Utsukushii Kare/ My Beautiful Man [ENGLISH

TRANSLATION]
VOLUME 1. Chapter-1; PART-1: He is Beautiful

◈ ◈ ◈ ◈
The music that played while he was leaving the school was called "The
Road Home", and He didn't like the melody which created a strange sense of
uneasiness.
It felt as if it was deliberately trying to make you feel lonely in order to
make you go home early.
After school ended in the evening, Hira was listening to this melancholy
music while feeding the rabbits at school with the bread that he had for lunch.
At that moment, an uncle in a jersey called out to him from behind.
"Do you like rabbits?"
Since he was at school, he must be a teacher. But not the teacher of the
Hira's grade. An ominous feeling rose up in Hira's heart at being accosted by
an older man he didn't know at all. Ah, I think it's going to happen. With that
in mind, he opened his mouth to answer with simple words "I like them".
"I, I, I, li-"
Ah, as expected. The words didn't come out again. Hira's face turned red,
sweating underneath his shirt that couldn't be seen.
The man tilted his head as if he was in trouble at the repeated word 'l' of
Hira.
"So, you like rabbits. Remember to go back before it gets dark."
The teacher in the jersey patted Hira's head gently and then turned around
and left. Hira lowered his head while squeezed the bread in his hand. Why?
These were simple words "I like them".
"......I like them."
When he tried to say it again, the words came out smoothly, Hira felt a
wave of despair.
He had no problem talking with his family or familiar friends, but when he
got nervous, he couldn't speak. It was even worse when he was called upon
to read aloud the text in the Japanese language class. In a quiet classroom
where everyone was listening to him reading. Everyone giggled at him as
Hira became flustered.
 When he had just entered elementary school, his parents, who had received
a report from his homeroom teacher, decided to take Hira to the hospital. He
was diagnosed with dysphemia*, but the doctor told him not to be too
nervous. He then advised Hira to take deep breaths when he felt nervous and
to calm down before speaking. This advice was very effective. But it was not
perfect. It wouldn't work if he panicked before he had a chance to calm down.
It would become like this that had happened just now,
"I, I, I, li.."
(T/N: The CIE-10 (International Classification of Mental and Behavioural
Disorders -W.H.O) defines dysphemia as the “speech impediment
characterised by a frequent repetition or prolongation of sounds, syllables or
words; or by the rise of frequent doubts or pauses which interrupt speech's
rhythmic flow”.)
Moreover, the most troublesome thing was that he got nervous most of the
time, so he didn't know when and where the dysphemia would start occurring.
The students were annoyed with Hira, who repeated "su-su-susu" and "ka-
ka-ka-ka" like a broken peashooter. Naturally, Hira became a taciturn child.
Hira developed a habit of taking several deep breaths to relieve his
nervousness when he was asked questions by someone, and finally started to
speak only when the other person began to feel impatient. Of course, his
classmates were annoyed with him. They called him an idiot.
Of course, Hira felt bad and sad.
But still he thought that being an idiot was better than being disgusted.
With a sigh that didn't sound like a child's of his age, Hira left the rest of
the bread in the rabbit's cage and set off for home.
While walking alongside the edge of an irrigation canal, he suddenly saw
a yellow object floating from the other side. It was a yellow plastic duck doll
with round eyes and curly, long eyelashes painted on it. It was not known
whether someone dropped it accidently, or threw it away on purpose. Maybe
it was called "Captain Duck". At the sight of being washed away in the
concrete irrigation ditch, Hira felt an indescribable empathy.
(T/N: Captain Duck: Captain Duck was supposed to be floating in a warm
bathtub or a children's swimming pool , but somehow it ended up in this dirty
irrigation ditch. What had happened in his life? )
 It's not that Captain Duck liked to drift in the dirty irrigation canal on his
own because he liked it.
Hira was the same. It was not like Hira liked to stutter of his own volition.
It was just that there were a lot of things in the human world that didn't go
well.
With a proper salute, Hira saw off the drifting Captain Duck and set off for
home again.
When he entered junior high school, the difference of the class system
became even more evident than there had been in elementary school. A place
called school was built on a caste system, forming a pyramid, consisting of
top, middle, bottom, air*, and trash. So, it was only natural for Hira, who was
presented as a taciturn and gloomy guy, to be included at the bottom of the
pyramid.
(T/N: *Treated as invisible like air.)
Although people at the bottom of the pyramid had their own groups, Hira,
who didn't talk much and was gloomy, was a stray bottom of the pyramid
who didn't even have any friends. There were several strays in the school,
who were ranked at the bottom of the pyramid, but even among them, there
was a girl who was classified as trash. That girl, who was ignorant of her own
status, was badly bullied by the girls, who were also at the top of the pyramid,
for the crime of talking to a boy from the top of the pyramid in a friendly
manner. It was like a modern version of burei-uchi*.
(T/N: *Burei-uchi is also known as kiri-sute gomen, which means
“permission to cut down”. It is an old Japanese expression dating back to
the feudal era right to strike (right of samurai to kill commoners for perceived
affronts). Samurai had the right to strike with their sword at anyone of a
lower class who compromised their honour. So, burei-uchi means “striking
for improper manners”.)
Hira, who had always been absent-minded, was considered as a harmless
being and was not bullied. However, in contrast, he was ignored and treated
as someone invisible like air. After joining the soccer team, Yama-chan*,
whom he used to play with occasionally in elementary school, suddenly
became popular and now started to act like he didn't know him even when he
met him in the hallway. In the end, even in the eye's of Yama-chan, Hira
became invisible. A transpicuous person.
 (T/N: *Chan ( ちゃん ) expresses that the speaker finds a person endearing.
In general, -chan is used for young children, close friends, babies,
grandparents and sometimes female adolescents. It may also be used towards
cute animals, lovers, or a youthful woman in Japan.) Of course, he felt bad
and dreary.
However, being a transpicuous person was much better than being bullied.
he had gone through the the same cycle as in elementary school, now he
felt that he had sank another layer down.
There were some people look at the top and got inspired, while others, who
found comfort in looking at the bottom. The latter would only keep falling,
there was no possibility of climbing up. Even though he knew that, he still
sought refuge in his heart in this moment. At such times, he thought the scene
of Captain Duck, who always floated through the irrigation canal.
Keep your mind as calm as possible. Don't be sensitive to stimuli.
Be like Captain Duck, who floated through the dirty artificial river with
long, curly eyelashes.
By imposing himself in an image full of subtle humor, he was trying to
make the sad reality like a scene in the movie.
Hira secretly used this way to protect his feelings. However, in the summer
of his second year of junior high school, his homeroom teacher, made an
extremely insensitive report to his parents, "Hira had no friends and could
not fit in with the rest of the class," and for this reason, he developed a clear
hatred for this homeroom teacher.
"It's amazing. It's the first time I've seen such a view."
His mother's eyes sparkled as she looked at the scenery in front of her.
"Come on, Kazunari*, take pictures as you like."
(T/N: *Kazunari is Hira's name.)
Hira's father put his hand on Hira's thin shoulder to push him slightly as if
urging him to go forward.
Being carried away by the momentum of the two them, Hira took a step
forward with an expensive digital SLR camera, which was too expensive to
use by a junior high school student, and walked forward.
With a white birch forest as a background, Hira mechanically pressed the
shutter facing the cluster of colorful lilies, which were in full bloom.
Orange, peach, red, white, yellow. Making his eyes hurt. "The
weather is so nice , I'm glad that we come."
"Um, Kazunari seems to be enjoying himself too." His
parents were whispering to each other behind him.
Hira pretended not to hear them.
About a month ago, Hira had accidentally overheard his parents talking
late at night in the living room, after receiving the disturbing report from the
homeroom teacher. His father comforted his mother by saying that most of
the mild stutterers were expected to be cured when they reached adulthood,
and that there was still hope for him to be cured.
After hearing his parents saying that it would be good for him to have a
hobby that he could be passionate about, Hira quietly went back to his room.
His heart was filled with sadness, grievance, and misery. He could not forgive
the homeroom teacher, who had ruined his life not only at the school but also
at home.
The next week, he received a gift from his father, even though it was not
his birthday. He said that he got it as a prize for winning the golf, but when
did he ever play golf? When Hira opened it, there was a camera inside. It was
an expensive digital SLR camera that was often shown in commercials
recently.
Hira remembered his parents' words that it would be good for him to have
a hobby that he could be passionate about, and that was the solution they
came up with. You could take pictures by yourself, and you had more
opportunities to go out, so it was a pretty good hobby for a boy with liberal
arts background. For now, he shouldn't hurt his parents' feelings. "Thank
you, I will take good care of it."
Hira said with an awkward smile, and his parents smiled as if they were
relieved.
"Let's go somewhere to take pictures together on our next vacation."
That was why today, Hira was here constantly pressing the shutter to take
pictures of lilies.
No matter which direction you turn, there were lilies, lilies, lilies, and lilies,
and if you climbed up with a lift, you would also see platform for viewing
lilies. What on earth they do with so many lilies? Are they really that much
beautiful? Ah, or could it be that lilies are edible? Maybe the lily's root that
is used in making chawanmushi* come from these lilies.
(T/N: *Chawanmushi is an egg custard dish in Japanese cuisine.image:
.)
"Kazu-kun*, Kazu-kun, take a picture of your father and mother too."
(T/N: *Kun ( 君 【 く ん】 ) is generally used by people of senior status
addressing or referring to those of junior status, or it can be used when
referring to men in general, male children or male teenagers, or among male
friends in Japan.)
Turning around, he saw that his parents were smiling and posing by making
'V' - shap sign with their fingers, "Yes, say cheese!", Hira said and took a
picture by pressing the shutter of his camera with a loud sound that didn't suit
him at all.
By the time he got home, Hira was feeling exhausted. It was because he
spent the whole day laughing and frolicking by pretending to look active in
order not to disappoint his parents. The next day, he imported the photos into
his computer and observed them again. He still didn't think of them as
beautiful. The green leaves of the birch and the white trunks. Overly colorful
lilies. Orange, peach, red, white, yellow. It was looking very artificial,
unnatural landscape, and it made him feel sick if he kept staring at it.
Hira held the mouse and tried to erase one orange lily with an image
processing software.
Peach, red, white, yellow ones were all erased one by one in a flowing
process.
He couldn't think of anything else.
Looking at the absurd photo with full of holes, Hira finally came back to
his senses.
Ah, what I've done?
He ruined the pictures that he took at the place, where his parents brought
him to, by the camera that was also bought by them for him with good
intentions. Although they could be restored with a single click of the mouse,
the fact that he did it was the problem. After quickly restoring the photos, he
opened the next photo that happened to be of his parents together posing by
making the V-shaped sign with their fingers, and at that moment the guilt of
his conscience reached its peak.
 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for being like this.
As Hira was apologizing continuously, a chirping voice sounded like a
bird's cry began to ring in his eardrums. Hira's chest felt tight and he could
only call out the name of his mater: "Captain Duck, Captain Duck."
--Keep your mind as calm as possible. Don't be sensitive to stimuli.
--Be like Captain Duck, who floated through the dirty artificial river with
long, curly eyelashes.
It was easier to live everyday being obtuse. But that day, Captain Duck was
caught in a raging stream, constantly banging against the concrete walls here
and there, leaving his whole body covered with bruises.
◈ ◈ ◈ ◈
VOLUME 1. Chapter-1; PART-2: He is Beautiful

◈ ◈ ◈ ◈
It was the spring of the sophomore year in high school, Hira felt
particularly nervous on the first day at the school from the morning, which
was also the day of the changes of classes.
Hira was extremely terrible on this day, which began with the self-
introduction. He became even more depressed after reading the poster of the
class placement notice. Last year, most of the students in the class were
gentle-natured, but this year's class was filled with flamboyant pupils, so the
risk factor was too high for a student like Hira.
Although he still stuttered occasionally, it was all thanks to the years of
training, he was less likely to make any fatal errors. Hira, who always kept
his head down and didn't talk much, was considered to be someone who
belonged to the bottom of the pyramid, and he was satisfied with it by
thinking that this was enough. Rather than being specially treated by people
as someone who had a physical defect and showed him cheap sympathy, it
was much better to just be at the bottom of the pyramid and being ignored by
everyone.
Please let this year be peaceful.
Hira prayed as he stepped into his new classroom. He sat on the seat
corresponding to his attendance number and looked around the classroom
through the gaps of his long bangs. Somehow, the classroom had already been
divided into many groups. Everyone was desperate not to be left alone. The
classroom on the first day of the class placement was like a noisy and bustling
battlefield, where everyone was fighting by holding imaginary rifles. And
Hira was just watching this.
As the bell rang, the new homeroom teacher entered the classroom. After
a brief greeting, the usual self-introduction began. Hira took a deep breath
without noticing by others. One, two, three times. The air he inhaled pressed
on his stomach and stabilized his lower abdomen. This method had been used
by him for more than ten years since elementary school, so Hira had long
been accustomed to it.
In order, each student stood up to introduce themselves by telling their
names, hobbies, etc. The homeroom teacher also made humorous comments
about each student in turn, making the whole class burst into laughter.
Meanwhile, Hira tried to keep away his nervousness by imagining the scene
of Captain Duck floating without any resistance.
When his turn was approaching, the boy, sitting diagonally in front of Hira,
stood up.
"I'm Kiyoi Sou."
Suddenly, Hira felt his entire body being swallowed up by a tidal wave.
And as if pulled by a gravitational force, Hira lifted his head to look, just like
the other students in the classroom, who were also looking in that direction
in unison.
Hira couldn't see the face of the student named Kiyoi from where he was
sitting. However, he could see his incredibly beautiful jawline and long,
slender neck. As even the size of his head was small, his overall proportions
looked even better. He just said his name and, without introducing himself
further, sat down.
"Hey, don't you have anything else to say? Like any hobbies or
something like that."
At the homeroom teacher's question, he shook his head.
"Nothing special."
He propped his hand on the table to support his chin, with his legs crossed.
In a very sloppy posture. However, it was amazing how he looked just like a
model, who was posing, due to his long and slender limbs.
Although he didn't say anything funny, all the girls in the classroom
snickered shyly and the boys grinned too. It seemed that he was one of those
people, who belonged to the top of the pyramid.
"Okay, next student number 13."
Without even realizing that he had been called, Hira just kept staring at the
slandered figure from behind.
"Hey, number 13, what's wrong? That tall one over there." As
the boy suddenly turned around, Hira was startled.
It was a shock, as if someone had clapped their hands in front of his face.
 He was beautiful. The corners of his eyes looked as if they were drawn
with a soft brush, painted along the bridge of the nose with the thin and well-
shaped lips. His features, which seemed to have been carefully and
meticulously created by God, were more beautiful rather than described as
handsome.
His eyes darted over Hira from head to toe, as if appraising him, and then
immediately averted his gaze as if he had lost interest. It seemed liked, for
him, it wasn't worth watching anymore. Hira knew that he had been judged
by that boy instantly. He neither felt angry nor sad. This kind of arrogance
befitted someone as him, who was incredibly beautiful.
While Hira was still staring at Kiyoi like a fool, he suddenly felt a slight
hit on his head. When he looked up, he saw that the homeroom teacher was
standing next to him with a rolled up notebook.
"How many times do I have to call you before you respond? Introduce
yourself. Don't be oblivious on your first day."
Hira quickly stood up as if he had been kicked. He just had to say his name.
My name is Hira Kazunari. That was all. But he stumbled at the first syllable.
"Hi--"
Oh, no. When he thought about that, there was no turning back.
"Hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-"
Along with Kiyoi, the homeroom teacher, and everyone else staring at him
baffled as Hira was spitting out monosyllables like a broken peashooter. He
felt his face quickly heated up. A large amount of cold covered his back and
armpits.
"Oh, I got it. Your name is Hira Kazunari, right? You can sit down."
The homeroom teacher, who seemed to have perceived something, said so
and Hira sat down back on his chair.
"What was that?"
"Wasn't that horrible?"
"Did he just laugh*?"
(T/N: *As Hira was repeating the word "hi", every student thought that
Hira was laughing.)
"He's weird."
The whispers of the students spread throughout the classroom.
 Even if He didn't look up, Hira could feel that countless white eyes were
piercing through him.
Ah, Captain Duck.
Even though he thought he had gotten used to plenty of things, at a time
like this he always wanted to disappear.
The shame that had been piled up so far was overlaid with new shame, and
the wall that confined him grew thicker and thicker. Why am I like this?
As the self-introduction continued, the whispering voices gradually faded
away.
Hira, timidly, lifted his face, and in the spring sunlight that filled the
classroom, the backs of his classmates were appeared exquisite in his eyes.
The time between him, who wanted to die, and everyone didn't even intersect
one millimeter*.
(T/N: *The world of Hira is thoroughly different from everyone else.)
Once again, in the corner of his field of vision, Hira noticed the slight
movement of fingers.
It was Kiyoi. He sat languidly in his chair with his long legs crossed, and
fiddling with his smartphone secretly. His slender and long fingers were
swiping up and down, left and right, on the small screen. It was as if his
fingertips were dancing. Even though the self-introduction was still
continued, Kiyoi paid no attention to it.
Hira slowly raised his gaze.
Kiyoi's whole body appeared into Hira's view, as if the curtain of a theater
had been opened.
A small head with a well-shaped back. The long neck and limbs. His light-
brown hair shone when brushed by the sunlight. He stopped fiddling with his
smartphone, and rested his chin on the hand which was propped up on the
table, yawning in boredom. In an entirely different way from someone like
Hira, who wanted to die, the world of Kiyoi was also different from the rest
of the class.
Only he and Hira, himself, were alone.
 ◈ ◈ ◈ ◈

VOLUME 1. Chapter-1; PART-3: He is Beautiful

◈ ◈ ◈ ◈
While cleaning the chemistry lab room, Hira was suddenly hit from behind
by a boy and almost dropped the beaker he was washing.
The boy, who bumped into him, made a perfunctory apology.
"Oh sorry."
"Miki, stop bullying Hii-kun."
"I wasn't bullying him. I just stumbled and bumped into him."
"Nah, that was on purpose. Poor Hii-kun." And then everyone
burst into laughter.
There was no specific meaning in their laughter. Laughter was only the
easiest form of unity, as well as the exclusion of others. Hira, who was the
target of the laughter, kept his head lowered as he continued to wash the
chemical-stained beaker.
Although the cleaning team consisted of six members, only Hira was the
one who was doing the cleaning properly.
It doesn't matter if I'm alone, or invisible, I just want to spend this year
peacefully.
It had only been a month since the day of class change, but the little hope
of Hira went into smoke.
Due to the incident of his stuttering "hi hi hi" on the first day of school,
Hira had been given the nickname "Hii-kun". It was an unpleasant nickname,
but there was no way for anyone to know the real origin behind this nickname
just by hearing it.
Even when they called him "Hii-kun" loudly in the hallway, the teachers
just walked past him with a look that seemed to say how beautiful it was to
have a good friendship.
The group of boys, who had given Hira this disdainful nickname, was the
most popular in the class. It wasn't like they had good grades or were better
at athletics. They just naturally dominated everyone around with their strong
attitude and loud voices. In a place like school, where monkeys on the verge
of becoming true human beings gathered, they were the strongest. Even
without any valid reason, everyone thought as long as they didn't go against
that group of boys, they could consider themselves as winners*.
(T/N: *As long as everyone doesn't go against those boys, it would be good
for them.)
Hira was the exact opposite. He thought that as long as they didn't find any
reason to stomp on him, it was okay for him to be considered a loser. Once
the class system was organized, reversing the situation was extremely
difficult in any world.
"Ah, it's too hot. I want to drink juice."
Shirota, the most flamboyant member of the group, spoke up. His spiky
brown hair made him look stupid. "I want a Coke. The red one."
As Miki chimed in, the other two also began to clamor by saying "Me too,
me too."
Here it comes...
As expected, they called him by the name "Hii-kun!", as if they were
calling a dog. Hira heaved a sigh of giving up.
At first, they just made fun of him by calling him by that terrible nickname,
but now they made him buy drinks and snacks, or run to the convenience
store in front of the school, like a complete servant. Even so, this was still
better than the torturous bullying. Hira tried to make himself think that way.
Hira's way of giving up and accepting everything with the thought of "it is
better than this" or " it is better than that", made him keep falling further and
further into the lower tier. Sometimes he wondered how long this cycle would
continue. If this continued even when he became an adult, then he had no
dreams or hopes for his future.
"Hii-kun, go buy some juice."
As Hira was feeling depressed, thinking about his future, Shirota called out
to him once again. Even if Hira had no problem going to buy things for them,
in the meantime, these guys wouldn't finish cleaning while he was away. As
Hira was feeling annoyed, thinking about how late he was going to be home
again, he put the beaker he was washing in the sink... "Do it later. Otherwise
it'll be late for us to go home." Kiyoi said, attracting everyone's gazes.
"Let's finish cleaning quickly and then we can go to McDonald's."
 Kiyoi was sitting cross-legged on the desk by the window, and said without
looking up from the "Weekly Shōnen Jump"* that had been placed on his lap.
As he was looking down, his long and slender neck was much more visible.
(T/N: *Jump (ジャンプ, Janpu), sometimes stylized JUMP and also known
as Jump Comics, is a line of manga anthologies (manga magazines) created
by Shueisha. It began with Shōnen Jump manga anthology in 1968, later
renamed Weekly Shōnen Jump. The origin of the name is unknown. In short,
"Weekly Shōnen Jump" is a weekly shōnen manga anthology published in
Japan by Shueisha under the Jump line of magazines. It is the best-selling
manga magazine in Japan. Image:
.)
"That's right. It's better this way."
Miki abruptly spoke up, and Shirota also nodded. The four of them
gathered around Kiyoi, and began to talk about the ending of the manga in
"Weekly Shōnen Jump" magazine. So, the conversation about drinks
disappeared completely, and Hira picked up the beaker he was washing again.
Although Kiyoi said "Let's finish cleaning quickly", he, himself, didn't do
any cleaning. As if it were determined that it was natural for Hira to do such
a job.
Kiyoi was part of Shirota's group, but he didn't have a particularly loud
voice and attitude like others. At times when Shirota and his group were
intimidating others with their loud laughs and voices, Kiyoi would just
quietly be reading manga or fiddling with his smartphone. Even so, he was
particularly respected within the group.
Just like now, if things didn't go according to Kiyoi's wish, all he needed
was to speak a few words, and no one dared to go against his words. After
things went the way he wanted, Kiyoi would yawn in boredom. This behavior
was similar to that of someone who was born to be king.
"Kiyoi, Shima-chan from the first year confessed to you the other day,
didn't she? What're you gonna do about it."
Shirota asked as he was still peering at the "Weekly Shōnen Jump"
magazine.
"Seriously?" Mike was surprised. "Even though Shima-chan has a cute
face, her breasts are very big, really looks nice." While everyone was
excited, Kiyoi said in a cold voice,
 "I rejected her. She's kinda fat"
"You rejected her? What a waste!*"
(T/N: *The phrase "What a waste!"(Mottai nē [ もったいねぇ ]) It usually
uses to describe a feeling of regret for something that was lost.)
"I understand Kiyoi's feelings. Having big breasts and being fat are the
same thing."
"For me, I can tolerate her being fat as long as she has big breasts. Or
rather, I like the chubby ones."
"No chances."
Kiyoi muttered coldly. The exaggerated laughter of Shirota and his group
echoed through the chemistry room.
Kiyoi was immensely popular, but he didn't have any girlfriend. Hira had
heard girls gossiping about how he had very high standards. He even easily
dumped pretty high-level girls, so now that he was in his sophomore year,
there were no girls in the same grade who would dare to confess to him.
Hira placed the last beaker upside down on a clean towel and approached
Kiyoi and the others. He took three deep breaths, and only after imagining
his lower abdomen being stabilized, did he speak:
"...Umm."
All of them looked at him. In an instant, his cheeks heated up. Even though
he had practiced properly in his imagination before calling out to them, he
was so nervous that his heart was pounding and words couldn't come out from
his mouth.
"Are you done?"
As Kiyoi asked succinctly, Hira nodded his head in agreement. Shirota and
the others began to say as they were leaving the chemistry lab room: "It's
finally over!" , "Let's go, let's go." They left their bags in their classroom,
so they had to go back there. Hira also silently followed behind them.
"Kiyoi, are we going to McDonald's?" Shirota
asked as they walked down the hall.
"Why don't we go to karaoke instead? There's a new one right in front
of the station."
 "Okay, but since it has newly opened, we have to queue up to get a room!
I'm too lazy to wait in the line...ah." Suddenly, Kiyoi turned around. "You,
go stand in line."
As it was so sudden, Hira got startled and began to look around in panic.
"We'll wait at McDonald's. So when a room becomes free, let us know."
"Ah..hm..ho..how do I contact you?"
When Hira asked this, Kiyoi showed an annoyed expression as he stepped
towards him and stretched out his hand.
What? What does he want? Money?
A cold sensation surrounded Hira.
"...I don't have it with me now. My wallet is in my bag."
"Huh?"
Kiyoi frowned, and the others burst out laughing.
"Hii-kun, you are ready to be extorted*, huh."
(T/N: *Extorted means to obtain (as money) from a person by force,
intimidation, or undue or unlawful use of authority or power.)
"What an ideal slave!"
While everyone was laughing, Kiyoi, looking very displeased, reached his
hand inside the pocket of Hira's uniform.
Hira became stiff in shock at this sudden act, but Kiyoi's target was the cell
phone in his pocket.
"A flip phone?"
Kiyoi clicked his tongue and typed something into Hira's phone, and then
gave it back to Hira.
"......Is this Kiyoi-kun's number?"
Hira asked while staring at the number on the screen of his cell phone, and
Kiyoi made a face that seemed to say, "How annoying!" Then he quickly
turned around and made his way back to Shirota and the others, who were
trying to hold back their laughter.
Hira kept staring at the eleven-digit number. Then he registered it as a new
contact very carefully so that it wouldn't be deleted due to any operational
error*. There were very few contacts registered on Hira's mobile phone, since
he didn't have any close friends.
(T/N: *Operational Error means the unintentional, accidental, negligent
act, error or omission in entering or modifying data (including the damage
or deletion thereof), or in creating, handling, developing, modifying, or
maintaining the data, or in the ongoing operation or maintenance of your
computer system or any device.) Ki-yo-i-So-u.
He typed the name by carefully pressing the words on the keyboard of his
mobile phone.
Meanwhile, Kiyoi and the others had already gone ahead, so he hastened
to follow them.
As soon as they returned to the classroom, they heard a bit of commotion
was going on in the classroom.
One of the boys in the cleaning team was playing around and knocked over
a bucket of water, and the girls were looking down at the waterlogged floor
in disgust.

"Clean it up properly! After all, Yoshida, it's because you guys were
playing around that this happened."
The girls said coldly, and then went out to throw away the trash. Yoshida
and the others, who stayed in the classroom, began to bewail: "How
troublesome!","I don't want to touch the mop!"
"You idiots! It's so messy that it's hard to walk. Clean it up now!!"
Shirota was walking over the wet floor by taking big strides. Hira went to
his desk, feeling annoyed in his heart, thinking after hearing Shirota's words:
You're the one to talk!*
(T/N: *This phrase is used when someone receives criticism for something
by someone else who is guilty of the same thing.)
Hira needed to hurry up to get in the line for karaoke. When he took his
bag and was about to leave the classroom, someone called out to him.
"Ah, Hii-kun, wait."
"Me?"
It wasn't anyone from Shirota's group who stopped him, but Yoshida and
the other guys from the cleaning team, who were calling him. Hira had a bad
presentiment about this. He had never been called "Hii-kun" by anyone
before other than Shirota and his group.
"Well, Hii-kun, can you please wipe the floor for us?"
Yoshida asked Hira with a wry smile. Hira felt a tightness in his heart.
".... I'm in a hurry right now."
 "Huh? Are people like you also in a hurry?"
Yoshida held back his laughter, and spoke in a lowered voice.
"Hii-kun, you're so good at cleaning."
Everyone in the class knew that Hira was being used by Shirota and his
group. Beside Yoshida, who was cruelly sneering at Hira, the other boys
looked troubled. The girls, who remained in the classroom, muttered: "Stop
it." Everyone was observing the situation and waiting to see what was going
to happen.
Hira lowered his head and looked at his feet. There was a line drawn in
front of him right now, and he had to choose whether to stay on this side or
let himself be dragged to the other side. Hira was standing at a crossroads*.
If he made the wrong choice, he would be a slave not only to Shirota's group
but also to the entire class.
(T/N: *The noun crossroads is great for describing a point in your life
when you have to make an important decision.)
It would really be miserable if that happened. He didn't think he could stand
it. What should I do? No matter how much he thought about it, there was no
way for him to fight back as he had been imprisoned at the bottom part of the
pyramid since he was in elementary school.
Keep your mind as calm as possible. Don't be sensitive to stimuli.
Be like Captain Duck, who floated through the dirty artificial river with
long, curly eyelashes.
When Hira bit his lip, Kiyoi muttered: how annoying!
"What're you doing? Hurry up and go to Karaoke to make a
reservation."
As soon as Kiyoi finished speaking, everyone in the classroom turned their
heads to look at him.
"Ah, but..."
Hira looked back and forth at Kiyoi and Yoshida.
As Hira was perplexed, not knowing what to do, Kiyoi furrowed his
eyebrows.
"Yoshida."
Being called by Kiyoi, Yoshida shivered a little.
 "Why are you calling him "Hii-kun" all of a sudden?"
"Eh? Because you guys call him by that name too."
Yoshida blinked repeatedly.
"We call him by that name, so what?"
Kiyoi lifted his chin, casting a cold look at Yoshida.
"Speak, so what?"
The entire classroom was completely silent. Everyone was holding their
breath.
"Ah...so....how to say it..."
Although Yoshida barely managed to keep a smile on his face in front of
everyone, he was feeling utterly terrified. After defeating Yoshida with just
his eyes, Kiyoi looked around the room. Everyone quickly lowered their eyes.
"Well, then Let's go."
Kiyoi said lightly, breaking the silence in the classroom. As if giving a cue
to break the tense atmosphere that enveloped the classroom. Everyone, who
was still tense, returned to do the chores that they were doing earlier. Kiyoi
left the classroom, followed by Shirota and the others. As everyone stepped
aside to make way for them, Kiyoi turned around.
"You, go to karaoke."
The cold gaze and the words that were cast upon him rendered Hira's whole
body numb.
It was as if an electric current ran through his body, from the top of his
head to the tips of his toes.
Kiyoi and the others left while Hira was dazed from the shock. When he
finally regained his composure, he quickly ran out of the classroom. This time
Yoshida didn't stop Hira anymore.
As Hira sprinted, he managed to catch up with Kiyoi and the others at the
entrance. They were still walking unhurriedly as usual. Hira took out his
sneakers from the shoe closet and changed into them*.
(T/N: *In most Japanese schools, everyone has to change out of their
outside shoes and into their inside shoes called Uwabaki ( 上 履 き ) or

Uwagutsu (上靴 ) when they enter the school. By wearing indoor shoes they
avoid bringing in dirt from outside. And shoes of students which are worn
outside must be stored in a shoe cabinet at the entrance.) "Ah,
umm, Kiyoi-kun."
Hira called out without taking a deep breath.
They all turned back to look at him at the same time.
"I...I...I'm going!"
His voice was exceedingly loud. As Kiyoi made a sound ,"Huh?" ,
narrowing his eyes, Hira's whole face heated up. Like a spring-loaded
mechanism, he bowed his head once, then turned on his heels and dashed.
A few seconds later, he heard a burst of laughter erupt behind him.
"Good, good! There's nothing better than having such a polite slave."
"Hii-kun, do your best for us."
Behind him, while Shirota and the others were cheering for him, Hira
responded in his heart: You idiots, who said I'm running for you? I'm only
running for Kiyoi's sake. Whether for cleaning or queuing for karaoke, no
matter how absurd the thing was, he would only run if Kiyoi told him to.
After all, did they see how Kiyoi was just now?
It was the first time Hira had seen someone so strong who did everything
the way he wanted.
It was not like Kiyoi had helped him. If it weren't for that situation, he felt
that no matter if they called him "Hii-kun" or used him as a servant, Kiyoi
wouldn't stand the thought of his orders being put aside. And it was only for
this reason that Yoshida was repulsed by his cold gaze.
He had been embroiled in an eternal cycle of loss since elementary school
and was on the verge of falling even lower. Kiyoi pulled him back on the
other side of the line for his selfish motive. He changed the world around him
with something that wasn't kindness or pity or something like that, but it got
easy for Hira.
It made no sense. But Kiyoi possessed that power.
How amazing! He was so cool.
Perhaps his thought was wrong.
But sadly, he was aware that kindness and righteousness couldn't save him.
Just as he had no choice but to watch Captain Duck being carried away by
the dirty irrigation canal. Even if kindness and righteousness took pity on
him, who was trapped at the bottom of the pyramid and still falling further,
none of them would ever pull him up the way Kiyoi did.
 Some people would ask you to have a little courage or call out for help
before you complained that no one would do anything for you. As they spoke
so seriously, those who were the weakest only had the option to bow their
heads and apologize for not being strong enough. You couldn't argue against
those people, who were completely infallible.
Hira, when he was having dinner with his family one day, suddenly froze
upon hearing the news from television that a high school student committed
suicide due to bullying. At that time, Hira couldn't help but shiver. He
instantly filled his mind with Captain Duck, thinking: Don't think about it!
Don't empathize!
Hira ran with all his might all the way to the station.
Today, his usually downcast face was firmly raised.

The bangs that were deliberately kept long to cover his eyes because he didn't
want to see the world around him were blown away by the wind. The world
had unfolded in front of his eyes. This world, covered in dust, wasn't clear at
all. But today, he wasn't afraid. That was because the name of his owner was
stamped right in the middle of his exposed forehead.
KIYOI SOU.
It was written on his forehead with a black marker pen, clearly and firmly,
just like the way children often write their names on their stuff. He now
became the property of Kiyoi Sou. Whether he was being cherished, or being
played with, or being stomped on when he was annoyed, or being thrown
away when he got tired of him, it didn't matter to Hira.
(T/N: Hira really is a masochist 😅😅)
A grim yet gleaming brand had been stamped on his forehead. It had a
power as beautiful and overwhelming as a thunderstorm in spring, which
easily overthrew everything that was kind, or righteous, or fragile.
◈ ◈ ◈ ◈
VOLUME 1. Chapter-1; PART-4: He is Beautiful

◈ ◈ ◈ ◈

Hira was added to the lowest rank of Kiyoi's group as an errand boy that
could be utilized when it was convenient. Even though they still called him
by the nickname "Hii-kun", unlike before, since that incident with Yoshida,
apart from Kiyoi's group, the rest of the class now dared not call him by that
nickname anymore. Hira was still considered a trash, but now he had been
recognized by his peers as a complex existence: even if he was a trash, he
was the king's trash.
"Two ham sandwiches, and something sweet as well. And then the usual
cider."
As soon as the fourth period ended, Hira hurriedly ran to Kiyoi. Kiyoi then
handed him the menu of the day, indirectly instructing Hira to purchase it
from the school canteen. Sometimes Kiyoi brought his lunch box that his
mother prepared for him, but even then he would still be asking for juice.
So, Hira had to run errands for him everyday.
"Hii-kun, I want a coffee-flavored Papico*."
(T/N: Papico (パピコ ) is a popular brand of ice cream in Japan that comes
in many flavours, such as Chocolate Coffee, which blends chocolate with cafe
latte, and the sweet, sour and refreshing White Sour. They also sell numerous
limited-edition flavours. Image:
.)
"I want a curry-bread-ah!! No. Well, I'll have a hot dog. And also a
pear-flavored Garigari-Kun*."
(T/N: "Gari gari" (ガリガリ ) means "crunchy crunchy" which refers to to
the crunch of the shaved ice popsicle. Gari Gari Kun' s standard flavors are
soda and fruit flavors such as grape and Japanese pear. In short, Gari Gari
Kun ( ガリガリ 君 ) is a popular Japanese ice cream known for releasing
unique flavors.)
Summer was just around the corner, and every time there was a brief
respite between the rains, it was hot and humid. Everyone else kept asking
for ice cream. In order not to forget something, Hira clumsily wrote down the
ordered items on the notepad of his cell phone. But there was no trace of
unhappiness in him.
He would run errands for Kiyoi, and by taking advantage of this process,
he would also buy things for others. His owner was only Kiyoi. He did the
same job as an errand boy, but it gave him incredible satisfaction. Lately he
didn't even think about Captain Duck.
After writing down the things that needed to be purchased, Hira
immediately rushed out of the classroom. Whenever he did errands, he tried
to run as fast as possible so as not to make Kiyoi wait. Upon returning after
buying everything, everyone frantically took their stuff from the bag and gave
the money they owed to Hira.
"Ah! Shit! I don't have any money. Hii-kun, is it alright if I pay you
back next week?"
Shirota said as he opened his wallet. Hira cursed in his mind. Shirota didn't
pay for his bread yesterday either, and he definitely would use the same
excuse for not paying again next week. Or if this was an omen of extortion.
Hira felt a sense of danger.
If this continued, it would only be a matter of time before others would
also cease to pay. When he could no longer pay for everything with just his
pocket money, then he would have no choice but to steal money from his
mother's purse! Just as Hira was imagining a rope in the shape of a circle*, a
hand suddenly reached out towards him.
(T/N: *An allusion to suicide.)
"Here."
A 500 yen coin was held between Kiyoi's fingertips. Instinctively, Hira
reached out his hand, and the coin fell into his palm. But Kiyoi had already
paid his share.
"Kiyoi, there's no need. I'll get paid at my part-time job next week."
Shirota said.
"Then you can pay me back next week."
 "Why do you've to go through this much fuss…"
"I don't have any problem with this. Look at his face! His expression
isn't good at all. It's still okay if he goes crying to his parents or to the
teacher. But what if he commits suicide, and our faces appear on the
internet, saying these guys are delinquents? Then we won't be able to
handle that situation."
As soon as Kiyoi finished speaking, Shirota and the others turned their
head to look at Hira.
"Hii-kun, are you gonna to commit suicide?"
I don't want to kill myself, so don't make me do it! The words were stuck
in Hira's throat, but they didn't come out. Without saying anything, he lifted
the corners of his lips into something resembling a smile, and Shirota and the
others, seeing this, squealed, "How scary….."
"Geez...This is why cowards are so annoying."
Shirota clicked his tongue in a solemn manner, and then apologized to
Kiyoi. Kiyoi simply replied "Yeah" and continued peeling the cellophane off
his sandwich.
Usually, Kiyoi didn't seem to care much about his surroundings. Even
when Shirota and his friends were messing with stupid things, he was just
looking bored and kept fiddling with his mobile phone.
Even if he didn’t seem to be, however, Kiyoi was actually observing
everything. Even now, it was just like that. Kiyoi easily guessed the ghastly
future that Hira had envisioned for a second regarding suicide. Hira thought
that those who bully didn't care about the feelings of those who were bullied.
If Kiyoi wasn't here, the idiots like Shirota and his group would've severely
cornered someone by using them as a servant, and one day, something
irreversible would've happened. Kiyoi prevented this from occurring at an
appropriate moment.
As expected, he's truly my king.
Hira sincerely praised Kiyoi in his heart, then carefully placed the 500 yen
coin he had just received from Kiyoi not in his wallet, but in a separate pass
holder. He put the money he collected from Shirota and the others in the coin
pocket of his wallet, but the money that had passed through Kiyoi's hands
was special, so Hira didn't put it in his wallet, lest he accidentally spend it.
 As Hira sorted the coins as usual, he suddenly noticed something. Kiyoi
overpaid him. There were still 100 yen remaining after deducting the portion
he paid for Shirota.
"kiyoi-kun."
As Hira called out to him, Kiyoi turned his head to him. Whenever he did
this, Hira's chest tightened indescribably. Under the influence of Kiyoi's
powerful gaze, Hira extended his palm, holding a 100 yen coin.
"What?"
"You gave me too much money."
Kiyoi glanced at the 100 yen coin in Hira's hand.
"You can keep it."
Hira's eyes widened in surprise.
"But…"
"Keep it as your tip. How about buying an ice cream for yourself with
it?"
After hearing that, Shirota and the others burst out laughing and started
teasing Hira.
"That's great, Hii-kun! Eat an ice cream and don't think about
committing suicide anymore."
Hira held the coin tightly in his hand.
"Th..tha..Thank you..."

When Hira just stared at Kiyoi and thanked him with a flushed face, Shirota
and his friends were unable to contain themselves and burst out laughing.
Kiyoi just raised an eyebrow in disgust, and muttered a single word,
"Annoying!"
Hira returned to his seat and carefully placed the tip he got from Kiyoi into
his pass holder. In a situation like this, he ought to have been enraged at them
for making a mockery of him. However, Hira didn't get angry. His heart
fluttered as if he had received an unexpected gift. Only Kiyoi had the ability
to make him happy while hurting him. The internal system of his body that
controlled his emotions* had become weird ever since Hira met Kiyoi.
(T/N: *Emotional system is called the limbic system. The limbic system is
a set of structures in the brain that deal with emotions and memory. It
regulates autonomic or endocrine function in response to emotional stimuli
and also is involved in reinforcing behavior.)

That day, after school, Hira stopped by a store near the station building that
he usually passed by. Miscellaneous items were on display, and girls in
school uniforms were chatting among themselves about how cute those items
were.
Hira entered the shop, which seemed to have a sign that said "Prohibits
entry other than cute things!" After wandering around the store, Hira
quickly found the section he was looking for. A lot of pastel-colored and
polka-dot-patterned canisters were arranged on the shelves. Hira walked
around the store while tilting his head to look at those, but he felt that they
weren't quite what he wanted, so he started to search for more.
"What's that guy's doing?"
Hira froze in his tracks with a start when he heard whispers behind him.
"Maybe he's looking for a present for his girlfriend."
"No way. Someone like that doesn't have a girlfriend."
Someone like that….?
"But he's tall."
"Height alone isn't enough. What about the face?"
"It's average. His bangs are too long, so I can't see his face properly.
"Gross."
Cut in half with a single stroke*. At that moment, Hira pictured the girls as
if they were swinging at him with sugar-coated swords. Sinister sugar
scattered all around. I'm so sorry. Without considering his own status, he
ended up ruining the girls' pretty flower garden. Hira dejectedly walked out
of that store.
(T/N: *一刀 means one sword or one blow of a sword. 両断 means cut in
two.
So, 一刀両断 (Ittōryōdan) means cutting something in two with a single
stroke of one's sword. It has the image of being a well-edged sword, so it
implies "do without beating about the bush", "come straight to the point and
do" , "cutting the Gordian knot" , "a tone of judgment" or "making a
judgment without hesitation". It often means, like, "clearly" in the situation
of resolving something in a simple and critical way. In Japan, 一刀両断
(Ittōryōdan) is used as a metaphor.)

He was thinking what to do as he rode the slightly vibrating train back to

his home. All the stuff in the store was just cute, but there was nothing
significant. He didn't need polka dots or any other superfluous designs. He
wanted something simpler, and rather than being cute, it had to be strong and
transparent. While imagining the ideal container, he suddenly remembered
something.
When the train arrived at the destination, Hira jumped out through the open
door quickly. He sprinted for the ten minutes to get home, kicked off his
shoes at the entrance and rushed into the kitchen.
"Mom, where did you put grandpa's mementos?" His
mother, who was preparing dinner, turned around.
"Why are you suddenly looking for those?"
"He had a flask similar to the ones that are used for experiments.
Where is it?"
"I think it's in the attic."
Hira climbed the stairs, then used a ladder to go up to the attic. He had to
stoop down to move forward since the ceiling was low, which caused dust to
accumulate on his uniform's knees. He rummaged through layers of
cardboard boxes stacked one on top of the other and found four boxes labeled
[Grandpa Hira - mementos]. Hira went through each box, found what he
was looking for, and then went downstairs without even putting things back
in their proper places.
"Stop, don't enter the kitchen like that while still covered in dust."
After being stopped by his mother at the entrance of the kitchen, he
changed his route and went to the bathroom instead. Using liquid soap, he
gently washed the flask he had just taken out of the attic, and then carefully
wiped it with a dry towel.

