CONTENTS

Note to Reader’s

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Epilogue

Also By Rachel De Lune

About Rachel De Lune

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OceanofPDF.com
 For Cornwall.
A place that holds part of my heart and soul.
I hope every reader finds their own Tregethworth.

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 NOTE TO READER’S

This story deals with a sensitive issue that some readers may find difficult to
read.
Please be mindful of this when reading Zennor’s ‘Then’ chapters.

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CHAPTER 1

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 ZENNOR

Now

I used to love the feel of the sand on my feet—the gritty and coarse
grains of packed, damp sand or the soft sugary flecks in the warmer, dry
parts of the beach. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t keep the
specks from covering you.
There is no place like Cornwall, and once upon a time, it didn’t matter
that I grew up here. I still thought it was the centre of the world.
And it was, for a time.
Clear blue sea to rival the Mediterranean meets bright cornflower skies.
The rock cliffs are lush with green and wildflowers—a patchwork of spring
—even the grey stone of the cliffs looks warm.
But the weather is fickle, and summer can feel like the depths of winter.
And in winter, it’s bitter, as all the colour is sucked from the countryside.
The sea turns wild and scary, and the inviting waters are long forgotten.
You have to be hardy to weather a Cornish winter. And when I was
feeling low, it was the thing I wished to escape the most.
Until he came into my life.
After him, there were two things I wanted to escape.

I amble along the edge of the beach. The weak sun barely warming my
skin. Whenever I feel a moment of heat, the breeze steals it, chilling me
back down. As I continue, I wrestle with the lifetime of feelings this place
threatens to dredge from me.
In the last twenty years, I’ve walked on many a beach. But never back
here. Never in Cornwall. But I’m not in a position to choose the white sands
of the Maldives or somewhere glorious and sunny in the Caribbean.
This was my family home, and I had no choice but to come here, for a
time at least.
Gather myself. Plan and put this failure of a marriage behind me.
The happiness I escaped here to find might still be a step out of reach.
Especially when being back here only reminds me that time hasn’t healed
the wounds I ran from in the first place.

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CHAPTER 2

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 JAYCE

Then

“M um, this place is a ghost town. When you said Cornwall, I’d
hoped it would be the main beaches, not this!”
Dad drives the car down a skinny-ass road with stone walls
on either side. Mum’s bragged for weeks that the holiday house is right on
the beach and that I’d be able to surf every day. It’s the only thing that got
me to come on the stupid family holiday.
All my mates are off together to celebrate the end of exams, but my
Mum had to plan this at the exact same time. I guess I’ll be doing my thing
in a few weeks, anyway.
“Stop moaning, Jayce. We’ll be there in a few minutes. This is meant to
be an opportunity to spend time together before you go off gallivanting
around the world. Don’t make it a fight before we’ve even arrived.”
I roll my eyes and keep looking out the window, watching the blue of
the sea come into view. They stay fixed on the one thing in the world to
bring a smile to my face. Perhaps the next two weeks will be tolerable, after
all.
Mum is good to her word, and a few minutes later, we pull up alongside
a grey stone cottage, right on a road that looks like it’s going nowhere. The
twins dump their books and flee from the car as if their lives depend on it.
They race inside the moment Dad has the door open. All I’m concerned
about is my surfboard and wetsuit, so I help Dad with the unloading. As
soon as my bags are in my room, which, thank fuck, I’m not sharing with
the terrible twosome, I change into my shorts, pull my wetsuit up to my
waist and grab my board.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Mum twists to call as I walk
towards the big, wide, blue.
“You said I could surf every day.” I smile my favourite son smile, shrug
my shoulders back at her, and start a gentle jog down the road towards the
beach. It winds down to a dead end, but there’s a footpath down to the sand.
Not the easiest of routes, but I’d figure out a different way back.
I drop my board onto the clearest patch of sand and jump down after it.
The tide is out, and I look about at my new home, at least for a couple
of weeks. A few people are already bobbing in the water, but the beach is
quiet. There’s a café or maybe a shop at the other end, but I can’t see the
usual surfboard or hire stuff out the front. It’s a few weeks before the main
summer holiday season starts, so Sean and Billy are missing school to come
on this trip. Not a hard sell for them.
With the visual reccie done, for now, I tug the zip up on my suit, secure
my board leash to my ankle and take off towards the surf.
The beach is wide, and as I hit the water, I’m excited to see there are at
least some decent waves coming in. Crashing over the next wave, I jump
forward on my board and paddle out to sit and wait for the right ride.
It’s only a minute or so before I see a new set building and take a further
minute to check I want to go for it. Checking my timing, I set up, dig my
arms through the water and race the build of the wave. My heart starts to
pound, and the adrenalin kicks in.
This is the best bit. The moment you’re about to pop up and let nature
take you for the best ride. The wave rolls and I carve back and forth,
keeping my balance and making sure I’m on the right side of the white
crest.
The energy fades from the wave the closer to shore we get, and I let the
board cruise the last few feet before I jump off into the shallows. The
lapping waves knock me as I chase my board, and I look back towards the
swells building out to sea.
Life is good.

After a few hours of surf, I decide to head back to the house and then
maybe explore this tiny town some more. There are a handful of other
surfers still out in the waves, and with the sun beaming down on the sand,
more people have come down to catch some afternoon rays.
I step up onto the wooden deck of the café and clock the ‘Molly’s’
signage.
“You can’t go in all wet and sandy.”
I turn around to see a girl clearing the table on the far side. She’s
wearing cut-off jean shorts that give me a perfect view of her legs, a worn t-
shirt, and her dark hair is twisted up in a bun on top of her head. Her skin is
darkly bronzed, and she looks beyond gorgeous. She looks up and walks
towards me as if I’m blocking her way.
“Do you mind?” She gives me a huge fucking smile with that comment
and squeezes past me and the empty table.
Her dark eyes follow mine before she pushes the door open and escapes
inside.
I stay, a little dumbstruck, looking at the door until I snap out of it and
walk up to the main road.
My grin remains plastered in place as I follow the main road through
this supposed town and find the holiday house.
“About bloody time!” Mum yells as I open the door.
“It’s been no time, Mum. Chill. I need a shower.” I pull my board in
after me and take it out towards the kitchen and the utility room.
“Jayce!” she screams at the trail of sand behind me.
“Mum, come on. What am I supposed to do?”
“Go around the back and hose everything off in the back garden.” She
pushes me through the back gate and marches me to where she wants me.
“Next time. I thought I’d check out the town later.”
“Oh, did you now. And what if we have plans?” She crosses her arms
and looks at me expectantly.
“Rain check?” I flash her the smile that lets me get away with murder,
and she bats her hands at me in frustration before heading back inside.
I rinse my stuff, leave the wetsuit to drip, and grab a shower.
I’ve not bothered to unpack, but grab a clean t-shirt and some board
shorts, shove my feet into my trainers, and keep my mop of hair back with a
baseball cap.
“Dad, can I have some cash?”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t have any.”
 “You’ve been working for eighteen months for your gap year
travelling.”
“And I don’t want to spend any of my savings,” I counter. “Just a
tenner.”
He hands me a scrunched up note from his pocket, and I walk out the
door. I head back the same way, straight towards Molly’s.
I pull open the door and enter the store. Shop. Café. Inside it seems to
have an identity crisis, but whatever. The coffee shop area looks cool, and
there, behind the counter, is the girl who caught my eye earlier.
“I’ll have a chocolate milkshake, please,” I order and hope she
recognises me.
“Sure.” Her smile is courteous, and she sets about fixing my drink.
“You don’t recognise me, do you?” I ask when she places my tall glass
down in front of me.
“Should I?”
“We met earlier. Outside. No sand or water now.” I hold out my arms
for her to look, which I’m glad she does.
“The surfer.”
“The surfer.” I give her my best fucking smile and take my milkshake
out to the benches overlooking the beach.
This holiday is looking a hell of a lot finer now.

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CHAPTER 3

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 ZENNOR

Now

I always told myself not to get attached to a man. Or, at least, never feel
like a man is what you need to feel fulfilled. And with Derek, I thought
I had found the perfect match. He didn’t question my ambition or feel
threatened by it. There was no competition in our relationship, and I trusted
him.
Was it the most dynamic?
No. But you can’t have fireworks all the time, right? Butterflies in the
stomach, a pounding heart, and breathlessness aren’t realistic expectations
after a given time. That’s a childish fantasy—a dream—and one that I
buried a long time ago.
Derek was my partner.
And what he did to me was worse than break my heart. He broke my
business.
He systematically tore apart what I’d worked for years to build, and he
made a fool out of me in the process. Divorcing me took balls I never knew
Derek had. And in my eyes, he had no right to do what he did, despite what
the courts agreed. We were married, but that shouldn’t entitle him to what’s
mine. It’s a lesson I’ve paid for dearly and will never make again.
The anger and resentment are a bitter taste in my mouth and tinge the
beautiful sunrise with my bad thoughts.
The small Cornish town of Tregethworth certainly isn’t London, but it
has changed a little in the last twenty or so years. There are a few more
shops and more tourist stuff now, but I’m pleased to see Molly’s is still
here, although I don’t dwell on those memories.
Mum was ecstatic when I asked her if I could come and stay with her.
She’s had to travel to me to visit, and I’ve hosted Christmas for her and my
sister every year since I settled in London, although Tegan didn’t come so
often since having Natalie, her daughter, and it’s been years since I’ve seen
her.
They say time heals all wounds. I disagree. But I do believe that it gives
us the space to adjust to the pain of the wounds we carry. And Cornwall is
the perfect place for me to regroup and plan what to do next. Starting from
scratch at thirty-five was not the career plan I’d manifested for the last ten
plus years.
The rays of light spill over the ocean, and the sheer beauty of the scene
lifts my dour mood. This is an opportunity. That’s all. Something for me to
conquer and succeed in like I did when I first left this place behind. I close
my eyes and breathe the words in, and exhale.
It might not work for shit, but I’m going to try everything I can to beat
this.

“You were up and out early,” Mum calls from the kitchen as I walk in the
door.
“Just getting some fresh air.”
“Well, all those years in the city, I bet your lungs don’t know what’s hit
them.” She looks at me as I take a seat at the kitchen farmhouse table.
“It’s lovely to be back, Mum. I mean it.”
“Well, doesn’t mean I believe you mean it.” She puts a cup of tea in
front of me and joins me at the table.
She’s never left Tregethworth. It’s like a piece of her belongs to this
little town, and she can’t live without it. She’s paid her mortgage off and
has a beautiful house with plenty of potential with the land at the back and
side of the property. I’ve not mentioned my idea to her because it’s just an
idea right now, but I had no intention of just sitting idle while I rebuilt my
life.
I’ve worked and fought for my success, and I can do it again.
The biggest obstacle with my fledgling thought is that it would tie me
back to here, the place I wanted to escape, although that was a long time
ago. I might feel differently now that so much time has passed, but in my
gut, I have doubts. It’s only been a couple of days, though.
“Your mind never shuts off, does it?”
“Pardon?” I turn to Mum, who’s smiling at me.
“I can see those cogs churning away. Like you’re planning to take on
the world.”
“Who says I’m not?” I wag my eyebrows at her and drink my tea.

The internet speed is frustratingly slow. I roll my eyes for the hundredth
time as I look over the local real estate opportunities. Cornwall’s property
market is only going in one direction thanks to all the second-homers, and
rental income for holiday properties is very profitable.
Tregethworth is no Newquay, but that’s not everyone’s idea of the best
destination. I jot down a few details and take a look at some of the planning
requirements on the council’s website.
“It’s a beautiful day, Zennor. Why don’t you get out rather than stay
cooped up in here?”
“I’m good, Mum. Just doing some work.” I don’t look up and keep my
eyes on the screen.
“Well, it’s your loss. Are you coming to bingo at the village hall
tonight?”
“I think I’ll pass. But if it makes you feel any better, I might take a visit
to The Waterside or The King’s Port.” I placate her with plans I can easily
change.
“Well, okay. I’ll be eating out, so book a table if you want food. They
get busy. Let me know if you change your mind about the bingo.”
“Bye, Mum.” I click on a holiday cottage website and search for any in
the area, wanting to understand the potential money on the table. If this idea
was going to fly, I had to make sure there would be a good profit margin to
aim for.
I immediately recognise the first listing for Tregethworth—a stone-built
cottage along the road at the far end of the beach. The image of the house
takes my breath away. After all these years, it’s still a rental property—a
place for families to come and visit and fall in love with Cornwall. There
are wooden floors throughout, a cosy front room with an inglenook
fireplace, a kitchen come dining room, three bedrooms, and a small back
garden.
I don’t need any of the photos on the listing to help with the description
because I’ve been in that house before.
The smallest bedroom is where I lost my virginity.
To the boy I once swore to love forever.

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CHAPTER 4

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 ZENNOR

Now

I grab my coat, pull on my Chelsea boots and slam the door on the way
out.
The beautiful spring day that Mum insisted I spend more time
enjoying has turned, with no sight of the sun in the sky. Bubbling grey
clouds swarm overhead, but I don’t mind. The brisk walk to the pub helps
occupy my mind from anything remotely close to memories.
Memories I don’t want to face.
The pub sits on the other side of the headland and boasts spectacular
views of the sea and waves as they crash into the little cove below. It was
always a popular place with locals and tourists when I lived here, so I
convinced myself that it was time to see if any of that had changed.
The wind picks up as I turn along the edge of the coast and head up
towards the pub. There’s little warmth in the air, and once again, I’m sucked
back into my time here as a child, feeling miserable and stuck in the winter
months.
I pull open the wooden entrance door, and the strangely comforting
smell of beer and vinegar immediately envelops me. Heading to the bar, I
note the old lobster pots and nets that give the place an authentic touch. A
roaring fire in a log burner provides a cosy feel. At the other end of the
gleaming bar top, I see a more modern area, which must be an extension.
“I’ll have a glass of red, please. A malbec if you have one,” I order
when a woman approaches.
“Large?” the lady behind the bar asks.
 “Please.”
Hubbub and the noise of a busy restaurant drift towards me, and I snag a
menu from the holder at the bar.
“We’re fully booked tonight. Bar snacks only.” The lady sets down my
glass.
“Thanks. I’ve not been in here since the restaurant was built.”
“Oh, it’s been a fair number of years, then. Just visiting?”
“Something like that.”
“Well, Tuesday and Wednesday are walk-ins only. Monday, it’s just the
bar.” She smiles and heads back to the other end of the bar.
I take my goblet of glistening red and pick one of the empty tables near
the fire. It offers an outside view, and I can see the water, although it looks
calm at the moment. A few other patrons occupy the area, drinking and
chatting between themselves.
The thick red wine coats the glass as I take my first sip, and I’m
pleasantly surprised.
As I enjoy the wine, I focus on the positive thoughts from my research
today. The money I have from the sale of my business and the house gives
me a tidy sum to invest in a new venture, and the market looks to be at a
prime time to build a holiday let or similar type of accommodation. Mum's
land is nothing more than a small, overgrown paddock that the neighbour
keeps his old tractor in. We used to play around in it when we were young,
but it's been abandoned for years. It’s ripe to be transformed, with easy
access to the road and amenities, just inside the heart of village life. It
doesn’t quite have a clear view of the sea, but it’s only a quick walk. A
single dwelling would eat a lot of money upfront, but there are multiple
options, with the bespoke glamping pod-style accommodation being
popular.
I pull out my phone and give a little prayer to the signal Gods that I
have 4G in this place before opening up the notes app and listing some
initial thoughts about how to proceed.
This kind of project is a far cry from my app-based business, which
took all of my ingenuity to craft and develop. Seeing it torn apart because of
the divorce still hurts, and if I had my way, Derek wouldn’t have seen a
penny from my hard work. But he’d been planning his move for a long
time.
 I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t notice the man who walks
through the door to the bar.
“Zennor Williams?”
My name drags me back to the here and now, but I get whiplash from
the plunge straight back to the past.
“I can’t believe it’s you. After all these years. Wow, let me get you a
drink. Same again?”
Jayce Roberts stands, larger than life, in front of me. He sucks all the
oxygen from the room just like he did when we were kids. At least, that’s
the effect he had on me back then. And apparently, still does.
Like a fool, all I can do is nod, and his smile transforms his handsome
face into a work of art. Gone are the boyish good looks. Now, he’s all man,
with stubble over his chin and choppy hair flecked with grey that serves to
make him look rugged and sexy, but his eyes are the same—a blue and
green mix that matches the sea.
How is this fair?
I use the space he leaves to reinstate the oxygen my brain needs to
function. He glances back at me a dozen times as he orders our drinks, and
my heart aches. A physical pain that I thought I’d buried and moved past a
long, long time ago.
The shattered pieces of my heart I’d worked so hard to forge back
together seem to have crumbled with such ease that I have to grip the
wooden table to stop myself from dissolving right here.
Life can be such a cruel witch to some, and this act, at this time, surely
proves my assumption again.
He returns with drinks and sits next to me at the small table.
“I still can’t believe it’s you. It’s been, wow, nearly twenty years, I
guess.” He looks at me like I’m the sun rising in the sky after the longest
night. The same longing I remember so vividly. It draws a physical reaction
from my body.
“It’s been a lifetime,” I muse as I break the connection of our eyes. It’s
too much, and I pick up my glass, taking two large gulps. As I place it back
down, I keep hold of the stem, twisting it back and forth between my finger
and thumb. My leg begins to bounce against the floor as I struggle to take
control of this situation.
For years, I’d rehearsed the words I’d throw at Jayce Roberts if we ever
met again. But then, I used that feeling to drive myself in more positive
ways: University, my job and career, striving for success that would eclipse
anything and everything that happened that summer.
After wrestling with my memories earlier, this meeting blindsides me.
It’s been years since I’ve even thought of Jayce, let alone imagined meeting
him again. So, the coincidence that we’re both back here at the same time is
astounding and unwelcome.
“So, why are you back here? Or did you never leave?” he asks.
“How about you first.” I turn it back around. “You left for the big wide
world. Did you find what you were looking for?” More wine slips down my
throat.
“I think so.” His voice is sombre, and I risk glancing up at his answer.
“But I also fell in love with big waves. I quickly got picked up and stayed in
a couple of places over the years.”
I remember when social media first became a thing, and in a moment of
weakness, googling his name. Pictures of the boy I fell for, surfing the
world, were what greeted me and only served to sour my memories of the
boy who stole my heart.
“And yet you’re back in Tregethworth.”
“Circumstances change. And, well, this place holds something special
for me. So it was an easy choice to come back here.”
“You live here? In Cornwall, over any other surf location in the world?”
I clarify because what he’s saying seems really stupid and a huge fucking
knock for me.
“As I said,” he picks up his beer, “my circumstances changed. A new
perspective can make difficult decisions some of the easiest when it comes
down to it.” He has that sombre lilt to his voice again, and it does nothing to
help keep my focus. Suddenly, I’m a teenager again, and I can feel his spell
pulling me in.
No.
Pain. Anger. The burning furnace I’ve relied on to fuel me for those
years after he left is what I need now, and for the first time in years, I pry
open the locked box and let those emotions run riot.
“I’ve only just come back into town. A few days, that’s all.” I sound
prickly.
“Okay, another coincidence. I’ve been back only a couple of weeks.”
He’s certainly not shy at keeping eye contact, but all it does is push me into
an uncomfortable place. Uncomfortable that he’s even here, that I’ve not
said a word of my rehearsed speeches I memorised years ago, and that he’s
more charming than ever.
“Excuse me, Jayce. Thanks for the drink, but I’m going to be running
late. It was nice to see you.” I force politeness into my voice and excuse
myself.
“Wait, hang on.” He reaches for my arm and stops me. “How can I
contact you? I’d love to see you again. Really, Zee, I can’t believe it.”
The moment ticks on, and I feel like I’m trapped in a trick of a question.
“I’ve got to go. Tregethworth’s not that big, Jayce.” I shove the door
and escape, feeling the pressure build in my lungs to take a deep breath.
Not until I’m clear from view do I pause and breathe deeply. I came out
to clear my head from my memories, and all I’ve done is walk right into
another one. Armed with the knowledge that Jayce Roberts is back puts a
new slant on the idea of staying here with Mum.
I was willing to give this place another chance. I didn’t want to burden
any of my few friends back in London, and I wanted nothing to do with
anything connected to my life with Derek, so Tregethworth was my option
right now. And why should I be the one to re-consider plans? This is my
home, not his. I’m a grown woman. This man destroyed a piece of me
before, but I’ve learnt my lesson, and I’m strong enough not to let that
happen to me again. Even if that means I have to show him exactly how he
made me feel.

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CHAPTER 5

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 JAYCE

Then

T he weather looked shit, but I wasn’t here for the sun. I was here for
the surf, and the waves are always better when there’s a bit of bad
weather. I check the tide guide that Dad got for me and look to head
down to the beach before breakfast.
The twins won’t be going out in this weather.
I’m at the door before Mum stops me. “When will you be back?”
“I don’t know. When I get tired or hungry.”
“Okay, fine. But only because we’re going to be stuck inside. We’re
doing something as a family tomorrow.”
“The weather will be better tomorrow. We can all go to the beach.”
“And watch you surf?” She gives me that pointed look, but I know she’s
only teasing.
“Bye, Mum,” I call as I head out.
The rain lashes my face as I walk down to the beach, but I was right
about the waves. Tumbling towers of white horses smash into shore, and I
race towards the sea as soon as my feet hit the sand. A few others have the
same idea, and I see them bobbing about in the water.
The roar of the waves blocks everything else from my mind, and I duck
under an incoming crest. As I enter the water, the sound deadens, and for a
moment, it’s utter peace until I’m back up and facing the next barrage.
I keep paddling past the breakers and look to spot the sets I want to
catch.
 Picking my wave, I set off and feel the current pull as the swell builds.
The energy is unreal, and I feel like I’m on the edge of wiping out, but I
keep my balance. The wave behind mine gives me a hammering, though.
In these conditions, it’s not long before I’m knackered and regretting
that I skipped breakfast.
I catch the next wave in and call it a day. The rain still hammers down,
and sloppy sand puddles cover the beach. Even through the rain, I glance at
Molly’s and wonder if that girl is working. She must be a local—a holiday
job perhaps, but she looks a little younger than me.
My feet are icicles by the time I get back to the cottage, and I race
through the swill off routine before heading into the warmth.
Everyone’s still in the house, watching a film in the front room.
“I’m back. Grabbing a shower,” I call before going straight upstairs.
The salty smell of bacon cooking wafts through the house when I finish.
I follow my nose and head to the kitchen where Mum has a bacon sarnie
waiting for me.
“Ahh, you’re a lifesaver.”
“Well, who’s going to look after you when you’re travelling? You can’t
surf on an empty stomach.
“I’ll manage,” I mumble around a bite of sandwich. “What’s the plan
for the day?” I ask before stuffing the rest of the sandwich in my mouth.
“Well, the boys aren’t prepared to go out in the rain. So, it’s a quiet day
until the weather breaks.”
“Great. I’m heading back out.”
“In this?”
“Yeah. Why not.” I smile, kiss her on the cheek, and make sure I have
my wallet and coat.
The rain is a little lighter as I head back down to the café. There aren’t
many people when I step inside, but I also can’t see the girl behind the
counter. I approach and look at the menu, opting for a hot chocolate today.
“Hey, do you know the girl working yesterday? Is she here today?” I
ask as I place my order. The woman looks at me and cocks her head to the
side.
“She’ll be in for the lunch shift.” She gives me a half-smile before
fixing my order.
“Cheers.” I take my drink and set it down.
 The seat is next to the glass windows and gives me a clear view of the
beach. The waves are on the turn, and my mind skips to the loose plan I
have for travelling in a few weeks.
Living on the south coast, we never get waves like these, but that’s
never stopped me from wanting to surf bigger and better. Saving all my
money for boards and wetsuits has been part of my life since I was little.
And, looking back, my folks have been as supportive as they can afford.
Nothing comes cheap, it seems, when you’re surfing.
Surf videos and magazines have fuelled my addiction, but nothing is
like getting in the water to do it myself.
But I want to see the world—surf the world.
“Can I get you a refill?”
I turn and look up at the girl I’m waiting for. She has a cautious smile
on her face as if she’s not sure she should be happy about me being back
here.
“Have you started your shift?”
“I’m a little early.” She looks back at the counter and seems to be
having some sort of non-verbal conversation with the woman who served
me.
“Hot chocolate?” I ask, standing and enjoying the fact that I’m a good
few inches taller than her.
“Okay, why not.”
I grin and head to order our drinks.
“I’ll bring them over,” the woman offers.
“Thanks.”
“So, the surfer isn’t surfing.” She looks out towards the waves.
“Already had my fix today.”
“Impressive. Not just a fair-weather surfer then.”
“Nope. I’m Jayce. In case you want to call me something other than
surfer.”
“Very well, Jayce. I’m Zennor.” She holds out her hand and waits for
me to shake it. “Nice to meet you.”
Our hot chocolates are delivered, and I don’t miss the little wink the
woman gives to Zennor. Maybe she likes me and mentioned me to her? I sit
a little taller at that thought and run my eyes over Zennor.
She’s switched her cut-offs for regular jeans today and has a surf-brand
hoody on. Her dark brown hair is twisted up on her head again. But it’s that
smile and her dark eyes that do me in.
“So, you work here. Does that make you a local?” I ask.
“Yep. Born and raised.”
“But it’s a weekday. Don’t you have school?” I drink some of the
chocolate.
“Just finished my GCSE exams, so no school. Same for you, I guess?”
“Yeah, although A-Levels.”
“And you’re certainly not a local, so holiday?”
“Yep. Family holiday before I head off.”
“Travelling?” she asks, and I notice her eyes light up.
“Yes. I’ve been working for nearly two years to fund the trip, although
nothing’s set. I want to be able to stay or move on when I want.”
“Sounds novel. Backpacking then?”
“Well, with a surfboard.”
She nods as if it makes sense. “Look, I better get to work.” She drinks a
gulp of her chocolate.
I look around at the almost empty shop.
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
“Working here. Like most days.” She sighs, but she doesn’t sound
bored.
“All day? What about the evening? Maybe you could show me around
this place?” I want to make it sound casual, but worry I just came off as
lame.
She smiles at me, just like the first time we met.
“Are you asking me out on a date?”
“Maybe. Or maybe we could just catch some waves before your shift?”
I counter, not wanting her to turn me down flat.
“Ahh, well, that’s a no.”
“What?” I look at her, confused.
“I don’t surf.” She seems to find this amusing, as she’s half-laughing as
she admits it.
“I’m sorry, you live on the beach in Cornwall, and you don’t surf? Are
you frightened of the water?”
“No, nothing like that. I just don’t want to get tossed about by nature,
thanks.”
“Okay, that’s just a tragedy. You have all of this on your doorstep.” I
point out towards the window and see the rain streaking down the pane.
“Right, well, today is not the perfect example.”
She giggles at my remark.
“Please, come on. Now you’ve told me this, I don’t think I’ll be able to
leave without you agreeing to have a lesson with me.” I sit forward on my
chair and reach for her hands.
She looks right at me, a half-smile on her beautiful lips. “It’s going to
take more than that to convince me, Jayce. I barely know you.” She pulls
her hands back.
“Well, come on a date with me and then I can get you to agree to accept
my help,” I declare. “I’m going to make it my mission to get you in the
water.”
“Wow, a date and surf lessons, all in the space of one drink.”
“What can I say?” I give her the grin that never fails, but all she does is
laugh and stand up. “Is that a yes?” I stand to meet her, taking her hand
back in mine before she can walk away.
“It’s a yes to the date. That’s all I’m agreeing to.”
“I’ll take that.” We swing our hands back and forth, neither of us
wanting to let go.
“I finish at six-thirty tomorrow.”
“I’ll be here.”
“Just to clarify. The date won’t be here, okay.”
“Sure. Anything you want to do?”
“I’ll leave that to you. After all, it’s you who asked for the date.” She
raises her eyebrows at me. God, she’s cute.
Finally, she drops my hand and goes to grab an apron from behind the
counter.
“See you tomorrow, Zennor,” I call and turn to leave.
I had the rest of the day to plan a date and figure out how to convince
her to get on a board with me.
And I fucking loved that idea.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 6

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Then

T he day is gorgeous. The warmth of the sun hits me as I step out of the
front door. I can’t deny a big part of me is looking forward to today a
little bit more because of my date later with Jayce.
I look out towards the beach as I head to Molly’s. It’s busy today—
people taking advantage of the hot sun beating down on the sand. The water
has calmed from yesterday, and the salt in the air smells fresh and vibrant
and makes me feel like the possibilities of the day are limitless.
Molly’s is just starting to get busy with the lunch crowd as I arrive, and
the tables outside are filling up with a pile of orders coming in. It keeps me
busy rather than daydreaming about what Jayce might come up with for
later.
“There are three takeaway orders waiting on the benches. Can you take
these out?” Molly places the orders on the counter, and I rush to it.
“Takeaway order for Roberts?” I call out, and a smiling Jayce turns to
look at me.
“Hey. That’s me.” Jayce gives me a grin that renders me speechless. It’s
so infectious, and it makes me want to smile in return. He’s wearing his
baseball cap around the wrong way again and is shirtless with his wetsuit
pushed down to his waist, exposing his ripped abs.
My eyes flick a look over him, and my heart races a little harder as I do.
“Um, I guess … Jayce Roberts.” I hand over the bag of lunches,
focusing on my job.
 “Lunch for the family. We’re having a beach day.” He looks back
towards the beach.
“Great.” I hold my hand up, shielding my eyes from the bright sun. “I
better …” I gesture inside with my thumbs. The seconds tick on, and I
know I should move, but my feet don’t work.
“And I’ll be back at six-thirty.” He doesn’t move either. Instead, he
plasters an even bigger smile on his face. He’s gorgeous, and I feel light-
headed from his smile alone.
“Zennor!” I hear Molly calling, and I look to see her in the doorway.
When she clocks who I’m talking with, her face softens a little, but I know I
should get back to work.
“I’ll see you later.” It’s an effort to turn away and not look back, but I do
it. I’ve got to be strong and not act like the wimp of a girl I feel like in his
presence.
“Well, he’s keen.” Molly walks past me as I’m heading in and delivers
the other orders I forgot to come back for.
I scowl playfully at her. Molly’s great—and teasing me. She’s young
and fun, considering she’s my boss. If I do my bit, she’s happy. And it beats
any of the other options in the town. You can walk around Tregethworth in
no time, and while sometimes that adds to its charm, it can get lonely in
winter.
The rest of the lunch rush is manic. It’s like all of the tourists arrived on
mass, so by five, I’m shattered and don’t even have time to think of Jayce in
all his glory. I finally take a break, and all of the thoughts I’d been holding
off about our date consume me.
There’s not much in the way of date activity in Tregethworth—a
handful of shops and cafes. No cinema or bowling alley, not that I’ve been
on many dates to know what we’d do, but I’d imagined going somewhere
beyond the confines of Tregethworth.
“Will you go and help in the shop?” Molly calls, and I look over to see a
customer waiting. As well as the coffee shop, there’s a general store that
also serves as the local post office at the far end—a community hub for
many, and it ensures that there’s work for Molly to pay me.
“Sure.” I push myself back up and go get the mailing bags ready for
collection.
“Why don’t you head off early? You might want to get ready for a
certain someone tonight?” Molly teases as I finish up.
 “I’m meeting him here. And besides, it’s not like I need to get dressed
up.” I look down at my cut-offs and the worn but still favourite t-shirt I’m
wearing, suddenly nervous that I’m not wearing anything remotely date-
worthy. Perhaps I should change.
“What’s the plan, anyway?”
“No idea.” I shrug.
“Well, I want the details tomorrow. Now go.”
“Thanks, Molly.” I grab my bag from behind the till and walk home.
“Hi, Mum,” I call as I race through the door. In my room, I throw open
my wardrobe and run my hands over all the t-shirts I lovingly hang up. I
hate it when they get creased, so take the time to hang them up. After all,
there aren’t many other styles of clothes to clog up the wardrobe. Finally, I
settle on a bright blue surf brand and change into some figure-hugging
jeans.
At work, I don’t wear any of my jewellery, so I put a couple of my
pendants around my neck, re-do the bun my hair is in, and change my bag
for a cross-body that isn’t so filled with sand.
“Bye, Mum.” She doesn’t respond, which is fine. She knows I won’t be
out late. I’m hardly ever out in the evenings.
I walk back towards Molly’s, but this time, my breath catches due to
nerves that have started to churn in my stomach. I’m still battling with them
as I think back to the first time I saw Jayce. Even dripping wet from the
water, he looked handsome, and I wanted to make an impression. I didn’t
think it would lead anywhere, and now I’m excited.
For the first time.
About a boy.
The smile is impossible to remove from my lips as I walk the short
distance back to Molly’s.
She clocks me as I come through the door, and I look around to see if
Jayce has arrived yet. My stomach drops as I see he’s not here, but it’s only
just gone six-thirty.
I hang out at the counter and refuse to turn when I hear the door snick
closed, telling me somebody else has walked through. I hold my breath and
wait until I feel like I’m about to burst and then give in, turning around only
to see a couple in the comfy seats.
I rest my elbows on the counter and drop my head. This is stupid. It’s a
casual date with a guy who’s here on holiday. It’s fun, that’s all. But there is
a little voice in my head telling me that it’s more. After all, when was the
last time a guy asked me out?
“Hey, ready?” Jayce’s hand pulls my shoulder to face him and sends my
heart skipping with relief.
“Sure.” He’s in a crisp white t-shirt and smarter jeans than anything I’ve
seen him in so far. His blond hair is still messy, long on top, shorter at the
sides, but no cap tonight.
“Great. Come on.”
“What’s the plan, then?” I ask, fighting the feeling of tripping over my
own tongue as I speak.
“Ah, well, it’s in two parts.”
“Go on,” I encourage, interested to hear what he’s come up with.
“As I don’t know this place very well, I thought the first part could be
you showing me around. Introduce me to all the places in Tregethworth you
like. And then we’re having burgers at the place up on the corner.”
“The Waterside?”
“Yep.”
“Okay. What’s with the idea of getting to know the place? We can just
go for food?” I don’t hide my confusion at why he wants to walk around the
place.
“Well.” He scoops my hand in his as we head towards the road, and I
oblige, wrapping my fingers around his. “I want to get to know you better.
And honestly, have no idea what we can do here. So, I thought this could
help us both. Plus, I can suss out just how adamant you are about not going
in the water.”
“Oh, that won’t take long. I’m sure.” I’ve never felt the urge to surf,
even though most of my friends do.
“Well, I’d like the opportunity to change your mind. Come on. Where
first?” He tugs at my hand.
“Okay, well …” I think about how I’m going to turn my hometown into
anything remotely interesting. “What time are we at The Waterfront
because this won’t take long,” I say nervously.
“Come on. There must be some places that are worth showing me?”
“Fine. Okay.” I give in, suddenly panicked as to what I can show him.
I steer us away from the beach and along the main road, where there’s a
handful of stores, some nicer than others.
 “Don’t blame me if you get bored. And don’t hold it against me. You
asked for this.” I point to him with my free hand. “I suppose some people
call this place charming, in its own way. The Silver Tree.” I nod to the
jewellery store and instinctively rub at one of the pendants I bought from
there. I could spend hours in the shop, trying on rings and picking out new
necklaces to wear. But a lot of the pieces are expensive, and my t-shirt
collection won’t keep growing if I spend my wages on pretty jewellery.
“Ice cream shop. The surf shop.” His pace slows as we pass the
window. Luckily, they closed at six. Otherwise, I’m sure we’d be inside.
“There’s a gift shop that sells fudge and tourist things around the corner,
and if you carry on down the road to the end of the headland, the pub is up
on the side of the coast. There’s a village hall and a Chinese takeaway. We
don’t have a lot here.”
“What about where you hung out as kids? There must be a few other
places?” he asks, his hand still in mine.
I stop our current trajectory. “If that’s what you want, we can go for a
walk, but again, it’s not exciting.”
“Come on, Zee.” He looks at me with that boyish grin that seems to
render me a little speechless, and suddenly I want to do anything he asks.
So, I turn us and start up a skinny residential street that will take us where
he wants to see.
“Zee?” I question his shortened name for me.
“I was trying it out.” He shrugs.
“Okay.” I laugh. “How about Zen. That’s what most people call me.”
“But I’m not most people.” He stops us in the middle of the street to
face me, and for a moment, I think he’s going to kiss me. My heart even
does a little flutter in anticipation. But a car comes around the corner,
startling us, and ruins the moment.
We walk the rest of the short way up the incline, past the terraced
cottages to the area where the primary school and local playground are.
“Here we are. Not much to see.”
The school is an old stone building, and only had four classrooms, all in
higgledy-piggledy rooms. I lead Jayce to the swings in the play area. From
here, you can look down on part of the town and see Molly’s, the beach,
and the path leading to the edge of the headland at the other end of the
beach.
 With the sun still casting its glow over the town, it looks pretty
spectacular.
“I want to take you surfing tomorrow,” Jayce says.
“Oh, really?” I turn to him as we rock back and forth on the swings.
“Yep. I mean, how you can say no when you’re looking at that.” He
points to the sun glinting off the ocean. The light catches the waves as they
gently line up to take their turn at running to shore. “I will never know.”
He looks mesmerised by the sea. Like he’s found his happy place or
something, and I’m hit with the urge for him to look at me the way he looks
at the waves.
It’s ridiculous.
It’s stupid, but I can feel it in my heart.
And worse, I know what I’m going to say to him.
“Okay.”
My simple response seems to break him from his trance, and he turns to
me with that grin of his.
“Really?”
“Really. I’m not working tomorrow, so we have some time. But only if
the weather is nice.”
“You have a deal.” He holds out his hand for us to shake, and we do.
“Come on. I’m starving.”
“I thought you wanted to see the sights.”
“Nope. I’ve seen all I need.”

How did I let myself get talked into this?

