★原作 - Blue Is the Warmest Color

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BLUE IS
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Copyright © 2013. Arsenal Pulp Press. All rights reserved.
WARMEST
COLOR
JULIE MAROH
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Blue Is the Warmest Color
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Maroh, J. (2013). Blue is the warmest 13-06-24 11:44 AM

BLUE IS
THE
WARMEST
COLOR
JULIE MAROH
ARSENAL PULP PRESS

BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR
ENGLISH LANGUAGE EDITION © 2013 BY ARSENAL PULP PRESS
FIRST PUBLISHED IN FRENCH AS Le bleu est une couleur chaude BY JULIE MAROH
© 2010 – GLÉNAT EDITIONS
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. NO PART OF THIS BOOK MAY BE REPRODUCED IN ANY PART BY ANY MEANS—
GRAPHIC, ELECTRONIC, OR MECHANICAL—WITHOUT THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE PUBLISHER,
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PHOTOCOPYING IN CANADA, A LICENSE FROM ACCESS COPYRIGHT.
ARSENAL PULP PRESS

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THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. ANY RESEMBLANCE OF CHARACTERS TO PERSONS EITHER LIVING OR

DECEASED IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
TRANSLATION BY IVANKA HAHNENBERGER

BOOK DESIGN BY GERILEE MCBRIDE
LIBRARY AND ARCHIVES CANADA CATALOGUING IN PUBLICATION:
MAROH, JULIE, 1985-

BLEU EST UNE COULEUR CHAUDE. ENGLISH
BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR / JULIE MAROH.
TRANSLATION OF: LE BLEU EST UNE COULEUR CHAUDE.

ISSUED IN PRINT AND ELECTRONIC FORMATS.
ISBN 978-1-55152-514-3 (PBK.).--ISBN 978-1-55152-513-6 (EPUB)
1. GRAPHIC NOVELS. 2. LESBIANS--COMIC BOOKS, STRIPS, ETC.

I. TITLE. II. TITLE: BLEU EST UNE COULEUR CHAUDE. ENGLISH.
PN6747.M36B5413 2013 741.5’944 C2013-904195-8

C2013-904196-6

My love,
when you read these

words
I will have left this

world.

I won’t repeat here
the things that you
already know, things
I was able to tell I want to thank you for your
you in my previous devotion; the last days at the
letters or during all hospital would have been a
those years I spent nightmare had you not been there.
with you.
Thanks to you I am
leaving peacefully, and
I could never thank
heaven enough for
having met you.
I asked my mother to leave

you what is most precious to
me on my desk: my diaries.

I want you to be the one to keep them. All of my adolescent
memories are in the blue one.
dark blue
sky blue
azure
navy blue
Klein blue
cyan
ultramarine
Blue has become

the warmest color.
I love you, Emma,

you are my life.

Signed . . .
Clementine
October 12th, 1994

Dear Diary, Today was
my birthday. I turned
15, and you were my gift
from Grandma!
I have already tried

many times to keep a
diary but this time I
promise to stick to it!!

I am a CLEMENTIIIINE
sophomore . . .
It did me a lot
of good to leave
the suburbs. And
I’m starting to
meet a lot of
people and make
close friends.
THE MATH PROFESSOR IS
SICK—THAT'S SO EXCELLENT!
YEA, IT’S GREAT . . . EXACTLY! WE CAN

BUT WE’LL ONLY HAVE AN EXTRA DIGEST IN PEACE WITHOUT
HOUR TO EAT BEFORE HISTORY, GETTING CRAMPS FROM
ANYWAY. THOSE STUPID EQUATIONS.

HEY, CLEM,
THAT SENIOR WHO
KEEPS STARING AT YOU
JUST WALKED BY!
OH
I’M REALLY IN
A HURRY, AND I
SORRY WASN’T PAYING
ATTENTION . . .
10

DON’T WORRY, I WAS
SLEEP-WALKING. I NEEDED
I ’M REALLY AN ADRENALIN KICK!
…
SO …
SO,
THANKS!
I SEE YOU LIKE TO READ. WHAT YEAR ARE YOU? BUT YOU’RE IN A HURRY. I
DON’T WANT TO HOLD YOU UP.
WE CAN TALK LATER
IF YOU WANT.
SOPHOMORE, LIT
MAJOR. AND YOU?
SENIOR, SCIENCE
MAJOR. THANKS.
WHAT’S YOUR
NAME, BY THE
WAY? I KNOW
THOMAS
I’M
CLEMENTINE
11

October 27th, 1994
Today I
am meeting
Thomas.
All of my girlfriends are

pushing me to go out with
him, but only because he’s
super cute, and he’s a senior.
My heart beats fast

when I think about
what’s about to happen.
I’m a bit scared.
I have no idea
what’s going to
happen ...
But my intuition ...

... is telling me
that today is
going to be a
big day.
12

Teen problems
seem trivial to
other people. But
when you’re alone
and smack in
the middle of
one, how are you
supposed to know
what to do?
13

I’VE MADE YOU
SOME COFFEE,
EMMA.
THANK
YOU,
FABIENNE.
PLEASE FORGIVE MY HUSBAND.

YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT HE’S
HAVING TROUBLE ACCEPTING THE ROLE
YOU PLAYED IN OUR DAUGHTER’S LIFE.
I DON’T THINK YOU’LL SEE
HIM BEFORE DINNER.
JUST TELL HIM THAT IF I HAD

BEEN A GUY, CLEM WOULD
HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH
ME ANYWAY.
UH ...
14

THINKING LIKE THAT
ISN’T GOING TO MAKE
IT EASIER.
(SIGH)
FORGET
IT ...
I’VE NEVER FORGOTTEN “THE

LITTLE BRUNETTE FROM THE
MAIN SQUARE.”
EVERY TIME I THOUGHT OF
YOU, EVERY TIME I WENT
I SCREWED UP THERE, I CALLED YOU THAT.
WITH HER MOTHER
AGAIN ...
IF I HAD KNOWN
THAT WE WERE RUNNING
OUT OF TIME ... I
WOULDN’T HAVE WASTED
IT THEN.
THOMAS
CAME TO YOUR
FUNERAL, YOU
KNOW ...
15

16

17

18

HEY, WHAT’S
HAPPENING
TO ME?
THAT SEEMED BUT HOW

COULD I
SO REAL. DREAM
SOMETHING
LIKE THAT? ...
IT’S ... IT’S ...
HORRIBLE! YOU
UH, YEAH. ARE YOU NUTS? WE
CAN SAY IT. I LOOK HAH! YOU WENT
SPENT THE AFTERNOON
YOU SEEM UPSET. ALL THE WAY
HORRIBLE THIS TOGETHER IN TOWN,
DIDN’T YOU GET ANY WITH THOMAS?!
MORNING! SLEEP LAST NIGHT OR THAT’S ALL!
WHAT?
Dear Diary:
I still can’t
believe what
I dreamed
last night
19

I’M COLD. I’M
GOING UP TO THE
LOCKERS.
I was panicked. I had no right

to have thoughts like that. I
feel lost, and I can’t talk about
things as twisted as that with my
friends —they’ll hate me.
I have to forget this

nonsense and stick
CLEM ...
with the people who
love me.
Thomas
is great.
I know
that he
would
do a
lot for
me. Why
can’t I
see that?
CLEM ... I GET

THE FEELING YOU’RE
I DIDN’T
AVOIDING ME, AND HAVE THE GUTS
I’D JUST LIKE YESTERDAY, BUT ...
TO KNOW ...
UH ... I, I LIKE YOU
A LOT, YOU KNOW,
AND ...
I’m a girl,
and girls
date boys.
20

CLEMENTINE?
CLEMENTINE, SAY
SOMETHING. ARE YOU
OK?
YOU JUST NEED

MORE TIME. PLEASE
DON’T THINK THAT
I’M IN A HURRY. YOU
KNOW THAT YOU CAN
TRUST ME.
HEY, BABE, WE’VE BEEN

TOGETHER FOR OVER SIX
MONTHS ... BUT IT’S NORMAL TO
BE AFRAID ... I WAS TOTALLY
TERRIFIED THE FIRST TIME.
HEY ...
WHAT
ARE YOU
DOING?
21

CLEMENTINE,
WHAT’S GOTTEN INTO
YOU?
STOP!!! WHY ARE I HAVE NO IDEA I AM SO IN LOVE

YOU LEAVING LIKE WHAT I AM DOING WITH YOU, YOU KNOW. I
AM BEGGING YOU, PLEASE
THAT? HERE, THOMAS. STAY. THERE ARE NO MORE
TRAINS AT THIS HOUR.
I’LL TAKE
THE SUBWAY.
22

MY MOTHER
AND HER
CHRONIC
INSOMNIA ...
CLEMENTINE?!
BUT... YOUR PAJAMA AT 3:00 IN

PARTY AT YOUR THE MORNING?!
FRIEND’S HOUSE ... GOOD NIGHT,
DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT COULD HAVE AND WITH MOM.
HAPPENED TO YOU? EVERYTHING
THAT’S
REALLY, YOU ARE SO HAPPENING!
IRRESPONSIBLE!
WE GOT INTO A FIGHT.