Ah, it's very pretty. This flask was completely different from those cute
containers in the store earlier. The round bottom of it fit perfectly in his palm.
Furthermore, unlike the typical round-bottomed flask used in laboratories,
this flask's bottom was made of thick glass, allowing it to stand upright on its
own.
"I didn't think you'd be interested in these things. Maybe you take after
your grandpa."
Hira's mother came to peek into the bathroom.
"This one was made by a pretty famous artist. Your grandpa was a
hobbyist, so he collected a lot of porcelain or scrolls. That's why I used to
be so nervous every time I invited them over. No mistake could be made
even in arranging a flower in the vase."
"Hmm."
"I wonder, Kazu-kun, if you inherited your grandpa's aesthetic eyes?"
For some reason, Hira felt happy inside. Hira's grandfather who died two
years ago was indeed a man of exquisite taste. In the past, he often took Hira,
who was introverted because of his dysphemia, to art exhibitions, haiku*
sessions and tea parties. The world that Grandpa showed Hira was much more
beautiful than school, where the cruel classmates huddled together like
monkeys.
(T/N: *A haiku is a specific type of Japanese poem which has 17 syllables
divided into three lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables. Haikus or haiku are typically
written on the subject of nature. The word haiku (pronounced hahy-koo) is
derived from the Japanese word hokku meaning “starting verse." )
"Since you still take photos, maybe in the future you could work with
something that is related to art."
"That's not possible! I'd have to go to art school for that."
"Well, then you should get into a university like that. Or even study
photography. Why don't you show me your photos sometimes?" "I don't
want to."
After giving a short answer, Hira picked up his bag and the flask and
headed to his room.
The camera that his parents bought for him when he was young became
one of his few hobbies. The first time they had taken him out to take photos
had been a disaster, but after gradually learning how to edit photos, he began
to enjoy it.
 During the holidays, Hira would visit a bustling downtown area and take
photos of the places where there were a lot of people coming and going, and
then meticulously erase only the people using photo-editing software. In the
space full of holes, he filled the cityscape thoroughly.
It was both delicate and laborious work, but this way he was able to focus
only on that. The sadness, anger, and misery of everyday life would have
faded away from his memory. When it became a blank sheet of paper, only
then did Hira feel a sense of peace. He liked the scenery that he created that
way. From a city's scenery, where there should be a lot of people, they all
abruptly vanished. It gave the impression that in a world where people had
committed numerous sins, God had ultimately punished them without giving
them any prior warning.
One day, he added an orange filter that resembled blood, which turned it
into a scary photo. Hira preferred a clear, transparent world created by
exposure*, in which only humans didn’t exist naturally. Rather than feeling
creepy, It evoked a deeper sense of emptiness.
(T/N: *Exposure is the amount of light that reaches your camera's sensor,
creating visual data over a period of time.)

Even Hira himself found it gloomy. So he never showed the photos that he
took to his parents. He was a boy with dysphemia who had no friends. The
last time a friend of his came to his house was when he was in elementary
school. If he showed such photos to his parents, who knew their son didn't fit
in at school, they would become more depressed and would think that he was
mentally ill.
Being an only son, Hira himself felt apologetic towards his parents. But
there was nothing he could do about it.
All of his dissatisfaction and anxiety were always stuck inside him,
spinning endlessly like a migratory fish.
Hira put an end to his never-ending thoughts as he placed the flask down
on his desk. Then he opened the drawer and took out a tray in which the coins
were placed. He dropped one of these coins into the flask. When it impacted
the flask's bottom, a "clink" sound was audible. One more. Then another.
These were the coins he received from Kiyoi when he ran errands. He finally
took today's coin out of his pass holder and also dropped that into the flask.
 He sat down in the chair and stared at the flask that glowed with blue and
green colors as it was illuminated by the sunlight streaming in through the
window. Hira was extremely satisfied. Even more so, happiness seemed to
overflow from his heart, making it difficult for him to breathe. Both painful
and satisfying, as if suffocating him. He had never before in his life felt such
a sensation. But he was fully aware of what this feeling was.
Keep it as your tip. How about buying an ice cream for yourself with
it?
How could he possibly dare spend it on ice cream? He yearned for it and
desired to have it close at hand.
This feeling is called Love.

◈ ◈ ◈ ◈
VOLUME 1. Chapter-1; PART-5: He is Beautiful

◈◈◈◈
I wish there was no summer vacation. It was the first time in his life that
Hira had ever thought such a thing.
There was a time when the long spring, summer, and winter vacations were
precious times that temporarily freed Hira from the misery of school.
However, he no longer desired to take a vacation, which he had to pass
without seeing Kiyoi. It was really stupid of him to think that way. Despite
his lowly status, he actually fell in love with someone at the top of the
pyramid who was also of the same sex. He really didn't know how to face
Captain Duck.
Keep your mind as calm as possible. Don't be sensitive to stimuli.
Hira's love for Kiyoi was exactly the opposite of everything Captain Duck
had taught him.
"How about fried shrimp for dinner?"
Hira was in the middle of eating his lunch-Hiyashi chūka*-when his
mother, sitting across the table, asked him.
(T/N: Hiyashi chūka ( 冷 やし 中 華 , literally "chilled Chinese") is a
Chinese noodle style Japanese dish consisting of chilled ramen noodles with
various toppings served in the summer. Image:
.)
"The fish market is now having a sale on shrimp. Even on prawns. You
like those, right?"

Normally, his family would only eat black-tiger shrimp, but the reason his
mother was offering to buy such expensive shrimp was because of her son,
who had been nestled in the house with a depressed face since the summer
vacation started.
"Your father likes to eat scallops*. We should have them too."
(T/N: Scallops are bivalves (having two shells), like clams and oysters.)
 Hira felt extremely guilty about the fact that his mother had been so
considerate as to deliberately mention his father's favorite dishes in order for
Hira not to realize she was attempting to cheer him up. To be completely
honest, Hira would feel more at ease if his mother would quit worrying about
him and leave him alone. But it was impossible for him to say such words, so
he kept eating hiyashi chūka in silence. At that moment, suddenly, his phone
vibrated. Hira assumed it was some kind of advertisement again. When Hira
checked the phone to confirm it, his heart skipped a bit as he saw it was a
message from Shirota.
[I'm counting on you to reserve a spot for ten people at the Kurokawa
Fireworks festival.]
The Kurokawa Fireworks Display was a traditional summer event in the
local area, and Hira went there with his parents when he was a child. If ten
individuals were coming, Kiyoi would also be included. His heart began to
flutter at the mere thought of it, much like a konbu being washed up by the
waves as it lay on the beach*. He was willing to run errands or reserve a seat
as long as he could see Kiyoi.
(T/N: *Hira's mood brightened up.
Konbu (昆布 ・こんぶ English: kombu) is a type of edible seaweed and
arguably the most important in the Japanese diet. It is the seaweed used to
make the ubiquitous dashi. )
"Mom, will two picnic mats be enough for ten people at the fireworks
event?"
"Eh, did someone invite you to go to the fireworks event together with
them through the text message just now?"
Instantaneously, his mother's face lit up. Two would be too few for ten
people, three should be enough, but just in case, it would be better to bring
four picnic mats. Were they friends from school? Would any girls be
participating? Was he going to wear a yukata*? Faced with one question after
another, Hira began to regret asking his mother's opinion.
(T/N: Yukata is a Japanese summer garment, it is a casual form of kimono
worn by men, women or children, usually made of cotton fabric or synthetic
fabric.)
 The next day, after eating breakfast, Hira immediately rushed to the
riverbank where the fireworks event would be held. The riverbank had not
even begun to prepare for the event. Hira spread out the four picnic mats he
had brought along, and the corners of each mat were secured with little stone
weights to keep them from blowing away in the wind. Then Hira sat in the
middle of them, wrapping his arms around his knees.
There were still ten hours before the appointed time of 7:00 pm. It had been
two weeks since he'd last seen Kiyoi. Hira wondered if Kiyoi was going to
be wearing a yukata. Hira was so excited that he couldn't wait to see him.
There were sure to be many girls wearing yukata at the fireworks display, as
it was a summer event. If his mother knew that her son was looking forward
to seeing a boy in a yukata, she would probably cry. Even Hira himself felt
like he was carrying a huge burden when he thought about the future.
But strangely, he didn't feel either anxious nor pessimistic. Despite the fact
that he was deeply in love with Kiyoi, he didn't perceive himself as gay. The
one he loved was Kiyoi, not men. Hira didn't feel anything when he saw
handsome men, just as he didn't feel anything when he saw beautiful women.
His antennae did not react to anyone other than Kiyoi. To him, only Kiyoi
was special.
Hira was playing games on his cell phone while he was waiting alone, but
it was so hot that gradually the top of his head and the nape of his neck were
scorching in the sun, and he finally lost the mood to play the game. The sun
was getting stronger as the day approached noon. Hira gulped down one of
the many ice-cold sports drinks that his mother had forced him to bring.
Originally, Hira didn't feel the need to bring that many, but his mother proved
to be right. His sweat was dripping profusely.
Hira set up a parasol and wrapped a towel around his head, then lay down
on the mat to pass the time by dozing off. People around him, gradually
increasing in number and making noise. Ah, it's almost evening.

"Are you dead?"

Suddenly, Hira heard a voice from above him. He slowly took off the towel
and saw Kiyoi bent over, looking at him. Hira let out a low yelp and
immediately got up. There were many people already gathered at the
riverbank, and girls wearing yukatas walked past them like colorful fish.
Hira asked Kiyoi to wait while he hurriedly attempted to straighten the mat's
crease, but his hand suddenly stopped moving as he noticed something.
"Where's everyone?"
Kiyoi was the only one who came there. Hearing Hira's question, Kiyoi
turned to look at him. Hira instantly felt a sense of oppression, as though he
were being crushed up against a wall. Even though he was allowed to join
their group as an errand boy, he still couldn't get used to Kiyoi's aura.
"They've gone to pick up the girls."

Hira was taken aback by getting a proper response. He thought he was going
to be ignored by Kiyoi.
"Ah, I see. Girls are coming too."
"But there isn't one for you, though."
Kiyoi replied coldly. He seemed to have misunderstood him as Hira
responded in an overly enthusiastic manner. Of course, he wasn't expecting
any girls. Rather, it was the current situation that made him feel very happy.
It was the first time he and Kiyoi were alone together. While Hira struggled
to control the intense palpitation of his heart, Kiyoi sat down on the mat with
his legs crossed. Kiyoi was not wearing a yukata, but a T-shirt and slim-fit
pants. Even casual clothing seemed fashionable on him because he was so
attractive. Ah, in one of his ears, Kiyoi had a little stud. Hira hadn't seen him
wear it at school, so he guessed Kiyoi only wore it during summer vacation.
"...... What's your problem?"

Kiyoi suddenly looked at himself. Hira's heart pounded wildly.

"Wh- wh- wha-what?"
Ah, God, please don't let me stutter in front of Kiyoi. Unfortunately,
praying to God only had the opposite effect, and his words got jumbled up
even more than usual. At times like these, he had to rely on Captain Duck-
"You're always staring at me, don't you?"
Hira was so shocked that, instantly, an image of Captain Duck jumping
into the air flashed before his eyes.
Kiyoi didn't ask any questions; instead, he made an assertion. Hira's cheeks
heated up as he wondered if he had been found out. He didn't have the guts
to feign ignorance and deny it. Rather, he felt a surge of desire to say what he
felt about him. Perhaps it was the fault of the lively atmosphere around him
due to the fireworks event that would start in a few hours.
"Tha- that- that's ......"
The stumbling words were stuck in his throat like a ball of wool.
"That's because Kiyoi ...... Kiyoi-kun ......"
Kiyoi furrowed his eyebrows. Hira became enraged at his own clumsiness.
If he let Kiyoi wait a little longer, Kiyoi would soon lose interest in hearing
the answer. Hira lifted his downcast eyes and made up his mind.
"Because Kiyoi-kun is beautiful."
The moment he finished speaking, the line between Kiyoi's brows
deepened.
"Huh?"
Looking at Kiyoi's suspicious eyes, Hira began to get anxious.
It wasn't that he was concerned about being disgusted by Kiyoi (because it
wasn't "might"; he would "definitely" be disgusted), but rather due to the
simplicity of his choice of words.
Such a simple word as "beautiful" wasn't enough to express his feelings for
Kiyoi. However, even if he used a lot of convoluted words, he didn't think he
could adequately express it. So in the end, he chose such a brief and clumsy
word and remained staring at him without saying anything further.
As Kiyoi spoke, his brow remained furrowed.
"You're so gross."
Just as Kiyoi uttered those words, Hira suddenly realized something.
You.
...... you.
............ you?
Now, thinking about it, Hira had never been addressed as "Hii-kun" by
Kiyoi before.
"You seem like the type who might be stabbed by someone someday."
How come he never noticed something this important before? Maybe this
was the main factor in Hira's strong aversion to this nickname. However, he
had never addressed him as "Hira," though; perhaps this was because he was
reluctant to bring up his existence. Or perhaps he hadn't given it much
thought. Which one could it be? As Hira was preoccupied with his thoughts,
Kiyoi began to get annoyed.
 (T/N: Hira realized that Kiyoi had never addressed him as "Hii-kun" or
simply "Hira." He grew thrilled when he realized Kiyoi never addressed him
as "Hii-kun," but he felt a twinge of unhappiness when he realized Kiyoi also
never used his name.) "Are you even listening?"
"Y-Yes, I'm listening. Sorry."
His beautiful, thin lips never formed the word "Hii-kun," but "you". Hira's
chest seemed to tremble with pent-up delight. Maybe he looked like he was
about to cry right now. Kiyoi looked at him with an expression of disgust.
Then someone spoke from behind them.
"Kiyoi."
When they turned around, they saw that Shirota, who was leading the way,
was with the same group as usual, along with some girls wearing yukata.
"Awesome, this is the best spot! Thanks Hii-Kun."
Miki said as he cast a quick check around, and one of the girls in yukata
stated, "It is exhausting to stand all the time," as she sat down excitedly.
Her yukata had a pattern of purple roses, so flamboyant that it didn't look
elegant at all.
"Kiyoi-kun, what did you do last time when you returned from our beach
trip?"
When the girl in the purple rose yukata asked, Kiyoi replied, "All night at
the karaoke." That was all it took for the girls to burst into laughter. Hira
was clueless as to what they were discussing. So he assumed all of them
traveled to the beach together.
"It's so hot, even though it's already evening. I want kakigoori*."
(T/N: Kakigōri (かき氷) is a Japanese shaved ice dessert flavored with
syrup and a sweetener, often condensed milk. Image:
.)
One of the girls spoke, and Shirota and the others stood up, saying, "Let's
go to the food stalls." Along with them went Kiyoi, who was surrounded by
the girls, and his time alone with Kiyoi, which had been like a dream, came
to an abrupt end.
It was fun to joke around while exploring the stalls, so Hira was left to
guard the area instead of being sent on his usual duty of running errands by
the group. A lot of couples and families were passing by him. Being alone in
the midst of such a crowd, Hira felt a vague sense of loneliness. That was the
exact reason why Hira usually didn't go to events on vacation. But today was
different. Hira buried his face in his knees and smiled as he was thinking
about his earlier conversation with Kiyoi.
You're always staring at me, don't you?
You're so disgusting.
Kiyoi had noticed Hira watching him. Despite being a little disappointed
by Kiyoi's disgust for him, Hira was glad of the fact that Kiyoi had
acknowledged his presence. Hira, who was constantly treated like air, felt as
though he had received something resplendent.
That way of thinking was perhaps despicable or disgusting. But no one
needed to understand. He alone was the recipient of this joy. Just as even
small insect had a soul*.
(T/N: *Japanese old proverb "Even small insect has a soul 一寸の虫にも

五分の魂" (Issun no mushi nimo gobu no tamashii). Literal translation:

Even an 1-sun (≒3cm) insect has 5-bu (≒1.5cm) soul. This proverb suggests
that even a seemingly small, weak person will have a certain underlying
stubbornness or strength of spirit or even the weakest and smallest beings
have their own wills, so do not make light of them.) I also have the right to
be happy.
Hira lifted his head in response to a whistling sound. A massive flower fire
bloomed* in the pitch-black night sky with a loud bang. After then, cheerful
voices began to ring out in the vicinity.
＂
(T/N: *The Japanese word for fireworks, 花 火 (hanabi)", can be

literally translated as "flower-fire" ("Hana" meaning 花 flower and "bi"

meaning 火 fire), which is a charmingly poetic way to think of fireworks.
Each explosion looks a little like a chrysanthemum blooming in the night sky!
That's why the Japanese use the expression "bloom" for the explosion of
fireworks in the sky.)
"Hey, can you scoot over?"
 When he turned around, he saw that everyone had returned. They were
either holding kakigoori, yakisoba* or frankfurter*. And, involuntarily,
Hira's stomach growled. He had only eaten onigiri* from the convenience
store for lunch. Just as he was considering heading to the stalls to buy
something to eat, he was offered kakigoori and okonomiyaki* from both
sides of him: "Wanna eat?", "You hungry?"
(T/N: *Yakisoba (焼きそば), "fried noodle", is a Japanese noodle stirfried
dish. Image:
*Frankfurter (フランクフルト) is a type of sausage that is served on a skewer
with ketchup and mustard. Image:
*Onigiri ( お 握 り or 御 握 り ), also known as omusubi ( お 結 び ),

nigirimeshi (握り飯), or rice ball, is a Japanese food made from white rice
formed into triangular or cylindrical shapes and often wrapped in nori.
Image:
*Okonomiyaki ( お 好 み 焼 き ) is a Japanese savory pancake dish
consisting of wheat flour batter and other ingredients cooked on a teppan.
Image:
.)
The bright red kakigoori held out towards him from his right side was
offered by a girl he didn't know, and the okonomiyaki on his left was from
Kiyoi. Of course, Hira's eyes were fixed on the left. Did Kiyoi buy it
especially for him? Ah, oh no. His heart felt like it was going to explode. He
stammered a thank you and extended his hand.
"Ah, forget it. Take hers."
The okonomiyaki was swiftly withdrawn.
"Eh, ah, but-"
"I was given this for free, but I can't eat it. Anyone want this?"
As soon as Kiyoi held up the okonomiyaki, Shirota and the others promptly
seized it.
 Ah, so it was a freebie... Hira sensed disappointment for a split second
before rationalizing it as inevitable. However, just as he was feeling
depressed at missing the opportunity to obtain it, the kakigoori emerged once
more from his right side.
"Um, do you want this?"
"Ah, um, thanks."
The girl's presence had completely escaped his memory. When Hira was
about to take out his wallet, the girl shook her head.
"You reserved the spot for us by yourself, didn't you?"
"Yeah."
"It must've been so hot. Thank you for your hard work."
She had a pleasant smile. Her black hair was trimmed in a bob style with
thick bangs, and she wore glasses. She wasn't like the glitzy girls Shirota and
his group were friends with. Why was such a plain-looking girl like her here?
"Hii-kun, do you know the restaurant located at the intersection of
Kinoshita Street?"
Shirota abruptly questioned, turning to face Hira. Hira gave a nod.
"Go and make reservations for seats. For ten* people."
(T/N: *In the original novel, the number "twelve/ 12 (十 二)" was written
in this line. However, the number "ten/ 10 (十)" was written in the earliest
paragraph of this chapter in the line when Shirota massaged Hira for
reserving seats for 10 people: "I'm counting on you to reserve a spot for ten
people at the Kurokawa Fireworks festival." So I wonder if there's a mistake.
When did two additional people join this group? That's why I chose to use
the number "ten" instead of "twelve" in this line.)
Are you for real? Hira sputtered inwardly. He'd been saving the spot for
them since the morning, and now they want him to reserve restaurant seats as
well? Besides, he was currently sitting in the perfect spot, right next to Kiyoi.
"Sorry, Kurata will go with you too."
The girl in the purple-rose yukata turned around and spoke to Hira as well.
Kurata? Who is that? When Hira was wondering, the girl on his right side
who offered him the kakigoori looked over. Ah......so this girl, like me, is at
the bottom of the pyramid.
"So there's one for you after all."
 As Kiyoi spoke in a low voice, Hira looked at him. Despite being aware
that Hira was staring at him, Kiyoi chose to ignore him and instead fix his
gaze up at the fireworks. Compared to his remarks, which were as frigid as
ice, his side profile was far more beautiful.
"......Yeah. Then I'll go."
Hira muttered at a volume that only Kiyoi was able to hear.
He was going only for Kiyoi's sake, not for anyone else.
Even though he was sunburned to reserve the spot at the fireworks event,
even though his stomach was growling from hunger, and even though he was
turning his back on a night sky filled with beautiful fireworks, just for Kiyoi,
he would go to the restaurant to reserve the seats.
Kiyoi pretended not to hear him. Hira suppressed his urge to see more of
Kiyoi's beautiful profile. Hira stood up, and Kurata followed suit. Turning
away from the fireworks that bloomed stunningly in the night sky, the two of
them started walking. As Hira was eating the kakigoori, Kurata suddenly
spoke:
"I wanted to watch it a little bit longer."
Her voice sounded very sad. If he could concur with her to make her feel
better, that would be good. But...
"That's fine by me."
Hearing Hira's answer, Kurata asked with a tilted head: "Don't you like
fireworks?"
"It's not like that. But there's something I like more than fireworks."
Kurata had a puzzled look on her face. Behind them, the sounds of the
fireworks were loud enough to hurt Hira's internal organs.
◈◈◈◈
VOLUME 1. Chapter-1; PART-6: He is Beautiful

◈◈◈◈

On September 1st, during the first day of the new semester, there was a bit
of a commotion in the classroom.
The girls were making quite a fuss over the fact that Kiyoi had been entered
in a Boys' contest organized by a fashion magazine. Someone like Hira, who
was completely oblivious to the thing called fashion, had no link to this
magazine, but he was at least aware of its name because it was such a famous
contest that every year the announcement of the winners made the headlines
on TV and in the news. Previous winners of this competition began their
careers as exclusive models for the magazine before moving on to become
actors.
It was said that Kiyoi had been singed up by his cousin without his
knowledge, and he had already made it through the first and second rounds.
It would be decided whether the contestant would move on to the final round
in the third round based on the readers' vote.
"Amazing, Kiyoi is already a celebrity now."
"The third round of selection means that his face will be featured in the
magazine, right?"
Shirota and the others, who weren't even participating, seemed to be the
most excited, but the person in question, Kiyoi, on the other hand, was still
scrolling his phone with a serene expression on his face. Once more, Hira
was impressed by how amazing Kiyoi was and was proud of his own aesthetic
sense.
With each passing day, the uproar over Kiyoi appeared to grow. He'd
always been popular, but now even girls from other schools came to get a
glimpse of him at the end of class. As for the girls who belonged at the top of
the pyramid, they made use of all of their connections to try to get in touch
with Kiyoi.
 Shirota and his group sorted through the pile of messages asking Kiyoi out
at the end of school, categorizing each invitation into "go" and "no go" as if
they were playing a game of cards.
"Kiyoi, are you interested in anyone?"
"Not really. You guys decide whatever."
"So, which one should I choose…How about Miko's group today?"
"They're cute, but their level of dumbness makes it difficult to have a
meaningful conversation with them."
After getting the king's approval, Shirota and the others amused themselves
by acting like lords choosing concubines from the inner palace*.
(T/N: Harem is another name for the inner palace. It refers to the place
where the wives of the shogun, a hereditary ruler of feudal Japan, used to
reside during the Edo era (1603 and 1867).)

Whenever they went to hang out with girls after carefully choosing them
from each school, Hira was either dragged along with them to run errands or
sent home because he was in the way.
Later that day, they ended up hanging out with the girls' group who had
attended the fireworks event together with them. Kurata had also come to the
restaurant, the designated meeting place. In greeting, she bowed her head in
his direction, and Hira reciprocated.
Seeing this, Shirota and the others started teasing them, saying: "Huh?
Are you guys on good terms?" "Are you guys together?" They forced the
two to sit next to each other. Hira apologized to her in a low voice, and
Kurata's cheeks grew red as she glanced down and shook her head.
He immediately sensed something at that precise time. When he lifted his
head, his eyes met Kiyoi's. With his chin on his palm, Kiyoi was staring at
Hira while doing so. As Hira's heart raced frantically, he wondered what he
wanted, and when he averted his eyes, he noticed that the glass in front of
Kiyoi was empty.
"What do you want to drink?"
"Ginger ale."
Having understood, Hira got up, when one of the girls spoke: "Hirakun!
Kurata's glass is empty too."
 "Ah, it's fine. I'll go myself." Kurata
waved her hand hastily.
"Ah, Hii-kun, you should notice the girls before us. If not, Kurata will
dump you, don't you think?"
"He can't help it. Hii-kun was just born to be a slave."
"That's how he is. By the way, Hii-kun, you should apologize to
Kurata."
"Um, th-there's no need, I really didn't mind…."
As Kurata's face was now so red that it nearly reached her ears, Hira began
to worry that she might start crying. Being a guy, he couldn't care less, but it
was hard for a girl to put up with this sort of teasing. However, he was also
pitiful; all he could manage was to curse silently in his head....
"Well, although I really don't care…."
Kiyoi suddenly spoke, and everyone turned their heads to look at him.
"Is that funny?"
Kiyoi asked in a sluggish manner, still holding his head in his palm. For a
moment, there was intense silence. Everyone exchanges embarrassed looks
with one another before continuing their prior conversation while feigning
comfort: "Speaking of which, that day..." Kurata was the only one who kept
staring at Kiyoi.
"Go fast."
Hira hastily got up from the table after having received the orders.
He waited by the drinks counter as the ginger ale filled the glass, and he
recalled Kurata's eyes while he was staring into the golden bubbles of this
carbonated drink. Those were the eyes of someone who had fallen completely
in love. Hira understood. Kiyoi was cool, but that didn't mean Kiyoi had
helped them, and if she didn't understand that, it would be worse for her later.
Kiyoi acted according to his mood. He was a fickle and self-centered
person who didn't mind receiving criticism for his actions or words. People
like Hira and Kurata could only hate or adore him intensely.
However, regardless of how much they adored him, their hands could
never reach Kiyoi —
After eating at the restaurant, Kiyoi promptly left for home, so the girls
also decided to leave. It was evident from the disappointed expressions on
the faces of Shirota and the others that they seemed to have wanted to spend
more time with girls. It served them right.
Hira dropped by the bookstore to pick up the magazine he had preordered.
It was the magazine that hosted the contest Kiyoi was participating in. It was
the first time in his life that he had ever purchased a fashion magazine, and
the cashier at the store gave him a look that seemed to be saying "Are you
sure you didn't get the wrong one?" So he quietly agreed and apologized for
it in his mind.
In front of the magazine section of the store, some girls who were dressed
in the uniforms of a different school sighed: "It's sold out!" and "That
sucks." The sales rate of this magazine in that neighborhood must be very
high.
"Welcome back. You're late today."
As soon as he got home, Hira's mother popped her head out of the kitchen.
The aroma of curry permeated the entire home. Before returning to the
kitchen, her mother said that she was going to heat up the food for him, but
Hira informed her that she didn't need to because he had already eaten.
"Again? You've been eating out a lot lately."
His mother told him as she appeared again. Hira thought he was going to
be scolded, but his mother looked pleased. "Could it be you got a
girlfriend?" "Huh?" Hira tilted his head.
"So it's a friend, then."
He hesitated for a moment, and then said: "Something like that."
His mother's expression brightened even more at this response. She just
instructed him to notify her whenever he was going to be late coming home,
and then cheerfully went back to the kitchen. Without any prior notice, her
son showed up at home late and said he didn't want dinner. Contrary to how
a mother would often react, his mother was delighted that her son, who had
previously been an outsider at school, now had friends who kept him
company after school and even ate together.
He felt extremely guilty. His mother would undoubtedly be saddened if she
found out that he was just being used as an errand boy by that group. And
she'd likely be inconsolable with grief if she knew he was in love with one of
them. But if he told her that he was genuinely content with this, she would
assume he had lost his mind.
 I'll have to keep it a secret forever.
He went back to his room, and without even changing his clothes, sat on
the bed and leafed through the magazine. He quickly found the contest pages.
There were pictures of the 50 contestants' entire bodies and faces as it was
the last round of selection before the final. Kiyoi wasn't on the first page.
They really were all such good-looking guys, and their lives must be amazing,
Hira thought as he turned the pages, and suddenly his hand stopped moving.
Kiyoi was smiling. It was what people referred to as an idol smile, pleasant
and radiant, something he had never seen at school. Hira began to wonder if
this was really the same Kiyoi as he kept staring intensely at the photo.
He was a king who refused to submit to anyone; he was fickle and arrogant.
It had never occurred to Hira how well a smile resembling that of an idol
would suit him. Hira's heart, however, started to beat erratically as he looked
at this picture of Kiyoi.
Kiyoi the King was so divine that he couldn't get close. This Kiyoi, on the
other hand, had such a gentle smile that he appeared to be an easy-going
person, and you could easily tear him out of the page and crumple him into a
ball. He experienced a bizarre illusion that this Kiyoi was reachable to him
or that he could touch him.
He felt a tingling sensation in the place between his legs, and looking
down, he found himself with an unusual bulge. In an effort to restrain himself,
he muttered in his mind. Even so, his hand unzipped his uniform pants by
itself. While looking at the magazine, he slowly moved his hands up and
down his erection.
"...Uh, ah."
A moan escaped through the gap between his clenched lips. He was doing
something he shouldn't. This wasn't Kiyoi. At least not the Kiyoi that Hira
knew. And yet his mind was occupied by Kiyoi, who had a gentle smile on
his face. He was imagining himself holding Kiyoi's hand, hugging him, and
pressing his lips against his long, slender neck.
With this insolent imagination, Hira quickly reached his limit.
Hira was giddy with excitement. This was the most intense climax he had
ever experienced. He felt pleasure to the point where his mind went
completely blank. He continued to breathe heavily, but after releasing, he
regained his senses.
 Semen was splattered on the edge of the magazine. On the other side, there
was his study desk, on which he kept the flask containing the coins he
received from Kiyoi.
Desire and aspiration. These two feelings came together into his field of
vision, and he was overwhelmed by an intense surge of self-hatred. He wiped
the semen off of the magazine with the back of his hand, but it ended up being
creased where it was dirty. He defiled his most precious possession with his
own hands. He was the worst. He wanted to die.
He sternly warned himself not to repeat the same mistake ever again.

◈◈◈◈

VOLUME 1. Chapter-1; PART-7: He is Beautiful

◈◈◈◈

Following two months of voting, the magazine published a list of the 50

candidates who would move on to the final round, and Kiyoi was listed as
placing in the top 10, ranking 8th.
"Eh, Kiyoi. Why aren't you going today?"
On Saturday after school, Kiyoi had turned down Shirota's invitation to
hang out.
"Wait. Today, it's my girlfriend's friends, not I, who are inviting you."
"Don't bring that up at the last minute. I'm busy today."
"No, wait, please. Even if it's just for a little while, it's fine. My
girlfriend's senior is the one who wants to meet you. If you canceled at the
last minute, it would make her look bad. And I'll lose my face too." Shirota
begged, and Kiyoi seemed bored as he tilted his head.
 "Then, change the date. Next week or something."
"Okay! Okay! I'll ask, hold on a minute." Shirota
made a phone call to his girlfriend.
"It's me. It's about today. Sorry, he can't make it today."
As Hira was close to Shirota, he overheard the girl's voice asking, "En,
why?" on the other end of the phone. Shirota apologized, then offered to
change it to next week and asked whether she would be okay with it. One of
his girlfriend's seniors who were nearby must have taken over the phone,
because Shirota suddenly started speaking more formally.
"Ah, I'm really sorry. Kiyoi? Yes, he's here. Please wait a minute."
Saying that, Shirota handed the phone to Kiyoi.
"Kiyoi, talk to her."
"Why?"
"Just say sorry for having to cancel today's appointment."
In a split second, Kiyoi's eyes turned icy. Hira anticipated the worst
because he had a bad feeling about the situation.
"Why should I apologize to some woman I don't even know?"
When he noticed that Kiyoi seemed to be annoyed, Shirota hastily began
to behave in a modest manner.
"Ah, no, it's just for appearances."
"I don't want to! She's the one who wants to meet me, doesn't she? I
truly don't care if we don’t meet. If she has a problem with it, then she can
get angry all she wants."
After saying everything bluntly, Kiyoi walked through the turnstile at the
station.
As Hira watched Kiyoi's merciless back recede into the distance, he heard
a sigh from behind him. When he turned around, he sensed an inevitable
awkwardness permeating the atmosphere. While still holding his phone in his
hand, Shirota muttered with a grimace: "She hung up on me." She must
have overheard the conversation just now. Served him right. "That sucks.
I've got a bad image now."
"Momo-chan has very high self-esteem. She might dump you."
The word "might" shouldn't be used there. He deserved to be dumped. Hira
had only met her once. Momo-chan was a cute, natural girl, and when they
were next to one another, Shirota seemed inferior to her.
 "By the way, what Kiyoi did just now wasn't cool."
Shirota scratched his neck as his head was crestfallen. An aura of
dissatisfaction emanated from his body.
"Lately, he hasn't been hanging out with us anymore. I wonder whether
it's because of that."
Miki chuckled, seemingly gauging Shirota's reaction.
"What's "that"?"
"As he's almost a celebrity, he's acting like 'I'm different from you
guys'."
Miki spoke while sporting a smug expression. He gave the impression that
he would be able to swiftly brush off his remarks as a joke if Shirota refuted
what he had said by asserting that it was not like that. While Hira thought
Miki was similar to a chameleon*, Shirota concurred without hesitation:
"There might be some truth to it. He hardly ever hangs out with us
anymore. And it's irritating that he constantly claims to be busy without
bothering to explain why. He's becoming more arrogant."
(T/N: *The term "chameleon'' refers to a type of person who can adapt
and fit into any group or situation and make it work to their advantage.)
"Even though he's only number 8," Miki added, and Shirota and the
others appeared to concur as they exchanged sour looks.
"That's right! Even though the top 10 advanced to the final, ranking in
8th place won't help him win the Grand Prix."
"Well, I admit that he's pretty cool. But does everyone in the country
think so? I doubt it."
The other two in the group also chimed in. Hira then stopped being stunned
and began to chuckle. Their apparent lack of awareness of how embarrassing
they were acting was so absurd as to be nearly laughable. There were 14,000
applicants for the competition. And Kiyoi was ranked eight. How could they
put on such a lofty appearance before judge Kiyoi when, if Shirota and the
others had applied, they would have been disqualified from the basic
application round? It was embarrassing how unaware they were of
themselves.
Not only did it irritate him, but he also had an inconceivable feeling right
now.
 According to the proverb "The nail that stands out gets hammered down,"
the more attention you garner, the more criticism you'll receive. Hira was
aware of the reality of the situation, but to him, Kiyoi was a special existence
that was exempt from such low-level disputes. He then abruptly realized that
he was one of those embarrassing individuals. Regardless of how he normally
behaved, he also became a complete moron when it came to Kiyoi-related
matters. Hira finally understood what the saying meant: "Love makes people
blind."
After parting with Shirota and the others, Hira decided to roam the streets
with his camera in hand for the first time in a while.
Hira liked the serenity of the landscapes where humans have been erased
from the scenarios that were created by them. A mother pushing a pram. An
office worker in a suit. A pair of university students. A lovely elderly couple.
With the sole purpose of erasing them later, he focused the camera on each
of them. While continuing to press the shutter button despite realizing it was
weird, something in the periphery of his field of vision abruptly attracted his
attention.
Kiyoi?
He saw Kiyoi entering a multi-tenant building a little ahead, and without
thinking, he followed. The first three floors of the building were occupied by
karaoke bars. Was going to karaoke relevant to his business? Thinking about
how Kiyoi didn't need to hide it, the entrance elevator, which Hira was
casually staring at, came to a stop on the 5th floor. It had to be Kiyoi inside
because he had just entered moments earlier. The 5th floor was designated
with the name 'AR'.
What store will that be? A cafe?
Hira tilted his head, suddenly wondering whether it was a date. It would
make sense if Kiyoi wanted to keep it secret from others that he was going
on a date with his girlfriend. Given the current situation, the news that he had
a girlfriend was guaranteed to cause a huge stir.
His chest tightened. What kind of girl, if that were the case, would she be?
Hira wondered. Someone pretty or exceptionally cute. Furthermore, he would
be heartbroken regardless of which of the two she was. Despite how painful
it was, he still wanted to learn more about this girl.
 As if under some sort of enchantment, Hira raised his hand to press the
elevator button. He entered the small box that came down smoothly, and went
up to the 5th floor. As he stepped out carefully, he saw that the floor was
brightly lit and filled with up-tempo music. It….. didn't look like a cafe.
"Hello."
Hira was startled and took a step back. Right next to the elevator was the
reception, and behind it, there was a lady wearing a polo shirt, smiling.
"Ah, um, I..."
"Have you come to watch?"
She took a pamphlet from the counter and handed it to Hira, who was
acting strangely.
"Did someone recommend our dance studio to you?" Dance
studio?
As he shook his head, she began to explain. She told him what the classes
were like, the prices, and also asked if he would like to take a trial class,
which made Hira shake his head much harder than before.
"Then I'll show you around the studio."
"Ah, n-no, um, I... Can I take a look at it by myself?"
Noting Hira's evident shy demeanor, the lady nodded with a smile. He
bowed his head slightly to express his gratitude to her before nervously
walking down the corridor.
On one side of the hallway, there were only classrooms with large
windows. Hira wondered if Kiyoi was here. In order to avoid being seen, Hira
cautiously peered inside the nearest classroom through the window and saw
a group of elementary school-aged children dancing. The way they jumped
made him think of popcorn. They were pretty good considering how young
they were. However, Kiyoi wasn't among them.
He glanced at the next classroom, where it seemed that the class had just
started. There appeared to be high school or university students. An instructor
was explaining the movements to the students while standing in front of the
large mirror on the other wall. He spotted Kiyoi right away. He was
positioned in the corner of the room.
When the lesson finally began after several repetitions of the moves, Hira
couldn't help but stare in awe, widening his eyes. He thought those kids were
good, but this was on a completely different level. Never in a million years
did he imagine that anyone was capable of moving in that way. They all
seemed to be boneless, which made it a little scary to watch.
Kiyoi was dancing superbly as well. It was difficult to determine whether
Hira couldn't stop staring at Kiyoi because he liked him, or if it was simply
because he was so amazing. Hira glued himself to the glass window as if he
was going to devour it. This one was totally different from Kiyoi, who would
constantly appear to be lazy during gym class and put little effort into
anything. His whole face was glistening with sweat.
Hira was so engrossed in looking at him that he forgot to hide. Kiyoi
appeared suddenly right in front of his eyes on the other side of the window,
and it wasn't until he knocked on the glass from that side that Hira regained
consciousness.
"......Oh"
His heartbeat froze. He had been discovered. Kiyoi, through the glass, said
something to the paralyzed Hira. He couldn't grasp it. While looking at Hira's
pale face, Kiyoi slowly formed the words with his mouth: "Wait right
there!"
Kiyoi pointed to a bench in the corridor on the other side of the glass.
In an hour and a half or so, the dance class was over, and Kiyoi, who had
showered and changed, invited Hira to a nearby restaurant. Unlike Hira, who
was agitated with this moment alone as this was his second time being alone
with Kiyoi since the fireworks event, Kiyoi asked for the menu as soon as he
sat down, saying he was hungry. Kiyoi asked Hira what he would like, Hira
ended up ordering some pasta as his head was full of nervousness.
"Aquarius*," Kiyoi murmured briefly. Upon understanding, Hira quickly
rushed to the beverage counter. When he returned, he brought a ginger ale
along with the aquarius, which surprised Kiyoi.
(T/N: *Aquarius (アクエリアス) is a sports drink manufactured by The
Coca-Cola Company in Japan.)
"As you were training, I thought you might be thirsty." Also,
Kiyoi always ordered ginger ale.
"Sorry. If you don't want to, I'll drink it."
"It's okay, thanks."
 Curtly responding, Kiyoi drank half of the ginger ale after gulping down
the aquarius with gusto. He really was thirsty, Hira thought as he exhaled a
sigh of relief. Moreover, Kiyoi said "thanks" to him. Hira was thrilled to the
point that his body temperature rapidly increased a few degrees because it
was the first time Kiyoi had ever expressed gratitude to him.
While staring out the window, Kiyoi had his face resting on his palm. Hira
pondered whether he should strike up a conversation. But could someone
from the bottom of the pyramid like him say something interesting? Hira
could imagine that he would likely end up babbling nonsense, and Kiyoi
would be annoyed, so he decided to drink his orange juice while remaining
silent.
"Why were you there?"
Hira's heart sank when Kiyoi suddenly got into the main subject. Ah, it
turned out that he had actually invited Hira to interrogate him about this.
Nevertheless, that was obvious. No matter how you looked at it, it seemed
suspicious that someone like Hira, who had nothing to do with dancing, was
glued to the window staring at him. Or rather, it should be said that it was
gross.
"I-I-I-I ju-I just...."
Hira was unable to make excuses because of his dysphemia, which always
occurred at such times.
I just happened to see you.
He truly was a useless and trashy person who had difficulty using such
simple words. Kiyoi was staring at him. How embarrassing. Hira's face was
so hot it felt like it was burning. Don't stutter, please don't stutter. Just this
once.
"How annoying! All right, you can speak calmly. I'm waiting right
here."
Kiyoi clicked his tongue before leaning back in his chair, and then began
scrolling through his phone. Hira was dumbfounded.
What was that? It seemed like he had been saved by Kiyoi's usual arrogant
manner.
That strangely kind response, "All right, you can speak calmly," filled with
a sense of discrimination, made Hira sad. On the other hand, if he came across
someone who blatantly responded, "Oh, forget it," while waving their hand
as if they were shooing a dog, it would also hurt him.
"Okay, so how the hell do you want them to treat you?" Even after having
such an inner monologue, he didn't know the answer. At this, Hira was
saddened by the thought of how selfish he was. In the end, he wore himself
out, wondering, "Why can't I be normal?" and ended up going back to the
beginning of the problem.
Nevertheless, Kiyoi was like no other. He simply said, "How annoying"
with his selfish mentality and clicked his tongue at the vulnerable Hira. Then
he arrogantly leaned back in his chair with his legs crossed, and began to
scroll on his phone. Kiyoi was just being himself. When Hira thought that
Kiyoi would likely behave in this manner with anyone, even if it wasn't Hira,
he wanted to laugh because Hira knew that no matter what the situation, Kiyoi
would always be Kiyoi. This was his 'normal magnificent'.
“I just happened to see Kiyoi-kun, so I followed you.”
Those words that were stuck in his throat finally came out smoothly.
"So it means you stalked me."
Receiving a glare from Kiyoi, Hira couldn't help but wince. He managed
to get rid of his stammer as he had desired, but all that was left was his own
repulsive behavior. He really wished to explode and disappear right away.
"You..."
As Kiyoi was glaring at him, Hira involuntarily ended up shrinking his
torso.
"What exactly do you want from me?"
"W- what do you mean?"
"At the fireworks event, you also said something gross. That I was
beautiful and all."
"You're not gross! Kiyoi-kun is beautiful."
At least that's the only thing he said with conviction.
"Not me! I'm saying you're gross!"
"Ah, I see."
He finally understood. But that was obvious. After all, Kiyoi was beautiful
in anyone's eyes.
"Sorry. Yeah, I'm gross. Kiyoi-kun is beautiful."
"I already told you it's not about that... Alright, that's enough!"
 In the middle of the conversation, Kiyoi leaned back in his chair as if he
had given up.
"I get annoyed every time I talk to you."
"I also agree with you."
When Hira nodded sincerely in acknowledgement, Kiyoi looked at Hira
with even more disgust. When Kiyoi said, "That's enough," it meant Kiyoi
had already determined that Hira was following him anyway. Hira was now
considered a stalker. As he thought about what he'd done, there was no way
he could deny it.
Hira was sitting across from Kiyoi looking a bit like an abandoned puppy,
at which point the food was brought in. Kiyoi placed an order for a hamburger
stuffed with cheese. Hira ordered a dish of pasta with white sauce. Without
even saying "itadakimasu*", Kiyoi picked up the silverware. His way of
eating didn't match his handsome face; he was like a typical high school
student who stuffed everything into his mouth at once.
(T/N: *Itadakimasu ( いただきます ) is an expression used by the
Japanese before taking their meals. The expression itadakimasu literally
means “I am going to receive the lives of animals and plants for my own
life”, and saying this phrase before eating is a way to express your
understanding of how much was sacrificed to make the meal possible as well
as to express appreciation for Mother Nature. In short, its meaning is "Thank
you for the food.")
As he was watching the food on the table gradually dwindle, Hira was in
agony. Given that he had already finished questioning him, it appeared like
Kiyoi would leave straight away after he finished his food. But Hira just
wished this magical moment could last a little while longer.
"Um, I was surprised at how well you dance. It looked like you had
springs in your feet. I had no idea you like dancing, Kiyoi-kun. After all,
you always seem sluggish during P.E."
"It's not that I like it."
Kiyoi replied without looking up.
"Ah, so it's for the contest?"
In the final round of the contest, there was a segment called "free
performance" in which contestants had to demonstrate something they were
skilled at. This time, Kiyoi lifted his face from his food and fixed his eyes on
Hira.
"Don't tell others!"
Hira responded with another question, "Huh?"
"About my dance classes."
".........Oh."
Suddenly, Hira realized something and hurriedly nodded in agreement. It
turned out that Kiyoi had invited him to have something to eat so he could
say that. In front of the others in the class, Kiyoi was acting like he had no
interest in the contest, but in reality he was actually trying hard and didn't
want others to know about it.
"I won't tell!"
Hira nodded his head as he agreed.
"I won't say anything even if my mouth rips." Kiyoi
looked at him.
"What if someone threatened to kill you if you don't say it?"
"Then I would rather be dead."
Hira answered without even a moment's hesitation. The words spoken by
him neither hitched nor trembled.
This was the first time he had looked at someone so directly. His heart was
pounding, and his arteries near his temples were pulsating. As he stared at
Kiyoi, he could feel his blood circulating throughout his body. He had the
impression that each cell in his body was gradually coming to life.
Kiyoi looked at him with a disgusted expression. Perhaps he was amazed
at Hira's actions. But that was fine. His face with the expression of disgust
was also very beautiful. Kiyoi then simply said to Hira, who was watching
him full of admiration, "Gross."
My king is cruel, but he is also more beautiful than anyone else.

