Grief and loss are a central part of our humanity. It comes without our permission and against our will. Our culture routinely interprets losses as alien invasions that interrupt our “normal” lives. In the book of Job, he lost everything in one day which is unbearable to many people. But most of us experience our losses more slowly, over the span of a lifetime, until we find ourselves on the door of death, leaving everything behind – all our relationships, all our possessions, all our health. We even lose our wrong ideas of God and illusions about the church. We grieve the many things we can’t do, our limits. We all face many ‘deaths’ within our lives.
Bible Study: Matthew 26:36-44 Jesus in Gethsemane
The end of Jesus’ vibrant, popular, earthly life and ministry was an enormous loss for himself and to His disciples and followers. Loss is a place where self-knowledge and powerful transformation can happen – if we have the courage to participate fully in the process. o What about Jesus’ example of grieving most speaks to you about embracing your own grief and loss? o One of the central messages of Christianity is the suffering and death bring resurrection and new life. Are there any losses you have not yet embraced where new life is still waiting to be birthed?
Biblical Grieving: God’s Path to New Beginnings
The choice is whether these deaths will be terminal (crushing our spirit and life) or open us up to new possibilities and depths of transformation in Christ that God can uniquely open our hearts and transforms us. There are five different phases of biblical grieving so central to our following of Jesus.
1. Pay Attention When we do not process before God the very feelings that make us human, such as fear or sadness or anger, we leak through in soft ways such as passive- aggressive behaviour, sarcastic remarks, a nasty tone of voice, and the giving of the “silent treatment”. Our churches are filled with “leaking” Christians who have not treated their emotions as a discipleship issue. Grieving is not possible without paying attention to our anger and sadness.
2. Wait in the Confusing In-Between
The confusing in-between resists all earthly categories and quick solutions. It runs contrary to our entire culture. God is not in a rush. Waiting on Him is life – not just for what He can do for us. Psalm 37:7 remains one of the most radical commands of our day. It requires enormous humility. 3. Embrace the Gift of Limits The greatest loss we must grieve is our limits. It drives us to humility before God and others like little else. Our egos tend to be so inflated that we act as if we were God. Often we have larger fantasies and wishes for ourselves than our real lives can support. As a result, we work frantically trying to do more than God intended. We burn out thinking we can do more than we can. We get stressed and blame others. Getting off our thrones and joining the rest of humanity is a must for growing up.
4. Climb the Ladder of Humility
Referring to Job who emerged from his suffering transformed, God spoke to him out of the storm of his life after his great loss and long time of waiting. In the process, Job made a choice to “climb the ladder of humility” what Jesus described as an indispensable quality for maturing in Him (Matthew 5:3-10; Luke 14:7-11, 18:9-14). St. Benedict (in the 6th century) developed a twelve-steps ladder for growing in the grace of humility. His goal was perfect love and transformation of our entire personalities. Peter Scazzero presented his adapted version to encourage us being aware of God’s presence; willing to surrender self-will; open to accept God’s Will; accepting others in their own processing to sort out weaknesses and struggles; admitting our own weaknesses and limitations who care about our development; seeing ourselves as potentially weaker and more sinful than anyone around us so that to be kind and gentle; gaining wisdom in our lifelong journey of seeking God; and arriving home with ourselves who are content to rely on God’s mercy.
5. Let the Old birth the New
Good grieving is not just letting go, but also letting it bless us. The central message of Jesus and the Bible is that suffering and death brings resurrection and transformation. Jesus himself said, “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds” (John 12:24). Resurrection only comes out of death – real death. Our losses are real. And so is our God, the living God. There are many rich fruits that blossom in our lives as a result of embracing our losses. The greatest is our relationship to God that moving from pleading prayer life to an intimate, loving prayer life characterised by loving union with God. When we grieve God’s way, we are changed forever.
Reference: Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Peter & Geri Scazzero, Zondervan Publishers, 2017
The Scriptures: The Antidote for a Chaotic and Turbulent World: How the Nonfictional Word of God Can Be Applied for Everyday Living in Times of Chaos and Unrest
