Hey it's me Beck.

Thought I'd take a moment to blog about my lovely girlfriend

Jade. (She told me if I blog on TheSlap, I HAVE to blog about HER... So this one's for
you, Jade.)

Let's just say that dating Jade isn't exactly a picnic all of the time. See, most girls
love when you compliment them and go out of your way to make them happy. But
with Jade, it's a little more complicated. She takes every compliment the wrong
way. So, for fun I've been super nice to her all week just to see her reaction. Here
are the results.

Monday:
Me: "Wow. Jade you look really pretty today."
Her: "So what?! Most days I look hideous?! Is that what you're trying to tell me?

Why do you even date me if I disgust you so much?"

Tuesday:
Me: "I like that outfit you're wearing."
Her: "Oh cuz it's got a little pink in it?! Well sorry if I'm not super-girly like all the
other ditzes who walk around wearing bows and flowers and tacky pink dresses.
I'm not your little dress-up doll. Ugh!" Wednesday:
Me: "Hey thanks for getting me a cup of coffee."
Her: "You say that like I never do anything for you! I feel so unappreciated!"

Thursday:
Me: "Here, let me carry that bag for you."
Her: "Don't use that tone of voice to me. Yeah, don't deny it! There was a tone!"

Friday: Me: "Hi, baby."

Her: "So you don't even say my name anymore? Did you forget it? Why are you
being shady?"

Sigh.BECK OLIVER

André:What's up, man? Where have you been?

Beck: Sick. Jade's taking care of me.

André:Oooh, sorry about that.

Beck: Hi, André. It's Jade. I'm sitting right next to Beck and NEWSFLASH: I know
how to read.
André:Right... I was kidding. You're the best girlfriend. Sweet, caring...

Beck: Stop typing.

Beck: I finally picked out my Halloween costume. I'm going as a professional

bowler.

Jade: That's stupid. I already picked out your costume. It's a white sheet.

Beck: A ghost?

Jade: No, you'd literally be NOTHING. I thought it was very clever artistic
statement. And besides, if girls can't see your face, they won't hit on you.

Beck: Yep. I'm back. Jade promised to stop freaking out.

Jade: Hi, babe. Welcome back to theSlap.com

Jade: Did you see the email I sent you?

Jade: How come you didn't respond to my email yet?

Jade: Are you getting these messages on your phone? I texted you, too!

Jade: BABE!

Beck: Do you want me to delay my account again?

Jade: Sorry, I'll stop. Love you.

Beck: Going to bed. If I post any updates in the next 8 hours, it's just me text-
sleeping again.

Beck: I bought my girlfriend flowers. Forgot she hate flowers. Starting a list of all
her "dislikes". It's LOOOONG already.

Jade: I can't believe you removed that you're in a relationship with me!
Beck: Well, you broke up with me.

Jade: Fine! Well, I'm removing mine, too.

Cat: What's going on with you two??? Someone please tell me!

Jade: No!

Beck: So Jade made me change my profile pic to let other girls know that we're
back together. But it's a good pic, so I'll leave it up for awhile.

Beck: I switched back to my old pic... but don't worry, Jade and I didn't break up. I
just really like this one.

Jade: I liked the other one better.

Beck: Knew you would ...

Rex: Hey, can you email me the one of you guys kissing?

Jade: Ew. Gross. No.

Beck: Earthquakes????? Nope - one of the tires on my RV just blew out. Part of the
fun of living in a house on wheels.

Beck: Heat wave in Los Angeles. Thirsty. Thirsty. Thirsty. Please send water!

Beck: Someone on TheSlap is using an avatar that looks just like me as a hobo!
What's up with that?

Beck: Where are my hair gels and stuff?

Jade: I removed them from your bathroom before I left for the weekend. I don't
want you looking good when I'm gone.
Beck: Partying in Hermosa. Jade can't come. Who should I invite?

Sinjin: I'm available.

Beck: Jade's at the movies. Chilling with my dad. Feels funny to not be getting
yelled at for a minute...

Beck: Grilling up some burgers then chilling in the RV. Andre's coming over.
Couldn't be a better Friday.

Jade: I thought you said you can't stand guy's night out and would rather be with
me.

Rex: The dude LOVES guy's night... See ya later Beck. I'm coming over, just gotta
figure out a way to ditch Rob first.

Beck: Working on my car. Engine grease all over me. Should have this baby up and
running soon.

Jade: Tell me you love me.

Beck: I love you.

Jade: Okay, resume your manly activities.

Beck: Thanks, babe.

Jade: Hot.

Beck: If I don't become a famous actor, my back-up plan is to sell products on TV. If
you can sell a blanket with arms, you can sell anything.

Beck: Well, Friday. Here I am. What are you going to do with me?

