HOW TO HEAL FROM

CODEPENDENCE
QUESTIONNAIRE

Kenny Weiss | The Greatness University

 QUESTIONNAIRE
In this workbook you will learn:

What are Adverse Childhood Experiences

The two codependent personalities

The difference between the wounded and adapted wounded child

The difference between the disempowered and falsely empowered codependent

The 5 core areas of codependence

The characteristics of a healthy adult

In the following list of questions, answer yes or no. Remember to go with your first
reaction, don’t overthink it. The questions will bring awareness to how you developed
codependence and the steps necessary to heal.

1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often... Swear at
Yes No you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or Act in a way that made
you afraid that you might be physically hurt?

2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often... Push,
Yes No grab, slap, or throw something at you? or Ever hit you so hard that you had
marks or were injured?

3. Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever... Touch or
Yes No fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? or Attempt or
actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?

4. Did you often or very often feel that... No one in your family loved you or
Yes No thought you were important or special? Or your family didn’t look out for
each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?

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 5. Did you often or very often feel that... You didn’t have enough to eat, had
Yes No to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were
too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed
it?

6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced or was one parent

Yes No
periodically absent or always absent?

7. Was your mother, stepmother, father or stepfather often or very often

pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at them? Or
Yes No sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with
something hard? Or ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or
threatened with a gun or knife?

8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who
Yes No
used marijuana or other street drugs or prescription drugs?

9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household

Yes No
member attempt suicide?

Yes No 10. Did a household member go to prison or have problems with the law?

Yes No 11. Do you often feel frightened?

Yes No 12. Do you often feel helpless?

Yes No 13. Do you often feel blank?

Yes No 14. Do you often feel empty and/or alone?

Yes No 15. When under stress, do you go blank?

Yes No 16. When under stress does it feel like things are spinning?

Yes No 17. When under stress do you often feel overwhelmed?

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 Yes No 18. When under stress do you feel flooded, or like you aren’t even present?

Yes No 19. When under stress do you often feel bad about yourself?

Yes No 20. When under stress do you often feel chaotic or exposed?

Yes No 21. When under stress do you get very needy or dependent?

Yes No 22. When under stress or to avoid stress do you fantasize to escape?

Yes No 23. Are you quite often fearful of the unknown or anything new?

Yes No 24. Do you judge what you think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough?

Yes No 25. Are you embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts?

26. Do you value others’ approval of your thinking, feelings, and behavior
Yes No
over your own?

Yes No 27. Do you perceive yourself as not lovable or worthwhile?

Yes No 28. Do you look to others to provide your sense of safety?

Yes No 29. Are you a people pleaser?

Yes No 30. Is your self talk mostly negative and shaming?

Yes No 31. Do you see most other people as better than you?

Yes No 32. Are you hard on yourself when you make a mistake?

Yes No 33. Do you have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries?

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 Yes No 34. Do you commonly fear rejection or abandonment?

Yes No 35. Do you have a hard time being alone?

Yes No 36. Do you often feel powerless or helpless?

Yes No 37. Do you apologize often?

Yes No 38. Are you extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long?

Yes No 39. Do you have a hard time saying no?

40. Do you compromise your own values and integrity to avoid rejection or
Yes No
anger?

Yes No 41. Do you enter or stay in relationships because you can’t say no?

42. Are you always concerned about the feelings of others and take on their
Yes No
feelings?

43. Are you afraid to express your beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they
Yes No
differ from those of others?

Yes No 44. Do you give advice and direction without being asked?

Yes No 45. Do you get resentful when others decline your help or reject your advice?

Yes No 46. Do you believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves?

47. Do you feel setting boundaries or advocating for yourself is being mean,
Yes No
selfish, harsh or unkind?

48. Do you perceive yourself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the

Yes No
well-being of others?

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 Yes No 49. Do you express frustration or anger in indirect or passive ways?

50. Do you give up your truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid
Yes No
change?

Yes No 51. Do you pursue sexual attention when you want love?

52. Do you commonly not recognize the unavailability of those people to

Yes No
whom you are attracted?

53. Do you believe that if a partner loved you, they should be there for you at
Yes No
all times?

54. Were you the scapegoat for a parent or feel like you are the black sheep
Yes No
of the family?

55. Do you act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger
Yes No
toward you?

Yes No 56. Do you put aside your own interests in order to do what others want?

Yes No 57. Do you demand that your needs be met by others?

58. Do you expect others to know what you need and want without you
Yes No
having to ask or tell them?

59. Do you spend most of your time trying to figure out what the other
Yes No
person is thinking or feeling?

60. Have you been sick or hurt often and have those injuries or illnesses
Yes No
mostly arrived while in a relationship?

Yes No 61. Do you have difficulty making decisions?