I WANTED TO COME HOME.
23

May 1st, 1995
Dear Diary,
24

I’ve already told you about
my disastrous evening I can’t stop I didn’t even really want to
with Thomas, but I still thinking about go to his place and even less
need to talk about it. what happened to sleep with him.
(and could have
happened), and I
like myself less
and less.
I feel lost, alone, at the bottom

But I’m going out with of a pit. I don’t know what to do.
him—that’s what’s supposed I get the feeling that everything
to happen, isn’t it? I do is unnatural.
Why does
life work for
Against other people
my nature. and not for
me?
LIFE DOES
NOT WORK FOR
EVERYONE ELSE,
EITHER, MY DEAR
HEART .
25

DINNER WILL BE
READY IN A FEW MINUTES.
YOU LIKE SPAGHETTI
BOLOGNESE, DON’T YOU?
YES,
THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. I’LL BE
RIGHT THERE.
THANKS ...
THANKS
26

YOU KNOW, I CAN LEAVE
RIGHT AFTER WE EAT IF IT
BOTHERS YOU IF I
STAY THE NIGHT.
NO, NO, WE’VE I SEE YOU’RE STILL SMOKING, EMMA. AT

PLANNED IT THAT LEAST MY DAUGHTER DIDN’T PICK
WAY, THERE’S UP THAT VICE FROM YOU.
NO PROBLEM, …
REALLY.
EXACTLY. I DON’T SEE

WHAT THIS DEPRAVED
GIRL WHO DROVE HER
TO HER GRAVE IS
DOING HERE!
DANIEL,
PLEASE; WE
JUST BURIED OUR
DAUGHTER!
27

CLEMENTINE MORE
WROTE TO ASK SALAD?
THEM THAT?!
PLEASE STOP TALKING

NONSENSE! CLEMENTINE TOLD US THAT
SHE WANTED EMMA TO SLEEP HERE
TONIGHT, AND I PROMISED HER.
NO, THANK YOU. I’M

GOING TO GO BACK
TO MY READING.
DANIEL!
CLEARLY YOUR
FATHER HAS SOME

STRANGE WAYS OF
EXTERNALIZING HIS
GRIEF.
28

HMM, YOU DIDN’T WRITE
ANYTHING BETWEEN MAY AND
NOVEMBER 1995 ...
Dear Diary,
For months now,
I’ve been staring
at the walls and
asking a lot of
questions about
myself.
November 16th, 1995

But today I feel like a somebody,

and a good citizen too.
29

Nathan, Eli, and Aude
took me to a
demonstration this
afternoon.
They were protesting the

Prime Minister’s proposition.
I’ve never seen a crowd like
that before!
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH PRIVATIZE SOCIAL

FREEZE SALARIES SECURITY, RETIREMENT BLAH BLAH
30

As far as my life is
concerned now: I
broke up with Thomas
a couple of days
after having nearly
slept with him. Every
time I thought about
him it hurt, and I
couldn’t look him in
the eye.
Today did me
a lot of good.
I made him very unhappy. He

tried to get us back together, but I He was really hooked
explained to him that it wasn’t his on me, and I was
fault, and that there was nothing he afraid that he would
could do, and to just forget about stop studying for his
me ... entrance exams, but he
passed, and is now at the
university here in Lille,
from what I’ve heard.
In the
meantime, I
turned 16.
My mother continues to
worry about everything, my
father is a big jerk, and I
am trying to do the best I
can at school and with my
friends.
31

... I can’t seem
to stop having
those dreams ...
But at night ...
I don’t want to
suppress them
anymore ...
32

December 6th, 1995
I would like to stay in my bed all

day, out of the cold, floating in
my dreams. I would like to have
someone to share my feelings
with, but just thinking about
talking about it stresses me out
till I can’t breathe.
DON’T YOU THINK CHARLOTTE

There must be other girls IS SUPER CUTE?!
who feel the same way?!
33

UH ...YEAH,
SURE, I NEVER
THOUGHT
ABOUT IT ...
... WHEN
YOU’RE ALSO YOU BLUSH!
PRETTY CUTE,
ACTUALLY ...
YOU’RE SO
SECRETIVE,
CLEM ... AND
TENSE. WHEN DO
YOU EVER LET
YOUR FEELINGS
SHOW?
IT’S VERY
ATTRACTIVE.
34

35

I’ll never
get to sleep
tonight, my
heart’s beating
too hard!
I just want
tomorrow to come.
What I’ve been

waiting for has
finally happened ...
36

OH,
IT’S
YOU!
SORRY, CLEM,
BUT I DIDN’T KNOW
YOU WOULD TAKE IT
SO SERIOUSLY ... YOU
KNOW, YESTERDAY ...
IT WAS JUST A SPUR-
OF-THE-MOMENT THING.
I’M REALLY SORRY IF
YOU TOOK IT AS MORE
THAN THAT.
DON’T WORRY. IT
STAYS BETWEEN US ...
AND IT WON’T AFFECT
OUR FRIENDSHIP.
I’LL NEVER
LEAVE THE
HOUSE
AGAIN.
37

HEY, CLEM! WHERE
ARE YOU GOING? IT’S
ALREADY
8:05.
CLEM, ARE
YOU OKAY?
IF YOU THINK
I’M GOING TO LEAVE
YOU BY YOURSELF
WHEN YOU’RE LIKE
THIS, THEN YOU
DON’T REALLY KNOW
ME!
WOW! HOW
SEXY!
AND IT
HAPPENED
TO ME!
HEY! I JUST
TOLD YOU ABOUT
THE MOST
HUMILIATING THING
THAT COULD EVER
HAPPEN!
38

YOU KNOW, I AH—SO APPARENTLY YOU STILL HAVE SOME
PREJUDICES. DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU’VE
HIT ON A GUY DISCOVERED THAT LOVE DOESN’T NECESSARILY
ONCE. ALWAYS CONFORM TO WHAT YOU WERE
TAUGHT.
I’M NOT IN YOUR VIEW OF

LOVE WITH LOVE SEEMS THERE’S NO STRICT CLEM, YOU
AUDE! PRETTY LIMITED BOUNDARY BETWEEN CAN’T CONTROL
AND CLOSE-MINDED. FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE. EVERYTHING.
THAT’S WHY YOU
DIDN’T UNDERSTAND
WHAT AUDE MEANT
BY HER KISS.
WHO WAS THANKS,

IF VALENTIN.
THE GUY? I TELL YOU,
I’LL HAVE TO
KILL YOU!
39

40

HAPPY NEW YEAR, CLEMENTINE, HOW
MY LITTLE MANY OF THOSE HAVE
PISTOL! YOU HAD?
H ... HAPPY
NEW YEAR,
VALENTIN!
YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS IS THE BEST NEW
YEAR’S PARTY
AH ... A EVER!
FEW!
June 6th, 1996
At the New Year’s

party, I went
overboard ...
41

… my thoughts
and my
memories,
I threw up so much that I too.
thought the entire contents
of my body were going to
come out of my mouth ...
In spite of it all, after ... far out of reach of

that horrible experience, existential questions
I felt better, like I or concerns. I felt in
had gotten rid of a harmony for the first time.
horrible past ... Everything seemed perfectly
in place.
42

I was so happy
that I stopped
writing and
concentrated on
getting ready for
the university
entrance exam,
seeing my
friends, and
going out and
discovering new
things.
But maybe it’s stupid

to just take life
one day at a time,
without looking for
something deeper, or
taking a risk?
Now that I’ve tipped the

scales, I don’t know whether
to go with it or not.
43

UH, VALENTIN, HA HA! OF COURSE. ... SINCE YOU’RE
STAY CLOSE TO DON’T BE AFRAID, A GIRL!!
ME, OKAY? NONE OF MY HA HA HA!
FRIENDS WILL JUMP
YOU ...
44

45

46

47

A STRAWBERRY
SODA, PLEASE.
SHIT, WHERE’S FORGET YOUR

CLEM? GIRLFRIEND, WE’RE
I PROMISED STUPID JERK!
GOING TO HAVE A
HER I’D LOOK
HELL OF A NIGHT,
AFTER HER!
YOU AND ME!
48

LET ME
CAN I GET BUY
YOU ANYTHING YOU A
ELSE? DRINK .
49

A STRAWBERRY
MILK, PLEASE. WHAT? BUT ... BUT,
I’VE NEVER HAD
ANYTHING LIKE THAT!
OH ...
OKAY.
YOU ORDERED A STRAWBERRY THANKS. IT’S RARE TO