Beck: I'm babysitting a puppy. It just peed on my bed. Puppies are gross.
Beck: I parked my RV in the school parking lot last night. So I literally rolled out of
bed and came to class.

Beck: I bought one of those remotes that help you find your phone if it's lost. But
now I can't find it anywhere. I need a remote for my remote.

Beck: Thinking about getting a tattoo on my shoulder. What should it say?

Beck: I was in a movie. Then I was out of the movie. Now I'm back in the movie.
Interesting week.

Beck: Sikowitz's van smells like cheese. The ping pong team should really get their
own bus.

Beck: Just witnessed a mad hot-cheese attack! Now, I'm gonna go feel Andre's feet
some more.

Beck: Had to pick up some production equipment in Burbank today and drove by a
high school that looks exactly like Hollywood Arts. Weird.

Beck: What's the best part of staying up late? It's 1 am and I got nothin' to do.
Suggestions?

Beck: sittin' in Sikowit's class. Should i tell him that he has bits of cheese stuck in
his hair?

Beck: Dilemma: My hair got stuck in my car door today. Should I cut it?

Jade: Don't even think about it. And why are you asking anyone besides me?!?

Beck: Happy Veterans Day. I'm dating Jade so I know exactly what they've been
through.
Beck: 2 Days of school next week! Thank you Thanksgiving!

Beck: Did you here my girl singing at the Karaoke-Dokie? Talk about hot.

Jade: You better have meant me.

Beck: I did.

Tori: What? No love for Louise Nordoff?

Jade: Shut it Louise.

Beck: I wonder who was the FIRST person to eat cheese. How did they know eating
mold would be good?

Beck: Weekend Plans: Surfing or Snowboarding? I love L.A.

Beck: What is a one-horse open sleigh? Aren't all sleighs open?

Beck: Airplanes fly. True story.

Beck:Another question for you: What the heck does Auld Lang Syne mean? I'm
literally to tired to look it up.

Beck: Someone told me my hair was so shiny, they could see their reflection in it.

Jade: Um, does this person have a name, address, phone number??

Beck: It was my dad.

Jade: Anyway, what time is dinner tonight?

Beck: Went to the park with Jade ... She tripped a five-year old. BAD IDEA.

Beck: I lost a bet to Andre. Now my Diddly Bop costume is my profile pic for the
week. Thanks again man.

Beck: Was invited on a private yacht with an all-girl band. Jade said no. Now, we're
watching a chick flick together. Yay.

Beck: Still confused about what makes pink lemonade pink.

Beck: The best thing about dating Jade is not having to buy any Valentine's Day
gifts. Saves me like $35 bucks.

Jade: You were only going to spend $35 bucks on me!!!!! That's it. I want flowers
and jewelry NOW.

Beck: How come monkey get tails and we don't?

Sinjin: I kinda had a tail but the doctors removed it when I was 4.

Beck: I just took the "What Job Suits You Best" test and it said I should either be a
actor or an elephant trainer ... think I'll stick with actor.

Beck: Spring break is in a few weeks, so ... vacation ideas: Mexico or Canada?
decisions ... decisions...

Beck: Had to move my house so my dad could get something out of the garage.
How many people can say that? #livinginanRV

Beck: I'm eating a bagel. Wow that should not have been a stupid update. Sorry.

Beck: Anyone Canadian out there? Please tell Jade there's nothing wrong with
being born in Canada?

Jade: Yeah sure, like I'm going to trust the word of an Canadian.

Beck: If I were going to be deserted on an island and could only bring one thing, I'd
bring my PearPad.

Jade: I'd rethink that answer if I were you.

Beck: Man, how do girls wear these heels? Feet hurt so bad ... gonna go stick 'em in
a tub of cold butter.

Beck: coffee coffee coffee coffee coffeeeeeeee!!!! ah, back to normal ... ;-) Well, as
close to normal as I'm going to get.

Beck: Will someone please tell Jade that ordering her a salad does not mean I think
that she's fat?!

Jade: I still can't believe you did that.

Beck: You wouldn't tell me what you wanted!

Jade: You should be able to read my mind!

Beck: There was literally a couch in the middle of the freeway this morning. Ah, the
joys of driving in LA.

Beck: Gotta help a friend move to the valley this Saturday.... Sometimes it's not fun
being the guy with the truck.

Jade: What?! This Saturday?! AND MISS MY PLAY?!?!

Beck: But it's not your play. You're Tori's understudy.

Jade: Yes... unless something happens to her, which it MIGHT!

Tori: Jade! Stop saying that!

Beck: Going to Canada for a father-son fishing trip. My dad thinks Canadian fish
taste better than American ones.

Beck: Hanging out at a friend's movie set and all they have at craft service is
refrigerated mussels. I'm almost hungry enough to eat them.