Yes No 62. Do you make decisions without regard to the consequences?

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 63. Do you have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, or completing
Yes No
projects? Procrastination?

64. Do you have any active addictions? Work, working out, tv, alcohol, pot,
Yes No
drugs, sex, porn, food (more than 15 pounds overweight) pills, people…..?

Yes No 65. Do you feel you don’t need anyone?

Yes No 66. Do you seek or require recognition and praise often?

67. Do you believe success is determined by what you do or have

Yes No
accomplished?

Yes No 68. Do you have difficulty admitting a mistake?

69. Do you need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie
Yes No
to look good?

Yes No 70. Are you unable to identify or ask for what you need and want?

Yes No 71. Do you have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries?

Yes No 72. Do you tend to see others as below you?

Yes No 73. Do people say that you are arrogant or mostly consumed with yourself?

74. Do you compromise your own values and integrity to avoid rejection or
Yes No
anger?

75. Do you regularly avoid sharing personal information or details even with
Yes No
people you are close to?

Yes No 76. Do you lavish gifts and favors on those you want to influence?

Yes No 77. Do you say no to others requests as retribution?

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 Yes No 78. Do you use sexual attention to gain approval or acceptance?

79. Do you use charm and charisma to convince others that you are caring
Yes No
and compassionate?

Yes No 80. Do you find yourself blaming others often?

Yes No 81. Do you judge harshly what others think, say, or do?

Yes No 82. Do you refuse to compromise, or negotiate?

83. Do you adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage

Yes No
while in an argument?

Yes No 84. Do you pretend to agree with others to end the discussion?

Yes No 85. Do you avoid disagreement and negotiation?

86. Do attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel and need to win
Yes No
or be right?

Yes No 87. Do you have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others?

Yes No 88. Do you withhold compliments or appreciation?

89. Do you have difficulty identifying what you are feeling or have no
Yes No
feelings at all?

Yes No 90. When relationships end, are you done and can move on easily?

Yes No 91. Do you minimize, alter, or deny how you truly feel?

Yes No 92. Have people said you lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others?

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 Yes No 93. Do you label others with their negative traits?

Yes No 94. Are you sarcastic?

95. Do you give up your truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid
Yes No
change?

96. Do you use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or

Yes No
confrontation or being known?

Yes No 97. Do you withhold details while in a conversation?

Yes No 98. Do you believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness?

Yes No 99. Do you see yourself as a successful well adjusted mature adult?

Yes No 100. Do you refuse to see yourself as a victim or ever being victimized?

Yes No 101. Were you spoiled or did you feel like you were a parents favorite?

Yes No 102. Do you suppress your feelings?

Yes No 103. Do you rarely ask for your needs or ask for help?

104. Do you avoid being vulnerable? Keeping most of your deeper thoughts
Yes No
to yourself?

105. Do you avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to

Yes No
maintain distance?

106. Do you believe you can take care of yourself without any help from
Yes No
others?

107. When in pain, is it common for you to get angry, humorous or to

Yes No
isolate?

108. Do you regularly pull people toward you, but when they get close, you
Yes No
push them away?

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 Yes No 109. Do you need to stay busy or be doing something all of the time?

110. Have you been sick or hurt often and have those injuries or illnesses
Yes No
mostly arrived while in a relationship?

Yes No 111. Do you tend to see things as black and white?

Yes No 112. Would you say you are a perfectionist?

Yes No 113. Do others often say that you are controlling?

Yes No 114. Are you obsessive about certain pursuits?

Yes No 115. Is it difficult for you to admit you need help?

116. Do you feel weak, wimpy or bad for even being here and answering
Yes No
these questions?

WHAT YOUR RESPONSES MEAN?

1-10 Adverse Childhood Experience
11-23 Wounded Child Pre-verbal
24-37 Distempered Low Self-esteem
38-46 Disempowered Lack of Healthy Boundaries
47-53Disempowered, not in Touch with Reality
54-59 Disempowered Lack Self-care
60-63 Disempowered Lack Maturity and Moderation
64- 72 Falsely Empowered Low Self-esteem
73- 87 Falsely Empowered Lack Healthy Boundaries
88-100 Falsely Empowered not in Touch with Reality
101-109 Falsely Empowered Lack of Self-care
110-116 Falsely Empowered Lack Maturity and Moderation

As you can see, the questions you responded “yes” to give you an indication of the
childhood trauma you experienced and how that trauma created perfect imperfections
and codependence. I will explain in more detail each section so you can complete your
understanding.

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 ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES

The CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study is one of the
most extensive investigations of childhood abuse and neglect and household challenges,
and later-life health and well- being.

