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WILLIAM M. GAINES FOUNDER
BILL MORRISON VP & EXECUTIVE EDITOR
EDITORIAL ART DEPARTMENT
DAN TELFER SENIOR EDITOR SUZY HUTCHINSON ART DIRECTOR
ALLIE GOERTZ EDITOR DOUG THOMSON DESIGN DIRECTOR
CASEY BOYD ASSOCIATE EDITOR BERN MENDOZA ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR
REBECCA BOHANAN ASSISTANT EDITOR

CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS & WRITERS

THE USUAL GANG OF IDIOTS

02 Awkward, Man!
os Spy vs. Spy
10 Let's Have Fun With Debt!
13 Modern Gig Economist
14 New Evolutionism
16 Jack & Jim Gaffigan’s Easy 15-Step Recipe
for Avocado Toast
18 A MAD Look at Virtual Reality a eames
22 Events That Inspired Al Jaffee’s Iconic Signature
23 Potrzebie Comics
24 The 27 Club aie ;
28 Shazam! Funnies
29 Lukey & Mukey
33 Flesh Tape
34 Meanwhile...
3G A Very Fine wall
37 The Lighter Side of Fear
39 A Cinematic Masterpiece: Celebrating the
20th Anniversary of American Pie
40 Time Travel Study Buddies
41 Avenjerks: Is This Ever Gonna End-Game? re
47 The Wisenheim Museum: Drew Friedman
48 Shorts & Briefs ae
52 Incoming!
55 The MADifesto
56 Real, Dumb
INSIDE BACK COVER A Controversial Fold-In by Al Jaffee
VARIOUS PLACES Drawn Out Dramas by Sergio Aragonés
DOVER IDEA Lars Kenseth COVER ARTIST Chris Wahl
 asse
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Cy SUPER SPLASH BROS. DEPT. Zi “¢ sonst

1x-1]9) Ica’ got his superpowers by volunteering to test a super-soldier
serum so he couldfight Nazis. Superman got his powers from the effect
ith Earth's suf on his alien anatomy. As for this hero? Er, well... é
Ihe soy powers from his mom hooking up with \ ae) a
4 Sailor. om a

a WRITER DESMOND EVLIN ARTIST TOM RICHMOND

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the strength of royal weddingin | which is crueler: the enjoys himself once a bitchin’ update [Yi / / Ol Zep ' } as King Porn! Humans fx official advisor, yet
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the brains of a short glass of water, In real life, I'm only dollar franchise, despite so you won't ] ( Was Gi, zr half-brother gets to rule first three chiefs of staff!
jellyfish! The other and | don’t regret it! six years older than seeming like I'm no higher | mistake me for \I il] | fags | 7 NT rea a - \%4_ the sea despite being | suspect they keep
day he asked how Eloping is so the actor who plays than middle of the card Khal Drogo. \ cs Y\ Ane Zi A : | under qualified, and me around because
to spell “H20!” much cheaper! my other son! at WWE Hell in a Cell! Or Adam Levine! ) ; i ea yet I’m the bad guy. é | look like a fish!
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the ultimate badass, but | power is telepathically undersea world looks lush 2 = "a dé YG IE Why do black characters have gives me optic / mi} You may have thought my
can control liquid with my {7 communicating with fish. and beautiful, but don’t SAG V\ my Jy ; Mm to have the word “black” in blast power, as | Saw films gave audiences the [
mind! Check it out, | can Can you imagine how let that fool you. The ocean : U y Z their names? Black Panther, well as a weekly " ultimate in terror and pain, fF
push these stupid turtles boring that would be? has a kajillion sea creatures... (aim \ p\ : Black Lightning...Why no appointment with but wait until you hear the f
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getting real | don’t care, and the sea. He’s # diaper rash He =| can breathe] |can breathe!
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their deliveries turf baby! sauce? WY ? notSAG. jaa

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boy’s all those giant thought the ? ] crew. Also, twenty-five of let me have this KO
grown bulbs all the Huh, | thought lighthouse ad your own men! Maybe wildly one. My story line
up now. way to the he was tiny and |] was small, | shooting a machine gun inside 4 is weaker than PX
How'd he top of the it was a normal- too? an enclosed metal tube wasn’t — your brother’s f=
lighthouse! sized light bulb. : f the brightest idea!

Wait! 7 | vow to King Tedious, let us unite the

You a obsessively seven kingdoms so we may
can’t @ avenge the attack the humans. We'll use
leave # wouldn't be a DC superhero movie if | death | myself
him like 4 the hero didn’t do something dark recklessly Parliamentary red tape! Set
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| like your minutes before | can swim.
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hair! So, | just had all-you-can-eat
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does the holy mackerel at Church's
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use a for your mother? Let’s wait, you after you threw all Or we could do a simple blood
just say... she sleeps mean she’s those pumpkin bombs test, but we've got eighty
with the fishes. at Spider-Man? more minutes to fill here.

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noticed We can go into this whale’s } people thoughts. the ocean my
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underwater. we have to exit! market value. } to Chipotle. terrible idea.

LENE ETT TTT YLT TPF OTE

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3) Official fast food of all supervillains? going to by Black Mylanta, trench monsters, and but before seven
@| I'll blast you into blackened tuna totally ruin and now by a bunch ever since The Shape }} billion people die,
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tech gear that I've inexplicably TripAdvisor these crispy critters just text the
redesigned and mastered! ranking! here to eat us? Justice League?

Mother, Anyway, | had to reappear. King Scatman’s trident is Try being

you're If you haven't noticed, this guarded by the creature |)! with Johnny i] wreck the
alive! And movie only has three women behind the waterfall. Be ||| Depp for ||| suspense, but |
and I'm including the girl warned, I’ve never known |||five! Anyway,||/the title of this
working concessions! anything as unearthly and |||we can’t wait] | movie ain’t
terrifying...and | was with }] to find out Scary Squid
Tom Cruise for over ten years! J) Monster!

a “Mythical” is just “mystical” spoken with a lisp.

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squid monster? No one has I've never read a Take If you knew | was make sense!
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rooting for this guy? He’s |} Society just prefers just saved seven the humans, they
been absent for thirty leaders with the ; billion people can do their part to
years and Porn’s been nicest pointy- << from chaos and | | save the lands, seas,
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 Alleviate debtor’s guilt by remembering that
living with a financial deficit is the American way!
ey TILL DEBT DO US PART DEPT.

Dad, please. I m n o t b a d w i t h m y m o n e y —
Your credit cards being maxed out doesn’t mean
( Im a PATRIOT.
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YOU should be stressed out. It’s a problem, but
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you'll take care of it...eventually. Someday. Probably.
Right?! In the meantime, consider yourself richer
because you've got your hands on another installment
of MAD's tips for making the best out of the worst. Now... Rate |

WRITER & ARTIST

TERESA BURNS PARKHURST

Fantas t i c j o b , m a g n . L M A n
HERD undercover Officer from
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fpublic | f& a | the Departmentofuh... eis F
humiliation Use your pile of collection agency documents
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of having ‘ls i ; 4 : ‘ Lve lost, like, six pounds:
your card LLIN VAY ay Z cop. f AN verified tor vs the Name of se ener <p a A I Really need To pick uPay
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calling. ¥ i Pina 2 V i

Put together your own Invite friends over for a "fright night" every
out-of-control-spending support group. four months when you check your bank balance.
Lets celebrate the success of our) as a rae
first meeting with steak.andy }ey & oI sent ——- a Now that you're back to living with your parents, make your old room look like a real apartment.
on ME! a. ya 2 DS = ==
au as 3 ) - > Maree — JF aye (az... Yeah, I just finished painting
(ge YN Fees) see Ye 2a al: : (7 = i APES 4 the bathroom.

