. "It is… balm for the soul."
"Love like… Platonic, right? You haven't all…" Ritsuko trailed off,
refusing to even voice such madness.
"Oh, no. We have not. Though I would not say no to them if they
asked, I do not wish to… interrupt their bond. It is too beautiful, what
they have." Rei paused. "I would accept… eagerly, if they asked.
They are… intensely desirable."
Ritsuko blinked. "Wait, what? Those two? They're… what?"
"'Lovers' is the term, doctor."
Ritsuko put her hands to her temples, like she could rub away the
lunacy she'd just heard. "That's… what? Them? But.. but… she's an
unstable ball of anger and insecurity, and he's an oblivious doormat!
How could they… I don't even…"
"The same way you did, doctor: They talked. It is amazing what
happens when people communicate, isn't it?" Rei raised one
eyebrow a few millimeters at her. "Such as that evening in the
hospital and later that night for you and I. Or the next morning, for
you and her?"
Ritsuko went blank faced and shifty. "What are you talking about?"
"Your new love. I told you she would accept you, did I not? I am glad
for you and her."
"What… what makes you think we've… I've done anything?" Ritsuko
said carefully.
"The lipstick marks on your neck, for one," Rei said with no change
of tone.
"We weren't-" Ritsuko's hand flew up to her… perfectly clean neck.
"Gotcha," Rei said, utterly deadpan. Her tiny smile reappeared.
Ritsuko glared at her. "Oh, you clever bitch…"Ritsuko suddenly

looked very worried, and shot a glance at the door to the lab. "You…
can't say anything. If Commander Ikari figures out I'm not… dancing
to his tune anymore, he might… do things. I know too much for him
to just let go like that."
Rei cocked her head. "And does Lieutenant Ibuki?"
Ritsuko nodded. "I… told her everything, like you suggested. I was
afraid, but… you were right. She… I don't deserve that kind of
forgiveness. From you or her. But… she…" Ritsuko's smile was
weak and shaky, but there. "But she… wants me anyway. I… I
haven't felt like this in a long time."
Rei nodded back, her tiny smile fading away. "And likewise, you
understand why I do not advertise that I love them and they love me.
Commander Ikari wants me numb and obedient, not placing the
welfare of Shinji and Asuka ahead of his plans. Please do not tell
anyone of it." Rei's smile flashed back on for a moment. "Except for
her, of course. I expect you will tell her. Lovers should not have
secrets from each other." The smile vanished again. "It pains me
enough that I cannot tell them what I am, or about the Commander's
plans. I know how dangerous knowing such things is."
Ritsuko smiled tightly back at her. "Isn't it just… Maya and I can't
even be seen so much as holding hands, or the Commander or
SEELE might… make her a target." She sighed. "I'll keep my mouth
shut, Rei. You do the same?"
"Of course. You will need her support a lot on your path to
redemption, I think. She is… a bright heart, and just what you need."
Rei looked at the mostly hidden door to the back of the lab. "You
may as well come in, Lieutenant, and stop trying to eavesdrop."
A muffled squeak and a clatter of someone dropping a clipboard

came from that direction. Ritsuko sighed again and put her hand to
her face. "You knew she was there the entire time, didn't you?"
Rei nodded. "I see everything, doctor. I look at her, and look at you,
and I can see how you make each other shine."
A blushing Lieutenant Ibuki came from the back of the lab, her
clipboard clutched protectively in front of her like a shield. "H-hello,
Rei-chan! Um… s-so… you um… know we're… um…"
"You are wonderful for each other," Rei smiled again. "Do not fear, I
will help protect it."
Ritsuko coughed into her hand, trying to conceal her own small
blush. "But I bet you didn't come down here just to see how I was
doing, Rei. Why are you here?"
Rei's smile very definitely fled now. "Orders."
She briefly described her altercation with the Fifth Child, and the
Commander's interrogation of her earlier. "So he wants you to
increase my 'medication' to account for the increased aggression the
presence of the Fifth Child engenders in me. I do not wish this.
When you increased my dosage before, I was numbed beyond
ability to feel love for my friends. I wish to avoid this greatly," she
stressed. She looked at Lieutenant Ibuki, then back to Doctor Akagi.
"You can understand how having that feeling taken away can be…
unpleasant."
A flash of pain and guilt ran across Ritsuko's expression, and her
eyes shot to Maya. "Ah… er, yes. I… I can see. Um… alright, I… I
owe you that much at least, Rei. You saved my life that night. We'll…
I'll use an old blood test of yours, and fix the results. I won't change
your medication level, we'll just tell him I did. You… you can… keep
feeling."
Maya walked to stand next to her while she was talking, taking
Ritsuko's hand. She didn't say anything, but Rei could see Ritsuko's
shoulders relax as she gripped Lieutenant Ibuki's hand back.
Rei let her smile show again. "Yes… you two need each other. I am
glad my advice helped." Rei colored a little. "This room is secure.
May I be permitted to see… you two do a little of what you were
doing when I arrived? Please?"
Maya turned bright red. "H-h-how d-do you kn-know we were…?"

she squeaked.
Ritsuko was almost as red. "Just… she knows, Maya. She's too
damn perceptive at this." She sighed, standing up. "It's hopeless to
resist. Come here, Maya." She tugged the younger woman closer by
her hand.
"Meep?" Maya got out before Ritsuko pulled her into a gentle
embrace. "R-R-R-Ritsuko-S-s-sempai! She's watching !"
"I think that's the point, little kouhai. You said you wouldn't call me
'Ritsuko' until we kissed in front of other people, remember?" Ritsuko
said lightly, though her throat was trying to close up too. "Rei is
helping."
Maya's eyes went wide. "I… I… oh my…"

Ritsuko took the opportunity to bring her face the last couple inches
closer. "Thank you for saving me too." She softly pressed her lips to
Maya's.
Maya's arms quickly wrapped around Ritsuko to stay upright, as her

knees decided to quit.
Rei's smile was just a little bigger now. "Thank you, Doctor Akagi. I'll
see myself out." With that, the bluenette rose and quietly departed.
It was some time before Ritsuko or Maya even noticed.
Shinji lowered his bow and wiped the sweat from his forehead.
"That… was just about right. Alright, I need to go finish the last part.
You be ok practicing with Kaworu-kun while I work, Rei?"
Rei lowered her own instrument and frowned slightly at the grey-
haired boy. "I can practice with him, yes." Her tone of voice
suggested low enthusiasm for the prospect, but she knew Shinji
needed all the time he could to finish fashioning Asuka's present.
"We will be fine, Shinji-kun. We may take a break from practicing

anyway. I have something I wanted to talk to Ayanami-san for a
moment first," Kaworu said.
Rei looked at him warily. They hadn't spoken more than social
greetings at school or the minimum necessary at the after school
practices since the… incident at the park a few days ago. Nagisa
continued to constantly wear the same vague smile he usually did,
but had gained a distracted, almost confused look whenever his
eyes drifted to Rei. His eyes were sad when that happened.
Shinji nodded, put away his cello, and went back to sitting at the
kitchen table. He picked up his pencil and began scribbling
industriously at the papers in front of him.
Kaworu watched him for a moment, then sighed. "How does he
just… do that? Sit down and… create? I thought humans were
unable to create something out of nothing. That they must have
something to start with, because humans aren't gods. But he's just…
doing it. Out of… just feeling for her. How…" Nagisa shook his head.
"If you are incapable of understanding love and how it can let us do
the impossible, I pity you," Rei said coolly.
"But I want to! And… it always feels like it's just beyond the edge of
me comprehending it!" he whispered back. He gestured towards the
partly open door behind them. "We should speak in here with the
door closed. We need to discuss…" He made a little 'halo' gesture
over his head.
Rei's frown deepened, but she nodded. She laid her viola aside and
preceded him. He followed her in and closed the door to… what she
realized a moment too late was her bedroom.
' The stupid Rainbow Trout is not the one I wanted to be 'the first boy
in my bedroom', ' she mentally growled. She turned to voice her
displeasure at this, only to find him staring transfixed at something
behind and above her. She looked over her shoulder, following his
gaze.
She looked again.
She very calmly turned to the Adamite intruder standing in her

bedroom and very, very calmly asked, "Kaworu Nagisa, are you
staring fixedly at my underwear ?"
Nagisa tore his eye away from the neatly arranged pairs of white, red
(a present from Asuka, one of her favorites), and powder blue
panties and brassieres hanging from the drying ring on the far side of
her futon, and locked eyes with Rei, his expression rapidly shifting
from stunned amazement to petrified horror. "I was thinking of what
you'd look like wearing them! It… It helps ! Please don't kill me!"
The expression of mild annoyance on Rei's face did not change, but
the room began to rumble slightly.
"I mean it!" Kaworu protested. "Hear me out! This is what I wanted to
talk to you about!"
The rumbling eased, though Rei's face remained alarmingly calm.

"You have one minute."
Kaworu put his hand to his forehead like he was trying to massage a
coherent argument out of it. "I… try to understand, you… you have
no idea what the Call is truly like. It… it is like overpowering lust, a
nagging sense of emptiness, and the aching desire to be loved, all at
once. I feel… painfully aware of a deep, fundamental
incompleteness in my being, that can only be eased by uniting with
my Progenitor. It is… It…" He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting to
force the concept into words. "It is… not unlike what… The Second
and Third Children seem to gain from each other."
"You will not touch them," Rei said icily. "Their light is not for you to
disturb."
"I know !" he hissed at her, suddenly vehement. "I know how much
they mean to you! I can see it! You flare whenever you are near
them! And it is glorious! You are already disturbingly beautiful, and
that only makes it worse! And… and… yet, better. That's… I was…
when we were in the park, I noticed…"
"I know what you noticed," Rei growled. "Get on with it."
"No, you don't know! That's not what I'm talking about! I told you, I
could not control those drives… they're too strong, too basic to the
nature of my body! They… they are distracting. You are distracting.
You, Shinji-kun, the Second, the Fourth… the girls at school. The
boys at school. Swimsuits. Posters in the shops. The… Major
Katsuragi's car, even… They all… have caused my body to react,
and… and… it is distracting !"
Rei let her anger start to show on her face. "Yes, you've said that.
That does not excuse or explain you staring at my underwear,
especially after the par-"
" It blocks the Call!" Kaworu almost shouted at her. Rei took a step
back.
He looked behind him at the door to the living room, assuring himself
that his voice hadn't caught Shinji's attention before turning back to a
stunned First Child. "I… the Call is a burning need… constantly on
my mind, whispering, pleading, pushing me to go down into the
Geofront, seek my source and unite with it… but when I'm…
distracted… I don't hear it. Or at least, it's far, far easier to ignore. I…
I was thinking about it when we came in here. When I saw your…
your panties, I… I was… I suddenly had… all these images of… of
what they'd look like on you. And… while that was happening, I didn't
feel the Call!"
He abruptly sat down on the floor, not quite collapsing. "I don't want
to be your enemy, Ayanami-san. I don't… I asked to speak to you
about this because you're the only one who might understand what
the Call is like, even from your end… and you're the only one I can
talk to about this. I cannot talk to SEELE, to Commander Ikari… or to
the other Children… you know why. I have no wish to endanger
them. And they do not know what we are."
He took some deep breaths, visibly trying to steady himself. "So

when I am… 'distracted' by you, it… helps. That is what I meant by it.
And… being around you and the other Children is… You have no
idea how much of the Call is that loneliness. That constant, pounding
awareness every second that I am a Child of the White Moon, not
like anyone else on this world. That I am alone, and doomed to kill
everyone I know wiping out everything else here in favor of my
template, or to die myself in the attempt." He looked up at her with
that same smile he always wore… but for the first time Rei could see
the hollow ache behind it. "I feel less alone when I am with you, and
the others. It helps."
"I sought refuge in music before now. But… practicing with you and
Shinji-kun… it is something even more… freeing. So… I… er… I
wanted to ask you to… help me. I… still want to… complete my
mission. But I am not sure if I should want to. I… want to be able to
choose, not just… obey my nature."
"I am less than favorably inclined to 'help', when you might still
choose to try to end the world of my loves," Rei said darkly. "I will still
destroy you the moment you try such a move."
"But by doing so you can help sway me away from making that
choice," Kaworu pointed out.
Rei glowered at him. "By letting you stare at my underwear or my

body? Asuka has taught me what it implies when a girl does that for
a boy. I am fortunate Kensuke is such a gentleman, or I could have
made a serious error in my early experiments."
Kaworu perked up. "Ah, so you have already done this for Aida-san?
That means I have a chance of similar treatment? May I see them
now? What color are they?"
Rei's glare intensified. "Congratulations, stupid fish. I now wish to

destroy you for reasons unrelated to you being an Angel." She
swung her arm up… and lightly bopped him on the head. "But I will
restrain myself, for now, and consider your idea. I have been
cautioned against further such public incidents as the park, but do
not think this means I will not rebuke you as needed."
Kaworu touched his head where she'd bopped him. "And…

companionship? With you and the others? You must know what the
loneliness is like. You are… much like me, in that way. In several
ways."
"And unlike in others, Rainbow Trout. But…" Rei gritted her teeth.
"Grrr… You are a threat just by living, a stupid fish, and unworthy of
what you ask… but my friends did the same for me, and my world is
impossibly better because of it. I will consider it." She whipped a
finger up to point right in his face. "I will not, however, be giving you
free looks at me or my underwear for your 'distraction'. We'll… find
you a girlfriend or something. One of that flock of irritating hangers-
on you seem to attract at school or someone. Not me."
"Why not?" Kaworu seemed honestly puzzled. "We already know

each other, we are fellow Pilots, and I find you highly sexually
attractive."
Rei stared at him, mouth open. "You… you are… you did not just…
did you just try to ask me out ?"
"… I think so? Is that a no? I am unsure how this works. How did
Aida-san approach you about this?"
"Not like this!" Rei shot back. "And I approached him! You, you
stupid fish! I am ready and willing to kill you at any moment! You
want to date me? Are you crazy?"
Kaworu's smile took on a slightly more genuinely cheerful edge. "I'm

going to die anyway, Ayanami-san. Might as well be the more
pleasant way than waiting until existential angst and the Call decide
it for me."
"You consider me a more pleasant way to die?" Rei put her right
hand to her face. " When I am able to tell this to Asuka, I think she is
going to lose bladder control from laughter."
"So that's not a no?"
"Do not push your luck, stupid fish. I will consider it. But only
because of my loves." Rei pushed past him and opened the door.
She tried to ignore how he stiffened and went wide-eyed from even
that brief contact. Her own AT-Field buzzed like a live wire from the
brush. "Stupid fish," she muttered as she walked back to her viola.
'This is not precisely the ally I was thinking of.'
"Get back out here and let us return to practice, Nagisa-san. Stop
staring at my… things," she said over her shoulder.
"As you-" he began cheerfully.
She turned and gave him her best Asuka-coached death glare.
He quailed. "… um, say."
Author's Note, 16AUG16: Well… I've been updating so fast on

Sufficient Velocity, I forgot to check on here. Now I've got 9000
words backed up. I'm posting only half at the moment, since the
emotional tone of the next part is very different from this one. Enjoy
the WAFF and laughs here, since the next time, it's Shinji finally
getting back into Unit-01… and he learns just what kind of people his
mother and father are…
As always, I appreciate your reviews to let me know what you like

and what makes you speculate. At the rate I'm writing, we'll have
another update here in just a week or two.
Advice & Trust
Chapter 9.8
Everything I Do…
Misato bit her lip, but tried to hide any other signs of tension. She
could practically feel Asuka vibrating in place next to her, she was so
tense.
"Begin the second phase of the activation system," Doctor Akagi

ordered.
"Pilot has begun link-up," the senior tech reported.
"Entry has started. LCL electrolyzed," Maya recited. "Initiating first

connection. Data received. Reconfirming. Pattern green."
' This had to go easier than Asuka's reactivation,' Misato told herself.
'She and Shinji spent all night talking about it and getting him ready.'
She glanced at the Second Child. Her stare was fixed on the monitor
showing the interior of Shinji's Entry Plug. She'd explained her
presence in the test chamber observation booth, plugsuited and
ready, with 'I'm here to make sure no one else screws up and goes
berserk or something. I need to keep an eye on baka-Shinji, or he
might do something stupid', but Doctor Akagi had been unreadable.
She'd merely shrugged and told Misato to keep her out of the way.
And so far, the process had been normal.
"Start system Phase 2," Doctor Akagi ordered.

"Transmitting pulse," Maya said. "No problems with initial contact.
Harmonics are all normal. Checklist satisfactory up to 2420."
"Initiating 3rd connection. Self-psychograph is… active," Maya

reported. "Just like last time…"
Misato forced herself not to look at Asuka. Ritsuko switched her

screen to the Pilot readouts. Shinji's psychograph was bouncing
around a bit, like Asuka's had before. "Pilot Ikari, report on any
abnormalities."
"Nothing unusual in here, Doctor Akagi," Shinji replied, looking only a

little nervous. "The connection feels… pretty crisp, no problems. I'm
ready to start."
Ritsuko frowned at the psychograph readings, but nodded. "Fine.

Initiate A-10 Nerve connection," Ritsuko said to Lieutenant Ibuki.
Clear up to 2580." Maya said calmly. "Counting down to the absolute

borderline. 0.9, 0.7, 0.5, 0.4, 0.3… Absolute borderline passed. Unit-
01 has activated successfully."
Shinji tried to relax. He and Asuka had gone over this. They couldn't
let it show, or they could lose everything. At least Asuka had just
nodded and given him a kiss when he protested that was incredibly
hard. He smiled internally right now. Of course she understood. She
hadn't even needed to say a word. 'How did I ever live without her
with me?' he thought.
Then the Entry Plug began its wild spray of colors and patterns
before settling into a clear view of the cage. He could feel the tingle
of his A-10 headset on his head, that prickle on his mind that told
him he was no longer just sitting in an LCL-filled tube. He was now in
control of a titanic war machine.
Unit-01 was active.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath of LCL. He tried to do
what Asuka had described. 'Picture the presence of Unit-01 as a
curtain, not a wall. Something that you can part or pass. And then…
reach beyond it. She'll be there, just like Mama was for me,' Asuka
had told him. He cleared his mind, and felt for that dark stormcloud
Unit-01 had always felt like to him.
It was there, like always: roiling, black, foreboding… He'd always

shied away from Unit-01's depths because of that. But this time he
knew what was in there. He reached for the cloud, let his self-image
pass through and into it…
' Mother?'
Maya's console beeped… beeped again… beeped again again

again… "Akagi-sempai… Shinji-kun's Synch Rate just jumped 8
points, and is still rising. 64… 70… 85%, still rising…"
"Have the power disconnect ready. I want the power cut immediately
if he goes above 98.6%" Ritsuko said, her voice tense. "Full MAGI
recording on all inputs and outputs, right now. It's doing the same
thing as Unit-02, and we need to find out why."
Misato heard Asuka's fists creak in her plugsuit. Misato put a hand
on the girl's shoulder, and Asuka's tightly clenched fists relaxed a bit.
"Stay cool, Asuka," Misato whispered. "Not a sign, remember."
The redhead jerked a tight nod, her lips pressed firmly together.
"Shinji-kun, what's going on in there?" Ritsuko asked. "Your Synch

Rate is spiking just like Asuka's was."
' Shinji?'
His heart skipped. He barely heard Doctor Akagi's question. It was

just noise in the distance. Nothing nearly as impor-
"Oi, baka! Doctor Mengele asked you a question!"
Shinji blinked. That voice broke through. "Uh, yes, everything's fine.
The initial synchronization was just… kind of intense this time. I got a
little distracted. Sorry."
He could hear Misato a little more quietly, in the background. "Asuka,

that was pretty rude. I hope you didn't mean that."
"I know what I said," he heard his girlfriend grumble.
' Shinji, how… you're here. You're really here. My son… I wondered
if you'd ever find your way here. I hoped your father would shield you
from this, but I can't say I'm unhappy to see you. I know he wouldn't
have asked you to do this unless it was necessary.'
Shinji blinked. 'Mother… I… you're alive. I… I've missed you… I…'

He bit his lip. Asuka had warned him, but… the reality was even
more potent than he'd thought. How had she managed not to cry
right in the middle of this?
' I've missed you too, Shinji. You've… you've grown. I… I can't see
'outside' very well unless Unit-01 is powered up, but it was the most
wonderful thing to see you when that third Angel came.'
He had a million questions he wanted to ask her, but he knew time

was short. This was just a reactivation test, not the hours-long Synch
Tests. And much like Asuka, he couldn't count on keeping his
composure for long. His mother was alive!
He ground his left fist into his leg, trying to use the pain to focus. The
most burning question he wanted to ask floated to the top. 'Mother…
why? Why did you do this? Why did you… leave me?'
He couldn't see her. All he was getting was a vague impression and
a voice, like talking to someone on the other side of a meter of
smoked glass. He could clearly feel the sorrow in his mother's
'voice', though. And it was definitely the voice he remembered.
' I'm sorry, Shinji. I had to. They knew I opposed them, and were
going to erase me, like they've done for so many others. But I had
the chance to be here, and I took it. I have to stop them. The whole
world depends on it, the bright future I promised you.'
' Mother… what are you talking about?'
' The Angels are only the beginning. This is all part of their plan. The
end of the world is coming, and nothing can stop them. All I can do is
make sure I'm in the right place to derail their plan.'
Shinji shook his head slightly. 'Who?'
' SEELE.'
"Synch Rate holding at… 98.2%" Maya said worriedly. "He spiked to
98.5% for a second, but stopped."
Ritsuko shot another glance at Asuka, her expression still annoyed

from the 'Mengele' crack. "Alright, we're seeing the same reaction
the Second Child got. This has got to be something in the repairs to
the nerves. We didn't see this with Unit-00."
"Yeah, it hasn't berserked…" Misato muttered. "Everything alright,

Shinji?"
"I don't want to wait for any disasters. We've confirmed the
reactivation. Unit-01 is combat-worthy again. I'm shutting this down
so we can study this Synch Rate spike and try to nail down a cause,
before it turns into something going wrong like them spiking over
100%," Ritsuko said. "That's bad enough, but the way the rates are
going nuts, they could shoot even further. I do not want to see what
happens to the Pilot at 200% or higher!"
She put her hand on Lieutenant Ibiki's shoulder. "Maya, start the
shutdown. Shinji-kun, get ready."
Shinji bit down on a curse. He'd barely had a few minutes. He
needed hours . Not just for the impossible wonder of talking to his
mother, but… the things she'd been telling him were… beyond crazy.
A literal conspiracy to end the world ? And his grandfather had been
part of it? His mother ? His father was ?
' Mother… I have to go.'
' We will stop them, Shinji. I'm so glad you are here. I'm sorry I
couldn't be there for you. Humanity comes first, and this was the only
way I could make sure there was a future for you. SEELE would
destroy everyone's future.'
' A future…' Asuka's face flashed across his mind's eye, her eyes
squeezed shut in joy as she gave him one of those unguarded,
gloriously sunny smiles that only he got to see… 'I promised her.'
His mother's 'voice' turned amused and inquisitive. 'Oh my… who is
she, Shinji?'
He couldn't stop the blush. 'A-Asuka. My… my girlfriend. Lover. My

world.'
He could feel her smile. 'So you've found love, too? Well… that's
good for you. I'm very glad. Shinji, I-'
The Entry Plug flashed through it's colors, and the link was gone. His
head suddenly throbbed. He hadn't pulled back first, trying to
squeeze out every second he could with his Mother. Ow.
So… his mother approved of Asuka. That was good. His face turned
grim as he heard the Entry Plug hum and groan as the machinery
ejected it out the back of Unit-01's neck. Asuka needed to hear this.
And then Misato. But first…
' Father… is part of a plot to end the world. My father. My fucking

father… and mother was too…' He looked down at his hand as the
LCL started to drain away. 'Is my whole family cursed? Tainted
blood…'
The hatch popped open, and he climbed out of the seat. 'Me…
Asuka… Rei… Father, what kind of monster are you?… and what
am I?'
He could see the worry in Asuka's eyes, even behind the public
mask of her 'World's Greatest Eva Pilot' persona, all through his
debrief. Rei and Misato did an admirable job of not looking at each
other as Shinji's answers during the perfunctory debriefing were
unusually clipped and terse.
The same silence as the last time held in the car until they reached
the surface. This time he was the one in the middle in the backseat,
with a death-grip on Asuka and Rei's hands. Misato caught his eye
and nodded.
"She's alive. She knew me. She…" He took a deep breath. "She…
had a lot to tell me, but we didn't have enough time. She… loves me.
A-And… she liked Asuka." He shot her a weak smile, getting an
uncertain one in return. "But… there's a lot to tell you. And… we're in
more trouble than I thought."
In the rear-view mirror, Misato's eyebrows went up. "Trouble?"
Shinji licked dry lips. "SEELE."
Beside him, Rei went pale. "No…" she whispered, too soft to be
heard.
On the other side of him, Asuka winced. "Shinji… you're gripping

pretty hard…"
"Sorry." He relaxed his hands.
Misato's eyes narrowed. "I see… You'll fill us in at home?"

He nodded. "After… after I… I need some time alone with Asuka
first. I… this was… hard."
Misato nodded again. Asuka used her free hand to turn Shinji's face
towards her. "Shinji?" She searched his face, looking worried.
He swallowed, throat tight. "I… I love you. I don't deserve you.

But…" He shook his head like he was trying to shake off a bad
dream. "I… don't know how I'd… still be… able to even get out of
bed without you. You… I'm… not worth… how can you love me?"
Asuka's eyes widened and she put her hand back on his cheek.
"Because I do, baka. And I say Hell yes, you're worthy. You're the
one I want. I love you because you get me, and love me back.
What… what happened in there?"
"I learned what my parents are."
Asuka looked even more worried. "'What' they are?"
"Monsters."
Asuka was starting to wonder if she would need to call in Rei. She'd
never had Shinji clinging to her this desperately before. She stroked
his back gently as they lay in their bed, trying to wait for him to
speak, like he'd waited for her. But he just kept holding onto her,
crying a little. After half an hour, she couldn't stand seeing him like
this and not acting. "Shinji… what happened? You talked to her, and
she… what did she say about SEELE that has you… questioning if
you deserve me?"
Shinji's breath caught, and he shuddered. "… because I don't… I

don't want to drag you down with me."
She put a hand on his chin and forced his head up until she could
see his eyes, then gave him a kiss. "Baka. You've been there for me
when I've been down. I'm not leaving you to face this alone, or ever.
We made promises, you and me. Whatever shit the world rains down
on us, we face it together. You're not getting dragged down. What did
she say?"
Shinji kept crying silently. "SEELE means to end the world, make
themselves into gods… and my father is part of them. Always has
been. And so have my… my m-mother, and grandfather . Tainted
blood… I've been in the middle of this all along, without even
knowing. Unit-01 responds to me best because it's mother in
there…" His head sank back down. "Even after father sent me away,
I couldn't escape this."
"Your mother was… Shinji… Shinji! Look at me!" Asuka said sharply.
When his head rose again, she looked him right in the eyes. "Your
father is an asshole who treated you like trash. Screw him. And… I
don't care about anything your mother or grandfather or aunts and
uncles or whatever have done. You're you. You're the brave, caring,
sweet baka I fell in love with. We back each other up, no matter
what, remember?" She waited until he gave her a tiny nod before
continuing. "You're still sleeping next to me tonight, and the next
night, and so on. Just… tell me the rest. Ending the world? Making
themselves gods? How?"
"They're… They're going to… use one of the Angels, somehow.

And… And some 'lance' they got at Second Impact. But they have to
wait until all the other Angels are dead before they can… do it.
That's why they built the Evas: they knew the Angels were coming."
"How?"
"… Second Impact was a lie. They… they did it on purpose . They
knew what was going to happen!"
Asuka went pale. "… Three billion people died from Second Impact
and the wars. They… Mein Gott… Shinji…. What are we…"
" And my whole family was part of it! " Shinji said, shaking. "My
father… I… I knew he was… terrible, but this ? And… gods, this
sounds stupid and petty next to that, but there's more he did, on a…
personal level."
Asuka gave him a squeeze and nodded for him to go on.
"Mother… she brought me to see her Contact Experiment on

purpose. So I'd… know she was protecting me, and humanity. She
knew I wouldn't understand just being told 'she died'. But she also
knew I wouldn't understand what I was seeing, that young. So she
made…" He started to cry harder. "Sh-she made videos, left letters…
lots of them, for me to read and watch as I grew up, explaining what
she'd done and why. She… she left them with my father, since they
were too secret, things SEELE couldn't know about…"
Shinji pinched his eyes shut. "And he destroyed them! I never knew
anything about this. All I knew was one day my mother was gone,
and the next my father dumped me at the train station like garbage !
H-He…" Shinji's sobs were turning his words almost unintelligible.
"He hid everything ! He took her away from me again ! Mother !"
Asuka did her best to comfort him, whispering care and love into his
ear over and over until he could get a grip on his emotions again.
"It's alright… you're here with me, I love you, and she's alive. She's
alive. You haven't lost her. She's right there with you every time you
sit in Unit-01. And… and you said… she likes me?"
The reminder seemed to help. His tears didn't stop entirely, but he
could meet her eyes again, and managed a weak smile. "Y-yeah…
She… she saw you were… on my mind when she mentioned… that
she did this all to ensure humanity would have a future. And… she
was happy that I'd found you. That I had someone who loved me.
She regretted being unable to hold me, so… that's your job now."
Asuka gave him another squeeze and a kiss. "I like that job. And,
Gott, I think your dad just pulled permanently ahead in the 'Who Has
The Worst Father' contest here. My dad was a cheating, faithless
ass, but I don't think he was part of an actual conspiracy to end the
world. And… so your mom was… she was part of SEELE, but… is
trying to rebel? She's protecting the future or something?"
He nodded. "She said she had to be the one in the Core, so when
the end comes, she can… grab the wheel, and turn things away from
SEELE's plan. That it was the only way: SEELE had found her out,
that she wasn't loyal anymore, and was going to kill her. I guess they
didn't expect her to… to still have her mind in there. I guess they
don't know as much about Evas and souls as they think."
"And… your mom did this on purpose? She knew it would…"

Asuka's eyes widened. "… yeah, they didn't know. Mama didn't
know. She didn't know that would happen. And… She's in the Core,
but was still alive…" She blinked. " That's why there were two voices!
She… she was… copied or… or split when she did her experiment!
But… it's been 10 years. Why is she still… Nng… I hope we have a
Synch Test again soon. For once I really, really want to spend hours
sitting quietly in my Entry Plug."
Shinji nodded. "Me too." He started to shake again. "I… Asuka…

I'm… I'm so scared . Mother… Mother said that… Since I'm the Pilot
of Unit-01, I… I will probably be there when it all happens. And
because I'm alive, and not part of the Core, it… it might be me that…
that the world depends on. I… I'm not ready for that! I… the world
can't rest on me ! I'm… I'm nobody! Nothing! Just… just a pathetic
coward whose father made him be a Pilot! I'm not brave like you!"
His voice was rising towards panic.
Asuka silenced him with a kiss. "Yes you are, baka mine. You…
Shinji, you got into a giant robot you'd never even seen an hour
before to save Rei and the whole city. You dove headfirst into a
volcano to save me. You saved those two Stooges in the middle of
just your second battle. You may not think it, but you're one of the
bravest people I've ever met. I'm scared too, but… I can take on
anything as long as I've got you and Rei with me. You're not
'nothing', Shinji. You're… you're the one I love. There's no one in the
world I trust or love like you. And I know you keep your promises.
'Until the end of the world, you and me, against Angels and anything
else that tries to hurt us,' remember?"
He managed a shaky nod.
Asuka kissed him again. "So… now we just add 'Illuminati-imitation

conspiracy to end the world' to the list of impossible things we have
to defeat." Her smile was a lot less firm than it might have been, and
quickly failed. "Alright, yeah, that's… Gott, I hope Misato knows what
to do. This is way more than we can handle alone, even if you and I
are the most dangerous warriors in the world."
"Right. 'We can do anything, because we're elite Eva Pilots'," he

said, trying to smile. "Gods… Asuka… I… I don't know how I'd be
able to keep myself together without you. I'd be a hopeless wreck if I
didn't have you. I love you so much." He finally kissed her back.
She happily accepted it. "Good, since I've decided I'm going to keep
you. And I know you're going to 'wow' me on my birthday tomorrow."
She pulled his head against her own, resting their foreheads
together, eyes and lips just a bit apart. "So… you hold onto me until
you feel ready to go tell Misato all this, and then we'll have dinner
and get to bed. You're going to need the extra cuddle-time tonight, I
think."
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting her familiar scent
calm him. "Yeah… I'll… I'll be ok."
"Saving the world is our job, my dearest baka. We got this."
Rei's head snapped up from the stove as she heard the faint sound
of her loves' bedroom door opening. She turned around, seeing the
light of their souls moving up the short hallway, and quickly walked
into the living room to see them. Asuka's glow revealed deep worry
for Shinji, layered on top of the perpetual bond of love that flowed
between them, but Shinji's was dimmed, shot through with fear and
worry… Rei's eyes narrowed a hair. Worried… for Asuka? And her?
No matter the cause, Shinji's light was flickering more than she had
ever seen since her sight expanded.
She knew what to do. She had been thinking about this for weeks,
and now seemed the time. She stepped right up to Shinji and put her
hands on his shoulders. She looked at her other love. "He is in deep
pain. Asuka… do you trust me?"
Asuka nodded, puzzled. "Of course, Rei. Why?"
"I will make this up to you." She turned her head to face Shinji, and
caught his eyes. "You are loved. Never doubt this."
Then she leaned forward and gently kissed him. It was everything
she'd imagined and more. And she had, frequently of late. About half
of the time she spent on such things, in fact.
Shinji's eyes went wide and his light flared back to it's usual startling
rainbow glory. Rei could see it even through her closed eyelids, and
her kiss curled into a smile as she pulled back. Asuka's light flashed
through a surprised kaleidoscope of colors before settling back to a
more relieved state as she saw Shinji's face, the few flares of
jealousy buried under a wave of relief that Shinji looked better. "Ah…
Yeah, you're lucky we love you too, Rei. Anyone else, and I'd rip their
head off for that. Yes, I do trust you."
Rei looked at Asuka with a tiny, impish smile to match the light blush
on her cheeks. "And now he feels better. And I now also I know what
to give you for your birthday. I hope you will like it."
Asuka started to blush. "I… um… er… Rei?" Shinji blinked and
started to turn red as well.
Rei put a finger to her lips and made 'quiet' motions. "Major
Katsuragi is waiting in the kitchen, with Hikari. The Major is worried:
She has had only one beer. Take a moment to appear calm, and
follow."
Asuka's blush drained away. "Hikari? Oh, crap, I forgot she was
coming over today for more cooking lessons!"
Rei nodded. "She has been helping me prepare dinner while Shinji…
rested. We have successfully prevented Major Katsuragi from…
helping."
Shinji blanched too. "Ah… th-that's good, Rei. A-and… thank you."
He blinked for a moment, then turned to give Asuka a kiss. "Don't
want you to feel left out," he explained.
A bit of Asuka's blush returned. "Almost an hour of cuddling, you're

still depressed. One kiss from Wondergirl, and you're snapped out of
it? Clearly, I need to step up my game," she said, only a little tartly.
She smiled, and pinched his nose. "Alright, let's… fill Misato in. This
is serious stuff she needs to know."
She looked towards the door to the kitchen. "I'm… not sure we want
to drop this on Hikari just yet. We may need to ask her to give us
some privacy while we give Misato the first pass, and let her decide
on if Hikari needs to know. This is… kind of personal about Shinji's
family."
Rei tried to control her worry. "You… said SEELE in the car?"
Shinji nodded.
Rei looked even more anxious. "… Do… do not speak of them
outside here. They… I know that name. They kill to protect anyone
from even hearing it. Please… I… I cannot bear the thought of you…
you…" She couldn't finish the sentence.
Asuka and Shinji shared a glance. "Rei… what else do you know
about them?"
Rei shook her head, but before she could answer, Hikari stuck her
head out from the kitchen. "Oh, you're up! Hello, Ikari-kun! I hope
you're feeling better. Major Katsuragi said the reactivation test… had
some issues?" the Fourth Child inquired sympathetically.
"Er… yes," Shinji admitted quietly. "B-but… it worked. I… it was my

mother."
Hikari smiled hesitantly. "That's good news, I supp-… Er… Rei? Why
are you holding Ikari-kun's hand?"
The other Children looked down. Rei did not ever remember doing it,
but yes, Shinji's hand was gently wrapped in hers. It was warm and
nice.
"He was feeling pretty down after the test, and Rei was giving him
some comfort. Is giving," Asuka surprisingly spoke up.
Hikari gave her an almost disbelieving look. "Er… I… thought that

was… um… kind of your private territory, Asuka?" she asked,
sounding confused.
Asuka scratched her cheek with one finger and looked away. "Yeah,
well… my sweet baka was feeling bad enough I didn't mind Rei
helping some. He got… his mom had some unhappy things she told
him."
"So get in here and tell me about them already," Misato said from the
kitchen. "You're starting to make me paranoid from all the waiting.
And I really want to see Rei holding Shinji's hand, too, since I can't
believe you'd let that pass, Asuka."
Asuka rolled her eyes and motioned for everyone to move. "Fine,
prepare your eyes, Misato."
Misato did blink in amazement when a lightly smiling Rei did in fact
tow a still-dazed Shinji into the kitchen behind her a moment later.
"Huh… I swear I only had one beer so far…" she commented as the
Children took seats at the kitchen table, Asuka and Shinji facing her.
"What? Is it so crazy that I don't mind a close friend helping my
boyfriend feel better after he's had a dark day?" Asuka complained.
Hikari sat next to Asuka, since Rei took the seat near Shinji. "Six
months ago you kept calling her a 'stupid doll', Asuka," Hikari pointed
out. "And I'd have thought you'd blow your stack at anyone um…
comforting Shinji but you."
"Wondergirl and I feel a bit differently about each other these days,
alright? We all do. It's… it's a lot harder to be mad at Rei after… ,"
Asuka broke off, making a tiny 'taking pills' gesture to Misato.
Misato grimaced, but nodded.
Hikari just looked puzzled. "What?"
Asuka looked at Rei's calm face before looking back to Hikari and
saying, "Hikari… I'm… sorry you got dragged into this. To NERV, I
mean. There's… some dark, dangerous stuff going on, and the more
you know the more danger you're in. I almost wish I hadn't told you
about the… the mom thing, but you deserved to know about that. But
that is just the tip of the iceberg. I… don't know if you want to hear
any more. And it's… Rei's thing to decide."
"I do not mind, Asuka," Rei said in her usual quiet tone. "It may be
beneficial for Hikari to understand why you and I are no longer
antagonistic, and instead quite close."
Asuka looked at her. "You sure?"
Rei nodded, a small smile appearing. "Yes. What you did led me to…
where we are now. I do not like to even contemplate what my life
would be like if you had not."
Asuka's cheeks turned a little pink. "I… you know why I did it, Rei.
No one deserves that." She took a breath and looked back to Hikari.
"You remember how Rei used to act?" When Hikari nodded, Asuka
continued, "Well, the reason she was like that wasn't her being
weird. It was… because they had her drugged to the gills on
tranquilizers and worse to keep her obedient and numb.
Benzodiazepines, dissociatives, all sorts of Scheiße ."
Hikari blinked, her expression shooting right past surprise and into
horror. "Wait, drugging her? Who?!"
"Commander Asshole and Doctor Bitchface," Asuka growled.
"Asuka… ," Misato said warningly.
Asuka nearly exploded. "What, Misato?! They had Rei pumped so

full of that toxic witch's brew I'm amazed Rei isn't dead ! And they
kept her that way for months, maybe years !They sent her into
combat like that! My friend! I'll call them what they are!"
"You do not need to call Doctor Akagi that anymore, Asuka," Rei said
softly.
Asuka looked at her like she'd just grown a new head. "Say what ?"
"Doctor Akagi and I… had a talk, after Unit-00's berserker event. She
now feels… very guilty over how she had been treating me, on the
Commander's orders. And just this week, the Commander ordered
my dosage be increased. Doctor Akagi has agreed to falsify a blood
test and conceal this from the Commander. She does not know I am
totally free of the drugs, but has taken steps to… make amends for
her past deeds. She is no longer a willing participant in the
Commander's treatment of me."
"Really, Rei?" Misato said. "Maybe Kaji and I should have that little
night out for drinks with her we've been discussing. She and I should
talk again."
"I believe that might prove beneficial, Major Katsuragi."
Misato looked at Rei tiredly and sighed. "I'm not going to get you to
call me 'Misato' off duty yet, am I?"
"Not this week, no," Rei replied, perfectly deadpan.
"I'm still not happy with her," Asuka said darkly. "I don't care how
guilty she feels now. She's going to need a miracle to get on my
good side again. She hurt you, Rei, and you know how I feel about
people who hurt the ones I… care about." Asuka coughed into her
hand, shooting a quick look at Hikari. "Um… in any case, Hikari,
what Shinji's got to tell Misato is… kind of personal, about his family."
Misato gave the redhead a half-smile. "Which he has already told all
of to you?"
Asuka didn't bat an eye. "Of course he has, Misato. I told you, he
and I are together, and I meant it. No barriers between us." She took
Shinji's hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze and a smile. His
own smile firmed up a little as she did.
Rei nodded.
Hikari looked uncertain, but nodded too. "Rei and I can leave, if you
like, Ikari-kun. You can… tell us what you want to tell later."
Asuka looked at her, a faintly confused look passing over her face.
"You and Rei, right. Um… Shinji?"
Shinji bowed his head to Hikari briefly. "Thank you for understanding,
Horaki-san. I… I'm afraid this is… things I wish I didn't know. Misato
has to hear this, but… I guess it's no secret at this point I don't like
my father very much. I just learned a whole bunch of new reasons to
hate him. But I'd rather not just…" He shrugged and looked
pleadingly at her and Misato.
Hikari gave him a sad smile. "It's ok, Ikari-kun. You can… you don't
have to tell us anyth-"
The doorbell rang. Misato and the Children all turned to look towards
the front door. They missed Rei's face shifting to a scowl. "I will get it,
and send him away," she said, rising and walking swiftly to the door
before anyone else could react.
The front door slid open at Rei's press of the button to reveal a
beaming Kaworu Nagisa. "Good afternoon, Ayanam-"
"Shut up," Rei cut him off. "We are busy. Go away."
He blinked at her. "I'm sorry? It is the day before Miss Soryu's

birthday. I thought we were still to practice?"
Rei kept her face blank, but grimaced internally. This was true. They
had been planning to spend the last day before Asuka's party
practicing, before Misato had informed them of the reactivation test
for Unit-01. Giving him a flat look, Rei said, "Shinji has had a bad
day. The reactivation was successful, but he desires to spend the
afternoon with Asuka. You and I will practice without him. Remain
here."
She let the door close, and went back to the others, still waiting in
the kitchen area. "It is Nagisa-san. I will take him to my apartment,
and keep him out of the way. Hikari, would you like to accompany
me? Your company is more pleasant than his."
Hikari smiled, nodding. "That's fine, Rei. I'll get to see this mysterious
present you and Ikari-kun have been working so hard on, at least.
And Nagisa-san is not so bad. He's kind of cute, really, and friendly."
"If you say so," Rei said dourly. Her expression cleared as she
looked at Shinji and Asuka. "Remember, Shinji. Never doubt."
Shinji blushed, but smiled. "Th-thank you, Rei. We'll… tell you later."
Asuka nodded with him.
Rei motioned for Hikari to follow her as she returned to the front
door. Nagisa was still smiling at her when she opened it. "Ah, hello,
Class Rep-san. It is nice to see you outside of school or NERV."
"Hello, Nagisa-san," Hikari smiled, visibly a little dazzled by his
charm.
"Ugh. Come on, new fish," Rei grumbled as she let Misato's
apartment door close behind her. "Let us get to my residence and
practice. We will be flawless tomorrow, or I will make you eat your
own instrument." She quickly headed towards her own apartment.
"Eh?" Hikari blinked at the bizarre spectacle of an angry Rei

Ayanami.
Kaworu smiled again. "Oh, she is merely insistent that Miss Soryu's
party go well. They are quite close these days."
"Er… right. So, show me what you've been working on?" Hikari said,
falling into step behind him.
"Something wonderful."
Misato's face hardly twitched, but the slow, vicious crumpling of the
empty beer can in her right hand spoke volumes. "They knew… they
handed my father a lit torch and told him to go poke a stack of
dynamite and they knew?! " Her voice rose to almost a shout.
Shinji nodded, his face dark and weary. "They… planned for it.
They… my father left the day before with samples and copies of
everything, just so nothing possibly useful would be lost.
Misato looked at the crumpled can blankly for a second before

throwing it violently at the recycle bin. "God DAMN them! Three
billion people! Half of fucking humanity, and they knew !" She
slammed her fist back on the table.
"And my family was right in the middle of it," Shinji said, staring down
at his right hand on the table.
Asuka grabbed his chin and forced him to face her. "No."
"But Asuk-"
"I said no. Shinji, if there's one good thing we can pull out of how
your father abandoned you for most of your life, it's this: None of that
reflects on you. You had to grow up alone, but that means you also
grew up away from them . Your mother and father may have been
part of this, but you have not. And I don't believe in any of that
'tainted blood' superstition. " Her stern expression softened. "Trust
me, my beloved baka. I know you better than anyone, and you'd
never do anything like that. You hate the idea of hurting people. You
are not evil, crazy, or a coward. You are a thousand times better than
any of them." She punctuated her statement with a firm kiss.
Misato sat down and seemed to take strength from watching the two
of them. "You listen to her, Shinji. You're still the same person we
knew yesterday, and none of us are going to blame you for anything
your family has done. You're nothing like your father."
Shinji didn't look totally convinced. "But… my family…"
"Your family is right here, Shinji," Misato said softly. "And we know
who you are." She reached out across the table and took his free
hand.
"That's right," Asuka agreed. "You've got Rei and I right with you,
and Misato and Kaji. Just right there is more friends and loved ones
than your dad has."
Shinji finally smiled. It was small, but steadier than he'd been since
climbing out of the Entry Plug. "… Thank you." He let go of Misato's
hand to pull Asuka into a hug. He held onto her for a moment before
sitting back and looking at Misato. "So… now what. This is… way
more than we can handle."
Misato blew out a breath. "I'll get Kaji in tonight and brief him on all
this. He's… got connections to people that can help. I'm not going to
say, sorry. You understand."
The two teenagers nodded.
"And," Misato continued, "I think you should… minimize telling

Hikari-chan. And nothing to the Fifth Child. We don't know enough
about him, but from what you said about him not being at NERV-
Berlin when you left, I'm not inclined to trust him until and unless we
have a really good reason to think he's not working for SEELE."
"I'll talk to her. She'll understand, I think," Asuka said. "And yeah, the
new fish is friendly, but there's no reason to tell him anything. We'll
talk to Rei later." Asuka paused. "Misato… right before you called us
in, she said she knew SEELE's name… and she was terrified. I think
she knows things about them, but… she keeps implying even
knowing can get us killed. I… I want to ask her, but…"
"I'll try talking to her about it," Misato nodded. "She's… probably
right, too. There are Section 2 counter-surveillance teams being
added to the usual protective teams watching you kids here and at
school. Commander Ikari just ordered them in. I only know about it
because I get updates from the teams covering you. Kaji thinks
they're looking for SEELE agents."
"But from what Shinji's mom said, they… they are probably the ones
who control NERV and the Human Instrumentality Committee,"
Asuka said. "They're the one's behind all this, so… why is NERV
security watching out for them?"
"SEELE and NERV may not be 100% on the same page, Asuka.
Kaji's digging. I've told him not to get killed, or I'll be pissed," Misato
said with a frown.
Asuka did not look very happy at the idea either. "Yeah, no dying.
He's still my second favorite hunk of man after my Shinji." She
leaned over to nuzzle Shinji, confirming his place in the lineup.
"I called dibs on him already, Asuka," Misato smiled tiredly. "And he's
coming over in under an hour for dinner. You'll want to stay with
Asuka today, I'll bet, and finish cooking, instead of vanishing to Rei's
place?"
Shinji nodded. "Y-Yeah. Today I… want to be with my family, I think."

He smiled weakly at her.
Misato smiled back at him. "I told you when you moved in, this is
your home too, right?"
Asuka smiled too. "Welcome home, baka."
Author's Note, 23AUG16: Shinji's not having a good day, learning his
entire family is crazy and possibly evil. Good thing he has Asuka to
hold on to. I told you the emotional tone was a big just from the last
part. I didn't expect Rei to get a kiss in, though. I was initially going to
post this right after Asuka and he finished talking alone.
Next up is Asuka's 15th birthday. (Yes, I know she turns 14 in canon.

I've bumped everyone a year to be a bit less leaning against the
rules about teenagers on Sufficient Velocity.) Enjoy that while it lasts,
it's the WAFF before the storm. You know who the next Angel is.
Feel free to speculate on how it will go differently from canon, and as
always, come to Sufficient Velocity for updates (weekly, 12 weeks
running now!) and omakes.
Advice & Trust
Chapter 9.9
Everything I Do…
"Well, that was lovely, Nagisa-san!" Hikari gushed as the grey-haired

boy lowered his bow. "You should try out for the school Music Club!
I'm sure you'd shine there."
Nagisa's smile shone brightly on its own. "Thank you, Horaki-san. I

have given it some thought. Music is the highest achievement of
Lilim culture, after all."
Hikari blinked at him. "Of what culture?"
Rei loomed behind Hikari, her eyes glowing alarmingly red. She held
up a sheet of paper. 'STOP FLIRTING WITH HER. SHE HAS A
BOYFRIEND AND I WILL DESTROY YOU IF YOU MAKE
TROUBLE. AND 'LILIM'? YOU STUPID FISH!' it said.
"Uh…" Kaworu tried to make his brain work fast to cover that slip,
but his body had become suddenly fascinated by Ayanami's
appearance when angry again. "I mean… human culture. Sorry, I've
been speaking German up until recently." He judged this a success
by the way Ayanami's death glare dropped a notch.
"Oh, German? So you were at NERV-Berlin with Asuka?" the petite

brunette asked.
He thought faster. "Ah… I didn't run into her while I was there. I was
rather bottled up." He tried another smile, those seemed to distract
her for some reason. "I didn't actually meet her face to face until I
arrived here."
Hikari looked bedazzled again. "Oh my…"
Rei held up the paper again. The first two sentences were now
underlined, as was the last. Twice .
Hikari rallied. "S-so why do you call her 'Miss Soryu', then?"
"Oh, it's just a little nod to us both having come here from Germany. I
don't know her very well yet, but a little taste of Germany is
something I can offer her."
"That's very nice of you, Nagisa-san," Hikari said with a smile. "So,
you play the violin and piano, speak German, and are very ha-…
kind! You're going to be very popular with the girls in class."
Kaworu looked at her, intrigued. "Why is that?"
Behind her, Rei facepalmed and held up the paper again. The last
sentence was now underlined thrice .
"Cultured and handsome foreign students often attract plentiful

attention, Nagisa-san," Rei said dryly, breaking her silence. She
casually put the paper down on the table, face down. She had the
feeling she'd need it again later. Frequently. "Though in your case, I
wonder if you will know what to do."
"How should I respond properly, then?"
"Be like Kensuke," Rei said. "That would be a good start."
Kaworu looked puzzled. "I should… date as many girls as possible,

then select two?"
Hikari giggled and put her hand over her mouth.
Rei tried to burn a hole in Kaworu's face with her glare. " No ."
"But he di-"
"We will discuss it later," Rei said in the same tone of voice a judge
would pronounce sentence on a major criminal. "For now, we will
finalize preparations for Asuka's birthday party tomorrow. You will
bring an appropriate gift if you wish to attend, Nagisa-san."
"A shame we didn't get to go shopping for presents together, Rei. I

did find Asuka some nice video games," Hikari said, smiling. "I know
you were still deciding. Did you figure out what to get her?"
Rei nodded, looking happier. "I am giving Asuka some lip gloss
tomorrow."
Hikari looked confused. "Your best friend, and all you're getting her
for her birthday is a tube of lip gloss?"
Rei stared at her. "… tube?"
"Asuka… It's time to wake up," his voice said gently in her ear.
Warmly. Lovingly. It made her smile as she woke.
"Nuh uh," she articulately countered. "Iz t'm to stay righ' hr'." She
burrowed a little closer into his arms. It was difficult: she was already
deeply wrapped therein, using his chest as a pillow. She made up for
it by refusing to open her eyes. It was nice and comfy right where
she was.
"As nice as staying in bed all day with you sounds, it's still a school
day. We've got to get up," her boyfriend pointed out.
"Dun wanna. Here's good."
"Maybe we can do the 'all day in bed' thing tomorrow," Shinji offered.
"Though… I think Misato-san would make a few pointed jokes at us
over what she'll assume we've been doing that whole time when we
finally come out."
"She can assume whatever she likes. She might be right anyhow,"
Asuka murmured with a sly grin. "Alright, I'm awake. Meh, school.
Why couldn't my birthday be on a weekend this year?" She sat up
and stretched, smiling wider as she watched Shinji's eyes drink in
her entire move.
He finally snapped out of it when her stretch ended. "This way you
get to show off at school too?" He rose from the bed and started
getting dressed. "And it's early enough you don't need to rush. I
woke you up now so you'd have time to enjoy the full German
breakfast I got mostly ready before I came back to bed to wake you.
I know how you hate waking up alone."
She got out of bed herself and gave him a kiss before starting to get
her own clothes for the day. "And a nice way to wake up it was. Wait,
if you went to get breakfast ready and came back, why are you just
getting dressed now? Did you make breakfast… er…"
Shinji blushed as he finished buttoning his shirt. "Um… yes. I figured

Misato would be the last up, so if you woke up alone before I came
back, you'd at least have the consolation prize of finding me… um…
'mostly-naked-apron'?"
Asuka laughed at the image. "Oooh, nice."
Shinji cleared his throat. "Und… Auch ich werde versuchen, heute
so viel Deutsch zu sprechen, wie ich kann." [And… Also, I will try to
speak as much German today as I can.]
Asuka's eyes lit up. "Ah? Wunderbar, mein baka!" She laughed
again. "Ich habe den besten Boyfriend." [I have the best boyfriend.]
"This keeps up, we're gonna need a bigger meeting spot for lunch,"
Touji said.
Sayaka smiled. "I dunno, I kind of like the tight space." She scooted
a centimeter closer to Kensuke's left side. Kyoko matched her on his
right. Kensuke did not look like he was going to complain.
Asuka would have rolled her eyes, but considering she and Shinji
were sitting fairly close together at the lunch tables they'd
commandeered for the day, she could hardly complain herself. It was
in fact kind of heartening to see Kensuke's two girlfriends (and she
still had a hard time even thinking that without it sounding crazy)
were starting to loosen up. They'd both been a bit nervous and stiff
when they found out that being with Kensuke meant they were now
invited to eat with the Eva Pilots' group.
Which had rather expanded from the days it was just her and Shinji
sneaking off to eat together. Asuka looked around. Kensuke
sandwiched between Sayaka and Kyoko, check. Her and Shinji,
check. Hikari and Jock-Stooge, check. And… Ok, not all happy
couples: Rei and Nagisa, sitting well apart, Rei practically radiating 'I
am not with him!' in sheer body language. Nagisa, for his part, was
smiling happily at the group of Pilots, significant others, and friends.
He seemed to be rather enjoying just being in such a large collection
of people his age that was not just a class.
"Mmm, yeah, it has it's points," Hikari said from Touji's lap. "I don't
have to lean as far to do this, for example." She delicately placed a
piece of tempura in Touji's waiting mouth, then nabbed another piece
for herself from the bento he was holding for both of them.
Sayaka giggled. "And not just for lunch, too. Last weekend Kyo-chan
and I showed Kensuke how you can fit three people in a two-man
tent when camping… if you're all friends," she said with a wink.
"We are going to get in so much trouble if your father figures out we
did that," Kyoko moaned.
Sayaka reached across their boyfriend to gently pinch Kyoko's nose

with her chopsticks. "Eh, we'll be fine. Dad never checks when I say
I'm doing a sleepover at your house, does he? And besides, it was
so worth it! Wasn't it, Ken-chan?"
Kensuke vigorously nodded. His expression turned sheepish when
he noticed his friends all staring at him, though. "Er… eheh. Um…
We were careful?"
Rei left off her mild glaring at Nagisa to look at the trio. She smiled.
"That is good to hear on all counts, Kensuke. You are a good and
proper gentleman."
Nagisa looked over too. "So I should act like K-"
Rei glared death at him again. " No. "
"Everyone can come to the party, right?" Shinji asked, trying to divert
Rei from attempting to set Nagisa on fire with her eyes.
"Wouldn't miss it!" Kyoko nodded. "Too bad it's not a sleepover. All
night karaoke and fun with the whole Evangelion Pilot corps sounds
like the coolest party ever."
"I think Misato-san would consider letting nine teenagers, most of

them dating one another, to be a bit much even for her party
appetite," Shinji pointed out. "Plus all of us are going to be a tight fit
even just for the party."
"We could use my apartment for a sleepover in the future," Rei

offered quietly. "There is more space, as I have less furniture. And I
do not mind the happy company."
"Ooh, good plan, Ayanami-san," Sayaka said with a grin. "Party at

Ayanami's place next week!"
"Us too, Ayanami-san?" Touji asked.
Rei nodded. "Of course. You are my friend too, Suzuhara-san, as

well as Hikari's partner."
Touji blushed at this. "Y-yeah, I g-guess." Hikari grinned.

"I didn't even know you liked our favorite gorilla, Rei," Asuka said,
amused at watching him squirm.
"He is a good person. He was a good friend to Shinji when he was

new here, is physically attractive, and sincere. If he was not already
taken by Hikari, I would have considered him for a partner in the
social experiments I conducted with Kensuke," Rei said, perfectly
calm.
"Thank you?" Touji said, nonplussed. He gave Hikari a hug to

reassure himself.
"And thank you for not, Rei" Hikari added. "I saw him first." She
smiled, though.
Rei smiled back. "I would never disrupt your bond, Hikari. You two
shine together."
Kaworu suddenly looked more intently at the group, then at Shinji in

particular. "Shinji-kun, are we friends?"
Shinji blinked. "Um… yes? You've helped me with Asuka's present,

you're a Pilot like us, you're friendly… why wouldn't you be?"
Kaworu's gaze shifted to Rei. "I am a friend to Shinji. I have been

told I'm attractive, by you, even. I am as sincere as I can be… am I
your friend, Ayanami-san?"
Rei's eyes widened a little, but she said nothing, staring back at him
for a long moment. "Yes," she said eventually, with no inflection.
Kaworu's smile was just a hair wider, but some shadow had left it.
"I'm glad."
Rei's face relaxed a bit. "Perhaps you acting a bit like Kensuke
would not be entirely a bad thiiiiieek!"
Rei squeaked in surprise as Asuka's pale, slender arms wrapped

around her from behind and pulled her into a hug. "Yeah, but Shinji
and I saw her first. Nyaaah!" She stuck her tongue out at the grey-
haired boy.
Rei's cheeks turned rosy pink. "A-Asuka, I…"
Asuka slid one arm back behind her and pulled Shinji in too, reveling
in holding her two favorite people. "I love you guys," she said,
laughing.
"This is torture," Asuka complained with a smile. She took another

deep breath of the delicious smells wafting in from the balcony next
to Rei's. She stretched her arms out in front of her, staring at the
dimming sunset sky off Rei's balcony.
"It is torture that is at an end, however," Rei replied, glancing at the

clock back inside. "It is time." Shinji had asked them to wait at Rei's
apartment until 1730 while he cooked the surprise dinner. Hikari had
gone along to assist in the cooking, and at Rei's quiet suggestion the
rest of the party attendees had been sent along to help with set-up.
Rei had been only too happy to keep Asuka company by herself.
They'd found uses for the time. She looked at Asuka, blushing again.
"Did you… like my present? The um… lip gloss?"
Asuka again turned almost as red as her hair. "It w-w-was fine!
Great! I…" Her voice dropped to an embarrassed whisper. "I… I'm
really happy about it, Rei. I've been thinking about it for weeks."
"As have I. Today seemed… fitting." Rei smiled as she lead Asuka to
the door. "I owe you much, and you both are worth everything. I love
you both, and will protect you in battle and at home. "
Asuka smiled, but gave Rei a serious look as well. "So are you,
Wondergirl. Six months ago I hated you. Now you're… very
important to me. To us . Shinji and I want you to make it through this
war with the Angels too. All of us. 'One for all and all for one', and all
that." She abruptly stopped Rei just short of the front door with a
hand on her shoulder and pulled her into a fierce hug. "I can't stand
the thought of losing you or Shinji. You stay safe with us, ok? It…
makes me worry sometimes, when you talk like that."
Rei hugged her back. "Then I will not make you worry. If my loss
would make you unhappy, then I will not permit it to happen."
Asuka smiled. "Good. Now let's go see what my darling baka has
whipped up for my first proper birthday party in forever." She opened
the door.
"You did not have birthday parties in Germany?" Rei asked as they
left her apartment and walked next door to Misato's.
Asuka shrugged, her expression clouding briefly. "Nothing… real. My

father and step-mother would make… appearances, and give me a
present or two, but then leave me to NERV for the most part. And
when I was in college, I always got the feeling I was treated more as
a 'kid mascot' or curiosity than a peer. I never… had anyone close
like you and Shinji back then."
She shook her head and visibly pushed the memories away. Her
smile returned. "This is better. Way better. I actually like everyone
who's going to be at this party for me. Even Geek-Stooge and his
girlfriends."
"Even Major Katsuragi?" Rei teased gently.
"Yes, even her," Asuka shot back. "She's been fairly understanding
about Shinji and I, more than I was afraid she might be." She swiped
her keycard through the lock and let them both into the apartment.
"And if she hadn't forced me to move in with her, Shinji and I might
never have-"
" Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, Asuka!" The welcoming shout nearly
knocked her backwards into Rei as she turned the corner from the
entrance hallway into the kitchen area.
Hikari and Touji let off a handful of party poppers from the sides,
showering her in confetti. The camera flash blinded her for a moment
as Misato snapped a picture from the back of the pack. She was the
tallest after Kaji, standing beside her.
"Willkommen zu Hause, Asuka," Shinji said from the front of the

group, smiling broadly. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms
around her. Asuka found she was able to smile and blush at the
same time as he gave her a slow, thorough kiss in front of everyone.
"Abendessen ist fertig." He stepped aside to let her see the table,
already laid out.
Asuka's smile got wider. He'd really gone all-out. The table fairly
groaned under the weight of all the food and the pile of gifts behind
them. " Schwenkbraten, mit Rosmarin garnierte Klöße, und Birne mit
Preiselbeeren [Marinated roast pork steak, rosemary garnished
potato dumplings, and pear with cowberries]," he said proudly. "Und
Prinzregententorte."
Asuka giggled. Despite his best efforts, Shinji still had a persistent,
cute little accent to his German. "Liebling, mir gefällt's ja, aber da
Hikari und die anderen nunmal kein Deutsch können… vielleicht
doch lieber Japanisch?" [My love, I appreciate the effort, but maybe
Japanese for the rest of the party, since Hikari and the rest don't
speak it?]"
Misato snorted. "Du scheinst einen merkwürdigen Einfluss auf Leute

zu haben, Asuka. Offenbar können fast alle auf dieser Party
Deutsch! [You must have a weird influence on people, Asuka. Turns
out almost more people at this party speak German than don't!]"
Misato's accent wasn't nearly as prominent, nor as cute as Shinji's.
Then again, she and Kaji had years of practice from when they'd
been stationed at NERV-Berlin. "Ich, Kaji, du, Shinji versucht's; und
Kaworu-kun. [Me, Kaji, you, Shinji's trying; and Kaworu-kun,]" she
listed.
"Und ich," Rei said softly from behind her.

Asuka turned around in surprise. "Warte, was ? Rei, du sprichst
Deutsch?!"
"Ja," the First Child said. She had a strange accent, like she'd never
said the words out loud, but she was clear.
"Was? Wie? Warum hast du nie was gesagt? [What? How? Why
didn't you ever say so?]"
"Du hast nie gefragt? [You have never asked?]"
Asuka put down her fork, sat back, and patted her stomach. "Oh
Gott, that was good, Shinji. I haven't had Prinzregententorte like that
in forever." She took a slow sip of her present from Misato, a nice
Franziskaner Weißbier. She was a little surprised Misato let her, but
it wasn't too much. Misato had been the one who bought her her first
beer back in Germany, after all. And she'd been quite firm about that
being the only beer she was allowed to have tonight. Everyone else
was still restricted to sodas.
Shinji smiled at her praise. "That's just part one. Now… I bet you've
been wondering what I've been working so hard on the last two
weeks."
"Damn right I am," Asuka snorted. "So mysterious, and neither Rei or
the new fish would even give me a hint."
To her left, Rei was getting up from the table, her now common tiny
smile in place. "He did stress the surprise was important, Asuka."
Kaworu was rising with her. They walked into Shinji's old room and
emerged with their instrument cases and Shinji's cello case.
Asuka nodded. She'd somewhat expected this. So her dearest baka

had been practicing a piece for her?
Kensuke, Sayaka, and Kyoko helped push the couch they'd been
sharing out of the way to the side, letting Rei and Kaworu begin
setting up. Hikari rapidly cleared away the remaining plates while
Shinji took out his cello and smiled at her.
He tentatively cleared his throat, suddenly looking a little nervous.

"Um… thank you all for coming to Asuka's party. I wanted to make
her birthday really special this year, and I know having you all come
helped."
He fussed awkwardly with his bow for a moment. "I… still have a
hard time believing someone as brilliant, beautiful, and amazing as
Asuka could pick someone like me to be with. And… nothing makes
me feel happier than being able to make her smile. There's only a
few things I'm really any good at. I can't Pilot an Eva in here, and I
just did my best at cooking, so… here's the last one: Music."
"Music… helped bring us together, kind of. The night Asuka and I
first kissed," he blushed, "was the day she came home from a blind
date Horaki-san had set up for her. She didn't really like the guy, so
she came home. I… I didn't even realize it at the time, but… she
could have gone anywhere, done anything… but she came home to
spend time alone with me. Like a baka, I missed that. She came in
while I was playing Bach's Cello Suite No.1, and she… applauded
me. It was the first time she'd ever been… so nice to me."
Asuka blushed herself as everyone turned to look at her.
"I played for half the afternoon," Shinji continued. "Later that night,
she asked if I wanted to kiss her. And it's been…" He swallowed. "…
th-the best part of my life since then. I've never been so happy. And I
hope I've made her happy. So when I had to think of a present for
her birthday that would really feel like what I wanted to show her,
music was my first thought. I'm… Asuka says I'm better than I think
at it, and Rei and Kaworu-kun have been a big help with getting this
all ready…"
He stopped himself, took a deep breath, and tried again. "So I did… I
wrote her something. Something new. I hope you all like the world
premiere of the Asuka Langley Soryu 15th Birthday Concerto ."
Asuka blinked. "Wait… you wrote me an entire concerto ? For a

present ?"
He nodded, flushing.
Asuka shared a stunned look with Misato and Hikari. "Holy crap,
Shinji… I don't even know what to say."
He smiled sheepishly. "Then just relax and listen for now?"
He raised his bow, looked to Rei and Kaworu, and at their nods,
began to play.
And it was glorious.
It soared. It soothed. It made her sigh with a rolling, intricate melody

that expertly wove the violin and viola over the steady, deep hum of
his cello. Rei was a trifle uncertain at times in her playing, but Shinji
and Kaworu's confident playing carried her along without difficulty.
Shinji's eyes kept flicking to the music stand in front of him, but
whenever they weren't, he was looking at her. He didn't seem to look
at anyone else's reaction. Just hers.
And react she did. In every line, Asuka could hear it over and over: I
love you. I love you. I love you.
She put her head back, closed her eyes, and fought a losing battle to
hold in her tears. Only once, in the aftermath of speaking to her
Mama, had she let herself cry in public in ten years. Shinji's music
blasted right through her walls. When she could not hold in the joyful
tears anymore, she opened her eyes again and locked her gaze on
Shinji. When he met her eyes, she mouthed 'I love you' to him, and
smiled as she cried. She didn't mind. He was crying too.
The music slowly trailed off to a gentle end. There was a
breathtaking moment of rapt silence before Misato and the others
burst into applause. Shinji seemed to shake himself out of trance,
breaking himself out of the look with Asuka before he gave a
sheepish bow. Rei and Kaworu bowed with him.
"So… it was ok?" he asked.
Asuka stood up and walked over, pushing his cello gently aside so
she could embrace him. "You baka… it was perfect ." She kissed
him.
A rather fetching blouse from Kaworu. A bundle of video games from

Hikari and one more from Jock-Stooge. A beer from Misato, and a
proper German stein from Kaji. Gift certificates to her favorite
beautician's shop from Sayaka and Kyoko. A surprisingly well-done
1:24 scale model Tiger II tank painted in Unit-02's colors from
Kensuke. It even had 'The Red Demon' and a tiny picture of Shinji on
the turret. A whole pile of clothes, CDs, jewelry, and more from
Shinji, of course. And a birthday card with a sweet handwritten poem
from Rei that earned her another hug from Asuka, to which Rei
blushed. As did Asuka when she realized she'd done it in front of
everyone else.
It hardly stopped the party. Rei and Kaworu volunteered again,

offering to play some more pieces… to give Shinji and Asuka a
chance to dance.
Which left Asuka now happily enfolded in Shinji's arms again, her
head resting on his shoulder as her feet automatically took her
through a slow dance with him in the confines of Misato's living
room. Kaji and Misato had quickly joined them, as had Touji and
Hikari after a moment of prodding. Asuka smirked to see Kensuke
awkwardly looking between Sayaka and Kyoko. His dilemma was
solved for him when the girls flipped a coin and Sayaka took first
dance.
Asuka smiled again when their slow turning brought their musical
accompaniment into view. Rei was watching them dance with the
most glowing expression Asuka had ever seen on her friend's face.
Mostly them, but Rei was also clearly watching all the couples
dancing.
"Rei really does like watching people in love, doesn't she?" she
murmured to Shinji.
He nodded slightly. She felt him twitch in surprise at something, and

made a questioning noise. He turned them so he could see where
Kensuke and Kyoko had been dancing, after Sayaka had switched
out.
Sayaka and Kyoko were now slowly dancing and holding each other
close. Kensuke watched from the side, smiling gently at them. His
smile only grew warmer when Sayaka gently nudged Kyoko's chin
up and kissed her. The kiss went on for a while, too.
Asuka blinked in surprise, but kept dancing. She shot a look at Hikari
and Touji, but Touji's eyes were closed and Hikari's back was to
them. Misato and Kaji seemed to have missed the kiss as well.
"Huh… I… guess that explains why they don't mind sharing

Kensuke," Asuka said quietly.
"And Kensuke hasn't breathed a word. I… don't know what to say, if

anything. Is… I've never even… people can do that?" Shinji said,
sounding more confused than anything else.
"I've heard of it, back in Germany. Never thought I'd see it here. And
I… got to give Geek-Stooge credit. He hasn't blabbed about it in
public, hasn't acted like any kind of horndog, and actually been…
pretty respectable about it." Asuka suddenly nibbled on Shinji's neck.
"And if you tell him I said that I'll bite you harder."
"I'm not sure that's a dis incentive," Shinji said, trying not to laugh.
Asuka nuzzled the side of his neck again. "Thank you for doing all
this, Shinji. I've never had a birthday this happy. I'm… you wrote me
a concerto . How am I supposed to match that when it's your
birthday?"
"At least you'll have 6 months to come up with something?" he

smiled.
"Well, you've already got my heart, you're always on my mind, and in

a couple hours you're going to get my body…" Asuka said silkily. "I'll
have to think of something ." She giggled again when he noticeably
squeezed her a bit tighter at that.
"I love you, Asuka. I loved getting to do all this, to make you this
happy," he said tenderly. "And… I… Asuka, something I'm only
starting to realize is… I'd never been happy before, not like this. I
had nice days, and some moments growing up, but… I was never
really happy, just… there. I was so empty I didn't even know what I
was missing. And then… you. Some days when I wake up, if you
weren't lying there next to me, I'd think this was all some wild dream
made up by a lonely boy. Now I feel… alive . I'm… actually excited
about the future, about having a future, being able to fight for one.
You kind of saved my life, Asuka. I owe you a hundred birthdays like
this."
"You saved my life in that volcano, I save your life with a kiss… we
should make this a long, steady habit, Liebling. Might come in handy
as long as our afterschool job is 'Evangelion Pilot'," she replied,
nuzzling his neck again. She delighted in his shiver of pleasure.
"Look around. Everyone here is here because… you decided to kiss

me," he said into her hair. "And they all look so happy. Even Rei and
Kaworu-kun."
"I think he likes her." She could almost hear Shinji's eyebrows go up.
"Let me guess, you missed it?"
Shinji gave a tiny nod. "You know how bad I am at things like that."
"I wonder if I'd have had more success getting your attention earlier
if I'd just put a big sign on my head reading 'I KIND OF LIKE YOU,
YOU IDIOT'," Asuka mock-grumbled. "But… the way he looks at her
sometimes, when she's not looking. It's… he's interested, I'd bet. I
mean, Rei is hot, sweet, and a good kisser…"
"Yeah…" Shinji said, remembering. He blinked. "Hey, wait a-"
"She got me while we were waiting in her apartment," Asuka said

sheepishly, blushing. "Said it was my birthday gift. I'm just sorry you
weren't there to watch like I got to for yours. It was… very nice,"she
said dreamily.
His embrace of her didn't slacken a bit. She could feel him smile,
too. "Me too," he finally said. Now he stiffened a little, though they
kept dancing. "Asuka… we both love her. But… I'm scared, and I
think you are too. Of… trying what… what Kensuke, Sayaka, and
Kyoko are doing. I'm scared enough that I might do something wrong
just with you! We're not ready, and… we may never be, or how long
it might be. And… it's not fair to… make her wait until we might be."
"But you kind of wish we could, and we both… want her to be as

happy as we are," she nodded, equally conflicted. "So we… help
her?"
Shinji again looked at Kaworu for a moment. "Should we encourage

him? I mean… if he likes her…"
Asuka shook her head. "Not yet. I still don't trust him enough. Why
did he pop up so suddenly, when he wasn't at NERV-Berlin when I
was there? For all we know, he works for… them. And anyone that
close to Rei would… would end up knowing about our mothers,
NERV's shady parts, and things we need secret for our own good.
So until we know more, I don't think he gets to be on the list of 'good
enough for our Rei'. It'll be up to her anyway. No help unless Rei
decides she wants to give him a shot. They haven't exactly gotten
along great so far, though they're getting better."
Shinji smiled into her hair again. "'Our Rei'. I like that. We're going to
have to find a real star for her."
Asuka lifted her head from his shoulder, pressing her forehead to his.
"Hey, Nagisa's not bad. Cultured, an Eva Pilot, and a cute butt. He
just needs to pass the 'security check'. Maybe he'll be okay once we
make sure he's not working for the vast evil conspiracy. Our Rei
deserves an elite boyfriend too. And we're still going to love her, no
matter what."
Shinji nodded just a little, not wanting to move his head so much as
to break their close mutual stare. "She deserves as many happy
days as we can give too. We should make her birthday as good as
yours."
"We really need to remember to ask her when her birthday is.
Though I bet there's a good chance she might not ever remember,
after all the crap Doctor Bitch pumped into her." Asuka scowled, but
shook it off. "Anyway, that's for tomorrow. Tonight has been
wonderful, Shinji, but… it's late, and this little Aschenputtel wants her
Prince Charming to give her a present she's been waiting weeks for."
A familiar, amorous expression grew on Asuka's face, and she hit
him with that look. "Let's get everyone on their way home, and you
and I… to bed."
Shinji started to turn red all the way down past his collar. "R-Right!"
He jerked his head around to look at Rei, urgently signaling her with
his eyes.
Rei merely gave him another one of her tiny smiles, but waggled her
viola at Kaworu in a little circle. The Fifth Child nodded back to her,
and they quickly brought the last song to a rapid end.
The various dancing couples gave them a round of applause. Rei

and Kaworu bowed smoothly, and began packing away their
instruments. Shinji nervously cleared his throat, and announced,
"Th-thank you Rei, Kaworu. And with that, I'd like to thank everyone
for making Asuka's 15th birthday the best she's ever had. But it's
time to end the party, and let her enjoy some rest."
"I know what youuuuuuu~'re thinking, Shinji!" Misato sang. She

followed it up with a wink that was probably illegal in four countries.
Hikari and Touji stared at her, confused, before Hikari gasped and
covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh!"
Touji looked at her. "What? What is…" His eyes bugged out. "Oh!" he
echoed.
Sayaka and Kyoko shared a wicked grin before attaching

themselves to Kensuke's sides, giggling. "You heard him, Ken-chan.
Time for all good girls to go to bed," Kyoko said from his left.
"And we're good girls, right?" Sayaka added from his right.
Kensuke looked rapidly between them. "Um… yes?"
"Let's go, then," Kyoko said. She waved to Asuka. "Thanks for
inviting us, Asuka-san! See you tomorrow!" The trio headed for the
door, bidding Misato goodbye on the way past.
Hikari managed to cool her own blush and let go of her boyfriend
long enough to come over and stand in front of Asuka, looking like
she didn't know whether to bow, hug Asuka, or burst. "H-happy
birthday, Asuka. Th-thank you for inviting us. You and… you and
Ikari-kun… um… have a good night?" She was still red when she
finished.
Asuka patted her on the shoulder. "Relax, Hikari. Yes, that's what
we're doing. And you know better than anyone it's not just about…
the physical side." She threw a smile at Shinji. "It's the rest, too."
"I know! It's just… oh gods… you're… I mean… Major Katsuragi

is…" She looked over her shoulder.
Misato just grinned. "It's fine, Hikari-chan. Asuka and Shinji have
proven they're mature enough for it to my satisfaction."
"It still seems… so… improper!" Hikari tried to explain. Her eyes
darted to Touji, and she blushed again. "And keeps making me think
about it!" she half-whispered to Asuka.
Asuka resolved Hikari's dilemma by giving her a hug. "So think. And
don't feel like you need to 'catch up' or anything. You and your
Stooge will be ready when you're ready. He's a meathead, but he's a
total softy inside, I can tell. He'll listen to you, Hikari."
Hikari smiled back, a little less red. "He is… that's why I like him.
Goodnight, Asuka, Ikari-kun." She bowed, took Touji's hand, and left.
Touji waved over his shoulder to Shinji and Asuka as they departed.
Rei stopped to give them both a hug as she headed for the door.
"Happy birthday, Asuka. Have a good night." She gave Shinji one
too. "I… love you both," she added, barely loud enough to hear.
Pink-cheeked, she almost skittered towards the door, Nagisa trailing
behind.
"Goodnight. I will see Ayanami-san home," he said. "Thank you for

inviting me, Miss Soryu, Shinji-kun."
"She lives literally next door, Kaworu-kun," Misato pointed out,

smirking. "Nice try, though."
"I didn't say it would take long, Major Katsuragi," he said, following
Rei out.
Misato rolled her eyes. Her grin at them was knowing. "Alright, we
can clean in the morning. I know you want to 'get to bed'."
"Actually, we can finish the cleanup now. There's not much left, just a
few dishes," Asuka replied. To Misato's raised eyebrows, she added.
"What, you thought I'd grab Shinji the moment everyone was gone,
run to our room, and start with the screaming and moaning?"
"Kind of, yeah," Misato said back, sticking her tongue out at Asuka.
"I told you, we're mature about this. I know Shinji will be there next to
me tomorrow night, and the day after that, and the day after that. I
have some restraint, Misato." Her look sharpened. "That having
been said, we are totally going to get you back for keeping us up
listening to you this week."
Misato shot a guilty look at Kaji for a second. The taller man merely
shrugged and muttered "I told you they'd hear…"
" After we clean up like responsible adults. Right, Shinji?" She

headed for the kitchen. "Now, off to bed with you two," she shot back
over her shoulder.
"Yes, 'mother'," Misato snarked right back. She rolled her eyes and
turned to Kaji. "Oh boy, our little girl is all grown up."
Kaji just chuckled. "Goodnight, Shinji-kun. Very good party you threw
her." He took Misato's hand and pulled her towards Misato's
bedroom.
Shinji shrugged and smiled. "I like making her happy. Goodnight,
Kaji-san, Misato-san."
"Tonight was wonderful, Shinji. And you made me cry, you brilliant,
creative bastard." Asuka's fingers ran through his hair along his
temple. "Don't you ever, ever… stop doing that." She scooted closer
in the bed to kiss him. "Ever."
His arms went around her pulling them close together. A tiny,
pleased sound escaped Asuka's lips as he did. "As you wish, Asuka.
Anything that makes you smile, I can do. I've got a whole year to
write the next concerto, even."
"Shinji Ikari, if you start writing me an entire series of original

compositions for presents, I'll… I'll…" Asuka struggled to come up
with something. "Oh, you baka!" She gave up and kissed him harder.
"I love you."
"I love you too. Now…" She rolled on top of him, grinning wickedly.
He gasped as he felt her slippery, fiery heat settle right there . "It has
been a month . Let's cost Misato some sleep."
Author's Note, 30AUG16: I hope you enjoyed Asuka's birthday. This

was something I'd been looking forward to ever since I started
writing A&T: The chance to give Asuka one perfectly happy day, as
opposite to the one she had in canon as possible. I did promise
WAFF.
But you all know what's coming next. Hopefully, being together
makes all of them strong enough to weather the storm. Both Asuka
and Shinji have a lot more to fight for now.
Advice & Trust
Chapter 9.10
Everything I Do…
"There are three separate surveillance teams watching us right now.

One has a sniper rifle aimed at me."
Rei glanced at him. She raised one eyebrow minutely. "Unsurprising.

Commander Ikari is aware of what you are. I would have told him
automatically before, so it would be suspicious if I had not now. I
apologize for the… watchers."
Nagisa shrugged. "At the very least, he suspected I was a spy for
SEELE from the start, if he did not know of my true nature before I
even arrived. He would have them watching me regardless."
"And how do you know all that with such certainty? I expect Section
2 to be watching us at all times, and our residence always has a
security perimeter, but you are not guessing, are you?" Rei stopped
outside her door.
He shrugged again. "A facet of my loneliness. I can tell when any

other being is observing me. The act of looking at me causes subtle
vibrations in my AT-Field. With that, it is easy to extend my
perceptions out to feel who it is and what they are doing."
Rei continued to stare at him. "Fascinating. And what does this have
to do with why you have followed me to my apartment? The party is
over. Depart, and leave me to enjoy observing the light of their souls
in peace."
"Following you out was a convenient excuse to leave the party. We
both know what they will be doing soon, and do not wish to impede
that, yes?" His questioning look at her won a tight nod. "Also… I
wanted to thank you."
She eyed him a little suspiciously. She turned to swipe her keycard
through the lock and opened her door. "Enter. Briefly."
He smiled, and stepped inside. The door hissed shut behind him. Rei
was already removing her shoes and heading down the hall. He took
off his own and followed.
She stopped in the kitchen area, which had a table like Misato's. She
pointed to a chair and ordered, "Sit."
She vanished around the corner into the kitchen proper, and
emerged a moment later with tea and an electric hot water pot. "You
have until the tea is ready. Talk. What do you want to thank me for?"
"It was your request that I assist you and Shinji-kun in practicing for
the performance at the party, and teaching you viola in a hurry that
brought me in to all this. And… playing music with Shinji-kun and
you for the last two weeks has been… the best time of my life. The
party… the way they both shine when they look at each other…"
Nagisa trailed off, a serene smile on his face. "It is good to see him
so happy. And I understand more now, that she is what makes him
happy. It is… a glorious feedback cycle…"
Rei nodded, then froze. "Stop it."
He blinked at her. "Stop what?"
"That. Being friendly. Stop it."
"I don't underst-"
"Stop being a friend!" Rei almost shouted at him. "I feel a Call too,
and Lilith's Call tells me to fight the invader, kill the threat! You are a
threat just by living! I don't want to have to kill a friend! This only has
two ways this ends; you die or everyone dies! And I will not let you
harm them, Tabris !" she finished, panting. She hung her head. "I
don't want to have to kill a friend."
He rocked back in his seat, blasted by her emotions. It took him a

moment to form a response. "… You are my friend, Ayanami. I feel
the same instinctive hostility to you as you do to me. But I keep it
suppressed. I do not want to be your enemy."
Rei looked away. "This was easier before you came here. Everything
was easier. An Angel comes, we destroy it. My loves are protected.
Everything was simple. Then you showed up… you stupid,
dangerous… fish." She sighed. "I just want to enjoy their happiness
tonight, not… not think about how I have to kill you."
Nagisa looked towards the wall separating them from Misato's

apartment, staring at the same point Rei was. The glow they could
both see was strong. "They are… beautiful. I read about him before I
came. I expected… he would be the purest Lilim heart, fragile and
beautiful as a crystal sculpture… but he's more, they're more. I have
never seen such beauty. They are separate, alone behind their AT-
Fields… but not . They are separate but together, always. I don't…
how do they do that?" he asked her, almost begging.
"I don't know."
Nagisa kept staring. "He is happy. I have never seen that before. It's
never been like this before. He is not alone. Neither is she." His
voice was full of raw pain.
Rei looked back at him, the shift in his tone breaking her attention
away from the glow.
A single tear trailed slowly down his cheek as he met her gaze
again. "I don't want to be alone, Ayanami-san. It hurts ."
Rei stared back at him, sudden realization slamming into her like a
lightning bolt. "… You are just like me."
"Please be my friend."
Rei sucked in a sharp breath. "No no no no no no no! Do not do this!

Just… I… I don't… stupid fish…"
She stood up, ignoring the now boiling pot of water. He reflexively
stood up too, as she came closer, haltingly. "We can't… I can't…"
Her hands gripped his shirt again. But no blows or shouts followed.
He just went rigid as her arms slid around him and she hugged him.
"I don't want to have to kill a friend," she said barely loud enough to
hear. She squeezed him tight for a second, then pushed him away,
back towards the door. "Just… just go. Please." She turned and fled
deeper into the apartment, sliding her bedroom door closed behind
her with a loud clap of wood.
Kaworu numbly stumbled to the door, put his shoes back on, and
exited the suddenly oppressive apartment. His feet automatically
walked him down the row of doors, into the elevator, and out into the
night once he reached the ground floor. He had the vague feeling he
should turn around, but thinking was pain right now, so he just let his
feet go as they would.
It was therefore several minutes before he consciously noted he was

walking directly for the nearest access train to the Geofront. He
forced himself to stop. "No… No! I will not!" he growled at himself,
fists clenching. His heart hammered in his chest, and he could feel
the near onset of panic breathing.
He turned around. He could still see the apartment building he'd just
left in the distance. He could see the lesser blaze of Major Katsuragi
and Inspector Kaji lighting up their floor, indicating they had already
made it to the Major's bedchamber, but his eyes and ears were
drawn to the far greater light coming from the other end of the same
apartment.
The light of their souls sang to him. That was a secret he had not
shared with Ayanami. He did not quite see the light of Lilim souls the
way she did, but he could a bit… and much more, he could hear
them.
And Shinji and Asuka made… the most incredible harmony he had
ever experienced. The finest symphonies he'd ever heard paled into
mere squeaking in comparison. It was like the music of the spheres
itself, enough that even at this distance it nearly made him weep in
envy and longing and need.
'And I have never told Ayanami-san that her light resonates in tune
with theirs when she is near them. When she watches them, and I
can see that she wishes she was with them.'
He focused on that. The way her face looked when she watched
them, the way it made her already ethereal beauty even more
alluring. How even at her angriest, she still fascinated him so much.
The feel of her body against his just a little while ago. He held that
memory tight . Not for any lewd reasons… simply because no one
had ever done that before.
He wished his first hug had lasted longer.
His panting slowed, easing. He took a step away from the Geofront
access point. Another. Another. He let his fists unclench. "No… not
yet. Not tonight. He is happy. She is happy. I… I will not. I choose. I
choose . Not tonight."
He wiped way the tears and sweat. The Call was strong tonight. But
he could still choose.
'Ayanami-san… Rei… you… you are just like me?'
His apartment beckoned. He hoped thinking of them… or of her,

would let sleep come.
"This is stupid this is stupid this is so stupid we shouldn't be doing
this this is stupid…"
Ritsuko jittered from foot to foot in her apartment's living room, the
smooth tile cool and slick under her bare feet. She shot another look
at the clock. It had only been 90 seconds since she last looked, but
her tension kept ratcheting up.
"This is beyond stupid…"
'And you want this so bad you can taste it, Ritsuko,' her brain argued
back at her. 'This literally saved your life and you need this.'
"This could get us both killed. This could expose Rei and get her
killed. This could blow up so badly because I'm stupid and needy
and I shouldn't even have thought about this let alone asked her and
oh god she said yes what was I thinking oh god…" she rambled off
again. Her pacing got faster.
'You need this. Bad. How long has it been? How long has it been
since you were held by someone you know cares about you? Ten
years? More? It's not like Mother was all that affectionate after
Father ran off with his 'secretary'.'
'How long has it been since you've honestly felt loved?'
"I know!" she almost shouted at herself. "This is still stupid! The
whole reason we haven't gone out in public together is that bastard
could have us both shot the moment he figures out I'm not dancing
to his tune anymore! And fuck whatever happens to me, but he could
hurt Maya! "
It had been a stupid idea from the start. She and Maya were cooling
down from yet another intense make-out session in her private lab,
barely managing to keep their skirts on, when Ritsuko bemoaned the
fact Maya couldn't stay the night with her, because she'd be seen
coming or going, and that would give them both away, since there
could be no explanation for Lieutenant Ibuki spending the night at
Doctor Akagi's place.
Maya had lit up at the suggestion. She rapidly confided to her new
girlfriend that she'd harbored eager thoughts of the same thing, and
how she wished they could do it that night… and finally go all the
way.
Ritsuko's worry-spiral diverted for a moment back into erotic

fantasyland. Maya, topless, bouncing up and down, practically
wriggling with eagerness as she described how much she wanted
Ritsuko to 'be her first' had proved her undoing. Ritsuko had stared
at Maya's chest and distractedly started to mutter about how she
could loop a few of the public corridor surveillance cameras, divert
some guards with directed room checks, and order one checkpoint
unmanned for 'clear-environment electronics checks'… and give
Maya a narrow window where she could move from her apartment to
Ritsuko's unseen by any MAGI-connected camera or human guard.
Maya had given her the most blazing grin, followed by an equally hot
kiss, rapidly whispering eager, vivid promises to be there as soon as
the window was activated, and do everything they'd been wishing for
but had had to put off.
Ritsuko had the MAGI programmed and the whole operation set up
before terrified common sense had set back in. But Maya had
already departed for her place, gathering up supplies and some
groceries for a romantic meal to enhance the evening.
Which left one Metaphysical Biology expert now anxiously pacing

her living room rug in a silk robe, working herself into a nervous, self-
loathing fit.
"You're stupid and needy and weak and you know you shouldn't be
going this fast! It's only been a few weeks since you even talked to
her and even then you said you knew you were emotionally
vulnerable and it was stupid stupid stupid to jump right into a new
relationship especially right after a half-assed suicide attempt oh
GOD DAMN IT, RITSUKO!"
She dropped heavily onto her leather couch, holding the sides of her
head.
"And she's willing to forgive you for being so stupid that you were
helping a heartless bastard try to end the world. That's how needy
you are. You were willing to do it all for him . Torment Rei, end the
world, pick out new kids to get shoved into giant abominations
powered by their mother's souls…" She rubbed helplessly at the
tears flowing down her face. "You're falling in love with this… this
cute, sexy saint you don't deserve. And you're so pathetically
desperate for someone to hold you you're willing to risk her life and
yours for it. God, you're worthless."
'She likes you, despite everything you've done. And she's willing to
risk her life to help you and be with you. What have you done to earn
this sort of forgiveness?'
She should just… keep Maya away, keep her far from her, before
Gendo inevitably finds out she's not going to be his tool anymore,
and… and…
'You can't even just walk into his office and empty that R-92 revolver
you keep in the lab into his face. That will just let SEELE complete
their plan unhindered by anyone who knows anything about it, and
Maya dies anyway. Kill yourself, same problem. The best you can do
is figure out how to stop them both , and try to earn the right to love
someone as good as she is.'
Ritsuko shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. "You're so

pathetic. You can't even face your own sins without her anymore.
And she forgives you. You're so stupid…"
The soft knock at the door made her jump. 'Oh shit, she's already
here!'
Ritsuko unsteadily rose from the couch and nearly ran to the door.
She'd had to keep the disruption of the cameras to a minimum to
reduce the chance anyone would notice, and this meant she had to
let Maya in quickly . She hit the 'open' button as soon as she
reached the door.
The door slid aside with a hiss, revealing a smiling Maya Ibuki,
wearing a long coat and carrying a couple bags of food. Her smile
widened and her eyes lit up as Ritsuko opened the door and she
dashed inside. She put the bags down and turned around while
Ritsuko threw a worried look out into the hallway before shutting and
locking the door.
"Ristuko-se-, I mean Ritsuko!" Maya threw her arms around Ritsuko

and hugged her. "I can't believe this is really happening!" Her smile
dimmed as she took in Ritsuko's tear-streaked face and pained look.
"What's wrong?"
Ritsuko tried to steady her breathing. She looked Maya right in the
eye and softly said, "I love you."
Maya's eyes got very wide. "W-what?"
"I don't deserve you and I'm terrible and pathetic but you like me and
forgive me and help me and I'm so stupid this is a horrible risk I have
no right to ask this of you and I need you and you're so good and
wonderful and I want you so much and I-" Ritsuko babbled until
Maya halted her with a kiss.
"Ritsuko! Ritsuko! Calm down! I'm here, I'm here, it's ok!" Maya
rubbed her hands up and down Ritsuko's back. "I'm right here. I
wanted to come. It's alright. Now… go back to the part where…
um… you said you love me?" She sounded hopeful, if confused.
It was a phrase neither of them had dared use before. They'd been
together mere weeks. Ritsuko had stressed often enough to herself
that she needed to be careful, to go slow. That right after leaving the
hollow relationship with Gendo was no time to… to really fall in love.
Her brain knew all this.
Her heart hadn't listened.
"I was… nervous. Waiting for you," she began. "I… got… got into
this depressive spiral, worrying that I was risking both our lives just
because I was horny and needy and… wanted to wake up being
held. And… and despite all the things I've done you still like me and
are willing to help me…" Ritsuko sniffled. "Th-that I could get us both
killed if I fuck up, b-but… if we live through this… that I've still got a
shot at… being happy because of you." Her eyes dropped away
from Maya's. "And… I don't deserve that. But you're here anyway.
So… I love you."
Gentle, cool fingers pressed up under her chin, lifting her face back
up. Maya stared at her, eyes searching, but expressionless. "Say it
again."
"I love you. You're cute and sweet and forgiving and warm and sexy
and I don't know how I'd go on without you and mmph!"
It suddenly became hard to talk. Maya's tongue was halfway down

her throat. Ritsuko closed her eyes and let her arms wrap around
Maya's warmth.
It was a long moment before either of them came up for air. Maya
was shaking. "R-ritsuko… I'm so scared ! I… I wanted you for so
long, and this has felt like a dream… and a nightmare. I… I know
you… you've done bad things, and there's… um… a vast conspiracy
to end the world that could squash us like bugs… but… I love you
too."
It was Ritsuko's turn to blink. "W-what?! Me? I… no no no no you

shouldn't you can't this is stupid I'll get you killed and I'll never be
able to forgive myself!" she babbled again.
"I do." Maya hugged her close, burying her face in Ritsuko's neck.
"I'm terrified and want to freak out and have no idea how we're
supposed to stop SEELE and Commander Ikari… but I'm with you.
I've always admired you, wanted you, and wanted to be like you…
and… that you need me so much doesn't feel… bad, it feels… like I
have to be… be strong enough to help you. You… you told me
there'd be no going back if I let you tell me. But… that's ok. I mean…
if you hadn't told me, I'd be in almost the same danger, and blind. I
would feel safer, but… the world could end and I'd never know why.
At least now I can fight it, and… be with you. It's worth it."
"I don't deserve you," Ritsuko sniffled again. "You're… pure

sunshine, Maya."
Maya gave a laugh into her neck, a note of hysteria in it. "I'm terrified
and worried that you need me so much, but… it's you and me
against the forces of evil. I'm the heroine of a story all of a sudden.
Why shouldn't I get the gorgeous girlfriend to go with it?"
Ritsuko laughed a little in her tears. "You are such a cute little dork,
Maya." She hugged her tighter. "How did you get to be the strong
one in this relationship? I'm supposed to be the tough older sempai."
Maya pulled her head back and gave Ritsuko a kiss. "Because you
need me to be. And I will always give my sempai everything she
needs. I can… freak out later. Like, after we defeat the global
conspiracy of evil. Then you and I can have a nice long vacation to
Hawai'i or something."
"What if we lose?"
Maya shrugged. "Then we're all dead and it doesn't matter? I want to
be with you on a sunny beach, rubbing tanning lotion into your back.
I've imagined it a lot. So… we don't fail. I want my happy-ever-after
with you."
Ritsuko blushed a little. "You… you've thought about this a lot?"

Maya blushed back. "Um… I did mention I had a raging crush on you
for months, vainly hoping you were into girls, remember? I thought
about you a lot ."
Ritsuko's blush faded a bit, but her nervousness went up. "And…
happy-ever-after? You… you mean…" She swallowed. "Y-you want
something… long-term?"
Maya's blush deepened. "W-well… either we'll be together until the

end of the world or… um… e-ever after." Blush still accelerating. "S-
so… um… I… um… love you. You're brilliant and beautiful and you
need me and I want you so much…" Blush approaching
incandescent. "A-and… you love me. I… I used to fantasize about
you saying that to me. I would cu-" Maya suddenly slammed her
mouth shut and squeaked.
Ritsuko blinked again. "You… you'd touch yourself and fantasize

about us being in love? And that would set you off?"
Maya nodded jerkily, looking like a shy tomato.
"But you've never actually had sex with anyone?"
An even tinier nod.
A laugh escaped Ritsuko's lips that was almost a hiccup, or a sob.

"Maya… Pick up those bags. We're going to make the best romantic
dinner either of us have ever had, then I'm taking you to bed. I'm
going to show you just how much reality is better than fantasy. And
then we're going to wake up together…" Ritsuko's smile started to
grow. "For the first, but absolutely not the last time."
Misato stared at the phone. This should be easy. She'd done it

literally hundreds of times in just the last year.
"But it's not the same now… we know too much. Too many lies…"
she muttered. "And I still can't understand why ."
She sighed, and picked up the phone.
"Shh! Shh! I need to answer this!" Ritsuko slapped Maya's hand

away from continuing to play with her earlobe and spun her chair
back around to pick up the phone. Maya giggled and reached for her
blouse. Back to work. "Doctor Akagi."
"Hey, Rits."
Ritsuko blinked and sat up straighter. They hadn't spoken outside

the most necessary, clipped professionalisms since the incident with
Unit-00. And for the last two weeks, she'd been both too busy and,
she was forced to admit, too afraid to even try to call her old friend
up and talk. Even Maya's occasional gentle prodding on the topic
had produced nothing but mounting guilt over how she'd snapped at
Misato, one of her only friends. "Ah… hello, Misato. Um… what can I
do for you?"
"It's my birthday tomorrow."
Ritsuko flinched. She'd actually forgotten. "Oh? Not so scared of

getting old now?"
"I'm only turning 29, and you're still older than me." Misato's voice
was still kind of cool, but at least a ghost of her old humor was
filtering back in. "Anyway, Kaji and I were going to go out on some
pre-birthday drinking tonight, and wanted to invite you along. Like old
times."
Ritsuko's throat tightened. "Like old times," she repeated. Old times.
Before she was complicit in crimes that would dwarf Hitler, Stalin,
and Mao combined. Did she even deserve to hang out with them
anymore? Did she-
Maya finished zipping up her uniform blouse and stepped closer to

plant a kiss on Ritsuko's cheek.
Ritsuko's mind snapped back into gear. "Ah, of course, Misato. I'd
love to. I've been… meaning to call you and apologize for being a
bitch. I'm… sorry I snapped at you like that."
"Oh, that was a month ago, Rits. We've been friends a long time.
Apology accepted. So… you're coming?" Misato sounded…
hopeful?
"Yeah, I've been.. working too much lately. I could use a night out
with friends." She caught Maya's hand before she could turn to leave
and held it. Maya turned back around, giving her a curious look.
"Maya and I have both been working overtime on this project. She
could use the break too. Do you mind if my poor overworked kouhai
comes along too?" She winked at her girlfriend… no, her lover.
Maya grinned like sunshine and clapped a hand over her mouth to
stifle more giggles.
"Sure, the more the merrier!" Misato replied. "Pick you up at 1830 at
Surface Train Station #2?"
"It's a date," she said, winking at Maya again.
"Great. See you later!" Misato hung up.
Maya let her hand drop away and giggled madly. "Ritsuko, is this
how you're arranging our first public date? Sneaking it along with
drinks with Inspector Kaji and Major Katsuragi?" She leaned over to
give the seated woman a hug. "This is great!"
"Anything to make you happy, Maya. I owe you." 'Until maybe I feel
like I deserve you.'
Lieutenant Ibuki smiled as she accepted the drink from Misato."It's

really nice of you to let me come along, Major Katsuragi. I know
you've all been friends a long time."
The vastness of the Geofront at night sparkled outside the windows
of the Tokyo-3 Crystal Cave Bar, offering them a spectacular view as
they leaned on the counter. The background hum of the bar made a
nice counterpoint to Misato's slowly growing buzz.
Misato resumed her place at the center of their claimed slice of

prime viewing territory. It had been her turn to hit the bar for this
round. She grinned and took another sip of her cocktail. "It's fine,
Lieutenant. Like I told Ritsuko, the more the merrier. This is my pre-
birthday party, in theory." She raised her Chocolate Pirate. "See? I
have ice cream."
"And I am left bereft of liquor, so that you might enjoy yourself," Kaji
mock-moaned from her left. "Well, mostly bereft." He took a tiny sip
of the one cocktail he was permitting himself to nurse all night, then
a larger one of the accompanying soft drink.
Misato stuck her tongue out at him. "I'm sure your sacrifice will be
made good later, you big baby."
"Yup, you're sure a grown, mature woman of almost 29 now, Misato."

Ritsuko snarked from the other side of Maya. "You haven't changed
a bit since college."
"Neither have you, Miss Fussy Britches," Misato shot back with a
smirk. "I can still out-drink you, and I'm a better dancer."
Ritsuko rolled her eyes. She looked to Kaji. "When are you going to
stop hanging out with this lunatic? She's clearly a bad influence on
you."
Kaji smiled, then looked at Misato, who gave him a wicked look full
of promises. "Oh, I think I might stick around a bit longer. Well, after I
go to the bathroom. Be back in a moment." He saluted them with his
martini, then headed off to the bathrooms.
Misato watched him walk off with an unconcealed ogle. "Yum yum
yum…" she said quietly, and took another sip of her drink. 'Fricking
amazing that he's just gotten hotter since college. Hell, we all look
pretty damn good.' She eyed Ritsuko and Lieutenant Ibuki. They'd
both appeared for their pickup in very fine and fancy dresses.
Ritsuko was dressed to impress in a slinky green silk number
accented with gold jewelry. Lieutenant Ibuki had turned out in a
daring royal blue satin dress that had one shoulder bare, with the
dress clasped off with a gold brooch on the other. 'I think that's the
first time I've seen Lieutenant Ibuki in civvies, too. She's not looking
bad either. The men in this club have sure been staring enough. I
don't think either of them have noticed, though.'
Lieutenant Ibuki's sunny smile at them dimmed for a moment into a

grimace. "Nnng."
Misato cocked her head in concern. "You alright, Lieutenant?"
Ibuki shook her head, her smile returning. "It's nothing, I'm just a little
sore. I think I need to hit the bathroom too. I'll be right back." This
last was directed at Ritsuko with a even bigger smile.
Misato took another drink, savoring the bite of the 151-proof rum.
'This isn't that bad an evening.'
Ritsuko smiled as Lieutenant Ibuki turned to leave, brushing her

hand across Ritsuko's as she left.
Misato discovered that 151-proof rum and Kahlua is not nearly as

pleasant when you snort an entire mouthful of it out your nose.
"Ow~! Ow! Ow! Ow! Sunnavabitch!" She frantically grabbed for some
napkins and tried to clean her face and top.
Ritsuko turned back to face her, worried. "Are you alright, Misato?"
Misato waved at her. "I'm fine, I'm fine, just… had a little tickle in the
back of my throat when I had a mouthful."
'Holy fucking backflipping Buddhas on bicycles. Rits and her minion
are… are… That was no friendly hand-pass, and…' Misato watched
Lieutenant Ibuki walk away. Now that she was looking for it, the
distinctive hitch in her stride was blatantly visible. 'Yup, Maya's
walking like someone spent last night drilling her like West Texas.
Holy shit, they're fucking. I know it.'
"Soooo…" Ritsuko drawled suggestively. "How long have you and

Kaji been back together? Don't bother denying it, I can see from the
way you leered at him when he walked away. And didn't you swear
'never again' with 'that guy', hmmm?" she smirked at Misato.
Misato gave her a vengeful glare as she finished wiping her face.
Her sinuses were still on fire, but the pain was momentary. She was
going to savor this moment for ages. "Oh, a while. We had a good
talk a month or two ago. So, how long have you and Lieutenant Ibuki
been sleeping together?"
Ritsuko went death-pale. She fumbled her drink badly putting it down
on the counter, and it slipped over the edge. It hit the floor with a
sharp crash that was almost like a gunshot above the soft
background music of the bar. "W-w-what are you talking about,
Misato? We… we're just co-workers."
Misato gave her old friend an amused look, but her mind raced
behind her mask. 'Ok, what the fuck? I expected a reaction, but she
looks like I just threatened to murder her parents in front of her.' "Co-
workers, huh? Rits, we've known each other how long now? Ten
years? I was your roommate . I know better than anyone you like
girls too, not that we're mentioning that one night, and more
importantly, I know what you look like when you're dating one. And
you," Misato pointed at her, "And she," she pointed off after the
departed Lieutenant, "Are definitely a thing. She hasn't managed to
stop smiling at you all night, she's walking like she's sore in a
particular way, she just brushed her hand across yours as she left,…
and you lit up when she did."
Ritsuko looked around furtively, almost desperately confirming no
one else they knew was here. She finally looked back at Misato, still
extremely pale. "D-don't… don't tell anyone. We… we can't…
can't…"
"Jesus, relax, Rits. I've known you like girls too since forever. Have I
ever said anything bad about it? And I will admit, I did enjoy our one
drunk night." Misato's weak joke didn't seem to calm Ritsuko much.
'She still looks like she expected someone to come in the door with a
gun any second. What the Hell?'
"I… I… just… Maya's got very strict parents, and… and… I don't
want this to get out at work, ok?" Ritsuko stuttered. "I… I don't want
anything bad to happen to Maya."
'That's the first true thing I think you've said, Rits…' Misato blinked.
That was it. 'Ibuki doesn't know. Rits is terrified she'll find out, or
Commander Ikari will… ah. Yeah. If people find out Rits and Ibuki
are together, they can threaten Ibuki to get at Rits. I get it now.'
Misato squashed a nasty thought that she and Kaji could try using
the young Lieutenant to weasel information out of her about what
Rits was up to themselves, and would if they had to.
"Relax, Rits. I won't say a thing to anyone but Kaji." She held up a
hand when Ritsuko looked like she was about to object. "Come on,
he knows you used to date girls too, and he's going to figure it out
just from watching you two. You both are… it's not hard to see, once
you look. You're… a cute couple, actually. I mean, she looks like
she's over the moon, and you look… you look happy for the first time
in I don't know how long."
Ritsuko's shoulders slumped. "I know. I am. She's… I feel like I've
been holding my breath for years, and she's my first taste of air in
forever. I feel so much better with her…"
Misato smiled again. "So… what happened? I could tell she was
crushing on you since I got to Tokoy-3, but I thought you were
ignoring her."
Ritsuko shrugged. "I… she saved me, when I froze up during Unit-
00's berserking. She stayed with me until I woke up. And… we
talked, the next day. Decided… we'd give it a shot."
Misato's eye's narrowed a hair. 'You were telling the truth… then not.
Why lie about it? Need to discuss it with Kaji. If she's lying about how
or why they hooked up, it's probably related to Ritsuko's secrets. If
she hasn't told Maya what she's up to for NERV… hmmm.'
Aloud, Misato said, "Well, you both look happy, so… good luck, treat
her nice, and… I think Kaji and I are going to head home. Not that
we're leaving to do a little 'after party' of our own or anything… but
it's a convenient excuse that just so happens to leave you both here,
totally not on a date, right?" She winked.
Ritsuko smiled wanly, but it brightened when she spotted Kaji and
Maya returning. "That's… that's nice of you, Misato. I'm… really
sorry for being a bitch before."
Misato smiled, downing what was left of her drink. "It's alright, Rits.
We've been friends a long time. We still are."
She took Kaji's arm as he walked up, prompting him to shoot her a
curious look. "You and I are leaving," she told him. "We've got an
appointment with my futon. Early birthday present."
"For me or for you?" Kaji said amusedly, but shot a 'we doing this in
front of them?' look at her.
Misato gave him a tiny nod, and an equally tiny 'look at them both '
look. Kaji's eyes didn't widen when he gave Lieutenant Ibuki and
Ritsuko a brief look, but Misato could tell he'd seen it.
Lieutenant Ibuki had sat down close to Ritsuko, and grinned at her.
Ritsuko couldn't meet Misato's eye, and was faintly blushing.
Kaji's next look at Misato was full of understanding, but he still asked
out loud, "You good to grab a taxi home, ladies? Misato seems to
want to call it a night already. Getting old must be getting to her."
Ritsuko waved a hand. "We're fine, Kaji. Lieutenant Ibuki and I will
get along alright by ourselves. We're responsible adults." Ritsuko
cocked her head. "Hey, before you go, Misato…"
"Hmm?"
"How come we're out here tonight, instead of on your actual

birthday?"
"Oh, Shinji has a special dinner and a cake for me planned for that
night, and I didn't want to disappoint him. So, a little party at home.
There may or may not be funny paper hats." 'I wanted to spend my
birthday with my family,' she didn't say. Ritsuko wouldn't understand
that she really meant it.
Ritsuko snorted. "You and Daddy have to go home so you can tuck
your kids in to bed? So ollllld, Misato."
"Blow it out your ass, you old hag," Misato shot back with a grin. She
waved goodnight to Lieutenant Ibuki, who was just starting to go a
little wide-eyed at the realization she and Doctor Akagi were being
left alone together at a bar. Misato chuckled at her expression, and
savored it as they left.
"So… those two, huh?" Kaji rumbled quietly as he drove them

towards her apartment. "Called it."
Misato snorted.
"No, really. Saw the way Ibuki looked at Rits, saw it coming. I'd have
bet on it happening sooner, but…"
"But what?"
"I was half-convinced Ritsuko was sleeping with Commander Ikari."