The original ACE Study was conducted at Kaiser Permanente from 1995 to 1997. Over 17,000
Health Maintenance Organization members from Southern California completed
confidential surveys regarding their childhood experiences and current health status and
behaviors. The results showed that nearly 70% of all adults had experienced at least one
"Ace." In subsequent surveys, the outcomes have consistently arrived at the same
conclusion. Of those that had one ACE, 88% of that category had two or more. The number
of ACEs was strongly associated with adulthood high-risk health behaviors such as
smoking, alcohol and drug abuse, promiscuity, severe obesity, and ill-health, including
depression, heart disease, cancer, chronic lung disease, and earlier death. Compared to an
ACE score of zero, having four adverse childhood experiences was associated with a
seven-fold (700%) increase in alcoholism, a doubling of the risk of being diagnosed with
cancer, and a four-fold increase in emphysema; an ACE score above six saw a 30-fold
(3000%) increase in attempted suicide.

The ACE study's results suggest that abuse and household dysfunction in childhood
contribute to health problems decades later. These include chronic diseases—such as
heart disease, cancer, stroke, and diabetes—that are the most common causes of death and
disability in the United States. According to the World Health Organization. These findings
reflect similar trends throughout the world.

In short, much of our adult life struggles and health problems directly correlate to the
perfectly imperfect mistreatment, abuse, and dysfunctional homes we were raised.
Accepting this fact and the willingness to address these unresolved hurts are paramount in
our Journey to recovery. We can not skip this step as an individual or society.

WOUNDED CHILD-PRE-VERBAL

If you answered yes in this section, it means that you most likely experienced trauma
between the age of 0-5. A child at that age is not fully developed cognitively and therefore
can not process or form words. They become flooded with feelings and shut down. As a
result, you may not remember any specific trauma or abuse. Still, it does indicate that at
least during that time, you were left with a direct or indirect message and feeling that you
had no worth, were abandoned, neglected, and experienced abuse.

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 THE TWO CODEPENDENT PERSONALITIES

If you answered yes to any of the remaining questions, it shows how your mistreatment
and childhood abuse manifested into one of the two codependent personalities.

Because codependence is a spectrum, many people will have aspects of both. It is also a
result of when they experienced abusive parenting. If the abuse happened between birth
and five years of age, the child would be in the wounded child state. This state will mirror
the characteristics of the disempowered parent. The parent feels bad, inadequate, shame,
self-loathing, worthless, vulnerable, helpless, powerless, needy, dependent, chaotic, less
than, one down, boundary less, out of control, overwhelmed, flooded, dissociative, and
they pass those feelings to the child. It also explains why you have no words, go blank or
numb since a child at that stage is still developing language and processing skills.

Suppose the abuse happened between 6 and 17. In that case, the child will become the
adapted wounded child who usually mirrors the falsely empowered parent who was
grandiose, arrogant, rigid, perfectionistic, obsessive, stubborn, detached, avoidant, or
controlling.

In addition, the wounded child many times will morph into the adapted wounded child
because they have now gained logic and reason and figured out how to develop a
disempowered or falsely empowered personality that can fit into the family system.

Answering yes to these questions confirms what science has already discovered. That 95%
of our adult lives, we are all living and replaying the 70% of negative, hurtful, and self-
sabotaging messaging that our perfectly imperfect parents placed into our subconscious.
That means that no matter what age we are and no matter how much we think we are
acting as an adult, 95% of the time, we are stuck in our childhood and making decisions out
of that subconscious programming which was hurtful and abusive.

These can be shocking truths to admit to ourselves. Exposing these truths is not intended
to blame our parents. The goal is for each individual and society to accept that our
childhoods are perfectly imperfect, and those imperfections affect us significantly.

The solution is to gain Emotional Mastery and commit to embark on the Journey of
Healing. That is why I Created The Greatness Movement. I want to give people the
knowledge, skills, and tools to heal the pain from their past so that they can live in the
greatest version of themselves.

Their are 5 core codependent characteristics:

Self-love
Boundaries
Reality
Self Care
Maturity and moderation.

This next section will show how the disempowered and falsely empowered are perfectly
imperfect in these areas.
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 DISEMPOWERED- LACK OF OR LOW SELF LOVE

Self-worth is determined by others, thoughts, feelings, or actions. Often feel self-

detesting, one-down, worthless, and empty. “Give” themselves away and are people
pleasers. Develop “other esteem, ”believing their value comes from taking care of others to
hide a deep sense of shame and lack of inherent worth.

DISEMPOWERED-LACK OF APPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES

The disempowered codependent is too dependent, unrealistically expects care at all times,
can’t say no, and "gives" themselves and their power away. They make others responsible
for their well-being or try to be responsible for and rescuers of others. They see
boundaries as mean, selfish, unkind and that they are bad if they set them.