◈◈◈◈
VOLUME 1. Chapter-1; PART-8: He is Beautiful

◈◈◈◈
On the first weekend of December, the finals of the contest were held in a
large hall in Tokyo. There were a lot of TV cameras in the venue, and it made
even Hira, who just came to cheer for Kiyoi, feel nervous. In addition to
Shirota and the others, even the students from other schools came to watch
it.
To make a long story short, Kiyoi didn’t win.
The winner was a university student from Yokohama, while the runnersup
were a middle school student from Sendai and a high school student from
Nara, respectively. However, in Hira's eyes, Kiyoi was the rightful first place
winner. His dance in the free performance segment was amazing too. The
judges were the ones who lacked good eyes.
After the contest was over, Shirota and the usual group met up with Kiyoi
in the lobby of the hall. There were several girls present too, and they all
huddled around Kiyoi to comfort him, saying things like, "It's a pity," and
"Kiyoi-kun is the coolest, though," to which Kiyoi responded calmly.
Everyone was going to have an afterparty in a restaurant nearby, but when
they were ready to go there together, Kiyoi said he had to greet some people,
so he would have to go back to the lounge and asked them to go ahead. Just
as Shirota and the others were leaving, Hira felt the need to use the washroom
and got separated from the group.
All the washrooms in the hall were crowded, so while Hira was wandering
around looking for another one, he ended up coming to a floor that said "staff
only". Just as he was about to turn around, he saw that there was a washroom
not far away. The people around him seemed to be very busy, so he sneaked
in to use the staff washroom.
As soon as Hira came out of the washroom, he spotted Kiyoi at the end of
the hallway greeting some staff, so he rushed back into the washroom to hide.
Although he only came to use the toilet, it would be bad if Kiyoi
misunderstood that he was stalking him again.
 After hiding for a while, Hira peeked into the hallway again and saw Kiyoi
by himself, leaning against the wall. Hira was about to sneak back, but his
eyes were drawn to Kiyoi, who seemed to be shrouded in a strangely vague
atmosphere that made him stop doing so.
His lips were slightly pursed, and his head was oriented towards his feet
like a sullen child. After exhaling a loud, heavy sigh, he walked into what
appeared to be a waiting room.
It was the first time he'd ever seen Kiyoi in such a depressed state.
He wasn't supposed to see that.
Kiyoi definitely wouldn't have wanted to be seen like that.
So it would be better to pretend Hira hadn't seen anything.
He was aware of everything, yet he was unable to control the soft sensation
that began to well up inside of his chest.
While Hira was waiting outside the hall in the cold, Kiyoi finally came out.
With his hands in the pockets of his coat, Kiyoi walked towards the station
with long strides.
Hira didn't say anything and kept his distance as he followed behind Kiyoi,
like a loyal dog guarding its master.

The afterparty, which was hosted at the restaurant, was really awkward.
"Kiyoi, you did really well. Too bad you didn't win the award."
"It can't be helped. After all, they're all handsome guys from all over the
country."
 "I mean, even for Kiyoi, a national debut would be pretty hard. That
university student from Yokohama who won the Grand Prix was incredible.
That's a completely different level. Well, Kiyoi did his best too, though."
The words of Shirota and the others were tinged with malicious intent.
Kiyoi probably sensed it too, but he didn't show any particular displeasure;
he just casually nodded a little. The girls from the fireworks festival were also
there, and it was hard to tell if they noticed these subtle thorns or not, but they
were just vaguely nodding too. Only Kurata, who was seated in the corner
and sipping her drink without making any facial expressions, was silent.
"Hii-kun, get me a drink. A mix of Coke and Calpis*."
(T/N: Calpis (カルピス, Karupisu) is a non-carbonated Japanese soft drink
with a flavor described as a combination of yogurt, buttermilk, and milk. It is
very similar to the taste of the Japanese probiotic drink Yakult but more
refined and mellow. It is sweet, slightly tangy, mild, and refreshing. It has a
smooth, cloudy white appearance. Image:
.)
"I want a melon soda."
"Ah, me too, please. Get me an orange iced tea by mixing orange juice
with black tea."
After receiving successive drink orders, Hira quietly got up from his seat.
In the drinks section, while preparing the drinks for everyone, Hira began
to feel the need for a machine gun. He wanted to turn everyone except Kurata
into a beehive. It turned out that human killing intent is something that could
be generated so easily.
While he was busy imagining killing Shirota and the others, Kiyoi passed
by. Hira assumed he was heading to the washroom, but instead saw him just
walk out of the restaurant. Hira went back to the table with the drinks.
"Kiyoi-kun left?"
"Huh? Didn't he just go to the washroom? By the way, Hii-kun, you took
the wrong one. I said Coke-calpis."
"Is that so," Hira perfunctorily replied, and then he grabbed his bag before
heading for the exit. The others shouted behind him, foolishly thinking he
was going to change the drinks: "Don't get the wrong one this time."
Leaving the restaurant, he looked around, but Kiyoi was nowhere to be
seen, so Hira turned to head towards the station. He was frantically looking
around to make sure not to accidentally miss Kiyoi and was soon out of breath
as he sprinted. When he arrived at the station, he finally found Kiyoi by the
bus terminal at the station.
In the middle of the night, under the bright white street light, Kiyoi was
sitting alone on an old blue bench, his hands in his coat pockets, as he was
surveying the pedestrians around him.
Hira stopped a little distance away, staring at that figure. He didn't call out.
He couldn't. Even if someone like him called out to him to say anything, it
would be useless.
Interacting with people had always been excruciating, and he deliberately
let his bangs grow in order to avoid meeting people's eyes. It was the thinnest
and most unreliable shield in the world. But this world was so scary that he
even used something as absurd as his fringe to protect himself from it. He
made Captain Duck his bosom friend and convinced himself there was
nothing to fear as he allowed himself to drift further and further down the
stream, but whenever he imagined the end of it, he once again felt scared.

Now, things were slightly different. Since he met Kiyoi, he'd gone to the
barbershop more often. The hairdresser seemed so terrifying to him that he
would never be able to visit the hair salon, but his fringe was now a normal
length. He wanted to look at Kiyoi a little more clearly, just a bit longer. He
knew he wasn't supposed to do that, yet he couldn't help but steal another
glance like this.
–Gross.
He liked it.
–Annoying.
Even so, he liked it so much that he could die.
An approaching bus obscured the view of Kiyoi. When the bus left again,
Kiyoi was gone. He might have gotten on the bus, Hira thought somberly as
his eyes followed the moving bus. "Hey."
A voice came from right next to him. Somehow Kiyoi was suddenly
standing right there.
"Ah, ah, w-wh-why are you here?"
Kiyoi glared angrily at the faltering Hira.
 "I'm the one who should be asking that! You've been following me from
the hall earlier, haven't you?"
Hira was startled and froze in place.
"You're pitying me, aren't you?"
Huh? Hira's eyes widened in surprise. Pity? Did that mean sympathy? That
would be the greatest insult to the King. Hira shook his head in denial, but
Kiyoi's eyes remained cold as ice.
"...... All of you are the same."
Kiyoi sighed with annoyance and turned around.
Just then, Hira's body moved spontaneously, and he reached out to grab the
corner of Kiyoi's coat.
"Wait!"
Wait. Wait. Please, I want you to wait. Please don't say that "all of you are
the same". Don't put me in the same category as those people. I don't care if
you think I'm a stalker or if you disgust me; just don't think of me in the same
way as Shirota and the others.
"Kiyoi-kun, for me you're number one. No one can compare to you.
You're special."
His voice was loud and clear. It didn't even quiver a bit. It was the first
time Hira had ever been able to convey anything with such conviction.
Kiyoi looked at him in shock. Then his face gradually turned angry.
"...... Are you fucking crazy?"
Maybe so. When it came to Kiyoi, Hira became crazy. It was painful. And
yet he had no intention of giving it up. Kiyoi pulled at his coat to get Hira to
relinquish his hold, but Hira refused to let go.
"I'm not like Shirota and the others."
Kiyoi frowned, "Gross."
"I like you!"
"You're so annoying."
"I like you like crazy."
It was a miracle. The very same conversation that Hira had imagined in his
head just moments earlier was now becoming real. Every word that spilled
out of his mouth was so sincere and devoid of any lies that Hira didn't even
need to take a deep breath to sink into his stomach and stabilize him. With all
his might, he turned to look up and met Kiyoi's eyes. "I hate you."
 Kiyoi spoke mercilessly and pushed Hira away. Hira watched as that cruel
figure turned his back and left. It made him sad. But that was precisely how
Kiyoi was. Hira was left standing alone there as he watched that figure from
the back, whom he so deeply admired, disappear.

The next day, the classroom was filled with a strange atmosphere.
“Have you guys seen the post? About Kiyoi-kun.”
"Eh, which one?"
A girl from the neighboring desk hunched over to whisper in her friend's
ear. Surprised, her friend took out her phone and started looking at something.
Similar things occurred throughout the entire classroom.
“Who wrote this? It was definitely someone from our school.”
"If they find out who did it, they will surely be killed!"
Behind Hira, Yoshida and the others were discussing in a low voice.
What're they talking about? Kiyoi? Will someone be killed? Hearing these
whispers, Hira couldn't help but be concerned. As Hira turned around,
Yoshida and the others immediately stopped talking.
"What are you guys talking about?"
It was the first time Hira had spoken to Yoshida since the Hii-kun incident
at the beginning of the semester.
"Nothing. It's nothing important."
"It's about Kiyoi-kun, isn't it? What do you mean by "they will surely be
killed"?"
"We didn't write it."
"What write? What are you talking about?"
 Yoshida was forced to respond to Hira's persistent questions despite his
reluctance.
"It's on the internet. There's been a strange post since yesterday about
the contest on the bulletin board*."
(T/N: *Bulletin board: a website or web page where users can post
comments about a particular issue or topic and reply to other users'
postings.)
"A post?"
Hira took out his phone and wrote the keywords, as Yoshida had told him,
in the search option.
"Hey, we didn't write this. Don't let Kiyoi get the wrong idea."
Hira didn't pay attention to what Yoshida was saying. There was a thread
on the bulletin board about the contest that Kiyoi was participating in. Hira
scrolled through the thread.
【 What do you think about Kiyoi Sou, who came last in the final?】
【 What do you mean by "last"? Except for the winner of the Grand Prix
and runners-up, no one else has a ranking, right? 】
【 Kiyoi-kun is really handsome. I've supported him since the beginning of
the contest, what a pity.】
【 What a bad taste. He came in last, see? 】
【 As I said, there are no rankings other than the Grand Prix and runnersup.
Are you stupid? 】
【 It's a miracle that he made it to the finals at that level of his. 】 --What's
this?
Since yesterday, there have been a series of meaningless and malicious
comments like these. In the process of reading these comments, Hira noticed
something and started to scroll through the post above. The first comment
about Kiyoi appeared the day before at 7:30 p.m. It was when he and Kiyoi
left the diner. As Hira was holding his phone and thinking, Kiyoi walked into
the classroom. The air in the classroom became inexplicably tense.
"Kiyoi, good morning—"
 Shirota and the others, who were positioned at the back of the classroom,
raised their hands. Their voices sounded so cheerful that Hira felt like they
were faking it on purpose. Kiyoi casually greeted them back and walked over
to his desk.
"Kiyoi, why did you leave yesterday without saying anything?" Shirota
and the others gathered around Kiyoi.
"Suddenly, I had an urgent matter. Sorry, I'll go out with you next time."
"We don't mind, but after you left, Hii-kun disappeared too."
Kiyoi's hand, which was taking out his textbook, froze for a moment.
"Did you two go back together?"
"You idiot, why would Kiyoi hang around with someone like Hii-kun?"
As Shirota's quips caused an explosion of laughter of unknown
significance, Hira began to regret his actions yesterday. What a disgraceful
misunderstanding Kiyoi had to endure because of him, as he too left the
restaurant.
"But, you know, we are really worried." Shirota
lowered the tone of his voice.
"Kiyoi looked pretty depressed yesterday, are you okay?"
Kiyoi slowly looked up at Shirota, who spoke in an abhorrently sweet
voice.
"What do you mean?"
In response to Kiyoi's impassive question, Shirota let out an ambiguous
laugh, "What I mean is......"
"Shirota, just say what's on your mind."
"Oh, yeah. Of course Kiyoi must have been shocked by such a result,"
The other two chipped in, and Shirota nodded "Ah, I see." "I'm sorry,"
Shirota looked at Kiyoi with a triumphant expression. The other three also
snickered and exchanged glances.
Hira really wanted to have a machine gun.
Right now, he would like to turn Shirota and the others into beehives.
Whether or not Kiyoi won the contest had nothing to do with Shirota and
the others. And yet, they degraded Kiyoi as if they themselves were in a
higher position. It was so stupid that it made people vomit.
Another thing, as disgusting as them, were the classmates, who were
watching all this in silence. It seemed as though you could hear faint fictional
voices that sounded like the chirping of little birds, wondering which side
would be safer to take.
The queasiness Hira felt that day was becoming more and more apparent
with each passing day. The classmates were sensibly realizing that something
was off within the top group of the class. The girls who usually made noise
for Kiyoi had also become quiet; on the contrary, Yoshida's voice grew
louder.
On Monday, the day before the winter break, Shirota was in a bad mood
from the morning.
"She was two-timing me! She pretended to be innocent but was actually
just a bitch."
Shirota angrily kicked the desk. Hira surmised that he had probably been
dumped by Momo-chan. Served him right, Hira inwardly applauded, but
unfortunately, by lunchtime, Shirota's anger rippled out to Hira: "Why the
egg? I told you to get tuna. Do you have a brain inside of you?"
What a terrible way to speak, even after utilizing someone else as a gofer.
After noticing that Hira had been silent, Shirota aggressively threw the
sandwich at Hira and ordered him to change it. Hira stood motionless while
he clutched the sandwich in his hand.
"What the hell are you doing? Lunch break is about to end."
"But you still haven't paid me the money from last week."
Hira insisted while lowering his head. Recently, Shirota stopped paying
him again. In the past, he had reluctantly paid after being told by Kiyoi, but
these days, he simply fudged the issue even when Kiyoi told him to.
"I already told you I'll pay you next time. Do you've any complaints?"
Shirota leaned over with a threatening-looking visage. However, as Hira
still didn't move, Shirota's expression gradually darkened with irritation.
"What's with the sudden rebellious attitude?"
Shirota kicked Hira lightly in the leg. His past self would have been
terrified at this moment, but now he wanted to protest even more vehemently.
Biting his lip, Hira looked at Shirota. "What's that look in your eyes?"
Shirota glared at him. "Hey, what's it?" Shirota kicked him in the leg a few
more times. "Hey... that's terrible," Hira could hear the girls whispering.
"Cut it out, it's disgraceful," as Kiyoi spoke up, Shirota stopped kicking
Hira.
 "Did you say something?" Shirota tilted his head and looked at Kiyoi,
who was sitting diagonally behind him.
"Sorry, I didn't hear you. Can you say it again?"
"Don't take your anger out on others just because you were dumped by
a woman."
Shirota lifted his eyes, and the next moment, a tremendous sound echoed
through the classroom. Kiyoi's desk was kicked by Shirota. Everyone was
holding their breath, and in the silent classroom, Shirota muttered, "Don't
always give me the high and mighty look."
Kiyoi was completely unmoved and just stared at Shirota with an annoyed
face.
The hushed classroom once again resounded with the sound of birds'
chirping, conversing over which side to take. What was different from before,
however, was that there was a strangely amused expression on everyone's
faces as they seemed to be looking at the pair of scales, which were jouncing
unsteadily.

The atmosphere of the classroom changed dramatically after the winter

break.
“Have you read the article about Kiyoi? It's too much, isn't it?"
"Ah, that one. I'm really pissed off at whoever did that."
The girls at the neighboring desks were talking about an anthology of Kiyoi
from his elementary school years that was posted online during recess. It said:
[When I grow up, I want to be an idol].
 "It was a bit of a surprise. I never thought he would want to be an idol."
"Well, his image may have collapsed."
Listening to the never-ending gossip, Hira fired a fictitious machine gun at
the seat next to him.
Everyone maintained a neutral stance, but they were completely amused.
The fall of a star induced pleasure. Even though they kept their voices low,
they couldn't hide their cruel curiosity.
The way Shirota and the others acted was disgusting. If they didn't like
something, then they should have just distanced themselves from it, but they
still keep pestering Kiyoi. If you said they behaved almost like rotten women,
that would be offensive to women. However, when faced with Kiyoi's
consistent attitude, their behavior became worse and worse.
That day, after school, Hira was walking down the stairs in the crowd of
students who were leaving school. Kiyoi was walking a short distance ahead.
Among the crowd of people donning the same school uniform, Kiyoi was the
only one Hira could never mistake for anyone else. He had a small head and
a high waist. Even in the midst of a crowd, there was something splendid
about him that caught Hira's eye.
As Hira was staring at Kiyoi's back while descending the stairs, he
suddenly saw something falling from above. In the following split second,
Kiyoi's head and shoulders were stained with a bright red liquid.
--Blood?
Hira almost panicked. The girls who were affected by this almost caused a
commotion and shouted, "Eew, what's this?" "Tomato?" Only when he
heard this did Hira feel relieved. That was when a voice came from above:
"Sor-ry*."
(T/N: *In the original text, there has been used "わるーい" instead of "わる

い" which means "Sorry." The term "わるーい" contains a bit of criticism and
is jokey at the same time. So, I translated it as "Sor-ry." It means "Sorry" is
being said in a mocking tone or way. )
"I accidentally spilled my juice."
Shirota and the others apologized from upstairs. It was obvious that they
did it on purpose.
 Most of the juice fell on Kiyoi, and he got all dirty from head to toe. The
red drops kept dripping, but Kiyoi didn't wipe; instead, he turned to look
upward. From Hira's position, he couldn't see Kiyoi's expression. But he saw
Shirota and the others, who were upstairs, suck in a breath of cold air.
Kiyoi descended the stairs and walked in the opposite direction of the exit.
The students who had stopped because of this drama also dispersed, while
Hira did not hesitate to chase after the direction Kiyoi left.
Upon entering the special school building*, the after-school commotion
quickly faded away. Kiyoi went into the restroom. Hira could hear the vague
sound of the faucet being turned on. Then followed the sound of flowing
water.
(T/N: The special school building's Japanese term is " 特 別 校 舎
(Tokubetsu kōsha). The use of the special school building depends on the
schools in Japan. It serves as a building in some schools for specialized uses
like science labs, extra classes, cooking classes, music lessons, dance lessons,
or something similar. And in some schools, it's a building where the
handicapped children attend their classes.)
Hira was standing in the hallway in front of the restroom. He wouldn't be
stupid enough to try to guess how Kiyoi was feeling, such as "Although Kiyoi
looks calm, in reality he still feels pain, right?" How could he do that?
—...... All of you are the same.
Hira recalled Kiyoi's sigh of annoyance from back then. No! He would
never be like Shirota and the others. Nor would he become like those
classmates who kept switching sides according to the situation.
Hira stood in the corridor like he was the last soldier who pledged
allegiance to the King. At that moment, he had the impression that he could
jump into the sewage and rescue Captain Duck, who had been washed away
by the sewer.
Right as Hira became tense and focused, there came the sound of the faucet
being turned off, and Hira hid himself behind the stairs. He was right beside
Kiyoi. But it didn't matter if Kiyoi didn't know about this. The sound of
footsteps could be heard. It was Kiyoi coming out of the restroom. As
Hira was waiting for Kiyoi to leave, he heard a voice: "Hey!" —.....Huh?
Just as Hira was frozen on the spot, he was called one more time.
"You're here, aren't you?"
 It was a voice that was tinged with annoyance. Being called like that, Hira
couldn't pretend he didn't hear, so he had no choice but to slowly just show
his face. Kiyoi was holding a washed-up shirt in his hand and wearing a gray
sweater. Looking at Hira, Kiyoi sighed as if he truly were annoyed.
"S-sorry, I'll disappear right away."
"Hey."
Hira was called out once more from behind as he turned to leave hastily.
He thought he was going to be scolded. Just as Hira turned around with
trepidation, Kiyoi jerked his chin in the direction of the hallway. Then Kiyoi
just turned on his heel and walked away.
Hira timidly trailed behind Kiyoi as though he had been instructed to do
so. He must have washed his hair too. Transparent drops dripped from Kiyoi's
hair and cascaded down the long, slender nape of his neck.
Kiyoi walked into the empty music classroom. He reached into the
teacher's desk and rummaged through the drawers, and then finally pulled out
a key. Perhaps one of the teachers or students hid it here.
Kiyoi used the key to open the door of the music classroom's prep room
and went inside. "It's cold," Kiyoi murmured, turning on the air conditioner
in the classroom. A warm breeze immediately radiated out with a whooshing
sound. After setting his shirt on a chair that was right below the air outlet,
Kiyoi sat down on the desk as if to dry himself too.
"How warm......"
Kiyoi, who closed his eyes due to the orange rays of the setting sun shining
in through the window, was extremely beautiful.
Hira couldn't help but stare at him with fascination, and just then, Kiyoi
suddenly opened his eyes.
"I hate being watched silently."
"Eh, ah, aah, um......"
He needed to say something. The words, however, wouldn't come out when
he became nervous. Besides, he actually had nothing to say to Kiyoi.
Just when he was getting impatient, an idea suddenly came to him.
"Can I take photos of you?"
"Photos?"
"Ah, no, sorry, it's nothing......"
 Being considered a stalker by Kiyoi, he certainly wouldn't let Hira take any
photos.
"With the mobile phone?"
"No, with a normal camera. But that's okay. Sorry for being impudent."
"It's fine as long as it's not with a mobile phone."
Hira was flabbergasted. Was it his mishearing? He stared at Kiyoi with his
mouth agape.
"What kind of reaction is that? Forget it if you don't want to take
photos."
"Ah, no, I do. Ah, I mean, I want to. Please let me take photos of you."
Hira hastily took out the camera from his bag.
"Amazing, it's an SLR camera."
Kiyoi involuntarily leaned forward, the expression on his face changed
instantly.
"......Don't tell me you use it to take photos in secret."
Being stared at by Kiyoi with suspicious eyes, Hira frantically shook his
head.
"M-my parents bought me this SLR camera when I was in elementary
school, and I've treated it as my hobby ever since."
"So you're rich."
"Huh?"
"How would an average family buy something as expensive as an SLR
for an elementary school student?"
"T-there's a special reason for this......"
While getting the camera ready, Hira continued to talk even though he
stuttered.
"I-I've had dysphemia for a long time, and I don't have any friends, my
parents were worried that I wouldn't fit in the class, so they bought this
camera for me with the hope that I could have a hobby to distract myself."
As he was fiddling with the camera, Hira finished the explanation
relatively smoothly; perhaps it was due to this habitual action of movement
that soothed him.
"What's dysphemia?"
"Huh?"
"What does dysphemia mean?"
 —....Ah, so he doesn't know.
"Well, it's a disease that causes speech impediments and makes it hard
to speak fluently."
"Ah, then, is that a disease?"
Kiyoi frowned. He appeared to be a little shocked.
It was inevitable. Surprisingly, few people were familiar with the word
"dysphemia." It would probably be easier to say "stuttering," but using this
term might lead people to think that it was merely a case of being unable to
speak properly due to nervousness rather than a disease. Naturally, there were
reasons behind this, which was why it was more difficult to explain clearly.
Lately, the very same word "stuttering" had been treated as a
discriminatory term and was no longer seen in books or on TV. But it didn't
mean that the term "dysphemia" was more widely known. As the terminology
was changed, the existence of this disease was gradually erased from the
world, leaving the sufferer in the painful position of having to explain what
"dysphemia" really is to others.
"But aren't you speaking normally now?"
"I don't always stutter. It would probably be easier for people to
understand if that were the case, but sometimes dysphemia appears and
sometimes it doesn't. I used to go to the doctor when I was a child, so I
managed to control it to some extent. But not perfectly….When I get
nervous, I act the same way I did on the first day of school, which was class
placement day."
Hira recalled that day he kept uttering the same word, "Hi-hi-hi-hi," like a
broken peashooter that kept firing shots.
"......Sorry."
Kiyoi lowered his eyes. That expression didn't suit a king like him.
"It's fine. I'm used to it."
"Don't get used to it. It's irritating to see such servility."
Kiyoi's eyes quickly turned into a powerful look. Ah, Kiyoi was really
Kiyoi. Hira unconsciously narrowed his eyes, "Thank you."
The words came out naturally, and Kiyoi turned his face away as if he was
embarrassed.
"I didn't do anything for you to thank me. It should be the opposite."
"But, Kiyoi-kun never called me "Hii-kun". Why's that?"
 Kiyoi tilted his head as though he were thinking—
"I don't know. I guess I just don't want to call you that."
It was a Kiyoi-style response, as was to be expected, and it made Hira even
more delighted. Even if he didn't know what dysphemia was or that it was a
disease, Kiyoi never called him by that snide moniker. What was the reason
for this? There was no doubt that Kiyoi himself didn't quite understand why
either. He was capricious, self-centered, and not kind at all. But Kiyoi had his
own bottom line, and Hira was saved by it. That was all there was to it.
"I like Kiyoi-kun."
Hira spoke while looking down at the camera in his hand. In winter, the
sun sets early. As it was getting dark, Hira set the sensitivity* of the camera
high. Fast shutter speed with a small aperture. Hira rarely took photos of
people. Despite the fact that it was the first time he had ever wanted to shoot
photos of a person, he wanted to get the best shots possible. He set up his
camera and pressed the shutter the moment Kiyoi's face made a surprised
expression.
(T/N: *In photography sensitivity refers to a film or digital camera
sensor’s sensitivity to light. In photography sensitivity is often referred to as
ISO, or ‘International Standards Organization’. ISO sensitivity, or ISO
speed, measures how strongly your camera sensor responds to light. The
higher the ISO sensitivity, the less light required to take a high-quality image.
The darker the environment, the greater the sensitivity.)
"Let me know before you take the photo."
"I'm sorry."
While apologizing, he pressed the shutter again.
"Are you listening to me?"
"Sorry, I'm taking photos."
"What kind of report is this? It's too late to tell me while you're already
taking it."
Kiyoi looked over in anger. Rarely did Hira see this expression on his face,
so Hira pressed the shutter once again. This time, Kiyoi made a resigned
expression. As Hira took another photo, the other turned his face away. Aah,
his long, slender neck became more eye-catching at this angle. Hira also
wanted to take a photo of his jawline, which he had been fascinated by on the
first day of the class, so Hira got down on one knee and took a photo from a
low angle.
"Kiyoi-kun, you're so beautiful," He murmured as he pressed the shutter.
"Are you some kind of pornographic photographer?" Kiyoi muttered,
still facing away. "It feels like I'll be asked to take my clothes off at the end,
how scary."
"I-I wouldn't do something like that," Hira blushed and lowered his
camera as Kiyoi turned his face towards him, "Idiot, who's gonna take it
off!"
As it was the first time he saw Kiyoi's mischievous smile, Hira forgot to
breathe.
"......Ah"
Without even being able to blink, Hira couldn't help but want to etch that
smile onto his retina permanently, which had higher performance than any
camera. In the distant future, when he would turn into an old man and his
eyesight wouldn't be very good, he would always be able to play it back at
any time.
"Don't keep staring at me. It's gross."
Kiyoi quickly retracted his smile and turned his face away.
Right in front of Hira, who was kneeling on the floor, was Kiyoi's hand,
which was resting on the desk. He had such long fingers! The closer you got
to the tips, the thinner they were, and even the shape of the nails was perfect.
Unconsciously bringing his face closer, Hira kissed Kiyoi's fingertips. The
sensation of his lips touching his nails caused something ecstatic to spread,
making him feel numbness from the depths of his head.
"......Are you gay?"
The sudden question thrown at him brought Hira back to his senses. "I-
I'm sorry......"
He scrambled back a few steps in panic. Hira felt incredulous about what
he had done. He could only keep repeating "sorry."
"Hey, answer me! Are you gay?"
"I-I don't know."
Hira shook his head gently. He asked himself this question many times,
but….
 "I…I like Kiyoi-kun. But not really interested in other boys. Not much
interest in girls either. The only one that I think is beautiful is you. Only
Kiyoi-kun is special."
Aside from Kiyoi, he had no interest in anyone, men or women. They were
just existences that were there. Kiyoi, though, was different. Kiyoi was Kiyoi,
and that alone made Hira feel crazy all over. It made him so happy that he
could die. If this was called gay, then maybe he was gay. In
response to Hira's muttered words, Kiyoi said, "Gross." His
thoughts were interrupted by that one word.
"...... Haha, it really is, isn't it?"
Hira laughed bitterly. His affection was completely rejected by Kiyoi. Yet
the incredible thing was that he didn't feel bad at all. Even after knowing
about Hira's illness, Kiyoi did not change his attitude towards him.
Regardless of whether he had dysphemia, to Kiyoi, he was just a disgusting
guy. This somehow made Hira feel strangely happy.
As Hira lifted his head, he met Kiyoi's eyes. He was staring at Hira. What
did he want? Being stared at so intently made Hira nervous. He touched his
face, wondering if something stuck to it. Kiyoi was still staring at him. Hira's
face gradually heated up in contrast to the usual situation. Unable to stand it
any longer, Hira lowered his head.
"Sorry, don't keep looking at me ......"
After protesting with a mosquito-like voice, he heard a snickering sound.
"Do you now understand how I feel?"
Hearing this, Hira looked up. Aah, so that's what it is. "I'm
sorry, I won't look at you like that anymore."
"That's okay. If you want to look, then just look."
"Really?"
"Do what you want. But stop calling me "Kiyoi-kun." It's okay for girls
to use "-kun," but It sounds gross when a guy uses it . Just call me
Kiyoi anyway."
"Impossible."
"Then don't look at me anymore!"
Kiyoi lifted his chin slightly. He had an arrogant look. But it suited Kiyoi
very well. He was cold yet breathtakingly beautiful. Hira held up his camera.
"...... Kiyoi."
 Hira called as he looked at the other through the camera's viewfinder. There
was nothing Hira could do. He was so happy that it seemed like he was
suffocating.
"See how you can call!" Kiyoi spoke in an indifferent tone.
"Kiyoi."
"What?"
"Kiyoi."
"What's it?"
"Kiyoi."
"Don't call me for no reason."
"You're so beautiful."
Hira spoke as he pressed the shutter.
"Gross."
On the other side of the camera, Kiyoi, who was illuminated by the setting
sun, was faintly wearing a smile.

◈◈◈◈
VOLUME 1. Chapter-1; PART-9: He is Beautiful

◈ ◈ ◈ ◈

Everything that happened in the music room became Hira's treasure.

As for whether he and Kiyoi became friends after that day, the answer was
no. His relationship with Kiyoi was like a series of discrete dots, such as the
fireworks event, the night of the contest, and the music room, but those dots
didn't come together to form a line. To him, every moment seemed like a
once-in-a-lifetime experience, which was why those were etched into his
heart as something a little too precious.
"It's so cold today! I want to eat some Yukimi Daifuku*."
(T/N: Yukimi Daifuku (Japanese: 雪 見 だいふく "snow-viewing daifuku")
is a brand of Japanese mochi ice cream manufactured by Lotte. It consists of
a ball of vanilla ice milk wrapped in a thin layer of mochi, or rice cake,
bathed in coconut milk. Image:
.)
"Don't say contradictory things out of the blue, but I want to eat it too."
It was lunchtime, and Shirota and Miki were laughing their heads off. It
was a cold day with light snow falling, but it was still very warm inside the
classroom with the air conditioning on. And just as Hira thought he was going
to be ordered to run errands again, instead he heard, "Kiyoi, go buy some for
us." --Huh?
Hira turned around involuntarily.
"Buy two Yukimi Daifuku."
Shirota and the others gathered around Kiyoi's desk, but Kiyoi ignored
them and continued scrolling on his phone.
"Don't ignore me."
"What's the big deal? Just go there and buy it."
Hira stood up and walked over to Shirota and the others.
"I'll go."
 "Ah? But I didn't ask you, Hii-kun."
"That's right, it's always you who does it, so let Kiyoi take over once in
a while. Ah, Hii-kun, how about you let Kiyoi buy something for you as
well? Kiyoi, buy three Yukimi Daifuku, including Hii-kun's share."
As Shirota raised his middle finger, the others in the group jokingly said,
"That's not the sign of 3!" And yet Kiyoi consistently ignored Shirota and
the others, who were laughing idiotically.
"Hey, hurry up and go."
When Hira noticed that Shirota began to lose patience, he ran over to cut
in between.
"It's okay, let me go. Every day I go anyway, so I'm used to it."
"Get out of the way. I'm talking to Kiyoi. Hey, Kiyoi!"
Shirota grabbed the collar of Kiyoi's school uniform, and Kiyoi, who had
been completely ignoring them up to that point, changed his facial
expression. He shook off Shirota's hand and glared at Shirota with sharp eyes.
"That's enough, you bastard!"
Just as Kiyoi clenched his fist and stood up, Hira punched Shirota. The
girls nearby screamed out as Shirota fell and knocked over the surrounding
desks and chairs with him.
"Wh-What the--"
Hira mounted on top of Shirota, who was trying to get up, and kept
punching him. They say that when you hit, your own hand hurts too, but that
was simply a lie. Hira was so frantic that he lost all of his senses. He didn't
even have time to think about anything. He seemed to have been controlled
by the instinct of wanting to crush this guy. The sound of his own breathing
was unusually clear. With every punch, he used all the strength of his whole
body, and while he hit, he let out a beast-like roar. "Stop this!"
Miki kicked him in the side of his body, and Hira fell to the ground. Even
though he despised Hira, Miki had a frightened expression on his face.
Shirota also had a bloody nose and watery eyes.
"Wh-what the hell was that? Out of nowhere! You're sick......"
Hira's fury was sparked by Shirota's words once more, and he grabbed the
leg of a chair beside him. While Shirota screamed in fear at the unexpected
attack, Miki held Hira from the side, preventing him from moving.
"Hey, Shirota-kun, you're covered in blood."
 "Somebody please get the teacher over here!"
"I don't want to be in this class anymore ......"
The whole class formed a circle, looking at them.
Kiyoi was among them. He was stunned, his eyes wide open.
He must have thought Hira was a dangerous guy who suddenly lost control.
However, Kiyoi had already suspected him of being a stalker before, and
besides, he always found Hira to be a repulsive guy. Adding one more
negative point wouldn't change anything.
His hands were tingling. Only now did Hira start to feel pain in his hands.
He didn't feel guilty about hitting someone.
Shirota and the others did things to deserve this.
No matter what the reason, violence is not permissible. Hira threw those
sanctimonious words in the trash. Shirota stepped into Hira's sanctuary. A
blow to the heart was equivalent to a blow to the body.
Sitting on the floor, Hira looked down at his feverish, aching palm.
He didn't think he had helped Kiyoi. Rather the opposite.
It was thanks to Kiyoi that he managed to help himself. Hira felt as though
he had finally been able to rescue himself after always being carried away by
the sewage ever since he was a child.
The atmosphere in the classroom changed again. Hira was no longer given
orders to conduct errands by Shirota and the others, and he started to be
treated as a tumor in the class, with no one daring to approach him. This
situation was still nerve-wracking for Hira, but it was a hundred times better
than before.
Shirota and the others had stopped bothering Kiyoi as well. It seemed as
though they were afraid that if they provoked Kiyoi again, Hira would burst
out once more. You don't know if the opponent has fangs until you get bit.
What a bunch of knuckleheads!
Kiyoi remained as indifferent as before. Originally, he wasn't the type of
person who used to be in high spirits with a lot of people, and his lazy
appearance of playing with his smartphone or reading manga was no different
from the past. Hira wouldn't try to infer what Kiyoi was really thinking. Kiyoi
wasn't a person who could be speculated about by someone like him.
That day after school, the homeroom teacher summoned Hira and the
others to the office one by one and inquired as to what had happened.
Although it was Hira who initiated the fight, the teacher appeared to have
noticed that Hira frequently suffered bullying from Shirota and the others, so
he looked very concerned about Hira instead. When the teacher said that he
had noticed what had occurred, Hira wasn't particularly happy or anything,
but at least he was saved by being spared from punishment.
Shirota and the others pretended to be innocent until the end. They insisted
that they had done nothing and that they had suddenly been attacked by Hira.
In the end, it turned out that none of them were punished, and the ruckus
ended.
Hira felt like he had done something wrong to his parents. When his mother
learned that Hira, who was usually so gentle, used violence, she was in
disbelief. His father, who was aware that his son was probably being bullied
because of his dysphemia, suggested that Hira ought to switch schools. At
that time, Hira felt that he was blessed to have a loving family.
That was why he had been able to endure until now.
However, as long as Kiyoi was here, he wouldn't change schools.
He wouldn't refuse to go to school either.
Hira also went to school today, as a matter of course.
Even when he heard the news of the suicide due to bullying, his heart
wouldn't fluctuate as before. After falling in love with Kiyoi, Hira's heart was
undergoing a revolution at a rapid pace. Love might not have saved the world,
but it could certainly save itself. When he saw a couple kissing inside the
train, he only felt a sense of salvation, and in contrast to before, he now didn't
wish for them to explode.
 Due to being late for his fifth period class, Hira was hurried down the
hallway. The hallway was almost empty, and just as he was walking down
the stairs, a nice, balanced back view of a figure appeared in front of him.
Kiyoi turned around. Hira instinctively stopped in his tracks, and Kiyoi
likewise remained motionless. After a few moments of staring at each other,
Kiyoi walked towards Hira. As he passed by, Kiyoi glanced at him. And that
one look made Hira turn around to follow immediately.
When the two of them returned to the empty classroom, the bell rang,
signaling the beginning of the fifth period.
Kiyoi sat down at the desk by the window, while Hira sat on the chair in
front of him.
"Today, are we not going to the music room?" From
Hira's position, he could only look up at Kiyoi.
"There's another class in session."
"Oh, I see."
The last time they talked alone was in the music room. It was just the
beginning of February, and the brilliant blue sky could be seen outside the
window. Although it was still a bit cold, the sunlight shining through the
window was slightly warm, which made people feel satisfied even if they
didn't say anything.
"Didn't you bring your camera today?" Hira
was suddenly asked.
"Oh, I left it at home."
As Kiyoi appeared somewhat disappointed, Hira couldn't help but blame
himself for this morning. If he had known that such a good thing was waiting
for him today, he would have brought his camera. He would definitely carry
it with him every day, starting tomorrow.
"How were the photos you took last time?"
"They turned out really good! Even I was surprised. They turned out
much more beautiful than a professional model."
"Have you ever taken photos of a professional model?"
"No."
"How would you say that then?"
"But I know. You're definitely more beautiful than a professional
model."
 When Hira looked up at him with affection, Kiyoi raised an eyebrow.
"Don't use them for any weird stuff!"
"Weird stuff?"
"Jack off or something."
When Hira realized what it meant, his cheeks flushed. He felt as though a
crime he had committed once in the past had suddenly come to light. After
that time, he never considered using Kiyoi for masturbation again.
"......You, this reaction, have you done it already?"
Hira looked up reflexively, "Ju- just once!"
"You really did it!"
Kiyoi's whole body shrank backward as if he felt disgusted.
"I'm sorry, but it was really just that one time, and after that, I never did
it again."
"As if I would believe that!"
"It's true. Afterwards I felt really horrible, and to think of Kiyoi-kun
while—"
"Stop it."
Kiyoi abruptly extended his palm in front of Hira's eyes; Hira was shocked
and immediately shut his mouth.
"Stop adding '-kun' to my name; it just grosses me out even more."
Upon hearing this, Hira remembered what Kiyoi had said before.
"Hey, go on."
He was urged by Kiyoi, but Hira was too embarrassed to explain it again.
"Ki-Kiyoi-kun, no, Kiyoi, it was wrong of me to use you as the object to
do such a thing. Kiyoi is my king, and I'm the last soldier standing to protect
the king, so someone like me shouldn't have defiled you, but I still used
Kiyoi's photo for doing something like that, and I feel really guilty about
it......"
Kiyoi looked at him with an indescribable expression on his face as Hira
was mumbling incoherently.
"Hey, what do you mean, "the king" and "the last soldier"? Is it some
kind of game? Or is it some kind of word that ought not to be searched for
—something that's mentally disturbing?"
"I-it's not like that at all, but how do I put it, um, well, never mind."
 Ah, besides being gross, he did something really bad. In order to make
excuses for his sin, he ended up exposing his imaginary world. He wanted to
somehow regain his reputation, but, to think about it, he didn’t have any
reputation worth regaining.
"You really like me, huh?"
Kiyoi muttered, and Hira immediately looked up.
"Yes! Ah, you finally get it? I really like you, Kiyoi."
"What the hell! Can't you even understand the sarcasm in my words?"
Kiyoi picked up the pen case that was on his desk and hit Hira on the head.
"S-sorry."
"Well, whatever."
After saying that, Kiyoi suddenly extended his
hand. "Do you want to kiss me?" Hira's eyes
widened.
"...... C-can I?"
Without realizing it, Hira began to speak formally. His face was hot. His
heart was thumping so loudly that it felt as though it was going to explode.
"As if I'd let you, idiot."
Kiyoi laughed and retracted his hand.
"......Haha, right."
Kiyoi was certainly joking. When Hira's shoulders slumped in
disappointment, a hand was held out to him. This time, unlike just a short
while before, Kiyoi extended his hand rudely, almost throwing it.
Hira looked up at Kiyoi, as if asking for his permission.
Kiyoi was looking the other way.
Maybe he was being teased again. But that was okay. He didn't have the
right to choose. Whatever Kiyoi offered him, he would accept it
wholeheartedly, regardless of whether it was a flower or a poison.
Hesitantly, he held that beautiful hand. Kiyoi didn't dodge.
As if drawn by those slender fingers, Hira kissed the back of Kiyoi's hand.
A numbness spread from the back of his head to his fingertips, as though a
strong electric current had flowed through him.
"...... Kiyoi, aren't you afraid of me?"
Hira asked while kissing. Kiyoi looked as if he were asking the reason for
this question with just his eyes.
 "As I suddenly got angry and started hitting people, everyone got scared.
Although this time the reason is different from before, they stopped
approaching me."
Why was Hira asking this? He didn't regret what he had done and even felt
that his current situation was a hundred times better than it had been in the
past. Even so, why? Kiyoi glanced down at Hira, who resembled an
abandoned puppy, with a bored expression in his face.
"What are you talking about now? You keep peeping at me, stalking me
around, saying things like "You're beautiful," "I like you," "You're a
king," and other baffling words, as well as thinking about me while
masturbating; to me, these facts are much scarier!" Hira's
face instantly turned red.
"......I see. Haha, yes, thank you."
"Why are you thanking me?"
Kiyoi frowned as Hira squeezed out a smile with a face that appeared to be
about to cry.
"I mean, Kiyoi is the most special person to me."
Kiyoi made him realize this over and over again. Even though he stuttered,
spoke incoherently, peeped or stalked, suddenly got angry, and hit people or
masturbated, Kiyoi had never changed since the beginning. Whether the
"disgusting" and "annoying" Hira was worthy or not, good or bad, only
Kiyoi's opinion of him remained the same. Kiyoi surely couldn't understand
how delightful it was for Hira. "Thank you."
Hira thanked him once more, then closed his eyes and kissed Kiyoi's hand.
Kiyoi didn't say a word, but he didn't reject Hira either.
 After that time, Kiyoi began to meet Hira alone, occasionally.
Whenever Kiyoi felt like it, he would simply cast a glance in Hira's
direction. Hira was therefore unable to divert his attention from Kiyoi, even
for a split second. He had a feeling that if he failed to notice those subtle cues,
Kiyoi would no longer want to make time for him.
To Hira's surprise, Kiyoi enjoyed having his photos taken, so they
frequently sneaked into the music room or stayed after school in an empty
classroom, chatting about inconsequential topics while taking photos.
On that day, Kiyoi talked about his family, which was quite rare. Kiyoi's
parents had divorced a long time ago, and until the second grade of
elementary school, Kiyoi had been living with his mother. Due to his mother's
constant busy schedule at work, Kiyoi spent the majority of his time at home
alone. His mother, who worked in a factory, spent one-third of the month
working at night because of shift changes and did not return home until the
morning.
"I was only in first grade at that time. To be honest, it was scary to sleep
alone."
Kiyoi furrowed his brows, as if recalling the past, and Hira held the camera
up; his lips curled into a smile.
"So I would sleep with the TV and the lights on. But once, I think it was
during summer vacation, I woke up in the middle of the night, just when a
horror movie was playing on the TV, and I was almost scared to death. I
immediately went to bed. Then I hid under the quilt, and this time I was
afraid to leave my futon* even a little bit for fear of being grabbed by a
ghost."
(T/N: *A futon (布団) is a traditional Japanese style of bedding. It's a type
of mattress, originally from Japan, that can be rolled up, or a bed or seat
made from such a mattress. A complete futon set consists of a mattress (敷き
布団, shikibuton, lit. "spreading futon") and a duvet or quilt (掛 け布団,
kakebuton, lit. "covering futon"). Image:
.)
He said that at that time, he nearly died of heat underneath the quilt. The
words of Kiyoi made Hira think of a little Kiyoi cowering in the futon, and
he couldn't help but laugh out loud, and his hand shook when he pressed the
shutter.
"Since I was alone, I liked TV, and I wanted to be inside the TV when I
was a kid."
On the other side of the camera, Kiyoi appeared to be recalling the past as
he gazed out the window. Hira then captured his beautiful, sideways face.
"Inside the TV?"
"It must be fun. There're so many people, and they're all smiling."
Despite what he said, Kiyoi seemed a little lonely as he sat on the desk,
leaning on his hands that were propped up behind him, and glanced out the
window.
"As long as I could be on that side of the screen, it doesn't matter if I
could have been an idol or a comedian; anything goes."
As Kiyoi said that, Hira finally understood the reason behind his article,
"I want to be an idol," that was written in his elementary school anthology.
Speaking of which, what did he write in elementary school about this topic?
If he didn't remember, it meant he must have written something randomly
and arbitrarily. As for Hira, he didn't have fond memories of any class in his
elementary school.
"I don't think Kiyoi is suited to be a comedian."
"I think so too."
"You don't say anything that's funny."
"My bad."
Kiyoi had an annoyed expression on his face. This expression was also
captured by Hira's camera.
"Even if you don't say funny things, Kiyoi is a special existence just by
being Kiyoi."
"Don't say such disgusting things all the time."
"I'm sorry."
Kiyoi snorted and turned his face away. His lips were somewhat pouted.
Kiyoi was quite expressive today. Hira continued pressing the shutter due to
his excitement. The other kept on speaking. His mother got remarried when
Kiyoi was a third-grader. Although just an ordinary office worker, his
stepfather was a very kind person, and his mother soon gave birth to his
younger brother and sister.
 "Kiyoi's siblings must be beautiful too."
"They're plain."
"Don't they look like you?"
"I look more like my father, who left me."
Kiyoi's expression stiffened slightly, and Hira couldn't help but regret
asking that question.
He was the only child who didn't look like anyone in the family. Hira had
no idea how Kiyoi grew up in his new family, but he wouldn't speculate if
Kiyoi didn't say.
As if to make up for that imprudent question, Hira kept pressing the shutter.
"What about your family?"
"Just like a normal family. My dad works for a company, while my mom
is a full-time housewife, and they're always overprotective of their son, who
has no friends because of the dysphemia. I didn't realize it until
Kiyoi told me about buying an SLR camera for an elementary schooler."
"But since it became a hobby, at least it wasn't in vain."
"Do you think so?" Hira muttered, and on the other side of the viewfinder,
Kiyoi tilted his head.
"It's just photos that can't be shown."
"Ah, it's true that you can't show the photos you took secretly."
"I-it's not that!"
Kiyoi laughed. And that moment was also captured by Hira.
"Are those grotesque photos, or why can't you show them to your
parents?"
"They're the photos of the cityscape without people."
"Isn't that normal?"
Taking photos of a bustling city and then erasing the humans from them.
When Hira told Kiyoi that he liked the process of this gloomy assignment
and the finished scenario of the cityscape that looked as though it had been
punished by God, Kiyoi had a disgusted expression on his face upon hearing
that.
"The more I get to know you, the more disgusting you seem to me."
"I feel the same way."
"Do you hate people?"
Hira thought about that question for a while.
 "If I really hated them, I wouldn't care so much, but I definitely don't
like them either."
"What about me?"
Kiyoi's expression changed all of a sudden. The mischievous smirk on his
face gave the impression that he already knew the answer. The hue of his
confident eyes instantly touched Hira's heart.
"Kiyoi is special. Different from everyone."
Kneeling on the floor, Hira took several photos in a row with a tilted angle.
Then he focused again on the beautiful hand placed in front of him. He kept
the aperture small and the exposure high to convey clarity to the photo.
"What do you want to take photos of my hand for?"
"For nothing. I want to take photos because it's beautiful."
Kiyoi grunted. In the following split second, Kiyoi's hand disappeared
from view of the camera. When Hira placed the camera down, he saw that it
was Kiyoi who had hidden his hand behind his back. With an innocent,
playful smile, Kiyoi gave off the appearance of a master who was hiding a
toy to tease his dog.
"Do you want to take a photo?"
"I want."
Like a well-trained dog, he obeyed orders instinctively, and Kiyoi extended
his palm to place it in front of Hira as if to commend him for doing a good
job. Such a simple act made Hira so ecstatic to the point that he even forgot
to use his camera. Instead, his face slowly moved over.
Hira felt the warmth of Kiyoi's hand on his lips.
As a sweet suffocation welled up inside him, he felt as though he was going
to die.
Kiyoi didn't say anything. But he didn't reject Hira either.
As he kissed Kiyoi's hand, Hira wondered what kind of relationship they
had.
There was no suitable word to explain the relationship between Kiyoi and
him. Even if the two met alone like this, Hira had the impression that his
relationship with Kiyoi would still remain merely a sequence of dots that
would never be extended to form a line.
"Relationships" were something that was formed through reciprocal
interaction, and even if Kiyoi exerted an influence on Hira, the opposite was
inconceivable. So if there were any way to exemplify the relationship
between the two, it would presumably be something analogous to the
unilateral faith of a believer in God. Hira would therefore like to dedicate his
life to Kiyoi, like a devout priest or monk.
"You seem so abstracted; what're you thinking, huh?"
"I want to be a monk."
Upon hearing the answer, Kiyoi made a grimacing face and muttered, "As
expected, you really are gross."
Winter was finally over, and the last spring of high school was almost here.
◈◈◈◈
VOLUME 1. Chapter-1; PART-10: He is Beautiful