Create a bucket list of all the people you dream could bail you out.

Throw a going away party for each Just to be ironic, name your new ferret
of the items you have to pawn off. (which you can’t afford) Bankruptcy.
SS ‘Oh,Peesident Obama,ckay, Barack,
@ thank Yo u so Mu ch fo r pa yi ng of f th at Come on othes. stuff, Let's i»
stupid c r e d i t c a r d ! L e t ' s g o t o have ONE; Moke to tr
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Nite nite, Banky.
Gaga's, sh es ta ki ng ca ke o f M Y st ud en t wish it a great future!
> \
T Love You.

® Loan a n d I b e t s h e l l b u y
us lunch!
 | ALFREDCATRAZ
SO he? i =| OFALCOHOL (5) sa
POSSESSION
# yu

04-01-52 4-20-69

ART BY MIKE LOEW

AND GET THIS EXCLUSIVE, LIMITED EDITION, ALFRED E. NEUMAN

THIS 3” MINI TIKI MUG IS INCLUDED WITH YOUR 2-YEAR OR 3-YEAR PAID SUBSCRIPTION!

SUBSCRIBE ONLINE AT NAD

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Mug offer good for U.S. customers only. Supply is limited. Allow 12-16 weeks for delivery. Mug not shown to scale. Illustration not drawn to art director's specific
instructions, dammit. Any resemblance to an actual Polynesian god is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited by in-laws. If itching persists, see your doctor.
 (s
We here at MAD keep a keen eye on trends, constantly surveying the pop culture landscape for to ss —
ov,
inspiration. Whether it’s movies, television, literature, or music, we stay on the cutting edge a ')
and we cut deep! We could have given Cardi B the business, cut Royce da 5’9” down to a
size, or yanked on 2 Chainz’ chains. Instead, we’re skewering the pop duo : ,
that kids today can’t stop talking about: Gilbert § Sullivan! m ae

= pease PRY,
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Sung to the tune of 3 Kye

jo “Modern Major-General’s Song
A & A ’ ” .
:
I am the very model of a Modern Gig Economist
My problems are pervasive, no escaping, they’re the commonest
I work an 80~hour week and still I live in poverty
So any bootstraps you could spare would really mean a lot to me
My studio apartment is the size of a VW
And it would still look tiny if you saw it through the Hubble-view
A cost of one-point~seven K a month is how my pay is spent
And I sublet the closet to a stranger just to make the rent

I’m very good at Photoshop and Final Cut and InDesign “

I’ve got a shop on Etsy, you can buy the art I make online
And pay me in exposure for a bracelet you put on the wrist
I am the very model of a Modern Gig Economist

When I completed high school, I continued academia

And puked 100 grand like I had Student Loan Bulimia
I studied journalism with a passion hitherto unseen
With plans to blast “The Institution” into tiny smithereens
Who knew The Institution had composed its own catastrophes
The only job available was hostess at an Applebee’s
The Baby Boomers say that I’m a slacker and a wannabe A
But, really I’m a victim of the Modern Gig Economy ye

I’m Ubering and Lyfting and I’m harvesting my arteries

For plasma I can sell downtown, ‘cause times are getting hard for me
I really should have trained to be a certified phlebotomist
I hear they rake it in, unlike a Modern Gig Economist

My checking’s overdrafted so they’re charging me a service fee

I haven’t got a penny and they’re taking 20 bucks from me
They’re cutting off the gas, the power, water and the Internet
I really, most sincerely, truly wish it wasn’t winter yet
I’ve had to sell my laptop and my cell phone just to buy some food
I’m freezing in my car and they complain about my attitude
I whisper as the icy hand extracts the final breath of me
They paid me in exposure and exposure is the death of me

Now, I’m up in heaven with Saint Peter at the pearly door

He says they haven’t got a room and asks me what I’m early for
There is a closet I could rent, but God is gonna charge a fee
I guess there’s no escaping from this Modern Gig Economy mee. oe
WRITER JESSE KOESTER ARTIST ED STECKLEY >
 NEWEVOLUTIOMIN! “gee cee
CSUSEEEEAA «We ccout te theMAD reader these Incpiring arohecies ote GENTRIF leATION INTERN, ALIZATI }NI

L F I E A R M ! — &
)% h e S EOne of the first radical changes will take place in just a few years.
Instagram addicts, forget your shameful selfie sticks! Nature will
reward your resourcefulness!

AN | LUZ
hoki ERAL |UM, IN RECESSION:
he JOB SILALER! Unemployed persons will no longer have to fear starvation nor dehydration! The wage gap between
o rich and poor will be so great as to create an evolutionary disparity even in their physical size!
As everyone knows, in the future humans will lose their jobs to robots. Another cruel career predator
will be this morphing monster, able to blend into even the most mundane of places!

ae ne ee ¥

“OI
awWN

20al) 200 2300 = 2a suug

Cheer up! In your new small size, you will need
fewer resources!

KETTENS.
Wis
( yy Hig
After years of dominating social networks,
human influencers and cute kittens will
finally unite. They shall lord over all other
species, colonizing Earth with a glamorous
new mutant pedigree!

14 15
 >
STEP1)
BUY AN AVOCADO!
Eg)
GIVE UP CHEESE, BUTTER, DAIRY, AND OVERALL
—, )STEP 5)
TELL RICH FRIENDS OVER
A GLASS OF WHITE
STEP6)
p
TOSS OVERRIPE, ROTTEN AVOCADO

''
COMPLETE THE BREAD CYCLE: HAPPINESS. BEGIN SAMPLING VEGETABLES, WINE THAT YOU "LOOOOOOVE AVOCADOS!!!” YOU PURCHASED FROM STEP1.
SWITCH FROM EATING SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING RESEMBLING BECOME SO
WHITE BR EAD TOAST A CONSISTENCY TO FOOD THAT HUMANS EAT. RICH AND

WHITE

''
TO WHEAT BREAD TOAST

TO 32-GRAIN BREAD TOAST

THAT YOU
“DISCOVER”
AVOCADOS
''
TO GLUTEN-FREE TOAST

TO USING LETTUCE AS BREAD AS A NEW

TO SAWDUST TOAST
VEGETABLE!

TO WHITE BREAD TOAST, EX GUAC OF SHAME DEPT.

IRONICALLY.
Hey, everyone! I’m Jack Gaffigan, and I’m 13 years old.
My evil, bald, obese dad, Jim Gaffigan, forces me to make
him breakfast every morning! Then | have to watch him eat
it! GROSS! Actually, one morning my fat dad (note: he is fat!)
and | were laughing about how trendy and ridiculous avocado
i 8 GET ANGRY ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S SPELLING
ERRORS ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK. LASH
SG \) S ‘yi
MOVE INTO A SINGLE-ROOM HALFWAY HOUSE THAT A K I iM az > ih) Y 2 ® “ pelea Ula ae e asl eancmanaped beh
ONLY ALLOWS HOT PLATES AND TOASTERS. A) RON J igos a4 S ON A
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EASY 15-STEP f Te a en START USING

RECIPE FOR Til ge Ws), THE TERM
“BRUNCH”
IN A SINCERE,
NON-SARCASTIC
WAY!