SODA, RIGHT? WELL, TASTE THIS. RUN INTO YOUR
I COULD DRINK THIS TILL I’M
SICK ... TYPE HERE ...
AND DO YOU
DO THAT WITH
EVERYTHING
YOU LIKE?
WELL, FIRST
OF ALL, A MINOR THAT
HUH? AND HANGS OUT ALONE IN
WHAT IS MY BARS AT NIGHT ...
TYPE?
50
BlueIsTheWarmest_Interior.indd
Maroh, Julie. Blue Is the Warmest 50 13-06-24 11:45 AM
Color, Arsenal Pulp Press, 2013. ProQuest Ebook Central, http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/hosei/detail.action?docID=1321781.
AND THE
HETERO TYPE,
AND VEEERY
CURIOUS,
.
WHAT’S
APPARENTLY. YOUR NAME?
CLEMENTINE
WELL, IT’S THE ONLY

AND DO DISCOVERY I CAN HELP YOU
YOU LIKE YES, LOTS! THANKS WITH TONIGHT ...
STRAWBERRY MILK, FOR THE HELPING ME
CLEMENTINE? DISCOVER IT.
SIGH
HER NAME’S
EMMA. CLEMENTINE, THIS
IS SABINE, MY
GIRLFRIEND. ALEX KNOWS A PLACE IN
BELGIUM; WE’RE ALL GOING.
ARE YOU COMING, OR SHOULD I
CATCH UP WITH YOU
TOMORROW MORNING AT
FORMULA 1?
AND ... AND,

WHAT’S YOUR
NAME?
51
CAN I ASK YOU
WHICH SCHOOL YOU
GO TO? WHAT ARE
YOU STUDYING?
I’LL BE
THERE
IN FIVE
MINUTES.
WHERE ON
EARTH DID YOU
GO? Everything that
CLEM?! is happening to
me has a name ...
MAN, I’VE Emma. Her name
BEEN LOOKING is Emma.
EVERYWHERE FOR
YOU—YOU SCARED
THE HELL OUT OF
ME!
I couldn’t feel anything.

I felt as though light
was running through
my veins.
52
HEY, DID YOU
SEE THAT GIRL
OVER THERE?
IS SHE RECRUITING
FOR GAY PRIDE OR
WHAT?!
WITH HAIR
LIKE THAT,
YOU’D HAVE
TO BE BLIND
NOT TO SEE
HER. PFF!
HA HA HA!
53
WHAT? CLEM HEY,
KNOWS WHAT?
HER?
DID I MISS
SOMETHING?
HE
KNOWS SPIT IT OUT, COME ON,
SOMETHING! VALENTIN! WE’RE YOUR
FRIENDS!
HI! I WAS OH ... I

IN THE SEE!
NEIGHBORHOOD
SO ...
SORRY, I GUESS I
WAS WRONG ABOUT
YOU SATURDAY
NIGHT ...
! OKAY,
BYE!
54
AND WHAT WOULD
YOUR GIRLFRIEND
SAY IF SHE KNEW
YOU CAME TO SEE
ME?
HMM ...
YOU HAVE A VERY
FUNNY WAY OF
SAYING HELLO!
AS FOR SABINE,
SHE FREAKS OUT OVER
EVERYTHING, SO WHO CARES
WHAT SHE THINKS?
HEY, WAIT ... I ... UH,
I WAS JUST SURPRISED TO
SEE YOU HERE!
WANTED
TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
WHY DID
YOU COME?
I LEFT BEFORE I
WAS READY TO GO SO HERE
THE OTHER NIGHT. I I AM.
WOULD HAVE LIKED
TO STAY AND TALK
TO YOU ...
55
SO, YOU DIDN’T
SO YOU WEREN’T OH, HAVE ANYTHING
JUST IN THE NO! WELL, MY HEAD
TO DO THIS
NEIGHBORHOOD. HM ... AFTERNOON?
YOU CAME OUT OF WAS EXPLODING, SO
UM ... IS IT I THOUGHT I WOULD
YOUR WAY? IMPORTANT GET SOME AIR.
TO YOU TO WHAT
KNOW THAT? I’M IN MY
DO YOU DO,
FOURTH YEAR AT EXACTLY?
ART SCHOOL.
NOT YET.
I’M PREPARING FOR

MY EXAMS, AND I’M YEAH, THE EXAMS ARE
TOTALLY OVERWHELMED WELL, ME COMING UP, AND
RIGHT NOW. TOO! I’M ...
AND I’M
BUSY
ME
TOO
YEAH, I REALLY
LIKED THAT BOOK
TOO!
ACTUALLY,
THE TIME
WHEN ...
56
WOW, LOOK AT HOW LONG HAVE YOU
THE TIME! I SHOULD BEEN WITH HER?
HAVE BEEN AT
SABINE’S FIFTEEN A LITTLE BIT OVER
MINUTES AGO! TWO YEARS—WHY?
I DUNNO ...
... YOU DON’T SEEM HAPPY.

IT’S LIKE YOU’RE BEING … …
BULLIED, AND ...
…
WE ARE VERY SHIT ...

HAPPY TOGETHER!
WHAT DO YOU
KNOW? YOU
ONLY SAW HER WHAT?
ONCE!
TWICE,
ACTUALLY ...
OH UH ... I
MEANT SATURDAY
NIGHT, UH ...
NO!
DOES SHE
REMEMBER
IT TOO?
57
WHAT ARE
YOU DOING THIS
WEEK?
I’M GOING TO
GIVE YOU MY
NUMBER, OK?
I’M STUDYING
FOR THE EXAM, BUT
I COULD MAKE TIME
FOR YOU!
ARE YOU
SURE THAT …
WELL, UH … I
DON’T WANT
YOU TO FEEL
OBLIGATED.
PROMISE
ME YOU’LL
CALL.
PROMISE.
Kiss me.
KISS ME KISS ME KISS ME KISS ME

KISS ME KISS ME KISS KISS ME KISS ME KISS
ME KISS ME KISS ME ME KISS ME KISS ME
KISS ME KISS ME KISS KISS ME KISS ME KISS
ME KISS ME KISS ME KISS ME KISS
ME KISS ME MKISS ME KISS
58
The scent of Emma’s
skin stopped my
heart.
I was paralyzed, even

though every part of For two hours,
me wanted me to throw
we were alone
myself at her.
on earth. I want
nothing more than
to see her again.
To dive into the deep

blue depths of her
eyes, to lose myself in
her arms.
WHERE HAVE YOU

Disappear into BEEN? YOUR FATHER
her kisses. AND I HAVE ALREADY
EATEN.
SHE JUST
WALKED IN
THE DOOR.
I’LL HAND YOU
OVER TO HER.
GOODBYE, MISS.
IT’S SOMEONE
CALLED EMMA ...
VERY POLITE.
59
YOU I WANTED
DIDN’T TO MAKE SURE IT
WASTE WAS REALLY YOUR
ANY TIME! NUMBER.
HEH,
YOU THINK THAT
I’M RUNNING AWAY
FROM YOU? AH, SO YOU
ARE ALSO A YEAH, THE
“TYPE”? MATURE TYPE
THAT SPENDS HER
YEAH, I CAN BE PRETTY WEEKENDS IN
WEIRD AND DAUNTING—FOR GAY BARS!
MY TYPE. SO, YES!
YES, I THINK THAT THREE TIMES,
WE ARE VERY IN FACT ...
DIFFERENT ...
DON’T BE
SO SURE,
IT’S HARD TO
TELL AFTER
HAVING MET
SO, YOU’RE COMPLETELY
ONLY ONCE.
DIFFERENT FROM THE TYPE OF
PERSON YOU SAID I AM?
I HAVE TO GO, I’M
STANDING IN FRONT OF
SABINE’S PLACE. SHE’S
WAITING FOR ME. I’LL
CALL YOU AGAIN TOMORROW?
SOON, OK?
WHEN? OK! TILL

TOMORROW,
THEN.
60
LAETITIA!
BUT …
SHE’S STUCK SOMEWHERE

SORRY, IN THE MIDDLE AGES AND
VALENTIN, BUT I
THINKS IT’S A HUMILIATING
NEED TO SPEAK
TO LAETITIA; DISEASE!
SHE’S ACTING
WEIRD THIS
MORNING.
SHE DOESN’T
WANT TO GET
NEAR ME.
SHE MUST BE
CONVINCED THAT
HOMOSEXUALITY IS
!
CONTAGIOUS.
61
ACTUALLY ...
I THINK
IT’S MORE
ABOUT YOU.
YOU TOLD
HER YOU
WERE GAY?!
I TOLD THEM THAT WE SPENT
THEY BOMBARDED ME SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE GAY
WITH QUESTIONS WHEN BARS ...
YOU LEFT WITH THAT GIRL AND THAT YOU MUST
YESTERDAY.
HAVE MET HER THERE.
LAETITIA
CAME TO THE
CONCLUSION THAT
YOU’RE A LESBIAN,
THAT’S ALL!
62
CLEM ... THANKS A
LOT, VALENTIN!
WHAT’S WRONG
YOU WON’T SPEAK TO ME ANYMORE
WITH YOU? BECAUSE I WENT TO SOME GAY
BARS WITH VALENTIN?
DON’T TREAT ME
LIKE AN IDIOT!
YOU HAVE TO BE
PRETTY TWISTED
TO SPEND THE
EVENING IN
THOSE KINDS OF
PLACES!
IT MAKES ME
WANT TO THROW UP JUST
THEY’RE PERVERTS AND SICKOS, YOU MUST ALSO BE THINKING THAT YOU WERE MY
AND THEN YOU BRING MISS SUPER DOING DISGUSTING FRIEND AND THAT I INVITED YOU
DYKE BACK HERE WITH YOU! THINGS—AND WITH HER! TO SPEND THE NIGHT AT MY HOUSE!
63
WELL, WE KNOW ONE
FORGET THOSE THING FOR SURE, THEY
BITCHES. THEY AREN’T TRUE FRIENDS.
HATE ME
NOW TOO.
I. AM. NOT. A. LESBIAN.

