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21 APR 2024

??? ?? ???? According to Robbie McRobson, moose population expected to match

head of the UN Moose Preserva- last year’s record figures of one hun-
By SELVASANKAR tion Council, worldwide moose num- dred million billion.
bers are expected to grow markedly Europe’s rise as an international
on last year due to the traditional moose power will slow slightly this
moose strongholds of Canada and the year as a response to the European
??? ??? ??? ???? ???, United States, with the larger de- Union’s move towards standardising
veloping moose ecologies also poised the European moose. Stringent qual-
to make gains. The largest percent- ity controls are holding back the de-
agege increase in moose will likely velopment of the eastern european
come from China’’, says McRobson, populations compared to last year
The Chinese government has invested when they contributed significantly
heavily in moose infrastructure over to europe’s strong growth figures.
the past decade, and their committ- Norway, which is not an EU member
ment to macrofauna is beginning to but has observer status, strengthed
pay dividends’’. Since 2004 China has in numbers relative to the Euro area
expanded moose pasture from 1.5% with numbers of Norweigian moose,
of arable land to nearly 3.648% and known locally as elk’’ expected to rise
moose numbers are expected to rise for the tenth consecutive year, partic-
to 60,000 making China a net moose ularly thanks to a strong showing in
exporter for the first time. This is the last quarter.
good news for neighbouring Mongo- As moose season reaches its close,
lia, a barren moose-wasteland whose researchers world wide are turning to
inhabitents nonetheless have an insa- science in an attempt to boost next
tiable desire for the creatures. The in- year’s figures. NASA stunned the
crease in Beijing-Ulanbataar trade is scientific community today with the
anticipated to relieve pressure on the announcment of their discovery that
relatively strained Russian suppliers, the moon is significantly smaller than
but increase Mongolia’s imbalance of previously believed. This conclusion,
trade with its larger neighbour. which is the conclusion of a ten-
Historically the only competitor year collaborative project, will have
to China in the far eastern moose profound implications for the moose
Reuters
markets has been Singapore but the community as the gravitational field
tiny island nation is set to report a is now known to be of the right
International net loss, expecting a decrease of more strength to support moose in orbit.
than five percent on last year’s 50,000 According to John Johnson, head
Moose Count moose counted. The head of Singa- of the NASA Moon Sizing Experi-
pore’s Agency for Agriculture, Jing- ment the first delivery of moose into
Underway Feng Lau, explained to an incredu- low moon orbit could be achieved as
lous Singaporean parliament yester- early as the third quarter of next year.
By BOB O’BOBSTON The technology to nurture moose in
day that bad weather had contributed
to this season’s poor showing, most space is available now’’, he said, ’’all
notably when a cargo of 150 moose that is needed is political will’’.
The UN-sponsored International were swept out into the Indian ocean
Moose Census got off to a flying in a monsoon. Granny wins
start today with hopes for an increase Yet again the global demand for
in the worldwide moose population moose will be met largely by the World Wrestling
compared to last year’s disapointing US and Canada. The recession-hit
figures. Among the traditional early States is taking comfort in its moose Championship
reporters were Egypt, returning fig- growth figures with gross production
By ROY MCROYSTON
ures of six moose, a twenty percent expected to break 700,000 and net ex-
increase on 2011’s figures of five, and ports to grow by 2%. The worldwide
Uruguay whose moose population re- dominance of Canada shows no signs
mains stable at eleven. of abating though with this year’s Records were smashed in
 ???? 21 APR 2024 2

Nicaragua’s World Wrestling Cham- the first two rounds, but as John- C grade whilst Johnson received an
pionship last night as 78-year-old son became more confident her su- A, becoming the first grandmother to
Maud Johnson, grandmother of five, perior strength came to the fore and ever win the title.
became the first woman for fifty-six she clawed back two rounds to take
years, and the oldest competitor ever, the contest into a decider. By this The new champion explained her
to claim the gold medal. She walked time Lutti’s body language indicated success as the result of a strict train-
away with her million dollar share of that he already felt overawed by the ing regimen instituted by her coach
the prize money, runner up Tommy pretender to his crown, and the new- and grandson five-year-old Sammy
Thompson from Nigeria taking half a comer took advantage of this to en- Johnson. "I’ve been drinking ten
million, and third place New Zealan- gage a mutual headlock which she raw eggs for breakfast every morning,
der John Smith receiving a warm held for three hours until the Vat- sprinting fifty miles a day and carry-
handshake from the umpire. ican man retired from exhaustion. ing my daughter’s car to the end of
Having started the tournament a The next seven matches were barely the road and back whenever I felt my
rank outsider she began to impress a contest as the news of Johnson’s arthritis was OK" she said. Sammy
in her second match when she took supremacy overawed all her oppo- added "I always knew she could do
US number three Ron Ronson by sur- nents who became too indimidated to it. She’s my grandma.". The young-
prise and subdued him in twenty sec- fight properly. ster is also her manager and has re-
onds with her unique move that has Nigerian Tommy Thompson is portedly arranged sponsorship deals
been dubbed "Maud’s Death Grip". also a relative newcomer to the which will dwarf her one million dol-
The injection of a new wrestling style wrestling scene, but with his 210lb lar prize fund. Her new contract with
into the tournament was welcomed frame he was expected to fare well headband designer Nike alone is set
by spectators and Johnson’s pre- and against Johnson who weighs in at to earn her fourteen billion dollars
post-match breakdances have proved only 90lb. However Johnson’s lithe over the next year. She will also be
entertaining to fans. However, she and slender, some would say scrawny, promoting Tupperware, Halliburton,
was still not expected to win in figure belies her agility and strength the Republic of Macedonia, and Gala
round three last Wednesday, facing which she demonstrated by holding Bingo. Her continued participation in
off against title-holder Paulo "Spine- Thompson above her head several the sport is not assured as she wants
Snapper" Lutti, of Vatican City. Un- times during the bout and throwing to spend more time on her bungee-
derdog Johnson was soon showing her him into the crowd once. With the jumping business, and knitting. Ev-
worth with stamina and agility easily scores tied at 2-2 time ran out and the eryone here at the World Champi-
matching last year’s winner. Lutti’s contest went to a panel of judges to be onships, however, hopes for her re-
experience paid off initially as he took assessed. They awarded Thompson a turn.