Misato left off her staring out the window to give her ex-ex-boyfriend
an 'are you crazy?' stare. "Say what ? Prince-Not-Even-Close-To-
Charming? Mister 'I make Darth Vader look like a great dad'? You
think he had Ritsuko on the string?"
Kaji shrugged. "I had some moderately convincing stuff about their
movements, and such. And It would explain why Rits never seemed
to respond to Ibuki's crush."
"So why now?"
He shrugged again. "Dunno. Need to think about it for a bit. But you
think Ibuki doesn't know?"
"Mostly sure. Ritsuko was way more scared at people figuring out
they were dating than she should have been. I'm guessing it has
something to do with that."
Kaji sighed. "So we might have to look at working on her or them

both ourselves. Blackmail, threats, etc… To our friend and her
girlfriend."
"We don't have a lot of choice. We know how high the stakes are."
He nodded. "I'll see if I can get into her lab or something. Her file
encryption is too good for remote access, but if I can plant something
in her lab, or into her network directly…"
Misato nodded. "I can clone my access card, get you in that way, if
you can avoid the cameras normally."
He smiled. "I love you. A woman after my own heart."
"Flatterer. Now get us home. I've got a good buzz, and I want you
making me feel even better soon."
Author's Note, 16SEP16: Kaworu's having a bad night. Ritsuko and
Maya a better one. But now Kaji and Misato know they're a couple,
and things will change.
Kaworu's in for another serious talk with Rei in the next scene… and
then the Angel of Birds comes to call. No one's going to enjoy that.
Place your bets for how it goes and who gets hit. All I'll say is canon
is no longer a guide here.
Advice & Trust
Chapter 9.11
Everything I Do…
He was almost done with his search pattern. He'd criss-crossed the
city completely over the time since his arrival, letting his senses give
him a constant bearing towards his target. He could feel it right now,
pulling at him, singing that constant, deep hum at the back of his
mind. The unmistakable song of a Progenitor, 7 kilometers below
him and a little south of where he now stood on a roof overlooking
the city center.
He no longer even had the excuse that he did not know where Adam
was.
He tried to unclench his fist. He'd been tense. The last three days
had been… hard. He'd managed to go back to his new apartment
and sleep, but the lack of school the next day had left him too much
free time, and his wounded solitude had lost the argument with the
Call, and he'd spent the weekend completing the thorough search
pattern of the city that he'd left off when Re-… Ayanami had
requested his help in Asuka's present.
With that over, and Ayanami's… rejection, he'd had nothing to stop
the Call from pushing him to finish that delaying step. So now, he
was finding it harder and harder to come up with reasons not to just-
In his pocket, his NERV-issued cell phone rang. Not the alarm call of
an Angel attack, just a regular incoming call.
He snapped out of his trance with a sharp intake of breath, and dug
into his pocket. A small smile sprang to his lips when the caller ID
turned out to say 'IKARI, S.' He hit 'accept' with almost palpable
relief. "Hello, Shinji-kun."
"Hello, Kaworu-kun. Are you busy?"
He shivered. "No, not at all. What can I do for you?" he said warmly.
"I tried to catch you at school, but you left so quickly. I… um… if
you're not busy, could you come to Rei's apartment? We're about to
try some new music for Misato-san's birthday tonight, and I thought
you might like to join in, since you enjoyed playing together before."
Relief and dread shot through him. He'd left school quickly for the
same reason he hadn't been back to Ayanami's place since the night
of Asuka's party: He and Ayanami had been completely avoiding
each other. Even at school Monday and Tuesday, they'd not so much
as exchanged a glance, let alone words. Now… he couldn't avoid
this. If he said no, he knew the Call would only surge higher.
"I'd be delighted, Shinji-kun. Let me collect my instrument, and I will

be there in less than an hour."
"Great! Just come in when you arrive. We'll be playing and might not
hear the doorbell." Click.
Kaworu stared at the phone for a moment, then headed for the stairs
down. Music. Perhaps the songs would soothe him more than
Ayanami's presence made him hurt.
He hoped.
He could hear them for blocks before he got there, faintly. By the
time he walked up to her door, the music and their songs were just
pouring out like an exuberant flood. He made it as far as the kitchen
before his other sight resolved the glow into a sharp picture of
Ayanami, Miss Soryu, and Shinji-kun sitting in Ayanami's living room,
intently playing Beethoven's string trio in G Major, Op 9/1.
(watch?v=QtpxJxcB1Eg)
The cello effortlessly passed the lead to the violin, who passed it to
the viola. Back and forth, weaving in and out of each other, handing
the lead off over and over… and the whole time Miss Soryu and
Shinji-kun shone like small suns, their souls dancing with each other
as much as the music.
And Ayanami… Ayanami orbiting around them, resonating in tune

with them, glowing and humming to his other hearing like the most
tantalizing siren in the world.
He stopped in his tracks. Tears began to flow. It was too much. He

was beautiful. They were beautiful. And she… she was beautiful.
She shone . He had to… had to see more. He stuck just enough of
his head around the corner to see her.
It was a mistake. She looked even better than in his other sight and
hearing alone. The completely serene look on her face, the graceful
sway to her arms as she played, the tiny, heartbreaking smile on her
lips… All of it because of the ones she played with. She looked
happy, and loved . She radiated it. She was the full moon in a starlit
sky, serene and gorgeous and unreachable. As she had ever been,
and would be.
'They are so wonderful together. How could I ever… ever dare to

think I could… be that one. To earn that look from her. How did I
dare? Stupid, stupid fish, just as she calls you.'
The music went on, like a rolling river, energy and motion and
inexorable pull.
'You threaten the death of all she loves just by being alive. You know
your fate. And when has it ever been her?'
(watch?v=UEW8riKU_tE)
'How did you ever dare imagine yourself worthy?'
He had no idea how long he stood there, silently letting the tears roll
down his cheeks, at once reveling in the joy pouring off them and
aching that it was utterly beyond his reach. Every note was a joy and
another sharp, piercing reminder of his loneliness.
Too much. Too much. He turned to leave, to flee, but his violin case
bumped against the chairs beside the table, causing enough clatter
to be heard over the music, which stumbled to a halt.
"Kaworu-kun? Come in, we were waiting for you," Shinji's voice

called to him. He stopped.
Delicate footsteps behind him. That unmistakable presence bumped

against his AT-Field. He turned.
Crimson eyes met his, unreadable. Her face was as perfect and
blank a mask as ever. Neither of them said anything for a moment.
Then she stepped back and aside, gesturing him in. "Please come
in, Nagisa-san. We… would like you to play with us."
He wanted to run. He wanted to scream at her. To throw his violin at

her and demand to know why she was doing this when she had told
him to go. Just looking at her made the Call surge in the back of his
mind, along with the urge to attack his Lilithian opposite.
He forced a smile to his face, and quickly wiped away the traces of
his tears. "Of course, Ayanami-san. I would be happy to."
She nodded, a sharp flicker of understanding passing across her

face. That somehow hurt too. But… a little less.
Shinji stood up from putting his cello into its case and stretched.
Asuka did so as well next to him, earning an appreciative look from
Shinji, and a small giggle in response from her. "Mm, that was pretty
good, for the first time the four of us have played together. You think
so, Kaworu-kun?"
He gave Shinji a placid smile. "It was very nice, Shinji-kun. This was
a pleasant afternoon."
"We've got to get going, though," Asuka put in. "We need to leave
now to hit the shops for the meat and things for Misato's dinner." To
Kaworu's inquisitive look, Asuka explained, "It's Misato's birthday
tonight, and my sweet baka here has promised her a birthday dinner
almost as good as mine. But we need to get moving now in order to
make it back in time to cook. We'll play later tomorrow."
They picked up their instrument cases and headed for the door. "Oh,
you're invited too, Kaworu-kun," Shinji called back. "Misato-san said
it was fine."
"That's ah… very kind of her, Shinji-kun," he said, packing up his

own violin. "But I…"
A slender hand on his shoulder stopped his polite refusal in his

mouth. He looked at Ayanami, who shook her head silently. "Come,"
she said, softly.
"Rei, you coming?" Asuka called from the doorway.
"Go ahead, Asuka. I wish to speak to Nagisa-san for a bit," she said,
her eyes never leaving his.
"Alright! We'll see you when we get back!" The door beeped closed
as they left. The apartment dimmed only slightly as their light
receded.
His skin burned and tingled under the warmth of her hand. He shook
it off and stepped back. "Why?"
"To apologize."
"To apologize," he echoed hollowly.
"Yes." She turned away for a moment, packing her viola. "I… was
unprepared for… what happened. I suddenly… understood your
pain. And I could not bear it. So I told you to leave, and I am sorry."
"Sorry?! Sorry?! I nearly walked to the Geofront and did what I'm
constantly afraid I'll do before my conscious mind even caught up
with the pain! I asked you, that day, if I was your friend! You said
yes! And then… and then you told me to go! To stop being your
friend! I…"
Rei's back was still to him. "I'm sorry," she said, still softer.
"I just asked you… begged you to be my friend! To not leave me to

suffer alone! Not to love me, not to see your body, not anything but
what you'd already said I was! And you told me to leave!"
"I know."
" Why did you hug me?! "
She stood silently with her back still to him until long after the echoes
of his shout faded. She turned around, red eyes finally meeting his.
"Because… you needed it. And I…" She looked aside. "Because I
could… ease your pain. By showing you you were… not alone."
"I am! You… you know I am! And how much it hurts! And now I know
that… that losing that.. feeling that you are not alone feels even
worse . "
"I was alone. And numbed so I would not care about the pain that it
brought me every second. Until they saved me, and showed me
what being… cared for could be like. I… I'm sorry. I was unready for
the recognition that you are… just like me. Alone, half-Lilim, half
something else, created and meant to be just a tool in another's plot
for Instrumentality. Hurting. I could not bear it… I made you leave
because… I thought it would hurt less. But it did not."
She stepped closer, her head down a little, hiding her eyes under the
fringe of her hair. He almost raised his arms defensively.
"I stopped myself. From going down there. By… hope. That you
were… not beyond my reach. A friend," he said. "By… remembering
the feel of you. Of being held. I'd… I'd never been hugged before."
She was very close now. Her head rose, her eyes meeting his again.
"No one should be… that alone," she said. "Never?"
"You think the SEELE lab technicians that created me did? Or

anyone in NERV-Berlin? I… you are a torment, Ayanami-san. You
are… you understand, you are so beautiful, you distract me from the
Call… and then you… push me away, ignore me, and… you have no
idea how painfully beautiful you were today."
"Painfully?"
"Yes, painfully! It… it hurts to look at you, be near you! You… you
are… You saw what happened when I came in and saw you! You…
you have no idea how… you blaze when you are near them! And
they… they are even more ! I… I don't know if I want to… to be you,
or be them! "
"Be… them?" Rei said, confused.
"They love you! I can see it!" Kaworu's hands clawed at this hair in
frustration. "You… you hugged me and said I was your friend and I
felt so much better but then you said no and told me to leave and it
hurt and I almost went down there and I hate you and I want to hug
again I've never been hugged before so alone it hurts you made me
leave it hurts it's never been like this before I don't know what to do-"
"Stop," Rei said, putting her hands on his shoulders.
" DON'T TOUCH ME! "
Rei jumped backwards in shock, her jaw dropping.
Kaworu stood there panting, his hands clenching over and over. The
panting was still an improvement over the near panic-breathing he'd
been rapidly moving towards.
Rei stood still, a bit more than arm's reach back, face still frozen in
alarm. She slowly relaxed to her usual blank mask as Kaworu's
breathing slowed. "I was trying to help. You were about to… burst."
"I… realize. Th-thank you. But… I am… having difficulty suppressing

the instinct to regard you as an enemy right now. S-sorry," he said
carefully. "And… it still hurts."
"I apologize. You are… too much like me. I… feared the pain of
empathizing with you, and sent you away. It only increased your
own."
"Yes. I… you understood. But then still rejected me. I… the Call is…
very seductive when… I feel that bad. It… it promises an end to my
pain." His hands curled into tight, shaking fists. "And… an end to my
pain is becoming… very, very attractive."
"Don't-"
"I know! " he exploded. "I know! I don't want to kill everyone! But… it
feels so right in the back of my head! An end to my pain, a filling of
that burning, terrible emptiness inside me! I won't feel alone
anymore! " He was panting again. "And then I come here and see
you with them and remember that means killing all of you and wiping
out their light and yours and…" His head sank. "I just want it to stop
hurting. I don't know how much longer I can stand this. This thing is
slowly taking me apart."
Rei stepped closer again. Very cautiously, she took his left hand in
her right. "You are not alone."
Desperate eyes locked on hers.
"You… are friendly, cultured, a talented musician, and attractive. You

are not… bad. Kaworu Nagisa is… my friend," Rei said slowly.
"… but Tabris is your enemy," Kaworu finished.
She nodded. She pulled him by the hand towards the chairs they
had been using when playing. Seating him in one, she pulled her
own closer to face him directly. She stared at him for a moment.
"Your pain is… intense, constant, and increasing."
He nodded.
"And… anything that promises an end to that is… hard to ignore."
He licked dry lips. "Yes."
"And it hurts that I rejected you, and… to be around me?" Rei

sounded more cautious now. "I understand, partly… I think."
He fiddled with his violin case, still in his other hand, before putting it
on the floor. "You… you are very attractive. Beautiful. And… you
understand. You said you were my friend… You said…" He
swallowed. "That you are just like me. I… it is not just your body…"
He started to hunch in on himself. "I wish… I was not me. What I am.
Then… you might… we might…" He pinched his eyes shut.
Rei sat perfectly still, like a cat about to bolt. "That is… not possibl-"
"I know . I know there are a thousand reasons why that is

impossible. Beyond foolish. I… have no idea what to do. It has never
been like this before!"
Rei's look sharpened. "You said that before. And… 'All this has
happened before'. Explain."
He took a deep breath. "My body is Lilim, but also not. My mind is…
even more mixed. I suspect weak quantum entanglement with other
worlds due to proximity to Second Impact."
" Explain," Rei pressed.

"I have met Shinji Ikari before. Loved him. I think. I have seen myself
die a hundred times, usually by his hand. I think." He looked up and
blinked at the obvious rising frustration in her expression. "I have…
visions. Déjà vu. I don't know. Just… not the future. Other futures.
Not this world. But usually alike enough I can… get a general idea.
When I can remember them. They're like… barely more than dream
fragments."
"I do not dream." Rei said sharply. "So… how is this not like your
visions?"
Kaworu threw his hands up. "It's completely unlike them! I came here
'knowing' what Shinji Ikari was like! And you! And… all of this! But
none of it is! He's happy! With her! They love each other with every
breath! And you are…" He waved his hands at her. "Alive! Beautiful!
Vivid! So much unlike the other Rei Ayanami's I've seen! And none
of this is… I have no idea what to do! This… this isn't what I
expected, not even close! There's… there's so much here I want to
see, to… to live… I stupidly, clumsily asked you out because I
wanted to . I… I think I've loved Shinji. The other me's, I don't know.
But… when I look at them, look at you with them, I realize I don't
understand anything about love at all. But… I…" He collapsed again.
"I wish I was not me, so I could… find out. With you, with him, them,
anyone. Not… not a tool for the end of the world that I see that has
people like you and them in it."
Rei stared at him for a long time. She rose. "We will discuss this
more later. For now, stand up."
He did, puzzled. His confusion only increased when she stepped

closer and he was enveloped in the second hug of his life. He
stiffened, then forced himself to relax. She was… warm.
"You are not alone. You are my friend. And theirs. I… cannot say that
a part of me does not hate you and scream for your destruction.
But… if you were not Tabris, I would not… dismiss it out of hand if
you asked me out again," Rei said carefully. "I love them. I will do
whatever is necessary to protect them. I… will stop you, if it comes
to that. But I will… do my best to make it swift and painless. And I
will mourn your memory."
A laugh that was almost a sob escaped him. "I'm being hugged by a
beautiful girl, she's promising to kill me, and it's still the best thing
I've felt all week."
"You find me beautiful," she said. "This is flattering."
He nodded. "My body… keeps making suggestions. Urges. But…

more. I… want to be near you. Near him. Near them. "
"I… believe you when you say… you think of me and my body to
distract you from the Call. I… will try not to… react as harshly."
He gave her a very weak smile. "'If I said you had a beautiful body,
would you hold it against me'?" he quoted.
"Do not push your luck, Rainbow Trout."
"Why do you call me that?"
"Because you are a stupid fish who looks funny in my Sight. And that
is a mark of friendship. This is why Asuka used to call me
Wondergirl." Rei considered. "Why she used to after she stopped
using it as a fear-generated insult, anyhow. You are a friend, so I will
refer to you by a nickname."
His smile was a little less shaky. "Do I get to call you-"
"No."
"… why?"
"I am not a stupid fish."
He shivered in her arms. "Thank you. For this. And the music. I feel
much better."
"You are welcome. This… helps prevent Tabris from overtaking
Kaworu Nagisa. I can accept it as part of that."
He hesitantly raised his arms and gingerly hugged her back. "I…
apologize again. I have no right to expect you to… let me touch you,
stare at you, demand your care, not even as… a strange sort of way
to fight my Adamite side. It is an unfair burden to place on you."
"I am aware. The pressure to do so… can poison any actual

friendship we develop. I… do not hold it against you, and will try to
ignore it. It can be just as selfish from my side: I could pretend all of
this in the name of keeping them safe. I do not think either of us are
that dishonest, however."
He shook his head a little. "I… very much do not want to be

dishonest with you. I have few enough relationships of any kind to
want to jeopardize them like that. I will not require anything of you.
But I will thank you." His laugh was a bit more shaky. "I… I wish I
was not who I am. I do not like not being able to tell Shinji-kun who I
am too. I want him… to see who I really am. I… I hate it when he
hates me… in the visions. I wish… I was… not me."
"Then we must find a way to change that."
He laughed a bit louder, but even sadder. "How? Become someone

else? Some thing else? Or learn to like being doomed? That sounds
easier than changing what I fundamentally am: The soul of Adam in
a body that only half belongs on this world."
"I do not know. But we will try. I do not want to have to kill a friend.
And you, you stupid, annoying fish, have… become such. You
bastard."
His laugh this time was less dark. "You say the strangest things
when we are close like this, Ayanami-san."
She let go of him and stepped back. "Get used to it. I have
discovered one of the pleasures of having friends is the concurrent
ability to 'mess with them'." She sat back down in her chair. "Now…
explain why you are so sure Shinji will kill you in those visions. Why
him?"
He sat, shrugging. "I am not completely sure. They are fragmentary,

but congruent. I reach a point where I cannot suppress the Call any
longer, and attempt to… fulfill my purpose. You are there sometimes,
too, but it is he that stops me with Unit-01. I am… relieved when he
does, and," he closed his eyes, "I ask him to kill me. That he should
live, because he and the Lilim deserve to go on. It is… it feels like all
I can do."
"But things are not as you expected. They are different. This is cause
for hope. You can fight the Call," Rei replied.
"It's… hard."
Rei cocked her head. "Perhaps. Remain here."
She rose and went into her bedroom, emerging a minute later with a
small, flat box, no larger than her hand. "Here. Keep this. If there is a
night when the Call is strong, open it, and… use it to help fight. Or
call me. I am… not unused to midnight calls for help from those in
crisis."
He took the box, examining it. "What is it?"
Rei just looked at him coolly. "I do not wish to… spoil it. Do not open
it until and unless you must, however. And do not discuss what you
find in there. Ever."
He put it in his pocket, confused. "Alright. What now?"
"You return to your lodgings. Tomorrow, afterschool we shall… talk

more. Look around the city. Find reasons for you to resist the Call.
Discuss your visions. If you have any future knowledge that might
help protect them, I wish to know it."
He nodded. "I… will try. I only know what 'I' see in those visions. I
have little idea of things not around me."
"Anything. We both with to protect them. We will be friends and

allies, Nagisa-san."
"… then can you call me Kaworu?"
Rei stared at him. She could hear the naked need and loneliness in
his voice, and even more, see the odd flickers in even the chaotic
strangeness of his light. "As you… yes."
He brightened. "May I call you by name as well?"
"You may call me Ayanami."
[ tinypic 2u6h2yo. j p g ]
"This is the way to spend an afternoon, isn't it, Hikari?"
"Absolutely, Asuka." The Class Rep threw a look back over her
shoulder. Touji gave her a weak smile, struggling along under the
load of boxes he was carrying. Hikari grinned back at Asuka. "Any
chance to be seen in public with our devoted boyfriends, ne?"
"Why did I volunteer for this?" Touji whined.
"Because you decided you wanted to show off how much tougher
you were when Shinji said he was going to carry everything Asuka
could get on this shopping trip?" Kensuke reminded him. "It was just
going to be those two spending Asuka's birthday gift money and
such. You're the one who decided he was going to be the 'big tough
guy' and let Hikari go along with her friend."
"I don't mind the companyyyyyyyyYYY! AAAH!" Shinji's cheerful

reassurance to Touji dissolved into a panicked cry as his own
unsteady load of packages toppled forward into a messy pile after an
uneven bit of sidewalk caught his toe.
The girls stopped and looked back. Asuka's eyebrows went up.
"What ha- are you alright, Shinji?" She hurried back to check on her
boyfriend, who was still rubbing his toe.
"I'm fine, Asuka. I just tripped at little." He eyed the pile of boxes. "At
least nothing broke and we hadn't gotten anything breakable."
"Just you, baka." Asuka gave him a quick kiss. "No breaking your
foot or tripping into traffic or anything. I can get a new blouse or
replace those shoes. I can't replace you."
He smiled at her. "Yes, dear."
Touji made a disgusted face. "The poor Shin-man, under the

complete domination of the Red Dem-OW OW OW! Leggo! Leggo!"
Hikari let go of his ear. "Touji, I've told you not to be mean to her like
that. She's my friend too, and being with Shinji makes her and him
happy." She patted his arm reassuringly. "And after that birthday
party, you can't even pretend to say they're not totally in love." She
shot a 'I read way too much romance manga'-filled look at the
Second and Third Child as they picked up the packages and more
carefully piled them back in Shinji's arms.
Touji did have the grace to look chastised. "Yeah, I know, Hikari. It's
hard to break old habits, y'know? I know Shin-man is totally gaga for
her, and she likes him back just as much, as crazy as that still feels."
He looked at the empty-armed Kensuke. "Just wait 'til its your turn to
do this. Yer gonna have a double-load, mister 'I've got two
girlfriends'."
Kensuke looked back at him, smug as a cat in a sunbeam. "I am

unburdened! The girls said I should follow along, since they didn't
want me to peep on the surprise they were working on for me."
"Still not fair," Touji grumbled. "You should have to carry as many
boxes as me and Shinji combined. Two girlfriends…"
Hikari tickled him in the ribs, making him jump and squeal in a
manner he'd loudly deny was cute. "You couldn't handle two of me,
Touji," she declared. She leaned up on her toes to whisper
something in his ear.
Touji promptly turned red and sputtered something incoherent in

reply.
Asuka put the last box on top of Shinji's stack and looked at Hikari
and Touji. "Hah. Brains and brawn, alright. Touji should know better
than to try and say things like that around Hikari. She'll melt his little
brain." She looked at the pile of new purchases in Shinji's arms.
"Boy, I wish Rei could have come along. She's a lot more fun to shop
and try on outfits with nowadays. And she looks great in some of the
stuff I pick out for her."
"Like that blue satin and lace set?" Shinji muttered just loud enough
for her to hear.
Asuka turned red and sputtered herself. "R-right! Um, let's get going,
then!" She whirled back around and started leading the way to the
next store again.
"Where is Rei, come to think of it?" Kensuke asked. "I haven't gotten
to talk to her in a bit."
"She said she had to run some errands that would take her to a
different shopping district than here, so she'd see us at dinner,"
Shinji said. "She said she wished she could come too. She likes
shopping with Asuka a lot."
Across the city, Rei sneezed.
Kaworu blinked. "Ah… can we even get colds?"

"I have never. In any case, continue explaining your visions. This
is… interesting. And may help protect them."
It gave Asuka a momentary flashback to see such a downbeat and

closed expression on Shinji's face as the elevator's doors opened.
His look brightened up considerably when he snapped out of his
fugue and saw it was her the elevator had stopped to admit. "Asuka,"
he smiled.
"Third Child," she replied coolly, flicking her eyes at the ceiling.
'We're still in the heart of NERV, Liebling, play it cool!' she tried to
broadcast with her look.
She leaned against the far wall of the elevator to stare at him, the
rubbery material of her plugsuit squeaking a bit as she folded her
arms across her chest, giving herself a little lift. "I scored a 76.5%
Synch Rate today. A good three points up from my last baseline,"
she bragged, just like she would have done in the past. 'Leaving
aside all the oops-nearly-hit-100-or-worse craziness that came from
our first contact with our mothers, that's nearly my all-time best while
solo. You and I versus Gaghiel still tops that.' "How about you,
Third?"
"Hmm?" His eyes snapped up to her face, leaving off the thorough
look at her figure he'd been enjoying. "Oh, ah… 71.9%" he admitted,
a bit of his darker expression returning.
"71.9%? Shinji, that's two points down from your last baseline. That's
your first decrease in… nearly six months, yes?" 'Since we kissed, in
fact. Since we've been together.'
He nodded. "It's… hard. To open up that much, after everything

that's happened recently."
Asuka concealed her wince. 'He's still wary of talking to his mother.
As broken as she is, at least half of Mama is… mostly ok, and both
halves want to talk to me. But Shinji's mother… was still part of
SEELE.' "I see," she said out loud. "Well, you better improve next
time, Third. I won't have some wobbly, backsliding second-rate Pilot
as my wingman!" She put all the arrogance and imperiousness into
the instruction as she could. It was a lot harder than it used to be.
Now she was torn between worried for him and wanting to cuddle
him to bring out his smile, neither of which she could do while they
were in the perpetually-watched corridors of NERV.
He shrugged, and a faint smile did start to work its way back onto his
lips. "I'll figure something out. In the meantime, I know what definitely
will improve my emotional state and therefore my Synch Rate."
"What?"
"Making out with my girlfriend. I mean, you look happy, so I guess

talking to your mother went well?"
Asuka paled and she pushed off the wall, her arms dropping to her
side. "Y-you idiot! What are you talking about?! You can't just-"
Shinji just smiled and continued right over her. "I learned something
last night, something Misato-san told me. She was very sure about it,
since she looked it up after that time she and Kaji got stuck in an
elevator for hours during that power blackout." He looked up at the
ceiling himself. "There are no cameras or audio pickups in the
elevators in this part of the Geofront." He winked at her.
Relief flooded through her. "Damn it, Shinji! You nearly gave me a
heart attACKMMPPhh!" Her complaint rose to a startled cry, but
ended in a happy moan as Shinji rushed forward to nearly tackle her
into the wall of the elevator lips-first.
Wrapped in his arms, pressed against the wall by his surprisingly

solid weight, his tongue busily fencing with hers, Asuka very quickly
forgave her boyfriend's little shock to her system. The times when
Shinji just unleashed his passion and grabbed her like this were far
too rare and far between in her opinion, since she loved knowing she
could make him lose control like this.
The click-click-click of the level-counter was the only sound in the
elevator for a minute. She eventually broke the kiss, but
compensated by pressing her back against the wall and bringing her
legs up to wrap around his waist, locking her heels together behind
his back. "You sneaky little baka… you did that on purpose," she
purred into his left ear. She punctuated her accusation by nibbling on
his earlobe.
His chuckle made his whole torso vibrate pleasantly against hers.
"Well, I knew as soon as Misato-san told me that little fact that we'd
put it to good use, and this seemed a fun way to tell you," he said
back into her own ear, his warm breath making her shiver. "And this
is making me feel better." He kissed her again.
"Me too, but we'd better stop before we get too happy about it. This
may be a long elevator ride, but we don't have time for getting in and
out of plugsuits and all the rest," Asuka bemoaned once that kiss
ended. "You and I are absolutely going to do the rest once we get
home, damn it. I'm already just a little wound up…"
"We've still got…" Shinji threw a look at the slowly clicking counter.
"At least 5 minutes before this slow one gets us to the right level.
"Bet you I can manage to help you with that a little before we arrive."
He started to nibble on the bits of her neck he could reach above her
plugsuit's collar.
She threw her head back to give him better access and closed her
eyes in sensual bliss. "Prove it…" she moaned, and ground her hips
against him.
"Oh, one more thing… the shafts are pretty thick. No amount of
Misato-san's shouting got anyone outside to hear them. So… don't
hold back," he said into her neck between nibbles.
"Nnnggg… yesssss…" she hissed.

Misato glanced at her watch and frowned. Shinji and Asuka had
finished their Synch Test more than 20 minutes ago. They had firmly
insisted they wanted to watch Hikari's first Synch Test from the just
repaired Pribnow Box with her, so where were they?
The door at the back of the Box finally slid open with a hiss and her
two missing Pilots trotted in. Misato turned to loom as they ran in,
her eyes narrowing. Shinji looked red-faced and apologetic as she
glared at them. Asuka was also red-faced, but… not apologetic in
the least. She was flushed, but smiling, looking relaxed despite her
slightly mussed hair.
Misato's eyes narrowed further. She knew that hairstyle. 'JBF' was a
term she'd had thrown at herself a few times in college. Asuka wasn't
quite full-blown, but she had a suspiciously smug and pleased look
in her eye. Misato did her best to pin them both with a stare,
especially Asuka.
Shinji looked a bit guilty and ducked his head slightly. "S-sorry,
Misato-san! The elevators are really slow in this block."
"And I had to spend the entire ride cooped up with a Third Child who
still can't beat my Synch Rate. Bleh!" Asuka complained.
Misato did not relent on her stare. Asuka's act might still be fooling
some of the techs, but she had a pretty good guess at what exactly
her two wards had been up to.
Asuka just smiled back at her, barely trying to pretend innocence.

'Kaaaaa-jiiii' she mouthed, and briefly stuck her tongue out.
Misato rolled her eyes and gave up. Trying to shame Asuka about
anything she did with Shinji was a losing game much of the time
these days, at least when Misato couldn't publicly say anything about
them fooling around or even being a couple while they were
anywhere the MAGI were able to monitor. She pointed her chin at
the monitors, already lighting up. "You should have moved faster.
Hikari-chan is already activating Unit-03."
"I'm still amazed they finally decided to let her get back in her Eva,"
Asuka said, looking out the window at the black and purple Unit. "I
was sure they'd leave her benched forever."
"She's still not on the active list just yet, Asuka. The Commander just
ordered her to get checked out in case anything happens to the Fifth
Child," Ritsuko said over her shoulder. She didn't move from her
position right behind Lieutenant Ibuki's chair, her hand on the
younger woman's shoulder. "Since the incident at Matsushiro kept us
from even getting her baseline Synch Rate established."
Asuka grunted unhappily. "Still stupid. It's Hikari's Eva, she should
get to be the Pilot, not some new kid from NERV-Berlin that didn't
even show up while I was there."
"Even the Commander has to follow orders from the Committee,"

Ritsuko said, turning back to the console to type at the controls.
"They want the Fifth Child to be the primary Pilot for Unit-03, then
that's how it goes. But we can still prepare for the worst. Hence, this
test to make sure the Fourth Child is ready if we need to substitute
her back in."
"Bet she'll still be better than him," Asuka said, glancing at Shinji for
a moment, who nodded.
"We'll find out," Ritsuko replied. "The Fifth Child is testing next after
we finish with the Fourth."
"And Rei?" Shinji asked.
Ritsuko hesitated a second. "She's reactivating Unit-00 right after

that."
"Absolute borderline passed. Unit-03 has successfully activated,"

Lieutenant Ibuki reported.
The colors flashed across her eyes just like the last time. Hikari tried
to clamp down on her racing pulse. The last time this had been
easy… and then suddenly it had become a nightmare. Now… it was
that and more.
'Am I really about to talk to my mother?'
She'd gotten a pretty good briefing on what to expect from Asuka,

Shinji, and Rei last night after Major Katsuragi's party. How to open
her mind to get the best Synch. How to Pilot the huge Unit, and the
real briefing, how to deal with the wild rush of feeling and thoughts
that would come from being able to truly speak to a mother that she
had thought dead for years.
"I know it will be hard, Hikari, but you'll have to hold back. You'll feel
this intense rush, just… so comforting to be able to talk to your
mama, but… you have to throttle it back,' Asuka had told her. "Shinji
and I, they can explain away our Synch Rates' skyrocketing as
something to do with our Evas or such, since they 'know' what our
Rates should be. But if yours shoots up to nearly 100% like ours did
when we talked to our mamas, they'll have to know something's up.
So you have to keep it cool. I'm sorry about that. I bet you want to
see her as bad as we did ours."
'That wasn't a dream… I really did talk to my mother when I was

pulled into the Core,' Hikari marveled. 'And now… here I go.'
"Begin when you're ready, Pilot," Doctor Akagi said over the
intercom. "Just clear your mind."
"Roger. Beginning now." She closed her eyes and put her head
back. Carefully, she reached out with her mind, as Asuka had taught
her.
'Mother?'
There was a moment of tension, like a psychic held-breath…

Then the force of the joyful greeting nearly caused her to jump in her
seat. 'HIKARI!'
"Synch Rate spiking… 45.6… 50.1…" Lieutenant Ibuki said, her

voice tense.
Ritsuko glared at the readouts. What the Hell? The readings were
like the ones they'd gotten from Asuka's last test with her matching
Production Type, but still…
"52.4… 52.6… leveling off at 52.9%" Lieutenant Ibuki breathed a

sigh of relief. She looked up at her supervisor. "No wild reactions like
before, Akagi-sempai."
Ritsuko sighed too. "And if we can just get through this, the Fifth
Child, and Unit-00's reactivation without any other madness, this day
won't be a complete disaster."
'I have to go, Mother. I love you!'
'I love you too, my darling girl. Hug your sisters and your father for
me, and tell everyone I love them!'
Hikari bit her lip. 'I will when I can, Mother. Remember, don't talk to
Nagisa-san. We're not sure we can trust him to know about you.'
'I will. Be saf-'
Hikari winced as the power died and the link to her mother abruptly
snapped. She shook her head. Ikari-kun had been right, not pulling
back before the cutoff caused a bad headache. But it was worth it.
She couldn't wait to tell Touji.
"49.9%, a very good result, Nagisa-kun."

"Thank you, Doctor Akagi. I am happy I was so successful in my first
Synch Test in a real Evangelion Unit. It feels… quite comfortable in
here."
Misato shared a nonplussed look with Shinji. How the heck was the
Fifth Child getting such a good rate with Unit-03? From everything
they knew, it should have been all but impossible for him to do so,
lacking any bond to Mrs. Horaki's spirit. NERV-Berlin's prize Pilot
was just an endless mystery.
"How's Rei-chan doing?" Misato asked her old friend.
Ritsuko walked over to the consoles repeating the results in Test

Chamber #2. Shinji and Asuka had done their tests today in the
Simulation plugs, but with the Fourth and Fifth Children getting their
first real Tests, they'd moved Unit-03 into Test Chamber #1, right out
the observation windows from them. Unit-00 was next door, though
Ritsuko was running the test from here. After the last time, Misato
was unsurprised Ritsuko was staying as far away as she could.
"Activation successful… Rei's clocking in at… mm… 58.2%. And no

instability or berserking reactions detected. Looks like she's
overcome the trouble from last time." The Project E chairwoman's
shoulders relaxed.
"Thanks to my presence, of course," Asuka's voice chimed in over

the intercom. "Rei and Unit-00 wouldn't dare try anything while I'm
here to keep things calm!"
Shinji did his best to smother a snicker. Misato smiled a bit too.
She'd wondered why Asuka had left Shinji and her to stay watching
Nagisa's test, while she went to watch Rei's directly. "Of course, that
must be it, Asuka," Misato said back. "Isn't that right, Rei-chan?"
'Of course, Major. I would never harm my love.' Rei kept her face
blank, but quietly enjoyed picturing the looks that would appear on
everyone's faces if she said that out loud. Especially the looks on
Asuka and Shinji's faces.
"PIlot Soryu's presence in battle has always been of great
assistance, Major. I see no reason why it should not be true in a test
situation as well," she said.
"See? Rei agrees with me," Asuka said cheerfully. "Now, are we all
done? I'd like to get showered and fed."
"We're all done, yes," Doctor Akagi reassured her. "It's been a long
day, but at least it's over."
The alarm began to blare before she'd even picked up her lighter.
"All personnel, go to first stage alert! Prepare for aerial assault!"

Lieutenant Aoba's voice thundered over the Geofront's PA.
Author's Note, 08OCT16: You know who has come to call. Kaworu's
been having a bad week already, and now he gets to face his first
battle.
However, writing the battle is proving tricky, so there may be a bit

more delay before the next update, probably a couple weeks at
most. To ease the pain of waiting, I'm uploading a separate little fic I
wrote last night: Costumes & Games. It is not part of A&T, though it
does feature a happily paired Second and Third Child. Give it a look.
And come over to SufficientVelocity. com to see the true versions of
both A&T and C&G, since FFnet's rather old interface keeps me
from adding in the artwork and music embeds that I use over there.
Advice & Trust
Chapter 9.12
Everything I Do…
Misato whirled to Shinji and Asuka, jabbing a finger at the door. "You
two, get to your Evas and prepare to scramble as soon as you can!"
She spun back to the control consoles as the Second and Third
Children turned in perfect unison and bolted out the door in step.
"Chief Tanaka!"
The senior Tech one console over from Maya stiffened to attention.
"Ma'am!"
"Get Unit-00 and Unit-03 moved to the launchers immediately!

Ritsuko, Lieutenant Ibuki! You two with me! We have to get to
Central Dogma now !" Misato was already pulling her phone out and
dialing even as she shot for the door without looking back to make
sure her orders were being followed.
The phone rang for barely a half-second before Lieutenant Hyuga

answered. "NERV Cen-"
Misato rolled right over him. "What have we got?"
"Satellites picked up a Pattern Blue 83.4 kilometers up and 34

kilometers south of Tokyo-3. We're retracting the city and powering
up the defenses. Where are you?"
"Leaving the Pribnow Box right now! I've got Rits and Ibuki in tow.
Get whoever's on the Systems console to override the MAGI and get
our elevator to Central Dogma in less than a fucking century. Shinji
and Asuka are in one headed for the Cages, get them moving too!"
"Right! Takamori! Get Elevators G-14 and G-15 set to emergency
speed as soon as they close!" Makoto's voice was almost as loud as
he shouted the orders away from the phone.
"We're en route, ETA 5 minutes. Get Unit-00 and Unit-03 launched

and prepared for long range combat as soon as they're in the
launchers!"
"Roger!"
Misato skidded into Central Dogma with Maya and Ritsuko close on
her heels. Maya nearly dove into her usual seat, Lieutenant
Takamori barely getting out of the way in time.
"Angel visually confirmed," Aoba reported. "Max magnification, on

screen."
The big screen lit up, showing the Angel. It looked like the electrified
skeleton of a bird, glued together by someone who had no idea how
the bones were supposed to fit. It had two wings that split into four,
but had irregular spikes and shards poking off its whole outline. Even
with all the strangeness they'd seen so far, the spiky monster looked
subtly wrong to Misato.
"It's not moving from its satellite orbit," said Hyuga.
"It's maintaining a set distance from our location," Aoba confirmed.
Ritsuko held on to the back of Maya's chair and tried to catch her
breath. She was not nearly in as good shape as Misato, who for all
her slobby ways off duty, still somehow maintained her military
fitness. "That's… that's fricking impossible. It can't maintain position
like that in an orbit so low. It has to be using its AT-Field to hover
there," she said between pants.
Misato stared hard at the glowing, birdlike form on the main display.
"Which means it's waiting for a chance to descend and close in, or it
can attack us from there without the need to do so."
"We can't make a careless move, at this rate, can we?" Hyuga
asked.
Misato didn't even look at him. "Either way, we can't do anything

about it unless the target moves within our firing range. The Evas
aren't capable of attacking something in orbit."
The Fourth Child ran in from the back access stairway. "Major
Katsuragi! I'm here! I…" She stopped next to Misato, breathing hard.
"W-what can I do?" She looked up at Misato, nervous.
"Nothing right now, I'm afraid. Stay here and stand by for now."
Misato turned to the main screen. "Alright, launch Unit-00 and Unit-
03, prepare for extreme long-range firing. Unit-01 and Unit-02 will
remain on ready-launch hold."
"Misato! Launch us!" Asuka demanded over the comms.
Misato shook her head. "Negative, Asuka. We've only got the two
Positron Cannons. There's nothing you can do for now. Standby."
In the comm window on the side of the big screen, Asuka slammed a
hand on the control yoke. "We can still… cover Rei and the new kid
with our AT-Fields or something! Grrrrr!" She turned her head
slightly, aiming her glare at another window in her Entry Plug. "Oi! Du
Setzling, kümmer dich gefälligst um sie! Eva-Piloten sind füreinander
da!" [New fish! Take care of her! Eva Pilots look out for each other!]"
Kaworu gave her a slight smile. "Jawohl."
"Units-00 and -03 ready, Major Katsuragi!" Lieutenant Hyuga

announced.
Misato nodded. "Evas, launch!"

Rei hoisted the Improved Positron Rifle Mk III to her Eva's shoulder
and began configuring the long range firing controls. She did not look
aside as Nagisa's face appeared in a new comm window. "It is…
good to be with you in my first battle like this, Pilot Ayanami."
His smile was a bit less irritating than it had been. Rei focused on the
controls. "We will do our duty. We fight to protect all mankind. This is
our bond." 'Get that message, stupid fish. We cannot show anything
to Commander Ikari.'
A strange, unreadable look passed over his eyes. "Our bond. Of

course. I'm sure we will perform our duty well." His window closed.
Evidently he had gotten the message in her blank face and tone.
Rei pressed the last button and the targeting array rose from the
back of the seat over her head and settled in front of her eyes. The
sky was a dark grey wall of rainclouds pouring down on them like the
sky was sobbing its heart out, impenetrable to the naked eye. But
MAGI-assisted NERV sights made the storm no barrier at all.
She quickly sighted in on the mark the display showed. It was close
enough to staring right at the position of the sun Rei couldn't make
anything out. She trusted the computer was keeping her on target.
She squinted, trying to center the faint spot that was the Angel…
'Hurry up and get over here already. Talk about irritating…'
"Target still holding position," Aoba reported. "MAGI estimates it's at

extreme range now. They have designated this as the 15th Angel,
Arael."
"The Angel of Birds, hm? Fits." Misato stared at the image of the
vaguely bird-like Angel on the big screen. "If it's just going to sit
there, let's test that. Rei, Kaworu, are you ready to fire?"
"Yes."
"Charge complete in 38 seconds, Major."
"That's fine, Kaworu, yours is slower to charge but a bit more

powerful per shot. Alright. Rei, take a shot as soon as you have
lock."
Rei nodded. "Understood. Aiming."
She stared hard at the blip on her targeting screen. She tried to will
the triangle and crosshairs to line up. Almost… almost… there.
The computer sang a clear tone, and she pulled the trigger. An azure
bolt of charged antimatter shot from her weapon and blasted up
through the clouds, a brief gap opening up around it.
Everyone held their breath as Rei's shot arced up, up, up… dead on
target.
The shot shattered into a blaze of blue sparks and light against a
familiar impenetrable orange octagon.
"No good! Negligible change to the Angel's AT-Field, ma'am!"

Lieutenant Aoba reported. "Shot had no effect. The range is too far!"
"Damn it," Misato cursed. "Kaworu, prepare to fire in synch with Rei's
next shot. Maybe together you'll have enough power."
"Roger. Eleven seconds to charge."
"Ready for command," Rei added.
Rei gritted her teeth a little more. That shot had been perfect, but the
Angel was too far away to even try degrading its defenses. She
was…
Her AT-field prickled. "It… it is looking at me."

Misato looked at Rei's comm window, puzzled. "What was that, Rei?"
The Angel sparkled in her reticule…
And the light of Heaven fell down on Rei Ayanami.
The Angel's beam shone down on Unit-00 like God's own spotlight.
The storm-dark street around her lit up like a summer festival had
broken out.
Rei screamed .
Every alarm in Central Dogma began to light up.
Misato forced herself back into focus. "Is it a direct energy weapon?"
Lieutenant Aoba shook his head, his hands flying over his control
board. "Negative, I'm not getting any thermal energy readings!"
Maya looked in alarm at her readouts. "Her psychograph readings

are agitated! Mental contamination beginning!"
Ritsuko blanched. "The Angel is launching a psychological attack?

It's trying to comprehend the mind of a human being?"
"NGGGKK! AAAAAAAAAAAA!" Rei's hands flew to her head, trying

to stop the painthepainthepainthePAIN!
Responding to her desperate impulse, Unit-00 raised the Improved

Positron Cannon Mk III again and fired, fired, fired before Unit-00's
hands began to wobble. The last shot impacted on the hill above the
lake south of her, taking a chunk out of the peak. Unit-00 likewise
tried to grab it's head, the giant rifle falling to the street with a smash.
"STAY… OUT… STAYYYYY OUUUUUUT!" Rei snarled through
teeth locked together so hard her jaw creaked.
FLASH
"NNNO… NNGGNSGSKSEGDH!" Blood began to trickle from her

nose.
FLASH
"STAY… OUT !"
"Analysis of the ray of light?" Misato demanded, her knuckles white

on the back of Lieutenant Hyuga's chair.
Hyuga was hammering at his keyboard. "It's an energy wave within

the visible spectrum. It's similar to an AT-Field, but the details are
unknown! The MAGI are unable to analyze it!" UNKNOWN FIELD,
RECALCULATING. POSSIBLE SIMILARITY WITH AT-FIELD
flashed on his screen.
Ritsuko was looking at the displays on Maya's console in horror.

"What about Rei?"
Maya looked grim. "She's in danger! The mental contamination has

entered Y! Her psychograph is at the critical point!"
Ritsuko's eyes snapped back and forth as she analyzed Rei's

readouts herself. "Her mental circuits are being ripped to pieces!
Further overload will be too dangerous!"
"Rei, retreat!" Misato ordered.
On the screen, Unit-00 was hunching in on itself, holding its head

like it was about to fly away.
"Rei! REI! Can you hear me?" Misato yelled.

"STAY OUT!" was all they got in reply.
"GGRRKK! GN… AAAAAAAA!" Her eyes were no longer tracking

together, and the pupils were different sizes. The blood dripping from
her nose was a steady flow now.
FLASH
"STAY… NNNNOOO!"
FLASH
And it was in her. It was inside her. She could feel it wriggling
through her mind, like a fat, bloated worm of alien presence. It did
not belong. It did not belong .
She could feel it rifling through her mind, her memories, her self .
Waking up in a tube. He was there. She was there. They stared at

her. He ordered her to stand. "You are Rei Ayanami. You will follow
my orders," he said, voice cold and flat.
"I am Rei Ayanami. I will follow your orders," she echoed without
thought.
He nodded.
"Stupid doll!" Ritsuko threw the notepad at her. It bounced off Rei's
head. "Staring at me like that! Stop it! Face the wall!"
Rei obediently turned. Her head… hurt? No, the feeling was barely
there. She was comfortably wall was familiar.
"GET… OUT OF… MGRPH… ME!"

"OUT! NO!"
Her arm was broken again. In at least three places, from the way it
folded. The pain bled through the drugs a bit.
"Disappointing. Alright, reset the simulator," Commander Ikari said,

no change in his voice. "Rei, Doctor Akagi will splint your arm while
they reset it, and you will try again. Do better."
"Yes, sir," she said tonelessly. She was not upset. She felt nothing at
all.
"You… you're an ANGEL?!" Asuka recoiled in shock. She backed up

until she bumped into Shinji, who stared at Rei with a look of utter
horror and betrayal on his face.
"N-no! It's not like that! Don't leave me!" Rei pleaded, hands
outstretched.
"Stay away from her!" Shinji yelled angrily, placing himself between
Rei and Asuka. "Don't come near us, you… you traitor ! We trusted
you! We loved you! And all along you lied to us?!"
"Don't you ever touch me again!" Asuka screeched at her. "You

disgust me!"
"No! Please!" Rei tried not to shake. She failed. "I love you both!"
"We don't love Angels! We kill them!"
"Come on, come on !" Kaworu chanted over and over. Rei's screams
were like knives in his ears. The Angel was killing her, and his
weapon was too slow! "Come on ! Charge!"
"Accelerator, start synchronization," the lead weapon tech ordered in
his ear.
"Voltage increasing. Approaching the pressure range," his second

responded. "Aim correction for gravity and planetary rotation is zero
point zero three."
"Superconductive guidance system is active. Pressure in the

chamber is at maximum. Releasing final safety lock. You may fire
when ready, Pilo-"
Kaworu didn't even wait for him to finish. The splash from the muzzle
blew cars into the air in the street around him, and even the multi-
thousand ton weight of Unit-03 rocked back from the building he'd
rested the upgraded Positron Cannon on. The power feed was now
just the Geofront's massive nuclear reactors and not the entire
power grid of Japan, but he still had more power on hand than Rei's
weapon.
The beam from his gun shot skyward, spearing straight for the
Angel. His aim was perfect, dead center.
And useless. The beam shattered into a spray of lesser pieces off
the Angel's AT-Field again, continuing on past it in a scattered fan.
"No effect!" Aoba shouted. "AT-Field already regenerating damage!

There's not enough energy to break through the AT Field from this
distance!"
"Output power is already at maximum!" Hyuga said. "We can't draw

anymore or the lines will melt!"
"Unit-00's psychograph is very weak," Ibuki added. "Her mental

signal is decreasing sharply."
"What about the mind barrier from the LCL?" Ritsuko suggested.
The younger woman shook her head. "No effect. It's not even
working as a catalyst."
"Give top priority to life support," Ritsuko ordered. "Shut out any
feedback from the Eva."
"Yes, ma'am."
Ritsuko looked up at the still weakly thrashing movements of the Eva

on the big screen. 'It's scanning her mental wavelength… is it trying
to search her mind?'
Something in Rei's mind broke open under the assault. Driven back,
driven down, she retreated deeper into her self than she'd ever dare
before. She fled ahead of the invader, deeper, deeper, past the
edges of Rei Ayanami and down into her greater self.
Memories buried for billions of years exploded into awareness…
How had it come to this?
Combining their ultimate power source with their own biology had
been her race's crowning achievement. This "Fruit of Life" - the
crimson crystal of immortality - promised to free them from the
ravages of time and disease, from the scramble to outrun entropy,
even from conflict itself. By alleviating the need to compete for
resources, it was supposed to free them from the last motivations for
strife, and usher in an endless golden age.
"Such fools we were…"
The rational need may have been alleviated, but their psychology -
evolved in a world of scarcity - had not changed. Too many were still
driven by the will to achieve power over others, and the limitless
energy of the Fruit had only granted them even more terrible
strength with which to pursue dominance. The next generation had
been even worse: having been all but immortal from birth, never
knowing vulnerability, far too many of them never developed notions
of empathy or restraint, or found them far too late.
The ensuing conflicts spiraled cataclysmically out of control, cracking

even the foundations of the planet itself. It ended not with victory for
any party, but with only the peace of exhaustion. There was literally
nothing left worth fighting for.
And thus was the first race in the galaxy to achieve sapience left as
a bare handful of survivors on a collapsing world, surrounded by the
lingering souls of some twenty billion dead.
It was his optimism, in retrospect, that first drew her to him, his hope.
Even in the twilight of their race, at what seemed to be the end of all
things, he held his head high and spoke of his hope for the future.
He was the one who had conceived of their final plan. Among the
survivors, those who volunteered would be transformed, taking on
bodies suitable for solitary journeys that could last untold eons. They
would gather the souls of their lost race to themselves, and set out
for fresh new worlds. They would seed these barren worlds with life,
and the salvaged souls of the Firstborn would jump-start the
evolution of sapience on these new worlds. The essence of who they
were would not be lost from the universe. What they represented
would live on.
His smile as he described the project was radiant; it made his hope
contagious.
She had fallen in love with that smile.
But she was desperately afraid to tell him. And was there even a
point anymore, if she could?
She could not bear to see his smile waver.

It seemed as though the Fruit of Life had one last conflict left to
bestow upon her people. The argument threatened to tear the group
apart.
"Abandon the Fruit? Have you gone mad?"
"Look around you! You see what it did to us! Would you truly visit
such ruin upon our descendants?"
"Even so, after all that we devoted to its creation, you would see the
Fruit vanish from this universe, lost forever in the sea of time? The
dream of immortality, the hope of freedom from the ravages of
entropy… can you really throw them away so casually?"
"What's the point, if it only repeats a cycle of destruction?"
He watched the argument rage again. It was not the first time the
matter had come up for discussion in their circle, but it had never
before been so heated.
She watched his smile grow dimmer, and dimmer, as it slowly

drowned in his growing look of concern. They needed everyone who
was left, if this was to work. They had very little time remaining; they
could not afford an impasse.
The project - his hope - was dying at the debate table.
Suddenly, she had an answer. Hesitantly, she spoke up.
"T-Two kinds!"
"What?"
It was the first time she had spoken up at these meetings. It was, in
fact, the first time many of them had heard her speak.
"We can s-send out t-two types of Seeds. One will create life based
on what we- what we were before. Before the Fruit."
They were listening. She continued, with more confidence.
"We will take steps to ensure they land on planets that lack
significant levels of the necessary elements for miniaturizing the S2
for incorporation into living tissue. Even if our descendants develop
the theory, they will need to cross the stars to acquire the materials
they need to take the same final step we did. With luck, that will give
them time to become wiser than we were."
"The other type of Seed will create a very different sort of life - one
based on the Fruit and its potential from the start, but with a lower
form of consciousness. Without the same sort of drives as
characterize the consciousness that evolves in mortals, it should be
safer for them to possess the Fruit - they will be more innocent, in a
way, without the need or drive to overachieve that was our doom.
These beings will guard the Fruit from the ravages of time,
preserving it for the future. Neither part of what we are will be lost.
Perhaps someday, some of our descendants will be wise enough to
bring them together again safely."
There was some grumbling, but she was surprised at how quickly
everyone agreed, and got to work on the details.
"Of course, we will need some sort of system to guard against

premature recombination of the Seeds. And it will need to have
autonomous functionality…"
She no longer heard the debate; something else had entirely

distracted her.
He was smiling again.
He was smiling at her .
She smiled back.
But she still could not take the next step.

The end was upon them. The planet itself was beginning its collapse.
Their star was not far behind.
Her transformation had been successful. She barely recognized

herself as… herself. She had become a towering, robust being, with
tremendous power beyond even what the Fruit normally granted -
something that could survive the gulf between worlds for as long as
necessary. Her mind, too, had changed; she felt more abstract,
diffuse. Removed from the world, as if it was a lazy, waking dream. It
was necessary for the journey - any ordinary mind would have gone
mad.
She had chosen this. Even if she could not be with him, she could
aid his dream. She would bear the "Fruit of Knowledge," as some
were now calling it, to a new world.
He, himself, had volunteered as well - to bear the Fruit of Life.
They simply weren't meant to be, she told herself.
Two more of their group, who had not yet given up their physical
forms to join the rest of the souls for the journey, made the final
checks. She idly listened to their banter as she waited for the
inevitable.
"I thought for sure those two would get together."
Who?
"You saw how she looked at him!"
"He looked right back, when her back was turned."
Did they mean…?
"And you saw that smile he gave her when she basically saved the
project with that suggestion. I was sure that would finally break the
ice."
No…
"No kidding. I suppose, in the end, he was just as shy as she was, at
least when it came to that sort of thing. Funny, considering how he
gushed about the Project."
He felt…? They could have had… even for a short while… or found
some way to…?
And it was too late?
No…
No, no, no…
Further banter - and further thoughts on the matter - were cut short
by a deafening roar that heralded the final collapse of their world.
The two technicians abruptly let go, releasing their forms into fluid,
and joined the other souls in one of the Rooms of Guf.
As the planet broke apart, each Seed extended their power, crafting
a vessel for the ages from their world's remains, and set out for a
different point of light. The final explosion of their star propelled them
on their journey.
She was awakened from her sad reflection by the sense of an

approaching planet. It seemed her navigation and senses had
brought her to the world she was to seed.
Something was wrong.
As a Seed bearing the Fruit of Knowledge, she was supposed to

land on a planet lacking in key elements of the Fruit of Life. This was
not such a world.
And another Seed - riding a White Moon, bearing the Fruit of Life -
was already making planet fall.
His White Moon.
No…
She realized, with horror, what had happened. Her memories and
regrets - the only things she could think of during the journey - had
actually affected her navigation. Instead of seeking out a new world,
she had followed him.
They had explicitly planned to avoid this. Two Seeds could not
actively occupy the same world - one of their Lances would
automatically neutralize its bearer. Even this grave error she had
blundered into would not bring them together.
She tried to abort the landing, so that she could move on to another
world, but it was too late. Instead, now she was going to crash.
What had she done to him? To his dream…
Rei… Lilith… she was no longer sure who she was, who any of her
was…
In the Entry Plug, she flopped limply against the back of the seat and
stared, her eyes seeing nothing.
"Again!"
"Pilot Nagisa, this is not a good idea. Major Katsuragi has not
authori-"
" I SAID CHARGE IT AGAIN !"
"Unit-03 firing again!" Hyuga reported.
Misato tore her look away from over Ritsuko's shoulder. "What?"
His aim was even better. He forced his hands to steady, unfurled his
AT-Field just the smallest bit to make his Eva's hands perfectly still…
The Cannon roared again, shattering every window for 300 meters.
The glowing beam shot into the clouds. The Angel made no move to
dodge.
He could hear the discordant sound the Angel's AT-Field made as

the beam of positrons rang against it… uselessly.
Useless. He could not be useless. He had to do something, had to

help her. He threw the weapon aside, pushing his Evangelion to
maximum speed. "This is Pilot Nagisa. Positron Cannon ineffective. I
am moving to assist Unit-00."
"REI! REI ! Answer me! Gott damn it! Rei!" Asuka called fruitlessly
over her comms. "Misato! Launch us! Launch us now! "
"Let us help her!" Shinji added. "Please!"
"All activity ceased in Unit-00," Aoba said. Red warning flashes

began to pepper the side screens of Central Dogma. "Problems
developing in the life support system."
Misato tried to shut it all out. Time after time she'd come up with
borderline insane plans that save the day. Now she needed another
one. 'Can we transport Unit 00 by air? Shoot the target from the sky?
No, we can't do that. If the Angel shoots during the approach, we
can't protect it.'
"Let us launch! We can protect her!" Shinji demanded. " Please,

Misato-san!"
Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki leaned forward. "No. The Angel's attack

corrodes the target's psyche."
"Right now we must avoid the corrosion of Unit-01," Gendo said
evenly.
"Then it's alright as long as we don't get hit!" Asuka tried.
"Your success is not guaranteed," Gendo said.
"But… but Rei is in danger! If this goes on-" Shinji insisted.
"I don't care. Unit-02, proceed to Terminal Dogma and retrieve a

special weapon for use against the Angel."
Beside him, Fuyutsuki stiffened. "The Lance?" he whispered urgently

to Gendo. "Ikari, you can't. That is SEELE's…"
Gendo's face was hard and fixed as he stared at the glowing form of
the Angel on the big screen, but Fuyutsuki could almost feel the grim
satisfaction coming off him. "We cannot affect the target's AT-Field in
orbit, and this is the only way to bring it down. Unit-02, move!"
Misato spun around to look at the Commander's platform. "But

contact between an Eva and Adam could cause Third Impact! It's too
dangerous! Commander Ikari, please do not order this!" she
objected.
Gendo just stared at the screen, ignoring her.
Misato's jaw clenched. 'So… another lie. Second Impact wasn't

caused by contact with an Angel, was it?' She turned back to the
screen. In the smaller display to the left, she could see Asuka's
launch cradle shifting downward, moving the Evangelion towards
Terminal Dogma as quickly as possible.
"Can't this thing go any faster?" Asuka shouted. "Rei's stopped

screaming, and that isn't making me feel better! "
Fuyutsuki leaned in close to Gendo again. "Ikari, is this wise? Letting

the Second Child see Lilith?"
Gendo gave a microscopic shrug. "In the end, she is expendable,
should we need to silence her," he said quietly. "In the meantime, I
have a possible solution."
Misato stepped next to Ritsuko. "And what happens when Asuka

sees what you've been keeping in the basement, Rits?" she said
very quietly, her voice ice cold.
Ristuko shot her a confused look that rapidly melted into wide-eyed
horror. "Y-you kn-"
"Yes," Misato hissed dangerously. "I know . I also know that I'm not
supposed to know! But what happens when Asuka sees it? That's a
secret I'm sure you and the Commander are very interested in
keeping, so I'm suddenly very, very interested in why he doesn't
seem to care that the Second Child is about to learn something that
was too classified for the fourth ranking officer in NERV to know
about!" Misato's voice dropped to just above the temperature of
liquid helium. "I am not letting something happen to one of my kids."
"How… how did you-" Ritsuko whispered back.
Commander Ikari's voice interrupted. "Doctor Akagi, you have until

Unit-02 reaches Terminal Dogma to create a software filter for its
visual display to block her from seeing classified material she is not
cleared for. She is only there to retrieve the Lance. Nothing else."
Ritsuko's eyes widened a bit more and she dove for the console next
to Lieutenant Ibuki's. She logged in with incredible speed and began
coding.
"So… this is the moment… I knew this would come. We both did…
didn't we, my friend?"
The grey haired boy smiled up at her from where Unit-00's hands
had closed around his frail body. "I have to stop you," Rei said. "You
know this."
"Of course I do. And I'm glad it was you. You spared him the pain of
having to do it himself."
Rei's hands shook, and thus so did the Eva's. "It can't end like this. It
can't!"
"You know it has to. Do it."
"I won't!"
His smile got sadder. "Then let me go. And I will fulfill my purpose
and wipe this world clean."
"No!"
"Do it. You know it has to be this way."
"Damn you! Damn you!" Rei screamed at him through the tears.
"You said you'd fight!"
"I did. I tried. I failed. I was not strong enough. The Call cannot be
defeated. And so I am here, as I knew I would be." He paused. "I'm
glad it was you."
"No no no no no no!" Rei pleaded.
"Do it. You have to."
"NO!"
"Goodbye… Rei."
It took hours to get the blood off Unit-00's hands.
The Eva transport system had taken her as low as it could, but the
deepest shafts into Terminal Dogma were deeper still. The titanic
cable and foothold for the Evangelion could have been used to
anchor a full-sized suspension bridge, and was dropping her down
with terrific speed. At any other time Asuka might have been
impressed with the engineering feat. Right now, she just wanted it to
move faster .
"Come on come on come on! This is taking too long!"
"Asuka, we're already 10% past the safety limits on the cable gear!"
Hyuga told her.
"You were willing to dip me a few hundred extra meters in that

fucking volcano past the 'safety limits'! Get me down there now so I
can get this mystery weapon and save my friend !" Asuka snarled
back.
"We can't let it break, we need it to haul you back up!"
"Fuck! This! " Asuka kicked Unit-02's foot loose from the footstrap
and jumped free. "Unit-02, coming down !"
She free-fell the last 500 meters, slamming into the floor at the
bottom of the shaft at speeds that should have shattered all bones
and armor in Unit-02's legs. Instead, she bounced right up off her
landing crouch and began sprinting down the hallway in front of her,
aiming for the immense doors at the far end.
" I'm coming, Rei! Hang on! "
(Gurren Lagann - Libera Me From Hell)
'So Third Impact won't happen… at least, not because of this. So

then what caused Second Impact?' Misato puzzled.
"Unit-03 is about to reach Unit-00!" Hyuga interrupted her thoughts.
Unit-03 tore around the last corner between his starting position and
Unit-00's. He could see down the wide road to where Unit-00 lay
slumped against a weapons building, not moving. "Rei!"
The Angel's beam still poured down on the Evangelion from the
skies, lighting up the whole road better than full noon sunlight. In
Kaworu's eyes, it burned even brighter, but… so wrong .
The beam was… tearing at Ayanami's Light, ripping at it like it was

trying to shred open a blanket covering something it wanted. The
greater Light put out by an active Evangelion was covering it from
direct harm, but was all but flickered out. Her very self was about to
be exposed to the Angel's onslaught.
'No!'
He bolted forward, raising Unit-03's AT-Field to maximum strength,

trying to place it in the path of the beam. "Ayanami! Are you there?"
He slid up next to Unit-00, his AT-Field finally directly covering her.

"Rei! Rei! Answer me! I'm here!"
"Nngggh? Kwnger? Blugh…" Rei said indistinctly over the comms. In

the window one of her eyes opened, the pupil dilated until it almost
swallowed the iris. It drifted around until it locked in his general
direction. Rei began to thrash, like she was trying to get away from
him, but her limbs wouldn't coordinate. "Nnnno… sshhhtay 'way! I'll
kill wou! Kill you! Kill youuuu !"
"Rei, it's alright! I'm here to-"
The Angel's light snapped off.
Kaworu's head rose and he looked at the sky. "Wha…"
"Major, something's happening with the Angel!" Hyuga pointed at the

screen. "It's… changing?"
In space, the Angel's four wings folded, branched, and split again.
The now eight-fold array shifted slightly, adjusting its aim. Then,
once again, it sang.
Kaworu had almost no warning. His AT-Field prickled a fraction of a

second before the Light of the Angel smashed into his mind.
The tube was his home. The tube was his prison. The tube was
mother, and father, and his world.
He knew nothing else.
The old man with the visor was back. He came to stare sometimes.
His arrival always heralded by the whine of the electronics in his
body and wheelchair, and the wheeze of his breath.
"You are Tabris. You are the key to our salvation. You will bring us all
to the glory of the end," the old man told him.
Kaworu was open, but confused. "How?"
"Through death."
"Unit-03! Pilot Nagisa! Can you hear me?" Misato threw a desperate
look over Ritsuko's shoulder. Unit-03's psychographs had begun to
wobble badly, just as Rei's had. "Nagisa, respond!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAH! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!"
He was alone. This was normal. He had only ever seen four people
in his life, and only two had had actual conversations with him. At
least Kihl's assistant had introduced him to music, as a way to
occupy his time. The piano was easy. The violin was a little harder,
but he enjoyed it more.
The notes echoed so well in the empty concrete room they placed
him in.
He had the Call to comfort him. It was burning, constant… but also
soothing. The promise of an end to pain, an end to loneliness… a
promise of completion. He felt it in his bones, that following the Call,
seeking his source would end with pure bliss.
That it would wipe the planet clean of the Lilim was slightly sad. They
made such lovely music.
And… there were the visions. He had not spoken of them, since no
one had asked. He had been given the files for Shinji Ikari and the
other Children when he managed to ask who he would encounter
when he was sent on his mission. He glanced at the others, but it
was the Third Child that he wanted to learn about.
So pure… so alone. Kaworu fell in love, as much as he could grasp

the concept. A Lilim like him. Alone, doomed, searching for
meaning… Someone who would be his friend, even briefly, the
visions told him.
And who would be the instrument of his death.
He so looked forward to meeting him.
"Can we deploy any of the shield plates to cover either of them?"

Misato demanded.
"Negative, they're out of position for any!" Aoba replied.
Misato ground her teeth in frustration. "Get some of the VTOLs in the
air! I don't care about the storm, we need to see if we can get
anything in the path of that beam!" She looked at the big screen
again. "Nagisa! Hang on!"
"Come on come on come on… YES!" Ritsuko shouted in triumph as
the MAGI reported no further errors in the code she'd slammed
together in record time. She stabbed a finger at the comm button,
throwing open a channel to Unit-02. "Pilot Soryu, prepare for a code
update! Sending now!"
"'Code update'? Was zur Hölle quasselst du da, du verrückte Hexe?

[What the Hell are you babbling about, you crazy witch?]" Asuka's
complaint was overridden by a beep from Unit-02 and a new comm
window full of fast-scrolling code popping up. "What is this? It better
be helping me out or I'm going to be pissed you're interrupting to
update the video drivers or something!"
Doctor Akagi ignored the German rant. "That's exactly what I'm
doing, Pilot Soryu. There's classified things in the next chamber, and
this is a false-visual filter that will block out what you're not supposed
to see. Just grab the weapon and leave."
"Can I at least see the verfickt weapon I'm supposed to grab, or am I

supposed to wander around playing Blind Man's Bluff while my friend
needs help?!" Asuka snarled.
"The weapon will be highlighted. Opening Heaven's Door now."
"'Heaven's Door'? Was zur Hölle… Ack!" As the immense doors that
dwarfed even her Evangelion began to swing open, Asuka's vision of
the world abruptly became grey and flat. Her crystal clear view of the
outside suddenly became bland, basic geometric shapes with wire
frames, like bad computer graphics from the early '90s. "How am I
supposed to navigate like this?!"
"Just… move forward, Pilot. The weapon is just 400m ahead in a

straight line."
"This looks like a video game written by a drunk!"
"I only had 5 minutes! Now quit complaining and move!"

Subsiding to discontented muttering, Asuka refocused and moved
forward as fast as she could, shitty graphics be damned. It almost
helped: The blocky grey mess made the flashing border around the
weapon easy to pick out.
"A… A spear? What?" Asuka shook her head. No time. Whatever, if

this was it, she'd use it. Whatever it took to save Rei. She grabbed
the shaft of the Eva-scale red spear and turned to leave.
… and then had to turn back. The spear had barely moved when she
pulled. "Gott damn it! Come on!" She set herself more firmly and
pulled harder. The spear slowly came free from whatever thing it was
stuck in… but not fast enough. Asuka braced her foot up on the huge
rectangular object the visual filter rendered it as and pushed .
The spear came loose with a bizarre sucking noise and Unit-02 fell
on its ass… but the spear was free. Asuka sprang to her feet and
started sprinting for the door. She didn't even hear the huge splash
behind her.
"Nnng! Get… off… me…"
Misato's head rose. "Rei?! Are you there?"
"Get… off… chest… hurts…"
Rei's eyes weren't tracking in the window, but it was the most activity
she'd shown since she collapsed.
"Hang in there, Rei! Asuka's on her way!" Misato tried to get her
attention. It was hard, the comm channel was largely filled with
Kaworu's screaming. "Nagisa, you too! She'll be there soon!"
"Misato-san! Launch me! PLEASE! " Shinji begged from Unit-01.
"Denied," Gendo flatly responded.

Misato clenched her left hand into a fist. "Commander, with all due
respect, we can't just-"
"Unit-01 will remain where it is. Launching it would achieve nothing

but another Unit disabled."
" Father! "
"Shut his comms off," Gendo ordered.
Lieutenant Hyuga jerked. "But sir-"
"Do it. I do not have time to listen to his insubordination."
Lieutenant Hyuga looked wordlessly at Misato. Misato had to

suppress the urge to snarl at Commander Ikari. "Mute his mic," she
muttered to him quietly. "I'm not cutting him off like that while Rei's in
danger."
Hyuga nodded reluctantly, and hit the comm controls. Shinji's voice
cut off.
Shinji stared at the 'MUTE ON' banner on his comm window. His
expression shifted to rage. "Fine! If that's how you want it!"
He turned inward. 'Mother! Help me!'
Unit-01's hand curled into a fist.
The screams covered the quiet conversation taking place on the

Commander's platform. "Ikari, are we not getting ahead of
ourselves? I think it's too early to use that."
Gendo's stare did not shift from the screen. "The committee has
started the mass production of the Eva series. This is our chance,
Fuyutsuki."
"Nonetheless…"
"We can't make the clock move backwards. But, we can make it
move forward with our own hands," Gendo continued.
"The old men won't sit still for this," the older man cautioned.
Gendo gave a miniscule shrug. "We must put an end to everything

before SEELE takes action. It's not a good idea to lose Unit-00 right
now, or the Pilot."
"Or Unit-03?"
Another tiny shrug. "SEELE's pawn matters little either."
"If we use the Lance of Longinus without the permission of SEELE,

they will retaliate…"
"If a reason exists, that is enough. Anything beyond that is

insignificant."
Fuyutsuki snorted. "Reason? What you're looking for is an excuse,

isn't it?"
"Brainwaves for Unit-03's Pilot have become unstable! Pilot of Unit-

00 has dropped to zero point zero six!" Lieutenant Ibuki warned.
"That's the critical point for life support," Ritsuko said, fighting for
calm.
"Gnablbl! Grrrkkkg… AAAAAAAH!" Kaworu tried to focus, tried to

bolster his AT-Field shielding them both. Blood dripped from his
eyes.
Rei's stirring barely registered. The memories and fears still had him.
There were 15 of them, more people than he'd ever seen before.
The members of SEELE had come to see him off. They smiled, and
told him what a grand destiny awaited him as he was sent on his
mission. He knew from the visions he would most likely fail.
Complementation or death, either way, at least soon his pain would
be over.
They wouldn't let him take his violin. He felt sad about that. It wasn't
like he had anything else.
He smiled anyway. This was more people than he'd ever seen
before, and they were all so pleased to send him to his eagerly
awaited death.
It was nice.
"Unit-02 is ascending! She'll be at the launcher in 90 seconds!" Aoba

reported.
"Nagisa! Can you retreat?" Misato tried again.
Only screams and incoherent noises answered her.
"Do it, Rei. Please!"
"I should have let Shinji do this, you traitor. Or Asuka. She'd love to
hurt you for what you did to him," the First Child said in a voice
utterly empty of warmth.
"I'm sorry! I had no choice!"
"Then you lied to me from the start. You said you did."
"I tried! I'm not strong enough! The Call-"
"Pathetic. I resisted mine. You failure. What did I ever see in you?"
"Just… do it. Finish me. End this."
"Do it yourself, you worthless scum. You killed him. This world can
burn," Asuka snarled through her tears. "You killed him… you killed
him !"
"I can't stop it! He… he tried to block me!"
"Traitor. Liar. Traitor. Liar. Traitor."
"I'm sorry! Please!"
"Liar."
Unit-01's arm began to curl. The locks on the frame groaned in

protest… until they shattered, multi-ton pieces falling off the Eva's
arms. The second arm was freed a moment later. He punched at the
manual launcher controls.
"Unit-01 is launching?!"
Misato turned towards Aoba. "What?"
"He's activated the manual launch override!"
"What about the locks?"
Aoba typed at his controls. "They're… broken? He's on his way up!"
"Cut his power. Unit-01 is not permitted to reach the surface,"

Commander Ikari ordered.
Unit-01 screeched to a halt as power to the catapult died. The power

to the Evangelion died too. The timer sprang to life in the Entry Plug
and the lights shifted red.
Shinji cursed and slammed his fist on the controls. "Fine! Five
minutes is plenty! Hang on, Rei, Kaworu-kun!"
He pulled Unit-01 out of the launch cradle and began to climb the
side of the shaft.
"Seal the shaft ahead of him. We do not have time for this,"
Commander Ikari ordered.
Thick steel hatches slid closed in the launch shaft.
An immense purple fist smashed them back open.
Rei blinked, her mind swirling erratically. She was… Entry Plug?
Someone was screaming? Her throat felt raw. Was it her?
Her eyes wouldn't focus. Her AT-Field felt like one giant raw nerve.
There was… someone else close by?
An Angel!
Enemy
Enemy
Enemy
Kill the threat!
Rei's hands… Lilith's hands? Unit-00's hands shakily rose to her left
shoulder fin and extracted her Progressive Knife.
Kill the Enemy…
"Unit-00 is moving! She… she's equipped her Progressive Knife?"

Lieutenant Aoba reported, confused.
Misato tried again to get Rei to respond. "Rei, what are you doing?
Retreat! There's a recovery hatch 200 meters south!"
"Kill… Angel… Angel is close…" Rei slurred. "Kill… the… threat…"
Unit-00 began to half-walk, half-crawl towards the thrashing form of

Unit-03.
The Enemy was close. She still couldn't focus her eyes or her
thoughts, but she could feel it, the angry, buzzing presence of a
spawn of Adam nearby… She must protect her loves. She must
protect her friends.
She raised the knife.
"Rei! Stop! That's Unit-03!" Misato yelled. The blue Evangelion kept
lurching forward, almost within striking distance of Unit-03. The black
Evangelion had toppled to the ground while it continued to thrash.
Unit-00 crawled into the spotlight of the Angel's beam, and raised
her arm to stab.
The Angel's light shifted to cover Unit-00.
Rei began to scream again.
"Unit-01 has reached the lower boundary of the city! He'll be on the
surface in a minute!" Aoba said. "He has 3:32 of power remaining!"
Gendo's glare over his hands did not waver. "Increase the pressure
of the LCL in the Entry Plug to maximum.
The pressure around Shinji began to build, pressing in until his head
felt like it was going to implode. Then it eased, returning to normal.
Shinji shook his head, a weary smile growing on his lips. 'Thank you,
mother.'
'My son…'
"LCL pressurization system not responding. System failure! His LCL

isn't circulating, but he'll run out of power before it has any effect!"
Aoba said. "2:48 of power left. He's reached the surface!"
It was only the virtue of over ten years in the man's company that
allowed Fuyutsuki to see the way Gendo's shoulders suddenly
locked into utter rigidity.
"REI! KAWORU-KUN! I'M COMING!"
Unit-01 tore up the street as he ran, pushing Unit-01 to impossible

speed. He skidded around the last corner, bouncing off a weapon
building on the far side of the intersection as he kept moving.
Far ahead, Unit-00 was raising its knife over Unit-03.
"Unit-02 has passed area two! She's coming above ground now!"
Hyuga said.
'So that's the Lance of Longinus,' Misato thought. 'Why is that less
secret than the Angel down there?'
The huge red Eva rose smoothly on the elevator platform, Lance
clenched tightly in its hands. "Shinji, you stupid, stupid hero! Get Rei
and get the Hell out of there!"
"KAWORU-KUN TOO!" he roared back.
Unit-01 reached the side of the other two Evas, heedless of the light
that still lit up the street like a flare. He raised Unit-01's hands over
his head and unfurled the AT-Field that had stopped Sahaquiel cold.
"NOBODY DIES! NOT WHILE I'M HERE!"
(Pacific Rim Opening Theme - Epic Rock Mix - Little V)
Every window for a kilometer around shattered in harmony.
"GOTT DAMN IT, BAKA! THINK ABOUT YOURSELF TOO!" Asuka

hoisted the Lance over her head, taking a firm grip. "Misato, this had
better work!"
"The Lance is self-guiding, Pilot. Just throw it as hard as you can

once you have target lock," Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki instructed
her.
Asuka reared back, and started a short run. "Stop hurting my friend,
IHR VERFICKTEN HURENSÖHNE !"
Unit-02 threw the Lance into the sky with a throw that made every
muscle in the Eva scream with effort. It was a throw that would have
made Achilles roar with approval and envy, made Homer compose
an ode to its beauty. It was a throw fueled by righteous fury and born
of love. The air scorched in its wake.
The Lance rocketed upwards with a roar of its own, the stormclouds
exploding away from it in a rapidly expanding ring.
Rei's eyes finally resumed focusing. She stared blankly as Unit-01

gently removed the knife from Unit-00's hand.
'Oh… Shinji is here. Everything is ok, then… Where is Asuka? I want

hugs…'
'… my everything hurts.'
Thinking was hard. What was going on?

The Lance accelerated as it rose, breaking Mach 9 before it had
traveled even a dozen miles. It slammed into Arael's AT-Field like an
artillery shell against a plate glass window.
Arael's death scream was audible even in the vacuum of space, to

those with ears to hear.
"Target annihilated," Aoba said with relief.
"Eva Unit-00, -01, and -03 stabilizing. Psychographs returning to

within normal limits."
"Any damage to Unit-01?" Commander Ikari asked coldly.
"No sir. Shinji-kun's AT-Field held until the Lance struck the target."
"What about the Lance?" Fuyutsuki asked.
Hyuga consulted his instruments. "It's surpassed escape velocity. It's

on course for a rough Lunar orbit."
"That's going to be impossible to recover," Fuyutsuki sighed.
"Yes, sir."
Underneath his folded hands, Gendo cracked a thin smile.
"Oy! Baka! You stupid, stupid… HERO! Never do that again!" She
glared at him with the full power of 'holy fucking shit Shinji you
scared me to death don't ever do that I love you!' burning in her
stare.
"Sorry, Asuka. I can't." His return look was sure and steady, even if it
had a half-apologetic smile along with it.
"… I know." Asuka blew out a deep breath and marched Unit-02
towards the others. "Tell me Rei's alright?"
"Rei?"
"… unnnnngh," came weakly from Unit-00.
"Kaworu-kun? Are you there?"
A marginally stronger groan came from Unit-03's Entry Plug. "I…

yes," the Fifth Child said. "I am here, Shinji-kun." He coughed. "Is…
Is Ayanami-san alright? I'm sorry I… couldn't do more…"
"She's alive, Kaworu-kun." Shinji looked at the rapidly approaching

Unit-02. "We did it, Asuka. They're alive."
Asuka glared at him through the comm window. "Oh, no! Don't you
dare think being the so-brave-he's-a-baka hero that saves the team
again gets you out of a lecture, Shinji Ikari! I don't care how badass
that was, you are still getting a firm talking-to tonight!"
"Asuka, I-" Shinji's comm window closed suddenly, and Unit-01

slumped over, batteries drained at last.
"Oooooh! Baka-Shinji! You aren't getting out of this that easily!" She
slumped back in her seat herself, grinning from ear to ear. "Gott
damn, I love that guy so much."
Her smile faded as she keyed a new window open. "Rei…" she
called softly. "Are you… going to be alright?"
Rei weakly rolled her head around in the window. Asuka hissed in
shock as she took in the blood still dripping from Rei's nose, and the
mismatched pupils. "…'m 'k, 'Suka… yur here… Shinji here…
N'gsa…"
Asuka winced. "Don't… don't try to talk, Rei. We'll get you to," Asuka
frowned, "Doctor Akagi soon. Just rest. Angel's dead, we won."
Rei's attempt at a smile was heartbreaking. "'k… luv…" She closed

her eyes.
End of Chapter 9
Author's Note, 19OCT16: Ok, that didn't take quite as long as I

thought. Many thanks to SV reader Matt R, who's omake Star
Crossed was so good I had to make it canon herein. He wrote the
section of Lilith's memories of the FAR, and how two Seeds came to
Earth.
And that's a wrap for Chapter 9. Boy… Chapters 8 and 9 are larger
than the rest of the fic put together… This battle alone was 8500
words. I hope the music comes through. The Chapter title is a
reference to the Bryan Adams song, and the battle here included
Gurren Lagann's Libera Me From Hell and the Epic Rock mix of the
Pacific Rim theme. A Hallelujah seemed… superfluous.
Arael is dead, and only two Angels remain in the path of SEELE and
Gendo's plans. Rei has revived memories of Lilith, Kaworu has had
his face rubbed in how empty and death-seeking his life has been,
Shinji has again defied Gendo, and Ritsuko now knows that Misato
knows about the Angel in the basement. Needless to say, there's
going to be some major repercussions from all this. So there might
be some delay while I work things out. Chapter 10 - Choices and
Sacrifices, coming soon.
And of course, there will be faaaa~n service !
Oh, and I've set up a Pat re on if anyone wants to hit the tip jar. Pat
re on dot com slash Strypgia.
Ch 36 - Choices & Sacrifices Pt1
Chapter 10.1
Choices and Sacrifices
It took skill and patience to remove the screws holding in the vent
cover from inside the vent, but he had both. Carefully removing the
metal cover as quietly as he could, Kaji slowly lowered himself to the
floor, looking around. He knew the place was supposed to be empty,
but he'd been caught by surprise by places he 'knew' were empty
before. Lessons like that had a way of sticking.
'And who would have thought that Rei of all people would know the
precise route down to Ritsuko's lab via the air vents? That girl has
hidden, weird depths,' he mused, looking up at the way he'd come in.
A single, innocuous text message from Misato as she'd been running

for the elevator to Central Dogma had theoretically been the alert to
make his move to sneak into Ritsuko's private lab. Misato had been
ready to send him a text that said 'Shall we go out drinking under the
moon?' the next time she was sure she could be sure Rits and
Lieutenant Ibuki were going to be kept away from the lab for a good
bit. But by the time the text had arrived, he was already on his way:
The Angel alarm was an even better guarantee they'd be too busy to
be in the lab for a while, and it's not like he had an official place to be
that anyone would miss him.
He did a rapid sweep of the lab, planted a few bugs, then reached to
rifle through the papers left on the desk.
His brow furrowed. 'Notes on Rei's bloodwork, and AT-Field spikes?

Why on paper? She has the MAGI totally under her control. Why
doesn't she trust her own system?'
He placed the papers back as they had been, and looked at the
partly-concealed doorway in the back of the lab. 'Let's see what else
is down here.'
The big screen showed Unit-02 carefully carrying Unit-00 back

towards the closest Eva launch cradle and gingerly positioning it
inside for recovery. Ritsuko was making reassuring noises about
Rei's vital signs, and the Fifth Child was even somehow still barely
conscious. Misato let herself enjoy a momentary sigh of relief.
Things could have gone a lot worse.
She turned from looking over Ritsuko's shoulder back to the main
screen. "Asuka, get Unit-03 next. Nagisa needs-"
"Recover Unit-01 immediately," Commander Ikari overrode her.

"Alert a security detail to detain the Third Child and escort him to the
brig as soon as he is removed."
Misato looked back at the Commander in confusion. "Sir, Unit-01 is

out of power. He's not in any danger, and Pilot Nagisa was injured by
that Angel just like Rei."
The Commander's stare was even more icy and flat than usual. "I
ordered Unit-01 recovered next, Major Katsuragi. You have your
orders."
Misato carefully kept her face a calm mask. 'You can't even say it,
can you? You don't even care about your son, just his mother. That's
what this is really about, isn't it?'
"Yes, sir," was all she said.
"The Third Child will remain confined until I send for him. Doctor
Akagi, I want a full checkup on Unit-01's status as soon as it is
recovered, and then the First Child as soon as you are done with
that," he continued.
'Unit-01 I can understand, but why Rei next? How does she figure
into whatever fucked up plan you're running, Commander? Damn it.
There's just too many pieces we're still missing. Shinji's mother only
knew the plan up until she 'died', and Commander Ikari obviously
made his own modifications. But… is Rei part of it?' The quiet, sweet
girl who was very obviously close to her two wards was almost too
nice to even think of as part of Commander Ikari's plot, or SEELE's,
but it was looking harder to avoid that conclusion. Rei had
recognized SEELE's name, after all. Misato filed that uncomfortable
thought away.
"Asuka, recover Unit-01 next," she ordered.
On screen, the huge red Evangelion was already bending down,

reaching for Unit-03. It halted. "Wait, what?" Asuka protested. "Baka
Shinji's out of power! He's not going anywhere, and der Setzling here
is hurt!"
"Orders. Unit-01 first," Misato repeated coolly.
Muttered German swearing was all she got in reply, but Unit-02 rose
and turned around, dragging Unit-01 down the street towards the
next launch port.
"I'm… I'm okay… to wait… Major…" the Fifth Child said slowly,
through obvious pain. "See to… the others… first."
Misato gritted her teeth, biting down on a snarl. 'One day,

Commander Ikari, we're going to find out what you're up to. And I
will have vengeance for my father's ghost.'
Rattles, clunks. The sensation of falling, dropping slowly… Shinji

knew Unit-01 was being recovered, but he was surprised with how
soon it was taking place. Had they recovered Rei and Kaworu-kun
so fast already?
More thuds, and the bangs and sudden loss of vibration that
signaled the Evangelion being locked into place. He must be in the
Cages now. He had a pretty good bet what was coming next.
The Entry Plug lurched and slid out of the Eva. Some more clunks
and a sudden rushing sound as the LCL vented, leaving him spitting
and coughing the remnants out of his lungs as the hatch popped
open. He swung himself out onto the gantry… right into the face of a
squad of grim-faced guards already pointing guns at him.
"Pilot Ikari, you are under arrest for insubordination. You will come
with us."
Shinji stared him in the face for a moment before slowly sweeping
his eyes across the full squad. Returning his glare to the officer
who'd spoken, he coldly said, "You think you've got enough men to
take me?" He savored the mixture of confusion and apprehension
that flashed across his face before stepping forward and putting up
his hands. "My fellow Pilots and I kill gods, Lieutenant. I've saved the
world half a dozen times already. Let's get this over with."
The lieutenant's eyes darted to the impassive, gigantic mask of Unit-

01, looming over the gantry and the tiny humans clustered on it. He
cuffed Shinji's hands without looking him in the eye.
'If he asks, I'm counting ordering the automated systems to start,'

Ritsuko thought to herself as Unit-00's Entry Plug swung out and
over to the gantry. The wash of venting LCL splashed on her shoes,
but she didn't back up as the hatch opened. She stuck her head
inside when no Pilot emerged after a moment. "Rei? Status?"
A plugsuited hand snapped up and grabbed her lapel with almost

violent power. "Drug me. Now," Rei hissed urgently through clenched
teeth.
Ritsuko tried to pull back. Rei's grip was pulling her awkwardly close,
the rim of the hatch digging painfully into her waist. "Rei, what-"
" Please! " Rei begged. "It hurts ! I… I won't be able t-to keep my
mask up in f-front of him right n-now! He'll know ! Drug me !"
Ritsuko sucked a breath in through her teeth. There was blood all
over Rei's face and plugsuit, trailing from her nose and eyes. Her
pupils were different sizes and only barely managing to track
together. "Alright, Rei, just… hold on. I'm taking you to Terminal
Dogma for a checkup. Commander's orders."
Rei nodded, jerkily. "Hurts," she gasped, finally letting go of Ritsuko's

labcoat. "Inside. Inside my… my mind. Hurts," she said weakly, what
desperate strength had animated her visibly dribbling out.
"Something in my head… but it wasn't me…"
Ritsuko ducked out of the Entry Plug for a moment, grabbed a

syringe off the mobile medical station that she'd brought along with
the gurney, and returned. She carefully felt for one of the medical
access points on the plugsuit's left wrist. "This… this should knock
you out for a while, Rei. I'll try to keep Commander Ikari away, but I
don't know how long I can do so. He's… very insistent on checking
on you."
Rei nodded weakly and the pain twisting her face began to fade as
the injection took hold. "Thank… you…" she whispered as her eyes
drooped closed.
"The Angel attacked her mind via its beam. It appears to have been
some sort of specialized AT-Field, but the MAGI are still analyzing
the data. It had physical effects: She was bleeding from her nose
and eyes, her pupils had mismatched dilation, and her eyes were not
tracking together. She reported extreme pain and disorientation
when I opened the Entry Plug, so I sedated her, sir." Butter would not
melt in Ritsuko's mouth.
Commander Ikari's glasses shone eerily in the sunset light filtering

down from the surface. He stared at her from his usual hands-folded
pose, seated at his desk. "I want you to alert me as soon as she
regains consciousness. We need to determine if the Angel affected
her mind. Begin preliminary actions to ready the next clone. In the
event she is negatively distorted from it, we may have to replace the
current one and restore from the latest full scan upload."
Ritsuko carefully concealed the shiver that ran through her at how
casually Gendo ordered that. 'And she's his favorite. Right.' "Yes, sir.
I'm continuing my examination, but a night of LCL -boosted
treatment in the scan chamber should heal most of the physical
trauma. The Angel's beam affected her mind and AT-Field more than
her body."
"Explain. What did it do to her AT-Field?" he said.
"Her AT-Field is… I don't know how to describe it, sir. It's almost…
thinned. She's weakened badly, but recovering. She shouldn't try
synchronizing with her Eva for a while, until it stabilizes. In fact, she
should avoid all strains, as much as possible. I recommend keeping
her out of school for a week, and letting her rest as much as
possible."
"Keep her in the Terminal Dogma lab, then," Gendo ordered.
Ritsuko shook her head. "Too much proximity to Lilith. She needs to
be at some distance to let her own AT-Field stabilize. Bed rest in her
apartment next to Major Katsuragi's should be sufficient. She'll be as
far from Lilith's AT-Field as possible, and during the day she'll even
be away from other people. The Section 2 teams will have
overwatch, and Major Katsuragi can check on her in the evenings."
"Fine," Gendo grunted, "make it so. Four days rest, and we'll re-
evaluate. Send a note to the school."
There was a moment of silence, and she waited for his dismissal.
"Unit-01 showed no effects?" he asked again.

'You spent half an hour interrogating me in detail about Unit-01's
Core before you let me say word one about the First Child. Yes, your
precious Yui is fine, Commander. God, how did I ever think I could
get your mind off her for even one minute?' "Yes, sir. The Third
Child's AT-Field held off any effects until the Angel was terminated
by the Lance. Unit-01's Core shows no effect." She paused. "I have
not yet had time to examine Unit-00 or Unit-03."
Gendo gave a nod so small it was barely noticeable. "See to them,

then return to monitoring the First Child. Report any irregularities
with Unit-03. I still want answers for how the Fourth Child was
recovered from the Core."
'Of course you do. That's all that matters to you, isn't it? Even your
whole Scenario is less about Human Instrumentality than just getting
her back. Looks like I'll be working all night and sleeping in the lab
again. God, I want to just curl up with Maya.'
"Yes, sir," was all she said out loud.
"You are dismissed. Send in Major Katsuragi."
"Yes, sir." She turned to go.
"And Doctor Akagi?"
She turned back. "Sir?"
"My apartment, 2200."
She managed to keep her face still. It was harder to pretend than it
used to be. "Yes, sir." 'You just want to pretend I'm her again, don't
you? Now I really want Maya.'
Outside the office, Misato was waiting her turn to be grilled. The
Operations Director gave her old friend a tired ghost of a smile. "Hey.
Bet you the next round of drinks you'll be in bed before me tonight?"
Ritsuko snorted sourly. "No bet. I'm going to be working all night. The
Commander even wants me to give him a full debriefing at 2200.
You can go in now, he's waiting."
"Gee, thanks."
"… no major physical damage to Unit-00, Unit-03, or Unit-01. All four

Evas will be fully mission-ready by end of day tomorrow."
Commander Ikari just gave a small "Mmn," of acknowledgement.

When he didn't react further, Misato continued.
"Pilot Ayanami has been taken under care of Doctor Akagi, per your
instructions. Pilot Nagisa has been taken to the Geofront Hospital
and examined. He has bleeding from his nose, eyes, and ears, and
reported severe pain. They've sedated him, at his request. Pilot Ikari
is… currently confined, again per your instructions, and has not been
examined."
"Pilot Ikari has again engaged in gross insubordination during

combat. He was directed not to sortie and risk Unit-01. He did so
anyhow, and damaged multiple launch shaft blast doors in the
process," Commander Ikari replied. "I am tired of his childish
behavior. This is unacceptable in an Evangelion Pilot. He can remain
confined until I summon him tomorrow."
"And a medical check? Not until after that?" Misato prodded.
"You may escort a medic for a basic check."
"Sir, I believe he might respond better to discipline on this matter if I

spoke to him."
The Commander's lenses glittered coldly at her. "The last time you
spoke to him about insubordination, Major, he then went AWOL for
three days until forcibly retrieved by Section 2."
Misato held down her frown. "We have had considerably more time
together since then, sir. We understand each other a lot better." 'And
the last time you chewed him out over insubordination, you fired him
because you thought you could replace him with the Dummy Plugs.
If he and Asuka hadn't ignored that and hijacked Unit-03, we'd all be
dead.'
"You may speak to him as you wish, Major. I will still discuss the
matter with him myself tomorrow."
"What do you intend, sir? He and Asuka remain our best Pilots.
Punishment for disobeying instructions is in order, but I am worried
about…" How could she phrase this? "Sidelining our top Pilots for
too long when we don't know when the next Angel could hit us."
The Commander was silent for a moment. "The Third Child will be
disciplined appropriately. The degree of punishment will depend on
how well he understands the depth of his offense," he finally said,
cold and low. "He was ordered not to risk another Eva until Unit-02
could retrieve appropriate weapons to counterattack with."
"If he hadn't reached Unit-00 when he did, Rei could have damaged
or destroyed Unit-03 and Pilot Nagisa in her disorientation," Misato
countered. "Rei and Pilot Nagisa were also in critical danger from the
effects of the Angel's beam, too. His actions protected them both
from further harm."
The Commander did not move. "Irrelevant. He could just as easily

have been crippled like the others. Evangelions are critical assets to
defend against the Angels. The decision to risk one in battle is not up
to the Pilot. He is not permitted to risk vital elements of Earth's
defense on personal feelings."
Years of military discipline let Misato keep her expression calm and
focused. 'You were ready to risk it out of desire not to risk you wife.
And we're alone, I'm armed, and you helped murder my father. I'm
holding back the desire to shoot you. You want to talk about 'risking
vital elements of Earth's defense on personal feelings', you
heartless, evil bastard? I won't let you win. You or SEELE.' "Yes, sir.
I'll impress that on him when I speak to him. Any special instructions
for Pilot Nagisa's treatment? Will Doctor Akagi be examining him?"
"The hospital staff can handle the Fifth Child. He can be released to
your hands when they are done with him. You are dismissed, Major."
Misato crisply saluted, turned on her heel, and headed for the door.
'You knew, you bastard. My father died because of you.'
"Oi, Regenbogenforelle! Bist du halbwegs angezogen?" a familiar

voice called through the closed door to his hospital room. [Oi,
Rainbow Trout! You dressed to receive visitors?]
Kaworu muted the television. "Hallo, Fräulein Soryu. Ja bin ich. Bitte
komm herein." [Hello, Miss Soryu. Yes, I am. Please come in.]
The door slid aside to admit the Second and Fourth Children.
Kaworu smiled at his guests, though only Horaki-san returned it. The
bloodied blotting cloths on the tray he'd pushed away and the
remaining smears of blood on his face were not encouraging. "And
hello to you too, Horaki-san. It is kind of you to visit me." He peered
at the door, but no more guests were forthcoming. "Where are Shinji-
kun and Ayanami-san?"
"Hmmph!" Asuka grumped. "Commander… Ikari had baka-Shinji

arrested for 'insubordination' again, for launching without permission
to go help you and Rei. And Rei is… we don't know. Doctor B…
Akagi is 'examining' her, and won't even let us in to see her. We can't
even tell if she's here in the hospital. When we couldn't find her,
Hikari suggested we visit you and see if you were alright too."
"You… er… were screaming a lot when that Angel hit you, Nagisa-
san. Rei, too. We… were worried about you both." Hikari said. She
eyed the bloody cloths nervously. "Are you… hurt?"
Kaworu gave them a wan smile. "It was… painful, yes. I have been
given a good amount of painkillers." He gestured at the IV line
leading from his arm to the bag of fluid hanging from the stand next
to the bed. "It helps, some."
Asuka's stare was sharp and intense. "What happened? Can you
talk about it? What was it?"
Kaworu's face clouded. "I… it… invaded me. Smashed its way into
my mind. It was extremely painful and… violating. It… ransacked my
mind, going through every bad memory and pain I have. And once it
ran out of memories, it started showing me all my fears.
Nightmares." He shuddered and looked down at his hands.
Hikari looked pale. Asuka looked worse. "Jesus, Kaworu. Are… no,
you can't be 'alright' from that. It attacked you with your own bad
memories and fears? I…" Asuka shivered. "I don't even want to
picture what that must have been like."
Kaworu nodded slightly. "I do not think it would have been…

something you would take without great pain. In a way, I am glad it
struck me, so it did not harm either of you or Shinji-kun."
"You're sounding like he would," Asuka said dryly. "And… thank you
for trying to protect Rei. It was… hard to sit and listen to her scream.
It didn't get any better when it hit you, either. I can understand why
baka-Shinji couldn't just sit still while I got sent for that spear."
Kaworu looked at her more carefully. "A… spear? You killed the
Angel with it?"
A more familiar, more cocky smile appeared on Asuka face. "Oh

yeah. I threw it into orbit . One hit kill on that Angel."
Hikari put a finger to her chin. "Ne, Asuka, doesn't that tie you up
with Ikari-kun?"
Asuka blinked. "I… huh. I hadn't even thought of it. Yeah, it does. It
kind of slipped my mind, but yes, that puts us both at 4 solo and 3
joint kills." Her smile faded away. "Baka Shinji… and he's not even
here for me to… rub it in."
"That spear sounds… quite amazing. But if you threw it that hard, is
it… lost?" Kaworu asked. A drop of blood began to trickle down from
his nose. "It sounds like a powerful weapon for any future Angel
attacks."
Hikari pointed at his face. "Ah… Nagisa-san, you're… bleeding

again."
He picked up one of the already bloodied cloths on the tray and

blotted up the drip. "Thank you, Horaki-san. I… have felt better."
"I overheard some chatter about lunar orbit or something. Yeah, that
spear is way out there, whatever it is. I don't think we're getting it
back," Asuka said.
"Ah, that is… a shame. It sounds like something that could put a
permanent stop to any Angel," Kaworu said. He looked down at his
hands. The bloody cloth still in his left hand was shaking. "You have
heard nothing from Ayanami-san at all? There is something I wanted
to ask her to do for me."
Asuka shook her head. "Sorry, no. We looked. They've got her
squirreled away somewhere deep for whatever medical treatment
she's getting. I don't know why you're not getting the same. Anything
we can do for you in her place?"
Kaworu smiled gently. "Oh, I'm sure Commander Ikari has reasons
for ordering this. And thank you, but no. This is about a matter she
and I have had discussions on, something she has promised she'd
do for me. It's something between us." His smile faded away. "I
just… really wanted to talk to her."
After a moment he forced it back. "It is heartening enough that you
visit me. All I have had so far is old television shows to keep me
occupied and not dwelling on the bad thoughts the Angel dredged
up." He waved at the television on the far wall.
The two young women looked at it. "Some old show about… the
American army?" Hikari asked.
"No, that's a hospital. See? He's getting into scrubs. Well, a military
field hospital," Asuka pointed out.
"I just started watching it," Kaworu said. "The humor appeals to me,
and I like the opening song. It feels more fitting to me right now than
'Ode To Joy'." He hummed a few bars.
Asuka smiled. "A bit different from your usual classical stuff,
Rainbow Trout. No subtitles, I see. So, you speak English too, hm?"
She turned to Hikari and grinned. "You need to catch up to the Pilot
standard, Hikari. Once I get baka Shinji and Rei learning English too,
you'll be the only Pilot who isn't tri-lingual."
Hikari snorted back at her. "School English isn't going to cut it, is it?
And I bet you want me to learn German too, don't you?"
"Aber natürlich!" [But naturally!] Asuka smirked. "All the cool kids are
doing it."
"So I am 'Rainbow Trout' to you too, now, Miss Soryu?" Kaworu

asked, interrupting.
Asuka turned her smirk on him. "Well, you successfully made it

through your first Eva deployment, so I can't quite call you 'new fish'
anymore, but Rei suggested that as your nickname, and I like it. So
the Rainbow Trout you are! All Pilots have a nickname around here.
Baka Shinji, Wondergirl, Rainbow Trout…" Asuka listed.
Hikari cocked her head. "What about me?"

"Class Rep," Asuka continued without missing a beat. "And me, the
Great Asuka Langley Soryu."
"Not exactly a nickname, that," Hikari observed.
"It is, however, in keeping with her usual modesty," Major Katsuragi
said from the doorway, walking in. "Good to see you conscious,
Kaworu-kun."
"Hello, Major. I confess, I wish I was not. My head still feels terrible."
The Fifth Child touched his temple gingerly.
"I'll keep this to just a quick check on your well-being, then, and we
can do the more thorough debrief when you've had some rest."
"Should we hang around for support, or do you want us to beat it,

Misato?" Asuka inquired.
"You can stay if you like, this won't take too long. The docs said he
needs rest and painkillers right now more than anything else," Misato
said. "But I do need to talk to you for a few minutes after we're done,
Asuka."
"What about?"
"I'm going to see Shinji next."

Advice & Trust
Chapter 10.2
Choices And Sacrifices
Rei forced the pain down by long habit of self-control. She couldn't
entirely suppress a pained sound as she opened her eyes slowly.
She was floating, and the world was orange.
' Ah… I am in the Examination/Scanning Tube in Terminal Dogma,'

Rei muzzily concluded. The background roar in her head resolved
itself into the more familiar feeling of her greater body's presence
nearby. It was… louder than it usually was, much louder. It was hard
to think, it was so loud. Why was it so loud?
"ARE YOU OK, REI?" Doctor Akagi's voice

screamedshoutedbellowedroared at her.
PRESENCECLOSEOTHEROTHEROTHER
Rei flinched away. "Stop! Don't! Too loud!" She tried to back away.
Her back bumped against the inside of the tube as her hands futilely
rose to cover her ears.
Silence held for several seconds. She could feel Doctor Akagi
moving back, away from the tube, even with her eyes closed. The
painful rasp of an other's AT-Field against hers was raw, painful,
worse than even the harshest occasions after she'd gone off her
medication the first time.
She forced her eyes open again. Doctor Akagi was worriedly staring
at her from the far side of the scanning control console. Rather than
speak, she raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
Rei's eyes darted around nervously. No black-clad Commander was
apparent.
"He's not here, Rei. I told him you needed rest, but he insisted I call
him as soon as you woke up. I can give you a little time to… get
ready, but he's going to want to see you soon," Doctor Akagi said
quietly. It was still like someone shouting at her from inches away.
"So loud…" Rei whispered, still hunched over as much as she could
in the tube. "I can feel you… I'm too close… too close to her. I
can't… she's so loud ." Rei's hands started to massage her temples.
"My head…"
Ritsuko grimaced. "I told the Commander you need rest away from…
here. You're going to be sent back to your apartment for a few days,
no school. The building is mostly empty now. It'll just be you, Misato,
and the other Children. Best I could do without raising suspicion."
She looked up at the ceiling, frowning. " He wanted to keep you
here. Where he could see you." Her gaze drifted back down to Rei. "I
figured you'd want to be… away."
Rei nodded weakly. "The presence of the others is… soothing.