But I knew how.
Jayce looks like he’s won the lottery, his smile is so big across his face,
and I can’t help but laugh as he pays for the surf hire. I take the board from
him, and we walk down to the sand.
“Have you never had a lesson? Not even the basics?”
“Nope,” I say proudly, but I can’t keep a straight face and dissolve into
giggles as Jayce seems to be working out how to break this down for me.
“Right, well, the important thing to remember is balance. And to plant
your feet. It’s all in the positioning.” He demonstrates, popping up from
lying flat on the board to a crouched position. He’s so fast and seems to
move effortlessly.
 “You try.” He looks at me and then my board, which looks ridiculous
next to his sleek thing.
I oblige and lie down on my front before placing my hands and jumping
up as he did.
“Good. Good.” He moves in behind me and puts his hands on my hips
to position me better. The contact is skin on skin and sends goosebumps all
over me, despite the day’s heat.
The big smiles from a few moments ago are now shy and anxious as
tension builds like static between us.
“Again. You need to be completely happy with this before we try it in
the water.” I nod but get distracted by his eyes looking down at me.
We break the spell, and I repeat the move.
Over and over.
Until I’m bored.
“Oh, come on, Jayce. When can we go in the water?”
“Fine. Come on. Let’s see how you get on. The shallows first.”
The water swirls around my feet, and the chill makes me gasp. “Ah.”
“Oh, yeah, a little cold for you? Bet you wish you had a wetsuit now?”
he mocks.
“It’s not worth hiring. I’m not going to be in the water … for long.” But
I’m already shivering as I push the board along the surface and over the
small waves rolling in. As the water gets deeper and creeps further up my
legs, my goosebumps come out in force for an entirely different reason.
“Right. Just catch a few waves in first. Get used to the feel of the board.
Ride them in like a bodyboard.” Jayce wades out further and demonstrates.
It looks easy enough, and I copy him.
But I get the timing wrong, and the wave doesn’t catch me.
I try again, this time with Jayce’s help, and the rush of water pushes me
towards the shore. It’s a buzz, all of a sudden riding the small wave. As I
come to a stop, I put my feet down and stumble a little before getting back
to standing.
“Great. Now for the hard work,” Jayce calls, and it’s his grin and the
look on his face that helps me to forget the cold and focus on him—and the
waves.
He’s not wrong about the hard work.
Wave after wave, I try to time and push up to my feet, but every time, I
lose my balance and plunge myself into the sea. And every time I re-
surface, I see Jayce’s smiling, and often laughing, face. It certainly lessens
the pain, but I’m starting to think that surfing is impossible.
“Come on, one more try.” Jayce pulls me up as I brush the water from
my face.
“Last go. I’m getting tired of landing in the water.” Less tired of Jayce’s
hands on my skin.
“Practice makes perfect.”
“Easy for you to say.” We both wade out before I jump onto the board
and paddle further out than I’ve been yet.
“Okay, remember to paddle hard, position and then pop.” We’re both
looking for the wave that will break my losing streak.
“This one. This one!” Jayce helps to get me set. “Ready? Go!” He
pushes me off, and my arms take over, paddling and pulling through the
water. Just as I get the speed up, I push with my arms and plant my feet, so
I’m in a funny crouch. This time, I’m not straight down, my balance stays
with me, and I straighten my knees a little until I’m kind of standing.
The shock of succeeding and the rush of adrenalin are exhilarating, and
I start to laugh as I glide the remainder of the way in on the wave.
I jump down from the board and turn around, looking for Jayce, who’s
racing through the waves to catch me.
“That was awesome.” He picks me up and spins me around in the water.
My arms wrap around his neck, and I happily get carried away in his
embrace.
“I’m not sure about awesome, but at least I stood up.” I look up at him,
and our eyes lock. He doesn’t miss a beat and brings his mouth to mine,
kissing me like I’ve been hoping he would since yesterday. It’s slow and
gives me time to savour the seconds. Our lips are cool and salty, but just as
I’m ready to deepen the kiss, it’s over in less than a second. I’m already
missing his lips pressed on mine, but we’re both knocked forward by an
incoming wave.
“I say we end on a high.” Jayce smiles at me, his hand in mine.
I shouldn’t be disappointed that our kiss was over too soon, but I am.
And then I’m struck by another unsettling feeling. Time with this boy isn’t
going to be enough. It’s only been two days, and I already want more. And
a slither of apprehension dampens my mood further. I’m not going to want
this to be over. Am I just setting myself up for a fall?
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 7

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Then

T he next few days go past in a blur.

A blur of sand, sea, and Zee.
Because that’s all I’m interested in.
After the day in the surf, watching her do something she’s never tried
before, I can’t get enough. And not just of kissing her. She tastes of
sweetness and salt—my personal recipe for happiness. She brings
everything into focus and gives me a destination to head towards.
The weather stays sunny and clear, which keeps the family occupied. Of
course, I make sure I do the obligatory stuff with them when Zee is
working. And actually, spending time with the twins on the beach is fun in
itself.
We buy ice cream and walk around the little town, and Zee watches me
surf on her breaks from the deck, or she sits on the sand and waits for me to
finish.
She doesn’t go back in the water to surf with me. But, to my surprise,
she does come with me as we walk over the headland and rocks to do a
mini form of coasteering. Her shriek as she jumps from the rocks into the
water with me lights me up as much as the adrenalin needed to make the
jump.
Nothing we do has any special significance. Nothing we do is expensive
or flashy, but that’s not how it feels to us. Every minute is precious between
us as though we both understand there’s a finite amount of them, and we
want to save every one for each other.
I jog out of the waves, shaking the water droplets from my hair. It’s been a
week since I arrived, and more and more tourists arrive in Tregethworth
every day. The beach is big enough, though, and I know where Zee will be.
She’ll be basking in the sun on the soft sand, an easy distance from Molly’s.
It doesn’t take me long to find her, but I take a second or two to
appreciate the view. She’s stretched out on a towel with a cap—my baseball
cap—over her eyes. Her skin looks warm and glistens against the pale
yellow of the sand. I make sure to keep out of her sunlight and place my
board down in the sand before sitting next to her.
With my forefinger, I gently trace the letters of her name on her
stomach.
“Hey! That tickles.” She bats me away and sits up, putting my hat on
properly.
“Are you hungry?” I ask, it’s not quite lunchtime, but I’m starving.
“I could eat.”
“I’ll go and grab us some sandwiches.” I look down at the wetsuit.
“Although, has Molly changed her rule on sand and water in the shop?” It’s
a dumb rule considering she’s on the beach.
“Fine. I’ll go.” Zee makes an exaggerated effort to stand up. “What do
you want?”
“Club sandwich with everything. Do you think Molly will throw in
some chips?”
“Maybe.” She smiles. I stole half her plate of fries the other night, so
hopefully, she understands my love for the fast-food delight. “Don’t go
anywhere.”
“Not planning to.”
I enjoy the view as she walks up the beach to Molly’s. Her hips sway
just enough and set my mind racing. Zee seems comfortable in her own
skin, which is another thing I’m starting to love about her. She’s not
covered up to walk to Molly’s, confident in showing off her amazing figure
in that olive-green bikini. Although, I’m glad the beach isn’t packed with
other guys like me right now.
It will only be a matter of time, though. This place will be busy in a few
weeks, and then who’s going to be gawking at Zee? I push the thought
away. We still have time.
 My eyes stay glued to her until she goes inside, then I lie back and
enjoy the heat of the sun. It’s pretty peaceful for a few minutes, and the
crash of the waves on the shore chills me out even further.
“Hey!” I squint through my hands at the voice I don’t recognise.
“Hey,” I respond to the two girls standing over me. I sit up and rest my
elbows on my knees.
“I don’t think you’re a local, right?” The blonde one asks as she looks
me over.
“No. I’m here for the surf.” I stand up and keep half an eye out towards
Molly’s.
“That’s cool. I’m not going in today, but I try and get some waves most
days.” She nods along, but something tells me she’s not the surfer kind. It
might be the bright blue nails, the big hoop earrings or the tiny material
thing tied to her hips. Or, it could be her friend’s giggle that she attempts
and fails to stifle at that comment.
“The waves have been good. I’m hoping they stay.”
“My name’s Elise. This is Mel.” Elise steps forward, shoving her boobs
in my direction.
“Nice to meet you.” I nod but don’t give them my name.
“So, as you’re not from around here, need someone to show you the
best spots?” She rocks her shoulders back and forth like she’s just offered
me some great prize.
“Thanks, but I’m good. And, I’ve actually got a girlfriend.”
“Well, we won’t tell if you don’t.” She smirks, and it makes her look as
unattractive as she sounds. Her friend just smiles along.
“I’m afraid that’s not my style.” Over their shoulder, I can see the only
girl I’m interested in walking back with a bag from Molly’s, my cap,
looking so much better on her than it does on me. “This is my girlfriend.” I
make my smile as big as possible, which isn’t hard when I get a look at Zee.
The smile on her face falters when she clocks the other chicks, but I grab
her waist and pull her into me.
The two girls look a little stunned and certainly change their welcoming
vibe, so I rub it in their faces a little more and lean in to steal a kiss from
Zee. A full-on, possessive, you’re my girlfriend, and I don’t want anyone to
doubt that kiss.
Her smile’s back in place when I pull away, and she turns to the girls.
“Elise. Mel. Nice to see you.”
 They don’t respond, just shake their heads and strop off through the
sand, kicking half of it up behind them as they go.
Zee and I break out laughing before we drop down to the towel and
open the lunch bag.
“One club. Chips. And I got us a couple of Cokes.”
“Perfect.” I unwrap the food, breath in the hot vinegar smell, and dig in.
“You know those girls?” I mumble and look up.
She’s busy unwrapping her sandwich. “Yeah. Kinda. They’re in my
year. Elise lives along the coast. She’s a bitch.”
“She surf?” I ask while shovelling chips.
“No. It will mess her hair.” Zee makes a face at me like I’m stupid for
asking.
“Thought so.” I look out at the view of the waves.
“So,” Zee starts and draws my attention back to her. “Girlfriend?” She
doesn’t look at me when she says the word, and I wonder if she doesn’t like
the idea.
It was a risk.
I mean—I was only here for another week. But I feel more for Zee
already than any other girl. She’s special, and if I can’t say that by calling
her my girlfriend, how can I?
“Well, aren’t you?” I toss it back to her to see how she responds.
“I am. At least while you’re here.” She finishes her bite and looks at me.
There’s a longing that makes my chest hurt a little. Continuing like we are
is going to cause more pain when I leave—for both of us. But I didn’t want
to stop because of that.
How can you live your life like that? You’ll miss out on all the good
stuff.
“We’re having fun, right? I know I am. And I intend to spend as much
time as I can with you for the next week. We can think about after when we
get there.” I reach out and cup her face. “Deal?”
“Deal.” She finishes her sandwich and snags a few of my chips.
“Are you going to come surf later?” I ask, scrunching up our rubbish
and putting it back in the bag.
“Nope. That was a one-time thing.” She straightens the towel and then
lies back down, getting comfortable in the sun.
“Are you sure? You were great for a first-timer.”
 “I’m sure. I’m glad I did it, though. Thank you.” She leans up on her
elbows, and I bend in to kiss her.
Her lips are warm and melt beneath mine. The heat races up my spine,
and the urge to take this further beats through my body. God!
I start to pull away just as her arm circles my neck, and she pulls me
down towards her. Her tongue pushes inside my mouth, and the kiss turns
hot and sexy way too fast. My hand slides down the side of her body, and
all I feel is soft, fucking perfect skin. She’s wearing nothing but the bikini
that’s only really underwear in my head, and I can feel all of her against me.
It’s not helping where my mind is taking me. And fucking fast. My cock
throbs in my suit, and I know I won’t be able to move for a few moments.
“Zee.” I rest my forehead to hers. “We’re in the middle of the beach.
And …” Words fail, but I take a breather and think about icy water. Cold.
Ice. Water.
Her little giggle tells me she knows exactly what she’s doing.
I shuffle away from her and take a few deep breaths.
“I’m going to grab a few waves.”
“Okay. I’ll be here when you get back.” She positions the hat over her
eyes again and gets comfy.
With one last breath, I push up on my knees and check I won’t
embarrass myself when I stand. I shove my arms into the rest of the suit and
grab my board.
One more week, and I’ll be leaving to go and chase my dreams of
surfing around the world.
But right now, Zee seems to be all the dream I want.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 8

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Now

Z ennor Williams.
In Tregethworth.
She looked just as good as she did when I first saw her all those
years ago at Molly’s. That memory will be ingrained in my mind forever.
Sure, her hair is more tamed, and she’s got womanly curves now that
only entice my imagination, but there was no mistaking her beauty, even if
she made a quick exit.
It doesn’t take me long to walk back from the pub. The surf shop in
town had been up for sale for a while and came with an apartment above the
shop—the perfect opportunity for me to build a business.
Zennor is right. I could have chosen any number of places in the world,
let alone in the UK, but Tregethworth had a piece of my heart and never let
it go. Plus, it had a fantastic beach, great surf, and a ready-made surf
market, but with no surf school. It was ideal for my plans.
The builders are still finishing the renovations upstairs, but it should be
complete in the next week or so. The sixties-style décor and layout weren’t
to my liking, so if I was going to make this my home, I had to make some
changes and turn this into a place to love. The view over the beach helps.
Watching the waves roll in as the sun glints off the sea certainly sets the day
off right.
But it does mean the sofa will have to do until the renovations are
complete.
 The wake-up call from the builders doesn’t piss me off because I’m
already up and already thinking about Zee at the crack of dawn. After all,
I’ve never been able to forget about her, even after all these years.
Rob’s opening the shop later, so I take the opportunity to head out to
clear my head the only way I know how, but not before I stop off at
Molly’s.
It’s funny, my memories weren’t as strong when I came in the last few
times, but it hadn’t changed much over the years. The funny mix of what it
served still worked. There were new people behind the counter, and the
paintwork was different, but that’s it. It felt nostalgic. And thankfully, the
silly rule about sand and water seems to have been abandoned. People come
in off the beach to order their lunch and coffees now, which suits me just
fine.
I prop my board on the railing outside and go to order a latte. I don’t
need a coffee, but part of me wants to see if Zee might be here. Pulling open
the door, I look about but don’t see her familiar face. My memory fills in
the blank of all those times I saw her here, though. Her smile, those cut-off
shorts she wore, and her messy hair in that bun.
With no sign of her, I take the hot java, drink it on the deck, and watch
the waves. They’re calm, baby three-footers.
No danger.
I take a few breaths, finish my coffee, throw the empty cup in the
recycle bin and head to the surf.

By the afternoon, I’ve walked around the town twice, just hoping to
accidentally run into Zee, which was both pathetic and unlikely. Finally, I
resigned myself to the only course open to me and walked up the familiar
path to her mother’s house.
There’s no saying she’s even here. I mean …
The door swings open, and it’s like I’ve just jumped back twenty years.
Zee answers.
“Hi,” I start. “I hope you don’t mind. After last night, well, I wanted to
see you again.”
“It was a surprise, that’s for sure.” She smiles, less stunned than the first
reaction last night.
 “How about you let me take you out for dinner? The King’s Port is
good, and I already know you like the red wine there.” Cutting to the chase
seemed like the right approach.
“Wow, straight to it.”
“We didn’t really get a chance to catch up last night, and knowing
you’re back, even briefly, well, I didn’t want to waste my shot.”
“Your shot?” Her brows rise in humour as she tilts her head to the side.
“Well, a man’s got to hope.” I lean against the door jam and wait for the
answer I want.
“How about tomorrow night? Good things and all that. I’ll meet you
there at eight.” She gives me a smirk that reminds me of the girl I fell so
hard for before she closes the door in my face.
Good things come to those who wait.
It’s a famous saying for a reason. Maybe that’s why everything good
seems to slip through my fingers—because I never had to wait to get them.
Everything in my life fell right into my lap, right away.
First, Zee, then surfing and finding my sponsors in California. I’d been
travelling for two months, and then, bam, my world changed. Sure, after I
got it, it wasn’t smooth sailing, but maybe my lesson in life needs to be
patience?
Now, to hope that the pub has a table for two at short notice.

The King’s Port is busy but squeezes my reservation in, and I arrive a few
minutes early so I can meet Zennor. I’m half expecting her to turn up in a
soft t-shirt and cut-off shorts, so the dress with the billowing skirt to mid-
calf is a bit of a shock. A good one, but it’s a vivid reminder that a lot has
happened in the twenty years since we were last in Tregethworth together.
“Good evening.” I head to meet her as she looks around for me. Her
smile is reserved, and I find it hard to read if she’s nervous or shy about our
date.
“You got a table then?” Her eyes don’t quite meet mine. “Just. It’s a
popular place.”
“I never expected The King’s Port to be the eating establishment it is,
but here we are.” Zennor has a forced chuckle in her voice. “Drinks?”
“Red again?”
“Please.”
 I order, and we head to our table and hope the bumpy chitchat is out of
the way.
We’re seated at the far end of the extension, but we do have a view
outside. The edge of the cliffside and the water below provide a great
backdrop and watching the swell of the waves quietens the little nerves that
have started to pipe up.
Zennor follows my gaze and sips her glass of wine.
“So,” I start. “We didn’t get a chance to catch up properly the other
night. How about we start over.”
“Sure. But I’m going to take a look at the menu and find out what all the
fuss is about. I’m sure they’ll be able to rustle you up some chips, though.”
Her comment pulls a genuine smile from her lips, and something eases in
my chest.
“I hope so. Whoever heard of a pub that doesn’t sell chips?”
We order, and I try and steer the conversation back to finding out what
Zennor’s been up to for the last twenty years.
A part of me wants to ask her outright why she never got in contact. Or
if any of my postcards even made it to her. But I take my time.
“Is your sister still here?” I start with something less personal.
“She lives just outside the town.”
“And obviously, your mum is still here.”
“Yep.”
“But you left.”
“Moved to London, actually. Not many computing jobs in Cornwall.”
“No, I can imagine. What do you do now?”
“Well, a few different things. But I kind of want to find out why, after
travelling the world, you’d want to come back here?” She tilts her head like
she’s trying to read me.
She did this last night. Avoiding questions with a question of her own.
“I’m not getting any younger, and surfing at the level I was, has an
expiry date. Especially when you get a run of bad luck.” The beer has a
bitter taste all of a sudden, but I ignore it. “So, I changed it up. I needed to
find another focus.” Or I’d kill myself.
“Yes, but why here?” She narrows her eyes at me.
“Why not? This may surprise you, but I’ve been back here a couple of
times over the years. The surf has always been great, and the place is laid
back and isn’t oversaturated. You’re in business, right. You must understand
that.”
“And what exactly is your business?”
“I bought the surf shop and live upstairs, but it’s being remodelled right
now. Plus, I have a few other side hustles.” I smile, not wanting to be the
complete open book I think I am when it comes to this woman.
Our food arrives, and we eat. Zennor is right, and there are, of course,
chips, which I still enjoy.
“Are you back for good then? From London?” I ask.
“I don’t have any definite plans just yet.” She pushes the salad and fish
around her plate. “I need to see how my next venture pans out.”
“Do you have family?” She’s on a date with me, and there’s no ring on
her finger, so I’m assuming there’s no boyfriend or husband.
“No. An ex, that’s all. You?”
“No.” Mary-Ann is the closest I had to a girlfriend, but she’s more a
friend with sexual benefits. She was on the tour, and we spent time together,
in the right place, at the right time over the years. That doesn’t really add up
to girlfriend material, but then I was always looking for someone else.
“No surf chicks along the way, Jayce? I find that hard to believe.” She
gives me a sly smile, and I don’t like it. I don’t want her to think of me as a
player going after girls.
“That’s not my style, Zee. Never has been.”
We finish the meal and enjoy watching the sun sink into the ocean.
Zennor’s warmed up since our first meeting, but there’s something off.
Or perhaps I’m trapped in the past, hoping the same girl I’ve been pining
for still exists.
For the sake of another date or at least a friendship, while we’re both in
town, I leave the questions for another day and get the bill.
“It’s been nice,” she says. Nice isn’t the word I was hoping for, but I
guess I can’t assume we’d fall back into how we left things. “Coffee?” She
raises her brows at me, and I almost double take. After the somewhat stifled
conversation, that wasn’t the offer I was anticipating. There are no coffee
places open at this time, which means her place or mine. Hell, I thought she
might be ready to sack me off.
She starts down the path from the headland back to town. Her wedged
sandals give her a few inches, so if I were to kiss her, I wouldn’t have to
dip. Our bodies would align … My mind races with the faded memories of
a lifetime ago, filled with knowledge of how fucking good we could be.
“My place or yours?” she asks.
“Ah, yours. Mine is a building site.”
“Right. Renovations.” She leads the way, and I’m happy to follow.
She pauses at the door, and for a second, I’m trapped in some sort of
time warp between now and twenty years ago.
“I’m not sixteen anymore. Don’t get all starry-eyed and nostalgic ...” I
look over her curves, which are now all woman. They smash my memories
and fill in the blanks with something much sexier. She licks her lips and
bites down, teasing me. There is no way I’d be able to mistake Zennor for a
child now.
The second the door closes behind us, she attacks my lips and captures
my head with her hands, gripping my hair between her fingers.
“No fucking chance,” I pant.
She flicks the leather of my belt, pulls it free, and moves to the buttons
of my fly.
God, I’m so fucking hard, and the graze of her hand over my cock has
me tipping my head back as I get a grip. She’s moving so fast I can only
stand and let it happen. After all, this is the woman I’d been semi-obsessed
with for most of my life.
She still tastes of sweetness and salt, although there’s a distinct flavour
of wine on her tongue. It makes everything she’s doing darker—more
sinful. And the fact that she’s ready to strip me down to my boxers in her
front room is proof of that.
Before my jeans hit the floor, she walks me towards the sofa, and I pull
the shirt over my head.
The light is dim in the room—just a side lamp in the corner—but that
can’t hide the shock on Zennor’s face. She stops dead as her eyes latch onto
the silver bead at my throat.
The leather of the bracelet I bought wore away years ago. Too much salt
water and sand, but the silver bead lasted just fine. The etched shape of the
wave might be faded, but I didn’t care, and I kept the bead, re-stringing it
onto a thicker necklace that would last.
I reach out for her face and run my hand over her cheek, breaking the
spell. She looks at me, and I think I see a glint of tears, but she closes the
distance, attacking me with her lips again.
 Our breath catches, and the heat and urgency wipe out the shared
moment.
Her weight forces me down onto the sofa, and she follows me, kneeling
over me.
Fuck, yeah.
We’re all hands and material as we rush to get the remaining clothes out
of our way.
“Condom.” I stop, grabbing my wallet, and pulling one free. She pulls
her dress up to give me space to roll it on before she kneels higher and then
seats herself over the tip.
No patience.
No waiting.
She positions herself and slides all the way down until I’m clenching
my jaw and digging my fingers into her hips.
Don’t move. Don’t fucking move.
“Hmmm.” Her hum of satisfaction has my heart pulsing, and I have to
take a few steadying breaths. “Don’t tell me you’ve not learnt how to fuck
in all these years?” she whispers in my ear, biting the lobe for good
measure.
Shit.
I thrust my hips, and keeping my hands on her arse, I stand and twist so
she’s on her back. I prop my right foot on the floor for leverage and show
her how deep I like to fuck.
Her polite hum turns to a gasp.
“Better?” But I don’t want to stop there.
I put my hand over her mouth to keep her quiet, after all, we’re in her
front room, which feels pretty close to a teenage move, and then shove my
weight forward.
Again and again, until my hip throbs, but the dull ache keeps my climax
at bay. The silky heat of Zee is fucking addictive, and I want more even
before I’m finished. She’s relaxed her legs, pulling me closer and harder to
her, which means she’s enjoying every fucking second as much as I am.
“Are you going to be quiet when I make you come?” I ask.
She doesn’t beg or plead but looks at me. I release my hand more so I
can grip the edge of the sofa and use it to ram into her even harder. We’re
both on the edge, and I want her to remember this.
 I quicken my pace, and I’m rewarded as she tightens around my cock,
squeezing me and pulsing in time with my racing heartbeat.
Fuck, she feels so fucking good.
She’s quiet. And my grunt is muffled as I bury my head in her neck.
Deep breath.
Move. Deal with the condom.
I look back down to see Zee putting herself back together.
“Good coffee.” She grins up at me.
I smile, and I feel like the kid walking in off the beach and seeing her
for the first time again.
Yeah, it fucking was.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 9

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Now

L ast night ran away from me far quicker than I thought, especially
when I saw the silver bead at his neck, but that didn’t mean anything
now. And there was nothing in my plan that said I couldn’t enjoy
myself while setting Jayce up. We all learn that life happens, and sometimes
you have to deal with the consequences. Besides, who said I shouldn’t make
up for some of the pain he caused me?
The morning coffee routine I’d developed in London still needs
satisfying, so I’m out of the door early before Mum wakes.
There are a couple of other small takeaway places in Tregethworth now,
but Molly’s is still the best, so I head there, enjoying the early quiet. I’m
lost in my head, going over the few things I want to get lined up before I
pitch the new venture to Mum for her land, including the anticipated
revenue and my role in the business. Despite the distraction of Jayce
showing up in Tregethworth, I need the business pitch to be my priority
focus. Otherwise, I’ll have to come up with a plan B, and I don’t have one.
I thank the lady behind the counter and turn with my large coffee.
“Hey, stranger. Caffeine hit, I see.” Jayce’s smile is larger than life in
front of me.
“Hi. Yeah.” I give a forced smile and raise my coffee cup, looking
around his frame for the door. It’s a frosty and brittle greeting considering
what I let him do with my body last night, but it was one date. Nothing
more.
“Zee?”
 I look back towards him and see the question on his face and wait for
him to ask or say whatever is on his mind.
“Nothing. Have a great day.”
I make sure not to brush past him as I walk around him and leave
without saying anything else.
There’s little room to misinterpret my action, and that’s what I need.
Men do it to women time and time again, with no explanation required, and
I need Jayce to realise it cuts both ways, and there’s no romantic ending
here for us.
We went on a date. We screwed. Nothing more.
I take my coffee back home and make myself a quick breakfast and start
the kettle for Mum. There are some figures I need from the bank to pull into
the spreadsheet I’ve been basing the business plan projections on. The raw
data shows the business could turn a solid profit after the first year and then
allow me to take the seed and investment money and turn it into something
bigger, expand, or change directions again—away from here.
More importantly, it will give me the time to work out what I really
want to do next in my life. I’ve been running my own company for so long,
and before that, working towards it. I can’t remember anything else, and
without that drive, I’m feeling lost, with no rudder to guide me.
So far, returning home hasn’t been the settling experience I needed, and
I feel more unsure about my future than ever.

Venturing out onto the beach is a risk with Jayce in town, but I can’t hide
from him. The surf’s not great today, so I’m hopeful the big-shot surfer
won’t bother. On the way, I pass the old surf shop and see the closed sign.
God, sixteen-year-old me would have thought this would be amazing,
having the gorgeous boy from the best summer ever back in town. I might
have played down everything when we were together and worked at
keeping my feet on the ground and planted in reality, but that didn’t mean I
didn’t dream and imagine a world in which we were together and happy.
But that version of Zennor grew up.
She didn’t want to feel weak for wishing the dreams would become a
reality.
And she’s much harder to impress now.
 As I traipse through the sand, I see a man further along the beach with
what looks like a stick in one hand and a black bag in the other. He’s
combing through the sand and picking rubbish from the beach. With the
benefit of distance, I watch for a moment, but I know who it is. Jayce
Roberts. Of course, he’d be out doing his bit for the environment.
For a moment, the animosity I’ve carried for so long simmers down in
my gut as if the cool spring air has quenched the fire.
A simple action of his speaks to his character and the type of person
he’s grown into, rather than the version of him that I’ve painted because of
the hatred and anger I’ve carried with me. I’ve allowed it to taint everything
I’ve touched, including how I’m treating him now and plan to continue
doing so.
I storm off in the opposite direction, annoyed that I will have to contend
with Jayce around every corner of this tiny town.
Over the next few days, it becomes clear that Jayce and I have the same
caffeine addiction. Or at least Jayce seems to appear at Molly’s at the same
regular time as I do. It’s grating on my nerves and beginning to piss me off.
This place isn’t big enough for us not to run into one another, but it’s
painful. Every time I see him, it throws me back to the past, and I’m done
with it. I don’t care if it’s childish. I all but ignore him, get my coffee, and
leave.
“Zee, wait?”
I hear him call after me as I walk up and back towards home, seemingly
not content with the brush off.
“Wait up.”
But I keep moving.
“Hey.”
“Sorry. I’ve got to get back.”
“So, you decide to be rude?”
I pause and take a deep breath. “What can I do for you, Jayce?” My
smile is fake and frail.
“I wanted to see if you fancied going to dinner one night. Maybe out of
town this time?” He reaches for my hand, but I pull it back.
“I’m not sure that would be such a good idea. If you’ll excuse me.” I
turn away and head off home, rattled and fighting with myself to stay strong
and stick to the plan.
Over the next few days, I make sure I do nothing further to encourage
Jayce’s interest or attention; in fact, you can barely describe our interaction
as even civil. But running into Jayce at Molly’s seems to be a habit, and I’m
at the end of my patience.
This morning he stops me after I leave as if he’s waiting to ask me
something or even challenge me after I shot his date proposal down in
flames.
“Zee?” he starts.
I look at him, making sure my expression is neutral and refuse to take in
the shape of his eyes, the stubble over his chin, or the fit of his jumper. My
indifference has been enough to make him question his move the last few
times we’ve met, but I watch as he leans in towards me this time, closing
the distance between us.
“Wow, what do you think you’re doing?” I back off.
“I thought this might get your attention as you’ve been trying to ignore
me every chance you get. And after the other night …” he steps back.
“You thought because we fucked, that what, you could kiss me? That
the next date would be a given?”
“Well, maybe, yeah.” He shrugs as if that was what he assumed was the
obvious next step between us.
“Sorry. That’s not what I’m looking for.” I walk past him and head for
the road.
“Wait, hold on.” He catches my wrist, but I pull it away.
“Jayce, come on, take a hint. We’re both adults.” My voice is clear, and
I need to get through to him.
“Yeah. I thought so too, but─”
“No buts. See you around.” I march off, angry and frustrated. I half
expect him to come after me, and a pang of guilt at my behaviour hits, but
then I remember how he ran off and didn’t bother to spend our last few
hours together.
It might be petty, but I don’t care.
I owe him nothing, and if I’m going to have a chance at building a
profitable business here, I have to make Jayce Roberts hate me. After all,
that’s how I feel about him, and it will be easier if we’re on the same page.
So, I stick to the plan, and it will all work out.
It will all work out.
 I’m in no hurry to fill him in on my past, or why I’m acting like I am,
but maybe now he’ll get the message.

My words seem to have hit the mark as my morning visits to Molly’s and
even my more unscheduled stops over the next few days are all Jayce free.
“It’s nice to see you, young lady.”
I turn around in my seat and see an older lady standing with my coffee.
“Molly?”
“In person.” She places the mug on the table and takes a seat in the
empty chair across the table from me.
“Oh my gosh, I didn’t know if you still owned the place.” I smile.
“It has my name.”
“Names don’t have to change with businesses.” I look at the woman
who was my friend a long time ago. “How come this is the first time I’ve
seen you.”
“Well, I’m hardly old. But I certainly don’t have to work like I did when
you worked for me. Got to say, I didn’t expect you to be back here,
Zennor.”
“Just gathering my thoughts. I’ve taken a bit of a knock and need time
to get my footing.” It’s as honest as I’ve been to anyone since being back,
and I pick up the hot coffee, feeling open and exposed. Molly’s staring like
she’s trying to see under the surface. She was more of a friend than anyone
when I was working here.
When Jayce left.
“Is it a coincidence that Jayce Roberts is back in town, too?”
“An unfortunate one. Have you spoken to him?” I can’t help but ask.
“A little. His shop opened last week. The surf school will be running at
the start of the summer. It’s a smart move.”
“Good for him.” My eye roll accompanies my less than pleased tone.
“You sound bitter.”
“This is my hometown. He left. Why is he back?” I snap and
immediately wish I could take it back. I wasn’t mad at Molly.
“Have you asked him?”
“He didn’t really answer.” I swallow a mouthful of coffee and focus on
the weeks and months of friendship that Molly offered. Finally, I give her a
heartfelt smile. “It’s lovely to see you. Truly.” I reach for her hand. “I’ve
been coming in most days. When are you working? I’d always want to
make sure I see you rather than some of the other locals.”
“It varies, my dear. But not the early shift, I’m afraid. Not until the
summer.”
“Okay. I’ll stop in and see you again soon. You do the best coffee.” I
make sure our conversation ends positively and seeing her sets my mood
right for the rest of the day. In fact, with no other run-ins with Jayce for the
rest of the week, it stays buoyant.
But then, what goes up, must come down.

Walking through Tregethworth never takes long. It’s so small, and with the
surf shop on the main road of stores next to the beach, I want to avoid the
chance of running into Jayce wherever possible. So, I detour and head to
Molly’s by crossing the beach first.
Mum wasn’t blown away by the proposal for her land. She felt that
we’d be inviting more tourists to bring change to our town, which was still
relatively unaffected by the influx of tourism—something I was counting
on, so I had some convincing to do if she was going to agree.
“Zennor!” The sound of my name pauses my feet and forces a long
draw of air into my lungs before Jayce comes into view.
I thought he’d finally understood, but the past few days were just luring
me into a false sense of security.
“Look, I’m not sure what the other night was all about, but I thought we
had a pretty good evening, especially considering it ended with us together.
Yet since then, you seem to have gone out of your way to ignore me or
brush me off like I mean nothing.” He looks expectantly, shoving his hands
into his jeans.
“I thought I made this clear the other day. Sleeping together doesn’t
mean we’ve got any obligation to each other.”
“I didn’t say that it does.”
“Then what are you saying?” I wait for his explanation, annoyed that he
won’t let this drop.
“That we’re adults and can be civil or show some common courtesy to
one another. You’re avoiding me. I thought we once shared something, and
now we’ve both grown up, or so I thought.”
“You’re throwing that at me?”
 “We were teenagers before. We couldn’t have made a go of things then,
but now we’re in the same place again. But I don’t play games, and I didn’t
take you for someone to play them, either.”
“Games? I’m sorry, did your ego get so big that you assume because I
took you home, it meant something? That I’d fall at your feet?”
He shakes his head at me. “You grew up. I get that. I did too. But right
now, I can’t see anything about you to like, let alone make me fall the way I
did for you all those years ago.”
“You don’t know me, Jayce. Hell, we barely knew each other back
then.” There’s a bitterness in my words, spoken with the anger that’s always
fuelled me and shaped me into who I am today.
“Only because you’re not letting me get to know you.”
“Sorry to be a disappointment. But perhaps being a naive child is a little
old for me. We’re not the same people anymore, Jayce. Stop pretending.”
“I came back to this place, in part, because of the time we spent together
here. That summer meant something to me, more than that. It’s like I left a
part of my soul here. I won’t apologise for that. And I wouldn’t change the
past for anything.”
“Well, good for you. Not all of us have such rosy memories of that
summer, Jayce.”
“Don’t lie to me. I know what we felt—how I felt. That was real, and
I’ve been chasing it ever since.”
“Then you’ve been chasing a dream. Just like your big waves.”
We both stare at each other, our eyes still warring, both refusing to back
down.
I know I won’t. I can’t.
He doesn’t get to walk back in here and dictate how things will go. The
past is the past, and he has no idea about mine. For him, he got his dream.
Everything changed for me after Jayce Roberts. This is who I am now,
and I’m determined to win and not let him stand in the way of the next part
of my life.
He might only remember the Zennor he first met, but she’s gone. No
thanks to him.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 10

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Then

I thought I was going to hate this summer, but then Jayce shows up and
shifts everything.
Each day I want to get up and see him—spend all the time I can
with him. Even when the sun isn’t shining, I don’t care because we still
hang out. We watch a film at my house in the evening when Mum is out, lie
on the beach, and talk while looking up at the stars.
Molly has been great at letting me work my shifts around Jayce a little.
He’s meant to be here on a family holiday, so spending time with his family
has been important, at least to his mum. And when he’s been surfing, I can
either work or watch.
I’ve never been pulled to the ocean before. I love the beach and the sun,
but I’ve never been fond of the water. It’s cold and rough, but I can watch
Jayce for hours. It’s like he’s at one with the waves, picking the exact time
and in rhythm with the tide. He rides them like he’s part of the wave. He
gets it wrong sometimes, but that makes it more fun to watch.
It’s a pretty amazing picture, and I wish there were more time in the
world we’ve created because it’s slipping away. He’s going to leave, and
I’m already choked up about that thought.
I’m working at Molly’s over lunch, so I’ve been getting up and heading
over to see Jayce for breakfast. I’ve only seen his family from the doorstep
so far, and I can’t hide that I’m a little nervous about meeting them
properly.
 The sun’s shining again, so I grab my favourite cut-offs and trainers and
pick out a colourful t-shirt. My hair is usually abandoned in a bun, but this
morning I coat the shoulder-length strands in a deep conditioner that will
tame some of the frizz and bring out my true colour and glossiness.
My dad isn’t present in our lives, but he left his mark physically in our
appearance. Both my sister and I have a paler version of his darker skin and
hair. Mum told us he was from Mauritius but moved here when he was a
teenager. He left when we were young, and that’s all Mum’s been prepared
to discuss with us. She’s never impolite about him, which is more than I
would be, but Tegan and I don’t want to know a man who didn’t want to be
part of his own children’s lives.
“See you later!” I call to Mum and Tegan, who are both at the table in
the kitchen.
I close the door, and my heart skips a beat as I stutter to a stop. Jayce is
sitting on the wall at the front of the house, his back to the door, looking out
towards the sea.
“Morning,” I greet.
“Morning. I thought I’d walk you to mine.”
“I think I could have managed, but thank you.” I smile up at him. He
brings his lips down to kiss me, far too quickly, before he drapes his arm
over my shoulder and sets us off towards his holiday house.
We head through the narrow streets, and it’s not long before we’re on
the tiny road with his house at the end.
“What are you doing tonight?” Jayce asks.
“Um, I’m off at six. So, I was thinking we’d be seeing each other?” I
look up at him, hoping that’s where this conversation is heading.
“Fancy coming over to mine? We’d have the place to ourselves.”
My stomach drops at those words, and my heart picks up the pace.
“Sure.” I turn to Jayce, but he’s not looking at me, and I wonder if he’s
nervous about the unsaid words in the invitation he set out. We’ve not
known each other long, and it could be described as just a holiday romance,
but it feels bigger than that to me, even if I already know it can’t last.
It doesn’t stop me wishing we could spend every minute together.
He drops his arm to take my hand in his as he pauses at the front door.
“There’s no pressure. About tonight, I mean.” His usual grin is missing
from his face, and it’s sweet. He’s trying to put me at ease, but he doesn’t
have to.
 “I know.” The nerves flutter and tickle my stomach and don’t help with
how I was feeling about meeting his family, but I want to be with Jayce. I
want Jayce to be as crazy about me as I am about him. And sleeping with
him is the next step, even if it’s fast.
His eyes look at me as if he’s in pain. The greens are dull and murky in
this light, and I want the bright, impossible-to-resist colour back. “Hey, you
okay?”
“Sure. I really like you, Zennor Williams. And I’m trying hard not to
rush things, but at the same time …” He takes my face in his hands and
kisses me. The kiss feels like a promise of something, but I’m not sure
what. He’s soft and gentle, and we both need to catch our breath when he
pulls away.
“Come on.” He turns to the door and opens it.