WRITERS JACK & JIM GAFFIGAN

ARTIST SAM VIVIANO

DECIDE YOU ENJOY EATING OUTSIDE SMUGLY EAT YOUR AVOCADO TOAST
ON SIDEWALKS NEAR MOVING OUTSIDE ON A SIDEWALK NEAR MOVING TRAFFIC AND
TRAFFIC AND CAR EXHAUST. TRY TIMING A MEAL AROUND THAT RANDOM MINUTE CAR EXHAUST WHILE READING MAD MAGAZINE.
GIVE UP. TOSS AVOCADO FROM STEP 7.
THAT THE AVOCADO FROM STEP 7 IS NOT HARDASA
BASEBALL, NOR SOFT AS A PLASTIC BAG OF DOG POO.
ee THE SERGE-IN GENERAL DEPT.

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WRITER & ARTIST SERGIO ARAGONES COLORIST TOM LUTH

= we a(t
— an Al Jaffee fan (and Events ~ /a\ oe al
let's face it,you are), you know his That Inspired
signature is a drawing of a face ()
instead your classic loop-di-loos.
But where in the world did that face
come from? We asked the man es
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WRITER & ARTIST

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JANIS KURT AMY BRIAN ROBER

BY LUKE MCGARRY

HOW’RE THINGS IN / |\T SEEMS LIKE its 50 THREE DAYS OF PEACE, ANDO LOTS OF
ROCK 'N’ ROLL YESTERDAY THAT YEARS SINCE LOVE, AND MUSIC... NAUGHTY, NAKEO
| WAS PLAYING ME ANDO JIMI NuDITY/ | NEVER
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IT's NOT A PROBLEM, BRIAN—
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ULTIMATE ve OUT WHEN
SUPERGROUP! ANNIVERSARY- DISGUISES AND SAY You’RE
LET'S JUST | BET we MY BACKING BAND!
BooK you COULD GET
ON THE Bit!

WELL, MY NOSE
IS ONLY 27...
Yoo-Hoo! Kurt! TAKE IT WITH You
CAN | * CHAMONE* ONLY THOSE
COME WITH You?
WHO DIED For Luck! * Aow!/+
* HEE — HEE! *
AT THE AGE *¥CHAMONE/
OF 27
HAVE THE
POWER To
Visit THE
MORTAL

IT SMELLS LIKE
TEEN sPIRIT./

WRITER & ARTIST LUKE MCGARRY

24
 is
A SLIGHT DETOUR To PICK UP ROBERT JOHNSON... » SOMETIMES | WISH FEW MINUTES LATER...
Gian WHENE V0 NEVER SOLO MY |
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EAT” HOT 0O0G PERSONALLY MADE SURE HARD ON SATAN FoR THE DEVIL!
TOO BAD?
THERE WAS NO KETCHUP THERE, ROB...
OAY IN HELL...

a
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IN FACT, I'M SURE | GAVE THAT TOP

TO GOODWILL IN 1969...

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= ‘ ' ANOTH ER FESTI VAL
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GETS NAKED
AND FREAKY!
SHAZAM! FUNNIES \ #5...
Stupip

WRITER & ARTIST KERRY CALLEN AIPPALLING

SHAZNUTS Adav-approvery
BILLY, I'LL HOLD THE THIS TIME I'LL DO IT RATS!
FOOTBALL AND YOU COME FOR SURE... STILL MISSED.
RUNNING UP TO KICK IT! +)
ER
Ns

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aa
At that moment, the underworld learned
ad
“Hey! Who's the careless slob who was
to never make fun of Billy Batson’s acne problem.
looking at Catwoman files and spilled cola?”

BILLY AND TAWNY

MAYBE HAVING SUPER
POWERS WILL GET RID
OF HICCUPS.
STUPID
(Hic)
HICCUPS!
 y LOOK, DR. 0: GooD N J TETHERED AST York,
THEMS LIGHTNINGS LORD, CHILD, STOP AM TO MY TEMPORAL { MORE SCIENCEY
ke BUGS IS ACTUALLY THE ( SHAGGY-ING. IT’S FAMILIARS, THESE STUFFS.
EYE-BONES OF A SPOOKY JUST A GHOST. WAIT-- OPOSSUMS, MY STAY IS
GH-GH-GHOST. GHOSTP! SHORT. YOUR EXPERIMENT SHUT UP, CHILD.
GASPAR! To BRIDGE OUR REALITY GASPAR, TELL ME: WHAT
os AND THE ASTRAL PLANE LIES BEYOND THIS VALE
HELLO, WAS A SUCCESS. OF TEARS?
OBIDIAR.
ABANDONED DURING A FIELD TRIP,
YOUNG LUKEY MUENSTER ENLISTED
DR. FREDERICK "HOT PEPPER” OBIDIAN
TO GET HIM HOME. WHILE STRANDED ON
fA COUNTRY ROAD, DR. OBIDIAH INADVERTENTLY
MENTIONED A FORMER ASSOCIATE NAMED
GASPAR, THEN TRIED To COVER UP HIS GAFFE.
MEANWHILE, THE VOOGANS’ TRAVEL DYNAMICS
DETERIORATED FURTHER AS THEY NEARED
EARTH. WE MET ESME AND DIEGO, FOOD
TRUCK CHEFS. ESME’S BRAIN HAS BEEN
ITCHING AS A RESULT OF INTERSTELLAR
PROBING WAVES (FROM GUESS WHO). AND
MUKEY HECKLED A STAND-UP Comic,
WHICH WON HIM AN INSTANT CULT. PHEW!
THESE RECAPS ARE EXHAUSTING!

> ob, HOW T WANT To HATE You, y okAY, “IT IS THE ARE YOU WIKI-ING A LOOK, You WANT
YES, YES/T--
OBIDIAH. BUT YOU USED THE CORRECT WORLD OF THE CELESTIAL DEFINITION WHEN You'VE THE SECRET To THE
WORD THERE: “VALE” INSTEAD OF SPHERES, CROSSED BY THE GOT SOMEONE ACTUALLY ONIWWERSE OR WHATD
“VEIL.” ‘UGH, You SOUL IN ITS ASTRAL BODY RESIDING THERE RIGHT TL GOT ASTRAL PLACES T’M GONNA PLAY MY
WERE ALWAYS A WORD ON THE WAY To BEING HERE? To BE... GAME WHILE YOU TWO
NERD. BUT WHAT OF THE BORN AND AFTER DICKER.

OW, 'M SORRY, DID LT SAY

SPECTRAL PLANE? DEATH...”
ATH THIS MUST
“SPECTRAL’? PRETTY SURE BE SCIENCEY
(S$ THERE STUFFS, ‘Cos LT
L SAID “ASTRAL.”
A DIFFERENCED \S BORED.
GAH!

OKAY, SO THE HE...HE WAS GOING THOSE UGLY CATS GAD, YouU'RE
SECRET IS-- To REVEAL UNTOLD HAVE NAKEDY TAILS AND RIGHT! L WIKI'D! "Jo POWER?!
MYSTERIES AND YOU... POINTY FACES. PLUS DI'N'T THREE BARS! HURRAH!
NO! NO/ THE YOU SAID YoU NEVER HEARDS I CAN USE GPS To
OPOSSUMS ARE SPOOKED OF GASPARP GUIDE US To--
BY ELECTRONIC GAMING LT CAN'T EVEN.
SOUNDS! I--1--
PLUS ALSO
PLUSSED: YOU GOT
A SIGNAL ON YOUR
PHONE?