Thank you," she said quietly. She took a moment to compose
herself. "The Angel is dead? What happened?"
"The Second Child killed it with the Lance. The Third Child kept you
from attacking Unit-03 with your Progressive Knife. You've been out
for," Ritsuko shot a look at the console, "about 6 hours." She looked
back up. "You asked me to… drug you. Do you remember that?"
Rei nodded. "I… do. And I will need you to do so again before you
summon him. I will not be able to pretend very well, right now. Just…
something to keep the pain down, until I can leave."
Ritsuko looked uncomfortable. "I… Rei, are you sure? I… I may not
have been trying to kill you when I upped your dose before, but… I
was that sunk in my delusions that I didn't care if you did. I…"
"Doctor Akagi, I… this is difficult…" Rei whispered, "but I cannot
maintain the appearance Commander Ikari expects without numbing
right now. It… My AT-Field is very weak. Even your presence this
close is intensely painful. I will not be able to conceal this reaction
when Commander Ikari arrives unless you sedate me. If he
discovers I am… feeling, thinking… he will… potentially… replace
me." Rei shivered. "I do not wish to be replaced. I don't want to…
forget the ones I love. Forget my feelings. My heart."
Almost unwillingly, Ritsuko stiffly walked over to the medical cart and
rolled it closer to the tube. She tapped at the controls on the console
in passing, and the tube began to drain. As the LCL gurgled lower in
the tube, she pulled out a syringe and filled it with one of the
medications on top of the cart. "This… this is the lowest dose
sedative I can…"
"It will have to be strong, Doctor. I am… barely able to keep from
screaming right now, with just you this close." The tube finished
emptying and slid open. Rei automatically bent over and let the LCL
drain out of her lungs and throat. "Please. Give me the injection,
quickly."
Ritsuko slammed the syringe back down onto the cart and hung her
head. "And why isn't that right ?! I nearly killed you with sheer bitchy
indifference ! Doing exactly this ! How can you stand to let me do it
again?!"
Rei had never heard a voice so full of self-loathing. "Please….

Now…"
"I nearly killed you with an overdose, treated you like shit, threw
things at you, helped that fucker plan the end of the fucking world…
how can you forgive me?! I don't deserve this!"
"No. You do not. We discussed this that night. This is p-part of

earning it." Rei was shaking with the effort of keeping it together. "N-
now quickly… it hurts. I need the drugs."
Ritsuko flinched again at the words, but picked up the syringe again.
She quickly found a vein on Rei's arm, and slowly pressed the
plunger home.
Rei had to force herself not to slump in relief as the screaming

PRESENCE of Doctor Akagi's proximity faded into the background,
and the pain subsided into a duller, more diffuse feeling of
discomfort. "Th-thank you…"
"Rei… I'm sorry. I… I'm… I'm my fucking mother. I don't know how
you or Maya can stand me." She put the needle away, and shoved
the cart back to where it started. She handed Rei a towel to begin
wiping away the LCL. "I'll… I have to call him down now. I can't
explain why you're up and about, ready to walk out if it's too long."
"I forgive because I choose to, and I know you sincerely regret your
actions and want to atone. Lieutenant Ibuki forgives because she
loves you and wants the woman she loves to be a better person,"
Rei said quietly. "I know what you risk by helping me conceal things
from him. This is part of atonement, so one day you may earn her
love."
"How do you know I'm not just lying again?"
Rei's smile was wan, but there. "I see your heart, Doctor. I know."
She raised her left hand in front of her face. It was shaking badly.
She balled it into a fist and let it fall to her side. "Now, how quickly
can you get me out of here once we've convinced him I'm
'functional'? I need to be… away from Terminal Dogma."
Doctor Akagi shook her head. "I think he's going to insist you stay
here overnight. I think I can get you out of here in the morning."
Rei's face was almost 'normally' blank, but her flicker of pain must
have been visible. "I see. I… wish to be home as soon as
manageable. I… need them."
"I'll do what I can."

Rei was glad Doctor Akagi had suggested she return to the tube
before the Commander arrived. She was grateful for even the minor
buffer of the LCL and the tiny extra distance the tube provided from
the cold, icy wall of his AT-Field.
His stare was no warmer, though Rei could feel the warped concern
for her emanating from him. It was altogether colder and unpleasant
compared to the warm, welcoming care she felt from her loves, or
even the open, if alien honesty from Nagisa. Even the Commander's
rapid walk in had been no longer the welcome event it had been 5
months before. Now it was just a perilous challenge she had to
maintain her facade through.
"You are functional, Rei?" he asked.
"Yes, sir."
"Describe what you experienced. Did the Angel contaminate you?"

he asked intensely.
"No, sir. It broke through my AT-Field and attempted some form of

entry into my mind. I perceived a jumble of memories and… imagery
I cannot explain. There was severe pain and a feeling of invasion. I
attempted to repel the hostile intrusion, but failed. I believe it was…
trying to extract information from me."
"Did it?"
"I do not recall it reaching memories of sensitive matters, sir. And it is

dead. Once the Angel was dead, the pain and disorientation
persisted at a lower level until Doctor Akagi was able to administer a
sedative. I am… damaged, but will recover."
Commander Ikari looked to Doctor Akagi. "Proceed."
Doctor Akagi nodded and pointed at the readout on the tube's

control console. "Her AT-Field is badly thinned. As I said, she needs
rest and relative distance. Only people she knows well near her for a
week. I want her to report here for daily scans to monitor her
recovery. 1200 daily, Rei." She looked to the Commander.
"Acceptable, sir?"
"I would prefer her here," he said.
Ritsuko shook her head. "Lilith's AT-Field is too powerful, this close.
It will impede regeneration of her own, and delay her ability to
resume Piloting."
The Commander's face was stony. "Fine. Keep her here until you
have performed the first check tomorrow. I want immediate reports if
anything has changed out of your prediction. Elevate her dosage to
block the pain until she has recovered at least 75%. The pain will
disrupt her Synch Rate otherwise."
Ritsuko nodded. "I have already administered an additional dose,

and I'll be tailoring it as needed during the daily scans, sir."
He turned back to the tube. "You are able to perform your function,
Rei? And rebuild?"
"Yes, sir. I will focus on restoring my AT-Field." Rei hesitated. "Status

of the others, sir? My disabling will not compromise defenses?"
"The Second Child was unaffected. The Third Child is confined for
failure to follow orders. I will deploy him if necessary. And Unit-03 will
be deployed with the Fourth Child until the Fifth recovers."
Rei waited. It was hard. She wanted to scream at him. "My

perceptions were confused, sir. I attempted to attack Unit-03 due to
the Fifth Child's presence. Did I damage Unit-03?"
Gendo's razor thin smile was far too malicious now. "You did not. We
will deal with the Fifth Child later. His injuries do not matter, and will
possibly leave him weakened when you need to deal with him. The
time will come soon, Rei. There is only one more Angel left to arrive.
Once it is handled, I will allow you to remove the Fifth Child, and the
desired end of our Scenario will finally arrive. An end to your pain
and all barriers in our hearts."
"Yes, sir." 'I will not permit you to harm those I love, Commander. '
"We will have dinner once you've recovered, Rei."
"Yes, sir."
He turned to go. As he passed Ritsuko, he said one last thing to her,

"Continue preparing the next, just in case." The lab door slid closed
behind him.
Ritsuko shuddered. She looked at Rei. "I won't do it. I can't. It… I
can't do that to you."
Rei shook her head, her hands going to her temples, trying to rub
away the throbbing pain of too many people near her too close. "You
must. He will know if you do not. We will… dispose of the…
unquickened clone in my place if he orders my replacement or
something."
"Rei, I can't do-"
"You must . He still thinks you loyal. Discovery would be fatal to us

both, and you cannot be replaced like I can, if it comes to that."
"Rei, we… the recording system isn't perfect. And we know there will
be… problems, gaps with any… new you," Ritsuko protested. "And
your last full backup was over a month ago."
"I will not forget them. Any of them." Rei looked pensive. "… is the
Fifth Child alright?"
Ritsuko pulled out her pocket terminal and scrolled through some
reports. "He's… like you. Pain, mental disorientation, needed
sedation. He's in the Geofront hospital. Last nurse check says he's
resting and watching television. The Second and Fourth visited him. I
haven't gotten to scan him, but I bet he's got the same sort of AT-
Field damage you did. The Commander is right, he's probably…
vulnerable right now. You could probably… take him out easily."
"Doing so would alert SEELE and the Commander. No. He is… not
to be harmed," Rei said. "Can you…" She trailed off.
Ritsuko waited. "Can I what, Rei? Keep him sedated? He's an Angel,
and I know his presence… sets you off."
Rei shook her head again. "No, treat him… like one of us, Doctor. I
have talked him into… being an ally. He is resisting SEELE's
directives and his own nature. He does not wish to harm us."
Ritsuko frowned. "Rei, whatever he's saying, his nature is going to

drive him to try breaking into here. That's inevitable."
"Then I will stop him. But until then, he is an ally. He attempted to

defend me in this battle. I remember that much."
Ritsuko shrugged. "I'll see what I can do, but there are limits to how
much I can manage without the Commander noticing. And the Fifth
Child is still our enemy in the end, no matter what."
"I believe I may change that. He does not want to be our enemy. He
wants to be… like us. Like me."
Rei's head sank. "But if I have to stop him… I will. Because I

understand."
Lacking a ball to bounce off the far wall, Shinji contented himself with
humming parts of the main theme of the 15th Birthday Concerto .
There wasn't anything else to do in his dimly lit cell. He'd done his
best to clean off the remaining LCL coating his plugsuit with toilet
paper and the tiny sink, but even that effort had only occupied him
for less than an hour. Now he was starting to get hungry. And bored.
And…
" Fuck, I miss Asuka," he whispered to the empty cell.
How many hours had it been already? He took a look at the tiny
readout on his plugsuit's wrist: 1918. Well past dinner time. Were
they even going to bother feeding him? He wouldn't put it past his
asshole father to-
The cell door rasped and slid open, the fluorescent lights of the
corridor almost too much after the weak light in his cell. He covered
his eyes and tried to see who had come.
"This had better be the last time I have to do this, Pilot Ikari."
"Misato-san?"
His guardian and roommate stood silhouetted in the doorway. Her

face was impossible to make out, but her voice was full-Operations
Manager Mode, not friendly at all. There was movement behind her:
A second person waiting?
"This is Doctor Ogata," Misato said. "She's going to give you a

medical check, to make sure that Angel didn't injure you like it did
the First and Fifth Children. While she does that, you are going to
pay attention to my lecturing you again on the importance of
following orders. This is the second time I have had to personally talk
to you about insubordination and listening to instructions, Pilot. I do
not want to do this again."
The attractive middle-aged woman in the lab coat behind Misato

nodded to him and began by plugging a laptop into one of the
readout ports on Shinji's plugsuit before peeling back his eyelid to
shine a light in his face.
Shinji tried not to wince away. "Um… am I going to have to take my

suit off, Misato-san? I'm… um… this is kind of embarrassing."
"No, you will not. These cells are monitored anyway, Pilot Ikari.
You're going to be watched no matter what. So pay attention to every
word I say," Misato said flatly. "Here. Since you have been acting like
a impetuous child, you will be treated as such. This is a copy of
NERV's regulations. You are to read the chapters on orders,
discipline, and tactics." Misato stepped inside the cell and handed
him a thick book, a student's notepad, and a pen. "I expect a three
thousand word essay on the importance of following orders in the
morning. You should pay special attention to Chapters 2 and 3." Her
right eyelid shivered.
Shinji blinked. Had Misato-san just… winked at him? He tried to

bring his arms back down from where Doctor Ogata had pushed
them up to check his sides, but Misato took the book and pad out of
his hands before he could flip to the named chapters. She placed the
book and pad on the small bunk he'd been sitting on, away from the
door.
"Just let the Doctor examine you for now, Pilot. You can get to work
once we're gone. You'll be here all night. You will report to the
Commander in the morning, when he summons you. I advise
keeping your mouth shut and doing exactly as instructed, if you want
to avoid severe punishment. Understood?"
He set his jaw and nodded. This was about what he'd expected. It
still stung to have Misato-san acting so harsh again. He couldn't
regret it, though. Saving Rei was worth it.
"You need to pay attention to my words, Pilot Ikari. The Second Child
would read that entire book in one night. You should try to be just like
her." Her eyelid fluttered again.
Shinji froze for a second. Maybe she wasn't being as harsh as she
seemed. "Misato-san… are the others ok? I ran out of power before
I… could ask if Rei was-"
"The First Child is under Doctor Akagi's care," Misato said stiffly.
"The Fifth Child is in the Geofront hospital. The Angel did… wound
them. They are recovering. The Second and Fourth Children visited
him."
Doctor Ogata finished up, disconnecting the laptop and poking at the
keyboard. "He is fine, Major. No abnormalities detected. He's in good
health."
Shinji's stomach rumbled loudly.
Doctor Ogata eyed him. "Though you should probably feed him.
Please excuse me." She shuffled past Misato and exited.
Misato pointed with her eyes at the near corner of the ceiling. "We
will be watching, Shinji. You should start work on that essay right
away. I'll have food sent down. Remember, remain quiet and
obedient with the Commander, and do as you're instructed." She
turned and left, the cell door slamming shut behind her. He could
hear her boot heels fading away down the hall, leaving him alone
again.
He sat down on the bunk and picked up the book, making sure his
back was towards the corner Misato had indicated. He quickly
flipped to Chapter 2. He didn't even look at the title of the chapter.
There was a folded set of pages tucked into the book, covering it.
He made extra sure his body blocked the likely camera before
carefully pulling out the sheets and unfolding them. It was a letter
from Misato-san!
Dear Shinji,
Yes, I am aware of the irony of lecturing you on insubordination, then

committing insubordinate acts myself like slipping you these letters
and advice. Shut up. Read these letters carefully, then dispose of
them down the toilet in shreds. Don't let the camera in the top left
corner of the cell near the door see them, either. We can't let them
be found.
The Commander is very angry, and I think frightened. He was more

tense than I'd ever seen him after the battle, and very insistent on
you being punished. I think we can both guess why: He is afraid you
risked your mother in exposing her to that Angel. Keep that in mind
when he summons you tomorrow. I mean it: Keep your mouth shut! If
he is as frightened as I think he is, he will look for any excuse to
punish you for this, so just stay quiet, agree to whatever he says,
and we'll deal with it once he's calmed down. As long as you're still
able to stay a Pilot, we can handle it, so don't risk that. He's tried to
fire you once before. I know you don't want to leave Asuka to fight
without you, so stay calm !
Asuka is fine. She is very worried for you and Rei, but unhurt.
Rei is… alive. I couldn't get much out of Doctor Akagi, who sedated
Rei and took her to her lab. They've been there ever since. Try not to
worry. I don't think Ritsuko will hurt her.
Kaworu-kun is hurt too. They've got him on painkillers and are

keeping him at the hospital for now. He's conscious and talking to
Asuka and Hikari-chan, but seemed a bit depressed. I think he feels
like he failed to adequately defend Rei. He said he's looking forward
to seeing you and her again when he gets out of the hospital,
though.
Don't worry about the essay I told you to write. The next several
pages are the essay, pre-written for you by your favorite redhead. I'm
sure she did a good job. She was very motivated once I explained it
was part of getting you back soon. She said you'll pay her back once
you're home. She then winked, so I can guess what she's thinking.
Please wait for a night I'm out with Kaji? You two are loud . Why did
I agree to let you two sleep together again?
Copy the essay over into your handwriting on the pad. I'll show that
to the Commander when I talk to him about your punishment. I'm
trying to play up the 'childish defiance' angle, and get him to let me
handle this as your guardian. I figure it's the safest play. Don't get
into an argument with him about this. If he's as angry and frightened
over your mother as I think, he could snap at you and try… I don't
know, but I bet we won't like it. So stay cool.
Asuka wrote you a letter too, since she couldn't be with you. I'll try to
keep her from feeling too alone tonight.
Given how much Asuka giggled while writing your letter, please copy
the essay first, since I'm sure whatever she wrote will distract you.
Stay calm, stay quiet, and we'll get you home as soon as we can.
Misato
Shinji carefully paged through the rest of the sheets. He recognized

Asuka's still slightly awkward script on the next bunch of pages, with
two at the end noticeably not part of the word essay. Knowing he
wouldn't be able to pay attention properly once he had his beloved's
letter to read, he dutifully began copying the essay first, keeping the
sheets in the book like he was poring over the regulations as he
wrote.
He barely notice the 'food' delivered on a tray a little while later, and
ate it without tasting. He finished copying and tucked the essay into
the book's front, and finally allowed himself to read Asuka's letter.
Dearest Baka Mine,
You are such an idiot.
And I love you. Idiot.
Being the stupid hero, saving the girl…
Right now I am incredibly worried for you and Rei, pissed as Hell at
your stupid asshole father, and frustrated that you're not here to hold
me and make me feel better.
Also, missing our traditional post-victory sex. Damn it.

I just solo-killed the Angel. That ties me with you. Right now, we
should be in our bed, you flat on your back, and me-
Shinji blushed and swallowed. His plugsuit suddenly felt awkwardly

tight in places. He read the next couple paragraphs of vividly detailed
description of what Asuka wanted to do with him with increasing
speed.
-until you can't walk. And then we'll do it again after you make me
another delicious dinner.
Have I mentioned yet today that I love your cooking? And your
music. And your nice, thick-
His plugsuit got uncomfortable again. A couple more interesting

paragraphs followed.
-all night. And then fall asleep in your arms.
… I love you. You're stuck in that cell because you defied your
asshole father in order to save the girl we both love. You are a stupid
damn hero every time one of us is in danger, and I love you so damn
much, Shinji. Don't ever stop being you.
I'm going to hate tonight. I'll have your shirt and pillow in our bed, but
it won't be the same. I miss you, want you, and need you. Do what
Misato tells you, and get back to me right away. I don't like spending
any nights alone and worrying about you or Rei. I'll forgive you this
one because it was for saving her, but you get your warm, cuddly
butt back here tomorrow, or I'll… be upset with you.
Think of me at 2230. I'll be lying in bed, picturing you next to me. You
do the same, and it'll be enough, for tonight.
I love you.
Asuka
Shinji wiped at his eyes. Falling asleep every night holding Asuka
was the greatest thing in the world. The way she'd smile, so softly
and gently when he kissed her goodnight… Tonight was going to be
hard without it.
He read the letter six or seven more times, trying to memorize it. He
read Misato's again before regretfully tearing it up and flushing it
away. When he was done pretending to go to the toilet for that, he
tucked Asuka's letter inside his plugsuit, unable to rip up her so far
first and only actual love letter to him.
He laid down on the bunk and touched where the letter was hidden
under his plugsuit. He tried to picture Asuka in his arms, and closed
his eyes.
'Stay calm, stay quiet, agree to whatever he says, and get home… I
can do that. I have to.'
2230 came and went. Sleep took a long time to come.
Misato was nearly bowled off her feet as she entered the kitchen. A
charging Second Child almost rammed her back into the entry hall.
"Is he ok?! Did you see him? Did you give him the letter?! Is he
alright? What about Rei? Did you get to see he-" Asuka blasted out
in one breath.
"Asuka! Asuka! Stop!" Misato waved her hands in front of her. "Calm
down! I just got in and I'm tired ."
Asuka visibly throttled herself back and nodded. "Just… fine. Come
in. Welcome home and all that Japanese stuff." Asuka suddenly
turned and dashed to the fridge, returning a second later with a can.
"Here's your 'welcome home' beer. Now… Is he ok?"
Misato rolled her eyes and cracked the can open. "He's fine. He was
pissed off about being in the cell, but he's not hurt at all. I gave him a
little lecture and hinted at the book. I'm sure he's read my letter and
yours by now. Rei… I couldn't get anything on her but a single terse
message from Rits. All she said was she's treating Rei over night,
and she'll deliver her tomorrow."
Hikari stuck her head in from the living room. "Ah, hello, Major
Katsuragi. Welcome home."
"Hello, Hikari-chan." Misato raised an eyebrow at Asuka. "They

staying for dinner?" she asked, a little archly.
Asuka looked to the side. "I didn't want to be alone, alright? You, Rei,
Shinji… everyone stuck down in the Geofront all evening. I didn't
want to just sit here worrying. So I invited them over."
Misato's eyebrow rose further. "You invited both of them?"
"I invited Hikari to come home with me. She asked if she could bring
her gorilla. I couldn't say no."
Misato snorted and took a sip of her beer. "That's fine, Asuka. I can't
really begrudge you that. You just killed the Angel, so you get a pass
on things tonight."
"I want my boyfriend back home, instead of rotting in a cell because

he's a hero and his father's an ass," Asuka muttered. "It's his night to
cook, too. I want my victory dinner and bedtime."
Misato gave her second ward a sad look. Asuka was trying for her
old fire, but it was a pale echo of what she used to sport. She could
hear the naked longing for Shinji in her voice.
Misato sniffed. "I still smell dinner?"
Asuka shrugged and crossed her arms, looking away again. "Shinji
left some stuff prepared for tonight, and I started cooking. It's what
he'd have done. Closest thing I could do to him being here. Hikari
helped."
Misato gave her a tired smile. "Thanks, Asuka. I'm going to go
change. You three dish up dinner while I do?"
Asuka nodded. "Shinji's going to cook tomorrow and the next day to
make up for this," she said firmly. "He owes me lots of meals-to-
order. He promised. I'm… going to be annoyed if he isn't back
tomorrow."
Misato patted her on the shoulder as she headed to her room. "I
know, Asuka. We'll get him back. This is home, and you know he
won't let anything keep him away from you for long."
Asuka didn't smile. "He better. That idiot." Her voice dropped to a
whisper. "My idiot."
The triple cuffs were back around his wrists. And again, his father
required him to stand a good 20 meters back from his desk, like he
was afraid of what might happen if he let Shinji any closer.
'All skinny 51 kg of me is going to Hulk out, snap three sets of

handcuffs, leap 20 meters, and attack my father, who is 35cm taller
and stronger. Right. Paranoid much, father ? At least this time they
let me shower and change out of my plugsuit first.'
Shinji waited, glaring at his father, trying to push as much anger and
fire out his eyes as possible. So far, though, he had failed to make
his father's head explode. He kept trying.
The silence dragged on. It was at least two minutes before Gendo
suddenly said, "Why are you here?"
Shinji fought not to scowl. "Because I am of use to you. As the Pilot

of Unit-01," he said, calm but bitter.
"Correct. And a Pilot who cannot follow orders is not useful."

"I protected my friends and helped defeat the Angel," Shinji shot
back.
"Disobeying orders, personal occupation of an Eva, childish

intimidation… These are all criminal offenses. Do you have anything
to say?"
Shinji bit down on his rising anger. His father's tone hadn't shifted at
all. "Rei was screaming. She needed help. I know you've rushed to
save her before too!"
Gendo was silent, staring back. "Rei would agree with me that you
should have followed orders. She is aware of the risks of being a
Pilot. If I had ordered her not to deploy in similar circumstances, she
would have obeyed. You failed to do so."
'You don't know her at all, father. She'd have done the same for me
or Asuka, I know it.' Shinji kept his face as calm as possible. He
knew he was failing to keep all the anger off it. He wanted to scream
at him, but Misato's advice kept popping up. "Yes, sir," he bit out.
"Your responsibility is to follow orders and Pilot Unit-01 as directed.

You have no idea what that Angel might have done to Unit-01. You
have no right to risk vital assets to the world's defense on your
personal whims," the Commander of NERV said coldly. "You will not
be allowed to disobey orders again. Extra systems are being
installed in Unit-01 to ensure this."
Shinji stamped down on the urge to scream at his father's hypocrisy.

'My personal whims?! MINE?! You ordered me not to help Rei
because I might risk mother !' "Vital assets," Shinji echoed.
"You will follow all orders from now on to the letter. Major Katsuragi
has assured me she will be taking further disciplinary measures once
you leave here. Since you have decided to act as a petulant child,
you will be treated as one. You pay for this month and the next is
reduced by half, and any disciplinary lapses of any degree will result
in confinement to the brig. Do you understand?"
Shinji grit his teeth. "Yes, sir."
"Let me be clear, Third Child: Any insubordination will result in

serious measures. If you are unreliable, I have no use for you. I will
send you away before I let you unnecessarily risk Unit-01 again. I
have five Pilots and four Evangelions now. If you are not of use, you
are superfluous."
Shinji's fists clenched. "I will follow orders. I do not wish to leave. I
am the Pilot of Unit-01."
"Then you will do as you are ordered. Or I will separate you and the
Second Child permanently."
Shinji's heart stopped. He felt all the blood drain out of his face. "W-
what?! I… we… I don't know what you-"
"I am aware of everything that happens in NERV and Tokyo-3.

Security teams have you under constant guard. Did you really think
you and the Second Child could conceal what you are doing from
me?" His father didn't sound amused. His low, cold tone was
unchanged. "I have been aware of your infatuation with her for some
time. If you disobey orders in battle one more time, you will never
see her again."
'No no no no no no! Don't take her away don't take her away no no
no!' Shinji's head swam. He felt his skin go cold. "I… I… don't… don't
separate… us. I will follow orders."
A sliver of a smirk appeared on the Commander's face. "Good. You

have no idea how important Unit-01 is to NERV's mission. You will
do nothing that jeopardizes that. Unit-01 is your mother's ultimate
work. You will respect that."
Suddenly, Shinji's anger roared back in, wiping away the shock that
had paralyzed him. Every word of caution Misato had tried to
impress on him fled as well. "Re..respect… mother's work?" he
growled. " You took her from me! "
Gendo went even more still. "I did not. The Contact Experiment was
an unforeseen disaster."
"Then why did you destroy all her pictures?! I can't even remember
her face! I have nothing! You took everything!" His voice broke.
"Why?!"
His father was motionless as a statue. "… You cannot possibly

understand. Leave."
"Why did you do it?! Why?!" Shinji demanded.
"Go." Gendo dipped on hand below the edge of his desk and
pressed a button.
The door to the office silently opened behind Shinji and a hulking
Section 2 guard entered and dropped a hard hand on Shinji's
shoulder. "You have been dismissed. You are leaving."
"You took her away from me! " Shinji shouted over his shoulder one
more time.
Gendo's glasses glowed in the shadows at the far end of the room.
The Section 2 guards said almost nothing as they drove him home.
This time they didn't even remove the cuffs until they arrived at the
apartment door.
"You are hereby confined to your quarters, Pilot Ikari, until Major
Katsuragi arrives. Then you are under her orders," The one not
opening his cuffs said. "You are not to leave or attempt to
communicate with anyone without her authorization. Understood."
Shinji gave them a sullen look, but nodded. He fished his keycard
out of his pocket and opened the door. It closed behind him with a
hiss, and he faintly heard they footsteps of the guards leaving.
He sighed, and headed for the kitchen. They hadn't bothered with
breakfast, so he-
-would get tackled halfway into the kitchen by a charging redhead.

"SHINJI!" He was abruptly smothered in kisses and a fervent
embrace. Eventually Asuka pulled back enough to say, "Welcome
home! Gott, I've been worried! Are you ok? I love you! Where's Rei?
Did you see her?"
Shinji just held on to her and shook, burying his face in her neck. "I'm
home," he said weakly. "I'm ok. But… we've got trouble."
"Trouble?" Asuka searched his face. "What now?"
"He knows. About us."
Asuka paled. "Oh… Scheiße…"
Author's Note, 13DEC16: Returned to the United States, finally, but

this has thrown my regular writing time into the air, so updates may
be even more erratic for a while. To make up for it a bit, here's the
second update in a week, 6k words for you all. The secret Shinji and
Asuka have been trying to hide for so long is blown, and now Gendo
knows he can use it against them.
And writing now: Rei and Kaworu have a tense homecoming talk in
the next update.
Advice & Trust
Chapter 10.3
Ritsuko watched Rei walk slowly ahead of her. The First Child was
noticeably slow and stiff. She'd needed another dose of tranquilizers
and painkillers on waking this morning. Ritsuko's scans had revealed
her AT-Field was a little better, but still ragged and thinned. Rei had
twitched and flinched from everyone they'd even come within
shouting distance of on their way up from her lab. Ritsuko had done
her best to clear the route, but she couldn't make it completely
empty.
It had taken them half an hour to reach Misato's office. Rei was
sweating heavily. "Too… too many… get me… inside," she said
weakly. "Please."
Ritsuko nodded, and opened the door.
Misato looked up from a desk still buried in paperwork, her eyebrows

rising further as an even more pale than usual Rei followed her in
and took a seat in the corner, sweating. "Rei, you look… not so hot.
Ritsuko, what's going on? Is she alright?"
"No, she's not," Ritsuko said, pursing her lips. "She is… I've done as
much as I can here, though. She needs lots of rest and quiet, away
from people unless she knows them well. Here." She proffered some
pages to her friend. "I've included detailed instructions for her
treatment, but right now, as an official order as the Chairwoman of
Project E and Rei's doctor, you, Major, are hereby ordered to escort
the First Child to her residence and see to her disposition for the rest
of the day."
Misato's eyebrows couldn't get any higher, so they shifted to mild

suspicion. "You're… ordering me to take the rest of the day off, see
Rei home, then tuck her in?" she asked, taking the papers. "Usually
you ask me if I'm drunk."
"You can see Rei is shaky," Ritsuko said evenly. "Take her home,
and read the treatment regimen I've handed you carefully. It's
thorough, detailed, and contains key things you need to know about
Rei's condition. It's also medical-confidential, so don't go showing it
to everyone."
Something in Ritsuko's tone caused Misato to pause halfway

through flipping up the cover sheet. She shot her friend an inquiring
look.
Ritsuko just gave her a carefully blank return expression. "Yes, you
get 'the rest of the day off'. But it's not quite a vacation. Rei is still on
a lot of painkillers, at her own request. That Angel really did some
damage to her with its beam, and rest away from people is
essential." At Misato's sharp look, she added. "The painkillers are at
her own request, so if she's fuzzy and more quiet than usual, that's
why."
Misato's sharp look did not fade away. "What about the Fifth Child?
Am I taking him home two? He was hit with the same thing, but he's
been in the Geofront hospital, not… wherever you've been."
Misato blinked. Ritsuko had opened her mouth, closed it, and then
slowly turned to look at Rei. Rei had stared back at her and nodded.
Ritsuko turned back to Misato. "You can… pick him up too. Follow
the same regimen for him, plus any other medication the hospital
staff have prescribed for him. He wasn't hit as long or as deeply as
the First Child, but he's probably still in a good amount of pain from
it."
"Why was he treated differently?" Misato asked, just a bit of edge in
her voice.
Ritsuko hesitated.
"Is there something I should know about one of my Pilots, Doctor?"

Misato pressed.
"… Yes."
Misato blinked. She hadn't actually expected an answer to that. "…

alright, what?"
"He… was sent to us by… NERV-Berlin We have reason to believe

he might be… informing to parties we don't want to have data on my
private labs," Ritsuko said carefully. "So he was treated only on the
upper levels of the Geofront. Rei, of course, has full access and
trust."
"Asuka came from the same base. We haven't treated her like a
possible spy," Misato pointed out.
"We have had no reason to be as suspicious of the Second Child.

She's well known to us. The Fifth Child is… not. And we have…
specific reasons to think so of him. "
Misato's lips twisted. "Reasons you still can't tell me, I see. Fine.
Alright, I'll pick him up too. At least he'll be easier to deliver home
this time."
The Fifth Child was waiting by the entrance of the Geofront hospital
as they pulled up, once again dressed in his student uniform. He
gave them his familiar smile as Misato rolled to a stop. "Hello, Major
Katsuragi, Ayanami. It is good to see you. I understand you are to
take me to my new lodgings?"
"We sure are. Hop in, Kaworu-kun!" Misato affirmed.

He opened the passenger door, and made to get in the front seat.
"It is alright if you sit in back, Nagisa. I will not mind," Rei said quietly.
He froze, and looked at her again. She gave him a tiny nod. Without
breaking eye contact, he lowered the seatback and got in the
backseat with her. "To what do I owe the honor?"
"Your defense of me during the battle. And because we are friends.

Your presence no longer irritates me."
Misato eyed them with mild amusement as she put the car back into
gear. "Friends? And asking him to sit next to you? I thought you
didn't want anyone near you. Rei, have you got a boyfriend?" she
teased.
"No."
Deprived of any toeholds for further teasing, Misato let out a tiny sigh
of disappointment, and drove them to the surface train terminal.
A long, silent train ride later, they were on the surface and heading
for Misato's apartment building. Rei suddenly leaned forward and
tapped Misato on the shoulder. When Misato gave her a quizzical
look in the rear-view mirror, Rei tugged at her earlobe and swept her
eyes around the interior of the car. Misato's eyes widened a hair, but
she nodded. "Clear this morning, Rei."
"Nagisa was sent by SEELE, but is not following their orders

anymore, Major Katsuragi. He is on our side. I will vouch for his
trustworthiness," Rei said, as cool as ever.
Misato's eyebrows climbed all the way up again. "Jesus, Rei…" Her
eyes shot to Nagisa's. "… alright, anything to say, Nagisa-san?"
He nodded, his smile dimming a bit. "I was sent by them, yes. I have
decided that I do not want to follow their orders. I like my friends here
much better than them. I will not do anything to harm anyone here. In
fact, that favor I wanted to ask of Ayanami is related to that."
Rei stared at him. "What favor?"
"It is about that promise you made me earlier. But that is best
discussed when we are alone, yes?"
Rei blinked at him for a moment. Then she paled. " No ."
Misato blinked again at the sudden shock and anger in Rei's voice.
"Rei, what fav-"
"Do not ask, Major. Please. Do not ask. It is… highly personal.
Nagisa and I will discuss this, and why it is stupid later."
Misato subsided, but still looked worried. "Rei… are you sure you
two aren't dating?" she half-joked. "And why is it that you know he
was sent by SEELE, and you didn't tell me until now?"
Rei left off glaring at Nagisa to look forward again. "It was… related
to other matters we are still unready to disclose, Major. I am sorry. It
is… more things that both Commander Ikari and SEELE will kill to
keep hidden. We are both still very wary of… revealing any of it. I
promise, we will as soon as we can but… not yet. Not now."
Misato's lips tightened. "Rei, if he can give us current intel on

SEELE, we need that. What we have is too old to rely on."
"I will tell you what I can, Major Katsuragi. I do not know very much. I
was kept… very isolated," Nagisa said. "Rei and I are very much
alike, in that."
"The Commander believes us to be actively hostile, as well, so we

cannot be seen to be publicly friendly or having private
conversations," Rei said. "Can we arrange for some time at Nagisa's
lodgings with you in attendance, Major? Your presence can act as a
nominal peacekeeper while he and I speak."
"You want me to hang around to provide cover, but not listen in or
quiz him about SEELE?" Misato asked, snorting. "You ask a lot of my
trust, Rei."
Rei nodded. "And I ask it because it is important, and you know that
my loyalty lies with Shinji and Asuka, and hence you. I will not allow
the Commander or SEELE to harm them. Nagisa is an ally in that
cause."
Misato sighed. "Alright, I can buy you a few minutes on the excuse of
inspecting Nagisa-san's new apartment, and let you talk without me
listening in for a bit. I'll expect all the info you can give me once we
get to my place, though."
"Will that take long?"
Misato barked a laugh. "Oh, Rei, you're going to love this part."
Rei glowered at the familiar apartment building. "I am certain this is

someone's idea of a joke."
"You rightly demanded he be moved out of that tiny closet they'd

stuffed him in, Rei. And you had no objections to us moving you in
next to your friends," Misato teased. "And most of our building is
empty anyhow. So moving the Fifth Child in to the same building
makes sense, yes? He's not right next door to us like you are, but
he's just a couple floors down now."
Misato led them up to heretofore empty apartment on the second

floor of the building already home to her own apartment, and handed
Kaworu a keycard. "Here you go, Kaworu-kun, your new home."
He swept his card through the slot, and smiled as the door opened.
"I'm home," he said with mild irony as they entered.
An even more sparsely filled apartment than Rei's greeted them.

Misato took a seat at the kitchen table, one of the few pieces of
furniture, and waved at them. "Alright, you've got 5 minutes, then we
have to go upstairs. Asuka and Shinji are going to eat me alive if I
suddenly show up without you, Rei. Kaworu-kun, your stuff should
have been delivered already. It's probably in the bedroom."
Rei grabbed his hand and towed him out of the kitchen and towards
the bedroom. Misato didn't even try to hide the smirk as they sped
past and around the corner.
Rei headed right for the master bedroom, pushed him inside, and
slammed the sliding door shut behind them. She got right to the
point. "No."
Kaworu looked up from the bare futon, violin case, and pile of three
boxes that represented the sum total of his worldly possessions. His
expression was calm. "You promised me you would."
Rei nearly poked him in the face with her pointed finger. "And you
promised me you'd fight !" she hissed. "That you wouldn't just give
up! That you… wanted more than just to be a passing friend!"
"I'm a danger to everyone I care about just being alive! It's too risky!
I've seen it in too many visions! I can't stop myself and the Call takes
me, and even when I fail, I might kill Shinji, or you ! I can't…" He
faltered, drifting to silence.
"And all of that was true when we made that promise, Kaworu! What
is-…" She stopped. "… The Angel. The Angel showed you that,
didn't it?"
He nodded, looking down at his shaking hands, unable to speak.
She grabbed him by the collar, pulling him closer. "You think it didn't
show me something just as terrible? It showed me you ! Making me
kill you, down there! I don't want to do that !" Rei said tightly, right in
his face. "And then it showed Shinji and Asuka, the two people I love
more than anything, hating me, spitting anger and threats at me
because of what I am ! I would rather die than let them feel like I
betrayed them!"
"I know! I feel the same! I'd rather die than let myself… fail you. And
that's what it showed me! I couldn't stop myself, and tried to fight my
way into the heart of the Geofront! I… I killed Shinji when he tried to
stop me!" Tears were running down his face. "And then… then Miss
Soryu… told me to let the world die, rather than live without him. You
all hated me, and everyone died ! I can't… I can't face that! You
promised! You have to kill m-"
"I don't want you to die!" she screamed in his face. "You stupid,
stupid fish ! You're not a bad person! You're my friend! I like you!
You're just like me! You know what else I saw because of that
Angel?"
He numbly shook his head.
"I remembered Lilith! I remembered being her !" she hissed at him
from centimeters away. "I remembered what happened, why we are
so different, why the Seeds were sent out, and why our two Seeds
ended up here and we ended up in this situation!" She stopped,
breathing heavily.
He waited. "… and why is it?" he asked quietly after a moment.
Rei's cheeks pinked slightly. "Because… because you're an idiot !"
"What?" Blank confusion.
"Nevermind! We'll talk about those memories later! I am not killing

you! Not as long as there's any hope!"
"It's the best way! The safest!" he insisted. "I don't want to… to have
to watch myself kill you, or him, or her one day because I can't stop
it, because Tabris takes over and Kaworu Nagisa turns out to just be
a dream! You have to!"
"I do not want to kill a friend! And that's you ! And you're mine! I felt
what you were doing in the car, shaping your AT-Field to buffer mine!
You kept me from getting hurt while we drove! You tried to shield me
in that fight! You think I'm attractive and you're kind to my loves!
You're good !"
"I'm weak! " he pleaded. "Every day, the Call is pounding at me,
telling me to… to kill everyone! I saw what happens when I give in!
The Angel and my visions say the same thing! I have to die!" He
wrapped his arms around himself and shook. "It… I felt so good
when Miss Soryu and the Class Representative came to see me.
They were worried about me! And all I could think of was the voice in
the back of my head telling me to wipe them out, purge the planet of
their lives! And you! I don't want to hurt you! I like you! Thinking
about you is about the only thing that deadens the Call for even a
minute!"
"So do that!" Rei blasted at him. "Think of me, and keep alive !" She
looked at the small pile of boxes containing his stuff. She let go of
him, and tore the top off the first one, digging through it.
"Here!" She pulled out the small, flat box she'd given him and thrust
it into his hands. "Tonight, when you're alone, use this! This is hope!"
He took it and started to open it.
Rei flushed and almost slapped it out of his hands. "What are you,
stupid ?! Not right now ! Later! When you're alone, and the night is
long. When I can't be here to talk sense into you, or you start…
thinking stupid things. Use that. Just… don't talk about it."
He clutched the box tightly, like it could save him from drowning.
"I'll… I'll try. I wish… I didn't have to be alone tonight. I can tell it's
going to be… bad."
"I'm four floors up. We'll be able to sense each other all night. Just…
hold on," Rei told him, once again stepping close. She put a hand on
his cheek. "I know how bad that Angel made me feel. I know it was
the same for you. Don't… let it beat you, Kaworu. I want to see you
in the morning. We have more personal matters to discuss."
He didn't reopen his eyes until her hand fell away. "Alright… so what
do we tell Major Katsuragi?"
Outside, in the kitchen area of the thin-walled apartment, Misato

chewed on the shout she'd heard that she couldn't ignore. "I don't
want you to die!' she screams? Rei screamed? Rei ? Jesus, Rei,
what are you holding back from me? Then again… Kaji's said similar
things about them gunning for him. Fuck, I hope we all live through
this…'
The sound of the bedroom door sliding open heralded the two Pilots
returning to her area. Rei looked less angry (and wasn't that a
thought all by itself!), and Kaworu looked… oddly blank, like he
wasn't sure how to feel.
"Personal matters settled? Ready to tell me what you have on

SEELE?" Misato probed.
They sat down across from her. "Yes, Major," Kaworu said. "As much
as I can for now."
"Alright. You both need to tell me anything that even feels like it's
time-sensitive as things happen, though. I will not be happy if I find
out you knew something that could have prevented it after someone
gets hurt."
They both nodded.
"And let's do this fast," she continued. "We can't stay too long before
Section 2 notices, and…" A small smile finally returned to her face.
"There's two people upstairs who really want to see you both. You
especially, Rei."
Rei smiled. "And I them. Let us begin, then."

"I'm home."
The familiar, soft voice making the traditional greeting might as well
have been a starter's pistol. Asuka and Shinji were off the couch and
running for the door like it was an Olympic sprint. Rei barely made it
into the dining area before they both nearly tackled her off her feet in
perfect synch. "REI!" they both said joyfully.
If either of them were worried at the slight shiver Rei gave once she
was safely wrapped in their arms, no one said anything. Misato just
shook her head watching them, unable to even think of breaking the
moment with a tease for once. The look on all three of their faces
was too happy.
Misato shot a look at Kaworu, standing next to her. He was watching

the three with a wistful, slightly bleak expression. 'Aw, come on, kid.
Even I can tell you like her. And you need this too. Time for some
patented Misato magic!'
She carefully stepped just behind him, aimed, and gave him a
precisely calculated shove between the shoulder blades. He
stumbled forward, arms flailing, until he bumped right into the back of
Rei. His arms automatically wrapped around her, putting the First
Child at the center of a four-person hug.
Rei's eyes had popped open when he knocked into her, but she
made no objection to his joining the group. She just closed her eyes
again, and repeated, "I'm home."
Misato smiled. 'You don't want him to die, eh, Rei? And SEELE is
just the sort of gang to try killing one of my Children to 'send a
message'. Guess I'll have to keep him alive too, just like my own idiot
death seeker, until you figure out how you feel.' She sighed. It was
barely 1300. 'My apartment is surrounded by snipers, my boss is
plotting to end the world, so are his bosses, and I have no idea
when the next giant monster from space is going to attack. I think it's
beer-o'clock.'
The Children were still in a tight group as she turned to the beer
refrigerator.
Misato took the pages Ritsuko had given her, laid them out on the
table in front of her, and cracked her first beer open as she began to
read them. If she was officially home for the day on Ritsuko's orders,
she was dang well going to get her evening buzz started early.
Especially if she had to read through Ritsuko's packed-as-ever
writing.
The third mouthful of beer froze in her throat as she flipped the first
page over. The first page had been a dry, dense medical instructions
about sleeping, eating, medical doses, all in NERV-speak and
printed out. The second page was not. It was a handwritten letter
from Ritsuko.
Misato,
I'm sorry. I've got a lot to apologize for, but this is my start. There is
no other copy of this, and nothing is on any system. I don't think I
need to say any more about how secure you need to keep this.
Rei's mind was wounded by that Angel. The attack got inside her
head and hurt her, along with her own AT-Field damage. She needs
peace and quiet for the next several days, away from people she
doesn't know well and feel close to. So keeping her at your place,
with only her friends allowed to visit, is actually the best thing we can
do for her right now. She's on a fairly heavy dose of painkillers, at
her own demand, but that's just treating the symptoms. She needs
close contact with friends and people she trusts to heal from this.
I'll monitor her condition at the 1200 daily exams down here, but we
need to keep her out of the Geofront and away from crowds as much
as possible.
Misato's eyes narrowed. 'Out of the Geofront'? Why? Did the Angel
they had in the depths there affect Rei's healing? ' What the Hell is
really going on here, Rits?' She resumed reading.
And keep her away from Commander Ikari.
Misato put the letter down again. 'Well… Isn't that interesting? Why?
You've been thick as thieves with the Commander forever, Rits. You
were drugging the shit out of Rei for I don't know how long at his
orders without a peep to me or anyone. Why the sudden shift?
Maya? She's been as close-mouthed as you, but I can see you two
are as tight as… as… as Shinji and Asuka, lately.'
"And you have no idea how hopeful it makes me feel, Rits, that it
looks like there might finally be some daylight between you and
Commander Got-My-Father-Killed," she muttered. She picked up the
pages again.
She does not want to be near him, and I'm doing my best to help
keep him away as much as I can. I'll do my best to doctor Rei's test
results on my end so she doesn't show, but she's way off the new,
elevated drug regimen that the Commander ordered recently. I'm
going to do my best to slowly remove anything but the painkillers and
hormone balancers from her daily dose, too. I owe her every favor in
the book and then some for what she's done for me. Just keep her
safe, surrounded by people she trusts, and let her tell you what else
she needs.
The rest of this packet is mostly window dressing. It's not inaccurate,
but this letter has all the really important parts. Just give Rei… care.
It's what she needs to heal, and I am not the one who can or should
do it. I don't deserve to.
I'll try to arrange time for us to speak freely soon.
Your friend, I hope,
Ritsuko
Misato picked up her beer and took a long, meditative swig. Then
another. This was… interesting. Kaji needed to see this, soon. She
pulled out her cell phone and sent him a quick text message
flirtatiously suggesting drinks at her place. An equally flippant
confirmation came back shortly.
She looked over at the Children. This wasn't going to be a chat for
their ears, even with Kaworu's little admission that he had been sent
by SEELE. But the Pilots had all vanished into the living room, and
she could hear a low conversation going. If nothing else, she and
Kaji could disappear into her room later, something that was fairly
secure, though she knew Asuka would probably smirk at her a bit.
"We have something important to tell you."
Rei, Kaworu, Shinji, and Asuka all blinked at each other. Rei
recovered first from the synchronized statement. "You go first,
Asuka. I think our revelation will be more… worrying."
"Ours is bad enough," Asuka said. She nudged Shinji. "Go ahead."
Shinji's face clouded. "My father knows. About us being together. At

least some part. He threatened that if I ever disobeyed him again,
he'd make sure we were permanently separated." His voice was cold
and angry.
Rei went even paler. "No," she almost whispered. "I will not permit
that. Your bond must be protected."
Asuka rubbed her arms. Despite being indoors, the room felt colder,
and goosepimples ran up her arms. Suddenly, her t-shirt and shorts
felt inadequate.
Kaworu nodded next to Rei. "We will do anything we must to prevent

that, Shinji-kun. We swear."
"Thank you, Kaworu-kun," Shinji smiled weakly. "I… I don't know. If I
ever have to… if it ever comes up again, I'm just going to have to
make sure my next 'insubordination' is really worth it. And I'm still
going to find a way to see Asuka again."
"Damn skippy you are, baka mine," Asuka growled. "Fuck whatever
your stupid dad thinks, you and I are not going to be split up." She
wrapped a possessive arm around his waist and pulled him close.
"I'll hijack Unit-02 and come find you if I have to. Mine." She pecked
his cheek.
Shinji smiled weakly, and squeezed Asuka back. He looked back to

Rei and Kaworu. "We went over what he told me word by word, and
noticed he didn't say exactly how much he knew, or for how long,
but… we're going to be… cautious. If he doesn't know just how much
we need each other, and how much we really are together, maybe…
he doesn't really know as much as I'm afraid of." He took a deep
breath. "Ok, that's us. What was your thing, Rei?"
Rei shot a look at Kaworu. "Nagisa was… sent here by SEELE."
Shinji's eyes widened. Asuka went rigid. "What?" she hissed.
"They sent me, as their… spy. Their tool. I… owe them no loyalty. I
will not be following their orders, nor telling them anything but lies if
they try to contact me. You are my friends. I will not do anything that
might harm either of you, Shinji, Asuka." He turned his head to look
at Rei. "You either, Ayanami. One way or another."
"You… belonged to SEELE… and you never said a thing until now?"
Shinji said, his face now expressionless. "… why?"
Kaworu looked increasingly anxious. "I… I was afraid to. SEELE kills
to keep its secrets. I know that much. I… I would have spoken up if it
was needed to keep you safe, but… knowing some of what I know
could get you both killed, even as Eva Pilots." He looked rapidly
between their stony faces. "Please, believe me! I… my loyalty is
here, with you and Ayanami! I won't allow myself to do anything that
will harm you!"
"You knew, and said nothing?" Asuka said, low and harsh. "From
what Shinji's mother has told him, SEELE is like every conspiracy
theorist's worst nightmare: Behind every part of the disaster parade
the world has gone through since Second Impact, able to puppet
governments and the UN like it was nothing, and their goal is nothing
less than the end of the fucking world. How dare you not tell us?!
How long have you known?!"
"… I don't know," Kaworu said, looking down. "That's… there's more
to it. I do not have any memories past six months ago. I have no
memories of parents, or anything beyond the lab where SEELE kept
me, preparing me to come here."
Shinji and Asuka shared a look. They turned to Rei, who nodded.
"He's telling the truth. I can vouch for his words. If you can't trust him,
trust me," the bluenette said. "We've told Major Katsuragi all this.
There are still aspects we cannot discuss, but… please believe me
when I say we want to, and intend to when the time is right. I… we
do not wish to… conceal or lie to either of you. We withhold things
because we fear for your safety if we do not." Rei tentatively stepped
forward, lightly putting her hands on Shinji and Asuka's shoulders.
"You know… how much you mean to me. How I feel."
Neither the Second or Third Child looked very happy. "I… Rei, you
knew about this? When?!"
Rei flinched and stepped back, her hands dropping. "Shortly after his
arrival. I… was going to tell you things later that day. He pointed out
you knowing them could result in your deaths. I… reluctantly agreed
not to speak, for your safety."
Asuka and Shinji looked at each other again, longer this time.
"Please," Rei whispered. "I… I love you both more than anything. I…
want to tell you everything."
Shinji stepped forward, and pulled Rei back into a hug again. "It's…
alright, Rei. We do trust you. If you say Kaworu-kun is trustworthy,
that's enough."
Asuka joined the embrace. "We'll… take a bit to process this. But
you know how we feel too, Rei. We trust you. We know you'd do
anything for us, and we for you."
Rei almost slumped in relief. "Thank you. I've been… afraid, that this
might… that you might hate me. I'm still afraid you might, when I can
finally tell you everything."
Asuka snorted gently into Rei's hair before letting go and stepping
back. "Rei, unless you're about to reveal you're the Devil himself and
about to open the gates of Hell next month, I think we'll forgive you.
We know how bad Commander Asshole has abused you. We know
you were his unwilling puppet. We're not going to hold that against
you."
Kaworu's smile was sad. "Miss Soryu, I feel the same as Ayanami. I
hope you will be as forgiving of me when we can finally tell you all
we know. You and Shinji-kun… you give me more hope than I ever
thought possible that SEELE will be stopped."
Shinji's smile was faint, but present. "It's… Kaworu-kun, my own

mother was part of SEELE. I'm… dealing with it. And you've fought
beside us and tried to protect Rei in this last fight. We can give you a
little benefit of the doubt. You're one of us."
Kaworu flinched slightly. "I… thank you, Shinji-kun. I… I need to go.

I'll see you all tomorrow morning." He turned for the door and quickly
walked that way.
Rei followed him. She caught him just before he left out the door.
"Wait."
He stopped, but didn't turn around. "Yes?"
"Use the box. Tonight. I know it will be bad."
"I…"
"Use it, stupid fish. That's an order. What is in that box will help you
fight the Call, and…" Rei hesitated. "I do not mind you seeing it. As
much. Anymore. Just… don't mention what is in there to anyone."
Kaworu still did not turn. "'One of us', he said, Ayanami. That… I
hate that voice inside me right now. The one that wants to go down
there. He… he trusts us. He trusts me . He's willing to…"
"Yes," Rei said quietly. "That is part of why I love them both. They
are… hope. Life. Acceptance of even us. Even the chance of being
loved. So I order you to use the box tonight. So that you can have
the strength to keep fighting the Call, and stay their friend. And…
mine."
He did look back over his shoulder this time. "… Thank you,
Ayanami. I… I am glad you are my friend. I… I wish more and more
every day that I was not… who I am, so I could… ask you out again."
Rei was still and silent for a moment. "… hope is powerful, Kaworu.
Use the box, and think about… hope. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Ayanami."
The door hissed closed behind him.
Kaworu hugged his arms around his knees and stared at the wall.
He'd been like this for hours, ever since he'd left Major Katsuragi's
apartment.
He'd wanted to stay. He really had. He could have had dinner with
them, possibly, and spent a couple more hours with Rei and the
others. It probably would have been nice, even with the grating of
their AT-Fields on his. People who wanted to see him. Friends.
Her.
He could feel their presence and Light above him, the notes of their
Songs a warming melody that helped keep a bit of the loneliness at
bay.
His eyes fell once again on the box she had given him. It sat on one
of the boxes of his clothes, beside his futon.
And as they'd expected, the Call was bad tonight. Tempting,

beguiling… the promise of an end to his pain and loneliness were
very, very seductive tonight. By either demanding Ayanami fulfill her
promise to end him, or by breaching Terminal Dogma and uniting
with his source. He would not let the latter happen. Not while he still
had strength. But it was increasingly clear to him that the only other
course was the former. Ayanami was the only one with the
knowledge and power to end him quickly and permanently. But…
she demanded he try something else. He looked at the box again.
She'd said it was 'hope.' He sorely needed that tonight.
She'd told him to. It was right there.
He reached for the box and picked it up. He carefully opened it.
The glory of the full moon washed over him.
Author's Note, 14JAN17: Oh my, has it been a month since the last
update? I'm sorry about that. Holidays intervened, and there was a
Christmas Special written and posted on Sufficient Velocity that kind
of took up the last 2 weeks of December… I haven't yet posted it
here since 'now' is still about 10DEC15, so the Christmas Party won't
happen in timeline for about 2 more weeks. I intend to make that
canon, so I'll be posting it here once the story updates 'catch up'.
For a short summary for those that can't stand the wait: Asuka
organizes a Christmas Party so she can kiss Shinji under the
mistletoe. Then ropes Hikari & Touji in. Then Kensuke, Sayaka, &
Kyoko. Then sneaks one with Rei, and makes sure Shinji does to.
… then Rei tells Kaworu to wait and be the last one to leave her
apartment.
Preview:
"Tonight is… do not think this means… anything more. But tonight,
while the rules are suspended… I am standing here," Rei said.
"Standing h-…" His voice caught in his throat. His eyes shot upward.
Rei was standing in the doorway to the living room… right under the
mistletoe. His eyes shot to hers again.
Advice and Trust
Chapter 10.4
Choices and Sacrifices
Kaji stared without seeing at the ceiling of Misato's bedroom, the trail
of cigarette smoke trickling upwards just another indistinct shadow in
the dim light from the window. "The Fifth Child… I suppose that
explains part of why Asuka or we didn't know him from Germany."
"His memories are a new wrinkle, though," Misato said, taking a puff
on her own cigarette. "Why would they do that to him? Blank his
memories of everything before? Did he know something about
SEELE that would have been dangerous to let out? Some one ?"
"Or to keep him from wondering about his family? The memories
can't have been the only thing they did to him," Kaji mused. "Shinji,
Asuka, and Hikari all say they've made contact with their mothers in
their Evangelions' Cores. Doctor Ikari said the mother-child bond is
the only thing that lets an Eva and its Pilot Synch… so how does the
Fifth Child manage to synchronize with Unit-03? They must have…
done something to him to give him that ability… Maybe that's why
they wiped him, so he couldn't remember how?"
"This just gets worse the deeper we dig, Kaji. I hate having to… not
press Rei or him on this. What can they be holding back that's worse
than we already know?" She closed her eyes and tried to let his
warmth next to her provide some comfort. "She's asking a lot of us
not to press."
"I don't know. It's definitely something dark and SEELE, if Rei is also
withholding things, and screaming 'I don't want you to die' at him
when they're alone," he said, wrapping an arm around her. He took
another drag on his own cigarette, then stubbed it out in the ashtray
on the floor beside the futon. "Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki called me
this evening, just before you. The Commander wants to see me in
his office tomorrow morning."
Misato frowned and cracked her eyes open again. "What for? I
thought he flat banned you from the Geofront entirely when you were
too publicly blown as a 'spy'."
"He didn't say. But from some of the signs I've seen around the city,
I'm not the only spy running around. I'd lay money SEELE has more
going on than just me. I'm not the one who caused that blackout,
after all."
"Aww, you mean you didn't arrange it all just so you'd get to spend
the day stuck in an elevator with me?" Misato gave him a peck on
the side of his neck.
"Not when you needed to go to the bathroom."
"Like you wouldn't have smiled if I had to take my panties off."
They hadn't said a word in over an hour. Communication was all

through gasps, fervent kisses, and embraces that didn't want to end.
Months of nightly practice made that language as clear as any they
could possibly speak out loud.
You are my heart, my life. I am terrified of losing you . But I will fight
to stay with you as long as I have breath in me.
In the calm afterward, they just lay there holding each other listening
to the dark. They'd already discussed much of the day during the
evening, both with Rei and after she'd left for her own residence.
Rei's obvious discomfort at continuing to conceal anything more from
them had warred with her transparent, sincere requests for trust.
Only once, just before she left, had Rei again tearfully pleaded her
love in a whisper. They both had reassured Rei that they trusted her
and loved her back.
"So what now?" Shinji finally whispered, like he was afraid to make a
sound, lest he break the spell.
Asuka shrugged, and gently ran her fingers down his cheek. "We…
keep going. We try to avoid giving your stupid father any excuses,
but… nothing separates us. I don't care what he says or what he
might try. You're mine and I'm yours, for good. I am totally serious
about stealing Unit-02 to come rescue you if he tries anything." Her
smirk meshed oddly well with her tender tone.
Shinji smiled sadly and buried his face in her hair. "I'm just… worried.
He doesn't seem to realize just how much we are to each other, or
that this isn't just some one-sided crush by me that you're allowing.
But I'm afraid that if we walk out the door tomorrow holding hands
and acting how I want to, he'll start to figure it out."
Asuka grumbled quietly. "Yeah, that's… damn him. I like being able
to strut around everywhere with you, showing off to the whole world
how hot and badass my boyfriend is. And I love that you know it's
not all just me wanting to rub it in the other girls' faces or school
status bullshit." She squeezed him again. "You know it's because I
can't believe this is really my life now. Never alone. Loved. Getting to
walk around holding you is giving the world that beat me down for so
long a giant 'fuck you', and I love how you just roll with that because
it makes me happy."
Shinji smiled into her hair, then arranged himself against her side
more comfortably. "Always. I like making you smile, Asuka." His
smile faded as he let his eyes drift closed. "I hope we're as
successful at cheering up Rei. Whatever that Angel did, it really got
to her. She looked… scared, really scared. And it only got worse
when she… thought about whatever it is about SEELE that she and
Kaworu-kun are still holding back. Like I of all people would hold him
being sent by SEELE against him. I know better than anyone what
that feels like."
Asuka closed her eyes too, but let her right hand seek out his and
squeeze it. Shinji's ambivalence about his mother hadn't gotten any
closer to answers. Asuka didn't know whether to envy him for having
his mother in one piece, or pity him for who Yui Ikari really was.
"I mean… it just makes me like Kaworu-kun more, really. He's been
used and hurt by them too. Why would they erase his memories like
that? He's got… nothing but us. SEELE certainly isn't going to be his
friends," Shinji said quietly. "And he got hurt trying to help Rei. How
can I not consider him a friend, one of us?"
"Rei seems to be more… accepting of him, too," Asuka said

consideringly. "Whatever he's still holding back on telling us, Rei
seems to know enough to vouch for him. Maybe he really is good
enough for our Rei."
She smiled thinly without opening her eyes. She could hear the
wheels in Shinji's head turning, chewing on that.
"Well, you did say at your birthday he needed to pass the 'security
check'. Though it kind of did turn out that he was working for the vast
evil conspiracy," he said eventually. "So… you've got an idea?"
Asuka's smile widened. "Oh yeah. I've got an idea for tomorrow. All
thanks to you, of course, my dear baka."
He didn't even ask. He knew she'd have something. "My brilliant

Valkyrie," he muttered, and relaxed into sleep.
"We'll see you as soon as school lets out, Rei. You stay snuggled up
on the couch and watch those laserdiscs I lent you. They'll amuse
you, I think," Asuka gave the bluenette one more hug.
Rei smiled weakly and nodded. "I shall, Asuka. Thank you. Have a
pleasant day at school."
Asuka snorted. "Not likely. But we'll try to give you a call when it's
lunchtime. Get some actual use out of those fancy mobile phones
NERV gave us. See you!"
Rei waved as she closed the door.
Asuka tried to take Shinji's hand as they turned to walk to the

elevator, but for the first time in months, Shinji shied away slightly.
Asuka blinked and shot him a confused look, getting a worried one in
return. After a moment, Asuka shook her head firmly and took his
hand anyway, twining their fingers together.
"Fuck him. I don't care what he tries, Shinji. I'm not letting you go."
Shinji's return grip was just as tight. "I… just hate the idea of him
using us against each other. Or Rei. But I'm not giving you up for
anything."
Asuka arched an eyebrow at him. "Oh? Then what was that little
dodge?"
"That was me putting on a show of reluctance so anyone my father

has watching us sees me pulling back, and you overriding me and
doing what you want, reinforcing the idea that you're abusive and
pushy, and I just go along because I'm desperate for any affection.
After all, I think he doesn't realize how close we really are, so
anything that keeps him mistaken is probably good for us," Shinji
said with quiet determination. A faint smile played on his lips.
Asuka grinned sharply. "Ah, so my baka Shinji can be clever!" She

tugged on his hand and they started walking. "Alright, so we just
don't let him t-" Asuka broke off as they rounded the corner to the
elevator banks, only to find a jittery Fifth Child, pacing back and
forth.
He squawked in alarm as they arrived at the alcove with the elevator

doors. He spun away from them, ending up facing the wall near the
elevator from just a few inches away. He jerked a look over his
shoulder. "Shinji-kun! I I I was waiting for you! Need help! Stuff! Box!
Moon!" His eyes were badly bloodshot and he looked tired.
Shinji stared at their newest teammate in puzzlement. "Um… good

morning, Kaworu-kun. Ah… something wrong?"
"Yes! I… no! Um… I need your help! I don't know what to do!"
"About what?" Asuka said, bemused. "And why are you talking to the
wall and looking at us over your shoulder?"
"I… I'm afraid to turn around!" Kaworu explained not a bit.
"What?" Shinji and Asuka said in chorus.
"I've got a… persistent problem!"
"Kaworu-kun, what are you talking abou-"
Kaworu turned around.
Shinji and Asuka's eyes met his uncomprehendingly for a second.

Then they bobbed downward in unison. Kaworu was dressed as
usual in the plain white shirt and black trousers that were the boy's
uniform at their school. This morning, his trousers were having a little
trouble fitting right.
Asuka started laughing softly. Shinji winced in sympathy. There'd

been a few awkward mornings at the Katsuragi household like that
right after Asuka had moved in. "Er… have you tried a cold shower?"
he offered.
"I did! It came right back! You have to help me handle this!"
Asuka clapped one hand over her mouth and laughed harder. Her
other arm clutched her stomach and tried not to drop her schoolbag.
"Um… you really should um… handle that by yourself, Kaworu-kun,"

Shinji said. "Just… get a grip on yourself-"
Asuka fell to her knees, face red and tears leaking from the corners
of her eyes as she tried to hold in the laughter.
"I don't know what to do with it! It won't go away! Please help me,
Shinji-kun! You know what to do, right?"
Asuka fell over, and lost the fight to keep in the rolling howls of
laughter.
Shinji was moderately red himself. "Ah… Kaworu-kun, this… can't be

the first time you've um… had this problem?"
"It's not! But… It's never been this… um… difficult!"
"Why?"
Kaworu stiffened and looked behind them warily. "N-no reason! I

just… had trouble sleeping! Yes! That is why!" He looked back at
Shinji. "Please, lend me a hand, Shinji-kun!"
Asuka rolled back and forth on the ground. "Stahp, stahp, I'm gonna
pee!" she gasped between laughs.
Shinji crouched to lend Asuka a hand, or at least offer himself to lean

against as she continued to laugh helplessly. "No reason… and…
Um… is this maybe due to the Angel attack, Karowu-kun? Rei's
been… a little off too."
For the first time, Kaworu seemed to calm a little. "Ah, no, this is…
this is quite the opposite. I feel… much better. I ah… took something
last night that helped… ease that pain."
"Oh, I bet that is what caused your… trouble sleeping," Shinji said,
helping Asuka back up as she got her laughter under control. "And…
er… that." He waved vaguely at Kaworu's waist.
The ash-haired boy nodded. "Um… yes, it was something Ayanami

gave me. It… helped."
"Somehow I doubt Rei gave you some little blue pills," Asuka said,
still chuckling. "Well, take another cold shower, and try to," she burst
out giggling again, "think about football or something. I've got plans
for you this afternoon once we get back from school, so don't run out
of… energy. Or let your hand cramp."
"Plans?"
"We're going to need you and Ayanami to make sweet music with
us."
Commander Ikari's cavernous office was always rather cool, even at

the best of times. With all the damage the Geofront and the surface
reflectors had taken over the last few weeks, it felt more shadowy
and cool than usual, even for an early morning meeting.
"Inspector."
Years of practice at keeping up a sloppy, cheerful façade kept Kaji

from flinching in surprise when Commander Ikari finally broke the
silence after staring at him for a long minute, but it was still a minor
effort. The man was just that creepy.
"Commander. You summoned me? I thought I was barred from the

Geofront for good, due to my… side job," Kaji said carefully, only a
mild amount of lazy amusement in his tone.
"Your skills in that job are of use to me. Therefore, you are permitted
to return, to fulfill that use," Commander Ikari said coldly. "SEELE
has other agents in NERV, in the city, and in the Geofront. They are
searching for secrets I do not want known. You are familiar with their
methods and aims. I want you to find them and stop them."
"You had me banned from the Geofront because I wasn't spying for
you. What has changed that you think I'm going to help you with
this? Not that I am not interested in doing so, but what is different?"
The Commander's utterly calm stare over his tented hands as he sat
as his desk did not change a bit, but Kaji was suddenly glad for the
huge distance between them. The cold gleam of the Commander's
glasses somehow got colder. "Because you have not let that ban
stop your own attempts at digging into NERV's secrets for your
masters, and you have gotten in further than is safe already. Haven't
you, Inspector?"
"I don't think my little snooping has really-"
"You and Major Katsuragi."
Kaji stopped cold. He could feel the hair on the back of his neck
stand up.
"As long as you are both working for NERV's goals, there is no need
to disrupt things. Is there, Inspector?" There was no change in the
Commander's tone.
"Major Katsuragi is not involved in any part of my 'side job'. We avoid

work talk entirely. We're just… seeing each other again," Kaji said
carefully.
"Then you have nothing to worry about. Nothing but finding SEELE's
other agents and identifying them for Section 2 to neutralize."
Kaji stared back at him, considering.
"SEELE is likely aware by now of who was involved in the removal of

Adam from their vaults, Inspector. You will be better off with NERV's
resources at hand to help prevent them from," he smiled thinly,
"expressing their displeasure with you about it," Commander Ikari
added. "Or her."
"I see. I will get to work, then," Kaji finally said. "I'll report to you
when I have anything."
"Good," Commander Ikari said. "See Doctor Akagi about the log files
for activity we've observed recently. Dismissed."
Kaji turned on his heel and walked out. Not for the first time, the
heavy thump of the Supreme Commander of NERV's office door
closing behind him sounded altogether too much like the door
slamming shut on a tomb.
"Hello, Pilot Soryu." Rei's voice was soft as always, but today it was
even more than usually so, to Asuka's ear.
"Hey, Rei," Asuka said warmly. "Checking on you at lunch, as

promised. Shinji's right next to me. How are you feeling?"
"I am grateful for the painkillers Doctor Akagi provided me with. I am

resting as much as possible." There was a pause. "I will expect you
and Pilot Ikari to deliver my schoolwork later?"
Asuka smiled. She could hear the hopeful note in Rei's voice, and
the things they both weren't saying over a line NERV was assuredly
monitoring. "Of course, Rei. You want to talk to the baka for a
minute?"
"Yes."
Asuka handed over the phone. Her mouth quirked in a half smile as
she watched some shade of worry fade from her boyfriend's face as
he got to hear Rei's voice for himself.
He was smiling a little more when he hung up after a moment of

quiet conversation. "She wants vegetable stir-fry for dinner. I couldn't
say no."
Asuka nodded. "Anything our Rei wants."
The momentary smile hearing from her loves had granted slowly
faded as Rei put down the phone and pulled the blanket Asuka had
given her closer around her. Her apartment wasn't all that cold, but
she still felt chills. Even with the building she was in all but empty
during the day, and at this remove from the rest of the neighborhood,
the few other AT-Fields in the area still rasped against her own
painfully.
All of them save one.
His light was below her, near the base of the building. He was still
now, but the same occasional spikes and flares to his AT-Field would
pop up at irregular intervals. She couldn't tell what they were, but his
mood brightened for a while after each one. But even through all
that, he kept shaping his field to buffer hers as much as he could.
His AT-Field was not brushing roughly against hers at all. Quite the
contrary, in fact.
"Stupid fish…" she muttered. She put thoughts of the Fifth Child
aside and wearily rose from her futon to go make another pot of the
tea Shinji had left her.
'The Lilim are amazing,' Kaworu thought to himself as he toweled the

last of the chilly water off his body, trying fiercely to keep his mind
away from where it had spent much of the morning. 'The amount of
ingenuity that goes into turning silicon, petroleum, chemistry, and
mathematics into a camera, film, and paper to capture images
permanently is utterly astounding. And then the incredible effect that
a handful of pictures, a letter, and a… a… a small…' He swallowed,
starting to feel warm and flushed again despite the very cold shower
he'd just finished. 'A small piece of… lace and fabric can have on my
state of mind is… small piece of fabric… small… Baseball! Baseball,
baseball, Miss Soryu said to think about baseball! I just got out of
the shower! Again!'
He looked towards his bedroom. He'd buried the box deep in one of
his closets, both for safekeeping and because he realized after the
very long night and morning that if he left it out where he could lay
eyes on it, he'd keep repeatedly succumbing to the temptation to
open it again and feast his eyes on the contents.
'Just a few pictures, a letter, and… that thing, and I am… the Call
is… all but absent. All I can think about is… that smile.'
The letter explained that the pictures had been meant as a gift for
Shinji-kun and Miss Soryu, not for him. That they were given to him
as a means to help him fight the call, and as a gesture of trust that
he would not reveal them to anyone. So the shy, teasing smile in the
pictures was not truly meant for him.
But oh , did he wish it had been. Even more than the rest of the
pictures, it was that smile that kept flashing in his mind. And that she
had given him the box, and the things they'd said in the last few
days…
He felt his heart start to race again. After the last few days, even in
the face of the nightmares Arael had blasted his mind and hers with,
it no longer felt quite so hopelessly impossible to dream, to imagine,
to fantasize that Rei might one day… smile at him like that.
It was stupid. They were fundamental rivals, opposed on the most

basic level. There were a thousand reasons why it was a bad idea,
basest lunacy to even think they might be… more. But for the first
time in his life, Kaworu could hold onto enough of it to believe it
might not be impossible. That Free Will could in truth defeat fate and
nature.
Rei had been right. The box contained hope.
'Baseball, baseball, baseball, the glory of the full mo-DAMMIT!'

Hope could have a very strange appearance at times…
"This… does sound like a good idea."
"Of course it is. I came up with it. And I'm the genius." Asuka tossed
her hair with a smirk.
Shinji rolled his eyes a little as Asuka pressed the doorbell button
outside Kaworu's door. His girlfriend was many things, but 'modest'
was not usually among them.
Kaworu opened the door after only a second. "Hello, my friends."
Asuka blinked a bit. "Wow, were you lurking by the door waiting for
us, Rainbow Trout?"
The ashen-haired boy smiled. "I heard you coming. Have you come
to check on me? I am er… slightly less tense than this morning. Your
recommendation that I think about baseball was helpful. As were
several cold showers." His smile was slightly embarrassed at the
reminder.
"Check on you, yes. And drag you to a therapeutic jam session,"

Asuka said. She observed his still damp hair with a wry smile.
"A… what?"
"Just grab your instrument and hang on tight."
Rei could see them coming, drawing closer, rising with the elevator
that was bringing them up to their floor: That most glorious and
heartwarming blaze that made her day better just being around. Two
of the only souls that being around didn't hurt right now. Her loves.
She didn't bother to contain the smile that burst across her face. She
rose from her futon and headed for the door, barely pausing to pull
on a light blue silk robe that Asuka had given her.
Her eager steps quickly slowed as she noted that her loves were not
alone. His Light was also rising, leaving the floor below her where
he'd been all day. She would not be alone with her loves, then. She
frowned. She did not mind at all if her loves saw her in a robe, or
even less. The pictures in the box she had given Kaworu had
originally been meant as a present for them, after all.
But although she'd given the box and its contents to him, she was
unsure that he should be granted the same level of intimacy just yet.
She was still assimilating the concepts of when and how revealing
her body to others was fitting, and what doing so signaled.
Discussions with Asuka on the topic had been enlightening, though
increasingly awkward as Rei gained understanding of just what the
urges she had meant. Discussions with Shinji were even more
awkward. Memories of the naked Synch test or sharing a changing
room with Asuka were given… interesting new aspects now. But
Kaworu… It was not like he was unpleasant to look on. Quite the
contrary, really. And he was a friend now, someone important to Rei
that she did not wish to see harmed. Plus he had now seen the
pictures in the box, read the letter… he knew what she looked like.
That was the point of giving him the box, to let those images distract
him from the deadly siren effect of the Call. But to allow him into her
house when she was dressed like this… Did she want him to see her
like this? Did she…
She turned around, walked back to her bedroom, and took off the
robe. She reached for one of stylish casual outfits Asuka had helped
her select on one of their shopping trips, a white sweater and grey
leggings combo. She was not ready to allow him such. He was…
She growled to herself. "Stupid fish… why do you make everything
so difficult ?"
She finished dressing just as the doorbell chimed. She schooled her
expression to calm blankness. As happy as she was to see her
loves, she was uncertain how to react to Kaworu right now, even if
his ability to shape his AT-Field made him just as comforting to be
around in one sense. She opened the door.
The smile immediately returned to her face on seeing her loves.
"Hello, Shinji, Asuka. And you too, Nagisa."
"Hello, Rei! Ich hoffe dir geht's besser? Du schaust jedenfalls besser
aus als der da!" ["I hope you are feeling better. You look more rested
than that one, at least!"]" She tossed her head in Kaworu's direction.
Rei's smile grew slightly. Now that she knew Rei spoke German,
Asuka seemed to delight in speaking to her in that language daily,
and coaching her on improving her accent. Rei was happy to reply in
the same, since it made Asuka happy. "Es geht mir besser. Umso
mehr, da Ihr beide…"[I am improving. I feel better now that you
both…"] She let her eyes sweep in the Fifth Child as well. "… Ihr drei
nun hier seid," ["That all three of you are here,"] she amended. She
cocked her head, noticing the violin case Asuka was holding, and
Shinji's cello case behind her. "Music time?"
"You seemed to enjoy it a lot the last time we played for you, and this
is a nice, low-impact way for all of us to help you and the Rainbow
Trout convalesce," Asuka confirmed. "A little Beethoven will make
everything better."
As Rei stepped aside to let Asuka and Shinji enter, her eyes almost
accidentally met Kaworu's. He was as frozen as a deer in headlights,
staring at her like she was a Gorgon. "Hello, Nagisa. You may come
in."
"Box!" he squeaked. "Moon! Gleep! Beautiful! You! Meeble!" he

elaborated.
Rei darted a look over her shoulder. Shinji and Asuka were around
the corner into the kitchen-dining area already. She pulled Nagisa
inside and let the door close. Once they were safely hidden from
outside eyes, she smacked the back of his head. "Shhhh! Stupid
fish! Restart your brain and stop talking about it !" she whispered
urgently. Rei fidgeted, looking at her hands before forcing her eyes
back up. "So… you opened it."
He nodded dumbly.
"And it worked?"
He nodded even more dumbly.
"I am… glad. But do not say anything about it," she said as quietly as
she could. "Come. The time has come for us to play together."
"Meep," Kaworu nodded sagely.
"Shinji, Asuka… may I ask a favor?"
Shinji exchanged a sidelong look with Asuka as he lowered his bow

after the end of their latest piece. Playing together had been
remarkably easy, like they'd been doing it for weeks. "Of course, Rei.
Anything," he replied.
Rei put her viola away before answering. "Could you both… wait in
the kitchen for a while? I… wish to discuss something with Nagisa
that relates to the… matters we cannot mention to you yet. But
Commander Ikari and his watchers believe Nagisa and I to be bitter
enemies. I do not want the Commander to realize we are allies and
friends now. He would likely take action against both of us. He would
notice if we spent time alone together. But as long as you are here,
our being together can be passed off as you two acting as
moderators," she said, sounding both awkward and nervous. "He
and I will withdraw to my room, and speak as briefly as possible. If…
you do not mind acting as our cover?"
"Let me get this straight," Asuka said with a growing smirk. "You
want us to go as far away as we can without leaving the apartment
and not listen, while you and Rainbow Trout here go into your
bedroom for a 'private conference'? Have I got that right?"
Rei flushed slightly. "Asuka, you know it is not like that." She
hunched her shoulders defensively, managing to look like a child
caught in a mildly naughty act. "We are… just friends."
"Of course you are, Rei," Asuka assured her, smirk diminishing not a
bit. "We'll just leave you alon-"
"Asuka…" Shinji gently chided her, prodding her in the side with a
finger. "Be nice. Rei's still recovering from that fight. Kaworu-kun
too."
Asuka pouted for a moment, but let her smile fade away into a more
serious expression. "Aww, alright."
Shinji squeezed Rei's shoulder gently. "Of course, Rei. Take as

much time as you need. We know whatever it is you're holding back
must be important. We trust you, you know that." He looked at
Kaworu. "And Kaworu-kun too. You say he's ok, and that's enough
for us."
"And if she does want something from you, Trout, you better do what
she says," Asuka said to Kaworu, mock-sternly. "We'll cover for you,
don't worry, Rei."
Rei closed her eyes. "Thank you."
Rei pinned the silent Fifth Child with her eyes. He's stood still and
looked nervously stiff during the whole exchange. "Follow," she told
him, heading for her room with her viola case.
He shot a nervous look at the retreating Second and Third Children

before swallowing and falling in behind her.
Rei waved him into her room ahead of him, and closed the door
behind herself once she'd followed him in. "I take it from your
behavior and the state of your AT-Field that my gift to you was…
effective?"
Kaworu had frozen solid once the door had clapped shut, going rigid
as a statue staring at Rei's neatly made futon at his feet, and the silk
robe hastily discarded across it. The sound of Rei's voice nearly
made him jump. He spun in place, his eyes wide and face flushed
red as he met her cool expression. "Y-yes! It… I… gaaaah!" His
hands flew up to wildly worry at his temples. "It's all I can think about!
Y-you are all over my mind! I nearly fell down and just kind of flopped
around gurgling when you opened the door! How are you doing this
to me?!"
"I am given to understand this is in fact a normal reaction to being

given a box like that," Rei said calmly, only the faintest note of irony
in her voice. "Welcome to the Lilim race."
"But I'm not!" he protested.
"Did you not tell me on the day we met that we had the same form?
That we were alike?" Rei countered.
"But… I'm not! We may both be half-Lilim, half-Progenitor, but at

least both your halves are Lilith-based! I am… different!"
Rei looked imperious, almost angry. "You are the Angel of Free Will,
you told me. You choose. You are my friend. You are not alone.
Shinji and Asuka have done the impossible over and over. I have
done it with them. We crushed the Angel of Might and ground him
underfoot. We caught the Angel of the Sky and I broke his AT-Field
to let Asuka kill it. You and I withstood Arael until Shinji, a 'mere' Lilim
shielded us and Asuka slew it. You are Lilim too, more than enough
to claim that as much as your heritage as your other side. You are
one of us. We fight together, Kaworu Nagisa. And we will win. Do
you understand me, Kaworu?"
Despite himself, Kaworu nodded. That was the Rei Ayanami that so
captivated him. The unyielding steel beneath the cool surface, the
powerful, indomitable protective fury that had snarled defiance at him
the day they met, swearing to protect those she cared about. And
now that included him. "Thank you, Ayanami." His shoulders relaxed.
He tried a small smile. "I did not know you were the ruling authority
of who was admitted to the Lilim race."
"It is I, if anyone," Rei replied, firm authority still filling her voice. "I
say you will fight and beat the Call, and stay my friend for years."
She paused. "And how is the Call?"
Kaworu's smile was a little stronger. "I've never known it so distant.

Your pictures are… more potent. At least for now, I am untroubled by
it at all. Instead, I am subject to the call of you."
"Good," Rei declared. She hesitated. "… So, I looked good? I had
never done anything like that before, but it felt like… I wanted Shinji
and Asuka to see that side of me. Kensuke said I looked excellent,
but I… would like your thoughts as well."
Kaworu's eyes glazed over for a moment. "Guh. Uh… um… yes.
They were… were…" He began to sweat heavily, then turned
around, putting his back to Rei. "They were nice!" he squeaked,
sounding half strangled.
Rei eyed him, bemused by the sudden odd flares in his AT-Field. His
Field was in much better shape than it had been the night before, at
least. "Kaworu? Are you… alright?"
"Just fine!" he rasped. "I'm just trying not to think about how you look
naked and we're alone in your bedroom and your hugs are so nice
and oh gods your underwear is still hanging on that rack overhead
nnnnnnnnggg!" he said all in one breath.
"And you are facing away from me so I do not observe a reaction we

both know is happening and is in fact the point of why I gave you that
box," Rei said dryly. "It is good to know that I am considered
attractive by not just those who already like or love me."
"… I like you," Kaworu said, barely above a whisper. "Not… not just
for your body. Because you give me hope. That this will not end like I
have seen it end a thousand times, or like that Angel tried to show
me. You believe I can win."
Rei put a hand on his shoulder, turning him around. "You will. I will
not permit any of my friends to fall. Not while there is anything I can
do to protect them." She resolutely kept her eyes locked on his.
"Now… I think we will repeat today's pattern for a while. The
companionship and music are soothing and helpful to my healing, as
I see to yours. And you will keep using that box as needed to keep
your hopes up."
"Until?"
"Until you don't need to anymore. Hope is in your head, Kaworu. Not
just that box."
He met her eyes for a while, then dropped his gaze to the side. "I
am… very happy you are my friend, Ayanami. I… I… wish we did not
have to hide. I truly would like to… ask you out again."
"If we did not have to hide… I would consider it, Kaworu. Now let us
go see our friends who have been so kind to us both."
Asuka's cheery smirk vanished as soon as the other two Children

did. She quickly marched towards the kitchen table and sat down,
fiddling with the handle of her violin case.
Shinji sat across from her, looking worried. "Asuka? What's wrong."
She sighed. "I wish it was that easy."
"What?"
"As much fun as teasing Rei about 'Oh my! Alone with a hot boy in
your bedroom! Scandal!', I know perfectly well it's not what they're
doing. I just wish it was."
Shinji's expression darkened too. "Oh… right."

"Whatever Rei and Kaworu still feel like they need to keep from us
has to be some extremely serious Scheiße related to SEELE,"
Asuka said. "Something we are safer not knowing. And we've
already seen how bad having to hide this from us makes Rei feel. So
I'd rather tease Rei to keep her from feeling bad, even if I can't stop
myself from trying to figure out what it might be." She fiddled with her
violin case some more. "I… hate this. NERV, SEELE, all these damn
secrets from the organizations that are supposed to be protecting the
world from the Angels."
Shinji shivered a little at the reminder of what NERV and SEELE's

true goals were, according to his mother. He shivered some more at
the thought that he, Asuka, Misato, and their tiny circle of Pilots was
apparently the only group with the knowledge to have a chance of
stopping it. "It shouldn't be us. We shouldn't have to do this. Have
the whole world depend on us not… slipping up even once, and
Misato-san and Kaji-san finding out what to do. It's not fair."
Asuka shrugged, and tried a weak smile. "No, it's not. But if not for
the Evas, we might not have met, baka mine. Or if you and I weren't
in love, we wouldn't have been able to stop Zeruel thanks to your
brilliant idea of hijacking Unit-03. Life isn't fair, but as long as we've
got each other, we can hang on. We have to. Saving the world is our
job, remember?"
"It shouldn't have to be," Shinji said lowly. "And you sound like you're
trying to convince yourself." He smiled back, reaching for her hand,
but the smile was gloomy.
"I am," she admitted. "If we hadn't been able to dual-synch in Unit-
03, we'd… we never would have stopped Zeruel and…"
"We'd all be dead," Shinji finished. "The Angel would have k… killed
Rei, smashed its way into Lilith's chamber, and we'd all be dead." He
shook again. "It… it shouldn't be like this. The world shouldn't be
saved only because you and I kissed! It shouldn't rely on… us."
Asuka's return grip was as tight as his. "I know. I… I'm…" Asuka
looked at their hands. "I'm glad every day we're together, Shinji. I
don't feel alone. And I hate it just like you do that everything seems
to balance on us. I mean, on one hand it kind of stokes my ego a bit
that we are that vital to things, but… I'm scared, too. I don't know if
I'd be… even able to pretend like this that it's all still just… some kind
of adventure. I… I'd be… crumbling down."
Shinji's smile was a little wry now. "Hey, being depressed and mopey
is my job, not yours."
Asuka's answering smile got a little stronger. "Anything you can do I

can do better and hotter, Third Child."
"Cooking. Cello playing. Backrubs," he rebutted with a smirk.
"… ok, shut up. And I'll take one of those last when we get back to
our room."
"I'm glad we're together too, Asuka. I'm just… scared that so much
depends on us, and it only seems to be getting worse."
"We'll make it, Shinji. We have to. And if it's not fair, then we'll also
make the world give us what we're owed."
He closed his eyes for a moment and nodded. "I… wish I had your
confidence, Asuka."
"You do, my dear baka. You've got all of me and vice versa. You
make me strong. I just admitted to you I'm scared, remember? Just
two more Angels, according to your mom, and then SEELE. We can
do this. You and I are invincible together, right?"
"Just two more… We can make it," Shinji nodded.
"Just two more," Asuka nodded back. She looked up at the sound of
the bedroom door opening and footsteps approaching. "Oh, hey Rei!
You're done with Kaworu already?"
The blunette nodded. "Yes. I have decided not to kill him today," she
said in her usual deadpan. Rei paused. "Asuka, this quartet session
was beneficial to both Kaworu and I. It was quite soothing to the
wounds the Angel inflicted on our minds. And it provides excellent
cover for Kaworu and I to speak privately without Section 2
observing. May we repeat this daily for a while until he and I
recover?"
"Anything you need, Rei. It was good for us too. And I'm all for giving
you and Rainbow Trout here as much 'private time' as you want."
She wiggled her eyebrows at them.
Rei pouted slightly. "Asuka…"
Behind her, Kaworu had gone stiff and his eyes slightly glazed.
"Murble," he commented astutely.
"You have our blessing, Kaworu-kun," Shinji snarked. "Please treat

her kindly."
"Eeegabble."
"Wow, Shinji, I think you broke him. Rei, what did you do to him?"
Asuka grinned.
"I did not do anything! We just… talked."
Asuka covered her mouth. "Oh my! 'Just talked'? I know where that
leads!" She got up and walked over to guide a still stunned Fifth
Child towards the door. "I think we need to put him back in his
apartment before he walks off a balcony without noticing. We'll see
you for dinner, Rei. And of course we'll do this tomorrow, and as
many days as you two need."
"Daily private time with Ayanami…" Kaworu mumbled, barely

keeping a grip on his own violin case.
"I'll get started on that vegetable stir-fry for you, Rei. See you in a
bit," Shinji said over his shoulder as he helped Asuka steer Kaworu
out the door.
The door closing behind him this time was the sound of safety,
comfort. A full week of rest, music with the quartet, and stolen
conversations with Ayanami had been greatly restorative for him.
And her bedroom, even with images of his frequent nighttime
examination of the box dancing in his head, was no longer just a font
of distracting fantasies. Now it was a place of refuge, the only place
where she and he could safely be fully truthful, even if just with each
other.
Ayanami had relaxed as well. Their conversations had become…

shared. Not just himself spilling out his worries about the Call and his
nature, but now also Ayanami's fears as well. She poured out her
fears of how Shinji and Asuka would react to the inevitable revelation
of what they were, and Kaworu found himself comforting and
reassuring her as much as she did for him. He wanted to comfort
her, and even more, hold her. Not in the more primal way the box
spurred thoughts of, but because he didn't want to see her in fear,
swamped in anxiety. He wanted to hold her because she was his
friend and in pain.
She was his anchor, a beacon of hope that he could beat the terrible
power of the Call. She was his friend, who knew all his secrets and
promised to protect and help him despite them. From the depths of
despair, she had shown him a path up and out.
He could feel it, stronger every day. And he couldn't stop it. The Call
fading into the background, softer and weaker than he'd ever known
it. Nearly hushed, vanquished and pushed away by something
stronger. Better. Warmer.
It was terrifying.
It was the last secret he tried to hold back. But he was fairly sure that
she knew anyway. It was something practically impossible to fully
hide from her Sight anyhow.
He steadied himself. He'd… try to discuss some of it today. She

deserved that. "Ayanami?" He carefully kept his eyes on her. As
frightening as what he was going to do was, it kept his eyes off her…
laundry.
She regarded him coolly as ever, still so hard to read. Her poker face
was impenetrable as a glacier's wall. "Yes?"
"Thank you."
This earned him a raised eyebrow. "For? Our performance today

was better than before, but nothing spectacular. And our healing
from the Angel's attack has been steady. So what occasions this?"
"For being my friend." He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "In
moments when I am not ah… distracted by my body's responses, I
have enough clarity of mind to… contemplate things. And I keep
coming back to you. You have… more than the box, or the way my
urges distract me, it is your friendship that gives me hope. We are
rivals, fundamental enemies, doomed to fight… but you still help me,
when you had no reason to. Because of our natures, we cannot lie to
each other, so I even have the comfort of being able to tell you are
not just doing this tactically. You are doing this because you are…
my friend. So… I am grateful."
He was amazed to see her actually flush slightly. "I am… yes. We
are," she said awkwardly. "You are… you are not a bad person. It is
not your fault that your nature drives you like this. But I… I do this
because… I love them. I do this because it's what they would do, if
they knew what you are. That is what Asuka did. She had no reason
to do anything but hate me. I was a rival for Shinji's affections, if only
in her mind. But she helped me off the drugs, and out of the lodgings
Commander Ikari had placed me in, because she saw some of her
own past in me. That we were alike. And so I have done the same
for you. I know what it is like to be created and used by NERV, for
the plans of SEELE. You are like me."
"They would… if they knew. I truly hope," he hesitated, "that we

can… tell them, one day. I hate lying to them."
"I know. As do I."
"But you are…" He bit his lip. "I have seen worlds where I am…
Shinji's friend. Even… even lover, sometimes. I came here" he
swallowed, "with some tiny hope I might be… at least close to him,
even for the short time I'd have. But I have never seen myself with
you. In either way. This is… That you and I can be friends, despite
everything, that you can… give me the box like that… It is new. I
know how… um… how much it means that you could give me
something like that. It gives me hope that we can win, that I can truly
choose."
He waved his hands at her mild frown. "Not the… not the ah…
biological urges side! The… It's more than that! Do you know what I
really look at in those pictures, Ayanami?"
She shook her head. "I do not nee-"
"Your smile. Your eyes. Yes, you are beautiful, and I look at
everything, but it is… that smile. Shy, vulnerable, but open, hopeful,
welcoming. It is… you." He stepped carefully around her futon, past
her, and walked to the glass doors that let onto the balcony. He
looked out over the city at the setting sun. "It would be very, very
easy to slip into despair, the way the Call eats at me, and how I don't
see a way this ends without one of us being forced to kill the other.
But that you gave me those pictures, knowing what they showed and
yet still gave them to me… they truly are hope, as you told me. Hope
that together we will find an end that does not require my death. That
is why your smile, far more than your body, is what really captures
my… my…" He hesitated again, mouth working. "My… attention," he
finished lamely. "You are hope."
"You were going to say something else," Ayanami stated. "We
cannot lie to each other."
"….yes."
She waited, staring at him with the patience of still water.
He kept his back to her. "I… can't," he got out with difficulty. "I'm…
not ready. I don't want this… pressure of 'we must' to poison
anything real. And I'm afraid."
He could feel her gaze searching his back, his Light. It was like her
fingers walking up his spine. He shivered, half in sensation, half in
worry. They could not lie to each other, not when their souls were on
full display to each other's eyes.
Silence hung for a minute. "I am glad we are friends too, Kaworu.
And we will win. We must. I am aware of… pressure. I am trying to
keep it from anything I do feel. You are not 'tactically' my friend. You
are because you are a good person trying to fight their nature and I
like you. And no one knows better than I what it feels like to be a tool
of NERV created to die on command for someone else's plan."
"Why won't you tell me what you remember? From… before," he

asked suddenly, turning around. He looked curious, not angry.
Rei's face was still a blank mask. "Some of it is dangerous. I recall

how to build a functional S2 Engine, even personal scale. I
remember everything about how that destroyed our world. I
remember why we were forced to build the Seeds to save anything
at all."
"While that knowledge is something SEELE would kill for, it still does
not answer my question. You said… you did not want me to die. You
were… quite emotional about it. That you knew why we two had
ended up on one world, when we should not have. You said… that I
was your friend and you liked me. This suggests something…"
"Don't," she said quietly.
"Were we-"
"Stop."
He fell silent.
Rei took a moment to steady herself before speaking again. "I am

not her. You are not him. We are… we carry them with us, but you,"
she stepped closer to him, close enough to poke him in the chest as
she emphasized her words, "taught me that we choose our fate.
That we can overcome the chains of our nature. You and he always
believed that. You gave her and everyone that survived hope. I'm not
giving you hope, Kaworu Nagisa. I'm giving it back ."
His pulse raced in his throat. "Are… are we here because… I

followed you? Did I-"
Rei turned away. "I… please do not ask any more questions. I am…
not ready to answer them, any more than you are."
He tentatively put his hand on her left shoulder. The same electric
frisson that always ran through their AT-Fields when they touched
raced through him again. But she did not shrug him away. "Friends?"
His voice was as carefully hopeful as his hand. It asked more than
his bare words did.
She just nodded.
"I trust you, Ayanami. You can tell me if and when you are ready.
And I will… try my best to do the same. Hope can be frightening, but
I will not give it up."
Her right hand came up to cover his left on her shoulder. "Never.
Your best trait, Kaworu." Her hand was small and warm.
She stepped towards the door to the room, slipping out from under
his hand. "We are reaching the limits of our time. Come. We have
made Shinji and Asuka wait on us long enough for today."
"We have a problem," Kaji said, his voice devoid of any of its usual
banter.
Commander Ikari's stare was unperturbed. "The old men have finally
reacted to your hunt?"
"I am not sure, so very likely yes."
"Explain."
Kaji held up three folders. The electronic copies already sent to the
Commander's computer scrolled past on his screen, more actually
useful. "I had three more possible SEELE spies identified. They were
more deeply buried, more critical than the rest. It took some hints
from the others we'd captured to pin them down."
Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki examined the screen from his spot

standing at Gendo's side. "Senior Technician Takeshi Kawamura,
Lieutenant Natsumi Honda, and Assistant Programmer Kenichi
Watanabe. More critical?" he asked.
"Kawamura works directly with Unit-01, Watanabe has MAGI access,

and Honda… handled power supply and infrastructure. And all three
abruptly vanished two days ago. Somehow they either picked up
we'd zeroed in on them, or SEELE ordered them to… do something
drastic," Kaji explained. "Between the three of them, I think they can
access nearly any part of the Geofront, either by MAGI hacks or
maintenance accessways."
Gendo merely fixed him with a cold stare. "Find them, Inspector.
SEELE would not move at this juncture if it was not something
important."
Ritsuko peered carefully at the scanner, humming thoughtfully. "Your
AT-Field is largely restored, Rei. It looks like it's up to about 80+% of
normal, and recovering well. I think we can count you as recovered.
Do you think you can stand school and street crowds again?"
Rei considered it for a moment, then nodded. "The rest and isolation
has been very helpful, Doctor Akagi, but I believe I am recovered
enough to resume my regular routine. I would… prefer to take some
additional time before I attempt to synchronize with Unit-00 again.
Her… anger would still be painful and difficult to interface with right
now." A small trail of bubbles trickled upwards from her mouth and
floated towards the top of the tall cylinder of LCL.
Ritsuko paused. "Do you still need the painkillers?" She shot a
glance at the rolling cart with medications to her right.
Rei shook her head. "I… do not want any, because I do. So it is best
if I do not have any. I do not want my mind or body clouded when
clarity is vital to maintaining my facade around the Commander."
Ritsuko didn't quite conceal her flinch. She could not conceal the
guilty look that followed at all.
"It is alright, Doctor Akagi. As long as you keep trying to atone, it is

simple for me to forgive," Rei said gently.
"Not so simple for me to earn it," Ritsuko said weakly.
"I believe you can. As does Lieutenant Ibuki. I think Major Katsuragi
does as well."
"She's invited me to a Christmas party at her place. A chance to

make up, she said," Ritsuko admitted. "I… was going to make
excuses."
"You should go," Rei insisted.

"That's what Maya said too. She wants both of us to go. Since Kaji
and Misato know about us anyway."
"You have earned the right to keep ties with your friend," Rei said.
"And do you not want to take even this small chance to go out with
Lieutenant Ibuki as a couple? I can see that you do."
The corner of Ritsuko's mouth curled up. "I… do. Hell, I want to walk
right into that bastard's office and make out with Maya right on his
desk in front of him. Show him that someone really does love me.
Too bad he'd probably shoot us both on the spot without even
blinking."
"Let us avoid that," Rei said, utterly deadpan. "Please inform the
Commander I am ready to return to school. The Fifth Child as well.
He is… recovered like myself."
"That's… good, I suppose. Rei, we still have no way of… He's going
to have to attack here at some point. Are you sure we shouldn't…
deal with him while he's weak?"
Rei shook her head harder. "No. He is an ally. He is resisting the Call
with my help, and successfully. He honestly is on our side. He
cannot deceive me."
Ritsuko frowned, but shrugged. "Alright. I don't know why you trust
him, though."
"One day, I will be able to explain to you, Doctor. For now, let me out.
I have some notes I wish to provide you about technical matters."
The sun beat down warmly on the cluster of Pilots and close friends
on the roof of Tokyo-3 North Municipal Middle School. For the first
time in ten days, the whole group was reunited, sans Kensuke and
ladies. The bespectacled young man had been dragged off by his
two girlfriends as soon as lunch began, citing 'plans' they had for
him. The accompanying giggles hinted at what those plans were, so
Kensuke had offered no objections, only apologies as he was towed
away.
Nonetheless, it was a cheerful group that remained to eat lunch

together. "It is very good to have you back at school, Rei. It felt
actually a little frightening that you and Nagisa-san were hurt bad
enough to need a week off school. Too much like those times you
came in wrapped in all those bandages," Hikari said as she passed
Touji his bento.
"And a scary reminder that those Angel things can really smash
things up. I mean, I already get worried enough for Hikari every time
those alarms go off," Touji said as he took it.
"I am grateful for your concern for me. Kaworu and I were… very
much in need of that rest and recovery time," Rei replied.
Hikari exchanged a considering look with Asuka.
The redhead nodded, her lips pursing slightly. She leaned over to
whisper something into Shinji's ear. Her boyfriend glanced at
Kaworu, but nodded. He stood up. "Touji, Kaworu-kun, I think we
need to go get some drinks from the school store. Let's go together,
it will be a nice chance to talk."
Touji blinked. "Huh? I don-oof!" He grunted as Hikari elbowed him in

the side. He blinked at her for a moment, but got up once she gave a
tiny jerk of her chin at Shinji. "Uh, sure, Shin-man. C'mon, Kaworu-
kun."
The Fifth Child shrugged. "School drinks? I don't think I've tried most
of those. Alright." He rose and followed the other boys to the stairs
down from the school roof.
Rei looked at her two friends as the boys left, her eyes narrowing
slightly. "I think only Kaworu was even fooled by this. What is it?"
"Exactly that, Rei. You called him Kaworu. No honorifics at all, and…
you've been spending a lot of time alone together lately," Asuka said.
"And he's noticeably happier around you. I think he likes you, Rei, if
you hadn't noticed," Hikari added. "Like, really likes you."
"I… have noticed," Rei admitted. "And our private conversations in

my apartment are… not like that."
"Has he asked you out?" Hikari asked.
Rei went stiff. "… yes," she said, sounding stuffed.
Hikari and Asuka held their breath. Asuka sighed in exasperation

when Rei withheld any further response. "And?!"
"… I said I would consider it."
"And have you?" Hikari pressed.
Rei sat back, the beginnings of a pout on her face. "Why are you
asking me all this?"
"Rei, he likes you. A lot. And he's been a good friend to all of us.
He's asked you out, risked his own life to cover you in that last battle,
and is spending every second we can scrape together alone with
you in your room," Asuka listed. "And he's asked you out. Are you
sure you two aren't… anything?"
Rei's mouth opened and closed a few times. "I… I… we are friends.
Better than I thought we would be. But we are… I am not… I am
aware he likes me and considers me attractive," she said haltingly.
Hikari shared another look with Asuka. She turned back to Rei.
"What do you think of him?" she said.
Rei suddenly looked like someone had just smashed the back of her
head with a hammer. She clapped her mouth shut and swayed
heavily in where she was seated on the roof. "I… do not feel… I feel
very strange." She raised a shaking hand to her head. "Where… why
do I feel…?"
Her eyes rolled up and she slumped over in a heap.
"Rei? REI?!" Asuka shouted, eyes going wide.
Kaji waited until the footsteps had taken his target just a step past
him before he slid out of his spot in the shadows and gently placed
his gun against the shorter man's back. "Hello, Kawamura-san.
Funny meeting you down here. I've been trying to get a hold of you
for days. You've missed your appointment."
The man froze for a moment, but then began chuckling. "No, you
did," he said, still laughing.
"My appointment?" Kaji prodded him with the pistol. "I think I'm the
guy in charge at the moment."
"You're late. Too late." He turned around slowly.
Kaji blinked at his unpleasant smile. "Too late for what?"
"Commander Ikari has already had his toys taken away…"
Ritsuko looked up in shock as the indicator board for a particular

sub-system not on the regular net flashed up on her terminal. "Wh-
SHIT! Maya!"
Her young lover raised her head from her own computer across the
lab, narrowing her eyes at the screen now flashing red. "Ritsu-"
"Come on!" Ritsuko was already flying out of her seat, sprinting for
the door at the back of the lab.
Maya did her best to run after her. She bolted through the door just a
few seconds behind Ritsuko, plunging into a dark room illuminated
only by a few glowing strips around its circumference. She nearly ran
into the back of her lover. "Ritsuko, what is-"
Ritsuko was scrabbling at her lab coat's pocket, struggling with the
flapping coat until she managed to pull out her pocket terminal. She
quickly hit a few keys and the room was flooded with orange-red
light.
Ritsuko's face went pale as she looked around. "Oh no…"
Author's Note: Once again, I apologize for the delay. Writer's block
jumped me something fierce for the last 3 weeks, and on top of that I
got short notice that I need to deploy again. In 2 days I leave for Ft.
Bliss, and in 2 weeks I'll be in Baghdad again. I hope I'll still find time
to write, but if not, I'll be occupied until October. ISIS needs fighting,
I'm afraid.
In any case, here's 10k words to make up for the delay, and the next
update will bring us to the Christmas Party, which is already written,
so I should be able to get that one up sooner. Thanks for all your
support.
Advice and Trust
Chapter 10.5
Shinji's glare looked like it needed a hot cup of coffee in his hand, to
stare at the offender hard over. "You have got to be joking."
Kaworu smiled, apparently entirely sincere. "No, I mean it. Have you
ever heard a piece make better use of negative sound and spaces?"
"Kaworu-kun, "4' 33" is not music. It's just… nothing."
"I would say it's music, Shinji-kun."
"I do not hear music when I hear it." Shinji's voice was flat, fond, and
more than a little exasperated. "I hear nothing at all."
"Sure you do. You hear your breath." Touji could hear Kaworu's
patient smile without even looking back. He rolled his eyes. "You
hear your friends," Nagisa continued. "You hear people around you
and the world, and it takes you by surprise. It makes you hear, truly,
how loud you and your world are. That's music to me. Four and a
half minutes of it."
"Four and a half minutes of nothing…" Shinji said. "I don't think…
huh?"
A red and blue blur came flashing down the hall, passing the boys as
they nearly reached the door to the roof staircase.
"SHINJIREICOLLAPSEDNURSE'SOFFICECALLMISATONOWNOW
NOW!" it shouted as it shot past.
Hikari ran past too, following the red blur as fast as she could. "Touji!
Help her!"
"Buwhuh?" Touji responded, but turned to follow his girlfriend. Shinji

and Kaworu were already gone.
"The… the tank's security systems were bypassed with a direct tap
to the control circuits. No alarms went off until the breakdown had
already affected every clone in the tank, and some of the secondary
systems began to react to the spike in waste in the filters. I… I
haven't been able to check yet, but I don't think there are any…
viable ones left."
Gendo's stare was unreadable behind his gleaming lenses. His

posture and voice were stiff and harsh, though. It gave Ritsuko chills
to be on the receiving end, even knowing the fury it covered was
aimed at SEELE. "The SEELE moles that penetrated your labs are
all under Inspector Kaji's control now?" he said, angry and calm.
Ritsuko nodded, trying to banish the images of disintegrating Rei

clones from her mind. "Yes, sir. Kawamura, Honda, and Watanabe
are all confined under Section 2 control. Kaji personally captured
Kawamura just before the alarm went off." She looked down at her
clipboard. "I haven't been able to do a full check yet, but I think from
what Kaji reports the three are saying, they might have tampered
with the Dummy Plug software systems too. I… think they might not
have gotten to the… already harvested spinal cords and brainstems,
but I can't be sure without a physical check. I don't trust the readouts
after Watanabe's tampering."
"Find out, immediately. I want to know if we still have any viable

Dummy Plug systems at all. SEELE will pay for this," Gendo
rumbled. "They have to have used up some of their best agents for
this move, but we will not allow it to stop our plans. The Scenario is
too close to a successful end." A bare twitch of his head towards her.
"You are dismissed, Doctor. Get me those answers on the Dummy
Plug system as soon as possible."
"Yes, sir."
Misato stared hard at her reflection in the glass. Through her

transparent image, she could see Kaji questioning Honda in the
small interrogation room. The young Lieutenant's former persona of
quiet humility was gone, replaced by cool disdain. There was even a
note of smug triumph to her curt answers to Kaji's careful, steady
questioning.
She wasn't even lying. She was making no attempt to deny that she
and the others had sabotaged NERV systems and hacked the MAGI
to conceal it, or that they had done so on the orders of SEELE. She
showed no fear at all of any consequences, and that did worry
Misato.
"Commander Ikari can lock them in a cell until the end of the world
on just his word, and she's not even sweating," she murmured to her
reflection.
Kaji walked around behind Honda's back and looked at the place
where he knew Misato would be watching. He shook his head grimly.
Misato frowned. Ritsuko was being very evasive about exactly what
sabotage SEELE's agents had been up to down in the secured
areas near her lab. Commander Ikari had been even less informative
when he ordered Kaji to interrogate the three spies over the extent
and details of their actions.
'How is Kaji supposed to get anything more useful out of them when
we can't even be told what happened?' Misato groused. The mere
fact that it was something too secret for her as the fourth ranking
officer of NERV, and was kept down in Terminal Dogma with
Ritsuko's private lab actually put some boundaries on it that she
could now make educated guesses about, thanks to the information
they'd gotten out of Shinji's mother, but still… She made another
mental note to press Rei and Kaworu for more current stuff about
SEELE. They needed to know.
Kaji resumed his questioning, but Misato's attention was dragged

away by her phone ringing. She pulled it out of her pocket, grateful
the MAGI could act as a relay for her cell phone even this deep
underground. "Major Katsuragi," she answered.
She immediately pulled the phone away from her ear as she was
suddenly blasted with loud, rapid German. "Asuka! Asuka! Slow
down! I can't-"
Her eyes widened as the Second Child slowed down just enough to
rapidly inform her of Rei's collapse. "Shit… alright, listen. I'm down in
the Geofront. It'll take me too long to get up there, so I'm going to
order the Section 2 squads just outside the school to come pick-… I
don't care if you think they're 'creepy assholes', Asuka. They're close
and Rei needs to get moved to the Geofront hospital immediately."
A short, sharp question. Misato nodded. "Yes, of course. Who else?"
Another loud, angry explosion of German. Misato winced and pulled

the phone away again. "Asuka, Doctor Akagi is Rei's doctor. She
knows more about Rei's health than anyone and you know it."
More angry German, now with added and deep bitterness. "Asuka, if
Rei is in medical trouble, you know Doctor Akagi is the one to make
sure she's alright," Misato told her firmly. "She will do everything for
Rei and you know it."
A pause, and very grudging acknowledgement. "Just stay put and I'll
have the Section 2 squad there right away. In fact, you're all coming.
There's been an incident down here that shows we've got a security
problem, and I want all Pilots brought in as a precaution. Make sure
you're all there."
Grumbling acceptance. "We'll talk about it once you're here.