After my shift, I race home and jump straight into the shower. I keep my
hair dry as I’ve already been through the effort this morning, but I want to
make sure I’m clean, and that includes shaving my legs and plastering
moisturiser on them.
Part of me doesn’t want to know what is going to happen and trusts that
the perfect moment will just present itself. I don’t live in a romance movie,
but that doesn’t mean my first time can’t be part planned, part romance,
right? However, sex on the beach under the stars is not at the top of my
perfect moment list. Sand gets everywhere when you’re lying on the beach
perfectly still, let alone anything else.
The smile to myself helps keep the nerves at bay, and I finish getting
ready.
“What ya doing?” Tegan comes bouncing into my room and flops on the
bed.
“Getting ready.” I take the lip gloss and swipe it over my lips.
“For a date with Jayce?”
“Yep.” I put on one of the nice necklaces I have from The Silver Tree.
“He’s nice,” Tegan muses.
“Thanks.” I turn around and look at her. “What’s up?”
“He’s on holiday, right? I don’t want to see you hurt, that’s all.” She
rolls over to her back and stares at the ceiling.
 “That’s really sweet, thank you.” I sit on the edge of the bed. “I know
he’s going to leave. But he makes me happy now. And you know, who
knows what might happen in the future.” As soon as I say the words, I
know I’m fooling myself. My subconscious is concocting hopes and dreams
of possible futures where we could be together when I know that’s just
impossible. And we’ve only known each other for a few days. I shake my
head, determined not to let those thoughts cloud my excitement.
“I need to go.”
I leave Tegan in my room and grab my bag on the way out. Just like this
morning, Jayce is on the wall waiting for me.
“This is becoming a habit.” I elbow him in the side as I join him.
“A good habit?” He smiles at me.
“A very good habit.” His baseball cap is on backwards so he can kiss
me easily, and I let myself get swept away in the kiss. His lips move against
mine, and I brush my tongue against his. When I lick further inside his
mouth, I know he’ll make a deep rumbly noise that makes me feel
supercharged and giddy with power. So, I do it.
And it works.
“Hmmm, Zee.” He pulls away and runs his hands from my shoulders to
my hands. “We have time for that.”
“Okay. Well, are we going to yours?” I ask.
“I thought we could head to the beach and walk up the headland first.
It’s been a pretty beautiful day.”
“Sure. But only if we can grab food. I’ve not eaten all day.” I pull him
to standing and start walking.
“If by food, you mean chips on the beach, I’m game.” Jayce has an
obsession with chips, but as they are cheap, tasty, and readily available, I
don’t have a problem.
We take the bag of carbs and watch the tide wash in over the beach. I
dig my toes into the sand until I reach the cooler, damp sand that’s been
hidden from the sun all day. The conversation that’s normally so easy
between us is a little lacking tonight, but I put that down to anticipation. My
stomach is in a constant ball of knots. I might not have eaten much all day,
but the thought of being with Jayce alone, with nothing or nobody to stop
us, makes my appetite for food vanish.
“Come on.” We finish the food, and Jayce pulls me up. “I want to go
and sit on the headland.”
 “Okay?” I ask with a question in my voice. “When will your parents be
back tonight?” We amble our way along the sand.
“Oh, not until later.”
“Shouldn’t we get back to yours?” I ask and realise that I sound
impatient.
He laughs. “Patience, Zee. I want to look at the sunset. It’s going to be
pretty spectacular tonight.”
“Isn’t that a line I should be using?” I wag my eyebrows at him and take
a few steps away from him.
“God, you’re going to be the death of me. Look—” He stops and holds
me in place. “I want tonight to be special because I care about you. So, stop
making it harder than it already is. I don’t want you to forget or regret this,
so do me a favour and play along.”
His eyes stare into mine, and suddenly I feel the importance of tonight
and what it might mean to Jayce as well as to me. Maybe a part of me was
playing this off so I wouldn’t be sucked too far in, but right now, looking at
Jayce, I think I’m already way past that point.
I’m a fool to pretend I’ve not fallen in love with him, and as soon as that
admission registers in my head, my heart thuds in my chest as if confirming
my thought.
What a cliché—falling for your holiday fling and the boy you lose your
virginity to—although, technically, we’ve not got to that part yet.
“Thank you.” I reach up on my tiptoes and plant a kiss on his cheek.
“Sometimes I forget you’re not like other guys.”
“I’m not, and you talking about other guys around me won’t win you
any favours.” His smile is back, and he breaks the seriousness of a moment
ago. He tackles me around the waist and hoists me over his shoulder.
“Put me down!” I cry, but all he does is spin us around and head in the
direction of the path up to the headland. “You win, you win.” I can’t stop
giggling, even though all the blood is rushing to my head.
He finally relents and places me back on the sand.
“There was no need for that,” I joke as I let the blood return from my
head.
“Well, perhaps. Come on.” He takes my hand, and we weave our way
through the grasses and bracken to find the skinny path that will take us to
the top of the headland on the far side of the beach.
 It’s on the opposite side to the pub, and it joins a coastal path that you
can walk along to the next beach.
Jayce keeps his hand in mine and leads the way until we reach the top.
We come off the path, sit on a grass patch, and look out across the sea. The
sun is still big and bright in the sky, but the colours have transformed into a
kaleidoscope of orange and gold. They spill out across the ripples in the
ocean and gleam and sparkle.
It’s spectacular and a little humbling.
This place is beautiful, and sometimes I forget just how lucky I am to
live in this part of the world. The winters might be harsh, driving you to a
misery you want to escape from, but surely this can make up for that?
“I never thought I’d like it here, Zee. I was doing this for my mum, and
now, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Jayce looks at me, and he takes my
breath away. Emotion wells up inside my chest, and I hate that I’m already
upset about saying goodbye.
So, I reach out and take his cap and secure it on my head instead. The
breeze ruffles his surfer-wild hair, and I think I fall even harder.
“Come on.” I stand. This might be his idea of perfect, and it is pretty
close, but I’ve waited long enough.
Our pace is quick as we head back down the path but then cut across to
the road Jayce’s holiday cottage is on.
“Are you sure?” We’re speed walking along, but I can’t keep the grin
from my face.
“Yes.”
“Really? Because, well, we’ve been patient, and I don’t want …”
“I want to sleep with you. No more stopping. No more waiting.”
He quickens the pace so we’re jogging along the road and see the house
come into view.
“Thank you!” The relief in his voice makes me giggle. How can I not
feel empowered by that?
We reach the house, and he slams the door shut behind us. All sense of
waiting disappears as Jayce kisses me, backing me up against the door and
holding me in place with his lips. There’s nothing soft or gentle now, and it
sets every nerve alive through my body.
He deepens the kiss, and my arms twist around him as he moves down
my body to my waist and hips. He picks me up, and I wrap my legs around
him, and he leans into me, getting as close as he can while supporting me
with his hands on my arse.
My hands tangle in his hair as I press my tongue deeper inside his
mouth.
“God, I want you.” He pants and kisses my jaw and then my neck.
The nerves from earlier have morphed into a desire that pools in my
stomach and makes me breathless.
It’s like my whole body has woken up, and I want Jayce to kiss every
part of me. “Upstairs,” I whisper and kiss his ear.
He drops his hold of me and pulls me up the steep staircase. I pause as I
look at the single bed in the room, the event now real, but Jayce shuts the
door and then picks the hem of my t-shirt and pulls it over my head.
He’s back to kissing me, covering my shoulder and collarbone, before
pulling his own t-shirt off and sitting down on the bed.
“I’m not really sure what I’m doing here,” I admit and straddle his lap,
kneeling on the mattress. And kiss him before my nerves overtake me.
“You’re doing just fine.” With his encouragement, I kiss him again and
let him roll us onto the bed.
He pulls my shorts off, and he shoves his down.
“I’m going to make you feel good, Zee. So relax, okay, baby?” He pulls
the cover over us and settles to the side of me. His fingers trace down my
stomach to the top of my knickers before sliding his hand under the elastic.
My gulp of breath is snatched away by his kiss, and I feel a rush of heat
as he runs his finger through my folds. He pushes his finger inside of me at
the same time as his tongue presses inside my mouth, and a rush of heat
floods my body. It feels … hot, and sexy, and I want him to do it again—
and harder.
My legs relax, and my hand pulls his head down to kiss me more
passionately.
The back-and-forth motion grows in pace and starts to build in the pit of
my stomach. All my muscles tighten, and it feels good. Really good.
“Ahh, yes. You like that, baby. You’re going to be so tight, but I’ll be
gentle.” Jayce rests his head on mine, and I feel the hard length of his
erection press against my thigh.
“I want you, Jayce,” I encourage, pressing up to meet his hand as he
keeps fingering me.
Our eyes lock, and he nods.
 He kneels up, pulling the covers off, and we both shimmy out of our
underwear. He spits in his hand and strokes his cock before positioning
between my legs.
“Deep breath.” He pushes forward, and I feel the hot stretch at my
opening as he enters. It kills the pleasure of a moment ago, but I give it
time. Jayce presses forward slowly, and I breathe out in shallow puffs and
give my body time to adjust.
He hangs his head, and I lie as still as possible.
“What …” But my question dies on my lips as Jayce pulls out and then
pushes back in.
It’s not comfortable, but it’s not as painful as the first time. And each
time he moves, he slides in more easily until there’s no friction, and I can
feel that pull, that build of something in my stomach again.
I hook my legs around him, and he grunts in response. His shoulders
and neck muscles strain, and he keeps his eyes closed. His breaths morph to
panting in time with his strokes.
“Are you okay?” I ask, hoping he’s enjoying this.
“I’m so fucking close, Zee. So … good.”
That confirmation seems to unlock something inside of me, and the
slightly uncomfortable sensation shifts again, building a pleasure that only
seems to grow. My body responds and moves with Jayce’s, and my heart
races in my chest. Heat floods through me as I feel everything heading to a
climax.
More.
Faster.
“God, Zee. Please….”
My breath catches, and my muscles tighten as I explode. My eyes flash
with lights as my body pulses, and I thrust up to meet Jayce instinctively.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!”
The wave eases, and I’m left with ripples of sensation through all my
limbs. Jayce collapses on top of me and rolls to the side as we both take a
moment to breathe.
“Hmmm,” I sigh, the pull of sleep suddenly hard to resist.
“That was …” Jayce doesn’t finish the sentence, but I feel his sentiment.
“Hmmm,” is all I can manage.
My eyes are too heavy to open, and I know I shouldn’t fall asleep here.
His parents might not like coming home to us in bed together, but I can’t
make my body move. Jayce will move us if we need to.
But he doesn’t. Instead, he lets me drift. And just as I’m on the edge of
dreaming, he says,
“I think I love you, Zee.”

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 11

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Then

T he smile on my face is hard to wipe off, and really, I don’t care.

I’m happy. I feel it through every molecule of my body.
Sleeping with Jayce only seemed to dial-up my feelings for him.
If I was worried I’d fallen before, well, there was no denying it now.
I was completely, one hundred percent, in love with him and didn’t care
that there was an expiry date to us. That was a problem for tomorrow.
I skip to work, ignoring the clouds bubbling out over the ocean. The
weather didn’t matter. Nothing was going to taint my mood or shift my
smile today.
“Ohh, somebody’s happy.” Molly looks up as I close the door behind
me.
“Yep.” I put my bag behind the counter and grab my apron.
“Any reason?”
“Nope.” The p pops as I lift my head and get set to work.
“Well, I’m not buying that.” She laughs at me as she finishes re-filling
the coffee machine with beans. “I’m going to put money on Jayce being the
reason for that smile.”
“And if he is?”
“Then I’m happy you’re happy.” The teasing tone is gone now.
I know what she’s going to say, but I have to go there anyway. “I sense a
but coming?”
“But he’s leaving in a few days.”
 “So?” I challenge, annoyed that my happiness is in jeopardy with her
reminder of something that I’m well aware of and doing everything I can to
ignore.
“Just saying.” She shrugs her shoulder. “Can you finish setting up?”
I’m grateful for her subject change and get to work but feel the pull of
reality souring my mood.
The café is busy and allows me to focus on work rather than Jayce. But
his appearance after the lunch rush ruins that.
“Hey. A chocolate milkshake, thanks.” He leans over to kiss me with his
order.
“Coming up. Are you surfing?”
“Nah. Waves are flat, so we’ve been out this morning. What time do
you finish, and what are we doing later?” He rests his arms on the counter,
and my eyes travel to the flex of his biceps, stretching his t-shirt.
I smile and remember his arms around me. “I’m off at four, and I’m not
doing anything later.”
“Great. Mum’s invited you for dinner again, and then we can hang out.”
“Sure. I’ll come up to yours when I’m done.” I hand over the chocolate
milkshake and take him in for a moment as he sucks on the straw.
He’s mine.
This gorgeous, older guy is mine. My heart flutters at the thought, and I
cling to the feeling as if it’s a life raft in a storm.

“Thank you for dinner, Mrs Roberts.” I close my cutlery on the plate and
sip my drink.
“Oh, please. I’ve told you to call me Susan.” His mum gives me a warm
smile, but I can see questions behind her eyes.
“Right, we’re going to head out. I won’t be late, Mum. Thanks, dinner
was great.”
“Wait, are you sure? You don’t want to stay a little longer?” She looks
at her son, and I can tell she wants to spend more time with him. Just like I
do.
“We’re good. Thanks.” Jayce pulls me up, and I wave back to his
family, still sitting at the table.
We grab our coats just before Jayce muscles me out the front door.
“That was kind of rude. We barely had time to finish our food.”
 He pulls me along the road towards the beach. “I know, but I want to
have you all to myself. My family get me all the time. They understand.”
“I’m not sure your mum does. You said this was a family holiday, after
all.”
“We’re doing plenty. Besides, I want to make the most of our time,
Zee.” He stops us and pulls me into his arms. He bows his head to kiss me,
and I let myself get swept away.
“Hmm. I don’t think I’m ever going to get enough of kissing you.” He
rests his head against mine.
“I know. But we both know you’re leaving in a few days.”
The words linger between us, pulling at the carefree happiness there just
a moment ago.
“Come on.” He tugs my hand and leads me down to the beach and then
along the headland.
It’s fast becoming our spot—looking out at the sea or the beach. The
wind billows around us, and we sit huddled together for warmth.
“This place, Zee. I thought it would be a terrible two weeks. But it’s
amazing.”
I look out at the cloudy sky and murky waters. It’s hardly a picture-
postcard scene.
“Not today, it’s not.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t understand how lucky you are to have
this on your doorstep.”
“Oh, I do. It’s pretty spectacular. But you should visit in the middle of
winter—it’s wretched. The cold seeps into your bones, and it can be
miserable having no escape.” It’s the truth. I love Tregethworth, but
sometimes I want to escape. I’d never had a destination in mind before, but
a whimsical vision of travelling to far-flung beaches around the world
comes to mind, where I’m sitting on the warm white sands, looking out at
the surf and the boy riding the waves.
I shake it from my head, knowing how dangerous it could be to think
like that. My heart thuds in my chest, and I close my eyes for a moment,
staving off the sting of tears.
Jayce pulls me in tighter, and I bury my head against his chest, happy to
stay here in his arms.
We don’t speak for a long time, and I resist asking what he’s thinking
about and if he’s considering a future where we could be together. Would he
want that?
It’s so easy to get lost in a dream with him next to me—a dream of a
future where the love between us could continue to grow. But that’s make-
believe, and I’m smarter than that.
I am.
I hope I am.
We stay on the headland until dusk turns to night and the stars remain
hidden behind the blanket of clouds. It’s not romantic or special like some
of the other nights we’ve been here. But it doesn’t matter to me. As long as
we’re together, I’ll stay with Jayce for every minute I can until he leaves.
And takes my heart with him.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 12

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Then

I t’s our final few days.

I shouldn’t be cross or angry, but it fucking hurts to get out of my
bed this morning.
The weather’s fucking shit, so we won’t be able to do any of the stuff I
wanted.
I snag a piece of toast off the table and walk to the back door to head
down to the beach.
“Will we be seeing you today?” Mum looks expectantly.
“What are your plans?” I respond, but there’s no cheek in my answer.
“Oh, love.” She walks over to me. “There will be plenty of other girls
when you’re off travelling the world. Don’t spoil the last few days because
of a girl you met here.” She taps my cheek like I’m a ten-year-old, and it
sends a bolt of fiery anger through my veins.
“She’s not just some girl, Mum. I’ll be at the beach.”
The rain lashes down in sheets, drenching anything in its path, but the
swell looks awesome. I fight against the wind and onslaught to make it to
the water and paddle through the rough, white-topped waves. The noise
booms as the surf crashes down and wipes out anything else around.
My breathing evens out after making it through the first few breakers,
and I get into a rhythm. Surfing in this isn’t the safest decision, but it sucks
my attention and focus, which is what I need. Despite being pretty fit, my
body is already tiring as every single carve of my arm through the water
zaps me of energy. But the rush—the balance of fear and adrenalin as I
catch and take off makes it worth it.
At that moment, everything fades away, and there’s a peace where
nothing else exists except the wave and me.
Two good rides are followed by several wipeouts where I choke on
seawater. The salty tang in my throat and the relentless beating of the waves
cuts the session short, and I retreat to the beach. I collapse on the wet sand
at the edge of the ripples.
The rain’s eased some, and perhaps the day might not be a complete
waste.
Out of the water, Zee is the only thing on my mind.
I told her I didn’t want her to regret sleeping with me, yet I’m the one
questioning the decision. Not because I didn’t love every fucking second,
but because it meant something. I felt so fucking close to her—I wanted to
protect her and love her forever. And now I can’t shake that feeling like it’s
haunting me.
While sitting on the headland the other night, my mind kept going back
to that choice and whether it was right, but my heart was all in with this
girl. And Zee has been smiling ever since, and it fucking hurts in my chest
that I’m going to have to leave. And worse is, she doesn’t seem to be
worried about it.
I dig my fingers into the wet sand and claw at the shifting granules,
throwing a handful out into the waves.
I pull myself up, grab my board and walk the rest of the way up the
beach and back to the house. I avoid Molly’s and keep my head down.
These two weeks have been the best of my life, but now they’re nearly over,
and I feel lost at the prospect of chasing after the dream I’ve had all my life.
Somehow, I need to find some fucking guts to get me through the next
few days.

“Hey!”
“Hey.” I drop onto the counter in Molly’s and steal a kiss from Zee like
normal. It’s the end of the lunch rush, or at least what they call the lunch
rush. “Here.” I slide the paper across to her.
“What’s this?”
“Our plan.”
 “Plan?” She clears the stack of plates from the tray as she reads.
“What we’re going to do for the next forty-eight hours. It’s the time we
have left, so I thought we should make the most of it.” I smile at her and
hope she likes it.
“You have surfing on here, Jayce.” She raises her eyebrows, questioning
me.
“It’s where we had our first kiss. It seems appropriate.” I shrug.
Her soulful eyes soften as she looks at me, and it’s the first time I see
doubt in them. Or maybe it’s sadness. “I’ll think about it. Everything else
looks perfect. Thank you.” She comes around the counter and puts her arms
around my neck. I want to kiss her so deeply I’ll drown in her, but I settle
for a much more public-appropriate display of affection.
“Hey, love birds!” Molly calls.
“I’ll be back in a few hours then?” I check.
“Yep.” She grins up at me.
I back away and leave. My plan is coming together. Everything on the
list gives us time and memories together. Call me a sap—I don’t care. I
want Zee to remember this summer like I will.

The next day Zennor meets me on the beach and watches me surf in the
morning. She’s working today, but the plan has time together later on. We
walk up to the same grassy spot overlooking the beach and lie out in the
warm sun of the late afternoon.
“What’s your plan after you leave here?” she asks. We’ve not spoken
much about what happens after, but I guess we can’t avoid it anymore.
“Well, head home, and in a couple of weeks, I pack my bag, my board,
and I have a ticket to Bali.”
“To surf?”
“Yeah. And to travel. I never knew what I wanted to do. So, I decided to
take a year out and surf around the world. It’s a long shot that I might turn it
into a job, but I’ve got to give it a try.”
“Where do you want to visit?”
“After Bali, probably California or Hawaii. There’s no steadfast plan. It
will all depend on how things go, what the surf’s like, and who I meet.”
“And you’ve saved for this?” Zee needles away with questions.
 “Yeah. I knew University wasn’t for me, so I’ve worked and saved for
the last few years for this trip.” She nods and picks at the blades of grass,
twisting them between her fingers.
“How long will you be away?”
“I don’t know. It isn’t something planned day by day. What about you?
What are you doing after the summer?”
“College. Business, computing, and maths.”
“Seriously?” I can’t believe my free-spirited girl is all geeked out.
“Yeah. I might love Cornwall, but I don’t want to work at Molly’s for
the rest of my life.”
“So, what do you want to do?”
“No idea. But I’m keeping my options open. I’m good at maths and
problem-solving.” She rolls to the side and looks at me. “Come on. Isn’t
this the time scheduled for surfing?”
“I thought you weren’t up for that?”
“Well, call it a going-away present.” She smiles. “Come on. Before I
change my mind.”
We walk down the headland and make a quick detour to the house to
grab my board. Zee won’t be in a suit, so I stay in my boardshorts, too.
Besides, I like her looking at my chest.
We rent a board for an hour from the surf shop and head for the waves.
Zee’s face shows the shock of the cold as the waves splash up her bare
skin. Seeing her in the surf puts a smile on my face despite her reluctance,
and before long, we’re both laughing, knocking each other into the waves,
and replaying that first kiss over and over again.
The sunny weather gives us easy rolling waves, and Zee spends the time
messing about bodyboarding rather than trying to stand up and surf the
waves in, but I don’t care. We’re together, in the ocean, and having fun.

I had to enlist Molly’s help with the last day of our plan. We have until
three, and if Zee worked her usual lunch shift, it would suck. Luckily, I
think Molly’s a romantic at heart. Plus, between my folks and me, we’ve
spent a small fortune on food and drink here the past couple of weeks.
It’s not even eight in the morning, and I knock on Zennor’s door. Her
sister, Tegan, answers. “Hey, Jayce.”
 “Hey.” I step inside, immediately placing my finger to my lips, keeping
her quiet. “Is your mum home?”
“She is.”
“Hey, Mrs Williams. Can I go and wake Zee?” I give her my best I-
only-have-good-intentions-towards-your-daughter smile.
“Go on.” She nods. Tegan gives me a grin, and I make my way up the
stairs to Zee’s bedroom. She might not thank me for this, but we have to
make every minute count today. My hand twists the handle and opens the
door. It’s surprisingly light, with a soft material curtain billowing in the
breeze. Zennor’s still asleep under her covers, and the urge to jump on her
is too great to resist.
“Morning!” I’m careful not to put my full weight on her.
“What the … Jayce!”
“Surprise, beautiful.” Knowing Zee’s mum and sister are downstairs
doesn’t stop me from wanting to climb into bed with her. I know how good
she’ll feel under my touch. But I force that aside and keep it to my
imagination. We’ve found time to fool about but being alone in a house
with a bed has proved harder to come by.
“This wasn’t part of the plan, was it?” She blinks up at me, all sleepy
and cute, stretching her arms out from the duvet.
“No, but I took matters into my own hands. Today, you’re mine until my
parents drag me away. You don’t have to work, and we can chill, or rather,
we can go over our first date again. Only now, we can skip to the good
bits.”
“You’ll have to let me up first.” She runs her hands through my hair,
and for a moment, I imagine what it might be like to stay here. Stay in
Cornwall instead of travelling the world.
“And what if I don’t. What if I hold you hostage here for the rest of the
summer?” I tickle her and make her giggle until she’s shoving me away
with her legs.
“Stop, stop, stop, Jayce, please.” Her smile fades too quickly. “Come
on. It’s a nice idea, but we both know that’s not going to happen.”
“I’m serious. Why can’t we change our plans? I don’t have to leave.”
The words are out of my mouth before I’ve thought them through, and I
kind of regret saying them. I look at her but don’t see any hope in her eyes.
She sits up in bed, and the fun of a moment ago feels stiff and forced.
 “Let’s play this out. Either you stay a few extra weeks here, and it only
gets harder for you to leave, or I take my imaginary pot of savings and
come surf around the world with you.” She chooses this moment to get out
of bed, showing me the tiny shorts and vest top she sleeps in.
It’s my turn to run my hands through my hair, and I take a needed deep
breath. “I guess neither of those sound like a good plan.”
“It’s been the best few weeks. And I’m pretty sure you’re going to break
my heart when you leave but aren’t we meant to have these experiences?” It
fucking hurts to hear her say that. She looks at me, but I think there’s a
glaze of tears in her eyes. “I’m going to have a quick shower, and I’ll be
right back.” She winks and leaves me on her bed.
Alone. Feeling stupid.
God, this girl.
She’s killing me. She’s actually killing me.
I hear the water running from the bathroom and scrub my hands over
my face to pull myself together. It’s probably a dick move, but I have a
quick nose about her room to keep my mind off what I’d just proposed.
Plus, she did leave me in here unguarded.
There’s a pad of paper on her desk, so I scribble my newly created email
and address down. It might not turn into anything, she might not even write,
but if we don’t know how to contact each other, there’ll be no hope of
anything in the future.
The pendant she wore on our first date hangs from some sort of tree
thing with other bits of jewellery on, and it gives me an idea for later.
“What are you doing?” Zee’s only wearing a towel as she comes back
into the room. I don’t care that we’re in her house with her family, and I go
over to her, run my hand to the base of her neck, and tilt her head towards
me. The kiss isn’t meant to be so hot, but she’s standing, fucking naked,
under that towel. My hands brush down her shoulders to her arms and toy
with the edge of the towel.
Her tongue presses against mine as I open her mouth and show her
everything I want to do to her with that kiss.
“Zennor! Time for Jayce to come down, please.”
My jaw clenches, and my eye roll might give me a headache.
“Okay!” she calls back, behind her laugh.
“I guess I’ll see you when you’re dressed.” It’s painful to say the words.
 “I won’t be long.” She raises her brow and then drops the towel,
showing me everything I’m not going to see again.
“You are a fucking tease, Zennor,” I whisper as my eyes drink her up.
She just smirks and shuts the door on me.
Tegan is smiling as I come down the stairs, and Mrs Williams has her
arms crossed, leaning against the kitchen door. “She’s very young, Jayce.”
“We both are. Will you tell Zennor I’ll wait outside? It was nice to see
you both.”
I take up my usual spot on the wall and catch my breath.
Zee skips out a few minutes later in her usual cut-offs and T. She’s
chosen the necklace I saw on her stand. “Right. What first?”
“A walk on the beach, ice cream for breakfast, then a small shopping
trip. Lunch on the headland if the sun plays ball, maybe a game of truth or
dare.” I take her hand in mine.
“All my favourite things, except the dare part.”
“Well, we can improvise.”
We start at the far end of the beach so that by the time we finish the
length of it, the ice cream shop is open. Zee hasn’t stuck to a single flavour
so far. She’s like a lucky dip—I never know what she’s going to choose—
whereas I’ll choose chocolate every time.
“What do you fancy today?” I ask as we approach the window.
“Umm, I think today is a strawberry day. I need the sweetness.”
I order, and we sit on the beach wall in relative silence.
“Why don’t you have a favourite flavour?” I ask. A silly question, but I
want to know everything about this girl.
“I don’t know.” She scrunches up her face. “I guess I like a few
different things and don’t want the same thing over and over.”
“But you like some things better than others.”
“Not really when it comes to ice cream. It’s ice cream.” She looks at me
like I’ve grown a third head or tried to argue the world is flat. And it just
makes me smile at her.
“Okay. Well, I love chocolate. Come on. If we’re finished?” I help her
jump down from the wall and steer her towards The Silver Tree.
“Why are we going in here?”
“I told you. Shopping.”
“But I don’t have any money,” she whispers into my shoulder, hiding
her embarrassment as we step inside the shop.
 “This is on me.”
“Your savings for travelling the world?”
“This won’t break the bank.” I look around the shop and hope there’s
something more in keeping with what I have in mind.
Near the counter, I see a row of bracelets hanging on a rack, braided
leather with silver pieces threaded through. They look cool and will work.
“Here.”
The woman helps and takes the ones I’m looking at off the stand.
There’s a wider one with less silver I like, too.
“Pretty.” Zee turns the one with the silver beads over in her fingers.
“I’ll take these.” I hand them both to the lady, who looks between me
and Zee and smiles.
“Jayce,” Zee looks at me, and I just shrug. “I want you to have
something from me.”
“I get that. I was thinking more like your baseball cap, though.”
“Well, I want you to have this.”
“Do you want them wrapped?” The lady asks.
“No. Just as they are.” I pay, and we head out of the shop, and we sit on
the wooden bench overlooking the beach.
I look down at the pieces of leather in my hand, and my chest fucking
hurts. My hand locks around the bracelets as I play out the rest of our hours
together.
“Here.” I pull the bead, widening the leather bracelet to slide it over
Zennor’s wrist before tightening it back up. I pass mine to her, and she does
the same, securing it on mine.
As I look at her, my stomach drops away, and pain clenches my heart. “I
love you. I think I fell for you when you told me I couldn’t come inside that
first day at Molly’s. My email address is in your bedroom, and I’d really
fucking like you to write to me when I leave.”
“Jayce …” She looks at me with wide eyes, and it slays me.
Panic and fear take over. “I’ve had the best time. And I’ll never forget
you, Zennor Williams.” I kiss her, smashing our lips together until I can’t
breathe.
“I love you, too. I don’t have an email account, but I’ll get one. Thank
you for this.” She smiles at me, running her fingers over the bracelet around
her wrist.
 “I’ve got to go.” I’ll never be able to say goodbye and wave as we drive
off in front of my family.
“What?”
“I packed your cap, and I can’t leave without leaving it for you.” My
excuse is lame, but it is true. She can have anything she wants from me, but
I can’t spend the day counting down the minutes until we leave.
“But we’ve got hours …”
“I’ll be back to say goodbye.” I tighten the bracelet around my own
wrist, ensuring it’s safe, and leave before I crack.
“Jayce!” I hear her call, but I don’t look back.
It fucking hurts too much to stay and wait, so I abandon the romantic
plan I put together.
It doesn’t matter anyway, right, because we’ll never see each other
again.
That was a pipe dream of a stupid boy in love.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 13

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Then

I leave my cap on her doorstep and convince Mum to leave a few hours
earlier than planned. We were packed anyway and just grabbed food on
the way rather than eating first.
It was shitty.
And I felt fucking awful, but I didn’t want to get choked up in front of
Zee or anyone else.
What does that matter now, anyway?
I fiddle with the silver bead tied into the leather bracelet on my wrist
and look out of the window at the narrow road. Surfing every day was the
lure to come, and it certainly added to the experience. Being in the water
fed my soul, but so did meeting Zee. And I don’t care if I’m too young to
feel that way. She changed everything for me. She made the sun seem
bigger in the sky, the world closer to chase and yet further away in the same
heartbeat.
Two weeks and everything changed.
But like Zee said, what were we going to do? Mess up our plans just
because we fell in love?
Risk our futures on a first love because our guts told us to? Besides, she
never asked me to stay, and she played it off as an experience, that’s all.
For the next few weeks, I go through the motions. The twins finish school
and shatter the relative peace at home, and then it’s time. I’ve been packed
for days. Everything I could need crammed into a backpack that will hold
my life for the next few months.
My surfboard bag has room for my wetsuit, although I hope I won’t
need to use it in Bali—the first stop on my tour. Traveller’s cheques,
passport, credit card and I’m ready.
“You’re up late?” Mum pushes the door to my room open.
“Couldn’t sleep.” I push the lump of wax over my board, working it
around in circles.
“Big day tomorrow.”
“Yep.” I don’t look up and concentrate on the job I’ve done hundreds of
times before.
“Don’t stay up too long. We’ve got an early start. And your flight’s
long.”
“Okay.” I hear the door close, but I don’t stop what I’m doing.
Sleep is impossible. The smell of the wax reminds me of Cornwall and
Zennor and grounds me in a way I doubt anything else ever will. My
stomach is in knots. I don’t know if it’s guilt about how I left Zee or nerves
about finally going. But I do know that I’m about to start the dream that
I’ve always wanted, and I’m struggling to feel excited about it.
All because of a girl who owns a piece of my soul on a beach in
Cornwall.

“You’ve got everything?” Mum’s done nothing but fuss all morning.
“Yes, Mum.” I roll my eyes.
“Oh, I’ll miss that cheeky boy who I’d let get away with anything.” She
ruffles my hair, and I back away from her.
“Sorry. I’m fine. Just nerves.”
“It’s a big adventure.”
“I’ll be in touch when I can.” I look up at the departures board and read
the gate.
Mum pulls me in for a hug, and Dad gives me an awkward pat on the
back. I follow the signs through to security and check my passport is still in
my pocket.
 Twenty or so hours, and I’ll be on the other side of the world and
starting my dream.
Maybe I just need to get there.

Sweat drenches my shirt. My heart’s still pounding in my chest from the

fear the airline had lost my board, but I am here, in Bali, at the hostel near
the beach, and in one piece.
As much as I want to head out and explore, I’m wiped from the hideous
flight, so I decide to grab whatever food I can at the hostel, which is the
safest option for me right now, rest up, and hit the waves tomorrow.
The room is for four, but the bunks are empty. I cram everything in and
slump onto the mattress and pull the makeshift curtain across.
Lights out.
I wake up, and it takes a few minutes to remember where I am. I’m in a
bunk bed with a wooden ladder at the foot of the bed. The hostel.
Luckily, there’s nobody else in the room with me for now. I use the
facilities, grab my board, shove the rest of my stuff in the locker provided
and make my way down to the desk.
“Can you tell me the quickest way to the beach?”
The guy smiles at me, grabs a map from behind the counter, points at a
little square, and then runs his finger down a couple of straight rows until he
reaches the blue.
“Thank you.” I shove it in my shorts and head out, going over the
instructions in my head. After about five minutes, I check the map, carry
on, double-check again, and finally make it to the beach about ten minutes
later.
It’s beautiful.
The ocean looks like every shade of blue I’ve dreamt of, and I race
down the shore to reach it.
Unlike the UK, it’s warm like bathwater. I chuckle to myself as I think
about Zennor’s face, as she hated the cold water in Cornwall. I paddle out,
noting the darker blotches as I swim over coral and deeper water to find a
small break someway off the beach where there are some small waves.
It’s a calm day. The sun is hot, and the water only just cools me down,
but the surf doesn’t really do it for me.
 I try not to feel disappointed as I leave the water and trudge back
towards the hostel. The same guy is behind the counter, and so I approach,
wanting to find a better beach.
“Bigger!” I gesture with my arms, and he nods this time.
“You want to go to Padang Padang. Not too far.”
“I can walk?”
“Bima, Padang Padang?” He calls to another guy behind the counter,
who grabs his keys. “We got you. We run a shuttle to the beaches for
surfing. We’ll add it to your bill.”
“Thanks. I’m Jayce.” I offer my hand. I’m staying with you for the next
two weeks.”
“Timo. Enjoy the surf, my friend.” Suddenly his English is better.
Bima indicates for me to follow, and we exit the hostel and go around
the back into a Jeep with a small trailer attached.
“Board in the trailer. We’ll pick up a couple from the beach.”
“Cool.” I do as I’m instructed and jump in.
It’s not a long journey, and I take the time to soak up the scenery.
Bima parks, and I follow him through a gap in the rock that acts as a
secret passageway down to the beach. There are a few large boulders to one
side of the sand, and again, the waves look flat, but then I look beyond, and
I hear the roar of waves crashing farther out to sea.
“How long?” I ask Bima.
“Few hours. Meet on beach.” He points to an umbrella where I hope
he’ll be waiting for me. There are more people around, this time with
surfboards, and for the first time since arriving, the adrenalin kicks in.
I race into the water and navigate out towards the bigger waves. As I get
closer, I realise they are a hell of a lot bigger than I first thought from the
shore. My heart kicks up, but my smile is back on my face as I attack the
waves and push through.
Each wave I catch feels like a monster I need to fight, and I spend more
time falling from my board than I do riding the waves, but it’s bliss. The
rush as I tip in and feel the white horses chasing my board is such a high.
There are a dozen other surfers out with me. All of them better at
catching and riding the bigger waves. Hoots and cheers rise above the
sound of the water, and it feels … good.
I’ve never wrangled a barrel before, and it seems I still need to work on
it, but this, right here, is why I wanted to travel the world.
 After what I guess is a few hours, I head back in and check with Bima.
He’s waiting for a couple who are still out in the surf, so I sit on the sand
and watch.
The wind has picked up, and the waves have started to get even bigger.
More and more people have come down to the beach.
“Hey. Saw you out there. New here?” The guy looks older than me and
has an Irish accent.
“Yeah. First day.”
“You’re good. What do you think about the waves?”
“Oh, man. They’re a rush.”
“You sticking around? They’re due to get bigger by tonight. Could be
fun.”
“My ride is taking me back, so I’ll have to pass.”
“Well, the weather’s looking good for the next few days. Name’s
Finnan. Be good to make a new friend out here.” He holds out his hand, and
I shake it.
“Sure. I’m staying at the Drifter Hostel up the road. I’m Jayce.”
“Nice to meet you, Jayce.”
Bima takes me back with a couple of the others staying at the hostel.
I’m famished and ask Timo for a safe recommendation for food.
With a full belly, I come back to my room and crash.
I’m here. Finally. I can’t help but think about home before falling
asleep.
A vision of Zennor invades my mind and mixes with the blue of the
ocean and the burning white of the sun as I drift off into oblivion.
The next day, I catch my ride down to the beach with Bima again and
make sure I take water and some food. Finnan’s on the beach, but so are
about twenty other guys.
“Hey, what’s happening?”
“Conditions are right. Waves are gonna be top-notch for the next few
days. Got a lot of people coming here.”
“Really?”
“Let me guess. You’ve just tipped up and found your way here by
chance.” He gives me a look like I should know better.
“And?” I defend.
“Some of us travel for the waves. We don’t just chance it. Right now,
it’s good. But we track the weather, move to the best swells, the best breaks,
and chase the bigger waves.”
“This looks pretty big to me.”
“Oh, Baby Surfer. You haven’t seen nothin’ yet. Come on. Let’s get
your feet wet.”
Finnan and I spend the next few days at the beach, in and out of the
water with the rest of the surfers. My ability to ride a barrel isn’t the best,
but for those few seconds when it all comes together, it’s the best feeling in
the world. The spray douses you as the wave encloses, and you have to stay
true to your ability, which I’m still working on. But it’s a ride I never want
to get off—addictive as hell—and only spurs you on to do it again and
again.
But bigger and better.
Finnan invites me back to his place just down the coast from the beach.
It’s more of a hut on the beach, really, but it’s pretty awesome. A few of the
other surfers join us, and we sit on the sand with a fire and a couple of
bottles of beer.
“Do people really travel around the world to chase big waves?” I ask.
Ever since Finnan mentioned it the other day, it’s taken root in my mind.
Thanks to my magazine habit, the world surfing tour was something I was
familiar with, although the waves never looked that big in print.
“Sure do, and if you like what you’ve had a taste of the last couple of
days, you might want to pack a bag. We’re heading to Jaws next.” He
smiles like he’s the devil.
“Jaws?”
“Oh, boy. You’ve got a lot to learn. Jaws is one of the biggest surf
breaks in the world. You think this was big? Wait until you see what Jaws
has to offer. Can you imagine surfing a fifty-foot wave?”
“Is he for real?” I look around at the other guys, and they all seem to be
in on the joke.
“In the right conditions, sure.” He shrugs it off as if it’s nothing.
“That’s insane.” I mentally try and picture it but can’t.
“That’s the goal.”
“If you’re insane.” I take a long draw of my beer. I like Finnan, but
what he’s talking about is the actual definition of craziness. Fifteen-foot
waves are enough of a challenge for me.
“So, what do you say, Baby Surfer? Want to come and see what a proper
wave looks like?”
 “Leave Bali? I’ve just got here.”
“We’ve got time. It’s all in the tracking of the seasons and the weather.
But if you want to surf waves, real waves, then stick with me.”
Finnan’s words are irresistible. They speak of everything I want, and he
has the exact dream I have. So, we spend the next few weeks in Bali,
enjoying the surf, soaking up the sun and living our best lives. It is the
height of the best surf time in Bali, and we travel to the beaches around us
to find the best surfing. Some days it’s crap. Others, we get lucky, and I
soon realise that there is a lot of downtime and waiting about if you want to
surf all the time.
The downtime gives me time to think of a certain beach that haunts my
dreams, but Finnan keeps me busy, and I’m getting pretty good at riding
waves.
In the evenings, we plan the next step on the journey, and soon, the
ideas I had to reach Hawaii and California align with Finnan’s route and his
big wave adventure.