WRITER & ARTIST BOB FINGERMAN 29

 ESME, LAM GUIDED
So, THESE IMAGINE TWO CATTY ° MY POOR, I MADE NO ™~
WHERE ARE WE
BY VOICES, DIEGO. LT DON'T
VOICES? SPACE-FOLK JOCKEYING FoR TORMENTED PROMISES. NOW, ONWARD.
GOING?
UNDERSTAND, BUT FOLLOW
PRIMACY IN A TINY SPACECRAFT SISTER. T-- I AM COMPELLED...
TL MUST.
HURTLING THROUGH SPACE- Al-YI-¥if
SPACE. MY EYE-EYE-
HOKAY, SIS. JUST
IT MAKE THAT'S A LOTTA EYES!
NO MORE GHOST PEPPER
NO PROMISES. SPACE. MY HEAD IS
IN MY EYES, POR CRAMMED WITH SPACE’S,
FAVOR.
DIRTY LAUNDRY. ow.

GLAD THE MANAGER COMPED se EXALTED AN’ CHARISMATIC O, SNARKSOME, SILENCE! CORRECT, THOUGH
THIS SUITE AND ALL ITS PERKS, WHICH GREEN ONE, NO NAILS IS MAKING CHARTREUSE BE GLAD IT SAID LT DON’T KNOW WHAT
I DESERVE. SOMEHOW. T'VE HAD A THIS MANICURE KINDA TOUGH MONARCH, OUR HUMAN PYRAMID, YALL SAID EITHER |S, REALLY.
NoT HUMAN YALL WANNA
ROUGH LIFE, EVEN THOUGH IT’S ONLY To DO. KNEES IS ACHY
N CENTIPEDE.
| WALL, RIGHT? AN’
BEEN 147 MINUTES So FAR. AN’ OUR BACKS IS GOOD ENOUGH.
EXCUSES, Y'ALL DON’ LIKE
BREAKY... YALL HAS OUR TOTAL
EXCUSES! IMMIGRANTS?
SUPPORT.

im PA ere
\
poll8

C e NN i e |) ¥
| if j
‘a

OKAY, THEN, BACK To “ALL MUCUS IS EQUAL, BUT SOME SNOT IS THE PERFECT
DICTATING MY MANIFESTO. MUCUS IS MORE EQUAL THAN CONDUIT FOR OLFACTORY STIMULI.
WHICH IS MORE SAHEMG... OTHERS. ESPECIALLY SOMEONE FACT! T WAVE ALL THE BEST
THAN LT CAN SAY FOR MADE ENTIRELY OF IT.” FACTS!
YOUR KNEES AND BACKS.
ERGO: UGH/ WHY DID LT
THIS COLT NEEDS
ORDER ALL THIS FAST FOODP IT SMELLS
SHAPING OP.
LIKE WET PAPER BAGS AND FARTS.

FOR US,
MOST BENEFICENT
LEADER. vs
TRUE-- TAM THE
GREATEST.
 ARE WF NO No. IT'S NOT LIKE A FORMER COLLEAGUE, DON'T BEA >
-—-..-
SNOTTY? SCREW THE SECRETS oF
YOU MAD AT WHOSE EXISTENCE IT STEADFASTLY DENY FOR FEAR OF SNOTTY CHILD. THE UNIVERSE FOR WHICH I CAN’T HOLD
L WEREN'T
MEP LEGAL LIABILITY, TRAVERSED THE SPECTRAL PLANE To A PATENT/ BACK ON THE TRAIL OF
REVEAL THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE, OR BEING SNOTTY,
f= MUCUNOID™ * THE CREATURE OF
ANYTHING. MY MAKING!
L
THUNKED IT WAS
ASTRAL.

FIRST WELL, THIS IS A PICKLE. AGREED.

BUT L SIMPLY CAN'T
IST THINGS FIRST! WE BOTH SOMEHOW HAVE
SOMETHING'S
EVER GOING NAMELY ENDED UP IN COMMAND, ABIDE CAPRICIOUS
GOTTA GIVE, NORTAR. DEMOTIONS.
HOME? MYTHINGS! SO NO ONE I$ PILOTING THE THIS SPACE-BICKERING
VESSEL. \S GETTING US SPACE- |

NOWHERE You SAY :

FAST. “CAPRICIOUS,” I SAY
“CAPROOCIOUS.”

yr THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY BANANAS. ANOTHER ENTICING

SENSE. I COULD CITE ARTICLE 25.5 COMMODITY PRODUCED ON PLANET \T APPEARS,
OF THE VOOGAN CONSTITUTION, THAT 868.* WE ARE AT AN IMPASSE, AND IT APPEARS THAT
LI COULD REMOVE YOU FROM COMMAND NORTAR. THE ARTIST DECIDED To Do AN
BECAUSE YOU ARE STRAIGHT-UP THEY DO LOOK EXTERIOR SHOT OF OUR WAYWARD
CUCKOO BANANAS. DELICIOUS. AND PACKED SPACESHIP, DESPITE HIS PROTESTS
WITH POTASSIUM. TO WISHING OTHERWISE.

WHAT
AN A-HOLE.
ON THIS
WE CONCUR,
COMMANDER.
 HAS You CALLED GAH! Sa TO THE CASINO! >= ore LET'S ALERT
ME COMMANDER! GET LT REFUSE LT SEEMS NO ORGANISM P-PLEASE You Gon’ THE NEAREST
OUTTA MY SEAT! To- CAN RESIST CRAPS. HELP M-MEEE. HELP THAT NEARLY AUTHORTTY!
SO COLD. EXSANGUINATED CAR ‘
GLY, DR. oP

a PARDON, THERE'S UM, WHUZZAT-

OH, THE CHARTREUSE, TRANSLUCENT ~ THE LITTLE GREEN NV
GUIDING STAR OF THE 2/ST CENTURY. SINCE CRITTER I CREATED
A WRECK OUTSIDE. MORE: YOU MEAN Now?
HE WON OVER THE MOB AT THE COMEDY NOT TWO HOURS AGO?
WAVE YOU SEEN A SMALL THE MOST SUPREME
CLUB WE’VE ALL GLORIED IN HIS
EXALTED ONEP
MAGNIFICENCE.

HERESY! - “THING,” HE SAYS? YW wis we'D Y, onTusyou THIS MOST BE SHUT UP AND
BLASPHEMY! V “THING”? “THING”? HIT THE MEN'S ROOM ARE NOT WRONG A MISTAKE. THE HORBLE ALONG.
BALONEY! HOW ARE WE TALKING SEIZE THE INTRUDERS AFORE BEING TRUSSED ADDLED CHILD. MUCUNOID™ COULDN'T THE EXALTED ONE
DARE YOU SPEAK | ABOUT THE SAME \ AND TAKE THEM TO THE UP AN’ FROG- POSSIBLY BE-- WILL KNOW HOW
OF THE GUIDING THING? PRESIDENTIAL MARCHED. To DEAL WITH THE
SUN RAY, SUITE! ; LIKES OF You.
THUS! :
 - = = a
J , — po
_ axe -_ | oi -
DE FLESH DAILY DEPT. =
aa DAMN! I FELL AND BROKE MY WOW, I DID IT! MY LEG
LEG! I CAN’T WAIT FOR A DOCTOR! 15 FIXED AND NOW I’M
LUCKILY I BROUGHT A ROLL OF GOING TO HEAD BACK TO
FLESH TAPE™, SO I CAN FIX THAT THE TOP OF THE SLOPE!
BROKEN LEG MYSELF!