Katsuragi out."
Asuka's hand twitched as she watched the Section 2 goons settle

Rei into the back of one of their black NERV sedans from the
collapsable wheelchair they'd brought to the school. She badly
wanted to take Shinji's hand and hold hard, but the knowledge
anything she did that looked too actually affectionate in front of
Gendo's goons would be reported right to him held her back.
Watching Rei, still limp and unconscious, being loaded into the back
seat of the car like a doll was an even worse pain.
The Section 2 agent straightened up after buckling Rei in, and

looked at the students who'd followed. "Alright, Major Katsuragi has
ordered us to collect all Pilots too. So get in the cars," he instructed.
"Not you, kid. Just the Pilots," he said to Touji, as he moved to follow
along with Hikari. "You stay here."
Touji and Hikari shared a worried look. Hikari gave him a hug and a
kiss, but his hangdog expression did not lessen as she got into the
back of the second sedan.
Asuka nearly leapt at the chance to make even a little gesture for her
bluenette friend. "Alright. Get in the car, baka. We're going with Rei,"
she snapped at Shinji, doing her best to sound irritated instead of
worried. "We'll keep an eye on Wondergirl until we-"
"Please…" Kaworu interrupted from just behind Shinji, himself a bit

behind Asuka. "I… may I accompany Ayanami-san? I… I am
worried. Please?"
Asuka turned, raising an eyebrow. She knew the Rainbow Trout was
sweet on Rei, but this was… new. His voice was far more worried
and tentative than she'd heard out of him before. She threw a look at
Shinji. His thoughtful expression matched hers. He gave her a small
nod.
Asuka looked back to Kaworu. "… I guess I can go with Hikari. You
and the new fish keep an eye on Wondergirl, baka."
Kaworu looked fractionally happier, but still nearly ran to the car Rei
had been loaded into.
Asuka looked to Shinji again. "Make sure he… doesn't do anything

stupid, Third."
Shinji nodded, and made sure to walk past her close enough no one
could see their hands brush as he went by.
Kaworu practically jittered in his seat as the car made its way to the
Geofront Train Station. His hands kept making half-motions towards
Rei, like he wanted to touch her, but always pulled back before he
made contact.
"… ah… Kaworu-kun? I don't think she'd mind if you… um, held her
hand or something?" Shinji tried.
Kaworu nearly bounced out of his seat, startled. "I… I… I guess?

Maybe? I hope? I… I am just worried. Her A-… um, her… aura
feels… disturbed."
Shinji gave his pale friend a confused look. "Her… aura?"
"Um… she just feels… unsettled. Or something," Kaworu said

weakly. His hands still kept making uncertain gestures. He finally
gulped and took Rei's right hand.
Rei groaned slightly and rolled her head to the right, the first motion
she'd made since they got in the car.
Shinji smiled faintly. "I guess that's a good sign." He took Rei's left
hand.
Rei sighed and seemed to settle a little. Kaworu's tense expression

eased just a tiny bit.
Asuka narrowed her eyes as the Section 2 sedan slid to a stop not
by the Emergency Room entrance of the Geofront hospital like she
expected, but by one of the elevator access points on the rim of the
Headquarters pyramid. She glared at the driver. "This isn't the
hospital. The First needs medical attention, why aren't we going
there right the Hell now?"
"Orders, Pilot," the black-suited agent replied. "The First Child is to

be escorted to Doctor Akagi's secure lab immediately for
examination."
Asuka's expression soured further. A barely audible growl emanated
from her clenched jaw. Hikari looked none too pleased either, but put
a calming hand on her friend's shoulder.
A gurney waited for them by the elevator doors, along with Asuka's
least favorite fake blonde. Said doctor was already strapping Rei to
the gurney with Shinji and Kaworu looking on as Asuka got out of the
second car and stalked up. She pinned Doctor Akagi with a glare
that Sachiel would have been happy to wield. "We're going with her,"
she insisted to the older woman.
Ritsuko's eyebrows went up and she turned her head to the fuming
Second Child. "I'm afraid that's impossible, Pilot. The First Child's
examination and treatment must be performed in a secure lab. That
means not in the hospital, and not with a whole crowd of Pilots
along."
Asuka's glare intensified. " Why ?" she almost hissed. "Why does
Rei's exam have to be so secret? You can and do poke and prod the
rest of us, and chuck us into the regular hospital without a second
look. You did it to the new fish just a week ago! Why does Rei have
to be hidden? What are you doing to her?"
"Asuka."
Asuka's anger evaporated with the single soft sound of her name.
She grabbed the delicate white hand that had weakly raised from the
gurney. "REI!"
Rei's eyes were barely open, and her grip on Asuka's hand weak,
but she was insistent. "Doctor Akagi is the one who needs to
examine me now. It's alright. She will take care of me, I promise."
Shinji and Kaworu crowded in close too. "Are you sure, Rei? You
don't want one of us to stay with you?" Shinji asked, worried.
Rei managed to barely shake her head. "No. I will be alright."

"Rei, what happened? You passed out and we couldn't wake you!"
Asuka pressed. "And now this Hexendoktor wants to shanghai you
off somewhere and do Gott knows what to you." Her thumb gently
stroked the back of Rei's hand. "We're worried about you." She
looked up at the other three all crowded in around the gurney. "All of
us."
Rei flicked a momentary glance at Kaworu. "I will be alright, Asuka.

Doctor Akagi is… much better about treating me now. I have faith in
her."
Asuka darted a look at the fake blonde, who was standing back with
a frown. "Du… du bist zu gut zu ihr, Rei. Die hat das nicht verdient,
nicht nachdem was sie dir angetan hat. [You… you're too good to
her, Rei. She deserves nothing from us for what she's done to you,]"
she almost whispered, switching to German. "Aber wir vertrauen dir,
von daher… okay. Wenn du sagst dass es in Ordnung geht, dann…
wir werden zu Hause warten, okay? [But we trust you, so… alright. If
you say it's ok, then… we'll be waiting for you at home, okay?]"
Rei just smiled and closed her eyes again. "Jawohl."
Asuka gave Doctor Akagi one more dark look as the older woman
began to wheel Rei's gurney into the elevator. "You'd better treat her
like she was made of solid gold, Doctor! You have no idea how much
she means to us all!"
Doctor Akagi stiffened and looked back. "Asuka… right now, Rei is
worth so much more than I am, I can't even describe it to you," she
said carefully. She looked defeated.
"Du hast du Recht, du verdammte Hexe… ," [You got that right, you
damn witch… ] Asuka muttered, keeping up her glare until the doors
closed.
.
.
"Doctor Akagi."
Rei had been silent once the elevator doors closed, not making a
sound until Ritsuko had dismissed the Section 2 guards at the door
to her lab. Once inside, Rei had remained quiet, looking like she was
asleep. Ritsuko almost jumped when she finally spoke. "Yes, Rei?"
"They're gone, aren't they? My… replacements."
Ritsuko winced. She knew it was futile to try concealing this from
Rei. She almost certainly knew the clones had been destroyed even
better than Ritsuko did. "Yes. SEELE managed to have three of their
moles sabotage several of the tank's critical systems, and disable
the alarms so we wouldn't notice until it was far too late to salvage
any of them intact." She paused. "I'm… sorry."
Rei stared at the ceiling. "There was just enough of my AT-Field in

them to maintain their shape. When that was disrupted, I felt them…
dissolve. The sensation was… very strange. My AT-Field is…
unsettled. The feeling was enough to knock me out." Rei fell silent
again for a moment. "If I die now, I am no longer so simply replaced,"
she observed quietly.
Ritsuko winced again. "I'm sorry, Rei. I'm… I'm trying to see if I can
recover anything from the tank, but the damage was… extensive. "
Rei just stared at the ceiling. "Doctor Akagi, I have a request."
"Anything I can, Rei."
"I have mentioned the Fifth Child is an ally. But Commander Ikari
believes us to be implacably hostile enemies. I do not wish him to
learn otherwise, so Nagisa-san and I have taken care to give no
public sign that we are friendly. This has unfortunately limited our
ability to speak freely. Can you ensure the MAGI surveillance of the
Pilots' phones is deactivated so that we may at least converse
privately?"
Ritsuko pursed her lips. "I'll… try. It's technically not difficult to
manage, but I'm pretty sure Section 2 monitors the Fifth Child's
phone more closely than the rest of you, for obvious reasons. I'll
have to find some way to spoof that."
"Perhaps. But they are almost certainly relying on the MAGI cueing
them to look when he makes calls. And how many calls does he
even make?" Rei replied. "I… this is important to me, Doctor. He
relies on me to help keep him from listening to that part of him that
wishes to obey SEELE's plan. If we cannot be seen speaking
together, at least we can call. Especially at night. The solitude is not
easy on him."
"I'll do what I can, Rei. Now, do you feel strong enough to get into the
scanner yourself? I can call Maya to help if you need, and we can lift
you together."
Rei struggled, but sat up on her own. "I am… strong enough. The
shock was mostly non-physical."
"Do you need any… medication?"
Rei looked at her right hand. She slowly made a fist. "No. I do not."
The Section 2 goons led them to a secured conference room in the

NERV pyramid and left them there with instructions not to go
anywhere. After a couple of hours of the four remaining Children
nervously staring at each other, reluctant to talk much under the
listening ears of NERV, Misato finally found time to drop in for a
moment. But she was still running around dealing with the incident,
and so on Ritsuko's phone-in consultation, Misato sent them home
with an increased security detail and told them to see to dinner for
themselves, since she wasn't planning to come home until she could
bring Rei along.
Hikari bid them a reluctant farewell once they reached the surface,
rushing off to meet back up with Touji at the sanctuary of his house.
It was a silent and worried trio that made their way home alone to the
apartment building that housed all of them.
As they waited for the elevator, Kaworu turned to them. "Can we play
something? Please?"
Shinji and Asuka shared a look. Kaworu hadn't said more than a few
words since Rei disappeared down into the depths of the Geofront's
lower areas, but he'd been growing noticeably more twitchy and
anxious-looking. Asuka had even commented on the way his right
hand was starting to imitate Shinji's old nervous clenching, but her
amusement was minimal. She knew what that meant now when
Shinji did it. Seeing it start in Kaworu was not a happy sign.
Shinji shrugged. "I… suppose we can, Kaworu-kun. You ah… need

your mind off things?"
Kaworu nodded almost frantically. "Y-yes. And I… really don't want to

be alone right now. I-if you don't mind."
The elevator arrived. They crowded inside and Kaworu pressed the
button for his floor, tension radiating off his shoulders.
Shinji and Asuka shared another look behind his back. Asuka said,
"Ok, grab your violin and come on up. We'll play in Misato's
apartment until Misato brings our lost lamb home, alright?"
"Can we play at my apartment?" he countered. "I… have…

something I want to show you."
Shinji shrugged. "That's fine. We'll grab ours and be right down."
"Thank you."
Music greeted them on their return: Energetic, almost frenetic violin

music. Entering the living room of Kaworu's apartment brought Shinji
and Asuka face-to-face with a Fifth Child almost violently playing a
complicated piece, his eyes closed and sweat beading his forehead.
He had a music stand in front of him with sheets on it, but he didn't
seem to be reading them.
He played on, seemingly oblivious to their presence. It was only after

the piece had trilled to the last measure and Kaworu's bow fell away
that he even opened his eyes and blinked at them. "Ah… I'm sorry, I
was… concentrating."
"That was… Locatelli's Caprice in D major Op. 3 No. 23, wasn't it?"
Shinji asked. "That's… very impressive, Kaworu-kun."
"The most complicated piece I know," Kaworu nodded. "I… was

trying to occupy my mind." He raised his bow hand. It was shaking
slightly. "Worked for a few minutes."
Asuka put down her own violin case and frowned at the grey-haired
boy. "Alright, talk, Rainbow Trout."
Kaworu blinked at her. "Um?"
"You are more tightly wound up than the strings on that violin, and
you've been that way since the nurse's office. We're all worried about
Rei, but you… you look like you're about to freak out. Shinji and I
have known Rei for months, and love her more than anyone. Why
are you so wired? What do you know that we don't?" Asuka crossed
her arms and stared at him.
Kaworu looked at the far wall, avoiding Asuka's glare. "I… you love
her, I know. I can see it, from both of you. I don't deserve to. But I…
need her."
Shinji put his cello down on Kaworu's bare kitchen table and moved
to stand next to Asuka. "'Need her'? Kaworu-kun, we… can tell you
like her, but… what do you mean? Need her… how? Are you…"
Shinji hesitated, looking to Asuka for help. "Are you… and Rei…
um…"
Kaworu turned to look at him, a sad smile on his face. "I'm not worth
it. She helps me… not be myself."
"Trout, you need to start making a lot more sense, because we are
not going to tolerate you not treating our Rei seriously," Asuka said
darkly. "You are a perfectly nice guy, and you look plenty 'worth it' to
me. What's this 'not be yourself' business?" She looked at him for a
moment, considering. "Wäre es besser wenn wir das auf Deutsch
machen?" [Would it be better to do this in German?]
Kaworu shook his head no, then sat down heavily into a chair near
his music stand. He all but dropped his violin into it's case, then
buried his head in his hands. "I… hate what I am. Ayanami…
believes I can beat it."
"Beat what ?" Asuka pressed.
Kaworu stared at his feet. "… This verges on the things Ayanami and
I are still… unready to discuss, so please forgive me. I'm going to
have to… be careful to speak around some things. I am… as
uncomfortable concealing things as she is, but I think you will
understand once we can tell you." He paused for a moment. "You
know I am here because SEELE sent me, and that I no longer wish
to follow their orders, yes?"
The other two nodded.

Kaworu raised his head enough to smile at them grimly.
"Unfortunately, it is not entirely my free choice in that area. SEELE
sent me… with a compulsion. Ayanami and I refer to it as 'the Call'. It
is this… constant, pressing feeling in the back of my head that I
should, that I must fulfill my purpose, go down into the Geofront, and
destroy everything. Ayanami is aware of it, and helps me fight it.
She… understands what it means to be used like that."
Shinji and Asuka shared a startled look. "Destroy… everything?"

Shinji asked. "Kaworu-kun… how would you…"
"You two hijacked an Eva yourself, before," Kaworu said. "Imagine

how much damage you could do with one if you were… not intent on
protection."
Shinji looked at his hands for a moment, and took a deep breath.
"Yeah, I see. So… SEELE… sent you to… Not just be a spy, then?
You were supposed to… attack us?"
Kaworu shivered. "Yes." He took a moment. "No, no past tense here.

I still am . I… the Call is… always there, whispering I should do it.
It's… it's insidious. It feels so right when it speaks… Being around
Ayanami… and you both… quiets it. Makes it fade to the
background. Friends. Watching you two love each other. All of it
helps. But…. her most of all. She understands ! Me! She believes I
am strong enough to beat it. When she's near, so do I. So today,
seeing her like that… I'm afraid of… what I might do without her."
Asuka walked closer to his chair, looming over him. "I want a straight
answer from you, Rainbow Trout, so you better be serious here… Do
you love our Rei?"
Kaworu looked up at her. "I… don't know."
Asuka did not look pleased at this answer.
Kaworu wobbled. "I don't know ! I don't know what that is! I thought I
knew! I thought Shinji was someone I could love, coming here! Now I
have to… to… admit I don't even understand what love is. I think I
love her? I want to hold her, feel her with me, make her happy,
protect her and never harm her!" He clenched his hands together. "I
want her to smile at me the way you two smile at each other. But
then I worry that she's just… being kind to me to help keep me from
going down there and destroying everything… And even if she's not,
the pressure of that risk is going to poison anything between us."
He slumped in the chair. "I think I love her. I want to. And I hate the
part of me that hears the Call and wants to listen. She belongs in this
world. I don't."
Asuka and Shinji looked at each other. "Me?" Shinji mouthed to her
in confusion. Asuka shrugged, just as mystified. "I guess you're just
that damn popular among Eva Pilots, baka mine. I wonder if I need
to worry about Hikari getting the hots for you now too." She turned
back to Kaworu, examining him carefully. "… She trusts you. And
she knows all this, and yet more that we don't. That's good enough.
You're hot, talented, willing to go this far for her and us, and you did
your best to protect her in that battle. I think you're worthy enough if
Rei does, Trout. So SEELE put this thing in your head? And messed
with your memories? To make you more liable to follow it, I bet. How
can we help?"
Kaworu brushed his hand over his dropped violin. "Music.

Friendship. Trust. You have no idea how much watching you two
love each other helps, too. And Ayanami gives me more hope than I
believed possible. All of that helps. I just hope you're still so good to
me after we can finally tell you everything."
"And when is that?" Shinji asked, shaking off his confused

speculation on what Kaworu meant about loving him. "You… after all
the things we have learned about SEELE and my family's plans,
what could you tell us that you're so afraid is worse?"
Kaworu looked him in the eye. "There are two more Angels. After the
next one, I think… we should tell you. When there's just the last one
left." He seemed calmed by the idea.
"Why then?" Asuka said.
"You'll understand when we tell you."
Asuka didn't look entirely happy, but nodded. "In the meantime…
What does Rei think of you?"
Kaworu looked to the side. "She… when I asked her out, she said
she would consider it, if we didn't have to hide the fact we're not
enemies from NERV. And she… er… gave me… this… box." He
started turning red.
"Box?"
Redder and redder. "Um… I… she… please do not tell her this.
She… um… gave me a box… of… pictures. Of her. To… keep my
mind off the Call, when the nights are bad," he said haltingly, then
finished in a rush.
Asuka and Shinji's eyebrows rose. "… what kind of pictures?" Shinji
asked, a little pink himself.
"The kind that were… meant for you two. As a gift. Um. She… gave
them to me after… a bad night. Er… she also told me not to mention
them. Um."
"Let me get this straight. Rei, our Rei, took those kind of pictures…
to give to Shinji and I… and then gave them to you… to help you
fight SEELE's brainwashing? Have I got all that right?"
Kaworu nodded, looking like he didn't know whether to run and hide,
or stay put. Asuka looming over him was a potent argument for the
former.
"But she trusts you, likes you, and you think you might love her?"
Another nod, a little firmer.

Asuka stared at him hard. She looked back to Shinji. He met her
gaze for moment, then nodded. She turned back to Kaworu. "We
love her, and she loves us. You hurt her, and no power in the
universe can save you from us, you got it? But if you think you can
make our Rei happy…"
Kaworu turned his head away. "I don't deserve her."
Asuka snorted. "And I don't deserve Shinji. But he loves me

anyway." Shinji made a protesting sound. Asuka just reached back
and took his hand, a smile playing on her lips. "If you think you don't
deserve her, earn it, stupid fish."
He looked up at her, almost pleadingly. "What if I can't?"
"Then you better die trying," Asuka said firmly. "No one gets to break
our Rei's heart. You think you love her, than you better be 200%
serious about it, Trout. You better make her as happy as Shinji
makes me."
"You said you had something you wanted to show us, Kaworu-kun,"
Shinji spoke up. "Ah… it wasn't those pictures, was it?"
Kaworu flushed again. "No. It was… something else." He rose, and

walked over to his bedroom. He opened the door, and pointed at the
far wall. "I… it's that. I meant it when I said she gives me so much
hope."
Asuka and Shinji walked up behind him. Inside his room a collage of
more regular pictures dotted a whiteboard, a message written in
between the shots.
An array of pictures of Rei Ayanami, smiling, walking, sitting at

school, eating lunch, all framed four words.
"'Do it for her,'" Shinji read.

Asuka nodded, satisfied. "Oh yeah… the Rainbow Trout is serious.
Good."
Ritsuko shut down the scanner and sat back, a weary sigh escaping
her lips. "That's about the limit of what I can do for your AT-Field,
Rei. The backlash will take a little while to settle, but you shouldn't
see any major long-term effects." Ritsuko frowned. "Aside from the
loss of the backups, I mean."
Rei opened her eyes and gave a tiny shrug. "I… will need time to
digest this, Doctor. I have… for as long as I can remember, I have
not feared death. I have longed for it. Now… I do not. There is still
one more Angel to fight, and the Commander will likely order me to
be… cautious, now that I am not so… easily replaced." She drifted
downward as the tall cylinder of LCL drained and slowly opened.
"Two more Angels, Rei," Ritsuko said as she handed the girl a towel.
Rei shook her head. "The Fifth Child is… not going to oppose us.
Nor do I wish him to die. It is only the other Angel that I am worried
about. I… cannot…" Rei stopped, her hands shaking. "I cannot die.
What if I forget my friends? The ones that love me? I…"
Ritsuko looked worried as well. "Do… do you want to another full

backup, Rei? Just in case? I know it only helps somewhat but…"
Rei shook her head. "It is something the Commander will notice and
question."
"I can try telling him we should as a result of this attack?"
"Perhaps. What good will it do?"

"Rei, I can still… maybe salvage something from the remains."
Rei still did not look up from her towel. "I cannot die. They cannot
die. He cannot die. No one."
Ritsuko didn't know how to respond, so she turned back to the desk
where the control station sat and picked up a couple of pills. "Here,
these will help with the rest of the shock symptoms. It's just some
beta-blockers. Are you sure you don't want even a light sedative?"
Rei looked up at her. "Why?"
Ritsuko looked at the computer. "He sent an email. He wants you to

report to his office as soon as you're done here."
Rei had reported in as ordered. As ever, she stood silently, far back
from any close approach to his desk, not quite at a position of
attention, but perfectly still, face blank, and waiting for him to give
her orders.
Orders he had not yet entirely formulated. Having the First Child
standing in front of him had returned his thoughts to the tightly
furious roil they'd been in since Doctor Akagi had informed him of the
full extent of SEELE's strike against the Dummy Plug system.
'The old men think they have crippled me. I will let them believe that.
They underestimate my resolve. And by striking at the Dummy
Plugs, they have unwittingly revealed the limits of what they know. I
was right to keep my contingencies ready.'
'They did not strike at the First Child directly. They know she is still
required as the only truly trustworthy Pilot, and the key to
Instrumentality. They likely expect her to be used to neutralize the
Fifth Child.'
'The Second Child is expendable, useful only as a means to control

the Third. The Third Child is useful as a Pilot for Unit-01. The Fourth
Child is expendable, no real value besides as a way to block the old
men from putting their agent in Unit-03. The Fifth Child is a target
that only serves as a means to control the timing of the final moves.
They may attempt a strike at the Second, Third, or Fourth. I will
increase security, but leave gaps. With a little luck, SEELE's
assassins will make their attempt through those gaps. We will be
ready.'
'They obviously expect me to react to this. Their expectations will be

their downfall. They think by eliminating the First Child's backup
clones they will push me to withdraw her into the Geofront for
protection. A place they have already demonstrated they can
penetrate at will. Therefore, I will confound them by refusing that
move.'
"Rei."
"Sir."
"Status report."
"The destruction of my clones cause a backlash that resulted in

unconsciousness, exacerbated by the remnant damage from the last
Angel. I am recovering without additional effects, though I can still
feel the minor alteration to my AT-Field. I am currently able to Pilot."
Gendo nodded minutely. "SEELE's attack on the Dummy Plug

system is meant to force certain moves, among them pulling you into
the Geofront. They can strike here, so we will not. I will increase
Section 2 coverage of you and the other Children. Ignore them and
continue your routine, but be aware for threats."
"Yes, sir."
"You are authorized to use low-level AT-Field effects for defense and
attack if necessary. This close to the end, we cannot allow you to be
damaged. Replacement is now difficult. You are important to the
success of the Scenario, Rei."
"Yes, sir."
Rei's face was as blank as ever, but she appeared to hesitate. "Sir…
what of the Fifth Child?"
"SEELE will not direct him to attack until the next Angel is dead. As
long as we keep him under observation and prevent him from
making any moves toward Terminal Dogma, he will not break that
schedule. I intend to deploy him against the next Angel. No matter
how that battle ends, we will have one less Angel to deal with. In the
event both of them are destroyed, be prepared to move to Terminal
Dogma on short notice. SEELE may attempt to move against NERV
once the last Angel is dead. We cannot allow that to stop us."
"What do you want me to do with him for now?" Rei said after a
moment of silence.
"Doctor Akagi's adjustment of your medication has controlled your

reaction to him?"
"Yes, sir. I believe he no longer regards me as a threat. He seems to

think I will present no obstacle to him in the event he makes a try at
Terminal Dogma. I have attempted to feed this impression with
appearances of passivity and acting weaker than I am."
"Good. Continue this. Once the next Angel is dead, I will instruct you
when the time is right to eliminate Tabris."
"Yes, sir."
"Return to your residence, Rei. Give no appearance anything has

changed."
"What do I tell the Second and Third Children, or Major Katsuragi
when they ask what happened to me?"
"Attribute it to your injuries from the last battle, and the treatment for
it. They know nothing of what Doctor Akagi did about that. That will
suffice. Tell them nothing further."
"Yes, sir."
Rei turned and left, the doors to his office closing behind her with a
muffled thud. He stared into the dim red light of his office, not seeing
the blood red designs of the Kabbalistic diagrams in the ceiling. His
eyes were a thousand miles away.
'The time is close. Akagi is becoming unreliable, but even she does
not know about my contingencies. Secrecy is security. I am coming,
Yui. I will save you. I promise. The world for you.'
Misato's face lightened considerably when the elevator doors

opened to reveal Ritsuko escorting a tired looking Rei Ayanami.
She'd told Shinji and Asuka she wasn't coming home tonight without
Rei, but that intention was starting to wither as the hours crept on
and Ritsuko refused to say anything in reply to her repeated text
messages than 'Treating Rei now, will release her as soon as I can.'
She smiled at the First Child, who had her full 'blank mask' look on at
the moment. "Rei, how do you feel?"
Rei met her eyes steadily. "I am alright, Major Katsuragi. We may
proceed home."
Misato looked up at Ritsuko. "So, do I get anything more about what

happened?" she said coolly. "Rei passed out about the same time
those spies did… whatever they did in your deep lab you refuse to
tell me about. I don't believe that's a coincidence, Doctor."
Ritsuko flicked a look at Rei. "I've told you, Major, that lab is
classified above your level."
Misato's eyes narrowed. "I need to know if S… someone is targeting

my Pilots, Doctor Akagi. I don't like not knowing what's happening to
them. Is this attack something that's going to happen again? Is Rei
going to be affected like this again? Do I need to start planning for
one of the Children suddenly passing out while at the controls of an
Evangelion?" she pressed.
Ritsuko hesitated. "This is… no. This is not something that

represents any kind of future threat to the First Child. The
Commander has ordered increased Section 2 coverage around the
Pilots. Any further attacks will not be allowed to get to them," she
said carefully.
Misato didn't look pleased. "Doctor Akagi, I need to kno-"
"This is neither the time or the place for arguing with the
Commander's classification, Major," Ritsuko interrupted. She flicked
her eyes at the ceiling meaningfully. "You'll just have to be satisfied
with what he wants you to know for now." She looked at the ceiling
again.
Misato pressed her lips tightly together, but subsided. "Fine. I'm
taking Rei home. We'll discuss this later."
Ritsuko nodded, sighing. "I'm sorry, Misato."
Misato just stared at her for a moment, then sighed herself. "Roger,
Rits. See you later. We'll have you over for dinner or something."
She turned back to Rei. "Come on, Rei. I think there are people at
home worried about you."
Rei nodded briefly. "Yes," she agreed, inflectionless and calm.
Misato had to move fast to keep up with Rei's rapid steps out the
doors and towards her car, though.
Misato waited until the surface tunnel exit was a few hundred meters
in the rear-view mirror before she said anything. "So… what can you
tell me that Rits wouldn't, Rei?"
Rei let out a tiny sigh. "I am afraid I cannot tell you much, Major. This
is… related to the things I am still unready to discuss."
"Anything, Rei? I'm worried. And there's an apartment full of people

we're heading to that are just as worried, and will ask you what
happened. Why did you pass out? What is down there Rits won't tell
me about?" Misato paused. "I… already know about the Angel," she
said quietly. Her voice roughened. " Adam ."
Rei turned her head to look at Misato for the first time, eyes widening
a fraction. "… I see. No, it is… something else. There are… systems
in Doctor Akagi's lab I am… associated with. Part of the Dummy
Plug system. SEELE attacked and destroyed them. The backlash
knocked me out."
Misato glanced at Rei before returning her eyes to the road. "Jesus,
Rei… what are Rits and the Commander doing to you down there?
Are they… messing with your mind like SEELE did to Kaworu? Is
this something that can happen again?"
Rei shook her head. "This will not happen again, Major. That system
is… gone. Doctor Akagi will not let me come to any harm on that
front, either."
Misato pursed her lips. "Rei, you've already told us that you can't
clearly remember anything past about a year ago because of all the
drugs they had you on. You can't remember anything before Tokyo-3
or your parents. I think I'm justified in worrying about Ritsuko's
treatment of you, even if she's turned over a new leaf."
Rei looked down at her lap. "I wish I could explain, Major. You would
understand, I hope."
"Try me."
Rei shook her head again. "We are still… afraid. Unready."
"When, then?"
"After the next Angel," Rei said sadly. "We will all have to… decide
what to do then. If that last Angel… dies, there is no longer anything
preventing SEELE or the Commander from attempting their own
endgames. So we must discuss our actions before that."
Misato chewed on that for a moment. "'We are still afraid'? You and
Kaworu-kun? Why him too? Is what happened to you related to
SEELE's messing with his memories? Are they up to some kind of
psychic research?"
Rei hesitated again. "No, not like that. He is just… he is honestly on

our side now, but he is afraid of he might still… do what they want."
Misato glanced at her again. "Are they… they can't be holding his
family hostage. That's no use if he can't remember them. Do they
have some kind of hold over him?"
"When SEELE sent him from Germany, he left with a… compulsion.

To go down into the Geofront and destroy everything. We refer to it
as 'the Call'. I am helping him fight it. Friendship, being around the
rest of us, music, it all helps him. This is why we spend a good
amount of time playing as a quartet, for example. He does not want
to listen to the Call, but it is persistent. He is a friend, so I do not wish
things to reach the point where we… have to stop him the hard way."
"You don't want him to die?" Misato asked gently.
Rei snapped her face around to stare at Misato.
Misato kept her eyes on the road. "You screamed that one, Rei. I
wasn't trying to eavesdrop. And I don't hold it against you. He's a
nice kid. It's not his fault SEELE monkeyed around with his head. It's
good that you're helping him. I just wish you'd tell me all this, so I
and the rest of your friends aren't fighting blind. The stakes are kind
of high, here."
She dug a hand into her jacket's inner pocket. "Speaking of which,
let's tell that apartment full of worried people we're on our way."
Two rings, and a shy male voice answered. "Hello, Katsuragi

residence."
"And the Katsuragi will soon be in residence. Hello, Shin-chan. I've

got our lost lamb, and we're about 15 minutes out."
"Misato-san! You do? That's great!" Shinji's voice grew fainter.

"Asuka! Kaworu-kun! It's Misato-san, she's bringing Rei home right
now!"
Running footsteps and an eager voice in the background made

Misato smile for the first time all afternoon. It warmed her heart to
see how much the Children cared about each other now. A far cry
from the anger and painful isolation they'd all been soaking in 8
months ago.
"Misato-san, can we talk to Rei?" Shinji asked.
Misato chuckled and handed her phone over to the First Child. "Here
you go, Rei. Some worried friends want to hear your voice."
Rei accepted the phone with a tiny smile. "Hello?"

"Rei! Are you alright? Do you feel ok? What happened?" Shinji said,
his voice happy despite the questions.
"I am alright, Shinji. You and Asuka do not need to worry about me."
"Kaworu-kun too! He's here with us! He was… really worried about
you, Rei. He… told us what you've done for him."
Rei's eyebrows climbed higher. "… Oh? Let me speak to him,

please."
"Sure, Rei! I'm starting dinner now. We ate already, but I've got yours
ready to go. It will be hot and on the table as soon as you're here!
Misato's too. Here's Kaworu-kun!" Shinji murmured something she
couldn't hear, and the phone produced some indistinct noises as it
was passed over.
"R-… Ayanami?"
"Rainbow Trout," Rei said, coolly. "I understand you have been
worrying."
"Yes! And I was-"
"And that you've been… telling them things?"
Kaworu skidded to a halt. "Er… yes. A little."
Rei let a very loud silence hang over the phone.
"…..I was worried," Kaworu said in a very small voice. "You… scared
me, falling unconscious like that."
"I am… alright now, stupid fish," Rei said, her voice perhaps a single
notch softer. "We will speak more about it later. Tomorrow, perhaps. I
will be home shortly. In the meantime, stop worrying yourself into
doing anything foolish."
"As you wish," he said softly.

Rei pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at the phone for
long moment.
She clicked the 'end call' button and handed it back to Misato. "Shinji
is preparing dinners for us both right now. We do not need to get
takeout."
"Ahh, good! Shin-chan's cooking is always better, hot and fresh."

Misato stomped on the gas and tried to get them home a little faster.
The door to Misato's apartment opened to reveal a smiling Second

and Third Child waiting for Rei. She was quickly pulled inside by two
pairs of hands and swept around the corner and into the apartment.
As soon as Misato let the door close behind her, her loves pulled her
into another close hug. "Welcome home, Rei!" they said together.
Rei sighed, letting their warmth and Light soothe her still raw AT-
Field. The two people that made her feel so much better just being
near… the two Lights… wait… three? She opened her eyes again.
Kaworu was hovering nervously behind Shinji and Asuka, about a
meter back. Again, he was shaping his own AT-Field to carefully,
gently buffer hers. It was like a plush comforter, padding any bumps
and edges between her and the rest of the world outside her and the
other two Children. "Kaworu," she nodded at him.
Shinji cracked his eyes open too, and looked back. "Come on,
Kaworu-kun. I think she wouldn't mind you too." He and Asuka
shifted to Rei's sides, opening enough room for Kaworu to join the
hug around Rei.
Kaworu's eyes met Rei's. He smiled nervously, sweat beading his

temple. He looked the question at her.
Rei considered for a moment, then nodded minutely. Kaworu
carefully approached, gingerly putting his arms around her as well.
"Welcome home."
Rei luxuriated in the combination for a moment. "I'm home," she

responded. Her arms already being occupied by Shinji and Asuka,
she pressed her chin against his shoulder. "It is good to see you,
stupid fish," she said in a whisper so soft only he could hear it. "What
did you tell them?"
Kaworu stiffened. "Er… the Call… and… um…" He gulped. "… the
box."
Rei pulled back, eyes wide. "You…"
Asuka raised her head. "Eh? What's wrong, Rei?"
"… I may need to rip Kaworu's head off."
"Eeep," the Fifth Child said very quietly. His arms dropped away and
he took a small step back. "Um…"
Shinji looked puzzled too. "Why do yo-… oh. Um… don't be too mad,
Rei. He was almost freaking out from worry. And it's… we
understand why you did it." He looked at the doorway to the living
room, where Misato had just smiled as she passed their group hug
and went to change out of her work clothes. "And… um… we…
we're happy you… um… were going to give it to us. But we also
want to help Kaworu."
"I… do not need pictures of you and Miss Soryu?" Kaworu said,
confused.
Rei started to turn red.
Asuka burst out laughing. "Ah, that's not what we meant, neuer
Fisch. That would be for Rei only."
"Asuka!" Shinji and Rei said in stereo. All four of them were red now,
though Asuka's was from mirth.
Asuka pulled Rei out of Shinji's grip and led her towards the table.
"Finish up her dinner, baka mine. We've got a hungry Rei to feed and
wrap up in a blanket."
Author's Note: I apologize for the long gap. I'm currently in Baghdad,
and spent the last month getting ready to deploy, in transit, and
settling in. It's not the worst deployment I've had so far: Bagdad
means a good pay bump from Hazard Pay, I get to bunk at the US
Embassy complex, and I am on night shift so I miss most of the heat.
A&T has now been stretched across 3 deployments, to Afghanistan,
Kuwait, and now Iraq. This fic gets around, doesn't it?
While I was waiting for an 'appropriate spot' for a post break to come
up, I let things pile up a bit. I just checked, and I've got 8,400 words
backed up not yet posted on FFnet. So, time to fix that.
Thank you all for waiting, and I hope you enjoy TsundeRei and her
Fish. TsundeReinbowTrout is out of the bag, partly, and Kaworu has
no idea how to handle it. Neither does Rei, really. Keep in mind,
though, Gendo and SEELE are still out there, and starting to move.
Advice and Trust
Chapter 10.6
Rei rolled over and stared through the wall. Major Katsuragi and
Inspector Kaji were making their usual warm lightshow just on the
other side of the wall. Behind them, on the far side of the apartment,
her loves far greater glow throbbed and blazed, still the most
glorious and reassuring sight Rei had ever known. Both pairs were
gentle enough that being so close did not rub against Rei's AT-Field
in any painful way. Not after a week of recovery and help from her
friends, at least.
Her friends. Yes, she had to admit, Kaworu's presence and careful
shaping of his AT-Field when around her had been a help too. Not
quite to the level that being near Shinji and Asuka had been, but a…
gentle one. A not unpleasant one. One she… did not mind being
around.
She directed her eyes downward. Several floors below his unique,
strange Light flickered in it's usual pattern of colors that had no name
in Japanese, or any other human tongue. Her eyes narrowed a
fraction. It was doing that same spark-flare beat it had done several
times a day over the last week, during both the nights and the times
Shinji and Asuka had been at school. He was doing the same thing
again. Whatever it was, it left his Light stronger and more stable in
the aftermath.
Her phone trilled once at her. Rei blinked and rolled over to reach for
it. The number to her NERV-issued phone was known to only a
handful of people, most of whom were in this building. The remaining
people who might call her, especially at this hour of the night, was
very small. Peering at the screen, Rei found it wasn't even a call. For
the first time, someone had used the SMS text message system to
send her a note. A few button presses brought it up.
STILL WORKING ON VOICE, BUT SMS SYSTEM NOT NEARLY

AS HARD TO SPOOF. I'VE TURNED OFF THE MAGI LOGGING
FOR THEM. YOU CAN TEXT BETWEEN THE PILOT'S PHONES
FREELY. AS LONG AS NO ONE SEES YOU TYPE THEM, NO ONE
WILL CHECK. I HOPE THIS HELPS FOR NOW. I'LL KEEP TRYING
ON THE REST.
Rei let a tiny smile form. Doctor Akagi had come through. And as
much as she wanted to send the first message to Shinji and Asuka,
she could tell from their Lights they were… not in a state to be
disturbed. And this was supposed to be so she could talk to the Fish
anyhow. Fortunately, his number was already programmed into her
phone as the Fifth Child. And he was definitely still awake. Rei sat up
and started typing on the number pad.
DOCTOR AKAGI HAS SECURED THE SMS MESSAGE SYSTEM

FOR OUR USE. WHENEVER THE CALL IS BAD, OR YOU NEED
TO TALK, SEND TO ME.
Several floors below, Kaworu jumped as his phone chirped at him.

He had been in deep… contemplation, and the interruption was a
small shock. He lost his grip on what he was holding and reached for
the phone almost in reflex. It took him a moment to figure out the
message alert, but he smiled on reading it. He began to type back.
THAT IS VERY GOOD TO HEAR, AYANAMI. I WAS JUST

THINKING OF YOU.
Almost immediately he got a reply.

ARE YOU… USING THE BOX? RIGHT NOW?
"Um…" he looked down at his lap. "Yes?" he typed back.
There was a pause.
YOU STUPID FISH! YOU TOLD THEM! I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO

THAT! I MAY NEED TO KILL YOU. TOMORROW. IF NOT
SOONER!
He looked up. Ayanami's Song was… as angry as her Light. Uh oh.

He typed fast.
I PANICKED, I'M SORRY! I THOUGHT YOU WERE… YOU

WERE…
He hit send after he spent a full minute trying to finish the sentence.
He tried again.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO YOU,

AYANAMI. I TOLD THEM BECAUSE YOU TRUST THEM, AND I
NEEDED… I DON'T WANT TO FEAR I'LL LISTEN TO THE CALL
BECAUSE SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU. i DON'T WANT TO
BE DEPENDENT ON YOU LIKE THAT, IN A WAY THAT PUTS
RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY OWN FLAW ON YOU.
A moment later he added, I DON'T WANT TO BE A BURDEN.
There was a longer pause.
DO NOT THINK BEING CONSIDERATE AND SWEET LIKE THAT

GETS YOU OUT OF ME KILLING YOU IN THE MORNING, TROUT.
I AM STILL UPSET YOU TOLD THEM. YOU ARE LUCKY THEY
ARE UNDERSTANDING.
He smiled in the dim room, lit only by the single lamp near his futon
that let him see what lay in his lap. Despite her words, he could
already sense Ayanami's anger ebbing some after his explanation.
He typed back. THEY ARE. THEY ARE WONDERFUL. THEY ARE
BOTH… SO ALIVE. SO MUCH JOY IN THEM. I SEE WHY THE ME
IN OTHER WORLDS COULD LOVE HIM SO EASILY. I AM
AMAZED THAT I DO NOT DO THE SAME FOR THE SECOND
CHILD NEARLY AS OFTEN. STRANGE.
The response was faster this time. ASUKA WAS MUCH MORE
ANGRY AND HARD TO TALK TO BEFORE SHE AND SHINJI FELL
IN LOVE. I DISLIKED HER, AND SHE ME. NOW SHE MEANS THE
WORLD TO ME, AS DOES HE. PEOPLE CHANGE. LOVE IS… IT
CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING.
Kaworu hesitated. DID THEY TELL YOU ANYTHING ELSE?
Long pause. WHAT DID YOU DO, STUPID FISH?
He gulped in both fear and relief. NOTHING!
Not a very long pause. Just the tell-tale prickle on his AT-Field that
someone was looking at him. Or more precisely, glaring at him from
four stories above. He could practically feel the back of his neck
heating up.
KAWORU NAGISA, WHAT DID YOU DO?
He typed very fast. I JUST SHOWED THEM MY PICTURES OF

YOU!
The glare from above intensified. YOU. WHAT?
NOT THE BOX PICTURES! THE OTHER ONES!
The glare dropped from 'imminent death' to mere 'targeting laser'.

WHAT 'OTHER ONES'?
JUST… PICTURES OF YOU. AT SCHOOL. AT LUNCH. WALKING,

STUDYING, SMILING. REGULAR ONES. I ASKED KENSUKE FOR
THEM. HE SAID HE WOULDN'T DO… THE OTHER KIND
WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION.
Another long pause. GOOD .
He hesitated for a long time over the next message. But… he could
not lie to her. Especially not about this. I ALSO TOLD THEM… I
LIKE YOU. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
Several minutes of silence. The glare disappeared.
GO TO SLEEP, RAINBOW TROUT. I'LL MOST LIKELY KILL YOU IN

THE MORNING.
He let out a breath. With only slightly shaking hands he typed back,
AS YOU WISH.
He put his phone down and went right back to what he'd been doing
before the first message arrived, The Box open at the side of his
futon. His hand stopped shaking.
In the light from the one lamp, Rei Ayanami smiled shyly up at him
from the picture in his lap. The others were all safely tucked away in
the box. Kaworu smiled back. It was a while before he closed The
Box, put the picture under his pillow, and turned off the lamp.
Four stories up, Rei glared at her phone one last time, and then at
the glow far below her. "Stupid fish," she muttered. She put her
phone away and laid back down to sleep.
The walk to school in the morning was sunny and warm, a normal
December day for Tokyo-3. The group of Pilots had left their
apartment building in plenty of time to make it to school at a leisurely
pace. Once they started out, however, one of their quartet dropped
back very quickly.
Asuka threw another look back over her shoulder. Kaworu was still
hanging a good twenty meters behind them. He smiled when Asuka
made eye contact, though.
Asuka turned back to her friend. "Rei?"
"Yes."
"Why is the Rainbow Trout staying back like he's afraid you might
explode?"
"Because I might kill him."
Shinji looked back at Kaworu, then back at Rei. "Er… because of…
um… that Box?"
"Yes."
Asuka snorted. Shinji somewhat awkwardly patted Rei on the

shoulder as they all kept walking. "Don't be too mad at him, Rei.
He… didn't mean to embarrass you. He was really worried about you
yesterday. He… ah… spent most of the ride down to the Geofront
holding your hand and trying not to panic."
Rei frowned slightly and looked back at the grey-haired boy. "He's
still a stupid fish. I told him not to tell anyone about that Box. It is…
embarrassing."
Asuka cleared her throat and looked away. "I… um, it's ok, Rei.
We… we appreciate that… you were really going to give Shinji and I
a bunch of pictures of you er…" She waved her hands vaguely. "Er…
posing?" she finished awkwardly.
Rei nodded, pinking some herself. "Yes. I wanted to show you

both… that I would… not mind. If you looked at me. With… love."
"Boy, am I glad Hikari isn't walking to school with us today," Shinji

said in a slightly strangled voice. "Um… thank you, Rei. I… gods, I'm
the luckiest guy in the world."
Asuka made a questioning noise. Shinji rubbed the back of his head.
"I… I don't believe my luck. The two most beautiful girls I've ever met
both love me, I get to love them back, and trust me to… I don't know,
everything: watch your backs in battle, live with them, share secrets
we wouldn't tell anyone else, s-stay with you at night…"
Asuka shot a look at Rei. Rei nodded. "I would. But never… intrude."
"And…" Shinji looked nervously around. "Um… all that other stuff.
Our… family matters."
"Yeah… and I could say all the exact same things," Asuka said.
"Which makes it… Rei, it's unbelievably sweet that you gave that
Box to the Rainbow Trout, knowing what's in it and how hard it must
have been for you. He… it really helps him with the…?" She made
circles in the air, pointing at her temple.
Rei nodded again. "It… keeps his mind on other things. I… have an
effect on him."
Asuka laughed. "I'll say! He…" Asuka's smile shifted to a serious

look. "Rei… he likes you. A lot."
Rei stared straight ahead. "I know. He told me last night. And… other
times."
"Last night?" Shinji asked.
"Doctor Akagi has deactivated the MAGI monitoring of the text

message function on our mobile phones. We can now communicate
freely with them, so long as no one sees us use them so and wonder
why there are no logs if they check. I used mine last night to… make
sure the Fifth Child was aware of this, and to inform him to message
me if the Call was ever bad while he was alone." Rei's lips pressed
into a frown. "He proved to be… looking at the Box at the time. He
did apologize for telling you both about it, but I am still somewhat
angry with him."
Rei scowled. "Stupid fish ! I told him not to! He doesn't listen ! He's
such an idiot ! A brainless, hormone-addled panicky twit ! I'm going
to stuff those pictures up his nose when we get home from school!
That idiot ! Why do I even let him come near me?!"
Asuka made a choked gurgle in her throat. Then again. Then she
burst into howling laughter until she had to grip her sides and wipe
away tears. "Oh Gott ! Ahahahaha! Yes! That's hilarious ! Hahahah!
Oh, Rei, you are the best ! You have been learning from me, haven't
you?"
Rei looked at her, puzzled. "What?"
Asuka pointed a finger at her, smirking widely. "You, my dear First

Child, sound exactly like I used to about this baka right here!" She
gently poked her other hand at Shinji's cheek. "And I know now what
it meant when I did that!" She blew Shinji a kiss with a wink.
Rei pouted, and turned her head back to face forward. "I… do not
sound like that."
"Just saying…" Asuka giggled some more.
Rei just grumbled.
Shinji and Asuka waited. "So…" they said in stereo.
Rei's head sank slightly. "So?"
"Rei, he showed us stuff yesterday… he's serious. He… wants to

ask you out," Asuka said. "I mean… right before you passed out
yesterday, you even said he had, and you were… considering it?"
"I have," Rei said very quietly.
She could feel the stares from her friends. "I… Commander Ikari
and… the others… think us enemies. That I am only able to tolerate
the Fifth Child thanks to the increased dosage of drugs Commander
Ikari believes I am still taking. We… if we do any more than merely
get along in public, too many eyes would see," she said, almost
tonelessly.
Shinji and Asuka looked at each other for a moment. "But… do you
want to, Rei?" Shinji asked.
"I… cannot," Rei said hints of fear in her voice. "If… if the
Commander or… others found we were… not enemies, they would
not… tolerate it. They would kill him, or me, or all of us." Her voice
dropped to little more than a whisper. "… I don't want him to die."
Silence broken only by their footsteps reigned for a while. Shinji and
Asuka exchanged another glance, this one with more fear in it. They
both looked back at Kaworu, who noticed their paled faces, and
started walking faster to catch up.
"Rei… why… why would the sight of you two being… friends cause
that? What is so bad about you and he-"
"Asuka, please !" Rei burst out. "It… it hurts enough already!"
"What hurts? Are you alright, Ayanami?" Kaworu said, reaching

them.
Rei did not appear to hear him. "If I so much as smile at him, Asuka,
it could… doom us all. I cannot."
A tense silence hung over the group.
Shinji finally broke it. "But do you want to?" he asked quietly.
Rei stopped walking and turned to face them. She locked eyes with
Shinji, resolutely refusing to look at Kaworu. "He is my friend. We
share more of our pasts than I ever could have expected. And he
has… never given me reason to doubt he wants to help us all, no
matter… no matter the cost to himself. He is patient, kind, selfless,
braver than he thinks he is, and…. and… he is just like me. I have
considered it, Shinji. And I hate that I cannot say yes."
Rei shot one wounded look at Kaworu, then spun on her heel and
sped off towards the school in a walk so fast it was practically a run.
She did not look back.
"Who was she talking about?" Kaworu said, breaking Shinji and
Asuka out of their shocked stillness.
Asuka numbly shook her head. "I… Rainbow Trout, you are a giant
ball of trouble. But you may be good enough for our Rei after all."
"Huh?"
Asuka turned to face him, taking Shinji's hand as she did. "And you
are going to tell us everything after the next one, Trout. I won't stand
for watching Rei hurt like this any longer than that."
Kaworu blinked. A look of understanding blossomed on his face.

"Ah. Yes. I will. We will. I promise. We… we both are going to need
your support when that happens. And I am… I do not like seeing her
like this either. Is… there anything I can do? Wait… she wasn't
talking about me, was she?"
Asuka turned back towards the school and started walking again,
Shinji in step right beside her. "Heel, Trout. We're not there yet."
Not fifteen minutes into the morning lecture, Rei's laptop pinged as a
private message arrived.
A. Soryu: Rei?
R. Ayanami: I do not want to talk about it.
A. Soryu:… later?
R. Ayanami: Maybe.
A. Soryu: Ok. Just message me or Shinji if you need. You know

we… care.
R. Ayanami: Yes. Thank you.

Rei returned to staring out the window, making a good imitation of
her old habit. It attracted no attention, and helpfully kept her eyes
pointed well away from the Fifth Child. She could hear her loves
typing quietly but steadily away at their own laptops, with several
glances thrown at Rei. She knew they were discussing her, Kaworu,
and what she'd just said. She could feel the worry and care for her
pouring off them. It was the sole comforting facet of her morning. For
the first time in a long time, Rei wished she was not sitting there next
to them. She suddenly wanted to… just run. Flee. Be somewhere
else. Be somewhere… not here, where she could feel him looking at-
Her computer pinged quietly again. Another private message. She

flicked a look at her screen.
It was him. Of course it was him.
K. Nagisa: Ayanami-san, are you alright? You look… disturbed.

Unhappy. I… I apologize again for… telling them.
Rei frowned. She glanced at him briefly, across the room. He was
staring at her with a worried, pleading look. She typed out a brief
reply.
R. Ayanami: It is not about that, Kaworu. Do not ask what it is, I do

not want to talk about it.
After a moment, she got a reply.
K. Nagisa: Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?
R. Ayanami: I said I do not want to talk about it.
K. Nagisa: I feel responsible. Were you talking about me before

you… left the group this morning?
R. Ayanami: What part of 'I do not want to talk about it' was unclear?
She could feel him flinch from across the room, his Light flickering
even as she looked away. She gave him a brief, apologetic look.
R. Ayanami: I apologize. That was needlessly harsh. Not here, not
now.
K. Nagisa:….later?
R. Ayanami: Maybe.
K. Nagisa: Lunchtime?
Rei just turned away and stared out the window again. Stupid Fish…
why did he have to make everything so difficult ?
The bell ringing for lunch was no sound of freedom. She could feel
him staring at her as they all gathered their lunches and headed up
to the roof.
Rei waved Shinji, Asuka, and the others past as they went up the
last narrow staircase to the roof door. Kaworu looked at her hopefully
as he reached her.
"You need to sit on the far side of the circle from me, Kaworu. We
must uphold the appearance we are not friends. Understand?"
His face fell, and he slowly nodded. He turned to head up the stairs
with a sad look.
She caught his shoulder forcing him to face her again. He blinked.
Rei carefully met his eyes. "That is not true, though. We are . For life.
For hope. Remember that."
His Light flared into a brilliant, colorful display, as wild and elegant as
much it was still strange to her, a gorgeous smile breaking out on his
face. "Yes," he said, "we are. Thank you."
"I am still mad at you for telling them about the Box. But we will
discuss this morning later. Perhaps this afternoon. Not here, though."
"As you wish."
Rei firmly held tight control of her Light, refusing to let it change, and
stared right at him. "Get up to the roof, Rainbow Trout," she said
evenly.
He smiled wider as he turned back and headed up the stairs, his

steps lighter than before.
"Knock knock. Can I come in and pester you for a bit?"
Ritsuko looked up from her computer, peering at her old friend over
the top of her glasses. "'Come in and pester me'? Would saying 'no'
do any good? It's never stopped you before."
Major Katsuragi gave her a half-smile from where she leaned against
the doorframe of Ritsuko's office. "True, but it felt polite to ask. I've
been trying to catch you here for a talk for days, but you're never in.
Always down in your lab with Lieutenant Ibuki?" Misato raised an
eyebrow.
A small bolt of mixed embarrassment and fear shot through her. A

blush wanted to heat her face as precisely what she and Maya spent
a lot of time down there doing, and terror that Misato even obliquely
mentioned it in here. "We're doing what we can to recover from the
sabotage those moles inflicted," she said, keeping her face blank.
"Mmm, yes, the sabotage I'm not even cleared for the details on,"
Misato grumbled. She pushed off the doorframe and walked inside,
settling into one of the chairs facing Ritsuko's desk. She swept a
look over the piles of papers that nearly created a continuous wall
around Ritsuko's monitor. "Almost half as much as is on my desk, I
see."
"So why don't you go back there and do some of it?" Ritsuko said,
giving her a flat look. "Like I said, we are busy. The recovery is on
top of the special projects we were working on before that, some of
them personally directed by the Commander."
"Because we haven't spent enough time together in the last couple

months, and I wanted to catch up," Misato said smoothly. "I was
impressed by the thoroughness and attention to detail in those
treatment notes you gave me for Rei's recovery from the Angel, and
wanted to thank you. Plus, you and I have a lot more to talk about
than we can squeeze into a day on the clock. All that non-work
related stuff. You know, like we used to do?"
Ritsuko's fingers only froze for half a second on the keyboard.

'Translation: She wants to talk to me about that note I slipped into the
medical bullshit, and discuss all the things implied in there, like what
the Hell I'm doing helping Rei, countering the Commander's orders,
and oh yeah, that whole 'part of a plot to end the world' thing she
probably knows at least something about thanks to Kaji, plus
whatever Rei's told her.'
"Just like the old days, yes," she said, thinking furiously. "We really
should catch up. I liked the last time we went out for drinks. It was a
break Lieutenant Ibuki and I needed, and we got to dress up a little.
A girl likes to feel fancy sometimes."
Misato smiled. "Well, good. I'm thinking of a little get-together

Christmas Eve at my place. Invite that assistant of yours, I'll see
about getting Lieutenant Hyuga and some of the Ops people along,
and we'll make a nice NERV off-duty party out of it. Just like my
promotion party, eh?"
Misato's serious gaze belied her lighthearted tone and words.

Ritsuko nodded. 'Message received. We're going to have a talk
about a lot of things, then.´ "That sounds fine, assuming we don't
have an Angel crashing the party."
Misato snorted. "No Angel better get between me and my beer at

one of my parties. I'll throw them out the window like I did with that
grabby frat boy that one time. Remember that? Ha!"
' No Angels crashing the party? Misato, if you only knew what the
Fifth Child is…' That was one piece of information she wasn't going
to reveal, not just because Rei had asked her not to. Ritsuko worried
that Misato's response to learning there was an Angel right under
her nose might end up with someone dead very quickly. "Try to
control yourself. You're a theoretically responsible adult woman now,
with a bunch of Children to watch out for."
"I am a model of sober responsibility!" Misato declared, turning to

leave with a jaunty wave. "See you then, Rits."
"'Sober', right." Ritsuko sighed and got back to work, but half her
mind was now rapidly sifting through what she needed to tell Misato,
and what she could .
"Is now 'later'?"
Rei found the energy to lightly scowl at the Fifth Child. "No, it is not,
stupid fish. This is far too public."
Kaworu looked around at the public street they were walking down
towards their apartment building. A street that was empty but for the
four Children. "Ah. Public."
Rei glanced at Shinji and Asuka, walking a few meters ahead of

them, holding hands. She looked back at Kaworu, her scowl deeper.
"Oh, shut up. How many Section 2 or SEELE eyes are watching us
right now?" she said, her voice low.
"There are three separate sniper teams watching us, in addition to

the Section 2 distant perimeter. Well, watching me, at least. They are
not aiming at you," Kaworu replied, his tone oddly light for the
information.
"You should not sound so happy about that," Rei groused. "I do not
want any of us to die, and that includes you, Rainbow Trout."
Kaworu shrugged. "I am happy they are not aiming at any of you.
And I would not let them harm you or Shinji and Asuka in any case.
Even if I had to… reveal myself."
Rei stared at him for a moment. "Do… do not do that if there is any
other way, Kaworu. That would be difficult to explain away."
"I will if I have to. I know how much they mean to you. They are
almost as much to me. I see and hear so much joy from them, from
their bond… I will not let SEELE harm them." He looked at Rei.
"Between them and you, I hope than I expected that we can find a
way through this."
Rei nodded. "Good. We are all making it through this alive, Kaworu.
You are my friend."
His smile widened a hair. "I'm glad."
"Oy, come on you two, not so much whispering sweet nothings to

each other!" Asuka called back to them. The happy couple had
pulled further ahead as Rei and Kaworu slowed a bit. "We've got
music to play and homework to ignore!"
"Yes, Asuka," Rei gave a tiny smile as they caught up.
Rei nearly shivered in relief when the door to her apartment closed
behind her. "I dislike this intensely," she said wearily.
"Having to hide everything?" Shinji asked.
Rei nodded. She put her schoolbag down on the kitchen table and
retrieved her viola case from her bedroom. She gave Shinji a wan
smile. "It was watching the contrast between how Commander Ikari
acts, all manipulation and lies, and how you both act towards each
other, with tireless honesty and openness that taught me so much.
He is cold, painful to be around. You two are light, warmth, love. I
want that . So…"
Rei looked at Kaworu, then back to Shinji and Asuka. "I wish I had
the freedom to be… like you. I want all of us to have that freedom.
When I said I hate that I cannot say 'yes' this morning, I meant it."
"Is this… 'later'?" Kaworu asked.
"Yes, Rainbow Trout, it is," Rei said, rolling her eyes. "I do not like
not being able to be honest with all of you, but… it is dangerous. So I
will endure it."
"You were talking about me, this morning, weren't you?" Kaworu
asked slowly.
Rei nodded. "You and I are… we cannot lie to each other. This is…
more than I ever expected, Kaworu. It provides hope. But while the
world watches, we cannot… even show friendship."
Kaworu smiled anyhow. "I know you are, and that is enough for
now."
" It shouldn't have to be !" Asuka and Rei said in stereo. They looked
at each other, blinking in surprise.
Asuka turned to her boyfriend. "Shinji, what was that thing you said
Misato told you, back when?"
"Um… 'Nothing will change unless you take that first step forward'?"
Asuka spun back to Rei. "Right! Even a little step forward counts!"
"Or backwards," Shinji said with a small smile.
"Eh?" Kaworu said, confused.
"The night we first kissed, I was shuffling backwards while we

were… preoccupied. I tripped, and we fell over onto one of the
beanbags, Asuka on top of me. We didn't get up again until Misato-
san and Kaji-san came home. We talked for a while. It was a good
trip."
"I am not about to trip and fall on the Rainbow Trout right now for a
number of reasons," Rei said tartly. "However, I still wish I had the
freedom to do so. It is painful enough that we cannot yet be fully
honest with you two. That I cannot even show friendship to Kaworu
is… another irritant. He deserves better than my public indifference
or hostility."
Rei frowned at him. "Even if I am still annoyed with him right now."
Kaworu ducked his head guiltily.
"Rei, you know you can tell us anything," Shinji said. Asuka nodded
beside him.
"I know," Rei said, her small smile returning. "And I love you both for
it. But I do not want to put you in additional danger."
"Rei, we have heard enough from Shinji's mother that I think we're
already there," Asuka pointed out.
Rei shook her head. "Not like this. I am… scared to tell you.
Please?" She looked at them both, pleading.
Shinji stepped over to her and gave Rei a hug. Asuka suppressed an
amused snort at the surprised blush on Rei's face. When Shinji
pulled away, he looked at Rei and smiled. "Rei, if that's what you
need, that's what we'll do. We trust you. We just want to help, since
we can see you're in pain. Remember the day we met? Just like that.
I… we'll always help you."
Rei smiled sadly. "Thank you, Shinji." She glanced at Kaworu, noting
his aching look at the Third Child. "Shinji, I have a request."
"Anything we can do, Rei."
"Could you please hug Kaworu as well?"
"… huh?"
"He has no memories past 6 months ago. No memories of anyone
caring for him. In his life that he can remember, only I have ever so
much as given him a hug. He… greatly admires you, Shinji. Before
SEELE sent him here, they had him study you. He came to like you,
and was eager to meet you when he came," Rei said.
Shinji looked surprised, and looked toward Kaworu, who nodded

hesitantly. "I… I guess? He admires me ? Who'd want to-"
"You're a lot more well-liked than you think, baka mine," Asuka said,
dryly amused. "People you never suspect like you. Idiot." Asuka
crossed her arms and grumbled. "Everybody wants my boyfriend…
of course."
Shinji hesitated. "Uh… is it ok, Asuka? I mean, Rei is a special case,

but we… I hardly know Kaworu as well, and-"
"Oh, don't be so Japanese, Shinji," Asuka said. "Give the poor

Regenbogenforelle [Rainbow Trout] a hug. Then get back here and
give me one, since you're still mine."
Shinji smiled at her for a second, then turned to Kaworu. With a brief
shrug, he raised his arms and carefully put them around the Fifth
Child.
Kaworu shivered, and his arms came up to hug Shinji back. His
embrace was almost desperately tight. He let out a small sound, a
mix of a hiccup and a sob, before letting go. "Th-thank you, Shinji-
kun. I… that was a gift."
Asuka grinned as she took Shinji's hand and pulled him back to her.
"You like that 'gift', Regenbogenforelle, Christmas is going to blow
your mind." She wrapped herself around Shinji and kissed his cheek.
"Christmas?" Kaworu asked vaguely, his eyes far away.
Asuka's grin got wider. "Oh, this is too perfect. Yes, Christmas. Big
holiday where you give gifts to family and special people in your life.
Though I think Japan has made it all weird, with obligatory gifts at
work or stuff." She nuzzled Shinji's neck. "Japan still does Christmas
parties, though, doesn't it?"
Shinji nodded. "Uh, yeah. I've never gotten to go to one before,

though."
"Me either," Rei agreed. Kaworu nodded as well.
Asuka looked at each of them in dismay. "You know something? I am

really glad Hikari is a Pilot too, or I'd be incredibly worried I was the
only normal one."
Rei eyed the still silent and motionless Fifth Child. She reached up
and tugged on his shoulder. "I think today we need to have our
private conversation before we begin playing our instruments.
Please excuse us. Come, Kaworu."
Kaworu numbly nodded, and followed Rei into her bedroom.
Once the door closed, Kaworu slapped both hands over his mouth
and did his best to stifle a sob. "So good… so good… I… his Light
was so warm… He was truly concerned for me. That was…
everything I imagined, Ayanami. Thank you for… requesting that. He
is…" Tears rolled down Kaworu's face. "He is always so… so kind to
me. Even when I ask him to kill me." He scrubbed at his face. "The
two of them… the Song is so beautiful. I will not… I will not let myself
hurt them."
"I still refuse to kill you as long as there is any hope, Kaworu," Rei
said.
"I know, I know," he replied, wiping the last of his tears away. "I
would not disappoint you like that, Ayanami. You have truly given me
so much hope." He closed his eyes for a moment, composing
himself. "There are… a few worlds where I do not die. A few. It is
hope and love that saves me in them. I think I will meditate on them,
both to see if there are any lessons I can draw from them I could
bend to making sure I survive here, and to remind me there is
always hope."
"Hope," Rei echoed. "Mmm… I would like to underline first that I am

still irritated with you about the Box, but… I think there is something I
am ready to tell you. About what I remembered."
"About w-" Kaworu's gaze sharpened. "Ah."
"What do you remember about being him? Adam? Anything?"
"No. I know what I am, and what I need-" He shook his head. "No…
what I am supposed to do about the Call, but it is just… awareness.
Not conscious recall of memories," Kaworu said.
"So you are not him. Not in the sense of any real continuity of
identity, correct?" Rei asked.
"Yes."
"I am… not her either. But I remember what she remembered."
Kaworu looked at her hard, almost hungrily. "You said you…

remembered what happened, why we are different, why the Seeds
were sent out, and why we ended up here in this situation… you
are… ready to tell me now?"
Rei closed her eyes. "Yes."
She began.
"We were the first. There were no others. Their sky was more
crowded, so I conclude they lived somewhere deeper in the galaxy.
But they were alone. No radio signals, no signs of life, nothing else in
their skies. So they turned inward. They developed metaphysical
science as much as the physical. They even created the ultimate
power source, a limitless font of power they could even miniaturize
and integrate into living tissue…" Rei reached up and brushed her
fingertips across his throat, lighter than a feather's touch.
Kaworu closed his eyes and bit down on a frisson of sensation.

"The…. the Fruit of Life," he said hoarsely after a moment. "That was
what did it, wasn't it?"
Rei nodded. Her distant, clinical tone darkened. "It destroyed them.
A species born mortal suddenly granted immortality, an end to
scarcity and need… could not divorce itself from the old drives and
neuroses. By the time the wars stopped from exhaustion and
devastation, both our planet and our star were wrecked and dying.
30 billion ghosts watched over fewer than a million survivors."
She shook her head. "'Our'. I am not her. But when I remember her
thoughts, her sights, it becomes harder to maintain that separation.
Forgive me if my pronouns are going to be muddled." She sighed,
and resumed. "Yo- He gathered the survivors. He came up with the
idea to build the seven Seeds, amalgamate our souls into seven
groups to fill them, watched over by seven volunteers. Volunteers
who would accept being transformed in body and mind, their souls
altered to become Progenitors, to steer the Seeds to new worlds and
seed them with life, so that our civilization and intelligent life would
not vanish completely from the galaxy. But an argument about
whether we should keep the Fruit of Life began to… divide
everything. It was the ultimate achievement of our civilization, but it
was also the curse that had destroyed it. The fight threatened to split
the survivors and doom the whole project. We were so few that it
could not be done without all the survivors working together."
"I could not let that happen. You had given us hope, a way to
salvage something from the end of everything. Watching the
spiraling argument start to crush your smile… I… It was my idea to
split us into two types, with and without the Fruit of Life. Those with it
would be barely sapient, allowed to grow into the light of intelligence
with the Fruit always a part of them, so they would escape the need
to compete and consume that had poisoned us. Those without would
be like we were before the Fruit, with their Seeds aimed for worlds
that lacked the critical resources to create miniaturized Fruits, so
they would have to develop spaceflight before they could possibly
endanger themselves like we did. It was hoped that the two types
would be more mature than we were before they met and shared
their separate legacies. The Seeds were meant to… plant us on a
new world, no matter the obstacles. The Call, the Progenitor's
imperative to make sure this took place was made all-consuming.
Stronger than conscious thought, an inherent part of the process that
transformed us. The Lance Asuka used on Arael was part of the
safety system, meant to shut one of us down if two Progenitors
arrived on one candidate world."
"So what went wrong?" Kaworu asked, sinking slowly to the floor
next to her futon. "If… I'm not supposed to be here. I… this is all my
fault, isn't it? This is why you wouldn't tell me before. You didn't want
me to feel even more guilt over what I'd do-"
"No," Rei cut him off. She sank onto her futon too, but could not
meet his eyes. "Not your fault. Mine . I mean hers. I… grrrrh." Rei put
her hands to her temples. " She… liked him. Had a crush on him.
Something. But she was… shy. She thought things were too close to
the edge, that saving our people took priority over starting some
fumbling attempt at romance at the end of the world. In actuality, I
think she was just… afraid. So she never said anything. Just
watched him, for that smile that always gave them all hope." Rei
sighed in frustration. "She was an idiot. She did not learn until after
she had been transformed, and literally moments before they
launched the Seeds, that he had been… the same. About her. They
had mutually been silent out of fear, afraid to even show each other
anything. So it was that thought, that melancholy, which consumed
Lilith's mind when she went into the mostly-passive hibernation from
which she was supposed to steer the Black Moon across space to a
new star. When she awoke, she saw… his White Moon already
making planetfall here. She had unconsciously followed him. But two
Seeds could not occupy one world. The Call would drive two
Progenitors to compete against each other to destruction. Her
following had upset every plan they'd made. This world had plenty of
materials to make Fruits of Life. It could endanger everything. Lilith's
distress caused her to fumble the landing. Her Lance was destroyed.
So Adam's Lance activated and put him back into hibernation until
the Katsuragi Expedition woke him up. Second Impact resulted. And
now we are here."
Kaworu stared at her. "I… She…" He lapsed into silence.
Rei waited, finally able to look him in the face after a few minutes
more.
Eventually, Kaworu sighed as well. "This is… a lot to process,

Ayanami. I… so it is by the grace of SEELE's hubristic ambition that I
am half-Lilim, and thus able to think and communicate with you
despite opposing Calls? That we have a chance to stop this because
of that?" He gave her a weak smile.
That smile. His.
Rei felt her head almost physically snap back in recognition. "You…"
Kaworu continued without noticing her interruption, his eyes far off.
"You were right, you were giving me hope back. And it is… We have
this chance because SEELE thought they could use me, use us all to
make themselves gods. That's… almost funny."
Rei waited. Kaworu just continued to stare into space, that smile on
his lips. "You're not going to say anything about her… being stupid?"
she said at last.
He shook his head, that smile turning to face her. "No. I… if what you
say is true, he was as much to blame for that as she was. Either one
of them could have said something. That is one way I know for sure
you are not her, nor I he. We do not… lie to each other or ourselves
that way. You know I like you, Ayanami. And you gave me hope
when all I could see was death. I will never… be silent with you."
He gestured towards the door and the rest of the apartment. "I know
you love them. I can see it all over your Light, hear it in your Song,
fractured though it is. You are not her, mutely crushing on him. I am
not him, to be so lucky. But… you've made me truly believe there is a
path that does not require my death. Because we are friends. If
despite everything, ancient catastrophes, the Call, SEELE's
conspiracies, you and I can defy it all and be… what we are for each
other, then maybe there is nothing we cannot do."
Rei stared at him like she was trying to drill through to the back of his
skull. "That's it? I tell you about the hubris, tragedy, and sheer
stupidity on both a societal and personal scale that has led us to
stand at the brink of another apocalypse, and you… talk about love
and friendship ?!" she exclaimed. "You… you… stupid fish!"
"If it makes you feel better, I am trying to suppress the urge to

scream, panic, and sob and the urge to shout in joy, hope, and um…
hug and kiss you and stu…" He turned a little red. "So, focusing on
the fact this fills me with hope and confidence that we can truly beat
the Call and everything… is probably better."
He swallowed. "What… what you said this morning, how you hate
that you cannot say 'yes'… does that mean if there was no SEELE,
no NERV… if we were not what we are, if we were just Rei and
Kaworu… you would say yes?" His voice dwindled as he spoke,
ending on a near squeak of nervousness.
"I tell you about the fall of an ancient and advanced civilization, the
root of all our woes here on this planet, and that is what you want to
know?"
Kaworu's face was still slightly flushed, but his gaze was
disconcertingly steady. "Because that's what's important to me to
know, Ayanami. Ancient civilizations and tragedies I'll contemplate all
night, I'm sure, but right now, what I can affect, and what I… really
want to know is… what you'd say."
Rei looked away at the window out over the balcony, the far wall, the
door, anywhere but at him. "I… I would… I love them . I know this.
You know this. I can't… we shouldn't… I…" Rei closed her eyes. "…
yes. I would say yes. I want to say yes. I want us to be free to say it."
Rei almost jumped into the air from kneeling on her futon as she felt
Kaworu hesitantly take her hand.
"Thank you. We are not inherent enemies. We are not beholden to

ancient programming or conspiracies or lies. We are friends who like
each other because we choose to be," Kaworu smiled. "Like you told
me: There is always choice. I am the Angel of Free Will. I choose…
this," he said, gently squeezing her hand.
He released her hand, stood up, and then looked slightly awkward
when he immediately offered her his hand again to help her up.
"Shall we go make music with our friends?"
"Idiot."
She took his hand anyway, and rose.
"Shinji-kun, could you… give me some advice?"
"Um, sure? If I can offer anything useful?" Shinji had wondered why
Kaworu had been jittering so much when he asked Asuka to go on
ahead with Rei on their walk to school this morning, pleading the
need to have some 'guys' talk' with Shinji. Though Shinji found the
idea of anyone asking him for advice as a guy to be somewhere
between laughable and mystifying.
"I have no family to give ah… Christmas gifts to, but Miss Soryu
mentioned 'special people in your life'. Would it be appropriate for
me to give a gift to Ayanami?"
Shinji tried not so smile too widely. "Yes, of course. Asuka and I are
too. Rei is very special to all of us."
Kaworu looked both reassured and more worried at the same time.
"Ah, good. I um… thought so, but wanted to check. Which leads to
the part I wanted help with." At Shinji's questioning look, Kaworu
gulped. "I have absolutely no idea what to get her. Your example of a
concerto for Miss Soryu's birthday seemed to be brilliant and
impressive, so I thought I would ask you, since you have known
Ayanami longer."
Shinji blushed and looked away. "I uh… I had kind of a special
motivation with Asuka. I'd never had a um… girlfriend before, and I
knew Asuka hadn't had a good birthday in years, so I went a bit
overboard on that. You don't have to write Rei a piece of music or
anything. I don't think she's ever gotten Christmas gifts before, so I
think she'll be happy with anything from us at all."
"But I want to impress her too, just like that! You made Miss Soryu
just… her Song was so beautiful! She just lit up! I want to make
Ayanami that happy!" Kaworu exclaimed. "But as I have said, I….
can't do that. Nothing like what you do."
"Ummm… I really don't think the few days left before Christmas are
enough time for me to write another-"
Kaworu shook his head. "No, no, not like that! I wouldn't ask you to
do that much and then call it a gift from me! I… gah, if only I had
your ability! I want to make her happy, music seemed like a good
way, but I can't write my own!"
Shinji blinked as a thought struck him. "Well, yeah, there's no time to

write a whole new piece in the next couple days, but if you want to
make a personalized gift of music, maybe you could make her a mix
tape?"
"A what?"
"You take existing songs from various sources and arrange them on
a tape yourself. The choice of songs and order can be a way to
convey specific feelings or even make something like a tone poem. I
used to play one I made myself on my SDAT all the time, which is
what made me think of it."
Kaworu blinked, then lit up like the sun rising. "Take… existing
songs… I can do that. I can do that!" He grabbed Shinji and hugged
him. "That's it! That's it! I can do that! Thank you, Shinji-kun! Thank
you!"
"Um… what can I say, except 'you're welcome'?"
Misato smirked and saluted Lieutenant Hyuga with her can of beer
as he turned to leave with Lieutenant Satsuki Ooi. She'd been
unsure how to deal with her subordinate's noticeable sadness at her
rekindled relationship with Kaji. Once it became too apparent that
Misato was no longer a single woman for him to crush on, he'd been
rather down. But an honest talk with him on the balcony during the
party and mentioning that Ooi had long been interested in him had
brightened his day considerably. He'd been a great help to Misato's
growing little counter-NERV/SEELE cabal, digging into files they
were restricted from and going well above and beyond the rules for
her. It felt good not to let him be stuck thinking he'd been friendzoned
out of some 'nice guys finish last' misunderstanding. Truth be told, if
she had been a single woman, Misato would have considered him.
He was smart and cute.
It was late into the party already. The sounds of the matching
teenagers' party in Rei's apartment had mostly faded to silence.
Hyuga and Satsuki were the next to last guests to leave, with just
Kaji, her, Ritsuko, and Lieutenant Ibuki still in the apartment, the
detritus of a cheery NERV workers Christmas party still all around.
Misato had kept things lively, a beer in hand at all times. She took a
sip off the current one.
"You're not fooling anyone, Misato," Ritsuko said from her spot at the
kotatsu in the living room. "That's only the fourth beer I've seen you
have all evening, and I know that little won't affect you at all."
Misato turned around, her smirk fading into a more serious, slightly
grim smile. "Still as sharp as ever, Rits. Yeah, that was camouflage.
Party's over. Now we get down to business. All the prying eyes are
gone." Misato's smirk returned and she pointed at the young woman
seated next to her old college roommate. "That means, among other
things, you are now safe to lean against your girlfriend like you've
been wanting to all evening, Lieutenant Ibuki."
The slender young woman let out an embarrassed "Meep!" and

blushed, but did as Misato had suggested, a contented smile
spreading on her face. Ritsuko colored some herself. "Misato, you
are such a teasing bitch sometimes."
"Gotta get my laughs somewhere," Misato said, chuckling. "It's hard

to get as much a reaction out of Shinji and Asuka these days. Well,
Asuka, anyhow. Shinji's still a bit susceptible, but Asuka doesn't give
a damn. Hell, she revels in it, flaunting her boyfriend."
Ritsuko shook her head. "I still can't believe those two are a couple.
Them working together for the synch training to beat the Seventh
Angel is one thing, but a real pair?"
"And then sneaking it all past us all for months, apparently," Misato
acknowledged. "Then again, I could say the same 'I can't believe
they're a couple' about you two as well."
Ritsuko looked down and toyed aimlessly with her own beer can.
"Thank you for… not saying anything, Misato. And things like this.
It's not like Maya and I can just go out like a normal couple, not
without some kind of smokescreen like this."
Misato nodded. She sat down at the kotatsu herself, right next to
Kaji, who merely shifted to let her comfortably nestle in beside him.
"You're welcome, but you also know I'm not doing this just as a favor
to an old roomie. When I mentioned I could see you two were a
thing, you acted like your lives were in danger. Don't tell me Maya's
family disapproving is what had you worried. You looked like you
were afraid someone was about to come through the door with a
gun. And then you pass me that note about you actively hiding things
about Rei's treatment from Commander Ikari? Time to talk, Rits.
What's going on here?"
Maya paled, and nervously looked from Misato to Ritsuko and back.
Ritsuko's mouth tightened, and she nodded jerkily. "The… the truth
is… I was… I am Commander Ikari's… mistress. Not that I want to
be anymore. But if he gets the idea I'm not on his string anymore, I…
know too much for him to just let me walk away from him. So if
anyone finds out Maya and I are are together… yes, our lives will be
in danger. As for the rest… I can't tell you everything. Some of it's
too dangerous, and some of it's not my secret to tell. The First Child
has asked me to… let her be the one to explain some key parts,
after the next Angel."
"Funny, she's asked the same of us," Misato said dryly. "Shinji and
Asuka vouch for her sincerity, and given how close they are, we
accept it. You're lucky we all trust Rei enough not to press her. I'm
still not sure I should let you hold back too. I haven't forgotten or
forgiven the things we know you did to Rei with all those drugs. And
there's a lot more we already know, Ritsuko. The Angel in the
basement of the Geofront is only the start, isn't it?"
Ritsuko shifted uneasily in her seat. "Misato, I… yes, there's a lot.

And if you know that much, you know how deadly serious some of
these secrets are. Which should give you some notion of how much
worse the stuff we're still holding back is."
"R-Ritsuko has… told me everything, Major," Maya spoke up

nervously. "A-as a backup. If anything… happens to her." She
worriedly clutched at Ritsuko's hand, lacing their fingers together.
"But nothing is going to. Because she's going to be careful, right?"
she addressed her lover.
Misato raised an eyebrow at Ritsuko. "You can't tell us, but you told
her everything?"
Ritsuko looked down again for a moment before she could raise her
eyes to meet Misato's again. "Yes, I had to. I… I've done terrible
things, Misato. To Rei, for him… I'll be lucky if they don't hang me
when this is all over, if any of us are still alive. I spent a long, long
time deluding myself that what I was doing was justified, that it would
all be worth it, even the things I knew were wrong, if I could… get
what I wanted. When I couldn't keep up that delusion up any longer,
I… got low. Really low. I nearly…" Ritsuko took a deep breath. "If I
hadn't called Rei that night, and if she hadn't answered, we might not
be here to have this conversation, alright? And Rei is the one that
told me to… confess to Maya. In all senses. Because I really, really
needed to. Maya accepted me, and… well, now I owe Rei more than
I can ever repay. Rei forgave me… pretty much everything, as long
as I work to make up for it. So yes, I am concealing things from the
Commander about what she's doing, what she's feeling, and… I'm
on her side now. Not the Commander's."
"Which is also not SEELE's," Kaji said quietly.
Ritsuko blanched when he said the name, and jerked a look at Kaji.
"Y-Yes. Not theirs either. The Commander's Scenario is… parallel
with theirs up until near the end, but… I think they're aware he's not
following their script anymore."
"Is that why they sabotaged the Dummy Plug plant?" Kaji asked.
Ritsuko and Maya both twitched. "Ah… yes," Ritsuko said after a
moment. "It crippled our ability to make any more, and was a
warning. They'd ordered him to shut it down months ago. The attack
was meant to show that not only did they know he'd disobeyed, but
they could strike at us whenever they wanted."
"I'm not surprised he brought me back in to hunt for any more of

SEELE's agents, then," Kaji rumbled. "I'm good at this and know
enough to dig in the right places and ask the right questions, but also
not part of his inner circle. I'm expendable. SEELE already probably
wants me dead anyhow."
Misato elbowed him. "Not to me, you're not. You be twice as careful
as Ritsuko, you hear me? You owe me years."
"Yes, dear."
Misato refocused on Ritsuko. "We're all already waist-deep in a vast

conspiracy between SEELE and NERV, both of them are actually
working on plans to end the world on their own terms, and just
knowing that is enough for us to be at risk of getting killed or
'disappeared'. You're telling me there's worse ? I'm not 'Miss
Groundbreaking Pioneer in AI and Metaphysical Biology Research'
the way you are, Rits, but I'm not stupid either. There's a limited
number of things that could possibly be worse than all that, and I'm
going to be working on what."
Ritsuko looked pained. "Misato, I literally owe Rei my life, my sanity,

my relationship with someone who actually loves me, and whatever
hope I have of any redemption in the future. If she wants me to let
her be the one to tell you everything, I'm going to honor that."
"After the next Angel," Kaji said. "Why?"
"You'll understand when she tells you," Ritsuko said sadly.
"I'm getting just a little tired of that phrase," Misato grumbled. "I'm
almost wishing the next Angel would come tomorrow, just to get this
over with."
"I'm sorry. Please believe me, Misato, I really do want to… to earn
Rei's forgiveness for what I've done. Yours too," Ritsuko pleaded.
"I thought Rei had already forgiven you?"
Ritsuko smiled sadly. "She has. Doesn't mean I feel I've earned it.
But it lets me go on."
Maya kissed her cheek. "We'll make it, Ritsuko. I love you. Always
remember that."
Ritsuko's smile got marginally less shaky.
Misato sighed and rolled her head around on her neck until it
popped. "Fine. The next Angel. We're going to have another little talk
after Rei tells us… whatever it is that's got her so twisted in knots
these days. What the fuck did NERV do to her and Nagisa, Rits?"
Ritsuko shook her head again. "Trust me, Misato. Once you know,
you'll wish you hadn't asked."
"Merry Christmas to all…" Misato muttered. "Glad to have you back

on the side of the angels, Rits." She hesitated. "Well, the good side,
anyhow."
Ritsuko gave her a twisted smile. "You said it." She raised her beer.
"Cheers, and may we all still be here next year to do this again."
Misato nodded, raising her own. "Amen. Bottoms up!"
"Asuka?"
"Mmmmm?"
"I love you and you're the greatest thing in my world…"
"I hear a 'but' coming…"
"… but you're kind of heavy."
"Oh, I'm hurt, Third Child! After what we just finished doing, you
should be sleepy, sated, and quiet, yet you interrupt your beautiful
and awesome girlfriend's happy post-coital stupor with something
that sounds like 'you're fat'?"
She could practically hear his answering smile in the dark. "I'm not
falling for that anymore, Asuka. I know you're happy and comfy, but
I'm feeling a little compressed right now. And 'fat'? Come on, you're
as lean as a greyhound, except in your, um… female attributes."
"And don't you forget it," Asuka said with a satisfied smirk. She did,
however, roll off him to snuggle into his side. Skin-to-skin was
addictive. "Besides, I didn't want to move. I like my nice warm Shinji-
pillow."
"I've noticed." He wrapped one arm around her, holding her close.
Asuka gave a contented purr. "Best. Christmas Eve. Ever."
"So far," Shinji replied.
Asuka cracked one eye back open. "'So far?' Every time you sound
optimistic it feels like the world is going sideways."
"I make up for it by being terrified of the future?" Shinji said, half-
serious. "I mean it, though, Asuka. Every Christmas I can remember
before this was just my sensei making a marginally more fancy
dinner for us, then going to bed and leaving me watching Christmas
specials on TV. Alone. So… this one was so much better than any
other one I've had I can't even put it into words, but… I feel like next
year will be even more. Assuming we make it there."
"Just two more Angels, and then dealing with SEELE and your
stupid dad. We'll make it, no sweat," Asuka said grimly.
Shinji gave a half smile at that, but shook his head slightly. "That's
not quite… the terrifying part."
"Hmm?"
"… next year, next Christmas. I… us, together a whole year from
now? Still? 19 months total? I've never had anything that good
happen to me, Asuka. And thinking that far ahead brings back…
thinking how far it… how far we could go. It's so good, so impossibly
amazing, it scares me to even hope that much."
Asuka opened her mouth to make a flippant remark, but halted. After
a moment, she said, "Until the end of the world, Shinji. We promised.
And since our job is literally preventing the end of the world, we're
going to be… we're going to be…" She tried to finish the sentence,
but couldn't. "Ok, it scares me too. Ever since Mama, I've felt alone.
But not anymore. Now I've got you. I know you've got my back no
matter what. Angels, bitches in school, global conspiracies of evil
trying to end the world… I've got my Shinji. And as long as I've got
you, I can do anything . Not even the end of the world is going to
make me give you up. So… next Christmas, and more beyond that,
I… I want to feel like this forever, Shinji." She squeezed him tight.
"Me too," Shinji whispered.
They lay there in silence for a few minutes.
"We both know how each other feels. Truly, madly, deeply. We've
been together for months . This shouldn't be so scary," Asuka finally
said.
"But it is. I think it is because of all that," Shinji replied. "The idea
of…" He gulped. "… of…"
"S-Say it."
"Forever. Asuka, I want to stay with you forever," Shinji said in a

rush. He started to babble. "Fighting Angels, at school, anything.
Whatever you want to do. Just… always with you."
Asuka shivered against him. "Gott damn it, Shinji," she gasped. "You
keep… giving me presents that make me cry…" A small sob
escaped her. "Don't you ever stop. Baka."
"You're… ok with that?" he hesitantly asked.
"Of course I am, you idiot! Why do you think it's making me cry?"
"S-Sorry."
"Don't apologize!" she insisted between sniffles. "I want this as much
as you do! And… Christmas is a good time for… making promises
like this."
"Fröhliche Weihnachten, Asuka."
"I'm going to make you cry next time, baka. I love you."
"Ah, now for the second most fun part of Christmas: The presents!"
Asuka grinned, surveying the pile of brightly wrapped boxes that
occupied the center of the living room.
"Second most fun part?" Misato asked her roommate, arching an

eyebrow.
"Did the most fun part last night," Asuka smirked at her.
Misato rolled her eyes. "And now I'm sorry I asked."
"Oh, like you and Kaji were any better?"
Shinji shook his head with a smile at Misato and Asuka's banter and
ducked back into the kitchen. "We're about to start, Kaworu-kun.
Come on out and join us. You've got something to give to Rei, right?"
Kaworu almost jumped, jerking his head up from where he'd been
staring in fascination at the frosted and decorated cookies Shinji had
pulled out of the oven a few minutes ago to cool. "Uh, right! Yes! I
did! Gifts!"
Shinji gave Kaworu a mildly concerned look as he picked up the

plate with the previous oven-load of cookies to carry them out to
serve during the gift exchange. "Are you ok, Kaworu-kun? You've
been… jumpy and quiet all afternoon."
"Just excited! Yes! I am… eager to exchange gifts with everyone,

and see how Ay-… R-… the First Child likes my present for her." He
laughed nervously.
Shinji looked at him for a second, then shrugged. "Ok, then, follow
me. Rei will be here any moment."
Kaworu fell in behind him, a small bag in his hand holding his
contribution of gifts.
Asuka looked up with a grin and patted the spot next to her when
Shinji re-entered the living room. He settled in next to her, placing
the plate of cookies on the table. "We ready to start, now?" she
asked Misato.
Misato held up her hand. "Ahem! Rei said she'd be here in a few
minutes, and Kaji's about to get back with the wine. Patience,
Asuka."
"Patients are for doctors, Misato. Could we start with ones between
people who are already here?" Asuka wheedled.
"No," Misato said flatly.
"No fun…" Asuka moaned. She snagged a cookie as substitute

entertainment and took a bite. "I wish Hikari and her gorilla could
have joined us, or the others. The more the merrier."
"Touji lit up when Horaki-san invited him to her family's party. I think
they're happy," Shinji noted. "And Kensuke had to go to Sakura-
san's thing at her father's church."
"Look who I found lurking at our door," Kaji called from the
entranceway, a cool bluenette preceding him.
"Hello, everyone," Rei said quietly.
"Hey, Rei! Have a seat, there's presents to be had!" Asuka called.
"Hello, Rei. Welcome home," Shinji said, smiling.
"Geeble," Kaworu mumbled. His articulation did not improve when

Rei sat down next to him at the small table.
"Ah, fresh cookies? Thank you, Shinji," Rei said, taking one. She did
not even glance at the petrified Fifth Child next to her.
"That's not all I found at the door. Did someone order this?" Kaji
stepped to the side as he came in, waving at the two deliverymen
behind him hauling in a two meter wide cardboard box.
"I did, Kaji-san," Shinji said. He got the deliverymen's attention.

"Please put it in the room down that hall on the left, if you could?"
The men nodded and bustled past the party to drop off the large box,
pausing on the way out just long enough to have Shinji sign their
clipboard.
Asuka, noting that the huge box had gone into their room, looked
questioningly at her boyfriend. "Shinji?"
He smiled shyly, and said, "Well, everyone's here, so I think I'll go

first. That was my gift for you, Asuka. A new queen-size mattress,
bedframe, pillows, and silk sheets. Sleeping together is great, but I
know you've wanted more room to stretch out, too."
Misato's eyebrows rose again. "Shin-chan, a whole bed, and silk

sheets? Didn't that cost a bit?"
Shinji shrugged. "What else do I ever want to spend money on,

Misato-san? It's kind of a present for me too, since…" he trailed off,
blushing.
Misato snorted. "Right." She happily accepted a glass of wine from

Kaji as he joined them.
"See? Best boyfriend in the world," Asuka said smugly. She gave
Shinji a peck on the cheek. "Smart and listens. And now I need to
figure out how to match that later, since my present for him feels not
nearly as fancy." She handed Shinji a gaily wrapped box from the
pile on the table.
"I'm sure I'll love it anyway, Asuka," Shinji said, tearing open the
wrapping paper. "A CD player and… hmm, 2CELLOS CDs?"
"From the wild, far-off reaches of darkest Europe, baka mine, and
right up your alley. You'll love it. Wait until you hear what they can
make a cello do. I bet you can play it even better."
Shinji handed a present to Rei, next. "I thought of this when I was
shopping for that, Rei. I remembered you had just plain cotton ones.
I think you'll like sleeping on these."
Rei opened her present, revealing a blue silk futon cover and
pillowcase. She smiled in thanks at him. "Thank you, Shinji. I am
certain I will."
Shinji handed Misato hers next, though the rather obvious bottle-
shape of the gift made its nature easy to guess. "Merry Christmas,
Misato-san."
"Do I even want to know how you got this, Shin-chan?"
"A NERV card and me explaining it is a gift to you at the liquor store
made it simple. The shop owner was just surprised I didn't put it on
your tab."
Misato laughed and opened the wrapping. Her laugh died when she
saw the label. "Crystal Millennium Sake? Jesus, Shinji, this is a
twenty-four-thousand yen bottle! I can't let you spend this muc-"
"I want to, Misato-san. I know you'll share it with Kaji-san," Shinji said
calmly but firmly.
Asuka had a small smile on her face. "Also, he knows even you're
not so crazy as to guzzle fancy liquor like that down too quickly.
You'll sip it and savor it slowly, thereby reducing your drinking a bit.
Like I said, 'smart and listens'."
Misato shot Shinji an amused look. He ducked his head, slightly
guiltily. "You do drink a lot, Misato-san. It worries me sometimes."
"I've been cutting back!" she protested. "I've been… otherwise

distracted lately." She clinked her glass of wine against Kaji's. "We'll
make it last, Shinji. Thank you."
Shinji handed his last gift to a surprised looking Kaworu. "I hope
you'll like these, Kaworu-kun, and find good use for them."
Kaworu opened the rather large, heavy box and blinked in surprise
at the contents. "Cooking utensils, a pan, and… 'Vegetarian Cooking
for Beginners'?" He looked at Shinji, puzzled.
Shinji very slightly nodded his head at Rei, a ghost of a smile on his
face.
Kaworu blinked again and nodded nervously. "Ah… um… thank you
again, Shinji-kun!"
"Cooking is a great skill to have, Kaworu-kun."
"Me next!" Asuka said, grabbing a small box from her pile, and
handing it to Rei. "I remembered how much you liked this one from
when we went shopping, Rei."
Rei got the box opened and her eyes widened at the sleek, royal
blue bikini inside. "Asuka! I… I put this back! I couldn't-"
"You love swimming, looked fantastic in it, and you put it back
because you blushed adorably when you modeled it. I am firmly of
the opinion 'if you've got it, flaunt it', and Rei, you absolutely rock it in
that bikini. No fear. I'll be right there with you next time we're at the
pool, too. I got the red one, of course," Asuka said confidently.
Beside her, Shinji's eyes got wide too.
To Misato and Kaji, Asuka gave a small envelope. "Two tickets to

Your Name, Misato. Shinji and I saw it last week. You both will love
it. Also, reservations at Cavatelli's for two, already billed to me."
Misato accepted the envelope with a raised eyebrow. "You're

sending us out on a date?"
"Yes, I'm sending you on a date," Asuka said cheerfully. "I know just
how nice a relaxing dinner and movie night with your man can be, so
I thought it'd be a nice present."
"That was very thoughtful of you, Asuka. Thank you," Kaji said,
giving Misato a nudge. "Don't you think so?"
"I thought we were supposed to be the parental-figures," Misato

mock-complained. "Thanks, Asuka."
Asuka handed a similar envelope to Kaworu. "Nun, ich will dir jetzt
nicht genau vorschreiben, wie du diese Dinger verwenden solltest,
Regenbogenforelle, aber…" [Now, I'm not telling you how to use
these, Rainbow Trout, but… ]
Kaworu took the envelope and paled a bit. "Um… thank you?" He
darted a momentary look at Rei, who kept staring right at Asuka.
The redhead only smirked in reply. "Fröhliche Weihnachten, Kaworu.

Now, your turn."
Kaworu reached into the bag next to him and handed a small velvet
bag to Asuka, and a small, thin gift to Shinji. "I hope these are
appropriate gifts. I have never done this before."
Asuka's smirk became a true smile when she tugged open the
drawstrings of the bag and discovered it was full of chocolates.
"Godiva truffles? Ok, that's a definite win, Kaworu."
The grey-haired boy shrugged and smiled. "I have to admit, Shinji-
kun suggested it. I asked him for help, since I was clueless."
Asuka smiled sidelong at her boyfriend. "Ah hah. Clever Shinji."

Shinji bobbed his head in acknowledgement as he opened the
wrapping on his gift. "Apocalyptica? It's… heavy metal on cellos?"
He looked at Kaworu.
Kaworu gestured at Asuka. "Again, I had no ideas except something

musical in general. So I asked…"
"Guilty," Asuka admitted. "I did want to give you all of the cool music
I found myself, Shinji, but Kaworu was just lost. And now…" Asuka's
grin got toothy. "We get to see what he got for Rei."
Rei's head pivoted slowly to stare at Kaworu, who looked even more
nervous. He reached into the bag again, pulling out another small
package. "H-Here, Rei. Shinji-kun helped me with the concept, but I
put it all together myself."
Rei's slim fingers deftly opened the wrapping paper without tearing it,
revealing a brand-new SDAT tape player. "Ah. Just like Shinji's, I
see. Thank you, Kaworu. But how did you put this together?"
"Not the SDAT. I made the tape in it for you. Shinji told me about 'mix
tapes'. So I assembled a tape of songs for you. To… say things I
can't."
Misato and Asuka exchanged a look full of raised eyebrows, then

switched back to Rei.
Rei maintained a cool, unreadable mask, however, and put the

SDAT and headphones in her pocket. "Thank you, Kaworu. I will
listen to it a little later. I do not wish to miss the party. I still have a gift
for Asuka and Shinji." She handed Shinji a small, flat box. "This is a
rather personal gift, so please wait to open it until you are both
alone."
"Thank you, Rei." Asuka waited. "Don't you have a gift for the
Regenbogenforelle?"
"I gave him his gift last night, at the end of the party," Rei said calmly.
"It was likewise a rather personal one."
"I see…" Misato and Asuka said in concert. They eyed each other
again.
Shinji looked at the box, then back at Rei. "I… don't?" Asuka leaned
over to whisper in his ear. "Oh… OH!"
Rei calmly took another cookie and nibbled at it, ignoring all the
stares.
"Way to go, Rei," Asuka said quietly.
Rei's expression did not flicker. "I am enjoying all these Christmas
traditions, Asuka. Thank you very much for introducing us to them."
"You're welcome, Wondergirl. It's been pretty nice for all of us,"
Asuka said. With that, she rolled back, whipped her legs up over
herself, converted it into a handstand, and then completed the wheel
in one smooth motion to end up standing.
"Show off," Shinji snarked, deadpan.
"And you love watching," she winked back. "Come on, my dearest
baka. We've got a brand new bed to-"
"A- hem !" Misato interjected.
"-assemble and put the sheets on, which will be more fun with our
friends helping," Asuka finished as if Misato had not said anything.
She threw Misato an arch look. "Come now, Misato. Would I
abandon Rei and the new fish out here like that? Such a dirty mind
you have."
"Suuuuuure, Asuka. New bed, silk sheets, and the thought never
crossed your mind. And hold your horses. I've got a couple of gifts
for you and your sweetie, you know." Misato handed a box to Shinji
and a box to Asuka. "You first, Second Child."
Asuka stuck her tongue out at Misato, but opened the box. A brand-
new heart-shaped sign for hanging on a door lay inside. "'Shin-chan
and Asuka's Lovely Honeymoon Suite'?" she read. "Very funny,
Misato."
"One joke, one real gift," Misato defended. "Shinji, the other box?"
Shinji opened it up. "A… photo album?" He opened it up and leafed

through it. A large photo of he and Asuka dancing at her birthday
party, looking happily lost in each other's arms, took up the first
page. More shots from the party followed, along with pictures of the
two of them watching TV on the couch together, coming in from a
date, or laughing over dinner filling the rest of the book.
Asuka leaned over Shinji's shoulder to see, her hand on his back.
"That's… thank you, Misato. Really."
"You two have convinced me you're serious about this. I'm still going
to tease you because it's fun, but I can't pretend you're not for real,"
Misato said. "Joke it may be, but I wouldn't have gotten you that
room sign if it wasn't pretty true. You've earned it." She waved with
her wineglass towards their room. "Go ahead and do your furniture
assembly. Kaji and I will see about keeping things going in the
kitchen."
At Asuka's glower and Shinji's blanching, Misato waved her free

hand in a calming gesture. "Relax! I promise I won't touch the stuff
Shinji's already got going! Kaji will handle any cooking. Now scoot."
"What, no famous Katsuragi Christmas Extra-Hot Instant Curry?"

Kaji asked wryly.
"Hush, you."
Rei rose smoothly, taking another cookie as she did. "I will be
pleased to help with the set-up, Asuka. Come, Kaworu. To the
bedroom."
"Meeble."
Rei fitted the headphones into her ears and picked up her phone. I
AM ABOUT TO BEGIN, KAWORU. RELAX. I CAN SEE YOU
WORRYING, she texted.
IT IS DIFFICULT. THIS IS THE FIRST CREATIVE THING I HAVE

EVER DONE ON MY OWN, AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT
MEANS TO ME. BOTH FOR THAT, AND BECAUSE IT IS MY GIFT
FOR YOU. I AM VERY… TENSE, FOR BOTH REASONS. I HAVE
NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS, IN ANY WORLD I KNOW
OF.
Rei looked down again, noting his Light was wavering and shifting
erratically. He truly was hanging on her reaction. I HAVE TOLD YOU,
YOU ARE MORE THAN SUFFICIENTLY LILIM TO ACHIEVE
CREATION. BE CALM.
She clicked 'PLAY'. I AM STARTING IT NOW.
She laid her phone aside and closed her eyes, to concentrate on the
music. In truth, she was slightly nervous herself. She had never
gotten a gift like this before either. She was familiar with the concept
of emotions expressed via music, and playing with her friends had
often filled her with feelings she'd never felt before, but it had never
been quite like this: A message for her, from someone who… wanted
to be more than a friend.
The first notes began.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now

"Ahhhhh~, this is even nicer than I expected," Asuka said with a
pleased sigh as she wriggled under the new silk sheets. The fact she
wore not a stitch made the silk feel even better. "The mattress is just
right, too, and so much room to roll around! Excellent present,
liebling."
Shinji smiled at her expression. "I'm glad you like it."
Asuka grabbed Rei's box off the headboard of the bed and rolled
over to face Shinji. She placed the box between them on the bed.
"Now… I've been wondering all evening what Rei gave us, and it's
time to satisfy my curiosity. I've got some ideas…"
"Do you think she… well, she said it was personal. Do you think she
gave us, um… a new version of that… box she gave Kaworu-kun?
Shinji guessed.
Asuka tore the paper open and lifted the top off the box. "… yup,"
she said in a strangled voice. Her eyes widened and her face started
to turn as red as her hair. "She did. Holy Gott, Shinji! Look at these!"
"I… I… Wow. Um… Rei is…" Shinji fumbled for words. "… Beautiful,"
he finally got out, sounding almost astonished.
"Yeah…" Asuka turned the pictures over slowly, examining each one
in detail. "Wow… I… Shinji, have I told you lately that I love you?"
Shinji blinked, confused. "Um… yes?"
"Good. Ok, there are deeper emotional aspects I want to take about
regarding these pictures, the fact Rei told us she loves us and gave
us these, and that she also gave some to Kaworu to help fight that
compulsion SEELE put in his head… but that's for tomorrow. Right
now…" Asuka carefully put the pictures back in the box, closed it,
and put it aside.
"… I want my lover," she said, and nearly leapt on him.

Rei clicked 'STOP' on the SDAT and took out the headphones. She
laid the tape player aside and stared at the ceiling. After a moment
she lifted one hand in front of her face and noted it was shaking
slightly.
Her phone chirped. She looked at the message. DID YOU LIKE IT?
She did not need to look down to sense the nervous anticipation.
She typed a quick reply back.
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
Four stories below, a young half-Lilim (who at the moment was very
much Kaworu Nagisa and not at all Tabris) stopped where he'd been
pacing in circles for over half an hour. He had tried to lay down on
his futon and relax as instructed, but this had proved utterly
impossible. Relax? Relax? With his first tentative efforts at both love
and Lilim creativity on the line?
He looked at the message she's just sent. He steeled himself for a

moment, then slowly looked up, through the four floors of concrete
and metal that hardly impeded his Sight at all, and…
Shinji-kun and Asuka were like a bonfire of emotion and bonds. They
shone like the sun, lighting up the whole building. Not far away,
Major Katsuragi and Inspector Kaji were making their own glow,
smaller and lesser in comparison. And just beyond that was Aya-…
Rei.
She was glorious . Her Light shone like a star, rippling and shifting
like a rainbow in a kaleidoscope. The same fractured splendors that
always made her so beautiful to him were there, this time flaring with
notes of deep emotion and enjoyment… and a recurring, rich ochre
thread of… something he saw constantly between Shinji-kun and
Asuka.
His heart soared. She liked it! And a thing he had made ! He threw
his fists in the air. "I did it! I did it! "
His phone beeped again. NOW GO TO BED, YOU STUPID FISH.