In the last classes

before the exams,
none of my friends
would even talk to
me.
64
The air reeks of
these bullshit
people ...
No friends
at all.
Valentin is trying to get me to

see the bright side. I’ll be able to
spend more time studying for the
exams—no phone calls or nights
out with my friends ...
I just can’t believe

And what if And it’s all
that I’ve been
abandoned for they’re right? because of—
something I didn’t
even do.
ENT IIIINE
CLEM
65
I’LL TAKE IT IN
YOUR ROOM, HELLO?
MOM.
TELEPHONE!
HI, ARE YOU

BUSY?
I HAD A
BAD DAY TODAY
HEY!
BECAUSE OF DON’T TALK LIKE
YOU. BECAUSE YOU
SHOWED UP AT MY SCHOOL! THAT—IT’S VULGAR AND
WHAT DO YOU AND NOW MY FRIENDS THINK DISRESPECTFUL. YOU’RE
MEAN? I’M A DYKE, AND THEY WON’T BETTER THAN THAT.
TALK TO ME ANYMORE.
66
AND I’D SAY
THAT IT’S YOUR
SO-CALLED
FRIENDS THAT
HAVE THE
PROBLEM.
STOP TALKING
ABOUT GAYS LIKE
THAT!! DID THEY
BRAINWASH YOU,
OR WHAT?!
THEY CALLED ME A SEXUAL
DEVIANT BECAUSE I LEFT
WITH YOU ...
ONLY LOVE
WILL SAVE THE
WORLD. WHY
WOULD I BE
ASHAMED TO
HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN LOVE?
ASHAMED TO BE LIKE THAT?
67
HELLO?
…
HI, CLEM, IT’S
VALENTIN.
WELL, AT LEAST
YOU’RE STILL ALIVE.
IT’S GOOD TO KNOW.
WHY ARE YOU

CALLING ME? TO ASK YOU TO
COME OUT FOR A
DRINK.
I DON’T WANT YOU TO

TAKE ME TO ANY MORE
GAY BARS. I’VE HAD
ALL THE TROUBLE I CAN
STAND.
I COULDN’T CARE LESS
ABOUT BARS, OR WHERE SHIT, CLEM,
WE GO. I JUST WANT YOU
TO COME OUT OF YOUR YOU’VE SHUT
SHELL! YOURSELF UP
FOR A WEEK
NOW.
68
I’M STUDYING FOR
THE EXAMS—THEY
START IN A FEW DAYS,
REMEMBER?
CUT IT OUT,
YOU KNOW
IT’S NOT ABOUT
THAT.
NO, AND
YOU STILL I’M GOING TO GO
STUDY NOW. I’LL SEE
DON’T WANT TO YOU NEXT WEEK.
TALK TO ME ABOUT BYE, VALENTIN.
HER?
WAIT ...
CLEM, I’M SORRY

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
LAST SATURDAY ...
I’M REALLY
SORRY.
69
THANKS, BUT
I NEED TO BE OK.
ALONE FOR A
WHILE, FOR NOW.
BYE.
HAVE A GOOD
WEEKEND.
June 12th, 1996
Valentin
called me this
afternoon.
When my mother answered the She hasn’t called since

phone and said it was for me, It’s been a week.
we fought and I hung
my heart started racing. I ran up on her.
for the phone, thinking that it
would be Emma.
OKAY,
NEXT ONE:
“FORGIVENESS”?
FORGIVE,
FORGAVE, FORGIVEN
70
Why isn’t she calling
II~s
DRI
back? I can’t stop
worrying that she’ll call
when I’m out.
HELLO? OH,
HI, MOM ...
Why am I like
this? Why haven’t
I been able to
laugh for a week,
and why does my
stomach ache every
YES, time the phone
EVERYTHING’S rings?
FINE ...
YES, EVERYONE
IS FINE.
OH, THE LOCAL
Why do I NEWS HAS ALREADY
think about
her so STARTED. THIS Y
EA
much? PRIDE R’S GAY
HUGE HAD A
T
ACCOR URN-OUT,
DING T
O .. .
71
LOOK AT THAT, WILL AND THAT GIRL THERE, SHE’S
GAY PRIDE YOU—IT’S A CIRCUS!
AGAIN! HOW MUCH EVEN SHAVED HER HEAD. MY
LONGER ARE GOD, IT’S UGLY!
THEY GOING TO
BE DOING THIS AND IN THE
NONSENSE? CONTEXT OF THIS
EVENT, SABINE
DECOCQ, GRAPHIC
ARTIST, HAS
ORGANIZED AN EXHIBIT
BY HER ART GROUP.
ALL THE MEMBERS OF OUR ASSOCIATION ARE QUEER. THEIR

WORKS, CREATED FOR THIS YEAR’S GAY PRIDE, REPRESENT THE
SUFFERING THAT WE ALL EXPERIENCE IN OUR DAILY LIVES AND
HOW IMPORTANT IT IS NOT TO MARGINALIZE HOMOSEXUALITY
AND TRANSSEXUALITY.
SABINE DECOCQ SABINE DECOCQ SABINE DECOCQ
72
SABINE DECOCQ,
157 RUE DU
MOLINEL, IN
LILLE. WOULD YOU
LIKE THE PHONE
NUMBER?
There is no point in going

NO, THANK tomorrow, Emma will be
YOU, MA’AM. too busy with Gay Pride ...
GOODBYE. Monday.
Emma’s name is
not on Sabine’s
doorbell. That must
mean they don’t
live together.
I don’t know why,

but that made me
happy.
73
KEEP THE CLEMENTINE?!
CHANGE!
EMMA!
HELLO ... WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN

THE NEIGHBORHOOD? I ...
UM ...
I hadn’t even
thought about
what I might
say to her ...
74
NOTHING ... I WAS
IN TOWN AND WAS
HEADING TO THE
TRAIN STATION.
I’M GLAD I RAN INTO YOU

BECAUSE I WANTED TO
APOLOGIZE, BUT I DIDN’T
HAVE YOUR NUMBER.
FORGIVE ME FOR
BLAMING YOU AND FOR
HAVING TALKED TO YOU
LIKE THAT.
COME ON,
LET’S GO SIT
I’M SOMEWHERE AND
SORRY I TALK.
YELLED AT
YOU.
75
I WAS 14. I CUT MY
LONG BLONDE HAIR
WHEN I UNDERSTOOD SHORT AND FRIZZED
THAT I WAS ATTRACTED IT. I WORE CLOTHES
TO GIRLS, I BURIED THE THREE TIMES TOO
SECRET DEEP INSIDE
OF MYSELF.
BIG AND ONLY
HUNG OUT WITH
GUYS.
SOMETIMES I EVEN
GOT INTO FIGHTS. NOW I CAN
HARDLY
I INSISTED ON FIGHTING BELIEVE I WAS
AGAINST MY TRUE SELF. THAT PERSON ...
I COULD NO LONGER
CONTROL MY FEAR AND
MY ANGER, AND THAT
WAS WHY I WAS SO
VIOLENT.
SHE DIDN’T PUSH ME

ONE WAY OR THE
OTHER.
MY SHE CAME TO
MOTHER STARTED TO ME TO TALK TO ME SHE JUST WANTED ME
UNDERSTAND. ABOUT IT. I WOULD HAVE TO BE HAPPY AND TO
NEVER DARED TAKE THE ACCEPT WHO I WAS.
FIRST STEP.
76
AND LITTLE BY LITTLE, I
UNDERSTOOD THAT THERE
WERE MANY TYPES OF YES ...
LOVE.
DOES THAT
ANSWER YOUR
QUESTION?
WE DO NOT CHOOSE
THE ONE WE FALL IN LOVE
WITH, AND OUR PERCEPTION OF
HAPPINESS IS OUR OWN AND IS
DETERMINED BY WHAT WE EXPERIENCE ...
AND
SABINE?
SABINE AND I MET