FLESH TAPE™ COMES IN SO HANDY! I JUST PULL YOU'RE THAT GLY FROM THAT THAT NEW JUST REMEMBER TO
INTO A HANDICAPPED SPACE, REMOVE MY SEVERED [all TERRIBLE CAR WRECK. We HAD FLESH TAPE CLEAR™ CLEAN YOUR CHEST
HAND THAT’S HELD ON BY FLESH TAPE™, AND TO REPLACE ALOT OF YOUR HAS BEEN FANTASTIC! WITH WINDEX™
STICK IT IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT! INTERNAL ORGANS! WHO NEEDS X-RAYS? TWICE A WEEK.

WS \\VAra\\ |
TL,

NUTS! I PULLED OFF MY GOOD

HAND! OH WELL, I'LL JUST REMEMBER, WHEN THE HALLOWEEN Pi (YES, LINE IT UP CAREFULLY AND USé TWO
USE MORE FLESH TAPE™! PARTY’S OVER AND YOU REATTACH MY b/ LAYERS OF FLESH TAPE™. I'LL REMEMBER!
HEAD, MAKE SURE YOU LINE IT UP I MEAN, IT’S NOT BRAIN SURGERY, IT’S
CAREFULLY WITH MY NECK AND= Roy JUST REATTACHING A HEAD!
° Wp, @
Wi" )

HEY, KIDS! STOP THIS IS GOING TO BE THIS 15 50 MUCH

PLAYING AROUND IN HARD TO EXPLAIN TO OUR MORE CREATIVE THAN
THERE AND COME FOLKS! WE JUST RAN OUT IF THEY PLAYED STUPID
HAVE YOUR DINNER! OF FLESH TAPE™! VIDEO GAMES!

WRITER DICK DEBARTOLO ARTIST EVAN DORKIN COLORIST SARAH DYER

 LAUGH CHANCE DEPT.

sp ea k tr ut h to po we r, an d sh in e a li gh t on WRITER IAN BOOTHBY

Great comedy should be cutting edge, ARTIST PIA GUERRA
tt er pl ac e. Bu t we ’r e al l ou tt a th at , so he re ar e so me jo ke s!
hypocris y, ma ki ng th e wo rl d a be

Wi
| WW

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Sulsueyo
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au}
suole}s
pjnoys
aq
‘pamej}no
saiqeg
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.

“ARE THERE ANY OBJECTIONS TO THIS MARR (AG es

BRIDE AND GRooM's TIME TRAVELLING FUTURE Seer THE E D O N T B E H A W K M A N . P L E A S E D O N T BE H A W K M A N . iy
“P L E A S
34 35
EY BORDERLINE INTELLIGENCE DEPT.
As the old saying goes, “History doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes.” Perhaps that’s why “The Super Patriot,” a snippet from our
epic poem in MAD #129, still holds as much weight today as it did in ‘69. We dusted off the full-length rhapsody, “The MAD Primer of
Bigots, Extremists, and Other Loose Ends,” and were so inspired we wrote a few new lines for modern times.

AVERY FINE WARE

There’s nothing to see behind this wall! Z
No pushed agendas, big nor small,
No namesake business undivested,
No mistress large (nor average) chested.

No tax returns with sketchy numbers,

No private corporate earnings covered, S
No profit from lax EPA regulations,
No parent at KKK demonstrations.

No foreign investments nor cash

that’s dumped there,
No prior conditions now struck
from Trumpcare,

No shutdowns precluding paychecks

and food stamps,
No kids sick and dying in detention camps.

No families legally seeking asylum

As racist beliefs separate
and profile ‘em,
Conflating “illegal” with
policy allowed
While border space
irresponsibly overcrowds.

And this wall hiding nothing

works to divide
States called “united” into
two warring sides—
Both too disabled to
do all they can
To stop the chaos of
just one man.

WRITER
REBECCA BOHANAN
ARTIST
TRAVIS MILLARD
 CLOWNS
wpe OVATE
SIDE
THE
OF

It’s great! | dance, make That’s really

balloon animals, and, most |} sweet. And you
WRITER TAMMY GOLDEN

Well...when I’m done with the

kids, | go bug the parents. When
= ARTIST JON ADAMS

Yup. That’s
where
importantly, | put a smile make a decent | see someone’s pupils dilate in | make my
on little kids’ faces. living that way? terror, | tell them that for a few real money.
extra bucks I'll go away. Ka-ching!

| want to be honest with Are you Sorry, but what | dunno. How Oh. Sure.
you. I’m deathly afraid serious?! do you want me about “I do,” so I do! Sorry to
of commitment. So, while And you're this nice man can hold you up,
| do love you, | don’t want telling me get on to marrying |] everyone! And
to be tied down. this now? the next couple? congrats!

GETTING OLDER
This morning my Just Please, Mama, old
reflection scared me How many years look at how |/ |'q kill for skin )}you must
half to death. If don’t |} have you ees sixty smooth her |] that tight. Ma’am, |] tell us. peg
get more fillers, I’m |}now? Wow, look at her! skin is. No whoever does Who
terrified people will |] That’s the best face scars or your work is is your
realize I’m sixty! work I’ve ever seen! lifts! frown lines!) uh-may-zing! ) \doctor?!

37
 PUBLIC SPEAKING
Oh, don’t worry. It’s Okay, in that Well, of course it did. If |win this, two | Know you'll write Ahem - “I'd like to thank the That ’'D LIKE TO
probably more afraid of case, I'll keep You scared it. It had every hundred million and memorize a Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, sounds THANK MY FATHER
you than you are of it. walk-oww!! right to attack you! people will see my heartfelt speech. for giving me strength; and my perfect! WHO IS A GHOST
speech on live TV. You’re an actor, loving wife for inspiring me. You’re You’re GOOD NIGHT.
| hope | lose! you’ve got this! my rock! Thanks and good night!” ready,
Maybe | can do this! sweetie!

New hire? They’re re-

Congrats, Oh, god. | am so Hey, everyone, Is he even right for So, what are your Oh, that’s easy, doctor. In Well, the bad news is you’re about
Mark! Can I'd like you to placing me, aren’t they?
not qualified. 1’ll the job? Why didn’t biggest fears? Can this order: Public speaking. to face one of your fears. The good
you start be found out and meet Mark—
| can’t blame them.
I check his references?! you list them? Losing my job. Dogs. Death. news: it’s not in your top three!
Monday? fired in no time. He’s clearly perfect and
our new hire! | suck at this.
Sa knows everything!