◈ ◈ ◈ ◈

In the third year of high school, Hira was assigned to a different class than
Kiyoi and Shirota.
Additionally, Kiyoi and Shirota were put in separate classes, and after
school, Hira frequently observed Kiyoi returning home with his new pals.
Hira was by himself as usual, but since he'd always been alone, it might be
considered that everything was in order.

Although Hira was content that his last year of high school had started off
peacefully like a tranquil sea, he still yearned to return to his sophomore year,
to the time when he could see Kiyoi every time he went to school.

Naturally, Kiyoi never called or texted Hira. And even if he died, Hira
wouldn't dare to contact him. The fact that Kiyoi's class was at the end of the
corridor made the possibility of them occasionally running into each other
incredibly slim.
 Perhaps they wouldn't have any more opportunities to see each other alone.
Before he realized it, he once again found himself wishing for a sickeningly
sweet couple on the train to explode.
So, on Wednesday, the last week of April, when he bumped into Kiyoi at
the entrance after school, Hira was so excited by Kiyoi's fleeting glance
towards him that he almost felt as though he had been flying to heaven.
Kiyoi placed the shoes he had in his hand back into the shoe box, and Hira,
as if in a dream, followed him to the music room.
Hira was able to meet him only once, in April. It also happened only once
in May. In June, just as Kiyoi was about to cast a glance his way, a girl from
the same grade showed up and wrecked everything, and then their summer
vacation got under way.
――I wonder when we'll see each other again.
――I don't know if I'll ever get to see you again.

Being excruciated by undue expectations and melancholy, Hira ran

between home and cram school to prepare for the entrance exam while
listening to the cacophony of cicadas*. He intended to enroll in a university
in Tokyo. Given that it was within commuting distance of his house, Hira
didn't think there would be any dramatic changes.

(T/N: *In Japan, cicadas are considered a symbol of summer. They’re

often used in Japanese media to indicate the hot, humid Japanese summers,
similar to how cherry blossoms represent the beginning of spring. Cicada
season in Japan seems to be best from June to September, peaking in August.
If you visit Japan during the summer, you will hear the very loud song of the
Japanese cicadas everywhere. For Japanese people, this sound is a pleasing
symbol for summer, even though they call it the ”cicada drizzle,” meaning
that when the cicadas cry all together, it sounds like falling rain. When the
cicadas’ voices become fainter, you know that the end of summer is near.)

Hira once again went to the fireworks event where he had been given an
order to occupy a spot last year, thinking that he might be able to see Kiyoi;
however, other than just experiencing anthropophobia*, it was all for naught.
Last year, later on, he was sent to a restaurant to reserve seats shortly after
the fireworks event started, and as a result, he was not able to see the
fireworks properly, but this year he finally got to see them. The massive,
luminous flowers were blooming* in the night sky. Yet Hira wasn't
particularly happy; instead, he felt so strongly the absence of Kiyoi that he
wished the summer vacation would end soon.
(T/N: *In the original novel, it's "人酔い" ; the literal translation of this
term is "anthropophobia, or dizziness experienced in crowded places, or
feeling sick, or intoxication." So I used anthropophobia here.
Anthropophobia is a fear of people. People with anthropophobia may avoid
crowds, fear eye contact or being stared at or worry that they are being
judged. Anthropophobia is not a clinical disorder in the Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), but many people consider
it a specific phobia. People with anthropophobia feel intense fear or anxiety
at the thought of being around other people.
*The Japanese people call fireworks hanabi, meaning "fire
＂
flower." The Japanese word for fireworks, 花火(hanabi)", can be literally

translated as “flower-fire” ("Hana” meaning 花 flower and “bi” meaning

火 fire), which is a charmingly poetic way to think of fireworks. Each
explosion looks a little like a chrysanthemum blooming in the night sky!
That's why the Japanese use the expression "bloom" for the explosion of
fireworks in the sky.)
 After the summer break, when the long-awaited day finally arrived,
something unexpected happened at school.
"Hey, hey, did you see that thing about Kiyoi-kun?"
"I saw it. It was amazing!"
Hira picked up his imaginary machine gun for the first time in a long while,
thinking that someone must have written something again about Kiyoi;
however, this time he was wrong. What got the attention of the girls was the
fact that Kiyoi was featured as a model in a fashion magazine, and upon
learning this, Hira immediately went straight to the bookstore after school.

Unable to wait until he got home, Hira flipped through the magazine in
front of the store and confirmed that it was indeed Kiyoi inside. It was a
special edition entitled [Coordinated Outfits for Holiday Dating], and Kiyoi
appeared in it as a boy on a date.

This magazine wasn't the organizer of the contest, and then again, Kiyoi
didn’t make it to the top three, so why in the world would Kiyoi appear in the
magazine? Hira was intrigued, but Hira had heard rumors that a talent agency
had taken a fancy to Kiyoi during the contest, so Kiyoi was now a talent
affiliated with that agency. When he went through the agency's website, Hira
was thrilled to see a picture of Kiyoi among its talents, along with many other
famous actors and celebrities.
――I wanted to be inside the TV when I was a kid.
――It must be fun. There're so many people, and they're all smiling.

At that time, Kiyoi was already taking steps in the direction he wanted to
go. Hira wondered if Kiyoi would become an artiste like this. Even though
they were far apart now, Kiyoi would truly be someone unreachable if he
became one. However, he was slightly ashamed of his sluggish last few days
of high school, which were slipping by.

As Kiyoi's exposure in magazines increased, the slander that had

previously subsided on the Internet began again. However, the newly
enrolled first-year girls formed a fan club for Kiyoi, while some girls in the
same grade counteracted it, making Kiyoi even more popular than before,
like an idol, and causing more and more commotion.
 Occasionally, when they crossed paths in the corridor, Kiyoi was
surrounded by a large group of people as before and was unable to even look
at Hira; instead, he would simply walk away. There were no more secret
meetings between the two.
There was loneliness.
However, Hira also felt this was the way it should be.
Kiyoi was more suited to smirking icily in the center of the crowd than
getting involved with a guy like him who was at the bottom of the pyramid.
In the deserted music room and after-school classroom, spending time alone
with Kiyoi seemed like a delusion, and as Hira was feeling lonely, he gently
placed his hand over his mouth.

His lips still remembered the warmth of Kiyoi's hand. He had long, slender
fingers, and his nails were even more perfectly shaped. Precisely because it
was a time that felt like a dream, it was so vividly etched in Hira's heart.
――Gross.
Those thin, beautifully shaped lips with a light smile gave off the
impression that they were belittling other people. Whenever he passed by
Kiyoi, who was surrounded by people, Hira would touch his lips as he
recalled the Kiyoi that only he knew.
The day of the graduation ceremony was very cold, and it had been
snowing since the morning.
Even though it was obvious from the beginning that he had intended to
enter the entertainment industry, Kiyoi unexpectedly applied for admission
to a university in Tokyo. It seemed as though he had been advised that rather
than decide the future when they were still teenagers, it would be ideal if it
were feasible to balance both career and academic pathways.
During the boring graduation ceremony, Hira kept staring at the small head
of Kiyoi, who was standing far in front of him. When he thought that today
was the last day, he couldn't waste even a single second.

After the graduation ceremony, Hira asked his parents to go back first on
the pretext that he had a class farewell party. Although this was not a lie, Hira
didn't intend to attend that party either. For a guy at the bottom of the
pyramid, attending a farewell party had little significance.
 Kiyoi was surrounded by a lot of girls. Many of the first-graders were
sobbing, but Kiyoi seemed to respond indifferently to them without even
offering a word of consolation, just like his usual style.

Hira signed his name on the class autograph card* and as he didn't intend
to talk to anyone else afterward, he chose a more secluded spot to sit and just
watched Kiyoi from a distance.

(T/N: *An "autograph card" (寄せ書き "Yosegaki") refers to a card or a

single sheet of paper where Japanese students write massages or simply sign
during a farewell party to keep it as a souvenir. Image:
.)

Once he had dealt with all the girls, Kiyoi declined the invitations of his
classmates to hang out with them and walked away alone. In the face of the
girls who stubbornly kept pestering him, Kiyoi simply said, "How
persistent!" and turned around. For a moment, Hira felt Kiyoi glance at him.

After walking through the school gate, Kiyoi made his way to the back of
the school building, where no one was around. As soon as he reached the
shaded place behind the emergency stairway, Kiyoi finally turned around to
look at Hira.

"Stalker."
Looking at Kiyoi's icily smirking face, an incomprehensible feeling welled
up inside Hira. As it had been a long time since he and Kiyoi had been alone
face-to-face like this, Hira thought that such an opportunity would never
come again.
"Sorry."
"I don't mind."

The conversation came to an end at that point. Kiyoi wasn't particularly

vivacious, and Hira wasn't much of a talker either. The two of them had
nothing to talk about even when they met alone, and to be more precise, it
appeared as though the words were drops of rain falling slowly.
 Yet Hira was already very satisfied with this. Even if they didn't engage in
lively conversation, he recorded that shiny brown hair, that long, slender
neck, and those delicate fingertips in his eyes, his heart, and his camera.
Just that alone made him incredibly happy―― At
this moment, Hira felt terribly impatient.

Knowing that it would be their last meeting, Hira felt the need to say
something.

When he thought this was the last time, the words seemed to have flown
somewhere in the distance.
"Kiyoi――"
"You――"
Both of them spoke at the same time.
"I'm sorry, what is it? Please say."
Hira asked, leaning forward slightly in order not to miss a single word
Kiyoi said.
"What do you mean what is it......you..."
"Yes?"
"Don't you have something to tell me?"
Hira blinked, confused. Tell him? Something to tell him? It was too
sudden, which caused Hira to become very anxious. After noticing that Hira
was desperately thinking of what to say just by seeing his face, Kiyoi turned
his face away.
"Forget it."
On Kiyoi's side profile, a hint of gloominess could be seen. Ah, what on
earth should he have to say? Hira wondered.
As Hira couldn't resist cursing himself, Kiyoi looked over at him. Then he
took a step forward. On the second step, he stepped into a small puddle,
splashing the water, and with the third step, the last distance between the two
disappeared.

When the other's lips suddenly touched his own, Hira couldn't even close
his eyes.
 Their lips met for just a moment, and Kiyoi immediately backed away.

"Kiyoi?"

Hira looked at the other with his eyes wide open.

"Then, see you."

After saying those words, Kiyoi immediately turned around and walked
away.

Hira simply remained there in a state of bemusement as he watched Kiyoi's

back recede into the distance.

The color of the summer uniforms was white. For winter, the uniform color
was navy blue. Hira was able to spot him at a glance, even in the midst of the
crowd of people who were all wearing the same uniform. Never once had he
been mistaken. When Kiyoi turned the corner of the school building and was
completely out of sight, Hira literally lost his strength. As he sank to his knees
and hit the ground, his upper body instinctively slumped forward.

His hands touched the ground, making a distinct sound of water splashing
as they dipped into the puddle.

It was the puddle that Kiyoi stepped on just a moment ago.

Until recently, it was a puddle of water that reflected the figure of Kiyoi.
As Hira bent down in a prostrate position, his forehead and fringe were
drenched in muddy water. The coldness of March's water seeped in.
――Then, see you.
They were simple words of goodbye. It hurts. It hurts so bad. It was as
though you were gripping a razor-sharp knife with your own bare hands. And
yet, since these words came out of Kiyoi's lips, he could never forget.
Whether it was flowers, poison, or a knife, he had no choice but to embrace
the things given to him by Kiyoi.
 A weak, raspy sound came out of his throat, and the moment his body
swayed, his cell phone fell from his pocket directly into the puddle of water.
Ah, he needed to pick it up quickly. If not, it would be ruined. But
he no longer had the strength to pick it up.

Because he would never see Kiyoi again.

In that case, not to mention his cell phone, Hira thought it would be better
if the whole world would just break into pieces.

◈◈◈◈

VOLUME 1. Chapter-2; PART-1: Bitter Sweet

Loop

◈◈◈◈

Hira was putting on his shoes at the entrance when he heard his mother's
voice coming from the kitchen.

"Kazu-kun, what do you want to have for dinner today?"

"I don't know what I want to have for dinner this early in the morning.
I'll call you later then."

"You always say the same thing, but you never do it."
 Hira's mother popped her head out of the kitchen. An angry look on her
face. Twice last week, he made her prepare dinner for nothing.

"It's fine to hang out with your friends; just be sure to give me a call
back."

After realizing his mistake, Hira immediately apologized and then left the
house as though he were running away.
As he walked towards the station, Hira thought to himself that his mother
had undergone a significant change. When he was in high school, his mother
would forgive him for being late or not being home for dinner, as long as he
said he was hanging out with his friends. However, it had been two months
since he started attending university, and as the frequency of Hira's late
arrivals to the home increased, his mother began to complain like a typical
parent would. This was also evidence that Hira had started a pleasant
academic life. Compared to high school, where everyone was crammed into
a small box called a classroom, university was basically a place where you
could hang out only with the people you deemed fit. If you didn't get along
with someone or didn't like something, there were many ways to distance
yourself from it. As a result, Hira was no longer surrounded by those taunts
and scorn.

Additionally, he was quite fortunate to find a club that suited him. Hira,
who had been alone for many years, had never considered joining a club;
however, on the opening day, as he brought his camera with him to take
pictures of the entrance ceremony, he was inundated with invites from
photography clubs.

The cordial demeanor of the members of some clubs made Hira somewhat
hesitant, but he eventually made the decision to join a club when a member
of that club, a plain-looking man with glasses, offered him a brochure and
asked him if he was interested in joining.
 At the beginning of the self-introduction, because of his nervousness, Hira
slightly stuttered. Everyone was amazed.

Oh no, it's going to happen again………….Just as Hira was feeling

desperate—

"Do you have dysphemia?"

A first-year boy sitting diagonally across from him asked, and Hira was
startled and nodded his head in the affirmative.

"Well, it must be tough. My older brother used to be the same as a kid."

After saying this, the boy then started explaining dysphemia to the others,
who were unfamiliar with the term.

"......I see. I didn't even know that such a disease existed."

"We'll also try to understand. If there's anything we can do, please let
us know."

It was a little embarrassing and uncomfortable for Hira to make the others
bother, but the reassurance of being accepted by everyone was even stronger.
Being able to think this way allowed him to acknowledge that he had indeed
undergone a subtle change from when he was in high school.

However, even at the mere thought of who was responsible for this change,
Hira's heart ached——

In a small club of about fifteen people, there were five freshmen, including
Hira, and all of them were boys. One day, when he went to the clubroom, he
noticed that everyone was dressed in plaid shirts and chino pants; the
uniformity of the outfit seemed to imply that university students who knew
nothing about fashion should just wear this for the time being, which caused
everyone to laugh simultaneously, and it became a great opportunity for him
to open up to everyone. This was the first time that Hira felt so comfortable
in a place other than his home.

Whenever you went to the clubroom, you could naturally find someone
there chatting about cameras as well as games, manga, and other topics. Once
a month, a symposium on photography was organized with a specific theme,
but other than that, the club had a laid-back atmosphere where members spent
their time playing cards or shogi* in circles, and such relaxation was suited
for Hira's personality.
(T/N: *Shogi (将棋), also known as Japanese chess, is a strategy board
game for two players. It is one of the most popular board games in Japan and
is in the same family of games as Western chess, chaturanga, Xiangqi, Indian
chess, and janggi. Shōgi means general's board game.)
Among them, Hira became close to a boy named Koyama, who had helped
him on the first day. Koyama had an elder brother who was three years older
than him and used to suffer from dysphemia as well. Fortunately, most of his
symptoms had subsided by the time he reached adulthood, and he now
worked at a company and helped out in the backstage at a small theater group
of his acquaintances.
"Having dysphemia is very problematic. Because many people don't
know it's a disease."
"Yeah, I always feel a little uncomfortable explaining it to people."
"My brother said the same thing. He didn't want to explain it to people
because, in his opinion, he seemed to be doing it in an effort to win their
sympathy."
Hira nodded in agreement while having lunch at the campus cafeteria.
Dysphemia was the root of Hira's deep-seated inferiority complex, and it
amazed him to think that one day he would be able to discuss it in such detail
with someone.

"By the way, Hira, are you free this weekend? I would like you to
accompany me somewhere."
"To go in order to shoot some photos?"
"Yeah, to take photos of Nishikigoi*."
 (T/N: *Nishikigoi (錦鯉) means colorful carp or Koi fish. The term is a
two part Japanese word. It is "Nishiki" (trans. brocaded) and "Koi" (trans.
carp) put together. When the two words are combined for Nishikigoi, the
letter “k” changes to the letter “g”. If you find yourself in Japan, or if you
are talking to a person that is fluent in the Japanese language, it is a good
idea to use the full word Nishikigoi, instead of the western way, Koi, when
talking about the colored carp. If you use the word Koi, the Japanese person
or persons that you talk to might become confused, since the word
Koi is what is used for their ordinary food carp or any plain carp.)
Perhaps an incredulous expression was visible on Hira's face as Koyama
explained, "I was asked by my parents to do it."
"The teacher at the English conversation class my mom attends asked
me. That teacher seems to be obsessed with Koi lately, and it's said that a
certain garden in Setagaya recently received a batch of very rare
Nishikigoi, and he wants pictures of them."

"Oh, I see."

"If you're not interested, then forget it. Particularly given that taking
photos of living things is outside the purview* of Hira."
(T/N: *"Outside the purview" refers to the limit of someone's interest,
liability, or activity.)
"It's not like that, though."
"That's how things are. I'll never forget the shock of seeing Hira's
photos for the first time."
Sometimes in the club, the members would critique each other's photos that
they had taken themselves. To Hira's surprise, his photos of the city where
humans had been erased from existence were unexpectedly well received
when he showed them to everyone, instead of the frightening responses he
had anticipated.

"It cannot be helped. I ought to go by myself to take photos of

Nishikigoi."

"It's okay, I'll go with you."

 "You're not pushing yourself, are you?"

"No, I'm not."

Although Hira was not interested in Nishikigoi, he enjoyed being with
Koyama. Naturally, Hira didn't say these words, but the forthright Koyama
responded with a smile on his face, "That's great; I'm so happy."
"It would be really hard for me to go shoot Nishikigoi alone. Oh, come
to think of it, I'll be meeting Hira alone for the first time. Well then, why
don't we have a drink somewhere tonight after the koi shoot?" "Yeah,
sure."
To hide his embarrassment, Hira lowered his head to look at his lunch
plate. Even though he had a friend he felt comfortable talking to, Hira would
still be nervous in the face of someone's kindness.

"Do you want to go to an izakaya*? Or come to my place? I live alone,

so it's okay if you come to my place."
(T/N: *An izakaya (居酒屋) a type of Japanese bar in which a variety of
small, typically inexpensive, dishes and snacks are served to accompany the
alcoholic drinks. Izakaya are casual places for after-work drinking, similar
to a pub, a Spanish tapas bar, or an American saloon or tavern. The Japanese
word izakaya ( 居 酒 屋 ) is made up of three kanji with the meaning, in order,
“stay-drink-place.” A spot to grab a drink, settle in, and get comfortable. )

"Anywhere is fine."
"Ah, the way you worded that makes it sound like I'm the only one who's
looking forward to it, which makes me feel awful." Koyama pouted his lips.

"S-sorry. That's not true. I also enjoy being with Koyama."

Seeing Hira panicking, Koyama laughed and said, "Yeah, yeah, I'm just
kidding."
After that, the two of them used their cell phones to find out how to
photograph Nishikigoi. It's the most difficult thing to take photos of moving
things, be they human or animal. Moreover, taking photos of Nishikigoi
underwater requires a lot of technique. After finalizing how to do the
photography, Koyama suddenly asked, "Hira, have you ever photographed
a person before?"
"I have."
Even though he had asked the question, however, when he heard the
answer, Koyama was extremely surprised: "You have?"
"Anyone other than your family?"
"Yes."
"Could it be...... your girlfriend?"
"Eh, why do you think that?"
Hira did not expect the other person to ask so much.
"I don't think a guy like Hira can photograph anyone unless he has deep
feelings towards that person."
Faced with Koyama's sharp assessment, Hira was startled. After a moment
of silence, he gave an affirmative reply.
"However, it wasn't my girlfriend."
"An unrequited love?"
"......I don't know. He's someone who can't be classified."

(T/N: In contrast to many Indo-European (including Romance, Slavic and

Germanic) languages, Japanese has no grammatical gender in its nouns or
adjective agreement.)

As he spoke, an image of that particular person appeared in Hira's mind.

He liked him so deeply that it hurt, and the anguish made him feel like
dying.
With only a single word, he had the ability to both hurt Hira to death and
make him thrilled to death.
Whenever he thought of Kiyoi, the word "death" easily sprang to Hira's
mind. It seemed superficial to him. However, because of his limited
vocabulary, he had no choice but to express his feelings in this way with his
poor speech. That was how much Hira liked Kiyoi.
"Do you meet with that person?"
 "Well, he's not someone you can normally get to meet with, and I don't
even know his contact information."
On the day of the graduation ceremony, Hira's cell phone fell into a puddle,
and all the data was lost. When the mobile shop staff told him that the data
could not be retrieved, he felt a strange sense of serenity in his heart. The data
that had disappeared contained Kiyoi's phone number and email address, so
he thought that this was the end.
Hira knew Kiyoi's university, and he should be able to get his contact
information through his high school classmates. Kiyoi was probably still
working as a model, so he could readily learn about Kiyoi's present situation
by conducting a search on the Internet. But Hira didn't do it. He couldn't do
that.
――Then, see you.

He remembered the words of farewell that sounded like a rejection, as well

as the kiss that seemed to be an act of pity.

At that moment, Hira felt as though he was being admonished not to pursue
him any further.
Even though it was sufficient to purchase a new mobile phone, Hira also
changed his phone number out of despair. The staff at the shop gave him an
enthusiastic recommendation, raving about how great it was. Hira elected to
accept the salesman's offer because, regardless of whether it was a good deal
or not, he only needed to let his heart have a vent for his emotions. It was
good this way. It was indeed a good deal. Absolutely no loss.
Hira wondered if that was really the case.
Two months after the graduation ceremony, he made friends, attended club
drinking parties like a normal university student, and was often scolded by
his mother for arriving home late. Compared to the lonely high school life,
his days were now so relaxed and bright.

And yet, the afterimage of Kiyoi refused to disappear, no matter what.

When Hira thought of Kiyoi, he had no other way to describe his feelings
except through the use of the term "death," and he kept repeating that he liked
him so deeply that it hurt, and the anguish made him feel like dying.
 Looking at Hira, who suddenly became silent, Koyama seemed as though
he had something he wanted to say to him.

◈◈◈◈

VOLUME 1. Chapter-2; PART-2: Bitter Sweet

Loop

◈◈◈◈

"I didn't expect these Nishikigoi would be so pretty."

As they were in the izakaya, which was crowded since it was the weekend,
Koyama commented while checking the photos in the camera.

"However, it's a little miserable that only when foreigners used the word
”Cool Japan” did we recognize its value; oh, thanks for accompanying
me."
 After the chuhai* was served, the two of them made a toast. In terms of
beauty, these Nishikigoi exceeded expectations. Those streamlined shapes
that glistened in silver were dyed in an elegant pattern of black and vermilion.
There were also some koi species whose entire bodies were covered in a
golden hue. The colors were so strikingly vibrant that even Hira, who was
completely uninterested at first, couldn't help but take out his camera and start
capturing photos.

(T/N: *Chūhai (チューハイ), an abbreviation of "shōchū highball" (焼酎ハ

イボール ), an abbreviation of "shōchū highball" ( 焼酎 ハイボール ), is an
alcoholic drink originating from Japan. Traditional chūhai is made with
barley shōchū and carbonated water flavored with lemon, but some modern
commercial variants use vodka in place of shōchū, and beverage companies
have diversified into a variety of flavors, including lime, grapefruit, apple,
orange, pineapple, grape, kyoho grape, kiwi, ume, yuzu, lychee, peach,
strawberry cream, and cream soda.)
"Hey, I'll show this to everyone tomorrow." Koyama said. When he
peered into the photo to check if it was a masterpiece, Hira discovered that it
was actually a picture of him taking photos of koi.

"The impact of 'Hira taking photos of koi' would be immense, don't you
agree?"
As Hira tilted his head in puzzlement, Koyama laughed, saying, "You
didn't even notice?"

"In Hira's photography, he deliberately takes photos of cityscapes with

people in them and then goes through the trouble of erasing them from
those photos. Then why not just shoot the scenery with no people around
in the first place? But that also has a unique effect. Although the empty
spaces are filled up with scenery, it can't be reproduced perfectly; there's
always a subtle distortion somewhere. How should I put this— it makes
people feel uneasy. Everyone thinks your photos are great, but they're also
worried about you. That's why I want to show this picture to everyone to
reassure them."

Hira's face turned red as he felt like a person suffering from incurable
chuunibyou*. When Hira bowed his head and said he was sorry, Koyama
asked in return, "Why are you apologizing?"

(T/N: *Chūnibyō (中二病, Chūnibyō), also spelled "Chuunibyou", is a

derogative colloquial term in the Japanese language typically used to
describe teenagers around the age of fourteen that try to look cool to impress
people around their age and are self-important trying to be unique. It
translates to "second year syndrome" (i.e., middle-school second-year). This
way of thinking, however, may continue even after the teen reaches
adulthood, but it does not actually relate to any medical condition or mental
disorder.)

"I was joking when I said 'worried', ah no, I was a bit serious. But
anyway, everyone thinks Hira's photos are amazing. I, too, think those are
great."
"I'm sorry, really, please stop praising me."

The edges of Hira's ears were burning. Sensing Koyama's gaze on him,
Hira was too embarrassed to raise his head.
 "Hira, will you attend the photography conference next month?"

Koyama's sudden change of topic caused Hira to look up.

"Well, next month's theme will be portrait photography, right?"

"Yeah, some universities organize it together, and it is said that

professional models will be invited to come to the studio."

"I'll pass. I'm not good at taking photos of people."

"You've already taken photos of koi, so I'm sure you'll be able to take
good photos of people too."

"I can shoot photos normally, but I don't want to."

"But you've taken photos of people before, haven't you? That 'someone
who can't be classified'."

"That was a special case."

"I want to see."

"Eh?"

"Those photos, show them to me."

 "I'm sorry. But those photos weren't meant to be taken for others to see."

For Hira, the photos of Kiyoi were a precious treasure. The times the two
had spent together were magical. Koyama was staring at Hira, whose
consciousness had been swept away by the past in the blink of an eye, and let
out a soft hum……… It seemed as though he wanted to say something to
Hira.

"You know, it makes me want to see them even more. Given that Hira
has ever taken photos of only one person, I wonder what kind of portraits
they are. Or, rather, it could be said that I'm curious to know what kind of
person he is that made Hira take portraits of him."
"He's a very beautiful person."

Hearing Hira's words, Koyama was bewildered.

"What's wrong?"

"Ah, it's nothing. I was just impressed that you said it so firmly." Oh

...... After realizing that, Hira's cheeks rapidly turned red.

"Um, it's not like that; however, it's true that he's very beautiful; not
only is his face very beautiful, but his head is also very small; his hands
and legs are slender; despite wearing the same school uniform as other
students, he stood out significantly from them. He was a nonchalant
person, but even the girls from other schools greatly admired him."

"Huh, it's a boy?"

His realization of what he was saying came too late.

"Hira, could it be that you're that kind of person?"

Hira's mind was in a mess. If he could find an excuse to get by at a time

like this, he wouldn't be at the bottom of the pyramid in elementary, middle,
and high schools. Hira kept his mouth shut and lowered his head in silence.
"I'm sorry, that was a rude way to ask." Koyama hurriedly apologized.
"Well, I had no idea Hira was like that, so I was surprised, and now I'm
starting to feel panicky. For some reason, I was wondering if maybe I
shouldn't give up just yet."

Hira blinked, not quite understanding Koyama's words.

"Give up? What do you mean by that?"

This time, it was Koyama whose face turned red.

"Ah, I… for Hira......"

"Me?"
 Having never seen Koyama blush like this before, even someone as slow
as Hira finally understood.

"............Oh."

Suddenly, Hira's face started to heat up. As Hira was at a loss for words
and could only freeze there, not knowing what to do in the face of the
unexpected turn of events, Koyama let out a deep breath and then adjusted
his posture in the chair by straightening his back.
"During your first introduction of yourself, I became aware of your
dysphemia and felt there was a connection. I can understand because my
older brother also suffered a lot since he was little because of it......That
was the beginning, but later, when I saw Hira's photos for the first time, I
thought you were amazing, and from then on, things started to change….."

As the corners of his eyes were getting red, Koyama finally lowered his
head. Koyama appeared to be a very stable person who always expressed his
opinion very frankly; Hira had never seen Koyama like this before.

To be honest, Hira felt troubled. It was the first time he was liked by
someone in a romantic sense, but he had never seen Koyama with that kind
of eyes. The only person who was in Hira's heart was Kiyoi, and considering
that impact as a norm, he probably wouldn't be able to fall in love with anyone
for the rest of his life.

At the same time, Hira felt disappointment as well. After learning how
Koyama felt, they could no longer get along the way they used to. What about
the club? In such a case, should one of them quit the club? Hira enjoyed the
relaxed and calm atmosphere of the club, but——

"Sorry, I scared you by saying this all of a sudden." Koyama raised his
head and spoke after a protracted period of silence.
"No, it's me who didn't even notice it at all....... I'll quit the club."

Eh? Koyama's eyes widened. "Why? Is it because you feel disgusted with
me? If that's the case, then I'll quit."

"It's not like that."

This must be made clear.

"I appreciate Koyama's feelings. But I......" For the first time, Hira
realized how difficult it was to say the words of refusal.

"You have someone you like. It's the person in the portrait." Koyama
took the initiative to speak first. "I know that. It's all right. I just like you,
but I don't have any expectations about having you go out with me or
anything." Ah, but it'd be nice if they could go out, Koyama added,
pretending to be joking. "For people like us, even if we find someone we
like, the biggest problem is whether we can be included in the other
person's love interest. I've always been heartbroken before I even had a
chance to compete, so I'm just glad to know that Hira is the same as me."
 Koyama's self-restraint was evident in his calm demeanor, which made
Hira feel bad. But there was nothing he could do to comfort the other person;
he didn't know what to do. If he could, he would like to apologize and turn
away. It would be easier that way. However, he should also respond properly
to the person who sincerely expressed his feelings to him. "......I…" Hira
mustered up the courage to speak. "I don't know if I'm the same kind of
person as Koyama. It just so happens that that person is a boy, but even if
he were a girl, I would still like him. He wasn't at all interested in me,
though."

"But didn't he let you take photos of him? You guys are friends, right?"

"It just happened; he and I are not friends."

"You're not even friends, yet he happened to let you take photos of him?"

"It's not like we don't know each other at all, but I was probably more
like his gofer, running errands for him during lunch breaks or after
school."

"Eh, isn't that terrible?"

As Koyama frowned, Hira got anxious.

 "That's what makes him a more attractive person. There's no such thing
as good or bad; he has his own standards and acts only according to those
standards, although he was very spontaneous at times, but, how to say
it――" Hira hated himself for not being good at expressing himself. He was
desperately searching for more appropriate words in his mind.

"You really like that guy then." Koyama said, and, well...... Hira nodded
his head in affirmation. Ah, wait. At this time, even if you are lying, you
should say "it's not the case". Just when Hira was fidgeting, not knowing
what to do, Koyama smiled bitterly.

"In any case, I still like Hira."

"What's so good about someone like me......"

Hira really didn't understand. Koyama tilted his head as though he were
thinking.

"If you ask me, I, myself, actually ain't very clear about this. It might be
your temperament, your clumsiness, or maybe your dedication, and so on.
That's what it means to like someone, isn't it?"

Indeed so. To like someone, you don't need to have any reason. That's why
you can't control yourself. You can't escape from it even if you want to. Just
like a gravitational force, you're drawn to it involuntarily.
 That was exactly how Hira felt about Kiyoi.
After drinking the chuhai, which had reached room temperature, Koyama
picked up the menu and asked, "What do you want to order next?" There
was also mango-flavored chuhai, and Kishu plum wine* seemed to be
delicious too. In the end, they both ordered the usual grape-flavored chuhai.

(T/N: This Japanese plum wine, or umeshu, has been made using the best
quality ume plums from the plum-growing region of Wakayama in Southern
Honshu. This area was once known as Kishu, hence the name 'Kishu Plum
Wine'. Enjoy the sweet/sour flavor and fruity aroma of this umeshu straight
from the fridge. Glass bottle.)
"Well, let's cheers again." Koyama lifted his glass.
"What's this toast for?"
"You have to ask that?"
"Ah, sorry."
"It's fine," Koyama said with a smile. "Umm, well then, let's just say I'll
be looking forward to working with you from now on, or something like
that." Koyama teased him by bowing his head and saying, "Please take care
of me." Hira also bowed his head in response and then made a toast.

Words like 'temporary truce' came to Hira's mind. Koyama's confession and
how he was going to get along with him in the future—these realistic issues
were put aside for now, and both of them drank quite a bit that night.

◈◈◈◈

Translator Note: You all must be wondering why Hira Kazunari is called
"Hira" by his friends or classmates while his family members called him by
"Kazu-kun or Kazunari." Well, I'll try to make your confusion clear! The
thing is– In Japan, like in China and Korea, the first name (also known as
the given name) follows the family name (also known as the surname or last
name). In other words, in Japanese, the surname/ family name / last name
comes before the given name/ first name. For example: Hira Kazunari. Hira
is the surname/ family name/ last name, & Kazunari is the given name/ first
name. Same goes for Kiyoi Sou. Kiyoi is the surname/ family name/ last name,
whereas Sou is the given name/ first name. Also in later chapters, you'll get
to see that Koyama's older brother will call him "Kazuki," not "Koyama," as
Hira does. (Koyama's full name is Koyama Kazuki.) Actually, unlike many
western cultures, in Japan, people generally don't call one-another by their
first name. Doing so can be a mark of disrespect, unless you're very close to
the other person or you're a family member of that person. So Japanese
people generally call someone by their last name, especially when they
address classmates or regular friends (those who are not in a special
relationship). Really intimate friends call each other by their first name/
given name. If a boy and girl call each other by their first names, you could
assume they are dating.
Another thing that needs to be made clear is about "-kun." As we all know,
Kun ( 君【くん】 ) is generally used by people of senior status addressing or
referring to those of junior status, or it can be used when referring to men in
general, male children or male teenagers, or among male friends in Japan.
Some of you are probably wondering why Hira's mother or parents call his
name by using the suffix "-kun." Well, the answer is—it's not actually only
Hira's mother. Most Japanese parents often call their children, especially
boys, by "-kun" ( -くん), and they use "-chan" (ちゃん ) when calling their
daughters' names, even when they become adults. The suffixes ~kun and
~chan, are also used in terms of affection and endearment. You’ll find people
in Japan using it when referring to their grandparents too. For example: -ち

ゃん お祖父ちゃん (Chan ojīchan).

I apologize for the lengthy explanation. I guess now you're all clear about
these now. You are welcome to ask me if you are still confused. ❤
VOLUME 1. Chapter-2; PART-3: Bitter Sweet
Loop

◈◈◈◈

After the official start of the rainy season, the club room was filled with
humidity. The bread that was left behind by someone had gone moldy, and it
was all because there were no girls in the club, so the seniors started to
suggest recruiting some girls into the club, but no one dared to put it into
action.

"Why is it that there are so many girls in the university, but not a single
girl here?"