AT ART SCHOOL ... IT’S
THANKS TO HER THAT I

LIVE THE LIFE I LIVE SHE REALLY HELPED
NOW. ME TO ACCEPT MY
SEXUALITY, AND MY
WORK TOO.
AND SHE INTRODUCED ME TO
THE GAY CULTURE, AND HER
FRIENDS HAVE BECOME MY
FRIENDS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT
WOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME IF
SHE HADN’T BEEN THERE.
77
EMMA, WHEN
CAN WE SEE
EACH OTHER
AGAIN?
I’LL CALL YOU

AFTER YOUR
EXAMS, OK?
78
HI!
YOU LOOK
HAPPY ...
79
WHOA! DID YOU HAVE A
IT’S JUST THAT I’M ... AND NO LONGER
REVELATION OR SOMETHING?
FINALLY ACCEPTING WORRYING ABOUT
HOW GREAT WHAT OTHERS
EVERYTHING IS THINK OF ME.
THAT’S HAPPENING
TO ME …
WHAT?
THE GIRL FROM

THE GAY BAR THAT YOU ASKED
CAME HERE … ME TO TELL YOU
ABOUT HER.
WELL, HER
NAME IS EMMA,
AND IT WASN’T
THE FIRST TIME
WE MET.
HER NAME
IS EMMA.
OK, NOW THIS

IS STARTING
TO GET
INTERESTING.
NOW, TELL ME
EVERYTHING. HOW
DID YOU MEET HER?
80
I THOUGHT YOU
NO, VALENTIN, UH, SAID YOU WEREN’T
I’D RATHER NOT. GOING TO WORRY
ANYMORE WHAT OTHERS
THINK ABOUT YOU.
IT’S STARTING
TO GET ANNOYING HOW
AFRAID YOU ARE THAT
OTHERS WILL JUDGE
YOU, ESPECIALLY ME, I
GET THE FEELING THAT
YOU DON’T TRUST ME,
OR YOU THINK I’M TOO
STUPID TO UNDERSTAND!
COME ON, WE
VALENTIN, IT’S NOT HAVE AN EXAM TO
YOU. FIRST, I HAVE TO FACE, AND THAT’S
UNDERSTAND WHAT’S NO LAUGHING
HAPPENING TO ME. MATTER.
81
September 2nd, 1996
I didn’t see the summer
go by ... Emma and
I spent a lot of time
together. We spoke for
hours on the phone about
our lives, our ideas, and
so many other things.
And we saw each other
whenever we could.
Each time
we met, I could
hardly wait
to see her. I
couldn’t sleep;
I was happy but
anxious because
I felt so great
when I was
with her, and I
was afraid of
losing her.
82
And that was
when something
started to grow:
my desire for her.
My desire to be in
her arms, to caress
her, to kiss her, my
desire for her to
want it too, to
want me.
Now ... we’re

really close. I sometimes
sense some ambiguity ...
and I wait ... holding
my breath, in suspended
animation .
Then suddenly,
shame takes over,

and I hate myself,
and I bury myself
in the ball of fire
that is screaming
to get out of my
guts.
83
And I just can’t
take it anymore ...
CLEMENTINE?
VALENTIN,
I… I…
I HAVEN’T HEARD FROM YOU IN

THREE WEEKS, AND YOU SHOW
UP TORN TO PIECES.
COME IN.
I’LL MAKE
YOU A HOT
CHOCOLATE.
YOU’RE
SOAKING WET.
COME ON. ARE

YOU GOING TO
TELL ME WHAT
HAPPENED?
84
IT’S
EMMA, RIGHT?
BOUHOU
IT’S NOT RIGHT—
SHE’S A GIRL—IT’S
HORRIBLE.
WHY DO I SIGH
WANT THOSE THINGS
FROM HER? WHY WHAT’S CLEM, WHAT’S
DO I IMAGINE ALL HORRIBLE? HORRIBLE IS THAT PEOPLE KILL
THOSE THINGS? IT’S EACH OTHER FOR OIL AND COMMIT
HORRIBLE! GENOCIDE, NOT THAT THEY GIVE THEIR
LOVE TO SOMEONE.
WHAT’S HORRIBLE
IS THAT WE’RE TAUGHT
THAT IT’S BAD TO FALL IN
LOVE WITH SOMEONE
WHO’S THE SAME SEX.
BECAUSE—YOU ARE IN
LOVE WITH HER, RIGHT?
85
September 6th, 1996
Whether I wanted it
or not, today was
the first day back to
school and my last
year of high school.
Now that I’m a My head was

senior, I’m going elsewhere today. I
to concentrate on was thinking about
studying. my future.
I want to show the

maturity that’s expected
of me, and I want this
year to go by quickly.
I’m anxious
to meet people
and to discover
things.
PIERRE
MAGNUS
HERE
NATHAN
MARIEN
HERE!
HERE
And to discover
myself. SO HERE I AM,
BACK AT SCHOOL.
86
I WOULD’VE AH, YES. WE
RATHER NOT CAN’T ALWAYS DO
HAD TO, BUT WHAT WE WANT!
I’M OVER IT
NOW.
THAT SAID,
IF YOU EVER HAVE ANY
MORE TROUBLE WITH ANY OF
THOSE BITCHES, I’LL MAKE
THEM REGRET THAT THEY
DISRESPECTED YOU!
BECAUSE I
HATE THE THOUGHT OF
YOU SUFFERING.
GET IT?
REALLY?
WHY WOULD
YOU DO THAT?
CLEM,
WHAT’S
WRONG?
LOOK AT
ME.
If I look at you, I’ll

want to kiss you.
87
CLEM …
HEY,
SWEETHEART …
IS IT SCHOOL?
NO …
88
CLEM,
THERE ARE TWO GUYS AT THE
COUNTER THAT ARE STARING AT US.
WE’D BETTER GO.
89
EMMA,
WHY ARE WE WALKING
IN CIRCLES? I KNOW
THAT YOU LIVE IN THE
NEXT BLOCK.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TALK

ABOUT YOUR BOOKS, PAINTINGS,
TREASURES, BUT YOU NEVER
INVITE ME UP TO YOUR PLACE
TO SEE THEM?
No, don’t crack.

Don’t cry.
90
…
WHEN YOU FINALLY
FALL IN LOVE, THAT GUY WILL BE THE
LUCKIEST MAN IN THE WORLD.
You are that

guy ...
How could you say

that to me, Emma?
It’s you—that luckiest
“guy” in the world— It’s you, Emma.
EMMA, it’s you!
91
92
WHY
WHY
WHY
HAVE YOU NEVER BROUGHT ME
HERE? WHY?
BECAUSE …
BECAUSE …
BECAUSE …
93
BECAUSE I COULDN’T HAVE My stomach, my
CONTROLLED MY DESIRE TO heart, my throat—my
MAKE LOVE TO YOU. whole body was
screaming.
You, you, you

There is only
you I love you
My God,
her sex, her
sex, naked
against
I love you, mine.
I love you,
I love you
I’m going to go
crazy. I don’t want
to live unless I can
be with her
94
That
scream
That
scream,
that
scream,
that scream
95
NO, WAIT.
YOU’VE NEVER
DONE IT
BEFORE.
96
I WANT TO
DO EVERYTHING
WITH YOU.
EVERYTHING THAT’S
POSSIBLE IN A
LIFETIME. What
pleasure
This pleasure, her

body, this madness ...
97
AND … AND THEN WE FELL ASLEEP WRAPPED AROUND EACH
THEN??? OTHER. I WOKE UP AT ABOUT 7 O’CLOCK AND
LEFT QUICKLY, MAKING SURE I DIDN’T WAKE
HER. OBVIOUSLY, I GOT YELLED AT WHEN I
GOT HOME, BUT THAT WAS THE LEAST
OF MY WORRIES.
WHOA! I’M GOING

AND NOW TO GO SEE
WHAT ARE HER AFTER
YOU GOING TO CLASS.

DO?
98
HI
SORRY I SNUCK OUT

YESTERDAY. I WAS
REALLY LATE GETTING
HOME.
CLEM, WE
CAN’T DO THIS.
99
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT? THAT I’M WITH
SABINE …
YES, I
KNOW …
CLEM, YOU’RE NOT A LESBIAN.
YOU’LL GET OVER ALL THIS.
YOU DON’T WANT …
IT’S NOT UP TO
YOU TO TELL ME
WHAT I WANT.
TELL
TELL ME … ME …
TELL ME
WHAT YOU WANT
100
September 8th, 1996
No one said It’s just my little teenage

it was going brain that imagined it
to be easy. could be.
When Emma asked me that question, I didn’t know how

to answer. I know what I want. But admitting it is
something completely different
I want Emma. But she is

I want to be
with Sabine,
with her.
who must
be great, and But I love her.
I am just a
lost kid.
I want,
I want, I have never
I want ... been so sure
of myself
in my life.
101
October 12th, 1996
I turned 17 today. Valentin organized a
surprise party for me
with my parents’ help.
And then ...