I'LL MOST LIKELY KILL YOU IN THE MORNING.
He couldn't stop the grin that threatened to split his face. He typed
back a reply, and flopped onto his futon, exhausted but happy.
AS YOU WISH.
Rei put her phone down and closed her eyes. "Idiot."
Author's Note: Iraq still sucks: I'm in the ICU at the Baghdad
Diplomatic Support Center Hospital (Baghdad Airport) with a nasty
infection trying to eat my right foot. I'll be ok. This has interrupted
writing and updating, though. But I do have some built up for you.
Here you go, 14k words of WAFF! I'll try to update a bit faster. This is
100% current as of 01JUL17, though.
For the interested, Kaworu's Rei Mix #1 (He's not creative enough
yet to call it a Reimix :V )
Iris - The Goo-Goo Dolls
Symphonies - Clean Bandit
She's So High - Tal Bachman
Send Me An Angel - Real Life
God Is A Girl - Groove Coverage
Crazy For This Girl - Evan & Jaron
I Want To Know What Love Is - Foreigner
My First, My Last, My Everything - Barry White

Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now - Jefferson Starship
Awake & Alive - Skillet
Here are some of the other lyrics on the tape that caught Rei's
attention…
And now your song is on repeat
And I'm dancin' on to your heartbeat
And when you're gone, I feel incomplete
So if you want the truth
I just wanna be part of your symphony
Will you hold me tight and not let go?
Symphony
It gets in your eyes
It's making you cry
Don't know what to do
Don't know what to do
You're looking for love
Calling heaven above
Send me an angel
Send me an angel
Right now, right now
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl
Yeah, I'm crazy for this girl
She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down

And what was I thinking when
The world didn't end
Why didn't I know what I know now
My first, my last, my everything
And the answer to all my dreams
You're my sun, my moon, my guiding star
My kind of wonderful, that's what you are
Lookin' in your eyes
I see a paradise
This world that I found
Is too good to be true
Standin' here beside you
Want so much to give you
This love in my heart
That I'm feelin' for you
I'm at war with the world cause I
Ain't never gonna sell my soul
I've already made up my mind

No matter what I can't be bought or sold
When my faith is getting weak
And I feel like giving in
You breathe into me again

Ch 42 - Christmas Party
It slipped my mind that I'd held off posting the actual Christmas Party
here. I'd posted it on SV at Christmas time, but held off here until I
could integrate it into the main plotline chronologically. I didn't think it
would take this long. And then I went and posted the day after
without remembering to paste in the Christmas Party itself. Whoops.
My mistake, sorry! But here we go, to make up for it, 4100 words of
what happened before and on Christmas!
Advice & Trust Christmas
A pleasantly mild December day of 27C. A NERV card in her pocket

with a practically unlimited amount of spending money on it. An
entire afternoon open in front of her. Her best friend from class
walking next to her as they wandered the open avenues of Tokyo-3's
downtown shopping district. All of these things would once have felt
like the ingredients for a perfect day for Asuka Langley Soryu.
Now…
"This kind of sucks."
Hikari looked at her friend as they idly wandered down one of the
higher-budget shopping streets. "I never thought I'd see the day
where 'the Great Asuka Langley Soryu' would say that about an
unlimited shopping trip in this neighborhood. I'd be afraid to even
come near this street if we didn't have our paychecks as Pilots." She
looked around at the glitzy shops, decked out for Christmas. "On the
upside, this is still our best chance for getting them presents without
them seeing them early?"
Asuka harrumphed, but kept walking. It had been her idea. Simple
logic: The cleaning schedule for their class was under Hikari's
control, and they needed some time away from their respective
boyfriends to do Christmas shopping unseen. So Asuka had
suggested Hikari assign Shinji and Touji to be the cleaning crew for
this afternoon, giving the girls the opportunity to do their shopping
while their boyfriends were pinned to school.
Rei getting stuck at NERV HQ for further unspecified tests by Doctor

Bitchface had soured things, though. Nagisa had disappeared on his
own, but that concerned Asuka less. Shopping with Rei was rapidly
climbing up Asuka's list of favorite things to do in her off time, right
behind 'anything with Shinji'. Being denied the chance to further
spruce up the bluenette's wardrobe was annoying. Especially when it
cut off the 'get Rei to model them all later at home' part, something
Rei had seemed to increasingly enjoy too.
"I know, Hikari, but it's still not as much fun as when we were all
doing it together. Even you have to admit modeling swimsuits for
your boyfriend was all kinds of fun. The look on Shinji's face when I
did it… haha!" Asuka said. 'And Rei's, not that I'll admit that out loud.
Hikari's probably not quite open-minded enough to smoothly accept
the idea that I kind of like Rei looking at me like that now, or vice
versa.'
Hikari did blush. She had gotten rather into the game of trying to
make Touji pass out from pure nosebleeds the last time they went
shopping for swimwear, with only minimal prodding from Asuka.
Hikari still steadfastly refused to admit to her and Touji doing much
besides a little making out, though Asuka could tell Hikari was still
very curious on that front, thanks to her mental exposure to that
aspect of Asuka and Shinji's relationship.
"Maybe that's true," Hikari conceded, still a bit red, "but right now,
the goal is not to be seen by them while we get them presents, right?
Ah… do you have any ideas, though? We've been wandering for
almost an hour."
Asuka shrugged unhappily. "Shinji's… kind of hard to shop for. He

just doesn't really have a lot of material wants. When I tried to ask,
he said just getting to be around Rei and I and spend time with us is
his favorite thing. He wrote me a damn concerto for my birthday. I've
got to find something cool for him."
Hikari nodded in acknowledgement. "That is true. But how do you

even come close to something like that so fast? Your birthday was
barely two weeks ago. Hm… he does like to cook. How about we
try…" Hikari stopped. Asuka was no longer next to her.
She looked back. Asuka had stopped a shop back, and was staring
into the window with a growing grin on her face.
"Asuka… did you find something?"
Her friend snapped out of her trance, and looked at her with a smile.
"I think I just got an idea…"
Hikari looked at the store. "Clothes?"
"Way more than just clothes…"
"Misato, I'm setting up a Christmas party. We're going to be using

Rei's place for space. Me, Shinji, Rei, the same crowd as my
birthday, plus maybe a few others from class."
Misato eyed the large pile of boxes in Asuka's arms suspiciously.

"Uh huh… and you're telling me this, not asking, I note, why,
exactly?"
"Since I'm a responsible, mature woman, reassuring you we're going

to behave, not going to have any booze or anything inappropriate at
this party, we're right next door, and we're going to keep it out of your
hair while you do whatever booze-fueled bacchanalia for theoretical
adults you have going on in here at the same time."
Misato's look was unimpressed. "You're really selling the 'mature'

part there, Asuka. For your information, I was just going to have Kaji
over for a few drinks and some… conversation."
"'Conversation', right," Asuka replied, smirking.
Misato stuck her tongue out at her. "Ok, more than conversation,
Miss 'I Hate Euphemisms'. But maybe a Christmas Party isn't a bad
idea. It's a good chance for Ritsuko and I to do a little fence-
mending."
Asuka's expression soured. "Can I poison her drink?" she growled.
"Asuka…"
"She practically tortured Rei for Gott knows how long, Misato. I know
she's supposedly turned over a new leaf and Rei says to let her be,
but it's going to be a long damn time before I take her off the 'I won't
piss on her if she's on fire' list." Asuka walked past her with the pile
of boxes. "We'll stay at Rei's as long as she's here. I don't want to
have to make Shinji stop me from punching her in the face."
"Stop." Misato's voice was in full Command Tone.
Asuka halted, but didn't turn around. "What?"
Misato pulled a couple of folded pages out of her red jacket's inner
pocket and handed them to Asuka. "This is the notes she handed
me for Rei's treatment after Arael. Read them right now."
Asuka scanned the page rapidly, then slowed and began again more
carefully. She was still frowning as she thrust them back at Misato.
"Fine, so she feels guilty and wants to help Rei. She still needs to
make up for years of abusing someone who's almost as much to me
as Shinji."
"People can change, Asuka. You think you could have said that last
line 6 months ago? Or do I need to point out you're about to walk
into the bedroom you share with your boyfriend ?" Misato pointed out
with a small smile.
Asuka grumbled and blushed slightly, looking away. "Whatever."

"Ritsuko has been my friend for years. I'm willing to at least feel her
out about this, and hope she's serious about this new start. And…
hmm… yeah. You might be sympathetic to someone else who has to
hide the fact they're in love from Commander Ikari."
"Huh?"
"You'll see tonight, if you're around. If not, just try to give her some
benefit of the doubt."
Asuka didn't look happy. "No promises. If I do, it's for Rei."
"I'll take it. What did Rei have to say about hosting this party?"
"I'll tell you once I ask."
Misato gave the redhead a mild glare. "Asuka!"
"What? You really think Rei will say 'no'?"
"It's still polite!"
Asuka's face was calm. "Misato, at this point, I'd do just about
anything for Rei or Shinji, and I know they'd do the same for me. I
haven't asked Rei yet because I know doing so is just a formality.
And you know I'm right about all of that."
"… so, Christmas Party at your apartment, Rei? It's cool, right?"
Rei tilted her head and put one finger on her chin. "Mmm… no. No
party."
Asuka blinked. "What? But… we… why not, Rei?"
"I am planning to have Nagisa over."
Asuka blinked again. "Wha-… him ? Why?"

"I might spend the evening making out with him, or possibly kill him. I
haven't decided yet."
Asuka stared blankly at her friend. "Wat."
Rei stared back at her just as blankly.
"No, seriously: Wat," Asuka repeated.
Rei suddenly broke into a huge smile. Well, huge for her. About five
out of ten for Asuka. "Of course we can have a Christmas Party at
my residence, Asuka. I was just 'messing with you'. It is indeed fun,
as you told me."
Asuka rubbed her face. "I'm going to regret teaching you that, aren't
I?"
"Remember, fucking Shinji is your job," Rei said serenely, still

smiling.
Asuka tried not to smile. It wasn't really necessary that Rei help
stabilize her legs as she stood on the chair, but she was enjoying it
too much to tell Rei to stop.
"And this is a tradition?" Rei asked, her even voice belied by the pink
to her cheeks.
"Yup!" Asuka carefully tapped at the nail one more time. She lowered
the hammer and admired the nicely thick bunch of mistletoe. "Two
people end up standing under the mistletoe at a Christmas party,
they have to kiss. That's the rule." She moved her leg enough to
alert Rei she was going to move, then hopped down off the chair.
Rei looked at her, cheeks still pink. "Like now?"
Asuka blinked at her, then looked up. They were directly under the
sprig of berries. "Um… oh boy."
"Hikari was real cagey about what this was all about. You know
what's going on, Shin-man?"
Shinji shrugged, and stirred the pot of soup on the stove in Rei's
kitchen. "She was tight lipped for me too, sorry. She just said it was
some Christmas tradition she wanted to do that she'd never had a
chance to before. But that's not much of a hint, since I don't know
much about Christmas traditions at all."
Touji nodded along. "Yeah, if it ain't in a TV show or movie,

Christmas is just some foreign thing to me." He looked out into the
living room, where Kensuke and his girlfriends were sitting, playing
some board game. "Maybe Sakura-san knows some? Her dad's a
Christian priest, I think."
Shinji shook his head. "I thought of that too. I tried when they arrived.
She just started giggling, and grabbed Kensuke and Miki-san and
dragged them into the living room. They keep looking back here and
snickering, though…"
Touji looked slightly worried. "Um… now I'm nervous."
"It can't be anything too crazy if Asuka, Hikari, and Rei are
involved… right?" Shinji tried.
"I dunno, I think your girlfriend is having a weird influence on mine."

Touji thought about it for a second. "Not that I'm complaining, y'
understand. Those swimsuits…"
The door to what would have been his room in Misato's apartment,
and was Rei's 'dressing room' slid open, and Asuka's Christmas
surprise was revealed.
Spoiler: Asuka's Surprise
Asuka herself marched out in the lead, grinning, with Hikari and Rei
in tow behind her. The First, Second, and Fourth Children all wore
variations on the traditional red and white 'Santa' outfit, complete
with fur-trimmed hats.
Shinji tried vainly to close his jaw. It had dropped open as soon as
Asuka appeared, and refused to stop gaping in surprise.
Asuka was making the 'Santa' look work . "Merry Christmas!" she
announced to the partygoers. She planted her hands on her hips and
let everyone marvel at her and the other Pilots.
Beside him, Shinji could hear Touji gulp. Hikari looked pretty good in
her outfit to. "Oh, I've hope I've been a good boy…"
Asuka caught Shinji's eye and winked. Now he could close his
mouth, since all he could do was smile.
Kaworu looked around, smiling at the familiar glows and harmonies

coming off the happy couples and one trio around him. Even
Ayanami's glow was recovering well from the damage of the last
Angel. She was smiling herself, watching a grinning Second Child
pull the Third under a specific spot of the entryway to the kitchen,
turn him to face her, and point upwards.
Shinji looked up, and said something. Kaworu looked towards the
same spot, noting a cluster of leaves and berries hanging from a
string near the ceiling. Shinji looked back down and appeared to ask
a question. Asuka said something that made them both blush. Shinji
stammered something back, and they both drew in close for a slow
kiss.
Ayanami let out a small, happy sigh. Kaworu tried not to be too
obvious about vibrating in harmony to the sound. His motion still
attracted Ayanami's attention. She turned to look at him, her smile
fading away to the careful blankness she'd taken to maintaining
around him since the battle, and their conversations afterward. She
raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes?"
"Can you tell me what that was about?"
"That was the purpose of this party."
Kaworu cocked his head. "Surely Miss Soryu and Shinji-kun have no
trouble finding plentiful occasions to kiss in any given day? Why the
unusual outfit and party? And the piece of a bush hung from the
ceiling?"
"Asuka informed me that the sight of the Santa outfits inspired a

desire in her to take advantage of as many Christmas traditions
involving lovers as she can, as she has never had the opportunity to
before, nor very much enjoyment in Christmas overall. Ergo, she
acquired Santa outfits for her, myself, and Hikari, and organized this
party largely with the goal of what she is doing now."
"Kissing him." Kaworu looked again. "Still. Possibly trying to check

his teeth for dental health."
Rei gave him a sharp look. "Was that a joke, Rainbow Trout?"
"Yes." Kaworu bit his cheek inside his mouth, trying to keep his face
blank.
Rei seemed stuck for a reply to such a direct answer. "Well… stop
that," she said eventually.
"Not until you explain just how this is different from their usual kisses.
I know they are fond of them, so what makes this different from the
ones they exchange daily?"
"One of the traditions involves the special nature of a kiss

exchanged under a bit of mistletoe berries, as placed so. According
to the original tradition, a male is allowed to 'steal' a kiss from a
female without social penalty if they encounter each other under
such a sprig. Refusing is viewed as bad luck. It has since its origin
expanded into general understanding of 'two people meeting under a
sprig of mistletoe at Christmas time are encouraged to kiss', though
it has extra emotional significance to established couples. Hence
Asuka's desire to kiss Shinji under the mistletoe. She also expressed
desire to get Hikari and Suzuhara-san to do so in public."
"I see…" Kaworu looked at the still kissing pair with new thought
running across his face.
Asuka took her time about ending the kiss, and the two of them
stared at each other without drawing back for a moment, exchanging
more soft words with a smile with Shinji. When Asuka finished, they
both turned to look at Hikari, who had been watching them with a
blush of her own. Hikari suddenly looked nervous as Asuka and
Shinji walked her way.
"You look very beautiful in your own Santa outfit, Ayanami," Kaworu
said suddenly.
Rei almost jumped. She'd been entirely focused on watching a

grinning Asuka pull a shy Fourth Child towards the mistletoe spot,
while Shinji was pushing an embarrassed Touji. "I… what did you
say?"
"You look beautiful," Kaworu said.
Rei abruptly looked down at her own red and white outfit, like it had
only just occurred to her that she was still wearing it. She looked at
him, looked down at her outfit again, and looked at the now happily if
blushingly embracing pair now under the mistletoe. She whipped her
look back at Kaworu. "Do not start getting ideas, Kaworu. This party
is for the fulfillment of Asuka's happiness, not yours or mine."
"I said nothing," he said with a small smile. "Just observed you look
very nice in red."
"I appreciate the color much more than I did a few months ago," Rei
muttered, looking away. "In any case, it is now my task to locate
Miki-san and maneuver her towards the mistletoe so she, Kensuke,
and Sakura-san may all exchange kisses."
"I thought Miki-san and Sakura-san did not want their relationship
publicly exposed?"
"It will only be Kensuke and each of them separately. Miki-san and
Sakura-san will not kiss publicly. That will be reserved for the 'after-
party'."
"'After-party'?"
Rei sighed. "I will educate you about the structure of parties later,
Rainbow Trout. Excuse me." She moved off across the room,
homing in on the other bluenette.
Kaworu felt like he might be glowing a bit himself. Kensuke, Sakura-

san, and Miki-san had been a peculiar, but very interesting and
uplifting arrangement to watch. He'd never observed a true mutual-
three-way bond like theirs before. And now, watching the two girls
exchange a tender kiss while Kensuke stood next to them smiling,
he resolved again to fight the Call, or find a way to end himself
before he could not fight any more. He would not destroy this. He
could not.
Kensuke hugged both girls when they finally parted. They pulled him
in too, kissing him on each cheek.
Kensuke at last opened his eyes and gave the small group watching
them a smile. "Thanks for arranging this 'after-party', Soryu-san. It
means a lot to Sayaka and Kyoko to get to do this too, even if we still
have to keep it quiet."
Asuka smirked at him. "Hey, Rei vouched for you as a decent sort of
Stooge, and I trust my friend. So you and they get a pass. They're
cuter than you anyway. You make them unhappy, Rei and I will feed
you your own arms and legs."
"Thanks for all of this, Rei," Kyoko told the First Child. "We'd have
never even thought of trying something like this with Kensuke if you
hadn't talked to us about him."
Rei's smile was a small, tender thing as ever, but Kaworu loved to
see it on her face. "Kensuke has been a special friend to me when I
needed his help. He showed me he's a good sort of guy. All I did was
tell you he was." She shot Kaworu a brief look, before looking back
to Kyoko. "And no one here will say anything that might jeopardize
your secret. Kaworu is trustworthy, for a stupid fish."
Sayaka just snickered a bit at the nickname. "A fish, huh? Bishie
fishie…" She laughed, almost giddy from the mistletoe kiss. "Well, if
you say he is, I'm satisfied, Rei." She looked at Shinji and Asuka, the
only others around. "And if you can't trust our elite Eva Pilots, who
can you trust?"
Kaworu smiled at her. "Thank you for your confidence in me, Miki-
san. Excuse me, need to use the bathroom." He vanished around
the corner into the bathroom off the kitchen.
"I'm not going to say a dang word about who you pick to love," Asuka
snorted. "I already have the best boyfriend in the world, and the best
friends, you among them. Anyone who's got a problem with you
three can take it up with me, and see how far that gets them. And
then I'll sic Shinji on them."
Shinji snorted beside her, but nodded. "I feel a little bad we had to
leave Horaki-san and Touji out of this, but she's… still pretty
traditional about um… boys and girls. I don't think she'd say anything
really bad, but… this avoids trouble."
"Eh, Hikari's a smart girl. She'll come around eventually, I think,"

Asuka said. "Anyhow, I think it's time to pack it in. It's getting pretty
late, even for Christmas Eve, and even if there's no school tomorrow,
I still want to be able to sleep in a bit and get some proper Christmas
cuddles with my baka."
Kyoko laughed. "Yeah, and Kensuke needs to escort us both home.

Better get moving. Goodnight, everyone." Kensuke and Sayaka bid
everyone farewell, and the merry threesome departed.
Asuka looked at Rei. "Your turn?"
Shinji looked at her, then Rei. "Huh?"
Asuka gave him a slightly embarrassed look. "Rei caught me under

the mistletoe right after I put it up. I couldn't say no, but I did make
her promise to make it even with you later. So… give her a
Christmas kiss, baka mine. A good one."
Shinji blushed, and tried to meet Rei's eyes, who was doing the
same. "Er…"
Asuka gave him a push. "And don't keep a lady waiting. Manners,
baka!"
Shinji stumble-shuffled the two steps towards Rei. "Um… Merry

Christmas, Rei?"
"Thank you," Rei said, barely above a whisper, her cheeks pink. "You
both have given me more gifts than I can express this year. I wished
to show you both how I felt and thank you." She put her hands on
Shinji's cheeks and pulled him close for a soft kiss. "Merry
Christmas, Shinji."
"Anyone else, and I'd strangle them for even touching my Shinji.
You… I just can't be mad at all, and I like watching you both blush.
Merry Christmas, Rei. We love you too." Asuka pulled Shinji back
slowly. "We've got a warm bed waiting. See you tomorrow."
"Goodnight," Rei said, still smiling. Her loves waved a last farewell,
and headed back to their own room next door.
Rei held her breath until she heard not just her own front door close,
but the one next door open and shut as well.
"You can come out."

Kaworu emerged from the bathroom. "You told me to wait. I am here.
I am doing my best not to have 'ideas'." He tugged at his collar,
sweating nervously. "It is very ha-… ahem, difficult not to, since I…
opened that box you gave me."
Rei's face was red enough to nearly light the room on its own. "It… it
worked, didn't it?" Rei sputtered. "You have been… untroubled by
the Call since then? Two full weeks?"
"Um… Yes," he admitted. "I… um… have opened it again since the
first time. Er… frequently. It… helps a lot?"
"I thought it might."
Kaworu looked at her. She was standing in the doorway to the living
room, backlit by the silvery full moon visible right behind her out the
glass doors onto the veranda. Her red Santa outfit was highlighted in
silver moonlight, making an ethereal counterpoint to her red eyes.
He swallowed. "You… are helping. Just being here tonight helped
me… reaffirm why I will not let myself answer the Call. Thank you,
Ayanami."
"Rei."
He made himself breathe again. "Rei," he repeated.
"You have… earned that," Rei said softly. "If I call Hikari my friend
and battle-sister after what we have shared, I can hardly grant you
less after the battle with Arael. And… tonight is… do not think this
means… anything more. But tonight, while the rules are
suspended… I am standing here."
"Standing h-…" His voice caught in his throat. His eyes shot upward.
Rei was standing in the doorway to the living room… right under the
mistletoe. His eyes shot to hers again.
She said nothing, her face as cool and unreadable a mask as ever.
Even his other senses failed him. She shone like a star in his other
sight, and the fractured harmony of her Song was as beguiling and
steady as ever.
But what she'd just said… He ever so hesitantly took a step towards
her. The few meters felt like light-years.
Her expression did not change. He took another step. Another. He

was right in front of her, under the sprig too now.
He was in her arms.
"Just… tonight. A thank you and a gift. To a friend," she said quietly.
"Just… that."
He tried not to shake. "… my First," he rasped, barely audible.
He felt her tense in his embrace. "What?"
"I… you were my first hug. No one else has ever… This will be my
First… Kiss? That's what I meant."
"… stupid fish," she whispered.
"I-"
Her lips met his.
His mind stopped.
The Call vanished.
There was only the Moon, and the eternal, beautiful night.
Some indescribable infinity later, thought resumed. She let him go,
and gently pushed him away, taking a step back. "Merry Christmas,
Kaworu."
"Muh…"
Well, something like thought had resumed. Somewhat like thought.
Not very much like thought.
"I considered this might occur." Gentle, small hands guided him to
turn around and stumble towards the door. Shoes were pressed into
his hands. "Your residence is four floors down and three over. Go.
Goodnight, Rainbow Trout."
A door closed behind him with a beep. The marginal cool of Tokyo-
3's night surrounded him.
"Geep," he said thoughtfully.
Numb feet and a blank mind wobbled towards the elevator. "M'rry
Chr's'mas…" he mumbled to the night.
The moon sailed on overhead, serene and glorious.

Advice and Trust
Chapter 10.7
"Try again, Hikari-chan," Maya insisted. "We'll take it from step 108."
On the screen overhead, the rainbow-colored silhouette of the

Fourth Child shifted slightly. "I'm trying, Lieutenant Ibuki. I'm just…
not getting any response."
The flickering readout on the screen in front of Maya was steady in

one respect. It showed SYNCH RATE: 0% without a blink. The
trembling systems indicator wobbled just below the threshold for
activation, but refused to cross it.
Ritsuko scratched a note on her clipboard and frowned. "That's odd.

When we did the last cross-synch tests, Shinji-kun was able to get
Unit-00 to activate and synchronize without much trouble. But now
we're not even getting it to start at all for Pilot Horaki. It's not even
passing the absolute borderline. I thought for sure she'd at least
get…" the scientist muttered half to herself. She sighed. "Alright,
shut it down. Switch the Core data profile to the Fifth Child, and get
him into the Entry Plug as soon as the Fourth is out. He's managed
to get Unit-03 to respond to him, maybe he'll have better luck."
"Yes, ma'am."
Misato stirred behind her. "How are Shinji and Asuka doing?"
Ritsuko turned to look at her. Misato stood a couple meters further

back in the Pribnow Box, her arms folded across her chest,
expression all business. "Better than Pilot Horaki is in Unit-00," she
told the Operations Director.
She waved Misato closer, and pointed to the next bank of readouts
on the far side of the display for Unit-00. "They're both lower than
they are in their usual units, but not too much. Asuka's managing a
61.2% Synch Rate in Unit-01, and Shinji is at…" Ritsuko's eye
narrowed at the wobbling readout. "Hmm… he keeps shifting back
and forth between 67.2% and 48.7%. Not much in between, just…
either, like he's connecting to two different circuits erratically. Must be
some glitch in the hardware interface."
Misato walked past her and pressed the mic button on the console.
"How's it going in there, Shinji-kun?"
Shinji had his eyes pinched tightly shut, trying to shut out all noise. It
took him a moment to register Misato was talking to him. "Uh? Oh,
um, it's… tricky, Misato. Unit-02 feels… different from Unit-01."
'Also, my girlfriend's mother's soul is split in two and one half of it is

insane and won't stop talking about how she wants everyone she
cares about to die with her, and it's creeping me the fuck out.'
He and Asuka had quietly had a bit of panic when Doctor Akagi had
announced they were doing a whole new set of cross-synch tests.
As excited as they had once been to make contact with their
mothers' souls in their Evas, they both now had some serious
misgivings about exposing each other to their counterparts. Shinji
because he'd discovered his mother had been raised within an
apocalyptic death-cult conspiracy, was questionably sane, and at
least partly the architect of many of their miseries, Asuka because
she'd learned that her mother's soul had never recovered from the
trauma of being ripped in two from her Contact Experiment and now
seemed obsessed with death.
'Die with me… you make her happy, you must come with us… die…'
'Oh, shut up , would you?' Shinji thought back at her.
'Shinji? Are you Shinji? She talks about you a lot,' the other voice
said. 'She loves you. Be good to my little Asuka, please? I miss her
so much…'
'I know she does, ma'am. I love her too. I'll do anything for her.'
'Protect her.'
'Always and forever. Until the end of the world, I've promised. She
means more to me than anything.'
'Until death do you part…' said the crazy voice.
Shinji did his best to mentally glare at the broken spirit of Kyoko
Soryu. 'No. Not even then. I'm hers until she makes me go. She's
what makes my life worth living. If she wants me to go beyond death
for her, I'll try.'
For the first time, both voices were silent. A moment later they
answered in unison. 'Good boy.'
"Huh," Ritsuko grunted. "Whatever it is you're doing now, Shinji,

keep it up. Your Synch Rate just stabilized at 66.9%."
"Hear that, Asuka? Shinji's in the lead again," Misato commented
with a slight smile.
'It smells like Shinji in here. That's weird but comforting,' Asuka
mused.
Misato's snark interrupted her thoughts. "Yeah, yeah, Misato. That's

probably because he's in my Unit-02, which is of course the more
advanced, superior machine! It's only natural his performance
increases when he has such fine German engineering at his
fingertips, nicht wahr?"
"Weren't you going on about being the superior Pilot, Asuka?"
Asuka harumphed. "Just watch me, Misato!"
She closed her eyes and concentrated. 'Come on, Dr. Ikari, work
with me, here! I know you're in there! Shinji's told you about me,
right? You know he's my love and I'm his! Help me!'
The dim presence of Shinji's mother stirred and slowly became a

little more distinct to Asuka. 'Hello, Asuka. It is good to meet you.
Yes, he has. I don't think even speaking like this can adequately
convey how much he cares for you. I'm sorry he had such a sad and
lonely life before he met you, but I am glad beyond words that he
has. He's been… reluctant to speak to me much since I told him
about what happened to me.'
Asuka tried not to frown. Outwardly, at least. 'Because between you

and Commander Assh-… Commander Ikari, my poor sweet baka is
half-convinced he's got some kind of 'tainted blood' Japanese curse
or something, and he'll turn into a moral monster one day.'
Doctor Ikari gave a mental sigh. 'I am well aware of how you both
feel about Shinji's father. I can hardly blame you, if even half of what
Shinji has told me is true. I failed to realize just how much losing me
would shatter him. I never meant him to treat Shinji like that.'
'You're no saint yourself, lady,' Asuka growled mentally. 'How he

treated Shinji is one thing, but what about you both being eyeballs-
deep in SEELE and Second Impact, huh? I don't want the love of my
life to have to live his worrying history is going to remember the
name 'Ikari' as 'that family that makes Hitler look like a small-time
nobody!'
'Asuka, I-'
'You made him watch , you bitch! He has nightmares about losing
you to this day that I have to hold him through, and when he finally
finds you're still 'alive' in here, you tell him you were part of a plot to
kill the whole world ?!' Asuka could tell she was about to lose the
fight to hold in a wave of angry tears, but she couldn't stop. 'How
could you do that to him?! He's one of the sweetest, most self-
sacrificing people I've ever known, despite what you all did to him!
He deserved to have a mother as good as him love him, not… you.'
Tense silence filled the Entry Plug.
"Asuka, what's wrong? Your Synch Rate is dropping sharply. You're

down to 53.3% and falling," Doctor Akagi said, frowning.
.
"It's fine, just a momentary headache!" Asuka deflected.
Doctor Ikari finally broke the silence. 'I'm glad you are here, Asuka.'
'What?'
'Yes, I made him watch. That was supposed to be so he would

understand, later, why I did it, when he read the letters I left him,
watched the videos. So he would know I did it because I loved him
and wanted a bright future for him. There was no other way to stop
SEELE, and if sacrificing my life was the price of even having a
chance, then it was worth it. Shinji was not supposed to be…
abandoned by Gendo. I-'
'Yeah, well, he was,' Asuka snapped back. 'And even granting you
all that, there's still the tiny problem of you being part of SEELE's
little conspiracy to murder three billion people. You and Commander
Asshole knew it was coming and didn't even try to warn anyone!'
'How do you know I didn't? You have no idea how far SEELE's reach
goes, Asuka. Even overlooking 'a secret cabal is going to blow up
Antarctica' being more like the ravings of the mad than a warning
that people would believe, others tried to send warnings: To family, to
their governments, whatever. It didn't matter. SEELE always found
them, intercepted the warnings, and then killed them. I was raised
inside SEELE, Asuka. I knew how trapped I was. Gendo… did what I
told him to do. He loved me more than he feared SEELE. So yes, he
left the Katsuragi dig site ahead of the Contact Experiment. There
was nothing we could do. Once SEELE found out I wasn't 100%
loyal, they made it clear my time was running out. My father was a
member of the command group. Even he signed off on my death. I
did what I could to oppose them.'
Asuka just glared angrily at the wall of the Entry Plug.
'As I said, I'm glad you are here. I had to give up my life, my body,
and even the ability to hold my son for the sake of humanity. I told
Shinji a few days ago that anywhere could be paradise, as long as
you had the chance to be happy. And you make him happy. I can
only speak to him when he sits where you are. And I can tell what I
have told him has… disturbed him and he doesn't know how to feel
about me now. I wish I had not had to leave him. But I did this for his
sake. Either we will succeed in stopping SEELE from dissolving
humanity as it exists now, or we will not. If we fail, nothing will matter.
If we succeed, I will remain in Unit-01 as a monument to humanity's
having been here. In all likelihood, I will never incorporate outside of
Unit-01 again. Please… He loves you. Be there for him always, since
I cannot.'
'You're Gott-damn right I'm going to love him,' Asuka retorted.

'Humanity or the whole world isn't half as much to me without him
there to share it with. As long as I have my sweet baka with me,
we're invincible. I'm not going to let SEELE, Commander Asshole, or
anyone stop him and I from saving the world and grabbing a nice,
properly famous and acclaimed victory afterwards. I want the whole
world to know how awesome he is and how much I love him. No one
in his life is going to love him as much or as deeply as I will.'
'I don't expect you to ever fully understand or forgive what I've had to
do, Asuka, but knowing Shinji has you beside him eases my heart a
great deal. I will be here for him as long as Evas are needed to fight
the Angels, and always keep him in my thoughts. Whatever else you
both think of me, never let him doubt his mother loved him. Please.'
'And don't you ever expect to get forgiveness from me, Doctor Ikari.
I'm not a forgiving person. That's more Rei's lane. Maybe Shinji will
one day. I'll let you know if it happens, because I'm going to be right
there with him, no matter what.'
'Good. You… for whatever it's worth, Asuka, I approve of you and
Shinji, and you have my blessing.'
Asuka nodded just slightly in the Entry Plug. 'I think we understand
each other, Doctor Ikari. Shinji is the world to me. Any time you and I
have to fight together, it's for him. Good enough?'
'I think we can work with that.'
"Pilot Soryu's Synch Rate with Unit-01 stabilizing at… 62.4%,"

Lieutenant Ibuki reported. "Get that headache sorted out, Asuka?"
"More or less. It's dealt with for the moment, anyhow. I doubt it's ever
really going to go away totally," Asuka said a little grumpily.
"Start in on the series 4-D exercises for the recording systems,

please," Maya told her, then switched to the next monitor. "Ah,
Doctor Akagi? The Fifth Child is almost ready in Unit-00, and the
First Child is about to activate Unit-03."
Ritsuko tore her stare away from Unit-01's readouts and nodded.
"Put hers on the main screen. Rei, are you ready to go?"
"Yes, Doctor," Rei said coolly. "I am ready."
"Beginning activation… now," Maya's voice said.
The Entry Plug flashed through the rainbow spray and swirling black
and white shapes before stabilizing into the crystal clear view of the
outside of the Production Unit. Rei did her best to open her mind and
reach out to Hikari's mother.
Rei's brow furrowed. She was there, but… Rei could barely feel her.
Only the vaguest impression was possible.
'This is not going to be terribly effective. I do not have the mental or
spiritual link necessary to connect efficiently with Mrs. Horaki.'
Distantly, Rei felt ~ confusion, wariness. Hikari? Hikari?~
'Forgive me, madam. I am not her, and she is not here.'
~sadness~
Ritsuko pursed her lips. Rei's Synch Rate in Unit-03 was meager,
just 24.1%. Sufficient to activate and fight in the Eva in an
emergency, but barely.
"Mid-twenties, Rei. Looks like Unit-03 is not going to work out too
well for you."
"No, Doctor, I am unable to synchronize effectively with this

Evangelion," Rei agreed. "Unit-00 is my optimal Unit."
"Speaking of which," Misato nodded at the other screen.
'It smells like Rei in here,' Kaworu noted. He immediately tried to

focus on anything else, before his damnably energetic autonomic
nervous system began the predictable reaction cycle that thinking
about Rei's scent caused since the Christmas Party.
Anything else, such as the simmering rage he could feel rising from
this Unit's Core. The broken piece of Rei's Song sounded beneath
him, the gaps that were usually there when he listened to her
suddenly reversed. But while it was pleasing to hear the missing
parts of her Song, it was just as… disconcerting to feel what was
almost the opposite of the composed, dedicated, and forgiving girl he
knew. The fragment of Rei within Unit-00 was… angry. Very angry.
Wild, unstable, and tensed to explode into boundless anger that was
only worsened when she became aware that the Pilot who now sat
in the Entry Plug was a hated Adamite creature.
He kept his face calm and let Lieutenant Ibuki go through the
motions of activating Unit-00. He suppressed the urge to bypass it all
and simply seize control of the Evangelion's Adamite flesh and
directly control it via his AT-Field, free of the pretenses of the Entry
Plug interface and the bindings the Lilim had wrapped it in. That was
what Tabris would do, and he was Kaworu Nagisa. He chose.
'A sad facet of irony that I must suppress the darker side of my soul
in order to talk to the darker side of Rei's,' he mused. He closed his
eyes and concentrated, reaching out with the Light of his soul
carefully, brushing the Eva's Core.
The Rei in the Eva attacked.
"D… Doctor Akagi, Unit-00's readings are… I don't understand!"

Maya exclaimed.
The instruments were going crazy, readings bouncing all over the
scale. Kaworu showed 2% synch one moment, 217% the next. The
biofeedback and EKG readings were as wildly erratic, showing
jagged spikes and huge swings that could not have been good for
the Fifth Child's body.
Unit-00's fists curled into balls. The massive bolts restraining the
arms and shoulders had been heavily reinforced after the last
berserk incident. That reinforcement was all that kept them from
shattering already. Even with it, they began to groan and vibrate
alarmingly.
"Kaworu-kun?! Are you alright?" Misato shouted, staring at the

violently shifting readings. "Ritsuko! Is it going to berserk again?"
Ritsuko was frozen, staring at the monitor, her face gone white as a
ghost. "No no no no no no no," she whispered frantically. "Not again
not again not again…"
Misato grabbed her by the shoulder and tried to break the paralysis.
"Rits! RITS! Snap out of it!"
The shaking only cause Ritsuko to stumble forward, leaving her

leaning heavily for support on the control console just to the left of
Lieutenant Ibuki's spot.
Seeing her lover's distress, Maya bit her lip and shot a worried look
at the security camera in the corner of the control booth. Fervently
hoping her calculation that the placement of Ritsuko and Major
Katsuragi's bodies blocked the angle of view, she reached out her
left hand and grasped Ritsuko's right.
Her touch was like magic. Ritsuko suddenly stopped panting, took a
deep breath, and blinked. She threw a momentary grateful glance at
Maya, squeezed her hand back for just a second, and then began
snapping out orders. "Lieutenant, prepare to cut the power supply
and shut everything down. Tanaka! Get the Bakelite system ready to
go on my order! I don't want this booth smashed to pieces again
right after we got it repaired! Nagisa-san! Are you there? We're
shutting it down!"
.
"N-No! I-geh… I've got this, Doctor Ak-kagi!" Kaworu bit out through
clenched teeth.
' HATE! ENEMY! ENEMY! ADAMITE! KILL THE INVADER! DIE

DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! ' Unit-00 screamed at him, hammering away
at his brain, trying to crush his mind and soul.
This was not the Rei he knew and… was friends with. This was an
unstable, almost feral shard of her Light that could not see him as
anything but an Adamite interloper, an enemy to be attacked with
pure fury and hate. He could not withstand this assualt for long, not
without something happening. He could feel Unit-00's arms trying to
rip themselves free from the restraints.
He clenched his eyes shut as hard as he could to hide the red glow,
and unfurled his AT-Field just the smallest bit. He seized control of
the Evangelion's limbs and forced them to relax. The giant cyborg's
fists unclenched and the restraints stopped groaning.
'Listen to me! I am not your enemy! I am Rei Ayanami's friend!' he

tried. 'I will not allow myself to hurt her!'
' ENEMY! LIAR! KILL! '
'I AM NOT YOUR ENEMY! I am Adamite, but I SURRENDER! I

choose HER! Not Adam!'
The assault paused.
'Liar.'
'No. I will let her kill me before I succumb to the Call. I have made
her promise to do it. Look at my heart, see what I feel about her,
about all of them!'
Very, very slowly and carefully, Kaworu lowered his defenses, letting
the deranged fragment of Ayanami's Light look into his own.
He could feel the strange stare examining him. He forced himself to
remain still and exposed, though his every instinct clamored for him
to slam his shields up and attack in turn. 'No. I choose. I choose .'
The other Light withdrew. It sat silently for a moment. 'Kill yourself,' it
ordered.
'I once wished to. Now I do not. She has told me not to, not as long
as there is hope. I will not disobey or disappoint my friend. You know
what she means to me.'
He waited. 'So… can we work together for now, together under her
command?'
He received no response beyond the hostile presence retreating,

and the walls to the Entry Plug flashing through the normal startup
patterns.
"Synch… Synch Rate stabilizing at… 22.1%. Unit-00 has activated,"

Maya said hesitantly, as if she was worried she'd startle the Eva into
action again.
Ritsuko let out the breath she'd been holding and took her hand off
the Emergency Shutdown lever. "Alright… Tanaka, stand down the
Bakelite. Nagisa-kun, run through the basic systems check as fast as
you can, and then we're shutting this down."
"Yes, Doctor. I think things should be ok now. Unit-00 just seems

to… react wildly to new Pilots. I thought it might, so I was prepared,"
Kaworu said.
"Is Unit-00 going to do this every time we put a new Pilot in it? At this
point, I'm almost amazed it didn't do the same thing with Hikari-
chan!" Misato said, still tense.
Ritsuko forced a smile to her face. "At least we're safe now? The
only Pilot who hasn't tried out Unit-00 is Asuka, and at this point I
think we'll just… leave that aside. The only test left for today is Hikari
in Unit-02, and frankly I think we can just make that one as fast and
basic as possible, then call it a day." She shivered and ran one hand
through her hair. "I need a cigarette and a drink. I did not need that
flashback to the last incident."
"At least this time you didn't end up in the hospital?" Misato jibed
weakly. "How about dinner for us all at my place tonight? It'll be
takeout since it's Shinji's night off cooking, but I think we could use
the relaxation of some Chinese." Misato carefully didn't let her eyes
flick towards Lieutenant Ibuki, or her smile become as sly as it
wanted to be.
Ritsuko did smile weakly back at her. "That… that sounds great,
Misato. I think we'll be there."
"Hey, Asuka! I still won by two and a half percent!" Shinji said over
the network channel. "Nyah nyah!"
"Shut it, baka Shinji! You'll pay for that later!"
Misato sighed. They didn't stop for even a minute. The reason it was
Shinji's night off from making dinner was he was taking Asuka out on
a date again. She could tell what sort of 'paying for it later' Asuka
probably had in mind. At least their new bed didn't squeak.
A few days later…
"So at midnight, we kiss?" Shinji asked.

Asuka nodded, grinning. "The tradition is you do at the stroke of
midnight what you want to be doing all through the New Year. So,"
she gave Shinji a peck on the lips, "you and I will be lip-locked."
"I like it." Shinji looked at the TV. The traditional Japanese New Year
Red versus White show was winding down, and the countdown timer
had less than a minute left. "Ready?"
Asuka grabbed him and pulled him tight against her body. "Always,
Third Child. You're mine."
Behind them, Rei mulled the idea. She glanced at Kaworu, then back
at her loves. They were utterly focused on each other. The rest of the
partygoers were wrapped up in their own versions of the same, or
just watching the countdown. Still, Rei tried not to be noticed as she
shifted slightly towards the Fifth Child, positioning herself so both
she and Kaworu were out of line of sight from Shinji and Asuka.
She reached her hand out on the floor between them, letting her
fingers carefully interlace with his. Kaworu's Light flashed through an
amazing display when they touched, as always.
He swallowed, and looked at her. "Rei?"
The countdown reached the final seconds. Rei looked him right in
the eye. "Live," she ordered.
He blinked for a second, then smiled. "Yes."
They both leaned forward.
Midnight struck.
"Asuka, what's wrong?"

Asuka shook her head. "Eh, nothing." She moved in a little closer
behind Shinji, and leaned over his shoulder to sniff at the bubbling
pot. "Mmm, smells good. Maybe a little more garlic?"
Shinji added a pinch more. "You're so European," he chided, smiling.
"Aber natürlich, Drittes Kind!" Asuka gave him a kiss on the ear. "You
love me anyway."
"Completely," Shinji said warmly.
She gave him a gentle pinch on the rear as she pulled away and
took a seat at the kitchen table. "I was just… I'm pretty sure I'm not,
but I just had the oddest feeling I'm supposed to be doing something
with Hikari tonight."
"As far as I know, she and Touji are out on a date tonight, so I don't
think you're missing anything you two had planned. Unless she
forgot too," Shinji said, stirring the pot and checking on the oven.
"Hmm, another 15 minutes."
"So are Misato and Kaji," Asuka said with a growing grin. "And Rei
already said she wanted to go to bed early today, so it's just you, me,
and the penguin tonight, my dear baka, and he's not leaving his
freezer." Asuka made a show of thinking hard, putting a finger to her
chin. "Now, how might we two spend that time?"
Shinji snorted. "I think I can guess what you've got in mind. I'm glad
you like the new bed."
Asuka stuck her tongue out at him. "Well, yes, that later, of course .
But actually, I also suddenly really felt like lying in a bathtub for a bit."
She leered at him. "Just not alone. Sound good to you, hmm?"
"Well gee, let me see… my super hot exotic foreign girlfriend wants
to slip into a tiny bathtub of hot water with me, which will force us to
cuddle quite closely. Mmm, well, if you twist my arm, I might-OW!"
Asuka snickered as she backed away. Shinji rubbed at his arm. "I
was joking!"
Asuka looked unrepentant and devilish. "Ooops, sorry! But now that I
have twisted your arm a little, now you have to, right?"
"I don't know, now my arm hurts…"
"I'll make it worth your whiiii~le," Asuka sang. She shimmied her
shoulders inside the baggy yellow shirt she'd stolen from Misato.
"On second thought, I'm in. You in a bathtub sounds very, very
good."
"Good boy."
Ritsuko put the phone down, her face clouded. Maya's hands slid
gently over her shoulders, coming together in an embrace of the
older woman. Ritsuko's hands came up to cover Maya's, holding on
tight as the young woman hugged her from where she stood behind
Ritsuko's chair. "… she was 14. I had her since I was… barely older
than the Pilots."
Maya hugged her tighter. "I'm sure your grandmother took care of
her. 14 is… a good time, for a cat." Maya softly kissed the top of
Ritsuko's head. "When do you want to go visit your mother's grave?
It's been quiet. We haven't had an Angel attack in almost ten weeks
now. You could go this week."
Ritsuko shook her head. "I'll see grandma when I can, but… I don't
want to visit right now." She loosened Maya's hands so she could
turn her office's chair to face her lover. "I want to go when you can
come with me. So, not until we've dealt with SEELE and the
Commander's plots."
Maya blushed and squirmed. "You… you say the strangest things
that still manage to be sweet, sempai."
Ritsuko smiled sadly and stood up. "Come on. We need to go

downstairs and see to those tests in my lab. And maybe have a
'good' lunch together."
Maya giggled. Her smile faded away quickly, though. "I can tell
you're still sad, though. Do you… want me to come over again
tonight?"
Ritsuko bit her lip. It was tempting. So damn tempting. Despite it

being a potentially lethal risk of being found out, they'd still
succumbed to the temptation more than once to have Maya sneak
over to her apartment so they could spend the night together. It
wasn't just for the increasingly passionate sex. It was being able to
fall asleep and wake up being held by someone who loved you.
Ritsuko was starting to find it almost impossible to sleep without
Maya beside her at least a couple times a month.
Maya made the decision for her. She stepped a hair closer and gave
Ritsuko another soft kiss. "I know that cat meant a lot to you. I'm
coming over tonight. You shouldn't have to spend a night like this
alone."
Ritsuko's last shreds of resistance evaporated. "Fine, I'll set the

MAGI gap program. But we still need to get going to my lab. Those
test results won't check themselves."
.
The secret lab deep in the bowels of the Geofront had been Ritsuko
Akagi's lair for years. Directly adjacent to the massive tank of LCL
that had once held the backup clones to Rei Ayanami, the
Evangelion Graveyard where they stored the old failures from the
early years of Project E, and the tiny, sterile 'living quarters' where
Rei had grown up, it was her private preserve, her hideaway that
only she and Commander Ikari could enter. Lately it had also been
her refuge, once of the few spots in the entire Geofront where she
could count on enough security and privacy to safely spend time with
Maya, doing more than merely putting a friendly hand on her
shoulder. It was a place she knew inside and out, every smell,
sound, and vibration.
So when the door slid open and she entered this time, she could
immediately sense something was wrong. She couldn't put her finger
on it, but she was sure. The way some papers on her desk were
moved, the minuscule shift in the air from someone else having
walked through before them, the faintest trace of another down
here…
She halted one step into the room, so quickly Maya ran right into the
back of her, bouncing off with a small squeak Ritsuko would have
found cute if every hair on the back of her neck wasn't standing on
end. They had come down here to work, though thoughts of later
playtime had quickened their steps here no small amount.
She spun around, putting one finger rapidly to her lips when Maya
looked at her in confusion. "Maya," she whispered urgently, "go back
up to Central Dogma, right now. Don't make a sound. Hurry."
Maya's mouth flapped in confusion, but she nodded, and started to

back out. When her confusion persisted, Ritsuko mouthed a silent
explanation just before she closed the door, which had been
securely locked.
"He's here."
.
.
She found him in the Dummy Plug Production Chamber that housed
the clone tank, the scanning cylinder Rei would float in, and the
huge, brain-like array that scanned and encoded Rei's mind for
reproduction as software. 'Rei's mind, her cloned flesh, her
memories, her very soul… we take everything from her,' Ritsuko
thought. 'How can she forgive me?'
She stared at the tall, silent man staring at the tank of LCL, now
empty of clones… or their remains. 'Ah… because I finally turned my
back on the man who wants to steal the throne of God,' she
guessed.
"Status report on the recovery efforts, Doctor."
Ritsuko jumped. She'd been as quiet as possible coming in, not

wanting to reveal Maya's momentary presence. That was not
precisely authorized, given the Dummy Plug plant right next door,
that no one but Ritsuko, Fuyutsuki, and the Commander were
supposed to know the details about. Yet he still just started talking,
giving her orders like he'd expected her to be there the whole time. It
was unnerving, more so than it used to be. She pulled her thoughts
together. "Partial success on about 17% of the subjects, sir. About
28% on the stored spines and brainstems. I haven't tried a full
reconstruction of an integrated system yet, but I can pull the First
Child in for another complete engram if needed, even if the backup
mind image is corrupted. She will obey."
He only grunted, still staring at the tank. "17% is sufficient. SEELE

did this for a reason. They wanted to send a signal, and to destroy
our capability. The time has come to discuss contingencies, Doctor."
Something about that statement worried Ritsuko deeply.

"Contingencies, sir?"
He turned to face her, expressionless. "I always have contingencies,
Doctor. You should know that by now."
It wasn't quite a job skill to be able to outstare a black holographic

projection of a SOUND ONLY monolith, but it frequently came in
handy. As was the ability to ignore the chill of the empty room
populated only by himself and the ring of twelve projections of
SEELE's overlords.
"You have made it impossible for us to retrieve the Lance of

Longinus, Ikari," SEELE-08 accused.
"Why did you use it?" added SEELE-03. "We do not have all of the
Eva series scheduled! This could cripple everything!"
Gendo did not shift a hair. "The annihilation of the Angel was more
important. There was no other way," he defended calmly, not a trace
of uncertainty or fear in his voice.
SEELE-05 scoffed. "No other way? Your excuses should be more

persuasive."
"The things you have done recently are too bold, Commander,"
SEELE-07 said sharply. "One might wonder about your motivations."
Gendo was spared from even having to reply by the insistent ringing
from the red phone in the desk drawer to his right. He didn't even
take his eyes off their fixed stare at the monolith for SEELE-01 as he
opened the drawer and lifted it to his ear. "Fuyutsuki, I am in a
meeting… Alright."
He placed the phone back in its slot. "An Angel is approaching right
now," he reported. "We will finish this discussion at the next
opportunity."
"If your chair remains," SEELE-04 warned darkly.
The circle of light around Gendo and his desk faded away, leaving
only the twelve monoliths. For the first time, SEELE-01 spoke up.
"Ikari, are you going to betray SEELE?"
Silence hung. The other members of the council waited, sensing

their chairman was making a decision.
"The order is given. Ikari must be reminded who he is and who holds
the reins," Kiel Lorenz finally rumbled. "Execute the plan."
And the room was empty.
Things were pretty good, Asuka decided. Another Synch Test done,
and once again she was the top scorer. Now they were headed
home again, all the Pilots (Save Hikari, who had headed off on a
date with Touji.) packed into Misato's car. Home, where her cute and
devoted boyfriend would make her dinner, she'd hang out with
trusted friends, and she'd go to bed in the arms of someone who
loved her. All in all, a splendid day for the Great Asuka Langley
Soryu, Ace Pilot. The fact the tight quarters of Misato's car gave her
an excuse to ride home sitting on said boyfriend's lap with his arms
around her to supplement the seatbelt only made it even better.
But she couldn't quite keep a small frown off her face. She was up
again, 78.3%, but Shinji was down again, barely clearing 70%. Hikari
was fine in Unit-03 at 56%, Rei was slowly but steadily climbing, and
the Rainbow Trout was 2 points below her. It was great that Asuka
was still the team ace, sure, but that position brought her a lot less
satisfaction than it once might have.
Shinji was her partner . Her rival-lover, that helped keep her pushing
to do better. He was the only one she'd tolerate beating her for even
a while, and the constant switching of the lead between them had
been a quiet joy for Asuka for months. But now… she wanted him
back chasing her again, but that meant synchronizing more deeply
with his mother, which she could hardly fault him for being mixed on.
And she also wanted to see Rei rise, and Hikari, and even the new
fish. She wanted her friends to come up. She'd have to think of some
way to thread that needle for Shinji, to help him back up again
despite being ambivalent about his mother. Then he could rival her
again. It wasn't as fun without him.
'I guess I'm getting all mature and stuff, if I'm not so obsessed with
being number one anymore. Being the top ace leading an elite
squad is still pretty cool, though,' she thought with a grin. 'Also, the
cuddled and spoiled princess of my sweet baka.' She gave another
happy little wriggle, enjoying the feel of Shinji's hands on her and her
spot in his lap. A rather hard spot, which made her quietly very
happy that her skirt concealed precisely how she'd settled herself for
maximum enjoyment of that fact. She could feel she was already
starting to 'pre-heat' for her and Shinji's usual afternoon quickie.
They couldn't get home fast enough.
"Asuka, I know for a fact you can sit on the seat without needing to
sit on Shinji," Misato said dryly from the driver's seat. "I've seen all
three of you fit back there just fine."
"Yeah, but I like this way much better, Misato. More Shinji hugs. And
his lap is verrrry comfy." When Misato rolled her eyes, Asuka shot
back "Oh come on, Misato, it can't be any worse than the naughtiest
thing you've done in the backseat of a car."
"Kaji and I wouldn't even fit in the backseat of this car, Asuka."
"Hah." Asuka glanced at Rei. The slender bluenette was watching

her and Shinji cuddle with a small, contented smile on her lips, like
she could tell what was on Asuka's mind. And it was true, the idea of
Rei watching her and Shinji get away with mild naughtiness literally
behind Misato's back was amusing. And not a just little arousing, she
had to admit. Kaworu, sitting in the front passenger seat, couldn't
see without looking back, and he was staring out the window,
watching the sunny 'winter' landscape zoom by.
Asuka could almost feel the 'click' in her head as something hit her.
'Wait a minute… Rainbow Trout was 2 points lower than Rei this
time. Exactly 2 points. Just like last time. And the time before that.
That… that can't be coincidence. I'm starting to get the feeling that
nothing in NERV is coincidence. But… why? He's got the same red
eyes as Rei, he can't remember his past, and now synch
shenanigans? Is that why he can Pilot Unit-03 when it's not his mom
in there? Did SEELE do something to his head that makes him…
able to copy someone's synch? Imitate? What does that mean?'
Rei's smile had faded away, and she was now watching Asuka with a
tense look. "Asuka, what is-"
Suddenly, Rei whipped her head around to look out the window
behind her, the same direction Kaworu was now staring. "Oh no…"
"Huh? What is it Rei? I-YAAAAAI!" Asuka's question became a

surprised shout as Misato abruptly threw the car into a sudden U-
turn and stomped on the accelerator. "Misato, what the Hell?!"
Misato wasn't listening. She had her cell phone out and was already
dialing. "Central Dogma, this is Major Katsuragi! I've got visual
confirmation of an Angel in the air about 5 kilometers northeast of my
position, over the Oowakudani Valley, near the Gotemba defense
line! Scramble the VTOLS and get the Evas prepped! I'm on my way
back in with the First, Second, Third, and Fifth Children!"
Asuka's eyes went wide and she looked in the direction Misato had
mentioned. She felt Shinji's hands suddenly grip her tighter as they
both saw it.
A huge, glowing, double-braided ring of white light hovered in the air

over the valley behind them, rotating slowly.
The Sixteenth Angel had come.
Author's Note: Ok, wow, sorry about that. I've been caught up in
keeping the SufficientVelocity thread updated, and forgot how long
it's been since I updated here! I recovered from the foot infection in a
few days after that, and have been back at work in Baghdad. There's
been a good bit of writing going on, So here's 6600 words of update,
and I've got about 2000 more already done and ready. What's
holding that up is the next bit being the battle with the 16th Angel,
and that's going to be a beast. You already know it's not going to be
like canon, since Asuka's not a catatonic wreck and Shinji's not
under freeze. So it's going to be a big one like the Arael battle, and
that will take a bit to write. I'll try to be faster than last time, and if the
gap starts to go on, I'll start posting some of the comedy omake bits
from the SV thread, like the Backstage shorts, or the Kensuke-
Sayaka-Kyoko side stories.
Ch 44 - Choices & Sacrifices pt 8
Advice and Trust
Chapter 10.8
For all its terrifying speed and seemingly death-bent maneuvers,

Misato's driving was no less precise than Kaji's when she got
serious. She'd skidded them to a stop sideways across two and a
half parking spots in the garage for the train down to the Geofront,
and gotten them piled into one of the train cars so fast she'd
practically carried Shinji under one arm. She'd ordered Lieutenant
Hyuga to override the MAGI and get their train down to the Geofront
at nearly double the 'safe' speed, and shoved them all off towards
the locker rooms before sprinting herself off towards Central Dogma.
The Pilots had thrown themselves into changing as fast as they

could, Shinji and Asuka forsaking even a hurried last kiss before they
split to the separate male and female locker rooms. Rei hadn't given
even a glance towards Kaworu as they ran. She'd also reached her
locker a few seconds earlier, and dressed with machine-like
precision and nearly inhuman speed.
Asuka hadn't been quite as fast. Her foot caught in a fold of her
plugsuit's material as she tried to get her leg into it, and she'd lost
her balance, falling over with a curse. As a result, Rei was sealing
and pressurizing her suit before Asuka had even gotten hers half-on.
Rei ran for the door, but paused, looking back at her friend.
Asuka snarled at the plugsuit, fighting to get it on, but noticed Rei's
hesitation. "Go! Don't wait for me! There's more than one elevator!"
she shouted. "That thing's already nearly on top of us!"
Rei jerked one fast nod, then took off running.
Kaworu shot out of the opposite locker room right on her heels,
catching up a second later. At the far end of the hallway, the elevator
to the Cages stood with it's doors already open. The First and Fifth
Children ran inside without slowing down. Rei let herself slam to a
halt against the back wall of the elevator as Kaworu grabbed the
door to swing himself around so he could slap at the control panel's
button for the Cages.
They rode without speaking for a moment, the steady click-click-click

of the elevator's counter and their own slightly elevated breathing the
only sounds.
Rei nudged him with her elbow. At his curious look, she flicked her
eyes at the ceiling. He shook his head. "No one is observing us. My
AT-Field has already fried the bugs in here."
"Good," Rei said. "You… appear nervous."
"The Sixteenth," Kaworu said softly. He raised his red eyes to meet
Rei's. "After this, everything changes. We promised to tell them
everything."
Rei nodded. "Yes."
Kaworu wrapped his arms around himself, his head drooping. "I'm…
terrified, now. That they will… hate us."
"Yes."
Kaworu looked up at her again. "Is that all you're going to say?"
Rei not quite glared at him. "What do you want me to say, Kaworu?
You've known them less than two months, yet I know how much you
rely on Shinji thinking well of you, and by extension Asuka as well.
I've known Asuka for over nine months, Shinji for nearly a year. They
are everything to me. The two worst nightmares I have, that the
Angel showed me, are you falling to the Call and them rejecting me,
hating me. Whatever other worlds you remember, your terror at what
might happen when we tell them cannot possibly exceed mine. Yes, I
am scared too. But we have to tell them. We promised, and… they
deserve to know. I trust…" Rei looked away, swallowing. "I trust in
my love for them, and theirs for me. Yes, I am frightened, but I have
faith they will not… forsake us. I have to."
"But what if they do?" Kaworu said in a very small voice. He

shivered.
Rei tried to ignore the chill that washed over her own skin. "We
protect them anyhow. Even if they hate us, we will not fail them. All
the joys they have opened our eyes to this year are more than worth
it. They are worth everything."
Kaworu nodded shakily. "That's… that's what I do. Have always

done. Or tried to. The other me's, I mean. I'm still… scared."
Rei shook off the goose pimples and took his hand. "We are alike.
Shinji has been scared in every battle he's fought. Asuka too, though
she would never admit it. But they fight nonetheless, because they
must. Because only they can. They taught me this. I was never
scared, before they freed me from the drugs. Now I understand. So
we will do what we must, because only we can, Kaworu. We will
protect them all, and preserve this world."
Kaworu swallowed. "If… if you say so, I can believe it. Still scared,
but if Shinji and Asuka can march on, I will too. I… even if they hate
us, it is better than… if I fall. I won't."
"Perhaps…" Rei hesitated for a long moment. She squeezed his

hand, the rubbery material of their plugsuits squeaking. "Perhaps,"
she tried again, "I can… take your mind off it a little."
"How?"
Rei took a deep breath. "I have… considered your question."
"What question? I-" Kaworu froze, his eyebrows shooting up.
Rei just stared him in the eye. "… are you… doing anything this
Saturday?" she asked very softly.
Kaworu numbly shook his head.
The elevator counter clicked, clicked, clicked.
"Asuka, Shinji, Hikari, Suzuhara-san, Kensuke, Sayaka, and Kyoko

are all attending the premiere of Children's Crusade III: Assault on
Black Riritu's Mountain. If we accompany them, our presence will be
discounted as our just being along with the other Pilots and friends."
"If we go," Kaworu's voice was choked and scratchy, "… together?"
He coughed nervously into his hand, but looked at Rei with an
expression combining trembling apprehension and the most
desperate hope Rei had ever seen.
Rei found herself almost as paralyzed to respond. "Yes," she

managed.
Kaworu's hand let go of hers and came languidly up to stroke his

fingertips against her cheek. Rei couldn't stop her eyes from drifting
closed when it became a gentle cup against her cheek. His hand
was warm through the suit's glove. The sensation of his AT-Field
brushing against hers still made her own tingle… but it was no longer
an unwelcome feeling. Quite the contrary.
"Well… now I'm terrified of something entirely different," he said, his

voice rough. "So… good work?" His hand fell away.
"You are a stupid fish, Kaworu Nagisa… but not a bad man," Rei
said. "I love them, and nothing will change that, ever… but… you are
just like me. I… am not averse to… seeing what dating you is like."
Rei suddenly stepped back, her face going blank. The elevator
counter clicked one last time. The door went 'bing!' and opened.
Without a backwards glance, Rei began running towards the gantry
for Unit-00.
Kaworu swallowed one more time, squeezed the hand that had
touched her into a fist, and nodded. "Right. Angel."
He sprinted towards Unit-03.
The elevator counter went click, click, click.
Her head was buzzing, her heart was pounding, her body was
thrumming with energy, and her lips were tingling. Both pairs.
And she hadn't even gotten in the Entry Plug yet.
She much preferred this version of pre-fight prep to their old 'tense
conversation about things they can't properly talk about' she and
Shinji used to do seven months ago. This was much more fun. Going
into a fight charged her up like nothing else. It always had, true, but
now it was even wilder. It wasn't just her own glory at stake anymore.
Now it was her getting excited about going into battle with a partner
she loved and trusted like no one else, who she knew would always
back her up and drive her to new heights, right there with her. Never
alone. It was intoxicating.
Asuka pulled back from 'one more last kiss before the battle' for the
fifth or sixth time. "Just like we always do, Shinji: In, smash Angel
face, victory lap, out, then back home for dinner and cuddles.
Right?"
He grinned back at her, their foreheads still touching. "Right.
Because that's what we do. Smash Angels."
"And make it look good, " Asuka smirked. "Because we are the best
in the world."
"Ja, Fräulein Modest," he snarked at her.
She pinched his nose. "[Hush, you. Save that smart mouth for later.]"
She fought not to giggle. His German still had a cute accent.
The elevator door binged their arrival, and they both schooled their
faces to calm. They ran for their Evas without looking back. A few
moments had them in their Entry Plugs and their Evas activated.
"Misato! We're ready! Let's kick some ass!" Asuka called.
"Units-00, -01, -02, and -03 all activated and ready, Major," Hyuga
reported.
"Roger. I want them on line in sector G-14, 500m northeast of

Weapons Building 23," Misato ordered. "Prepa-"
"I want Unit-00 and -01 equipped for long range combat. Unit-02 and
-03 for close quarters," Gendo said flatly.
Misato froze. That wasn't what she had been planning. But it was
rather transparent what Commander Ikari was doing, if you knew
what she knew: Protect Unit-01 and the Pilot of Unit-00, the keys to
his plan. Treat Unit-02 and -03 as expendable, since they meant
nothing to that plan. ' And he knows we're close to the last Angel
too,' she thought as her eyes narrowed. 'Fine.' She'd have to work
around this.
"Pilots, you'll be working in pairs. Asuka, Kaworu, you're the melee
team. Shinji, Rei, you shoot."
A chorus of 'Roger!' responded.
Misato flicked her eyes to the big screen. The Angel was still
spinning slowly in place. The MAGI label in the corner had already
tagged it as 'Blood Type : Pattern Blue - 16th
Angel - Designation: Armisael'. It didn't look intensely dangerous…

but then again, the 14th Angel had looked like a giant mutant
penguin, and not the friendly sort that lived in her fridge. 'We kill this
one, and Rei promised she'll explain everything. Alright, here we go.'
She let herself fall into that state of hard, cold clarity that always
served her so well in combat time after time. She ran her gaze one
more time over the side displays. The Pilots all looked ready. Shinji
was tense but unflinching, looking steeled for battle, like he usually
was these days when he sortied with Asuka. Asuka was practically
chomping at the bit, looking energized and eager. Kaworu had a faint
smile. Rei was as cool and blank as ever, but Misato could see the
steel in her eyes now. Time to do the part of the job she loved and
hated at the same time: send her kids into yet another battle for their
lives and the lives of the whole world. They made her so proud she
wanted to cry sometimes. But not now. Now it was game on.
"Evas, launch! "
Asuka didn't bother to hold down the shark-like grin that spread
across her face. This was the high point of any day: riding into battle
with her sweet baka by her side, more victories and glories to be
won. That she was now getting to do it with Rei and the Rainbow
Trout with them too? Even better. Nothing in the world could possibly
withstand four Evangelions, piloted by the most elite gang in the
world. The only thing that could make it better was if they'd had five
Evas, and Hikari could join in at the same time.
Sadly, Hikari hadn't made it back to the Cages in time. Kaworu got to
be Unit-03's Pilot one more time by default. She was still somewhere
in one of the shelters below them. So they'd have to keep the Angel
away from the city if there was any way.
The sudden slam of the catapult reaching the surface was like a
starting gun. She moved out of the launch frame in a hurry, snapping
the first power cable into Unit-02's power socket she could and then
grabbed the Progressive Glaive out of the Weapons Building next to
the power station. She hesitated a second, then tossed the polearm
to Unit-03. "Here, Rainbow Trout. I sliced Israfel in half in one shot
with this thing. You see what you can do with it."
Unit-03 caught the Glaive. "What are you using, then?" he said.
Asuka pulled an Eva-scale automatic pistol and a new, larger

Progressive Axe out of the Weapons Building. "Oh, I think I'll get a
bit closer," she said with a grin. "Follow me."
She turned toward the glowing loop of the Angel, visible over the
ridge just a kilometer in front of them. She started Unit-02 up towards
the top of the ridge, grateful she had a good 3 kilometers of umbilical
cable at this station. She motioned for Kaworu to take up a position
to her right. She flicked her eyes to the map display on her left. Her
smile widened slightly when she spotted Unit-01 and -00 500 meters
behind and to her left. Commander Asshole's order for Shinji and Rei
to go for long-range combat was annoying, but it was still comforting
to see her boyfriend and her favorite bluenette backing her up.
'Knowing Shinji is always backing me up is fricking awesome,'

Asuka gloated. 'And Mama too!' She cast her thoughts in towards
her Eva's Core. 'Ready to fight, Mama?'
'As-Asuka!' came the distorted double reply. It was at least a little
less out-of-synch than it had begun as the first time she and Mama
'talked'. She'd sounded more together since the crossover tests. 'Y-
Yes! Toge-gether!' Mama's double voice paused. 'Wher-re is Shin-
inji?'
Asuka blinked. This was the first time Mama had ever asked about
anyone else. 'He's right where he's supposed to be, Mama. Right by
my side, ready to fight and win with me.… why?'
'Like hi-him. He lo-loves you.'
Asuka grinned. 'Damn straight. As long as I've got him, nothing can
stop us.'
Kaworu calmly gripped the controls of Unit-03, and let his features
settle into a calm expression with a faint smile on his lips. It was a
good mask. He needed it.
'SaturdaySaturdaySaturdaySaturdaySaturdaySaturday!'
He shook his head once, trying to focus. It wasn't easy. All he could
think about was it was 96 hours to Saturday afternoon and the
feeling of Rei's cheek under his fingertips. The way his AT-Field still
tingled from where they'd pressed so briefly together. The Call was
not even an afterthought. Even the strange, lonesome howl of the
Angel on the other side of the ridge hardly impinged on his
awareness.
Wait. There was one Song closer than that, one he needed to speak
to. He focused inward. 'Hello, Mrs. Horaki. We need to speak.'
The tense silence of someone hiding in behind a curtain in a dark
room and trying not to make a sound filled his head.
He smiled sadly. 'I know you are there, ma'am. I can hear you. And I
know you are here… because I was sent by the same people who
arranged your 'accident'.'
The silence was now even sharper, but he could tell he had her
attention, and that it was trembling between shocked, furious, and
frightened. 'SEELE was behind that. They sent me here to hurt your
daughter and her friends. But do not worry. I think they would be very
upset to learn I have decided I don't really feel like following their
orders anymore. Your daughter's friends are… very important to me.
One especially. And I will not let anything harm them as long as I
have a choice.'
He rolled his head around, feeling his neck pop. He took a deep
breath of the warm LCL, letting a couple bubbles of air trickle out of
his mouth as he exhaled a little deeper. 'I apologize for simply
puppeting the Evangelion so far. I needed to fight and to do that I
had to ignore your presence and seize things directly. I can do that…
because of something I am going to tell your daughter's friends
about after we defeat this Angel. But that comes later. Right now, we
have a battle to fight. I can hear the Angel on the other side of this
ridge. Can you?'
More silence. Kaworu sighed, mentally. 'Ma'am, I know you are

listening. Your daughter probably told you not to talk to me in an
effort to conceal and protect you from me. But I'm not a threat, and
you are not hidden. I can continue to force the Eva to do as I will, but
for this battle I would prefer it if we could cooperate. It is easier, and
we will fight better. I think this will be the last time I sit in this seat,
anyway. This Unit properly belongs to your daughter. Who is down in
the city's shelters right now. So we must protect her and everyone.
You want to protect her. I want to be able to protect Rei, better than I
did last time. I was not strong enough. I could not be, without
revealing… secrets I could not let loose then. I do not want to face
that failure again. Please, will you help me?'
A long, held breath.
'What do you need me to do?' asked Hanako Horaki.
Shinji was ready. He was focused. He was in the zone, or whatever it

was that Touji always said about being ready before a game. He
plugged in Unit-01's umbilical and opened the Weapons Building. He
handed Unit-00 the gigantic sniper rifle, taking a trusty Pallet Rifle for
himself. He'd spent hours on hours in the simulator practicing with it.
He'd killed Matarael with a Pallet Rifle, and wounded Bardiel. Rei
had gotten the last killshot on Zeruel with one. If he had to watch
Asuka's back from a distance, this was his weapon.
Now, to get into positi-
'Shinji, can we talk?'
He gritted his teeth, the slick LCL filling his mouth keeping them from
grinding. He tried to ignore her.
'Shinji, talk to me. I know you're upset with me. But I'm still your
mother, and I still love you.'
He tried not to hunch his neck. 'You and father were monsters. You
were part of SEELE! They killed half the world! I don't want to talk to
you!'
His mother sighed. 'Shinji, it's… not that simple. I was born into
SEELE. It took a long time to even understand opposing them was
even possible.' She paused. ' I know we don't have much time. I can
tell there's an Angel coming. I talked to your lovely girlfriend before.
Ask her what I told her about SEELE. But please believe me, I
opposed them where I could, especially once you were born. You
made the fate of the future far more real to me, Shinji. Everything I
did after that was for you. So please… don't wall yourself off from me
while we fight? If we do not defeat the Angels, nothing else matters.'
He frowned, staring obstinately out at the ridge in front of him.
'Asuka raged at me on your behalf, Shinji. She was furious at me

because learning about SEELE and things I had done hurt you. All
she cared about was protecting you.'
Shinji's shoulders relaxed a little. 'Yes. I feel the same about her.'
He could feel his mother's smile. 'Well, that's good for you both. For
whatever it's worth, Shinji, I approve of you being together. I can see
how much you love her. Don't ever let go of that. But your Asuka and
I managed to come to a truce in the name of helping protect you and
defeat the Angels. Can we at least do the same? It's the best way to
help you protect her from harm.'
He frowned again, then shrugged minutely. 'Alright. She's more

important than being angry at you. But don't think this means we're
done, Mother.'
'That's fine, Shinji. Like I said, I am still your mother. There is nothing
I won't do for my son.'
"Rei, move out to grid G-44. I want you 800 meters southeast of
Unit-03 so you can support by fire without worrying about hitting
him," Misato said from the window on Unit-00's display.
"Roger," Rei quietly replied, pushing Unit-00 to obey. ' I am worrying

about him anyway, Major. I have just done something that would
have me panicking on it's own if I did not already have other things
to panic about. In 96 hours I will be… on a date. Not a practice run or
an experimental protocol with Kensuke to establish his reputation. A
real, emotionally invested date with a boy who has already
confessed that he likes me. That I want to date. That I cannot even
smile at in public lest it endanger us all.'
She moved her Eva to the indicated grid and took up a position
tucked into an immense bunker built into a wrinkle of the hillside that
gave her some cover to the east but still allowed her an unobstructed
view of the Angel. She trained her sniper rifle on it and let the
automated scope zoom in.
' However, I am also self-aware enough to admit I am allowing the

far more positive anxiety over my impending date with Kaworu to act
as a cloak and distraction for the much more negative worry created
by the awareness this is the Sixteenth Angel, and we have promised
to tell Major Katsuragi, Inspector Kaji, Shinji, and Asuka of our true
natures upon the successful destruction of this Angel.' Rei felt her
throat constrict and her AT-Field ripple in fear. ' I do not… I cannot
allow myself to be paralyzed by fears they will reject me when they
know. I cannot. I cannot.'
She forced herself to focus on the Angel. She could feel it's AT-Field
buzzing like a titanic swarm of angry hornets just 1500 meters in
front of her, hovering over Owakudani. It was slowly moving west,
towards Tokyo-3.
' Of course, it is much less frightening to concentrate on the Angel.

All it can do is threaten my body. The other thing frighten my heart
and soul,' she thought with dark amusement. Not a flicker showed on
her face. Her mask was good, and today she needed it. She closed
her eyes for a moment. She would need every advantage today. She
hesitated one last moment, then turned her focus inward, seeking
the her inside the Eva.
She could feel it watching her, still, yet coiled with tension, like a tiger
waiting to pounce. Rei held out one hand to it. ' This may be out last
battle together. An Eva may not be required for the last Angel. He is
willing to surrender if it comes to that. Will you fight with me, and not
at me?'
It stared at her with wild, almost feral eyes. ' We will kill him too. All
of them. The Children of Adam are a threat. They must die. All of
them. All of them.'
Rei shook her head in the mindscape between them. ' We will not kill
him as long as there is any choice. But he will not resist if we must.
This is the last Angel we must fight.'
The Rei inside the Core did not look pleased, but nodded. ' We fight.'
"Sempai…" Maya said quietly. "Look at this."
Ritsuko looked at the readouts Maya was pointing to. "I… what?
How?"
Misato turned her head. "What is it? Is the Angel reacting?"
Ritsuko shook her head, her dyed blonde hair looking pale and
washed-out in the glare of the immense main screen. "All… four of
them just jumped. All of their Synch Rates just leaped like crazy. Rei
is up 3.7%, Kaworu 4%, Shinji 6%, Asuka 6.5% ! I… I don't
understand? We've never seen anything like this before."
"Is it some effect of the Angel?" Misato speculated.
Maya shook her head, her console beeping rapidly as she ran
analysis after analysis. "The MAGI are detecting no radiation or AT-
Field effects coming from the Angel."
"I'm still suspicious," Misato replied. She turned to the center

console. "Pilots! You're all showing sudden Synch Rate spikes! Be
on guard for mental attacks like the last Angel! It may be about to
attack! Aoba! What's it doing?"
"Target is hovering over Owakudani, continuing to rotate in place,"

Lieutenant Aoba responded.
"Target's AT-Field still very active," Lieutenant Hygua confirmed.

"Pattern cycling from blue to orange."
"We don't have enough data to come to a conclusion," Aoba

reported.
Ritsuko frowned at the main screen. "One thing is for certain, that is
not a fixed form."
"It's just spinning there and slowly drifting towards us, Misato!" Asuka
said. "It's less than 700 meters off now. I think we should open fire
before it starts getting any more active."
"We may have to wait and watch for a while, Asuka," Misato's voice
said.
"No," Rei said coolly. "It's coming."
The Angel's regular double helix circle abruptly flattened, separated

out of it's unbroken circle, and attacked.
The featureless white thread of the Angel sizzled through the air like
a snake, wriggling and twisting through the air with a hissing sound
of AT-Fields shoving gravity aside. It's 'nose' twitched back and forth
between Unit-02 and -03 for a half-second before diving towards the
closer black Eva.
Kaworu brought the Progressive Glaive up to a guard position and

fought down the urge to throw up his own AT-Field, incomparably
stronger than the relatively meager one Unit-03 was managing with
his deliberately throttled Synch Rate. His skin itched with the need to
put up that impassable barrier, but the knowledge that doing so
would be completely impossible to hide from NERV's sensors held
him fast. He braced himself, the ultrasonic hum of the Progressive
Glaive's blade a faint background sensation relayed through the
Eva's hands.
He had barely a second to prepare in any case. The Angel streaked

towards him like lightning, the unearthly keen of it's Song screaming
louder and louder in his ears as it closed the gap. It struck Unit-03's
AT-Field like a javelin through paper, tearing a hole like it wasn't even
there and spearing for Unit-03's gut…
… only to be slapped aside at the last instant by a precisely aimed

and timed tungsten-carbide bolt from Unit-00's sniper rifle.
The impact threw the Angel's probing tentacle to the side, the bolt
failing to penetrate its skin and spinning off into the trees. The Angel
recoiled from the attack anyway, the 'nose' of it's body snapping
around to point at the blue Evangelion that had shot it.
From within the Entry Plug, Rei started right back at it, her lip just
barely curling into a snarl. "You will not harm him. I will not permit it,"
she growled. She cycled the action on her rifle and lined up her next
shot.
The Angel did not give her the time. It shot towards her even faster
than it had attacked Kaworu. The ground shook as a line of 1,000 kg
explosive shells from Unit-01's Pallet Rifle chased it fruitlessly as it
slithered through the air to attack Unit-00.
"Rei, move!" Asuka called, seeing the Angel's course. Unit-02 was
already breaking into a run, raising it's axe. Asuka danced between
the shots Shinji was firing without conscious effort, instinctively
knowing where Shinji would fire and where he wouldn't.
Unit-00 stood it's ground. Rei flared her own AT-Field to its utmost,
buttressed by her own Synch Rate hitting a new high.
It provided no more obstacle to the Angel than Unit-03's had. The

glowing white body of the Angel slammed into Unit-00's stomach like
a runaway freight train, the finest armor mankind could manufacture
flowing aside like melting butter as the Angel's flesh made contact
with Unit-00's own.
"The target has come into physical contact with Unit-00!" Lieutenant
Ibuki reported.
"What's the status of Unit-00's AT-Field?" Misato demanded.
"It's being deployed, but the Angel is penetrating it! She's still under
attack by the Angel!"
Ritsuko stared at the displays in mounting horror. "It's trying to

achieve first level contact with Unit-00?!"
Rei grabbed the Angel's body with her Eva's left hand and pressed
Unit-00's rifle right up against the skin of her enemy. She pulled the
trigger once, twice, three times, the meter-long tungsten-carbide
bolts ricocheting off the Angel's body with thunderous clangs.
The Angel continued burrowing into Unit-00's belly. Bulging lines of

infection began to radiate outward from the point of impact as well as
up Unit-00's hand where it grasped the Angel.
Rei twitched and writhed at the disgusting sensation. Matching lines

began to appear on her own body, under the skin of the plugsuit.
She could feel the hot, alien press of the Angel's AT-Field invading
her own, so unlike Kaworu's welcome warmth. She arched her back
in involuntary reflex at the swelling agony as the infection crept up
her stomach and chest. She bit down on an urge to scream as the
rifle fell out of her hand. She grabbed at the Angel with both hands,
trying to bodily pull it back out. Even her best efforts produced no
movement, nor could they completely stop a moan of pain escaping
from between her gritted teeth.
"The First Child is in danger! The Angel is invading Unit-00! It's

already over 5% biofused!" Maya reported.
"Kaworu, Asuka! Deploy your AT-Fields and attack the Angel from
behind! Assist Rei!" Misato ordered.
"Rei! We're coming!" Asuka shouted over Rei's moans. She charged
forward, raising the Progressive Axe. "Stop hurting my friend,
Arseloch! "
Unit-02 brought the Axe down in a full two-handed swing. The
humming edge of the huge blade bit into the Angel's skin and a
spray of blood erupted.
Rei screamed in synch.
Kaworu's heart screamed right along, Rei's pained outcry running

chills up his spine. Unit-03 jabbed the Glaive forward, one urgent
swipe actually connecting to the wildly thrashing Angel, tracing a thin
line of blood along it's skin for a few meters. His strike coincided with
yet another shout of pain from Rei.
'Are we… its Song is trying to harmonize with hers! She's feeling it
when we strike it!' he realized in shock. 'I ha-UGH!'
He looked down, his own diaphragm paralyzed from the hit. The
Angel had somehow split it's body, the tentacle embedded in Rei's
gut dividing in two, and sent the new limb spearing straight into Unit-
03's guts. It was already burrowing hard into his Evangelion's armor
and flesh.
He clenched his jaw against the sudden wave of pain and

disorientation that swept over him. He raised the Progressive Glaive
in both hands, trying to aim at the Angel's glowing form, but his
vision was swimming and the Angel kept thrashing madly. He
stabbed downward anyhow, hoping to pin it. Against the odds, he
connected solidly, nailing the Angel to the ground.
"AAAAAAGH!" He arched up off the control seat in pain. It felt like

he'd stabbed himself right between the shoulder blades with a
speartip bigger than his hand. He could feel the Angel's AT-Field
infecting Unit-03's, as well.
He writhed in the seat, his hands blindly flailing for the control yokes.
He tried to focus. 'One pulse of my own AT-Field, and I could expel
this thing in an instant. But then everyone in NERV would know
exactly who the 17th Angel is… damn it, I can feel it-'
His eyes widened. He could feel the Angel. He could feel it rapidly
encroaching on Unit-03's flesh, spreading up towards the Eva's
Core. He could feel Mrs. Horaki's sudden panic and pain at feeling
'her' body and Core invaded.
He could feel Rei.
He could feel her pain from both her Eva being invaded and from the
wounds in the Angel, her fear she would fail her friends, her anger
and frustration that she couldn't seem to stop the Angel's attack, her
determination and love…
… for all of them.
For Shinji. For Asuka.
For him.
Suddenly the pain didn't matter.
Asuka pulled her axe back, reveling in the spray of more blood from
the Angel's wound. Her wolfish smirk faded almost immediately,
though. The Angel's flesh healed up so fast she could see the edges
of the gash meld back together in just a few seconds. "Oh come on,
that's Kuhscheiße ! Ok, fine! If that's how you want it, let's see who's
faster!"
Asuka began chopping away at the Angel, as fast as she could push
Unit-02's limbs. 'Come on, Mama! We have to kill this beast! It's
hurting our Rei!'
'Y-Yes!'
She managed four good, bloody chops into it before it's tail end
whipped up and around the head of the Axe and nearly wrenched it
from her hands. "Oh no you don't, Arschloch ! That's my axe! The
one I'm going to dice you into tiny bits with!"
The Angel's tail drilled into the head of the axe itself, and bulging
lines of infection began to spread under the surface of the axe.
"Was zum Teufel?!" Asuka snarled. "Shinji! Give me a hand! This

thing's trying to steal my-Aaagh!"
The Angel had looped a coil of it's body around her ankle during the
struggle, and when it used this to trip Unit-02 it took the opportunity
to yank the axe out of her hands.
Asuka rolled backwards, careful not to crush her Umbilical Plug. She
bounced back to her feet, immediately drawing Unit-02's pistol and
Prog Knife. "Ok, now I'm even angrier ! No stealing my axe! It's new!
I haven't even gotten to kill you with it yet!"
"Asuka!" Unit-01's rapid approach made the ground tremble as Shinji

ran towards her. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine! I just need to get my axe back!"
The Angel swung the stolen axe at Unit-02. Asuka dashed forward,
catching the axe's edge on her own knife, and shoved the pistol
against the Angel's skin. "Dodge this !" She pulled the trigger over
and over, dumping the entire magazine into the Angel's skin. Blood
sprayed everywhere as the end of the Angel holding the axe
suddenly developed a lot of gaping holes. "Ha! Didn't like that, di-"
They both were distracted by the sudden scream of pain in stereo

from Rei and Kaworu. They looked towards the other two Evas. Unit-
00 was in its back in a fetal curl, the Angel's infection swelling it's
belly up to grotesque size. Unit-03 was still barely on its feet, making
weak stabs at the Angel's wriggling body, but the stabs were feeble
and slowing.
" Scheiße! " Asuka spat. "Shinji, you help Kaworu! I've got Rei!" She
dropped the empty pistol.
"Roger!"
Unit-01 took off running as fast as he could. Asuka turned back to

the end of the Angel still whipping the axe back and forth long
enough to slash underneath with her Prog Knife. The Angel
screamed again, and Asuka smirked once more as she caught the
axe as it fell into her hand. "I told you, that's mine!"
She took off running towards Unit-00. She was only two steps into
her movement when the hand holding the axe began to burn. Asuka
looked down.
A glowing stub of the Angel still stuck out from the blade, wiggling
and pulsing… in the same beat as the lines of infection now
spreading up Unit-02's arm from her right hand.
"Oh, Scheiße… " She looked to Shinji's comm window. "Shinji! Don't
let it touch you! It-"
The other end of the Angel struck Unit-02 right in the center of her
back.
Shinji skidded Unit-01 to a stop next to Unit-03, which had just

collapsed to its knees. "Kaworu! I'm here!"
"AAANNGGG!" Kaworu moaned through his teeth. "G-Get back,

Shinji! Help Rei! REI!"
Shinji turned and fired another burst into the loops of the Angel
writhing slowly above Unit-03.
Kaworu screamed again, as did Rei.
And Asuka.
"Unit-02 now infected as well!" Aoba reported. "It's spreading rapidly

through all systems!"
"Bio-readouts on Pilot Ayanami becoming unstable!" Maya added.

More alerts began screaming on her console. "Pilots Nagisa and
Soryu too!"
Asuka's head was spinning. The waves of pain exploding from her
back only made the disorientation worse. She couldn't think straight.
But she could feel. She could feel her Mama screaming in bizarre
two-part harmony. She could feel Unit-02 falling forward, toppling
onto its face in a crash whose pain was not even a tithe against what
she already felt. She… she could feel… Rei? Kaworu?
She shook her head dizzily, trying to make one thought follow
another. Where was Shinji? She could hear him shouting her name,
and Rei's… She could feel Kaworu's increasing worry, and a terrible
resolve starting to make its way up from below that. She… felt his
love? For Rei? Shinji? What? Who?
She could feel Rei's love for them all, so intense… And the same
resolve, something… wait… someone else was… talking? To Rei?
She… had to… help.
She could still feel the Progressive Knife in her left hand. She bent
her arm back, waving it near the Angel's tentacle she could feel in
her back. Her almost blacked out from the pain when she felt the
blade bite into something, but she refused to give up. She would
save her friends. She would not fail.
She dug the knife in harder.
"M… Misato-san! what do I do?!" Shinji pleaded. "Every time I hit the
Angel, they all scream too!"
"Can we eject the Entry Plugs on Unit-00 or Unit-03?" Misato

shouted. "We can have Unit-01 recover them, and hit the Angel with
an N2 Mine while it's trying to… assimilate the Evas, or whatever the
Hell it's doing!"
"Unit-00 is on it's back against a hill!" Lieutenant Hyuga replied. "If

she ejected, she'd plow right into the ground! And…" He hammered
at his controls. "… No good. Unit-03's ejection signal is not being
received. The Angel has already corrupted that system."
"Get… get the Special Attack Flight ready," Misato said, her voice full
of ash. "We may not have the choice, if Shinji can't cut them free."
.
It was going to kill Rei.
It was going to infect her and consume her and kill her and he had to
stop it he couldn't let it kill her or Asuka or Shinji or anyone he had to
stop it had to stop it had to not worth living like them he was only
going to hurt them hurt her destroy everything anyway it was better
this way he loved her he loved Shinji he loved Asuka they all were so
bright so beautiful he loved her he had to save her he didn't matter
nothing mattered but her
Kaworu Nagisa made his choice.
Kaworu's hand reached for the Mode: D handle cover behind his
seat.
Rei blinked. The Entry Plug was gone. She was somewhere… she
was inside. Inside her Eva. She could feel… everything. Unit-00,
thrashing in the dirt as it's body swelled larger and larger as the
Angel converted Unit-00's tissue into itself. Kaworu, his desperation
rising, as was his panic… before that suddenly flattened, replaced by
a terrible sadness and a feeling of farewell and love. Asuka, nearly
blinded by pain, but stabbing at the Angel's body over and over,
trying to cut her way free, determined to save Rei.
She could feel… someone else… watching her… Not the other her,
the her in the Eva. Someone else.
The Angel.
"Who are you?" Rei asked it.
It looked like her. It knew no other form to appear in, but the ones it
had found here, in Unit-00's Core. The form of Rei Ayanami. It raised
it's head, seeing her.
"Do you want to become one with me?" it asked, it's voice queerly
flat, yet almost manically intense.
"No, I am I. I am not you," Rei replied. "I am separate. Other.

Individual."
"Yes, but you shall be. It is too late."
The infection spread all over Rei's body in this place, thick, bulging
ropes of alien matter now reaching from her legs all the way to her
face.
"I give you part of my heart. I give you this emotion." The Angel
smiled. "Pain… See, your heart is full of pain."
Overwhelming emotions poured into Rei's mind from the Angel. Raw,
singular, aching… familiar.
"Pain?" Rei managed to barely shake her head. "No… Loneliness.

This feeling is loneliness. I know it too well."
"Loneliness? I do not understand," the Angel said.
"Do you hate being alone?" Rei asked it. "We are many, but you are
alone, like he thought he was. You hate it, don't you? That feeling."
"That was in your heart… but you have filled it. Give it to me. I hate
this 'loneliness'. I do not want to be alone."
"No," Rei refused. "You cannot take it like that. You cannot take
myself, or my friends. Release us. You can only find the end of that
feeling in others."
"I have found it," the Angel said, it's smile becoming twisted and
mad. "I have found it in you and you and you and I will take it into me
and we will all be one. I will not be alone."
"No!" Rei shouted, despite the way it made the pain return. "You will
not! We are individuals! You cannot take us into you!"
"I already have. It is too late. You cannot refuse me."
"I WILL NOT PERMIT IT!"
Unit-00 thrashed harder. It's hands were still futilely locked around
the tentacle piercing i'ts guts. It sat up, curling forward into a ball as
the flesh on it's back burst out of the blue armor and shot skyward in
a grotesque tower of mutating tissue. Flippers, wings, eyes, insectoid
legs, flaring arms, all the distorted features of the past Angels
protruded from places on the tower as the Sixteenth Angel fought to
encompass the many into a one.
"Unit-01, cut the Entry Plug free from Unit-00 immediately."
Misato snapped her head around to stare at Commander Ikari.

"What?"
"Rescue the Pilot of Unit-00. We will then set it to self destruct to

eliminate the Angel."
"What about Unit-02 and -03?" Misato demanded.
"If the self-destruct of Unit-00 is insufficient, we will proceed with the

N2 strike. The Pilots of Unit-02 and -03 are to eject if possible."
"And if they can't?"

Commander Ikari's glasses glittered coldly at her. "You've already
made that decision, Major Katsuragi. You know the stakes as well as
I. We cannot allow the Angel to win, no matter what."
Misato glared at him, knowing despite his words they had very
different criteria for when that strike would be launched if at all. But
she merely jerked a nod and turned back to the main screen. "Shinji,
hurry. The jets are on their way. Rei… get out of there, now."
Shinji fired his last burst into the Angel and tossed the Pallet Rifle
aside when it clicked empty. It had done a lot of damage, but he still
couldn't find the Core. He pulled out his Prog Knife and slashed at
the area behind Unit-00's neck, trying to dig for the Entry Plug. He
had to grab Unit-00's head to hold it in place. But as soon as Unit-
01's hands touched it, the infection began to crawl up the Eva's
hands and arms.
Shinji's eyes widened as tiny figures that looked like Rei, Asuka, and
Kaworu began to appear on the surface of his own hands on the
control yokes, reaching out to him with tiny arms and pleading eyes.
"It hurts hurts… being alone… become one with us, Shinji…
please… we don't want to be alone…" they whispered in unsettling
chorus.
"NNnnggg… NGGGGG! YEEEAAAAAAAAH!" Asuka's screams of

pain became a roar of triumph as she finally managed to sever the
tentacle in her back from the rest of the Angel. She could feel it still
there, in Unit-02's systems, but for the moment the pain receded and
she could move.
She struggled to her feet and staggered towards Unit-00 and -03.
"Hang on, Rei! Kaworu! I'm coming!"
She took a tighter grip on her knife and leapt the last distance as her
legs began to fail her. She landed near Unit-03, spotting Unit-01
already trying to help Rei. "Kaworu, eject! I'll get you clear!"
"No!" he shouted back at her. "Save Rei! I'm… I'm ok! I've got this!"
Asuka grabbed the part of the Angel sticking out of Unit-03's

stomach. "You stupid fish! You're the worst liar in the world!" She
brought the knife down in a blur.
Unit-03's hand caught hers before it got even halfway. "SAVE…

REI!" Kaworu growled, shoving her towards Unit-00.
Rei blinked. She was back in the Entry Plug. Unit-01 stood over her,
knife digging painfully at her back.
She could still feel Kaworu. Feel everything he felt. Pain, loneliness,
resolve… love. She felt every last drop of his feelings for her.
It was beautiful. More beautiful that even his own Light appeared in
her eyes, a beauty she'd never found the words to speak to him, or
anyone. 'Rainbow' was the weakest, most insufficient way to
describe his Light. It had been impossibly strange, once, when they
first met. But now it was different. It had changed and shifted every
time they spoke, becoming more and more… familiar. Brilliant.
Warm. And now every element of it was suffused with care for her,
beaming out from him like sunlight. She could have bathed in his
Light forever, for the billions of years Lilith had lost in sleep and
regret. Kaworu Nagisa loved her.
Tears began to run down her face. He was… such an idiot…
She could feel the Angel feeding on it, drawn by the agonizingly
blissful answer to the burning incompleteness at the core of it's own
heart. The Angel wanted, needed that feeling, that divine feeling that
'You are not alone. You are fulfilled. You are completed.' It wanted to
be one with Kaworu, with Shinji, with Asuka… But the Angel could
not understand. It would continue to consume and absorb them all,
trying to collapse into one being what could only be sustained by
individuals. In seeking to be loved, it would destroy her and everyone
she cared for.
She would not permit it.
Gripped by pain, her body covered in Angelic infection, her eyes

blind with tears, Rei Ayanami made her choice.
The signals on Maya's console went mad.
"AT-Field has been reversed! It's collapsing inward!" she reported.
"To contain the Angel?" Ritsuko speculated.
Kaworu's hand was flung away from the red handle in the recessed
panel behind the control seat in his Entry Plug. The feeling of
connection to Rei and the Angel disappeared.
"No! NO! This is my fate! This is what I'm supposed to do! I'M
SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE, REI! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS !" the
Seventeenth Angel begged.
Unit-03 jerked and spasmed as the glowing tentacle of the Angel

suddenly ripped its way back out of the Evangelion and retracted into
Unit-00's suddenly re-swelling belly. The Tower of mutated Angel
forms sticking out of Unit-00's back collapsed downward back into
the body of the blue Prototype.
Unit-02 fell to it's knees again as the infected tissue ripped itself out
and raced to join the rest of it's fellows in Unit-00. Asuka's head was
suddenly clear. Her eyes went wide as she saw what was happening
to Unit-00. "REI! GET OUT OF THERE!"
The tiny figures on Shinji's hands vanished, sinking back into his
skin. The ropes of infection on his hands retreated into Unit-00's
flesh an instant before the sudden orange flash of an AT-Field flung
him backwards away from Rei. His Prog Knife spun away into the
woods.
Unit-00's belly swelled up to triple the size of the Eva it was attached
to. Unit-00's Core cracked and pink globs of infected tissue began to
bubble out of the center.
"AT-Field limit reached! The Core can't hold up much longer!" Maya
exclaimed.
"Rei, eject NOW!" Misato ordered.
"No good. If I eject, the AT-Field will disappear and the Angel will
resume it's attack. I will not permit it," Rei said hoarsely. She opened
the panel behind her seat, let the red handle rotate into position
where she could reach it, and pulled.
On the side of the control seat, MODE: D lit up and the Eva's Core
controls engaged the last resort.
" REI! " three voices cried.
The swollen blob that had been Unit-00's stomach suddenly stopped
growing. It collapsed back inward in rapid-fire pieces, snapping back
like something was taking huge bites out of the perimeter.
"Core pressure exceeding final limits! It's going critical!" Maya looked
up from her console to the main screen.
.
She felt a presence behind her in the last instant. She turned around
to see Kaworu smiling sadly at her, gently, welcoming… loving.
"I'm sorry…" she whispered.
Rei's world became pure white light.
Three Evangelions, no more than 100 meters from the center, threw
up their hands as one, frantically projecting the strongest AT-Field
they could.
Unit-00 became the heart of a star.
Thunder followed after.
Stunned silence filled Central Dogma in the wake of the massive

explosion.
It was nearly a minute before Lieutenant Aoba could find his voice.
"T… Target has… disappeared," he reported.
"… The operation is finished," Misato said in a hollow voice. Her

whole body shook with a mix of pain and fury. "Move to a Level One
alert."
"R-Roger," Hyuga responded, snapping out of his shock. "Moving to
situation yellow immediately."
"Unit-00's status?"
"… Entry Plug ejection not recognized. No signal," Maya answered

hollowly.
"Rescue the Pilot as soon as possible. Hurry!" Misato bit out.
"If there still is one, you mean," Ritsuko said mournfully, her voice
barely more than a whisper.
Misato refused to turn her head. That way neither one of them had to
see the other's tears.
No one in Central Dogma but Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki heard the

tiny, anguished, "… Rei," from beside him.
"Rei…" Shinji stared numbly at the glowing-hot crater in front of him

that had once been Owakudani district. This couldn't be real. This
couldn't…
"No. No. No. No. No. No," Asuka chanted. She bit down on her lip
until she tasted blood. She was not going to cry. She was not going
to cry because Rei was not dead. NO!
.
.
The Fifth Child sat, staring blankly at the crater. Only his hands
shook. The rest of him was utterly still.
He stared, but did not see. His eyes were too full of tears to see. It
didn't matter. There was nothing to see.
The Light had gone out of the world.
His eyes began to glow red.
End of Chapter 10.
Author's Note, 24SEP17: Here we are, everyone. We've reached the

end of Chapter 10. It took 10 months and totals 66.5k words. I
honestly did not expect any part of that. Well, reaching the end of
Chapter 10, maybe.
You'll see once you get to the end of this piece that canon is well and
truly blown to Hell, and I need to work out what happens now. For
one thing, the matter of what to do with the 17th Angel is now…
different.
There may be a short break before the next part of A&T, to give me a
little time to work things out. I may post a (so far) three-part different
Eva fic that's a mashup of Eva and The Hangover.
Ch 45 - Cards On The Table pt 1
Advice and Trust
Chapter 11.1
Cards On The Table
Kaworu clamped his hands over his eyes and pressed until it started
to hurt. "No no no no no no no you can't you can't you can't don't
don't don't don't," he desperately chanted to himself. "She comes
back, she comes back, she comes back, you know she comes back,
she has to come back, please please please…" His chest heaved as
his breathing accelerated towards panic. There was blood in his
mouth, over and above the usual tang of the LCL.
'You can see her again right now. You know what you were born to
do. You know what feels so right …' the Call was whispering
shouting screaming in his head right now. 'The pain would end
forever…'
Unit-03 slowly turned towards the Geofront and the Eva catapult
access point.
"Fuyutsuki, take care of the rest."
"Unn."
"P… Pilots, return to the elevators. Doctor Akagi's teams will… will
carry out recovery and Search & Rescue for the First Child," Misato
said through a dry throat. "There's… nothing more we can do right
now. Return to base."
Behind her, Ritsuko had already tapped Maya on the shoulder and
the two had begun heading for the exit of Central Dogma. Maya's
relief slid right into her spot and kept the feeds on the remaining
three Evas running.
Misato tensed, waiting for any additional instructions from the

Commander to interrupt things. When none came, she turned to look
up and back at the Commander's perch.
It was empty, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki standing there watching.

Commander Ikari was already gone.
Misato felt a chill run down her spine. 'What is he up to?'
Shinji stared blankly at the molten crater that had been a green
valley northeast of Tokyo-3. His brain just… refused to engage. He
wasn't seeing this. He couldn't be.
Misato's order didn't snap him back to reality. Unit-02's shove did. He
staggered.
"Hey, wha-?"
"Come on, Third. You heard Misato. Doctor Fake-Blonde will recover
the First and we're supposed to get moving," Asuka said in a tight
growl.
"But… she… she's…" Shinji couldn't make himself say it. Saying it
would make it real.
" No she isn't !" Asuka almost snarled at him. "She is not dead !"
Unit-02 spun around, glaring back at him, fists clenched and shaking
at its sides despite the ragged, bleeding wounds that still showed all
over its armor. "So don't you dare say it! She ejected or something!
They'll find her and she'll be alright!"
Shinji wanted to believe that. More than anything. But they'd all seen
Unit-00, right up to the end. It had been on its back. There was no
place for her to have ejected to, and they'd all heard her say she
could not. He sadly shifted his gaze to Unit-03. "Kaworu?"
His friend did not turn or reply. Unit-03 kept walking towards the
closest elevator.
'Do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it,' Tabris

chanted.
'No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no…'
Kaworu desperately fought back.
He could feel his teeth creak as he clenched his jaw. His hands
gripped the control yokes so hard the material of his plugsuit had
stopped squeaking. It was getting harder to think at all.
'I apologize, ma'am,' he thought for a moment at Unit-03's Core. 'I…

may… may not be able to… stop myself from… doing something
terrible soon.'
Confused, Mrs. Hanako Horaki replied, 'I… don't understand. Why? '
'I… may not… be myself.' He swallowed. 'I… my heart… isn't strong

enough. I can't… I can't… If Rei is gone, I'm… I'm not strong enough
without her. I'll… destroy everything.'
'You asked me to help because you wanted to help your friends. You
won't do anything to hurt us, right?'
'I won't… but he will.'

'You're the same person who got in this Evangelion thirty minutes
ago, Nagisa-san.'
'Am I?'
'You said you would not let anything harm them as long as you had a
choice. Is that not still true?'
'Rei told me that…'
Kaworu looked down at his right hand. He forced himself to let go of

the control yoke and make a fist. "I choose," he whispered. " I
choose ."
Shinji numbly trudged into the locker room. Only long habit kept his
feet automatically walking him towards the showers and lockers. He
stared at nothing as he undressed without thought and dropped his
LCL-coated plugsuit into the slot in the wall for it to be taken away
and cleaned. He barely remembered to grab his towel before
wandering into the showers.
'She can't be gone. She can't be gone. But… I saw… Unit-00…'
He was already there before a couple of things registered as more

than background: The showers were already running, and they were
set at an extremely high temperature. The thick clouds of steam
nearly blinded him as he stumbled forward. He hissed as his foot
touched the water on the tiles. It was hot enough it hurt to step in,
almost hot enough to scald his skin at touch. He edged his way
around the full-blast stream from the showerheads and carefully
turned the temperature way down.
As the temperature dropped, the steam lightened enough for him to

see Kaworu, curled into a fetal ball on the floor, the stream blasting
right onto him. His skin was very red.
Shinji's eyes snapped wide. "Kaworu!" He grabbed Kaworu's hand
and started to pull him out of the stream. "Are you alright?"
Kaworu looked up at him with frantic eyes. "T-t-turn the water back
up!"
"What? No!" Shinji gasped. "That water was almost hot enough to
scald! You could have been hurt!"
"Yes! Please! I need the pain!"
"What?!"
"It it it it anchors me!" Kaworu stuttered. "I n-n-need the f-f-feeling

right now! The pain reminds me who I am! I'm ME! Not him! Not him!
"
"I… I don't understand, Kaworu-kun," Shinji shook his head, "But

I'm… I'm not going to let you hurt yourself like this. Come… come
on. Let's… get you out of here and-"
"Yes! Please!" Kaworu seized his hand with desperate strength. "Get
me away from here! Th-th-th-the C-c-call is bad right now! I… I d-d-
d-don't know how l-l-long I can hold…"
Shinji felt a chill run down his back at the way Kaworu pleaded with
him. "Ok… Ok… come on… we'll… we'll get you home and into
bed…"
He set Kaworu gently on one of the benches near the lockers and
winced at the alarming red shade of his skin. He took as fast a
shower as possible, little more than a rinse, and then gingerly
prodded Kaworu through getting dried and dressed.
Asuka was already waiting for them at the door as they left the locker
room. She seized Shinji's hand like a life preserver before she even
noticed Shinji had his other arm around Kaworu's shaking shoulders.
She barely nodded at this, however, and they headed straight for the
elevators.
Once in the elevator, Kaworu slumped weakly in the corner, arms

wrapped around himself and mumbling. Shinji stared at Kaworu,
worried. He fished his cell phone out of his pocket, absently grateful
the MAGI could pick it up even in an elevator, so long as they were
in the Geofront.
Misato picked up almost instantly. "What is it, Shinji? I don't have

much time."
"I know, Misato-san. That's why I'm calling to tell you not to worry
about us… three. we're headed home right away. Kaworu's… not
well. We'll wait for you there. A-and Rei."
Misato was quiet for long enough to make Shinji's heart sicken a little
more with fear. "… right. Good. I'll… see you at home." Click.
Shinji tried to swallow the sick feeling at the pit of his stomach.
"She's not dead. She's not dead," Asuka almost hissed beside him.
Her hand was very tight on his.
The elevator ride felt very, very long.
Kaworu visibly slumped in relief as the Geofront train passed through

the last armor layer and approached the surface. Shinji watched him,
concerned, from the seat across the train car's aisle.
After a moment, Kaworu pried his eyes open and gave them a wan
smile. "It… distance is good. It is… bad right now." He blinked at
them, but stared, like he was trying to drink them in.
Shinji shifted awkwardly in his seat. Asuka was firmly welded to his
side, her hand never having left his. Kaworu staring at them like this
made him self-conscious about such a public display of affection,
something his Japanese upbringing still gave him twinges about.
Still, even that awkwardness was tiny next to Asuka's naked need for
contact right now. The strange thing was he felt like Kaworu's stare
was almost the same thing. He was watching them like… like seeing
them together was his only solace right now.
Kaworu's comment snapped Asuka out of her rigid silence. She

narrowed her eyes at him. "Distance? Why… Kaworu, what the-"
She broke off in frustration as Kaworu gave a tiny shake of his head
and flicked his eyes at the ceiling.
Shinji bit down on his own questions. Why had Kaworu-kun been so
insistent on… hurting himself? And what he'd said?
He just pulled Asuka closer to him with his free arm and tried to…
stay numb. He was faintly grateful for the hollow, empty feeling that
had descended over him. He… he couldn't cry. He had to… be
strong. Asuka needed him to. Kaworu needed him to. Rei… Asuka
had to be right. Rei was going to come home.
He squeezed Asuka's hand back just as hard as she held his.
"Is there really… any chance, Akagi-sempai?" Maya said quietly, her
voice somewhat muffled by the thick, stiflingly hot NERV Bio-
protection suit.
Ritsuko couldn't reply. She just pointed ahead of them. One of the
search crews was waving them over. The wreck of the Entry Plug
was just behind him, partly stuck in a rocky former creek bed flanked
by the shattered and burned remnants of a grove of trees.
The smooth white cylinder of the Entry Plug was now a bent, dented
mess, scorched an ugly brown-red. The Pilot Access Hatch was a
jagged tear, spines of metal jutting from the edges of the hole.
Ritsuko looked around, waving the three guards who'd found the
Plug to stay back. No one had questioned her insistence she be the
first one to examine the Pilot… or her remains. Only Maya hovered
near, just behind her shoulder.
Whispering a faint prayer to a god she no longer even pretended to

believe in, Ritsuko stuck her head inside the ragged tear in the Plug.
"Is… is she…" Maya began.
"No."
Maya managed to cover most of her sob with a cough.
Ritsuko pulled her head back out. She turned to yell at the guard.
"Get me a stretcher over here, immediately!"
The guard nodded, waving at a clump of other NERV personnel

farther up the slope. A moment later, a pair of them trotted over with
the rescue-orange hard plastic stretcher between them.
Ritsuko and Maya had used the moment to pull what was left of the
First Child out of the Entry Plug and zip her into a NERV Bio-
containment bag. Maya pretended to apply some first aid as the
guards put the stretcher down, and zipped the bag closed when they
were ready to take her.
"The First Child's condition will be classified Top Secret," Ritsuko

ordered. "Only Lieutenant Ibuki and I are allowed to treat her.
Lieutenant, get her down to my lab immediately. Sergeant Nakamori,
salvage the Entry Plug and clean up the site."
"Yes, Doctor."
Shinji gingerly shepherded Asuka and Kaworu into Rei's apartment.