"Isn't it because there are no handsome guys in our club?"

A senior poked a first-year student in the head after hearing his calm
analysis.

"Ah~ if only you were girls."

"Do you want to persuade the female version of us?"

"No way."
Everyone kept chatting about these silly topics.

"Our club is really casual, huh?"

 Koyama, who was flipping through a photography magazine on the side,
laughed.

"That's what I like about our club," said Hira.

"Indeed. Oh, Hira, are you coming to my house today? I'll cook dinner."

"Have you received another attack from your family?"

Hira showed a troubled expression on his face as Koyama made a pleading

gesture with his hands clasped in front of his chest. Koyama's parents were
farmers who grew vegetables, and they frequently delivered tons of them to
their only son, who lived alone in Tokyo. Hira was called upon to help him
consume these vegetables.

"Okay, but…I don't want to eat a hot pot with just vegetables anymore.
It's so hot today."

"Then let's make teppanyaki* and add some chicken in it. I have chicken
breasts at home."
(T/N: *Teppanyaki (鉄板焼き) is a Japanese dish of meat, fish, or both,
fried with vegetables on a hot steel plate forming the center of the table. It is
a style of cuisine that is cooked on the grill and usually served to diners on
an iron plate. Teppanyaki ( 鉄板焼 き , teppan-yaki), often confused with
hibachi (火鉢, "fire bowl"), is a post-World War II style of Japanese cuisine
that uses an iron griddle to cook food. The word teppanyaki is derived from
teppan (鉄板), the metal plate on which it is cooked, and yaki (焼き), which
means grilled, broiled, or pan-fried. In Japan, teppanyaki refers to dishes
cooked using a teppan, including steak, shrimp, okonomiyaki (pancake),
yakisoba (fried noodle) and monjayaki (Japanese pan-fried batter.)
"I don't like chicken breasts because they're dry. It's better to have
sausage."

"Then let's go to the supermarket on our way back."

While they were conversing as usual, someone behind them struck them on
the head with a rolled-up magazine, yelling, "Kora-Kora-Kora!*"

(T/N: *Kora ( こら ) means nothing by itself, but it’s used as an intensifier

to show someone’s anger. It is an interjection that expresses anger or is
meant to scold or reprove someone. It's similar to shouting "Hey!" angrily.
In Japan, you can often hear the word “kora!(こら!)” when parents scold their
children or teachers scold students.)
They turned around only to see their senior looking at them with an angry
face.

"You guys! While we're sitting here mourning about the lack of women
in our club, you're conversing about how we men should be self-sufficient
with each other. And also, what's with that 'chicken breasts are dry. It's
better to have sausage. Accompany me to the supermarket when we go
back'? Are you guys newlyweds? Even though we're not envious of you at
all, it sounds like we are, so you better restrain yourself!"
 Hira and Koyama were hit on the head like wooden fish*. It's too much to
take it out on others for no reason.

(T/N: *Wooden fish [木魚 "Mokugyo"] (plural wooden fishes or wooden

fish) is a fish-shaped wooden drum. This is a wooden percussion instrument
played by monks and lay people in the Mahayana Buddhist tradition in
China, Japan, Korea and other East Asian countries. Mokugyo (a fishshaped
wooden drum) is intended to keep the rhythm of sutra chanting by beating
and sounding. It also helps to awaken people in sutra chanting. It is used in
Zen sect, Tendai sect, and Jodo sect. The use of Mokugyo was once prohibited
in Jodo sect, but afterward, it came to be used when sutra was chanted.)
"Seniors are all discontented."
"It's a complete false accusation."

As the two complained in a whisper, Koyama couldn't help but giggle. For
some reason, he looked happy, but Hira felt slightly uncomfortable. As if to
cover it up, Hira turned on the old TV that someone had brought to the club
room.

His relationship with Koyama was the same as before; no, it could be said
that it had become even closer than before. Although the two of them never
talked about love-related topics, Koyama's attitude and words always
conveyed an ambiguous affection for Hira, which sometimes made Hira
wonder whether it was okay to continue like this.
 This kind of relationship was comfortable for Hira, but it was certainly not
pleasant for Koyama. Hira was aware that by taking advantage of the
circumstance, he was simply avoiding it, but he was still maintaining a
friendship with the other person, which was a bit unfair. But then again, the
other person didn't say anything, so it would've been pretentious and
embarrassing for him to actively reject the other person by saying "I'm sorry"
and keeping his distance. While feeling sorry for Koyama, Hira also had the
suffocating feeling of having his way out cut off.

It appeared as though he was suspended in midair, not knowing what to do.

While he was watching the TV absentmindedly, suddenly a commercial
started to play on the TV, and Hira's thoughts switched over at once. In that
commercial for a soft drink, four young men and women of about the same
age as Hira were running along the beach.

The second from the left was Kiyoi.

When he saw this commercial for the first time, Hira felt as though his
heart would stop beating.

That day, as he was lying on the couch in the living room of his house
playing a game, he felt as though he had suddenly been stabbed by a killer in
the middle of his peaceful daily life. Not knowing what was happening, he
could only stare at the TV screen with his mouth half open like a fool, and by
that point the game he was playing had already been lost.

"Hira, you like this commercial, right?" Koyama said.

 "Maybe so…"

Hira replied absentmindedly as he still stared at the screen. The

commercial had long since finished, but Kiyoi's figure was still glowing in
his pupils and in his heart, like a child waving a firework stick in midsummer.

"Do you like Kiyoi Sou?"

As if he had been hit by something, Hira turned around.

"Eh? W-Why do you mention Kiyoi—" How

did Koyama know about Kiyoi?

"Isn't he the actor who appeared in the commercial just now?"

"Actor? Isn't he a model?"

"I do remember it being stated that he was an actor, though." Koyama

took out a thin magazine from his bag.

"This is a free magazine published by the theater group that my brother

helps out with, and I remember seeing the article in it...... Ah, here. It's not
that famous yet, but it has gradually begun to gain popularity."
 The page Koyama pointed to had a photo of Kiyoi with the word "actor"
written next to his name.

—Ah, it's true, that's amazing.......

While he was still exulting over making friends, Kiyoi had progressed to a
higher level. The feeling in Hira's heart was the same as it was back in high
school. Commercials and magazines. Hira had been trying so hard to avoid
seeing Kiyoi, but now this had happened. Like water dripping from a tip-over
plastic bottle, Hira's feelings welled up and spilled out.

"You can have it."

Hira looked up from the magazine in surprise.

"No, it's okay. It's your brother's, isn't it?"

"It's just a free magazine, so it's fine. And anyway, you seem to really
like Kiyoi-kun."

Koyama laughed teasingly, and somehow Hira found it really hard to tell
him that Kiyoi was "that person." Instead, he could only foolishly try to brush
it off with a vague denial by saying that it wasn't like that, but then they
interrupted by another freshman: "Guys, we're all going to have allyou-can-
eat yakiniku* together, but do you want to join us?"

(T/N: Yakiniku (焼き肉 ), meaning "grilled meat", is a Japanese term that,

in its broadest sense, refers to grilled meat cuisine. "Yakiniku" originally
referred to the "barbecue" of western food, which was given by Japanese
writer, "Robun Kanagaki" in his literature, "Seiyo Ryoritsu", in 1872.)
"Ah, we're going to have vegetable teppanyaki today."

As Koyama answered, everyone grumbled, "Are you guys herbivores?!"

"Remember to lock the door. See you tomorrow."

"Okay, got it, see yaー" Koyama and the others wave their hands to each
other.

"Goodbye," said Hira.

After sending everyone off, Koyama tilted his head to look at Hira.

"What?"

"I've noticed it before too, but Hira has a funny way of saying bye.
People don't usually say "goodbye," do they? Normally it's "bye" or "see
you," right? You, however, never say that."

Koyama inquired as to whether there was anything he had against these

words, and Hira reflexively thought of Kiyoi.

――Then, see you.

 (T/N: I want to make something clear. The term "また な" means "see you,"
"see you later," or "see you again." In prior chapters, I used "see you later."
However, in order to maintain the flow of this chapter, I have since changed
it to "see you." )
The words that felt as though Hira was being thrown away, and the kiss
that felt like having a knife thrust into his chest, warning him that it was the
end. The fact that the memory still hurt so much might have caused Hira to
simply subconsciously avoid using those words.

"There's no particular reason, but "bye" and 'see you' feel too sad
because these are like farewells."

(T/N: Goodbye is used as an everyday term usually when two people are
ending their interaction (or it maybe used as a short time) while farewell is
more formal and usually implies that you will never see the person again (or
it will be a long time). "Goodbye" could be permanent, although it rarely is.
For instance: "So, this is a goodbye, then?" However, “farewell” implies a
more or less permanent “goodbye.”)

Hira made it sound like he was merely stating a general fact, which left
Koyama puzzled.

"If you ask me, I think that 'Goodbye' sounds even sadder. 'Bye' and
'See you' are the shortened forms of 'See you tomorrow' or 'See you later.'
These imply that we'll see each other again."

This time, it was Hira's turn to be puzzled. 'Bye' and 'See you' were the
shortened forms of 'See you tomorrow' or 'See you later'. Yes indeed; when
Koyama said this, Hira immediately realized it. Even he, himself, had initially
understood these two words in the same way. However, he was unable to
interpret Kiyoi's words, 'See you later,' in this way.
 It was impossible for Kiyoi to say "see you later" to a guy like him.

Nevertheless, Hira couldn't help but have doubts. He subconsciously took

out his cell phone from his pocket and remembered that he had lost Kiyoi's
contact information. And he had changed his own phone number too, so even
if Kiyoi contacted him, he wouldn't be aware of it. He wondered what to do.
An unspeakable anxiety swelled up in Hira's heart.

"Hira, let's go back too. Looks like it's gonna rain pretty heavily."

As soon as he heard a voice calling out to him, Hira came back to his
senses.

"We'll stop by the supermarket, but do you want to buy some chuhai and
beer?"

"Yeah..." Hira replied casually, putting his cell phone back in his pocket.
He felt ashamed of himself for having such an absurd dream even now.

"Ah... Oh no, it's already raining heavily."

At the entrance of the school building, Koyama stretched out his hand in
the pouring rain. Koyama's hands were too slim for a boy.

Kiyoi's hands were similarly slender. Moreover, there was an indescribable

beauty. A slight movement caused the small, rounded wrist bones to protrude
from the joints. Hira had restrained himself from thinking about the skin
under Kiyoi's sleeves countless times.

While walking, Hira stepped into the puddle of water and heard the sound
of water splashing.

As Hira observed the numerous puddles that had accumulated on the road,
he couldn't help but recall the one that Kiyoi had trodden in that day, and the
reality of losing Kiyoi struck him in the chest once again.

Holding back the excruciating pain in his heart, Hira acted as if nothing
had happened and walked while talking about trivial matters with Koyama.
Now, each day was filled with joy. Life was so peaceful and pleasant now
compared to how lonely it had been in high school days. But even so, why
was he feeling like this? he wondered.

The memories of Kiyoi seized him at once, grabbing him by the nape of
his neck.

In the midst of the daily routine of being washed away by the sewage, he
met Kiyoi. He used cruel words like "gross" and "annoying" to Hira while
gazing at him with cold eyes. Occasionally, he would smile at him. Let
himself be touched by Hira. Kiyoi was not a kind person. Nevertheless,
everything about Kiyoi was so distinct and brilliant.

Even now, Kiyoi was still entrenched in Hira's heart, in a sanctuary that
Hira himself could not touch.
 ◈◈◈◈
When the holidays arrived, Koyama invited Hira to participate in the
activities of his older brother, who had a small theatre company and a
cafeteria in the centre of the city.

Koyama, saw that Hira is a talented photographer but quite withdrawn in

his ability, wanted to bring him closer to his older brother's theatre, so that
he could photograph and have experience in that area, as well as meet other
types of people. .

Hira, upon arriving at the small theatre, stood motionless at the entrance
of the place, observing the grandeur of the place, although he had not yet
placed a foot on that floor, he was seen in the distance by Koyama, who ran
to receive him and invite him to pass.

The place was full of lights all around, in the background there was a stage,
surrounded by different lights of different colours. In the surroundings of the
place there were some tables and chairs with some clients who shared with
each other.
Koyama is helping his older brother run some errands at the company and
also work behind the scenes. As he is a research university student, he does
not participate in any performances, so he only serves customers, runs
errands, and works assisting the actors or theatre students who perform there.

"Okay, just come in. I've been waiting for you."

Hira is surprised, because unless someone invited him, he had no chance

to know something like that, a real scenario. Besides, he was more worried
about the schedule than all of that will end. The stage ends at night, so he
promises to have dinner in Koyama's room. It was the usual departures from
the university, but today he took him to a completely different destination.
As if he had taken the same train, but with a different destination.

"We'll have dinner, is it really okay to stay this late?"

 "You can do whatever you want, as thorough as possible. Just enjoy, and
then we'll leave." Koyama laughs as he leans against the door.
Hira discovered that today was Koyama's birthday, since he had heard it
among the people who were in the place.

Really, he didn't know it was his birthday, when he was invited to

participate in the theatre, only now he was just confirming it.

"I didn't know that today was Koyama's birthday"

"Hehe, somehow my gift is here." Koyama said and laughed.

Hira knows that Koyama's feelings are not friendship. Koyama never
pushes his feelings, so Hira doesn't doubt him, but he feels an irrational
person with himself, since there are times when he shows slight touches of
liking, but it's awkward that he does.

Hira gets along well with Koyama, he believes that he must respond
correctly to Koyama's friendship, this means being sane. Although there are
moments, when he feels that he is being pushed from behind, where little by
little he begins to feel some responsibility for his actions.

A few days ago, Koyama gave him a gift, which Hira did not want to
accept, but without realizing it, he finally ended up accepting it.

This was the first time that someone other than his family gave him a gift.
After keeping it in its original packaging for a while and many doubts, today
he decided to use it, it was a strap to hang the camera around neck. It was
made of very well-cared leather, without a doubt, it was of great value.

After dinner, Hira intends to ask Koyama out as a birthday present, an

outing with friends wouldn't be bad, nor would it confuse anyone.
 "If I go out with Koyama, everything will look like our normal outings,
there is no way it will affect other person or think differently about us. Yes,
it will only be a fun outing. Besides, I can't worry about other people's
feelings, that would be ridiculous. I will only ask for it normally. Either way,
personal matters are the other person's business. But it's still strange. Is love
like this? Should I accept this person's feelings?... I may be completely wrong
to keep the stormy feelings of Kiyoi, who mercilessly took everything from
me, regardless of my feelings. Perhaps, I should use Koyama to escape my
obsession with Kiyoi whom I will never Abule catch. What would other
people do in my case? I wonder if I will continue to think eternally about the
other person and live alone forever. I wonder if the person next to me will
not change my feelings, am I weak?"

Hira sat at a table in the back of the room, thinking about different ideas
and questions that flowed in his head.

At first, he was invited to a theatre, where a play would be presented, but

the place where he was seemed like a simple cafeteria.

The interior was very normal, except for the feeling that the chairs are a
bit crowded, it is difficult to tell that it is open. The entire store has tables and
chairs and in the sceptre is the stage. Meanwhile, he was sitting in his place
looking at a brochure that he had received a moment ago.

"Hira come here, one way to look at the whole stage is from this place, the
centre of the room," says Koyama.

"If you don't have a reserved seat. I like it here, at this table, the actors will
pick on me if I go there."

"What about it?"

"I absolutely hate it." Koyama laughed.

"Okay" then he sat in another seat.

 The waiter usually came to pick up the order, so Hira just ordered coffee,
asking if it was okay.

"It's a strange play. Do you like this?"

"Yeah. It looks fun. I like this."

When he was talking, while having a coffee, the counter staff suddenly
started talking loudly, so Hira was startled.

"Okay, all you have to do is come in... you're all set!! Everyone is waiting.
Shiter and PStar, Low J and a special guest."

"I wonder if something is wrong," Hisohin spoke to Koyama.

"Hey, no, is it the actors?" Finally, someone from those who were there
said.
When the time came, the play had already started, or rather, it had started
before the performance.

In the cafeteria, people were starting to arrive, the seats around them were
starting to fill up, people were starting to murmur, creating a buzz in the
whole place. hira, was completely attracted, since the lights began to change
colour, the sensations that it caused in his eyes were striking.

Customers began to place their orders or go directly to the counter. The

waiters now couldn't even chat, they just wrote down the orders of one person
and another. Suddenly, a loud bell began to ring, causing everyone in the
place to go completely silent.
Of course, an actor immediately entered who would perform as a guest
today.

"That person is, Ryo Dehira." Koyama spoke in a whisper.

 "That boy, I've seen him in a commercial"

"Hey, does he look like someone famous?"

Hira, who had been calm for the whole time, suddenly and out of nowhere
began to sweat, his heart seemed to be pounding, feeling loud noises from
his chest, which almost seemed to explode.

Hira continued to observe the four people who appeared on the stage. From
one moment to the next his knees began to tremble, for which he brought his
hands to hold legs tightly. Besides, his face, his ears, his nape and neck were
completely hot. Now, his whole body began to sweat, his breathing began to
become shorter and shorter, to the point not being able to breathe. he wanted
to reach for the coffee, to soak his dry throat, but he was immobilized, he
couldn't move any extremity of his body.

Oh, what should I do? Why is this happening now?! I must be

hallucinating."

Feelings similar to a big storm, began to erupt from the bottom of Hira's
stomach, he felt nauseous, and he was completely dizzy with his blurred
vision.
Kiyoi was in front of Hira, the four actors who had walked to the stage, it
was the four actors of the commercial, which Hira used to watch quietly.
Now, those four actors were there in the coffee room, in the centre of the
stage.

"Kiyoi is talking, he is here. While I'm drinking coffee in front of him, how
did this happen? I feel that really, this is not happening. But still, my heart,
my feelings are completely exploding inside me. My 'king' is in front of me...
I can look into his eyes again. The 'king' is back."

The actors begin to appear one after another, declaring their dialogues,
making their interventions among themselves. While everyone in the place
enjoys the act, Hira can only be concentrated on Kiyoi, despite the fact that
his nervous state at the time was completely unstable.
One of the actors comes down from the stage, walks around the counter
and begins to perform his interventions with the public, acting with each of
them, while moving around the place.

The performance consisted of each actor having to play with some clients,
so they themselves went to the tables where they were.

As the play became more and more exciting, Hira could only follow with
his bewitched gaze at a single actor, even if at times he lost sight of him, due
to the light of the store. As Hira continued to find Kiyoi in the lights, he
suddenly realized that Kiyoi was in front of him.

While Kiyoi declaimed the lines that corresponded to him in front of the
public. Suddenly, the eyes of both people met each other.

Now Hira and Kiyoi were face to face, their gazes joined each other. It was
a look of longing, a look of nostalgia, a look of anger and discontent. The
emotions that both people conveyed were unshakable in front of each other.
It was as if everyone in the place had disappeared and there were only Hira
and Kiyoi.

After a time when both people were lost in the longing for that look, the
show ended.

All the actors of the presentation returned to the stage and began to thank
for the show. Hira, continued with his lurking gaze only towards a person
who was on stage, because everything around just didn't matter.

Finally, the presentation was over, customers began to leave, and everyone
in the venue was beginning to act normally.

When all the elders were gathered in the company of the actors who had
remained in the store. Kiyoi passed by Hira's side, staring into his eyes, at
that moment Hira understood that his stammer was back, but he didn't care,
he just kept gawking at what had happened, although he still couldn't
assimilate it or think clearly.

"Well, I want to introduce you all to the place" Koyama's older brother
begins the presentation for his guests, introducing them to everyone who
collaborated with him.

"These are friends and seniors... Also today my younger brother has come
with a very close friend. The truth is that they have a relationship that is not
friendship. They are not an ordinary couple."

Kiyoi, only turned his gaze to the last-named people who walked side by
side to reach him. Kiyoi, could only see Hira, who walked smiling and calmly
with his company. At that moment, he felt sad, he was completely shattered,
as, he felt that he was now reaping the fruits he had once sown. No doubt
Hira had grown up.
(PS: Hira smiling and calm!!! If at this point it should have been done with
everything on top .... Jajaj meao this!

However, while Koyama and Hira walked in the place, Hira felt happy, to
the extent that he did not know what to do or how to act.

"I'm nervous from the beginning, I don't know what to do or how I should
act but is everything okay? My face is red, I'm sweating, my whole body is
hot, but I'm not hot."

"Oh, sorry, I'll be fine in a moment. I'll just go back inside and go back."
Kiyoi apologizes and returns to the dressing room for a moment, looking for
his personal belongings.

After the play, when Hira was on his way to Koyama's brother and friends,
the store was somewhat noisy, as the employees ordered the place.
 The actor who had just acted, withdrew He would go to the dressing room,
leaving the others in the store to deal with the directors who were there or to
meet new customers. Hira suddenly refused, with a gesture so abrupt that I
couldn't hide it, but when he came to, he thought that he shouldn't be there
and that it would be best to leave the place. I didn't want to see it again, I
didn't want everything to happen again and go back everything that had
advanced in this time.

The last time Hira saw that person, from behind he told him not to pursue
anymore, so, now he didn't want to break that promise. However, Hira
believes that right now he is in trouble, since, Kiyoi may think, that even
though this long time has passed, he is simply still a stalker, who has come
all the way to see him.

Hira decided to go home early, as it was the best thing he could do in

Kiyoi's eyes. At the moment, when he was preparing to retire, as he got up
from the chair, two men walked up to him. Beginning to speak to him with
such naturalness that they invited him to follow them.

"Mr. Sato is also a freelance writer." Koyama said.

"Although this scenario seems strange to you, it is not." He said again.

"It was good that they were here. I will tell you that you are a research
student who can help in production." Koyama's brother bowed slightly to
Hira.

"I introduce you. This is my friend Hira. He is my classmate at the

university and we are in the same circle of activities. Hira, this is my brother
you already know and his friend Sato. Mr. Sato is an independent theatre
writer of this play" "

I'm not that important, here the company is, the play is published here. I
just brought it and I also write an article in Teru Free Magazine."
 "Nice to meet you, younger brother. My younger brother is always in
debt."

"Oh no, nice to meet you," Hira was flustered and leaned in.

Mr. Sato gave Hira a business card. This was the first time he got a business
card, when he was looking at him unusually, Mr. Sato asked Koyama.

"So this is the guy you talk about so much? The one who is an example.
When we talked before."

Hira gave a suspicious look, Koyama was quick to control the situation,
saying, "That's so."

Mr. Sato looked at Hira with a smile. Hira felt uncomfortable because that
person seemed to know his delicate relationship with Koyama.

"Oh, by the way, Kiyoi kun was acting."

Koyama suddenly said Kiyoi's name to change the subject, since, he didn't
see the artist there.

"I decided to bring him as a surprise guest because I thought he would be

full of young, beautiful girls by the time he did the performance." Mr. Sato
replied.

"Mmmm... I see. It feels like we're acting in big commercials with such a
presence. My friend Hira is also a big fan of Kiyoi-kun." The reaction was
delayed Hira.

"That's right... Then I'll introduce you, hey, Kiyoi-kun," Sato shouted and
Kiyoi, who was talking to a person in the back of the store, turned to the
people talking to him and walked to them without stopping.
 Kiyoi approached Sato's call. Hira panicked wanting to escape from there,
but could only lower his head.

"Kiyoi-kun, please say hello to those who organized today's production,"

Sato told him familiarly.

"It was fun to be here today. Please invite me again. Did you like the
introduction?"

"Is there no comment on the performance?" says Sato.

"Well, everything was very good."

Kiyoi frowns and smiles at the small circle of people. Hira felt nervous,
wanted to escape, and was about to erase his existence.

"Please, please, Kiyoi-kun, this guy, he is a big fan of Kiyoi-kun, I want

you to share with him for a moment." Sato said.

"Fans of the same age are beautiful. Look, Kiyoi-kun., you have to give a
good presentation service"

While Hira prayed in his heart that everything would end soon. Mr. Sato,
you were not in a hurry to stop.

"Hey, it's been a long time," Kiyoi said, prompting a strange silence.

Hira raised his face, looking at Kiyoi in front of him. This moment, it was
exactly the same as it was in his memory. Suddenly, all the feelings that had
remained hidden all this time were instantly triggered. Hira could see a
beautiful face shape, a beautiful neck next to a bright hair illuminated by the
light that fell down the cheekbones of that perfect being.

"Kiyoi-kun, do you know him?"

 "We are high school classmates," Kiyoi replied clearly, and Sato and
Koyama's elder brother grimaced in surprise.

"Cho, Kiyoi-kun, what do you mean?"

"I'm sorry, but it's personal." Sato and the others including Koyama look
at each other.

Kiyoi suddenly looked at Hira, as he tried to get out of there, not knowing
what to say and what to do. Suddenly, he was shocked by what he heard.

"How are you?"

Kiyoi called Hira. With just one word. However, it was enough for his
suffocation to reappear, feeling nostalgic, with his feelings coming from the
depths of his heart with great momentum.

"It's, is, is, is, is, is"

"I'm fine. Those two words get stuck in my throat and it was all I wanted
to say and then escape from there, but I couldn't make it. Kiyoi stared at me
with cold eyes as always, I'm covered with shame, I just want to disappear
and forget all this ridiculous night"

Everyone was calm and smiling, except for two people, then one of them
murmured. "Sick.."

Hira, he was scared. Koyama's elder brother said modestly.

"Kiyoi-kun, he's a stutterer" "

Ah, I'm fine." Hira hurriedly interrupted.

"Kiyoi hasn't changed at all. I'm so happy and nostalgic that I can cry right
here. With my eyes, gaze and body that yearn for it. I can only follow my
'king' everything continues as before."
VOLUME 1. Chahpter-2; PART-4: bitter sweet
loop

"I'm fine. Kiyoi is amazing. He's doing the best he can and I'm surprised."

"Okay." Kiyoi bends his chin slightly, showing an incredible smile on his
lips, as he looked at the Hira.

After an incredible, cold smile from Kiyoi. Hira's quiet months of college
student were beginning to evaporate as if in a dream, Kiyoi had returned and
his dark days would return with him.

Suddenly, an unexpected invitation reaches Hira's ears.

"Let's celebrate after this, but are you coming?"

Which reminded Hira that originally, he should accompany Koyoma to

dinner, to be by his side. But with all the shock of seeing Kiyoi again, I had
forgotten it.

"Let's go."

"Ah, where is the place?"

Kiyoi looked around, where Koyama's older brother was inviting them all
to celebrate.

After leaving the group of people, Koyama and Sato's elder brother also
ran over busy and said, "Well, we'll see you there."

Even if Kiyoi disappeared from the front, Hira would not be able to return
immediately: "You are friends..."

Hira had completely forgotten about Koyama's existence.

 "...."

"If you knew him, you should have said it from the beginning."

"I'm sorry, but I didn't have a chance to say it."

"You would have had plenty of chances to see him."

"..."

Koyama says, but Hira doesn't answer. There was a terribly awkward air
when asked.

"What will you do at night."

"......"
"I wonder if you'll come." he came up with my diversion.

"Oh, sorry, I don't think so."

"If you apologize, apologize to Kiyoi-kun."

Naturally, tonight was Koyama's birthday, that was his promise from the
beginning, Hira had brought a present for Koyama, some words of confession
that he had kept in her chest. But now, those words were dragged like a fine
dust, at this moment, as in the past, only Kiyoi occupied Hira's heart.

"If you back out later, or if you finish early, there will be a seat reserved
for you," Koyoma said but, Hira hurried up and walked over to Kiyoi, saying.

"... Alright".
 Irrationally, he felt like a sinner being thrown in prison. He was fine to get
closer, but he couldn't talk to Kiyoi, he was surrounded by a circle of people,
when he was lost when I stepped back, Kiyoi suddenly looked back.

"What will you do?"

He looks annoyed, his face is cold, his words are cold and cutting...it's
definitely Kiyoi, his king.

"I won't go. I have something to do today" moment Kiyoi's eyes sharpened,
it's a lie, I'll go, I'll go even if I crawl, now I want to kneel at Kiyoi's feet.
However, Koyama was watching from a distance. When he was sweating
cold and solidified in front of Kiyoi, Kiyoi's expression suddenly fell apart.

"I don't care if you stay here or not."

Kiyoi returned to the circle of people, Hira just stood there like an idiot. he
felt that if he went, if he was there or not, Kiyoi didn't care. Although it didn't
mean much, he still said he wouldn't bother going.

It had been a long time since Hira had behaved like a stupid person, and
even now he admitted that Kiyoi would easily make him stupid again.

At the end of September, he saw Koyama again for the first time in a long
time after summer vacation. This has been the first time they have met face
to face since his birthday, Koyama spoke normally to Hira when he finished
class.

"It's been a long time. Did you go somewhere during summer vacation?"
Koyama asked casually as he walked down the hall.

"Especially nothing. I just stayed home the whole time."

 He was insensitive and discovered that now everything was different and
he had to act carefree. During the summer vacation, he turned down many
invitations from Koyama to be with him.

"You're a little nervous" Koyama said. Hira didn't want to say anything, so
that he wouldn't think that his contradictory response was strange.

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking about someone for a long time."

Finally Hira had returned to his original state. he was looking for Kiyoi
online, as if he was crazy, without a doubt, he must know everything that
Kiyoi was doing.

As much as he had consciously avoided it until now, he was now on fire,

as if a blazing fire ran through his entire body.
Hira hadn't let go of his cell phone at any time, so he had been obsessed
with him all this time.

Suddenly, something began to make him uncomfortable, it was that he had

given himself completely, to what had been forbidden since high school.
Since that day he bought Kiyoi's magazine and vented all his anxiety and
consoled himself with Kiyoi's image and after that the guilt could not bear it.

No matter how much he suppressed or hidden it all this time, he had always
had a desire to touch Kiyoi deep down in his heart. But that day, the sensation
of the semen liquid, dripping down his hands, made Hira put Kiyoi in an even
higher place, where he would never be able to touch him.

"I'm going to speak and tell Koyama how I really feel, so never again…"
Hira said on a sigh.
 Koyama doesn't say anything, he just looks and walks in a straight line.
They pass the cafe and reach the patio, Hira doesn't know where he is going.
Koyama doesn't look to the side and just walks down the path in front of him.

"Are you listening to me?" When he asked, Koyama finally stopped.

"Yeah, I heard. So I knew Hira would say something important, that it

would upset me. That's why I wanted to get out of there. I mean, it's what we
talked about earlier, right?"

"It's different than before. I think it's even worse now that I've made you
wait so long, I'll just say it better."

"I don't think you kept me waiting. I just liked not getting an answer…"

"But it's something I have to say."

"Don't worry, I know that. I'm just kind of mean and he acted spoiled."
Koyama bit his lip.

"Meeting and dating is fine. But not anymore... I don't want it anymore. I
don't want to do anything more than we are now. It's okay for everything to
stay the way it is."

"No. It's not right"

"It's not right for Koyama to say that."

"This shouldn't be so painful."

"No matter how stupid I am, you can understand all of this" Koyama
covered his mouth with his hand and shook his head.

"Hey! Hira"
 "What?"

"I think the person Hira likes is Kiyoi-kun." Hira thought that denying it,

"Yes"

"Did you see Kiyoi-kun during the holidays?"

"I didn't see him. It's better for Kiyoi not to see me."

"But you were invited to the launch."

"Kiyoi, he doesn't care about everything I can do"

"Kiyoi-kun, he knows about Hira's stutter."

"Since I was in high school. I liked Kiyoi."

"I don't know. Why do you like that guy? Yeah, you really like him, why
are you letting him do that kind of taunting? You're weird."

"Maybe that's the case, but ' What do you like about that guy?' Hira slightly
shook his head at the direct question.

"Since when do I like... 'What do you like about Kiyoi?' Kiyoi is not a good
person. He is not persona grata. The words were getting tighter in front of
him. I couldn't answer that. Kiyoi used people for himself. Even so, Kiyoi
didn't treat me badly, no He called me Hii-kun.
He stopped another student when he wanted to use me as a servant. Also,
whenever he bought his lunch, he told me to buy me a drink. Although all
this was not with good intentions, it is impossible to know when he fell in
love with Kiyoi, or it will be from the first look at him, if it was from that
first look that I met my first and great love. Because I really like it. No matter
how many words I use to know why I like him, I can only understand that
my love always remained for Kiyoi. Love is something that is born inside a
person, whether it is a problem or not. Love is only born or disappears,
regardless of the place, where neither morality nor ethics matter."

"Sorry, I can't explain it," he replied to Koyama sincerely. They only

continued down the corridor of the university,

"Alright." Koyama said.

"I don't have a reason, but I like it, that's the most important thing. But I
also have my feelings, for you. I want time to think and organize myself. I
want you to stay the same until then."

"I don't think it's going to happen, that it's going to change my feelings, but
I also didn't want to be so cruel to say everything I wanted to say."

"Okay," he said, falling a bit silent, Koyama sighed and raised his face
from him saying. "Somewhat thirsty", he relaxed after a while, looking at
Hira he continued.

"Let's go to the cafeteria. I want to have an iced coffee."

"Uh, but..."

"We'll keep doing it as usual, until you can sort out your feelings."
(PS: I can't deny that I like him, forgive me Kiyoi... but he's too cute!!!
Damn!!!)

...................

In mid-October, Hira secretly went to see Kiyoi's guest play.

 That was information that was not officially released, it was a scant
information that he finally got after stalking on Twitter and Facebook, a girl
who seems to be a big fan of Kiyoi had posted it. Hira didn't want Kiyoi to
think that he was persistently chasing him, in fact, if he was persistently
chasing him, that's why he disguised himself with a hat, sunglasses, and a
mask, but the place was smaller than he expected and was immediately
exposed.

After the play, Hira was asked to write the impression of the play, mainly
the acting
from Kiyoi, in a questionnaire distributed in the corner of the lobby.

"Where's the pervert? He's sick and so visible."

When Hira turned around, Kiyoi was standing in front of him with his arms
folded.

"Oh, oh, go, go, go"

"Didn't your boyfriend come with you today?"

“.....”

“Your Boyfriend”

Ke, Ke, Ke, Ke?”

“A little beaver-like guy. The one who always accompanies you and the
one I saw you with before.”

Kiyoi looks around the small hall. It was strange that the conversation
would connect normally even though he only said a first letter and also that
it would turn to him.

Hira gradually calmed down, took a deep breath, and said.

 "Why do you understand what I'm saying?" Kiyoi frowns unpleasantly.

"Your stutter I'm used to you by now."

It's terrible, but the joy gradually increases inside Hira. Really, he doesn't
understand why he likes this guy. Still he makes him happy, that kind of
discomfort fills him with happiness.

"So where is your boyfriend?" Kiyoi looks annoyed at Hira, who is

fascinated with him watching him.

"Today I am alone, why?"

"Well, I don't have any particular reason."

"No, we're just close, I'm not his boyfriend in the first place," Kiyoi looked
suspicious.

"Mr. Koyama said that they are dating."

"Kōyama?"

"They're not. I was worried that a sick person like you would have a
boyfriend."

"Oh, it's fine." I finally understood the meaning.

"Not your boyfriend?"

"But when that happened, when he said that. I think you misunderstood."

"Then we started dating." Kiyoi muttered in a sullen manner.

"So are you alone today?"

 "Uh, why?"

"If you want to come, you can come by yourself"

Kiyoi took a folded brochure out of his pants bag. The brochure is from a
shop, which is probably the site of Kiyoi's celebration, it also has a small
map.

"Thank you, I'll definitely go"

The temperature around Hira's chest rose immediately, his heart was
pounding and his palms did not stop sweating. Kiyoi just gave himself a cold
look and left the place.

Hira had no acquaintances to talk to there, he wanted to react as soon as

possible from that moment, Hira never made Kiyoi go with him, but there he
was. Of course, he wasn't complaining. Only his joy at being able to look at
Kiyoi prevailed.

During the celebration, a famous actor was sitting next to Kiyoi, who was
not on stage today and seemed to have participated in the celebration alone.
The two of them were talking intimately.

"Kiyoi-kun and Irima-san, suspicious." The words of the man sitting next
to Hira shocked his ears.

"Now that he's famous, Mr. Irima likes young beauty."

"Is it the same with Kiyoi-kun?"

"Do some people say that?"

"Oh, that?" Hira dared to interrupt and said. The people turned to him.
 "What is Kiyoi?"

"It's."

"People who like men..." the men said with an eager smile on his face.

"I'll only talk about this here. Also, such relationships are not uncommon
in this industry," they stated so easily that Hira was stunned.

“Kiyoi can have same-sex romances: In high school, Kiyoi didn't, despite
all the noise from girls, he didn't have great relationships with them either.
When I think about it the most, he let me kiss his hand. on graduation day,
he even kissed me on the lips. I shouldn't have been able to do that. Having
a same-sex sexual partner. I don't think it could be Kiyoi like that. However,
my chest starts heaving as I remember the room music room and classroom
after school. Remembering 'the feeling of Kiyoi touching himself'"

Hira stares at Kiyoi, wondering if that actor is Kiyoi's lover.

"'Will Kiyoi kiss that man or do something else?' The man kisses Kiyoi, as
he passionately kisses him he ripped off his clothes, he continues kissing his
neck, down his chest..... "

After those thoughts, the pain Hira felt was like a stake being driven into
on his chest. Therefore, he just wanted to react and stop thinking
immediately. Without a doubt, those types of thoughts should not be in his
mind.

After leaving the first performance, Ella Hira also participated in the
second and third parties. Of course because Kiyoi was there. he wanted to
see Kiyoi for as long as possible even though he had no one to talk to.

The third party's karaoke closed around dawn, Hira had an oddly clear eye
to see Kiyoi, who was drunk and yelling farewells in the street, casually
disappearing in the company of the other actor.
 Hira doesn't want to think about where they will go or what kind of things
they will do. It hurts so much to think of them that he tries not to. he just
thinks that he was lucky to share the same space with Kiyoi.
Now, she's time to get to the first train, so she just started walking and
thinking about the good things at night to kill time. That's for the best, since
thinking about what Kiyoi should be doing with the other actor was
something that would lead to his death. The mere fact that he was touched by
another person was the end of him.

"You go home?"

Hira looked back in astonishment. Kiyoi, who should have disappeared

with the actor, but that was so, was now standing in front of him and asked
again.

"You go home?".

When Kiyoi suddenly became too confident, Kiyoi shook her head at him
and Hira said. "I'm waiting for the first train, but what are you doing here?"
He couldn't believe he was there. Now the 24-hour cafe is full of tired
people, part-time workers, who were waiting for the first train, but still, they
chose a table and sat there. But he couldn't believe that this person was there
with him. If at that time he should have returned with... mentioning it out
loud.

"Irima san"

"Hmm"

"I heard he was your lover."

 "It's an industry with a lot of people who like rumours." Kiyoi laughed and
then said. "Not my lover."

"No."

Hira was relieved at the simple way Kiyoi said those words.

"Oh, I was surprised that you're an actor because I thought you would be a
model."

"It's not such an appropriate thing to say like that."

Kiyoi's main job is as a model, but he occasionally appears in commercials

and TV dramas.

"The stage I first got into was surprisingly interesting. But I'm not an
actor."

"Yeah."

"But I'm still a student."

"Are you going to be an actor in the future?"

"I have not decided yet.

"That's how it is."

"You've been working since high school, so I was wondering if you'd made
up your mind yet."

"The job or whatever I choose for my future, is for life, being an actor or
not I should think about it. Easily at nineteen, I can be an employee of a large
company and receive a good fixed salary. But, what Will I want it for the rest
of my life? I have to prepare myself if I want to continue with it or if I'm
going to leave it" Hira, listened in detail to Kiyoi's words and nodded in
agreement.

"Self, is the generation that grew up that was shown from an early age that
only 5mm can fit in the space of 5mm. Dreaming, is wanting to fit something
1cm into a 5mm hole, at that moment is when the vision of success you want
to achieve.

"Yes, even if I had a dream since I was little, but I think of various things
when it comes to that." Kiyoi put a toothpick on the table.

Kiyoi loomed in the part that talked about his future, his dreams and what
he wanted to do.

"I look like my father." Kiyoi mutters.

Hira remembers when Kiyoi tells the story of when he was a child. A child
who was a lonely child and always wanted to be on television cheering up
his mother's house in one house. He had a collection of elementary school
textbooks about wanting to be an idol. His mother remarried and she had a
younger brother and sister, he had a new father, Kiyoi was no longer the only
child. When he grows up, it's easy to think that his childhood pain will be
forgotten or lessened, but Hira doesn't think so. Kiyoi's eyes now show great
pain, overwhelming him from within.

Of course, he had forgotten, but what Kiyoi felt was like the first time he
stuttered in front of his classmates.

He still remembered the vague faces and does not forget the feeling of
wanting to cry at that moment.

Of course, I don't have much fun, but I remember. Those things are piled
up inside of me and I am here now. "It is said that the bag you carry on your
shoulders carries all the memories of your past, whether painful or not. But
you will have to carry them for the rest of your life and since you are a child.
You cannot exchange it with anyone, no one can carry it for you. You just
have to assume it and carry it with you at all times. I wonder what's in Kiyoi's
bag, that he will carry with him until he dies." When he was looking vaguely,
Kiyoi suddenly turned around and said.

"You're watching me."

"That?" Hira hastily took his eyes off him.

"I'm still happy, you."

"Yeah."

he's fine, but when he looks at him, his facial expression isn't angry, so
'relieved?'

"..."

"Just."

"How was college?"

"Oh yeah, okay."

The whole conversation turned into something warm. University life is too
normal. Activities have continued unchanged, it's been about a month since
he said that he wanted to spend time with Koyama as usual, so there's no
action from Koyama.
 The relationship continues unchanged. Koyama hasn't changed in any way.
Koyama started to shut his mouth when he talked about something and
seemed to disagree with Hira.
There are times when Hira gets confused, when Koyama apologizes for
some mistake, when he is unstable and doesn't know what to do, Koyama is
always there and helps him. It's hard for Hira this whole situation, but he
thinks it must be even harder for Koyama.

At times he thinks that he should talk to him again and keep a good
distance. But he is afraid that Koyama will get angry and blame him by
turning into a fight.

"What are you thinking?" Hira raised his face from him.

"Did you get sick in college?.."

"Well, that's not the case. All my friends are good people."

"So what do you think".

"College is fun. I haven't had any friends since I was a kid, so all my friends
now understand my stutter. But being able to make friends and interact with
people, which is really cool. I learned that recently, but it's funny in
general..."

"Tell me more specifically"

"Really..."

Hira, it becomes somewhat awkward as to how to convey his current

situation compactly and without excess or deficiency. He thinks it's a good
technique to put his thoughts into words, but it's too hard to do.

"I'm glad to have friends and to like them, but it's also a painful thing."
When he managed to say that, a strange silence was born.
 "Yeah, I see" Kiyoi leaned back deeply in the chair and crossed his legs.

"The point is that I'm in trouble because I'm loved by Koyama" Hearing
Hira's words, Kiyoi widened his eyes, leaving him blank.

"Oh I'm sorry."

"What do you say But?"

"...Koyama is a really nice guy. When I was nervous about the self-
introduction on the first day of school and got stuck for words, he explained
what stuttering was to everyone instead of me, also explaining that the
Koyama's brother also had this condition when he was a child. Therefore, for
him it was not something strange but something natural."

"..."

"Koyama was originally such a guy. He was my first friend to be with me

and I thought it was fun. But he didn't show much enthusiasm. I wondered to
myself, why don't you get along with such a good guy? "

"If he's such a good guy, why don't you go out with him? Maybe no one
else will show up anymore.."

In a frustrated tone, Kiyoi said pulling a slim book out of his bag. The way
he turned the pages was rough and Hira didn't understand why Kiyoi was
getting so angry all of a sudden.

"Are you angry?"

"I'm not angry at all," he said with a terribly angry face, so Hira no longer
had the courage to continue the conversation.

"Alright."
 "Next stage?"

"Well, there are so many things." Hira felt very safe right now, so he took
courage and asked.

"Can I go see you?"

"If you want to come..."

"Oh, thank you."

Kiyoi had spoken sullenly, but he reopened the previously closed door and
now he spoke warmer.

"I didn't know, I've searched the internet every day. I wonder if I missed
it?"