Emma
called.
We hadn’t been
in touch since
the scene at her
Friends from
place. She called
school and family to wish me happy
came. birthday.
The truth is, I

wanted to avoid her, So I said yes, and the day
but I couldn’t think after tomorrow I’m going to
of a reason not to eat at her place. She insisted on
cooking me dinner in honor
meet. of my birthday.
We weren’t really able

to talk ... I couldn’t
get myself to relax,
and she couldn’t
either. She wanted
to know if we could
meet.
102
WHAT ARE SIGH
YOU GOING I DON’T
TO DO? KNOW.
IT WOULD BE WHAT WOULD

MORE REASONABLE IF YOU DO?
I WOULD
I DIDN’T GO, BUT IF I FOLLOW MY
NEVER SAW HER AGAIN … HEART.
THANKS A LOT.
THINGS WILL
REALLY GET MESSY
IF I DO THAT!
103
SO, WHAT HAVE YOU
BEEN UP TO THIS MONTH?
NOTHING
SPECIAL … AND MY
SCHOOL, BEST
Y’KNOW … FRIEND
ORGANIZED
A SURPRISE
PARTY
FOR MY
BIRTHDAY!
YOU MEAN HMM.

VALENTIN? THANKS FOR
YES, COOKING
VALENTIN … DINNER, BY
THE WAY.
AND IT
WAS HE MUST
REALLY REALLY CARE
GREAT. FOR YOU TO ORGANIZE
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
… SHE DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT
US, AND SHE WOULD’VE HAD
WHY DIDN’T YOU ANOTHER FIT OF JEALOUSY,
INVITE SABINE, SO I’D RATHER KEEP
THEN? THINGS SEPARATE.
BUT …
THERE’S NO REASON
FOR HER TO BE
JEALOUS. WE’RE JUST
FRIENDS.
IT’S ABOUT TIME WE MET!
104
WHAT
ARE YOU
SUGGESTING?
AND YOU?
WHY ARE
YOU KEEPING
ME SECRET
FROM YOUR
GIRLFRIEND?
HERE, I MADE
QUICHE LORRAINE AS
AN APPETIZER.
PLEASE,
EMMA, I NEED
ANSWERS.
... MEET THE RIGHT GUY,

AND YOU’LL WANT TO BE
WITH HIM, AND YOU’LL
BE HAPPY, AND I’LL LOOK
SO,
LIKE AN IDIOT. FRANKLY …
WHAT
DIFFERENCE WHY SHOULD I?
WILL IT MAKE?
YOU’LL
EVENTUALLY
…
105
BUT … BUT …
SO, IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE

I…
PROTECTING YOURSELF THAT YOU I…
DON’T WANT TO MAKE A PLACE FOR
ME IN YOUR LIFE?
THAT EXCUSE YOU JUST GAVE

ME—I NEVER WANT TO HEAR
THAT AGAIN!
NO …
NO … I CAN’T.
106
HAVE YOU ALREADY FORGOTTEN THE FIRST TIME I CAME HERE? I TOOK A HUGE RISK,
TELLING YOU EVERYTHING I FELT. HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT ALREADY?
I FEEL LIKE I IMAGINED IT ALL, AND IT’S HORRIBLE. PLEASE,
I NEED YOU TO TAKE A RISK TOO; I NEED TO
KNOW THAT I WASN’T IMAGINING IT.
NO, YOU
WEREN’T
IMAGINING
IT.
107
February 2nd, 1997
That’s how it all started. That’s
how I started to have a secret
life. Only Valentin knew. I
made up excuses so I could
spend time with Emma. “Sorry,
guys. I have to go visit my
grandmother, I can’t go to the
movies tomorrow.”
Or, “Mom, I’m sleeping

over at a friend’s house
tonight. We’re going to
study together.”
Needless to say,
I’ve lied a lot
in the last few
months.
But for now I have to,

because the way Laetitia
humiliated me was more
than I could stand.
108
And besides, I’m so
happy. I think Emma likes
me more and more every
day, and she showers me
with affection. She’s letting
me put down roots in the
space she’s made for me
in her life.
That place I’m too

ashamed to admit
to ...
Because I am not
her girlfriend.
At the beginning
I thought that it
would be ok, but
as time goes on,
it’s driving me
crazy.
109
YOU DRIVE
ME WILD.
DEATH BY
I NEVER IMAGINED IT COULD ORGASM—THAT
GET BETTER AND BETTER. IF WOULD MAKE A
IT GETS EVEN BETTER, THAT’D NICE HEADSTONE!
BE INSTANT DEATH.
IT’S GOING ON FOUR

MONTHS NOW, YOU
KNOW …
YES … EMMA,
I WANT TO
REALLY BE
TOGETHER
WITH YOU.
110
YOU KNOW THAT
WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER
FOR A LONG TIME. SHE
LOVES ME A LOT AND
SHE’S DONE A LOT FOR
ME. I CAN’T LEAVE HER.
BUT DO YOU
HEAR YOURSELF?
YOU NEVER TALK
ABOUT YOUR I’D RATHER
FEELINGS FOR SPARE YOU
HER. THAT, THAT’S
IF BY ALL.
THAT YOU MEAN THAT
I LEAVE SABINE, WELL,
I CAN’T.
EMMA, YOU’RE
BEING VERY SECRETIVE.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S
REALLY THERE BETWEEN YOU
AND SABINE BECAUSE YOU
HIDE IT SO WELL.
AND I’M SURE YOU

HIDE THE FACT THAT WE’RE
TOGETHER FROM HER TOO. I CAN’T
GO ON LIKE THIS, WONDERING
CONSTANTLY AND WORRYING THAT
YOU’RE GOING TO DECIDE TO STAY
WITH HER.
AND I JUST CAN’T

STAND KNOWING THAT
YOU’RE WITH HER
ANYMORE. IT’S EATING
ME UP.
111
ARE YOU
LEAVING?
NO, I’M JUST

GOING TO THE
BATHROOM.
HEY, EMMA, I’M NOT

GOING TO GET UP AND SABINE
LEAVE LIKE THAT, JUST DOES THAT, I LOVE YOU
BECAUSE WE SAID HOW RIGHT? SO MUCH.
WE FELT.
112
HEY,
YOU!
?
I SHOULD
HAVE KNOWN
IT WAS YOU
WHO WAS
BEHIND ALL
THIS.
AND TO THINK THAT

I NOTICED WHAT WAS GOING ON SHE WAS MAKING LONG
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU IN THAT TEARY EXCUSES ABOUT
THE BAR LAST SUMMER! I’VE ALSO OUR RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE THAT’S
SLEPT WITH OTHER WOMEN, BUT IT WHEN IN FACT SHE’S ALL YOU ARE: A
MEANT NOTHING, I WOULD NEVER LEAVING ME FOR A PIECE OF ASS!
LEAVE HER FOR THEM. PIECE OF ASS.
113
I’M SO HAPPY YOU’RE YOU LEFT
HERE. I HAVE TO TELL YOU SABINE,
SOMETHING! RIGHT?
HI,
ANGEL!
HUH? HOW
DID YOU
KNOW?
I THINK SHE’S BEEN YOU DIDN’T TELL HER

SPYING ON YOU. SHE THAT YOU LEFT HER FOR
WAS IN THE STREET, ME?
AND WHEN SHE
RECOGNIZED ME
SHE STARTED TO
YELL AT ME …
NO … YOU
KNOW THAT
WE HAD BIG
PROBLEMS THAT
HAVE NOTHING
I’M SORRY. TO DO WITH
I TOLD YOU THAT YOU.
SHE CAN GET
HYSTERICAL AT
TIMES.
114
I HAVEN’T BEEN IN
AND LIKE YOU SAID, LOVE WITH HER FOR A
MY FEELINGS FOR YOU WHILE. SHE’D CHEAT ON THIS WAY,
WEREN’T WHY I BROKE ME AND COME BACK AS I’LL GO
UP WITH HER. OUT LESS
THOUGH SHE WAS THE AND WORK
VICTIM, AND WE WOULD HARDER ON
FIGHT. IT HAD MY DIPLOMA.
TO STOP.
IF OUR AND I ACTUALLY DON’T CARE

RELATIONSHIP ABOUT SABINE’S ART GROUP … IT WON’T
ALLOWED ME MAKE ANY
TO MAKE REAL DIFFERENCE TO
FRIENDS IN HER MY CAREER.
GROUP, BREAKING
UP IS A GOOD WAY
TO PROVE IT.
IF NOT, I
HAVE MY
FRIENDS AT
ART SCHOOL.
SHE SAID
THAT I WAS JUST

