Newspaper

Download as pdf or txt
Download as pdf or txt
You are on page 1of 2

Nation of horror

18 JUN 2021

Boxing Day start today with hopes for an increase


Unfortunately, more than 1.7 mil-
lion people were displaced, lost in the
in the worldwide moose population
Tsunami middle of nowhere. 30 billion dol-
compared to last year’s disapointing
lars in damage. An endless number of
figures. Among the traditional early
By AKSHITHA PRAVEEN KUMAR homes and valuables lost. The econ-
reporters were Egypt, returning fig-
omy in devastation. ures of six moose, a twenty percent
increase on 2011’s figures of five, and
“ I lost my wife, and two of my
Christmas vibes turned upside daughters. I have no idea how to live
Uruguay whose moose population re-
down. Many, many lives treated as without them. They made my life mains stable at eleven.
bare sand, numerous shelters turned happy, “ states Baluda who is a sur- According to Robbie McRobson,
into debris and the economy an ev- vivor. head of the UN Moose Preserva-
erlasting impact... Who in the wide “Once I heard the little shake that
tion Council, worldwide moose num-
world would have even thought such went on for about 20 minutes, I knew
bers are expected to grow markedly
a devastating devil would unforgiv- we had to flee. We left all our valu-
on last year due to the traditional
ably destroy the city full of happiness ables and drove in a car as fast as we
moose strongholds of Canada and the
and good memories to be made? This could praying to God. Thankfully, we
United States, with the larger de-
enormous, gigantic tsunami too large made it alive, “ states a survivor who
veloping moose ecologies also poised
to explain for words, occurred on 26th wishes not to be named. to make gains. The largest percent-
December 2004. It hit the Indian “My business, all of my money is
agege increase in moose will likely
Ocean and has ravaged the coastlines gone. I was a rich businessman but in
come from China’’, says McRobson,
of Indonesia ( mainly ), India and Sri a millisecond I lost all my fortune and
The Chinese government has invested
Lanka !!! I live on the streets with rubble every-
heavily in moose infrastructure over
Precisely, it begins at 7:58:53 ( lo- where. I don’t know what all Banda
the past decade, and their committ-
cal time ) which is UTC 7. It lasted Aceh residents did for God to punish
ment to macrofauna is beginning to
for about 20 to 30 minutes. Before us like this, “ states a homeless man.
pay dividends’’. Since 2004 China has
the merciless Boxing Day Tsunami Nobody is able to afford therapies
expanded moose pasture from 1.5%
occurred, an earthquake had hap- to reduce the haunting of this terri-
of arable land to nearly 3.648% and
pened which caused this Tsunami to ble disaster in their minds. All valu-
moose numbers are expected to rise
be way worse than it should have ables and money lost. No hope in the
to 60,000 making China a net moose
been. This earthquake gave a pretty future. Many mourn imagining the exporter for the first time. This is
big shake which caused many people footsteps of their lost ones. Many are
good news for neighbouring Mongo-
to be warned and notified. These waiting for their arrival. This Box-
lia, a barren moose-wasteland whose
tsunami waves more than 100 feet ing day Tsunami is undoubtedly the
inhabitents nonetheless have an insa-
high hit Banda Aceh. This earth- worst natural disaster ever!!! tiable desire for the creatures. The in-
quake caused the ocean floor to rise crease in Beijing-Ulanbataar trade is
up 40 metres so it was a push point anticipated to relieve pressure on the
for the third deadliest tsunami to be relatively strained Russian suppliers,
ever recorded. but increase Mongolia’s imbalance of
Eight hours after its starting trade with its larger neighbour.
point, it ends up 5000 miles from the Historically the only competitor
Asian centre and ends its journey on to China in the far eastern moose
the coastlines of South Africa. Reuters markets has been Singapore but the
This cruel tsunami took the lives tiny island nation is set to report a
of 230,000 people in total. It killed International net loss, expecting a decrease of more
more than 100,000 people in Banda than five percent on last year’s 50,000
Aceh and tens of thousands more in Moose Count moose counted. The head of Singa-
the coastlines of India, Sri Lanka and pore’s Agency for Agriculture, Jing-
South Africa. It impacted all of these Underway Feng Lau, explained to an incredu-
countries, mainly Banda Aceh, In- lous Singaporean parliament yester-
donesia. For a countless number of By BOB O’BOBSTON day that bad weather had contributed
people memories of this mortal witch to this season’s poor showing, most
haunts their minds. The sounds of notably when a cargo of 150 moose
helpless children with no life to look The UN-sponsored International were swept out into the Indian ocean
ahead.What a turning point! Moose Census got off to a flying in a monsoon.
Nation of horror 18 JUN 2021 2