My time at the hostel is easy to extend, and Timo gives me directions to an

internet café to send some emails back home. So far, I haven’t checked to
see if Zennor has written. Half of me put it off in case she hadn’t, but that
was a pussy move. The bracelet never leaves my wrist, and she’s constantly
in my dreams. Girls are in plentiful supply around here, but none of them
catch my eye. Not the way Zennor did.
As I click on the password and connect the account, I scan the few lines
and junk emails. There’s a couple from Mum and Dad, and I reply to them
easily enough.
But nothing from who I want.
I can’t write to Zennor without her email, so I’m stuck.
I push away the pang of hurt and pay for a postcard and stamp at the
counter and scribble out a quick note and address it. I know the street and
village, but not the postcode, so I hope it will make it. Maybe she needs me
to make the first move after the way I upped and left.
Maybe it was all just a stupid romance, and she had already forgotten
about me.
Either way, I send the postcard.
My hair is nearly white from the sun and salt, and my skin is tanned and
more ripped than I thought possible. It’s been a little over six weeks, and
now we’re leaving. We’ll arrive in California right at the changing of the
season and hope that the swell is on our side.
According to Finnan, Mavericks is where we need to be. Most of the
places he talks about I’ve never heard of, but I’m happy to follow his lead
and the training plan he’s got in store. California isn’t Bali, though, and our
time there will be limited. I thought we’d be bumming around catching
waves, but he has a plan.
And as long as I get to surf, I’m good with it.
Maybe I’ll be able to put Zennor behind me there.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 14

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Then

T he summer season for Tregethworth arrives, and no matter how

brightly the sun shines, how warm the sand feels between my toes, all
I feel is blue. My heart feels blue—all cold and hard inside, like all it
can do is pump cold blood around my body, and the sun can’t warm me no
matter how hot it burns. And it’s all because of Jayce.
He took a piece of my heart with him; that’s what I had feared. But the
way he left, it’s like he stole the sun from my life, casting me to the
shadows and shade ever since.
But that doesn’t mean I’m going to just stop living. One foot in front of
the other, head up, smile on. He was a holiday romance. The boy I fell for—
the boy who stole my heart. Everyone has a story, right? And in a few
years, I’ll look back at this as a badge of honour.
I’ll stop imagining a future of us together.
Stop remembering his arms around me.
Stop wishing for him to come back.
The memories haunted me and made me feel weak for wanting them
back.
I wipe down the outside tables, clear the last remnants from the lunch
crowd at Molly’s, and stack the trays before heading back inside. I’ve
begged Molly to give me as many shifts as she can to keep me from going
insane, and luckily, it’s been busy enough for her to oblige, although
working all these hours is taking it out of me. I’d love to lie out on the sand
and bake in the afternoon sun, even if I know it won’t warm up my
shattered heart, and I’ll only dwell on Jayce.
Customers have thinned out, and just as I’m about to take my break, a
group of girls from school walk in. Just my luck, Elise is with them.
“Where’s your boyfriend, Zennor?”
“He’s not here right now,” I answer, not wanting to give them the
satisfaction of saying he’s left.
“Oh, what a shame. Well, we’ll just have four strawberry milkshakes to
go, please.”
I start fixing their order but can’t help but overhear their conversation as
they linger at the counter. None of it’s flattering, but what do I expect from
a bunch of bitches.
“He’s just using her, you’ll see. Somebody like that could never be with
her for long. I mean, why would he even bother in the first place?”
“Ahh-hum,” I interrupt their girly chuckle at my expense and place her
order on the counter.
“It’s a shame you won’t have that boyfriend at college, Zennor.” Elise
smiles at me before she leaves with her pack, giggling to themselves like
they can say and do anything they like and get away with it.
“Ignore them, love. You’re too good for them,” Molly interrupts.
“I know. But it doesn’t help being reminded of the facts about Jayce.”
He did leave.
“Have you heard from him?”
“I meant to get an email account and contact him. He left me his so I
could contact him.” I chew on my bottom lip.
“So, why haven’t you?”
“What’s the point?” I twist around to face her. “He’s halfway around the
world. What are we going to do? Write to each other, and then what?” I
pause, playing out the scenario I’ve been over time and time again. “It’s
easier this way. I can mope about for the rest of the summer, go to college,
and then move on.” My mind is set, even if my heart wavers.
“Where’s your romantic spirit?” She bumps shoulders with me as if
she’s encouraging the long-distance relationship idea. I just look at her as if
she’s mad because she is if she thinks that has any type of a chance.
“You’re still wearing the bracelet.” She nods down towards my wrist,
and I rub the leather dotted with silver beads. Each has a little shape of a
wave engraved into the silver. It’s beautiful, and I love it. I haven’t taken it
off, nor have I any intention of ever taking it off.
“I like it. Besides, it’s from The Silver Tree. I’m not going to just toss
it.” I dismiss her comment as if it’s a matter of worth rather than sentiment,
but the bracelet around my wrist signifies so much more than just my first
gift from a boy.
He was my first everything, and I want to remember every minute of
our time together, even though it hurts.
And I thought it meant the same to Jayce.
Stupid girl.
Molly gives me a suspicious smile and gets back to work.

The summer washes away into the end of the season and with it, the busy
trade at Molly’s and my numerous shifts. Tegan starts back at school, and
college is just a few weeks away.
But there are a few things that haven’t changed.
The leather bracelet is still firmly around my wrist.
I’m still blue.
And I’m still in love with Jayce Roberts.
I’d hoped to get over him by the end of the summer, but the pain in my
chest is as raw as ever. I miss him, and I hate that I feel this way over a boy,
even if I do love him.
Even before Jayce, I was looking forward to starting college. Now, I
was desperate for the distraction and for something to throw myself into.
On enrolment day, we’re all assigned an automatic email account, which
brings a new level of temptation. Sending an email to Jayce is just a few
keystrokes away. I could find excuses when I didn’t have easy access to a
computer or my own email. Now, my fingers itch to try. But it’s been
months since he left. Would he still remember me?
For all my bravado and hope to put him behind me, I now feel like an
ultimate failure. I’m stuck wishing he’d come back and surf here rather than
any other beach in the world, just so we can be together again. Of course, I
regret the selfishness of that thought and re-imagine him coming back in a
few more months—a year—once he’s had his adventure. Then we’d be in a
better position to think of what could be next between us.
 I open up and type his email address into the correct field and then
pause … not sure what to write and too proud to pass over the way he
upped and left.
Open up.
Shut down.
Open up.
Shut down.
Over the next few weeks of college, I fall into a predictable pattern.
Visit the library, log onto a computer, and open a new email. Some days I
even write a line or two. Some days, more—venting my frustration and
anger at how he stole our last few hours together, as I type out how sad he’s
made me and my fear that I’ll never be over him, but then I read it back
through watery eyes and press the delete button.
I never hit send.
I start saving little lines as drafts, each one a speech of what I’d say to
him if he ever came back to Tregethworth. But with each passing day, my
fear of him not responding—of him forgetting me—increases. He will have
moved on, right? He’s good looking, fit and surfs. He’ll have all the Elises
of the world at his feet. He’ll have met another girl on another beach.
My inner demons only grow stronger. They swamp my hope and kill my
courage.
Until one day, I grow tired of my indecision and doubt. I combine all of
the little snippets into one email and click send.
Done.

Early autumn can be beautiful on the coast. The sunsets are so potent and
vivid. The sky looks like it’s on fire at night, set ablaze by the angry sun,
forced to sleep far earlier than it wants.
The turn of the season gives power to the waves and churning of the
sea. Tregethworth is back to being enchanting and peaceful now that the
tourists have all returned to their homes. Unfortunately, Molly’s only opens
part-time now, so my shifts are limited to the weekend, but it’s better than
nothing. Besides, I have homework to occupy my restless mind.
It’s the week before November, and the summer warmth is long
forgotten—stolen from the air. I’m glad of the later starts to my weekend
shifts. Working so much over the summer and now keeping up with my
college courses means I’m constantly tired and need the weekend to catch
up on sleep. Luckily, I don’t want for much in Tregethworth, so the few
shifts I still have cover my expenses and leave a little for me to save
towards a car next year.
Of course, Tegan wants to go shopping out of town, rent movies or just
about anything that costs money rather than spend time together, which
sometimes is really lovely. I think she does it just to keep me busy
sometimes, and I love her all the more for it.
She’s not mentioned Jayce since the first week after he left, but I’ve
caught her looking worriedly at me a few times.
Forcing myself out of bed, I wrap up in one of my winter hoodies. It
doesn’t bode well. Chills now could mean a long, cold winter, and winter
won’t help the cold that’s already seeped into my bones. Winter is not my
friend.
I think about Jayce and his escape and where he might be—somewhere
warm and tropical? The urge to contact him again fires to life, but I kill it
with a look out of my bedroom window and the reality of my life. My email
remains empty. He never returned my attempt at staying in touch. I’m not
sure if I’d rather I’d never tried. Rain drizzles through the sky, and the
clouds look so grey they’re sad.
A little pain now, rather than drag it out—it’s what I keep telling myself,
only the little pain hasn’t let up. My plan sucks, and doubt over whether
I’ve done the right thing plagues my mind.
I head to the bathroom and realise I’ve got my period. Maybe that’s why
I’m in such a bad mood today.
All I want to do is go back to bed.
A few minutes later, Tegan bursts into my room. “What are you doing
later?”
“Working.” I pull the covers back over my head, pretending to hide.
“No, after that?” She sits at the end of the bed.
“Sleeping.”
“Zennor, come on. You’re the older sister. Please don’t make me disown
you for being boring. Come on. Pleeeese?” She starts bouncing up and
down.
“Stoppp,” I plead, my voice wobbling with the movement of the bed.
“Only if you agree. Come on.”
“Don’t you have your own friends to harass? It’s the weekend, after all.”
 “But I don’t want to hang out with them. Look,” she stops bouncing, “I
know you miss him. I want to help, okay?”
My cold and weary body feels a little warmer after that comment.
“Fine. I’ll come back after my shift, and we can hang out or do
something together.”
“Great. See you later.”

I drag myself into Molly’s for the start of my shift.

“Oh, hun, you don’t look so good. You coming down with something?”
“No, I’m fine.” I grab my apron and start setting up the tables, refilling
the saltshakers and stocking the fridges. My lower back aches a bit, and I
stretch it out as I kneel in front of the fridges. The weather outside means it
won’t be a busy shift. It worried me that there weren’t many customers. I
didn’t want to see Molly’s business suffer. She’s become a good friend as
well as a boss. She’s nice to work for, and she’s trying to do something for
the people in Tregethworth, and not just cash in on the tourist trade, by
having the shop and post office, too.
Two hours in, and I’m right. We’re pretty dead, so I offer to clean all the
shelves in the store end of the shop. It’s not glamorous, but I’d feel guilty
not doing anything with my shift. I pull the small stepladder out of the stock
room at the back and climb up. But as I reach for the top, my stomach grips
and twists, sending me doubling over in pain.
I shove my arm out to catch myself from falling and clamber down,
gritting my teeth. My cramps are never like this. Another cramp digs in,
twisting my stomach as if the tissue is being pulled apart. My feet hit the
floor, and I bend over in pain.
“Zennor?”
I can’t even turn around to answer Molly’s concerned call.
“Zennor, honey. Oh, gosh. Look at me.” She stands in my line of sight,
and I focus on her. “Is it your tummy?”
I nod, clutching my stomach.
“Do you feel sick?”
“No. It’s just cramps.” I try to stand, but my stomach screams in protest,
wringing my insides out. Molly disappears from my vision, and I can feel
her hand on my back.
 “I think you bled through on your period, love. Let’s get you sorted in
the bathroom.” She guides me towards the ladies, and I can feel the shame
and embarrassment from the blood on my jeans showing. I don’t have a
change of trousers here, either. I’ll have to tie my jumper around my waist.
“Can I pop home to change?”
“Of course, but I think you should sort yourself out first. Do you
normally cramp like this?”
“No, I …”
Period.
Today is the first time I’ve had my period in months.
She helps me into the toilet cubical and pushes the door closed to give
me some privacy. I shakily undo the button on my jeans.
Blood.
Lots of blood staining my jeans and the inside of my thighs.
My stomach cramps up, but the pain is worse. Tears sting my eyes as I
try to take everything in.
“Molly!” I cry as tears and panic take over. I pull down my knickers,
and my sanitary pad is thick and heavy with blood. I try to wipe away the
rest, but it’s thick and lumpy, not like a normal period. I slip down the side
of the wall onto the floor. My mind battles with a rational explanation, but I
don’t want to go there. Unsure of what to do, what … this is ... Another
wave of pain hits, and I can feel something …
I grab at more tissues to clean myself up, but it feels wrong.
My head pounds against my skull, my heart’s hammering in my chest
and snot and tears cover my face.
Molly opens the door and looks at my face and then at the floor.
She tries to stifle her gasp and recovers quickly.
“What’s happening?” I sob.
I can see the tears in her eyes, and even though I’ve asked, I know.
“We need to take you to the hospital. They need to get you checked
out.”
I shake my head back and forth. “Mum can’t know,” my voice croaks,
hoarse and broken.
Molly nods and leaves.
Despair and grief wash over me like the incoming tide, rising and
washing away everything in its path. I didn’t know I was pregnant.
 I’ve had very light, irregular periods for a few years but never tracked
them, and I’ve been so in my head about Jayce I didn’t think to be careful
or take note since we slept together.
Over three months ago.
My eyes brave to venture down to the rejected mass of cells and body
parts in the tissue. You can make out a form—a tiny, formed thing, in
amongst the other stuff.
I tear my eyes away, and more tears drip down my face.
A bubble of laughter rips free as I see another cliché accomplished with
the help of Jayce Roberts. Only, when I think his name, my heart doesn’t
beat harder this time. My mind conjures the picture of the tiny dead baby
between my legs.
Molly comes back in with a change of trousers and a hand towel.
“Come on.”
“What are we going to do?”
“We’ll wrap it up in this. Change you, and I’ll take you to the hospital.
Past that, I’ve no idea. Okay, kiddo?”
“Thank you.” The words are like grit in my mouth.
“You got it.”
With such care, it brings more tears to my eyes, she cradles the tiny
baby in the towel and allows me to rid myself of my bloodstained knickers
and jeans and get dressed. She covers it over and hands it to me after I’ve
put the clean joggers on.
I hold it to my chest as my stomach convulses and cramps again and
again.
Molly bundles me into the car, and I lie down across the back and close
my eyes.
If I hope really hard, this might be a dream. I’ll wake up, and I’ll finally
be warm again, and my winter hoodie won’t have blood on it. I won’t have
just miscarried a baby I didn’t know I was pregnant with.
Cornwall doesn’t have too many big accident and emergency hospitals,
so Molly takes me to the local cottage hospital with a maternity unit.
Shock and pain of the last few hours hits hard when Molly collects me
from the car with a wheelchair, and I go through the motions as if in a
dream.
They take me into an exam room.
Molly holds my hand.
 I hand over the towel and what’s inside.
But the bleeding hasn’t stopped.
There’s a problem with the placenta.
I listen, I do as I’m instructed, but I’m not in the room. I’m in the ocean.
In the waves. Even though I don’t like the sea.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 15

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Then

M olly covered for me with the hospital and my Mum, so I didn’t

have to face her until the next day. Tegan didn’t want to speak to
me when I finally got home, and while that upset me for a few
seconds, there were a few other events that weighed heavier on my heart.
Tegan was still in my life, and I’d be able to spend time with her in a few
weeks.
My body is sore and achy in a way that feels so alien. I hate it. I feel
dirty, even though I’ve washed and scrubbed myself clean. When I close
my eyes, all I can see is the blood. That is still the most shocking thing. The
blood—not what was in the middle of it all.
The wintery weather provides the perfect mask for my mood and an
excuse to hide away, and Mum doesn’t even challenge me when I stay in
my room instead of going back to college on Monday.
She makes a few checks on me but leaves me to it, assuming I have a
headache or some other mundane ailment. I only escape my room for the
necessities of food and visits to the bathroom. By Wednesday, Tegan’s
resolve to stay cross at me is wearing thin, and even Mum is looking at me
with more concern.
“Zennor, is everything okay? Should I make an appointment? You’ve
never been off school for this long?”
“I’m okay. Just a bug.” I focus on the food on my plate and push the
peas and chips around with my fork rather than meet their eyes.
“Will you be going back in tomorrow?”
 The thought rots in my stomach—in the empty space in my tummy—
and spreads through my blood like an infection.
“We’ll see.” I slide my chair back, and the piercing scrape of the wood
against the slate floor startles everyone. “I’m going to lie down.” The stairs
creak as I retreat to my bedroom, and I can’t help the memories that hit me
as I close the door behind me—when Jayce snuck upstairs to wake me—
those precious moments together. That’s all we’ll ever be.
The sooner I get the romantic notion out of my head and get over him,
the better.
Because all of the pain I feel is down to Jayce Roberts.

On Saturday, I go to see Molly.

It’s early, before the shop opens, but I check the sign still says closed. I
sneak in, press the door gently shut with my hand, and take a deep breath.
“What are you doing here?”
I spin around and flatten my back against the glass. “Oh, hi. I just …
wanted … I,” I pull my hands together and wring them. “I haven’t thanked
you. And I thought it was time to get out of my room and my head.” I take a
step away from the door, severing the support it has given me while
standing there.
She opens her arms, and I’m helpless to resist the pull of her offered
comfort.
“Oh sweetheart, it’s okay.” She embraces me, and I soak up her warmth.
It is everything I need, except the arms that hold me aren’t the ones I crave.
“Have you told your mum?” I pull away and take a seat on one of the
benches.
“No. And I don’t want anyone to know. Ever. This is something I want
to put behind me.” And bury—cut it away and never speak of it again.
“Zennor, that’s a big decision, and you’re still in shock. Grieving,
even.” She joins me.
“No, I’m not. How can you grieve for something you didn’t know you
had or even loved?” My words make sense, although I’m sure there are
people that would argue I don’t know what I’m talking about. But it’s how I
feel. These are my feelings—how I want to deal with this.
“Don’t underestimate your feelings, Zennor. You might only be a young
woman yourself, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t valid. You can love, and
you can feel the loss, just as hard as the rest of us.”
“Thank you,” I look down and twist my hands together. It might be
easier to pretend I’m just a silly girl, then the ache in my chest and the
hollow feeling in my gut might go away.
“I’ve got to get set up and ready to open. The weather isn’t going to
help with trade, so if you want to take the day, don’t worry about it. I’ve got
it covered.” The rain pelts the windows as it has all week.
“On your own?” I check. I know I might not be good company, but it
would be nice to have the distraction of work again.
“Well, Jerry’s coming in for lunch, so we’ll be okay if you want to go.
Working long hours is what I signed on for when I brought the place. Being
your own boss has benefits, but you have to put in the work. The winter
here is the drawback, but you don’t get the highs without the lows. You
know this, living here.” She gives me a sad smile and squeezes my hand for
a second before heading behind the counter.
I stand and look around the empty store. My empty heart turns to stone
as I remember how happy this place once made me. The echoes of the
memories with Jayce make me long for a magic clock to rewind time and
start the summer all over again.
“Zennor?”
“It’s fine. I can do this.” I clench my jaw tight, staving off the emotion
fighting to bubble up.
“You don’t have to. Come back next week.” She rubs my shoulder, but I
shrug it off.
“No, I know, but I have to learn, right. It will make me stronger.”
“Don’t think you have to do this on your own. You’re a child.”
“I’m not a child, Molly. You just said so.”
“I’m sorry, Zennor, I just meant …”
“I know what you meant. But this is something I need to get over, and I
will. And it starts with confronting where it happened. Here.” I grit.

For the next few weeks, I focus on one thing, putting one foot in front of the
other. Get up, go to college, and work as hard as I can so I can accomplish
my own dream.
The weather is vicious and rough and keeps my mood company, all dark
and stormy. But I keep that to myself, wrapped up in the broken pieces of
my heart.
“Oi, sister, mine.” Tegan swings open the door to my room but stands
on the other side as if waiting to be invited to cross the threshold. If this
were a few weeks ago, she’d have bounded in and jumped on my bed
without a second thought.
“These came.” She tosses a few scraps of cards towards me, and I lift
my head from my textbooks to watch as they scatter across the floor.
“What are they?”
“Postcards from lover boy.”
“Jayce?” The question in my voice chips away at the work I’ve put in to
keep everything that’s happened since the summer behind me. I’ve stopped
visiting the library since my trip to the hospital—no more checks of my
empty inbox. If I tried to write to him again now, I’d be lost as to where to
start. My feelings are all twisted up. The time to seize that opportunity is
lost. This doesn’t change anything.
It doesn’t.
“Have you had any other boyfriends?” Her sarcasm isn’t friendly.
“Very funny.”
She turns without saying anything further, and she leaves me with the
dilemma of what to do.
Colourful images stare back at me from the three squares of cards
littering the carpet.
He wrote.
Tears prick at my eyes, and for a second, I want to scoop them up and
give in to the part of my heart that still loves him.
That will always love him.
It’s like looking at a second chance, and maybe what he’s written will
help erase the ache that weighs me down every day.
But that’s the girl I was before.
And remembering makes me feel weak.
Memories of pain and heartache race forward, obliterating anything
good I ever felt for Jayce and eating the tears away, leaving me raw and
angry—angry at Jayce, at the world, and what he left me with. The situation
I had to face on my own. Dealing with the fear and confusion—the panic of
being in that cubicle on the floor alone.
Seeing all the blood and mess and … it, was more real than the love I
remember.
 The look on Molly’s face as she saw me on the floor will be etched into
my mind and replaces every good memory I have of Jayce and me as if my
mind is re-writing good with bad.
I stand and swoop down to gather the pieces of card and hastily rip them
in half and leave them on the desk. He’s not part of my life now. He’s on the
other side of the world.
That’s the reality here.
The sooner I grow up and deal with that, the better off I’ll be.
Get up, one foot in front of the other. Work hard, find my own dream,
and forget all about Jayce.

Cornwall’s winters, while harsh, can be beautiful. Living here, you get to
see the shimmery sun thaw the icy frost as it creeps across the beach and
cliffs. And as grim and horrid as it can get, its beauty can still shine
through.
But this year, it’s proving a challenge to see any beauty.
The grey clouds don’t shift, as if caught in a cloud bank just for us. The
sun doesn’t break through to reveal the cornflower blue of the sky, and the
sea stays murky and rough.
Despite this, days turn to weeks, and Tregethworth carries on, preparing
for Christmas and the New Year, and my perpetual bad mood shifts into a
steely determination. I’m not sure if it’s this disgusting winter that seems to
batter our town and everything and everyone in its path, or missing Jayce,
or the miscarriage, or all of it together. But I can’t stand anything around
me. I can’t stand Tregethworth anymore.
All of it is a poison, rotting away and making me weak. Keeping me
trapped as the girl who fell into the snare of falling for a boy who could
never make her happy, who’d never stay with her, who she’d never have a
future with, and would only leave her with sorrow.
Molly is a wonderful and kind person but working for her kept me in
the shadows of Jayce and the pain of … what happened after. Living here
reminds me of how small my life is and how big the world could be if only
I could work out what I wanted in life.
Misery is hard to escape when you can’t see a light to guide you, and
my home has become a constant reminder of how stupid I feel.
 I’m a stupid girl who represents every cliché in the book, and I refuse to
let that define me.
It’s not who or what’s going to define me. I won’t let it.
I’m smart. I can and will be a success, and I won’t let the loss I’ve felt
haunt me. You don’t need love because surely love comes with loss, which
only makes you weak.
Strength comes from within, and you can only truly rely on yourself.
Dad left Mum, and she didn’t need him.
Jayce left to chase his dream and left me to deal with a nightmare.
I don’t need anyone else. I’m going to build my own dream, chase it,
and when I find it, I’m never going to let it go.
Like Molly.
Build my own business. Be my own boss.
Yes.
As the New Year approaches, I promise myself I’ll do everything I can
to leave. Explore the world and find what possibilities there are beyond the
borders of this small town.
It becomes my mantra—the pledge that keeps me striving—keeps me
standing.

On New Year’s Eve, while everyone gathers to celebrate the new year, I slip
away from The King’s Port and climb up the headland that once felt like the
best place on earth.
It’s a calm evening—one of the only dry nights since Christmas—but
the weather wouldn’t have stopped me. The clunky torch casts a watery
light along the worn path, but I know the way. Silver moonlight cuts
through the inky blackness, and when I reach the spot, I breathe in the
peace and tranquillity.
It’s been over five months since I’ve been to this spot.
A complete contrast—then, bright and sunny, now, dark and cold, but I
suppose that’s fitting.
Setting my bag down, I unpack the items I brought. First, the fold-up
spade, and I put the torch on the ground to light a spot to dig. I don’t need to
do much. There isn’t much to bury.
I slice into the earth under a craggy ledge. The wiry grass breaks easily
and doesn’t hold much soil before it dissolves into sand, but that’s okay. I
scrape away and dig down some more, satisfied that there’s space to hide
everything in the bag. First, I pull out his baseball cap. I loved that cap, and
I bawled my eyes out when I saw it waiting for me on my doorstep when he
left. The cap holds the torn-up pieces of the postcards I still haven’t read.
And at the bottom, the leather bracelet that Jayce gave me. The last thing is
the paperwork from the hospital records, also torn into pieces.
I put them all into the ground and sprinkle soil over them. Then, when
I’ve covered it over, I pat the soil and place the top layer of grass and stones
over the top. I take the small bottle of water from my backpack and pour
water over, helping the soil to settle. I even stand on it for good measure.
It might be a foolish and silly notion of a young, broken-hearted girl,
but I need to mark an end. I had to do something to put this mess behind me
and keep it where it couldn’t hurt me.
And now, I can move on in the New Year and work on my dream.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 16

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Now

R egardless of Zennor, I came back here for a reason, and I can’t lose
sight of that.
I stare out at the ocean as the waves crash down and watch the
tide drag clumps of seaweed onto the sand. My morning walks and plastic
collections have been as therapeutic as they have been purposeful.
Unfortunately, surfing around the world, I’ve seen firsthand the damage
we’ve done to our oceans, and it’s time we all play our part to stop it. If that
means I comb the beach each morning, then it’s a start.
I spear another plastic bottle and deposit it into the bag along with the
rest of today’s collection. The surf shop also fronts as the local plastic
recycling depot. Waste streams and recycling collections aren’t as easy to
put into place as they should be in these rural locations, and some smaller
businesses can’t afford the services. The wrong people saw a profit where
there shouldn’t be one when it comes to protecting our planet.
Sustainable brands, clothing, the recycling depot, and the surf school
ready for the summer—hopefully, will be enough to keep my feet on the
ground and my head away from the nightmares and the pull of the waves
beyond Tregethworth.
And now, of course, Zennor Williams.
The lure to stop in to grab a coffee on the circle back is appealing, but
I’m not up for another verbal attack from Zennor if we do cross paths.
Although, if she thinks I’m going to let her speak to me that way and be
done, she’s got another think coming. There’s a story there. Questions need
to be answered, even if she doesn’t want to answer them. I’ve been patient,
hell, I’ve practised it my whole fucking life, so I can wait a little longer to
find out what she’s hiding and why she’s acting that way.
We might not have spoken to one another for the best part of twenty
years, but that wasn’t the girl I knew.
I skip the coffee and head to the shop, unload the plastic and check in
with Rob.
We didn’t have a formal re-opening even though half the town treated it
that way. Keeping Rob on helped as he’s worked at the shop since he was a
kid and knows everyone. I’m an outsider and probably will have to live the
rest of my life here and still not be considered a local, but we’ve had
support, and that’s what counts.
“Jayce, we’ve had a delivery. Your name’s on it, but I ain’t got a clue,
man. Sorry.” He points to a pallet of stuff, all shrink-wrapped up.
“I’ve got it. It’s a bunch of my things from storage. Thought some of it
could go up in the shop, some is for the apartment. There should be a
second delivery with a bunch of boards?”
“Delivery yard.” He nods towards the back.
“Want to give me a hand?”
Rob’s not one for many words but grabs the scissors from the desk and
sets about cutting through the wrapping.
Half a dozen framed images of me in various competitions over the
years account for some of the items in the box. Some of the photos are
pretty awesome, especially the ones of me surfing the bigger waves. When
you’re out on the wave, you forget the scale of the damn thing.
“Wow, man. Insane.” Rob pulls one of them out.
“Yep. Jaws is insane. Here.” I rummage through a few of the smaller
photos until I find the one I’m looking for.
This photo made me a fair amount of money. It was taken after my main
sponsorship took off for the first time and set me up in Nazaré for the
second season. The wave must have been about fifty-foot, and it was the
first time I’d surfed one quite that big. The conditions, the training,
everything seemed to align on that day.
Me, Bear, Archie, and Finnan hit some of the best waves of the season
that day and felt as big as giants when we got back to shore.
I pull myself back to the present. “This is Nazaré. One of my favourite
spots to surf.” I hand him the huge, framed artwork. The photo shows the
power of the wave as it dwarfs the lighthouse on the cliff edge that looks
out over the impressive swell. The monster wave looks like it’s about to
swallow the tiny speck whole. But it doesn’t. I hold my nerve and ride the
curve and energy of that wave as it breaks and races after me.
Of course, the photo only captures a second of the adventure—a second
of the thrill—but it’s enough.
Rob holds it out to examine what I’m showing him, scrutinising it as if
he’s challenging what his eyes are showing him, and looks at me.
“You’re the dot. The fool on the surfboard.”
“Yep. I told you I was a big wave surfer.”
“Yeah, but I thought that was your ego because you surfed when the
swell was big. Not real big waves. Not professional.”
I chuckle and earmark the photo for the shop. You wouldn’t be able to
tell it’s me without the story, but it’s awe-inspiring to see the kind of power
Mother Nature can conjure for anyone, even if you aren’t into surfing.
“I travelled around the world to surf. Started out just backpacking but
was in the right place at the right time to be picked up by some sponsors.
That allowed me to chase bigger waves. I loved the adrenalin and the rush.
The euphoria was a high that I’ve never matched and made chasing the next
wave addictive. You always wanted the next biggest wave, and it became
my life.”
“How come you’re not still doing it?”
“That’s a story for another day. Suffice to say, it’s not something you
can do forever. And with any high-risk sport, you’ve got to be prepared to
pay the price.” I pause and take a moment to look around my new life. “So,
shop?” I point to a spot behind the counter.
“For sure, man. Hell, I’d be shouting about it if that were me.”
“Not my style. If people are curious, there’s plenty about me online.
Help me get the rest of this stuff out. There’s some old sponsorship stuff,
some magazines, signatures, and stuff I picked up on tour. I’ll move the bits
I want upstairs. You can sort the rest for anything that might work for the
shop, either as décor, prizes, or other random stuff, yeah?”
“Cool, man. Thanks.”
I leave Rob to it and head upstairs. The builders have been promising a
final day for the last three now, pushing my famous patience to the limit. I
want in. Properly. No more sleeping on the sofa or tripping over tools or
other shit.
 This will be my home, and I want to move in and make it that way.
Together with my boards, I’ve got a collection of things from storage I
want to bring up, but they’re all on hold until they’ve finished the rooms.
My fault, apparently. The renovations weren’t simple or straightforward,
but I didn’t pay the contractor through the nose for delays or sloppiness.

The next day I stop in and grab my takeaway coffee. “Has Zennor been in
today?” It’s not Molly behind the counter, and the girl looks at me with a
deer-in-headlights expression on her face. “Pretty lady. Came back to town
recently. Likes her coffee.”
She shakes her head as if making a point and shoves my cup towards
me. “I’ll take a large latte to go as well.”
It’s a calculated move. I’ve not seen Zennor since the showdown where
she shoved me in my place, but I’m not going to stay out of her way
because of what she thinks. She’s going to have a hard time being mean
when I bring her coffee. It might be small, but it’s a gesture. And I know
that deep down, Zennor isn’t really mean, either. She didn’t become one of
the prissy girls on the beach that pretended to be someone they were not.
At least I fucking hope not.
The girl passes me the second coffee, and I tap my card on the payment
device and leave. I head up the path towards Zennor’s and go over some of
the reactions I might encounter. This is a familiar path I’ve been down. A
hundred times before I ever came back, I’d picture what would happen if
we’d meet up again—what we might say to each other. And, right up until
the point where she tried to ghost me, I lived my fantasy.
Drinks. Date. Sex.
As reunions go, it was fucking textbook.
And then she blew me off for no reason other than we were ‘grown ups’
and sleeping together didn’t mean anything. I call bullshit.
I set my thermos cup on the wall of her house and knock on the front
door.
She might not be in, or her mum could answer. But my luck is holding.
“Why?” She slumps against the door as if resigned to my presence.
“Because I wanted to bring you a coffee.” I hand it to her and wait, but
she doesn’t take it. Her expression doesn’t shift from the neutral, I’m-not-
going-to-react gaze she’s trying to pull off. But I can tell that my rocking up
has pushed her buttons, and indifference isn’t how she’s feeling.
“Coffee won’t change anything.”
“And,” I add. “I wanted to ask you a question,” I press, as the coffee
idea seems to be failing.
“I’m not going to promise an answer.”
“Why?” I ask. I’m confused. If this was what she wanted to do, ignore
me and move on, then why bother sleeping with me in the first place.
“What, why?”
“Why bother sleeping with me, or even agreeing to go on a date in the
first place, if this was your plan all along?” My head tilts to the side as I try
and figure that point out.
“And if I told you I wanted to have some fun?”
“Fine. I hope I accommodated your whim.” I smile and bow, pissed off
that she still thinks this is just a game. Sure, a hundred girls could act like
this, but I didn’t count Zennor as one of them. Even now.
“This won’t work. You can’t charm me or win me over. I’m not a
foolish child.” Her bluster proves my point that I’m getting to her despite
herself, but I keep that little win to myself.
“I’m not trying to charm you …”
“So, what’s this all about then?” She points to the coffee cup in my hand
she still hasn’t taken, although I can see she’s tempted. It’s the best coffee,
and I can smell the enticing aroma in the air.
“Honestly, it was a peace offering. Your visits to Molly’s tell me you
like coffee. And I don’t want us to fight. Now, where I’m from, if someone
goes out of their way to do that for someone else, they say thank you.” I
give her a smile and place the coffee down on the wall that serves as a
boundary to her house before taking a sip of mine.
“Well, how about you go back there, then.” There’s venom in her voice
now.
“Where? Sorry, I don’t follow.”
“To where they taught you that.” Her eyes narrow, and she spits the
words as if I offended her by simply being here. I wait for her to turn and
slam the door in my face, but she doesn’t. She’s almost baiting me to say
something more—to press her and start an argument, but I won’t. That’s not
what I’ve come for. I stay, still expecting her to go back inside, but she
stands her ground as if waiting for something else.
 Her eyes study me, and I take the opportunity to study back.
Fire and heat burn hot and fierce behind their chestnut depths—as if the
flames have been raging a lifetime. And that might be all aimed at me, but
there’s still something between us. There’s a tension, thick and foggy; I
wish she’d just snap out of this anger and realise it. But she seems so
focused on ignoring what’s in front of her and hating me.
And when she stares at me, I want to kiss her—drag her back to the sofa
where there was no problem between us, but I can tell that’s not where her
head is now.
“I don’t know what I’ve done, but I’m not leaving Tregethworth. This is
my home now, Zennor. It was my home before I even knew you were here.
However, I won’t lie and pretend I didn’t like the fact you were back too.”
“You know, this was my home before you showed up. You have no
claim here.” She stabs her finger at me as if making her point, but she has
none.
“Ahh, see, that’s where you’re wrong. And you can’t do anything about
it. Enjoy your coffee.” I might have intended to stay polite and good-
natured, but she’s had her chances. I knock the coffee off the wall and spill
it over the path.
“You’re an arsehole.”
“No, actually, I’m not. But you’re showing me just what a bitch you can
be. You said yourself your plans aren’t set. You might want to reconsider
them because I’m not changing mine. Whether you like it or not, I’m not
leaving.”