He seemed to be the only one who had even the tiny amount of
energy to get them moving at all. He'd been about to steer them into
Misato's when Kaworu had shaken his head and gestured next door.
Once through the door, Kaworu pulled away from Shinji's arm and
stumbled to where they'd left their instrument cases in Rei's living
room, anticipating another evening of playing in quartet. He flipped
his violin case open and almost frantically dug around inside it for
something. He gasped in relief and rose when he found it.
Shinji pulled out tea and started the hot water pot as Asuka sat down
at the kitchen table. She looked at Kaworu as he shuffled back in
and dropped heavily into the chair across from her, the object of his
search clutched in his hand: a candid shot of Rei at the Christmas
Party, serene and beautiful in her red and white Santa outfit.
"She… she asked me out. In the elevator, before the battle. T-to see
a movie this Friday," Kaworu said softly, staring at the picture. "Me.
She… she likes… me."
"She did?" Asuka asked, finally showing a spark of life. "Finally.

Good. You'll love it, Trout. Both of you."
"Asuka…" Shinji said gently, sitting down next to her as he set the
tea to steep.
"She's alive, Shinji!" Asuka insisted, turning to him. "She has to be!
Because if… if Rei can… If Rei can die, then you can… I… I can't…
you can't die." She stopped, swallowing hard. She suddenly pulled
him into a desperate hug, her hands nearly clawing at his back.
"She has to be alright," she whispered into his shoulder, which was
suddenly wet. "I… you can't die. She can't. I… I can't bear the idea
you… I love her too and… and…"
He clutched at her back almost as hard. "She… she has to be," he

agreed, scarcely louder than her.
Asuka wiped her face against his shoulder. "How come… you're
not… I know you love her too."
He shook his head. "I… I don't know. I just feel… numb. I know I
feel… empty, but the tears won't come. And… you need me to be…
strong. You and Kaworu-kun. So I have to be."
She squeezed him tighter. "Baka."
He looked up at Kaworu. "Why… Kaworu-kun, why were you…

hurting yourself? In the shower?"
Kaworu put the picture down on the table, but kept staring at it. "The
pain… helps. Distracts me from the Call. It was… very bad. It still is.
If we'd stayed in the Geofront, I'm… I'm not sure I… could have held
on." He raised his head, finally. "Thank you for… getting me out of
there, Shinji-kun. And… for you both… helping remind me what I
must protect."
Asuka gave Shinji one last squeeze and sat back in her chair. "Pain
to… and what does distance have to do with it? You relaxed exactly
when we left the Geofront. Was zur Hölle did they do to you, Nagisa?
To both of you! Pale as death, red eyes, funny hair… you and Rei
are alike in too many ways to be coincidence," she demanded.
"I… I can't…" Kaworu looked down and to the side. "I'm… afraid.
And… Rei wants us to tell you together."
"You… you sound very sure about that," Shinji half-asked.
Kaworu nodded. "I am." The expression on his face was far from
happy, though. He picked up the picture again, his hands shaking.
"She… has to."
She opened her eyes. The man in the black jacket and orange
glasses stared at her. He ordered her to stand. "You are Rei
Ayanami. You will obey my orders," he said, voice cold and flat.
"I am Rei Ayanami. I will obey your orders," she echoed without
thought.
He nodded.
Chapter 11.2
Cards On The Table
The hot water pot hit boil, and Shinji poured out three cups of tea,
setting them on the table. Asuka only sipped at hers, but Kaworu
grabbed his and held on like a drowning man seizing a rope. He
stared at it like it could somehow answer his pleas.
Shinji stood back from the table, forcing his hand not to clench by
force of will. Kaworu was clearly hanging on to his composure by a
thread. Asuka looked near tears or shouting, and was nearly
vibrating with nervous energy. Shinji himself hollow, almost numb. A
powerful urge to hide away in his room, stick his SDAT earbuds in,
and turn up the volume until he could block the world away welled up
inside him. He knew that if he thought about Rei and the… likelihood
she was dead too much, he'd probably break down too.
9 months ago, that's exactly what he would have done. The draw
was still strong, but… Kaworu was his friend. Asuka was his world .
He.. he could not run away. Not anymore. They were more important
than he was. They were worth more than he was. And Asuka… if
she was unhappy, he could just feel his world getting colder. No.
He walked into the living room and quickly packed up his cello and
stand. He took them back over to Misato's apartment before
returning for Asuka and Kaworu's violins.
Asuka gave him a puzzled look as he returned again. "Shinji, what

are you doing?"
He took her hand and tugged for her to stand. "Come on. You too,
Kaworu-kun. We're going back to Misato's."
Kaworu numbly looked up from where he'd been staring at Rei's
picture. "What?"
"You need something to keep your mind on besides… worrying

about Rei. We all do. So we're going to do something."
Asuka let herself be pulled along as Shinji nearly towed her to the
door. "Like?"
"You're both going to help me make her homecoming dinner."
Shinji jerked to a halt as Asuka suddenly stopped letting him pull her
along without resistance. Her hand on his shoulder turned him
around to face her narrow stare.
"I know what you're doing, Shinji. You're doing that 'I'm not worth it'
thing again," she said tightly. She grabbed his head with both hands
and kissed him. "I love you and I love that you're trying to buoy us
both up, my dear baka, but never start thinking you're not important
or 'worth it'. Got it? You're important to Kaworu, you're important to
Rei, and I hope you know how much you mean to me."
A small, weak smile. "Yes, Asuka."
"Now let's make our Rei the best dinner ever."
The eerie hum in the background of the neural imprinter was

disturbing, but not loud enough to drown out the electronic trill of the
phone.
Ritsuko froze. There were very, very few people who had the number
down here in this lab. One of them was in no position to use a phone
at all right now. One was sitting next to her. A third was on his way
here. Of the very, very small number of people who were left that
might call, Ritsuko wasn't really interested in speaking to either right
now… especially one of them.
She swallowed and picked up the phone. "Akagi."
Tense silence met her. "… Status of my Pilot, Doctor?"
Of course. The one she didn't want. But of course, she would also be
the one who would be most insistent on calling, wouldn't she?
"Misato, I-"
"You and Lieutenant Ibuki recovered something from the blast site 8
hours ago. Your crews somehow didn't report anything to the
Operations Director, but I've got eyes, Doctor Akagi. So I want you to
tell me the status of my Pilot, " Misato grated. "Is. She. Alive?"
Ritsuko couldn't stop her eyes from darting to the tall glass cylinder
filled with LCL in front of her. "Misato, I… this is extremely classified.
I can't just-"
"Don't give me that 'classified' bullshit, Ritsuko! I've got three Pilots
sitting at home desperately hanging on word if their friend is dead or
not! Every Evangelion I have is damaged or destroyed, my entire
Pilot corps is either missing or barely not screaming in anguish, and
if another Angel popped up and said 'Hi!' right now, I don't think we'd
have much to stop him but my goddam pistol . So cut the shit and tell
me what the fuck is going on ."
Ritsuko took a deep breath. "She's… alive."
Misato gave a shuddering sigh that was only somewhat removed

from a sob. "Good. That's a start. Now talk ."
"I don't have time to tell you anything, Misato. The Commander will
be here for his own status report in a few minutes. I'll… see what he
will let me release."
"I want to see her."
Ritsuko's eyes shot to the cylinder again. "You can't. Not yet. She's…
I'm treating her down here for a reason. She's not stable to even be
moved to the hospital yet. I think the Commander will authorize that
for tomorrow, but for tonight she's down here, and I can't even get
you in."
"Are you alone down there?" Misato snapped back. The ' what about
your girlfriend? ' hung unsaid.
"The Commander has not approved of anyone else being here." She
looked nervously at Maya, who was indeed sitting next to her,
furiously typing at the second console. "I… I needed help for this,
Misato. I… I couldn't do this alone anymore. But I couldn't ask
anyone," she said more quietly.
Misato subsided to angry silence for a moment. She could tell

Ritsuko was being very cautious about what she was saying, even
on this line. "It's nearly 2230, Ritsuko. I didn't want to go home
without something to tell them. Because you know the minute I walk
in, they will want to know. Rei is important to them."
"She's alive. I think she'll be moved to the hospital tomorrow. But…

she's… badly hurt. There's been some… brain injury. She may not
remember recent events. We won't know for a while."
"But she's alive? And going to stay that way?"
Ritsuko looked at the cylinder again, her face twisting in pain that
she managed to keep out of her voice. "Rei Ayanami is alive. And is
in no danger of death," she said carefully.
Misato sighed, seeming to understand she wasn't going to get

anything more out of her friend over the phone. "Fine. That's what I'll
tell them. I want to know more as soon as possible, though."
"Tomorrow, Misato. I'm sorry."
The line disconnected. Ritsuko slumped in her seat and hung up the
phone. "I am fucking scum," she whispered.
"No, you're fucking me," Maya said, rubbing Ritsuko's shoulder and
giving her a weak smile. "I love you, Ritsuko. We'll… we'll make it up
to her. And to Ayanami-san."
Ritsuko shook her head and stood up, Maya's hand falling away.
"You need to get out of here. The Commander will be here soon, and
you need to be out of sight."
Maya stepped closer and held her. "I'm going. I finished the third
layer engram scans. They're setting fine. She'll… be as good as the
last scan can make her." She gave Ritsuko a kiss. "You remember
that I love you and put your game face on. The Commander… you
be cool, and he won't notice, right?"
Ritsuko nodded and pushed her away. "Yes. He'll only have eyes for
Rei. Now go."
Maya vanished out the access door to the Evangelion Graveyard,

and the back passages away from where the Commander would
approach.
Ritsuko sagged one more time against the desk and looked at the
girl floating in the LCL. "I am so sorry, Rei…"
Then she straightened up and forced her face to calm. He was

coming.
The beep of the door opening was faint. Misato's 'I'm home' was
barely louder. A sensible precaution, since it was nearly midnight.
All three Children were still at the doorway to the entry hallway in
under a second. "Misato!" Asuka said instantly "-san!" Shinji's
simultaneous statement finished a half-second later.
Misato gave them a tired nod as she took her shoes off. "Have a
seat. I've got news."
Asuka visibly bit down on wanting to shout the obvious question. She
backed up, the motion pushing Shinji along behind her.
Misato slumped wearily into a chair at the kitchen table, not even
looking as she automatically accepted a can of beer from Shinji. She
finished half of it in one draw before putting it down with a sigh. She
opened her eyes and looked at the three Pilots hanging on her word.
"She's alive."
Shinji slumped in relief as Asuka bared her teeth in a defiant grin.

"Yes!" she nearly shouted.
Kaworu smiled and half-swallowed a sob.
"I didn't get much out of Ritsuko. Just that she's alive, they're treating
her in Terminal Dogma. She's… she said it was all absurdly
classified. Rei's… hurt bad. Some brain injury. She said she's
probably going to have holes in her memory, but we won't know for a
while. She said she might be able to be put in the hospital where we
can see her tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" Asuka and Shinji said in chorus again, her in irritation,

him in dismay. "Why not now?"
"She's apparently in no condition to move or take visitors down

there. And it's too classified for any of us to be allowed in." Misato's
expression said what she thought of that. "Look, I know you're all in
no shape for school tomorrow. You're all wound up like clocks and
you've obviously been staying up waiting. So, Shinji, you give me the
dinner I know you've kept waiting for me, and all three of you go to
bed. I'll call the school in the morning to excuse you, and we'll all
head straight to the hospital the moment we hear Rei's there,
alright?"
Shinji took only a moment to put a microwave-warmed plate of

vegetable stir-fry in front of Misato. He and Asuka looked at each
other before they both looked at Kaworu. "Kaworu-kun, are you…
going to be ok in your apartment tonight? Do you want to stay here
in my old room?" Shinji asked.
Kaworu wiped his face dry of tears. Well, drier. They were still going.
"I… She's alive… she's alive… Everything will be ok. I… I'll be alright
in my own apartment, Shinji-kun, thank you."
Shinji half-raised his hand like he wanted to pat Kaworu's shoulder

reassuringly, but just nodded. "If you say so. We… we'll see you at
breakfast. Come over as soon as you get up."
"Thank you."
"What is your function?"
"To Pilot Evangelion Unit-00 to defeat the Angels and fulfill the goals
of the Scenario," Rei said automatically, no tone in her voice.
Commander Ikari nodded. "You will be bandaged to simulate injuries

to support the explanation of your survival. Maintain this for one
week."
"Yes, sir."
Gendo turned to Ritsuko. "Similar to before. Inject some coloration to

simulate bruising around her eye, then bandage her head like a
concussion. A day of 'recovery' in the hospital should be enough."
"SEELE won't buy it," Ritsuko noted. "Especially with the Fifth Child
able to observe her at close range."
Gendo dismissed it with a faint jerk of his head. "It won't matter. They
will not make a move on their endgame until they activate him, and
we have him under watch. Rei can dispose of him shortly, once she's
fully acclimated to this body."
He looked back at Rei in the tube, a tiny, grim smile on his face.
"There is only one Angel left, and we know where he is."
"Will it be that simple, sir?" Ritsuko asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Surely SEELE is aware of our observation. Won't they try to screen
him? Or take direct action?"
Gendo just stared at Rei. "Rei, will you be ready to destroy the
Seventeenth Angel within a few days?"
"Yes, sir."
"Be ready for my order. We will wait until we can take certain
measures against SEELE's people. Once we are ready, we can
finish off the last Angel, and the way will be cleared."
"Yes, sir."
Ritsuko waited until Commander Ikari was long gone before setting
the tube of LCL to drain. This was going to be hard, and not a
conversation she wanted even an echo of to reach his ears.
The last of the orange liquid drained away, and Rei automatically
bent over to empty her lungs of the remainder. She met Ritsuko's
eyes blankly when she straightened up.
Ritsuko bit her lip. On one hand, she knew all the science and theory
behind this, and she'd run the systems herself. On the other hand,
this was the impossible resurrection of a girl who's partly-charred
corpse was lying under a sheet not 20m away. Commander Ikari and
Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki had handled everything the last time this
had happened. She'd been the inexperienced newcomer, barely past
stepping into her mother's shoes. But this had to work. She owed the
First Child everything.
She nervously cleared her throat. "Rei… what is the last thing you
remember?"
Red eyes blinked slowly. "… my last significant memory is our
defeating the Fourteenth Angel. The next morning, I was ordered
here. That was four days ago," she said without tone.
Ritsuko winced. "That was your last full scan. That was more than
two months ago, Rei. You… you… A-against the Sixteenth, you…"
She couldn't say it.
"I died? And have been replaced," Rei said, still without inflection.
"As per the Scenario."
Ritsuko winced again. "A lot has happened in the last two months,
Rei. Do you…" Despite knowing the Commander was nowhere near,
Ritsuko reflexively looked around. "Do you," she started again, more
quietly, "remember we are… allies, now?"
Rei stared at her, revealing nothing. "Allies?"
"You… helped me. I had a bad night, after Unit-00 berserked in the
test chamber again. It smashed up the control booth, nearly killed
me. Maya saved me. Afterwards, you came to my room in the
hospital to apologize for loosing control. You… told me about my
mother and your… previous clone. How she'd…" Ritsuko swallowed.
"Killed her. Right before herself. And how Commander Ikari was
just… using both of us. Tools. I… didn't take it well. I went home and
started drinking hard and talking painkillers. Nearly… I nearly… I
couldn't take the thought that I'd been so blind, so stupid. That he
was just using me to get to her again, and all I'd done, every sin that
I justified to myself was for nothing. I got close to ending it all.
Instead, I called you in the middle of the night, and you came. Talked
me out of doing anything stupid. Told me… how your love gave you
hope and strength. And how you forgave me."
Ritsuko sighed. "You told me to confess everything to Maya, that

she'd understand and accept me." She smiled weakly at Rei. "We've
been together ever since. We have to hide it from Commander Ikari
just like you have to hide your… rebellion? We've been allies against
SEELE and the Commander's Scenario since."
Rei's stare did not flicker. "I see."
"Rei, I'm not lying. This isn't some trick."
Rei gave her a tiny nod. "I am aware, Doctor. I can tell you are not
lying. This is just… a considerable and serious amount of information
to process. You are nearly as important to the Commander's
Scenario as I am. If the both of us are allied against him and SEELE,
neither one has much chance of success. If they are unaware of our
opposition." Rei looked the question at her.
"We're still alive," Ritsuko replied.
Rei stared at her.
Ritsuko winced once more. "Er… you know what I mean. If he

suspected I was not playing along anymore, I probably wouldn't last
long. Maya he'd kill just for knowing about this lab, let alone
everything I've told her about you, SEELE, what's really going on…"
"I see." Rei paused. "Shinji and Asuka are alright? The Sixteenth
Angel did not harm them? Or the Fifteenth?"
Ritsuko smiled at the naked concern in Rei's voice, well-concealed

though it was. "They're alright, Rei. Their Evas were damaged, but
they weren't directly hurt. The last two Angels mostly hit you and the
Fifth Child."
Rei stared very blankly at her. "… who?"
Ritsuko ran her hand through her hair and sighed. Her head hurt
already. "That's… a whole can of worms, Rei. SEELE sent us the
Fifth Child right after the Fourteenth, to replace the Fourth Child
while she was… being examined for any contamination. We know
he's SEELE's spy. Or was. He's… defected to our side… or… well,
yours, really."
Rei fractionally raised her left eyebrow. "Mine?"

"He's the Seventeenth Angel."
Rei went very still. She was eerily still for a long minute. "Explain,"
she said eventually, still rigidly tense. "Where is he? Is he under
guard? Does the Commander know? Is he a threat to Shinji and
Asuka? Why is he still alive, if we know this?"
Ritsuko held up placating hands, trying to stop Rei's increasingly

rapid burst of questions. "Easy! Rei, you've told me yourself he's…
not a threat. Yes, the Commander knows. He suspected as soon as
SEELE sent him, and he was easy for you to detect. He's like you, a
hybrid. He apparently made no effort to conceal himself from you.
But…" Ritsuko sighed and pulled the computer console's roller chair
closer to her and sat down heavily. "I suggested eliminating him soon
after he got here. The Commander decided not to overtly oppose
SEELE's Pilot unless he made a move of his own, and then you…
told me he'd promised you he would not do it, or that he wouldn't
stop you from taking him out if he couldn't help it. You said he'd…
changed sides. That he was now opposed to… to SEELE, to
Instrumentality, everything. That he wanted to… stop them. Because
of you and the other Pilots."
"Because of…" Rei looked nonplussed.
Ritsuko couldn't quite stop a faint smile. "You even asked me to help
conceal the fact you were friendly from the Commander. Since that
would kind of give things away."
"I… will bear that in mind, Doctor," Rei said, frowning. "I still desire to
see them as soon as possible. I am still concerned about their safety
with him in proximity."
Ritsuko nodded, but frowned herself. She picked up a roll of

bandages from the counter and held them up. "We have to apply
your 'makeup' first, I'm sorry. I'll give you an injection around your
eye to simulate bruising, and you'll have to wear the bandages in
public for a week or so."
"Regardless of the Commander's orders, I will not lie to my loves
about my condition," Rei argued calmly. "I will not wear any false
dressings when alone with them."
Ritsuko pursed her lips. "Rei, we're excusing your memory loss due
to serious brain injury. I know you don't want to lie to them, but… if
you don't, they're going to want to know why you look perfectly fine,
but can't remember then last two months." She began wrapping up
Rei's left arm. "You have to wear this at least long enough to get you
into and out of the Geofront hospital."
"I will not lie to my loves, Doctor," Rei maintained.
"Are you ready to tell them everything? You promised them and
Major Katsuragi that you would once it was down to just the
Seventeenth Angel left."
"I did?"
Ritsuko sighed and rubbed her face with her free hand. "I think you
should talk to the Fifth Child before you make any big decisions."
"I am supposed to negotiate the safety to those I love with an Angel

?" Rei said sharply.
"You told me he's your friend and ally," Ritsuko replied. She
hesitated. "You also said you didn't want him to die. That it was
important to you."
Rei stared at her like Ritsuko had suddenly begun yodeling in

Chinese. "How?"
Ritsuko sighed again and began wrapping the bandages around

Rei's head and left eye. "You two have been… cooperating a lot
lately. And… when the Fifteenth Angel attacked your mind with a
beam, he tried to interpose himself in Unit-03, to take the hit for you.
It… partly worked. He got hit as badly as you until Unit-01 got there
to cover you both."
Rei's head twitched like she wanted to shake it in negation, but was
held in place by Ritsuko's hands applying the bandages. "This is… I
need to speak to Shinji and Asuka as soon as possible. And the…
Fifth Child too, apparently."
"We'll have you set up in the hospital as soon as we're done here. I'll
call Misato as soon as you're set, and they can come see you." She
finished taping the dressing down, and stepped back, reaching to
grab a set of hospital scrubs for Rei.
Rei took them nodding slightly. "Good. I… I believe you, Doctor,

but… It is difficult to process and accept without them saying it too."
Kilometers above them, two Pilots held each other close in the
darkness of their room.
"She's alive!" Shinji breathed one more time into Asuka's hair.
She squeezed him back. "She's alive!" she echoed.
Shinji half-snorted. "You're going to remind me of this 'I told you so'
forever, aren't you?"
Asuka shook her head. "Not when it's the life of someone we love on
the line, my dear baka. I'm just as ready to scream in relief as you
are that she's mostly ok. Memory trouble and brain injury… it doesn't
matter. We'll do whatever we can to help our Rei recover. And… boy,
if we're this happy, the Rainbow Trout has to be over the moon."
Shinji shifted slightly, looking pensive. "I'm… not sure? He… he

looked relieved, yes, but… like he was still worried too."
"Maybe he's afraid her memory problems mean she won't remember
their date this Saturday?" Asuka suggested.
"Maybe. She'll still go with us, I hope. Gods, I hope she's not hurt as
bad as it could be…"
"Ja…"
"She's alive, she's alive, she came back, she came back, everything
is going to be ok…"
Kaworu tried to keep his hand from shaking as he stared at the

picture of the First Child in her Christmas outfit, smiling gently.
'You know she's never the same afterwards. Sometimes she's so

different Shinji-kun is scared of her…'
"No. No no no no…" he whispered. "She will… she's alive. That's all

that matters. I don't. She's alive, and she will keep her promise, if
nothing else. I will not stop her. She will help me protect everyone…"
He swallowed, and tried to go on, but his throat thickened and his
eyes began to burn. "She will… be Rei. My friend. My hope. No
matter what. We… we have a… a date on Saturday…"
Sleep took a long time to come.
The phone ringing in the dining room didn't even get a reaction from
the two teens wrapped around each other in the large bed. They
heard Misato sigh and pick it up just before the voicemail would have
taken it.
"Hello, Katsuragi here."
A moment's pause.
"SHINJI! ASUKA! GO GET NAGISA!"
Author's Note: Well, that's it for this deployment. I'm in Kuwait once
again, to board a flight back to the US tomorrow. This update was
partly written mid-air, as I was stuck on a C-130 flight for 9 hours to
leave Iraq. We had to touch at half the bases in country on the way
out. Glad I packed a sandwich. Next update may include parts
written while I'm stuck on the 15 hour flight back to the US.
Advice and Trust
Chapter 11.4 & 5
Cards On The Table
"Doctor Odani of the First Internal Medicine Department, please

contact the second conference room immediately…" the hospital PA
announced. No one in the party of sprinting NERV members was
listening.
Misato gave up trying to keep up with the Pilots. She was taller than
them all by a good bit, and had long legs. But the three Children
were outrunning her handily, driven by motivation Misato couldn't at
all match. At least they hadn't started actually running until they were
in the hospital itself. The three of them had nearly shaken her poor
Renault apart on the way down, they were vibrating so much with
badly suppressed nervous energy.
They turned the last corner and vanished from Misato's sight for a
moment before she caught up. Shinji and Asuka's joyful
simultaneous cry of "Rei!" told her they'd found their goal. Misato
held herself to a slightly more dignified jog, and rounded the corner.
Rei was already enveloped in a tight hug-cluster by Shinji and

Asuka, with Kaworu nervously hovering just behind. Rei's eyes were
still closed, and she didn't seem to have reacted to the Fifth Child
yet.
Rei's left arm and eye were covered in bandages, and there was
ugly looking bruising across the part of her face that wasn't hidden
by the dressing. Still, she seemed to be returning the hug from her
fellow Pilots with full vigor.
Misato let herself drift to a stop a few steps behind Kaworu. He was
still holding back, looking unsure. "Not going to join in this time,
Kaworu-kun?" she prodded.
Kaworu barely heard the question.
' She's alive!'
He'd sensed her before they'd even reached this floor. He'd known it
even before Misato got the phone call from Doctor Akagi announcing
her admission to the Geofront Hospital. But somehow, seeing her
face to face made it all real in a way nothing else did.
Her Light was much the same, her Song just as beguiling. It was
unquestionably her. His hands burned to touch her, hold her, feel her
AT-Field press gently against his again…
But yet, he somehow knew he could not, even if they forgot for a
moment the hospital was likely still watched as most places in the
Geofront were. He hardly wished to disturb the obvious bliss she
was enjoying in the arms of Shinji and Asuka.
… And there was the cool, blank way her crimson eye finally met his,
regarding him like an unwelcome stranger.
"Rei?"
He could feel her intense stare examining him, searching him from
head to toe, the sharp prickle of her gaze scratching along the
surface of his AT-Field as she looked at him more deeply than an
ordinary Lilim could.
His hand half rose as she extracted herself from the embrace of her
friends and gently pushed them behind her, putting herself between
them and Kaworu.
"You are the Fifth Child," Rei said coolly, almost coldly.
He nodded.
"I do not remember you."
Rei was grateful for Doctor Akagi's warning brief. Without it, she
would not have been able to disguise a far more hostile greeting for
the… the Angel in front of her.
He stared at her, his expression frozen, his half-raised hand

dropping away. "You… don't?" he asked bleakly.
Asuka stared at her too, eyebrow raised. "Rei, you don't remember
Kaworu? The Rainbow Trout? The stupid new fish? I…" She shot a
look at Shinji, who shrugged back. "I guess this is that brain injury
and memory issues they mentioned. What is the last thing you
remember, Rei?"
"To my awareness, we defeated the Fourteenth Angel five days

ago," Rei said calmly, her stare still locked on Kaworu.
Asuka and Shinji shared another look. "Rei, that was over two
months ago," Shinji said, shocked.
"I have been told."
"You don't remember anything since then? Kaworu showing up, my

birthday, Christmas, New Year's, nothing?" Asuka tried.
"No."
Kaworu finally broke himself out of his paralysis. "Are… are you ok
physically, Rei?" he asked hoarsely. He gestured vaguely at her
bandages.
"I am functional. I have been supplied with adequate painkillers and

medication. My arm and eye should heal rapidly. I am uncertain as to
the prognosis of my head injury."
"You… it's amazing and wonderful that you're ok, Rei," Shinji said, a
hesitant smile appearing on his face. "You… you saved us."
Rei finally broke off staring at Kaworu and turned towards Shinji. "I
saved you?"
"When you blew up Unit-00 to destroy that Angel, we… we thought

you might be…" Shinji trailed off.
"I didn't!" Asuka countered. "I knew nothing could stop our Rei!
Certainly no mere Angel was going to hold up against her!"
"Yes," Kaworu said softly. "Of course not."
"I do not recall," Rei said tonelessly. She stared at him again. "Doctor
Akagi informed me we have been working together since your
arrival, Nagisa-san. We will speak later to go over what has
happened." Rei looked at the others. "With all of you, to see if my
memories recover."
"Of course, Rei," Kaworu nodded, a ghost of a smile finally

appearing on his lips.
"Please address me as 'Ayanami-san', Nagisa-san. I do not

remember you, and such familiarity does not feel correct until we are
no longer… strangers," Rei said with no change in expression.
Kaworu looked like he'd just been stabbed in the chest. "Of course,
Ayanami-san," he said, his smile now a painfully brittle and obvious
mask.
"Well, a hospital hallway is no place for any memory-recovering

conversations," Asuka said briskly, shooting one quick look to Shinji
full of 'oh damn'. "Let's get you out of those hospital scrubs, Rei, and
into your regular clothes so we can get you home. I'm betting you
don't want to spend one more minute in here than you have to."
"Yes."
Rei let Asuka pull her away and drag her back inside the hospital
room right off that spot of the hallway that she had been standing
outside, closing the door behind them.
Kaworu jerked as Shinji carefully put a hand on his shoulder.

"Kaworu, it's… it'll be alright. She'll remember. She remembers
Asuka and I. She'll remember you."
Shinji himself almost jumped in turn when Kaworu turned in place

and grabbed Shinji in a desperate hug. "I… sh-she has to. Yes.
But… it doesn't matter. She… she's still Rei. She's… she's exactly
how she used to be. And that's enough. She'll… it'll be alright," he
rasped into Shinji's shoulder.
Shinji awkwardly patted him on the back, aiming a confused look at

Misato, who could only shrug and make motions for Shinji to hug him
back. Kaworu seemed to almost sag in relief when Shinji put his
arms around him.
"She'll remember," he said, trying to reassure his friend.
"It doesn't matter. She'll still keep her promise," Kaworu whispered
back, half to himself. "That's all that matters. To protect you all."
"Does Shinji help you keep this car so clean, Misato?" Asuka asked
innocently. "I know it can't be you all by yourself. I've seen your room
when Shinji can't clean it."
Misato rolled her eyes. "And I've seen your room before Shinji
started living in it with you, Asuka. But yes, we're clear in here. Kaji
and I sweep it regularly."
Asuka nodded, the real question hidden in her ostensibly teasing
remark answered.
The ride up to the surface had been quiet, Rei most of all. She'd said
very little, but obviously enjoyed her position in the center of the
small backseat of the Renault Alpine, Shinji and Asuka flanking her,
and Kaworu exiled to the passenger seat.
Asuka nudged her friend and nodded again. "Keine Wanzen. Wir
können offen sprechen, Rei. Weißt du noch, wie man normal redet?"
[No bugs. We're free to talk, Rei. Do you still remember how to
speak properly?] Asuka asked in German.
"Aber natürlich," the bluenette said with a small, pleased smile.
"What about playing the viola?" Kaworu asked carefully in the same
tongue.
"Nein."
Kaworu tried and failed to keep his face from falling. "I… see. Of
course. You learned how with my help, over the last two months."
"I understand from Doctor Akagi that much has happened in the last
two months I do not remember, but that I need to understand," Rei
said emotionlessly. Her eyes stayed locked on Kaworu's profile.
Sensing her stare, he turned in his seat to be able to look back at
her. "Could you please summarize the events since our defeat of the
Fourteenth Angel?"
"The Rainbow Trout here showed up a week after that, you slapped
some sense into him, and he joined our team," Asuka said, still in
German, a sly grin on her face.
Rei swiveled her head to her left to stare at Asuka. "What."
"Er… that's sort of what happened, Rei," Shinji confirmed in his own
accented German. "The day he transferred in, you… um… slapped
him. And he has ah… explained about how he was sent by…"
Shinji's voice dropped, "by SEELE. He's… switched sides, though.
He's with us now. And you two have been pretty good friends lately."
Rei's head snapped around to Shinji, then to Kaworu, her level stare
seeking confirmation.
He nodded again, hesitantly. "Everything they said is true. I… hope

we are still friends, R-… Ayanami-san."
"You… now oppose SEELE?" Rei asked carefully. "Even with…" She
hesitated.
"There's some things you've kept secret about, Rei, yes," Misato put
in. "You and Kaworu-kun were going to tell us 'everything' after we
beat the Sixteenth Angel, when there was just one left. You said we'd
understand why when you told us. I guess that might be a bit on hold
right now, though, until you can straighten out your memories."
"I see Nagisa-san and I will need to speak privately," Rei said quietly.
Asuka laughed. "You two have been doing that a lot, Rei. Sure,
some of it is related to this, but I suspect there may be a bit more
going on."
Rei colored lightly. "Asuka, I would never…"
Asuka snickered again. "Rei, we know how you feel about us, but
you and the Rainbow Trout…" Asuka put her lips close to Rei's ear,
the puff of her breath sending a delicious frisson of sensation up
Rei's spine. "I'm pretty sure you gave him one Hell of a kiss for
Christmas after the party. Not that we minded, since you gave me
several nice kisses for my birthday," she whispered breathily.
Rei demonstrated how even someone as pale as her could go very

pink.
"Oh my my~~, Asuka," Misato said lightly. "What are you whispering
in poor Rei's ear? Poor girl looks like you just told her what Kaworu
does at night alone."
"M-Major Katsuragi! I'd never-" Kaworu sputtered.
"We're very glad you're alright, Rei," Shinji interceded for his friend.
"And there's a lot to tell you. I hope you'll remember soon. You
learned how to play viola incredibly fast so you could play as a trio
with Kaworu-kun and I for Asuka's birthday."
Shinji covered events from Asuka's birthday to the present for Rei as
succinctly as he could, with comments from the others. Rei looked
slightly nervous when he described their contact with their mothers'
souls in their Evangelions, and her brow furrowed when Misato
described how Rei had apparently brought Doctor Akagi into their
alliance of sorts. Asuka was just finishing up a grinning description of
Christmas and New Years when they reached the apartment.
Misato led them all to Rei's door and opened it. "Let's get you
settled, Rei. You look in need of rest."
Shinji sped to the kitchen. "I'll get something cooking for you, Rei."
Kaworu stood off to one side, and made an abortive gesture to follow
Shinji. He was halted by Misato's hand on his shoulder.
"Oh no, mister. You and Rei go right to your private chat. You two
need to talk, since I get the feeling I'm not getting that full brief from
you and her on what else SEELE is up to until you're both on the
same page again."
Kaworu looked at Rei, who nodded. "I think you and I need to speak
on several things, Fifth Child," she said calmly.
Kaworu nodded nervously, and followed her into the bedroom.

Rei's room was exactly as it had been the last time he'd seen it. No
one had even entered it in the meantime. Several pairs of her
underwear still hung from their drying ring in one corner, a sight
which gave Kaworu a momentary sad smile as his eyes flicked
across it. ' Better days,' he thought. This was not going to be easy.
The happier memory and Rei's proximity was already causing his
fragile control to start to crumble.
He turned to face her as she slid the door shut behind them.
She fixed him with a sharp, coolly hostile look. "You are the
Seventeenth Angel," she said coldly.
"Yes."
"And they do not know?" Rei made a tiny gesture with her head at
the door behind her.
"We… we were going to tell them about us after… the Sixteenth.

When it was down to just me, so we could explain about the dangers
of SEELE and the others to them, and get their advice," Kaworu said
carefully, keeping his voice as low as hers. "So… now, mostly. But I
think they'll accept us needing some time to get your memories back
to speed." He looked more carefully at her Light. "You're not really
hurt, are you?" he asked with some concern.
"No. This body is fresh. I am the third."
Kaworu sagged a little in relief. "That's… that's good. I'm glad

you're… alright. And remember Shinji and Asuka."
Rei's face was still expressionless. "Not you?"
Kaworu gave a sad shrug. "I don't… I… I hope you will remember
me. But even without that, I know you will keep your promises, and I
will keep mine."
"What promises?" Rei demanded, still cool.

"That we would not lie to each other. That we'd protect Shinji and
Asuka, and their world. That…" He hesitated. "That if I lost control,
and could no longer resist the Call, you would kill me as quickly and
painlessly as possible, and mourn my death. But you made me
promise to live, to fight the Call as long as I could."
" I made you promise to live?" Rei asked skeptically.
He nodded. "Because we were… friends. Allies. Maybe…" Kaworu

swallowed. "You made me promise that at midnight on New Year's
Eve, right before we… kissed."
Rei's stare became so flat you could use it to prove mathematical

theorems. "We kissed," she echoed, doubt soaking each word.
Kaworu spread his arms. "We promised not to lie to each other. Am
I?"
Rei's eyes flicked over him coldly. Her lips pursed in annoyance
when she finished. "No. You are not." She sighed, exasperated. "You
seem to have made numerous promises to her."
"To you."
Rei shook her head. "I remember nothing past the week after Zeruel.
I did not experience any of what you describe. I am not her."
"You are Rei Ayanami," he countered.
Rei's expression was flat. "I am the third. She was the second. I am
not her."
"Do you love Shinji and Asuka?"
She almost scowled. "Of course I d-"
"Who fell in love with them?"

"I-" Rei halted. Her eyes scanned his face rapidly, but her gaze was
inward.
Kaworu let her think for a moment before breaking the silence.
"When…" he swallowed. "Right after Unit-00 exploded, when I
thought… I thought you were dead, I nearly… I… the despair almost
took me. I nearly gave in, let Tabris take over, and… did what I'm
supposed to do. But Mrs. Horaki said to me, 'You're the same person
who got in this Evangelion thirty minutes ago'. And I stopped.
Because it was true. And that person had promised he would live
and fight the Call. Fight until we came up with a way to end it.
Because you didn't want me to die, and…"
He stopped and gathered himself, wiping at his eyes. "You're still the
same person, Ayanami-san. You love them. You are still the person
who loves them. You are still the person I made promises to, and you
to me. You are still my friend. And know you will still stop me if I
falter. We will protect them."
Rei's look searched him again. "… you love them too."
He looked to the side, avoiding her eyes. "Him. And her. And Misato-
san, and Horaki-san, and… I cannot be the end of them. I won't let
myself be. A-and you… you…"
"I?" Rei tilted her head microscopically.
"Can… can I ask a favor, R-… Ayanami-san?"
She hesitated, but nodded.
"Can… I hold you for a moment?"
She blinked. "I… guess?"
He carefully stepped closer and put his arms around her. He rested
his head on her shoulder for a second.
And cried.
"You're alive. You're alive, you're alive, you're alive…" he sobbed. "I
almost… I… you give me so much hope, Rei…"
Rei stood there stiffly, arms half-raised, completely confused as to

how to take this. Slowly, her arms came up to complete the embrace
from her side. Shinji and Asuka had taught her to show care. She
would trust in their lessons.
His AT-Field was weak and open. He had no defenses in this

moment. "I could kill you right now," she said quietly.
He nodded against her shoulder, still crying. "I think I love you," he
said, barely more than a whisper.
Rei froze.
"It felt like someone ripped my heart out when Unit-00 blew up. I… I
can't stand the thought of you… gone. You give me so much hope,
Rei. Hope, and… love. When you asked me to see a movie with you
on Saturday, I… I felt like I could do it, I could beat the Call and be
with everyone for as long as I needed, my whole life. But… as long
as I am what I am, I will be a threat to everyone. So… you promised.
If… if you think it best, I will not stop you."
She turned her head into his. Not nuzzling, but trying to see him
better. "You mean it," she said, halfway between asking and stating.
"You're alive. You need to live too, even more than I do. You're so
important to them," he whispered.
"What about you?"
"I… I don't…"
Kaworu almost gasped when he felt Rei's arms tighten around him.
"Listen, Fifth Child. My Sight still works just fine, and I can see how
you feel about them. And Shinji clearly likes you more than you
realize. He is very open to you, even more than to Kensuke and
Suzuhara-san, two of his closest friends. Shinji is a very private
person who does not make friends easily or let people close. He and
Asuka are quite alike in that, though she pretends otherwise better
than him in public. They both have tender hearts, one of the many
reasons I love them. That he thinks so well of you… even if I do not
remember how it happened, I know you are a friend to them both. Do
you think for an instant they will not fight to defend your life too? That
you mean nothing to them? If I made you promise to live, I must
have had good reason. So you will uphold that promise. Is that
clear?"
Kaworu let out something between a laugh and a sob. "You… you
are definitely the same person, Ayanami-san."
She let him go and stepped back a pace. "We shall see, Fifth Child.
For now, explain what we have held back from the others."
What the others knew already. Their conversations. The memories of

Lilith she had recovered after Arael. His visions. The events of the
last two months. Their plans.
He was nearly finished when an outbreak of music made them both

look at the door to the living room. Shinji's cello was almost
cheerfully purring it's way through a song that was on the edge of
familiar to Rei.
Rei turned back to look at Kaworu when the sudden flaring of his
Light lit up the room. "What are you doing…?"
Kaworu's face was a huge, achingly bittersweet smile. "He… he has

no way of knowing what it means to me, but… Shinji is… so kind to
me."
"What is it? A song you like?"
"That is Ode to Joy ."

Kaworu stood up quickly from where they'd both sat down on the
futon and reached out his hand to Rei. "We've kept them waiting
long enough. Let's go join them. We can continue our conversation
via the text messages as I mentioned."
She cautiously took his hand and rose. "You do not lie, and our
phones' records will have much for me to examine, but it is difficult to
accept so much so quickly, Nagisa-san. I will attempt to defer
reaction until I have taken a look, though. Please pardon me."
Kaworu smiled sadly at her. "You give me hope, more precious than
anything, Ayanami-san. I can hold on. And please, call me Kaworu."
"I-"
"Please?"
Rei sighed. "As you wish."
Kaworu's eyes went wide. "I… you…"
"What?"
"You… a movie we… I… gah?!" Kaworu babbled.
Rei blinked. "I… oh. Oh! I… ah… did not mean it like that!"
Kaworu looked like he was about to start crying and smiling at the
same time. "I… of course. I… it was just a shock. I…" He flushed
and looked away. "I… would… er… sometimes say that to you."
Rei looked at him closely. "… and I permitted this?" she asked,
disbelief in her voice.
Kaworu scratched the back of his head nervously. "Recently, you

um… stopped objecting to it."
Rei hummed doubtfully in the back of her throat. "I see… For now,
let us go rejoin the others… Kaworu."
The smile won out on his face, and he nodded.
They turned to open the door together.
Author's Note : Not a typo, 11.3 just got rolled into the previous part
without me noting it out. And yes, we're still kicking. Getting back to
the US has eaten most of my writing time as I get a new routine set
up. Hopefully I'll get back on things as this difficult scene is behind
me now.
Advice and Trust
Chapter 11.6-10
Cards On The Table
Shinji fussed idly with his bow, eyeballing the edge of the hair. He
had his cello between his knees, but he wasn't really playing
anything, or even really meaning to. It was just his preferred way to
think, almost a meditative position for him at this point.
Asuka had grabbed him into a fierce, joyful hug and a quick kiss
once Rei and Kaworu had disappeared into her room for their private
conversation, then released him so she could call Hikari and tell her
they'd brought Rei home alive and kicking. Misato had retreated
back to her own apartment to catch up on paperwork and calls while
Rei was closeted with Kaworu, and he'd already made a small snack
for Rei, but it was too early to start work on dinner, so he'd been left
at loose ends for the moment. He'd gravitated towards his cello and
thought.
Rei was alive. Hurt bad enough to have big gaps in her memory, but
definitely still the person he and Asuka knew and loved. A massive,
crushing weight had been lifted from his heart. Even her apparent
amnesia about Kaworu was something they could all recover from,
as long as Rei was alive and trusted what they told her about him.
Watching Rei's Evangelion vanish in a flash of light and thunder had
been something almost too much to bear. The terrifying idea of
someone else dying… no, not 'someone else'. Not some generic
concept of another Pilot. There was no such person. Every single
Pilot there was was someone important to him. The idea of Rei or
Asuka dying in battle, the girls he loved… even Horaki-san or
Kaworu, the idea of watching any of them die was… his mind shied
away from even thinking about it, almost violently so in Asuka's
case. She was everything, his heart, his life. He wasn't sure he'd
survive her dying. He knew it probably wasn't a good idea, but he
could tell if he lost Asuka like that he'd… there would not be much of
him left afterwards that would want to keep going. It would be a
world that had lost its sun. A life, it could even be called that, of
desperate searching for meaning now that all light had vanished.
Just like his father.
It made Shinji shiver. Thanks to his mother, he now could see the arc
that had led Gendo Ikari to be the man Shinji knew and hated. He'd
lost everything, and…
Shinji shuddered again. He wasn't like him! He'd never… his father
was ready to destroy the world to get his mother back. He wouldn't.
As much as he could tell losing Asuka would destroy him, he'd never
inflict it on the world at large. He would not sacrifice Rei, Misato, and
everyone else in the name of his own pain. He was a better man
than his father, at least. But the way Shinji could at least now sort of
understand the outlines of why his father was doing this… made him
feel ugly and disgusting inside. He should-
Asuka poked him in the side of the head and then ran her fingers
through his hair. "Oi, baka. Stop it."
He leaned into her hand and smiled. Her mere touch made him feel
better and reminded him he was not alone anymore. "Stop what?"
"Brooding. I can hear you doing it. And you've got that 'oh, I'm such a
terrible person' look on your face again. So knock it off, Young
Werther, or I'll go get Pen Pen and have him peck at your toes." She
ruffled his hair before letting go. "Also, add another reason to the list
of 'Things We Hate About Doctor Bitchface'."
"Huh?" Shinji brushed his hair back into place with his free hand,
keeping his cello in place with his legs.
Asuka sat down next to him in the folding chair they'd use when they
played as a quartet and flipped idly at the sheets left on her music
stand. "Her stupid programming. I got a hold of Hikari, and told her
the good news, but as soon as I got past the bare details and
mentioned Rei's injuries, the MAGI cut the call off for 'security
reasons'. 'Security reasons'! I'm one Eva Pilot talking to another
about a third one! There's security precautions, and then there's just
plain stupid!" She muttered some more dire imprecations about the
MAGI and their programmer in German. "I did manage to tell her to
get her butt over here as soon as she could, but I'm betting we won't
see them until dinnertime."
Shinji glanced at the clock on the wall in Rei's kitchen. "Wait, isn't
Horaki-san in class right now?"
Asuka smirked. "Yeah, but NERV phone means she can answer it in
class. And it is technically an important bulletin on a fellow Pilot's
status, so it's legit!" She sat back in her chair and smiled at him.
"She'll tell her gorilla once class is over, plus Geek-Stooge and his
ladies."
"So I should plan on having to come up with dinner for up to ten

people?" Shinji mock-sighed. "Good thing we stocked up on rice last
weekend."
Asuka haughtily waved her hand in the air. "I have full faith my dear
baka will once again manage kitchen-magic and feed everyone here
to celebrate Rei not being dead." She grinned. "Gott, that feels great
to say. Both parts."
Her grin faded and she looked at him more carefully. "You don't look
as happy, though. Spill it, liebling. What were you just brooding
about?"
"Noth-…" Shinji stopped himself. He was still not fully adapted to the
realization over the last several months that Asuka really, truly was
interested when something worried him or made him sad. And that
just trying a deflection like 'Nothing, it doesn't matter' like he once
would have just made her more tenacious about digging out an
answer. "I… can't imagine losing you. Thinking Rei was gone for
even a day was… Every single Pilot is someone I know and care
about. You most of all. It's just… There's only one Angel to go, but
then there's SEELE, and… I… It just…"
"Weighing on you?" Asuka suggested.
He nodded.
Asuka stood up from her chair and stepped next to his, putting her
arms around him. Shinji closed his eyes and just let her warmth relax
him.
"One more, Shinji. And then some Illuminati, sure. But we're still the
most dangerous 'power couple' in the world, and there's nothing you
and I can't beat, especially with Wondergirl and the Rainbow Trout
backing us up. Or the Class Rep. And I've already given you strict
orders about not dying, so we're set."
"What about you?"
Asuka snorted disdainfully. "I'm the Great Asuka Langley Soryu. As

long as I've got my baka Shinji beside me, I'm invincible. Problem
solved."
Shinji smiled wryly at her, already missing the feeling of her against
him. He gripped his bow more firmly and set it against the strings of
his cello. "Right. Guess I have to be there, then."
She released him and sat back down. "I mean it, Shinji. You… you
are such an oblivious doof. Me, Rei, Kaworu… you don't even see
how much we lean on you, count on you to somehow be the baka
that keeps us all… strong."
Shinji fought to keep his eye up and on her, despite the powerful
urge to stare at his feet and mumble more deflections. "I… I do see
it, Asuka. It's just still hard to believe. That I'm that… needed."
"Believe it, baka mine. You're the second most powerful Evangelion
Pilot in the world, and the only person better is madly in love with
you. You cook, you clean, you play, you fight, you protect… and
you're my Shinji." Asuka stopped and looked away for a second.
"So… ahem! So you just let that weight counter the bad one, and
remember that we're awesome and you make me happy. So…
um…"
"Happy…" Shinji muttered thoughtfully.
"Play me something? While we wait for Rei and the Trout to come
out?"
"I think I can do that."
He closed his eyes and focused for a moment. ' Hmm… we're happy
Rei's alive, so…'
The joyous notes of Beethoven began to fill the apartment.
"The Committee is demanding to speak to the First Child again.

They're… quite insistent."
Gendo did not so much as twitch from his habitual contemplative
position at his desk, staring over his folded hands at the far wall of
his vast, empty office. Fuyutsuki's reminder did not even win a shift
in his stare. "And if we allow them to speak to her, they will almost
certainly know she is the third, despite their sabotage of the tank.
This is going to prompt questions we do not want to answer."
"They already are aware of the clones," Fuyutsuki pointed out.
"But they believe they destroyed them all with the tank. If they
become aware the First Child is still one, they will begin to dig
deeper into how that was done. No, we must not permit this."
Fuyutsuki raised one gray eyebrow. "We cannot put them off
indefinitely. Do you intend to see if we can stall them until the
Seventeenth Angel is dealt with and the issue becomes moot?"
"No. We will distract them with someone else."
"Some one ? Who?"
Gendo smiled thinly.
Ritsuko stared at her screen and the email on it in a combination of

shock and growing disgust. "He has got to be kidding…"
Maya raised her eyes from her own screen nearby. For once, they
were using Ritsuko's private lab to do serious work and not just
make out. "Ritsuko?"
"That… that unmitigated ass !" the labcoated woman snarled. "He
seriously wants me to prance around naked to distract the
Committee?"
Maya blinked, the sheer strangeness of the comment overriding the
charms of envisioning 'naked Ritsuko dancing around'. "Um…
what?"
Ritsuko reached over and pulled Maya's rolling chair closer, pointing
at the screen. "Look."
Maya's eyes flicked rapidly over the short, terse email from the
Supreme Commander of NERV. "I… what? This… this makes no
sense."
Ritsuko sagged back in her own chair, the motion causing her to roll
slowly away from the computer. The chair creaked and groaned
metallically in protest. "He can't let SEELE talk to Rei. They'll be able
to tell she's a new clone. They won't like that."
"But we don't have any more intact ones?" Maya protested.
Ritsuko shrugged. "They don't know that, and wouldn't believe us

even if we admitted it. So instead, the Commander comes up with,"
she waved her hand at the computer, "this." She patted at her
pockets. "God damn it, I want a cigarette."
She rolled her head around until her neck popped and cracked.
"Fuck it. Chalk it up as part of my penance to Rei. I don't mind going
in her place, if it helps keep her safe. Not for him."
"Your kisses taste better without them," Maya objected lightly.

Nevertheless, she handed Ritsuko her pack from the desktop. She
frowned and looked at the screen again. "Tonight?"
Ritsuko lit a cigarette and took a deep drag. She blew the cloud of
smoke out away from Maya and nodded. "Looks like our plans are
off. And we'll have to be careful for the next couple days, too. I'm
sure Commander Jackass will want to see me afterwards."
"We'll make it up later," Maya reassured her, getting up to come over

and embrace her.
Ritsuko stretched out her arm to put the cigarette on the lip of the
ashtray on the desk. She leaned into Maya's touch. "Still irritating.
You know how much I need you, how good it feels to wake up and
see you next to me. You're the only one I want seeing me naked
these days."
Maya leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "You need me. I need
you. If you have to do this to make sure Rei and I can be safe, do it.
Just think of me and how we have a date with a sunny Hawaiian
beach one day after we win."
Ritsuko closed her eyes and tried to relax. This interrogation wasn't
going to be pleasant. "Yes. Thank you, Maya."
"So you don't remember anything?"
Rei shook her head minutely to Sayaka's disbelieving question. "No.

To my awareness, last week was mid-November," she said in her
usual deadpan tone. Having her head wrapped in bandages that
covered one eye didn't seem to bother her much.
"Wow," Kyoko shook her head too. "So you don't remember helping
Ken-chan and us hook up? Well, you did, and we're very glad about
it. We are very much a thing now. Yes, all three of us."
Rei merely nodded at her slightly challenging tone and gave one of
her tiny smiles. "So I see." She gestured at the way Sayaka and
Kyoko were nearly using Kensuke as a beanbag, each using one of
his legs as a seat and leaning against him.
"You ok under there, Kensuke?" Touji asked sardonically. "I can

hardly see you, buried under girls."
"I'm ok!" Kensuke said cheerfully, smirking back at his friend. "I'll let
you know if I need any help. I think I can handle them."
"Quiet, serving boy!" Kyoko poked his temple. "And you make one
joke about our weight and you sleep by yourself on the next
campout." Her words had less bite than they'd seem, considering
she immediately fed him a bit of rice from her chopsticks, and
followed it up with a kiss to his cheek.
Shinji smiled at the energetic conversation going on in the living

room of Rei's apartment as he went into the kitchen to replenish the
snack tray and get Asuka another soda. His girlfriend was happily
holding court, seated right next to Rei at the head of the table. She
and Hikari were laughing over something, and tugging at Rei's
sleeve to draw her in to the chat going on between her, Hikari, and
Misato. Their guardian had come over a little earlier looking to check
in on the First Child, and been drawn into the developing party
Asuka had decreed to celebrate Rei's safe return. Kaworu looked on
from the opposite side of the table from Rei, watching her with a sad
smile, saying little.
Shinji's position in the kitchen left him in a good place to hear the
door chime, and he went to answer it.
A smiling UN Inspector greeted him. "Yo, Shinji-kun. There seems to

be a lack of Majors in her apartment. She happen to be over here?"
Shinji nodded and stepped out of the way, waving for Kaji to come in
out of the perpetual baking heat of Tokyo-3, hot even in early
February. "Yes, Kaji-san. She came over to check on Rei, and sort of
got caught up in things. I kind of planned to make dinner over here
anyhow."
Kaji stopped and looked out at the party himself, his eyes naturally
fixing on a certain Major. She was laughing at something quiet and
clipped Rei had just said to Kaworu, and tossing back the rest of her
can of Yebisu. She looked… alive. Happy, vibrant, exuding cheer
and warmth to everyone around her.
' Gods, I don't deserve her…'
He shook his head. It was hard to stop bad habits like that, but
Misato had personally tweaked his nose more than once for voicing
similar thoughts over the last couple months. ' You may not deserve
me, but you're stuck with me, buster. You owe me years, and no
getting yourself killed digging for 'the Truth'! We will find it out, and
stop SEELE, Commander Ikari, and anybody else from ending the
world. And I want you right with me, mister. So live.'
Then she poked him in the head again.
' So I have to obey her selfish desire, that just happens to be mine
too. Fate is ironic,' he mused with a faint smile. He looked down at
Shinji beside him. The Third Child wore a very similar expression, his
eyes locked on his love.
Kaji smiled. "I bet I can guess what you're thinking, Shinji-kun. You'll
do fine protecting her. You two are great partners."
Shinji started a little. "Eh? I.. uh, no, I was… Misato-san mentioned
we'd have tomorrow off for post-battle recovery, including being
excused from school. But she had to go in to the Geofront to deal
with paperwork, so we'd be alone most of the day. I… I really like it
when we get to do that."
Kaji rolled his eyes a little. "Shinji, I know you two are teenagers but
there's other-"
"Not that!" Shinji sputtered, turning red. "I-I mean, yes, we… um…
like that, but… I mean, just… being together like that. Just us in the
apartment, our… ourselves." His voice dropped to a barely audible
whisper. "When it's just us, I… like to pretend it's our apartment. U-
us, living together, as a-a-a… couple."
Kaji's grin faded. "Ah… er… sorry."

Shinji tore his eyes from Asuka to look up at the older man. "Kaji-
san, I'm… scared. I've… I've never wanted a future like this before. I
never cared if I lived to next year or even next month. But now…
now I want a future like that so bad it hurts. Just… years. Years and
years with Asuka. But… SEELE, and one more Angel… and all of it
depends on me not screwing up and keeping my father from using
Unit-01 to end the world…" He trailed off like he was afraid to keep
going. "I'm so afraid I'll mess up."
' A future…' Kaji looked at Misato again. He didn't deserve that

either. But he couldn't just give up and let his choice take it away
from the ones who wanted it.
"You'll… you'll do fine, Shinji-kun," he pushed out through a tight

throat. "You've got Asuka-chan, the other Children… There's only
one more Angel, and then SEELE, well… as harsh as the idea might
sound, if you can take down giant monsters like the Angels, there's
little SEELE can throw at you that can hurt an Evangelion. All the
tanks and missiles in the world can't break an AT-Field."
"I… I know. But I'm still… scared. I've never had people relying on
me before, either. Or wanted to… to have it all behind me. Just done
and past, so I can… just play music for her, and sit in the sun." Shinji
stared at the party for a moment longer, then turned back to the
kitchen counter to collect the tray of drinks.
Kaji stopped him with a hand gently on his shoulder before he left
the kitchen. "You've never let us down, Shinji-kun. Not when you had
no training and were thrown into battle, not when it was just you
alone versus Shamshel, not ever. And you're much stronger now
than you were then. If anyone in the world can beat the last Angel
and SEELE, it's you and your friends. I believe in you. So do they.
They rely on you because they have faith in you."
Shinji searched his face, and finally seemed to find some

reassurance there. "I… thank you, Kaji-san."
He squared his shoulders a bit more. "Let's… go to them."

.
Ritsuko was a scientist, first, last, and always. So on one level, she
was perfectly aware the temperature in the holo-conference room
she stood in was maintained by the MAGI at a constant 33%
humidity and 20 degrees, optimal for the office work and computer
systems that filled most of NERV's headquarter-pyramid.
On a more human level, she was dead certain it was too damn cold
and clammy in the weirdly cavernous chamber, something confirmed
to her satisfaction by the goosebumps rippling all over her very
exposed skin.
"We wish to proceed peacefully, Doctor. We do not wish you to suffer

from any further indignities," the huge, dark monolith rumbled at her.
The blood-red 'SEELE 01 SOUND ONLY' faintly colored her face.
There was no other source of light to impede it.
"I do not feel any insult," Ritsuko replied coldly. ' Nothing could
possibly match the level of contempt I already had for you,
Chairman, or a certain Commander.'
"A strong-tempered woman," SEELE 05 said, only mildly mocking. "I

can see why Commander Ikari wishes to keep her next to him."
"It was none other than Commander Ikari that presented you to us,
however," SEELE 08 continued, an additional shade of almost
gleeful condescension coloring his comment.
Ritsuko clenched her jaw and tried to keep her face blank. She
couldn't stop her eyes from flickering a bit in anger. ' Of course he
did. I know that, you jackass. You think I just spontaneously decided
to get naked when you all ordered it for 'security reasons' without a
protest because I believed you?'
"Rejecting the interrogation we requested of Unit-00's Pilot, he
presented you to us as her replacement, Doctor Akagi," SEELE 01's
gravelly voice rumbled at her again.
' I'm Rei's substitute? For once, you're giving me what I want and
deserve. I do not want you vampires within shouting distance of that
girl right now. Or ever, but especially not now.'
"I am fully able to report on the First Child's status and recent
actions, Chairman. I am happy to answer your questions in her
stead. She was wounded in the last fight during the ejection following
the destruction of Evangelion Unit-00, and is not in condition to offer
a sufficient report here," she said calmly.
"Indeed, Doctor," SEELE 08's nasal voice prodded at her.

"Evangelion Unit-00 self-destructed. It is frankly amazing that the
Pilot survived."
"She was in critical condition when we recovered her Entry Plug,"

Ritsuko countered without hesitation. "I was able to stabilize her in
short order thanks to the LCL-boosted healing process we have
developed."
"Ah yes, the process you developed," SEELE 09 sneered. "I'm sure
you had Commander Ikari's full approval for that. Just like you had
for the unauthorized cloning tank that was recently…
decommissioned."
Ritsuko fought not to bristle. Her stomach roiled. Of course they

knew about the tank… and they had to know what had been in the
tank. They had to, if their operatives had destroyed it. So them
mentioning it in so close proximity to asking about Rei…
"I follow all proper orders from my superiors," Ritsuko said calmly.
"Do you, Doctor?" SEELE 02 growled. "Very well, then. Tell us

about… the First Child."
"She is injured, but alive. She will largely recover in time, but without
an Evangelion for her, she-"
"That is not what we have brought you here to answer, Doctor."
Ritsuko waited, fighting not to sweat.
"What has Commander Ikari directed of you in regards to the…

future of the First Child," SEELE 01 said, his voice deep and
dangerous. "We understand you act only at his will, so do not feel
worried we will blame you for his use of you."
'Use of me? You bastards…'
Ritsuko took a breath, and got ready to give the performance of her
life.
Shortly after, the chamber was empty of any living person.
"Is Dr. Akagi's disposition acceptable?" SEELE 03 asked. "Sending

her back so easily?"
"She is different from Fuyutsuki. It's better for us to return her," 06

replied. "She has rendered remarkable service to the Eva series.
She should be useful to us for a while. Particularly after we have…
primed her insecurities so."
SEELE 10 grunted agreement. "Aye. Service, for the future of

humanity. She will serve adequately to weaken Ikari at this juncture.
And if she does not, we have our other team in motion already."
"Regarding Evangelions, eight of them are nearly complete. The last

four are at least three months from completion. If we concentrate all
efforts on the most nearly finished, we can have nine in a matter of a
couple weeks, however." SEELE 12 pointed out.
"Make it so. Nine will be sufficient," SEELE 01 said. "Our other

instruments can supply some additional force against Ikari once the
Seventeenth Angel is dead. The promised day will follow soon after.
And to that end… it is time to send Tabris a message."
Kaworu's head jerked up, and he stared at the wall hard. His bow
skittered to a stop.
Shinji's bow came to a more graceful, if confused stop. "Kaworu-

kun? You alright? You look like you just saw a ghost."
"I… I need to… excuse me. I need to go… get some air," Kaworu
said. "I'll… be right back. Don't worry about me. Just wait here."
He stood up quickly, left his violin and bow on the chair, and not quite
ran from Rei's living room.
Rei stood up as soon as they heard the door open. Asuka looked up
at her, lowering her own violin. "Rei?"
"I… will follow him, and observe. Something is… not right." Rei
paused and looked at them both. "I… please do not follow. This is…
related to the things we cannot yet tell you."
Asuka frowned. "Rei…" She sighed. "Please tell me that time is

soon. This is getting hard to just let lie. But go. We'll stay put. You
know we love and trust you completely."
Shinji nodded. "Take care of him, Rei. He's… our friend. Even if you
don't remember yet."
Rei pursed her lips, but nodded. "I am sorry I cannot yet speak
further. Soon, I promise." With that, she turned and left in nearly as
much a hurry as Kaworu had.
Kaworu barely made it as far as the roof before the warning buzzing
on his AT-Field grew into a nearly audible hum before flattening out
into the not-silence of a hot microphone.
"I…" He cleared his throat. It wanted to close up. He'd known this
would be coming. "I am here."
The towering black monolith of SEELE 01 appeared in his Sight, as

real and solid as anything he could touch, but invisible to the eyes of
mere humanity. "Man was not meant to hold the power of the gods.
But there is a man who seeks to gain power equal to the gods. For
this we have sent you, Tabris, to prevent Ikari from upsetting the
order of nature," its voice boomed out at him.
SEELE 12 appeared beside it. "There is a man besides us who

wants to reopen Pandora's Box."
SEELE 04 appeared on the other side. "And who wants to close the
Box, before Hope can appear."
Faces flashed in Kaworu's mind. People. Lives and souls he would

defend. "Hope? That's the Lilim's hope?" he asked lightly.
"There are as many forms of hope as there are people," SEELE 08

answered.
"Because hope exists only in the hearts of people," SEELE 04

continued.
"But our hopes are materializing," SEELE 07 added.
"In Lilith, Progenitor of humanity - the false successors from the

Black Moon… and in Adam, Progenitor of the Angels, the true
successors from the lost White Moon," finished SEELE 08. "Whose
salvaged soul resides only within you, Tabris, but whose revived
body was stolen by Ikari."
'Shinji-kun's father? Is he like me?' Kaworu wondered. 'Or like Rei?'
"That is why we now entrust our hope to you, Tabris," SEELE 01

said. "Begin your mission, and complete the meaning of this world,
for which we have aided you."
"Of course. I understand," Kaworu replied. "This is the meaning of

why I was born."
"The Sixteenth Angel is dead. Evangelion Unit-00 is destroyed. The

First Child is in no shape to stop you."
"I know… that's the reason I am here now," Kaworu said slowly. He
raised his head, staring at the blood red 01 in front of him, ignoring
the ring of monoliths that surrounded him on the roof of the building
where he lived. Lived. He lived here.
His hand balled into a fist very slowly.
"I will not be stopped by the Pilots. I will move soon.

Complementation will come to us all very quickly. Nothing will stop
me from bringing renewal to this world through Adam's flesh and
spirit."
In the staircase leading up to the roof, behind a steel door that might
as well have been glass to her Sight, Rei stiffened. She had watched
the monoliths appear, staying out of what she judged to be their 'line
of sight', but well within range of being able to eavesdrop on this
bizarre conversation. She had heard everything SEELE had said to
the Angel.
And now she had just heard the Angel lie to SEELE. His AT-Field
was clear as day to her. There had been no truth at all to his last
statement.
Was what he and her loves said true? The last Angel truly meant
to… give up? Surrender to her and let Lilith truly claim this world?
"Good." SEELE 01 sounded pleased. "The Second, Third, and

Fourth Children will not be able to stop you if you move soon. The
time to strike is near," his nominal master ordered. "We will clear
your way. Ikari needs a reminder of who he serves, before the end.
Wait for our act, then begin yours."
Kaworu did not go pale. His hand did not clench further. His eyes did
not shift.
But his heart did skip.
"Clear my way? Your act? What am I waiting for?" he probed

carefully.
"There remain three Evangelions, three Pilots who can oppose you.
We will weaken NERV's defenses through them."
"I see," Kaworu said quietly. "Then I will wait. And prepare to end this
all."
The monoliths vanished. He was alone again on the windswept roof.
His fists did clench now. "You will not harm them…" he growled to
the wind.
His solitude was short-lived. Rei shoved the roof door open and
stalked out at speed, heading right for him. "They will not," she
agreed.
She stopped right in front of him, staring right into his eyes. She was
silent for a moment.
"You lied to them."
He nodded.
"You mean it. Your… alliance. Everything."
He nodded again.
The wind whipped her skirt around a little. He didn't feel the cold.
Only her stare.
Eventually, she broke off her stare and turned around to begin
walking towards the stairs. "We will protect them. We will stop
whatever SEELE tries. For now, we will return and resume play. I like
the concerto Shinji wrote. Come."
"As you wish," Kaworu said softly.
Rei stopped suddenly. She did not turn around.
The wind rose a little. Silence hung over the building's roof for a long
moment. Eventually, Rei broke it. "Follow."
She opened the roof door and disappeared down the stairs.
A day later the door swung open again, once more pushed by the
hand of a Nephilim hybrid. "Shinji-kun?"
The chestnut-haired young man raised his head from where he'd
been resting them on his folded arms on the railing around the edge
of the roof, staring out over Tokyo-3's cityscape. "Eh? Oh, over here,
Kaworu-kun."
Kaworu wore his usual faint smile as he walked over and took a
matching spot to lean on the railing near his friend, less than arm's
reach apart. "Thought you might like some company."
Shinji shrugged. "I guess. I came up here to think. Lot of stuff on my

mind lately."
"How come you're not with Asuka?"
"She said she wanted to try talking to Rei one on one, see if she
could jog her memory that way. Seemed worth a shot."
"So you don't remember my birthday? At all?"
"No, Asuka. I am very sorry, but I remember nothing past the week of
the fight with Zeruel," Rei said, somewhat sadly. "Why, did something
happen of note?"
Asuka reddened. "Er… it was a very nice party, and you and I spent
a couple hours here alone together while Shinji and the others
cooked and prepared things." She swallowed and laughed nervously.
"We er… ah… you wanted to give me your gift in private."
"My… gift? What was it?"
"Lip gloss. For two hours."
Shinji broke off looking at the city for a moment to glance at Kaworu.
"How did you know I was up here?"
"Rei told me, when I stopped by her apartment looking for her and
you two."
Shinji blinked, confused. He hadn't told Rei he was going to the roof
when he left. How…?
"Plus it seemed like where you might go to think." Kaworu smiled in

that way that always felt so comfortable and reassuring to Shinji.
"Can I help, or is it something you want to contemplate more
yourself?"
Shinji shrugged again. Having close friends at all was still a new
thing for him, let alone ones who wanted to know what he was
thinking and feeling. "I… don't know. I was thinking about… Rei, and
stuff, Asuka and I, this whole… everything we're caught in, and… I
don't know what I'm doing. Everyone seems to… to rely on me.
Asuka counts on me as her wingman, Rei, you, I… I just try to do my
best, but I have no idea how… you all like me. I'm not…"
"You're going to say something like 'I'm not worth it', aren't you?"
Kaworu interrupted gently.
Shinji shot him a startled glance, then nodded awkwardly. "I, uh…
maybe."
"You really don't understand what you mean to them? To us?"
"Mean? I… I'm just…" Shinji trailed off, waving vaguely over the
railing at the horizon.
"How many times have you… killed an Angel, and saved the world,
Shinji-kun? You don't think that's worth some points?" Kaworu shook
his head. "And more than that, for Asuka and Rei in particular, you
already know why."
"I… do?"
Kaworu smiled faintly. "They love you, of course."

Shinji blushed and looked away. "I… I guess."
"And that makes you more than worthy in their eyes. The ones you
love are worth… anything." Kaworu's voice got more distant as he
reached the end of his statement, joining Shinji in staring at the
sunset. "Anything," he repeated.
For the first time, Shinji smiled back at Kaworu. "You'd do anything
for Rei? Because she's worth it?"
Kaworu's smile was steady, though tinged with pain. "Yes. Rei…
says a lot of things I need to hear, and she always has such a…
depth of thought to her. She has insights I… I'd never have even
imagined. The things she told me after the Fifteenth Angel… No
matter how many times I've gone around, I had never known some
of what she told me. I… I need her in ways I can't even express right
now. Yes, she's worth it."
Shinji had just begun to lower his head back to rest on his arms
again when Kaworu continued.
"And you."
Shinji blinked and raised his head again to stare at Kaworu. "What?"
"You're worth everything too. You always have been," the Fifth Child
said almost meditatively, still staring at the sunset. He glanced at
Shinji for a second, then went back to the sunset. "Before they sent
me here, they… had me study you, learn about you, so I'd… make a
better infiltrator, I suppose. I guess they thought it would make it
easier for me to insinuate myself into NERV, and make my… task
simpler. But it… you…"
"Kaworu?"
Kaworu turned his head to meet Shinji's puzzled gaze. "I love you
too. I wanted you to know that, before… before we have to deal with
the last Angel, before Rei and I have to… explain everything. I
wanted you to know that, since…" Kaworu hesitated. "I don't… you
might hate me afterward. I never want you to hate me. I…" His eyes
fell away. "I'm sorry."
Shinji's face was a study in confusion. "Kaworu-kun, I… you… Me?

I… how can you-"
"It's alright!" Kaworu waved his hands frantically. "You don't need
to… anything. I just wanted you to… to know. You and Asuka are the
most sublime harmony together, and I'd never disrupt that. Rei thinks
the same. We… we want to help protect you both so much. And she
is," he gulped, "more to me now than I've ever… I'm babbling." He
shook his head. "Just… never doubt it, Shinji. We all… think you're
worth it. You give us all strength."
"Asuka says that to me a lot," Shinji said vaguely, still apparently

trying to process Kaworu's declaration. "Ka-… Kaworu, you… love
me? Like… love love me?"
Kaworu nodded.
Shinji let his head flop forward onto his arms with a dull thunk.
"Three people. Now there's three people who love me. I don't
even…"
"Is… is that ok?"
Shinji lifted his head. "I think Asuka is going to make some snarky
comments about me starting a harem, and wiggle her eyebrows
when I tell her this, but…" Shinji shook his head, then laughed.
"Kaworu-kun, I think this is the first time I've had a real cliche-style
rooftop confession, and it's from one of my best friends and a boy . If
Horaki-san didn't have Touji as her boyfriend already, I'd be starting
to worry she'd be coming up here next. Do I smell like LCL-infused
Pilot catnip or something?"
Kaworu shifted awkwardly in his leaning against the roof railing and
glanced at Shinji again, still blushing some. "You're… taking this a lot
better than I'd feared."
Shinji shrugged and stood up all the way, pushing off from the railing.
"Kaworu-kun, at this point I have no less than three people I think
are worlds better than me telling me they love me, at least two vast
conspiracies plotting the end of the world I have to fight, the prospect
of at least one more battle with an Angel, and somehow everyone I
know depends on me, Shinji Ikari, as a source of strength . I have no
idea what the Hell is going on in my life anymore. But what I do know
for sure is I don't want to let any of you down, and so if you all say
you love me, I… I better figure out how to be worth it." He started to
walk towards the roof stairs, patting Kaworu on the shoulder as he
passed. "In the meantime, you want to come start cooking dinner
with me? We can… talk about this some more?"
Kaworu smiled and stood up himself. "I'd like that, Shinji-kun."
"Shinji," the Third Child responded. "If I can call you Kaworu."
Kaworu's smile widened. "I'd like that even more."
"And we've got a date for you to be ready for on Saturday, right?"
Shinji pulled the door to the stairs open.
Kaworu gave a sad laugh. "I don't know if it will be like I'd hoped
when she asked, right now."
"You never know. I nearly melted the first time I actually asked Asuka
on a date, but it went better than I'd ever dreamed. Maybe Rei won't
kill you after all."
"I live in hope."
.
Fuyutsuki's mouth was a grim line in a face painted blood red by the
fading sunset light reflected down from the surface into the Geofront.
"This… this is not what we had planned, Commander. We cannot
know how this will affect things. There were already effects we never
foresaw the first time. Doctor Akagi…"
Gendo's stare did not move from its target in front of his desk. He did
not even shrug. His interlaced fingers might as well have been a
stone floor, cold and steady, for him to stare over. "This is necessary,
Sensei. We know we can no longer rely on her obedience. However,
removing her publicly at this point would expose weaknesses and
cause too many problems, both with the Old Men and within NERV
itself. Ergo, this."
Fuyutsuki turned away from staring out the panoramic windows of

the Commander's office. His stare narrowed at Gendo. "Is that all
you are concerned about? 'Expose weaknesses'?" he asked bitterly.
"What about her reaction? You know how critical she is to
everything. If she were to-"
"That is precisely why we are doing this. She will be left unaware as
possible, and by the time she realizes what has happened it will be
too late for her to do anything foolish," Gendo interrupted calmly.
"She believes she knows everything. We will do nothing to disabuse
her of that illusion. This is the best route we have at this point to a
successful end to our plan."
Fuyutsuki clamped his jaw shut on continuing a fruitless argument. It

was too late anyhow. As usual, his former student had already gone
ahead and committed to the act, revealing to his subordinate only
after the fact. He looked at the blue-haired young woman standing in
front of the Commander's desk. "What would she say about this?
Yui."
"I will ask her, when I see her again. And accept her judgement." He
did not move, but Fuyutsuki could feel the Commander's attention
finally shift to actually see the young woman he'd been staring at.
"Are you prepared, Rei?"
"I will obey your orders."
The attempted note ended in an awkward screech and an

exasperated sigh from the viola player. Rei frowned slightly as she
put her bow down and flexed aching fingers. "Was it this difficult the
first time?" she asked the boy next to her.
Kaworu smiled. "Actually, you're picking it up even faster than then. It

has only been a couple of days, after all, yet you are not holding the
bow like it was. You may not have the muscle memory, but I think at
least some portion of the skill was retained." He lowered his violin
from his chin and rolled his head around until his neck popped. "Do
you wish to keep going? It's been nearly three hours straight."
Rei jerked a nod without looking at him, choosing instead to glare at

the sheets of music on the stand in front of her. Late afternoon
sunlight shining in through the balcony doors of her apartment's
living room gave everything a red-gold glow. "Yes. I wish to resume
my ability to play with my loves as soon as possible, for both
emotional and experimental purposes."
"Experimental purposes?"
Rei flexed her fingers one more time and picked up her bow again.
"Yes. As you noted, this body cannot possibly possess any muscle
memory of learning to play, yet I somehow do retain slight bits of the
necessary skill. This is not entirely surprising. The engram
recordings Doctor Akagi made of me after the Fourteenth Angel
battle and imprinted on this body are not the full sum of memory. You
and I know better than anyone that the true seat of self and identity
is the soul. Thus do I retain continuity of what truly defines Rei
Ayanami."
" Non omnis moriar," Kaworu quoted softly.
Rei's stare snapped to meet his eyes. "… Yes. A perhaps somewhat
bitterly ironic statement in my case, but correct. The text messages
on our phones, the testimony of my loves, the…" Rei's frown
deepened. "The pictures I apparently gave you for suppressing the
Call, everything that happened to me over the last two and a half
months… they happened, and are a part of my life and the lives of
everyone I care for. I must recover as much of those memories as
possible, particularly as the confrontation with SEELE and
Commander Ikari draws close."
Kaworu looked pensive, biting his lip. "And… for us?"
Rei nodded grimly. "We owe Major Katsuragi and our friends a full
and true explanation of what we are and what is coming. We have
promised this, and are only yet withholding due to my… memory."
"That's… not what I meant, R-… Ayanami-san."
Rei put down her viola and got up to begin pacing. "… I know."
Kaworu waited, watching her frustration visibly build as she paced

back and forth, until it boiled over.
"You… you are impossible, you know that?" Rei grumbled at him.
"You… you…"
"Stupid fish?" Kaworu offered with a small smile.
Rei glared lightly at him before sitting back down in her chair by her
music stand. "Fine. Fish. But this is difficult. I remember nothing, but
have all this evidence of… events of the last two months. Evidence
of things between us, from people I trust implicitly and from physical
evidence you could not simply fake. Yet my every instinct screams at
me to destroy you immediately, crush the enemy that threatens my
loves and their world. To… to reorient my thinking of you from that to
not just an ally, but a friend or… more is," Rei waved one hand in
frustration, " extremely difficult."
"That you are trying still gives me more hope than I could have
imagined, R-… Ayanami-san." He coughed. "Sorry."
Rei turned away and stared into the sun. "I do not do this for you. I
do this for all of us."
Kaworu stared at her back. A small smile began to grow on his lips.
"Ayanami-san… you know we cannot lie to each other."
Rei stiffened, but did not turn around. "… what if I do not remember?
Those missing months cover everything that there was between us."
Kaworu shrugged. "You are still Rei Ayanami. We are alive. We

maintain the will and capacity to fight for those we love. That is more
than I thought I or we would have at this point. And… I have hope.
Faith."
Rei turned to face him, eye searching his face and Light. "Why?"
"Something Shinji said yesterday when we were talking. He said he

believes that your memories are still there, somewhere deep inside
you. Things like this," he gestured at the viola, "seem to confirm that.
And as you said, we know better than anyone what the true root of
our selves are. You are still you. I…"
He froze.
Rei waited for a moment. "Nagisa-san?"
Kaworu shook himself. " Non omnis moriar," he muttered again.
"What?"
"Ayanami-san, have you considered something? You didn't

completely die. You… you said, before, that you 'remembered being
her'."
"Her?"
"Lilith."
Rei raised an eyebrow. "I-… Hmm… indeed." She resumed pacing,

looking more thoughtful than frustrated this time.
"Just a thought," Kaworu offered. He stood up like he wanted to walk

closer to her, but after a moment's hesitation, he instead began to
pack his violin back into its case. Once done, he picked the case up
and stood watching Rei pace for a few circles. "We're… all still going
to the movie tomorrow, yes?"
Rei stopped. "I… yes. We are. All of us."
"Are we… going together?" Kaworu asked tentatively.
"I don't know."
Kaworu's angst-riddled silence was quite loud.
Rei whipped her head around to him. "I don't know, Nagisa-san! I…"
She ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "I do not want to lie
to you! I have all this evidence of… us, but I remember nothing! It
rings hollow and false for us to go as a pair when as far as I can
recall I've known you for barely a few days, and instinctively feel you
as a hostile alien! I can barely intellectually categorize you as an ally
right now, much less…" Rei ran out of steam. "As… a friend, or
anything more. And one of the many things I have taken from all this
evidence is our commitment to be honest with each other, if nothing
else."
She looked him in the eye. "And I will be true to that. I cannot
honestly go with you as long as I… cannot remember us being other
than we are now. I'm sorry."
Kaworu took several deep breaths and felt his grip on the violin
case's handle tighten until it creaked. "But… you are trying to
remember. And not just for… us all in general?"
"Yes," she said tightly.
He let out a sigh. "Then… that is enough for now, Ayanami-san." He

tried to smile. "Going on a group date with our friends is still a…
personal high point for me."
Rei sighed. "Don't… say it like that. And… go help Shinji cook
dinner." She looked through the wall to the apartment next door.
"They appear to be done 'studying' for the moment."
Kaworu looked along the same line, and shifted his feet awkwardly.
"Ah… it is going to be… somewhat embarrassing when we tell them
we can see everything when they…"
"When that moment comes, I think embarrassment will be the least

of our worries, Nagisa-san."
"Kaworu. Please." When Rei opened her mouth to protest, he raised

his hand. "I have asked you this before. You may not remember, but
I do, and I am your friend. So please… call me by name? Shinji and I
do, now, and Asuka has never cared for Japanese social strictures
on that."
Rei pursed her lips, but nodded. "Very well… Kaworu."
He smiled more genuinely now. "Thank you." He turned towards the

door. "Coming with?" he asked over his shoulder, smile still in place.
"Idiot."
Author's Note: I apologize for the long gap. Writing has slowed to a
crawl due to things at work taking up time, and correspondingly the
accumulation of pieces to update here has slowed too. In
compensation, here's about 8k words of catching up.
A short update for you all, to let you savor the good mood… since
there's another update coming on it's heels that's less happy.
Advice and Trust
Chapter 11.11
Cards On The Table
Jo wasn't moving, and the pool of blood around her body was getting
larger and larger. Shula was dragging Sam out of the line of fire, but
her husband looked like he was out of the fight entirely. He might
have injured Black Riritsu in that last psi-blast round of combat, but
the ancient Forebearer counter-strike had crippled their psi-
specialist. Yi Ping was desperately trying to fend her off with the last
working autocannon on her Harpoon, but the burning mecha was
visibly failing, and the heavy gunfire died.
That was it for their attack. The all-mechanical Harpoon had been
the only unit in Team Thalassa's order of battle not already
immobilized by Black Riritsu's unnatural ability to control the cloned
alien flesh of their BioVARG mecha, and it had lasted only a few
minutes against her ability to forcibly puppet their Units to attack
each other. Their Units were still frozen still behind them, standing
like statues from where the Forebearer had forced them to eject the
Pilots onto the huge stone slab they now stood on, in front of the
huge raw-stone throne Black Riritsu had mockingly greeted them
from. Only Gregor even managed to still cling to the shoulder of his
Unit, having ejected himself from the Pilot Capsule before it was shot
clear unwillingly.
Fortunately, while alien and ancient, Black Riritsu seemed to still

have a human need to gloat over her defeated foes. She stood
smugly over their supine forms, apparently satisfied for the moment
at her savage beating of Jo and smashing Sam's soul-counterattack.
"So," she sneered, "you thought your feeble crew of imitations, idiots,
half-breeds, reject clones, and puppets of dead Forebearers who
could never face me directly would somehow manage to beat me?
Hmm? Speak up, boy. You thought your tiny fragment of his power
he gave you could stop me, a full Forebearer? He died as
pathetically as he lived."
Lying to Jane's right, Akram gritted his teeth and growled. The death
of his semi-father figure was still a raw wound to Akram. The
Forebearer they'd known as 'Karl Strand' had died just weeks before
in space over Boston, destroying a rocket filled with a tailored plague
on its way to infect Asia and kill tens of millions. He'd left Akram in
possession of a tiny trident of silvery material, assuring him it could
pierce their enemy's psi-shields, and break their power. "Better than
you, witch. You will pay for that insult to his memory."
"Full?" Irune snarled. "You're a corrupted shadow! A thief! You are

only 'full' because you stole Riritsu's bio-fab organs!" The clone
struggled to her knees against Black Riritsu's psychic pressure. She
pointed an accusatory finger at the floating woman. "You ripped them
out of her just like I'm going to tear out your eyes! "
Black Riritsu waved a hand and Irune skidded backwards under the
invisible blast of force. Blood shot from her wounds.
Jane screamed. Her girlfriend was dying by inches and she

couldn't… move? She wiggled her right hand experimentally. She
could move! Black Riritsu's attack on Irune had weakened her focus
enough to free Jane! She struggled to her feet. She considered
drawing her still-concealed .45, but she knew regular bullets would
do little to the Forebearer even if they reached her. But she had
other options… she reached for the black and red hyperblade
Sarissa had given her for Christmas.
Sarissa, the psi-ghost empowering her Unit-06… and also known as

the Messenger Jundullah, Soldier of God. Her partner in battle and
friend. And, happily, a damn good knife-maker.
Calling on every ounce of physical augmentation her mad-scientist

mother had built into her DNA, Jane suddenly lept upward and
forward, raising her knife as she flew, preparing to plunge her blade
into Black Riritsu. " Eat THIS!"
Black Riritsu turned, the sneer on her face barely moving. A mere
human trying to attack her with a knife? Lacking even Sam's innate
or Akram's borrowed psi-powers? Her fingers grew into razor-sharp
claws and she raised her hand for a a decapitating swipe once the
young woman had bounced off her impervious skin. How amus-
The hyperblade sank right into Black Riritsu's chest, burying itself hilt
deep in the spot where a human's heart would be. Black and red
corruption instantly began to eat away and the Forebearer's torso,
swiftly turning her chest into a bleeding crater deep enough to see
ribs.
"What?!" Black Riritsu shrieked. "You can't-" She pawed ineffectively

at the knife's hilt, trying to pull it out.
"I fucking well can, bitch!" Jane shouted, jumping clear. "Nobody hits
my girlfriend! Or my hot friend-with-benefits!"
Fighting to his hands and knees, Akram rolled his eyes. " Thank you,
Jane."
.
Asuka munched handfuls of popcorn with the regularity of a
metronome. "This is awesome . I've wanted to see Jane stab
something with that knife since season 2 . Go, Jane!"
Shinji was munching in time with her. "I still say this show is like
someone took drugs and tried to write about NERV, but yeah, this is
great."
Black Riritsu finally pulled the knife out and threw it to the side, but
the black crater had already eaten half her torso. The smooth white
orbs of the stolen bio-fab organs were visible at the lower edge of
the wound, in her stomach. The enraged Forebearer tried to cover
her treasures with one arm. "You little worm ! I'm going to-"
An eye-covered tentacle of white flesh suddenly grabbed her arm

and pulled it aside hard enough to bend the limb back until it
cracked. A second tentacle shot into her guts and grabbed the bio-
fab organs, pulling them out with a disgusting, wet slurp-crunch. The
tentacles pulled back nearly too fast to follow, slamming the organs
into Irune's body. They disappeared into the clone's flesh with
disturbing speed.
"S… surprise, bitch…" Irune panted weakly. A malformed wing two

meters long stood up out of her back, and there were red eyes over
every inch of her skin, blinking in synch with her own. "D-didn't know
I could do that, did you?" Her flesh began to ripple and she sprouted
another leg.
"Irune, NO! You can't hold yourself together!" Jane shouted.
"I'm part Riritsu tissue. Maybe I can't, but I'm going to, because we
need to take her down…" Irune rasped back. She shuddered and
grabbed at her abdomen with limbs that had only partly returned to
being arms. "AAAGGHH!"
Black Riritsu swung a tentacle-arm at the clone-girl, tipped with a

sword-like blade nearly as tall as Irune, who only partly managed to
block it with a limb that couldn't hold it's shape. More blood jetted
from the new gash.
"GIVE THOSE BACK, YOU LITTLE FAKE!" Black Riritsu roared, her
blade already curling into a vicious hook, trying to yank the small
woman closer.
Several rounds of precisely aimed .45 ACP hit her right in the eye.
The murderously angry Forebearer barely flinched, but did turn her
head enough to hiss at Jane and fling another blade at her. "You
think that's going to save your little girlfriend, human?"
Jane dodged frantically and slowly lowered her short pistol. "Nope,
but it is going to make you look at me for a second."
The Forebearer whipped her head back to Irune, who had used the
momentary respite to force her limbs back more to human shape,
though she was still covered in eyes. What she wasn't doing was
any form of attack, though.
"What are you-"
Which made it quite a surprise when Akram jumped on her back

from the other direction and slammed the point of his trident into
Black Riritsu's temple. "THANK YOU, JANE!"
The Forebearer's eyes glowed suddenly brighter and brighter with

white light as her mouth opened in a scream. She began to thrash
wildly, throwing Akram off after a few seconds. But the silvery trident
Karl Strand had bestowed on Akram months ago stayed where he'd
stabbed it, more white light shooting out of the wound.
"yOu PaThEtIc MoNgReLs!" Black Riritsu slurred through a mouth
that was wobbling between melting off her face and trying to turn into
a gaping maw of needle-like teeth. "YoU wILL pAY FOr thIS!" She
slung another tentacle out towards Irune, while another tried to pull
the trident out of her head. Her flesh kept melting on contact, so she
wasn't having much luck.
Annoyed, Jane fired a few more rounds into her face. "Oh shut up
and die, bitch," she muttered in Mandarin as she sprinted to Irune's
side.
This did get Black Riritsu's attention. She turned towards Jane, and
her remaining free arm reared back to fling a cloud of blades at the
couple. "DiE!" Her arm began to sweep forward.
Which is right about the time Gregor brought Unit-02's immense

green hand down on her, crushing her to the stone platform like a
empty can.
"Klappe," Gregor said flatly over the external speakers.
Asuka roared approval as the theater shook with the super-bass

sound effects of the Berliner Pilot smashing the villainess flat, but it
won only a mild smile from Rei. While she was happily soaking in the
aura of excitement and happiness thrown off by her loves to her
right, she'd spent much of the film's runtime in the darkened theater
ruminating on what Kawrou and Shinji had said.
Despite her death, she was alive. She remembered things that could
not have been recorded by Doctor Akagi's systems. Non omnis
moriar . Asuka and Shinji believed she was still who she had been.
Kaworu, despite knowing better, still had faith that was true too.
She looked down the row of seats they'd taken in the theater.
Kensuke, Sayaka, and Kyoko were at the far end. Hikari and Touji
sat closer, with Shinji and Asuka right next to Rei. Kaworu was on
her left, his bizarre, unique AT-Field buzzing awkwardly against hers,
though less than it could be. She could feel him curving it away and
around her, trying to minimize contact, making every move only
slowly and carefully. He was trying hard not to raise her hackles.
He was there, too close, a constant sizzle of ADAM ADAM ADAM

against her perception. Yet he had made it clear he was a friend, too.
An ally. And if the evidence on her phone and her loves testimony
was anything near true, they had possibly been more.
And more than anyone else, he knew her and believed she would
recover her memories. Memories encoded by a brain that no longer
existed. But… the mere meat was not the person. They knew that
better than any normal human. Only the soul mattered in the end. All
else was dross. And he had astutely pointed out she was just as she
had been before on that front, flaws and all.
' And I had apparently forged a deeper link to Lilith, as well. I

remembered being her?' Rei turned the thought over in her head one
last time. It had been growing for a day, since Kaworu had
mentioned Shinji's remark to her. ' Let us see if she remembers
being me.'
Rei turned her mind inward, deeper, feeling for the link to Lilith she
could always dimly sense in the back of her thoughts. She felt it, that
quietly thrumming link to her greater body, that chain she could
never escape, that umbilical back to her true self. A mind and a
being too ancient to even be effectively described in human terms.
Herself.
She focused on the link, forcing herself to perceive it as less a cable,

and more a door, a gateway she could open. She pushed at it,
finding the resistance far softer than she remembered from any other
time she had tried this. The last time had forced Doctor Akagi to
quickly cancel a sudden 'MAGI error' that set off the Pattern Blue
alarms.
This time… the gateway suddenly swung open.
A torrent of memories flooded into Rei's mind.
His slight smile grew a little wider. "Ah? I thought I had introduced
myself in the classroom. I am Kaworu Nagisa." He swept her a small
bow. Straightening up, he continued, "The Fifth Child." He tilted his
head, eyeing her. "You are the First Child, Rei Ayanami-san? You
are just like me. So, both of us ended up in the same form as the
Lilim while we inhabit this planet."
Nagisa stepped nearer, still smiling. "Pain is something that man

must endure in his heart. And since the heart feels pain so easily
some believe life is pain. People can be delicate like glass, that is,
their hearts can be."
"I am not your enemy, First Child," Nagisa said carefully, his hands
still raised.
Rei stared at him. Five months? He was… "You count every moment
of your existence?" Rei asked, one eyebrow rising a millimeter.
"Don't you?"
"Five years, two months, eleven days, nine hours this incarnation,"
she said, half to herself.
Kaworu just smiled, picked up his now packed away violin, and gave
her a tiny bow. "As you wish."
For some reason, this made Rei's glare at him turn to liquid nitrogen.
"What was that?" she hissed.
Kaworu halted in his move towards the door. "I am doing as you
said. Is there something wrong?"
"Are you…" Rei seemed to fight for the right word. "Quoting at me?"
"….no?"
Kaworu swallowed heavily. "… please do not look down."
Rei looked down.
There was a long moment of very tense silence.
"… you have got to be kidding me," Rei said tightly.
"I can't help it! It doesn't listen to me! You're being all hot and angry
and alive and holding me close and it just… goes off by itself!"
Nagisa almost wailed.
Rei looked at him like he'd sprouted another head. "I have slapped
you, yelled at you, and I threaten to kill you in practically every
conversation we have ever had, and this turns you on?" Rei's eyes
started to glow. "You… stupid fish! This is just making me angrier!"
They both jumped and Rei's eyes darted downward again. "… oh
come on!"
"I can't stop it! It's a rather intense feedback loop!" he said helplessly.
"The Lilim parts of my mind are… making suggestions for things they
want to do with you! You are unfortunately very attractive!"
A single tear trailed slowly down his cheek as he met her gaze
again. "I don't want to be alone, Ayanami-san. It hurts."
Rei stared back at him, sudden realization slamming into her like a
lightning bolt. "… You are just like me."
"Please be my friend."
"Anything. We both wish to protect them. We will be friends and

allies, Nagisa-san."
"… then can you call me Kaworu?"
Rei stared at him. She could hear the naked need and loneliness in
his voice, and even more, see the odd flickers in even the chaotic
strangeness of his light. "As you… yes."
"I know! I feel the same! I'd rather die than let myself… fail you. And
that's what it showed me! I couldn't stop myself, and tried to fight my
way into the heart of the Geofront! I… I killed Shinji when he tried to
stop me!" Tears were running down his face. "And then… then Miss
Soryu… told me to let the world die, rather than live without him. You
all hated me, and everyone died ! I can't… I can't face that! You
promised! You have to kill m-"
"I don't want you to die!" she screamed in his face. " You stupid,
stupid fish! You're not a bad person! You're my friend! I like you!
You're just like me ! You know what else I saw because of that
Angel?"
He numbly shook his head.
"I remembered Lilith! I remembered being her !" she hissed at him
from centimeters away. "I remembered what happened, why we are
so different, why the Seeds were sent out, and why our two Seeds
ended up here and we ended up in this situation!" She stopped,
breathing heavily.
He waited. "… and why is it?" he asked quietly after a moment.
Rei's cheeks pinked slightly. "Because… because you're an idiot !"
"What?" Blank confusion.
"Nevermind! We'll talk about those memories later! I am not killing

you! Not as long as there's any hope!"
"… I like you," Kaworu said, barely above a whisper. "Not… not just
for your body. Because you give me hope. That this will not end like I
have seen it end a thousand times, or like that Angel tried to show
me. You believe I can win."
"…..I was worried," Kaworu said in a very small voice. "You… scared
me, falling unconscious like that."
"I am… alright now, stupid fish," Rei said, her voice perhaps a single
notch softer. "We will speak more about it later. Tomorrow, perhaps. I
will be home shortly. In the meantime, stop worrying yourself into
doing anything foolish."
"As you wish," he said softly.
He hesitated for a long time over the next message. But… he could
not lie to her. Especially not about this. I ALSO TOLD THEM… I
LIKE YOU. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
Several minutes of silence. The glare disappeared.
GO TO SLEEP, RAINBOW TROUT. I'LL MOST LIKELY KILL YOU IN

THE MORNING.
He let out a breath. With only slightly shaking hands he typed back,
AS YOU WISH.
Rei scowled. "Stupid fish! I told him not to! He doesn't listen ! He's
such an idiot ! A brainless, hormone-addled panicky twit ! I'm going
to stuff those pictures up his nose when we get home from school!
That idiot ! Why do I even let him come near me?!"
Asuka made a choked gurgle in her throat. Then again. Then she
burst into howling laughter until she had to grip her sides and wipe
away tears. "Oh
Gott ! Ahahahaha! Yes! That's hilarious ! Hahahah! Oh, Rei, you

are the best ! You have been learning from me, haven't you?"
Rei looked at her, puzzled. "What?"
Asuka pointed a finger at her, smirking widely. "You, my dear First

Child, sound exactly like I used to about this baka right here!" She
gently poked her other hand at Shinji's cheek. "And I know now what
it meant when I did that!" She blew Shinji a kiss with a wink.
Rei pouted, and turned her head back to face forward. "I… do not
sound like that."
Rei did not appear to hear him. "If I so much as smile at him, Asuka,
it could… doom us all. I cannot."
A tense silence hung over the group.

Shinji finally broke it. "But do you want to?" he asked quietly.
Rei stopped walking and turned to face them. She locked eyes with
Shinji, resolutely refusing to look at Kaworu. "He is my friend. We
share more of our pasts than I ever could have expected. And he
has… never given me reason to doubt he wants to help us all, no
matter… no matter the cost to himself. He is patient, kind, selfless,
braver than he thinks he is, and…. and… he is just like me. I have
considered it, Shinji. And I hate that I cannot say yes."
"As you wish."
He swallowed. "What… what you said this morning, how you hate
that you cannot say 'yes'… does that mean if there was no SEELE,
no NERV… if we were not what we are, if we were just Rei and
Kaworu… you would say yes?"
Rei looked away at the window out over the balcony, the far wall, the
door, anywhere but at him. "I… I would… I love them . I know this.
You know this. I can't… we shouldn't… I…" Rei closed her eyes. "…
yes. I would say yes. I want to say yes. I want us to be free to say it."
Mistletoe in moonlight.
The stroke of midnight on a new year.
A tape of music for her.
His phone beeped again. NOW GO TO BED, YOU STUPID FISH.

I'LL MOST LIKELY KILL YOU IN THE MORNING.
He couldn't stop the grin that threatened to split his face. He typed
back a reply, and flopped onto his futon, exhausted but happy.
AS YOU WISH.
"Perhaps…" Rei hesitated for a long moment. She squeezed his

hand, the rubbery material of their plugsuits squeaking. "Perhaps,"
she tried again, "I can… take your mind off it a little."
"How?"
Rei took a deep breath. "I have… considered your question."
"What question? I-" Kaworu froze, his eyebrows shooting up.
Rei just stared him in the eye. "… are you doing anything this
Saturday?" she asked very softly.
"As you wish."
"As you wish."
"As you wish."
Rei's AT-Field exploded, invisible waves of power washing over the

theater, causing sensors in the Geofront to bounce and tremble.
Kaworu reflexively grabbed at his armrests, the sudden burst of
unseen energy nearly blasting him from his chair.
The other people in the theater didn't notice, the incredible lashes of
Rei's Light flooding the room with nothing they could perceive. Only
Kaworu could See it, and it left him in awe.
Rei was lit up like a lighthouse, a glorious beam of brilliant, beautiful

Light that almost hurt to look at, overwhelming his senses this close.
But at the same time he could not tear his eyes away. Rei was
beautiful in ways he could not even put words to. He wished he
could put it to music, to capture even a tiny echo of the glory of her
Song right now.
Rei's light swirled like a tornado, centering on her and coiling tighter,
tighter, narrowing to a pillar only a meter wide… then winking out,
Rei's regular fractured Light returning, but with a new, deeper pulse
to it.
She opened her eyes and turned to lock eyes with him. Something
shone in them, and a sudden spark of hope lit in his chest. "… Rei?"
Her hand came up slowly, mechanically… but took his. "You… are…
a… stupid fish," she said slowly, with utter clarity and certainty.
His eyes shot wide.
In the darkness of the theater, lit only by the flickering images of the
climax of Team Thalassa fighting to victory, heralded by Asuka's
shout of triumph as the battle was won, Rei Ayanami leaned closer
to the Fifth Child and reclaimed what was hers with a kiss.
And here's the less happy one…
Advice and Trust
Chapter 11.12
Cards On The Table
The insistent buzz in her pocket snapped Misato out of staring in

frustration at Unit-02, still being repaired from the damage the
Sixteenth Angel had inflicted on it's armor and systems. It was
forcing her to be here on a Saturday, when she theoretically would
normally be off. She fished her cell phone out of her pocket and
looked at the caller ID. She pursed her lips at the 'KAJI, R' it
displayed. Kaji only called her at work for two reasons: To
shamelessly flirt with her and make innuendo-laden suggestions for
things to do after work… or to give her important updates on the
course of his investigation into SEELE and the remainder of NERV's
secrets. She fervently hoped it was the former. The latter was
practically never good news. She thumbed the 'accept call' button
and raised the phone to her ear. "Major Katsuragi."
"Hi, honey!"
A half begun, annoyed 'what?!' died in Misato's mouth before it left

her lips. Misato felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and
forced herself not to look around to see who might be watching. She
felt her pulse start to spike. That particular too-cute greeting was
their code phrase for 'time-critical serious danger', one Kaji had
chosen because he knew it would annoy her if he ever said it
normally. Misato started walking quickly towards the exit to the Eva
Cages. Whatever Kaji had to tell her, it wouldn't be anything she
could do from the gantry overlooking Unit-02.
"What is it, you pest?" Code; copy alert, standing by.
"Have you seen the kids lately? They called in?"
Misato felt her blood go cold. Her kids were in danger. Shit. Shit shit
shit. She resisted the urge to start running towards the elevators to
Central Dogma.
She forced her voice to stay level. "No, they were supposed to go on
that group date thing to the movies. I haven't had a peep from them
since I left this morning. Why?"
Kaji's voice was carefully light to most ears. Misato could here the
urgent tension underneath. "Oh, you know what kinds of trouble
teenagers can get into these days. I think you should go pick them
up from the movies."
She flicked a glance at her watch. 16:32. She nominally had another
28 minutes before she was due to leave, assuming no other Eva-
related paperwork headaches arose. If she left now, it might be
noticed, particularly after a phone call. "Now?" she inquired, still
moving towards the elevators at just barely below a jog.
"I think now would be good."
She wanted to ask a lot more questions, but knew the depths of the
Geofront was a bad place to ask them. "Anything on your mind?" she
tried anyway.
"I ran into an old friend, got to talking about old times. I'll tell you
details in a little bit."
Misato grunted. 'Little bit'. Their code for the SMS text system, the
one Rei assured them Ritsuko had quietly secured for their use.
Assuming they trusted their old college friend's word and that
Commander Ikari hadn't found out. It would have to do for now. Kaji's
'so casual' tone had every nerve in her combat reflexes on edge.
"Fine, I'm on my way. But I'm down in the Cages. It'll take me a good
20 minutes just to make the surface, let alone get to where they are.
Have you called them yourself, if you're so worried?" She skidded
into the first elevator that opened and slammed the button for the
garage level where she'd parked her Renault.
"Of course. But none of them are answering. I'm guessing it's the
theater, or they've put them on silent for the movie. Can you do your
NERV alert override? That won't be blocked by silencing them, will
it?"
"Not quietly. Simpler to just call their Section 2 protective details.

They're supposed to be no more than 5 minutes from them at all
times."
Kaji gave a forced chuckle. "I already tried. They're not answering.
Must be busy."
"Lazy," Misato said tensely. "Have you called NERV to complain?"
"I am doing it right now," Kaji replied, his voice breaking up into static
every other word. "I burble burble whizma grub-" The call dissolved
into static and dropped out.
Misato glared at the slowly clicking floor counter, trying to push the
elevator faster by pure willpower.
According to official safety advisories, reading text messages while

driving increased your risk of accidents, injuries, and fatalities. Since
she was already doing about 140 kph with one hand on the wheel,
Misato figured that was kind of moot. She scanned as fast as she
could through the series of messages Kaji had sent that popped onto
her phone as she reached the surface.
INFORMANT HAD AUDIO INTERCEPT, BIG HOSTILE #1 TEAM

IMMINENT REPEAT IMMINENT ACTION, SCHEDULED TODAY.
SNIPERS MENTIONED, AT LEAST TWO TEAMS. COULD NOT
RAISE KID'S DETAIL ON CELL. EN ROUTE NOW, BUT 30+ MIN
OUT.
Misato grit her teeth and hissed. She had immediately called Central
Dogma and told them to get Section 2 alerted to a possible situation
with the Pilots once she'd gotten out of the elevator, but they still
hadn't-
Her phone finally buzzed with an incoming call. She answered

instantly. "Major Katsuragi."
"Major, this is Senior Agent Charizawa. We've conducted a radio

check with the guard detail on the Pilots. They reported no problems
and answered as soon as we contacted them. What reports made
you thi-"
"Did you confirm your people are still there, or did you just conduct a
radio check and assume whoever answered was actually one of your
men?" Misato interrupted harshly.
There was a very awkward momentary pause on the other end of the
call. "We… they answered appropriately, Major," Charizawa said
stiffly.
"Agent, if I was a hostile group with the skills to find and take out a
guard detail and threaten the Pilots, I think I'd have enough intel to
know what call signs to fake," Misato barked back at him. "So kindly
find someone who knows who is supposed to be answering on that
team and confirm your men are still alive!"
"Major, how do you even kno-"

"Because I don't rely on Section 2 assumptions to protect my kids!"
Misato nearly shouted at him. "I check my own sources, Agent. I
have reliable information of an imminent attack on our Pilots and
your men are not answering their personal phones! So I don't think a
mere radio acknowledgement is enough right now to verify things!"
Misato threw the Renault into a high speed turn, nimbly dodging
around a car that was late clearing the intersection. "I'm en route to
the Children's position right now, and need both hands to maneuver.
You get whatever backup and reaction forces you've got up and
moving now, and get confirmation the guards are still who you think
they are. Call me back once you know either way. I'll be there in 15
minutes, and I'm praying that's fast enough. Katsuragi out."
She hung up and threw the phone into the passenger seat. She put
both hands on the wheel and accelerated, slaloming through traffic
going half as fast. A police car belatedly noticed her and began
attempting to follow her, lights and siren going.
'Good,' Misato thought. 'At least I'll have one more armed backup
with me when I get there, since I'm not stopping for 'speeding' right
now.'
"Overwatch detail, verify your post," the radio squawked again.