Yet again the global demand for Granny wins ican man retired from exhaustion.
moose will be met largely by the The next seven matches were barely
US and Canada. The recession-hit World Wrestling a contest as the news of Johnson’s
States is taking comfort in its moose supremacy overawed all her oppo-
growth figures with gross production Championship nents who became too indimidated to
expected to break 700,000 and net ex- fight properly.
By ROY MCROYSTON
ports to grow by 2%. The worldwide
Nigerian Tommy Thompson is
dominance of Canada shows no signs
also a relative newcomer to the
of abating though with this year’s
wrestling scene, but with his 210lb
moose population expected to match Records were smashed in
frame he was expected to fare well
last year’s record figures of one hun- Nicaragua’s World Wrestling Cham-
against Johnson who weighs in at
dred million billion. pionship last night as 78-year-old
only 90lb. However Johnson’s lithe
Europe’s rise as an international Maud Johnson, grandmother of five, and slender, some would say scrawny,
moose power will slow slightly this became the first woman for fifty-six figure belies her agility and strength
year as a response to the European years, and the oldest competitor ever, which she demonstrated by holding
Union’s move towards standardising to claim the gold medal. She walked Thompson above her head several
the European moose. Stringent qual- away with her million dollar share of times during the bout and throwing
ity controls are holding back the de- the prize money, runner up Tommy him into the crowd once. With the
velopment of the eastern european Thompson from Nigeria taking half a scores tied at 2-2 time ran out and the
populations compared to last year million, and third place New Zealan- contest went to a panel of judges to be
when they contributed significantly der John Smith receiving a warm assessed. They awarded Thompson a
to europe’s strong growth figures. handshake from the umpire. C grade whilst Johnson received an
Norway, which is not an EU member Having started the tournament a
A, becoming the first grandmother to
but has observer status, strengthed rank outsider she began to impress
ever win the title.
in numbers relative to the Euro area in her second match when she took
with numbers of Norweigian moose, US number three Ron Ronson by sur- The new champion explained her
known locally as elk’’ expected to rise prise and subdued him in twenty sec- success as the result of a strict train-
for the tenth consecutive year, partic- onds with her unique move that has ing regimen instituted by her coach
ularly thanks to a strong showing in been dubbed "Maud’s Death Grip". and grandson five-year-old Sammy
the last quarter. The injection of a new wrestling style Johnson. "I’ve been drinking ten
into the tournament was welcomed raw eggs for breakfast every morning,
As moose season reaches its close, by spectators and Johnson’s pre- and sprinting fifty miles a day and carry-
researchers world wide are turning to post-match breakdances have proved ing my daughter’s car to the end of
science in an attempt to boost next entertaining to fans. However, she the road and back whenever I felt my
year’s figures. NASA stunned the was still not expected to win in arthritis was OK" she said. Sammy
scientific community today with the round three last Wednesday, facing added "I always knew she could do
announcment of their discovery that off against title-holder Paulo "Spine- it. She’s my grandma.". The young-
the moon is significantly smaller than Snapper" Lutti, of Vatican City. Un- ster is also her manager and has re-
previously believed. This conclusion, derdog Johnson was soon showing her portedly arranged sponsorship deals
which is the conclusion of a ten- worth with stamina and agility easily which will dwarf her one million dol-
year collaborative project, will have matching last year’s winner. Lutti’s lar prize fund. Her new contract with
profound implications for the moose experience paid off initially as he took headband designer Nike alone is set
community as the gravitational field the first two rounds, but as John- to earn her fourteen billion dollars
is now known to be of the right son became more confident her su- over the next year. She will also be
strength to support moose in orbit. perior strength came to the fore and promoting Tupperware, Halliburton,
According to John Johnson, head she clawed back two rounds to take the Republic of Macedonia, and Gala
of the NASA Moon Sizing Experi- the contest into a decider. By this Bingo. Her continued participation in
ment the first delivery of moose into time Lutti’s body language indicated the sport is not assured as she wants
low moon orbit could be achieved as that he already felt overawed by the to spend more time on her bungee-
early as the third quarter of next year. pretender to his crown, and the new- jumping business, and knitting. Ev-
The technology to nurture moose in comer took advantage of this to en- eryone here at the World Champi-
space is available now’’, he said, ’’all gage a mutual headlock which she onships, however, hopes for her re-
that is needed is political will’’. held for three hours until the Vat- turn.

You might also like