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 17

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Now

“U rgh.” I slam the door closed and pound the heel of my hand into
the wood.
“Problem?” Mum asks from behind me.
“Nope.” I don’t elaborate and walk past her to the kitchen to make a
coffee. I would have drunk the one Jayce brought for me. I just didn’t want
him to have the satisfaction of knowing that.
“You can do better than that.”
“All fine.” I drum my fingers on the counter as I stare at the kettle and
wait for the water to boil.
“Good. Then you can talk to me some more about this big plan of
yours.”
“You weren’t so keen the other day.” I keep the disappointment from
my voice the best I can.
“It was a lot to take in.”
“It’s a significant change, but also an investment opportunity. However,
if you’re not convinced, then it can’t proceed. There’s too much riding on it
for me, I’m afraid, Mum. I need something that I can see grow. I didn’t
expect to be in this position, and …”
“I understand, Zennor. But remember, this isn’t just a business
investment for me. This is my home. My life. Can you say the same? Will
you make this your life? Or is this the stopgap until you find your next
goal?” She smiles and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear before
taking over the coffee duties. “You’ve been back all of five minutes. Plus,
you can’t hide the fact that the boy who broke your heart is also back.”
“He’s got nothing to do with anything,” I protest.
“Don’t lie to your mother.” She spins to me and wields the teaspoon at
me.
“He doesn’t. I didn’t know he was here, and he won’t change the plans I
have.”
“So, the little spat on the front step?” Her eyebrows rise in question.
“That’s nothing, really. I’m a professional.”
“Who changed that summer─”
“Mum─”
She raises her hand to silence me, and I feel like a child back in her
house again. “No, you’ll listen.” I nod and let her continue.
“You changed that summer, we all saw it, and you might say it was your
age, going to college or whatever other excuse you can find, but I know it
was that boy. It shaped you in a way that’s stayed with you forever. And
now you’re both back here. It might have no bearing on what we discuss as
a business or how you choose to live the rest of your life after Derek, but if
I’m going to be a business partner with you, I need to know what’s going on
in that head of yours. Because I don’t believe it’s nothing.”
I consider her words. Considering we’ve never been close, and I thought
I’d hidden everything from the people around me after that summer, her
words are spot on. “I didn’t expect to ever see him again, so Jayce being
here is a shock, but it doesn’t change my plan. I promise.”
“So, if I said that I’d agree to your proposal on the condition that you
stayed in Tregethworth?”
“For the first year,” I confirm. My plans were never to settle down here
long term. A pit stop, gather myself and regroup, yes. My new life … I’m
not so sure.
I left because I wanted to prove that the pain and failure of what
happened that summer wouldn’t defeat me—that I could move on. Coming
back here only serves as a reminder that I’ve failed. I left for a reason, and
that did shape the rest of my life. Being back here only reminds me of
everything that pushed me away.
My mum and sister only know the surface of what happened. Sure, they
suspect, but I never shared the full story. I carried that myself, and I never
wanted to let them in. It became a part of me, locked away inside, just like
the evidence buried on the cliff. But since I’ve been back, cracks have
started to form in my lockbox, and it reminds me of the weakness I felt and
wanted to flee.
Bearing it for a short time is one thing. Any longer?
Years have passed, and time is a healer, although not as successful as I
might have hoped.
But with Jayce here as well, everything feels more fragile.
“No, you’d need to stay permanently. If you want to set up a business
that’s about Tregethworth, you need to be invested in Tregethworth. That’s
what this town is about. If this is just a way for you to make money and
grow a new business, then it’s not for me. And before you say this is your
only option, it’s not. You have money. A lot of money. You just don’t know
where to start. For once in your life, take a moment and stop, and don’t just
take the next step because that’s what you think success looks like. Your
determination can be a downfall.”
She leaves the kitchen, and for the first time in as long as I can
remember, I’m stunned.
All of these years, I’ve been driven to put Tregethworth behind me, and
everything I’ve done is a direct result of that sentiment. Every success I’ve
accomplished in my life is measured against a set of criteria stemming from
my history here.
Life, dreams, and love.
I didn’t need anyone else. The only one I could rely on was me.
Love was a sign of weakness, and success was what you built yourself.
Romance, dreams, and true love were a young girl’s notions, destroyed
by a boy who crushed her heart and filled it with pain.
My phone vibrates on the side, breaking me from my sour thoughts.
How come Mum is the one that has to tell me you’re back home?
Sorry, T.
Are you going to come and see me? Or do I have to pop down?
It’s been a while since I visited.
Tegan lives on a farm less than twenty miles from Tregethworth, which
I only visited once, many, many years ago. It was her dream, apparently. Or
rather, her husband and their life is the dream, and she’s the picture of
happiness. Even when she visited me in London with Mum over Christmas,
you could see she was happy, and that only grew when she had Natalie.
Is that code for you want me to come to you?
 Please. I’ll shout dinner at The Waterside as a thank you.
Deal. Tomorrow for lunch. 1 p.m.
I hide out at home, locked in my old bedroom with nothing but the
battle of old and new warring in my mind for company. Mum keeps a wide
berth as if she knows what she said this morning hit home and will need
some consideration.
It would be easy to promise her I’d stay—that I was here for the long
haul, but I’d never be that dishonest to her. And I doubt she’d believe me.
We’ve not been the closest since I forced the distance between myself and
the memories of Tregethworth, causing the detachment to grow between
our small family. I had goals and ambitions to prove that I’d learnt from my
past. A drive to ensure I’d never be in a position of weakness again. Each
accomplishment led to another rung on the progression ladder until I was
happy running the business I’d created. Far away from Cornwall and home.
Looking at it objectively, it was just another illusion.
A fairy tale not of a child but of a grown woman, who was so focused
on not making the same mistakes of her past, she didn’t see the ones
coming right for her.
“Hi, I’m here!” Tegan waltzes through the door like she used to in my
bedroom when we were kids, and with a single smile, she manages to lift
and cheer the mood I’ve been stuck in since the conversation with Mum
yesterday.
“Come on. I’m starving.” I start marching us straight towards our
destination, enjoying the sun as it peeks out from the milky clouds.
“Why are we walking the long way to The Waterside?”
“Because—” I don’t elaborate and thread my arm through hers,
marching her along.
“What is going on with you, Zennor? Seriously. I get being independent
and driven, but sometimes it can be hard on people around you. We all feel
shut out. You’re back here, and I didn’t even know.”
“Fine. I’m sorry.” I consider opening up a little. “And I’m avoiding the
surf shop.”
“Why?” Tegan questions.
“Because it has a new owner who I don’t get along with.”
“Ohhh, I smell a story. Dish. Come on. You’ve only been back a few
days, and there’s never any gossip on the farm.”
 “Let’s wait until we get a drink first.” I need alcohol if I’m going to
spill. Tegan will remember exactly who Jayce is, despite the fact we’ve
never spoken about him since.
The vision of her tossing the postcards into my room surfaces, floating
to mind as if it’s just escaped from the safe it’s been locked in at the bottom
of the ocean for all these years.
We round the corner to the bistro, and as if just thinking about him can
summon him to appear, Jayce Roberts stands on the pavement before us.
“Zennor,” he greets, smiling far too politely and displaying his sexy
good looks. Tegan, of course, smiles big and says hello back, while I simply
frown and ignore him. She elbows me in the side as if appalled at how rude
I’m being. But I don’t care. The lines are drawn when it comes to Jayce.
I steer Tegan around Jayce and into The Waterside.
“Um, what was that about and who in the world was that?” Her eyes are
blinking and looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“That was Jayce Roberts, and he’s why I’m avoiding the surf shop, but
apparently, he appears wherever I go in Tregethworth.” We take a seat at
one of the tables, and I snatch one of the menus out of the holder.
A young girl approaches, and I order a large glass of red before she can
even get a word out. Tegan, as is her usual style, smooths things over.
“Sorry, yes. A sparkling water for both of us as well, please.” The
waitress looks back and forth between us and scurries off.
Tegan just stares at me as if expecting an explanation. “What?”
“You’ve never been a bitch before, and I understand things have been a
little rough of late, so I’m going to cut you some slack. But please don’t be
so mean.”
“My husband strategically pulled my business apart and then divorced
me, taking what I’d worked for and making me out to be a fool, and then,
when I come back, I find the boy who broke my heart has made this his
home. You’re right. It’s been a little rough, and I’m feeling prickly, and if
I’m ever going to be a bitch, this is probably going to be the time.” I sit
back and look for the waitress with my glass of wine.
“Okay, you might have a small point.” Her eyes dart around in
awkwardness.
I see Tegan, at best, once a year if she’s able to visit with her daughter,
Natalie, and Mum. We never just catch up, so I bite back my next retort.
She’s the sunshine one out of the two of us, and it’s not her I’m mad at.
 The wine comes, and we both order our lunch, and it re-sets my rising
temper.
“Right, want to fill me in on the gaps?” Tegan fiddles with the
silverware on the table and avoids my eyes.
The wine’s not as good as the red they serve at the pub, but it will do. I
take a final sip before launching into the explanation. “Jayce is here in
Tregethworth. He’s running the surf shop and is making a go of things here.
We’re not really on speaking terms.”
“I saw. But isn’t that in the past? It was like twenty years ago now, and
you know I’m happily married, but he is a good-looking guy, and you are
very single.”
“He’s not forgotten, but neither have I. I slept with him after he asked
me out on a date.” The wine glass is small, and I wish I’d ordered a large as
I swallow the last drops. “I won’t be his friend, and I will only be civil to
him if I must.”
“But why?” Tegan’s face is a picture of confusion. “You can’t still be
bitter about him leaving?”
“Why can’t I? Just because it was a long time ago, does that mean I
should forgive and forget?” My defences are up.
“No, but you moved on and grew up. You got married and have a happy
life.”
I flick my eyes up to her, and she flusters a little. “Had, but this is only a
little setback. You’ll find your happiness again.” Her eyes look so hopeful,
full of optimism, and I adore her for it.
But as Tegan says the words, I have my doubts. I know I didn’t marry
Derek for love. He was the safe option and what was right—the natural
progression and what success looked like—and that’s the sting in the tail.
Jayce broke my heart, and the consequences shaped me into a person driven
to succeed, and I’ve strived to never be a failure or someone trapped by
mistakes or dreams. But instead, I didn’t see what was right in front of me,
which made me a fool and a failure anyway.
“Has Mum filled you in on my plans?”
Tegan nods.
“And?” I twitch my fingers on the table.
“Well, I think it’s a great idea. And it would be something I’d be excited
to help with. If it’s done well, it could be a huge success. We’d never have
the capital to set up this kind of venture, but I’m so excited for you. I don’t
have all the info from Mum.” She shifts in her seat, moving closer to the
table and becomes animated, and a spark ignites in her eyes. “If it was
pitched at a high-end market, good finishes, specific details, then that would
put it into a different category than the boring normal that everyone else is
offering, and it would set your company aside from the rest of the
competition. Then, if you were to expand in different locations …”
“Hold up, more locations?”
“Well, yeah. Mum’s land isn’t going to be able to hold more than a few
pods, right. You want this business to grow and develop. You want more
than a return on investment?”
I’ve never seen Tegan as someone with a head for business and just
assumed that the business side of the farm was down to Roy—maybe not.
But then, with how little we talked, did I really know her?
The food arrives, and I take the break to think about the side of my
sister I’ve never seen. So far, coming back has opened me up to an
avalanche of memories that bring nothing but pain. It’s a novel change that
something good is mixed into all of this.
“Mum said she’ll only agree to the proposal if I was all in and made
Tregethworth my home,” I tell Tegan the terms that I have to agree to.
“Is that going to be a problem?”
I signal for another glass of wine. “Honestly, it makes me uneasy that I
have no other choice but here. I’m not Mum. I’ve been gone for so long,
and I don’t fit here.” It was the truth, but not all of it.
“What if things change? What if you meet someone?”
“Like who?” I give her a pointed stare. “Jayce?”
“Why not?” She beams.
“Tegan, please. Don’t. There is no happily ever after for us.”
“But you were so in love. Wouldn’t it be romantic if, after all this time,
you got back together? It’s like destiny or something.” Her eyes are almost
heart-shaped—she’s so excited at this prospect.
I set my silverware down, wanting to be crystal clear with my next
words. If I’m going to have a chance of having any type of business here, I
have to make her see this will never be an option.
“Tegan, listen to me. I will never be able to love Jayce Roberts. Do you
hear me? He is the reason I left and never came back for all those years—
the reason for so many things in my life. You don’t know the full story, and
I won’t tell you, so please, can we drop it and not speak about him again?” I
look at her dead in the eye with no emotion on my face.
She needs to understand how serious I am when it comes to this.
The excitement and fun drain from her face as she catches on, and I
can’t help but feel like the worst person in the world for bursting her
bubble, just like the sister who stood her up all those years ago with no
reason to give.
But this is the only way I can move forward. It’s hard enough to contend
with him in the same place every day if I’m to stay. The idea of Tegan
playing matchmaker will make things one hundred percent worse—a little
pain now, but best for everyone.
That was a mantra I’ve used before, and I’ll stick by it.
“Okay.” She nods. “I promise.”
“Thank you.” My hand creeps across the table, and I squeeze hers in
thanks.
Jayce Roberts won’t be part of my future. I’ve learned my lesson about
dreams, and I won’t open myself up to that kind of hurt ever again.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 18

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Now

E ver since our lunch, the words I spoke so forcefully to Tegan ring
loudly on repeat, as if sounding them out to myself will somehow
make them easier to live by.
And as the days tick by—the longer I’m here—the more time I have to
consider my long-term future and the real possibility of staying in
Tregethworth past the time I thought I’d need to gather myself.
Tegan’s enthusiasm surprised me, and we navigated the rest of lunch to
the safer topic of the potential development, which she’s more excited about
than I am. With her as a strong ally, it would be easier to win over Mum.
Although, I don’t think Mum needs convincing of the idea in principle. My
commitment to Tregethworth is what’s in question.
Could this place ever make me happy? Could I ever put everything
behind me to do that?
I think about my walk on the beach when I first came back. And I
imagine everything I might be sacrificing if I’m to stay in this small town.
And isn’t that the problem? I left so I wouldn’t be trapped and I could
follow my dream. Did I even find it? Or was I so consumed with being
strong and a success, I forgot about finding what would make me passionate
—what I wanted in my heart. And I’m back here anyway, so maybe I did
something wrong. The irony of my mother now threatening to trap me here
is not lost on me and adds to my confusion and doubt over every step I’ve
taken.
 Tegan has land. It’s close by. I could shift the proposition and see if it
would stack up at a location nearby. Still, even as I run the idea in my mind,
I know it won’t work as well as Mum’s site, and certainly not if I wanted to
build a better relationship with my mother. I’d risk alienating her and
making a bad job of an idea that depended on location, just in spite of
myself. That’s not right, no matter how bad things are.
Of course, I could just scrap the idea altogether and leave, be a silent
investor for Tegan. She all but said she’d want to. Then I’d be out of it and
free.
“This is ridiculous.” I slam the laptop shut and pace downstairs, grab
my coat, and tie my hair back to keep it under control, judging by the wind
whipping up outside. Hopefully, Molly will be working.
She’s behind the counter as I walk in. “Hello, stranger,” I greet her with
a big smile.
“Hi, you. What can I get for you?”
“A dirty burger and fries, please.” Not my style, but something
glutinous and calorific will help my mood. Day drinking wasn’t something I
wanted to slip into the habit of.
She looks at me for a second.
“I know, but sometimes bad decisions make you feel good, even if you
regret them afterwards.”
“Sounds like more than just food on your mind.”
“That’s one way to put it—only my entire future. Fitting I’d come
here.” I chuckle and look around at the store before my eyes land back on
Molly. I can tell she doesn’t see the funny side, and I feel a wave of guilt.
“I’ll bring it over.”
My words are in bad taste, but my emotions are firing wildly and
getting harder to control. Every passing day they grow closer to the surface,
and that makes me uncomfortable.
The café is busy as I look around and note the dozen or so occupied
tables, so I make a beeline for a small table tucked away by the floor-to-
ceiling windows that look out onto the beach. The wind’s kept the spring
temperatures cool today, but the sun tries in vain to shine.
Molly’s service is prompt, and a few minutes later, a tower of a burger,
complete with melted cheese, pickle, tomato, and sauce, stands proudly—
with the help of a bamboo skewer through its heart—on my plate. A shovel
of fries swims around the burger, all golden and crisp.
 She takes a seat opposite as my mouth salivates, and I grab a few of the
chips and start to eat.
“How did you know this would be enough for you?” I ask as I size up
the burger and wonder how I would even attempt to eat it without spilling
the contents over the table.
“What, the shop?” she clarifies.
“Tregethworth,” I correct her. She’s been here since I can remember and
made it her home as well as her business.
“I can’t answer that for you because my circumstances are different
from yours.” She tries to catch my eye, but I focus on the burger and wrap
my lips around the juicy beef patty.
Over the years, I’ve indulged in plenty. A big house, holidays to places
that helped me forget Cornwall ever existed, restaurants that served food I
didn’t know how to pronounce, and all of that added up to a vision of
success that I had worked hard to achieve—a vision that took me away
from where my heart hurt the most. If I could get far enough away, maybe it
would stop hurting altogether.
Indulging in something as mundane as a burger and fries, well, it
seemed like a lifetime ago and an act so simple all at the same time.
“This isn’t just Tregethworth, though, is it?” Molly questions.
“Of course, it is.”
“And Jayce has nothing to do with any of your decisions?”
I finish chewing my mouthful of burger and drop the fries from my
fingers.
“No. I hate Jayce Roberts.”
It’s Molly’s turn to chuckle at my response. “Don’t kid yourself, Zennor.
If you hated him, you wouldn’t stay. I don’t know what your resources are,
what your plan is, or what your other options are, but Tregethworth isn’t
your last resort, and there is no way that you hate that man.”
“Molly─”
“No. Have you grieved? Ever?” Her voice is hushed, and my skin erupts
in goosebumps as if a ghost just swept past us.
I turn away and look out towards the sea.
“No. Of course, you haven’t. You didn’t know how to deal with it then
because you were just a child yourself. It changed you, and it’s continued to
change you ever since.”
 “I did the only thing I could.” I grit the words as my eyes cloud with
tears, defending myself to the one person who knows every detail of why I
blame Jayce for so much—who knows why the pain I feel is still so raw and
jagged to my heart and why hate is the only option for me.
Molly smiles at me, and I see nothing of the years spanning our
friendship.
“Hate is a poison that will infect every part of you, Zennor. You should
have had every dream or wish the stars could grant, and instead, you clawed
your way up from hell to make a success of your life. But I don’t believe
you’ve ever been happy.” She tilts her head to the side.
It’s a painful observation from an old friend. We’ve shared Christmas
cards over the years but little else, and she’s spot on. She speaks the truth
that I’ve always known and been okay with.
I’ve been satisfied. Fulfilled. Comfortable.
That’s more than plenty of people have, and it would have been enough
if Derek hadn’t turned the knife on me.
“If I never found happiness leaving, how could I possibly find it staying
here?” I swallow the emotion bubbling up from somewhere deep within me
and leave the rest of the burger and fries, my appetite now drowned.
“Well, maybe you need to be honest with yourself about a few things.
Maybe you’ve held on to the pain so long that it’s turned into something
that it never was in the first place. Distorted and warping your reality.”
“So now I’m crazy?” I laugh.
“No. But, perhaps you need to work at putting the past behind you.”
She stands and leaves me with her wisdom, and somewhere inside of
me, it feels like words I need to heed.
I push the plate of food away, angry that my indulgence has backfired
so spectacularly, and leave Molly’s. As I force open the doors, I look up and
see the surf shop ahead of me, mocking me. I’ve avoided it for days, but
fuck it. Not now. Why should I?
After my heart-to-heart with Molly, my emotions are swimming closer
to the surface than ever, and I want something or someone to aim them at. I
pause, looking at the door, and remember the first time we walked past this
shop together. The shop was closed then, and we were meant to be on our
version of a first date.
I press the handle down and an electronic buzzer sounds, alerting Jayce
or whoever’s in the shop that I’ve entered.
 As I browse, it looks like any other surf shop, not that I’ve been inside
many. Racks of boards line one wall, with fancy lighting behind. Clothing,
posters, and photos make it look pretty cool, and I have to admit it looks
nice. I’d want to spend money here if I was into surfing or anything close to
it.
“Well, well. Zennor Williams.” Jayce’s voice is pleasant enough, but an
air of satisfaction makes me want to swipe at his handsome face.
“I thought I’d come and see what all the fuss was about.” I make a point
of looking around, and the huge photograph of a massive wave behind the
counter catches my eye. “Big wave.”
“Yep.”
“You found it then?” I point to it and assume it’s him riding down it.
“Your dream to chase waves.”
He looks at me like he did when he first saw me in the pub, and it tears
down a layer of my defences that already feel weak and unstable from my
earlier conversations. This boy meant the world to me at one point in my
life. But he ruined that same world.
The memories transport me back to that miserable time when I missed
him and hated that I did—hated that I wanted to be with him.
“Did you really come back here because of us?” I blurt out, confronting
him with a vengeance that’s near impossible to contain.
He keeps staring at me, providing me with no insight or explanation that
I can rationalise.
“We were teenagers, Jayce,” I say, exasperated.
“I know.” His calmness only stokes the anger he’s flaming—that I’m
flaming myself as I take in what he went on and did with his life while I
picked myself up off the floor here in Tregethworth.
“I spent a long time building my life back after you left. And while I
was in pieces, you had everything you ever wanted,” I cry, lashing out with
my arms, signalling what he has around him now—a homage to a life he
went out and lived.
“Not everything.” He catches my wrist in his hand and tugs me to him,
burying his other hand in my hair. “I wanted you every single day I was
gone. I missed you every single day I was gone, but you were too stubborn
to stay in touch. Don’t put this all on me, Zee.”
I don’t fight him. Instead, my stomach drops, and my mind blanks as
rage blinds me. I push up and kiss him. Not softly or timidly. My lips slam
against his—punishing him for everything he just said, but unable to stop
the pull of our attraction.
And Jayce is right there with me, fighting me, holding me captive in his
grasp. The last few days have been bitter and vengeful, but I push that
aside, and so does he.
He hoists me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist as he leads us to
the back of the shop—still open in the middle of the day—where he shoves
me against the back wall next to a surfboard.
“Romantic,” I murmur.
“Oh, we’re long past that, love.” He follows up with a bite to my neck
that makes my limbs weaken and crackle with desire, it’s so delicious. I
curse him under my breath but give in and decide I can hate him and still
enjoy what he does to me. I’ve done it once. I can do it again.
There’s no foreplay. No build-up.
His hand snakes under my maxi skirt and tears at the tights stopping his
access. The rip echoes around us and sounds so fucking erotic. His fingers
plunge deep inside of me, and my head drops back against the wall.
“You want this. You want me to fuck you like this?”
“Yes. I want you to put your cock inside me and fuck me until I can’t
think anymore.” I stare at his ocean eyes, wanting to feel something other
than what’s squeezing my heart.
My arms brace on his shoulders as he works the buckle of his belt and
his jeans. And to my relief, he does what I ask.
He shuffles closer to me, using the wall to his advantage, and shoves
inside me. It’s forceful and desperate, and it turns me on more than I want
to admit. My jaw clenches tight as he seats himself before his hands return
to my thighs, and he rams his hips forward.
Over and over.
Each jolt builds my release and takes me out of my mind with lust. His
fingers dig into my flesh, and the edge of pain only brings me closer to
release.
“Keep fucking me,” I pant.
He does, his own need clear in his grunts as he works to fuck me harder.
My stomach drops, my nerves vibrate, and my body claws for more.
My eyes squeeze tight so I can’t look into his as he tips me over and
slams through my climax. Silent screams ring in my head as my heart
pounds in my chest.
 He stills, pinning me harshly as he comes.
Shit.
I avoid his eyes as he takes a minute, and the need to escape builds. I
push at his shoulders, and he lets me slide down. My breathing is ragged,
and the oblivion I was hoping for is forgotten, as all the other emotions race
back like nothing’s changed.
He rests his head against mine, but I turn away.
“I hate you.” I’m not even sure I believe those words anymore, but I’m
still so angry they slip from my lips.
“Well, too bad, I could never hate you.” He sweeps the hair from my
face and makes sure I’m looking right at him as if he’s trying to make a
vow.
I knock his hand away, my body already clinging to the comfort he’s so
quick to provide, but my mind won’t give in. “I gave you my virginity. You
wrote a couple of postcards, and that’s it. It wasn’t any more than that.” It’s
like I’m forcing something into a box that won’t fit.
“It was more than that for me. And I think you believe that, too. You’d
never hate me as much as you say you do if that wasn’t the case.”
“No. I knew we’d have to say goodbye, and it hurt. It hurt like hell. But
the hate for you came from what happened after.” The admission tears
down the last of my armour, and I panic. My eyes widen, and I see the
confusion in his.
“What? What do you mean? What happened after, Zee?” It’s on the tip
of my tongue, but I don’t say anything more. Instead, I push past and leave
in a rush. “What happened after?” he calls again.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 19

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Then

F innan hadn’t been lying to me. The waves at Mavericks were out of
this world and totally terrifying. I was a kid from the UK, and the
guys here, well, they’d been surfing for years, had travelled the world
to ride these waves, and I was out of my depth.
But that feeling only lasted a few days.
“Come on, Baby Surfer. We’ve got you. One step at a time. You’ve got
the skills, but you need to train to tackle some of the big stuff.”
“Train. Okay. Like what, the gym?”
Finnan looks at a couple of the others who’ve travelled with us. “We
train in the sea. If you get smashed by one of those waves, you need to be
able to hold your breath, and your body needs to take the pounding without
panicking. So, we’re going to train underwater.”
I give him a worried glance. “Underwater?”
“Yep. Build some strength in those arms of yours and your lungs. Get
you accustomed to being under.” I nod like it’s nothing, but my heartbeat
tells me otherwise. “Trust me. We’re here for a few weeks. We’ll get you
ready. You’re not going to ride the monsters just yet. Just the ones to get
you noticed.”
“Noticed?”
“Yeah. You’re young and have got skills for someone who seems to
have stumbled into this. There’s a competition here next month. We’re not
going to surf in it, but plenty of people here will be looking. You’ll be
picked up for sure. And that will be your ticket to surfing full time, my
friend.” He smacks me on the back.
“What about you?”
“Oh, it’s my intention, too. Don’t you worry about me.” He slaps me on
the back twice as hard this time. “But you got something special, kid.” He
grins at me, and at that moment, it feels like I’ve known him my whole life.
For the next couple of weeks, we spend all our time in the water—so
much, I feel like a fish. We leave the car in the parking lot and walk around
to the beach, where we set up base to practice holding our breath
underwater. Not just for a minute, not two, Finnan wants four, but I’m way
off that so far. We walk on the bottom of the seabed, holding rocks to keep
us there, which forces us to build our lung capacity. When the waves push
us under, it won’t be calm and quiet. Our bodies will be thrown about like
rag dolls as we fight to get to the surface again and again. And every time
we take a glimpse at the waves at Mavericks, I can see it, and these aren’t
even the big swell waves we’ve been promised for the competition.
Finnan’s been teaching me about that, too: watching the weather,
looking at what’s coming, judging when the right waves will hit.
Every day, more and more people arrive, and the harbour starts filling
up with boats taking riders out, ready for the competition, and they crowd
the waves. Being a newbie, the pecking order is clear, and I’m at the
bottom. I didn’t realise there was a hierarchy to surfing waves, but hey, as
long as I’m still having fun, right.
Away from the beach and the surf, I send another couple of postcards,
hoping they make it back to Zennor and keep Mum and Dad updated on my
travels. There’s still nothing in my emails from the girl I still dream of, and
it sucks. I think about looking up the telephone number for Molly’s café or
asking Mum to get a message to her, but what would I say? I don’t know
where I’ll be in the next month. I might be back home at the end of the year.
Or, Finnan might be right, and this could be the start of surfing for real. I
rub the bracelet on my wrist and look at the wave shape on the silver bead.
We never promised anything to each other.
It was a holiday fling.
But that’s not how my heart feels now I’ve left.
Two days before the competition, the waves seem to take a rest from being
giants and look, at least to me, more surfable. It’s less crowded, so Finnan
and I take the opportunity to practice some of the lessons he’s drilled into
me. The swell’s still bigger than I’ve surfed before, but all I see is the
biggest rush in the world.
We’re on a budget and haven’t hired boats, so we both paddle out.
Finnan and I have identical crazy smiles on our faces, like we’re both out of
our minds. We float in the pocket with a dozen other surfers, watching and
waiting as the waves gather, and we ride over them as they build and surge
in.
My heart pounds, but the adrenalin is hot in my veins—keeping me
pumped—anxious but ready to go.
“Go!” Finnan shouts as we watch one build. “Paddle. Go!”
I race, digging my arms through the water, desperate to try and catch my
first real big wave, and I do. All of a sudden, the flat, quiet wave has grown
into a monster, and I’m racing down the face of it with a thunderous noise
of white water chasing at my heels. The speed is phenomenal, and my knees
shake as my toes grip my board like my life depends on it. If I wipe out, the
force of the water will keep me down and under for God knows how long,
and all that training at the bottom of the seabed won’t be enough. I can
barely see from all the spray, but I hold it together and ride the wave, my
speed taking me further away from the white and to safety, the adrenalin
swamps my system, and the rush goes straight to my head.
“Woo-hoo!” I pump the air, and my body relaxes as I surf to safety,
surviving my biggest wave to date. I cruise out and coast to the shallows
and look back for Finnan with the biggest grin on my face.
The waves I see are just as big and look just as monstrous, and I’m in
awe of what I just did. I make it back to the beach, sit on the wet sand and
happily watch the waves and see if my friend follows suit. It’s too far out to
know for sure, but I think it’s him on the next break. He rides with more
confidence, I’m sure, than what I displayed and races down the face of the
wave, cutting back with style, gathering more speed, like he’s taunting the
wave to catch him and spit him out into the ocean. And for a moment, the
white foam and spray swallow him up. I stand, eager to see if he makes it
through.
He does.
 He’s as triumphant as I am surfing into the calmer waters before
dropping from his board.
“Man, that was epic.”
“Nah, man, just a day in the life of a surfer. But, hey, that was your
biggest wave, Baby Surfer. And you made it.”
We high-five and greet each other, still riding high on adrenalin.
“Is it always like that? I could hear my heartbeat so loud, and I was so
stiff on my board, but at the same time, I didn’t want to be anywhere else or
imagine doing anything else?”
“Yep.”
“And the competition is going to be bigger?”
“Much.”
“And we’re going to surf it?”
“Ah, no. You might feel invincible now, but baby steps. You want a
career. Don’t get killed showing off.” He shrugs.
“But you said get spotted.”
“Yes.” He turns me around and points to Archie and Bear. They’re
talking to some dude with sunglasses further up the beach.
“Who’s that?” We both walk our boards up towards them.
“You’ll find out.”
“Did you set this up?”
“Not really. But I did make sure Archie and Bear weren’t in the water
with us.” I give Finnan a look. They were here to surf with us, and a slice of
guilt creeps up on me. They didn’t get to catch the waves we did because
they were here for this guy.
“Ahh, so this is the kid you’ve been telling me about,” sunglasses-guy
says, looking at me.
“Yeah. Jayce Roberts.”
“Nice to meet you, Jayce. I’m Andrew Sanderson.” He holds out his
hand, and I shake. “I hope we’ll be able to work together in the future.”
“Sure. Of course.” I nod, eager, although not sure who this guy is or
who he works for.
“How about we set up and talk after the competition.”
“I’m not surfing,” I state.
“Are you staying around? I know the break isn’t guaranteed, but I’m not
interested in big waves alone.”
 “For sure. We’re around.” Finnan confirms. “Today was Jayce’s first
time at Mavericks.”
“Impressive. So, you want to be the next Kelly Slater?”
“Does he surf big waves? I thought he was King of Pipeline?” I ask.
Everyone interested in surfing knows his name.
Mr Sanderson gives me a look, and my stomach tightens, worried I
might have screwed up before I’ve even spoken about what he could be
offering.
“Any good riding pipe?” I think back to the tubes in Bali and the
pictures in the surf magazines I’ve read my entire life. Those amazing
waves were all I ever dreamed about growing up, but I have a feeling that
regular surfing waves won’t be enough anymore, not after today.
“I can hold my own.”
“Well, that’s good. We’ll talk.”

The competition arrives, and the conditions are perfect to create the waves
that look ready to eat the surfers alive, but we still watch them risk life and
limb to prove they can handle what Mavericks delivers. It’s epic. Bigger
than I’d ever imagined possible, let alone what we’d done the last few days
or seen since we arrived. Any hope or wish I have to be out in the surf
vanishes when we get to see the size of the swell.
But it does give me something to push for—something to work towards
now I know what can be done and achieved. Rather than just surf the
beaches I rock up to around the world, I have a goal.
And I knew I could surf a big wave. Bigger than I thought I’d ever try,
let alone nail, and I wanted more of it. There was a hunger and drive inside
me, which I didn’t know was there a few months ago. Flying down that wall
of water lit something up inside of me, and I wanted more of it.
But that meant I had to secure whatever Mr Sanderson was offering
first.

“Mum?”
“Sweetheart. Oh, it’s so good to hear you. Gosh, this must be costing
you a fortune.” She switches from joy to worry in a heartbeat.
 “Well, kind of. But I wanted to tell you the good news. Finnan and I got
a sponsorship deal with this surf brand, which means we’ll be able to stay
surfing for longer.”
“Really? Well, that’s good news.” I can hear the waver in her voice.
“I’ll send you a copy of the contract. It’s all above board. We’re paid a
bit, get to surf in competitions, and travel costs to the competitions are
covered. If we do well, things might get better. It means I don’t have to
worry about savings so much. Or about phoning home,” I tag on,
sweetening the news.
“Are you still in the States?”
“Yes, but heading to Hawaii next. Mum, this is it. This is what I wanted.
You should have seen the wave I caught the other day. Actually, maybe not.
You’d have killed me.”
“You’re being safe?”
“Sure.” It’s a white lie. “This is my dream.” My smile splits my face as
I tell her.
And now, thanks to Finnan, I could see this turning into a career.
We say a quick goodbye, and I hang up. Finnan, Archie, and Bear drag
me from the phone box in the lobby at the hostel we’re staying in. “Time to
celebrate, Baby Surfer. Beers are on you.”
“On us. You’re in this just like me,” I counter.
“Ahh, yes. But you, my friend, are the golden child. The one who
stumbled into this life and could be a legend.” He puts his arm around my
neck and squeezes.
“Give over.” I shove him off me.
“We’re in this together, but you’re the one to watch, Baby Surfer.”
“So, we have the schedule. We have the competitions to head to. Does
that mean we don’t get to ride or surf big waves?” I ask.
“Nope. It just means we plan a bit more. We can never stay and surf big
all the time. They are fickle and depend on the weather and swell, anyway.
Mavericks will simmer down in a day or so. It’s the same for any other
wave destination. I thought I told you that when we first met.” He looks at
me as if I’m back to being dumb again. “So, we work, keep Sanderson
happy, make our money, and make the sponsors happy until we have the
cash to dictate when and where we surf ourselves.” Finnan claps his hands
together like it’s a done deal, and we all cheer.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 20

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Then

T he next few months are crazy.

The four of us travel, surf, train, and compete. Finnan and I start
getting some results in heats and qualifications, which leads to more
surfing. I apply a laser focus to everything I do and look at each wave as the
goal. Nothing beyond that. Just conquer this next wave and stay on my
board.
And it works.
It’s the life I wanted, and now I have three friends who share the same
dream I have—that nobody back home could understand and thought I was
crazy for travelling the world to achieve.
Well, now I’m being paid to do it.
Paid to surf.
Paid to do something I love.

Months turn into years, and Finnan and I are both surfing the World Surfing
League, competing around the world, and making rank against the names
I’ve read about. Finnan and I often compete against each other, but there’s
never any animosity. We’re brothers, and we have each other’s backs.
But the dedication we’ve had to demonstrate to reach this point means
the pursuit of big surf has taken a back seat. We get to charge about once a
year or so away from the tour, but it’s sporadic like the breaks themselves.
 It’s not like some of the waves at the WSL events aren’t big, they are,
compared to back home or an average beach. But they aren’t regularly forty
or fifty feet. They don’t fill you with awe and dread at the same time. They
don’t demonstrate the sheer power and capability of Mother Nature.
That’s what we still want. And that’s what the next stage of the plan
needs to focus on.
Mr Sanderson is good to his word and our contract. We perform, we
win, and we can negotiate bigger and better deals. More sponsors—
influential sponsors, magazines, and interviews—it’s a life I could never
have imagined.
Hostels become hotels, and I no longer have to worry about money.
Hell, the only thing to worry about now is staying fit, healthy, and the next
heat or qualifier in front of me.
But that’s in Hawaii, and Finnan and I have been tracking a huge swell
coming in. On Maui’s north shore, Jaws is set to go off, and we have to be
there.
The schedule is tight, but we can surf our round and have time to travel
to where we want to be—one of the most dangerous waves on the planet—
and on the list Finnan and I made to conquer together.
We arrive on Maui with Archie and Bear and set ourselves up for the
swells coming in. You can’t just pick your board and surf here. We need to
prep and gear up so we don’t kill ourselves. But it seems like every other
thrill-seeking surfer had been keeping an eye on the weather, and the place
is packed with others wanting a bite at the waves.
“Nervous?” Finnan asks as I pull on my wetsuit.
“Of course. You?”
“Yep. But hell, this is going to be epic. Look who’s here. Every guy
who’s ever wanted to catch big surf is here.”
“Are we good for this?” My nerves get the better of me.
“For sure. We’ve trained. We’ve surfed, and you are not the baby surfer
I first met. We’re good.” He slaps my shoulders, and we grab our gear.
Towing was the best way to hit at Jaws, and we’re rusty, so get some
practice in as things build. But the sea is filled with others, all thinking the
same. And, of course, we’re not at the top of the pecking order. It was the
worst aspect of this sport.
We get the timing ironed out with being towed into the wave, each of us
taking our turn on some of the smaller waves coming in, and it feels good.
Real good. Like this was where we were meant to be.
The waves we do catch are monsters in their own right, but we both
come out unscathed, which is more than some can say.
The wipeouts are harsh, but you can’t dwell on that. All I picture in my
mind is how the wave will curl over, encompass me, and spit me back out,
riding free and hard.
We bide our time and wait for the full break to emerge, and we’re
rewarded.
Two days after arriving, Jaws shows up.
Finnan, Archie, Bear, and I take a trip up to the cliffs to look over the
impending show.
“We’re going to do this?” Finnan asks.
“Heck yeah. Look at that.” I point out to the bay. “It’s the perfect
conditions. The swell is epic, and those waves look amazing. The perfect
barrel if we can get the timing right. Left and right, we can do this. Don’t
get cold feet now, Finnan.”
“There are a lot of people here. A lot of cameras, too.”
“So, this could be it, Finnan. You’ve had this plan all worked out, and
you’ve been right every step of the journey. The right wave here …” I let
my voice trail off. If we catch the wrong wave, we could be drinking beer
through a straw for the rest of our lives.
“Okay, Baby Surfer. Let’s do this!”

We gear up, psych up, and head out. According to a few locals we’ve seen
on tour, this is one of the biggest breaks at Jaws for a few years, which
explains the popularity—the perfect conditions to test the mettle of
everyone here.
I can’t think about all that now. I need the focus to surf and stay alive.
As we’re bobbing about and waiting on the jet ski for the right moment,
I think back to Mavericks, my first big wave, and all the ways my life has
changed. The nerves mixing in my stomach relax a little, and I take a few
deep breaths. The salt in my mouth from the sea and spray is familiar and
comforting in such hostile waters, but underneath everything, I know I can
do this.
Finnan reads the bank of waves and gets us in position. The speed of the
waves means that paddling isn’t ideal, and with towing, we’re already up to
the speed of the wave.
Calm.
Breathe.
The board is glued to my feet like an extension of my body, and
confidence simmers as the rush kicks in. I tip over the edge and plummet
down the face, controlling the angle as best as possible before I level out
and ride along the curve.
The noise is deafening, blocking out anything else in the world, and for
a split moment, nothing else exists—just me and the water around me. The
water threatens as if fighting off every intruder who dares take a ride.
But I stick and hold my nerve.
The wave crests around me—swallowed whole—but I’m in the barrel,
safe and free to keep going.
Keep going.
Keep going.

That wave changed everything.

Turns out, it was one of the biggest of the set, and I ended up on the
cover of every surfing magazine for the next few months. Hell, it catapulted
us into surfing royalty, which was saying something. And it meant that we
could finally compete and focus on what we wanted to surf: big waves.

After the season finished, I suggested we head home. It had been years
since I’d been back for more than a few days at a time before racing off
again with Finnan.
We were at the start of our next adventure and didn’t have to be bound
by other commitments, so we made plans to head to the UK. The surfing
would suck, but I had another plan in mind.
“Baby Surfer, I don’t know what you’re up to, but why are we staying
here?” Finnan looks at the same cottage I first came to years ago on a
summer holiday. The same place that still haunts me.
“Look, this beach is cool. It’s not that popular, and the spring tides are
with us. It won’t be too bad for some time off.”
 “Yeah, we all agreed to a break, see family and that. But I don’t see
your family in this little place, do you?” Finnan crosses his arms and stares
me down.
“No, but it’s all good. Mum was going to go mad with us underfoot.
And we’re off to Ireland next. It’s not a big deal.” I’ve been saying that to
myself for days and convincing myself that I wasn’t mad, thinking I could
come back here and see Zennor again. Hell, it’s been five years or so, and in
all that time, I’ve never had any kind of communication from her.
I gave up on the postcards after the first few months. We were moving
around so often that sending her one every time we arrived somewhere new
was stupid, and it made me feel like a fool. But it didn’t mean she left my
thoughts. And perhaps my luck would hold out, and she’d still be here.
“Fine. But I’ll get the story one way or another.”
“There’s no story,” I lie.
“Whatever, man. Are we going to surf?” He looks at me like I’m that
kid again on the beach after our first wave.
“Sure.”
The waves are pretty decent, and we enjoy the freedom and simplicity
of being in the surf—a lot colder than some of the places we’ve been, but
you had to love the water whatever, right?
Molly’s stands on the sidelines, beckoning us after a session in the
waves.
I almost hold my breath as we pick a bench outside and rest our boards
against the fencing. My imagination plays out Zennor walking out to greet
us, but that’s not on the cards today.
We order, or rather Archie orders, because I can’t stomach going inside
to see Molly just yet. I let the boys talk about the next steps after visiting
Finnan’s family in Ireland. There was time before the winter window for
big waves struck.
This year we’d be heading to Nazaré, Portugal, as we were finally on
the right side of the equator and planned to keep an eye on what Mavericks
and Jaws were doing. It might not be as big with swells as last year, but we
also hadn’t surfed G-Land in Indonesia. There were places just waiting to
be surfed.
“Okay. Spill. You’ve been staring at the doors to the shop since we got
here. Every time someone comes out, I can see you look up and then watch
your face fall.”
 I stop chewing and look up at Finnan. They’re all looking at me with a
cut-the-bullshit expression on their faces.
“Fine.” I drop the last bite of my burger back to my plate and finish my
mouthful. “I met a girl here before. I don’t know if she’s still about.”
“And you think she’s going to magically walk through the doors?”
Finnan jokes, and the boys all laugh at my expense. “Baby Surfer, you
might charge big waves, but you need to stop pining for this long-lost love.”
He shoves the last of his fries in his mouth while shaking his head at me.
“She’s not some long-lost love,” I lie again. Terribly.
“Fine. Then go in and ask about her. I’m assuming she’s the girl you
sent all those postcards to? And has she ever got in touch?”
“No, but that doesn’t mean …”
“Go in and ask. Put yourself out of the misery.” He shoves me, and
Archie and Bear just encourage him further.
“Fine. Fine.” I stand up and head to the door. It hits, and I’m back to
being that wide-eyed kid with nothing but dreams in his head.
The shop hasn’t changed, and I make my way to the counter. I’m not
sure Molly would recognise me, but the woman serving isn’t her or Zennor.
“Ah, hi. I’m looking for someone. Do you know if Zennor Williams is
still in town?”
“Sorry, I don’t recognise that name.”
“What about Molly, the owner.”
“She’s not in today, but she’ll be working tomorrow. Can I leave a
message?”
I think about what I could say. Wonder if she’d even remember Zennor
and me.
“Nah, it’s all good. I might swing by tomorrow.”
I leave. The disappointment is heavier than I thought possible, and I rub
the worn bracelet on my wrist.
“And?” Bear bellows.
“No luck. How about we check out the surf shop and head back.” The
urge to change the subject is desperate.
“Cool.”
It’s not the first time I’ve been inside the shop, and I love it as much as I
did back then. We kill some time checking out the boards before heading
back to the house.
“I’ll catch you up,” I call. There are two stops I need to make.
 “Okay. But don’t complain if there’s no hot water left,” Bear taunts, but
we’ve spent years travelling together, and no hot water wouldn’t be the end
of the world.
First, The Silver Tree. The shop I bought our bracelets from.
I enter and head to the counter. “Excuse me, you probably don’t
remember me, but I got this here a few years ago. I was hoping that there’s
something I could buy that would be more permanent?” I ask the woman
behind the counter.
She takes my offered wrist and examines the bracelet. “Well, it’s
certainly had some wear.”
“I don’t take it off. But I’d like to keep the silver bead if I can.”
“Do you intend to wear that all the time, too?”
“I’d never take it off if it were up to me,” I answer honestly.
“Well, we can put it on a silver rope necklace. Durable. It won’t
weather, and it’s impervious to salt.” Her eyes give me a once over.
“Yeah. That’d be ace. Thanks.”
She has to cut the leather from my wrist, and she shows me the options.
I pick a necklace that looks as she described, like a rope, and she threads the
wave bead onto it.
“Thank you.” I fasten it and adjust the cool metal around my throat. My
wrist feels naked without the leather there. But I guess things change.
I pay and wonder if Zennor still had hers. Then again, she didn’t bother
to get in touch. Why would she keep something I gave to her?
The next stop on my mystery tour of Tregethworth is Zennor’s house.
I was here, after all. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see if there
was a reason she’d ignored me.
It’s a small town, and it’s easy to find my way back up to her house.
Like many other places, it hasn’t changed. I prop my board against the
wall and knock on the door.
My heartbeat picks up as I think I hear somebody, but the door stays
closed. Determined, I knock again and wait.
It’s the middle of the day, in the middle of the week, so even if Zennor
and her family still live here, they could be at work. Out. A hundred reasons
why the door stayed closed.
Finally, I give in and resign myself that Zennor might have to stay in the
past.
 She holds the measure for all future relationships. The love we had still
makes my heart ache after all this time, even though it only lasted a handful
of days. Time didn’t make it deeper or more meaningful. I felt my love for
her still to this day.
But maybe now I could move on.