DISEMPOWERED- OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY

Both the disempowered and falsely empowered are out of reality about their dysfunction.
The disempowered can’t see it. They are unconscious of the truth that they are deceiving
themselves about who they are.

Disempowered can’t contain their truth and overshare it. Don’t make direct requests. They
are passive-aggressive, expect others to read their mind, and play the martyr. They will
allow others to dictate how they think, act and believe or tell others how to think, act and
believe. They have a dysfunctional view of closeness and togetherness.

Expect care at all times. They are willing to get help but are out of the reality that their
caretaking and niceness are manipulative, covert, disempowered attempts to control and
are not nice.

DISEMPOWERED- LACKING IN SELF CARE

Neither the disempowered nor the falsely empowered are effective at meeting their needs
and wants.

The disempowered is too needy, will feel guilt and shame or bad if they care for
themselves. Or the disempowered will avoid self-care by taking care of others first. Both
the disempowered and falsely empowered get sick and hurt to control the other.

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 DISEMPOWERED- IMMATURE AND INABILITY TO BE MODERATE

Disempowered are chaotic, immature, and out of control. Disempowered codependents

procrastinate, refuse to delay gratification, and rebel. They can at times be obstinate and
stubborn and act impulsively without thinking. Addiction is quite common.

FALSELY EMPOWERED- LACK OF OR LOW SELF-ESTEEM

The falsely empowered codependent sees themselves as better than others. They can be
arrogant, grandiose, or caught in the delusion of perfectionism and the delusion that they
are flawlessly good. They Develop “other esteem, ”believing their value comes from
admiration from others and adulation derived from achievement. Achievement and the
presentation of being confident is a smokescreen to hide their deep shame and lack of
inherent worth.

FALSELY EMPOWERED LACK OF APPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES

The falsely empowered are anti-dependent, invulnerable, never asking for help or
admitting they need help. The falsely empowered say no as power or to seek retribution.
Their conscious and unconscious goal is power and control to keep themselves safe. They
can be judgmental, critical, defensive, dismissive, and withhold information. Falsely
empowered are walled-in and walled off and avoid intimacy, being known.

FALSELY EMPOWERED NOT IN TOUCH WITH REALITY

Both the disempowered and falsely empowered are out of reality about their dysfunction.
They can’t see it. They are unconscious and deceiving themselves about the truth of who
they are. Falsely empowered don’t know or don’t share their truth. They guard against
letting others know them but, even worse, defend against knowing themselves. Their deep
shame core gets covered over with false arrogance and a false belief in their competency.
They leave out details, avoid discussion or argument. Stay busy to avoid reality and
connection. The walled-in, better than, anti-dependent will resist recovery, rarely get
professional help and don’t think they need it

FALSELY EMPOWERED LACK OF SELF CARE

Neither the disempowered nor the falsely empowered are effective at meeting their needs
and wants. The falsely empowered are needless and want less, won’t ask for and don’t
believe they need help. The falsely empowered don’t want to appear weak. They avoid
interdependence. They are disinterested, forgetful, dismissive, or even become angry at
having to care for others. Both the disempowered and falsely empowered get sick and hurt
to control the other.

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 FALSELY EMPOWERED LACK MATURITY AND MODERATION

Falsely empowered are overly mature, rigid, perfectionistic, obsessive, stubborn, and
controlling. Addiction is quite common.

THE 5 CHARACTERISTICS OF A FUNCTIONAL ADULT

Self Love
The mature and moderate adult feels they have a sense of inherent worth and embrace
that they are perfectly imperfect. They esteem from within and approve of their own
thoughts, feelings and actions.

Boundaries
The mature and moderate adult doesn’t have walls for boundaries or no boundaries at all
they are somewhere in between. They are not invulnerable or too vulnerable. They are
moderate in their speech and behavior. Can say no appropriately and have the ability to be
intimate with themselves and others.

Reality
The mature and moderate adult can express their personal truth moderately without
manipulation and without fear of judgement or abandonment or blaming the other. They
take responsibility for their view of the world. They can hear another’s truth or criticism
without defensiveness, or taking on responsibility for that persons truth. They don’t deny
the truth.

Self Care
The mature and moderate adult is responsible for their self care and are realistically inter-
dependent. They own accept, share and get help for their perfect imperfections. They seek
personal growth and development.

Maturity and Moderation

The mature and moderate adult is balanced in their thoughts feelings and actions. They
are contained but not stifled. They can experience spontaneity without shame or fear.
They never take the role of victim and blame others. They take full responsibility for all
outcomes in their life. No active addictions are present.

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