"Search, internet." Hira suddenly noticed Kiyoi had a suspicious face.

He had to make excuses to search the internet and do it every day, which
can be an unpleasant business for him.

"Well, there are times when I seek information from Kiyoi, how he will
act"

"I can't announce everything I do, because they are also private activities.
Besides, everything must be approved by the office.", Kiyoi said.

"It's okay." Hira's heart is still pounding. Without a doubt, he must be

careful not to make him angry and say too many things.
 "Okay. There are several things I need to do. First is to secure a room
where I can practice. That's hard to find, the office hasn't found anything for
me."

"

"Only one place. After practicing, I have to keep in touch with the
company so that they manage all my activities." Kiyoi sighed.

"Isn't it necessary to practice in a proper facility?"

"No, it's okay if it doesn't bother the neighbourhood."

"If so, it might be possible... The other day, I remember my uncle's family
went on a trip to Taiwan for several years due to his work. Apart from me,
he has no other family, he didn't know what to do with his home during that
time. If no one lives there, the house will be damaged. His two daughters are
married and have their house. You can lend it to someone, but he doesn't like
that others can come in and take his stuff. So he said ' Kazu -kun, why don't
you live alone in the house? 'My uncle asked me, but my mother laughed
saying that she couldn't cook or clean. So if you agree, I'll talk to my uncle."

While speaking with a lot of energy, Hira noticed that Kiyoi had an
indescribable face.

"Oh, sorry, I got too excited. But you should think about it yourself. It will
help your practice."

"..."

Hira was too scared, Kiyoi continued without saying anything, with his
face somewhat strange.

"At the very least, it wouldn't be much of a hotel, but…"

 "Is that house really usable?"
(PS: so pokerface him... I love it!!!!!)

"Maybe my uncle was in a lot of trouble, but I think the house is liveable."

"I need it. You have to give your number."

Kiyoi hands out a sheet for Hira to write down his cell phone number. As
Hira writes down the number, Kiyoi watches the number he writes down with
a scary face.

"The number is different from the previous one."

"That's true. The old phone fell into the water, got wet, and was useless."

"If it got wet, you only had to change the model, not the number."

"I know, but I decided to change everything. I had even lost all the
scheduled numbers."

It was hard to say the real reason, but it wasn't a lie that he decided to
change everything, the reason was that to search for Kiyoi on the Internet
pages, he had to have a better mobile device. Since, he looked for him every
day, besides at that time he also bought all the magazines in which he
appeared, even now he had dressed up to go see him perform. He was
definitely being a stalker, but that doesn't matter to him anymore.
Kiyoi took the cell phone out of him and looked at the number,
immediately starting to type in Hira's number. The next moment, Hira's cell
phone vibrated in his pocket and he stopped immediately.

"That's me. I think you should rename me."

"Oh thanks..."
 Hira was so happy that his voice rose. An eleven-digit number appeared
on the screen mobile phone. When he looked at him incredible feelings that
had once lost, came back. It was like a dream that the day they could
exchange contacts came again.
By the time he was smiling, Hira noticed that he was starting to get
annoyed. Suddenly, instead of coffee they began to whisper. Before they
knew it, it was time for the first train and the customers were getting ready
to go home.

As they walked side by side, leaving the 24 hour cafe, when it was already
dawn, Kiyoi said.

"What are you going to do now?"

"I'm going home by train."

"Is it the same line as Kiyoi?" Kiyoi rarely asked these kinds of questions.

"No."

"It's something from our earlier conversation, but are you going out with
Koyama-san?"

"That?" Suddenly, the conversation went back a long time. Kiyoi stares at
Hira, who is confused. Even though he doesn't like Koyama that way, Hira
hesitated.

"I don't know"

"If you don't know, is there a possibility that they are in a relationship?"

"No, then I don't know. Why do you worry about it?"

"MMM"
 "No, I don't care. Wait a minute, why keep talking about it?"
Kiyoi said that he didn't want to talk about it anymore, so he walked faster.

Hira was at a loss as he walked behind Kiyoi. he thought that he was able
to talk to him for the first time in a long time, Kiyoi also called out to him, it
was such a strange thing. he didn't understand why Kiyoi was angry and felt
sorry for his stupidity. When Kiyoi looked back at the station.

"Do you like him? Or do you like me?"

"Hey!"

The distance shortened by a few steps, the next moment, Kiyoi kicked
Hira. Without saying more, he was already walking away towards the station.
At that moment, Hira was surprised by the blow, stumbled and went flying
through the air, bouncing off the hard concrete at his waist. A severe pain
began to spread all over his back, he wanted to get up to follow Kiyoi, but he
could only watch as his perfect back disappeared.

Hira wanted to cry because he didn't know why he was pushed and kicked,
plus the pain in his back was too strong. he could only support his waist so
that he could walk while supported his aching waist.

'You like him, you like me' those words echoed in Hira's head over and
over again. His face was distorted, wondering to himself which of the two he
liked more... but he had different kinds of feelings for Kiyoi and Koyama.

There is neither good nor bad in what he feels for Kiyoi. He is happy when
good things happen and sad when bad things happen. He doesn't have a clear
idea of what that means.
'Kioyi is like a sudden storm that cannot be avoided by his own will and
effort.' Kiyoi was that kind of existence.

Koyama was a real and kind human being. Not long ago, he was trying to
see the reality of what his friendship meant. When Koyama confessed, he
only told him that he didn't share the same feelings. But he didn't want to
walk away either. It was a bit lonely, but reassuring to be with him. However,
reality was easily overcome by Kiyoi reappearing, leaving him wondering...
' he would haunt Kiyoi forever.'
But he also knew that no matter how much he chased, 'could he ever catch
up?'

Suddenly, the image of Captain Duck flowing down the irrigation canal
comes to Hira's mind. The duck captain who has supported Hira for a long
time. It had been a while since he remembered him, so now he felt a terrible
nostalgia. But now he is different from the old days. The river that the captain
duck flows through is no longer sewage, but a very beautiful golden river.

Hira only laughed at his own thoughts, imagining the duck captain, sailing
on a golden river in the company of his king.

Hira is lonely. That was hard for him. However, he must accept that Kiyoi
does not belong to him. But fate will not leave Hira, it was like the fate of a
prestigious toy that goes hand in hand with his king and should not be given
to anyone, nor touched by anyone else. even if he no longer uses it, it should
always belong to him and no one else.
(PS: this sounds to me like "I want him, I want to dominate him, make him
mine, even if he later bores me and gets in the way and I come to hate him"
hahahahaha) ' Okay. No matter how painful or lonely it feels, Hira doesn't
want to let go. 'I will always belong to Kiyoi' even though Kiyoi never looks
at it that way.'

While he was sore, since, his back wouldn't stop hurting. In the middle of
the street, looking at the orange morning sun reflected in the entire window
of a building, his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He suddenly thought it
was Kiyoi, but Koyama's name appeared on the screen.
 His shoulders dropped involuntarily, since it was not the call he expected.
So, he replaced Kiyoi's thoughts with feelings of guilt for now. As the phone
continued to vibrate, Hira was forced to press the call button.

"Hello." When he answered he resounded with a cough.

"It's me"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, for bothering you so early."

"Looks like I've caught a cold." Meanwhile, he continued to cough.

"I was wondering if I would be better if I went to bed, but I was getting
hotter and hotter."

"Did you take medicine? Did you eat anything?"

"I took the medicine yesterday and ate rice... can I ask you to come over."

"What about your brother?"

"When he called, he was on a business trip to Kyushu."

Hira was wondering what to do. he hasn't been in Koyama's room in a long
time. he thought it would be best not to go. But the sick should not be
abandoned.

"I'm going now. Shall I bring you medicine, some drinks and porridge?"

"Thank you. Sorry for the inconvenience." Koyama's tone has become
slightly excited. In Koyoma's room, Hira begins to sort out the medicine and
other things that he had brought.

"Silence has fallen...why?" Koyama muttered.

 "..."

"I have a cough and a temperature. Am I doing something to bother Hira?

Even though I didn't ask you to go out with me, why did you abandon me
like this? Could we go out sometime later?"

"Sorry. But that's impossible."

"It's not impossible at all."

"..."

"I can't. You can stay with me."

"Koyama, you're crying now."

"I'm not crying." The answering voice was slightly distorted.

Behind the apologies, a little annoyance is born. Hira felt guilty with
himself. All the emotions mixed inside him, he wanted to lie to him saying
that everything would be fine. That they could try, but though it's a hundred
times easier to say, he couldn't do it. Kiyoi's appearance had certainly
changed everything. Regardless of what he thought whether the situation was
right or wrong, he had to show his face.

"......Something tells me you haven't fallen asleep yet. Hira, did he stay
outside?"

"Yeah, I had a little fun"

"It's weird that you stay up all night. Who did you see?" Koyama knows
that Hira never stays out all night except for someone very close to him.

"Kiyoi-kun?"
 "......."

"Kiyoi-kun, he told my brother that Hira in middle school was messed up.
He had no friends and was like a bully. You don't mind if he says that kind
of thing." Hira didn't want to listen to him, he felt that Koyama was more
hurt when he spoke this kind of things.

"Okay. Actually, I am that kind of person."

"It has nothing to do with the current situation."

"Actually, telling my secrets makes you feel better?"

"Kiyoi also told Kimoito, Uzaito, Stalker, etc. How many times have you
been told that since junior high?" That is Koyama's voice, which continues
to speak at all times.

"For me, I'm fine with it. Koyama if he wants can get mad at me or he can
come to hate me. He'll be fine anyway."

"No, Koyama is a good person. I know that."

"Sorry, Hira, I won't repeat this again."

"Yes I know."

Hira doesn't feel angry. Since, both are very similar in the sense that
chasing each other, even knowing that it is not good, then they should feel
self-loathing for themselves. Koyama chases after him, while Hira chases
after Kiyoi.
 Koyama continues to apologize. Hira continues to reply that he is fine, he
just wants to rest. His back hurts too much, the blow he received prevents
him from sitting down.
However, I can't complain because it's a hit that Kiyoi gave him. If he said
something at the moment, Koyama would get even angrier.

He would get angry, since his relationship was now in a circle, the one to
chase and the one to be chased...

Undoubtedly, Hira would continue in this way, since he would go for Kiyoi
until the rest of his days. The relationship of both could be defined in a sweet
but bitter bond.

VOLUME 1. CHAPTER 3: "Sweet and bitter"

part 1

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

After hearing each other say which one you like best , 'do you like him?
You like me?' Hira's face at that moment was that of an unforgettable slack-
jawed idiot, who kept thinking of saying "What?" or "What are you talking
about?"

Shame and anger flared across Kiyoi's face, and he kicked Hira with all his
might. He was furiously angry because he was waiting for him to contact for
a long time. He had been waiting for that man for a long time.

Kiyoi has no idea what that man is thinking right now, he has never really
had any idea what's on his mind.
 Kiyoi first saw Hira on the first day of his class change from Kouji. When
he saw Hira, he is staring at him, his face bright and flushed.

"..... Hello"

Hira was a pretty good guy as a slave. He obediently did his best to serve
him, despite everything he always had a happy face for Kiyoi. However,
though he incessantly stared, through the gaps in his long bangs was
extremely unpleasant, Hira was in a good mood, just serving him day by day,
saying nothing from the start.

After his parents divorced, Kiyoi became a lonely child. His mother was
only dedicated to going out to work and coming home late at night. The house
was always empty, so Kiyoi always played late with his friends. But when it
was time for dinner, everyone said goodbye and went home.

The way back was lonely because he walked alone, thinking that he would
get home and continue alone.

Every day, he took the key out of the small pocket of his school bag and
entered the empty house.

Kiyoi, lived in apartment 2D, in the middle of two families around him;
which argued with the girls and each of the discussions filtered through the
wall. he always turned on the television to the same channel, since he never
changed it. he would go to the kitchen and there was always a wrapped plate
on the table, which was his dinner every night while he watched TV then
took a bath with the volume of the television turned up to maximum, because
silence frightened him a lot.

Kiyoi, enjoy watching TV, because in that little box there are always
people smiling, having fun and doing happy activities.
 ' I want to be there every day, be happy and have fun where everyone can
see me' that was Kiyoi's wish. As her mother returned late at night and left
early in the morning, sometimes they couldn't even be found.

Kiyoi woke up one morning in response to restlessness that came suddenly.

While he rubbed his sleepy eyes, he went to the kitchen.

"I'm just a little voice" he tells himself.

"Mother, will you eat rice?"

"Okay"

"Mother, I'll do it myself for you."

"Okay, just give me your rice."

Kiyoi's job was to serve rice for his mother's midnight dinner. he was
exhausted, he was sleepy, but he always wanted to spend as much time as
possible with her mother.

When Kiyoi became a teenager, his mother remarried. His new father was
very kind. They left the small apartment and went to live in a large family
home. In that beautiful house, his mother stayed home every day.

When he came home, she always welcomed him back. Therefore, Kiyoi
no longer played late with his friends and had less time to watch TV. He was
really happy, telling his mother and new father about his daily activities, it
was all a lot of fun. They were the dinners he had always dreamed of.

Until suddenly, one day, a younger brother arrived, who ran through the
house and was everywhere. Despite the fact that Kiyoi's new father was really
kind and affectionate, the arrival of his younger brother made him change
completely. The attitude towards a royal son was very different from the
attitude towards him. The following year, a younger sister came, even though
she had more family members, Kiyoi became lonelier than before, he wanted
to say that and let everyone know, but he just couldn't say it.

On the big, wide couch, Kiyoi began to watch TV with his parents, who
were cradling his younger brother and sister.

A baby is not cute at all. They are loud, dirty, stinky, quite annoying, and
on top of that they completely steal my mother.

"Come and enjoy! Forget everything!"

It was at that moment, when I was watching TV, an Idol concert started
playing. An idol sang and danced on TV, a fan came up and gave him their
full support. His face turned bright red, he reached out desperately even
though she couldn't reach it, and even grown men and women wept to be
around him.

Suddenly, Kiyoy feels a little scared, but he would feel good to be treated
like this. It's unreasonable, 'He feels good.'

Kiyoi felt that his parents were obsessed with a baby who was like a leech
stealing and delinquent from her mother. That is why he signed up for next
year's participation list:

"I want to be an idol when I grow up."

.....................

Hira is a man with a typical fan build, so much so that even when Kiyoi
wasn't doing any big activities, he was constantly harassed by Hira. When he
felt sick Hira was always there, when the other students bullied him Hira was
always there for him.

There was even a time when he got into a big fight with another student,
beating Shirota badly, at which point Kiyoi was afraid. He looked at Hira's
eyes, they were completely red, as if they were bloody, his face was
completely distorted. Without a doubt, he was a fan who stalked his idol, not
letting anything happen to him.

Kiyoi always remembered Hira's agitated expression. After that serious

incident, Hira took a picture of him with a single lens reflex camera in the
music room. In which, there were only the two of them. In that large music
hall, only the breaths of only two people could be heard. That day, Kiyoi was
called King and Hira promised that he would protect him even if he was the
last soldier to graduate. It was a pleasure for Kiyoi, to be treated like worship.
But he also wondered what he was truly feeling about the other person.

Even when the class split up after three years, Kiyoi felt good that he could
always be together in Hira's line of sight. Walking through the halls and
seeing his eyes in the distance made him feel incredible. So he could only
think 'Look at me more' 'Just look at me'

Hira's straight and strong line of sight goes into the deep part of Kiyoi
before noticing him. In fact, he only wanted Hira for himself, not letting him
get away.

On Kiyoi's graduation day, he wanted to say everything he thought, after

the graduation ceremony, but he couldn't tell when he was in front of Hira.
Originally, he's not good at saying such things, but now he wanted to say it.
He really wanted to be together with Hira but, 'Why do I have to say such a
thing about myself?'

It would be a good idea for Hira to ask him. So that day he didn't say
anything, but to this day he still doesn't say it.
 Kiyoi, he was surprised that last day together, Hira didn't do or say
anything, it made him feel completely annoyed and irritated. He was so upset
that he just walked over to Hira, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and
kissed him. As he kissed Hira, he started to panic, he couldn't believe what
he was doing, even that was his first kiss from him.

He didn't have big dreams, for when the day of his first kiss came, in fact
he always thought that he would be with a woman. So, at that moment he
began to feel desperate, thinking that kiss would remember him for the rest
of his life, since, even if he wanted to erase it, he could no longer erase it
from him.

Kiyoi was also thinking at that moment, that if he continued that kiss, Hira
would undoubtedly understand. Even if he didn't understand him, he would
continue to pursue him like a stalker. But after finishing that one and first
kiss, he never saw him again. Hira had completely disappeared from his line
of sight.

That is why, he has been waiting for Hira to contact as something special,
until today. Although he has always kept his number and his phone always
with him, there was never a sound from that person.

Although we are in the same Tokyo, a month has passed and I couldn't
wait any longer, I had to call first. So I send a text message, but it just
bounced. However, a great impulse of frustration grew inside Kiyoi, it was
then that he took his cell phone and dialed the number he had registered for
Hira. His surprise was greater when an announcement that the line had been
suspended, that fact completely sank him.

After everything Kiyoi had done, Hira never made contact. When he had
sent that message he was relieved, he really wanted to hear his voice or just
hear him breathing. But the moment there was no response, only anger began
to rise within him.
 Even though Kiyoi is a person who has gained a lot of popularity, he was
now facing something that he couldn't achieve. ' His contact, if I ask my
classmates for his contact information' 'But, I can't keep an eye on a boring
person like Hira' 'Will I become a stalker?'

But it has always been Hira's role to pursue, this his pride could not allow.
Even though Kiyoi really wanted to find Hira, his anger with him was already
beginning to diminish.

Kiyoi began to keep it in the bottom of his heart all those beautiful feelings
he had for Hira. Although he didn't remember him as often as before, when
he walked down the street and saw a figure similar to Hira, he would run to
meet him. Only to realize that he was not him again. Every time he went out
to the centre of the city, he could only search everywhere for his silhouette,
he spent whole afternoons in that, but without achieving anything at all.
Except for that, his life was going pretty well.
(PS: this hurts me🤦♀️🤦♀️ while he looks for him around the city, the
other one spends his time hiding at home stalking him all over the
internet!!!!)

While he attended university, he belonged to an entertainment agency and

I work with 80% models and 20% TV.

Kiyoi constantly analyzes his life, he no longer wanted to be an idol, but

the desire to be seen, searched and found by that person prevents him from
leaving it. That way he can be in that person's line of sight, while you're
walking through town, while you're dancing on stage, while you're presenting
a commercial. Hundreds of eyes looking at the same time, the day would
surely come when he would be seen by him.

Kiyoi felt dissatisfied somewhere in his heart. He was irritated with

himself, because he had known the sincerest look, the most enthusiastic look
that completely filled his heart, but today he felt the abandonment of that
sincere and loving look. Hira had left him, so he didn't want to go back to a
man like that, ever again in his life.

After a while, when he is determined to forget Hira. At that moment, he

appeared on his radar again. When he participated in a drinking party of a
theatre company he knew, he overheard a conversation between a man named
Sato, a writer, with a man named Koyama.

"A relationship between men"

"It's not unusual in this industry, is it?"

"That's right, but it's complicated when it's my little brother."

He even he can calmly listen to other people's conversation, most people

will be confused if they confess to being gay. There is also a difference of
feelings in the world to which he belongs, Kiyoi does not hide that he is gay
in terms of work, but he is worried that he will be caught in the university or
in his house.

Ever since he was in middle school, Kiyoi was more interested in male
talents and actors than females, even when watching TV, what he always
looked up to was male idols.

Thanks to his blessed appearance, he was so popular with both women and
men. But he could only

look at hira Only Hira is special, apart from that both men and women
continue to chase him.

The first time he fell in love with a man, he was a high school student who
was close to him day after day. That was the time, that he began his ill-fated
love story.
 When he heard that person used to masturbate, with the image of him, he
could only admire his raised face, he was adorable. That made him a little
curious. So, he approached Hira as if to touch him, to try to do what Hira had
just commented, but he knelt down and kissed his hand enthusiastically.
Kiyoi began to feel really good, his heart was beating very strongly, that
sensation made him feel even more irresistible to Hira.

The image that was in front of him, at his kneeling feet, was incredible, the
feelings that applied to both people were similar.

Hira kept kissing his hand, licking it like a dog, but it felt amazing. he
undoubtedly understood that he liked him a lot, that he wanted to keep him
like this forever.

Currently, Kiyoi's love affair was at a standstill.

Due to the location of the entertainment world, not only women but also
men are being persuaded at a good rate. There are some famous actors and
models, and even several men who are attracted to him. But when he tries to
do something, Hira's eyes catch on him for some reason. So Kiyoi starts
comparing the person in front of him to Hira. His feelings are excited and
everything ends without a single kiss.

'What the hell is this, what a damn man he is, that makes me fall in love
with him like that. Months go by and I continue without updating my first
kiss. Why can't I forget that sick man? Why should I spit out such an
encounter? This is very bad. It's all Hira's fault, but now he has a lover. Just
disappeared for a lover! As for me, I can't kiss anyone!!'

Kiyoi moved closer to the group of people, who were in the theatre to hear
even better. "He is a classmate in college and he has the same stutter as me."
Suddenly, Mr. Koyama and Sato stopped talking and headed towards Kiyoi.
"Oh, too bad. Kiyoi-kun, who can't listen like that?"

"No, I don't..."

'Hira? Stuttering?... It's probably Hira I know.'

"I just heard about the relationship, it's not something to worry about"

"Oh..."

"Ah..., I don't date a woman either." Their eyes widened slightly.

"..."

"Oh, that's right. I'm sorry if I was insensitive talking about this."

"Are you dating anyone?". they asked casually.

"Kiyoi-kun, how old are you?"

"nineteen".

"The same age as my younger brother."

"The other boy is the same age as me"

'I'm crazy for asking this.'

".... nineteen"

"Well, how is the other person. A good relationship depends on that."

 "Well, it's like they were right for each other. My brother says he's a good
boy, a great person, and very responsible. But I'm worried."

"Then the other boy is very good."

"Yes"

"You will ask him to resign."

"Okay? If that's the case, I'll do it."

"You do not have a photo?"

When he finished asking Mr. Koyama persistently said.

"Yes, there is," he took out his cell phone and transferred the photo.

"Oh, smile." Kiyoi looked at the screen as she suppressed the roughness in
his chest.

Kiyoi wondered if there could be such a coincidence, but the image on the
screen was that of an undeniably normal person and he Kiyoi solidified.

"This is my little brother and his boyfriend who is next to him", Kiyoi
looked at the screen as if he wanted to kill someone, he couldn't believe what
he was seeing at that moment.

The person, that he was there was a person very similar to Mr. Koyama, in
the company of a smiling boy who was next to him.

Hira and Koyama lined up side by side against the backdrop of an ordinary
izakaya. Hira was laughing, he really couldn't believe it.

When he was in high school, he sometimes laughed a little at Kiyoi, but

other than that, Hira's expression was poor and dark. he suited Hira well, but
now he couldn't believe that they had lost contact because of that man. 'Did
he really trade me for this guy?'

"Well, I admit that he tastes good for his age" Koyama said.

"That?" Kiyoi looked suspicious.

"The boy. He's not a handsome boy, nor does he dress fashionably, but he
has a unique atmosphere."

"It's not the face like an idol, but it's okay." Kiyoi swallowed the reflected
annoyance hastily.

"Isn't this a compliment?" Koyama said to the actress on the other side.

"Hey, what do you think of the guy on the left?"

"Does he want to join the group?"

"Which, huh, really? Okay."

"It's like he has a good aura, he looks like a good person"

Kiyoi was desperately holding back his growing anger. Since all the people
are related to the stage, the point of view is different from normal, everyone
was approving of Hira's image 'What if Hira is now someone popular'.

"Are you worried about your brother, or are you proud of his boyfriend"
Sato looked surprised at Koyama.

While listening to his brother's complicated feelings, Kiyoi said something

unexpected, "Why don't you meet once?

What?!
 " with his new boyfriend. Instead of worrying about his imagination, it's
refreshing to meet in person.”

“I feel like I'm telling myself. Really... I want us to meet again." Kiyoi was
always upset in the midst of the opposite feelings that he didn't want to see
again, but tonight, the needle of his feelings jerked in the direction that he
wanted to meet him again.

'I want to see Hira again' 'I want to see him and hurt him madly.' 'I want to
have it in front of me and fill it with pain.' 'I want to have it in front of me so
that my heart beats again.'
(PS: omg!!!! They're both completely crazy!!! Hahahahaha)

Now it's different from the subtle sweet feelings in high school.

The day of the performance.

On the day of the performance, Hira was terribly surprised to see him right
there. Koyama's younger brother is probably the one at the same table next
to him. In the photo, he was just a simple man, but in reality, the impression
of him is a little different. It's kind of strange, but there's something like the
cuteness of two small animals, the guy is completely different from Kiyoi.

After the stage, Kiyoi overhears Hira as he was talking to the people there,
but Hira never tried to look at Kiyoi.

Kiyoi, in his heart, just wanted him to look at him, to walk up to him, he
kept thinking that it would be like that, he waited and waited but it didn't
happen. Kiyoi gradually grew impatient. 'Do you intend to return home like
this? That is a problem. I think I called it why. Are you talking to me from
here? No, it's a loss.'
 While impatient, I heard a voice. Almost arguing and moving closer, Hira
simply turned around and didn't try to look at Kiyoi.

"Kiyoi-kun, this boy is a fan of Kiyoi-kun," Kiyoi was suddenly surprised

by Sato's words.

Hira looked like a conservative boy, a fan, who continued to talk to others.
However, Kiyoi was not feeling well at all. he didn't like the eyes of
Koyama's younger brother, who was next to Hira and didn't turn away from
him, they really looked like a couple.

Surely it's been a while since Kiyoi knew everything about Hira, he was a
different person now. 'Really, they are lovers.' 'But that's something I won't
be able to bear'

The moment Hira raised his face, a feeling of fear appeared in Kiyoi, just
being watched by Hira caused his temperature to rise completely. Hira's eyes
looked straight at him, his gaze was the same as in high school, that meant
that he hadn't completely changed. Every time he looked deeper into him
Kiyoi felt even hotter.

He was confused, his heart was pounding, he felt like his body would fade
away, but he had to accept that today's Hira had a lover.

Hira immediately agreed when he was invited to the party after the
performance. But Kiyoi couldn't do anything, since next to Hira was
Koyama's younger brother who kept looking at Hira with a wide smile, but
Hira's eyes were fixed on him, on Kiyoi. At that moment Kiyoi thought that
he had won. Many things may have happened, but after all, Hira's gaze is still
flowing in only one direction.

KIYOI.
 No doubt this was bad for Koyama's younger brother, but he will have no
choice but to give up.

'How can I get to him? Even if I talk to him first, I don't want to forgive
him right away. Because? He continues to cause the same effect on me, I'm
nervous I can't help it. But if I approach Koyoma's brother tonight, we could
exchange contacts, that would be perfect!'

By the time Kiyoi was standing in the bath, he was feigning a casual mood,
but Hira just said that he wouldn't be going to the celebration. ' But if he goes
home now, I won't see him again and I won't be able to get his contact
information.'

Such a thing, however, couldn't get out of Kiyoi's mouth and ended up
responding with an unfriendly attitude. Afterward he was only struck by a
regret akin to anger. After a while, Kiyoi heard that tonight was Koyam's
birthday, it was the moment, when the feeling of defeat reached his heart. It
was something deadly. 'Hira prioritized that animal's birthday, over my
celebration.'

In the celebration.

"Kiyoi-kun, he's just a classmate, he said he was just a classmate."

"Mr. Koyama was so worried that I just wanted to tease him a bit."

' He didn't want to admit that he was hurt. He was very hurt now he had
been abandoned by that stalker. What is he doing with that other person?'
(PS: Ah, don't worry, he's just telling him to be friends and nothing more)

"Okay."

"Then you can be calmer now."

 "It is not smart.?"

"Because he's in that university," Sato put tea aside, Koyama hit his head
and said, "Don't even make fun of my little brother."

"Then you are smart. What is better to have a great beauty or to have many
friends?"

"To be honest. Nothing in particular." Mr. Koyama frowned.

"Do you have a boyfriend?..."

"It looks like I had one."

"Of course you are a man? If you were a woman, I would definitely take
you to my little brother." Mr. Koyama leans forward anxiously.

"......"

"Well I have someone who has been in my heart for a long time.."

"Hey, that guy friend of my brother's. Did you know him? What kind of
friends did he have?"

"He was a silent character."

"Well, how so? You didn't have any friends?"

"Hmm, well, something like that."

"So…" Koyama held his head and sank down on the table.

"In other words, Hira was like a stalker who had no friends, he just chased
after his favourite person and looked at him from behind."
 "Stalker?"

"Well, it's not that bad," Koyama didn't ask any more.

'I'm here talking about him inflating my delusions about him. Holding my
head no matter what I do. I was disappointed that he left and abandoned me,
leaving me here. I don't want to talk about Hira anymore. All this that
happens to me, everything I think about in my head right now is Hira's fault.
Looking into his eyes made me sick. After all, he's a bad guy, besides, he's
gone and I won't be involved with him anymore. When I wanted to see Hira,
he changed his phone number and I just ran, but when I don't want to see
him, he just appeared in front of me.'

During the time that Mr. Koyoma's younger brother stayed at the Kiyoi
theatre, he overheard him saying that Hira was not his boyfriend, just his
classmates.

'What the hell is this? I want to know the truth, so I asked him out, but Hira
didn't come.'

After Kiyoi, he will continue with the presentations in the following days,
in a small theatre, his eyes met with a particular look, without thinking about
it he knew immediately that it was his stalker. His look was unique, they only
addressed him, only him. As if no one else mattered.

After finishing his performance, Hira was in a corner with his back turned.
From what Kiyoi said. "What are you doing?"

Hira turned around, in a surprised state and said nothing.

"Your boyfriend isn't with you?"

"Ke ke ke..."
 "Your boyfriend."

"I don't have a boyfriend."

Hearing that answer, Kiyoi could only be excited, so he handed a brochure

to Hira. "If you want, you can go"

Kiyoi showed his friendship, with other boys, he behaved affectionately,

all because of his anger. Until he was finally motivated to talk to him.

They talked about various things in the cafe, but he was getting more and
more annoyed by Hira's lack of clarity. Hira says that Koyama's younger
brother is not his boyfriend. But he is a good person, he likes that he is kind
and protective. Also, that night he told why he never contacted him, on
graduation day his phone got wet and he decided to change it, losing all his
contacts..

However, when Kiyoi tells him that he is in trouble for not having a
rehearsal room, he approaches him to provide a place. The Hira, of those
days, had returned. He even gives his telephone contact again.

After leaving the coffee shop, Kiyoi continues to be confused by the

conversation with Hira. He wants to know everything clearly and asked about
Mr. Koyama's younger brother what he was going to do in the future, accept
his relationship or not, hoping to clarify this. He definitely wanted to find out
his true feelings. He wanted to hear Hira clearly deny it.

"Don't know". Hira did not deny it. he even said.

"Why do you worry about that?"

 'I don't know, the possibility that the words that would come out of his
mouth had vanished 'he won't do anything' 'I don't like him, I like you' those
words he wanted to hear. Love words.

'Why do you bother to follow me? Why do you say that you will provide
me with a rehearsal room? Are you considering being with Mr. Koyama's
younger brother?'

"Who do you like? Do you like him or do you like me?"

A moment after saying those words, kiyoi was struck with great
embarrassment, such questions were ridiculous and uncomfortable.

'I just wait for his response 'I like you.' 'I want Kiyoi' If this is what
happened.... Say it! Please say it, then if you say it I'll kiss you again. So I
tried again and insisted '

ha! Hira opened his mouth, exposing his idiot face. He had a face that they
asked him something unexpected.

"What are you talking about?"

'....Koyama has nothing to do with you, right? Just say it.'

Kiyoi just needed answers, answers he didn't get. However, what if he

began to feel, was how his ears turned red, he wanted to disappear from there.
he couldn't take any more. Kiyoi thought, that all this must be just a
misunderstanding, so to hide the embarrassment from him, he decided to kick
Hira and run out of there.

Kiyoi just wanted to disappear, it was impossible to continue in the

presence of someone so sick.
VOLUME 1. CHAPTER 3: "Sweet and bitter"
part 2

Kiyoi, as he strode towards the station, escaping from Hira, kept denying
the feeling that was beginning to rise within him. The feeling that everything
was completely different now, Hira was no longer his servant, all he could
think of was that what he felt ' is love, but it's not love.'

Kiyoi, thought that he had never obtained such a great humiliation, like the
humiliations that person gave him. But he liked Hira so much, that he would
continue to stay by his side.

"Do you have any more lines?"

After the company's training, the president gave Kiyoi a new script. It was
originally a script for another actor, but that person suffered from a throat
problem. Therefore, he has decided to have surgery at the end of the year and
all his scripts were delivered to other actors, including Kiyoi.

Kiyoi agrees to review the script deeply, to accept it or not. However, he

must get money, so he should just accept.

While waiting for the train on the station platform, he leafed through the
script. He begins to draw a red line in the ordered lines to remember the parts
of him. So, he must quickly find a place to practice, since he cannot carry out
his rehearsals in the office.

The theatre company rehearsal room rents cheap space by the hour, but
that's very little time and a lot of money. The apartment where he lives is
impossible and practicing in the park would summon a lot of people.
The last resort was Karaoke Bock, so you'll just have to contact him.
 Suddenly, Hira's words pierced his chest, but he only shook his head. Hira
said that he would talk to his uncle about the house, but so far, he hasn't
received any calls. It's been a month since he decided to kick Hira leaving
him at the train station, but so far Hira hasn't called. 'I definitely don't want
to be the one to call him.'

As a person who has gone offline once, he has done the same today. Kiyoi,
every day, remembers Hira, hoping that he would contact him, but day by
day he was disappointed even more, Hira, did not contact him.

In those moments, Kiyoi wondered if everything was going well with Mr.
Koyama's younger brother, who had finally chosen him.
'I'm an idiot.' 'Stop thinking Hira.'

Kiyoi just wants to avoid thinking about Hira, he wants to think that the
new day will be wonderful and that he will have a good day. But, he finally
ended up saying to himself 'today will be a bad day'

"Yeah, hello". When he was waiting for the train, a young woman standing
next to him on the platform said,

"I think I'm going to work."

"Sorry I was wrong"

"What's wrong?"

"I must have scored wrong."

"You are my boyfriend?" She had a sweet voice.

The woman continued talking on the phone, her face shone, no doubt she
liked the other person a lot. But what Kiyoi could understand is that the young
woman called one person, explaining that she had called another, but finally
they ended up talking for a long time.

'Can I use that same move? ...just pretend to be wrong. If there is a

favourable response, that's fine. If there isn't, just this once I'll forget it
forever.'

Kiyoi took out his cell phone and dialled Hira's phone number. The train
had just arrived and he wanted to concentrate, so he got out of line and sat on
the terrace on one shore.

'You have to hang up at the same time I answer it. If Hira sees him after a
while, then call. This is just a wrong call; it can happen to anyone. But I must
admit that I am delighted to call Hira's number. I called Hira's number, which
was annoying and scary for me, and cut off the moment the electronic sound
went off.'
(PS: I'll just say... Well, who hasn't done this??? And then running to hide
the cell phone hahaha)

After cutting, Kiyoi was nervous, his hands were sweating. He couldn't
believe what he had done, he had promised not to call Hira, now was the time
he had already done it. As he continued with the conflict of his thoughts,
suddenly his hand began to shake, Kiyoi was surprised.

Hira's name was displayed all over the screen, it turns out that the call back
came back after thirty seconds.

Joy appeared on kiyou's face, he finally smiled again, but he didn't answer
immediately, he just waited.

[Hey...] Kiyoi was able to control himself and make a pleasant but firm
voice.

[I am Kazunari Hira]
 [I know that.] There was no name that could give him such happiness.

[Ah, it's been a long time. Something happens? ..]

[You just called me on my cell phone. I was wondering what was going
on.] [Did I call you? oh really? Ah, I wonder if I made a mistake with my
friend's number.] [Ah, maybe.] Hira's voice was disappointing. [I had no
reason to call you.] [That's right, but it's absolutely good to hear you.] Hira's
words made Kiyoi completely happy. Hearing his voice gave joy and a sense
of superiority. [I think it's been about a month since I saw you, what has Kiyoi
been up to these days How are you, Kiyoi..] [ I'm fine. What about you?] [I'm
fine. I've been with too many things recently, since I moved.]

[Yes?] [To my uncle's house, as I said before] [Well...] [I contacted my

uncle immediately that day to prepare everything for Kiyoi, so he could
contact me at any time] [...] [I have everything, the furniture is in perfect
condition. I waited for Kiyoi for a long time. why didn't Kiyoi get in touch
right away?] After hearing what Hira said, Kiyoi was stunned because he
didn't understand why he hadn't called him. [You can use Kiyoi at any time,
so when you want to practice, you just have to come.]

[Where is the place?] 'When I said I didn't know where the place was, I
gave him the name of the station where I was so he could pick me up. Just
one call made everything change in me, it made me immensely happy to hear
it. My happiness goes beyond everything. I'm happy, despite not being able
to understand Hira' After going through the front door...

Dingdong .
 "Kiyoi."

Hira stopped, wearing a plaid shirt, baggy pants, and an overcoat. Kiyoi
forgot all the frustrations of that past month and could only smile, 'I'm a
complete idiot, smiling at a sick person.' But that sick person made him
happy.

"Okay, we'll walk or is it too far?"

"What if I say it's not close enough?" Hira blinked repeatedly.

"Then, let's take a taxi. You'll have to pay for me. Well, there's a taxi rank
there." Kiyoi was too excited, he was impulsive, he just wanted to run to the
taxi station to be with Hira.

"It's a joke?" he said he.

"I'm serious". Then Hira's face slowly fell apart.

"Oh, it's a joke." He's a bad guy who's happy to be teased.

"So can we walk?"

"Is that too far? Will you carry me?"

"If Kiyoi wants me to do that, I'll do the best I can."

Kiyoi, I didn't know what to do. he didn't think he would be taken seriously
like that.. This guy is a man who is his stalker. Someone who suddenly scared
him. Yet he gave him goosebumps.

Hira kept smiling at him, Kiyoi was so uncomfortable he cursed himself.

Hira had told him that he was far enough away, but he only wished it had
taken them seven to eight minutes to get to the house.
 The house was surrounded by camellia hedges, it was a house with a large
garden very different from all the others there. The entrance and hallway
were wide. This was Kiyoi's first time visiting that area, but having a large
road nearby, plus the train station, meant it was a good residential area.

"Hey. Will you be able to practice?"

"Yes"

When he answered herself as he looked around the wide room, Hira's face
felt relieved. The house also had a piano room in the back, so Hira goes down
the hall.

"My uncle, he bought the piano as a tool for his daughter's wedding. Well,
I think it will help you too."

"This is the best. It can be used more widely" Kiyoi took a deep breath
stroking the wall of the great room, he ran and hugged all the walls of the
room. When I speak out loud, Hira suddenly fell behind.

"You're crazy, you're like a chatty figure" that was strange, Hira was
making fun of Kiyoi for the first time.
Kiyoi, now he was happy even though he felt quite strange, he was now
Hira's only roommate. At first, I was happy, but every time I got angrier,
wouldn't this be a new misunderstanding... since Hira's actions are
inconsistent. And it would be too much for Kiyoi to accept another painful
misunderstanding.

"You, this house, really asked your uncle and said that it would be for me."

"Yeah, don't worry. I did it myself."

"But you came alone. You didn't call me, don't apologize." Hira nodded
his head.
 "Yes, I'm sorry".

"Then why not call. I say it's for me, but if you had called earlier, we would
already be living here. You can get to Shibuya in a short time, plus the
location is very convenient."

"That's how it is". I implicitly included it inside the house. We would live
together... his response was too quick , 'is he that pushy?'

"If you say it's for me, why didn't you contact me earlier?" When he asked
him, Hira choked and answered.

"Isn't it annoying when I call you?"

"Never"

"Why did you exchange numbers then?"

"The last time I saw Kiyoi, he was very angry with me."

"So"

"And I wanted to tell the truth to Koyama's brother that I was a stalker who
had no friends with me. But I couldn't."

"Well, I told him the truth. I told Mr. Koyama that Hira had no friends and
he was a stalker."

Kiyoi asked back and remembered the conversation with Mr. Koyama at
the celebration. 'he passed it down from brother to brother and then told
Hira?'

"Maybe it was an excuse?" Hira asks.

 "..... Do you understand what I did?"

"Okay. I'm that kind of person. Kiyoi just told me the truth. I don't think
it's a secret. Kiyoi called me ' stalker' 'nuisance' 'sick' since he was in high
school."

"I told you"

"But no problem. Hira didn't call Kiyoi because if he did and said he had
a house for him, Kiyoi would call the police. I don't want to scare Kiyoi. But
if Kiyoi calls me, I'll just prepare for it." Hira speaks and Kiyoi felt terribly
bad.

When Kiyoi heard the explanation and the reason why he wasn't called, he
thought that he was the only one to blame for Hira not contacting him.

Hira is scolded by his master and is drooling like a dog with its tail hanging
down. It seemed like he was bullying Hira, the same amount of unreasonable
feelings as guilt arose.

There are certainly times when Kiyoi's words and attitude towards Hira
become unnecessarily strict. But that doesn't mean, that he wants to hurt him,
just that he doesn't want to get hurt unilaterally. ‘If this is not a perfect and
strong man, why am I going round and round thinking about him? Why did
I wait for Hira's call and was disappointed to see my cell phone every day?'

"Do you really think so?"

"You won't say I'm just bad," he said.

Kiyoi begins to question himself, he cannot bear the irrationality of his
actions, all kinds of feelings swirl in his chest.
 "It's okay to break ties with this person." Kiyoi reached out and cupped
Hira's face, getting closer slowly, until he almost felt his breathing.

"...Ki...Kiyoi" A flustered Hira replied.

At that moment, the doorbell rang at the entrance. Hira looked back.

Left alone, Kiyoi crouched down and covered his face with both hands.
His face was hot body temperature was elevated, causing something on his
waist to rise gradually . 'So I just want to be touched? This is shameful. I
want to go home now.'

"A friend?" A woman's voice was heard, Kiyoi was surprised. 'Maybe I'm
not only dealing with Mr. Koyama's younger brother but also with a woman.'
(PS: Jealousy!!!!! Hahaha)

Kiyoi smoothly walked out of the hall, there was an old woman who
looked like a mother at the entrance.

"I'm talking to someone important now."

"Yes, I understand. I'll be back soon, I'll just put this in the fridge."

"Oh hello." Hira's mother looks at Kiyoi.

Kiyoi, just thought to get out of there, as fast as possible, but he couldn't
withdraw anymore, when he left the room completely, Hira's mother looked
at him with a very happy face.

"Hello, a friend from college?"

"Oh, when I was in high school."

 He couldn't say that he was a friend, he couldn't say that he was a college
classmate either, so he just told the truth. While mother, she just looked at
him in surprise and he said.

"Well, that's right. I'm an old friend." Kiyoi answered giving a bigger smile
than before.

"Sorry to bother you, I'm glad you came to play. This mother will be
leaving soon. I just made a lot of rice, so you can eat it with Kazu-kun later.
I also brought fried shrimp, vegetables, so if you're hungry, all the dishes are
ready." cooked and you should only heat it over low heat."

"Mother, you will go home early."

This whole scene surprised Kiyoi a lot, because for the first time he was
seeing this part of Hira.
Hira is a normal person at home, Hira's mother walks into the kitchen with
paper bags in hand.

"Sorry, I think I'll be back soon."

"Okay"

"Kazu-kun, do you want to be able to warm up for two?" He said looking

at Hira.

"Oh, so I will if you want."

".. ... Then come". Hira's face flashed and he yelled into the kitchen.

'Let's do it'. I heard such a loud voice for the first time.

Kiyoi couldn't stop thinking about the nice story that was in front of him,
Hira had a mother, he had a normal life.... as he kept thinking about it, while
sitting on the sofa in the living room, mother appeared saying.
 "Kazu-kun, then mother will go home."

"Yes" Hira came over to say goodbye, so Kiyoi stood up. Mother smiles.