Dmitri Ivanovich Sokolov glanced at it in irritation. They'd done this
less than 15 minutes ago. He picked up the walkie-talkie and handed
it to Kurosawa. "Answer him. I will not sound right."
The acne-pocked Japanese man put a hand-towel over the

microphone and mumbled "Overwatch 1 south, clear. All normal,"
into the radio. He lowered it and looked over the low wall rimming the
roof of the building they were on. "They still haven't come out. How
long is this movie?"
Sokolov shrugged. "We're where we're supposed to be. We're

ready." He pulled the cigarette butt out of his mouth and threw it on
the still oozing bodies behind them. "Like they weren't."
The dead Section 2 man on top of the small pile was facing him. The
dark sunglasses on the body reflected Kurosawa's cold glance back
at him. He turned back to the street side, staring hard at the entrance
to the movie theater. "Fine. Then we should be ready to move to
another location if they call again. Two calls in this short time means
someone has noticed something somewhere, and is suspicious.
Three would be the sign to leave."
"Boss won't like us abandoning the mission," Sokolov grunted. He

raised a pair of binoculars to scan the other sides of the theater as
far as they could see from their sniper's nest.
"Not abandon. Just move to another position, since NERV will

assuredly come here first." Kurosawa picked up his appropriated
NERV HK417 rifle and worked the action. "And we will be faster."
"Man, that was great!" Asuka exulted. "Black Riritsu beaten! Irune
practically ascends to a demi-goddess! Jane proposed! And Irune
said YES! Ha! Called it!"
Shinji smirked at her as they all walked out of the theater into the
lobby. "Come on, Asuka, that was telegraphed pretty hard. Jane told
her family's corporate board to treat Irune as her intended when she
took over back at the beginning of season three, and no one blinked
at that. It's natural they'd put that in as part of the season finale."
Kaworu wasn't listening. He was trying hard not to float off the floor.
He couldn't stop the huge grin on his face. Rei had let go once they
were out of the darkness of the theater itself, but before they had…
she'd taken his hand and held it.
He'd nearly melted on the spot. Even more than her kiss. She was
back! She remembered him!
But he was hardly the only one who needed to know that. He risked
tapping her hand with his finger. When she glanced at him, he
gestured at Shinji and Asuka with his eyes, tilting his head
questioningly.
She nodded, and mouthed 'home'.
The lobby was packed with people, forcing them to move slowly in
the crowd as it shambled towards the exit. Finally making it out of the
theater, the motion of the crowd swept them along the sidewalk to a
semi-open food court nearby. Something tickled at the edge of
Kaworu's mind as they made their way out into the sweltering late
February heat, but he shook his head to flick it away, the joy of Rei's
'return' the only thing he wanted to think about.
Rei still noticed. "What is it?" she muttered quietly to him, as the
pressure of the crowd squeezed their group into a column of twos,
Shinji and Asuka in the lead just ahead of them. Sayaka and Kyoko
refused to be pushed aside to fit, and instead pressed themselves
closer against Kensuke in the middle to fit. He didn't seem to mind.
Kaworu blinked at her for a moment. "Eh? Oh I… just… something a

little strange."
"What?"
"There were four sniper teams watching me when we went in. Now
there are only two. Odd. And-" he blinked again. "They both just
stopped looking at me?" He looked up and across the street. "I
don't… there." He nodded his head just a bit towards the roof across
and a few storefronts down. "I… see a rifle, and it's still aimed… this
way?"
"I am so pumped for season 4!" Asuka said in rapid, cheerful

German. "And this time we can watch it live as it comes out,
together!" She grinned sidelong at Shinji, who returned a matching
smile. His smile suddenly dropped away as he stared at her, a
confused look growing on his face.
Asuka stared back at him, not noticing the small red dot sparkling
and dancing on her Children's Crusade T-shirt. "Shinji, what-"
" NO! " Shinji shouted, raising his hands to her shoulders and
shoving her violently backwards. She stumbled back a half step and
toppled to the ground.
"Hey! Wh-" Asuka began to snarl.
The sharp crack of the bullet preceded it ricocheting off the sidewalk
by a fraction of a second. There was a scream from somewhere else
in the crowd of people.
Asuka let out an "Oof!" as Shinji's body abruptly covered hers. She
tried to push him off, suddenly terrified that he'd been hit, but he was
still moving, trying to cover her. After a couple seconds, their
combined crawl-shove got them under the scant shelter of one of the
sheet-metal tables of the food court.
"Someone's shooting at us!" he shouted practically in her ear. "I saw

a laser dot on you!"
There were more harsh crack s and then a high, pained scream from
right behind them. Asuka managed to twist her head far enough to
see Hikari falling to the ground a few dozen meters from them, her
left thigh and right shoulder covered in blood. Just ahead of her, Touji
suddenly stopped running and turned back to try picking her up,
screaming her name. It was barely another second before there was
a spray of blood from his head and he crumpled over her.
Asuka felt Shinji's body begin to shift before Touji even finished his
fall, and she grabbed his belt before he could launch himself out
towards the Fourth Child and her boyfriend. "No! You take one step
out and they'll hit you too! We have to get out of here! They're aiming
for us, and this table won't stop anything once they aim here!"
Shinji turned wild, desperate eyes on her. "But-"

A faint, unearthly yet familar hum interrupted him, somehow audible
over the screams of the scattering crowd. The oddly familar hum was
coming from overhead, but they couldn't see anything from their
position. There were a couple more gunshots, and the sound of
ricochets over head, but no one else got hit that they could see.
Kensuke appeared from the cover of a storefront, dashing towards

Touji and Hikari. He skidded to a stop next to them, looked rapidly
back and forth in indecision for a second, then awkwardly slung Touji
partially onto his shoulder and started struggling back to cover as
fast as he could, half-furious, half-terrified shouts from Sayaka and
Kyoko heralding his movement. Sayaka's shouts cut off after a
moment, then a heavy ice cream cart began moving from the same
storefront towards Hikari, giving Sayaka cover as she tried to retrieve
their friend.
The cart remained stationary, though, as it quickly became apparent

Sayaka couldn't move both the cart and Hikari at once.
Their situation became much more perilous when the cart suddenly
rocked under gunfire from a new direction. Kyoko and Kensuke
screamed Sayaka's name in unison, but could not move from their
storefront anymore without exposure to the new shooter.
Shinji moved too fast for Asuka to stop him this time. It didn't matter,
since she was a tenth of a second behind him. They reached the cart
in an instant. Asuka jumped the last step, landing flat on the cart's
upper surface, where she hit the umbrella release and let the cart's
shade pop open with a FWOOMP. It would at least provide
concealment, if not actual cover. She rolled off the top of the cart as
fast as she could, ending up crouched beside her boyfriend.
Asuka hissed in worry as she got a close look at her friend. Hikari
was bleeding badly, her white blouse already nearly completely red.
She was still conscious, but pale and sweating.
"Touji! Is Touji alright?" she demanded weakly. "Asuka, where is he?"

"Just stay awake, Hikari!" Asuka told her firmly. Shinji was already
tying his overshirt around her leg as an awkward bandage. It quickly
began to soak red.
Another bullet tore a neat hole in the umbrella over them and ping ed
off the cart's top. It would only be moments before blind luck alone
would let one find them. Another bullet hit the cart from the first
direction. At some point the odd hum had stopped.
"We have to move!" Sayaka said loud enough to be heard over the
screams still coming from people hiding around them. "They're trying
to kill us!"
"No," Shinji said oddly, "They're trying to kill us. " He looked from
Hikari to Asuka.
Asuka sucked air in sharply through her teeth. "Fuck. SEELE ."
"Who?" Sayaka asked.
"Nevermind," Shinji said. "Where are Rei and Kaworu-kun?"
"I don't know," Asuka said. "They were behind us just before this
started, but I haven't seen them since." She looked at Sayaka.
The blue-haired girl shook her head. "I don't know. I think they went
left, since we didn't see them when Ken tackled us to that storefront."
Another bullet pierced the umbrella, closer. Shinji glanced down at

Hikari one more time, then looked at Sayaka. "I… just… grab Hikari
and get ready to run." He looked at Asuka. "… I love you."
"What? NO! "
Asuka's hand was a hair too late this time. Shinji was already two
steps out from their shelter, heading away from the storefront where
Kensuke and Kyoko had carried Touji.
Sayaka hesitated only an instant before she grabbed Hikari and
sprinted for the storefront. Asuka was right behind her, helping carry
Hikari. She risked a look back over her shoulder, angry tears starting
in her eyes. "Shinji, you bastard…"
She couldn't stop a scream when she saw his head jerk and a spray
of blood erupt from his upper back. She never heard the shot.
The hum was abruptly back. It coincided with Kaworu bursting from
cover near Shinji's path and skidding to kneel next to Shinji, his hand
raised and pointing back in the direction of the shot.
There was another crack. The hum suddenly cut off. Kaworu looked
down at his chest in confusion.
There was a red mark beginning to spread from his left breast.
"Oh…" he said faintly. "… how?"
He slowly turned to look down at Shinji, and slowly slumped against

him. "Sorry… I didn't… think this could happen…"
Asuka was about to bolt out to join them, but Sayaka and Kensuke
both grabbed her before she could move.
"Let me GO! He's bleeding!" she shouted. She wrestled her way
partly free, but the moment she put her foot outside their storefront
cover, pain exploded from her foot, the sound of the shot coming
simultaneously. A half-shocked, half-wounded cry escaped her lips
and her abortive sprint became an ungraceful flop onto her front. Her
friends quickly pulled her back into cover.
She looked down at her right foot. There was small hole torn in the
tip of her shoe that was rapidly beginning to drip blood. She
experimentally tried to wriggle her toes, producing another wave of
pain. She wasn't about to run anywhere now.
She looked out at the now emptied food court. Shinji and Kaworu
were still out in the open, both wounded. Her lover was bleeding to
death not 20 meters in front of her, and she was powerless to do
anything.
They needed a miracle.
The hum returned, doubled, as Rei bolted out from the same cover
Kaworu had been in and ran to their side, waving her own hand back
towards the shooter.
Rei's face was a mask of tranquil fury as she reached the Third and
Fifth Children. "How could… you had a shield up, didn't you?!" she
hissed as she grabbed Shinji and did her best to get her shoulder
under his arm and move back to cover.
Kaworu nodded weakly and tried to stand. Rei didn't even notice he
couldn't make it until she was already placing Shinji against the wall
in the alleyway they'd taken cover in and looked back for him. Rei's
eyes widened as she realized far from being right behind her,
Kaworu was still struggling to his feet out in the open, blood
beginning to run down the front of his white student uniform shirt.
Rei ran back to him. "What's wrong? Why… you should be able to
heal this!" She helped him up and they staggered for the alleyway as
fast as the could. Rei made sure to keep her AT-Field up near them,
not trusting the more distant ones Kaworu had been using. The last
few meters of their stumble were faintly surrounded by transparent
orange octagons.
They made it to the alleyway and Kaworu collapsed on the ground

next to Shinji. He shook his head. "Can't… something's wrong.
They… shouldn't have… even been able to… hit me… can't heal…
SEELE had… Anti-AT-Field material?" he panted. His head rolled to
his left. "Shinji! Rei, he's… still bleeding…" He tried to press his hand
against the spurting wound near Shinji's neck.
Rei looked from his face to Shinji's and back, looking increasingly
desperate. "No… I will not permit this… You.. you both must-" Her
eyes began to glow red.
"Maybe… it's better this way…" Kaworu panted. He looked at her as

he kept his hand on Shinji. "I… I'm still… a danger to everyone…"
Rei grabbed his face with both hands and screamed in his face. "You
promised me!"
She let go of him and turned to face the direction of the first sniper
nest. "No."
She waved her hand in that direction, her eyes flaring like stars.
She turned towards the second shooter, repeating the gesture. "No
more. I will not per-"
The glow ceased as her eyes rolled up in her head and she
crumpled to the ground as the sound of screeching tires and police
sirens drew closer.
Sorry for the wait, everyone. Holidays were busy. Here's what comes
after the gunshots.
Advice and Trust
Chapter 11.13-14
Cards On The Table
Kensuke rubbed absently at the drying blood on his hands as he

watched the third ambulance tear off after the other two, lights and
siren going. Uninjured and not NERV employees, they'd been
ordered to return home with a police escort by an icily professional
Major Katsuragi. She'd been clipped and furious, though not with
them. She simply had little time for them once she'd determined he,
Sayaka, and Kyoko were unhurt. Not when she was simultaneously
organizing the medical evacuation of her entire Pilot cadre and the
hunt for the attackers. She'd left them to give witness statements to
the police, then vanished in pursuit of the gunmen, a mixed bag of
NERV Security troops, black-suited Section Two Agents, and local
police at her back.
Kyoko tugged on his hand, pulling him out of staring at the

disappearing ambulances. He blinked and looked at her.
"Come on, Sayaka is… she needs us right now," she said worriedly,
nodding at their girlfriend standing near the ice cream cart they'd
used in their rescue effort. The blue-haired girl was staring at the
drying pool of blood next to it. "She's coming down from the
adrenaline, and I think she's going to crash."
Sayaka stiffened as they each fitted themselves to her sides and

hugged her. "When-" She coughed, clearing a tight throat. "When
will… we know if they're ok?" she said without looking up.
"Asuka… she's still… I'm sure she'll call us as soon as she can,"
Kyoko guessed.
'Because she's the only one still conscious ,' Kensuke mentally
finished. He gave Sayaka another squeeze and took a deep breath
with his face buried in her hair, trying to reassure himself that she
and Kyoko were alright, still alive there with him. "Let's… go make
that statement Major Katsuragi wanted. The faster that's done, the
faster we can go. And I want us all to be away from here right now."
Misato held herself back to the extent of letting the taller and heavier
police officer she'd dragooned along be the one to kick the rooftop
door open, but she insisted on being the next one through. Section
Two Agents and NERV troops followed on her heels, guns out.
A thunderous order to 'freeze!' died in her throat as she finally saw

what was left of the sniper position on the roof of the building
overlooking the theater and shopping arcade. Everyone on the
rooftop was already as still as they could ever be. What was left of
them.
"What… what happened here?" the cop whispered in disbelief.

Misato shook her head. Months of combat in Columbia with the UN
forces had let her see a lot of blood, but this was…
The assassins were in pieces . The three dead Section Two Agents
who were supposed to be manning this spot were intact, if just as
dead, in a heap that had been shoved against the far wall of the roof.
The unknown men who'd been shooting at her kids, however, were a
mangled mess, limbs no longer attached to bodies, and a pulped
mess on their fronts where she could see them. Everything was
arrayed away from the wall overlooking the theater, like an explosion
had thrown them all back from where they must have been firing
from, but there was no burn scar or other sign of a blast.
One of the NERV troops gingerly prodded the torso of one of the
men, rolling the body onto its back. He hissed at what was revealed.
The head was still just attached to the body, but the man's face was
utterly unrecognizable. It had been mashed inward a couple
centimeters, along with his chest. "Holy shit… it looks like he was hit
by a train, Major."
Misato brushed her hand across the cross hanging from her neck.
"Check them for ID, radios, anything. I want to know who the fuck
these guys were, and I want to know now."
' Though I don't need an engraved business card to figure out this
one. SEELE just took a swing at my kids, and I don't even know
what stopped them.'
The radio she'd taken from one of the NERV Security troopers
crackled on her belt. The other sniper nests had been cleared. Two
had only the dead Section Two men. Another had a similar situation
to the one Misato stood in: NERV people dead, two 'mysterious'
assassins very dead and unevenly scattered about the rooftop.
'And as Kaji once said, 'dead men are very resistant to interrogation.
You can't make them talk',' Misato mentally grumbled, frustrated.
She wasn't going to get the answers she wanted out of this anytime
soon. She shook her head and turned to the senior NERV Security
man in her little group. Her eyes flickered over his nametag. "Staff
Sergeant Sanzenin, I'm leaving recovery and site exploitation here in
your hands. I'm heading down to the Geofront to check on my Pilots
and brief the Commander about all this."
"Yes, ma'am."
"-the Third Child is recovering under sedation from the stabilization

surgery and LCL-boosted healing procedure Doctor Akagi
supervised. The Fourth Child is undergoing the same now. I have not
personally confirmed the status of the First Child, but Doctor Akagi
assures me she is stable and resting in her lab. The Fifth Child is…
Doctor Akagi is treating him personally right now, separately from the
others." Misato let her report trail off with a slightly questioning air.
Commander Ikari said nothing, just a tiny nod.
"May I ask why, sir?" Misato said. She was unable to entirely keep a
note of anger from her voice.
"You are not cleared for that, Major," Vice Commander Fuyutsuki
said.
Misato couldn't help but frown. "I'm not cleared to know why one of
my critically wounded Pilots has to be treated entirely separately
from the others? No, two of them? Sir, if I can't monitor their
condition, how can I-"
"The First Child and Fifth Child have conditions that require they be
treated separately. The specifics of those conditions are not
something you need to concern yourself with. Doctor Akagi is aware
of all the details. She will appraise you of their status as required,"
Commander Ikari said, voice low and flat.
"Conditions," Misato echoed flatly.

Commander Ikari just stared at her, and waited her out.
Eventually she had to accept he just wasn't going to add anything

more. Grinding her teeth slightly, Misato went on. "At this time, only
the Second Child is even deployable. Her wound is likely to degrade
her Synch Rate, but she can fight. If required, we can try sortieing
the First Child in Unit-01, but I cannot even fully evaluate that
scenario until Doctor Akagi briefs me on her status."
She gathered herself. Sadly, just covering the medical status and
wounds of her kids had been the easy part. "At this time, we have no
suspects in custody, but we do believe we have all the shooters
accounted for. They were… smashed. All of them. Some force hit
them all like a runaway train and halted their attack, but we have
been unable to determine how. There have been no bullet wounds,
blast signs, or other known weapon signatures at the two attack
points. All six Section Two agents at the two sniper positions were
killed before the attack began. None of the shooters had any ID on
them, nor did their fingerprints come up in a database check with the
Prefectural or National Police."
"Section Two will handle the investigation, Major, to allow you to

focus on the Evas and readiness," Commander Ikari said. "They will
keep you informed of any relevant information."
' Of course they will. Not even going to chance me coming across
SEELE, are you?' Misato mentally growled.
"I assume Section Two will be heavily reinforcing the Pilots' security
after this?" she probed. "This attack came very close to wiping out
our entire Pilot Corps. Its a near miracle we had no immediate
fatalities. Without the LCL-boosted procedure, we probably would
have lost the Fourth Child to blood-loss and shock, and the Third
Child would have been out of action for weeks at best. As it is, he'll
still be unfit for combat for at least several days."
"We will make alterations and reinforcements to the Pilots' security,"

Fuyutsuki said. "You will be alerted when they are in place."
She bristled. "Sir, Section Two's failures and lax procedures are how
we got in this situation. Are we really going to just let them clean this
up?"
"We will deal with Section Two personally, Major. We are speaking to
Chief Agent Yasuoka immediately after you. Their errors will not be
allowed to go unpunished."
"I should hope not, sir. If I hadn't gotten there when I did, we'd
probably have lost the Fourth and Third Children to blood loss. And if
whatever took out those shooters hadn't stopped them when it did,
it's possible only the First and Second would even be alive." Misato
caught herself before she started shouting at her superiors. ' They
could all be dead right now! All of them! Your son could be dead,
Commander! Don't you even give a damn? Why do I care more that
Shinji is still breathing than you do?' "We would be hard pressed with
only two Pilots left, and no idea how many more Angels are coming."
"The forces at our disposal remain sufficient, Major. In extremis, we

can deploy Evangelions that have Pilots too disabled to fight under
Dummy Plug control. The Committee will have to accept that if we
do," Fuyutsuki assured her.
"You arrived just in time, Major Katsuragi," Gendo said almost softly.
"How fortuitous."
Misato carefully kept her face blank. "I received a call from Inspector
Kaji, sir. He had tried to contact the Pilots by phone and gotten
nothing. He tried their Section Two details to pass along the
message, but could not reach them either, and became concerned.
He contacted me thereafter, and I judged it enough of a possible
threat to both contact them myself and make my way there. En route
I received word from Section Two that they were unable to actually
confirm the protective detail was answering. I think my concerns
were sufficiently validated. As it was, the attack still began before I
could get there, and whatever took out those would-be assassins
happened before I arrived. We owe someone thanks for that, and I
really want to know who."
Commander Ikari only grunted.
The phone under the surface of his deck beeped. Fuyutsuki picked it
up and listened for a moment. "Send them in."
He hung up and looked at Misato. "Chief Agent Yasuoka is here."
Commander Ikari grunted again. "You are dismissed, Major. See to

your Pilots and give me a report on their estimated return to duty
timelines once you have consulted with Doctor Akagi."
Misato pressed her lips together into a hard line, but saluted crisply
and did an about face. ' Not a god damn word or question about his
own son. Not a single useful answer about Rei or Kaworu. And we
both know there's just one Angel left. What the Hell is going on
here?'
The door closed behind the departing Ops Major for a second before
Fuyutsuki spoke. "She and Kaji suspect far too much. Or possibly
know."
Gendo shrugged slightly. "It does not matter. This attack of SEELE's
can even work to our advantage. The injuries to the Children will
keep her occupied. When the time is right, we will have Rei deal with
the Seventeenth Angel. The timing of the last step of the Scenario
will then be governed by how quickly we can salvage and secure
Adam's soul for the ceremony."
Fuyutsuki nodded. He eyed Gendo. "You did not ask any particular
questions about your son?"
Gendo did not move or turn to look at his old professor. "He is alive,
and in little danger of dying at this point. Doctor Akagi will inform me
of any pertinent medical details about his condition. I doubt he wants
me to visit. The Second Child is camped out at his bedside, and she
certainly does not want my presence there, I am sure." Gendo
shifted very slightly, rolling his shoulders as though momentarily
bothered by some stiffness. "He is alive. That is enough for now."
Fuyutsuki hesitated for a second. "What would Yui say?" he said

quietly.
"She would understand," was all Gendo said.
Silence reigned for a minute before Chief Agent Yasuoka entered, a

small black plastic case in his hand. He walked up to Commander
Ikari's desk, placed it carefully on the polished surface, opened it to
reveal the contents to the two senior men, and retreated 10m. "Sir, I
have my preliminary report."
"Proceed."
"Doctor Akagi recovered this from the Fifth Child's chest. Her scans
are still very preliminary, but it matches the scans on file taken during
the recovery operation in Antarctica that obtained the Lance."
Fuyutsuki looked down at the barely distorted thing that had been
plucked from the Pilot's chest. An ordinary bullet would have been a
shapeless, flattened mass. This one seemed almost unblemished.
Commander Ikari flicked his eyes to the bullet. He looked back up at

the blacksuited agent. "Continue."
The Section Two head had little more to tell them than Major
Katsuragi already had. He accepted their admonishment, and
promised to deliver a more thorough report on the attack within 24
hours. He was quickly dismissed. The senior men were more
interested in what he had brought them.
The door had barely closed behind Yasuoka when Fuyutsuki picked
up the bullet and examined it closely. "So, SEELE has developed
synthetic anti-AT-Field material. Troubling."
Commander Ikari gave another tiny shrug. "We expected this as a

possibility. We will adapt out plans to account for it now that it is a
confirmed reality. In any case, it will soon be moot. The old men
cannot make sufficient use of this to stop what they will not expect."
"If they have enough to send some with disposable assassins in an

attempt to trigger a survival reflex and force him to activate, that
suggests they not only have enough material to expend it fairly
freely, but their plans are close to completion if they are trying to
force us to eliminate the last Angel ahead of our schedule," the older
man pointed out.
"SEELE is aware we are not following their plan anymore," Gendo

replied. "We will dispose of the Fifth Child when we are ready, not
when they are. I think it is time for us to push back a little on their
infiltrations, however."
"Yes, sir."
Slumped in an uncomfortable chair beside a hospital bed, Asuka

Langley Soryu slept uneasily. Her clothes were stiff with dried blood,
but she'd refused all suggestions she leave to change. She'd barely
relented to the extent of some wet hand towels to hastily wipe the
blood off her face and hands. It had taken Misato physically
restraining her to keep Asuka from following the gurney into the
operating room, and she'd required the doctor who bandaged her
toes to come treat her there. She'd refused to step more than two
meters away from the door for the duration of the emergency
surgery, or the additional hours of 'special processes' Doctor Akagi
had finally appeared to supervise after she'd first handled Rei.
Now, hours and hours after the sniper attack, she had finally
succumbed to adrenaline crash and exhaustion, passing out in the
chair beside a bed in a room with two others likewise filled by people
important to her. It should have been four. It had been four, but
Kaworu had been mysteriously moved out shortly after they arrived
by Doctor Akagi, who had refused to explain why. Rei had never
even appeared, though Doctor Akagi assured her she was resting in
her own bed somewhere nearby.
Asuka had been too tired and nearly numb to argue by then. She'd
fallen asleep soon after, staring at the young man who meant more
than life to her, the faint chorus of three heart monitors lulling her to
blackness.
And she dreamed…
"You know me, Asuka. Better than anyone in the world. And you
know I keep my promises."
Asuka sighed and tried to relax against his chest, pulling his arms a
bit closer around her. The gentle breeze off the waves in front of
them made the beach hammock even more comfy than it would
have been already, making it sway gently between the two palm
trees supporting it and tempering the not-quite-baking tropical heat
just enough to make it perfect. "Yes, you do, my love. But I also
know this is a damn dream, and probably just my stupid, panicky
subconscious trying to pretend everything is fine and I didn't spend
part of the day trying to keep you from bleeding to death in my
arms."
"It's still a nice dream. Haven't we talked about… this? Doing

something like this one day? You and I, just… out in the world, going
on vacations as a couple?"
The dream-Shinji raised his hand in front of her, pulling hers along.
The two bands of gold and diamond sparkled in the tropical sun. "Or
more? You've dreamed about this before. Our…"
"… honeymoon," Asuka rasped through a throat grown suddenly

tight. "In Hawai'i. Or Jamaica. Or Majorca. Someplace warm, beach-
filled, and as far from Tokyo-3 as we can get." She hunched inward a
little, almost trying to curl into a ball in Shinji's lap. "I supposed I
should be happy my subconscious decided to go with this, instead of
tormenting me with nightmares of you dying and leaving me alone -"
She broke off, unable to get the hideous thought out any further.
"I promised. 'No dying'. You made me promise and I did it gladly,"
Shinji said calmly. "And I'm not dead. You got me to the hospital in
time, the surgical team stabilized me, and Doctor Akagi did…
whatever LCL-based mad science she does to heal me. You're smart
enough to know this, which is why you're dreaming about us on a
tropical beach wearing not a lot of clothing and admiring our rings
instead of picturing my gravestone or something." He hugged her
and planted a gentle kiss on the back of her neck.
"I'm also smart enough to recognize lucid dreaming when I'm in one,
and know that everything 'you' say is just me arguing with myself,
baka," she grumbled back at him.
"I'm still not dead, I'm still right beside you, and I'm still the guy who
promised 'no dying' and to be with you forever and always," the
dream-Shinji retorted with a small smirk. "Subconscious dream-
simulacrum I might be, but all that is still one hundred percent true,
hmm?"
Asuka looked away, coloring a bit. "Jerk."
"I do want to note that despite us being a bit older in this dream,
indicating some time has gone by, my German still has that 'cute little
accent' you like so much, meaning you really do find it endearing…"
he continued, smirk growing.
"Jerk! Idiot! Ass!" she complained, trying to wriggle around in place
enough to poke him in the sides.
"I'd say it's the lingering worry and negative emotions from the
evening that has us still dressed at all, and not re-re-
reconsummating our marriage in this hammock, like some of those
other dreams you've had using this setting, yes?" he teased.
"Baka!" she shouted, finally flipping over in place to leave her lying
face to face on top of him. Her anger evaporated and she hugged
him desperately before kissing him hard. "You are such a stupid ass
sometimes, Shinji. And I love you."
"You know I love you. That's why you're dreaming this. But you've
got to wake up now."
"What?" Asuka puller her head back to look him in the eye again.
"Wake up, Asuka!"
Asuka swatted blurrily at the hand shaking her shoulder. "Whaddya

want?" she slurred in indistinct German, trying to wipe a small dribble
of drool from her mouth.
Misato looked down at her for a moment, then looked at Shinji in the
bed next to her. "How is he?" The faint, steady beep beep beep of
the heart monitor was moderately reassuring, but Shinji still looked
pale and weak.
["Still hasn't woken up from the surgery. The nurses shouted at me

when I tried to wake him. They wouldn't let me get in bed and hold
him, either,"] Asuka growled in annoyance. Still in German, as well.
Misato noticed, and switched to her own slightly rusty German. ["And
how are you?"] she asked, gesturing at Asuka's foot.
The Second Child shrugged. ["Hurts. They bandaged it. I may lose a
toe. Whatever."]
Misato took a deep breath, and tried to steel herself. This obviously
wasn't going to be easy. ["Asuka, we need to-"]
["Who was it, Misato? Who did this? I need to… hurt them,"] the
young Pilot interrupted. She leaned forward in her chair enough to
take Shinji's hand and gently stroke the back of it with her thumb.
["Asuka, we don't have any-"]
["It was them, wasn't it?"]
Misato hesitated. She really, really didn't want to have this

conversation in the Geofront hospital for a number of reasons. Right
now, though, she could practically feel the tension radiating off
Asuka as she more fully woke up. The Second Child was wound up
like a spring right now, and she'd have to be careful not to set her off.
Asuka was not in a state of mind that encouraged much caution right
now. ["That is not a conversation for right now. I think you should
come with me. It's past midnight, we're both tired as Hell, and you're
still covered in dried blood and need fresh clothes and a wash. Let's
go back home and-"]
["I don't want to leave, Misato."] Asuka scooted her chair closer to
the bed and practically hunched protectively over Shinji, still holding
his hand. ["He… he hasn't even opened his eyes since he was…
hit."] She started to breathe harder and swallowed. Her shoulders
shook for a moment.
Misato bit her lip and tried to come up with something to say. On
arriving at the shopping plaza, she'd immediately driven her car right
into the middle of things once she'd spotted Asuka dragging a limp
Rei into cover in an alley off the main open area.
She'd nearly expected to find Asuka howling in anguish over Shinji's
body, but instead the Second Child had been rigidly under control,
swiftly and methodically tearing the hem of her shirt into bandages
and pressing them to Shinji's ghastly wounds, and ordering her
friends to do the same to a feebly protesting Kaworu, who had been
unable to do much but gasp Rei's name repeatedly.
Asuka had in fact been almost creepily calm and controlled all the
way through the process of getting the wounded into ambulances
and down here. All that tension had been building up, and the girl
was clearly running out of energy to hold it in much longer. But
getting her away from here and back to the apartment was going to
be tricky when she was clearly close to a breakdown and the only
person in the world she'd accept comforting and calming from was
lying unconscious in front of her. And Misato was trying to make her
leave him here.
["Asuka… he's stable. He's not going to…"] Misato couldn't say it.
["… get worse,"] she hastily corrected. ["I know you want to be here
when he wakes up, but you're about to fall over yourself, and a
mess. At least come home with me and get cleaned up. We can…
talk on the drive up, if you want."]
["I don't… I… the bullet was less than ten centimeters from his spine,
Misato. He nearly… I…"] She started shaking again. Her other hand
grabbed at the rail on the edge of the bed with a grip that turned her
knuckles white. ["If he… if he dies, I will kill every one of them with
my bare hands,"] she whispered. ["All of them."]
Finally, Misato thought of something to say. With a tired half-smile,

she told her young roommate, ["Asuka, if we get the chance, I may
let you."]
Asuka finally raised her eyes from Shinji's face and looked over her
shoulder at Misato. ["Where is Rei? Where did they take the
Rainbow Trout?"]
["Kaworu's… being seen to by Doctor Akagi right now. Somewhere
else in here. I don't have any more, I'm sorry. I'm just as happy about
that as you. Rei…"] Misato sighed, running a hand through her hair,
which had become a tangled mess hours ago. ["Doctor Akagi
assures me she is resting in her lab. No, they won't tell me why
either of them aren't in here with the rest of you, and yes, I did ask."]
Asuka shook again, but let go of the bed rail. ["I don't want to go,
Misato. I don't want to be anywhere but here."] She looked over at
the other side of the room, where Hikari and Touji were partially
visible behind the privacy curtains. ["Jock Stooge is in a damn coma
. Hikari is… almost as bad as Shinji."]
["You can't do anything for them sitting here in bloody clothes and
starving, Asuka. We can come back in the morning."]
["I don't care. I want to stay here."]
Misato frowned. She hadn't wanted to pull this card out, but Asuka's
attitude left her little choice. ["Asuka, this is an order ."]
Asuka shot a look at her, brow lowering and a hot retort forming on
her lips. Misato cut her off before she could snap.
["Asuka, if an Angel attacked right now, you're all we've got . Every
single other Pilot NERV has is unconscious or unreachable. Right
now, you are all that's standing between Shinji and an Angel if one
appears. So if you want to protect him, you have to be fed, rested,
and ready to go. You can't be camped out here on no food, covered
in blood and dirt, and trying to sleep in a chair. You are the last line
of defense right now."]
Asuka's mouth closed with a snap and she looked at Shinji, then the
two other occupied beds in the room. She looked like she'd just
bitten into a lemon. ["… Fine,"] she said eventually, somewhat
bitterly. ["Let's go, then."]
["Here."] Misato pulled the pair of crutches she'd left with Asuka
hours before out of the corner where she'd put them. Asuka clearly
hadn't touched them in the meantime.
Asuka reluctantly stood up and let go of Shinji's hand. She tenderly

brushed his bangs out of his face before turning around slowly on
just her good foot. ["I don't want the stupid crutches."]
["It's them or a wheelchair, Asuka. You are not walking on that foot
until the docs clear you,"] Misato insisted.
Grumbling, Asuka took them and began gingerly making her way
towards the door. She looked back as she reached the door, which
Misato held open for her. ["When I wake up screaming tonight,
Misato, you better not say a damn thing."]
Misato winced and shook her head. ["I won't. You want anything to
help you sleep?"]
["They just tried to kill my boyfriend and everyone I care about. Just
tell me who I can kill for this."]
The heart monitor in the room across the hospital and two floors up
in a secured hallway was very, very steady. An observer might even
think it artificially so, if they did not know its readout really was
coming from the quiet young man in the sole bed in the room.
Said young man was staring blankly at the ceiling. Doctor Akagi had
finished checking on the new, superfluous bandages a few minutes
ago, but his hand kept creeping back to prod at them, repeatedly
fighting the urge to scratch at the spot where the bullet hole had
been. He knew there was no more wound. Once Doctor Akagi had
removed the bullet, he'd been able to heal the wound up in a matter
of moments. The physical one, at least. The mental wound was what
kept his hand coming back, trying to soothe that maddening
phantom itch. He let it. Letting that itch occupy his mind was far, far
better than thinking about the other thing.
Do it do it do it do it do it you have to do it you're dying you're dying

you're dying you're dying do it do it do it END IT
"NO!" He bolted upright in bed, a sudden cold sweat breaking out all
over his body.
Doctor Akagi stepped back from the bed in shock at Kaworu's

outburst, half raising her clipboard in defense. "What?"
Kaworu rubbed at his chest where the bandage lay. "I… I am sorry,
Doctor. Bad… bad thoughts."
Doctor Akagi regarded him with narrowed eyes. "Bad thoughts. What
kind?"
Kaworu looked at his hands, clenching on the bedsheets in his lap.

"I… you… know about me, yes?" He raised his head enough to see
her face, searching for reassurance. "Rei said you were… aware of
what I am. And that we are… friends now."
Ritsuko couldn't stop a nervous glance at the camera in the corner of

the room, near the ceiling. "I don't know what you-"
Kaworu gave her a wan smile and shook his head. "It is alright,
Doctor. My AT-Field has already fried all the surveillance gear in this
room, and no one outside has a good enough line of sight to see in.
No one is watching or listening. We can speak freely."
Ritsuko still gave him a look that mixed apprehension and no small
bit of fear. She glanced nervously at the door before going over to
lock it ahead of her answer. "I… yes. She's… mentioned what you
are and your ah… change of heart."
Kaworu nodded. She had not shown much surprise when his
surgical incision had simply stopped bleeding on its own and closed
up. "Rei and I have… an understanding. If I feel like I'm losing
control, she will put a stop to it. To me. And I… am having difficulty
right now. That shot was, was nearly enough to trigger me into a…
survival impulse. To force me to let go of Lilim sensibility and
constraint. If I… if I can't hold on, can you…" The young man
swallowed nervously and rubbed on hand on his throat. "Can you…
help stop me? End me."
Ritsuko unconsciously touched her own throat and stared at him.

"I… Pilot Nagisa, that is… maybe possible, but I was… under the
impression Pilot Ayanami had decided you living was important."
Kaworu rubbed at his chest again and nodded weakly. "It… yes, she
has. I even promised her I would try. But… this nearly set me off. I
couldn't stop it. I started to feel like I was dying, and that made… him
wake up. SEELE knew what they were doing. Shoot the other Pilots,
shoot me at the same time bad enough to set me off, and there's
suddenly a desperate, practically feral Angel in the heart of NERV
with no one left to stop him."
"H-him?" Ritsuko stuttered, throat closing up. 'Oh gods oh gods…

don't… don't panic, Ritsuko. He's asking you to… help him kill
himself?' Black, unpleasant memories of her own dark night where
that had been all too close an option welled up, mixing with her fear
at being alone in a room with what she knew was an Angel.
"Tabris," Kaworu whispered. "The part of me that's not human, that

wants to go down to the core of the Geofront and… remake the
world clean. End it all. Purge the planet until it's pure…"
Kaworu's hand spasmed and he gripped at his chest around the

bandage until his nails nearly sank in. "No… no, don't start thinking
like that. Don't… I can't…" He looked up at Ritsuko, pleadingly.
"Please, Doctor… you… you know what this feels like, don't you?
Rei… Rei said you'd had a, a, a… time like this. When ending it all
felt like the best way to help? Can you-"
"No." Ritsuko answered on reflex. She shook her head and kicked
her brain back into the process. "No. I was there too, yes, but… I still
reached out. And she… convinced me to have hope. To reach out to
M-… more. That even when you feel empty, desperate, you can still
hang on when you know you're not alone."
Kaworu looked to the side, out the windows onto the Geofront lake
and the NERV corvette floating placidly in it. "Maybe. I just… Twice
in the space of a week its come very, very close to me losing control.
I don't want to die. She doesn't want me to die. But if it makes all my
friends safer…"
Ritsuko frowned. "She said you'd promised each other. That you
living was… important to her. Even if she doesn't remember it right
now, I-"
"Oh, but I do remember, Doctor," said a soft, familiar voice from the
ventilation duct overhead.
Ritsuko and Kaworu both looked up as a slender, delicate foot in a

school uniform black shoe kicked the vent cover off and preceded a
very irritated looking Rei Ayanami dropping gracefully into the room.
Rei straightened up with a shake of her hair to get the dust out and
she glared at the Fifth Child. "And I am quite upset he does not
seem to."
A flash of surprised joy bloomed on Kaworu's face. Surprise alone

ruled Ritsuko's expression. "Rei?! What… how did you even get
here? Why?" she exclaimed.
"I have watched you activate the cylinder's opening sequence

hundreds of times, Doctor. I know how it works. And the Geofront's
ventilation system connects nearly everywhere. Sufficient
determination and a detailed knowledge of the pathways provides a
means of travel throughout the facility that requires a minimum of
sensors to evade or disable," Rei said tightly, not breaking off her
glance at the Fifth Child for a moment. "And I could sense this idiot's
distress from your lab. So I-"
Rei stopped herself midword, closed her eyes, and took a deep
breath. Then another. Then another. She opened her eyes and
resumed glaring at Kaworu, though with a bit more control this time.
"Do you have any idea how annoying it is to love you sometimes,
stupid fish?"
Kaworu's heart monitor spiked and began a new, faster rhythm of

beeps. His unsteady smile just got wider and he slumped back onto
the bed. "Sorry. Guess my memory isn't as good as yours."
"Memory," Ritsuko said, her tone making it almost a question. "Rei,

you just said… you remember now? How much? And how ? The
scan backups were two months old. How did you recover?"
Rei turned to look at Ritsuko for the first time. Her expression faded
from anger to serenity for a moment. "You know better than anyone
that I am not just this body, Doctor. Non omnis moriar . She did not
die. Ergo, neither did I, not fully. So once something Shinji said to
this one gave me the idea, I reached through my bond to her, and… I
was there. Everything. Every memory I had of this idiot and the last
couple months."
She turned back to the bed, but turned her head enough to direct her
question over her shoulder, keeping her eyes on Kaworu. "Doctor
Akagi, I take it from the lack of blood you have removed whatever
this idiot was shot with that prevented him from healing?"
"Ah… yes? It appeared to be a bullet made of material that mimicked

the stuff the Lance was made from." Ritsuko sighed. "SEELE has
cracked how to manufacture anti-AT-Field material. And if they can
afford to use it on bullets, they almost certainly will use it in other
weapons when they come after us," she said tiredly.
"But he is healthy and alive right now?"

Ritsuko shrugged. "Yes? I mean, physically he's effectively restored.
Hooray for a fully functional S2 Organ. Which is just slightly
terrifying, Rei. He's… he'd be practically unstoppable if he made a
run at Terminal Dogma, and we're locked in a small room with him."
"No, Doctor. He is locked in a small room with me," Rei said coolly.
"And for all his aggravating traits, he is a sincere and kind fish who
wants to see us all happy. Isn't that right?" She addressed the
question to him.
Kaworu nodded, still smiling.
He blinked in surprise as Rei suddenly closed the distance between

them, reached down to grab him by the upper arms, and pulled him
nose-to-nose with her.
"Then why are you breaking your promise?" she growled.
"What?"
Rei's voice broke. "You promised me !" she almost shouted at him.
She shook him by her grip on his arms. He flopped unsteadily in the
bed.
Rei abruptly let go and stood up straight. "Doctor Akagi," she said,
her voice roughened by emotion, "could you please leave us alone
for a while, and keep anyone else from entering to let us talk? He
and I have very few chances to do so, since we must concoct
excuses for any time we are in proximity and doing anything more
than being distantly polite to each other. I can only even be here right
now because everyone who matters 'knows' I am in your lab and he
is right here under your eye."
"Rei, are you sure-"
Rei whipped her head around to stare desperately at her. " Please,
Doctor!"
Ritsuko hesitated a moment longer, but nodded. "Alright. I'll buy
you… 20 minutes? And then ah… I guess see you back down in the
lab, Rei?"
Rei jerked a nod, and grunted resembling 'thank you' before turning
back to Kaworu. She just stared at him angrily until they heard the
door close behind Ritsuko's exit.
"Explain yourself, Kaworu Nagisa," Rei eventually grated. "I

remember everything. You. Me. Us. How dare you-"
"It's getting worse, Rei," Kaworu said into his lap. "Ever since the
Sixteenth Angel died, the Call has been… growing stronger. More
intense. Some part of me can sense there is no longer anything in
my path to preempt me. So it's been… harder to fight this," he
tapped his chest where the bullet had struck, "and I can tell it's only
going to get stronger. I… I don't want to fail you." He looked up and
smiled a little. "Though I admit, it… um… helped a lot to see you,
and hear you say that."
Rei stalked over and grabbed his hospital gown, pulling him close.
This time, she didn't stop to glare at him up close. This time she
used her grip to pull him into an intense, fierce kiss that spoke
volumes. Kaworu could feel his eyes nearly roll up in his head as he
reached up with his own arms to pull her closer still and groan into
the kiss.
Rei pulled back with a sigh and sat there, eyes closed and forehead
still pressed against his. "I have died and come back, because of
you. I have followed halfway across the galaxy, because of you. I
have found you and you are with me and I am not giving up, Kaworu.
Not for the Call, not for nothing. You will not die, by your hand or
mine, as long as we are alive and have hope."
For the first time, Kaworu pulled her in for a kiss. Rei let it go on for a
while.
When they broke this time, Kaworu looked her right in the eye. "I…
you give me hope, Rei. But I will not let myself become a danger to
you all. If I start to slip-"
"Then you tell me," Rei insisted. "I'll stop you or kiss you or… or…
whatever I have to do!"
Kaworu smiled sadly. "I know you will. It's one of many reasons why I
love you. But that's exactly why I promise I won't let myself fall.
You're too important. You, Shinji, Asuka… I can't-"
Rei kissed him again, a hint of desperation starting to bleed into it.
"No. No no no!" she said when they parted. "We've had this
conversation before, Kaworu! I don't want to do it again! You fight !
You hang on! You… AAArrrgh! I felt you, you idiot! When that Angel
had us all connected! I felt how you feel about me! I know! You love
me and were ready to die for me and I beat you to it because I think
you're worth it and I am not letting you just give up !"
"I want to live, Rei. I want to live and win and go out with you again.
Or stay in. Or just… be with you. Anything. But I will also do
whatever it takes to stop me if I falter. You and the others will live. I
swear. I'm ready to die if that's what it takes to stop me." His gaze
was disconcertingly steady and assured.
Rei squeezed him tight one more time, stood up, and stepped back
from the bed. She swiped at a couple of tears that had begun. "No.
You live. You promised me at New Year's. You are keeping us all
safe every moment you're still alive. As long as you live SEELE can't
activate their plan for Instrumentality. That's more than you being
stupid and dying could do! They can't move while you are alive!" She
tried giving him the same angry stare she'd started with on arrival,
but the fire had gone out of it. "Live."
She picked up the vent cover she'd kicked out of the way on
entering, and tossed it up into the vent. She dragged a chair
underneath the spot so she could reach the vent itself and haul
herself back inside. She stuck her face back out to stare at him one
more time. "I am going back down to Doctor Akagi's lab. When she
comes back in, tell her I would like her to come down there and
release me to return home. You should be released likewise in the
morning. When you are, you have Major Katsuragi bring you back
home promptly . I will be waiting."
Advice and Trust
Chapter 11.15
Cards On The Table
Asuka kept up a continuous low rumble of German profanity, cursing

of the wound in her foot and the world in general as she laboriously
made her way to Misato's Renault. She capped it off with more
specific cursing of the crutches that were a pain to wedge into the
small car before grinding to an unhappy end with an irritated sigh.
Even with her Eva Pilot-mandated level of fitness the muscles and
motion of crutching her way around was already making her feel
sore and rubbed raw in places.
She didn't look up when the car dipped with Misato's weight dropping
into the driver's seat. She ignored Misato's worried glance, too. She
focused on her anger. Anger was good. Anger was often close at
hand for Asuka. Not as much as it had been a year ago, to be fair,
but it was certainly available in full tonight.
It had been a revelatory moment for Asuka when she began to

notice that, aside from plentiful helpings of love, confidence, and lust
he constantly brought to her mind, just being around Shinji helped
Asuka feel calm. She'd never felt so peaceful as just waking up next
to him, having dinner, walking to school… it was a soothing feeling
that helped her keep cool despite the many irritants daily life in
NERV or school could offer. And now it was not just absent, but
nearly taken from her permanently. Suddenly she had not just a lot of
anger, but a target.
'I am going to kill all of them,' she thought again, for the hundredth
time since the shooting. 'All of them. They tried to kill MY SHINJI,
and Rei, and Hikari, and even Rei's stupid fish!'
"Asuka, I know you're angry, but-" Misato began.
["I don't want to hear it, Misato,"] Asuka growled in German. ["Yes,
I'm angry. Angry is good. You want me angry."]
"Oh?" Misato raised an eyebrow as she started the old French sports
car and pulled them away from the Geofront's hospital. "And why do
I want that? Usually when you're this aggravated, I need Sh-… ah. I
see."
Asuka just nodded grimly, her eyes still fixed forward. ["Yeah, 'ah'. If I
don't stay angry, you're going to get 'screaming black depression
Asuka' instead, because the man I love more than air is lying in a
hospital bed with a goddamn bullet hole in him, and I do not want to
start thinking about how close he came to dying again, so… Angry. I
want their heads, Misato. No, fuck that. I want to know where they
live, so I can take Unit-02 and go dance the Schuhplattler on their
damn houses !"]
" Schuhplattler-Diplomatie, eh?" Misato said with a matching grim

smile. "Just… try to keep it… Look, I know you're about to burst from
fatigue and stress, Asuka. Stay as angry as you want until we get
home, but then… Take a shower or something. Go to your room
and… you're going to want time alone, I know."
'So I can have my breakdown, you mean?' Asuka frowned. They

both could sense it coming, but Asuka hated even that much
acknowledgement of it. Of weakness . She bit down on a hot denial.
She knew it wasn't Misato she needed to lash out at, but-
The trill of Misato's cell phone saved them from the incipient
explosion. Misato kept up her worried glances away from the road at
Asuka while she fished it out of her pocket with one hand. "Major
Katsuragi… Hey, Rits. I… We just left the hospital, yes. We're
headed home. Asuka needs rest." She looked at the Second Child
again. "I… yes, of course. Is she well enough to travel? Ok. Where?
Alright, we'll be there in five minutes."
She hung up with a beep and returned the phone to her jacket
pocket. "Rits is releasing Rei, and wants us to pick her up to head
home with us," she told Asuka, turning the car away from the road to
the surface train.
["Finally, some good news,"] Asuka grumbled. ["Is she ok? What
happened to her?"]
"No idea and she didn't say. We can ask her ourselves in a few
minutes."
Misato didn't noticeably speed, but they still arrived at a corner of the
huge pyramid that dominated the Geofront interior just a couple
minutes later. Ritsuko was standing alone next to the First Child at
the armored door to the interior. The faces of both women were
determinedly blank as the Renault pulled up. Doctor Akagi didn't
even say anything, just nodding to Misato and opening the car's
passenger door for Rei. Asuka awkwardly hopped out to tilt her seat
forward and allow access to the backseat. After a moment's thought,
she followed Rei into the back too. It was better than riding alone up
front.
Rei said nothing herself as they resumed heading for the surface.
Asuka felt a bit of her sustaining anger bleed away as she looked at
her fellow Pilot. Rei was acting… stiff, silent, and altogether too
much like she had the day Asuka arrived last year. ["Rei… you ok?"]
she probed carefully.
Rei nodded briefly, and said, "Major Katsuragi, how long until we
reach the surface train?"
Misato's eyes met hers in the rear-view mirror for a moment. "We'll
be on our way up in just a couple minutes, Rei. I called before we left
the hospital, and they're holding one for us."
"Good." Rei slowly turned her head to look at Asuka. "Second Child,
may I?" She slid her hand across the small gap between them on the
seat towards Asuka's.
Asuka nodded, a little confused. ["Sure, Rei. You know I-"] Her eyes
went wide as Rei seized her hand with almost crushing force, so
hard her grip shook. "Gah?" Asuka finished in shock.
"I am… under strain," Rei said in her old, toneless voice. "Contact
like this helps me… stabilize. I will request additional aid once we
are aboard the train and out of visibility of Geofront sensors."
Asuka did her best to ignore the pressure on her hand, squeezing
back in support. ["Rei… you are not ok. I… Jesus, you know how
much it scared me when I found you on the ground? I thought you'd
been hit too! What happened?"]
Rei shook her head mutely. Asuka threw a worried look at Misato,
who could only purse her lips and drive a little faster.
The car was loaded onto the train and they were on their way to the
surface before Rei spoke again. "Asuka, will you hold me?"
Asuka barely had time to nod before Rei nearly wrapped herself
around the redhead, clinging tight. "Rei?"
"He's ready to die. The stupid, stupid fool said he's ready to die for
us," the bluenette whispered.
Asuka nearly jerked back in surprise. ["What? Die? Who?"]
Rei just shook her head and refused to say anything more.
"Are you hurt, Rei? You weren't hit, were you?" Misato tried.
Rei just shook her head again. "I am uninjured, Major. I passed out
on the scene due to… overstrain and shock at seeing Shinji and
Kaworu hit."
Asuka's eyes narrowed. ' So he's Kaworu again, now? He wasn't this
morning. And… Rei, I may be the only person who saw it, but you
didn't pass out from shock. I watched you walk out and… I don't
even know, wave at the shooters? And then fall down, right as the
shooters stopped , permanently. I think I'm figuring this out. SEELE
did some kind of fucking experimenting on you and Kaworu, and
you've got… I don't know, AT-Field psychic powers or something? Is
that what you're hiding? Jesus, what did they do to you, Rei?'
["But you're ok physically, right? No blood or anything?"] Asuka

asked her friend.
Rei nodded into her shoulder, still clinging to her like her life
depended on it. "I am… uninjured. Just unhappy."
"We'll have you home in no time, Rei," Misato said from the front,
and accelerated as soon as the train let them off at the surface.
It was a somber and quiet group that finally reached their apartment
building. Misato automatically led them all into her apartment. Rei
trailed after, not wanting to be alone right now.
Once inside the apartment, Misato stopped and stared hard at the
fridge when they were passing through the kitchen. Asuka nearly ran
into her, crutching slowly along behind her.
["Hey, watch it. Oh. You want a beer or something, Misato?"] Asuka
asked.
"… Yes." She made no move towards the fridge Asuka knew was
crammed full of Yebisu.
["… so? You want me to get you one or something?"] Asuka looked
down at her crutches. ["Actually, Rei, could you get her a beer?"]
"Yes." Rei headed for the fridge.
"No!" Misato blurted.
Rei halted, and looked back.
"I…" Misato swallowed. "I really, really want a beer. Or a drink," she
said tensely.
Rei turned back to the fridge and took another step.
"Stop!" Misato ordered. "I… really want one… So don't."
Rei turned fully around and gave Misato an expressionless look.
"I want to get a buzz on so bad," Misato explained, "but I know

tonight is a very bad time for it. But I still want one so bad." She
looked miserable. "Just get me on-… fuck. Just get me a coffee,
please, Rei?" She swallowed again.
Rei nodded and retrieved a cold can of UCC coffee from the bottom
shelf of the fridge. She walked back to the Major and handed it to
her.
Misato looked at the can of coffee in her hand for a long minute. "…
fuck," she eventually muttered. "Gods, I want a drink."
"Maybe I can be a good substitute?" a deep voice asked from the

living room.
Misato's head jerked up as Kaji turned the light on in the living room,
revealing him sitting in one of the bean bags, waiting for them to
arrive.
Misato nearly ran to meet him as he stood up, almost crashing into
his embrace. He met her just as hard, pressing his face into her hair.
"Hey," he said softly. "Sorry I couldn't say hello sooner. I snuck in
while Section 2 was distracted chasing its own tail this evening."
Misato ignored his words and just breathed him in.
Asuka snorted and started to make her way towards the room she
shared with Shinji, but was halted before her first step by a hand on
her shoulder. She looked back at Rei, her expression asking the
question.
"I… wish to discuss the events of the day alone with you, if I may,"
Rei said quietly. "I… Asuka, I remember . Everything."
Asuka's eyes widened. She looked over her shoulder for a moment
at the distracted Major, then turned back to Rei. ["Ah. And you want
to talk to me first, not 'us', eh?"]
"Yes. If… you do not mind." Rei looked oddly diffident, unable to
meet Asuka's eyes.
["Alright."'] She looked over her shoulder. ["Misato, Rei and I are
going to her place for a bit."]
"Fine." Misato did not look back from where she was. "Make sure
you both get a shower before bed, at least."
"Jawoll."
They walked out the front door and into Rei's apartment next door in
moments. Remembering Misato's argument in the hospital, Asuka
stopped in Rei's kitchen long enough to start two instant meals
heating in the microwave. Barely even a tithe on something her love
could have made them, but it would fill the growling void in her
stomach she'd been putting off acknowledging for hours.
She found Rei sitting limply on her futon in her bedroom, staring
strangely at her drying rack and the collection of underwear hanging
from it. "Ah… Rei?"
Rei blinked and broke off her stare to finally look at Asuka. "Asuka,
why have you been solely speaking German since I got in the
Major's car?"
Asuka mentally shifted gears and forced her tired brain back into
Japanese. "I'm… really tired and angry, Rei. It took less mental effort
to speak my birth tongue. Hell, if I wasn't here with you right now, I'd
be in my bed trying not to completely freak out that Shinji nearly died
today. But… you need to talk to me, so I'll hold myself together a bit
longer." She gingerly lowered herself to the floor and put her
crutches aside. She was only half-surprised when Rei practically
attached herself to her again, hugging her hard.
"I am… sorry to place this additional burden on you, Asuka." Rei
shivered. "I… at the movies, I had a… I remembered . Everything.
The last couple months that I had… forgotten. I remembered it all.
Everything that happened since Kaworu arrived. Everything I… felt."
Asuka couldn't stop a tired smile from breaking out on her face.
"That's… great news, Rei. He… that idiot really loves you, I think."
Rei nodded tired acknowledgement. "I am… I have never felt like
this before, and I hate it."
"Eh?"
"I don't know what to do, Asuka. At first it was… I hated him
because… other reasons, but now it's because he's just so stupid
about being ready to die!"
Asuka raised her hand and hesitantly laid it on Rei's shoulder,

unsure what to say. "Rei, you're going to have to explain. I take it you
mean your… Rainbow Trout? He… wait, he's ready to die? What?"
"He makes me so angry but he just surrenders and says he doesn't

want to be my enemy but I have to be ready in case… when he can't
hold himself back anymore!" Rei started panting, almost panicking. "I
don't want him to die he has to die to protect you and Shinji and I
love you so much, I don't want to kill him,I don't want him to die, it
might have to be me because he can't stop himself I don't want him
to die he has to die I don't want… must protect you love you I I I…"
Rei desperately grabbed Asuka's head and kissed her.
Pulling back, she hung her head, ashamed. "I love you I'm sorry I
shouldn't have done that I've wanted to do that again for so long I'm
sorry I love you I don't know…"
Asuka silenced her with another kiss. She let it linger a good bit until
Rei's nearly panicked breathing slowed. Finally pulling back, she
stroked Rei's cheek. "It's… alright, Rei. I've wanted to kiss you again
for weeks too… if not because you were crying, I'll admit. But…
you're giving Shinji two solid kisses too. Have to keep it fair." She
took a deep breath. "Ok, was zur Hölle is all this about the Rainbow
Trout being 'ready to die', and 'has to die'? I mean, I know he annoys
the Scheiße out of you some times, but… kill?" Her face hardened.
"Is this because of SEELE? You're worried we'll have to… stop him
from sabotaging us?"
Rei let go of Asuka and grabbed her head like it was going to split
open. "GRRAAAAGH! I HATE THIS! I HATE HIM! I HATE THEM
FOR DOING THIS AND MAKING HIM LIKE THIS AND SENDING
HIM HERE AND PUTTING YOU BOTH IN DANGER IF I EVEN SAY
ANYTHING!" she shouted harshly. Asuka sat back in surprised,
wide-eyed shock.
"HE'S SO STUPID !" Rei ranted. She grabbed Asuka by both arms
and kept going. "He's stupid and innocent and shouldn't have to die
and tried to defend me against that Angel and… and…" That
seemed to exhaust the last of her energy. She collapsed into a
slump, arms weakly reaching out to embrace Asuka. "I'm scared,
Asuka! I've never been so scared. I'm so scared that I've even
wished for a moment that I was back on the drugs just so I could
stop being this scared… I don't want him to die… but I might have to
kill him to protect you and Shinji and everyone. I hate him for making
me feel like this, and I hate the people that put him here even more."
She leaned in to kiss Asuka again. "Th-three kisses for Shinji. I…
wish he was here. Maybe he'd know what to do about… that idiot."
Asuka didn't let her get far, leaning right in as Rei tried to pull away
and capturing her lips again. "Mmm… four kisses. And we'd better
stop before that turns into fifteen or something. And… Rei, you're still
kind of sounding like I used to about my dearest baka. Are you sure
it isn't Kaworu you should be kissing like this?"
Rei blinked, and colored a little. "I… that is not what I meant. I mean,
the idea of further physical experimentation with him is… not
unappealing. He has a behind that is so firm I want to… um… I… I
do not know. I just don't want him to die."
"Ok, why do you keep saying that? We know he works for SEELE
already. Misato and Kaji know. Why do you keep making it sound like
he's… under some kind of suicidal death curse?"
Rei shivered. "… because he is. Because of what he is."
Asuka waited. Rei remained silent, slumped in her arms. "… so what
is he?"
Rei sat up enough to look her in the eye. Asuka was stunned to see
her friend almost on the verge of crying. She blinked in surprise
again when Rei leaned forward once more. This kiss was deeper,
harder, not as desperate as the first one, but just as intense. "F-five.
I…. I wish you could call Shinji in here now. I… I don't care anymore.
I can't stand not telling you any longer. I love you both so much, and
I didn't want to risk your lives with this knowledge… but I think
there's things I need to tell you now about what Kaworu is…"
Rei took a deep breath, and shivered again. Now tears did start
rolling down her cheeks. Asuka tried to pull her back into a close
hug, but Rei held her off.
"About what he is…" Rei swallowed, still crying. "… and what I am,"
she said in a near whisper.
Author's Note: Sorry for the long gap, everyone. The recent bits have
been fighting me. I've got another full update nearly done, but
wanted to give you all this one first. I've had this scene with Rei and
Asuka in my head for over a year, and I'm happy to finally put it out.
Advice and Trust
Chapter 11.17-18
Cards On The Table
Asuka pulled harder, not relenting until Rei was protectively enclosed
in her arms, still crying. "Ok," she said carefully. She took a deep
breath. "So… what are you, then?"
Rei shivered for a moment, before weakly saying, "I am… the third."
"Huh? Ok, I call my beloved baka that all the time thanks to him
being the Third Child, but you're not, so wha-"
"I'm the third," Rei insisted. "The third… Rei Ayanami."
Asuka was very still. "You're going to have to explain that, Rei."
"I died when Unit-00 self-destructed. This is a new body. A new

clone ."
Asuka pulled her head back from the hug and stared at Rei. "New
what ?"
"Clone. I'm… artificial. I don't have a mother or father. Just genetic

donors and a tank. When I collapsed at school? That was when
SEELE blew up the tank. All the other clones, gone. I'm the last
body," Rei rambled.
Asuka shook her head like she was trying to clear the confusion by
flinging it loose. "Rei you're… wait… those brain scans. They weren't
just for the Dummy Plugs, were they? That was your back-up, right?"
Rei nodded, eyes downcast. "Yes."
"And that's why you can't remember anything since that last one?
The last two months since that scan?"
Rei shook her head. "Yes… and no. I recovered the rest of my
memories near the end of the movie. I was going to tell you and
Shinji once we'd gotten home. But I remember everything, now."
"Ah… no wonder you're suddenly a lot more worried about the

Rainbow Trout than you were this morning." Asuka gave Rei another
squeeze and released her. She sat back, still within arm's reach, and
tilted her head. "Well, at least there's one bit of good news today. But
he's… gah, ok, let me see if I've got this. You're… a clone, and so is
Kaworu? Except he was created by SEELE?"
"Y-yes. He is like me… but not. Opposite. It's part of why I was so
hostile to him at first."
Asuka smiled tiredly. "But not anymore, huh? Now he's… you're kind
of like Shinji and I used to be, ja?"
Rei nodded again and sniffed. "I… I think I love him. A-and you and
Shinji!" Rei rushed to assure her. "But… he's… I don't want him to
die. I want him to stay with me. With us. Just… live." Rei sniffed
harder. "But he thinks he has to die!"
"Why?"
Rei reached out and pulled her back into a hug. "I… there's more.
Lots more. All the things I've been scared of telling you for months,"
she said as she clung to her best friend.
Asuka let Rei's hair fill her senses for a moment before sighing.
"You're telling me you being a clone is just the start of things?"
"Yes." Rei shivered again. "There's more. Worse. Much worse.

That's why I've been so scared to tell you. I'm… you won't leave me,
will you?"
Asuka snorted and hugged her again. "Rei, you being a clone is
like… the third weirdest thing at NERV at best. And you know we
love you. You're still our Rei. You remember being… um… yourself?
Then… I'm just glad you're not dead." Asuka suddenly looked
depressed, the events of the day crashing home with fresh force.
"Don't… don't do that again, Rei. I don't know if I could take it if you
really died. The only thing that could ever be worse would be losing
Shinji, and that came way too damn close today. SEELE just signed
their own death warrants today, and I'm not going to ever let them
take another swing at any of us. We're going to get them. We're
going to free Kaworu from whatever weird damn control they tried to
put on him, and keep him alive for you."
They'd do it. Asuka knew it. She could feel it. She knew they'd do it
because she was unstoppable, and she'd have Shinji right behind
her. Because he was still alive, and he'd never let anything stop him
from backing her up in a battle. She could feel her mood rising just
thinking about it.
Rei was looking down at her hands again. "Yes… free him," she said
morosely. She looked up at her friend. "Asuka, I-"
Asuka hushed her with a finger across her lips. "Hold there, Rei."
She stood up with some difficulty and turned towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Rei sounded almost alarmed.
"I'm going back to our apartment. If you've got more and worse to tell
me, this isn't going to a quick conversation."
"I just… you're coming back, right?"
Asuka nodded and gave Rei a very tired look. "I don't think either
one of us wants to spend tonight alone. Nicht wahr?"
"J-ja." Rei's almost frightened look eased.
"I'm going to go grab a change of clothes and my toothbrush. We're

sleeping together tonight, just like the last time you needed us."
Asuka whirled and hobbled out of the room before her flush could
show.
The Operations Manager of NERV and the UN Special Inspector

tasked with NERV's oversight were deep in conference concerning
the recent attack on NERV's key personnel.
On the couch in the living room. In the dark.
"This is… Open war," Misato said quietly into Kaji's collar. She was
still wrapped halfway around him on his lap. "SEELE has to know at
least as much as we do. They'll know there's only one Angel left. So
they're weakening NERV by trying to take out the Pilots. "
Kaji nodded slowly. "And other NERV assets," he said very softly.
Misato stiffened. She pulled her head back far enough to look him in
the face, her eyes narrowing as she rapidly processed his comment.
"Kaji, did SEELE take a shot at you and you failed to say anything
until right now?"
"Technically, I reported it to NERV as fast as I could. Right now." He

tried for a sheepish and slightly teasing air, but there was a weary
note of strain underneath.
"What. Happened ?" Misato pressed.
"Someone left a recognition signal for me in one of the usual spots. It

felt wrong, coming in today right after that attack. So I got a little
suspicious and got to the meeting site early to check it out. My
instincts were right. Some guy showed up in my contact's clothes,
trying to hide his face until he was close. I got a shot off first. I was
early, now he's very late."
Misato scowled at him. "That's not funny."
"At least I didn't say 'ask for me tomorrow, and you will find me a
grave man?'," Kaji volunteered with his usual sloppy grin.
"Still not funny, even with the Western theater reference." She poked
him in the chest. " No. Dying . I told you." Unwanted, a flash of
Asuka desperately pressing a blood-soaked shirt against Shinji's
wound flashed in her mind. " No. Dying," she insisted again. "You are
not allowed to get yourself killed digging into SEELE, not this close
to the end!" Her voice started to rise. "You are going to be careful,
paranoid, cautious, and come back alive to me! You owe me years,
Kaji! You are going to come home to me, stay with me, marry me,
live with me, and stay alive !"
Kaji just stared at her, too tired to even let his eyes widen as much
as he wanted to. He just gently tightened his arms around her and
pressed her against him. "I love you," he finally said quietly. "And
yes."
Misato gave out a half-sigh, half-sob. "Eight years I want to hear you
finally say it, and you pick today?" she muttered into his collar. "And
'yes' what?"
Kaji hesitated. "… did you miss the part where you just proposed?
That we get married?" he asked in an almost amused tone.
Misato froze. She rapidly reviewed her last rambling outburst. "… oh.
Uh… I… um. Love you too. Yes. you said yes. Eight years, and you
just said YES?! "
"If Doctor Turbo-Bitch doesn't want it, I'll volunteer to be your Maid of
Honor, Misato," Asuka said dryly from the doorway to the kitchen.
Misato practically levitated herself up from Kaji's lap in one

adrenaline-fueled move, but managed to stop herself before she
actually drew her pistol and pointed it at the Second Child. " Jesus,
Asuka! How long have you been there?!"
"Just a minute, honestly. Congratulations." Asuka's face was mostly

hidden in shadow, but wry amusement filled her voice. "Guess you
get to keep him, Misato. At least you've got good taste in men. He's
the second hottest guy I know."
Kaji snorted. "Asuka, do you mind giving us a moment alone?

There's a few minor details I'd like to dis-"
Asuka waved her hand, cutting his statement off. "I'll be out of your
hair in a second. I just came back to grab my toothbrush and some
clothes. I'm sleeping over at Rei's for the night. Neither of us feel like
being alone. I promise I'll eat something before bed. And…" her face
went rather blank. "Rei has some… serious stuff to tell me. Stuff
about… the things she's been holding back. She wanted to tell me
first." Asuka grimaced. "She wanted to tell me and Shinji first, but…"
She shrugged. "I'll fill you in tomorrow, I guess."
Misato glanced at her watch, and flinched. It was A.M. Very, very
A.M., and she would have to get back to NERV HQ as soon as
possible once the sun was up to go over what she could find out
about the attack. Like Hell she was leaving it in Section 2's hands,
no matter what Commander Ikari said. "That… will have to do. Get
some food and sleep, Asuka. If any of what Rei has to tell us is time-
critical, text me or Kaji. I'll probably be seeing you down in the
Geofront anyway. You're definitely not going to school again until we
get security unscrewed."
Asuka just nodded and dashed to her room, returning after just a
moment. She paused and looked back over her shoulder at the two
adults. "You have to say it back to him, Misato. Believe me, that part
is important."
"I did!"
"More. You can never say it enough. Never. Trust me on that."
She vanished towards the front door in a swirl of red hair.
Rei jumped as Asuka opened the door to her bedroom again. She
did not appear to have moved at all in the time Asuka had been
gone. "This is one Hell of a day, Rei. Misato just asked Kaji to marry
her, by accident."
"By… accident?" Rei turned her head slightly to look at the south
wall of her bedroom as Asuka dropped her bundle of clothes off to
the side and sat back down next to her.
"He had to point it out to her. I'll explain later." Asuka took a deep
breath and tried to settle herself. "And the fact that's not even in the
top five biggest things happening today is just… Alright. So… before
you go any further, I want to reassure you that we-" She glanced
down and to her right, at the spot on the futon where Shinji would
have been sitting next to her, within hand-holding range. " We," she
resumed firmly, "don't care that you're a… a… clone. You're still
definitely our Rei. So you don't have to worry about that."
Rei gave her the ghost of a smile. "You are totally certain of what
Shinji would say were he hearing this too?"
"One hundred percent," Asuka nodded. "He loves you like I do."
Rei shivered. "You.. you may not after the next thing. I…" she
flinched away. "I have to tell you the worst part up front, or the rest
won't make as much sense."
Asuka took Rei's hand. It was cold and shaking. "You're our Rei. We
know you. It'll be alright."
"No, you don't," Rei whispered. "You'll… this is what that Angel
tortured me with, Asuka. This exact thing. I'm terrified you'll hate me
for this. For not telling you sooner. Or at all."
Asuka sighed in mild exasperation. "Rei, just tell me . Enough of this.

I promise I won't hate you."
"Kaworu and I know who the last Angel is."
Asuka froze. A million questions exploded in her head. Her own

hand started to shake too.
She carefully licked her lips. " Who it is?"
Rei's cheeks were wet as she fought to meet Asuka's eyes. "And…
a-and I don't want to kill him," Rei said almost too faintly to hear. "I
love him."
"You don-"
Asuka didn't just freeze this time. This time she could actually feel
her heart skip for a second. Her grip on Rei's hand became almost
crushing. "Mein Gott…"
The dim light of room started to darken at the edges. Asuka felt her
head getting dizzy. Her hand automatically sought Shinji's, and she
felt her heart lurch again when all it encountered was empty air.
This wasn't right. This wasn't right . He was supposed to be here,

next to her, whenever shit like this came at them. Together! Not
alone! She was the sword, he the shield. The perfectly matched pair
in battle that was not even half as effective in solitary pieces. She
couldn't handle something this big without her partner! Not after a
day like this!
Together, forever and always.
Asuka took a deep breath. The whispered memory of Shinji's voice

that first morning after was like a lifeline. The dizzying spin of the
room faded away. He was with her, just like he'd promised. He was
right there in her head. Just over nine months of being together had
let Asuka know Shinji better than anyone else in her life, and she'd
opened up to him just as much. She knew, without even a shadow of
a doubt, how he'd react to this.
He wouldn't care Kaworu's an Angel. He wouldn't care Rei's a clone.

He'd just… accept them. Just like he accepted me at my bitchiest,
and loved me anyway. Can I do any less? Right.
She shook her head, trying to toss off the last wisps of dizziness.
She realized she'd partly slumped forward and was only keeping
herself from faceplanting into the futon by her arms. She sat back up
with effort.
Rei was staring at her with terrified stillness, like she was about to
bolt in flight.
Asuka worked her dry mouth, trying to get words to form. "I… I can
see why you were afraid to tell us," she eventually managed, her
voice rough. She coughed and tried again. "Rei… stop looking like
you're going to rabbit. I promised I wouldn't hate you. You know what
Shinji would say if he were sitting here? I do."
Rei shook her head, still silent and tense.
"My beloved baka wouldn't care that you're a clone or…" She made
herself spit it out. "Or that Kaworu is an Angel. He'd still do that
maximum baka thing he does, and accept it all. So I guess I will too."
Rei let out a thin, pinched breath. "I've been… so scared." She was
shaking. "That Angel… it hit me with visions of you and Shinji
screaming hate and betrayal and death at me for this."
Asuka leaned forward and grabbed Rei's shaking hand again.

"That's not what's going to happen. I'm stronger than that. So is
Shinji. He makes me stronger. He just… does it, somehow. Makes
me believe we can do anything." She was interrupted by a loud
growl from her stomach before she could say anything more. "Oh,
right… the food I left in the microwave. We should probably eat."
Rei sprang to her feet and sped to the door, propelled by an

overflowing amount of nervous energy. "Spare your foot. I will
retrieve it."
The sound of Rei rattling in the kitchen was the only break in the
silence of the apartment as Asuka's thoughts raced in urgent circles.
'Red eyes. The psychic or whatever weird powers. I knew something
was weird about him, but this… He's already said he was sent by
SEELE. They had to know what he is, right? So how the Hell would
SEELE have an Angel in the first place, and why send him… here.
Oh. Where Angels die. Of course.'
Rei returned bearing two trays with the microwave meals and tea on
them. She knelt back at her spot on the futon and handed one to
Asuka. "I feel… safer in here for the moment," she said quietly. She
managed to meet Asuka's eyes after a short struggle. "I was aware
of his nature the day he arrived. He looked odd in my eyes, and
when I confronted him alone, he did not deny it. I wanted to tell you
everything immediately, but he pointed out if SEELE ever thought
you knew, they'd kill you."
Asuka grunted in black amusement. "Ja, kind of moot now. But…

why did SEELE, no how did SEELE just… have an Angel? We've
just had to wait for them to attack. Even when we found Sandalphon
in the volcano, it was a fluke. So how…?"
"He is a clone, like me. He is… less than a year old," Rei said, still
looking at her food rather than her friend. "And SEELE sent him here
to die. To attack NERV when the time was right for their plan, and die
hurting us as much as he could before they began their own scheme
for Instrumentality. They lied to him. When he arrived, he thought his
goal was at the bottom of the Geofront. That he could reunite with
his source, and remake the world."
Asuka shook her head. "Wait, Rei. What source? What does…
how… agh. If he's an Angel, and you're like him, then… aren't you
one too? Or…" She shook her head again, and quickly shoveled
some of the mediocre vegetables and rice meal into her mouth as
she tried to frame the question.
"He is like me, but not. Opposite," Rei said, even more quietly.
"Opposite how ?"
"He is of Adam. I am… Lilith." Rei shivered again. "We were the first.
There were no others," Rei began.
Asuka's eyes got wider and wider as the history of the true origin of
life on Earth was unfolded.
The empty meal trays were left to the side long before Rei's story
trailed to a halt.
Asuka halting her early on with a request for something besides her
trust in Rei's word to confirm her story had led to Rei simply holding
out an empty palm and manifesting a small but unmistakable pulsing
orange octagon field in her hand. Asuka had stared in amazement
before nodding for her to resume her story.
Now Asuka held her head in her hands, trying to make another wave
of dizziness go away. "So… he's a mix of human and 'Adamite' DNA,
with the soul of an ancient space-god-thing in him? And… you're the
same, but opposite, and worse ?"
Rei flinched. "… yes. He is Adam, but remembers nothing. I am

Lilith. I remember being her, at least. I am also Rei Ayanami. Still.
Mostly. Sort of."
Asuka slowly raised her head and gave Rei a wan smile. "Well, it still
sounds like you're an awkward dork, so yep, still our Rei."
Asuka searched her face. "You really love him, don't you? The way I
love Shinji. Truly, madly, deeply?"
A frightened nod.
"Then he can't die. We'll stop it. Somehow."
"How? He… I don't want to, but he… has to, wants to, may need to!"
Asuka shrugged. "So it's impossible. Fine. The impossible is what

we do."
Ten long minutes of silence passed as Asuka returned to furious

thought.
"Asuka?"
The Second Child blinked out of her fugue. "Eh?"
Rei swallowed. "… What about Kaworu?"
Asuka stared into the distance for a minute. "Rei, I've spent nearly
my whole life training for one thing: How to kill Angels in Unit-02.
There's one Angel left. But… Kaworu is not just some giant monster
trying to smash Tokyo-3 and end the world. He's a person… our
friend. He's fought beside us for months, and you're saying he'd
rather die than," she wobbled her hand back and forth, "do what he's
'meant' to do. And today I literally just watched him take a bullet for
my Shinji. That kind of counts for a bit. You vouch for him and… love
him. Well, that seals it. We're saving him too."
Asuka pulled out her NERV phone and looked at it. "I wish we could
safely call him, but… this will have to do." She rapidly texted the Fifth
Child. She paused, glanced at Rei, and sent a second message
before tossing the phone on the floor next to the futon. "There. He's
been told he's still our dumb Rainbow Trout. We'll see him tomorrow
when we go to Shinji. Good?"
Asuka struggled to her feet and glared at her bandaged foot and still-
bloodied clothes. "Gott. And today seemed so good until we left the
theater. Alright. I am going to clean up and try to process all this. You
wash up after me, then we lay down. I don't know about sleep, since
I think all this is going to keep me awake all night."
"Will you sleep here, with me?" Rei asked, very hesitantly.
Asuka snorted. "Just picturing Shinji's face if he could hear that. But
yes."
Rei called softly to her back as Asuka turned to leave the bedroom.
"I have been afraid of this day for months, Asuka. Thank you for…
everything."
Asuka looked back over her shoulder. "You're our Rei. Lilith or
whatever, I don't care. You were our Rei first."
Deep in the Geofront, the quiet BLEEP of a message arriving made

Kaworu jump slightly in his hospital bed. He grabbed almost
desperately for the phone, hoping it was Rei. Instead, it was
someone who'd never messaged him before.
REI TOLD ME EVERYTHING. YOU'RE STILL OUR FRIEND. WE'LL
TALK TOMORROW. AND YOU TOOK A BULLET FOR SHINJI. I
WON'T FORGET THAT, EVER.
A second later, another text arrived.
YOU'RE LUCKY SHE LOVES YOU, YOU IDIOT. YOU BETTER

TREAT HER LIKE THE GODDESS SHE IS, OR I'LL FEED YOU TO
UNIT-02, NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE.
He put the phone down after a couple minutes provided no more

messages. He was finally able to close his eyes.
"Yes… I am," he said to the dark room.
Sleep came.
Eventually, they crawled out of bed.
Asuka had missed the luxuriant softness of the mattress Shinji had
gotten her for Christmas, but sleeping next to Rei on a futon wasn't
too bad. The faint sense of Rei's presence and warmth next to her
had let sleep come a little easier. Though to be fair, it had mostly
been a fight between exhaustion from the day and tension over all
the things Rei had told her, with the exhaustion finally winning.
Rei's bed-head had provided a welcome moment of amusement that

set things off on a happier note. It kept the weirdness of Rei's
revelations at bay for long enough for them to rise and have
breakfast. Asuka caught herself staring at Rei as they finished
eating, however.
Rei noticed her stares, and quickly dropped her eyes away, saying
nothing.
"Rei, look at me."
The bluenette reluctantly raised her head.
Asuka met her stare with an outward calm and confidence she could
only partly back up. "I said it last night. You're still our Rei. Everything
else… we'll deal with, once Shinji and I can talk about it. But never
forget that part. Ancient alien whatsits, clones, whatever. You're still
just the second person in my whole life to say you loved me, and I'm
keeping that. Understand?"
Rei nodded, a tiny blush lighting her cheeks. "Understood." She

fidgeted, then stood up to collect their breakfast plates and carry
them to the sink, just trying to bleed of nervous energy. "What do we
do now?"
Asuka took out her phone and glared at it. "No messages, no calls…
and I'm out of patience for waiting. Come on. We're going to boot
Misato awake and get her to drive us to the hospital. We have
people to see." She stood up and headed for the door and their
shoes.
Rei managed her first faint smile of the day. "You are eager to get
back to Shinji's bedside, of course."
Asuka put her shoes on and turned around to face Rei. "And you're
not looking forward to getting to see your stupid fish's face again?
He is your boyfriend, after all."
Rei flushed and couldn't suppress an instinctive look around to see if

anyone else had heard. "Asuka! He is not my boyfriend!"
Asuka rolled her eyes. "Boy, those reflexes you learned off me are a
bitch. Ok, Rei, let's check. Has he said he loves you?"
"… yes."
"And you've said to his face you love him?"
"… yes."
"And there's been some kissing, I bet?"
Rei shoulders hunched a little. "Um… yes. At Christmas, after the

party. And New Year's. And… the movie. And in the hospital."
"And you called him patient, kind, selfless, and brave, ja? He's yours.
You'd be surprised at some of the things he's said about you to us,
Rei. He's gaga for you."
Rei gave a sheepish nod. "Maybe."
Asuka's sly grin peaked, then dimmed a little. "And we're all about to
take on the world to make sure he lives and survives to be your
Rainbow Trout for a good long while? And you're ready to do
whatever you need to make that come true?"
Rei's hunch eased. "… yes."
Asuka's grin was back full force. "Then say it with me. 'I have a
boyfriend.'"
"I have a… boyfriend."
"'I am going to see my boyfriend.'"
Rei's face was doing its best impression of Asuka's hair. "I am going
to s-see my boyfriend."
"'And tell him I love him.'"
Rei twitched. "I… may have trouble… saying that so plainly."

Asuka laughed. "Trust me, Rei, it gets better every time you say it.
Its great."
She took Rei by the hand. "Now come on. Let's go get Major Drinker
and Kaji up, and make them drive us in, before I can't resist making
you repeat one more thing."
"What?"
"'I am going to see my boyfriend, and explain why I spent a good

part of last night kissing you,'" Asuka said with a shark-like grin.
"Asuka!"
Asuka paused before knocking on Misato's bedroom door. Kaji was

definitely in there with her. His shoes were still at the front door, and
he certainly wasn't sleeping in her and Shinji's room. He wasn't on
the living room couch, either. He theoretically could have been in
Shinji's old room, but Asuka knew that wasn't likely. And while she
once would have loved to have caught Kaji in undoubtedly gorgeous
morning stubble, right now she really did not want to catch Kaji and
Misato in bed together. Especially with what they had undoubtedly
been doing once Asuka left last night. She'd managed to fall asleep
before any audio confirmation could bleed through the wall Rei's
apartment shared with this one, fortunately.
"They are both still asleep," Rei said very quietly from behind her.
"Though Major Katsuragi is rousing at our footsteps."
Asuka glanced worriedly back at her friend. "You… can tell all that?"
Rei nodded.
Asuka shivered slightly and turned back to face the door. It was too
early for her to have to start thinking about Rei's… abilities. 'Gott, I
hope Shinji is awake to talk to before we go see Kaworu. I can't… I
need you, Shinji.'
She raised her hand and rapped twice on the sliding door. "Misato,
wake up. We need you to get us down to the Geofront hospital with
all speed."
A displeased groan came from inside. "Asuka, it's too damn… what
time is it, even? Just… get Section Two to drive you down."
Asuka crossed her arms in front of her chest and frowned. "Misato, I
want you to say that last part again, slowly."
"Just get Sectio-… fuck. Alright. Give me five minutes."
"That's what I thought."
"Just… go get me a bee-… damn it ." Muffled cursing ensued,

mingled with a more baritone grumble as Kaji stirred. "Go turn the
coffee machine on, will you?"
"Ready to fill me in on what you and Rei talked about last night,
Asuka?"
Asuka looked at Rei. She was comfortably sitting next to Rei in the
tight backseat of Misato's Renault, with Kaji up front with Misato.
They'd managed to avoid any conversation so far on the drive
towards the Geofront access tunnel thanks to the general air of 'it's
too bloody early', but Misato had apparently woken up enough to
start thinking now that they were about to reach the station, and lose
their freedom to speak without fear of MAGI eavesdropping. "Er… I
want to talk to Shinji and Kaworu first, Misato. Just… straighten a
few things out first."
An idea struck her. The perfect Misato distraction bait. Rei would just
have to take one for the team. "Oh, and you can start teasing Rei,
now. She's finally admitted the Fifth Child is her boyfriend. Guess
yesterday's attack pushed her across the line of admitting it."
Misato blinked, and her eyes lit up. She locked her eyes on Rei's
reflection in the rear-view mirror. "Really? Is that so, Rei? Finally
hooked your Fish, eh?" She shot a quick look back at Asuka. "I'm still
going to want that brief later on, Asuka. But spill it, Rei."
Rei shot Asuka a blushing pout before turning her eyes back to
Misato. "… Yes, Major. Kaworu and I have… come to an
understanding."
"That's… pretty amazing. I thought you didn't remember him?"
"I do now. I remembered everything yesterday just before the

shooting. I therefore did not have opportunity to mention it. This
would be among the things Asuka and I discussed last night. As it
is…" Rei shifted in her seat. "I am… eager to see him. And… talk."
"Well, well, well…" Misato hummed with amusement. "I can see
we're going to have to have a special dinner tonight! We'll have to
ask Shi-… ah. Sorry."
Asuka managed to make her flinch look like she was holding in
anger. Pinching her eyes shut likewise helped. "Just… get us down
there, Misato. I want to see him."
Misato nodded and stepped on the gas a little harder.
.
Asuka stood at the turn in the hospital corridors that would lead to
the isolated wing where Kaworu was being kept. She tried to make
her feet move. She couldn't even blame the crutches as an excuse.
They needed to go see Kaworu to verify what Rei had told her last
night, to talk about 'Tabris' and averting the end of the world. But
everything in her screamed to turn left and go down the hall to the
room where Touji, Hikari, and Shinji were.
"Asuka?"
Rei's soft touch on her shoulder nearly made her jump. "I… we
should…"
"It's alright. I can see you reaching for him right now. It is… good that
you go see him first. It centers you," Rei said softly. "I do not mind."
She looked up and to the right, apparently staring at a spot on the
ceiling. "He is… calm. I will send him a text message that we are
seeing Shinji first."
Asuka managed to keep her pang of guilt at her own selfishness to a

minimum. "Thanks, Rei." She set off at the fastest she could swing
the crutches, barely less than a run.
"Asuka?"
Asuka halted in surprise at the weak voice greeting her. Hikari was
laying partly elevated in her bed, the head end raised so she could
pick at the tray of food in front of her with her left hand. Her right was
still fully bandaged and bound to her chest. The Fourth Child looked
wan and tired.
"Hikari!" Asuka hobbled to her bedside, but halted a hug before she
could lay a hand on her. Hikari looked… fragile, in a way that was
new and unsettling. "How do you feel?"
Hikari's smile was paper-thin. "I'm on enough painkillers I've got

nearly no appetite, but I can tell my arm and leg are… well, I'm glad
for the medication. She glanced worriedly to her left. "They… the
nurses won't tell me anything, or even move the curtain. Is… is Touji
alright?" Her lip trembled.
Asuka winced. She turned around, ignoring the stab of pain in her
wounded foot, and angrily whipped the curtain between Hikari and
Touji's beds aside. "This is stupid. There's respecting someone's
privacy, and then there's just idiocy. He's right here, Hikari. I…"
Asuka burst of energy dissipated.
Touji was there in the bed, alright. Still, eyes closed, and breathing
into an oxygen mask. The quiet beep-beep-beep of the heart monitor
was underlaid by the steady hiss of the oxygen feed to his mask. His
normal tanned skin was as pale as Hikari, and his head was nearly
hidden under a thick wrap of bandages.
"He… got hit trying to cover you, after you fell," Asuka reported
numbly, not looking away. "The bullet glanced off his skull. They're…
last thing I overheard was they were keeping him in a coma until the
swelling on his brain went down."
Hikari began to cry quietly behind her. "He'll… he'll be ok, right? He'll
get better and wake up?" she pleaded. On the far side of her bed,
her heart monitor began to beep more rapidly.
"Yes," Rei reassured her. Her soft voice was rock certain. "Doctor
Akagi is the best in the world at advanced tissue regeneration
techniques. She will be able to heal you and Suzuhara-kun faster
than anyone else. Trust me."
"You we trust just fine, Rei. It's that Hexendoktor we don't," Asuka
growled. She sighed and rolled her eyes at Rei's quelling look. "Fine!
You say she's… not as bad as I think." Asuka caught herself in time
and managed not to look at the security camera in the corner of the
room. "I still only tolerate her treating Shinji and my friends because
you vouch for her. But if she can… fix this, it'll make me like her a
little better."
"She will. Her skills have never been in question, Asuka," Rei
pointed out. She fiddled with the wheel locks on Hikari's hospital bed
and got it rolling. She pushed it towards Touji's bed, stopping only to
move some of the medical equipment between them out of the way.
She halted when the beds were side by side, then took Touji's hand
and moved it close enough for Hikari to reach it with hers.
Hikari grabbed Touji's hand as soon as Rei's was out of the way. Her
sobs subsided as soon as she made contact. Rei's soft sigh and
small, contented smile as she stepped back was noticed only by
Asuka.
Asuka turned around herself. Hikari and Touji would keep, under
Rei's eye. Now it was her turn. She rapidly crutched her way to the
other side of the room.
Shinji was looking better than Touji, if only a bit. He didn't have an
oxygen mask, at least. He did have a large, nasty pad of bandages
high on his chest visible through his open hospital gown. There were
some hints of red in the center.
Asuka shivered. The exit wound. A handful of centimeters to the

right, and…
'No. No. I refuse to think it. He's alive. He's alive .'
She settled awkwardly right back into the chair Misato had forced her
to leave hours before. She put her hand on his chest and ever so
gently caressed the parts of his skin she could reach under all the
bandaging and medical tubing. Even that tiny contact was a balm to
her heart. She could feel his heartbeat, feel his chest rise and fall.
She took his hand again, rubbing her fingers across his knuckles.
She raised it to her lips and softly kissed it.
["I wish I could just lock the door to this room and make the world go
away, even for a few minutes. Just five minutes when it's just you
and me, by ourselves,"] she whispered. ["Just that little joy for us
alone."] She smiled sadly. ["You clever ass. If I'd been three seconds
faster, I'd have beaten you to it, and we'd be right here with our
positions reversed. You watching me in a hospital bed, begging me
to wake up and smile. God, Shinji… I am going to choke the shit out
of you for your little stunt when you wake up. After I get done kissing
you so hard your soul will be pulled right out of your body, of
course."]
Shinji barely groaned and slowly rolled his head towards her. It was
still more signs of life than she'd seen from him since the attack.
["You… you stupid ass,"] she whispered. ["How dare you? How dare
you do this to me?"] She stomped her injured foot on the floor, hard,
letting the spike of pain push the tears back. ["'I love you'? And then
you run off just to draw fire ? Shinji, you bastard…"] She stomped
her foot again, harder. It wasn't working. The pain in her foot paled in
comparison. ["You… you have to wake up, you stupid, stupid man.
You can't leave me alone like this."]
Asuka scrubbed at her face, darting a look at the other side of the
room to make sure no one could see. Rei was still watching Hikari
and Touji. She looked back down at Shinji's sleeping face. ["I can't do
this alone, Shinji. Our best friend just… flipped over the table on
everything we thought we knew, and I can't do this without you. I
need my Shinji, damn it. I need you so bad. I don't… I don't want to
go talk to Kaworu about… any of this unless you're with me."] She
pressed his hand to her face, trying to breath him in. ["Please,
please wake up."]
His heart monitor kept up a steady beep beep beep.
Time flew past. Asuka barely sensed it. She must have kept up the
whispered half-conversation with Shinji for most of an hour before
Rei's touch on her shoulder broke her out of her fugue. "Asuka… I
do not like to break your communion, but…" She flicked her eyes
upward.
Asuka sighed, and nodded. She desperately wanted Shinji along for
this, but he wasn't rousing, and she couldn't put it off any longer. Rei
needed her reassurance too. She struggled to her feet. Her foot was
throbbing. "Alright… let's go see a fish."
It almost physically hurt for Asuka to let go of Shinji's hand and leave
his room. It did physically hurt as her wounded foot made its protests
known for her stomping it earlier trying to distract herself. She let the
pain fill her mind anyway. It was better to focus on her throbbing foot
than revert to worrying about Shinji.
It also kept her mind partly off freaking out over what Rei had told
her last night. 'My best friend is part ancient space alien, her
boyfriend is too, and he's wobbling between suicidal and
suppressing an urge to end the world personally . This is in addition
to us already knowing our own Commander and his bosses each
have their own plan to end the world. And someone tried to kill us all
yesterday. If this weirdness keeps accelerating, I think I'll be a
magical girl by next week, and Shinji will have turned into a lemur or
something.'
'And my foot hurts.'
The long hike down the corridors of the hospital and up two floors to
Kaworu's room did not put her in a better mood. As embarrassing as
it would be, exchanging the crutches for a wheelchair was starting to
feel attractive, especially if Rei was willing to push her. Asuka felt a
bit of relief when they finally halted outside an isolated room with an
intimidating security keypad on the door.
She panted for a moment before eyeballing the lock. "You have the
combo, Rei? We lost Misato when she went to hunt for Doctor Dye-
Job."
Rei's slender fingers danced across the keypad without even

looking, to a small cluster of beeps. "Doctor Akagi provided the
combination to me last night before we departed, in case we were
required to monitor the Fifth Child," she said emotionlessly. She
entered ahead of Asuka and stood aside to hold the door open for
her.
Asuka crutched her way inside and was relieved to spot an empty
chair behind Rei. "Good morning, Fifth Child," she grunted to the boy
sitting up in the bed. "We need to talk."
Kaworu blinked at her, then turned a quizzical look on Rei, who

nodded.
Rei closed and locked the door behind her before walking over to the
bed and taking Kaworu's hand. "I…" She swallowed thickly. "I
informed Asuka of… everything last night. You and I. Our… origins.
Everything."
Asuka eyed the camera in the corner of the room near the ceiling.
"Uh… is it-"
"My AT-Field has already fried all surveillance equipment in this area,
Asuka. We may speak freely," Kaworu said calmly. A bead of sweat
forming at his temple betrayed he was not as calm as he seemed.
Asuka tried not to twitch at how much even that tiny comment
confirmed what Rei had said. Rei demonstrating by forming a tiny,
unmistakable orange octagon in the palm of her hand last night had
been disconcerting proof enough, but to hear Kaworu implicitly
corroborate it again without prompting was… Asuka shook herself.
"It is alright, Kaworu," Rei said into the awkward silence that filled the
room. "She… did not reject me. Us."
Kaworu smiled. "I had faith she should not. Shinji… will not, either. I
believe in him."
Asuka snorted. "Of course my beloved baka will accept you two
loonies. That's what he does."
Kaworu's smile grew weaker. "Not… always. Sometimes my betrayal

is too much."
Asuka blinked at him. "Say what now?"
Rei shook her head. "I am sorry, Asuka. There is even more that I
did not have time to explain last night, such as that Kaworu's nature
and the odd quantum entanglement of Second Impact means he has
fragmentary memories of other lifetimes, other timelines. He has met
Shinji hundreds of times, died as many."
Asuka's eyes got wider. "Wait, what ?"
Kaworu nodded wearily. "I remember many, many lives. If it makes it

better, none of them have been anything like this." He laced his
fingers with Rei's as she drew closer, and pulled her close by that
grip with a stronger smile. "None like this, ever before…"
Asuka slumped in the chair and rubbed her temples. "Other lives ?
Just… Christ, my head hurts. Wait… does that mean you know
what's coming? What's going to happen?"
Kaworu wobbled a hand. "Yes and no? These… visions are like half-
remembered dreams. I can see general trends when they pile up,
things that happen a lot, but it is very difficult to pick out just one
timeline. So things that happen often, like my death at Shinji's hands,
I see easily. Specific details are harder. I see thousands of lives. And
as I said, I do not recall ever seeing a life like… like this one. I've
never had this much hope." He looked at Rei and smiled. Rei
blushed and looked away.
"Why would-" Asuka began, then hesitated. "Shinji would kill you to
stop you from going full Angel and trying for that… Complementation
thing, wouldn't he? That would be the only thing I can think that
would make him do it."
Kaworu nodded sadly. "Yes. We are almost always friends, or more.