A couple of days later, we leave Cornwall and head over to Ireland and then
the next stop, Nazaré.

Nazaré is the place that gives me the world. But, as with so many things in
nature, there has to be a balance. And my scales have been stacked in my
favour for too long. It was only a matter of time when you have a job as
high risk as mine.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 21

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Now

W hat was all that about?

I watch her storm from the store, trapped between being
pissed off that she’s just blown me off and wanting to run after
her. I know something now—she has feelings for me. But figuring out why
they were so bitter was something she was keeping to herself.
“Screw it.” I march after her. “Zee, wait. Stop.” But she keeps going,
out of the door and down the street. “Stop!” But she ignores me again and
heads right to the beach.
“Stop fighting me.”
“I’m not fighting.” She turns and grits out.
“Funny. This feels like fighting.” I signal between us, but she shakes her
head and carries on down the sand. “Wait up. You can’t just come in, fuck
me, tell me you hate me, and storm off.”
“Why not?” she calls back. I don’t have a sensible answer for her other
than it’s not what rational people do.
“What will it take for you to leave?” She comes to an abrupt halt.
“Leave you alone? Sorry, not happening. You’ve tried, but I’m not─”
“No. Leave Tregethworth.” The wind whips around us, sweeping her
hair, but there’s no mistaking what she said or the sincerity in her words.
I take a step back and look out at the waves. “You can’t get me to leave,
Zee. This is my home. And you don’t get to claim it when you’ve not been
back here for years.” I keep my voice level and my sight trained on the
ocean. She had the ability to push all my buttons, and I was getting fed up
with Zennor and her drama.
“Keeping tracks on me?” Her comment isn’t what I was expecting, and
I look back at her. I’d have kept tracks on her, visited, hell, there’d have
been no question of that had she given me a way.
“I came back here. I told you this, and as for setting down roots here, I
told you that, too. You throwing your tantrums won’t scare me off. Meeting
you here wasn’t part of my plan, and I’m not sure I’m seeing it as a benefit
now.”
“I forgot, you’re an adrenalin junky, not frightened of anything if those
photos in the shop are anything to go by.”
“I wouldn’t say that.” Visions of the waves at Nazaré spring to mind.
The mountain of white-water racing to pound you into the depths and keep
you there until you surrender and drown is a memory I will never forget.
“So, I ask again. Leave. You can do what you want at any other beach
on the coast.” The bite to her words has lessened, but she needs to know she
can’t push me out.
“And I chose here. So get over it and move on. Or not, it’s up to you,
but we either need to figure this out, or you’re going to concede.”
“Never. This is my home, regardless of how often I’ve visited. I
shouldn’t have to leave.”
“I didn’t do anything!” I scream, exasperated at her single-mindedness.
She thinks she’s got a claim on this place, well, tough shit. “For Christ’s
sake, Zennor. You’re delusional if you think I’d just pick up so you can
build a new life for yourself here. In fact,” I turn around and point at her,
“I’m the one that has the right to be pissed off. I reached out. I wrote and
left you with my email, and nothing. So, what was it? Couldn’t be
bothered? Happy with a summer fling?” She’s wound me up, and I know
I’m baiting her, but I am through with all this bullshit.
She doesn’t answer, just stands on the beach looking at me with a
hollow look on her face.
“How about you quit being the drama queen. Stop whatever this is, and
we work at being friends, here and now. Forget the past and have a fresh
start.”
“I can’t be friends.” She shakes her head and trudges off down the
beach again.
 “Why not? You have no trouble fucking me. And we do that pretty
well,” I yell, my frustration at this woman hitting new heights.
She stops, and I’m thankful the wind has chased everyone off the beach.
It tears around and flicks up sand, matching the hostility of our argument,
but I won’t let this go.
Not this time.
“You’ve been gone for years. Why did you have to come back now?
Why now?” Her question sounds as if she’s pleading with me to give her
some insight into my decision, but I’m not going there.
“I told you. But you don’t deserve the story of my past. Not when
you’re keeping secrets of your own. Like why you hate me so much.”
She turns and looks right at me. “You got me pregnant,” she screams.
Her shout silences even the wind around us.
We stand, locked in a staring battle, as I wrap my mind around her
words.
They hit harder than the biggest wave pounding down against my body,
and they wind me.
“You had our baby?” I ask, confused as I race over all of the
conversations we’ve had since coming back here. She didn’t say anything
about children.
“No. It died. Miscarriage, but at the time, I didn’t even know I was
pregnant.” As she spits the words at me, I feel the pain of what she went
through. I can see it in her eyes—grief—as if it happened only yesterday.
And the missing piece falls into place.
“Zee, I’m sorry.” My feet close the distance between us, and I reach out
to wrap her up, desperate to offer some form of comfort.
“No.” She bristles and retreats, wrapping her arms around herself. She
looks fragile and vulnerable for maybe the first time since she returned.
“You were off living your dream. And I was in a nightmare. That’s why
I hate you—I had no choice—and with you gone, that feeling only grew.
You remind me of what I went through. How stupid I was, and how I vowed
to be stronger. You remind me how I never want to feel weak again.” Her
voice quivers and cracks, and her pain bleeds through her words onto the
sand and splits my heart in two.
“And you blame me for how you feel? I didn’t know. And even if I had,
I couldn’t have stopped it, Zee. This isn’t my fault.” The words are bitter. “I
didn’t know!” I shout back at her. “And that’s on you, Zee.” It’s my time to
be angry. She’s holding a grudge against me for something I have no
control over, and she kept it from me. She kept everything from me. “You
had every opportunity to contact me. You didn’t. Don’t play the martyr. It
doesn’t suit you.” I drop down on the beach and prop my arms over my
knees, staring out at the ocean.
The memories of that summer together wash over me as the wind
swirls.
The sun, the smiles, our first time.
She was the first girl I ever fell in love with. And since her, I’ve been
looking for the same magic. Now, I picture what she must have seen from
her eyes.
My head and heart war with each other—caught between being mad at
Zennor for her deceit and wanting her to see that this wasn’t something I
could change—she was crazy for blaming me.
Zennor hasn’t moved from her spot next to me, and I consider that
maybe she’s in shock from her little outburst. Looking at her, I doubt she
ever intended to tell me. Her game is clear now. She wanted to push me
away, keep me at a distance or make me hate her in return. That’s the only
thing that could make sense, although her strategy was way off. Her hate
isn’t real—I hope. She’s stuck in the past, stewing in her memories.
Memories that kept my heart pumping and alive—looking for
something that I once had.
Anger simmers, and I tighten my knuckles and dig my hands in the
sand.
What a mess.
I keep my words to myself.
For now.
Zennor’s been holding on to this for nearly twenty years. Maybe now
she’s told me we can move past the games and look at what’s right in front
of us.
“I’m going to head to The King’s Port for a drink.” I feel a twinge in my
leg but push past it as I stand. “Coming?” I offer and brush off the grains of
sand still clinging to my jeans.
“No. I couldn’t. Not now.” She shakes, but there’s no conviction in her
voice. It’s like the fight’s left with her admission.
“Just stop it, Zee. Stop pushing everything away and deal with your
grief. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, so you’re going to have to face
me. And despite everything, I’m hopeful there could still be an us in the
future.” It comes out more aggressively than I intend, but I don’t fucking
care. It’s the truth I can’t escape, even now, despite how much of a bitch
she’s been.
“No.” Her voice sounds weak, and I refuse to let her push me away
again.
This time I don’t take no for an answer and step towards her, not
stopping until I bundle her to me and hold her as tightly as I can. She
wriggles and fights to begin with, pulling away as she pushes at my arms
and protests, but I hold fast, not letting her escape and squeeze tighter. Her
body finally stills, and it’s sweet relief. She sags in my arms, and I take a
deep breath, smelling the salt in the air and the floral notes from her
shampoo.
After she gives in, I hear her gentle cries and sobs on the wind, and I
wrap my arms tighter. She experienced something horrible—traumatic—at
a young age, on her own. It should have been part of our shared past. But
my own past has taught me to be thankful for every day you have—for
everybody who is in your life.
And I want Zennor in my life.
I let her cry it out. And hope there’s a way back from this together.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 22

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Now

I ’m trapped. I’m that girl again. Young, naive, and vulnerable, and
there’s nothing I can do.
My heart pounds in my chest, ripping me open with every beat, and
the sobs overtake my body as if they’re racing to be set loose—finally free
after being locked away for so many years.
The pain is even worse now than before. Or maybe it’s different now I
have a sphere of reference to consider it against—the highlights of my life
and the lows, like the divorce. It feels like I’m mourning the life I only half
lived.
We slump down onto the sand, exhausted, but Jayce still locks me in his
grasp, and I let myself take comfort for the first time in so many years.
My marriage was built on friendship and companionship. There was
little tenderness or real love. Not the way I remember it, at least. Being
wrapped in Jayce’s arms again after so long makes this so much more
intense. The memories swarm in my head and conspire in my mind,
painting pictures of what-ifs and could haves.
The baby wasn’t something I wanted. But I did want Jayce—I wanted
the dream of what we could have been together. And instead of moving on
and enjoying my life, I let what happened to me warp and take over every
aspect of me.
He’s right. I can’t blame him for what happened, but it was easier to
blame him than myself.
Hate is easier to hold on to than letting go of the pain.
 “I wrote. I sent you an email, but I didn’t get one back. By the time the
postcards arrived …” I trail off. He should know. Considering I’ve told him
everything now.
“It doesn’t matter now,” he whispers. Well, it sort of does. But I can see
why he’s saying that. “How about that drink?” His voice rumbles in my ear,
and I pay attention to the gentle kisses he’s planting over my head.
“Rain check?” I ask, unable to comprehend moving or getting up, let
alone dragging myself to the bar after our little show.
“Do you mean that?” He lessens his hold, and I shift to see his face. Do
I mean that?
“I think so.” It was true. Despite my best efforts and a lifetime of hatred,
I don’t feel as angry anymore. Something has changed.
“I’ll walk you back.” Jayce stands and pulls me with him. I see a slight
grimace cross his features for a moment, but then he looks right at me, and
it’s forgotten.
His eyes are sad, and I realise that with everything I confessed, I did
what I wanted in the first place—to hurt him, but now I see it, staring back
at me in his beautiful soulful eyes, I want to take it all back.
The pain I see cracks me open all over again, and I turn away and dash
the hot tears from my face. They’re like a tap, and the rusty old thing is
stuck wide open. My sniffs and deep breaths serve to lessen the flow, and I
focus on the tiny grains of sand on the beach.
Think about something else. Think about something else.
Jayce takes my hand and leads me back towards Molly’s.
I keep my head down but don’t fight him. Not anymore. He doesn’t stop
at the café and keeps going until we’re back at my doorstep. We don’t say a
word the entire time. I let go of his hand and open the door to head in, but I
can’t help but turn back to him. He simply nods at me and walks off.
Heading for that drink, perhaps.
The door snicks as I press my hands to the wood and press it closed. I
take a deep breath to centre myself before heading to my room, glad that the
house is empty. As I step into my childhood bedroom, the window calls to
me, drawing me further into the room. I glance out and watch Jayce as he
walks out of view.
Was telling him the right decision? Although, I don’t think I had any
choice in the end. It was too big a part of my past to keep locked away, and
every day, it’s been harder to deny until I couldn’t contain it any longer.
More than that, my history is still impacting my decisions years later.
A part of me—the heartbroken teenager part of me—hoped that my
secret would stay hidden and that coming here wouldn’t dredge up the past.
But I was as much a fool to think that as the girl who chose hate over
bitterness all those years ago.
After everything I strived for when I left, I’m back here anyway—the
place I wanted to escape and forget about, or more accurately, the pain that I
associated with this place.

Hey, are you busy? Thought I could come up for a visit.

I text Tegan and see if I can escape and find a needed perspective away
from Jayce, even if it’s down the road.

Um, sure. I’ll text you the address. I thought you didn’t have
transport?

I’ll borrow Mum’s car. Or grab a taxi. I’m sure I can find a way.

I put my phone on the side and rinse my face in the bathroom. Looking up
in the mirror, I don’t recognise the image staring back.
Gone is the confident and successful woman I’ve always seen looking
back.
All I can see now is hurt and regret. Like the lines in my skin are
bleeding the feelings I’ve pushed down and locked up for all this time.
It’s stupid.
It was my first love, that’s all.
It was a trauma that I survived and made me stronger.
 It shouldn’t hit me so hard after so long. I’m stronger for going through
it.
But my words dissolve in front of my eyes as tears pool and slip down
my cheeks.
I dash them away and turn the shower on, twisting the dial-up on the
heat. Freshen up, warm up, and get out of Tregethworth for a few hours.

An hour later, I pull into the gate of Tegan’s farm. I park in the yard that
connects the old farmhouse to the stables and other outbuildings. It’s neat
and tidy and looks homely in a way I’d never be able to appreciate.
She comes out of the house and walks towards me. “Hey, you.”
“Hey.” I slam the door to Mum’s old car and head towards Tegan.
“This is an unexpected pleasure. Did you want to come in for a drink, or
shall I give you a tour of the farm?”
“Um, you can show me around.” I look about, wondering what else
there is to see.
“Okay, but you’ll need to change out of those boots first. I have some
you can borrow. Come on.” I look down at my leather ankle boots. They are
perfectly practical, I mean, nothing like the heels I’d choose if I were in the
office.
I follow her to the backdoor of the farmhouse and see it’s more like a
mudroom. A rack of boots and wellingtons line the wall, with a coatrack
and sink in the corner. She hands me a pair of green Hunter boots.
“A five, right?”
I nod and make the switch.
“Come on then. Nat is out riding. She’ll be pleased to see her Auntie
Zennor.” A pang of guilt hits. I can’t remember how old Natalie is, and the
handful of times I have met her is because they’ve all visited me in London.
In escaping Tregethworth and putting all my focus into being a success,
I’ve alienated my family. Keeping them at arms-length for years.
Tegan seems to sense that I’m not ready for chitchat and simply
wanders next to me. We walk across the yard and through a gate that leads
out into the fields. Cows graze peacefully, and we navigate around the first
field and around to another gate.
A chestnut horse trots up to us with a smiling girl atop. “Mum!” she
calls, and Tegan waves enthusiastically.
 It takes me a moment to process this grown-up child as little Natalie.
“How old is Natalie?” I whisper to Tegan.
“Twelve, although she’s tall for her age. She gets that from her father.”
There’s no judgement in her tone that I don’t know the age of my only
niece.
“Don’t be out too long. We’ll do a tour and meet you back in the
kitchen,” Tegan tells Natalie.
“Sure. Nice to see you, Auntie Zennor.” Before guiding her horse in the
opposite direction, she waves to me, then trots off.
“She’s okay to be out riding the fields on her own?” I ask, looking
around at the wide-open spaces around us.
“She loves her horse, and he’s good-natured. And there’s nothing but
our own land around here. She’s safe.” Tegan smiles before heading
through the next field.
We seem to be walking with no real purpose or destination, but I’m
happy to be left to enjoy the scenery. Lush, green, and wild, a combination
that I associate with Cornwall above all else but have forgotten over my
years away.
As we walk through another field of animals, Tegan pauses at the crest
of the hill, and we look out over the sprawling fields to the expanse of land
that meets the sea. It’s a beautiful vista, and I can’t help but take a deep
breath in appreciation.
The watery sun casts its glow over the ocean, and it instantly warms a
part of my soul I needed to feel again.
“It’s beautiful up here. Isolated and wild, but it sings to me,” Tegan
starts. “This is where I thought you could expand your little venture. You
know, if you want to,” she adds.
“We’re in the middle of nowhere.” I look about at the field.
“Not quite,” Tegan laughs a little. “Through that gate is a track, back
through to the farm. Accessible via car, no problem.”
“It’s a spectacular view.” I look back out to sea.
“I want you to know you have other options than Mum’s. And I get the
sense you needed some space.”
I drop my head and look down at my damp boots in the grass.
Tegan is by far the better of us. She is optimistic, always looking for the
positive, and supportive of her sister, who’s barely made an effort over the
last decade.
 “Want to talk about it?” She nudges my shoulder with hers.
“Maybe.” I nod. “Let’s head back, though.”
Tegan leads me through to the track that would be the access point to
the field. It’s a direct path back to the main part of the farm, and in a much
shorter time, we’re back to the courtyard.
Nat is brushing her horse at the stables as we walk past.
Tegan’s proposal would work. It’s a different version of the plan at
Mum’s, more off the grid. A private getaway, secluded, but could work as a
twist on what the properties at Mum’s would offer.
“You’re thinking about the idea, aren’t you?” Tegan interrupts and sets a
mug of tea on the table. I don’t even remember coming inside.
I glance around at her traditional kitchen setup, complete with bottle-
green AGA. Fresh flowers adorn the windowsill above the Belfast sink.
“Would it be a problem if I am? You seemed really keen the other day.”
“Oh, I am. That’s why I took you out there. I needed you to see the
potential.” Her face lights up as she joins me at the table. “But it all depends
on what you want to do. Have you thought any more about Mum’s
conditions?”
“In a way.”
“And?” she looks expectantly.
“It’s not that easy.” I feel like a deflated balloon.
“Because of Jayce?”
Now I’ve spilled my past to Jayce, perhaps I can tell her some of the
truth. “I gave you the highlights at lunch. But seeing him here opens up a
wound that I never let heal properly. That’s becoming painfully obvious to
me, and now it’s all just a mess that I don’t want to be in or can see a way
out of unless I leave.” I grit my teeth against the wave of emotion pulling
me under. I don’t want to break down in front of Tegan.
“Don’t do that. Don’t let whatever happened have that power over you.
You’re stronger than that, and you know it.”
“Humph, well, I’m not so sure.” I take a sip of the tea so I don’t have to
look at her kind face.
“Is it Jayce or just coming back here? I know you have problems with
both ideas, but you need to try and separate the problem.”
“Easier said than done.” It seems to be my excuse for everything.
“You’ve been determined and single-minded since you left home.
You’ve had a privileged life because of your success, and I’m confident you
can do anything if you put your mind to it. Don’t let whatever ghosts you’re
fighting ruin the next part of your life. You have family who loves you here.
Don’t feel like you need to do everything on your own. That’s been your
biggest flaw.” Tegan stands from the table and squeezes my shoulder. “I’m
going to grab Natalie and help her with Hobnut. I’ll be back.”
Would she still feel the same if she knew the full story?
Probably. She’s Tegan. And a part of me wants to open up to her and
explain why I couldn’t be the big sister I wanted to be all those years ago.
She has a life here. She has family. I’d have family. And I’m confident
that if I did put my mind to this new venture, it would be a success.
Do I need to learn from the past rather than repeat the actions I took to
heart all those years ago that led me to run?
I thought that’s what I needed to prove to myself—but what if my show
of strength could come from simply asking for help, opening my heart, and
letting go of the toxic memories I’ve carried for so long?

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 23

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Now

T wo days later, I still feel like shit.

I haven’t been drunk or hungover like that since … the funeral—
the aftermath.
I skip over that memory and hope an early morning surf will cure the
pounding in my head.
Something has to snap me out of the foul mood I’ve stewed in since
Zennor’s collapse at the beach. Too many similar emotions fester under my
skin, and I vowed to leave those behind when I left Portugal.
Cornwall is my safe haven. My new start. And Zennor’s blown that to
shit with her revelation.
She’s created as many questions as she answered with the news of what
happened that summer. But at least I know where the hate comes from, even
if I find it misplaced.
Hell, even if she’d have told me, I wouldn’t have been able to do
anything for her. If I hadn’t left, there still wouldn’t have been a thing I
could do to change what happened, apart from being there for her. And I
would have been if she hadn’t shut me out.
A wave of anger grips me and pushes me into a gentle jog towards the
water, needing to find some fucking peace.
Family.
A family is what I had with my friends around me out in Portugal. We
weren’t blood, but the bond was more than that. They were my brothers in
more ways than my real brothers are. My life wasn’t set up for conventional
family visits and setting down roots.
At least until recently. And that decision was forced on me because I
knew if the accident hadn’t happened, I’d still be surfing Nazaré whenever I
could.
That itch doesn’t go away, and as I splash over a small wave coming to
shore, it comes to life under my skin.
The waves aren’t big. There’s not even a decent swell, but hopefully,
there’s something I can sink my teeth into and feel the connection that
brings peace like nothing else.
As the waves roll in, I attack every single one of them, fighting them as
I carve back and forth. There’s no challenge, no thrill, and I’m so stuck in
my head, it does me no favours.
It’s like I’m fighting all of my demons with the waves—both the ones I
laid to rest and the new ones I’ve uncovered.
The chill of the ocean does zap my head back on straight, and if nothing
else, I’m grateful for that. Maybe now, I can concentrate rather than get
riled up as I think over everything that’s happened since I ran into Zennor at
The King’s Port.
As I give up on the surf, I head in and walk back home.
And it is my home now. The builders have finished, and I can finally
enjoy the space as I want.
Starting with a fucking hot shower.
The wet room is just one of the indulgences I could justify. It means I
can shower off, rinse my wetsuits, and clean up without having to bring
sand and water up into the apartment. It’s odd for some, but living on the
edge of the beach and my occupation means this is perfect.
The water does its job and rinses the sea and salt away, brings my body
temp up and is the final step in feeling more awake. I dry off and head
upstairs. Rob is watching the shop, and I didn’t need to be down for a while,
so I occupy my thoughts and my hands with tidying up and getting some of
my stuff out of boxes.
Therapy, in a way, but it can’t keep my mind from my past or my
present.
“What can I do for you?” I ask as a woman enters the shop a few hours
later. But as I look up, I recognise her.
“I’m ─”
“Tegan. Zennor’s sister. I remember. I recognised you the other day.”
My attention was on Zennor at the time, but I did manage to take in the fact
that her sister had grown up, too. And was still local.
“I’m sorry she was so rude to you.”
“Not a problem.” I look down at some delivery papers on the counter
and wonder what she wants, as I’m pretty sure she isn’t after surf gear.
“I came here to find out what’s going on between you two.”
Straight to it, at least. I drop the pen and take a breath. “You and me
both. You and me both.” I lean forward on the counter and shake my head.
“Has she spoken to you? About us, I mean.” It sounds odd referring to us as
that.
“Kind of. But she won’t share details. And, well, I thought you’d be
able to help there. Because you’re the reason for, well, so many of Zennor’s
decisions.”
Well, it was nice to hear that, but I wished it was because of good
memories and not due to the surprises she revealed the other day on the
beach. “I think we should have this conversation over a drink. Molly’s? Or
something stronger?” I offer.
“Oh, I’m driving, so Molly’s is fine.”
“Rob, I’m heading out for a bit,” I call and walk with Tegan out of the
shop.
“I like what you’ve done with the place, by the way. And I hear there’s a
surf school coming?” She makes polite conversation as we wander down to
Molly’s.
“Thanks. Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.”
“My daughter would love lessons. We don’t get to come to the beach as
often as we should, considering we’re just up the road.”
“You bet. Give me a call when you’re ready, and I’ll be happy to give
her lessons. On me.”
“You don’t need to do that.” She shakes her head and declines
gracefully, but this will be a perfect opportunity to log some training hours
for my certification.
I open the door for Tegan, and she heads inside.
“Coffee?”
 Tegan nods. “I’ll grab a table.”
God, it feels like we’re on the most awkward first date, but I want
answers as much as Tegan does.
With the coffees on their way, I take the seat opposite and think about
how much I should share of what I know.
“Did you know I came back a few times, looking for Zennor?” I start.
“No. God, I had no idea. Did you come to the house?”
She’s all wide-eyed at that little bit of knowledge. “Yeah, it was a few
years after that summer. I was travelling the world to surf but had some free
time to head back, and we stopped here.”
“We?” she asks, her eyebrows telling me she needed to know who I
meant by we.
“My buddies. We surfed together. And I wanted to show them
Tregethworth.”
“Wow. I wish I’d have known.”
“I wished I’d seen Zennor or anyone who could have let her know I was
looking for her.”
“I know you wrote her postcards. I gave her the two that arrived.”
“Really? Huh. I hoped that they never arrived in a way, although I wrote
a hell of a lot more than two. You don’t know what could have happened to
the rest?”
The coffees arrive, and Tegan nurses her mug between her hands.
“No, although the address wasn’t complete. I’m surprised they reached
us in the first place. I thought you’d stopped writing. I know Zen was really
upset and miserable when you left. And she only seemed to get worse. We
all knew she was hurting, but she just pushed us away.”
“I wanted her to write to me, but she didn’t. I hoped she’d change her
mind, but she never did, or at least I never received anything. When I came
back here and saw her at the pub, I couldn’t believe it.”
“You didn’t come back for her, then?” She tilts her head and looks at
me.
“No.” And that was the truth. “I came back for me. I didn’t even know
she was here. I had a surfing accident, which finished my career. I needed to
change my way of life and so decided to set down roots.”
“You know, that sounds so romantic, even if it wasn’t for Zennor. It’s
like you wanted to come back and find the love you two had all over
again.”
 I drink my coffee and avoid Tegan’s eyes because there’s a huge fucking
part of me that daydreamed about that exact thing. Until I got here and the
girl I was in love with for most of my life turned out to be nothing like the
girl I remembered.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what are your intentions towards Zen?”
“Intentions?” I nearly cough on my coffee.
“Sorry, it sounds so formal. But you need to realise that Zen changed.
The New Year after the summer you two had together was like she turned
over a new leaf. A New Year’s resolution, and not a good one. She was
cold, isolated herself from everyone and became fanatical about college and
leaving Tregethworth. She did. Got amazing grades, and left for uni, and
never looked back.”
I piece the information together with the news Zee filled me in on. It
makes sense in a fucking stupid kind of way—what she went through and
her way of putting it behind her.
“What do you want to hear?” I ask. “I’ve told Zennor how I feel, yet
she’s been very clear that she hates me and blames me for a whole heap of
shit I had no control over. The ball’s in her court.” There’s a sour taste in
my mouth as I say it out loud, but I won’t sugarcoat anything.
“But if she wanted … something to happen between you both, do you
want something to happen? I mean, you loved her once, and I know she
loved you.”
“Past tense, there,” I point out, even if I’d never really got over her.
“But you’d be open to something?”
“Tegan, look, your sister needs to work out what she wants. She’s not
the same girl, and frankly, she’s been a fucking bitch. She and I are very
different people now, and the thought of a second chance might have
sucked me in, but she’s been pretty bloody clear that’s not what she wants.”
“I know. But I don’t think she’s being honest with herself. She just
needs some persuasion.”
“That’s not my style. And believe me, I’ve tried, but I’m not going to
run after her. Not after everything that’s been between us now. I’m sorry. If
you wanted to hear I’m still in love with her, you won’t. And frankly, I
don’t think she’ll stick around.”
“Oh, I’m not so sure. Something’s changed with her, and I’m hopeful.”
She grabs my hand over the table. “Don’t give up on her just yet. Thank
you for the coffee.” She stands and flees, leaving me with nothing but more
questions than before.
Don’t give up on her.
Hell, all of this would be a hell of a lot easier if I could have done that
very thing in the first place.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 24

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Then

O f all the places we’d surfed, Nazaré was the place we all wanted to
conquer, and it provided the biggest rush. Ever since the first time
we visited, over ten years ago, we were still shocked and in awe of
nature’s power when we faced the big swells off the cliff.
With the rise of big wave surfing over the last decade, Finnan and I
were able to compete in specialist competitions, being judged across
multiple destinations around the world when the swells hit. It put the best of
us all in the sea together, and we had some of the most incredible times of
our lives.
I took the crown three years ago—the pinnacle of my career—a little
over fifteen years since I first left to travel and surf. Much like that first big
wave setting me up in this world, finding Nazaré cemented my name, and I
found a second home in the town, focussing on riding the waves I wanted
and on my own schedule. Nazaré was unlike any other surf destination. The
waves were more unpredictable, and the swells lasted for longer stretches
thanks to its location on the Atlantic Coast and a submarine trench that
stops just offshore, providing for mammoth waves.
The sponsors and paychecks allowed me to live how I wanted, and I
chose to stay down the road from the best surf spot I’d ever seen.
I roll over and leave Mary-Anne sleeping in bed. She arrived a few days
ago, with Archie and Bear soon after. Finnan gets in later today. He’s been
over in Hawaii but wouldn’t miss surfing here with the conditions as they
are.
“Hmm, morning,” her sleep-filled voice stops me from sneaking out of
the room.
“Morning.”
“Getting an early start?” She sits up in bed and waits for my response.
“Yeah. Want to check the conditions. Get a feel for what it will be like
the next few days.”
“It should be big. All the signs are there.”
“Yep. I’m picking Finnan up later, so I’ll probably be out most of the
day.” I go to leave.
“Wait, Jayce.” I knew what she was going to say. It was the
conversation we had about six months ago, but for some reason, she didn’t
want to believe what I was telling her.
“What?” I snap, immediately wishing I could bite my tongue, but I’d
made myself very clear. I didn’t want a permanent relationship, and I hadn’t
changed my mind since the last time we spoke about it.
“Can we talk? About us? Later?” She climbs across the bed and stops
me from leaving, barring the way with her body. She’ll be surfing later or
tomorrow with the rest of us.
“There’s nothing to say.”
“Oh, you said plenty last night. Or was that just your dick talking.” She
cocks her head to the side, and her eyes narrow.
“I was clear that nothing had changed. I like you, and I care about you.
But that’s as far as it goes for me. I’ve never promised anything more.”
For a second, I see the hurt my words inflict, but she turns away to hide
her face. “Whatever, man. I’m not going to wait around forever.” She picks
up the clothes we tossed about the room in our haste to get into bed last
night. And then she’s gone.
I don’t want drama. Hell, we got enough adrenalin in our line of work.
Settling down, falling in love, well, it isn’t on the cards for me. There’s
always something holding me back—someone.
But she’s only a memory now.
A fleeting feeling that still sets my heart racing, but a faded memory.
 I give Mary-Anne a few minutes to leave before I head out. First to the
17 thCentury Fort, sitting on the cliff that looks out at the waves, and then
down to the port to do a run-over on my equipment in the lock-up.
The place is abuzz with surfers and locals alike. The destination has
grown in popularity over the last ten years, and there is a handful of us who
call Nazaré home.
Tomorrow is when it will hit big. Everyone in the sport is flying in and
checking their setup, so they don’t miss the event.

Flight just landed. You good for a pickup?

Sure thing. Leaving in 10.

I smile as I type my response. I’ve not seen Finnan for a few months but
knew he’d be back for this swell. He and the boys will all stay with me, like
the old days of surfing and travelling together. It’s just over an hour to reach
the airport, and we’ll have time to catch up on the way back.
Finnan keeps a few boards and some other equipment in the lock-up, so
we’ll all be ready for action tomorrow.

I don’t need an alarm to wake me the following day. Before the sun is up, so
am I. The wind and rain create a hostile environment, but that’s when the
waves are at their best.
I take the truck out before the lads wake up and get a sense of the
atmosphere. This spot on the cliff edge will be buzzing with spectators in a
few hours, all waiting to see us beat the waves or wipe out and fight for our
lives.
As the waves get more well known, and more people come to this spot,
so do the tourists wanting to catch a glimpse of a world record or an
accident because that’s what it’s like. Surfing here is the fine line between
life and death—the biggest of highs or the worst low. But you can’t let fear
stick in your head. You can’t be frightened when you go out there because
that’s when you’ll make a mistake and risk being cocooned by the sea for a
second too long.
The roar of the waves is deafening, and in the shadowy dawn, it sounds
terrifying.
And I can’t wait.

The port is alive with boats, crews, and every surfer I know, all of them
descending on the town for this epic event.
“Man, this is going to be huge. Everyone is here.” Archie and Bear
high-five as we pull up to the lock-up.
My two jet skis are fuelled and ready to go, and we work together to get
them loaded and in the water. Wetsuits, helmets, and inflatable vests are all
part of the essential kit now, and we’re all a lot safer because of it. We
might chase giants, but we are as safe as possible.

Adrenalin pumps through me, igniting my every nerve. My heart pounds in

my chest, and I have to focus on breathing to calm it back down—years of
techniques I’ve been forced to master, just as much as the surfing itself.
I let go of the tow handle and hurtle down the monster, gaining more
and more speed. Spray and water pelt me from every direction, but I push
past and settle into the ride, remembering to breathe and keep myself calm.
It’s wild and terrifying, but my muscles take over, and I trust what I’m
doing. Finally, I clear the brake and pump the air as I coast free and direct
the board out of the white water, escaping the clutches of the wave.
I lie flat on the board and dig my arms into the water, paddling to avoid
the breakpoint.
Finnan’s on the jet ski first, and we’ll switch after a few waves. I give
him the okay, and he zips over to give me a hand back out.
“These are only going to get bigger!” he shouts, the wind and crash of
the waves on the cliffs making it hard to hear.
We indicate heading back out to the pocket with hand signals and wait
for the next wave.
 So many surfers are out here now; we have to be patient and wait our
turn.
But it comes.
We set up, Finnan steers us into the building wave and lets me fly. I tip
over the edge, but the shape switches with a gust of wind, and instead of
catching water, all I feel is air. I plummet down the face in free fall, waiting
to hit the water.
The seconds stretch far too long, and I fight with my mind to remember
to stay relaxed.
I plunge in. Hard. The water feels like solid ground, and I slip under
deeper and deeper. My body’s reaction is panic, but I fight it. All I can hear
is static, and I let the wave roll and toss me about in the current. My vest
inflates, and I trust it will do its job and bring me up through the churning
white.
There are rescue skis all over the place, spotting, so I know I’ll be okay.
Mind over matter.
My lungs begin to burn, and disorientation sets in as I can’t see anything
but grey and white. It’s impossible to fathom which way is up or down, but
the air in my vest sets me right. The second I break the surface, I gulp down
a mouthful of air and salt.
I look about, squinting for a ski, but can’t see it, but I think I can hear
the engine.
“Get on!” It’s Finnan. And I reach for the stretcher it’s pulling.
But the waves haven’t stopped, and in the time it takes me to reach out,
we’re sucked up into the crash zone of the next wave, sending the ski and
Finnan into the water.
I’m under again.
Pain rips through my hip. I can’t stop myself from crying out as the
intensity flares through my body, and I lose my air.
Every jolt and twist in the surf brings excruciating pain, but I have to
fight back to the surface. Panic grips me this time, and I can’t stop its
onslaught. It’s like nothing I’ve experienced before.
Pure, ruthless, panic.
I pop up again, but I can only see the white churn of water and maybe
the jet ski’s hull.
Waves continue to pelt down and drag me under, and my head begins to
feel light, throbbing in time to my racing heart. I keep fighting for air.
 Until I’m pulled from the water.
“My hip,” I groan.
The high pitch of the ski engine is all I register as we’re whisked to the
beach.
“Finnan?” I ask as they drag me up onto the sand. Every move and jolt
registers like an electric current through my body.
My lungs burn, my throat is raw, and I’m still disorientated from the
pain and lack of oxygen after being under for so long.
People.
People crowd around me.
“Finnan?” I breathe again, desperate to check on my friend.
But nobody says anything. And I can’t fight the pain any longer, and I
let myself slip into darkness.

Finnan drowned that day.

He suffered a blunt force trauma to the head from the jet ski smashing
into him. It likely knocked him unconscious, and then the waves took their
turn, holding him under and keeping him in their grips.
I woke up in the hospital with a dislocated hip and fractured pelvis.
I lost my career and my best friend in one wave.
I always thought I was okay with the risk and danger we faced. But now
I see how reckless we were.
Never again.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 25

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Now

“M orning,” I greet Mum as she comes into the kitchen.