"Sorry to bother you. I was worried that Kazu-kun would suddenly live
alone, but I was relieved to know that he had old friends who could come
home to live with him. Thank you for his support."

Kiyoi couldn't answer well, he only bowed his head deeply.

Kiyoi was using Hira as a servant. he had never done anything to help him.
Now talking to her mother, she will feel guilty for everything he had done in
the past.

"Okay, let's eat."

After Hira's mother returned, he went to the kitchen as she directed, they
headed to the dining room table. He had prepared a very thorough meal.
Ohitashi mushroom, a potato salad with lots of vegetable croquettes.

Hira turned on the microwave oven and said that there was soup.

"Well, I'll take it." He looked at Hira and clasped his hands.

"I'll have a bite of kibble" Kiyoi muttered unintentionally.

"Mother likes to cook, I think it's fun to come up with various dishes."

Hira's mother was a graceful and kind person. That mother, she made
excellent food, the uncle who was assigned abroad was really a great person
for letting him stay there.

"It would be nice to make a burger out of this. Shrimp Burger."

"I'll tell my mother."

 "Never say it. The salad, ohitashi, and soup are delicious."

Since Kiyoi started living alone, he has only been eating out, although he
didn't feel uncomfortable, his body was honest and he always ordered a meal
from home. Now and after he finished the meal, Hira said as if he had
decided.

"Okay. We can talk." Kiyoi puts his glass down on the table.

"..."

"I didn't mean to cut ties with Kiyoi.

"Did you really change the number and address?"

"On the day of the graduation ceremony, I thought Kiyoi was yelling at
me, Kiyoi was lazy."

"What kind of idea is that?"

"On the day of the graduation ceremony, you told me 'See you later', so I
thought I shouldn't call anymore."

"Why did you think that? I usually say 'See you later'."

"..."

"It's like that."

"But it seemed to me that Kiyoi was angry." 'This was just embarrassing.
Actually, that day I prepared the words correctly. But he just couldn't tell
clearly. Is it too much to ask Hira, who has extremely low communication
skills, to read them out of the air? So was I wrong after all? What should I do
if this is still wrong? What if I can't tell the other person that you are full of
love?'

"You can answer then."

"That?"

"..." 'I didn't understand the true meaning of the question again, so I
answered the meaning as it was, of what I thought it asked.' "So... ' see you '
is really see you soon, like tomorrow or right now" 'What did that mean? The
kiss." "That's... Is that it?" Hira dropped his shoulder as if he was surprised.
"What's the meaning other than that? Mainly, do you kiss the person you
think you have feelings for?” “That's a compassionate ritual….” Kiyoi
couldn't keep up with a proper answer.

'How negative is it?' It feels good to be adored, by someone, but I really

want to kill myself. How can a man have too much common sense?'

"I didn't kiss you out of pity!"

"Then why did you do it?"

"Umm." Hira looks at Kiyoi, who has solidified in an instant, out of

anxiety.

Kiyoi to answer that question, he wanted to say many things... but he

couldn't say them, lest Hira misunderstand. But he wondered to
himself...'How can a person not read you? Think for yourself why one person
kisses another. If he thinks so... there is only one reason. Hira is a fool, really
a fool... I will definitely kill him... I kissed you because I like you!! I like
Hira, so I kissed him. That's reason enough to kiss. I finally realized that I
had crushed my escape site by myself while cursing Hira.'

Hira looks at himself like he's in trouble.

"I'm sorry" Hira widened his eyes, stood up and went to the front door with
a bag in hand.

Hira said,
"I want you to use it freely even if I'm not around."

"..."

"I'm afraid to stay. If I stay, you'll be associated with this strange weirdo
again. I hate him violently. But I don't like associating with people who don't
want me around anymore."

"You just wanted to leave me here and you won't stay"

"Yes, I'll tell mother not to come anymore."

"Rather, you'll go with Koyama-san's younger brother"

"What?"

"You will go with him..."

"I didn't say if I would go out with him and I'm not with Koyama."

"But you say that he is a good person."

This seems to be a bad hunch. 'Was I a person like that?' Everything had
changed to be in awkward moment. 'Why is he so troublesome?'

"Koyama is a nice guy, but I don't have feelings for him."

 "I like you..." Hira seemed to be in trouble. That's not something that tells
people that much.

"I don't usually get into other people's affairs. I don't care about that label,
but I do care about Hira. But it's impossible for me to guess what you're
feeling… What am I to you?"

"You are the one I like the most in the world."

"Do you want to get along with me?"

"Yes. Because Kiyoi is the most important person to me. It's not about
liking a boy or a girl. Kiyoi is more important than that. But he's been gone
for so long and I didn't expect him to come back. This is all too hard for me.
my."

"I don't believe you" Kiyoi blinked.

"

"Because you don't say anything. I don't understand what you think."

"I don't understand what Kiyoi means either." Kiyoi wanted to yell at him,
but Hira opened his mouth first and began to speak.

"Because Kiyoi is like a king."

"That?" The flashing speed is faster than before.

"That's why Kiyoi is like a king and I'm the person who serves him and I
don't want to force him into anything. I don't want him to be forced to
associate with me if we live together. The image I think of is that I'm the duck
captain ...and Kiyoi is the king that cannot be touched or reached."
 "Is it better for children to play in the pool or in the bath with a yellow
duck toy? What is that about..."

Hira explains to the duck,

"The captain of the duck used to flow through the sewage, now with the
closeness of the king he can get used to traveling the golden river as a
prestigious King toy, I mean, that's too much."

"Why do I like this boy?"

Standing in front of a door with no handle, Kiyoi came to understand a

little about Hira. Hira, made up of 80% negative thoughts, had a harsh and
unclear rule. Kiyoi has always considered himself selfish. He sometimes
reflected on himself. However, in a sense, Hira was someone who surpassed
himself. Since on many occasions he was even more arrogant than he fell
into stupidity.

Kiyoi, I turned my back, since, he was still talking about the duck captain.
Kiyoi quickly left Hira's uncle's house.

Hira rushes after him.

"I'll take you to the station."

"I don't want to, am I a woman?"

"So, this is it."

"I won't stay. I'll forget about such a sick man."

"I want you to stay."

 "I'm a human, myself, I want to be looked at, I want to be hugged, I want
to be touched. I want to be loved!! Also, I'm a human who wants to say thank
you." Hira smiles a happy smile

from the bottom of his heart. His eyes are slightly red. "This is awful, isn't
it?"

"But I will come again."

"I didn't want to make a stupid misunderstanding like at the graduation

ceremony, so I rephrased it. The reason, I want to forget everything and
completely disappear, but my other self is upset by Hira's stupid side because
he's lazy with his words, I'm embarrassed!! Of everything I've said and
maybe he doesn't even understand."
Kiyoi headed toward the station with a firm step.

'"I'll be waiting. I'll always be waiting!" An emotional voice hits behind

him.

..................................

When I return in the afternoon, when I open the front door. Hira was
waiting for him, at the drop off where he took off his shoes...

Kiyoi greeted Hira with a simple wave, who was happy to see coming.

"Hey..."

"Kiyoi, do you want to have dinner? My mother came in the afternoon and
brought a lot of food."
Kiyoi answers seriously.

"I didn't eat McDonald's."

 "Then let's have breakfast tomorrow."

Hira's face shone brightly. Suddenly, Kiyoi answers, as he watches Hira's

beautiful smile.

"I'll go take a bath. I can take it anytime."

"Oh, leave this there."

Kiyoi went through the living room and headed for the bathroom.

" Do you want me to heat rice? For after the bath?"

That whole scene looks like an old-fashioned newlywed picture, but

recently Kiyoi comes to Hira's house every day, so his baggage is increasing
day by day.

Kiyoi's yellow toothbrushes are lined up next to Hira's green toothbrushes

in the bathroom, Kiyoi's styling products are scattered on empty shelves
throughout the bathroom.

Kiyoi at night, usually immersed in the large tub with plenty of hot water,
which was very different from the narrow bathroom in his personal apartment
where he lived. today he just wanted to relieve himself of the tiredness of the
day.

Kiyoi was disappointed by hira constant misunderstandings, but when he

came in at night, he came to a rather cozy place. Also, the room is huge and
he can practice until midnight.

However, speaking of having a man, Hira is clumsy and does everything

for Kiyoi. Of course, best of all, there is no shadow of another man anymore.

In high school, Shirota and his colleagues called Hira the ideal slave. That
is exactly correct. Kiyoi thought that it would be better if he was his ideal
slave, just the way he is, so he believes that it will probably happen in the
near future and he will become her ideal lover. Well, he's a man too
uncomfortable to be around anyway.

Kiyoi came out of the bathroom, he went to the living room with only the
bottom part of his pyjamas because it was too hot, Hira got scared, he looked
at him from top to bottom and then asked.

"Do you want a drink?" Kiyoi replied.

"Carbonated water", he ran to the kitchen so as not to look at him and bring
the water.
Kiyoi laughed as he dried his hair with a bath towel. As usual, both men
and women are usually persuaded, but Kiyoi had never fallen for anyone.

After all, for the first time, he likes the man he likes. Although he has
mixed feelings for his love, it's like being asked about world peace, but that
was unavoidable. In short, Hira was his first love, first kiss, and first
experience of everything else. Kiyoi is a surprisingly determined man. He
always knew that and he wanted to play it safe, but in the end he was always
misunderstood.

"What's wrong? You're embarrassed." he says to the person next to him

with the glass of water. Kiyoi, he continues to question, when he fell in love
in that way and with that person. He was so stupid.

"Thank you"...

Hira gave him the carbonated water that also contained lemon, Kiyoi
accepted it thanking him. While drinking cold carbonated water on the sofa,
Hira picked up the camera that was on the table.

"Can I take a picture?"

 "Okay"

Suddenly, he started taking pictures, while only the sharp sound of the
camera could be heard. Hira seems to like taking pictures of his unkempt
everyday life, though he never decides on a particular position.

A few days ago, Hira had shown Kiyoi all the pictures he had taken so far,
including the ones he took in middle school. Hira was reluctant at first, but
when Kiyoi said that he wouldn't let him film anymore, he became sad and
brought all the albums he had saved, he hurriedly went for them.

Kiyoi is used to being photographed because he is a professional model,

but unlike the gravure in fashion magazines, the home photographer was
much better.

'I wonder if I have that face.. In Hira's photo, I saw myself as a person I
had never seen in a professional photogravure. I don't know about the
technology, but he impressed me with that photograph, because he was
staring closely. It's love to stare, so honestly, I'm happy. However, as I saw
many of the same photographs with different processing, I was somewhat
drawn in by the weight of love. It's understandable that you want a photo of
your favourite photo, but you can't afford to have that many. When I said that
I wouldn't get enough of it, that I wouldn't allow private photos anymore,
Hira blamed me for what he was saying, I felt like I couldn't say anything. I
come to stay almost every day and Hira happily accepts me. I'm optimistic
that if I carry on like this, sooner or later we'll be lovers, like I've always
wanted, but on the other hand, I start to feel impatient with the feeling of
distance that doesn't diminish at all. Hira is an ideal slave and a serious too-
serious fan....'

"My toenails are growing," Kiyoi said.

"Can you stay longer like this?"

Suddenly, Hira leans in front of the sofa and takes a close-up of Kiyoi's
legs and little finger. Kiyoi stretched out his legs and braced them on Hira's
knees, wondering why he wanted to photograph such a place, he laughed as
if he was mocking him.

"Okay", Hira put the camera down and stood up normally and headed
towards the bathroom.

"...I can cut them for you, if you wish." 'Do you really intend to cut it?'
"You will do it?" Hira knelt down in front of Kiyoi. he placed Kiyoi's heel
on his knee, lifting it slightly with his hand. "I'm nervous because it's the first
time I've cut someone else's nails." This is the first time, since he was a child,
that he was cared for in this way by another person. However, as he wrapped
his large hands around his heels, Kiyoi's chest began to throb strongly, he felt
that every touch he received from Hira was like a burning dagger reaching
deep into his body. His skin stood on end, each small and delicate touch
excited him more and more. "

Even if Kiyoi looked around the world, he wouldn't have such a blissful
expression, like seeing Hira stroking his feet. He's a pervert, he's awesome
and he knows it. However, this perverted obsession is what keeps him at
peace, since something similar to pleasure arises. It is as if supply and
demand are perfectly matched.

"Kiyoi's feet are also very stiff. Your toes are getting stiffer as well."

"You took a lot of photos of my feet..."

' I remember that day Hira kissed me on the back of my hand. I wonder if
Hira, remember that day, the feeling it provoked in me was incredible, it
made me shine to the depths of my head, it was an incredible moment, did he
remember the same thing as me? It's like now all my skin is wounded with
his soft touches. Hira has no style, he has nothing to do with fashion. That is
why his problem is hairstyle and clothes. However, Hira is tall, has broad
shoulders, and has incredibly strong arms, though he never shows it. His face
under that bangs shows a look that makes me lose myself in it. The members
of the theatre company said that he had a good face, for an actor. Of course,
I will never say that.'

"Hey, shall we go shopping together next time?"

"...okay"

Hira showed his face happy with again and Kiyoi was happy with his
positive attitude.

"Oh, then we'll go to Shibuya"

"It's close on Sunday, but my mother said that the fresh market above the
station is good. There is a local vegetable corner in front of the store that sells
everything very fresh."

"Okay, we'll shop there."

When the two college boys talked about shopping, but neither of them was
good at shopping, even at the neighbourhood supermarket, Hira said, "

Okay, I'm good enough now."

"Are you afraid of..."

"I'm not afraid at all. I'll follow you and choose what's best for you and the
room."

"Electric Fuel".

"Okay I can do it, I can..."

"We'll also stop by a clothing store..."

 "I don't know what you're talking about, I think I have enough." 'I don't
know what's wrong with me but I'm so scared to be in the room.' "Hurts". At
the moment when Kiyoi spoke he suddenly felt a small pain running down
his foot.

"Sorry, I cut you too much!" Hira lifted his heel and checked toes.

"It's okay."
As he answered, Kiyoi suddenly stiffened with his fingers.

"No, no, it's not okay."

Suddenly Hira wraps his fingers between his tongue. Kiyoi begins to
squirm desperately, he can't help but feel ticklish. The sensation caused by
that viscous tongue gently massaging his fingers begins to spread through the
back of his waist. He felt like he was killing inside, the heat radiating past his
face, even reaching his abdomen. Enduring the unsettling heat welling up
inside him, Hira finally let go.

"Sorry, there's no blood coming out now, but he's disinfected for now..."
Hira said.

"....ahhh"

Kiyoi followed Hira's line of sight and then groaned. he quickly covered
the centre of his abnormally raised waist with the towel he wore on hair. His
face was really hot, from his cheeks, neck and ears.

"Why are you doing such strange things..."

"Sorry, I'll take responsibility."

"That!"
 "If Kiyoi is good, I'll do it."

"What will you do that..."

"I will..."

As soon as he says it, Hira approaches Kiyoi, making Kiyoi's neck even
hotter. There was no mocking word or gesture in Hira's eyes, he just acted
normally, while Kiyoi was terribly impatient, Hira suddenly said.

"

After listening to Hira, Kiyou's centre responds even better. No matter how
abrupt the situation is, he just keeps reacting.

"Sorry, Kiyoi, are you alright?"

"....ah!"

"...it's really fine."

When he says that, Kiyoi's tension makes his mind go blank. So, he takes
the bath towel to cover himself better, but he can see that the core of his just
keeps reacting, even the mood better and it can already be seen through the
cloth.

Kiyoi was so embarrassed, he wanted to die, he thought he had an excellent

but he shouldn't react like that, in front of the other person's eyes.

"Noisy, don't say anything..."

"Sorry, I won't say anything else. But I can help."

"...aaah"
 The fingertips on the waist of the pajamas are trembling. Hira takes his
hands to Kiyoi's waist, it is also noticeable that he is nervous.

"Lift your hips up a bit."

When he raised his hips, under the pajamas along with his underwear,
suddenly everything was released and placed in their presence. Kiyoi feels
embarrassed, he had never been exposed like this before. This was all too
embarrassing.

"..."

"...Wow, that's beautiful."

"Don't stare at me."

"Why not? Kiyoi's color and shape are really quite beautiful."

"

"It's impressive. The shape and the pink color of it is perfect, really
beautiful."

Kiyoi, just hearing how his organ was seen from Hira's mouth made his
whole body feel even hotter, it's as if he was now on fire. Suddenly, a
transparent liquid appears from the small dent in the tip.

"It's amazing, I haven't even touched it yet."

"....Ahhh"

"I will"
 Kiyoi's body suddenly jerked in surprise, he began to tremble even more,
every time Hira got closer. Hira brought her face down getting closer to
Kiyoi's crotch.

"Oh, wait a minute..."

Suddenly, a hot and humid mucous membrane began to massage the head
of his member. Kiyoi was on the verge of burning out completely, so he had
no choice but to let go.

Now his member was swallowed whole, with its rounded tip he could feel
the walls of Hira's mouth each time he struck him. Suddenly, Hira's tongue
stopped him and he began to massage from the origin to the head of his
member. His tongue massaged up and down, never mindful of his round
head. When Kiyoi perked up even more he could reach the bell in Hira's
mouth.

That mouth provoked him more and more, he felt good, he felt incredible
to the point of wanting to die.

Kiyoi, he was experiencing that pleasure for the first time, that pleasure
was so intense that his tears welled up, when he desperately shook his head,
the stimulation suddenly stopped. 'he stopped himself?' 'In such a state?'

Although it is the first time he experienced something like this, he feels

uncomfortable, Kiyoi feels that his eyes seem to explode at any moment. The
sensation of burning electricity invades his entire body, to the point of being
burned and his breathing can no longer come out normally.

However, he is unpleasantly wet with the other person's saliva. But as Hira
did that, his entire lower abdomen was sore, and ready to explode. His heart
was pounding almost to the point of coming out of his chest. But the other
person had stopped.
 "Do you want me to continue?"

VOLUME 1. CHAPTER 3: "Sweet and bitter"

part 3

"But... Kiyoi is crying like he doesn't want him anymore..." 'Of course I
won't accept those words. Being left in this state is too painful.' "Ahhh... but
why would he be upset? I don't hate him... I like him" Kiyoi replied in an
agonized voice. "He feels good, so keep going..." "Ahhhh..." When Kiyoi, he
was on the verge of getting completely involved, a sentence made him wrap
in shame again. "I like Kiyoi's member...it's cute...it's delicate...it's pinkish..."

Kiyoi glared at Hira. But then he is disappointed in himself, since the

movements of Hira's slimy tongue fill him with pleasure. Every time Hira
invades the root of his member with his tongue and massages it with his
tongue, warm drops begin to flow from the round head of his member. When
Hira got closer to his groin area, his body trembled completely, he could no
longer repress those emotions and he must only moan at some point.

The long-awaited pleasure makes his body and his feelings confront each
other, since each lick of Hira is like a bolt of electricity in Kiyoi's body.

"It's alright like this" Hira once released his mouth.

"Okay, let's just leave things as they are. Keep it up."

"Can you do such an embarrassing thing for the first time?"

However, Hira's mouth deepens and Kiyoi's entire body loses strength. The
pleasure quickly rose through his whole body causing him to hold Hira's hair
unintentionally and he began to moan softly biting his lower lip, almost
unable to breathe.
 "Hmmm, Ahhhh, Ahhhhh"

The moan bounced around the room, Kiyoi tugged at Hira's hair, causing
him to raise his head and opening his eyes, he met Hira's bright gaze directly,
while dragging his tongue all over his genitals. from Kiyoi. he trailed his
tongue up and into Kiyoi's soft, fluffy fur.

"Hmm, oh"

Kiyoi's abdomen begins to shake gradually, from Hira's quicker licks. His
legs were collapsing, so he can only spread them wide, causing Hira to
completely bury his head there, completely absorbing the member in front of
him. Noticing Koyoi's gradual tremors, he could only suck on his member
with more and more intensity. he sucked, his head and then went back down
again and again, until suddenly, he felt a nice sweet taste in his mouth.

"Hmm, hmm, ahh."

As he sucked in intensely, his hands caressed the entire area of Kiyoi's hip.
Now a tingling, tickling sensation, and frustrating excitement was running up
and down Kiyoi's entire body. he could no longer tell what kind of emotions
his body was releasing at that moment, he just knew that it would be released
completely.

"Iku...iku...iku...ahhhhh."

From those strong sucks and licks, the pleasant sensation of a fire running
through him and exploding in him, made him scream, going all the way.
Leaving Hira's mouth and tongue completely soaked, so he just spat
normally.
After freeing himself, Hira gently kisses Kiyoi's almost inert member,
running soft kisses from his groin until he reaches his knees.

"Are you tired?"

 "Yes"

Kiyoi, reaching for a cushion, he hugged the cushion and hid his face in
cushion. Shame invaded his entire being, he couldn't make eye contact with
the other person, but between his eyes he could see that Hira's waist was
completely bulging, very unnatural, since it was something quite big. But he
thought it was pretty painful, being in that situation and doing nothing.

"You're... Hot..." When Kiyoi reacted and looked up from him he said to
Hira.

"Well, I'll do it too…for you."

He was quite embarrassed so he said without looking. But Hira could only
shake his head.

"I'm fine," Kiyoi was easily dismissed.

"Kiyoi doesn't have to do that. I'll take it easy."

Hira runs out of the room and Kiyoi stands there vaguely, thinking..
'Is this a lie? It would be unbearable for a man to stay in that state.'

Kiyoi put on his pajamas again and waited with the feeling that he couldn't
win Hira's victory, then he heard the sound of the toilet flush and then Hira's
lower body, it had returned to normal and Kiyoi was full of anger .

"Did you take it out yourself?"

A question mark danced in Kiyoi's head...'I'm saying I'll do it myself, but

does he handle it? What is this boy? I do not understand what it means. I'm
angry because I don't really understand it.'

"Are you angry?"

 "Perhaps, it may be."

"..."

"Did you do something that would be a problem if you were caught?"

In response to Kiyoi's question, Hira blushed in an instant.

"I'm sorry. But I wasn't thinking of Kiyoi."

"..."

"I figured something else. I wasn't thinking about Kiyoi at all. So don't
worry."

"Wait. Wait a minute. But…that would be fun."

Although it was an erotic act that they just did, still, Hira rejected Kiyoi's
contact, and even used something else as material and handled it himself.
Even though his favorite person would do it for him.

"Thank you!"

"It would be an option. I am."

When Kiyoi said without patience, Hira stared at him with anxious eyes
and shrugged, and said.

"Why can't I take it out myself?"

“…Yeah… Nothing.” Enduring unbearable irrationality, Kiyoi headed for

the bathroom with one big stride.

'Why is this happening? I wonder if Hira isn't interested in him in the

romance sense, since he, he gradually starts to feel anxious as he holds onto
his hair tightly. Also, he said 'I like Kiyoi the most in the world', but there are
many kinds of things he likes. Hira's taste is not always the taste of romance.
I really do not understand.'

Kiyoi looked at himself through the mirror, blow-drying his hair in

frustration. 'Maybe my attitude is too uptight? I am well aware that Hira has
a negative self-concept. It's hard to make him change his mind. So, I have no
choice but to change this. To prevent Hira from invoking negative concepts,
for example, I will give him a refreshing smile that is easy for him to
understand and he doesn't see me as an idol.'

Kiyoi got goosebumps at the thought of giving Hira an Idol smile. But still,
he felt that he should do his best. Like a job.
When Kiyoi returned to the living room, he didn't sit across from Hira as
usual, but sits next to him. Hira looked at him suddenly, so Kiyoi was scared
for a moment, but he covered it up.

"What happen?"

"Sometimes I want to sit next to you. Can't I?" Kiyoi was uncomfortable,
but still he didn't leave the sight of his gaze.

"No problem."

'Do what you want'

"Thank you. Oh, I'm tired today."

"What's wrong? Do you feel bad?"

"I don't want to part"

Kiyoi kissed him on the face, even though he was too out of place.
However, he figured this was a bonding session and clung back to him with
a smile on his face. Hira's body stiffened in an instant. "Ki, Ki, Ki, Ki, Ki,
Ki, ki..." He heard Hira stutter for the first time in a long time. When he heard
it for the first time, he said.

"Sick." And he had him out of his sight in a second. 'What would you do
if I told you right then that you would like that man in the near future?
Perhaps he will end with death.' Kiyoi was thinking of something stupid, as
if to taunt Hira's frustration that he wasn't nervous at all. When he looked at
his cell phone, he received an email from Iruma. [Why don't we eat if you
have time?] It's an open secret in the industry that Iruma is gay. It was always
a bother for Kiyoi to be persuaded by him, so he always dodged correctly,
but today he hid... [OK. ]........................... "I'm completely touched, so it's
nice to see you."

Kiyoi found himself at a membership restaurant and Iruma bought him a

drink in a private room. At that time, they drank, had fun and continued the
talk. Kiyoi was sure that this was all Iruma's persuasion.

"I was wondering if you already have a boyfriend or are you already in a
relationship with someone."

"No, I'm just busy with work. Besides, I'm still a student."

"It's true?"

"It's true. Oh, please come see me next time."

Kiyoi took a ticket from his bag. The day, which will be his presentation,
is very close. His practice and lessons were in the final stage, which meant
that he was immersed in Hira's house for now.

"Hmm, but there is a person you like and want to be with, right?"

"Now what do you think?"

 "I'm getting tired of making excuses…"

Kiyoi leans deeply into his chair. First of all, he is not a Tachi, who can
enjoy the persuasion of a casual partner. Giving a smile already becomes a
nuisance for him.
(PS: Tachi, the term used in Yuri(Gl) would be the girls who play a more
active role, those who carry out the conquest, are the dominant ones in the
relationship, always take the initiative and seek to seduce...)

" Maybe you're in love?"

"Yes. he's the person I like the most in the world."

"You are fierce. Isn't that a sticky love?"

"It is not like this."

Kiyoi stopped the breath that was about to escape. He was tired of showing
a smile, but he also hated showing a battered figure. Although he is dented,
it did not mean that he is flat.

He meets Hira almost every night and he believed that the relationship was
progressing. Since the events of that day, such acts had become more
frequent. As they were sitting next to each other on the sofa, he couldn't
control it anymore and just created that kind of atmosphere for it to happen.

Although they have been doing it many times, Hira always asks him.
'May I touch Kiyoi? Does Kiyoi get upset? If Kiyoi gets upset, he won't
play '
Kiyoi just thought 'This is absurd! 'when Kiyoi was satisfied, Kiyoi tried
his best to be nice to Hira, he really wanted to coddle him, but Hira would
quickly disappear and start his self-treatment in the bathroom.
 Kiyoi always gave Hira a smile, however, Hira didn't change. he just
continued to dote on Kiyoi and didn't try to close the distance. However,
Kiyoi only wants to progress, trying to push himself more and more.

"Tell him you like him and change your relationship from friendship to
romance."

"It's hard to make a breakthrough to be with him."

'I confess to Hira... I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. Why do I
like that weirdo? He's a man who says that even when he's a high school
student, he can't tell if he's a king or a soldier, or even when he's a college
student, he can't tell if he's a duck captain or a golden river. Is that really good
for me?' Kiyoi sighs.

"When I think of my favorite person, they all look good." Kiyoi forgot
about Iruma.

"Okay, I'll see you even if you have a boyfriend."

Kiyoi gently waved his hand on the table and gave a cold smile. He was
horrified in places.

"I like him, but really. I don't know how to get to him. He's not a person
like Iruma, with whom you can talk easily" "

Well, you're a handsome adult, who is in everyone's vision around him.

Why can't you be his vision? Just go tell him. Tell him how much you like
it." Iruma said confidently.

Iruma was a bit playful and talked Kiyoi over, and he went out to play with
a man who didn't have all the body and inspiration like Hira, but when he
was with another man, he was Hira. attracted to Iruma.
 "As a child, I felt lonely because I couldn't get my parents to take care of
me, but still inside of me. I want to be loved like an idiot. I want to see only
myself so much that you can't breathe. Only Hira will make it possible .'Okay,
I decide to be prepared?' 'No matter what, momentum is important to me I
must confess.' It also contains sake in its proper measure."

Tonight, Kiyoi was invited to a second dinner after a meal with a glass of
wine, but he declined. As he travelled home, every time the train got closer
to Hira station, he would try to calm down.

It seemed terribly difficult to get through to someone who didn't answer

more than three words. 'I'm sure there's nothing to say.'

As he walked home, Kiyoi devised various formulas to propose to Hira,

who lost track of time. Suddenly, he realized that he was already in front of
the house. he took a few breaths counting to ten to calm down for a moment.
As he reached for the doorknob his hands trembled, but he still opened the
door. The moment the door opened, he noticed that there were many
unknown shoes at the entrance. As he entered the hallway, loud laughter and
conversation could be heard. Upon reaching the living room a great silence
succumbed.

"Kiyoi, did you send me an email to let me know you wouldn't be arriving
at night?" Hira stood up and went to Kiyoi.

"I meant to do that, but I gave up. Does it bother you?"

"Okay. Well, they're all friends from my college circle." When Hira looks
back, the eight men say.

"Good night" at the same time they say.

 All the people there have an atmosphere similar to Hira's, but Kiyoi's eyes
were locked on only one of them. Mr. Koyama's younger brother. Who also
stares at him.

"Good night."

Koyama seems to still have a good connection with Hira, despite Hira
saying that they are not dating.

"Thank you for coming. Enjoy the moment."

"Kiyoi is a professional actor, who is acting in the theater of Koyama San,

Koyama's older brother. Kiyoi is a classmate from high school."

"It's the first time I've seen a live actor."

"By the way, I've seen it in a drink commercial."

All the people there begin to say their appreciations.

"Great"

"Please can you sign." Koyama gave up slightly.

"Sorry, Kiyoi-kun, everyone already has a lot of alcohol. Today we came
suddenly." they excused themselves "Everyone came to have fun because I
said I would..."

"You don't have to say that," Hira said, but soon tsukkomi appeared from
here and there.
(PS: tsukkomi is the serious and intelligent character, who will correct the
clumsy character)

"What are you saying? Even if you are worried, they are a small circle and
this is a nearly uninhabited house."
 Somehow the situation was accepted. It seems that Hira is trying to keep a
distance from Mr. Koyama's younger brother. It is then, that great the
moment of Kiyoi's confession had failed. Hira had a decent sensitivity and
was pleased with his friends.

"Recently, Koyama is not well. Don't worry about your boyfriend."

"Love." When I accidentally answered,

"Oh, Hira and Koyama are on good terms." 'It doesn't mean anything
strange. Even so, when I looked at the person I didn't like, Koyama vacated
a space for one person and recommended if he could sit there. Somehow, I
was surprised by the attitude of being invited, but then I sat down.' "Kiyoi,
do you want a beer?" Hira tries to get up, but... "Oh, okay, I'll go," Koyama
holds Hira's shoulders and stands up. 'The friendly appearance is even more
painful. However, Hira is very normal. I could see that this kind of physical
contact is not uncommon between the two of us, although I am afraid to touch
it. I believe i do it.' Koyama returned with beer and snacks and said:

"I forgot to heat them up. I just used everything in the cupboard, but is that
okay? I was a little scared because there were so many dishes."

"My mother seems to like bringing me all those things. I just wonder if
she'd be upset if she knew that fried chicken was fried on Ginori's plate."

"Would you like to take a test photo?"

Koyama holds his cell phone and adjusts everything with his hands,
moving us away from Kiyoi. Kiyoi secretly bit his teeth in response to the
reaction of the moment.. When he was drinking, Hira offered him a plate of
fried chicken and other snacks.

"Do you want to eat?..."

"I have eaten before."

 "Then you will tell me if you are hungry."

"Good"

Kiyoi nodded with a single word. Looking at the situation, Koyama shook
his head and said, "Although they have a long relationship, Hira and Kiyoi-
kun are helpful to each other."

Feeling a clear slave, Kiyoi looked at him.

"Sorry, I'll go to the bathroom." Koyama quickly left the room, Kiyoi was
absent.

"I'm sorry." Hira apologized in a whisper.

"Why do you apologize?"

A strange impatience was born at Kiyoi's thoughts, he was in a scenario

that he had never imagined. A boy who was an eccentric, who is sick, who is
annoying and does not know what he is thinking. That was the image Kiyoi
had of Hira. But, what he was observing was completely different. Hira, he
talked with his friends from the university and with Koyama, with such
normality that he seemed like a boy, he was omnipresent. 'It's been a long
time, but Hira and Kiyoi-kun have helpful behaviour towards each other...
Helpful behaviour. Master and servant.'

Kiyoi, he kept thinking about it and it was something he couldn't deny, so

he reached out and grabbed Hira's hand under the table. Surprised Hira
reacted.

"That?"

"Not well?"
 Hide and hold hands. he wanted to try something, even if it was something
so small, Kiyoi wanted to achieve it.

"Is everyone there?"

"Alright."

"Hira, you're embarrassing Kiyoi."

"Why, because we are men?"

"So with me..."

'Are you negative again? However, if you keep rejecting me, I won't let
you go.' Kiyoi struggled to hold Hira, who nonchalantly tried to untie his
hand.

"It's okay because I'm saying it's okay."

"No, but..."

Kiyoi suddenly felt a gaze on him, as he squeezed Hira's hand. Before he

knew it, Koyama was back and the moment he was distracted, his hand let
go and he suddenly heard an annoying voice saying.

"...Hira, he's shy." Koyama muttered like a monologue.

Looking there, Koyama sat without looking at Kiyoi and started talking to
other friends.

Kiyoi, thought that being close to the force would not be good for the
relationship either. Therefore, he couldn't force him any further…suddenly,
he felt heat building up his cheeks. Then, feeling the heat gradually
increasing, Kiyoi got up from the spot.
 "I'll rehearse."

"Hey Kiyoi." Kiyoi left the living room without looking back.

Kiyoi left the place feeling that he had been in a terrible scene with
Koyama. he went into his rehearsal room, opened bag and took out the script
to practice. After turning several pages, he began to practice. Anyway, he
wanted to fill his head with lines and practice. How absorbed he was in it.

"I'm thirsty" Kiyoi heard the sound of running water from the kitchen.

"Those friends of Hira's already left? Hira looked back as if he was

surprised.

"They're back. Because it was the last train,” he muttered. Kiyoi, he was
leaning against the kitchen wall.

“Okay.”

“Kiyoi, I'm sorry for tonight. I'm sorry my friends have been loud."

"Why don't you abstain? Do my friends bother you?"

"I like Hira's friends, but I don't like Koyama."

But he seems to be jealous. In fact, he's jealous, but I want to keep him
away from you."

"This is a house for Kiyoi. I want to give Kiyoi top priority."

Hira stopped washing and went to Kiyoi.
 'Hira is too kind and wonderful. He adores me and serves me myself. How
do I know if it's annoying?'

"Why are you like this to me?"

"Hmm"

"You're normal when you talk to your friends and Koyama-san's little
brother, but why only with me? You're like that. Tell me more normally, you
can use jokes or violent words. Just stop being polite.
"

"It's impossible to share with Kiyoi, like with other people."

"But I'm upset about it."

"Because?"

"You care about me like an idiot. I'm not a friend like them."

"Yeah, you're not a friend." Hira looked down from him.

"I'm not a lover either."

"Impossible".

"

"See you later." Kiyoi stepped forward as he was storming off, he wanted
to get out of there so he wouldn't say something out of line.

"What are you talking about this guy?"

he kissed him. Hira reflexively took his hand. Kiyoi didn't leave. he clung
to him with all his strength, inserted his tongue and squeezed hard. Both
hugged tightly, leaving Kiyoi affirmed against the wall of the house. Kiyoi
then opened his eyes and said.
"Are you doing this with someone who isn't your lover?" Hira released his
body immediately, as if he had come to. 'It is more correct to say that I was
rejected rather than let it go.'

"Sorry, I won't do it anymore."

"Don't say that. I like you."

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I really don't like myself right now. Kiyoi is
special. What I just did is wrong. I know, but I've gotten carried away for the
moment." The atmosphere of the moment was full of irritability on Kiyoi's
part.

"I don't know what you mean. Why are you in a hurry now? It's good to
masturbate, but not to kiss. Isn't that a contradiction?"

"....Yes. As Kiyoi says. I'm the worst. I have to die at once."

"Don't say that"

"But I've been holding something back for a long time. Same as always."

"The same?"

"When I was consoling myself. I pictured Kiyoi when he was in high

school and after he entered college."

"That?"

"When I first masturbated to Kiyoi's image, I got angry, but now I don't
dislike it. Rather, I even think I should do it more and more."

"Not unusual for a man. I'm fine. I don't dislike it."

 "I swore I would never do it again and if I do it again I will die. But in the
end, I always keep doing it. Even though I refuse to do it, I always end up
thinking about Kiyoi. Now Kiyoi did that. I'm so sorry, I'm not a Good
partner."

"That!"

"I apologize to my special person for doing this earlier. Even if I like it too
much, I can't touch it. You are my special person, my king my God and I am
only here to serve Kiyoi."

".. What are you saying?"

"Sorry, I'm not good at talking." That doesn't mean that.

Hira began to talk about the incomprehensible story of the king, the duck
and the nun dedicating his life to God. For Kiyoi none of this makes any
sense, but he can only say that he will never be his lover. Kisses and more
than that, they wouldn't happen anymore.

".....You, I've never thought about you."

"That?" he asked me back with red eyes, strange look and Kiyoi is filled
with anger that almost lost his strength.

"I'm selfish, but you're pretty good at it too. I thought it was special for
Hira. That was wrong. However, I finally realized that what was important
to Hira was the ideal Kiyoi created in Hira, not the real Kiyoi. I don't think I
can understand you in a hundred years."

Kiyoi returned to the room, picked up the script that had fallen on the floor,
and put it in his bag. he entered and left the room. Heading straight for the
front door, Hira hurried after him.
 "Are you leaving home?" Kiyoi put on his shoes and looked back.

"I won't be back. See you."

"Kiyoi..." Kiyoi turned his back on Hira, who was stunned.

'I will go through the residential area in the middle of the night. I thought
that this scenario was the last one, but I do not regret the fragments. I'm
disappointed. I wish I could trip over a rock now and hit it on my head and
have the memory of this month or so disappear. It would be easy, but I
believed that if I confessed to him, we would be lovers immediately. I even
gave smiles just for him that didn't suit me, I was careful with my words so
as not to scare him. Now I'm ashamed of it. After arriving at the station, I
noticed that the last train had left. I bit my tongue and waited for a taxi, but
it didn't come. While relaxing my body in a train station, I can hold my lips
if I have a headache. I received many messages from Hira. It was all an
apology but it was all out of place.'

Hira didn't know that he had actually hit Kiyoi right in his heart. Hira kept
thinking about what he should take care of and protect the ideal Kiyoi from
him, since he couldn't see the real Kiyoi. All of this is the fault of the past,
when he was bullied and used as a servant. Also, from there Hira looked at
himself like an idiot. Finally, Kiyoi had understood all that stuff about the
duck, the king, the nun, and God.

Kiyoi had also understood that Hira wouldn't change, but anyway he was
very afraid and was terrified of allowing himself the luxury of forgetting him.

..........................

Kiyoi returned to his normal life, his life without Hira. He went to the
university, attended his presentations and in his spare time he practiced.
Okay, as he returned to his old stage of life, he was grateful to have activities
throughout the day.

When Kiyoi was alone at home, in his small apartment, whether bathing,
eating or practicing a script, he couldn't help but remember Hira.

Somehow, he filled his life completely. But now, it was time to move
on.....alone. His life had to go on...

Br, br, br.

VOLUME 1. CHAPTER 3: "Sweet and bitter"

part 4

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Br, br, br.

"What happen?"

"I'm calling from Kanade."

' I love my parents, somehow, they have always supported me from a

distance, their presence is always there. Even though I wanted them to be by
my side, but hey, my brothers are still little. Still, his call surprised me.'

"It's nothing special" On the other end of the phone, there was a thick voice
saying.

"Rice, another one." 'When I asked who it was, I was surprised to learn
that it was my younger brother, a high school student. He seems to have
changed his voice recently and is upset with mother, who talks about it
happily.' After some time talking with his mother, Kiyoi, he returned to his
reality, so he felt even more depressed. The reality of his loneliness was
indescribable. Despite being someone popular and already recognized on the
street, Kiyoi felt completely alone. The emptiness inside of him, nothing
could fill it... only someone... "Kiyoi is my favourite person in the world"

"This is Kiyoi's house."

Kiyoi lay in his small room, plunged into his solitude. Although his room
was small, at this moment it seemed infinitely huge, so Hira's phrases came
to his mind over and over again. Who despite telling him that he was the top
priority, he was not there next to him.

Kiyoi, could only toss and turn in his bed, unable to sleep. He could only
ask himself a few questions: 'What happened this time?' 'Will the same thing
always happen over and over again?' 'Why did I fall in love with an idiot?'
'......but he's the cutest idiot there can be.'

..............................

The performance and show that Kiyoi participated in was a success.

After a week of presentations, on the last day, they went to celebrate in a
cabin, with around a hundred people in total. Everyone talked, drank and had
fun. Suddenly, an unexpected visitor came to Kiyoi, it was the President of
the company to which he belonged, he congratulated him on the increase in
his popularity and on how he had evolved in his performance. It's definitive,
he had gradually surpassed himself.
(PS: they say that the best artists come out of pain and sadness... that is the
best weapon in acting)
 "I have discovered, that you are a very good actor, you have evolved a lot.
It seems that you have been practicing a lot. I did not know that you would
go this far. I wonder if you will continue to increase your work in our
company now."

The President spoke in front of Kiyoi, very seriously, in a thick voice,

while he kept his arms crossed.

"Everything has been very difficult. I cannot guarantee that I will continue.
Well, the coordination between modelling, my studies and all this is very
complex for me to handle. Even so, I am going to give my best."

"Probably, Kiyoi-kun has an attitude of natural greatness in him. I can't

deny it, you are a boy who will go far."

"Thank you." Kiyoi leaned in and nodded.

After everything achieved in these days, the emotion invaded Kiyoi. The
work had made him feel renewed, for the first time in a long time he felt calm
with himself. At last, he felt that he had taken a step forward, a big step
actually. Although there were days when he would relapse into memories of
him for Hira, but his work was going well and he just had to keep going.

The moment that Kiyoi was living now was what he dreamed of being
since he was little, every day he had more performances and new commercial
contracts appeared. The dark days of his feelings for Hira were already
behind him.

Days after the conversation with the president, he was in his last
performance, as always, he was applauded and congratulated by everyone.
Which was somewhat uncomfortable for Kiyoi, since he did not like being
close to strangers, which is why after the show he always left through the
back door of the theatre.
 As usual, today he went out the back door. As he approached the exit, he
suddenly noticed a particular silhouette. Kiyoi looked away and continued
conversing normally with the people next to him.

"Ki, ki, ki..."

It was Hira. he was standing to the side of the exit, waiting to meet Kiyoi.

After hearing those short words, kiyoi decided to look.

"Hira"

"Ki. Ki. Ki, ki.."

"Kiyoi-kun, do you know him?" Kiyoi shook his head and swallowed in.

This situation could no longer be avoided. Kiyoi invited his fellow activists
to leave first, since he would accompany them minutes later.

Hira and Kiyoi were left alone, facing each other. Just as Kiyoi was going
to speak, Hira handed over a terrifying paper bag. The paper bag contained a
shirt, toothbrushes and a Kiyoi stuffed animal.

"It's yours."

"Don't bother bringing something like this." 'Of course, I won't receive it,
I won't let it see through my painful feelings.' Kiyoi quickly left the place.
"Wait" "Is he still here? Just go."

Repressed feelings and emotions began to reappear slightly. Still, he

followed his march, so as not to be exposed.

"I apologize if I do something wrong."

 (PS: what can I tell you, Hira... according to you, nothing is wrong.
According to him, everything is wrong... according to me... for God's sake!
Go fix everything in bed and that's it I don't understand them!!!!! Simple)

"Don't apologize... Don't follow me anymore."

"Wow"

Hira distorted his face from him and looked down, almost crying.

"I thought this would be the end, but...I thought I would be able to do it. I
thought..." Hira raised his face and continued...