Beck:I'm UN-SCARE-ABLE! Nothing frightens me at all. Well, except maybe Jade. Ha,
JK sweetie.

Beck:Asked my dad what he wants for Father's Day. He said, "For you to break up
with Jade." He's still mad about the whole dog attack thing.

Beck:Jade is the best girlfriend ever. Jade is beautiful. Jade is better than anyone
else.

Beck:Guess who logged onto my account and wrote this?

Beck: I literally only own like 3 pairs of socks. Should probably go shopping soon.

Beck: Hey guys. Just wrote a new blog. It's called Jade Hates Compliments.Check it
out! (or here)

Beck: Sitting on a floaty in a pool at a Hollywood Mansion. Things could be worse.

Jade: What?? Why wasn't I invited?

Andre: Eating Beck's famous BBQ ribs. He just grilled up a rack of 'em. Things could
be worse.

Jade: You took Andre as your plus one?!?! Things WILL get worse!

Beck:Jade once told me if I ever grew a mustache she would never kiss me again. At
least profile-me can sport one. Lucky chap.

Beck:My hair's too thick to wear a baseball cap. Life is hard.

Beck:They just discontinued my favorite hair gel. I'm currently on step 3 of the
grieving process.
Beck: Don't wear flannel in the valley. It's 102 degrees. My sweat is sweating.

Cat: Boys wear so much clothes

Beck: My neighborhood car wash says they'll clean any vehicle for $10. So I drove
my house over there. I think they hate me.

Beck: At the beach one last time before school starts. I'll miss you Summer. Don't
forget to write.

Jade: Who's Summer??!!! And why are you at the beach with her?

Beck: We need to talk about your jealousy issues.

Beck: A bird just pooped on my head during lunch. He's been eyeing me for days
and he finally struck. Anyone got a napkin?

Beck: Okay guys here are my choices for the weekend: Go to a film festival in
Newport or go scissor shopping with Jade. What should I do?

Jade: There's only one right answer to that question.

Tori: Scissor shopping? Is that a real thing?

Beck: I get all my fashion inspiration from 80's teen movies. Today I'm rocking the
jean jacket and fingerless gloves. Wanna join the club?

Beck: Name something you've never worn or ever plan on wearing. I'll start: khakis.

Sinjin: Relaxed fit jeans.

Rex: Underpants.

Beck: Weird how you can be washing your car one min and then out of nowhere a
bunch of girls show up and a huge bikini water fight breaks out?!
Jade: WHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

Beck: Ha. Just kidding.

Beck: I got an actual letter in the mail today! That hasn't happened in years! It was
junk mail, but it was still kind of cool.

Beck: It seems some guys have forgotten men's room etiquette. We DO NOT talk
while side by side at the urinals. Got it?

Robbie: But I just wanted your opinion on my new pants!

Beck: Jade just called and asked if she could borrow 200 rolls of toilet paper. Should
I give them to her or call the cops?

Beck: I wish I could use a remote control to put Trina on mute. She's trying to sing
an Adele song. TRYING.

Beck: Shopping with Jade. While she tries on 24 different black shirts, I'll watch the
football game on my phone.

Beck: Tomorrow is "Wear a Kilt Day" at Hollywood Arts. Should I participate?

Jade: You better not. I don't want a boyfriend who looks better in a skirt than I do.

Beck: It's 6 AM and I haven't gone to bed yet. Do I even attempt to go to sleep or
just try to make it thru the rest of the day?

Beck: Didn't get much sleep last night... wish I could be a girl for a day and cover up
my under-eye circles with some makeup.

Beck: Why is everyone saying I drink too much coffee!!!! I DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH
COFFEE!!! Aaaahhh!!!! My heart is vibrating!!!! Ineedsomemorecoffee!!!!
Beck: Just had to do an emotional scene while wearing green, full-body tights with
ping pong balls all over 'em. Motion capture acting is weird.

Beck: Got a Christmas package from my Canadian grandma—a jar of maple syrup
and a DVD set of Degrassi. Does she know me or what?

Beck: Why do we say "Merry Christmas" in America? We don't say "Merry

Halloween!" What gives?

Sikowitz: I say Merry Halloween.

Jade: Yeah, but you're weird so you don't count.

Beck: Having a great time at the New Year's Eve party! Even Jade's having fun. Of
course she calls it a "Death of 2011 Party."

Beck: The rose parade should be closer to Valentine's Day. That way you can just
pic flowers off the street to give to your girlfriend.

Beck: Jade almost beat up a girl for feeling my hair. That girl was my hairdresser.
Next time I get a trim, she'll have to wait in the car.

Beck: It's almost beach season! Wait, what am I talking about? It's always beach
season around here!

Beck: Vice Principal Dickers is my favorite person ever. (Hoping this update will get
me OUT of detention next time.)