A PIECE OF ASS THAT WAS
TO YOU … TO HURT
YOU, I’M
SORRY.
WE’RE FINALLY
CLEM, TOGETHER!
I DON’T KNOW, COME ON,
MAYBE SHE’S I LEFT
RIGHT. HER.
115
HERE, TAKE IT! IT’S
YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
YOU JUST TOLD I DIDN’T WANT TO WAIT
ME YOU DIDN’T BUT … TILL NEXT WEEK. I
DO IT SO WE BUT … COULDN’T WAIT TO GIVE
COULD BE IT TO YOU.
TOGETHER. MAYBE
YOU JUST NEEDED
AN EXCUSE TO
FINALLY HAVE
THE COURAGE TO
BREAK IT OFF,
AND THAT’S ALL.
NO, I’M SICK OF

WAITING! I’M THE ONE
WHO ALWAYS HAS TO
WAIT UNTIL YOU’RE
READY. THAT’S ALL I DO
IS WAIT … I FEEL LIKE
I’M MISSING OUT ON MY
LIFE WHILE BEING IN
CLEM, WAIT. LOVE WITH YOU. IT’S SO
DON’T BE ONE-SIDED.
RIDICULOUS,
WAIT!!
116
HEY!
CHEATER!
HERE,
TAKE THAT!
HEY, HI, CLEM! WE AREN’T PIERRE, HOW ABOUT
USED TO SEEING YOU BEFORE TWO AGAINST TWO?
LIT CLASS ANYMORE.
DO YOU WANT
YEA, TO TALK?
WE’RE USED TO
YOU SEEING YOU
RUNNING LATE TO
CLASS ON THURSDAY
AFTERNOONS.
UH …
SORRY
THAT I’VE BEEN NO, I
SO DISTANT … I WANT WANT A
TO SPEND MORE TIME BEER.
WITH YOU GUYS. I
MISS YOU.
YOU DON’T THINK CLEM’S IN

LOVE? I’M SURE SHE HAS A
SECRET LOVER.
UH OH,
THE DUDE’S
GOT A
THEORY!
117
NO REALLY, WHAT IF LAETITIA’S
LESBIAN STORY IS TRUE? IT YOU, FOR EXAMPLE.
DOESN’T BOTHER ME, SERIOUSLY. IF YOU’RE GAY, LIKE
I COULDN’T CARE LESS EVERYONE SAYS YOU ARE,
ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S I DON’T SEE WHAT THAT
SEX LIVES. HAS TO DO WITH OUR
FRIENDSHIP.
I’M VEEEERY
OBSERVANT.
AS LONG AS YOU YOU SHOULD TALK
DON’T GRAB MY ASS TO CLEM. I THINK
IN THE LOCKER ROOM, THAT WOULD
I DON’T CARE! MAKE HER FIRST, I’M
HAPPY. GOING TO TAKE
A PISS BEFORE
I KICK YOUR
ASS AGAIN IN
FOOSBALL!
YOU
SEE!!
THANKS, ELI, BUT I DON’T

GRAB MY FRIENDS’ ASSES.
HAVE YOU NO, YOU MADE ME SWEAR TO
TOLD CLEM OR KEEP IT A SECRET! BESIDES,
ANYONE ELSE? YOU LOOKED SO PANICKED … IT WOULDN’T
RIGHT AFTERWARD HAVE BEEN COOL
FOR ME TO DO
THAT.
HMM …
I WAS PRETTY
DRUNK AT
THAT POINT …
118
BUT IT WAS
GOOD, WASN’T YEA! LET’S
IT? DO IT! TWO
AND HOW! AGAINST TWO!
NO ONE HAS
EVER KISSED
ME LIKED
THAT.
I’M
GLAD WE TALKED
ABOUT IT.
HEY, AM I A CLICHÉ? AH, SCREW IT.

THE LESBIAN WHO PLAYS I’M HAPPY!
FOOSBALL WITH HER
GUY FRIENDS …
119
April 2nd, 1997
Today everything
changed.
Today
innocence
died.
120
I HAVEN’T SLEPT IF I CAN’T SPEND THE REST OF THE NIGHTS I
IN OVER A MONTH HAVE LEFT TO LIVE WITH YOU, THEN THIS
SINCE YOU LEFT. LIFE IS NOT WORTH LIVING.
WHY DID WHY DIDN’T YOU

YOU LEAVE RUN AFTER ME?
LIKE THAT?
HERE I
AM.
121
AH, EMMA, !
IT’S NICE TO
FINALLY MEET YOU.
CLEMENTINE TALKS
ABOUT YOU ALL THE
TIME. IT’S SO NICE
OF YOU TO HELP HER
WITH HER PHILOSOPHY
HOMEWORK.
SO, YOU’RE HMM …

UH … GOING TO ART AND ARE
SCHOOL AND UH NO,
AHEM, THANK ACTUALLY, I THERE CAREERS
YOU, MA’AM. HOPE TO MAKE IN THAT?
A LIVING FROM AM MORE OF DAD …!
PAINTING? A GRAPHIC
ARTIST,
WHICH …
OH, REALLY,
“TOTALLY!”
YES, SIR!
IT’S A
CAREER THAT IS
TOTALLY EXPLODING
RIGHT NOW.
122
I LIKE YOUR
PARENTS, THEY’RE OH, NO WAY! AND YOUR MINE ARE
PARENTS? TOLERANT. IT
REALLY NICE. WHY
DON’T YOU TELL THEM WAS NEVER A
THE TRUTH? PROBLEM.
I DON’T
KNOW HOW MY
FATHER WOULD
REACT, BUT
MY MOTHER …
YOU SHOULD
HEAR HOW SHE
TALKS ABOUT
“HOMOS”!
AND I COULD COOK
WE COULD GO OK! FOR YOU EVERY DAY,
EAT AT THEIR TOO …
PLACE SOME DAY!
I’LL
INTRODUCE YOU
TO THEM …
HE HE
AND YOU CAN

SLEEP OVER AS
OFTEN AS YOU LIKE!
NO THANKS.
I THINK I’LL
GO DOWN AND GET
A GLASS OF MILK.
DO YOU WANT
ANYTHING?
123
I LOVE YOU.
124
I LOVE YOU
PASSIONATELY …
I LOVE YOU
DEEPLY …
MAYBE THIS
IS ETERNAL
LOVE, THIS
MIXTURE OF
PEACE AND
FIRE.
DO YOU BELIEVE
IN ETERNAL LOVE? I LOVE YOU I’M GOING TO
I LOVE YOU GET SOME MILK …
I LOVE YOU DON’T MOVE, I’LL BE
RIGHT BACK.
125
My blue
angel
sky blue
blue like
rivers
source of life
126
127
128
Today a
crisis blew
open our
secrets. mine
and my
family’s
And we’ll never be the same.
129
I met Emma’s parents And I grew
sooner than I’d up faster
imagined ... than I
expected.
Reality is now very different from my

childhood dreams.
130
Emma has been
there for me,
with more and
more love to
give.
But something I
can’t control in me
keeps creating a bigger
and bigger distance
between us.
For Emma,
her sexuality is
something that
draws her to
others, a social
and political thing.
For me, it’s the
most intimate
thing there is.
She calls it
cowardice, but
all I want is to
be happy ...
Like
everyone
else.
One way or
another ...
131
My anxieties
and frustrations
started to weigh
down on me, and
grew in secret.
Ever since that night

when I was 17, when
I was thrown out of
my own house, the And I’m about to

night when my father, turn 30.
wild with anger, said
to me: “If you leave
with her, you are no
longer my daughter,”
I have not been at
peace.
132
November 28th,
2008
HOW MANY
TIMES?
THREE …
133
AND
DID IT EVER
HAPPEN
HERE?
NO,
NEVER…
EMMA, PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

I PROMISE IT‘LL NEVER
HAPPEN AGAIN.
… I’M
YOU KNOW I REALLY GET
LOVE YOU MORE SORRY …
THAN ANYTHING PLEASE OUT.
AND I … I … FORGIVE ME.
EMMA …
134
NO … PLEASE
STOP. YOU’RE
HURTING ME.
AND WHAT, YOU DON’T

THINK YOU’RE HURTING ME?
YOU COULDN’T HAVE DONE
ANYTHING WORSE TO BREAK
MY HEART!
135
GET OUT. I DON’T
EVER WANT TO
SEE YOU AGAIN.
LET ME
EXPLAIN!
136
CLEMENTINE…
PLEASE, WE
NEED TO
TALK.
LEAVE ME
ALONE, ANTOINE.
I’VE TOLD YOU A
THOUSAND TIMES. IT
WAS A MISTAKE.
137
I SAID NO!
IT’S OUT OF
THE QUESTION THAT
WE SEE EACH
OTHER OUTSIDE OF
SCHOOL!
COULD WE
AT LEAST GO GET A
CUP OF COFFEE?
YOU’VE FINISHED FOR
TODAY, RIGHT?
138
CLEMENTINE …
WAKE UP HUUMMM
YOU’VE BEEN VALENTIN?
LYING THERE ALL
AFTERNOON .
IT WAS I’M SO
SO STUPID TIRED.
OF ME TO …
TO … I LOVE
HER.
I CAN’T
LIVE
WITHOUT
HER.
CLEMENTINE,
DON’T GIVE UP. YOU
NEED TO GET OUT A LITTLE.
YOU’VE BEEN SLEEPING ON
MY COUCH FOR A MONTH.
SHE WON’T
THE SLIGHTEST ANSWER MY SIGH
MOVEMENT MAKES CALLS.
MY HEART RACE
YOU SHOULD GO
AND MAKES ME
SEE A DOCTOR—
DIZZY.
AND YOU SHOULD
EAT MORE.
139
HI EMMA, IT’S
VALENTIN. CLEM
IS IN REALLY BAD
SHAPE.
I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG YOU’RE