OBSESSING FLYING
As akid, | had a paralyzing That sounds | didn’t! Now that That’s amazing. I had ...to literally Just think, kids born Don’t be scared. Oh, god... Ease...Relax... Hi, can
Ahhhh,
need to touch every phone crippling! they are virtually a horrid phobia of leaving outliving the right now will sidestep Take your pill, say good...my it’s okay, Release. Ease... | move seats?
booth | saw or else | thought How’d you obsolete, it’s hardly messages on answering source of a fear of owning ahome a mantra, and sedative is We're encountering some just breathe RelaxReleaseEase! I'm terrified
something awful would happen. get over it? a problem. machines. Here’s... our fears! before they’re thirty! have a few drinks! kicking in. turbulence. Please keep and say your (pant pant pant) of anxious
Love you. seatbelts fastened. mantra.
 cy HISTORY MESSIN’ DEPT.

TIME-TRAVEL, STUDY BUDDIES’ WRITERS SIMON RICH & FARLEY KATZ ARTIST FARLEY KATZ

\ GATHER ROUND, CHILDREN. FOR

: I AM ABOUT TO CONDUCT A MOST
Be eae \ ELECTRIFYING EXPERIMENT!

HOW DO YOU GO TO THE BATH- I THINK WE SHOULD

ROOM IN YOUR TIME PERIOD?. USE DISCUGE
TO THIS OPPORTU NITY
ELECTRICI TY.

WE DON'T CARE
ABOUT THAT!

l= aa _—, wa - er 1

WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW, WHEN I FEEL ( WHAT DO YOU df YEAH, WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO ARRGH! JUST
THE URGE TO RELIEVE MYSELF, I WALK A MEAN, YF /7’S J, THERE ISN'T ANY /@ | DISCUSS THIS ANYMORE. TELL US!
TO AN OUTHOUSE AND GO INSIDE A HOLE. \ \ AROUND"? J NEWSPAPER? J 5
THEN I WIPE MYSELF WITH NEWSPAPER... Pee i 4
77
IF IT’S AROUND. 7 |

IF THERE ISN'T ANY

NEWSPAPER...UH...I WIPE
MYSELF WITH CORNCOBS.

7 acuanceat \
ML GREAT KNOWLEDGE |
 a OVERSIZED FRANCHISE DEPT.

What can you do with a billion dollars and a billion characters?

First things first: kill half of them! Okay, done. Now what?
We may not have seen it yet, but we already feel like we’ve
seen Avengers: Endgame a thousand times.
With that in mind, allow us to consult our
crystal ball with our newest feature...

Se af can't believe that I, lrony Man, tried

Also, my fiancée,
| to save the world, but ended up
packed my lunch
= | letting the evil alien Th’anus turn half
and accidentally
> | the universe to ash, and got trapped
made me a jade Someone
here on Titan, millions of miles from
egg salad again!
home. Mondays, am | right? in Nebulalala’s robot shoes for a day. has got to
| can’t turn off my Wi-Fi, and all | can take Neil
| pick up are nerds wanting to know deGrasse :
how an infinite war can have a Tyson's Twitter y,
sequel—never mind an endgame! } \away from him! ZZ
= TWEE
What are When your movie
we doing {|} makes over a billion
| here? Our § dollars, you can
story was 39 |} show up wherever
pagesago! } you want!

Come on, | Yeah, Sorry, Netflix,

let us into 5 everyone’s you're not
the film! in this on the list!
We might be effing You neither,
able to help! thing! Hulu kids!

I'll do it and
supposed to be in let you make
another Spidey-Man i me into a
movie this summer! 3 sandwich
What am | gonna do? ‘ i after!

NotRPICL
, SP ereeeus
‘
i 633 OFF)

»
 Screw this! What the what Marble’s parent Hey! Wipe your Then
I'm outta if?! How are you company, Dizzy, just Okay, but just feet! You're I've got
doing that? bought the rights to so you know, stepping into something
the Trans-reformers. § |’m Stark raving my pod hatch! in my lunch
Get in and drive! drunk! \ 2 my What do you think | think the
=e x) Old MacTh’anus has 4 of my sexy new song, || Avenjerks want
a farm, 4 E-I-E-I-O! And on Gl Boy? t h us!
this farm he killed some jerks. cael sae ll
E-I-E-I-O! With a snap snap
ay here and a snap snap there.”

> . MOND)
os So
Pia n €<\ Groot!!am Groot! {|

~—

Meanwhile, on I'm so depressed | { I'm so depressed They’re so Hey, Mighty Sore, Bleak
Earth at Avenjerks about half the depressed that | accidentally | |depressed they || Widow, Cap’n ‘Murica!
aC Elan . |population dying, |}that my beard || played an Asian don't realize Don’t be so down! All
| drew a sad face | | couldn't take it woman ina I'm the wrong the stores are having
: d : Captain Marble! 50% off sales! -
ony axe) an = = oP ee BON 38's Shhh! Canwewrap |J It worked! We shrunk into
=< ; = : & > Mockeye, ¢ I'm hiding JH this up quick? [] the Teeny-Tiny-Verse and from
SHUT UP AND ] % ‘ae you K from | need to be here we can travel into other
KISSME! J} GS eyay i aay changed Gangrene onset forthe [] dimensions and find the help
; — bh ; Arrow’s Sherlock we need to defeat Th’anus!
copyright Holmes | just wish Antsy-Man was
lawyers! sequel! i still around for me to thank!

(far
TODAY, GONE
oMoR ROW,

Hey, it’s me, Antsy- No! I've Of course you

come to know who else
Man! I've been to the |f This isn’t a
| Teeny-Tiny-Verse and f] door-to-door help save came here to save
the world! the world...?
| know how to beat religious
thing is it?
| wish | could turn into the Why do Stark made And
Incredible Hunk. As Bruce Boner, they this thing a |} those’re all
all | can bring into battle is my call you no-fly zone. the lines
scientific genius, as well as saving Warm | have to pee | get for
the film millions in CGI costs. Machine? in my suit. this movie!

42
 Look, an Don’t worry, Hey! Put aside your
opening Yeah, I’m heading I'll carry it! It's f come up differences and
into home. | think | threw all I've got! That fighting witha horrible scripts! We
another my back out carrying Ghostbusters f a: other, J decent need your help to
dimension! thing didn’t work fy
villain! save our universe! He’s dead, Hard pass! And I’m If | weren't the PG-13 We only had just enough Plus, at $110 a
this franchise for
Let’s go! the last decade! out so good! but we’re pretty sure that Nestle’s version of me, I’d swear Teeny-Tiny-Verse energy pop to get in,
all still Quiksilver guy already so hard right now left to get to this theme we've got no
good to... died in one of our films! park! It’s no use! Th’anus is money left for
just too powerful to beat! churros!

I'd like to save Umm, I've got, like, Sorry I’m late. You know | can
Oh, he
) people, but I’m ) three Jokers with their 4 travel between dimensions
can turn
still recovering own movies to deal ip y with my glove, right? It also
back
from that whole f has this cool rock that can
time!
turn back time!
You're in the Happiest We already are beaten! Uh, is Hell no! You have a megacorporation
Place in the Friggin’ World™! it my all- that can’t afford to lose one of its
No one's allowed to be Oh no, Cap'n, don’t American billion-dollar franchises! Here! Have
sad here! If you are, we'll you see? You have the can-do
have you beaten! greatest gift of all! attitude?

| don’t feel Suffering These idiots are too You You want us to help you? Great!
grim and gritty Sappho! the hell happy to help us got it! Finally, the X-Menches get to Uhm, so
anymore! |feel | feelso happened now! We need to Opening be in a real, big-time, actual where is
like dancing! syndicated! to my abs?! try another world! portal! Marble Universe movie! ullverine?