“Morning. Nice chat with your sister?” She takes a seat at
the table as I flick the switch on the kettle.
“Actually, yes. I can’t believe how big Natalie is.”
“She’s just like Tegan. She’ll be a handful when she’s older. Headstrong
and independent already.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that, Mum,” I defend. Nat will be better
for it when she’s older.
“I agree. But it doesn’t mean it’s easy raising a daughter when she’s
ready to take on the world and win at such a young age.” She fixes her gaze
on me as if I’m a teenager all over again and I’m in trouble for something.
“What? Don’t look at me like that.” I go back to making her tea and fix
a coffee for me.
“You wouldn’t be told a thing when you were a teen, Zennor. And that
only got worse as you grew. You’ve always known your own mind.”
I consider her words and think back to how I behaved. When I made the
decision to leave and escape, it was the only option I considered and
became one hundred percent fixated on. It was like a lifeline I needed, and
when I got to university, I substituted my next goal with the old.
That’s how I’ve attacked life. And until recently, it’s been the only way
for me to live my life.
I take a seat at the table with her, coffee in hand.
Deep breath.
 “I want to build my next business, Mum. I want it to be a success. No, I
need it to be a success. But I’m scared that being back here will make me
feel trapped. I don’t want to resent you or the fact I’m back where I never
thought I’d be. And I don’t know if I’m ready for that.” My eyes flutter to
keep the tears at bay and risk glancing at Mum.
“You should know that I’d never force you to do anything that made
you unhappy, dear.” She takes my hand. “But I won’t have you start down
this path unless you’re sure. There’s a lot at stake.”
“I get that, Mum. It’s my money I’ll be investing. My hard work.”
“Yes.” She clenches my hand as if pleading with me to hear her. “But
it’s more than that. You’ll never find success here unless you lay your
ghosts to rest. It’s obvious that it hurts you to be back. And that will never
make for a solid business, no matter how good you are at running it. And,
while we’re being truthful, you’ve got no experience in this.”
“Giving me business advice now, Mum?” I try to lighten the mood, but
all she does is smile softly back.
“That boy broke a part of you. Not right away, but in those months after
he left, you lost yourself. And I don’t think you’ve ever found that part of
you again.”
Her words pierce my heart, and hot tears fill my eyes. She’s right. She
knew, even if I kept the details hidden.
“Mum, I’m not sure how to fix things. I don’t even know what’s broken
to fix it?” I look at her, more lost today than I felt twenty years ago.
“Darling, girl.” She stands and pulls me to her in a hug that only sets the
tears flowing faster.
“I think you need to speak to that boy and make peace. Maybe then,
your path will become clearer. But until you do, your choices will always be
tainted and mar any future happiness. And I want you to be happy. Truly
happy. You deserve that, and I don’t think you’ve ever known it.” She
strokes my hair, running her fingers through the thick, tangled locks. “I’m
here if you want to talk about it. But knowing you, you won’t.”
I don’t answer her, but I do remember a time I was so happy, I thought
I’d float away. It was here, with Jayce, that summer.
Before things got hard.
I let her continue to stroke my hair like she did when we were little and
felt poorly in bed.
 Since being back here, it’s become a stark realisation that I’ve pushed
everyone I love away and kept them at a distance, for better or worse,
believing that I’d be weak for opening myself up to vulnerability or hurt in
the future. But as my failed marriage has proven, there’s more than one way
to be hurt.
“Thank you, Mum.” I pat her hand, tapping out of the hug and comfort,
and brush my tears away. The chair scrapes over the floor as I stand, jarring
the quiet moment between us. “Mum?” I stop before leaving. “I’m sorry I
make it hard to love me sometimes. I don’t mean to. It’s just─”
“I know, Zennor. You deal with things in your own way. You isolate.
But we’re here for you.”
“Thank you. I love you.” I push past the emotion and realise that despite
how I might feel right now, I’ve got plenty to be grateful for.
I’ve cried more since being back here than I have in the last twenty
years, and my instinct is to run away from what’s causing the tears rather
than embrace them, and this time is no different.
I leave the kitchen, the coffee barely touched, and bolt for the front door
to get some fresh air.
Avoiding the surf shop, I take the long way round to the beach and
stride out along the sands. The spring weather is kind today, and the sun has
already warmed up to the day. It feels like a lifetime ago that I walked the
beach the day after returning. Bitterness consumed me then. But even
though it was a risk to be back here, I still came.
The thought lingers as I catch up to the water still retreating for low
tide. My steps follow the push and pull of the waves as they roll in, keeping
to the wet sand. There are too many big things to take up my thoughts if I
let them, and this simple game is a pleasant distraction, even if I know I’m
only buying myself time.
When I reach the other side of the beach, I stand and look back at
Tregethworth.
People are dotted over the beach, going about their business, enjoying
the sun.
Multi-coloured windbreaks and the occasional tent scatter the view as
people make camp.
Could I live here? Could I make this a home and be happy? Truly
happy?
 That was the question I was afraid of because I didn’t know the answer.
And so far, being back has only brought me pain, but that’s out now,
unlocked and shared with the person I aimed all of my hate at.
I look at Molly’s on the edge of the beach and think back to the words
she shared with me. Maybe now is a time to heal and close the wounds I’ve
carried all this time once and for all?
The question drags my mood down, so I beat a quick pace towards
Molly’s. The least I can do is have a proper cup of coffee to help me
through my little heart-to-heart.
The one day I don’t want to see Molly, she’s the one standing behind the
counter.
“Hey. A large cup of your finest, please,” I order and take in the busy
mid-morning crowd.
“To go?” Molly gives me a pointed look.
“Please.”
“You look like you have the weight of the world on your back.”
“Well, in a way, I do. The weight of my world, at least. Caffeine is my
saviour.”
She nods and works the machine that produces the best coffee in town.
“Anything else?”
“Actually, can you make it two coffees?”
“Girl, your problems aren’t that big.” She turns around to scold.
“I have someone I think would appreciate the gesture. And I want to test
a theory.”
I’ve been fighting Jayce ever since he walked into the pub and
blindsided me. He didn’t see my plan right away, and even despite my
horrid behaviour, he’s not given up on me.
Maybe it was time for us to re-do the conversations we’ve had without
my focus being on hurting him. Now everything is out in the open, it’s
worth a try. Seeing the pain I caused him shifted something inside of me.
Maybe it unlocked that little part of my heart that still belonged to him,
despite my every effort to move on.
And if I can have a civil conversation with him without wanting to
scream and fight, maybe I can build on that and find a way to stay here and
make a go of things. The thought of moving and starting from scratch in a
different city feels overwhelming. More so than the fear of being stuck in a
place I thought I hated.
 Molly delivers the two large coffees, which I quickly pay for and leave.
The surf shop is in my line of sight. All I need to do is go and offer him
that drink.
My feet are surer than my head as I get closer to the shop door, but I
can’t wimp out. This is something—someone I need to face.
The electronic bell chirps and I close the door behind me, balancing the
coffee cups on one another.
The shop is quiet, and I look towards the counter but don’t see Jayce.
“Excuse me, is Jayce in?” I ask the guy working.
“Sorry. He’s due down in an hour or so.” He gets back to his paperwork
at the counter.
“Um, do you know where he is by any chance? I really need to speak to
him.”
He gives me a puzzled look but then picks up his phone and runs his
thumb over the screen.
My heart rate picks up a little as I wait, assuming the guy’s messaged
him.
“He’ll be down in a minute,” he calls as I meander around the shop.
Funny, I was so angry with Jayce the last time I was here. So utterly
consumed with the negative feelings and frustrations that have plagued me,
I couldn’t see straight. And today, I feel timid and anxious. Like that fight
on the beach unblocked something that’s allowed other feelings to brew.
“Hey.” Jayce’s voice startles me, and I take a breath and turn to face
him.
“Hey.” The air simmers with anticipation between us, but I need to
make the first step here. “Coffee?” I offer the cup to him.
He takes it, his thumb brushing mine as he wraps his hand around it.
He’s always been the one who wants to talk, to tell me something or
open up first. And now, he’s the stoic one.
“I thought we could have that drink.” I raise my coffee and try for a
small smile. His eyes haven’t left mine, and it’s unnerving having so much
attention on me. All my defences are in the rubble after telling him my
secret, and his stare reminds me of how he looked at me when we were
kids.
It’s suffocating and paralysing, and my gut feeling is to run—to escape.
But this is about working through that, fighting that urge, and seeing if I can
cope with living in the same town as Jayce.
 The silence stretches and only adds to my vulnerability, standing in
front of him, and waiting for him to say something. Anything.
“It’s okay. Maybe another time.” I crack and turn to leave.
“No. Wait. Come on.”
I’m not sure if I’m relieved or scared, but I turn back to him and let him
lead me through to the back of the shop and then into a small hallway.
“Where are we going?”
“To mine. I don’t want to have our conversation in the middle of my
shop.”
Conversation, no. Happy to fuck me there, yes.
I roll my eyes at where my mind goes and shake that memory away.
Jayce leads me through the hall and up the stairs to his apartment. It has
that new carpet smell, combined with salt and the sea. Something about it is
comforting, and my nerves seem to settle a little.
At the top of the stairs, he opens the door, and we head into his
apartment.
I’m struck immediately by how light and inviting it is. Light wood
floors run throughout the open-plan space, and there are splashes of colour
and furniture in different areas to help break up the room and denote their
specific function or use.
What I’m drawn to is the floor-to-ceiling windows at the end of the
room, providing an uninterrupted view of the beach and surf.
It brings a smile to my lips. It’s like a perfect postcard view like the
photographs in the gallery around the corner.
“This is incredible,” The words slip out as I stand and just watch.
“It’s the highlight of the place. I’ve spent a lot of time around the world,
and waking up to a view of the ocean is something I didn’t want to sacrifice
by moving in here. So, I made sure I had everything I wanted in this place.”
“Because you want this to be your home?”
“It is my home, Zennor.” His voice is resolute, and I think I finally
believe him. And here I was, putting some claim on a place I didn’t even
want to return to.
“I’m sorry, Jayce. I had no right to tell you to leave. All I can say is that
I said and did everything out of hurt and pain that I’ve held onto for a very
long time.”
I keep looking out at the view and sip my coffee.
Not looking at him makes it easier to speak the truth.
 “Did you come here to apologise?” he asks. I can feel his presence next
to me—both of us standing before the beautiful view.
“Yes. And to see if I can do this—be in the same place with you without
wanting to crack and crumble and only feel anger.”
“And?”
“The view helps. So does the coffee.”
“Do you want to talk?”
Do I?
Like his offer for a drink, I want to rain check, but that’s not helping me
anymore. And I need a win—something positive.
“I’m not sure where to start.” My eyes stay fixated on the sea, even
though I can see Jayce turn towards me from my periphery.
“Well, how about I start. But I need you to look at me.”
My eyes shut, and I dig down for the courage to hear whatever he has to
say—face to face.
“You’ve done everything you can to be a bitch, be mean, and ruin
anything we had between us. Your behaviour makes me question who you
really are now. All because of a grudge you kept for twenty years. If you
think a coffee and an apology is enough, it’s not.”
I stand and take his words because he speaks nothing but the truth.
“However, I don’t want to walk away from you. I can’t. And I doubt I
ever will.”

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 26

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Now

“W hat does that mean?” My stomach drops, and my heart thuds

in my chest.
“I don’t know. But this, between us, is a mess.” His tone is
sour and sounds wrong to my ears.
“And I’m sorry for that. I realise I’ve handled all of this poorly, and
believe it or not, I regret the pain I’ve caused you. I thought that’s what I
needed. To get back at you for what you did─”
“That’s just it. I did nothing wrong.”
“Not in my eyes. You left. You ran away instead of saying goodbye.
And you are the reason something so horrific and so painful happened to
me.” I pause, swallowing down the fear I remember from that day. “Then,
everything got mixed up in my head and my heart. Holding onto that pain
and anguish was easier than feeling weak. I didn’t reach out or ask for help
because I thought I needed to prove to myself that I didn’t need you, and
that I could put it all behind me and be strong. But I couldn’t. I needed you
to be with me, and you weren’t.”
“If you’d have just reached out, emailed, something.” He sounds
exasperated, and in a way, I am too.
“But I didn’t!” I scream. “I was a heartbroken teenager thinking she was
doing everything she could to move forward.” I catch my breath and turn
back to the window and the view that seems to bring a calm I’m in need of.
This is what I was frightened of. We both feel wronged and blame the
other—rightly or wrongly. Feelings are rarely convenient or well behaved;
they are the raw reflection you can’t hide from, even if you put on a mask to
try.
The coffee in my cup is tepid, but I drink it anyway.
“Is this what it will be like when we try to have a conversation?” He
seems to have the same thought as I do.
“I hope not.”
“Then what do you hope for, Zee?”
Hope? God, that was something I hadn’t felt in years. “Honestly, to start
my business. Not shut my family out. Be a better person,” I muse.
“Why did you come back here? If this is what coming back has meant,
why didn’t you go somewhere else? Surely you could have picked a
hundred other places?” It’s Jayce’s turn to question my decisions, but I
don’t have an answer other than it was my home.
“I think I asked you the same thing.” I walk away from the window and
cross through the seating area to the breakfast bar segregating the kitchen.
“And I gave you a straight answer. I fell in love with this place, and you
were a part of that, but not the reason I came back. I’m glad I’m here, and
I’m happy with the path my future is heading. I’m not sure you can say the
same.”
“You’re right, Jayce. So, what do you want me to say? That I’m still
hurting, that I lost my business and my marriage, but neither cut as deep as
facing up to the pain of being here with you?”
“No, of course not.” He shakes his head.
“Then what? What do you want?” My fists pump at my sides as I ask.
“I want the girl I met on the beach all those years ago. I want to feel like
we did back then.” He moves towards me and picks up my hands. “We
lived every minute for each other, and I believe that’s because we had
something special—something pure.”
“That’s a fantasy, Jayce. A first love feeling, impossible to find again.”
“Cut the bullshit, Zee. This is a second chance, but you’re holding back,
and I get that. You’ve had your fill of heartache. And you’ve lived with it
for a long time. Don’t you want to take a leap of faith for something you
know feels right?” he pleads, and the pain in his eyes overtakes his green-
blue eyes that seem to fit him so perfectly.
“How can you be so sure? We’ve had such different lives—different
experiences since we met, and we certainly aren’t the same people.”
“No, we’re not. We both have baggage, but we’re here, together.”
 “Would you believe me if I said I don’t think it would be fair on you?
You said yourself it would take more than coffee and an apology. Can we
try to be friends first?”
“Only if you mean that? You have a habit of saying one thing and doing
the opposite.”
“I mean it, Jayce. I promise.” Exhaustion hits me like I just ran an
obstacle course from my past to my present. But I’m still standing, and the
tears haven’t threatened. That’s got to be a win. And maybe the next
conversation won’t be as fuelled with questions and regret.
I brush my hair back from my face and smile.
“Photos of your travels?” I change the subject and go across the room to
the other side, near the dining area. An assortment of pictures adorns the
brick wall, with a phenomenal shot of a huge wave in the centre.
Jayce is in some, with another guy, older, darker hair. “Who’s this?” I
turn and point out the guy in many of the shots.
“Finnan. He was the first person I met in Bali. We’ve been buddies ever
since.”
“It looks like you had a lot of fun.” They’re both smiling in the photos
that showed their faces, along with a few other guys.
“We did.” Jayce heads back over to the window to look out.
“Is he still surfing?” I ask, wondering what led Jayce to retire. He didn’t
go into detail when we spoke about it on our date.
“No.” He doesn’t elaborate, and it’s on the tip of my tongue to push for
more, but I realise I have no right. We’ve barely cleared the air, or rather,
we just aired our feelings without dissolving into tears or winding up
having sex. I don’t want to unbalance the fragile state we seem to have
arrived at today.
“Thank you for listening today. I should go.” I walk back over the
expanse of space to the entry door.
“What’s next? Between us, I mean.” Jayce pauses at the door, blocking
my exit.
“I’m not sure we’re an us, Jayce. Isn’t that what all of this concluded?”
“Maybe.”
“Just … let’s try and be friends. That’s all I can offer right now, and I’m
not even sure I’ll be any good at that.”
He nods and opens the door. But as I smile and step forward, he
captures my jaw in his hand and steers me towards him, bringing his lips
down against mine. His hand runs around my face and tangles in my hair as
he grips and holds me hostage to him.
It’s possessive, intoxicating, and raw.
The intensity from everything we’ve shared today is right there, stoking
the flame of our kiss. And boy, does he kiss. And I don’t want to fight. It’s
the first thing that’s been easy since walking through his door.
His lips are firm and sure, like he’s guiding me through the storm.
This—the physical aspect of our connection has never been in question.
Hell, exercising all of my anger through sex is certainly one type of therapy,
but it was shallow and felt false.
The kiss he commands now isn’t. It’s full of possibility and hope.
That dangerous word sets my heart beating faster in my chest.
Jayce finally stills, resting his forehead to mine, before releasing me.
I look up at him, a million questions in my head, but I don’t say a word
and walk through the door, down the steps and leave through the shop.
God, it’s hard to know which way is up after that kiss, and it’s
everything I did and didn’t need from our conversation.
Friends, we said. Could we do that?

For the rest of the day, I stay hidden in my bedroom, working on the admin
and paperwork I’ll need to put into place to move forward with my plans:
numbers, finances, research ideas. There’s a lot still to work out.
Since the divorce, my lawyer seems to be a constant on my recent calls
list, and I want to ensure that everything between Mum and me is done by
the book.
Building contractors, suppliers, and surveyors are all in my browsing
history, and I draw up some potential contacts to run by Mum and Tegan.
They’re locals, and where possible, I’d seek their opinion to use local
businesses. That is key for Mum, and I want to show her I’m listening.
I order a few other supplies to kit out my room as a temporary office.
All of my stuff is in storage after moving out of the house in London. The
same goes for when we emptied the business offices. But I don’t need much
to get up and running.
Keeping busy helps keep my mind off Jayce and how he left our
conversation.
With that kiss.
“Mum, got a minute?”
“Well, hello! I was starting to wonder if you were still alive up there.
You’ve only shown your face for deliveries or sustenance the past couple of
days.”
“I’m sorry. But I’ve been busy. And it feels good to be working on
something productive again.”
She gives me a sly look.
“Here.” I hold out the papers my lawyer’s office sent over this morning.
“What’s this?” She reaches for her glasses perched on top of her head
before scanning over the documents.
“These are the official papers I had drawn up regarding the renting of
your land for our venture.”
“Renting? What are you talking about?” She scowls at me.
“I want to do this right. Essentially, it’s a lease that grants the business
access, but it remains your land officially. And I’ve submitted a change of
use application to the council. There are a few other facts and stipulations,
all with your best interest at heart.”
“Are you sure?” She drops her arm down and looks at me. “I know I
came on hard, but that was only to make sure you knew what you were
getting into and not making a decision out of desperation or some other
emotion.”
“I am. I’ve had the chance to do a lot of thinking, and honestly, I can’t
think of anything else I want to do right now. You’d think that after being in
the App design business for so long, I’d just start up something else. But
that’s not in me right now. Besides, once I’d built the foundation of my
business, it was all about the people. Bringing on staff to take it further,
who knew more than I did, and then we all benefited from the success. If
you take the product out, that’s what I hope to do here. And I mean that. I
know this might sound out of the blue, but … I want to see this through.”
“Well, if you’re sure, then I’m thrilled.” Her face lights up, and it makes
me genuinely happy to see. Perhaps a sign of things to come? “Why don’t
we invite Tegan over tomorrow? We can go out to celebrate. It’s the first
time I’ve had you both home for such a long time.”
“That sounds like a great idea. It will be good to include Tegan,” I
muse.
 Mum takes this moment to pull me in for a hug. She’s so excited she
can barely contain herself. “Oh, I have a good feeling about bingo tonight.
Come with me? The ladies would love to see you.” She pulls back to ask.
“I think I’ll pass, but thank you. I’ll get in touch with Tegan, and we can
go for dinner tomorrow?”
“Perfect.”
It was the first time in a long while I can remember doing something
that gives Mum such joy. And maybe she’s right. Maybe this is the turning
point I need—to see my future here instead of just my past.

“To my wonderful girls.” Mum raises her drink, and Tegan and I both clink
our glasses together.
“Thanks, Mum. But really, this should be a toast to you. To all of us.” I
sip the delicious red and look at my family. The King’s Port is becoming a
firm favourite thanks to the wine here.
We order, drink some more, and for the first time since I arrived back in
Tregethworth, I feel lighter. Unburdened. I keep the smile on my face and
let Tegan chat animatedly about the ideas for the style and features of the
glamping pods.
She and Mum have put some names of local tradespeople together and
mentioned an accountant right in Tregethworth, so my next task will be
assigning contractors to get things moving. It would be too late for this
tourist season, but we can start taking advance bookings for next year as
soon as the plans are drawn up and approved. We’d book based on the
artist’s impressions.
“Guess who I just saw at the bar?” Tegan comes back towards our table
with a grin on her face.
“Who?” Although I have half an idea judging by the look on her face.
“Jayce.” She wiggles her eyebrows up and down.
“I thought I told you there’s nothing there and to leave it.” I give her a
pointed glare.
“I’ll go and settle the bill,” Mum excuses herself.
“No, Mum, you don’t need to do that.”
She simply bats her hand through the air like it’s nothing and leaves me
with Tegan.
“I went to see him, you know. After the day you visited the farm.”
 “What? Why, Tegan. I thought I was clear about everything Jayce
related.” I reach for my glass and force my eyes not to roll at her. “Why are
you interfering?”
“I was not interfering. I just needed to know a few facts that you seem
to be keeping to yourself.” She defends her actions, and I’m sure they only
came from a place of support.
“And?” I rest my forehead on my fingers, waiting for her judgement or
opinion or whatever I’m going to get.
“And nothing. He seems like a great guy.” She just smiles.
“That might be true, but don’t look at me with those heart eyes. There’s
a tonne of history between us, and I’m concentrating on being present and
not slipping back into past hates. I have the new business to contend with,
too.”
“Right. Okay.” She drains her glass of sparkling water.
We might not have been close these past years, but I can tell when she’s
hiding something or not telling me the full truth. “Don’t—I told you. Please
don’t spoil tonight.”
“I’m not the one spoiling anything!”
“Ready to go?” Mum comes back from the bar and looks between us
both. “What happened?”
“Nothing, Mum.”
“We’re fine,” we both answer at the same time.
I stand, determined to end the night in a good mood.
But Jayce walks towards us.
And my heart immediately thuds in my chest at the sight of him.
“Hi, Tegan. Mrs Williams.” He acknowledges, but his eyes seek mine.
“Can I buy you a drink?”

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 27

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Now

Z ennor looks startled, but for the first time in the last couple of weeks,
she doesn’t look like she’s about to bite my head off or spit fire and
fury at me.
Her sister and Mum edge away from the table, and I see them waving
their goodbyes as I wait for Zennor’s answer.
This is a test of sorts—a proper drink out in public for the first time
since the apology.
And the kiss.
The kiss I couldn’t stop if my next breath depended on it. With all of
our emotions so ragged and exposed, it was as if it was needed to cut
through the words to find the soul of our feelings.
It’s all still there. The connection we had, under years of distance and
the last few weeks of drama, gives me hope.
After all, I came here wanting to live for today. Tomorrow was never
guaranteed, and I knew that with a certainty I wish I didn’t. All I had to do
was hope Zennor could see that, too.
“Umm, sure. One drink.”
“Red, again?”
“Please.”
“Shall we grab a table outside?” The restaurant was still busy, and it
looked like a great evening, with the sun still warming the air. I lead her
through the bar and order the drinks.
“Sure.”
 The Zennor standing next to me reminds me of the woman I met here in
the bar a few weeks ago. She’s quiet—taken aback or nervous, maybe?
She’s not the over-confident woman who led me to bed in an attempt to hurt
me. More hope.
We collect our drinks and head outside to one of the tables overlooking
the sea.
“When the weather is like this, it’s my favourite time of day,” I muse,
looking out towards the sun hanging low in the sky.
“You must have seen some fantastic sunsets in your time around the
world.”
“Yep. I won’t deny that. I’ve been fortunate to see some pretty amazing
places. What about you? Have you travelled much?” I focus my attention
back on Zee.
“Some. The British Virgin Isles were a highlight. Also, Mauritius. A lot
of city breaks in Europe.”
“Sounds nice.” Although her expression didn’t tell me they were all
happy memories.
“It had its moments.” She smiles and fiddles with the stem of her wine
glass.
Okay. Time to change the subject. “It looked like you were having a
nice time with your family.” I hoped it wasn’t a going away dinner. After
finally getting through to Zennor and finding out her side of our story, I
didn’t want her to vanish and move somewhere else. I wanted her to stay.
“It was a celebration of sorts.” This time she looks genuinely happier,
and I see a glimmer of the girl I knew.
“Oh?” I press for more information and lean in a little.
“I’m staying in Tregethworth and starting a business with my mum and
sister.”
“Well, congratulations.” I raise my bottle of beer, and she clinks with
her glass. “If you don’t mind me asking, what changed your mind?”
“Honestly, it was several things. And you were one of them.” She shifts
in her seat, and I can tell this conversation has strayed into uncomfortable
waters for her. “Molly gave me some advice. So did my mum and even
Tegan. But telling you the truth, getting all of that built up emotion out,
hearing your side of what was between us … it all helped me see that
running wouldn’t be the answer this time. Letting people in is important and
something I’ve been very good at stopping over the years.” She stands and
takes her wine glass to the edge of the small wall separating us from the
bank of the cliff.
I follow, resting my forearms on the cold stone.
“I left Tregethworth thinking that being a success would wipe out my
misery and vindicate my feelings. But it didn’t. It drove me in a particular
direction that turned out to be a failure. So, I’m trying something different
this time. Facing up to my fears. Dealing with my emotions and learning
from my mistakes.” She swallows the last of her wine.
“I hope you don’t think we were a mistake?”
“For a long time, I thought we were. I thought I was stupid for falling
for my first boyfriend. A holiday fling. The boy who got me pregnant. I was
ashamed, in a way. But I can see that was just the pain talking.”
“Thank you.”
She looks at me with a quizzical expression, the wind sweeping strands
of her dark hair over her face. “For what?”
“For talking. Opening up and being honest.” The urge to brush her hair
from her face eats away at me, but I don’t. I’ve been patient. I’ve been hurt,
but we’re finally on speaking terms. Now isn’t the time to push.
Her shoulders drop a little, and she turns back to the sea. “I said I’d try
at this friend thing.”
“I know. May I walk you home?”
She takes a deep breath as if gathering strength. “Sure.”
We walk the familiar path in awkward silence, and I think of our first
date after we both came back—how all I could think about then was getting
back the girl I’d been waiting for.
“Thank you for the drink.”
“Anytime.” She stops at her door and turns to me, but I keep a
respectful distance.
“What, no kiss goodnight?” she teases.
Well, I can tease, too. I step closer and watch as her eyes come alight.
She might say she only wants to be friends, but the more time we spend
together, the harder that line will be to stay on. I brush my lips to her cheek
and leaning in, I whisper, “The next time I kiss you, it won’t be a polite
peck on the cheek. That’s not what I want from you, Zee. When I kiss you
again, and I will, it will be possessive, full, and leave no doubt in your mind
as to whether we’re still just friends. Understand?” When I pull back, I raise
my eyebrows before turning around and walking home.
Over the next few days, I settle into a routine and focus on work. I’ve been
distracted of late, which isn’t what my business needs right now. There’s a
lot to organise and get to grips with.
The shop is fine, new lines, brands, and boards are all coming in
already, but we are getting bookings and enquiries about the surf school,
and there are two positions I need to fill. Ideally, level two instructors, but
I’ll take a level one if they are the right fit.
If things go well, we’ll look at expanding what we offer.
Paddleboarding is becoming more and more popular, and the cliffs that Zee
and I jumped from when we were teenagers would offer perfect coasteering
options.
Back in Nazaré, the lads and I all completed an international surf coach
safety and rescue qualification. It was essential but didn’t give you a magic
shield against dangers. You had to do whatever you could to be safe in the
water, and my experience of rip tides, unfavourable surf, and dangerous
waters would far outweigh any of the locals here.
But inexperienced surfers are a new risk altogether, and I need to make
sure everyone will be as safe as possible in the water with us.
As for being an instructor, I still have hours to log. The rest of the
course is a breeze, but actually teaching people and kids to surf is what I
need to get to grips with. And I want experienced staff to hit the ground
running.
Rob, surprisingly, isn’t an instructor, although he is a solid surfer. He’s
set up some interviews for next week, and the delivery of training boards
and hire suits are due later today. The kit that came with the purchase of the
store didn’t cut it for me, and it was time to put some of the many contacts
I’d made over the years to good use.
“Jayce, phone!” Rob calls from the front of the store.
“Who is it?” I walk through to see Rob holding out the phone for me.
“Tegan. About surf lessons. She said you spoke to her.” He shrugs.
I take the phone from him and meander towards the back of the shop
and the delivery area. “Hi, this is Jayce.”
“Jayce, this is Tegan. Zennor’s sister.”
“I remember. You want to set up some lessons?”
 “Please, before the summer gets here. I’m hoping Nat will get the
opportunity to be in town more now, and she could enjoy the summer.”
“It’s a great idea. And as I said, I’d be happy to teach your daughter.”
“We’ll pay, of course.”
“Actually, you’d be doing me a favour. I’m logging hours for my
official qualification, so I’ll happily cover this.”
“If you’re sure?”
“Absolutely. Are you free Saturday?”
“Um, well, why not. Thank you, Jayce. Do we bring anything?”
“Nah, we have you covered. See you Saturday, say eleven?” I calculate
the tide times from where we are today.
“We’ll be there.”

Bright rays of light bring me round from a heavy sleep. My bedroom

doesn’t have the same floor-to-ceiling windows as the main room does, but
my window blind doesn’t cut out the early morning sunrise. I’ll have to get
a blackout blind before summer really kicks in. Although, there is
something peaceful about being woken by the sun.
After a quick shower, I head out and do my morning comb of plastics
from the beach before stopping in at Molly’s for a coffee and then heading
back to the shop. It’s a beautiful day, and the surf is small and regular.
Perfect for beginners.
The delivery room is packed with new stock and equipment, and we’ll
get to start using it today with Tegan coming in.
I haven’t seen or heard from Zennor, not even bumping into her at
Molly’s, but that’s okay. Space might be a good thing right now, and as I’ve
said before, I can be patient.
When the surf school is open properly, the plan is to have the boards,
wetsuits and other equipment set up from the delivery entrance, which is
easily accessible around the side of the shop. I change into my wetsuit and
check the boards, wondering how old Tegan’s daughter is—something I
should have checked.
A few minutes early, they arrive at the shop.
“Hey, come on through, and we’ll get you sorted.” Tegan smiles and
looks a little nervous, whereas I can’t mistake the excitement on her
daughter’s face. “I’m Jayce.”
 “Natalie. Mum says you know Auntie Zennor?” She’s the spit of her
mother.
“Yep. I even gave her a surf lesson once.”
“Really? That doesn’t sound like her.”
“It was a long time ago now. I take it she’s still not one for water?” I
look between them as I grab a woman’s small wetsuit down off the rack and
hand it to Natalie.
“Honestly, I couldn’t say for sure, but I doubt it,” Tegan confirms.
“You can change through there, and I’ll get a board for you, and then
we’re set to head to the beach.”
Natalie practically bounces off to my wet room. That won’t be available
for the surf school, but I don’t mind on this occasion.
I grab a board and busy myself, so I don’t feel compelled to ask the
question that I want to ask of Tegan—how’s Zennor.
“Ready.” Natalie is out and turns to her mum to pull up the zip at the
back. It’s a little big but will do just fine.
“Come on then.” I carry the board and lead them to the beach.
“Are you okay waiting here, Tegan? We’ll be going over some drills on
the sand before we get to the water.”
“I’m fine. It’s a beautiful day.” She pulls out a towel from her bag and
sits down on the edge of the dry sand.
“Come on then, Nat. Let’s get you started.”

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 28

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Now

I t’s a beautiful day. Looking out of my bedroom window, the blue of the
sky reminds me of summer, when Cornwall can trick you into thinking
you are in the Caribbean.
Appointments have packed the last few days, and the plans are coming
together. I feel excited about everything coming together into something
positive. I still have to check my focus to keep it on the future and fight the
natural pull of my thoughts to dwell on the past. But the work and effort
needed to get this business off the ground fill me with a new goal, and I
thrive on working towards that—to be successful.
My days do require a visit to Molly’s, and today is no exception. Just
because it’s a Saturday doesn’t mean I won’t be working. I slip my feet into
my boots and grab my bag to head out.
As well as the business side of things, I need to look at my personal
situation. All of my belongings, bar the suitcases I came with, are in
storage. No transport, no furniture, nothing, and if this place is going to be
my home, there is the question of my own accommodation to deal with. It’s
still a sore subject, and I’m reticent to jump into buying a property—at least
just yet. But living with Mum won’t work, either, although she is wonderful
for letting me stay.
I’m moving forward, and that means standing on my own. The business
plan is in place. Next is the personal one. And no matter how I approach it,
I can’t think of my next step without Jayce invading my thoughts.
 Or, more specifically, the kiss he left me with and the words that made
my breath hitch in my chest when he whispered them in my ear.
God, I hadn’t realised how starved I was of those small moments shared
between two people.
Derek never took my breath away and never made my heart beat faster.
Not the way Jayce did, anyway. And that was with the myriad of confusion
and mixed feelings between us.
Molly’s is packed with people taking advantage of the outside seating in
the glorious weather. Amazing what a little Vitamin D can do for you, and
it’s infectious. I grab a latte to go and walk back along the beach to get my
own dose.
With it being the weekend, the beach is busier than it has been since I
arrived, so I stride out towards the damper sand to keep out of the way of
families and their sun tents in the soft sand.
“Tegan?” I shield my eyes from the sun to check it’s my sister sitting on
the beach looking out at the surf. I’ve never seen her in Tregethworth since
I arrived unless I’d invited her or had plans.
“Hey, you.” She smiles as I get closer.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
“Oh, Nat has surfing lessons.” I follow her gaze out to the small waves
rolling to shore. I wouldn’t be able to identify Natalie, but I do know who’s
giving her the lesson.
Jayce.
I drop down onto the towel with Tegan and stare out at the ocean.
Watching him help Natalie, I can’t suppress the memories of when
Jayce gave me my first surf lesson—of how I wanted to please him despite
the fact I hated the cold of the sea. Instead of fighting anything that
reminded me of that time, I let the memory take form and infuse me with
warmth in my heart. The pain doesn’t follow, and I stay in the moment,
replaying our kiss in the waves, the fun we had.
“Why are you smiling?” Tegan asks, and I look at her.
“Just a memory.”
“Let me guess. Jayce teaching you to surf?” She cocks her head to the
side.
“How did you—?” I start and then look back out towards Jayce.
“Jayce might have mentioned something to Natalie. She couldn’t
believe it.”
 No. Neither could I when I agreed to it. But then, didn’t that sum up
how I felt about that boy.
He isn’t a boy anymore. He’s a handsome, far too sexy, patient and kind
man who, no doubt, has the power to destroy whatever is left of my
shrivelled heart.
Tegan rests her head on my shoulder for a moment and wraps her arm
around me as if she knows I need a little courage right now to face the past
and present collision that’s occurring before my eyes.
We watch as Natalie plays in the small rollers, balancing but not quite
making it to standing. She’ll get there, though.
Finally, they both turn and walk out of the sea towards us. Tegan stands
and turns to pull me up. I drink the rest of my coffee and try not to fidget as
they approach.
“Mum, I need another lesson because I couldn’t stand up, and I want to
get it, Mum. Please,” Natalie yells out as she runs towards us, soaking wet
and dripping.
“Well, I’m sure that can be arranged. We can talk to Jayce about your
second.” Tegan shakes the towel we were sitting on before wrapping it over
Natalie’s shoulders as she begins to shiver a little, despite the sun.
Jayce, holding the board under his arm, reaches us, and at just the
moment I turn to watch him, brushes his hair sending water droplets
scattering to the sand. He looks far too good after just coming out of the
sea.
“She did great. A little more practice and she’ll have it for sure,” he
speaks to Tegan. “Zennor. Nice to see you.” He nods at me.
“Jayce said he taught you to surf, Auntie Zennor.”
“Ha,” I chortle. “Well, he gave me a lesson. I don’t think I officially
surfed more than a wave on my feet, though.”
“You could always have lessons with Natalie?” Jayce offers, and my
eyes snap to his and narrow.
“And Mum, yes. That would be so much fun,” Natalie encourages.
“I’d just like to remind you that the water isn’t my favourite place.” I’m
talking to Jayce, but I know he remembers.
“Oh, come on, Zen. It might be fun.” Tegan nudges me, and a huge
smile covers her face. She winks as I look at her, and I know exactly what
she’s playing at.
 “Please, Auntie Zennor. Now you’re staying here, you have to learn to
surf. You’ll be able to take me out in the summer when Mum and Dad are
busy on the farm.”
I feel ambushed. But in the best way possible, and my smile betrays me.
“Okay. But only if we all do it. Deal?” I point at Tegan and Natalie,
doing my best to ignore Jayce.
“Yes! Jayce, when can you fit us in?” Natalie asks before we have a
chance to say anything further.
“Tomorrow? The weather is looking good.” He stares at me, and I let
the sensation sweep over me. I nod, making him smile just as brilliantly as I
remember.
“Come on. Let’s head back. You’re getting cold.” Tegan steers Nat
towards the shop, and I fall into step behind her, Jayce next to me.
“Thank you. For this,” I offer.
“It’s my pleasure. Why don’t you come back with Tegan? I’ll grab you
the wetsuits so you can come ready tomorrow. Save you changing in the
shop.” His eyes drift down my body and back up as he says it.
“That way, you can’t chicken out,” Tegan calls back over her shoulder.
“You’re doing this, too, remember. But, yeah. Sounds like a plan.”
We go back to the shop, and Jayce shows Natalie where she can rinse
off in the wet room before handing us two new-looking wet suits.
“Um, what time?” I ask.
“Same time, 11 a.m.” Jayce looks at me and Tegan.
“I’ll be there. Zen?” She raises her eyebrows as she looks at me, and I
feel the silent challenge. I can’t back out now.
“Fine. See you tomorrow. I’ve got to get back, though.”
“I’ll be here.” Jayce nods, and for a moment, I stand, unable to look
anywhere but into his eyes.
God, what have I got myself into?

“Mum, do you have a swimsuit or anything similar I can wear?” I march

over the landing and into her bedroom. Of course, I didn’t pack one. Why
would I when I was coming here? The only time I’ve worn a bathing suit in
the last ten years was on holiday where I could soak up the sun, not the sea.
“Well, I’m sure I’ve got one somewhere. Might be a bit roomy for you.”
“That doesn’t matter. I’ll be in a wet suit.”
 “Zennor Williams, what on earth are you doing?” She laughs as I start
pulling out her drawers where she used to keep her beachwear.
“I’m having surf lessons with Tegan and Natalie,” I defend and find a
black one-piece that will suffice at short notice. “This one?” I hold it up to
Mum, and she nods as she looks at me in astonishment. “It wasn’t my idea,
but Natalie wanted us all to learn. And I’ve hardly been a model Aunt up
until now.”
“So, you’re making amends?”
“I’m trying.” And taking another step forward in laying those ghosts to
rest. “Thanks for the suit.”
“You’re welcome. Now go and have some fun.”
Fifteen minutes of wrestling my body into the skin-tight suit, I feel like
I’ve done more exercise than I have in the last year. Still, I’m in, zipped up,
and ready, even if I feel ridiculous. Although this will be better than facing
the bracing waters without protection.
I bend and stretch my legs a little before plaiting and securing my hair
and leave for the surf shop.
We arranged to meet at the shop, although walking through
Tregethworth in only a wetsuit makes me feel more self-conscious than I
have in a heap of years. It’s not like it’s an unusual sight; people walk to
and from the beach all the time. It’s just not something I’ve ever done.
My heart skips up a beat as I see the sign to the shop, and I take a
steadying breath before opening the door.
“Hey,” I greet the guy at the counter and tiptoe further into the shop.
“Out the back.” He gives me the direction I don’t need, and I continue
to where we parted yesterday. But as I round the corner, I only see Jayce.
Jayce with his wetsuit around his waist, showing me all of his torso
glory, including the silver bead still around his neck.
“Where are the others?” I squeak, trying to keep my eyes from roaming
over his abs.
Friends. Friends. Friends.
“Ah, well, I’ll explain on the way. Come on.” He hands me a board, and
he grabs his own.
“Jayce?” I follow him out of the back and around to the road and cross
to the beach. “Jayce, hold up.” But he keeps walking.
The sand is warm and soft as I sink my bare feet onto the beach. I
scrunch my toes for a second in the sugary sand before following Jayce.
 We’re approaching the high-tide mark where the sand turns cold and
compacted before he pauses and looks at me.
“Tegan and Natalie cancelled. Something about an emergency on the
farm.” He gives me the news, and now I know why he left it until now to
fill me in. I’m already on the beach. I would have found an excuse if we
were still in the shop.
“Okay. So that means it’s just us.” My heart does that skip thing again.
“Yeah. And I didn’t tell you because I wanted us to have this. Together.
And, if you let yourself, I think you could have some fun.” He chooses this
moment to dig his board into the sand and cover his chest with his suit. The
cynical side of me sees this as a distraction technique. But I just take a
breath and keep the snide and cross remarks to myself.
I can do this. With him.
“Fine. But I’ve not tried to surf for twenty years. You might have to
start at the beginning.”
“I’ll have you ready to beat Natalie in no time.”
I appreciate that he keeps this focused on my family. It stops me from
falling too far into the past.
“Right. Do you remember anything?” Jayce claps his hands together,
and it’s like he’s switched into teacher mode.
I shake my head.
“Come on. We’ll go over the basics.”