GOING TO GO ON PUNISHING HER, BUT
I CAN’T STAND TO SEE HER LIKE THIS
ANYMORE, AND NOT BEING ABLE TO
HELP HER.
PLEASE, WHEN YOU
GET THIS MESSAGE,
CALL ME.
SEEING AS HOW THE

WEATHER IS GETTING WARMER,
I WANTED TO TAKE HER TO THE
BEACH THIS WEEKEND …
I WOULD REALLY LIKE IT IF YOU’D
COME AND TALK TO HER.
I’M WAITING TO HEAR
FROM YOU.
140
EMMA IS GOING TO SPEND SOME TIME
WITH YOU. I’M GOING BACK. SHE’LL
BRING YOU BACK WHEN YOU’RE DONE.
IF NOT CALL ME, OK?
YOU LOOK COMPLETELY

EXHAUSTED … ARE YOU …
ARE YOU OK?
141
I KNOW …
HE WAS
AFRAID THAT I’D
CHANGE MY MIND AT
THE LAST MINUTE … BUT
I WAS DYING TO SEE
YOU …
I’M SO HAPPY
TO SEE YOU!
VALENTIN DIDN’T
TELL ME.
142
That feeling was
back again ... I felt
her close to me,
attentive, loving.
Life could stay like
this forever.
How could I
be any happier?
LOOK, IT’S
DRIZZLING.
143
I felt so good, so
complete. All this crazy
nonsense, just to finally
feel good about myself.
HEY!
?
WHAT’S
WRONG?
144
CLEM?
CLEMMMM!!
145
WELL, HAS
SHE REGAINED ? WHO ARE UH …
CONSCIOUSNESS? YOU? A FAMILY I’M SORRY. I CAN
MEMBER? ONLY SPEAK TO A
FAMILY MEMBER.
I’M HER
GIRLFRIEND. WE
LIVE TOGETHER.
BUT I TOLD YOU, I’M PLEASE GO. I SUGGEST THAT YOU
HER GIRLFRIEND. I AM CALL HER PARENTS. YOUR FRIEND’S
HER FAMILY! SITUATION IS VERY SERIOUS.
I CAN ONLY
TALK TO THEM
ABOUT WHAT’S
GOING ON.
146
…
HELLO,
FABIENNE.
HELLO.
DANIEL
DIDN’T
COME WITH
YOU?
UH … NO. HELLO, DOCTOR, I’M

CLEMENTINE’S MOTHER.
HE WASN’T
READY.
HELLO,
MA’AM …
I’M REALLY
SORRY, BUT I HAVE SOME
VERY BAD NEWS.
147
WHAT DRUGS? I
NEVER SAW HER …
YOUR DAUGHTER IS
SUFFERING FROM ARTERIAL GET ANY CAN YOU DO SIT DOWN,
PULMONARY HYPERTENSION. USUALLY IT PRESCRIPTIONS! SOMETHING? CAN PLEASE.
IS DIFFICULT TO KNOW THE CAUSE, YOU OPERATE?
BUT IN YOUR DAUGHTER’S CASE, IT
SEEMS THAT SHE’S
BECOME ADDICTED TO SOME
DRUGS THAT EXACERBATED
THE SITUATION …
I AM AFRAID THAT, AT THIS STAGE, THERE IS LITTLE

THAT CAN BE DONE. THE SYMPTOMS PROBABLY
MANIFESTED THEMSELVES A LONG TIME AGO … BUT
NOW, IT’S TOO LATE TO TRY A TRANSPLANT OR
ANY KIND OF TREATMENT.
IF YOUR
DAUGHTER STAYS
IN BED, SHE COULD
LAST A FEW WEEKS,
BUT SHE COULD DIE
AT ANY TIME.
THERE MUST BE
BUT … BUT THAT’S SOMETHING YOU CAN DO
IMPOSSIBLE! TO SAVE HER!!
I’M
SORRY …
148
AS I SAID,
I DON’T CARE IF IT’S TOO LATE.
YOU’RE SORRY.
IT’S THE 21ST
CENTURY—YOU HAVE
TO BE ABLE TO TRY
SOMETHING!!
MY
GOD…
NO … NO … IT’S
NOT POSSIBLE. I’M BEGGING
NOT NOW … YOU, MY LOVE …
COME HOME.
I’M BEGGING
YOU, CLEM! SNRFL
PLEASE WAKE UP.
149
OH, YOU’RE
HERE, FABIENNE
… HELLO.
HELLO,
EMMA.
150
I BROUGHT YOU THE
NOTEBOOKS YOU ASKED
FOR. THE NOTARY
CALLED. HE SAID THAT
HE RECEIVED THE
DOCUMENTS. I ALSO
BROUGHT YOU A
LETTER FROM YOUR
STUDENTS.
151
NO, YOU NEED TO
KEEP THE MASK ON. IF
YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY, WRITE IT
DOWN.
IS IT THIS
ONE?
I PROMISE.
152
Emma ... you are
sleeping next to
me as I write
this. I’ve known
you for so long
that I know
exactly what you
were feeling when
they put me in
this hospital bed ...
guilt.
But, my love,
you already
saved me. You
saved me from
a life filled with
You are thinking that
if you had paid better
absurd prejudice
attention you would have and morality
seen the symptoms of my and allowed me
illness. You are thinking to grow. What’s
that you could have saved happening now
me—even if the doctors are is no one’s fault.
saying the opposite.
153
What I am taking with me are beautiful
memories, most of them with you ... our
laughter, our love ... your blue look and your
blue hair that haunted me while I loved you
without the courage to express it.
So, now that I am leaving, and you are staying,

please live your precious life, what’s left of it, to the
fullest and be—as I am today, lying in this bed—
without any regrets and at peace with yourself.
The life you gave

me could never
have been anything
but happy.
154
Emma ... you asked me if I believed
in eternal love. Love is something
way too abstract and indefinable.
It depends on what we perceive and
what we experience. If we don’t exist,
it doesn’t exist. And we change so
much; love must change as well.
Love catches fire, it

trespasses, it breaks, we break,
it comes back to life ... we
come back to life. Love may
not be eternal but, it can
make us eternal ...
Beyond death, the love

that we shared continues
to live.
155
156
JULIE MAROH IS AN AUTHOR AND ILLUSTRATOR ORIGINALLY FROM
NORTHERN FRANCE. SHE FIRST STARTED DRAWING AT THE AGE OF
SIX, AND DREW HER FIRST COMICS AT EIGHT. SHE STUCK WITH HER
PASSION THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL, THEN STUDIED COMIC ART AT THE
INSTITUTE SAINT-LUC IN BRUSSELS AND LITHOGRAPHY AND ENGRAVING
AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY OF ARTS IN BRUSSELS, WHERE SHE STILL
LIVES. AFTER SELF-PUBLISHING THREE COMICS, IN 2010 SHE
PUBLISHED THE ORIGINAL FRENCH-LANGUAGE EDITION OF THIS BOOK,
ENTITLED Le bleu est une couleur chaude
(GLÉNAT), WHICH RECEIVED THE AUDIENCE AWARD AT THE 2011
ANGOULÊME INTERNATIONAL COMIC FESTIVAL. HER LATEST BOOK IN
FRENCH IS Skandalon, A GRAPHIC NOVEL ABOUT A ROCK ’N’
ROLL STAR, TO BE PUBLISHED IN LATE 2013.

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BlueIsTheWarmest_Interior.indd 1 color. Arsenal Pulp Press.

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ARSENAL PULP PRESS

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THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. ANY RESEMBLANCE OF CHARACTERS TO PERSONS EITHER LIVING OR

TRANSLATION BY IVANKA HAHNENBERGER

LIBRARY AND ARCHIVES CANADA CATALOGUING IN PUBLICATION:

MAROH, JULIE, 1985-

TRANSLATION OF: LE BLEU EST UNE COULEUR CHAUDE.

1. GRAPHIC NOVELS. 2. LESBIANS--COMIC BOOKS, STRIPS, ETC.

PN6747.M36B5413 2013 741.5’944 C2013-904195-8

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