All right,
time to end this the glove disassemble
once and... this a-hole!

& The word “boobs” is so scary until you get to the second “b”.
4d,
 They | It's chaos! We need to stop 7 Ew, gross,
didn’t this Marble nonsense! no way!
even
notice | have an idea how to fix
you left! py it. But first: Straw me!

What in the name It's so stylish, so

of Irving Forbush elegant! This gives
is that?! '}| me so many ideas!
I'm thinking of a comic book
called the Fantastic--

It's a sign! Face front, | want to | believe in you, Mr. Kirby, any truth to
And thus True Believers! be like young Tim the rumor that you're
| begins the And behold him when Gunn. If that’s moving to DC to start
the Amazing | grow up, your dream, your own line, the New
Spider-Pants! Mother. make it work! Gods of Fashion?

MARBLE «

Remember,
everyone:
No glove,
Bs:
al: oe:
WISENHEIM
MUSEUM 2
Over its notorious 66-year history, MAD
has left its mark on (some might say scarred)
generations of creative types! Here in The
Wisenheim Museum, we invite those visionaries
to pay tribute to (some might say get back at)
the magazine that set them on their creative
(some might say degenerate) course!

by DREW FRIEDMAN
Beginning in the late 1950’s, the
renowned illustrator Frank “Kelly” Freas
was hired by MAD to be their cover artist.
His vivid cover for the 1959 paperback
Son of MAD is the first MAD image
| remember seeing, and it remains, to
this day, my favorite cover. The abject
fear in the poor gorilla’s face, the
terrified-yet-nuanced pose of his body,
the curled toes—all as he’s encountering
the infant Alfred E. Neuman as seen
from behind. Pure visual perfection!

The cover is memorable to me for

another reason. In the Beatles’ first film
A Hard Day’s Night, the character Shake
is briefly seen reading Son of MAD in the
opening train scene. Two towering icons
forever converged in that moment, The
Beatles and MAD! When | first watched
that scene, | was so thrilled my head
(almost) exploded.

The moment | discovered that cover at

age five, my life changed. From then on,
I was a “Son of MAD.” Not only did it
lead me to becoming an obsessive
MAD fan, but it spurred my mission to
someday join the “Usual Gang of Idiots,”
something | later (amazingly) achieved.

Here's my take on that life-altering piece.

Drew Friedman’s comics and illustrations

have appeared in Raw, Weirdo, Heavy
Metal, National Lampoon, Spy, The
American Bystander and MAD, among
others. A documentary about his work
“Vermeer of the Borscht Belt” is currently
being made. Friedman is married to
K. Bidus and they live in an undisclosed
bunker with their beagle, Gunther. You
can view more of Drew’s amazing artwork
at: drewfriedman.net
 GOOG
eimnimand ments
¥ y) Thou Shalt Never Use a Turn Signal

hou Shalt Not Vote in Midterms

Thou Shalt Microwave Fish in Office Kitchens

hou Shalt Feed Bacon to Vegans

\ e Thou Shalt Throw Thy Birthday Party on a Weeknight

= WT YY YY) hou Shalt Line up at Thy Airport Gate “Double-check that with Daddy--
NN), ds Before Thy Group Is Called Mommy’s microdose just kicked in.”
: Wek ¥ Thou Shalt Join the Church of Scientology

hou Shalt Gaslight People Trying to Love Thee

Thou Shalt Run for President on a Platform of Racism

Solely for Personal Gain

hou Shalt Marry Thy Adopted Daughter

Thou Shalt Use False Pretenses to Date Women

“hou Shalt Always Victim Blame

Thou Shalt Produce a

Known Abuser’s Next Film ARTIST ROB ISRAEL

Bored? Smuggle in some “party enhancers”

Don’t procrastinate! Ask your date to confirm Worried about making eye contact with your date? to use when the chaperones aren’t looking,
their availability no later than the 3rd grade. With a big enough corsage, you won’t have to! such as Stratego or Magic: The Gathering.
KY
Wat oo GO)ae
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If you’re worried about your deodorant not

Be sure to invest in some really nice shoes, making it through the night, grab one of those Scared to dance in public? Politely request
since you'll be staring at them all night. Yankee Candles your mom keeps in the bathroom. that the DJ play an audiobook instead.
: yy : |
\ AND THE
\ Boy Oro.
AHO THE
TREE HAS

Buzzfeed does The Bible.

48
 NOTHING JUST EMAIL ME!
LASTS FOREVER Once the envy of every driver on It’s 2019 and nan still doesn’t have email.
Being left at the altar is no excuse the road, this rusted-out death trap Drop a hint that you’d like her to join this century
to leave Aunt Pattie waiting for is now home to a family of racoons! with this tastefully passive-aggressive statement.
a thank you card! Your marriage
might be over, but you'll love these
stamps till death do you part.

GET EMAIL GET EMAIL

GET EMAIL GET EMAIL
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FOREVER USA

SALUTE TO
LOWER POSTAGE (On =tey el PY-WA A
For the low, low price of $45.95, Tell friends and family across the world,
s ; be whisked back to a time “Hey, we’re all in this together.”
: - L : =) when stamps were 15 cents!
Step right up! We’ve got the best
never-before-seen circus moments right here!

|. “Pellgee lip making my move.

y 99

“ Now ALL.WE NEED (S A Roby,

= ROOMMATE
——— LARS KENSETH

Let me know if you find

back! Welcome
my Diva Cup? Last time
to the rave!
| saw it, it was full.

Can you wake me up

if |sleep through my You should thank me.
4am alarm? Those books | KonMaried
were a fire hazard.

| HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU! Oooof. That stain on the
Okay. Aura cleansed. couch? Hmm. I’m
gonna say...Nutella.

Do you want me to
die of dehydration? Wear boots. My
Then give me the shower solution to the rodent
for the next three days. problem escaped...

Your boyfriend came I got a job interview!

by and |told him it’s over. Can you pee in
You’re too good for him. this for me?

WRITER & ARTIST KYLE BRIDGETT

 I've been reading MAD for over
50 years, and know that MAD
strives for accuracy and truth.
| ALFRED
~« LOOK-
yt gh Ul
therefore, to see two
on
the cover of the Feb.
»/ ALIKE
2019 issue, No. 5.
Donald Trump is shown with a
much flatter abdomen and much
larger bulge in his underpants than
the public knows to be real. Is this
your attempt to put him in a better
light, or was it an oversight?
MOINES
DES
IN Mark Lindahl,
DEMEANED

Snarky Mark—hey, that’s our president you’re talking about! Did you also
notice his perfectly proportionate (if not slightly large) hands? Our Dear Leader is an ideal physical specimen who is
beyond reproach, much like his contemporaries in North Korea and Mother
Russia. He is also smart, brave, honest, merciful, and tenacious, and you
should be very careful about criticizing him, because he is literally 50 feet tall.
Allie
This issue’s Envelope of the Month comes from
“Neuman”
Goertz
aC-lilirc- 1 E Waa tei in York,
Nebraska! *Wolf whistle* That looker in pink has
us turning red! We can’t put our finger on it, but
there’s something about that smile that drives us MAD!

| grew up treating my big brother like he farted gold. (He didn’t, but he did light them on
fire, which was better than 70’s TV). He was my hero and he read MAD Magazine. Of

On a recent trip
course, he wouldn’t let me read his copies until he’d finished. Only then was | allowed
to touch the treasured remains.
P In the summer of ‘75, there was