Beck: Hangin' with Tori at the Gorilla Club, teaching her how to be a risk taker. She
hasn't died yet. I think we're off to a good start.

Jade: Well, maybe next time.

Beck: Single. Yup.

Robbie: I think I'm going to cry.

Beck: Don't worry, man. It's gonna be okay.

Beck: Every time I fill up my gas tank, I wish that someone would invent
teleportation already.

Beck: On an indie film set at 4:30 am. Sooo tired. The craft service coffee is NOT
working.

Beck: I had to take my house to get an oil change today… I do live in an RV,
remember.

Beck: Today is Good Friday. But isn't every Friday good? Is today like the King of
Fridays or something? Whoa, this status just went into Cat mode.

Beck: Went Easter Egg hunting with my cousin and found an egg from last year.
Better late than never.

Beck: Girls are always asking me to drive them to school. I don't think most of them
go to Hollywood Arts though. Weird.

Beck: At a friend's really terrible play. I'm like the only one still left in the theater.
Think I can sneak out during intermission?

Beck: Sometimes I forget how cool it is that I can see the Hollywood sign from my
house.

Beck: Accidentally just brewed a whole pot of coffee. If no one comes over to help
me drink it, i'm going to have a very long and jittery night.

Beck: No the rumors aren't true, I DID NOT kiss Tori. She DID spit a chewed-up
hoagie into my hand though.
Beck: Someone broke into my RV and only stole 1 permanent marker. Worst
robbery ever.

Beck: I did absolutely nothing today. Nada. Not a thing. Just wanted to let everyone
know that.

Beck: I know you're not supposed to eat in the library, but I snuck in some crackers
anyway. I like to live dangerously.

Beck: There's nothing worse than ordering pasta and finding the waiter's armpit
hair in your food.

Rex: Oh no, there's much worse than that.

Beck: Please don't talk about it.

Beck: Remember that cricket that kept waking me up? Well, I think he found his
way back back to my bedroom. That, or his family is seeking revenge.

Beck: Come see my new short film "The Blonde Squad." It's got everything you
need in a movie: Birds, blondes, and bananas!

Beck: Happy Canada Day! It's just like the 4th of July but with a lot more hockey
and flannel.

Beck: Reading Hamlet in English class. Spoiler Alert: Everyone dies at the end.

Beck: Just won concert tickets over the radio. All I had to do was answer a trivia
question NOT eat 100 cartons of ice cream. So much simpler this way.

Beck: My mom's gotta start warning me when she adds extra chlorine to the pool.
My eyes are currently burning. Ahhh!
Beck: Yesterday, my waitress asked me if I would marry her. She was elderly and
missing several teeth. Guess I won't go to that waffle place anymore.

Beck: My locker is broken. It won't close. Probably shouldn't be telling everyone on

TheSlap.

Beck: Okay, I need a text book for bowling class. I would only understand this if I
was throwing the book at the pins.

Beck: So it's Labor Day, huh? It's hard to get excited about a holiday without a
mascot.

Beck: Going to a midnight marathon of all 6 Galaxy Wars movies. Who needs sleep,
right?

Beck: My aunt just got me a fern for my birthday. Okay, first, it's not even my
birthday today and even if it was…. a fern?

Beck: Out with Tori on an "Opposite Date." Real dates don't end with the purchase
of dog ointment.

Beck: My first Halloween without Jade. Guess i won't have to watch 31 horror
movies this month.

Beck: Has anyone seen my friend Moose? He's been captured by 4 female lunatics.

Beck: Just got some little kids come to my RV asking for candy. I didn't have any, so
I gave them bottled water. Hope I don't get egged later.

Beck: I can't decide if I'm more hungry or thirsty. I guess I'm a little of both. I'm
Thungry.
Beck: Wow! Just realized I wore glow in the dark socks today. Where should I go
tonight to show them off?

Beck: The weather is a little too cool for iced coffee and a little too warm for hot
coffee. What do I do? #CoffeeConfusion

Beck: Dating Jade's not easy. But it's worth it. Besides, easy is boring.

Beck: At the Cow Wow and just found a wiener in my punch. Still gonna drink it
though.

Beck: Pro Tip: Compliment Sikowitz on his cologne today and he'll give you 5 bonus
points on today's test.

Sikowitz: It's true! I will!

Beck: I have a coupon for Nozu that expires Jan 1st 2013. I only have 2 hours left to
use it. Let's all get some sushi!

Beck: I don't think I want to be Doinked again. Not really a fan of the experience.

Beck: Boy, it's so hot right now. Guess I better go wash my car. I'll be live streaming
it just in case anything "interesting" happens.

Beck: I wish I could call a restaurant to deliver one pack of gum to me. I don't have
time to go to the store before my date tonight.

Beck: My fist just touched Sinjin's fist. Weird night.