So it… hurts him deeply when I cannot resist the Call, and go… go
do what I was made for."
"Not always," Rei interrupted. "You have told me yourself that

sometimes it does not end in your death. Sometimes he talks you
out of it. With love."
Asuka blinked and rolled that image around her head for a bit.
"You… you get talked down from ending the world by my Shinji
because of love ? Like, you're a couple?"
Kaworu nodded again, reddening a little this time.
Asuka dropped her head into her hands. "Um Himmels willen, why is
my boyfriend being stupidly sexy and cute the key to saving the
world in multiple universes ? This is nuts. Rei, shut him up for a while
with your lips, will you?"
Rei flushed, but leaned in closer to Kaworu and did so.
Asuka was still trying to push images of shirtless Shinjis and

Kaworus in a clinch out of her head when the keypad on the door
beeped again and the door opened to admit a nurse in pale blue
scrubs pushing a cart ahead of her. Asuka flinched back from the
cart swinging almost into her face, due to her chair's position behind
the door. She scowled at the nurse, who passed by without even
glancing at her.
"Good morning, Nagisa-san! Time for your-" The woman stopped

short on spotting Rei, who had managed a hasty and red-faced zip
back away from the bed as soon as she heard the door open. "Oh!
Pilot Ayanami! I didn't expect you to… oh well, this will only take a
moment. And you can tell the Commander, too."
Rei raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.
The nurse pulled open a drawer on the cart with a calm smile, and
bent over slightly to pull something out of it.
She came back up with a gun.
"The time for this charade is done, Tabris. Become Truth, and wipe
this world clean of its impurity," she said in almost reverential tones.
She leveled the ugly black automatic at the Fifth Child. "Amen."
Rei was impossibly fast. Her hand came up even faster than
Kaworu's, and a pair of orange octagons flared to life between them
and the nurse.
The crack of the pistol firing was hideously loud in the small room.
The tiny hole that appeared in the gauze bandage on Kaworu's chest
shocked them both. The bullet slowed and diverted against the
glowing AT-Fields, but had torn through despite the barrier. Kaworu
screamed in pain and slapped his hands against the wound, which
began to gush blood.
Rei's expression froze in shock and horror. This was not possible.
Kaworu could not die! Not now! She threw both hands up and
prepared to use her AT-Field offensively this time.
The nurse was already squeezing the trigger on a second shot,

correcting for the AT-Field's distortion. "Purity forever, Ame-
AAAAGH!"
Her head snapped to the side as Asuka's crutch smashed into her
temple. Asuka's second swing took out the back of her knees,
dropping the nurse to the floor. The gun skittered out of her hands
and slid into the corner.
The nurse tried to get up, but Asuka threw one of her crutches at her
face. She untangled herself just in time to look up and see Asuka
swinging a shiny steel bedpan right down onto her face. Twice.
Three times. Four times. Five times. Six-
The nurse was very unconscious by the time Asuka stopped. And
now urgently in need of a good reconstructive plastic surgeon.
Rei was already rolling Kaworu onto his side to face away from her,
desperately searching for an exit wound. She didn't have to search
long. The flow of blood out his back was even worse than the front. A
sparkle of ruby embedded in the foam mattress on the bed showed
where the bullet had stopped. It was a oddly distinct note of a
different red amidst the already gore-soaked sheets.
"Kaworu! Talk to me! Stay here! Stay you!" Rei not quite shouted.
"I'm here! Focus on me!"
"Gnnng! NNNG!" Kaworu responded, his eyes flaring like red lamps.
"No… NO!"
"It's out! You can heal this! Don't listen to him!"
Asuka hobbled over to where the gun had slid and picked it up. She
pulled the slide back and looked inside. The next round also had a
ruby red shine. She looked at the bed. Did she need to… could she
do what those other Shinji's had done? Would she have to? The
pistol seemed to weigh a thousand tons in her grip, suddenly. "Rei…
what can I-"
Rei wasn't listening to her. "Kaworu! Look at me! Look at me! " she
pleaded. The room began to shake. A smell of ozone began to grow.
Kaworu arched up off the bed, suspended in an arc from his heels to
he head. His scream grew louder and began to take on strange
harmonics.
Rei leapt onto the bed and practically straddled him, grabbing hold of
his flailing hands. She leaned down as close as she could and
screamed in his face, " I love you, you bloody idiot, so calm down
and shut up!" She let go of his hands, grabbed his shoulders for
stability, and leaned in to kiss him as hard as she could.
Kaworu's screaming cut off and he slowly sagged back down to the
bed. The red glow in his eyes faded and his eyelids drooped shut.
The ragged panting from both him and Rei was the only sound in the
room for a moment.
Kaworu's eyes cracked back open a slit. "Rei?" he croaked. "I hurt.
But thank you. I love you too."
Rei shook him by the shoulders. "Never do that again!"
"Well, if people would stop shooting me-"
Asuka lowered the gun with shaking hands and a whispered prayer
of thanks. She swung the pistol around to point at the still
unconscious woman on the floor. She fished her cell phone out of
her pocket with one hand, thumbed one of the speed dial numbers,
and took a deep breath.
"Katsur-"
[" ARMED SECURITY TO KAWORU'S ROOM RIGHT THE FUCK

NOW, MISATO! I AM GETTING JUST A LITTLE TIRED OF
PEOPLE SHOOTING MY FRIENDS!" ] she shouted into the phone.
She took another breath and dropped the volume from 'Angry Jet
Engine' to mere 'Air Raid Siren'. ["I've got the shooter subdued and
I'm holding her own gun on her, but I'd really like some backup! She
was disguised as a damn nurse! What kind of clownshoes fuck-
stupid security does NERV have on this place?!"]
"Focus, stupid fish…" Rei whispered urgently. "Heal the wound. You
can do it. I'm right here with you."
Kaworu nodded vaguely, his eyes screwed shut tight and his
forehead beaded with sweat. His AT-Field twisted and surged, and
the bleeding stopped. The neat round hole in his skin closed and
vanished. He sagged limp on the bed and slowly pried his eyes
open. He began to laugh weakly.
"What is it?" Rei asked.
"I want to make a joke about us being in bed together, but everything
hurts too much and I think this might be the blood loss talking. I feel
kind of dizzy." He wearily wiped a hand across his brow, sweeping
some of the sweat away. "Fuck you, Tabris. Fuck you."
"I will smack you for the joke later, once you are not splashed with
your own blood," Rei promised. She slumped against him too, her
grip shifting into more of an embrace. "Don't ever… don't do that,
Kaworu. I already hate this feeling of fear at losing you even more
than I thought I would in the beginning."
He just nodded tiredly and let his eyes close again.
"Rei!"
Asuka's hand on her shoulder snapped her eyes back open again.
When had she let them close? Rei shook herself and sat up. "Yes?"
"What about Shinji? And Hikari and her Stooge?"
Rei shot a look at Kaworu. Their eyes met for a second, then in
unison they both looked up and apparently towards one corner of the
room. "He is… undisturbed, Asuka. Still sleeping. Hikari and
Suzuhara-san are… cuddling. No others in their room at this
moment," Rei said eventually.
Asuka breathed a brief sigh of relief. "For now. I… Gott, I have to

stay here. Commander Asshole will know if you and Kaworu are left
alone, right? Rei, please get to Shinji and keep him safe? I don't trust
anyone here right now to do that but you or Misato, and she's on her
way here." She waved the cell phone. She had her thumb over the
mic. "Misato's still on the line, but I didn't want her to hear anything
we haven't told her about yet."
"I…" Rei looked at Kaworu, who nodded.
"I'll… I'll be ok, Rei. Asuka can keep me company enough to remind
me of… everything. Go. Protect him."
Rei grabbed Kaworu's face and stole one last kiss before she bolted
from the room at a sprint.
Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to update, everyone. I thought it

would be a week or two. But I'm about to head to the Middle East
again, and that's been eating all my time. Hopefully, I'll get one more
update out before I deploy.
Kaworu's not having a good day, is he? And Asuka's barely holding
her cool in the face of all this. It's a good thing she trusts Rei as
much as she does.
Advice and Trust
Chapter 11.19-21
Cards On The Table
Rei skidded to a halt just inside the open door of Shinji's hospital
room and spun around to grab the open door's knob in one motion.
She slammed the door and locked it, then moved a chair to wedge it
under the knob. A quick scan around with her Sight revealed no one
in the immediate vicinity that had not been there when they visited
before. She glanced at the open blinds on the windows and closed
them, then pulled the curtains closed as well. The room secured as
she could make it for the moment, she let herself lean against
Shinji's bed and breathe hard.
It had been difficult to restrain the urge to see just how fast her AT-
Field could have propelled her through the hospital's corridors to get
here. But breaching secrecy in that manner had seemed too likely to
draw very negative attention, either from the Commander or others.
Worse even than staying alone with Kaworu to let Asuka sprint here
instead. Now that she had a moment to think, it mildly amazed Rei
that her first action so soon after seeing her boyfriend shot again
was to rush off and trust his protection to another. Then again, Asuka
was showing her just as much trust, and they both had complete
confidence in that.
She glanced over at the sleeping faces of Hikari and Suzuhara-san
in the other bed. Hikari was lying on her back due to her injuries, but
she hadn't let go of Suzuahara-san's hand, and seemed to be
sleeping easier. Rei looked at Shinji. He had not stirred since they'd
left. But his Light was strong. He would recover. She had not merely
been trying to reassure Asuka; Doctor Akagi was the best in the
world at tissue regeneration. One positive benefit from all the repair
work they'd had to do on the Evangelions.
Rei pulled another chair over to the middle of the room, so she could
see all three of her friends and watch the door. She settled in. She
did not know how long it would take for additional NERV security to
arrive to relieve her, but she would not permit any harm to befall her
friends in that time.
Asuka tried to let the rapid footfalls of Rei's departure assure her. Rei
would not let anything stand in her way, and she'd protect Shinji.
Right.
She turned back to stare at Kaworu. It only just now occurred to her
she was alone in a locked room with an Angel, and she had a gun
loaded with anti-AT-Field bullets.
The Fifth Child stared back at her, a tentative smile on his face. "I…
can't blame you," he said quietly.
Asuka twitched. "You're not reading my mind or something, are

you?"
He shook his head. "Just your face. You looked at me, then the gun,
and… well," his smile wavered, "if it wouldn't make Rei sad, I'd
almost tell you to do it. You saw how… fragile my grip on Tabris is
right now."
Asuka looked at the gun again and frowned. "Right…" She ejected
the magazine and popped three bullets out. She stuffed them in her
pocket, then reloaded the magazine into the gun. This time she
pointed it at the assassin on the floor.
She looked at Kaworu again and narrowed her eyes. "You're not
even bleeding anymore?"
He pulled the blood-soaked hospital gown aside to reveal the

likewise soaked bandage on his chest. It had a neat 9mm hole in it,
but no additional fluids dripped from it. "Healed. Benefits of an S2
Organ."
Asuka looked at the bloody bedsheets and bullet hole in the hospital
gown. "Right. Ok, take your gown off and strip the bed. We've got to
get rid of those before Misato gets here and asks why there's a
bloody bullet hole in your shirt and not in you."
She dug through the cart the assassin had brought in, coming up
with a fresh set of sheets and a new hospital gown. "Good thing she
had a real cart. If she'd just packed this thing with a bomb or… right,
bomb wouldn't beat your AT-Field," she said, handing the gown to
Kaworu. She quickly jerked her eyes upward when she realized he
wasn't wearing anything else.
The gray-haired Pilot did not seem uncomfortable. He handed her a

wad of bloody sheets in exchange. "What do we do with them,
though?"
Asuka looked around the room. It was dismayingly free of obvious

hiding spots. Misato would go through the cart, so that was out. They
couldn't just stuff them in a trash can… ah!
There was a small bag in the corner with Kaworu's shoes and cut-up
clothes from the theater. Asuka quickly stuffed the bloody sheets and
gown inside. The bag was now obviously bigger, but no one should
need to investigate Kaworu's personal baggage, right? Hopefully.
Some artful arrangement of the new sheets left them pulled half-off
the bed, leaving the bullet hole in the mattress exposed. Thankfully,
it's synthetic surface had let the blood slide right off.
Asuka wearily slumped back into her chair, gun back on the still
unconscious assassin. "Ok, lie on the bed and try to look like you're
still in pain. We've got to make this convincing, since this is not the
time to tell Misato about you and Rei."
Kaworu didn't lay back down yet. He stared at Asuka with a curious
look of admiration on his face. "I… thank you, Asuka."
"Eh? What fo- oh. Yeah. Well…" Asuka waved her free hand
vaguely. "Look, Rei loves you, and Rei being happy is important to
Shinji and I, alright? And… like I said, you took a bullet for him. You
were nearly killed trying to protect him. I will never forget that. Doubly
so now that I know you're not just a Pilot, alright?" She frowned and
looked down at her hip. She tapped the pocket with the bullets she'd
removed from the gun. "And if it comes to it, I don't want Rei to have
to… be the one to stop you. I know it would kill me if I had to stop
Shinji or something. If I can spare Rei that…" She trailed off, giving
him a slightly apologetic look.
He just nodded. "I… me too. Her happiness, I mean. I've never felt
like this before. I'd do anything for her. And I… well, I'm not going to
end the world by my choice. But my instincts are just too strong.
Tabris doesn't listen to petty Lilim things like 'this will kill my friends'
or 'this will destroy someone I love'," he said morosely. "So you
keeping a backup… I can only pray we won't need it, and bless you
that you'll take that burden from Rei."
He smiled sadly. "You know, one of the things that kept us apart for a
while was that she didn't want to be put in the position of having to
kill a friend. I'm glad you'd shelter her from that. The way you and
Shinji love her is… I hope I can be as open with her. Or as good to
her."
"You'd better," Asuka grumbled, dipping her head to let her hair hide
a blush. "She's number two on the list of 'people I'd shoot someone
for', and it's not that long a list." She waved at him again. "Now lay
down and look like you're in pain, Angel-boy. We've got to make this
look good for Misato."
The huge, open space of Gendo's office somehow felt stuffy and too
close to Misato. Like the room itself resented her presence. It had
been like an itch at the back of her mind as she finished up her
report.
"The shooter missed her shot at the Fifth Child thanks to the
Second, and is under guard in the surgical ward untiI she regains
consciousness. Her weapon was a standard Heckler and Koch USP,
similar to a NERV standard sidearm. We're tracing it. The… unusual
ammunition has been handed over to Doctor Akagi for analysis. I
have put guards on the Pilots' rooms until further notice, but as we've
seen the Geofront itself is no protection, I'd like to move them back
to my building as soon as they are released from the hospital, sir."
"Your building?"
"Yes, sir. It's already well protected by Section 2 details who have
been in place for some time, and they're already aware of who is
allowed in the building. It is well separated from anything nearby,
with no unobserved avenues of approach. Simply put, once they're
inside, Section 2 can simply warn off or even shoot anyone who tries
to approach that isn't on the list. Short of an enemy dropping a
missile on the whole site, they'll be safe against further attack." She
braced herself for the argument.
"Granted."
Misato managed to keep most of her surprise off her face. "… Thank
you, sir." 'Ok, that was way too easy. Why is he agreeing to this?
Even assuming he doesn't give a damn about Shinji or the others,
why isn't he insisting Rei be held down here? Something's up.'
"I expect your full report by this evening," Commander Ikari

continued. "We will release the Children at that time, provided Doctor
Akagi can complete another healing cycle on them by then. Doctor?"
Next to her, Ritsuko stiffened. "Sir, they haven't had enough time to
stabilize from the last one. Their healing is proceeding at the best
speed we could have hoped for, but putting them in for a second
cycle before their systems have been able to adjust to the shock and
re-nutrition is-"
"They are critical NERV assets and we are under attack, Doctor,"
Commander Ikari interrupted. "We do not have the luxury of time for
them to recover at a leisurely pace. Another attack could come as
soon as tomorrow. We need the Children operational immediately."
"Sir, if we rush things, there could be compli-"
"You have your orders, Doctor. This is priority."
Ritsuko shut her mouth, her lips pressing into a flat line. It was
apparent further arguing would run right into the Commander's
insistence.
"Sir? The Second Child is still able to Pilot, and the First Child is
unharmed. We can still deploy two-thirds of our Evas," Misato
ventured.
"The next Angel could require 100% of our efforts, Major. You are
dismissed."
She frowned, but saluted. She and Ritsuko turned and walked out of
his room in unison.
Fuyutsuki glanced at his younger superior. "SEELE will not relent.
They need Tabris to activate even more than we do."
Gendo didn't even look at him. "We will have Rei eliminate him in a
matter of days. SEELE would not be sending only assassins to
trigger him if the Mass Production Evas were ready. We have some
time, if little."
"How soon can we move? If SEELE is being this direct, they must be
close themselves."
"Difficult to say with precision, but I will have Adam integrated

enough to attempt within a week, I estimate."
Fuyutsuki's expression was grim. "And then we take the only way out
that stops SEELE."
Gendo nodded microscopically. "SEELE lacks the Lance, and likely

underestimates how far they are behind. As long as we have Tabris
under our eye, we control the timetable."
"They've come too close with their assassins," Fuyutsuki noted. "A
few centimeters' distance, and they'd have have succeeded. If not
for the Second Child's presence, they might have even succeeded
this time."
"We are close. We will terminate the last Angel when we are ready,
or sooner if needed, and then begin our endgame."
Gendo's expression was as fixed and blank as ever, but Fuyutsuki

could see the tension in his pose, and the way his eyes were fixed
on the horizon. Only one thing was on his mind.
Yui.
.
.
They were barely ten meters down the corridor outside the
Commander's office when Misato broke the silence. "What
'complications'?"
Ritsuko flinched, but kept walking just as fast as the Operations

Director. "We're going to have to monitor them for shock immediately
after, and make sure they eat like horses in the next few days. Even
with the LCL to help, we're asking a lot of their systems to try this.
And I don't even know about the medium or long term risks. There
are signs this could be a huge cancer risk, pushing their tissue to
regenerate at this speed, but…" She shook her head. "They need a
few days between cycles. This process sucks key nutrients out of
their system at a ridiculous rate, and their bodies are not expecting
this kind of load."
Misato nearly snarled. "I do not want my kids getting cancer because
Commander Ikari can't let them have a few days to recover, Rits."
"You heard him. I'll watch the process like a hawk, but…" She shook
her head again. "At least they'll be able to go home tonight?"
"You can get all three of them through that fast?"
"Four, I think. Soryu's injuries are minor, she'll only need maybe an
hour in the tank, if that."
Misato blinked in surprise. "Jesus, Rits. They got shot a day ago.
You can have them combat ready in 48 hours from that? You… you
realize what this kind of tech could do if we can release it to the
world? How many lives could be saved?"
Ritsuko nodded, a very sad smile on her face. "Yes. And I also know
the Commander has no interest in doing so. Hell, I'm half-surprised
I'm even allowed to use it on the Pilots."
"Why-"
Ritsuko shook her head sharply, once. "Don't ask. You know why."
Misato nearly snarled again. 'Because the Commander is trying to

end the world, and doesn't give a damn about next year, or anyone
outside his little plan. Right.' Aloud, she said, "Fine. Just… tell me
they'll be alright tomorrow."
"I'll do everything I can, Misato."
Misato just nodded, and they separated at the next corridor

intersection.
"Asuka, you don't have to stay here. You can go to him. I can see
how much you want to."
Asuka left off her unimpressed examination of the spartan new room
Section 2 had moved them to and looked at Kaworu. ["What?"]
["There's over a dozen Section 2 guards outside this room. There's

more outside the hospital. They're not going to let anyone else in
here without specific permission from Major Katsuragi or Doctor
Akagi. You can go see Shinji,"] the Fifth Child explained. His German
was oddly old-fashioned and formal.
Asuka frowned and shook her head. ["I am not leaving you alone,
Rainbow Trout. After the last 3 hours, not to mention all of yesterday,
I don't trust Section 2 to effectively protect a taco cart, let alone one
of us. I am demonstrably more effective at keeping you safe from
assassins than they are. And I trust Rei to keep my baka, Hikari, and
her boytoy safe."] She resumed her hobble-pacing around the
sparse room, the rolling hospital bed and side stand nearly the only
furnishings in it, harshly lit by the Geofront-filtered sunlight flowing in
through the floor-to-ceiling windows on the exterior wall. Her hands
kept clenching and unclenching on the grips of her crutches.
Kaworu shook his head, a faint smile on his lips. ["Asuka, I can see
how badly you need him. You are glowing with it. It honors me a lot
that you are willing to stand guard over me like this, but it is unlikely
they will try another attack on me so soon."]
["Yeah, that's what we said this morning,"] Asuka growled. ["Look, at

this point I don't trust anyone but us and maybe Misato or Kaji to
actually protect you. And over the last 24 hours we've come within
literal centimeters of you or Shinji being dead. Rei can't be here with
you right now, so I will."] She stopped moving around and awkwardly
turned herself on her crutches to face him. ["And what do you mean,
I'm 'glowing with it'?"]
["I can see you. You both burn so brightly for each other. It's-"]
Kaworu suddenly broke off and looked towards the door, breaking
into a broad smile. ["Rei is coming!"]
Asuka blinked, and looked at the door. There hadn't been any sound
on the other side, or the door unlocking. She opened her mouth to
ask how the Hell he knew that when the faint sounds of footsteps
began to approach the door.
A moment later the door lock beeped several times, and opened a
crack. It couldn't go any farther than that, thanks to the two chairs
Asuka had piled against the inside. "Asuka? I am accompanied by
two orderlies. Please allow us in," Rei's voice said softly through the
gap.
"Rei!" Asuka quickly moved to the door, leaned one of her crutches
against the wall and pulled the chairs out of the way to let the door
swing wide. "What are you- Oh."
The one of the two orderlies in Rei's wake was pushing an empty
wheelchair. He moved it close to Asuka and offered it to her. "Please,
allow me, Pilot."
"Doctor Akagi sent me to escort you and the Fifth Child to the other
Pilots' room. She wishes to collect us all for additional medical
procedures. The Commander has ordered we must all be combat-
ready as soon as possible."
Asuka sat down in the wheelchair, but jerked her face towards Rei.
"Wait, so who's watching Shinji and Hikari? You didn't leave him with
that hexendoktor, did you?"
"A security detail established by Major Katsuragi is guarding that

room, Asuka," Rei replied, very definitely not glancing at the Section
2 guards just outside the doorway. "They are safe. I would not have
left were it not so."
The second orderly unlocked the wheels on Kaworu's bed and

started to push it towards the door. Rei stood aside to let it pass. She
and Kaworu shared an intense look as he rolled by. The Fifth Child
had not stopped smiling. Rei merely nodded.
She picked up Asuka's crutches, and waved for the orderly pushing
Asuka's chair to proceed her. "And we are going right back to them.
Doctor Akagi wishes to speak to us all before the next procedure."
Asuka grumbled, but subsided. "I still don't like her, Rei."
Rei nodded again. "She knows. We do what must be done,

regardless."
Tan-uniformed NERV guards waited at the elevator to take them to

the floor where the others were. They just nodded at Rei, apparently
under orders to follow her lead, and followed them into the wide
hospital elevator. Asuka kept an eye on them anyway, trusting them
only a little more than the black-suited Section 2 goons.
More of them guarded the hallway outside the Pilots' room. The ones
that had followed them up in the elevator fell in with the group,
leaving the orderlies to push Kaworu's bed and Asuka's wheelchair
into the room without them.
Doctor Akagi looked up as they rolled in and nodded, gesturing for

them to be pushed next to Shinji's bed. "Thank you. Please wait in
the hallway for a moment. I need to discuss something about the
procedure with the Pilots, and then we'll be moving to the treatment
lab."
Asuka popped up out of her wheelchair and hobbled closer to

Shinji's bedside, reclaiming her grip on his hand. She steadied
herself with her other hand on the bedframe as she balanced on her
uninjured foot. Shinji was just as she'd left him, though he stirred
very slightly when she took his hand. She searched his face for any
scrap of reassurance before turning to Doctor Akagi. "Alright, you've
got us here. Now what do you need us all for? What 'additional
procedures'? I thought they all needed days to recover before
anything else," she said with a frown. "And where's Misato?"
'Because I trust her a lot more than I trust you,' was loudly unsaid.
Doctor Akagi didn't look any happier than she did. "Major Katsuragi
is still overseeing the investigation in the Fifth Child's original
hospital room. Commander Ikari is concerned about the possibility of
another Angel attack soon, and has ordered that you all be run
through the LCL-boosted procedure again immediately, so you can
all be combat-ready before that can happen," she said sourly.
Asuka managed to stop her eyes from shooting right to Kaworu.

"Another Angel attack," she repeated flatly. "Angels haven't been the
number one threat to our health recently."
"You're up first, Second Child," Doctor Akagi continued without

acknowledging Asuka's retort. "We should be able to heal your foot
in rapid order, and…" She glanced at the door. Rei had closed and
locked it, and now stood guard in front of it. The only people in the
room were the Pilots, Touji, and her. "… and if we move quickly and
quietly, I can probably get Suzuhara-kun here slotted in the real
chamber while I improvise a smaller system to work on your foot. If
you're willing."
Asuka blinked for a moment. "Wait, what? I thought you were only
allowed to treat us with that thing because we were Pilots."
"That's correct. If you're willing to see if I can rig up a, a… LCL

footbath rig, we can put him in the actual recovery pod while you are
supposed to be in there," Ritsuko said carefully. "It won't be as
effective on the skull fracture itself, but it will definitely do a world of
good for the soft tissue damage and swelling on his brain. He may or
may not be conscious by tonight, but it will accelerate his healing by
weeks."
"So why are you even asking me? Why can't you just waive the rules
and get him treated anyhow? You're the number three person in NE-
" Asuka narrowed her eyes. She looked carefully around the room.
"… you're not asking Commander Asshole, are you? You're going off
the reservation? You ?"
"I'm… not exactly asking official permission for this, no," Ritsuko said
nervously. "But… please? It may take weeks or even months for him
to recover naturally."
"Why are you asking me ?" Asuka pressed.
"Because… because I need to do this," Ritsuko admitted haltingly.

"Improvising the smaller system may not even work, and your foot
may not heal faster, or at all, if it goes badly. You'd be giving up your
slot for-"
"You know damn well that's not what I'm asking, Doctor, " Asuka
snarled. "There's precisely zero need to ask my permission for this.
You can do this whether I say yes or no, and Commander Jackass
will crucify you either way. Shinji and I are too damn familiar with
how he responds to people not following every little order he gives."
"Then let him," Ritsuko said quietly, not looking Asuka in the face.
"I'm already a dead woman if Commander Ikari finds out what else
I've been doing. I'm doing this either way. I just wanted to give you a
chance to object to the possible loss of perfectly fixing your foot. I
know how important your beauty is to you. But I'm taking Suzuhara-
kun along on this no matter what." She did finally raise her eyes to
almost defiantly meet Asuka's.
Asuka curled her lip at her. "Evidently you don't know, Doctor.
Trading my foot over Touji's brain ? What kind of question is this? Of
course we're putting him in. I'm proud of my looks, not
sociopathically vain . I'm not some kind of monster. I don't have your
kind of sins to atone for." She jerked her head towards Rei.
Ritsuko flinched.
"Asuka, she is trying to atone," Rei said softly. "This is one small
piece of it."
Asuka glared at Doctor Akagi for another moment, then looked back
down to Shinji. She rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand.
"Do Hikari next. Shinji goes last. That's how he'd want it." She looked
back up at the fake-blonde. "They'll all be ok after this, yes?"
Ritsuko hesitated. "I… think so. That's the second thing I wanted to
ask of you before we-"
"You think so ?" Asuka growled "What the fuck do you mean ' think
so '?!"
"I argued against this! I tried!" Ritsuko snapped back. "The process
puts an enormous strain on their systems, and we have no idea if
there are going to be serious complications if we push them through
it twice this fast! But the Commander ordered it, and I can't stop him!
Not on something this obvious! I'm going to be watching like a hawk
and fine tuning the process in real time to minimize the strain on
them, but we have to do this! That's the other reason I wanted to
have you and Suzuhara-kun go first, so I can monitor and fine tune
the process on the two of you that haven't been already put through
it once!"
"'Complications'?!" Asuka nearly shouted at her. Her Japanese

deserted her. ["You bitch, what the Hell do you think you're doing,
risking my boyfriend like this for the babbling idiocy of that heartless
bastard in charge of this madhouse? For an 'Angel attack' you know
damn well is about as likely to hit tomorrow as I am to-"]
Rei's hand on her shoulder snapped Asuka's rant to a halt. The

redhead looked wildly at Rei, her breath a rasp in her newly raw
throat. "Rei?"
"Asuka, this is not her choice. She will watch out for Shinji and Hikari
every second and do everything she can for them."
Asuka returned her glare to Doctor Akagi, who nodded, swallowing.

"I promise."
"What kind of 'complications'?" Asuka snarled.
"We're… we're forcing intense, rapid tissue regeneration, and

drawing a lot of nutrients and critical elements out of their system.
There's possible increased cancer risk, there could be some nerve
damage, there… I don't know ! There's been no time to do anything
even like long-term research on this, let alone actual biopsies or
studies! I've got the MAGI running some sims, but they're so full of
assumptions and guesswork that their predictive value is slim."
Ritsuko rubbed her temples. "LCL is potent enough stuff it might
buffer them against anything long-term, especially if they keep
getting long soaks as Pilots. But I can't be sure at all, and I'm sorry! I
just… I couldn't just shove you all into this without at least telling you.
No matter what he orders."
Asuka looked down at Shinji again. "Fine. Test out whatever you
need to on me first, Doctor. Any shade of risk I can take off Shinji is
worth it. Let's get started right now."
.
Ritsuko could feel the Second Child's stare burning into the back of
her neck.
At least it was just a stare. Asuka's running grumbled commentary

while her foot soaked and Ritsuko had been trying to work on the
Suzuhara kid's process had been annoying enough. It had elevated
to louder and more pointed snarls when the Fourth Child's turn had
come. Only the timely intervention of Rei had headed off a potential
explosion when Ritsuko began to load the Third Child into the
healing pod. Asuka had started threatening her with doom and death
if anything happened to Shinji. After Ritsuko had threatened to have
her removed from the room if she couldn't stop pestering her while
she worked on the most delicate case, Rei had managed to extract a
promise from the redhead to keep silent as the price of her staying to
watch.
'It's not like I need more stress right now!' Ritsuko thought to herself.
'The Horaki kid was easy, all soft tissue repair. Even Suzuhara
wasn't that bad, just the complication of it being brain tissue at
center. But damn it, the Third Child's is all a mess of broken ribs,
lungs, and major blood vessels! The last thing I need right now is
some smart-ass little bitch jogging my elbow while I try to- shit shit
shit, potassium and calcium levels are all wrong, balance balance!'
She hurriedly typed commands into the control computer, trying to
stay ahead of the fluctuating readouts. The Third Child's system was
being heavily taxed by this process, and his vitals were not making
her feel reassured.
'His pulse is way too high, damn it. Increase the glucose feed, blood
sugar too low…'
Her hands flew over the console, trying to stay one step ahead of the
alarmingly unstable process. It was bad enough in the best of times.
On this second round in less than twenty-four hours, she couldn't
take her eyes off it for more than thirty seconds before some new
instability cropped up.
'Arterial oxygenation dropping, his lungs aren't keeping up with

breathing and regenerating at the same time damn damn damn!'
"Doctor!" Asuka muttered urgently. Shinji's pulse was still increasing.
"I know!" Ritsuko snapped, her hands moving faster. She spared
twenty seconds to order the MAGI to begin predictive analysis of the
instabilities and automatically respond to recurring ones with
adjustments she'd already used.
"Rei, I'm going to scream if I have to just sit here!" she heard the
Second Child whisper. "I can hear his heart racing, I can see those
monitors, and I can't do anything ! Nothing but sit and watch this
woman work on him!"
"Doctor Akagi is the best in the world. She will save him."
"That's a little hard to trust in after what she did to you!"
"She truly wishes to make amends. Do you understand now why I

said I know she is not lying?"
There was a long pause before the Second Child replied again. "…
alright. I trust you, Rei. Whatever you can see in her, she's still got to
earn it as far as I care."
"She will."
'I wish I had as much faith in me as you and Maya do, Rei,' Ritsuko
thought for a moment. More indicators began bleeping on the pod.
She worked faster.
.
.
Blurry images joined the half-heard, naggingly familiar voices

registering on his disordered thoughts. Blue. He could see blue. And
red, set in white. Wait. He knew… "Rei?" he mumbled, his voice
weak and throat dry.
Red eyes shifted down to his. "Shin-"
Shinji's eyes snapped open. "Asuka! Where's Asuka?! Is she ok?!

Was she hur-" he babbled too fast for Rei to even finish his name.
"-ji."
"I'm right here, you jerk ."
With great effort, he managed to roll his head to look at the other
side of the bed. An angry redhead was glaring at him. All was right
with the world. "Asu-"
He got no further as a fervent, deep kiss was pressed to his lips. He

was smiling when she finally pulled back. "You're ok, right?"
"I am fine, you idiot! And when you're feeling better, I'm going to tear
your head off for pulling that stunt! Don't you ever do that again!" Her
hands clenched over and over. "I can't even hold you right now since
the spot you got shot is still healing!"
He smiled weakly and shook his head a tiny bit. "Sorry, Asuka-"
"Don't you 'sorry' me!"
"But I'd do it again, every time."
Asuka bristled. Rei watched closely as an alarming flash of fear and

near-panic washed across Asuka's Light despite the putative anger
on her face. "Don't you-"
"Asuka, you're alive. That's all that matters. I'd do that again a
thousand times to make sure you're alright," Shinji interrupted. "I
know you'd have done the same thing if I hadn't beaten you to it.
You're just like me."
Batting aside the IV line into his left arm, Asuka leaned over the bed
and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Then you should know I can't
stand even the idea of you leaving me alone if you die, baka! Don't
risk yourself like that! I can't-" She bit her lip and visibly fought for
control. "I can't do this without you anymore! You mean too much!"
"You're worth more than I am, Asu-"
["No I'm NOT!"] she shouted at him. ["I got shot in the foot when I
tried to go after you, and Kaworu got shot through the chest trying to
save you! Rei had to-"] She halted and ground her teeth. ["Yes, I'd do
it for you! And you know how you'd feel if anything happened! So
don't!"]
Shinji blanched. "You got shot?! Kaworu?! I-" He shook his head
again, a little firmer this time. "I can't promise that, Asuka. You, Rei,
Kaworu… I will always take that risk for you. You most of all."
Asuka glared at him, still holding onto his shoulders. ["… Fine. But
you are going to promise me that wherever you go, whatever you do,
I'm there too, alright? Whatever happens, you and me, together,
forever and always. You promised that already, right?"]
Shinji's hands came up to gently pull hers off his shoulders and hold
them. ["You and me, to the end of the world, I promise,"] he said
slowly and carefully in his accented German.
Rei sighed softly, causing the two to snap out of smiling at each
other and look at her. She blushed lightly. "I apologize for intruding.
You two burn so brightly together. I cannot help but savor it."
Shinji weakly shook his head, confused. "Rei?"

Asuka sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. "Ah, yeah… about
that. Rei had a bad night after the shooting, and needed to talk. She
and I had an… er, interesting talk. We need to fill you in once we get
home."
"Get home?" Shinji blinked and let go of Asuka's hands to carefully

prod at his still bandaged chest. "I just got shot… uh… last week?
How long have I been out?"
"About a day. The attack was yesterday."
Shinji looked at her, looked at the patch of clearly blood-free

bandages on him, looked back at her, and said, "What?"
"Doctor Akagi shepherded you all through two rounds of LCL-

accelerated healing," Rei informed him. "You are not fully recovered,
and will be very drained, but you are fit for Piloting and able to go
home immediately. Commander Ikari ordered the procedure out of
need, as I was the only uninjured Pilot after the attack."
Asuka growled. At Shinji's look, she said, "I'm not happy he ordered
that. Doctor Bitch said she had no idea what long-term risks you
might be facing from this, but your asshole dad ordered it anyway.
He said it was because an Angel attack could happen any time.
Pfah!" She rolled her eyes. "Anyhow, now that you're awake, we're
taking you and the stupid fish home with us. We have to keep you on
a nutrient IV for tonight, but we'll at least get to fall alseep together."
She leaned back down to kiss him again, letting her hair fall around
her face, creating a curtain between them and the world. ["And we
have got one Hell of a story for you, lover. Rei remembered
everything she'd forgotten… and she told me everything,"] she
whispered with her face centimeters from his. ["She knows about the
next Angel."]
"Wh-" Shinji's surprised reply whisper was cut off by Asuka putting
her finger against his lips as she leaned back upright.
"More of that at home, Third. Meantime, Rei's going to tell Misato
you're awake, and we're getting everyone die Hölle out of here and
back home where we're safe." She frowned and shook her head.
"Oh, right, you missed that. Another assassin tried to shoot Kaworu
a few hours ago, here . I had to stop her."
Shinji blinked. "… wait, you ? Um… personally?"
She gave him a lopsided grin. "Told you, baka mine. You and I are
the two most dangerous people on the planet. Angels, assassins,
nothing is too much for the Great Asuka Langley Soryu." She
clenched her fist in front of her like she was a knight.
Shinji looked to Rei for confirmation. The bluenette nodded. "She

did. She saved Kaworu and I. Beat the woman unconscious and
captured her, no less."
Shinji shook his head again and cast his eyes upward. "I've been out
for one day, and suddenly its an action movie in here? What is going
on?"
Rei gave him a look that seemed blank as usual, but by now Shinji
could read it as 'very worried'. "Things are different, Shinji. I hope
you will not be… too discomforted at the end of today."
Asuka waved her hand at her. "Relax, Rei. I already told you, Shinji
will accept things, everything, because he's just that sort of sweet
idiot. Part of why we all love him. So go tell Misato the good news,
and we'll get moving."
The First Child nodded, rose, and silently left the two in the quiet
hospital room.
.
Shinji looked askance at the wheelchair the orderlies had provided
and Asuka had prodded him into. "Asuka, is this really necessary?"
His redheaded partner snorted. "Look, baka, you got shot, and
Doctor Dye-Job's magic healing voodoo or not, I am going to baby
the Hölle out of you until you're 100% again," she retorted. She
scooted ahead a bit on her crutches to trigger the motion sensor on
the hospital's front door, allowing Rei to keep pushing Shinji out to
the curb without slowing.
Kaworu was already waiting for them there in his own wheelchair,
beside a looming black Section 2 SUV. A stone-faced orderly stood
behind his chair, but returned to ignoring them after a single glance
away from the hospital access road. Kaworu smiled at them all as
they rolled up. "Hello, Shinji. It is good to see you in much better
health than yesterday."
Shinji smiled tentatively, but stared at Kaworu's oddly cheery

manner. "Er… I feel better than I thought I would right now, but still
not great." He raised his left arm, showing the IV lead still running
into his arm from the bag dangling on the hook over his head on the
chair. "How are you not…" He waved at Kaworu's lack of similar
medical attachments.
The Fifth Child just smiled. "Doctor Akagi is a very skilled healer, is
she not?"
"I… I guess?"
"We've got a lot to talk about at home. We can compare our battle
scars there," Asuka said in a tone that tried for levity but was far too
tense. "NERV Security is going to escort us home, and they're
staying to boost the security detail around our building. Or so Misato
said. She has to stay here and supervise the investigation circus in
Kaworu's first room."
She opened the back passenger-side door to the SUV and chucked
her crutches in the back. She hobbled slightly on her good foot to get
to Shinji and helped him gingerly up from the wheelchair and into the
backseat, carefully moving the IV bag along the way. Rei let the
muscular orderly move Kaworu, but got in next to him.
"Where are Touji and Hikari? They didn't come back to our room,"
Shinji asked.
"Doctor Akagi is keeping Suzuhara-san for further observation.

Hikari refused to leave until he regained consciousness. She said
she would call us when he did," Rei said calmly. She did not turn her
head.
Shinji felt the stiffness coming off her. It was an unsettling recall to
how she'd acted a year ago, before… everything. "Rei?"
"We'll talk at the apartment, Shinji," Asuka interrupted. "You just

concentrate on relaxing until we can get you settled in at home."
She waved out the window at the NERV Security jeep at the front of
their little convoy, and the group headed out from the hospital.
The Section 2 and NERV Security escort had let them off alone at
the apartment's entrance. Both Kaji and Misato would be tied up for
hours in the Geofront. So it was just the four Pilots who made their
way into the living room in the still stifling afternoon heat.
"Asuka, you don't have to do all this for me," Shinji tried to protest.
He plucked at the blanket Asuka had insisted on tucking around his
legs after she'd settled him on the couch.
Asuka stuck her tongue out at him and kept right on fussing over
him. "Shush, you. You know damn well if things were reversed and
you were taking care of me after I'd gotten shot, you'd be waiting on
me hand and foot and treating me like I was made of spun crystal.
So I'm going to pamper the Hell out of you. So there!" She ducked
her head closer to steal a kiss. "And pampering you right now lets
me reassure myself you're alive and here, since Jesus Christ did
seeing you bleeding to death scare me out of my mind, baka!" she
whispered as she held her face close.
Standing back upright, she called back over her shoulder towards
the kitchen. "Rei, is it ready?"
"Yes. I am bringing it now."
Rei appeared through the door with a two trays, a steaming bowl of
miso soup and some rice balls on each. She handed one to Asuka to
put on Shinji's lap, and took the other to Kaworu, sitting at the low
table in front of the television. She then sat down next to him, close
enough that Shinji blinked and sit up in surprise.
"Ah, Rei? Are you-" He broke off, a wave of dizziness washing over
him. "Whuh… woo… my head is… not good…"
Asuka pressed the cup of soup to his hand and guided it to his
mouth. "Drink, baka. You're severely depleted on a lot of major
nutrients, according to Doctor Fake-Blonde. Especially calcium and
potassium. So eat up. I am going to pamper and feed the stuffing out
of you. I want you healthy enough to ravish me gently again as soon
as possible."
Shinji gave her a weak smile, and sipped the soup. With his right
hand, so as not to disturb the IV line going into his left arm. "Kaworu,
are you…" He trailed off again, staring at his friend. His friend who
had no IV line. "Why don't you have an IV?"
Kaworu and Rei looked at each other, then back to Shinji. "I am…
more healed than you," Kaworu eventually said.
Shinji looked to Asuka. "I thought you said he got shot through the
chest? How come he's not as wiped out as I am? Did Doctor Akagi
do… no, it's only been a day, so…?"
Asuka pursed her lips, and turned to Kaworu. "Show him."
Kaworu hesitated, but pulled his shirt up to show his own patch of
bandages. He reached up with his other hand and carefully pulled
the clean, white bandages away from his chest.
Revealing utterly unmarked pale skin.
Shinji shook his head in confusion. "How?"
Asuka rubbed at her forehead. "I… Gott, I wish we had more time.
But we need to get you up to speed right now. Shinji, do you trust
me?"
Shinji started to smile. "Of cou-" He looked at the grim, serious faces
of his friends, and paused for a second. "… With my life and
beyond," he said calmly.
"Then I'm going to hit you all at once with a bunch of things that
sound crazy, but I promise are true, and Rei and Kaworu were
terrified of telling us but also hated withholding for our own safety
from SEELE. Kind of moot now, that." She took his right hand and
steadily met his eyes. "Rei is a clone, the third one. She died when
Unit-00 blew. That's why her memories were screwed. That week
she spent getting her brain scanned was the last backup."
Shinji blinked and stared at Rei. "… wha… what does that have to
do with Kaworu… she's a what ?"
Asuka kept on going. "She's also part-derived from an alien sent to

seed Earth with life. A Progenitor. So is Kaworu. That's why the red
eyes."
"I… I… aliens ?"
"And Kaworu healed the gunshots," Asuka emphasized the plural,

"including the one from this afternoon because…" Asuka stopped,
taking a deep breath. "Be-"
"Because I'm the Seventeenth Angel," Kaworu interrupted. "I am

Kaworu Nagisa. But I am also Tabris, the Angel of Free Will. I healed
the gunshot wounds because I can regenerate. SEELE sent me here
to… do what all the Angels are trying to do. Wipe the Earth clean
and renew it in our form." He hung his head, unable to meet Shinji's
stunned stare. "I'm sorry…"
Shinji slowly cranked his head from Kaworu to Asuka. "… I love you.
You're not kidding one bit, are you?"
Asuka shook her head slowly. "Not even a word."
"You're going to have to explain some more."
Asuka looked at the First Child. "Rei?"
Rei took a deep breath and began, "We were the first. There were no
others…"
Most of an hour later, Shinji sat with his head in his hands. He hadn't
moved or said anything in a while. He slowly raised his head to lock
eyes with Kaworu. The gray-haired Pilot swallowed nervously.
"You are supposed to destroy the world. That's what the 'Call' is,
right?" Shinji asked in a calm, dead voice.
Kaworu nodded nervously.
"You are an Angel. The thing we've been fighting. Monsters that try
to kill us all."
Kaworu winced, but nodded again.

Shinji paused. "You said you loved me."
Kaworu flinched. It took him a moment to nod.
"Did you mean it?"
Kaworu nodded much more vigorously this time. "Yes! I always have!
Across I don't know how many worlds. So many times," he babbled.
"The few worlds I can see where I don't succumb to the Call, it is
almost always because you have shown me love, or shared it, or…"
He looked at Rei, smiling softly and the too-fast nervousness of his
speech fading. "Or showed me it was possible. I think I have a
chance here because of that."
Asuka shook her head. "Yeah, that… many worlds thing is still pretty
damn weird. Even along with everything else."
Shinji looked deep in thought. He raised his head. "You meant it. I…
Kaworu, only three people have said that to me since my mother," he
hesitated, "had her accident. And they're all right here. I may not
deserve it, but I can… I won't let someone who loves me face what
you're facing without all the help I can give."
He rubbed his face with his hands. The low drone of a traffic
helicopter passing by was the only sound in the apartment for a
minute. He sighed. "And Rei… I… I can understand why you didn't
want to tell us all of this before. But… you're still the same person
who took Ramiel's blast to protect me. Who told us you loved Asuka
and I, expecting nothing in return. I may not have known," he
paused, searching for words, "what you are until now, but I've know
who Rei Ayanami is for almost a year. You're still our Rei, the one we
both love right back. Nothing… nothing is going to change… um, us.
How we… all are, I guess. Ancient space stuff or not."
Rei sagged with relief against Kaworu. "Thank you," she mumbled
thickly.
Asuka barked a laugh. "Ha! Didn't I tell you, Rei? My sweet baka, the
Buddha of Tokyo-3!"
Shinji blinked at her. "What?"
"When Rei told me all this last night, I predicted you'd react exactly
like this, Liebling," Asuka crowed. "I told her my baka Shinji would
just accept them, because that's what you do. And I know you like
nobody else in the world does."
Shinji's face went blank for a moment. "So… if you can see other
worlds like that, does that mean you know what's going to happen?
Can you give us an idea of what SEELE's going to try next?"
"I already tried asking that, baka mine. No joy."
Kaworu shook his head. "The visions are never… that clear,
especially during the parts I'm… um. Dead."
"Dead?!" Shinji blanched.
Kaworu hung his head. "… usually you're the one to stop me, when
I… can't stop myself."
"And that's not happening here," Asuka said firmly. "If it comes to
that, I'll do it, remember?" She pulled one of the red-tipped pistol
cartridges out of her pocket.
"Asuka?" Shinji asked her, voice worried.
"The shooter today shot him with one of these. It can get through AT-
Fields, which they can put out without Evas," she said, not looking at
him. "And I'd do it so you or Rei would not have to," she finished
softly, staring at the bullet.
"No."
Shinji's firm tone made Asuka look up.

He was staring at his clenched fist in his lap. "Not going to happen.
We're not going to let him die, or anyone. I'm not going to let anyone
I love die if I can stop it. Not Kaworu, not Rei, and sure as Hell not
you. Not as long as I live. We'll beat SEELE, my father, whoever we
need to. Nobody dies."
Asuka's mouth slowly spread into a broad smile. "That's my Shinji…"

She took a morsel of rice off his tray and popped it into his mouth.
"So, what do we do next, love?"
"We have to tell Misato-san and Kaji-san."
"She may or may not even get home tonight. You know how she
tends to just crash in one of the Geofront rooms when she's buried in
work," Asuka pointed out. "And today was pretty 'busy'."
He nodded. "Yes, but that is definitely the next hurdle. They have to
know all this."
Rei looked worried. "I… am still apprehensive, Shinji. You and

Asuka, while I was still afraid, we still cared for each other in a way
that Major Katsuragi, as kindly as she treats us, does not."
"She'll understand, Rei." Shinji paused. "… I think."
Misato really, really wanted a drink. A nice Yebisu to start things off,
and then a very quick transition to some sake or bourbon or
something else hard that would sooth the pounding headache and
roiling acid in her stomach. Her last meal had been… hours ago, she
wasn't sure. The whole afternoon and evening had been a blur of
investigation, trying to get what she could of a not very cooperative
Section 2 and a still unconscious prisoner.
She shook her head as she ran her card through the reader on her
apartment door. Asuka had done quite a number on the shooter. Her
face was a mashed mess of blood and bruises when they hauled her
into the interrogation area, and she'd likely still be unconscious for a
while. Section 2 was being stiffly unhelpful. The increased security
presence around her place was only making her feel slightly better.
Two attempts on her kids in the last two days, and every sign she
could see only pointed to things getting worse. All Hell would
probably break lose once the last Angel was dead and there was
nothing stopping SEELE from going all out.
She really wanted a drink.
But she had to stay sharp and ready. Today had been an all to close
lesson on the threat they were facing. She didn't even have Kaji here
tonight to both help watch over the Pilots, or relax her. Her
boyfriend… fiancé? Whichever. He'd disappeared after a couple of
text messages indicating he was going underground to check with
sources. She'd sent a flurry of half-angry, half-worried messages
back, but he hadn't replied in a couple hours. This had put her even
more on edge.
So no drinking, no warm lover beside her to sleep, and at this hour,

no Shinji-made hot dinner to feed her before bed. Given that Asuka
and Rei had only just taken him out of the hospital with orders for
strict rest once they were home, she couldn't even reasonably
expect a meal left in the oven for her to warm up, either. She sighed.
Back to curry and instant ramen for tonight. It wasn't as appealing as
it used to be.
The living room was dark as she came in. She glanced down the hall
to Shinji and Asuka's room. Dark and quiet as well. It was late
enough they were likely both asleep. She turned towards her room.
She'd get out of her uniform and into something more comfortable,
make something to eat, and get to bed. She was already angry and
tense enough for toda-
"Major Katsuragi?"
She did not jump at the soft question from the darkness, but she did
freeze for a moment, before it registered that it was the Fifth Child.
"Kaworu? What are you doing here?" She opened her bedroom door
and flicked the lights on, throwing enough light into the room to
reveal the young man sitting in one of the beanbags on the floor.
He gave her a wan smile, a ghost of its usual power. "I wanted to
catch you before you went to sleep. We've got something important
to tell you, and… well, it's time. We've put this off long enough
already. We've already told Shinji and Asuka. They wanted to wait up
with me, but Shinji needed the rest."
Misato tried to quash her irritation at a quick path to food and sleep
being interrupted. She had been demanding this for a while. She ran
her hands through her hair and took off her red jacket, tossing it onto
the chair by her room's desk. "Fine. You picked a Hell of a day for it,
but I guess that's part of why, yes?"
He nodded. He looked off toward his right, in the direction of her

room and Rei's apartment beyond the wall. "Rei just went to her
apartment to get some things. She will be right back. She knows you
are here." He shifted restlessly. "We… Rei and I… we know who the
last Angel is."
Misato narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean, 'who'?"
"SEELE did not send me here as a spy. They sent me to… end
things."
Misato frowned. "Kaworu, I am really too tired for this kind of silly
game. It's been a long day, and I don't appreciate you trying this at
this hour, after a day like this." She turned to enter her room, her
thoughts already returning to dinner.
"You were there when I was born. In Antarctica."
Misato froze, her hand on the doorframe.

"When Adam exploded, I was born. SEELE created this new body
for me, but my origin, my soul is Tabris, the Angel of Free Will.
Second Impact was effectively my birth scream."
Misato turned around, very slowly.
Kaworu was still sitting on the floor. He had one hand out, palm up.
A glowing orange octagon sat in his palm, humming faintly.
His eyes met hers. "I am the last Angel."
Angel. Here. Now.
"You. Second Impact was you?!" Misato rasped tightly.
He nodded. "Me, and the others."
There was no thought to it. Faster than a cobra's strike, her USP
was in her hand, the hammer moving back. Kaworu made no move
to dodge or even raise his hands.
The gunshot was painfully loud in the small living room.
The room filled with dim orange light. The bullet made a
comparatively gentle pok as it was deflected off the two meter wide
AT-Field that had appeared in front of Kaworu and up into the ceiling,
barely heard over the now much louder hum.
Kaworu still had not moved. The small AT-Field in his hand went out.
Misato kept the gun on him, a snarl twisting her face. She flicked her
eyes to her right as she finally noticed the pale white hand and arm
coming from the kitchen, outflung towards Kaworu.
Rei Ayanami stepped into the room. She kept her hand stretched out
towards the Fifth Child. She looked Misato coldly in the eye. "Are
you going to shoot me too?" she said icily.
.
Author's Note: I have been saving Rei's last line there for years . I
described this scene to my first beta reader in 2015, and they said it
was 'brutal'. :V
27JUL19
Advice and Trust
Chapter 11.22-24
Cards On The Table
Rei's stare remained locked on Misato as she edged closer to

Kaworu, putting herself between him and the Operations Manager.
She kept her hand raised, the humming orange AT-Field staying up,
lighting the room.
Misato shook her head slowly, trying to reject what she was seeing.
"No… no, not you too, Rei. Not you too…" she whispered, her gun
still raised. It now pointed right at Rei's heart. It trembled minutely.
The door to Asuka and Shinji's room slammed open and a furious
Second Child rocketed out. "OK, YOU SON OF A-" She cut off and
skidded to a halt as she saw the frozen tableau in the living room.
"… Scheiße." Asuka lowered the aluminium crutch she had run in
with, ready to unleash it on another SEELE gunman. "This isn't how
we wanted to tell you, Misato."
Misato's ashen face swung from Rei to Asuka. "… you KNEW ?"
"That talk Rei and I had last night," Asuka admitted. "You can see
why I wanted to talk to Shinji and Kaworu before we broke it to you?
Because we knew you would… not take it well." She threw a glare at
the Fifth Child. "We told you not to do this, idiot."
Kaworu shrugged slightly. "I admit, I did not expect Major Katsuragi
to immediately try to shoot me, but-" He waved at the standoff in
front of him.
"Asuka, he's an Angel," Misato growled through clenched teeth.

"And… Rei?"
"She's… not exactly an Angel, Misato. She's something… else,"

Asuka tried. It did not seem to pacify the Major.
Misato's gun had not moved. Neither had Rei. No one did until the
rattle of an IV stand rolling across the floor broke the silence.
"Misato-san, I would appreciate it if you stopped pointing your gun at
my friends," Shinji said, fatigue oozing from his voice.
Misato darted a look at Shinji before focusing back on Rei. "Shinji,

he's not your friend. He's an Angel. Our enemy."
"He is not our enemy," Shinji replied. He wearily advanced into the
room, putting himself in front of Rei, facing right into Misato's gun
from almost arm's reach. He closed his eyes for a moment and
sagged against the IV stand before taking a deep breath and
standing up straight again. "He is my friend. My teammate in combat.
And more than that, he loves me, just like Rei and Asuka. I am not
going to abandon someone who says that to me and means it. It
doesn't matter he's an Angel. He's not like the others. He doesn't
want to fight us."
"Whoa, hey, none of that, baka!" Asuka protested. She squeezed in

front of him, interposing herself between Misato's gun and her
boyfriend. "I told you, no more getting shot ."
Kaworu's head swiveled towards the kitchen and the entrance hall to
the door. Rei did not break her stare. "There are several Section Two
Agents approaching the door to this apartment. I think someone
should intercept them before they-"
Asuka was already moving. She spared one second to glare at
Misato on her way, then sprinted to the entry hall just a second
before the pounding on the door started. Asuka scowled and
pressed the 'open' button on the frame.
"Major Katsuragi! One of our-Oh… ah, Second Child. One of our

sniper teams saw a sudden flash in here that appeared like a
possible gunshot. Is everything alright?" The black-suited agent
looked suddenly uncertain. Asuka did not look like someone fleeing
a shot. She looked like she was about to punch the much taller man.
Asuka gave him her best 'fick dich und geh sterben' glare and
growled, "If someone had been shooting at anyone in this apartment,
I think I'd know all about it, especially after today. We just had a bulb
blow out when Misato flipped a switch. It's nothing. Now go away
and let us sleep. My boyfriend has had a shitty week, and you
clowns aren't helping by banging on the door this late." She crossed
her arms and practically dared him to do anything but slink away.
He looked around Asuka and stuck his head in the doorway to peer
down the short entry hall. The shadowed silence and lack of
screaming or more gunshots coming from around the corner that cut
off his line of sight seemed to satisfy him. "Sorry to bother you.
Goodnight," he said curtly, and stepped back.
Asuka darted her hand towards the 'close' button as fast as she
could, but the automatic safties wouldn't allow her to catch his head
in the door in any case. She let herself have one second to slump in
shaky relief against the inside of the door before slapping the 'LOCK'
button and running back to the living room. No one had moved. So
she slipped right back into where she'd been standing, between
Shinji and a gun.
A gentle hand on her shoulder moved her slightly to the side to let
Shinji face Misato directly. "Please put the gun down, Misato-san,"
Shinji said gently. "Kaworu is not our enemy."
"Shinji, he's an Angel," she repeated. "He has to die. It's the only
way to end this war."
"I will not permit you to harm him, Major," Rei said flatly. The hum of
the AT-Field between the Pilots and Misato that she had let fade
when the door was opened resumed and got a little louder.
"If I die, it would guarantee I do not-" Kaworu began.
Rei snapped her other hand out at him to furiously point at him with
one delicate finger. " You shut up!" she snapped. "I love you, you
idiot, and I am not going to let you die while there's anything we can
do about it! So none of that!" She kept her eyes on Misato.
Kaworu blinked at the sharply pointing digit, then gave Rei a

heartbreakingly sad smile. "I love you too," he said wistfully. He
shook his head, then looked thoughtful for a moment. He turned his
eyes to Misato. "I surrender."
Rei turned around to look at Kaworu. "What?"
Shinji turned his head far enough to look at the Fifth Child as well.
"What?"
Asuka blinked. "Was?"
Misato's hands gripping the pistol lost a fraction of their white-

knuckle tension. "What?"
"I surrender. I yield. The war is over," Kaworu said. "And you don't
shoot prisoners, do you, Major? I ask to be remanded to Rei's
custody. She can control me if anything happens."
"You can't just-" Misato sputtered.
Shinji started to smile. "Who says he can't?"
"He's still an Angel !" Misato insisted. "He's a lethal threat to the
entire world just by being here! You know what your mother told us!
Angels will be drawn to the Geofront and try to end the world!"
"Well, I am rather drawn to Lilith…" Kaworu said with a small smile of

his own.
"Not now, stupid fish!"
"You must be hungry, Misato-san," Shinji said suddenly. "Can I make

you something to eat before bed?"
Misato blinked again and looked Shinji in the eye for the first time.
"I… what? Shinji, we are-"
"He's surrendered, Misato-san," Shinji said firmly. "You are not going
to shoot him. Because that's not war anymore. That's murder. And
you are not a murderer. So I will make you something to eat and we
will talk about everything Rei and Kaworu were afraid to tell us
before. Why they were afraid should be obvious now."
He stepped forward, gently moving Asuka out of the way and then
Rei. He stopped with his chest less than three centimeters from the
barrel of Misato's pistol. "And I'm not moving otherwise. You want to
kill my friend, you'll have to kill me too."
A bead of sweat rolled down Misato's temple and along the side of
her neck. "Shinji, please move -"
"Baka, you get the Hell back from there, or-" Asuka began tightly.
Shinji just put his hand back to her and curled his fingers. "Asuka,
you still have them in your pocket, yes? Can you hand me one?"
Asuka looked uncertain. "I… I do, but… are you sure about this,
Shinji?"
Shinji's gaze never left Misato's face. "Yes. Misato wants revenge for
her father, but she's not a heartless killer. She wants to protect us
and avenge his death on the ones responsible. Kaworu may be an
Angel, he may be a threat… but he's not guilty. SEELE sent Doctor
Katsuragi to die, not him. Misato-san knows that."
Asuka bit her lip worriedly for a moment, but dug into her skirt
pocket. She pulled out one red-tipped bullet and put it in Shinji's
hand. "I hope you know what you're doing, Liebling."
Shinji took the bullet and held it up to Misato. "You know regular
bullets won't get through. This is what SEELE tried to kill him with
today and yesterday. If you truly want to kill him, you'll have to use
this. But you'll have to take it from my hand. And shoot me too." He
swallowed, betraying his calm mask. "Or I can make you dinner, and
we can talk about how we're all going to live through this and save
everyone."
Misato's left hand let go of the gun and reached forward slowly. She
took the bullet from Shinji's palm. She mechanically ejected the
magazine from her pistol, loaded the new bullet into the top, inserted
it back into the gun and racked the slide. The tiny pit-pat of the
ejected round hitting the floor of the living room was louder than
anything she'd ever heard. She raised the gun again with glacial
speed. It shook as it came level. "Shinji…"
Silently, Asuka stepped up right behind him, putting her arms around
him. She put her chin on his shoulder and closed her eyes. They
breathed together.
Rei was frozen behind them. She'd let the AT-Field fade once Shinji
had gotten too close to keep it up, but was poised to snap it back
into place in an instant.
Kaworu slowly stood and stepped just behind her. He just stared at
his friends' back, enrapt. "They… they're so beautiful. I… I've never
seen something so pure…" he whispered to Rei. She just nodded.
"Kaworu isn't the one you want. That's SEELE. You know the
difference. He's fought beside us for months. If he wanted to hurt us,
he could have a hundred times already," Shinji said, likewise closing
his eyes. "I trust you, Misato-san. Please trust me. What do you want
for dinner?"
Silence rang for thirty seconds before Misato hoarsely said, "J-just
some ramen and a beer. Please."
She lowered her gun.
Shinji and Asuka opened their eyes. They took a deep, relieved
breath in unison before Asuka let go of him. She tapped him on the
head. "You stay put, baka mine. In fact, you and the fish go sit down.
You're supposed to be resting. I'll handle food." She whispered
something else into his ear, then headed to the kitchen, with several
backwards glances at Misato.
Misato looked at Kaworu, who had carefully taken Rei's left hand.
Rei's right was still raised defensively towards Misato. She slowly let
it drop, but kept staring at the Operations Director. "I have more
reason to want him dead than anyone else in the world, Major
Katsuragi. And I refuse to kill him if there is any other way," the First
Child said rigidly. "Please listen to Shinji's proposal."
Misato slowly shook her head. "Rei," she rasped. She coughed and
cleared her throat. "Rei, if… if he's an Angel, what are you?"
"I am Lilith. I am the source of all life on Earth, sent to seed this
world billions of years ago. He is my opposite. Another Seed. We
were never meant to be here together. Though I would have wished
it if we were not."
"… what?"
"Misato-san, you are not going to believe how things got this way,"
Shinji said wearily. He sank gingerly onto one of the beanbags,
dragging his IV stand closer as he sat. He patted one next to him
and waved Kaworu closer. "But I think you will understand it." He
nodded tiredly at Rei.
Rei pursed her lips, but nodded, and sat down on the floor next to
Kaworu, still holding his hand. "We were the first. There were no
others," she began once more.
Asuka breathed a quiet sigh of relief as Misato's bedroom door slid

closed behind the exhausted Major. This evening had been
emotionally taxing enough even before Kaworu's spectacularly
poorly executed revelation. At least now the end was in sight. She
had already helped Shinji to lay down in their bed, once the
confrontation with Misato had ended and she'd eaten the small meal
they'd hurriedly prepared for her. She was about to follow him and
wrap herself around her boyfriend to recharge. Only one more thing
to do.
She turned around to face Rei and Kaworu, who were awkwardly
not-quite meeting each other's eyes as they stood by the door to the
kitchen. Asuka snorted slightly at them. "Gott, were Shinji and I this
bad last year?"
Rei snapped out of her distraction and raised her head. "What?"
Asuka rubbed her face tiredly. "You two. Look, it's really late, I'm
nearly as tired as Shinji, and this is the first night I'll have gotten to
lay down in the same bed as my love in three days. So I want to go
to sleep. I bet you do too. But I'll also bet this is the first time you two
have had alone together since the assassin, and there's probably
some talking you want to do before tomorrow and we have to tell Kaji
and decide what the Hölle we're doing next. I'm going to bed. You
two make the most of the next few minutes. Don't stay too long, or
Section 2 might notice you both are the last ones leaving, at the
same time."
She gave Kaworu a pointed look. "You might start by apologizing to
Rei for nearly getting shot again . We told you not to do that. It's a
good thing my sweet baka is so… him. I don't know how things might
have broken if he hadn't done that little stunt. But I'm still not happy
with any play that has Shinji in front of a gun. So you apologize to
her for making her worry, and then… talk. I know how few chances
you two have to be alone together in ways that won't look too
suspicious. I remember what it was like for Shinji and I early on.
She gave Rei a hug, then stepped back to point at Kaworu.

"Remember what I texted you, Fifth Child."
Kaworu just smiled. "I know. I am. And she is."
Asuka just nodded, went down the hall to her room with Shinji. The
door sliding closed behind her left the two Nephilim in silence.
"I am sorry," Kaworu said quietly. "I… could have done that better."
"Yes, you could," Rei said tightly. "You are never to do something like
that again, understand? You could have… grraah!" She stepped
closer to him and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in
his neck. "Never do that again. You have made me love you, stupid
fish, and now the idea of you dying hurts more than I ever thought it
could. You promised me to live."
Kaworu had stiffened as she pulled him into the hug, but slowly
relaxed, his arms coming up to hold her too. "I'm sorry. I have no
idea what I'm doing. But making sure you and Shinji are safe is more
important than me. And Asuka too. I know how much she is to you,
and even more to Shinji."
"You truly are an idiot," Rei muttered into the curve of his neck.
"Shinji just faced down the woman who is practically his mother now
at gunpoint for you. And Asuka stood right with him. You think you
are any less important to us?" She squeezed him harder. "You have
been such a stupid, stupid boy and made me love you. I will not let
you run away and leave me. You and I are just like them. We go
together, come what may. I will have no other way."
She gently kissed the side of his neck.
He nearly levitated off the floor with the shiver of delight that ran
through him.
The silence held for a moment as they just held each other. It was a
thing neither of them had ever had a chance at before. It had never
been quite like this before. Rei could feel his AT-Field molding and
shaping to conform with hers again, but it was no longer the careful
avoidance of the time after Arael. Now their fields pressed flush
together, curling and twining with each other like they were trying to
make their embrace even closer. It was no longer an irritating buzz to
feel his Light so close. Now it was warmth, reassurance… intimacy.
A curious feeling she'd never known she could want so much. And
somehow every moment of enjoying it only made her desire for more
grow.
"There is a part of me that is… joyful right now," Rei said quietly.
"That remembers being Lilith. That remembers feelings for Adam
she never had the courage to voice. We are not her and him, but… I
am not unhappy to know those feelings have now been…
redeemed." She kissed his neck again and sighed. "I want to do this
for hours. But we cannot."
Kaworu shivered all over again at the kiss. "I… um… yes." He
cleared his throat. "D-do not look dow-"
"It's fine, Kaworu. I do not mind anymore." She wiggled her hips
slightly, drawing a muffled moan from Kaworu's suddenly bit lips. Rei
raised her head enough to let him see the tiny smile on her lips.
"Things change, no? Maybe not everything 'has happened before'.
There is always hope."
He coughed and smiled nervously. "You… you are completely

unknown territory for me, Rei." He lowered his own lips to carefully
press against her neck in matching. "But I want to explore."
Rei felt a frisson of excitement run up her spine. The kiss had made
her AT-Field hum in interesting ways. "We- we do not have time
tonight. I wish. In the morning we will have to figure out what
happens next. Major Katsuragi will still have great difficulty accepting
your continued existence without some sort of plan for dealing with
both SEELE and the Call." She gently pushed him away. "You should
leave first. I will wait a few minutes and return to my own apartment."
She looked back in the direction of Shinji and Asuka's room. Their
Lights were cuddled close together, pulsing gently with support back
and forth to each other. Shinji's was slightly drained, but they could
see it gaining strength with each breath. "I wish we could lay
together like they are. To feel you next to me as we sleep."
Kaworu swallowed against a suddenly dry throat. "Yes," he

squeaked, then coughed. "That would be… warm."
"I think so too." Rei pulled him back close again, tugging him by his
shirtfront into another deep kiss. She then pushed him back. "Now
go, before this gets harder than it already is. I can see why Asuka
and Shinji spend so much time like this."
Kaworu nodded stiffly. "Goodnight, Rei." He turned and walked

through the kitchen towards the entrance hallway leading to the front
door.
He looked back just before he turned down the hall. "My First…" he
said quietly, just loud enough for her to hear.
"Stupid fish," she replied with a soft smile. "Go."
He departed.
.
.
Asuka swapped out the mostly empty IV drip bag on Shinji's stand
with a fresh one full of the orange liquid Doctor Akagi had sent them
home with before she laid down. She tried not to disturb Shinji as
she undressed and slipped under the sheets next to him, but his
eyes slid open quickly enough she knew he hadn't been asleep. The
drowsy smile he gave her said sleep wasn't far off, though.
"Asuka," he mumbled. "Tired. Think I… used up energy I didn't have

for that. Dizzy."
"Shinji, please stop jumping in front of guns for me? I'm too young to
have this many heart attacks." She scooted closer until she could
cuddle up against his side and throw an arm and leg over him,
holding him protectively. She desperately needed the reassurance of
skin-to-skin contact with him right now. "I'd be madder if I didn't
expect this kind of stupid heroics out of you by now." Her eyes traced
the line of plastic tubing up from his far arm to the bag hanging from
the IV stand. "But I'm glad it worked. How did you- you didn't know
Misato would listen to you, did you?"
"Took a chance," Shinji muttered tiredly. "Had to. She was ready to
kill him."
"Rei would have stopped her from actually hurting him," she
rebutted.
"But that wouldn't have calmed her down. I had to try." He smiled
weakly. "And I was mostly sure Misato-san wouldn't hurt me."
Asuka frowned. "I don't like you risking yourse-… but you had to,
because Kaworu is our friend and you'll do that for any of us,
wouldn't you? That's what you're going to say, aren't you?"
Shinji's tired smile said it all. "Love you. Do it for you the most.
Always." His eyes began to droop.
"Oh no you don't, baka! Together, I told you!"
"Always 'n' frver," Shinji mumbled, and fell asleep. He was still
smiling.
Asuka sighed and buried her face in his neck. "Goddamit, baka. You
better. I want you with me for… always and forever, yes, damn it."
She tried to let her warmth soak into him, giving as much as she got.
Misato stared at the ceiling and tried to force sleep. It wasn't coming.
She'd slowly slurped her way through the ramen and beer Asuka
had whipped up, no worse than any effort of her own. But her mind
had been chewing on Rei's explanation of her past and her and
Kaworu's origins. A few follow-up questions confirming Kaworu still
felt the Call had not made her feel much better about knowing any of
it. Eventually, sheer tiredness had led her to tell everyone to go to
bed, since she was in no shape for going into the necessarily tangled
discussion of 'what next?' in her current state.
But sleep had proven elusive despite her head swimming with
fatigue. Knowing there was an Angel, the last Angel, sleeping four
floors below her right now was not a comfortable thing, keeping her
from drifting off. The presence of her fiancé would have perhaps
helped her relax… if he too hadn't been worryingly off the radar since
this afternoon. It had been hours since his last cryptic and brief
message.
So of course her phone decided now was a good time to go be-

beep!
Misato was too tired to vibrate right into the air in surprise, but she
was together enough to flinch at the sudden sound, then roll over
and grab her phone like a lifeline.
The text message read, I'M OK. FOUND THINGS OUT. WORRYING
STUFF. WILL GET BACK IN THE MORNING, AS SOON AS IT'S
SAFE.
She glared at the message for a second before slumping in relief. 'At
least he's alive. And left me hanging all day on that, the jerk.' She
picked the phone back up and replied.
GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW.
I'M OK, REALLY.
RYOJI KAJI, ON MY FATHER'S GRAVE GET BACK HERE NOW.
There was a long pause. He'd know she wouldn't say that without a
very good reason. Her phone beeped one more time.
I'M ON MY WAY.
Communication was important in a relationship. She finally began to

relax enough to drop off.
Her hand was halfway around the grip of the pistol under her pillow
before she woke up enough to relax. The footsteps approaching her
room were familiar. A second later her door slid open slowly and
quietly to admit a somewhat haggard Ryoji Kaji. "Hey," he whispered
when he noticed her eyes were open. He shut the door behind him
with a faint 'toc' of wood on wood. "I'm here. What is it?" He began
undressing without waiting for an answer.
"Just… get in here and hold me. This is big, but… fuck. If I tell you
right now, neither of us will get any sleep. It will wait to the morning."
She lifted the sheet enough to let him lay down beside her.
He settled in beside her, frowning lightly. "Katsu-… Misato, you

called me back here invoking your father. I know what that means to
you. So wha-"
"I'm warning you, this will mean you get no sleep. It's world-shaking,
but not going to blow before sunup," Misato interrupted in warning.
He shook his head. "I'm here, and that message tells me you really
needed me. So share."
"Kaworu's the last Angel. Rei's some kind of Angel-ish hybrid. They
can both generate AT-Fields strong enough to stop bullets. I know,
because I tried to shoot Kaworu when he confessed and Rei blocked
it."
The only sound in the room for a full minute was the hum and
whisper of the air conditioning.
Kaji swallowed. "… fuck."
"Told ya."
Rei's eyes snapped open at precisely 0645, as usual. She

immediately sat up to check on Shinji and Asuka. To her mild
surprise their lights were not entwined together still in bed. Shinji's
slightly dimmed Light still was, but Asuka's was already moving
around nearby, in the direction of the kitchen. Major Katsuragi and
Inspector Kaji were still asleep together in the Major's room.
Satisfied to their well-being, Rei swung her legs off the bed and
looked down four floors. Kaworu was still sleeping, but Rei could not
suppress the desire to see him again as soon as possible. She
carefully nudged his AT-Field with her own, trying to rouse him
without making it feel too intrusive. A smile grew on her face when
he woke right away, and caressed her AT-Field back after a
moment's disorientation as he shook off sleep. She tugged gently,
indicating she wanted him to rise and come up. Another caress, and
she felt his attention shift as he began to get dressed. His attention
had shifted, but the contact remained, like a warm hand on hers. She
was beginning to understand better why Shinji and Asuka spent so
much of their time holding hands or some other form of physical
contact. Smiling, Rei got out of bed to get dressed herself. This…
was a new sort of day. She could get used to this.
Kaworu forced himself to walk steadily and unhurriedly towards

Major Katsuragi's apartment. It was difficult to keep his normal vague
smile on his face. He wanted to grin and practically skip. He could
Hear how eager Rei was for him to come in. It added an even
sweeter note to the already beguiling, fractured harmony of her
Song. She wanted to see him! He pressed the doorbell and carefully
did not fidget while he waited.
The door slid open to reveal the Second Child. She had a red
kitchen apron on that read 'Küss den Koch'. "Oh, guten Morgen,
Fisch." She stepped back and waved him inside. "[I should have
expected it would be you. She's hovering right out of sight of the
door.]"
Kaworu barely remembered to mutter "Thank you," as he zipped in

the door, around the corner, and right into Rei's arms. "Hi."
"Hi," was the soft, barely voiced answer from the bluenette. Her arms
tightened around him. His eyes slid closed, the hum of her Song
washing over him, her AT-Field buzzing happily against his. All was
right with the world.
Asuka slid around them to get past where they blocked the hallway
to the kitchen. She rolled her eyes as she passed. "[Well, I can see
you two will be useless for a while. Go sit on the couch and make out
or something. I'll be in the kitchen making breakfast for everyone,
because if I don't my beloved baka will try dragging himself out here
to do it himself. God knows I'm not going to let that crazy drunkard
do the cooking.]"
"[Thank you, Asuka,]" the two Nephilim murmured in synch, eyes still
closed.
Kaji looked like he'd gotten little sleep. He carefully nursed the
steaming cup of coffee Misato had placed in front of him before
likewise slumping into a chair next to him. Misato had taken the
daylight repetition of the story of Rei and Kaworu's true natures with
no change to her already haggard expression, but Kaji's face had
gotten longer and longer as Rei once more told the story of the
downfall of an unimaginably ancient civilization and the creation of
the Seeds. He kept darting nervous looks at Kaworu, then at Rei. He
finally looked down at his coffee. "I really want a drink," he muttered.
Misato grunted agreement next to him.
An uneasy silence fell. No one seemed to know what to say next,

and Kaji appeared fully occupied just digesting Rei's story. Asuka
pressed her lips together and looked back and forth between the two
pairs sitting at the table. She was still standing, herself. She'd been
about to take a tray of breakfast to Shinji when Rei had started
talking, and it had suddenly seemed wise that she stay and keep an
eye on Kaji's reaction.
The strained silence was broken by the squeak and rattle of Shinji's
IV stand rolling across the floor and turning into the kitchen. Asuka
was torn between a worried frown at seeing him up and weakly
leaning against the stand for support and a happy smile at seeing
him brighten up and smile himself as soon as he saw her. "G-good
morning, everyone," he said, sounding like he was ready to fall back
down.
"You are supposed to be resting, my baka love," Asuka said as she

walked over to hug him. "Doctor's orders, very specific, remember?"
He shook his head and hugged her back. "Had to come out. I
think…" He eyed the tense situation at the table. "I think everyone
will be a little more comfortable if I'm here to help… um, keep things
calm."
"Like last night?" Asuka muttered just loud enough for him to hear.
She shook her head anyway. "You're probably right, Liebling. Sit
down, then. I'll get your breakfast."
Shinji moved to sit down on the third side of the table, but stopped
short when he noticed there was no place. The four chairs at their
small table had always been enough before. "Oh. Um…"
Kaworu stood. "Take my seat, Shinji. I'll just stand. It's fine." He
moved his chair over to let Shinji take a seat.
As he returned to stand next to Rei, she got up herself, pushed him

into her vacated spot, and then settled herself sideways in his lap.
She snaked one arm around his neck. "This is better. You do not
have to stand," Rei said, her face perfectly calm and not a hint of
anything out of the ordinary in her voice.
Kaji and Misato stared .

Rei stared right back, unflinching.
Kaworu stared straight ahead at a point a thousand miles away and

slowly turned pink.
Asuka put Shinji's breakfast tray down in front of him and, after a
regretful glance at Shinji's lap, elected to stand beside him. "Come
on, Misato. I'd have thought you'd be more used to this, after Shinji
and I did practically the same thing."
Misato snapped out of it and wryly glanced at her. "This is not quite
the same thing, Asuka."
"Yes," Rei said coldly. "You had not tried to shoot Shinji the night
before they informed you of their relationship."
Misato bristled. " Look, Rei, he's an Angel, a threat to everyon -"
"You tried to kill him!" Rei almost shouted back at her. "I-"
"Rei, it was me," Kaworu interrupted the spiraling argument.
Rei looked at him, eyes narrowing.
"If you want to blame anyone, blame me. I knew it was a risk, telling
her like that. But… if she had killed me, at least it would have solved
one problem," Kaworu said softly. His arms finally came up to hold
her. "I want you all to be safe."
"And I want you to be alive, you idiot," Rei growled. "I do not want
you to die! How many times do I have to say it?"
"Was I this clueless?" Shinji muttered to Asuka.
"Yes, you were, baka, I love you anyhow." She bent down to kiss his
cheek.
Rei closed her eyes and made a visible effort to calm down. She
opened them again and looked back to Misato. "I apologize. But his
survival is important to me, Major. More than I ever would have
believed. So I am prepared to negotiate."
Kaji frowned. "Negotiate? Rei, if I'm understanding what you've told

us right, as long as he's alive he'll be drawn to Adam, compelled to
wipe out life on Earth even worse than Second Impact. I'm not happy
with the thought of killing him, but he's right, isn't he?"
"No," Shinji said firmly. "We have to keep him alive."
Kaji and Misato both looked at him curiously.
He met their stares without a sign of doubt. "All the Angels have to
die before SEELE can start their plan. Same for my father. That's
why SEELE tried to kill him. They need him to die. So we need him
to live ." He looked at the two Nephilim at the table and his face
softened. "That it keeps someone who loves Rei and I alive is good
too."
"We're all together on this, Misato," Asuka added from beside him.
She put her hand on Shinji's shoulder. "We gave you that bullet, but
if it comes to having to stop Kaworu the hard way, any of us will do it.
But not until there's no other choice."
"He's still an Angel, even if his being right now alive blocks SEELE,"
Misato complained. "That's a problem of its own, even if we accept
the status quo."
"He's as human as I am, Major," Rei replied coldly. "And there is no

one more dedicated to stopping Third Impact than I. I like how things
are now. Humanity must be protected as it exists now. And that
includes him." She took a deep breath. "And as I said, I am prepared
to negotiate."
"Negotiate what, Rei?" Miasto asked. "You're asking us to accept a

permanent risk to the whole world because you like him."
Rei's glare was cold and hard. "He is also an innocent who did not
choose this, driven by his nature and the schemes of those we
already oppose. He is a comrade who has fought beside us bravely
from the moment he arrived. Yes, I love him. But I was also the first
person here who promised to end him if he could not stop himself
from turning on us. He asked me to promise him that. He hates that
he has to fight that side of him, that is a threat to us. And if it comes
to that I will still keep my promise, because I love him."
Rei turned her head to glare at Kaworu. "And you are to keep your
promise, idiot. Or I will beat you over the head with a tree again."
Kaworu just smiled at her. "I love you."
Asuka snickered. "Man, I am such a good influence on Rei."
Kaji rubbed his face and took a long drink of his coffee. "Alright, Rei,
accepting for the moment that Kaworu-kun stays alive… what are
you talking about for 'negotiations'? What mitigates the long-term
threat?"
Rei broke off staring into Kaworu's eyes and turned back two the two
adults. "We have been discussing this. Asuka and I may have an
idea. But I meant what I could offer, to balance the risk of Kaworu."
"What's worth a risk to the world?"
"The stars."
Kaji and Misato shared a look. Misato turned back to Rei. "Explain."
"I remember everything. Everything Lilith knew. Including…" Rei

hesitated. "Including the full details about the theory and construction
of compact S2 Engines. I can replicate the technology. Unlimited
power to propel humanity to expand off Earth alone."
Kaworu started. "Rei, that… you said that was exactly what caused
their downfall. S2 Engines for everyone just led to wars until their
entire planet and star were destroyed."
Rei nodded. "That is why the compulsion was imprinted on us, to

keep the Fruit of Life and the Fruit of Knowledge apart until we were
mature enough as a species and a civilization to handle that power
again. The Forbidden Union. But… Asuka has some ideas."
All eyes swiveled to the redhead.
"An S2 Engine doesn't have to be in a person. We've been trying to

use them in the Evas," she said. "An unlimited power supply, not
constrained by fuel supply could push a constant-burn spacecraft to
Pluto in less than two weeks. It could lift thousands of tons into orbit
or the Moon without difficulty. If we keep S2 technology to inorganic
use, and use it to fast-track human expansion into space, we'll fortify
humanity's survival even if a worst-case scenario like what
happened to the First Ancestral Race comes up. Rei's offering us the
ability to make sure no one threat, not even the Angels or S2 tech
run wild or a freaking real Impact meteor can ever wipe out mankind.
The union of the Fruit of Life and the Fruit of Knowledge was meant
to be delayed until we met in the stars, to prevent the loss of one
world from destroying everything, as it did to them. But we can
accomplish the same goal from the other end: forge that union, then
use it to reach the heavens," Asuka said as calmly as she could,
resting one hand on Shinji's shoulder. "The end is the same: a
species and a civilization mature enough to withstand the forces of
having both, or at least endure in the event of disaster. And believe
me, Misato, Rei and Kaworu are very, very motivated to make this
union work. We use S2 tech to get into space in a big way, and the
mission the Seeds were built for is finally met."
Rei nodded. "That is what they were for. To ensure that our souls
and everything we had created was not lost forever. The Forbidden
Union is only such until those conditions are met. Once the children
of the two Fruits are ready, union is the intent. And to save his life, I
am ready to try."
"What about the risk? By his own testimony, Kaworu says he's come
close to," Misato groped for the right term, "falling no less than three
times in the last week!"
"Misato-san?" Shinji interjected quietly.
The Operations Major looked at the Third Child.
"I hate this job. I hate every time I have to get into the unholy thing
that ate my mother, go out into battles that scare me senseless, and
risk dying for a world I never much gave a damn about. I hate every
second of it. But I do it. Do you know why?"
"You save lives every time you do, Shinji. You do something only you
five can do and protect everyone alive."
Shinji shook his head. "Misato, do you remember when I ran away
for a few days, shortly after I got here? And you had to have Section
Two's goons drag me back from Kensuke's campout?"
Misato nodded. After Shinji's risky disobedience of orders during the

fight with the Fourth Angel, he'd run away from the stress. Section
Two having to drag him back had earned him a chewing out from
her. In response, Shinji had asked to resign as an Eva Pilot and
leave. Only talking to his friends at the train station had made him
change his mind and stay. Misato had understood he'd been
unwilling to leave behind the closest thing to a home and family he'd
had in ten years.
"When I was up in the hills, I sat on the edge of a cliff and thought
about jumping."
Misato blanched in shock. Kaji stiffened beside her. Asuka flinched,

and squeezed his shoulder tighter. It wasn't news to her. They'd
shared such dark memories in whispered confidences in bed at night
over the last year. But she still hated hearing how empty Shinji had
been before they'd met.
"The only thing that stopped me was that I didn't want to
inconvenience you with my death. At the train station, I stayed for
you. For offering me a home. For my friends. I hated myself. I didn't
think I deserved to live in this world. But you told me to. Other people
needed me to. So I did it because I had to. It was an obligation." He
looked up at Asuka and smiled wearily. He squeezed her hand and
returned his gaze to Misato. "Then I met Asuka. We may not have
gotten along at first, but no one could deny how powerful we were
together in a fight."
Asuka snorted lightly. "Yeah, once we harnessed the awesome

power of interpretive dance," she snarked. "And I got you to notice I
kinda thought you were cute."
Shinji just smiled a little more. "So now I fight because Asuka needs
me. Loves me. I choose to fight beside her because I love her back. I
still hate having to be an Eva Pilot. But as long as she needs me, I
will never stop fighting to be the best Pilot I can. I don't do it anymore
because I have to. I do it because this is what the one I love needs
me to do. I will fight every battle she does, and take any risk. We all
would."
He nodded pointedly at Kaworu and Rei. "Can you offer them any
less? SEELE knows Kaworu is rebelling against them. They're trying
to shoot him to set him off. Because he won't do it voluntarily
anymore. Because he loves us. I'll take any risk for Asuka. He'd take
any risk for Rei. I bet you and Kaji-san would do the same for each
other. Kaworu's as human as we are. He was ready to let you shoot
him last night. If it comes to it, all of us have promised we'll stop him.
But as long as there's a chance, I will take any risk for someone who
loves me."
Silence filled the kitchen when Shinji finished. No one said anything
for a minute. "And that is why I love this man," Asuka said quietly.
She bent down and carefully turned his head to face her with hands
on his cheeks, and kissed him.
Misato's mouth was a grim line. She looked from Rei to Kaworu and
back, then to Kaji. He held her stare for a moment, then nodded.
Misato turned back to Rei and sighed, closing her eyes. "Fine. I'll
provisionally extend that trust you all have. But I'm holding on to that
bullet, too. You all may trust him, but we cannot let that be the only
thing we have against this kind of risk. And even if so, now what?
This 'Call' isn't going to go away, Rei. Are we going to just hope he
can resist it forever?"
"Asuka and I discussed that. We have some ideas," Rei said. She
shifted a little in Kaworu's lap, getting a strangled gurgle from the
Fifth Child and a further reddening of his face. "Both immediate and
longer term."
Asuka nodded. She stood up and started to pace back and forth a
little behind Shinji's chair. "SEELE and Commander Asshole's plans
both call for all the Angels to be out of the way before they can act.
But Kaworu with the Call breathing down his neck is a threat on his
own, we know. If we can nullify the Call, as long as we keep Kaworu
alive, we also block both of them. So we take care of the Call first."
"How?" Kaji probed. "Isn't it inherent in his nature? How do you

change that?"
"By incremental implementation of the Forbidden Union," Rei said. "I

can manipulate a small portion of Lilith's tissue to integrate into
Kaworu. The…" Rei paused for a moment. "The… 'signature' of a
Progenitor is similar enough that once I have melded it into his Core,
it will satiate the Call. He could still initiate an Impact event if he tried,
but he would be freed of the unrelenting urge to do so."
"And I would never want to," Kaworu finally managed to rasp. He

cleared his throat and tried again. "As long as my friends live, as
long as any of humanity lives, I will never. Never by my will. There is
too much beauty in this world."
"Lilith's tissue," Misato said thoughtfully. She looked at Kaji. "In

Terminal Dogma. So we need to get some from there?"
Rei shook her head. "No. We must go there. I will need Kaworu there
with me, and do it immediately upon taking the tissue from my
greater body. It is too unstable to move without extensive equipment
that we cannot access."
Misato stared at her hard. "Rei, you do realize you are asking me to
not just allow but to help you let an Angel into the exact place we've
been fighting so hard to keep them out of, right?"
Kaworu shook his head. "All the Angels have been trying to get into
the Geofront to seek Adam, not Lilith. They are simply confused
because Lilith is so much stronger and the signatures are so similar."
He looked down for a moment. "Adam is in there too, though. I can
feel it. There is no Progenitor signature anywhere in this world now
but below us. Adam is in the Geofront somewhere."
It was Kaji's turn to shift uneasily. "Commander Ikari has it, definitely.
That's what I stole for him from SEELE. I handed it to him in his
office."
The Pilots all glared at him. "Kaji, was zum Teufel?! " Asuka said
angrily.
Kaji waved his hands placatingly. "I was getting inside Commander
Ikari's operation, and hindering SEELE at the same time. I'll admit I
didn't know exactly what Adam was, or what either of them had
planned for it. I wasn't trying to end the world, believe me."
None of the Pilots looked happy, but they subsided with some sour
looks.
"It is most likely in the Commander's office, or Terminal Dogma. He

would not keep it anywhere else," Rei said.
Asuka nodded in agreement, resuming her pacing. "Right, he's too

paranoid to let it be far. He needs it and Lilith as his key components
for his own 'end the world' plan, with Rei to act as an intermediary
since she's half-Lilith, half-human DNA. He can't do it without her to
act as a 'buffer circuit', right, Rei? Or he'll explode or something?"
Rei bobbed her head slightly. "Correct. His own soul would not take
the integration with raw Progenitor well, let alone leave him with any
degree of control, or even identity. Attempting to force a Union with
both would be… unfortunate. A hybrid soul is required. SEELE's plan
must have its own means of obtaining or controlling similar
components. Their original plan was to utilize the Lance of Longinus
and Lilith and Adam's bodies. Commander Ikari's decision to use the
Lance in battle and lose it was almost certainly a deliberate move by
him to frustrate their plan. They will have to try something else."
Misato took a sip of her coffee and rolled her neck. "Like what? Both
hybrid souls are right here, correct? And so are Adam and Lilith. If
SEELE doesn't trust the Commander, what are they going to do?"
"They have cloned Adamite tissue in quantity from building the

Evas," Kaworu mused. "But the other things they'd need are all here:
Lilith, Unit-01, and Rei. They will have to come here."
Asuka stopped pacing and looked up, frowning. "And they'll have to
do it soon. Them trying for Kaworu must mean they're close to the
endgame, and Commander Asshole even more so. They'll try to stop
him somehow." She looked at Rei and Kaworu and shivered. "And if
they've got as total control of the UN and everything as it sounds,
they could throw almost anything at us, and really soon. We're going
to have to move fast ourselves to stay ahead of all that."
Misato looked at Kaji. "We're going to need to figure out what

Commander Ikari is doing right now. The moment he summons Rei
to him could be the start of the end. You need to start sneaking
around hard."
Kaji sighed and nodded. "And knowing him, he's got something
slippery we haven't thought of brewing." He drained his coffee and
stood up. "I better get moving."
He took one last look at Rei and Kaworu. Kaworu had closed his
eyes and leaned his head against Rei's chest. Kaji squeezed
Misato's shoulder. "I think, after all we've been through to get here,
we can rely on Rei's judgement about him."
"We all trust Rei, Kaji," Shinji said. "There's nothing that will change
that."
The office at the heart of NERV's headquarters was a dim study in

black and blood red, as cold, hard, and quiet as the man who
occupied it.
Gendo stared across his desk at the key to all his plans. His perfect
weapon. "The time is near. SEELE has begun to move. Are you
ready to fulfill your destiny and function?"
"Yes."
"Then it is time to kill the last Angel."
"I will obey your orders," said Rei Ayanami.
End of Chapter 11
.
Authors's Note: Well! This took a bit. Sorry. There was the whole
deploying to Iraq again thing, and then it got a little busy here, plus
some writer's block… but I did it! Chapter 11 is done!… how the fark
did it take 2 years? Yikes. But we're there: Rei and Kaworu are
together, their friends know the truth about them, and everyone is
ready for the final challenge… but they don't know what's coming.
Anyhow, Have 8.5k words to finish out things and lead us into the
endgame, Chapter 12 - Götterdämmerung.
As ever, the tip jar is here: w w w . Patr 30n . c 0 m / strypgia
11JAN20
Ch 55 - Götterdämmerung 1
Advice and Trust
Chapter 12.1-2
Götterdämmerung
HEY.
YEAH?
COME OVER, BAE.
CAN'T. I'VE GOT HOMEWORK.
SAYAKA'S DAD ISN'T HOME. STAY THE NIGHT.
Kensuke's dad found a hastily scrawled note on the kitchen table

explaining his son was off to spend the night at his friend's house,
and he had his cell phone. Mr. Aida shrugged. His son stayed over at
the Suzuhara kid's place pretty often. He thought nothing of it and
went to make some instant ramen for a simple widower's dinner.
.
The comfortable silence in the dimly lit bedroom was broken by the
redhead after twenty minutes of screaming, panting, and pleasured
gasps. "Sayaka?"
"Mmm?" She tightened her arms around her warm, sweaty bedmate,
burrowing into her partner's bare back.
"You know this is kind of crazy, right?"
Sayaka shrugged and didn't open her eyes. "Too good an

opportunity to pass up. Our dads will let us spend long sleepovers
together without much supervision since they 'know' nothing naughty
will go on, but how often do we get a chance to spend almost a
whole week alone with our boyfriend?" She laughed softly. "And
definitely get 'naughty'."
"That's the part I mean." Kyoko reluctantly disentangled herself from

Sayaka's arms and sat partway up on her elbows. "Us and Kensuke.
I… I would feel awkward and unfair to him if we were just using a
guy for sex because we've both found boys are more fun than we
expected-"
"But we're not!" Sayaka protested, sitting up herself. "Sure, that part
is lots of fun, but we go on actual dates, hang out together, his
camping trips… heck, he's even made no-joke studying together
more fun and productive! Our grades are even up! And we all said
we'd be honest about our feelings. We're not just using him, Kyo-
chan! We've got something real here!" She paused. "… I mean, we
both really like him, right?"
Kyoko nodded. "We do. And that's the crazy part. I wasn't saying we
were using him, Saya-chan. Just… if we're not doing this for real,
that's what it is. And since we are doing that… it's kind of crazy. Bad
enough if our families ever found out you and I are together for real.
But if they found out we're a for-real triad? That we're not just
lesbians, but 'bisexual polyamorous perverts'? Your dad would shoot
him and us, and my dad would either excommunicate me or send
me to a nunnery! I'm not talking about this week being crazy. I'm
talking about us doing this whole thing."
Sayaka's face drooped and she looked down and to the side. "…
we'd be screwed either way. We'd be in a mess every way this ends
except giving up on each other and just one of us taking Kensuke.
And like Hell am I giving you up. You and I have loved each other
since before we even knew how to say it." Her eyes came up to lock
with Kyoko's again. "So if we're going to be in trouble, let's be in it
the way that makes us happiest. Let's be crazy."
Kyoko's face split into a grin, her little fang winking at her girlfriend.
"That's what I thought you'd say. I just wanted to check. Me too." She
glanced at the bedside clock. "He should be here in a few minutes.
Jan Ken Pon for who has to get dressed enough to open the door for
him?"
"You're on."
Kensuke fidgeted nervously in the bare hallway. He knew OPSEC

was important, and Sayaka didn't want him to be seen sneaking in,
so he'd waited in the stairwell until the coast was clear. But now he
was stuck waiting outside her door now that he'd rung the bell. He
was darting a worried look over his shoulder down the hall when the
door hissed open and a pair of petite arms grabbed his collar and
hauled him inside so fast he was nearly pulled right off his feet.
"Yeek! He-"
Kyoko did her level best to muffle his surprised shriek by pushing
him up against the wall just inside the door and sucking all the air out
of him. "Mmmmmwa! Hi there, favorite boytoy! Glad you could make
it!" she said with a smirk on releasing him.
Kensuke's eyes finally uncrossed and he smiled back at her. "Hi to
you too. I-" Frantic signaling at the back of his head got through, and
his eyes did a quick bob down and up again. Then a longer one,
followed by a panicked look at the door, praying it was closed.
"Kyoko! What if someone had been in the hall?!"
Kyoko stepped back from him and giggled. "I looked on the peep-
camera first, dork. And I knew you wouldn't even ring the bell until
there was no one in sight. Relax!" She did a little twirl, the bottom
edge of the partly buttoned-up dress shirt she was wearing floating
upward a distracting degree above her bare legs. The shirt was
definitely the only thing she was wearing. "I'm still dressed enough to
answer the door, anyway. Right?"
"Gleefle." Legs legs legs legs legs hips cheeks !
"Yeah, that's what Saya-chan said, too. Well, come along, then. She
gets to give you a welcome kiss too. Got to be fair!" He barely had
time to slip his shoes off before she grabbed his hand and led him
through the living room and down the hall to Sayaka's bedroom.
Kensuke tried not to swallow too hard on sighting Sayaka laid out on
the bed, ginning seductively. Much like the redhead's currently thin
wardrobe, the smile was all she wore. She sat partway up and
smiled broadly as her girlfriend towed their boyfriend into the narrow
room. "Heya, Ken-chan! About time you joined us. Have a seat!" She
patted the bed next to her. Since she'd rolled herself over to the far
side, this would put Kensuke in the middle once Kyoko laid down
too. The space was half-filled just by the desk and slightly-wider-
than-usual twin bed, so it was perfectly reasonable that only one
person could really stand in the remaining space.
So of course Kyoko gave Kensuke a shove and dropped him into the
bed next to Sayaka.
"Oof!" He barely had time to blink before the bluenette captured his
lips.
"Mmm, welcome welcome indeed," Sayaka purred when she pulled
back.
He settled into the middle with some trepidation. They'd had to work
out some habits, making their tentative triad function, and the middle
spot was the choice spot, allowing the lucky one to be cuddled from
both sides by the other two. Generally, it rotated, unless someone
had won it as a forfeit in a bet or one of their mock battles. For
Sayaka to order him into that spot right off the bat signaled she had
something important to say, and wanted him comfortable. The three
of them had also discovered whoever was in the middle was pretty
agreeable to a lot of things.
Kyoko sat down on the edge of the bed, her hip forcing Kensuke to
scoot closer to Sayaka, who was only too happy to sandwich him
between them. She laid down and arranged herself on his other side,
throwing her bare leg over on top of his. He was pinned. He settled
down, then shrugged mentally. So far, staying cool and
communicating like Rei had taught him had worked out pretty well for
the three of them. He trusted them. Hell, he was way past liking
them. His life was out of his control anymore, and he was just fine
with that. As long as he got to be the one in the middle sometimes.
They were both very warm.
"Now that we've got you in our clutches, we want to discuss our
master plan," Sayaka began.
"My girlfriends are supervillains? Sounds like the next light novel,"
Kensuke joked, slightly nervously. "Um… master plan?"
"We've got two, a short-term and a long-term one," Kyoko said from
behind him.
Sayaka nuzzled his left ear and giggled. "So, let me tell you, the vote
is already two for, so it's probably going to pass, but we wanted your
thoughts on Plan Crazy."
"Plan what ?"

.
Kensuke stared up at the ceiling. It was becoming more familiar, and

he looked forward to that. "Well… it's got a good name."
"Vote?" Kyoko prodded.
"It's a really good name," Kensuke replied. He rolled his head to the
right. "We've been together for a grand total of about five months,
and this is a… uh… long range plan, to put it lightly."
"We've technically known each other since about third year of

elementary school, though," Sayaka countered.
"Yeah, and I was the biggest nerd in school for most of that. Plus 'the
creepy guy who takes pictures of the girls changing and stuff' for the
last two. Your dad can't be thrilled of that. And we're kind of going to
need that to even try this."
"He already likes you a bit for being as much an army nut as he is,"
she rebutted.
"And my dad thinks you're at least kind of nice for being willing to
come and help out at his church during Christmas," Kyoko added.
"Sure, he's probably not exactly thinking of you as 'the one who'll
make an honest woman of me', but it can't hurt to bank up some
goodwill, right?"
Kensuke couldn't prevent a brief terrified shiver at that phrasing

coming from her mouth. "Just… this is crazy. You.. us? I… gahhh…"
Kyoko grimaced as she realized her own slip of the tongue. Though
as usual, she took the bull by the horns and charged in. "Ok, let's
just say it out loud and stop dancing around it: We like you, Kensuke.
We want to start taking things seriously in a long term way. Yes,
even… us three together as a…" She groped for a word. "Fuck,
married. We're talking marriage. Or at least some kind of long-term
as-close-as-we-can-get-away-with."
Kensuke stared at a point a thousand miles away. "Crazy…" He

shook his head to snap himself out of shock. "Kyoko, did you just
propose ? To me ?!"
Sayaka poked him in the ribs from his other side. "One, technically,
we just admitted we're discussing that topic in a long-range and
theoretical way to get some of the awkward euphemisms and stuff
out of the way. Two, no, she didn't. We did."
She shifted onto her side to face him more easily. "Ken-chan, Kyoko
and I have been together… well, we both know this isn't 'just some
phase', no matter what people usually say about girls like us. So
finding you, who's not only able to keep his mouth shut about us
before we were anything but classmates, is not only willing to toss a
burgeoning career as the hottest date in our year for playing beard
for us, but is also willing to," she waved her hand vaguely, "just go
along when we wanted to experiment with all this… Hell, Ken-chan,
we'd have to be crazy to let someone who's turned out to be this
sweet get away. So… um… are we making you panic?" asked,
worriedly.
"Little bit," Kensuke squeaked.
"Sorry."
"Probably just reflex!" he raggedly continued. "You are both sweet

and I really like you and just having a little panic attack is perfectly
normal!" He managed a shaky grin. "Not like telling our families 'Hey,
we three plan to be a thing for the long run' is going to make them
freak out and separate us. It's not like your dad is going to come in
and hear us and see this and-"
"Kensuke! Relax! It's us!" Sayaka said, squeezing him from the side.
"My dad's not coming through the door for days, trust me. He left last
night in a hurry, something about a 'surprise unscheduled drill'. He
said he wouldn't be home until at least next Monday. We're safe."
Kensuke froze. "He… what?" He rolled over to face her directly.

"Did… did he say exactly that? 'Surprise unscheduled drill'?"
Sayaka's eyes flicked up towards her eyebrows. "Ah, yeah, I think

so. Why?"
Kensuke looked worried. "That's exactly the same thing they

announced when they were mobilizing a bunch of units ahead of the
first Angel attack here. Don't you remember?"
Sayaka shrugged. "I… guess so. I wasn't paying much attention

then."
Kyoko snickered. "Because you and I used that week for another
'extended sleepover', maybe?"
Sayaka reached over Kensuke to poke and tickle her girlfriend just
above her belly button. "That was your idea, you thirsty witch."
" You're the witch, honey," Kyoko snarked back, swatting at her
hands. "Look at you, ensorcelling two innocents with your sexy wiles,
binding us to your will with your oh-so-innocent blue eyes and firm,
perky little-"
Kensuke suddenly rolled over Kyoko and off the bed, standing up
and walking quickly out of the bedroom without a word. Sayaka and
Kyoko left off their tickling and poking at each other and shared a
confused look.
"Er… Ken-chan? Something wrong?" Sayaka asked after him.
"Yeah, you're not running away, are you? Seriously, we didn't mean
to freak you out if this is too much. 'Plan Crazy' is kind of just…
tongue in cheek, you know?"
Kensuke returned, holding a small, hollow metal cube in his hand,
painted a bright red. "Something's wrong."
"That's what I'm asking abou… Huh?" Kyoko peered at the thing in
his hand.
He held up the metal cube. It was open on three sides, and had what
looked like a keyring loop on one side. "He left his BFA. I don't think
he's on a drill without it."
"BFwhat?" Kyoko blinked.
"Blank Fire Adapter. You use it during drills when you're not using
live ammo. You have to stick it on the end of your rifle or it won't
cycle without it. You-" Kensuke looked at their blank stares.
"Nevermind. It's just something that's really weird to leave behind
when you're called up for a 'surprise unscheduled drill'. Especially
when that's the same thing they said right before the first Angel
attack." He looked up at them, frowning. "I wonder if something's up.
I'll have to ask Major Katsuragi about it next time we go see Rei and
the rest."
"Why don't you just call Shinji-kun and have him ask?" Sayaka
suggested.
Kensuke shook his head. "No good. NERV monitors all the phone
lines in the city, so its a bad idea to try talking about sensitive stuff
over 'em."
"That sounds kind of paranoid, hon," Sayaka grinned at him.
"No, I'm serious. A computer voice cut off a call between me and
Touji once, when I tried asking about the Class Rep's condition after
a battle. NERV takes secrecy stuff seriously."
Kyoko shrugged. "Alright, so we ask them next time we go over.

Tomorrow, maybe?" She reached out her hand and tugged Kensuke
closer to the bed. She kept pulling until he was forced to flop back
onto the narrow mattress and roll back into the middle. "Tonight, you,
me, and Saya-chan have an apartment to ourselves, no parents
around, and a bed. Sound good?"
Kensuke half-smiled. "Sounds crazy."
"Asuka, you know I love you, right?"
"Of course, my beloved baka."
"So please take it in the full sense of love and admiration of your
person when I say this is a bad idea and we shouldn't be doing this?"
"Shut up, you idiot."
"Ah, there's the girl I fell in love with."
"[Really, shut the Hell up.]"
"[And the one I learned German from.]"
"[Fuck you too.]"
Shinji just grinned weakly as he let Asuka help lower him into the
bathtub. He did hiss slightly at the hot water. Once he was settled
into the hot water, he sighed in bliss. "Oh gods… yes, this may have
been a good idea. Oooooh…"
"[Oh shut it, you whiny doof.]" Asuka said, handing him a hand towel.
"[If you hadn't gotten shot and nearly killed two days ago, I'd really
be giving you what for, for all this moaning.]"
Shinji smiled tiredly as he leaned back in the tiny bathtub of Misato's

apartment. "[But since I was, you are babying me as much as you
can?]"
Asuka patted him on the head and stuck her tongue out. "[Yes, since
I love you more than air. Now, you sit and be still while I go make
breakfast. Also, your German is getting pretty decent.]"
"[I love you.]"
"[I love you too. Now shut up and heal. I'm going to make breakfast
for you."] She stuck out her tongue at him again as she left the
bathroom.
"Hey, Rits."
Doctor Akagi looked up from the screen. "Eh?"
"I can almost certainly predict you have not eaten a proper lunch.
Come to the cafeteria with me for half an hour?" Misato demanded.
Ritsuko blinked, and looked at the clock on her office wall. It was
indeed 1250. Food had not been obtained since the 0600 tub of
leftover noodles and beef she'd eaten that Maya had left her when
she carefully departed Ritsuko's apartment at 0430. Ritsuko
automatically suppressed a flare of guilt that she'd once again relied
on her girlfriend's (her girlfriend! Her girlfriend's! ) attention to make
sure she fulfilled such basic biological necessities as 'food' and such.
"Huh. Yeah, I should eat. Hang on for a minute."
She sent a 'shut down access' message to the Magi, and collected
herself for rising from her desk. A remote terminal for the Magi went
right into her pocket. (That it was all but exclusively a terminal for
talking to Maya was vehemently not said.) "I guess I'm hungry."
Misato led the way to the NERV main staff cafeteria, nine or ten
floors away from her main office. Ritsuko didn't look up save to make
sure she was still following Misato's miniskirt-clad backside the entire
trip. She preferred to spend the time walking talking to Maya via the
Magi change logs. Her girlfriend was hilariously lewd at times.
Hilariously lewd. Fuck, had they really done that last night?
"Yoo-hoo… Rits? We're here. Pull your nose out of the computer,"
Misato trilled in her ear.
Ritsuko jerked back to awareness of the sidereal world. "Uh?"
The cafeteria swirled around them. "Food. You have to eat it. With
your physical body, oh mighty system Admin," her friend snarked.
Misato was already holding a tray of miso, salad, and rice. "Do you
need me to get you something, or can you do that without adult
supervision?"
"The day you count as adult supervision, I need to turn in my 'adult'

card, Misato," Ritsuko shot back as she hurriedly gathered lunch and
some fruits. Maya would be sad if she didn't make minimum
nutritional requirements for the day. It would also impact her stamina.
She carefully selected some energy-rich fruits and a bowl of soup.
She breezed through the checkout counter with the air of someone
who let someone else worry about such minutia as 'paying for things'
and 'ID Cards'.
Misato gave her a pursed-lips smirk as Ritsuko settled down

opposite her at the table, located just a bit apart from the others. It
had a great view, the nonexistent windows giving them no view of
the Geofront at all. They were a good 1500m underground and 400m
underneath the pyramid's armor. "I know this isn't as convenient as
the cafeteria down in the bowels of your lab, but I thought you
needed to get out a bit," Misato prodded as the began to tuck into
their food. "You've been kind of hard to pry out of the depths for a bit.
It's not healthy."
Ritsuko blinked hard, momentarily jostled out of the images conjured
up by Maya's latest 'change log'. "Didn't we talk yesterday ?" she
riposted.
"In the hospital," Misato shot back. "And I'm just a bit tired of that,
you know?" Her friend swirled her soup with her spoon before
continuing. "And I'm sorry."
"For what?" Ritsuko said. She automatically checked for anyone

sitting near her, or anyone close enough to read her screen. Just in
case, she ran an audio analysis of the area. She relaxed a hair when
she got the result 'no audio analysis possible in current environment'.
The cafeteria was busy and crowded enough that even the Magi
would have to devote an inordinate amount of time to unscrambling
their conversation. It was as close to a 'secure' chat as they were
likely to get today.
"Oh, not much," Misato said lightly. She leaned forward and dropped
her voice to barely more than a whisper. "A certain blue-topped
friend of ours just told me a few things. Like everything."
Ritsuko tried not to let her face move. Everything? That covered a lot
of ground. "Oh?" She spooned some diced fruit into her mouth.
" Everything," Misato growled. "Like, how you all were planning on
ending the damn world, and I'd just like to ask my old college friend
what the ever-loving fuck, Rits?"
"Oh," Ritsuko echoed in awkward counterpoint to her last reply.

"Um… ok, number one, I was stupid and-"
"Ya think ?!" Misato grated. "For fuck's sake, Rits, the end of the wor-
"
"I know !" the fake-blonde shot back. "Alright? I was stupid and I
thought I was in love and… fuck, Misato, you know what that's like.
You act stupid. Really stupid."
Misato looked like she'd bitten into something bitter and 'flavorful'.
"Mmm… ok, maybe, but… is she for real?"
Ritsuko swallowed another bite of NERV fruit salad through a

suddenly tight throat. "100%. You know she doesn't exactly lie,
right?"
"Sure, but it's hard to swallow when she's telling me shit like-" Misato
broke off, looking around. "Like what she says she is, what she says
he is, and what's supposed to happen next." She glared at Ritsuko,
hard.
"Oh… um… yes. She's… honest. I mean, yes, what she said is
correct."
Misato fumed, chewing on her food and a reply for more than a
minute. "You know… I'm armed, and could kill you right now," she
finally bit out.
"I'm sorry. And she should have told you I really mean that," Ritsuko
said, her attention fully on Misato for the first time in an hour.
"She did," Misato growled. "And it's why I haven't done so yet. What
the fuck, Ritsuko?!" she snarled.
"I'm sorry ! What do you want me to say, Misato? I thought I was in

love, I thought he was right when he said it was the best option, and
oh yeah, have you seen the guys we work for lately?" Ritsuko
replied. "'Better than that' is not a high bar!"
" Not an excuse, Rits!" Misato spat. "What the fuck, I repeat!"
Ritsuko flinched away. "I know. It was stupid. Surprise, your old
friend was a dumbass for love. You may now commence your 'I told
you so's from back then."
Misato stewed for a moment. "I must be crazy. The only reason I'm
not filling you with lead right now is she asked me not to… and I tried
that last night on her boyfriend and she stopped me."
Ritsuko digested that as quickly as she could. "Oh… I see." Her eyes
flitted about. "So… ah… she said…"
"Everything," Misato said tightly, "finally."
"Oh."
"Yeah, 'oh'," Misato said, still glaring. "But since my two best fighters
vouch for her and him, I'm forced to accept that their plan is the way
to go. And you, Kaji, and I will still be having a 'talk' after this is all
over."
"That's… fine," Ritsuko allowed. "I didn't and don't really expect to
make it through this. It would be nice, but… I'm going to be the last
person to even try to claim I'm innocent in all this."
Misato stared at her, pausing only occasionally to eat her lunch

enough to fool observers. "You're… being awful calm about this."
Ritsuko gave her college roomie a wan smile. "There's nothing

you're saying that I haven't expected for months or worse from…
other parties. So from you? Not a surprise."
Misato stared at her harder. "So wh-"
"She changed my mind. I'm allowed to do that, right?" Ritsuko tried

back at her. She took a sip of her soup. "I was stupid, she offered me
a different way, and… told me to take a chance on someone new.
Someone who cared. It worked. Alright?"
"I swear to fucking god, if you break into song about 'the power of
love' or something, I will shoot you right now," Misato said, face flat.
"Fuck you," Ritsuko replied, a shade more confident for the first time
all day. "I know what you'd do for 'love'. Can you blame me for being
willing to do less?"
"Less'?!" Misato shot back. "This is a little different. Kaji may have
been good in bed, but it was 'rock the world', not-"
"You know what I mean!" Ritsuko interrupted. "I… she believes in

me. For whatever reasons. And so does… she. And that's enough
for me to keep trying."
Misato sat and fumed at her for a few minutes. "If I didn't trust her
and we didn't have our history, I wouldn't even be buying a shred of
this, understand?" she finally grated.
Ritsuko tried not to slump. "I… yes. I get it. And for what it's worth… I
truly am sorry, Misato. For everything."
Misato finished her lunch and stood up. "Yeah, well, you're lucky they
all say you're good, Rits. And that's worked out okay so far." She
turned and stalked off at full military pace.
Ritsuko sighed and picked up her remote terminal. "I really wish you
were here right now, love," she typed.
"I'm always right where you need me, darling," was the near
immediate response. "I love you."
Ritsuko sighed, and headed back to her lab, steps just a bit lighter.
"More than anything."
"Make the call," Gendo ordered.
Fuyutsuki picked up the phone.
.
.
Author's Note, 05JUL21: Well, we're back. 2020 was not good for
writing, but I've got a few bits down now, and Ch 12 is underway. As
you might guess from the title, this will be the final 'main' chapter,
though that is still likely going to be long. We're close to the 'End',
and all things are coming to a head.
As ever, the tip jar is here: w w w . Patr 30n . c 0 m / strypgia

Advice and Trust by Panther2G-AftbyEmA

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Advice and Trust

Rated: Fiction T - Language: English - Genre: Romance/Drama -

Original source: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10675474/1/Advice-and-Trust

Exported with the assistance of FicHub.net

Shinji reddened. "I wasn't!" He wriggled out of her grasp.

"You were! You totally were! Ha ha ha! Shin-chan's in looo~ve!"

Shinji blinked at her. "'Women are crazy'?" he echoed in confusion.

"… And therefore she's crazy?"

The silence stretched on for a while. "Um… Misato-san?"

"I make us all dinner every night, Misato-san."

Despite himself, he couldn't entirely suppress a groan of happiness,

Shinji shrugged. "It's Ayanami. She's not exactly a chatterbox or the

He hissed in pleasure. "Eee… gentle! Misato's going to notice I'm

"No apology for tearing up my poor back?" He smiled anyway.

"Because I'm bored."

Definitely a trick. "Because you're bored? But…"

"You don't want to kiss a girl on the anniversary of your mom's

"Or are you scared?"

His anger surged. "I'm not scared of a little kiss!"

"You brushed your teeth, right?"

"Then, here I go."

"Don't breathe, because it tickles." Slim fingertips pinched his nose

… and, unfortunately, oxygen deprivation. He started to feel dizzy a

He desperately reached out for the closest means of support to stay

"Wow. That was….um….wow."

Heavy silence descended. Pen-pen toddled out of his freezer, looked

Suddenly, Asuka spoke up. "Say it again," she demanded quietly.

He tensed. "Um….say what again?"

"What you just said. Say it again."

A much longer silence.

"I like you too."

"I… I don't know?"

"Wait, other times? What other times?"

"'Oh'? What about during our synchronization training? We were

Asuka just narrowed her eyes at him. "What Sensei?"

"The one my father abandoned me with after my mother died in an

Shinji blinked. That couldn't be what she just said.

Shinji nodded slowly, never breaking here eyes. A memory of Asuka

"You're just like me."

He blinked. He wasn't sure which of them had started saying it first.

Asuka blinked as well, but recovered faster. A smile started

Baritone rumbles of a deeper male voice floated from the entrance

"Ah, y-yes, Kaji-san." Shinji quickly moved to support Misato from

Kaji looked at the NERV Operations Director fondly, a wistful smile

Asuka jerked in surprise, finally managing to look Kaji in the face.

"What are you doing?"

"You're what? And what are you staring at now, Third?"

Shinji blanched. "What?! Us?! I-I-I… Asuka?" He did not resist,

"Baka. We were interrupted. We were still talking. And I liked what

He gulped. "No. I haven't. Not for longer than I can remember," he

"Don't you want to keep feeling like that?"

He swallowed again. "Yes?" he answered tentatively.

'This has to be a dream. This has to be a dream.' "Asuka, I… I don't

In response, Asuka just stared at him for a moment before pulling

"Mmmm… warm," Asuka whispered. "You feel warm. It's nice."

To his surprise, Asuka started to laugh. "Did… did I say something

Asuka's eyes flickered with something he couldn't identify, and she

Her reply was just as dazed. "Umm?"

'Oh gods she feels good.' "Er… we… I… thermal expansion." He

"You… you've thought about it?" he asked.