LO HUNGOATY) jes cicyove:

Nee — no greater joy than reading over his
«i sat shoulder, laughing at Sergio Aragonés
cartoons or “oooh” ing over the Fold-Ins jf
while slurping Freezies or makinga /§ at the Warsaw airport in Poland. After reading
mess out of a Choco Taco. It’s because
of him, Carson Thaddeus Foster, that your fine mag there, I left it in a prominent spot
I fell in love with MAD and became an ican for other fools to read. So, if you start getting
actor. (He argued with our Mom about it and won.)
subscriptions from that part of the world, you
/ So when MAD spoofed “A Christmas Story” and turned Scut Farkus into Snot can blame me.
d Carcass...the holy grail of brilliantly idiotic, sublime stupidity dubbed us worthy of
their sacred pages! Bro, WE MADE IT! One of the greatest experiences in my life is
to be included in these these pages as the lovable bully jerk | am, and | share it Steve Bertolo, Dayton, OH
N with my big, goofy-goombah of an older brother.
Sneaky Steve—Warsaw has always been number one on our list of cities for
Thank you, MAD. Thanks, Carson. (Now, light those farts!) increasing MAD’s international circulation. In fact, we booked flights to hand-deliver

. Zack Ward, Los Angeles

a few issues, but instead of Poland, we wound up in Warsaw, Missouri. When we
arrived, we realized we forgot to pack any issues, so we had nothing to share with
either Warsaw, regardless! You may have done some of your part by sharing MAD
We will, Zack. We will. —AT with the Poles, but now you must take MAD to the Missourians. —AT
 Each day we receive dozens of lett
ers ranging from “barely legible”
we should report this to the proper to
authorities. ” And though most ar
doomed to be fed into the MAD in e
tern’s shredder, occasionally we

ONLY
upon a perfect st umble
candidate for...

RE BERS
Really enjoyed “It’s a Wonderful Death” (Feb. ’19 issue).
There were many members of the 27 Club. Another was
Grateful Dead keyboardist Ron “Pigpen” McKernan
(1945-73). He lived 27 years and six months. I’ve always
enjoyed MAD, but especially liked it about 35 or 40 years
ago. All the great artists: Woodbridge, Clarke, Berg, to
name but a few. | understand Jack Davis died last year;
I’ll certainly never forget him.

€ Y aa
Sincerely, Gary Kerns, via email
\) f
1D Groovin’ Gary—lIt’s true Jack Davis joined the 91 Club a few
Cn years back, and is fondly remembered. Be on the lookout for
our forthcoming comic, “The 28 Club,” starring popular music’s
Greetings from Panama! I’m Tim Buckley, Avicii, and the Big Bopper. And if you haven't read
it already, please check out “The 26 Club,” featuring Otis
Redding, Gram Parsons, Nick Drake, and Mac Miller.
Iam a great admirer, reader, (Apparently women are only allowed in the 27 Club.) —AT
and fan of your magazine!
I just got the latest issue today! Dear MAD,
ccid |
A o W
I'm also a MAD collector, though For the month of December '18 at the
Plainview-Old Bethpage Public Library,

et
it’s sometimes difficult to have
items sent in the mail to Panama. = | put on display the Richard Williams
\ original cover painting from MAD
My favorite characters are the iy leak attacked I fo}y when she asked ha: ‘a tags) 4
»\ #391, in which Harry Potter gets his
spies in “Spy Vs. Spy.” | ‘| comeuppance. Instead of the usual Pee | Wickly “cone ciy)” Fide, chet? tee MY eae fsevdodeferenced
“highbrow” displays at the library, wl T helpfully Selohed it my eyes: Putting Yhecse fell you oe:
I’m glad that, for once, they went Capable
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a BARF BAG,
of Alfred E. Neuman vomiting into ed next is a bit of a bl ee.
carvied emoany! Medan,Wiakeds 82 Sore of the LeapiTS wes ash Sd
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el Sr. Trump, ama tanto a MAD que esta construyendo un
muro para mantenerse MAD para si mismo. También hemos
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Upon hey Un
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I really enjoy the content you guys make. | look Ye sponsible no
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forward to getting a new magazine every month. ther’s mis. deeds.
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and Morty, and share your opinions on the show. _
een dispropor+; nN a c
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Thanks, Tanner Colatosti, via email 2 ae FE thehaviov, i$ the pre i ifs I am willing to Mant ask 14 veaction may have
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Fleeb Cola—Oh, you didn’t know? You're actually you have been accepted to the letters 4 Sincere! Ol oor apologizes Fiv.st ree
living in a MAD parody of Rick and Morty. Someone is portion of MAD! We await your owl. Dy. Melvir Re 2 Boao 4
playing the Roy VR game, and right now Roy is playing (He was supposed
to deliver our food Psych ol pal Frllen ane °
a game called Tanner. This was all explained in an Easter hours ago. What gives?!) While many ; F N ‘A Ogy Professciy- 9
egg hidden in Morty’s Mind Blowers Part 6, but maybe look down on “lowbrow” comedy, you 5 : : j a York, NY
you...grruk...missed it! PS: This is all also inside a Zygirion understand that it’s humor for the
simulation, of course. PPS: EVERY month? We’d love to sophisticated! After all, we’re featured
live in the timeline where we're monthly! —AT in your libary! —AT YalidM
Nor
43713Z
54
Sometimes it’s not enough for us to have your fan mail—we also want your
SOUL. Well, we finally figured out a way to take that from you: Just send
us a true story about something STUPID you actually did, and acclaimed
cartoonist Mike Holmes might make it into a comic strip! It’s...

AFTER FINISHING LAW ENFORCEMENT TRAINING... Give THESE RESISTANCE

BANDS A SHOT, REALLY DID
THE JOB FOR ME. ...SO... | GUESS | JUST HOOK
Good WoRrK THESE UP... TOOOO... UHHH...
OUT THERE! FEW WEEKS
SORRY You OF EXERCISE
WANGED UP AND IM BACK
THAT SHOULDER
OF Yours.
ON TOP!

THEYRE ATTACHED
TO WALL STupSs/
NOTHING STRONGER
THAN THAT.

; HOOOONEY?
WHAT WAS THAAAAT?

efnothing. im ok,
Just had a little slip...

This issue’s story submitted by Tom Salemme.

Have a real, dumb story that happened to you? Want to share your shame with the world by having it illustrated in MAD?
Write it up and send it to ! If it’s dumb enough, we'll make it into a comic!
All stories submitted to realdumb @madmagazine.com may be edited (including changing
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LOOK BACK ON THE LAST TWO YEARS AND LAUGH, BECAUSE
ITS BETTER THAN BAWLING!
Lifting our spirits with some of the most downtrodden moments in recent
U.S. history has made us simply...

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THAT DRIVE HER WILD...

BONUS MATERIAL!

Ah, spring! Is there any time as

sweet to get badgered by police?
If you get stuck serving time, why not
savor it by reading this vintage piece
from the one and only Don Martin.

If you haven’t yet filed your taxes,

consider this your warning that
it’s too late! Solve this classic
Fold-In from Al Jaffee before the
IRS repels through your windows!
 gt \N OEY Sar
For his parting shot this issue, Th, i ial
Don Martin downs three fingers
of Jack Daniels, and leaves us
with his sensitive observations

ON
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