I don’t know how I managed to stand up before because there was no way I
had the balance to do it now.
“Jayce! Don’t let go. Don’t!” I cry above the waves as I try and hold
onto him rather than stand on the board. I’ve fallen off, fallen over, and
tripped into the water in every possible way over the last hour, being
dunked so many times my eyes were sore from the salt.
“You need to balance on your own. You’ve got this.” He lets go, just
like he has the other dozen times, and my legs go to jelly, and I collapse
back and tip off the board into the water.
The noise of the beach cuts away for the few seconds I’m under before I
jump up and gasp for air.
“I was sure you had it that time.” Jayce steadies me with his hand on my
arm as I wipe to clear the sea from my eyes. I can hear the humour in his
voice, and as I blink my vision clear, I smile, giving into the funnier side.
“One more?” he asks.
“One more. And if I don’t get it, I might have to reconsider my teacher.”
I breathe heavily.
“Deal. You just need to trust yourself. Come on.” He wades out into
deeper water with me and helps me get back on the board. His has stayed
put in the sand.
“Okay, remember, paddle, set your position and then pop up, working
your thighs.” I know what I’m meant to do but convincing my body to work
is the hard part.
I get back into position and look over my shoulder for the wave, and
then go with Jayce’s words in my head as I go through his instructions. This
time, something clicks, my feet obey, my legs straighten, and I push up to a
crouch.
I see Jayce in my peripheral vision clapping, but his distraction is my
undoing, and I wobble, bailing left from the board, straight back into the
sea.
As I right myself in the water and stand, sure hands grip my shoulders,
steadying me again.
“See, a natural.” He giggles, and it sets me off as I brush my face and
blink my eyes open.
Deja vu sweeps over me as the next wave knocks our bodies closer
together.
He holds me still against the tide and looks down at me. I’m caught
between the present and the past—the memory of this exact moment,
twenty years ago. And just like then, he kisses me. Our cool lips meet, and
I’m lost. Lost in Jayce, lost in my head and lost as to why I should fight
this. Every part of my body, right down to my soul, craves the contact and
familiarity of his kiss. His hands cradle my head, and I deepen the kiss,
wrapping my arms around his neck.
Salt and sea and Jayce.
Unlike when we were teenagers, he leans further into the kiss, opening
me up and sweeping his tongue against mine. It scorches my heart, and I
sink my fingers into his hair, deepening the kiss and preventing him from
stopping. Because I don’t want to stop, and I want him to know there is no
question about if I want this or not.
I was right. We can’t be friends.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 29

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Now

I don’t fucking want to stop kissing her because if I do, it might break the
spell.
She tastes of sweetness and salt, just like she did when we were
teenagers.
The kiss wipes the last few weeks away like we’ve hit the reset button,
and we’re back to the start.
Here.
On this beach again.
Only there’s a familiar ache in my chest, one that’s dulled over time
apart and has slowly awoken again since she came home.
I pull back but don’t let go of her face. My eyes stay shut, not ready to
look into her eyes and see anything that resembles regret or pain. “I’m
sorry,” I whisper.
“Why?”
“I promised you I wouldn’t kiss you again until I knew there would be
no question about us. I don’t regret this, but I understand if you’re not
ready.” It kills me to say the words.
“I’m not sorry.”
“Are you sure? Because I’m not messing around, Zee.” I pull back to try
and read her eyes, but they’re closed, and her arms tighten around my neck.
“You said you wanted the girl you met at the beach. Right here, now, is
the closest I’ve felt to her since you left.” She lifts her head and finally
looks at me.
 “Let’s get out of the surf.” If I could, I’d keep us in this moment for
longer, but we are knee-deep in the waves.
I grab her hand and pull her towards the sand.
We stop to carry the boards in, picking our way through the people on
the beach, and head for the shop.
She hands me the board after putting mine back on the rack, and I head
through the door to my apartment entrance and the wet room to turn the
shower on, cranking up the heat.
“Come on. It’s hot.”
Zennor follows, and I shut the door behind us.
She steps under the spray and makes a satisfying hum as the water
rinses through her hair.
“You know, you really need to get out of that suit.” I raise an eyebrow
and cast my eyes down her figure.
“Well, yeah. But that will kill any mood we’ve created here. Do you
know how long it took me to get into this thing?” I can’t help but laugh as
she waits for an actual answer.
“There’s a knack to it, I admit.” She looks cute when she gets serious
like that. With slow moves, I pull the Velcro tab at the back of my neck and
drag the zip down before yanking the suit over my chest and arms. I shove
it to my waist. “See. Your turn.”
She turns around and tips her head forward, so, I oblige and pull the
grippy Velcro tab and start on the zip, only, I take my time, revealing her
skin beneath. Luckily, her bathing suit has a low back, and I peel the wet
suit over her shoulders and leave it to restrain her arms.
My lips start at the nape of her neck and kiss down every ridge of her
spine.
“Jayce?”
I can’t tell if it’s a plea to stop or carry on, so I choose the one I’m more
invested in and kiss all the way back up to her neck.
As I reach her ear, she tilts her head back to lean on my shoulder. “Get
me out of this?” This time her plea is clear, and I help as she struggles to
pull her arms free.
She twists and runs her hands from my chest, up and over my shoulders
and around my neck, pulling me down to smash my lips against hers.
The kiss is raw, passionate, and laced with a desire that beats through
my blood with every thud of my heart. And I suddenly wish we weren’t
trapped with layers of neoprene between us. Fucking wetsuits.
I push Zennor against the tiled wall, out of the way of the spray of the
shower, and brace myself against the wall, my arms on either side of Zee,
penning her in. If my hands get involved, I’ll be a goner.
Our lips kiss, our tongues explore, and my fingers have to grip the tile,
stopping myself from grabbing Zennor and pulling off every scrap of
material so I can have her here. Now.
I lick at the hollow of her neck and trail kisses down to the edge of her
costume. The swell of her breasts is so fucking tempting, so I take her
nipple into my mouth, flicking the tip to drive her crazy with need. But this
is about more than sex or getting off.
No.
I pull back from the kiss and bite the lobe of her ear. “I’m not going to
fuck you here, Zee. The first time we’re together and on the same page, I
want to take my time. I want to savour you and know you’re right there
with me—watch your eyes as I drive you crazy with my tongue or my
touch. Do you hear me?”
She nods, and all I can do is hang my head. The imagery is raw, and I
can taste her on my lips. It was fucking painful to stop, but fucking now
would be too easy.
Maybe the wetsuits were a good thing after all.
She clears her throat and pushes my arms.
“So chivalrous of you.” Her grin is wicked, and I silently curse under
my breath as I reach for the temperature dial and switch it to cold.
“Arghh, Jayce!” Zennor yells as the water chills and covers her in spray.
“That wasn’t necessary.” She steps out of the way of the shower.
“I disagree.” I fucking need a cold shower. “Come on. We can pick up
where we left off later.”
My wetsuit comes off easily, and I hang it on the peg at the end of the
wet room.
Zennor has a little more trouble, and I help her balance as she stretches
the suit over her knees and feet, finally freeing herself. There’s a towel I
hand to her, and she quickly wraps it around her body, denying me the
visual treat.
“The swimming costume is not mine. I had no intention of swimming or
needing one when I packed,” she says defensively.
 “I didn’t say a word.” I hold up my hands before grabbing a towel for
myself. It didn’t matter what she wore. Her curves, her skin, her very being
were what I wanted. “Come on. Upstairs.”
She follows as we head up to the apartment.
“Do you have something I could change into?” She pulls the towel
tighter around her, and I see her vulnerability.
“Sure. I’ll throw some clothes on and grab you a couple of things.” I
lead her to one of the barstools in the kitchen before heading into my room.
It’s not about sex right now. It’s about connection and building trust
between us, even if my cock has other ideas.
We’re both hurt and healing from our past, both together and apart.
I grab a t-shirt and pair of boxers from my drawer and set them on the
bed while I finish towelling off before dressing. And I grab a second pair of
boxers and a hoody to take to Zennor.
“Here.” I pass her the clothes. “Use the bedroom. I’ll make us a coffee.”
She slides from the stool and pauses to look at me for a moment before
standing on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on my cheek. Whatever is between us,
it’s only growing stronger, and I see it in her eyes before she trails off to the
bedroom.
I take an exaggerated breath and don’t follow after her but focus on the
coffee.
Making coffee.
Zennor is in my bedroom. Getting naked.
Kettle. Mugs. Coffee.

She steps out from behind the breakfast bar and does a little curtsey to show
off my hoodie, just skimming her upper thighs. It looks fucking perfect and
gives my imagination a wicked ride. She looks more tempting than ever,
and I’m overtaken by the desire to have her in my clothes, in my house, and
in my bed, not just for now but for always. But I keep that part to myself.
“Will I do?”
“You have no idea. Come on. Coffee’s getting cold.” I carry the mugs
through and place them on the wooden side table before sitting on the new
soft suede sofa. Zee joins me and drags the blanket from the back of the
sofa over her legs. I can’t help but lift my arm to encourage her to slide next
to me, and she does, resting her head on my chest.
 We both take in the uninterrupted view, and I’m hit with a feeling of
contentment. That, together with the desire that is still pumping through my
veins, tells me everything I need to know. I don’t just want Zee here for a
moment.
“What are you thinking?” I ask, needing to focus on something other
than where my mind has fast-forwarded to.
“This view. It’s funny; it’s so familiar. It’s what I saw every day
growing up here, but also something that I didn’t think I’d appreciate again.
It’s soothing.”
“It’s why I turned this wall into glass. It would be a tragedy to hide it.”
“And this sofa is ridiculously comfortable.” She snuggles a little into
me.
“Honestly, it’s more or less brand new.”
“Well, you have good taste.” She pats my chest, and her fingers graze
the bead that’s been around my throat for years. She rubs it over the cotton
before sitting up to pull it free from the collar of my t-shirt.
“I can’t believe you’ve kept it for all these years.”
I clasp her hand against the silver and stare into her eyes. The words I
long to tell her are right there, but I don’t want to scare her off. “I came
back a few years after I left. Went back to the shop and got it put on a silver
chain. I never wanted to take it off.”
She leans back down against my chest.
“What happened to your bracelet?”
“I don’t want to say.” She draws circles with her nail over my chest.
“That bad, huh?” From what Zee has said about the time after I left, I’m
sure she binned it.
“Can we change the subject? I’m trying really hard not to think about
how I felt back then and stay in the moment, here and now, with you.” Her
words get fast, and I hear an edge of fear in her voice.
“Sure. It’s okay. It doesn't matter.”
She sits up again, so we’re looking at each other. “No, it should. If I
hadn’t been so proud, or headstrong, thinking I knew best, then maybe …”
she trails off, but I know where her words are leading her.
I kiss her forehead, wanting to clear her mind of the past and help her
stay here with me—our second chance.
She wriggles free from the blanket, twists, and straddles my lap. The
pressure on my cock is too fucking good, and I shift my position, sure that
Zee will feel just how hard her move is making me.
“I don’t want you to fuck me. I want to make love to you properly, in a
bed, where I can get lost in you. I want it to be like our first time together
and to fall asleep in your arms because I only feel true contentment.”
“Zee,” I breathe as I sit forward to meet her. Her hands hold my face as
she kisses me softly and sensually, but it translates to heat and spice in my
body. My hands roam under her jumper across her soft skin and cradle her
back, pulling her closer to me.
But it’s not enough. And I’m fucking desperate to get her in my bed.
My hands slide to her arse, and I pick her up. She wraps her legs around
my waist, and my hip protests like a bitch, but I don’t let that pain stop me.
I carry Zee across to my bedroom, and all the time, she rains kisses
down on my lips, cheeks, and throat.
It’s everything I fucking want.
She’s everything I fucking want.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 30

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

Now

T he last few times we’ve been together have been fuelled by anger,
revenge, and lust—at least on my part. That’s not what I want this to
be about. Not now.
Jayce lowers me to his bed and pulls his boxers from around my waist
in the next move.
He shoulders my legs apart as I fight the urge to push him away. I can’t
remember the last time my ex went down on me, but that thought isn’t
welcome here.
The scrape of Jayce’s stubble sets all of my nerves firing as he trails
kisses towards his target. He wraps his arms around my hips and tugs me
closer to the edge of the bed. My legs drape down his back, and I stretch out
and give over to what comes next.
His tongue licks a slow stroke through my folds, pausing at my clit as
he circles the little bud of pleasure. Desire ignites my blood, and my
stomach plummets as I gasp in pleasure.
He repeats the motion, and it’s both delicious and infuriating as he only
gives my clit the slightest brush of attention each time. His pace doesn’t
quicken, and all I can do is let it happen and give over to what he’s doing to
my body.
My appetite for Jayce to touch me harder and faster just grows more
until I want to burst.
“Please, Jayce. God, fuck me. Make me come,” I beg, my words
tripping together as I reach the torturous point where I need him to finish
me.
He lifts his head and looks at me from between my legs. His eyes are
dark and filled with intent.
“Take off the hoodie. I want to see all of you.”
I grab the hem and pull it up and over my head, dropping back down to
the bed.
He follows, stripping the t-shirt from his back and shoving his boxers
down, giving me a full view of his spectacular chest and abs. I notice a scar
over his hip, but his hand stroking his cock as he gazes down at me short-
circuits anything I want to ask.
Jayce pulls a condom from the bedside table and rolls it on as I shimmy
up the bed, waiting for him to put me out of my delicious misery.
He presses his cock to my entrance as he leans over me and then slides
forward, stretching me and filling me deeply and slowly.
“I want more time. I need more time to worship every inch of your
body, Zee. I want to lavish you with pleasure until that’s the only thing you
associate with me.”
I hear the words, and they pierce my heart, making me hope for that
future.
Hope.
He pulls back and slams forward, hitting my clit with just enough
pressure. His arms curve under and around my shoulders to use me as
leverage to quicken his pace, finally building the pressure in the pit of my
stomach and making my legs feel weak.
More.
The bed jolts as Jayce's movements grow bolder, and I can feel my
climax building through my body and ready to explode.
“Yes, God, I love it when you take me hard. Please, Jayce. I need to
come.” I pant as I run my hands down his back and press him closer to me.
“I want you to feel everything, Zee. What I’m doing to you and how
I’m making you feel.” He bites my neck, and a wave of electricity washes
through me, stoking the build-up that I’m desperate to reach.
“Yes! Yes … Please.”
My muscles contract before releasing in a flash of heat and pressure—
my clit throbbing as my orgasm crests and ricochets over every nerve and
fibre of my body.
 I’m breathless and spent as Jayce holds out for his release, slamming
into my body with frenzied strokes.
His arms give way, and the heavy panting of his breath in my ear tells
me he’s as finished as I am.
Bliss.
There’s a tingling feeling in my chest and heavy limbs.
My eyes are already drifting closed.
Jayce rolls to the side and pulls the covers from under me. I cooperate,
barely, and we reposition ourselves beneath the covers.
I remember falling asleep in Jayce’s arms, on that tiny bed, when we
were first together.
For such a long time, I fought that memory. It hurt too much to think
about the good things we had in that short time because they were gone.
I locked them away, thinking that I could lock the pain away, too. And it
worked in one fashion. The fear of that pain kept the vault shut, but it also
kept out my ability to truly open myself up to the idea of love and
happiness.
But I’m happy here. Now.
Lying in bed, warm and sated, with my first love beside me.
All of my whimsical fantasies as a teenager were possible because I’m
living them now.
Maybe our lives had to follow the path we followed so we could arrive
here and appreciate the opportunity we have before us because I know that
this warmth—this wholesomeness radiating through me—is something I
want to grab onto with both hands.

I wake, and I’m greeted by the golden glow of the late evening sun washing
through the window.
I stretch and yawn, waiting for something … bad, but all of that
goodness I felt as I drifted off to sleep is still there. It’s not vanished into the
darkness, and my heart feels lighter because of it. It feels whole.
“You’re awake?”
I turn over to face Jayce watching over me. I smile, unable to contain
the urge. “Yep. What time is it?”
“Nearly eight. I’m not sure about you, but I’m famished.” I can’t
believe we slept all afternoon.
 He leans over to kiss me before springing from the bed and giving me a
very fine view of his sculpted back and behind. He throws on a t-shirt and
boxers and spoils my enjoyment. “Want takeaway? I’m really not in the
mood to cook.”
“Sure. Does Tregethworth still have a takeaway?” I couldn’t remember
seeing one.
“The Chinese. Not bad, either. Unless you want to go for fish and
chips?” He smiles back at me.
“Chinese is great. Anything with noodles for me.” I snuggle under the
covers a little more, wrestling with the idea of getting up.
“They deliver, so you don’t need to worry about getting out of bed until
the food gets here.”
“Shit, I don’t have any clothes here!” I pull the covers back and stare up
at the ceiling. “Unless you count a soggy oversized swimming costume,” I
mutter more to myself, but Jayce’s laugh from the other room tells me he
heard.
I throw back the rest of the covers and search for the hoodie and boxers
I changed into earlier, then follow Jayce into the main room.
“I’m serious. I can’t go home like this.”
“I don’t see any problem. I like you in my stuff.” He turns away and
picks up his phone.
“Be serious. I’m not going to walk through Tregethworth wearing this.
It would be the ultimate walk of shame.”
“Relax. I’ll drive you home.” He turns away from me and starts reeling
off an order to the takeaway. It sounds like he’s planning on feeding us for a
week, not just for one night.
I walk towards the sitting area in the other part of the house and clear
the forgotten coffee cups into the kitchen before making a nest on the sofa.
The view has only improved from earlier today. The sun's warmth reaches
me and reinforces my earlier musings about Tregethworth.
A tiny voice inside my brain challenges whether I’d ever grow tired of
this particular view.
Half an hour later, we’re still on the sofa, but this time with a small feast
of delicious indulgence laid out for us. The food is just what we need, and
we watch as the sun dips below the horizon.
“Can I ask you something?”
 “Sure.” Jayce puts down his plate and chopsticks and turns to me.
“Shoot.”
“How did you get your scar?”
“Ahh.” He turns back to the remaining Chinese and sits forward.
“Unless you don’t want to tell me. I know we both have history, and it
will take a while for us to fill in the blanks.”
“It’s not a pretty story, but, in a way, it’s what brought me back here,”
he starts but doesn’t look at me and keeps his stare locked forward, out
towards the ocean.
I don’t push and stay put and finish my dinner.
“I’d been in Nazaré for most of the season, but there was a huge swell
forecast. The conditions looked perfect for what we wanted. Everyone in
the industry was heading to us. Finnan was on the jet ski, and I was riding
first. We had all the kit and knew the terrain better than many others out
there. But that’s the beauty of Nazaré. It’s unpredictable and can spit you
out in a heartbeat.”
I watch as his shoulders rise and fall with his breaths.
“I wiped out. Hard. I fell a fucking long way down the face of the wave
and got washed under until my lungs screamed. But Finnan was there. He
always had my back.” I’m holding my breath for the conclusion, but my
stomach knots as I anticipate what’s coming next. My eyes flick up to the
photos on the walls of him and Finnan, and it breaks my heart.
Jayce sits back on the couch and turns to me. “We got caught by another
wave. It tipped the jet ski over, washed me away, and ripped my hip apart.
Fractured my pelvis and dislocated my hip. I needed surgery to repair some
of the damage. That’s where I got the scar.”
His eyes are glassy and filled with sorrow.
I recognise that grief.
He doesn’t have to tell me the rest because I know.
He lost his best friend.
“I’m so sorry, Jayce.” I reach for his hand, but he stands, picking his
plate from the table and walking to the kitchen. Picking up my own plate, I
follow.
My instinct is to try and ease his pain, which seems crazy when it was
only a few days ago that I never wanted to see him again in my life. But
pain is a familiar fellow, and I don’t want Jayce to suffer alone when we’re
here together, and I can see how much it still guts him.
 I take the plate from his hand and wrap my arms around him. “It’s okay.
I’m sorry.” I whisper the words into his ear as he engulfs me in his arms.
We stand, quiet in our embrace, and I let this moment infuse and mend
another part of my broken heart.
“Come on. I’ll take you home.” Jayce finally lessens his grip.
We head out through the separate entrance rather than through the shop
and take the shortest journey by car up the road to my door.
“Thank you for today. I can’t tell you how much I needed this.” It was
the truth.
“I’m just glad we’re finally on the same page. Fancy breakfast
tomorrow at Molly’s?”
“Sure. Say ten?”
“It’s a date.” He leans over to kiss me, and I get that giddy feeling I
used to get when we were teenagers.
It has been a huge day.
And here, at the end of it, I’m still hopeful for what tomorrow will
bring.

As the sunny days link one after the other, it’s hard not to think about
summer. And when I think of summer, I think about Jayce.
For the past few weeks, things have been going so well between us.
We’re both trying, but it feels like there’s one last thing I need to lay to rest.
I just don’t know how he’ll feel about it.
“Jayce, fancy going for a walk after work?”
“Sure. Then dinner?”
“Maybe. Can we see how we feel?” The thought of being out in public
after what I have planned doesn’t sit well. And, I don’t want to talk to Jayce
beforehand because … well, I didn’t want to build the pressure of what this
is.
We haven’t mentioned the past since my breakdown on the beach. We
both know the story, and it’s out in the open, except now, I feel I owe him
more, and this is the only way I can make amends.
We plan to meet at Molly’s, and then I’ll take him to what I used to call
our spot.
It’s a beautiful day, and after dealing with appointments and emails for
the glamping pod project, I make my way down to Molly’s. Trepidation
swarms in my stomach and makes me uneasy, but if there’s one thing I’ve
learned, it’s that you can’t run from your past.
“Hey, beautiful.” Jayce is on the decking outside, waiting with a coffee
in his hand. His baseball cap with the surf shop logo is keeping his surf-
swept hair from his face, and for a moment, I simply appreciate him.
“Hey. Thank you.” I take the coffee.
“Want to enlighten me?” His arm lands on my shoulders and pulls me
closer to him.
“I thought we could walk up the headland. There’s something I’d like to
show you.”
“Great.”
We amble along, but the conversation stills. I run over the words I want
to say. Or at least want to share. My heart races despite my steady
breathing.
As we walk up the path, I notice how the ground has eroded and the
same paths have shifted, but as we approach the spot, I know what I need to
do.
Mum still had the collapsible shovel in the garden shed, and I pull it
from my bag and put it on the ground as I sit.
“Are we digging for treasure?” Jayce gives me a quizzical look.
“In a way.” I look out over Tregethworth and remember how I felt
marching up here that night.
A lifetime ago.
A lifetime of memories.
“After you left. After the pregnancy, I changed.” Jayce looks about to
interrupt, but I hold my hand up. “No, I need to get some of this out, or I
never will.”
He nods.
“Right, well, you leaving, the visit to the hospital, the postcards, it all
drowned me. I drowned in grief over losing everything. And I made a vow
to myself not to let it define me. You made me weak, and I couldn’t stand
that. That’s why I was so angry when you first came back. You reminded
me of that weakness. Even if that doesn’t make any sense.” I hug my knees
to my chest and close my eyes, basking in the evening sun. “This is where I
came to put all of that behind me, to move forward, but I had no concept
how. So I did something quite literal.” I pick up the little shovel and look
for the craggy rock that marks the spot. I shove the spade head into the wiry
grass and cut it away, digging about until I find an edge of fabric. Once I’ve
hit the spot, I continue brushing dirt away to see what’s left.
From the soil and dust, I pull the remnants of what was his baseball cap,
and inside, a frayed and decayed bracelet with a dirty silver bead.
The fragments of postcards and paper have disintegrated.
“I came here to bury everything I had of yours. I buried the paperwork
from the hospital, too. I thought by locking it away, it would help. But I
never grieved. I never knew how.”
Strong arms lock around my shoulders and pull me to him. Tears well
and escape from my eyes, marking something I should have shared with my
family years ago.
Jayce keeps me wrapped in his arms, just like on the beach, and lets the
sadness drain from me.
“This place was always special for us. It’s where you said goodbye to
our baby.” His voice catches and sounds scratchy as he finds his own words
to come to terms with what I’m sharing.
His vulnerability slays me all over again, and I suddenly feel overcome
with regrets. “I’m sorry.” I choke. “I’m so sorry.” The need for him to
forgive how I’ve treated him is like a visceral thing running through me.
“It’s okay, Zee. It’s okay.”
We stay silent for a while, neither of us looking at each other.
Finally, I open my hand to examine the fragments more closely. As I do,
I catch Jayce swiping at his cheek and turning away. It breaks my heart all
over again.
“I loved this hat,” I mutter, wanting to remember the good right now.
Needing it.
“I know.” He picks out the bead and rubs it on his shorts. “Just like
new.” He twists it in his fingers, and I lean over to pull the matching bead
out from behind the shirt covering his chest.
“It shocked me that you had it all those years. It was like a ghost. Even
more so than first seeing you back.”
“And I wanted to ask what happened to yours. I wanted to ask you so
many things. I never did get your email. I thought you chose to simply not
stay in contact. Thank you for sharing this with me. Thank you for sharing
your loss.”
After the sun starts to drop, I place the frayed and tatty remnants back in
their tomb and cover them back over. I’d wanted to mark the fact that this
was an important part of our story. I’d needed the closure that burying these
items gave me all those years ago. But today is about sharing in those
memories and letting Jayce be a part of that. We keep the silver bead. I
wouldn’t be surprised if Jayce gets a brand-new necklace or bracelet by the
end of the week.
The journey back down feels lighter, and I hope that by doing this
together, we have a better chance of succeeding in our future.

OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 31

OceanofPDF.com
 JAYCE

Now

A fter that evening, we slip into a routine and celebrate the past with
the present. Breakfast at Molly’s becomes part of it. At least once a
week, but often more, we eat at the diner where we first met.
Just like when we were kids, I wait for Zee outside her house and walk
with her. There is a nostalgia to what we spend our time together doing—
like we are re-making the memories we had of those two weeks together
that summer. And we’re free now to enjoy those memories.
Meals at Molly’s, time on the beach, I even convince Zee to have an ice
cream when we spend an afternoon on the sand.
Summer is here, and in a few weeks, my work will really start. I’ve
logged the training hours for the instructor qualification, and we have two
experienced instructors hired for the summer season. Everything is finally
coming together.
Zee is busy with plans and contractors getting to work now that the
council is on board with the paperwork she has submitted for her venture.
The sooner the project is underway, the better in my eyes. It will be another
anchor to her staying in Tregethworth.

“You know, we could easily offer a discount on surf hire or lessons for any
of your customers. An incentive for booking?” I’ve cooked dinner for Zee
after she’s come over to share the latest design sketches of her glamping
pods.
“I’d love that. Supporting local businesses is a part of our USP. All of
the materials, décor, and furnishings will be locally sourced. Maybe I could
ask Molly about a loyalty card idea.” She turns away from me and
rummages in her bag for her phone as I top up her glass with her favourite
red wine.
Zee doesn’t believe in making notes with pen and paper, and everything
is stored on her phone.
“Come on. The washing up can wait. Sofa. Wine. Us.” I drag her away
from the breakfast bar and bring our glasses with us.
The sun has just vanished into the sea, but we like to sit and look out at
our view.
I pull her against me and put my arm over her shoulder.
“Thank you for dinner.”
“My pleasure.” I kiss her head and run my fingers down her arm.
She sighs contentedly, and I tip her chin towards me to reach her lips. I
won’t want it to stop there, though.
Zee twists and I cup her cheek as she kneels over me.
My kiss doesn’t stay sweet, and I lick inside her mouth, opening her up
for me.
“Spend the night,” I groan as I bite and kiss her throat and around to her
ear like I know she loves.
“I’ll call my mum.”
And the mood is spoilt.
“What, like we’re teenagers again?” I mock. Zennor hasn’t spent the
night more than a few times, and it has been planned on the back of dates
previously.
“Well, no, but also yes.” She stands and points her finger at me. “She’ll
worry if I don’t come home,” she defends before heading to find her phone.
I take a deep breath, amazed at how parental intervention is still getting
in the way of our sex life at nearly forty years old.
“What are you doing about getting your own place?” I call.
She hasn’t mentioned much about it since we got together.
“Nothing at the moment, or at least I’m only looking to rent. I don’t
really want to find a deposit towards a house on top of the investment for
the start-up without first getting some return back.” She’s looking at her
phone as she comes back to the sofa.
I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of weeks now. Hell, if I’d
known it wouldn’t freak her out, I’d have asked the first night she was here.
But I was tired of waiting for something that I wanted—tired of waiting for
Zee.
“Just move in here,” I toss it out as casually as possible and reach for
my wine.
“Pardon?”
“You heard. Move in with me.”
“I can’t … We can’t … It’s too soon.” She starts to make excuses, but I
know that nothing is standing in our way if we both want this.
“Why, because we’ve not been dating for a set amount of time?
Bullshit, it feels right for me. And it solves our problem of updating your
mum every time you’re here. We’re both going to be flat out over the next
few months, and if you live here, I know I’ll be able to come home to you
and wake up next to you every day.”
She slumps into the sofa and stares at me.
“You say some of the most romantic crap, Jayce.” She shakes her head
as if dismissing me. It’s her automatic response to push away compliments
or words of affection, and I know it’s because that’s what she’s done for
decades.
I shrug.
It’s the truth, and I plan on telling her every day we’re together until it
sinks in.
“Can we?” She scowls like she’s having an internal argument with
herself. “Is this crazy?” Finally, she smiles at me.
“It’s not crazy. We weren’t ready twenty years ago. Now is our chance. I
know I’m not going to leave it up to fate this time. There’s only one girl for
me, and it’s you. It’s always been you. I love you, and I want you in my life.
Not just dating but all in. We both deserve happiness, and I know it will
make me fucking ecstatic when you say yes.”
Her eyes are wide as she takes in my little speech, and I wait for her
reaction.
“Yes!” She launches her arms around my neck, and I fall back into the
cushions. “I can’t believe it, but yes. I want to live with you.”
 “Thank you.” I squeeze her to me. “I thought I’d have to fight you for
this.”
“Hey, no fair.” She releases me and sits back down on the sofa.
“I’m teasing.” I turn her face towards me, so she’s looking right at me.
“But know this, I want to make up for all of those years we were apart.
We’ve got a lot to live for together, and I will spend the rest of our lives
showing you how much I love you.”
Her lips wobble, and I see the emotion shining in her eyes even through
the dusky light of the room.
“I love you, too.” Her voice cracks a little as she says the words I’ve
needed to hear for such a fucking long time.
Finally, we can start our unfinished summer.

OceanofPDF.com
EPILOGUE

OceanofPDF.com
 ZENNOR

6 Months Later

J ayce told me about his surf life with Finnan, and the pain of his loss is
still something he grieves. That’s as plain as day. Coming back here is
a big step for him, but I’m pleased we are at a point we can share this
together.
Being there for one another is something new for me—for both of us.
But it’s also the only place I want to be. And I wanted to be included in that
life that Jayce had found, away from me and Tregethworth.
We arrive at the airport, clear security, and Jayce leads us over to two
guys who look pretty happy to see him. They hug, slapping each other on
the backs.
“Good to see you, Baby Surfer.”
“You, too, man.”
The reunion only lasts a few seconds before Jayce introduces us all.
“Guys, Zee. Zee, this is Archie and Bear.” I recognise them both from the
photos in his apartment. It might be Jayce’s apartment, but I can’t help but
think of it as truly ours.
“Hi.” I give them an awkward wave and pretend I don’t see the glances
back and forth between them.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here.” Bear leads us to a huge truck in the
parking garage.
“How far is it to Nazaré?” I ask.
“Hour, hour and a half depending on traffic,” Jayce confirms, but I hear
the sorrow in his voice. It’s the first time he’s been back since he left, and
the anniversary of Finnan’s death is sure to bring up bad memories.
“There’s a small swell heading in,” Archie says from the front seat.
“There’ll be some action over the coming days.”
“Have you guys been out in the water since, you know …” I tail off, not
sure if I should say his name all of a sudden.
“A few times,” Bear confirms. “Not when it’s raging. And we make
sure we’re out on safety duty backing up the crazy cowboys who still
charge after the big ones.”
I nod, thinking back to the photos I’ve seen of Jayce. He used to be one
of those, and I wonder if he misses it.
The surf shop and surf school have gone from strength to strength over
the summer, and Jayce has been out teaching the sport he’s passionate
about. It’s not like he’s abandoned what he loves, but I can’t imagine it
being the same thrill he used to chase.
The journey stretches out, and conversation is muted.
We finally reach the town, and I’m surprised at how busy it is. I thought
a resort in the middle of winter would empty.
“It’s busy.”
“Nazaré is popular all year round now. Thanks to the surfing,” Archie
fills me in.
We pull up to the house and park in front of the garage. There’s a
balcony on the second floor and steps leading up to the front door. Again,
I’m surprised by its appearance. I guess I still have a stereotyped view of
what a surfer would choose for accommodation.
We unload the luggage, and Jayce shows us to the bedroom upstairs
with the balcony. It’s empty, except for a few pieces of furniture and linens
on the bed.
“Your bedroom?”
“Yep. Bear and Archie have the other two when they want. I didn’t want
to sell when I left. I didn’t need the money, and I wanted to make sure they
always had a place when they were in town.”
“That’s generous of you.” I rub his shoulder, offering him some
comfort.
“Come on. I want to take you down to the Fort.”
“Fort?” I ask.
“It’s on the edge of the cliff looking over the swell. It’s where tourists
and spectators watch, and it’s the best place to see the waves.”
 “Okay. I’d like that.”
It’s only a few minutes by car, and we park up on a dirt track and walk
the rest of the way. My hair is swept all over the place by the winds, and I
hold it down as we get closer to the structure.
“You surfed that?” I stand on the edge near the lighthouse looking out at
waves smashing against the cliffs. My eyes are transfixed on the swell.
Seeing the sheer scale turns my stomach; a roll of nausea sweeps over me.
“Yeah. Although they aren’t too big today.”
“Seriously?” My voice squeaks as I turn to him before looking back at
the sea. Seeing the waves in person makes it look so much more dangerous
than I had pictured in my head after looking at the photographs in the shop
or on the walls at home.
“Yeah. Nazaré is the pinnacle, and I was the best in the world at this
once.” I cling to his arm in need of support as I take in the sheer enormity
of what he used to do.
“Well, as someone who loves you, can I say that I’m pleased you’re not
out there anymore. It looks crazy insane. I mean, how did you even attempt
that?” I’m stunned, watching a wave form, grow, and then smash down onto
the rocks below, sending white spray high into the air.
“Don’t worry. I won’t be back surfing any of these waves. I want to live
the rest of my life more than I need to seek that thrill again.” He pulls me
against him, wrapping me in his arms.
It’s an uncomfortable feeling. I’m pleased he’s not doing this anymore,
for my own sanity, but saddened by what forced that decision.
The waves repeat as we stand in silence, watching over the spectacle
below.
“Thank you for coming with me.”
“Of course.” I turn to face him, fighting with my hair to keep it out of
my face.
Jayce takes my hand, and we walk around the tip of the cliff and back
towards the car.
“Do you want to go anywhere else?”
I didn’t know what else to say or what I could do to help Jayce. He’s
always been the one to be positive and look to the future, even when I
wouldn’t listen.
“No. We’ll go get cleaned up and ready for tonight.”
 We are having dinner with Archie and Bear tonight, along with a few
others who knew Finnan well. A celebration to mark the date.

After showering, having a light lunch, and catching up with Archie and
Bear, we all head into town to one of the local restaurants the guys loved.
There’s a section towards the back with a large round table reserved for us.
Jayce introduces me to Mr Sanderson, the man I learned, who gave
them their first shot at surfing professionally. He has salt and pepper
through his hair, and his face has some deep lines that, no doubt, the sun
helped along.
“Are Finnan’s family coming?” I ask as we take our seats.
“No. We visited them in Ireland for the funeral, but this is really for us.”
He kisses the back of my hand and reaches for his water glass. I’ve never
seen Jayce like this. He seems nervous, even though he’s amongst friends.
While the last guests sit, the owner comes over and greets everyone
animatedly, all hugging and shaking hands, and to my surprise, Jayce
speaks in Portuguese with him. They embrace like they are old friends, and
then his servers set about pouring wine for everyone.
“You speak Portuguese?” I whisper to Jayce when he sits back down.
“I’ve been living here on and off for years. I picked it up.” He shrugs
modestly.
“Any more surprises?” I jest, trying to lighten the mood.
“One or two.” And with that comment, I see the first genuine smile
from Jayce since we arrived. He picks up his glass and raises it towards me.
We clink, and I take a much-needed sip of wine.

By the end of the dessert, I’ve heard tales and stories from everyone at the
table, all about Jayce and Finnan. My heart feels full at hearing such joyful
and fond accounts of their adventures, and I wish I’d known him then.
The evening is a true celebration, punctuated with fantastic food and
company.
Just as I anticipate the end of the evening, Jayce clears his throat, taps
his glass with a silver spoon and stands.
The table and even the rest of the restaurant descend into silence.
 “Thank you,” he starts. “Thank you for being here and marking this
day.” He raises his glass, and he’s greeted with cheers and grunts of
support. “But … if I may say a few words.” He looks at me and then back
towards his audience.
“Finnan picked me up and turned my life into what it is today. There’s
no other way to look at it. I owe him everything. He was my idol, my best
friend, my brother. He’s not here to see me today, but I hope he’d approve.
You see,” Jayce pauses, giving me a moment to blink my tears away,
“Finnan teased me about you, Zennor, for so many years. All the guys did.
When I took them to Tregethworth, they thought I was waiting for my
imaginary girlfriend.” Bear and Archie laugh a little, and I feel a rush of
heat to my cheeks as I look at them both and smile.
Jayce looks back at me. “But you’re here, with me today, and not in my
imagination. Finnan taught me so much in my life, but one of his most
important lessons was you’ve got to take your shots because you don’t
know what’s next. He can’t be here to see this, but you all can. Zennor
Williams, will you marry me?” He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls
out a ring.
My breath catches in my throat as I look between him and the ring.
“I bought us both bracelets when we first met, and I still wear that silver
bead from mine around my neck. I got this at the same shop, although I did
pay a tad more for this.” Murmurs carry around the table, but I’m still in
shock, looking at a beautiful diamond set between what looks like two
waves of gold.
He crouches down next to me. “So, what do you say?” This time he’s
speaking only to me.
“Yes.” I look up at him with tears in my eyes. “Yes!”
He slides the ring onto my finger, and the whole restaurant erupts into
applause and shouts of congratulations.
“I can’t believe you did this. I had no idea.” He pulls me to stand as he
does.
“Finnan would want me to take my shot, and this way, I’ll be able to
think about him and how happy you make me. It’s a win-win.”
“I’m sorry I never got to meet him.”
“So am I, baby.”
“To Jayce and Zennor,” Archie toasts.
“And Finnan,” Jayce and I toast together.
If you enjoyed falling in love in Cornwall, head back to Tregethworth in
New Tides.

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ALSO BY RACHEL DE LUNE

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 ABOUT RACHEL DE LUNE

Rachel De Lune writes emotionally driven contemporary and erotic romance.

She began scribbling her stories in the pages of a notebook several years ago, and still can’t resist
putting pen to real paper. What ifs are turned into heartfelt stories of love where there will always be
a HEA.
Rachel lives in the South West of England and daydreams about shoes with red soles, lingerie and
chocolate. If she’s not writing HEAs, she’s probably reading them. She is a wife and has a beautiful
daughter.
For every woman who's ever desired more.

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