"I was able to do it when I graduated high school, so I thought I'd give up
and forget it again. But it didn't work. After eating, talking, and getting so
close, I can't forget even if you suddenly tell me to stay away."

"I don't want to get involved with you anymore. Don't send more emails,
don't call me anymore. Don't wait for me and come see me perform. You
don't realize that I don't want to see you. I want to forget you, I want to forget
you once and for all... Without However, I am dying, because you are always
wandering around me, See you. Don't ever come back to me."

The moment Kiyoi took a step to escape from there, they grabbed him
tightly by the arm. He hira, grabbed his arm and led him to him, asking him..

"Why Kiyoi, is so angry?"

"I ask you to let me go. Let me go!"

"But, I don't want to upset Kiyoi, nor do I want to let him go"

"Everything will be the same... even if you know."

 "Then I don't want to do anything Kiyoi doesn't like, even if I can't have
him anymore."

"Let go!!" Kiyoi shook himself as hard as he could trying to escape, but he
couldn't.

"Stay! If kiyoi disappears, I wouldn't know how to do anymore."

"Even if you pretend like this, you won't actually see me anyway. Aren't
you in a rush to play with your ideal idol anymore?"

"That's how it is!"

Kiyoi, completely annoyed, threw the paper bag away. Leaving completely
bare, hair styling products, toothbrushes, shirts and all the contents were
scattered on the street. One way or another, luck had followed them and there
was no traffic in that narrow, dark alley.

"How can you think of an ideal me, the one you made of me, the one who
is a king. Don't be silly. I'm not like that, I'm a normal person. A common
man who wants to be loved, who wants to be touched, as well as touching
someone. He even wants to go out with the person he likes."

"Kiyoi, does he have a favourite person? So Kiyoi loves someone..."

Hearing Hira's absurd words, Kiyoi was even more surprised and could only
cry.

"It's You! You're listening to me now!"

Kiyoi said that and looked at Hira's face, it was like seeing a stupid
surprised, he moved his face from one side to the other.

"Why do you have to lie about this? Kiyoi shouldn't."

"Do you think it's a joke?" At that moment, Kiyoi just wanted to hit him.
 "I'm not free enough to make fun of a messy guy like you."

"Bu, bu, bu...".

"I kissed you on graduation day. I wasn't sure then, but that kiss confirmed
that I've always liked you. So I waited for your call... when I found out that
your phone number had been changed. Do you understand my feelings? No
I don't know that you don't understand anything about me. At that time, I got
angry enough to never see you again. Until I found out at the theatre that you
were dating Koyama San's younger brother. Do you know how I felt that
day? Do you know all the thoughts that came to me? I wanted to die...
Besides, I was the one who brought you to the theatre where I was going to
perform. Everything was planned by me. Now, I just want everything to be
over at once. But then You make this not end."

"...Why would Kiyoi like me?"

"That's what I want to know! I really want to know why I like this nasty
guy in front of me. I want to go back to high school right now and tell myself
that I'm the only one involved in this relationship."

“Kiyoi, he's telling the truth…”

“I really don't know. You said you liked him at first, but why did all this
happen? You and Mr. Koyama's younger brother were together, I wondered
if it was bad because he acted too upset with him. But then, I tried to be gentle
and be funny, I stuck with it... But now I give up."

Kiyoi turned around, as endless tears streamed down his face, his heart
bleeding to the point of collapse.

"I kiss you and do more than that, but you still don't feel like I'm your lover.
You don't know it, but I'm crazy about Hira. I'm crazy about you and not just
now... forever. Now it's all over." he said walking away.
 "Don't get involved with me anymore. You're free to persecute me, so you
can love him. But once and for all leave me alone. Really. Please stay away...
I'm trying to forget."

As he continued to walk away, Kiyoi couldn't take it anymore, as he was

already swooning at Hira's sight. He couldn't stand up, holding onto the wall,
his tears flowed so thick that they fell to his feet.

Kiyoi never thought that the day would come when Hira would ask him
not to cry. Without realizing it, Hira was next to him again. Despite pushing
him away many times and yelling all the time, he was still there, behind him.

"Get lost! Don't touch me anymore. I'm already giving up and I don't want
to give up..."

Hira was holding Kiyoi's face, trying to wipe away his tears, but was
weakly prodded by Kiyoi.

"..Yeah you're right, I don't know how Kiyoi feels."

Kiyoi was surprised as he tried to look at the unfeeling man in front of him,
trying to make out his words. Hira was angry.

"But even Kiyoi doesn't understand my feelings," Hira says with slightly
upturned eyes. This was the first time Kiyoi had seen Hira in that state.

"Kiyoi knows what it feels like to be despised as a child, to be diagnosed

with a disease that prevents you from speaking properly. Where every time
you have to speak in public, you can't mention another syllable. I've been
trampled on forever, so, one night while I was having dinner with my parents,
I paid attention to a news story about bullying and suicide and I empathized
with it. But I quickly managed to react. Kiyoi... Kiyoi doesn't understand my
feelings this way either. Kiyoi has always spoken correctly, he even has too
many of them words, he is in good health and can act well. But all this time
while being trampled on, my chest really ached, until I wanted to give up."

Hira spoke while he hit his chest, as if he hurt him right now.

"For me, Kiyoi is someone to admire. An unattainable trophy. He's not

nice at all, he's not a good person, he's selfish, but Kiyoi saved me, despite
all that."

"...."

"Kiyoi remember when I hit Shirota? I had been at the bottom for so long,
mired in those situations, I just fooled myself and just let it go over and over
and over again. So to cheat To the others, I became the duck captain who
survived in the high school waste. Then Shirota, it was my first resistance to
face the world. When Shirota tried to harm Kiyoi, I felt that he was saving
me. Thanks to Kiyoi I was able to react ."

"I'm not sure what Hira is saying. I'm always doing what I want, but I don't
remember doing anything good enough to say that I ' saved ' someone. I
thought such a thing was born only from good intentions and kindness not
from my egoism. However, Hira's world revolves in a place that is not easy
to understand. I never thought that I could reach it, because I don't think that
I can become friends with Jesus and Buddha now. Still, I want you to
understand... I am not a God."

"Yes Yes Yes yes Yes." Hira said nodding many times, while he had a
complicated and uncomfortable face.

"So if I see Kiyoi...can I touch Kiyoi..."

Hira asks anxiously.

"No, if you like me if it's the same as before."

 "If Kiyoi accepts it, I want to touch him like a lover."

Even though Kiyoi had already stopped crying, now he couldn't resist that
his tears flowed again.
(PS: For God's sake!!! This child must already be dehydrated from crying
so much... please bring water!!!)

"I wish I could..."

As Kiyoi looked down because he didn't want to show her crying, Hira's
hand reached up to his face with a terrifying sensation, trembling fingertips
brushing away his tears, while the other touched his shirt. taking him to hug
him slowly.

It was the first time Hira hugged Kiyoi. The aroma that reached his nose
at that time was so sweet and addictive that he could only return a strong and
long hug. Kiyoi wanted to wrap himself in him, he would be addicted to that
hug forever.

"Is it really good that you didn't go to the celebration with your friends?"
says Hira when he is already home.

"Would you like me to come back?" Kiyoi replied subtly.

Saying those words, he was suddenly hugged by Hira while taking off his
shoes at the entrance of the house.

Being hugged so hard and so suddenly, Kiyoi staggered and was roughly
pushed to the ground. Suddenly, a large hand rushed to encircle him all over
his body.

"I'm not going to refuse, but suddenly you're impatient to do it at the

entrance, let's at least get to the room."
 "Sorry, I can't take it anymore…it's funny. I've been patient for a long
time, but I really wanted to touch you. So I can't wait any longer. I can't
wait."

VOLUME 1. CHAPTER 3: "Sweet and bitter"

part 5
18+

I'll just tell them to enjoy!!!!

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;::::::

"I've waited so long, I won't be able to resist another second."

Still lying in the doorway of the room, also dark. After having completely
covered Kiyoi's body with his hands, he takes them to caress his face gently,
as if confirming that everything was real.

he took his hands down from, taking them to the collar of Kiyoi's shirt,
while he unbuttoned his collar, he kissed him softly on the lips, feeling the
soft wet skin in his mouth, Kiyoi shuddered and his breathing hitched. Hira
kissed moving around Kiyoi's face and neck, his kisses were no longer soft
or light now they had a vigorous intensity, those movements were more and
more ardent for Kiyoi. Therefore, he didn't care to get to the room either.

Eerie sweet electricity runs down Kiyoi's spine. His tongue was sucked
violently and the hand that until recently was unbuttoning his shirt, now he
was reaching freely between his legs and underwear. Kiyoi felt that he was
pressed against something that was very hard and pressing him firmly, his
body shuddered completely.
 "Ki..."

His underwear now felt tight, his privacy had been suddenly invaded,
which further raised his mood. Now his member was completely hardened,
his ragged breathing was now panting.

The big hand that was under his underwear moved gently but at the same
time abruptly holding his entire member, preventing it from withering, on the
contrary, it tightened even more to the point of pain. Now the increasingly
vigorous violent movement aroused a moment of excitement. Heavy
breathing along with the sounds of kissing and saliva being transferred from
mouth to mouth resounded throughout the room. Quick breaths, in
conjunction with the rapid movements of Hira's hands, completely unbutton
Kiyoi's shirt, suddenly the heat spread throughout his abdomen, that heat was
already unbearable, however, Hira's head settled there. and began to lick his
fully erect and painful member with his hot tongue and sucked on it
forcefully.

".....ahhh"

At the same time that he squeezed his eyes shut, pleasure exploded in
Hira's mouth, while Kiyoi's body collapsed with such excitement, he heard a
screeching voice. After spitting it all out, the stiffness in his member
gradually melted away.

Hira kisses Kiyoi, who is now loose and relaxed. As he held his breath, he
got up from the ground and said.

"...I feel uncomfortable while wearing my underwear. Wet underwear

sticks to my skin too much." Kiyoi said, since, not only had he ejected
everything into Hira's mouth, but also all of his clothes, since, his clothes
hadn't been completely removed, just lowered to a level that didn't interfere
with their movements. recent events.

"We will enter."

 "Let's do it right here."

"No,

Hira clung to Kiyoi tightly, he kept kissing him hard, while he took off his
clothes in the dressing room.

"I want to take everything from you myself. Now I can't be without Kiyoi
anymore. I'm glad I got it from Kiyoi."

"It can't be, now I have to bathe, but that won't last forever."

"I want to do this all day."

A nerd in love with his third-year senior. Hira's eyes are vague as if he is
dreaming. Making a stupid face, as if everything that happened was his fault.
He moved closer to Kiyoi and kissed him again.

In the bathroom under the shower, while the water was running strongly.
Kiyoi and Hira continued to kiss, hugging each other without wanting to let
go, rubbing their bodies against each other. Suddenly, with a slight
movement, Hira holds both members in his hands, rubbing them against each
other. That stimulus of pleasure elevates their bodies and emotions wanting
to want more from each other. The hot bodies continued to move each other
as if they were massaging each other, the moans of both were involved with
the water flowing from the shower. It was a time, when the heat was reaching
its peak.

While being pummelled by the rain in the shower, Hira's hands were
brought to squeeze behind Kiyoi's waist. He stood there for a moment fooling
around as he kissed Kiyoi's back and then withdrew.

"Uuuuhh"
 "Does this place hurt?"

"Not so much..."

'I know what hurts because I'm a man. However, if embarrassment is my

first concern, but I like it...'

"If you don't like it, I won't, or you'll be ashamed even more."

"In such a case, it would be helpful not to be a bit forced." When he replied
in a low voice, Hira responded.

"I'll be as kind as possible"

He began to kiss his ear, inserting his skilful tongue inside his ear, at that
moment Hira completely turned Kiyoi's body, leaving him against the wall.
Hira crouched down behind Kiyoi, who was standing bracing his hands on
the tiles. After being fully exposed in that position, something soft but soft
and hot sticks to his hole.

Hira's hot tongue slid into his rear hole, massaging him in and out. Which
caused Kiyoi's body to go rigid.

"I'm going aaaaaaa...'"

"You seem to hurt a lot when I stick it in."

Hira's tongue is constantly moving in a place that has never been touched
before. Kiyoi was stiff, too embarrassed to speak. He had never even dreamed
that something like this would be done to him. Even if he hunched his feet
trying to stay calm, he still slipped smoothly because the tile was wet. Over
and over again his sharp tongue tried to enter.

"No do not do that".

 "Why not? Everything looks beautiful from here."

"Don't tell me that either."

"Okay. But this place in Kiyoi is pink and very clean."

"You want to kill me. I'm not happy to be praised for such a place. You
can't let me get angry." Hira's tongue increases the pressure much more.

"Uh huh," salt a little fiable voz.

"No, no, ha, ha."

Unbeknownst to Kiyoi, who doesn't have much enthusiasm, Hira's tongue

continues to loosen in obsession. he adds saliva to it many times along the
way, and a solid texture comes to the moistened spot. It was a finger.

"Yeiii aaah...it's embarrassing..."

Kiyoi breathed slowly and felt like he was eating Hira's finger, which he
said. "Tell me if it hurts."

The finger starts to move smoothly, it doesn't hurt that much, but this was
embarrassing. However, since there is no pain, he can clearly understand
what he is doing, which is more uncomfortable for Kiyoi.

Waves of heat spread slowly from inside the body as movement expands
the narrow space where the fingers can be bent inward. It's not nice enough,
it's just something hot being penetrated. The number of fingers increases
along the way and the sensation of foreign matter increases, making Kiyoi
feel even more uncomfortable. Discomfort caused by direct contact with
internal organs could be felt from time to time.
 'If this is what a finger feels like, what if a man could put something else
like that on it?'

"NOOOO!!" he said out loud.

"I'm sorry, did it hurt?" Hira quickly pulled his finger from him, asking
again.

"Does it hurt?", Kiyoi shook his head because he couldn't fully understand
what was happening, besides, by now he was already addicted to Hira's
fingers, since every time he penetrated him it was as if he had been given a
shot. electric current.

"No, it doesn't hurt... I'm sorry."

"It feels good?" Hira's finger slowly re-enters. The finger is searching for
a precise spot, just as it was before. In some terrifying way he could handle
the anxiety. Suddenly, he had come there to that place and he felt the
electricity again.

"Oh!!!! no, no, there..."

Every time Kiyoi was attacked a violent and intense pleasure of emotions
invades him. All the emotions of this moment were completely different for
Kiyoi and he didn't know how to deal with it. He no longer felt pain, but guilt
invaded him fiercely, he couldn't believe what he was experiencing.
However, Hira's other hand reached out to massage his genitals and the place
where he had lost all the strength from him a while ago, had risen up again.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh"

As it is rubbed over and over on his member, something large and sharp is
thrust into his hole. Kiyoi feels a burning, stinging sensation from behind,
something slippery going all the way inside him. As Hira caressed his back,
the pleasure increased, causing Kiyoi to innately spread his legs even wider
and fully arch his back, holding onto the wall tiles tightly.

The movements in and out gradually increase each time, until Hira's
member is completely inside Kiyoi. Along with the gentle squeezing motion,
a squeaky, lustful sound is produced, both Kiyoi's rear and front were ecstatic
at the peak of him.

"Ahhh... ahhh... this is so, so... strange."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"It doesn't feel bad, but why should Hira ask that."

"It's a question I can't stop asking, I must know Kiyoi's answer."

"He feels too painful. But I don't want you to stop, so I want you to make
it stronger, stick it all in."

"Ahhh, yes, aaah"

"Don't you want me to stop?"

"Don't ask me those kinds of things over and over again." Kiyoi muttered.

"Then... I can go in a little deeper."

Kiyoi suddenly felt a sensation of pleasure echoing at his hip. Kiyoi cursed
Hira in his heart. This was too good.

"Bastard! Aww.. ahhh"

"Yeah, even if you like it."

 After screaming loudly, the thrusts became faster and deeper. Hira's
member was inserted and withdrawn more quickly.

"Don't stop....ahhh...ahhh...just keep going..."

Kiyoi was repeatedly thrust until he could collapse at any moment, he

couldn't stop anymore. At the same time he was kissed on the neck and nape,
with kisses that burned all over his body, accompanied by slight movements
in his own member. All these movements overflow a liquid dripping from
the hole of his member. He had reached his limit, Kiyoi couldn't take any
more.

"Ahh ahh ahhhhh"

"I like...I like Kiyoi so much."

(PS: We all know that 🙄)

Kiyoi pressed his hands against the tile harder, as if he was begging for
mercy from pleasure. His hips nearly collapsed. He felt ashamed. But he
couldn't take it anymore, his whole body was collapsing from receiving the
last great pleasure.

However, the root of his genitals was tight. The pleasure that was on the
verge of coming out stopped, Kiyoi drowning in pleasure couldn't
comprehend what had happened. At the moment when he was desperately
looking for an answer, he was hugged tightly from behind him, he kissed his
neck and Hira whispered in his ear.

"Have a little patience. I want to come with Kiyoi this time"

Kiyoi thought he would die if he didn't manipulate his member, but Hira
began to free himself completely, each time with more force he held Kiyoi's
hips, entering completely inside him, Hira He couldn't breathe anymore and
while Kiyoi's ejaculation is restricted, it was suddenly released as well and
the two of them released all the accumulated pleasure for the moment at once
and at the same time.

"Ahhhhh ahhh ahhhh" they moaned in unison.

Kiyoi's back and front were completely sticky, so Hira held Kiyoi's body
gently, as Kiyoi's collapsed legs were drenched in the liquid from both of
them.

While the two clean their lower members, Hira's member was still erect,
so he brought his mouth to Kiyoi's member, who was hoping he would let it
go, but his mouth began to suck and lick his erection. member again. Kiyoi
was already so collapsed and frustrated that he began to shed tears.

"No, no, I can't anymore."

When Kiyoi started to complain, in a hazy tone, Hira was surprised and
stood up.

"Sorry, don't cry, I'm not going to do that anymore."

"... ."

Kiyoi, could no longer continue even though he was Hira, his Hira. Still,
he wanted to hit him and continue, but he didn't have the strength to continue.

Hira took him in his arms and went to his room on the second floor,
carrying the agitated Kiyoi.

Hira turns on the nightstand light, while he leaves the agitated Kiyoi on the
bed and stares at him in detail.

"Sorry, Kiyoi looked at you because you're stunning, I know you're

embarrassed, but I want to see you in all your radiance anyway."
 Hira covers Kiyoi delicately. His sweet voice whispered in his ears. Then
he kissed his chest and pulled away from him.

Kiyoi took his hand and asked for a kiss. Hira approached, while drops of
water dripped from his hair, he kissed his forehead, his cheekbones to
culminate the kiss on his soft lips.

"Let's do it"

"Would you like to do it?"

"I can not wait more".

After another deep kiss, Hira got up and went to the bathroom, return he
opened the baby oil he had brought. he adjusted Kiyoi's position, and spread
his legs apart.

(PS: baby oil.... in Bad Buddy it was wound ointment... God!!! So itchy)

"Spread your legs"

Kiyoi had never thought that it would be useful in such a way, so he could
only feel more embarrassed.

Hira grabbed him and spread his legs. It was embarrassing to expose all
the core of him, he felt like he was drugged, he still wanted more. The oily
liquid touched his bottom and his hips trembled.

Hira's member is also completely wet from root to tip and slides down as
it is, also squeezing to rub his genitals.
 Kiyoi spread his legs further and held his breath at the feel of his fingers
slowly entering behind him. They added oil many times, and sometimes he
would hold on and massage his member. And the pleasant sensation that had
remained before reappeared.

"Ahhhh, ahhh"

Every time Hira wanted to enter the tip of him would bend which prevented
it from happening.

"I think I'll go in."

The fingers finally come out of Kiyoi's hole, who looks like he's been hit
by hot water and was terribly tense.

He felt himself being pushed in and then pushed out. He applied pressure
slowly and his mouth opened on a groan. There is no pain. However, he
breathed many times with a feeling of oppression.

"Ahhhhhh"

When he opened his eyes slightly, he found Hira, above him, Kiyoi seemed
to be in terrible pain, but looking at Hira his face seemed similar.

"I sigh and sigh."

It seemed to be painful, but he was happy, when he thought that he had a

similar face, he was embarrassed. A kiss falls on his forehead, eyelids and
nose. Even Hira's small movements were intertwined with his body. Both
were firmly connected.

"What if it's a dream?" Hira murmured as they held their bodies together.

Kiyoi was surprised by the anxious look on his face. Even though they
were so closely connected he couldn't believe Hira's actions.
 "If it's a dream?, don't say stupid things and move fast!!".

Kiyoi bit into Hira's shoulder, his head jerked slightly, and the quiet
movements revived. It is time to withdraw and enter more quickly. There was
no pain because he was ecstatic and even the feeling of oppression was
gradually overcome by pleasure.

Kiyoi discovered that there is an irresistible place in the way inside his
hole that has to be inserted and removed and if he rubs there, the core of him
will get hot all over. His body temperature rises gradually and he feels stuffy.

"I want more than that."

"...Sorry, if you want can I take it out a bit?" Hira gasped into Kiyoi's ear,
which was drenched in pleasure.

"Moron!!"

"I'm kidding right now..."

"But it's nice to put it inside."

"It's just the beginning, isn't it?"

"...he feels too good in Kiyoi," he gasped.

"Ahhhhhhh"

Kiyoi clearly observed Hira's face, it was full. However, after seeing his
state, he wrapped his legs around Hira's waist, he could tell that this was
better than death.. this feeling of reaching total ecstasy, it was as if everything
in him reached the maximum of heat. He was really on fire.

"..... Hey, I'm going to leave now."

 "That!"

"Okay, stay inside." Kiyoi appealed as he clung to Hira.

"Ahhhhhhhh!!"

Hira stopped moving. As he looked at Hira, who had his face clenched in
pleasure at Kiyoi's release, he took a deep breath as he felt the hot liquid
spread all over his abdomen. Kiyoi, collapsed as if he broke in two.

"I can not take it anymore".

Hira's breaths were getting faster, his moans getting louder and louder,
resounded in the room and that excited them both more and more.

His large hands were sticky and trailed around Kiyoi's cheeks and nape,
his kisses encircling him completely to the point of desperation, Kiyoi's body
was completely twisted. Both of them should have finished by now, but
Hira's member wasn't withering at all. It all felt so exquisitely good that Kiyoi
felt like his head would explode with lust and pleasure.

"Hmm, oh, hey, I'm coming too."

As he clung to Kiyoi's neck, the bond deepens to respond. he jerked

violently and the pleasure meter he had been patient with for so long was
released.

"Ah ahhhh a little more, ahhh, ah"

Hira's thrusts become more violent, the liquid released fills all the spaces
in Kiyoi's hole, all that narrow hole is completely filled with Hira's liquid.

He felt so good that he thought everything was going to happen, Hira

desperately pushed him back, Kiyoi couldn't oppose his force and both
Kiyoi's wrists were caught in the sheets, Hira complicates the movement of
his waist by pushing him even more strong.

"This bastard feels so good I want to yell at him. He feels too good and
painful. I want him to do it more. My head and body are disoriented and I
don't understand what's going on around me anymore."

"I like Kiyoi…I like him too much. I like him to death. What about Kiyoi?"

"I'm sure I like him. If I don't like him, how would I do it? I want to say
that, but I can't put it into words. I just released him and kissed him back."

..................

Kiyoi woke up in the morning, he felt someone hugging him. As soon as

he realized who that arm of his was, last night's memory of him revived. A
floating image swirling in his head. As he was tensing his entire body in
embarrassment, Hira woke up and Kiyoi dragged the sheet up and covered
himself completely. He didn't want to show his face at the moment.

"Good morning" Hira smiles an awkward smile.

"Hello" Kiyoi replied with a stiff smile.

They were both so embarrassed, they fell silent with each other. Suddenly
the whole room on a bright morning was completely silent.

"Maybe you're mad?" Hira asks.

"Why would I have a reason to be angry?"

"Somehow.
 "Somehow?"

"I wonder if you're mad because I was so persistent last night."

Kiyoi recalled each of the follies of the burning night and blushed to his
ears. "If you say more than that, I'll be really angry."

"...What should I do, I want to die?"

"That?"

"Kiyoi is too cute and I want to die more."

"Don't say cute."

"Can I kiss you again?"

Kiyoi turned away from him, embarrassed and he didn't want to see his
face. Then Hira hugged him from behind and kissed his neck and his body
trembled again, but since Hira couldn't really see his face, he could bear it.

"What should I do?"

"You said the same thing yesterday."

" I really can't believe it. I'm about to die."

"Can you die so easily?"

"I'm so happy. But I can do that. Although I would hate to die after all this.
So now I don't want to die even though I've become like this with Kiyoi."

"As well as?"

"As my lover."
 Hira sighs as if he couldn't handle it so happily. As he continued with his
lips glued to Kiyoi's neck, who could only feel tickles all over his body. Even
if he squirmed, Hira couldn't let go, so he glanced around the room and
watched as he was hugged and kissed by Hira gently.

Kiyoi had been in and out of this house many times, but this was the first
time he had entered Hira's room. When Kiyoi was there, Hira was in the
living room and Kiyoi was using the guest room on the first floor.

This was a room like the owner of the house. In front of the bed there is a
shelf and a colored box. The bookshelf has a wood grain, but the color box
is white, a minor thing. The bed is made of black pipe and there is no feeling
of movement. However, a glass piggy bank on the desk in the study caught
Kiyoi's eye. he somehow asked,

"Oh, is it the test tube like the one in the chemistry room."

It is shaped like a round-bottomed flask and has a mysterious shape in

terms of its shape. The flask used in class had a stand to hold it so it wouldn't
tip over.

"My grandfather's heirlooms. I'm using them because I'm a treasure

collector."

"The relics are a piggy bank?"

"It's not a piggy bank, it's a treasure box."

"Does your treasure box only contain coins?" Kiyoi thought that was
strange.

"They are not just that. They are my great treasure of all my life."

"That?"
 "When I was in high school, Kiyoi would ask me to go shopping. At that
time, I was always saving the coins that Kiyoi gave me. Because each one
passed through Kiyoi's hands and couldn't mix with the other ones." others,
for this reason, I have never thrown away."

"Because I like you?"

"Yeah, but did you hate it?" Hira is impatient and asks.

"Ah, the problem with my 'annoyance' and I know I don't hate him, I don't
hate Hira at all, I even find him cute. The man who does such a thing for me
is cute. He's cute, he's cool. I feel like I'll stay in this place to continue in this
loop getting sick of him." Behind Kiyoi, Hira says,

"I won't be able to save anymore...... I have you here, now."

Kiyoi was in a complicated and sweet mood, making nasty jokes.

After all, it is the law of nature.

VOLUME 1. CHAPTER 4: "Lunar month 14"

+18

😳😳😳 Tales of Hira 😳😳😳

 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

From Shibuya to Omotesando is a long journey. So, today kiyoi decided

to go shopping. Because there are things that are fundamentally incompatible
between the two, like Hira choosing clothes with the concept of making him
as inconspicuous as possible, at least he doesn't look dirty, but still, he hangs
around.

"I'm telling you not to look down. Why did you slouch right away? Stretch
your chest," Kiyoi scolded Hira for Hira to act more relaxed.

"...I feel like I'm out of place. I don't belong in this place."

"Okay. You're ten times better than usual. See, the woman in front is
looking at you."

"Looking at Hira." he seemed to hear a laugh on the phone call.

"Hello...."

"That's why I'm depressed. Now it's a later festival, I may regret it."

Last week Kiyoi was invited to a drinking party, with various celebrities.
The members who participated were models and actresses from Kiyoi's
friends, in which, Hira refused to participate in seconds. 'What am I supposed
to talk about among all these flashy people?'

Far from speaking and participating in the party, he refused to go as he

believed that Kiyoi would drop in rank just by being present.

"But you always came on stage normally."

 "That was because he was desperate."

After graduating from high school, there was no point of contact, so only
on stage could he worship the pure Kiyoi. Hira was lost and terrified by the
invitation to the launch so unexpectedly, he felt that he would be like a
berserker, being there. (Berserker: half-naked Viking Warrior type)
Participating in a drinking party where he doesn't know anyone causes a
terror in his head.

"Yes. So isn't it desperate now?"

"No."

"I shouldn't feed the fish I caught." His eyes were so cold that he could
translate it, Hira shook his head.

"No, I'm going. I won't go even if I die," Kiyoi finally laughed. And he
said something outrageous.

"So, do you want to shop for clothes before that?"

Hira felt like his head would explode, his blood already draining from the
top of his head. Today was the party, so Kiyoi took him to his favorite store
to ' shop ' since noon.

When he arrived at the fashion store, one of the most popular of celebrities.
The people there, whether customers or workers, were merciless looking at
the boy in the brown checked shirt and chino pants.

Hira felt like they were making him a hive for snipers from the fashion
people in that place, who had a rifle called the fashion. Therefore, he was
completely exposed to contempt.
 After spending a lot of time searching and trying, from shirts to pants and
underwear. Finally, he was given shoes that were hermetically sealed in the
store's black paper bag, when he finally felt relieved that it was all over, he
was taken to the Salon where Kiyoi always attended.

Hira, he realized that the salon he was taken to was even worse than the
clothing store, he was used to a local barbershop, which he went to all the
time because it was the only place he knew since high school, always went
there. But now everything was different, there were people everywhere, there
was the department of psychosomatic medicine and the beautician, who once
again was a great fashion expert, who was advising Kiyoi and now would
also advise Hira.

"What kind of clothes do you usually wear, what kind of hairstyle do you
want to wear, what are we going to do with the perms, what are we going to
do with those colours, and what is your best hairstyle?"

Kiyoi answered everything for Hira, who was self-conscious and petrified.
After making all the changes, Hira realized that it had already been three
hours to finish everything. Unlike his local salon that only took half an hour,
but here it took three hours to finish everything.

Hira was completely surprised, since, while they were advising him, they
gave him a menu asking him what he would order. 'What kind of hall is this
right?'

He hira sighed again and again, since, he felt that he was paying some kind
of penance from noon until now.

"... What happen?" Kiyoi muttered.

"...Kiyoi"
 "You've been sighing for a while now. I've been thinking about it. Are you
feeling bad?" Kiyoi said, while Hira could only watch his beautiful and
perfect lips move as words came out of his mouth.

"No, I'm just very happy for Kiyoi's feelings. Grateful for everything he
has given me, I received guidance from a professional model, and I feel like
I'm a little better."

'To be honest, even if I'm fashionable, I'm bothered by the fact that Kiyoi
doesn't understand me, so I'm really dying. I feel like my life has been
shortened by about 10 years just for this day, it's daunting to think that there
will be a lot of drinking parties from now on. But I'll do my best for Kiyoi.
So, I don't mind being shot dead by these fashionable snipers.'

"This is a good idea. You're like a different person now," Kiyoi said
brightly, unaware of Hira's tragic appreciation.
(PS: no ah... but Kiyoi sees him very proud of Hira's change... but with
how code pendent they both are... he'll get jealous at the party... my instinct
tells me hahahaha and he'll want to make him ugly again lol)

"You're tall, your hips are wide, you wear clothes that look good and you
change your hairstyle, you look great. No matter how awkward your face
looks, you can't decide that your style is wrong."

"Thank you."

"Not comforting. One day Mr. A Koyama, oh!! Even his brother thought
your face was not bad. You have good facial features. Even the women think
the same."

"There are a lot of strange people who want to play with me." Hira said
with a wry smile, suddenly he was kicked in the ankles.

"How hateful. Usually, you don't look good like today."

 "I know."

"Do you think I'm flattering you?"

"Believe me. Now you're a little in love. But will you fall in love again?
Even more..."

"It's a lie." Kiyoi said blushing.

"I'm sorry."

"Come on, I won't wait for you even though you're Hira" Kiyoi stepped
forward. Behind him, Hira walked like an obedient dog.

It's been a month since Hira became Kiyoi's lover, but Hira still hasn't
gotten used to it at all. When Kiyoi slept next to him, Hira would wake up in
the morning and see the person next to him and be surprised. So, in his mind
thoughts of him flowed and reminded him that they were dating. But he
couldn't get the idea that it would all be a dream out of his head.

he now looks at Kiyoi's back, who is in front of him, and he feels that he
is already like a certified stalker.
(PS: hahaha God!!! Hira is Hira)

Kiyoi always looked perfect. The line of his shoulders fit perfectly with
his back, which was narrower and ended at a small waist. His limbs were
incredibly long and moved with grace and coordination every time he took a
step.

Since he was a high school student, he yearned for him and thought that
he was like a nun who dedicated his life to God. Even now he is afraid of
being that person's lover.
 There is a theory that the amount of human happiness is predetermined. If
all that was so, his life could be unhappy in the future, since the happiness he
felt up to that moment could not be compared to anything he had lived in his
life.

'To be touched by Kiyoi, to be rejected by Kiyoi, to be changed by Kiyoi.

What if that happens? And if one cannot be alive.? I wonder if I will live or
die.' When he raised his face, he was met by Kiyoi, who was looking at him
eerily.

"You're looking down and muttering. Can I live or die?"

"Oh, I was just thinking about Kiyoi's future for a bit."

"Disgusting" Kiyoi muttered.

.............................

The party was quite good, many beautiful people had attended. There were
about ten models and actors, young artists who often appeared on television
also attended, that was the group of people who stood out the most and
encouraged the party.

"Hello, I'm Kiyoi-kun's friend."

"Are you an ordinary college student?"

"I thought it would be a model, Kiyoi-kun's companion."

Hira survived the questions posed from all directions with just five words
and a smiling face. Everyone has a different aura from ordinary people. The
feeling of oppression seems to make him feel as if he is sick, but he must take
it in stride, the nostalgia that accompanies the abomination.
 These boys were without a doubt, the race that would have reigned at the
top of the pyramid in high school. Surely they should have had a lot of teasing
towards Hira, who could only be crawling at the bottom. Unless you are a
human being with such kind of cruelty, you won't be able to emit such a
terrifying glow, which he manages to bring to the top.

A model named Mako, was sitting in front of Hira, he was very friendly
and cared a lot about Hira's comfort.

"This is delicious, come on try it."

"Your glass is empty, what do you drink?"

Hira was tired, he wanted to leave the place and he didn't feel the need to
share with these people, but they were all Kiyoi's friends, so he had to
respond cordially.

"What do you do in college?"

"I am studying." suddenly a subtle silence was born, but Mako smiled
saying.

"Hey".

"Hm.."

"What about the camera, can you photograph me?"

Mako said, while everything in the place continued the same, they laughed
and shared and drank. So Hira was thinking of leaving there as calmly as
possible, but Kiyoi told him not to because it was the perfect place for Hira
to make new friends.
 Hira, he didn't want Kiyoi to get suspicious, but he was still angry for
leaving him there in that circle. Therefore, he began to remember the last
days he had shared with his friends and now he felt that he was betraying
them by being there. He remembered the last conversations.

"I should tell Koyama-san's younger brother that you and me.

Kiyoi's true intention was transparent in the words that were spoken small
and fast at the end, he was finally together with Kiyoi and everyone knew it...
Hira felt like prostrating himself at his feet because if he betrayed this trust,
the duck captain I could cut you off and leave you. So he couldn't escape
from there.

"I like you too much, but Kiyoi will be in a bad mood, so he'll be careful
not to look for you as much as possible. Or rather, I'll try not to show I like
you the way I do." Koyama apologized to Hira for being persistent.

After these conversations, each one continues his life accordingly. They
only meet occasionally at the university.

"Do you aspire to photography?" He continued asking Mako,

"Do you aspire to be a cameraman?"

"No not at all".

"Hmm. I think you're good at it. I want you to take a picture."

"..... take photos."

Strictly speaking, it's only for Kiyoi. When Hira refused to do so, there was
another subtle silence. Mako looked at Hira in his cheeks pose and chuckled
under her breath.

"Who is this kid? Scared."

 "I'm leaving" Hira decided to escape for now. He walked down the dimly
lit hallway and sighed as he reached the dimly lit toilet. He had completely
forgotten those days, but remembering his high school days when he was at
the bottom, he felt that he was out of place.

"Oh, you go out into the hall, you want to get home early. Hira-kun"

The girl he was with earlier followed him there, she was standing behind
him. she had previously said that she was a model, when he first introduced
himself, but had already forgotten his name.

"Mako, she's mad. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Hira intended to make a smile as she apologized, furthermore he did his

best to avoid stuttering, replying only with short sentences.

"You don't have to worry about that. You just have to deal with me."

"And your couple?"

"Don't worry, but you can understand Mako's feelings. I like you too."

A girl who barely knew her name gradually closes the distance between
her and Hira. 'What is this girl saying? Has no sense. No, is she betting her?
Betting on a cruel game in which she pretends to a man who is not popular,
all of a sudden, all this makes me laugh, it's funny. He can't get anything,
since I have the best lover in the world named Kiyoi in the first place.'

"Hey, Hira-kun"

Hira was stalked more and more, as he let his guard down at his thoughts.
Suddenly, his back was hitting the hallway wall, almost reaching the
women's bathroom.
 "I'm bored here, let's go out for a bit?"

From one moment to the next, Hira was completely hit by the body of the
other person, who was practicing on him. Suddenly, he felt a voice, which
resounded loudly in the hallway.

"You didn't say you were going to the bathroom, you can't get there," Kiyoi
said, who seemed to be in a bad mood.

Then, he patted Hira's stiff waist and pulled him away, and Mako
disappeared into the ladies' room.

"Thank you, Kiyoi!" Hira said to Kiyoi.

Hira, he was nervous and afraid of being trapped like this in a dimly lit
corridor. Kiyoi had a terrifyingly terrifying face, although he was grateful for
his help, it made him even more afraid.

Kiyoi, muttering "Disgusting", quickly turns around in the hallway.

Hira hurriedly chased after him, but he remembered that he had some
things inside the party. As he returned to the table, girls stopped him to chat,
holding his arms, holding his jacket or just talking to them, but Hira ignored
them all and left the place.

He desperately searched around, but couldn't find Kiyoi because there

were too many people. He couldn't contact him on his cell phone, he didn't
get any reply to the innumerable messages, he was too sad and depressed so
he took the train on his way home.

After all, it was a mistake to go to such a place. Kiyoi could have returned
home alone, so he had to get there as soon as possible. Hira wondered wed
after the train was advancing
 'Kiyoi hate me?' 'Kiyoi will he come back?' 'Kiyoi, where is he?'

When he got home desperate, he could see a light on.

"Kiyoi..."

Hira ran to the living room in despair. Kiyoi was sitting cross-legged on
the sofa, his face tense. He maintained a completely nonchalant posture. Hira
is surprised, he didn't want to see him angry.

"Ki, Ki, Kiki, Kiyo, Kiyoi" suddenly only a stuttering sound came out.

Hira stayed for a while watching him quite nervous. Apologizing or trying
to get to Kiyoi...but he just talks back.

"That?"

"...Oh, I was leaving by myself, I wanted to get some air and I left the
place."

"Hira. You weren't dating alone."

"

"Hey?"

"I said I would go to the bathroom. Then Mako followed me because I was
rude to her."

"Are you aware of anything else?"

"...Maybe because he was attached to a girl?" When he answered him,

Kiyoi's eyes sharpened.
 "This is all."

"I'm sorry, but I think she's a bet."

"Let me."

"That's right. I think he just wanted to test a man who isn't popular." Hira
said.

"You come here for a while begging like, Banzai", (banzai is a Japanese
exclamation meaning "Ten thousand years" and it's like a praise the Japanese
perform when they make big mistakes; they raise and lower their hands over
and over again in of supplication

"Hurry up," a harsh voice said.

Hira quickly stood up in front of Kiyoi and bowed with his head and hands.
But it was more like a surrender than a banzai.

While Hira is still practicing the banzai, Kiyoi punches him in the waist,
feeling something strange. He reached into the back pocket of his pants.

"What is this?"

It was a pink business card with an email address that had been extracted.
But Hira did not remember that anyone had given it to him.

"It's a card."

"Who?."

"The woman who was flirting in front of the bathroom."

 "Well, I think it may be... but I didn't realize it."

"Is he a magician? No, by the way, it looks like you've been caressed at the
end."

While Hira was thinking, Kiyoi reached into his jacket pocket and Kiyoi's
hand came out again with another business card. Hira was amazed because
he didn't know who he was, and he also didn't know when it happened. They
all said they were models or actresses, but they were actually professional
pickpockets. If they can leave things like that on someone else's clothes, they
would certainly be professional pickpockets.
(PS: hahahaha but Hira one cornered you against the wall and touched
you... the others grabbed you at the exit and touched you the same way...
hahaha God!!! Hira is Hira🤦♀️🤦♀️) "

. ....Kazunari, who are you?"

(PS: he's mad!!!! God!!! He told him his name... he's furious🤭🤭🤭 like
when Porsche called Kinn Anakinn 😬😬😬)

Cold sweat ran down Hira's back, as, he was watched by a terrifying face.
Hira was afraid and his voice trembled. Thinking that if he doesn't do
something quick, Captain Duck will be stabbed on innocent charges.
(PS: Hahahahaa God!!! This Hira kills me hahahahaa)

"Then why didn't you immediately refuse? When you were hugged like
that... so closely. If I hadn't arrived in time you would have been kissed and
you wouldn't have done nothing because you were immobile idiot!." Hira
was surprised, he couldn't move.

"You are idiot..."

 Kiyoi stood up and held onto Hira's jacket tightly. His shirt also wrinkled
a lot, he was holding it so tightly that the shirt ripped open, exploding the
buttons, with Kiyoi's force, leaving his torso half-naked.

"You always say you're fine!" he yelled at him, Kiyoi turned his back on
him and turned back onto the couch.

Hira was lost. 'But I didn't do anything wrong. But like Kiyoi said, if they
had kissed me, Kiyoi might have really abandoned me. No, I'm about to be
thrown away, like a dog.'

"I'm sorry, Kiyoi. I'm really sorry. Please look at me," Hira begged Kiyoi
as he knelt across from him on the couch. But there was no answer.

"I promise it won't happen again, I will definitely refuse if something like
that happens again."

"No, I can't believe you. I'm sure you were a little happy."

"You can't suspect that, like that." Kiyoi is looking at him.

"Even though it's Hira! I can't take off the whole image like this anymore.
You were happily talking to Mako." Kiyoi muttered under his breath.

"Since she is Kiyoi's friend, I did my best not to let him down."

"...Is that so?"

"It's natural. Originally, I don't want to get close to those people. Mako is
also a person. I tried to smile while we were talking. I was really scared, if
they weren't Kiyoi's friend I wanted to go home quickly. So Kiyoi, please
turn to face me. Don't hate me."
 Hira looked at Kiyoi, his beautiful lips were shapely yet sharp, his face flat
yet tense, causing Hira to sweat even more. But despite that Hira thought 'I
know he looks so cute, so sexy. Kiyoi is terribly irresistible'

"I only have Kiyoi. I like Kiyoi so much I'd die if I don't have him" Hira
walked up to him and kissed his ear.

"....Sorry for Hira's bad habit."

"I'm sorry."

Hira turned again to approach Kiyoi, held him by the neck and this time
kissed his lips.

"I think it's a mistake that Kiyoi has a lover like me. What's more, I can't
believe that Kiyoi would get angry or cry because of what I do, because of
my clumsy attitudes. I thought that Kiyoi wouldn't hurt me no matter what I
did, but this makes me sad. I can't see the proud and transcendent Kiyoi like
this. I'm sorry," Hira said wrapping his arm around Kiyoi's neck.

"It's just that everything gets out of control when it comes to you." Kiyoi
gave Hira a smile as if he didn't want to see his face and kissed him himself.

The lips of both get closer and are absorbed with each other. Kiyoi slightly
opens his mouth and allows Hira's tongue to absorb it completely. Sucking
his hard.

'Right now, I'm sorry that a man like me, who always feels like the world
is spinning, is Kiyoi's lover. I believe it from the bottom of my heart.
However, deep in my heart an unknown joy springs up. I have a terrible me
that wants to see more and more Kiyoi who is angry about to cry, so if I want
to see him cry one more time. I'm sorry for these thoughts. But I like Kiyoi
so much that I want to see him in all his possible ways. I want Kiyoi all to
myself..'
 Hira put his hand on the hem of his shirt and touched skin directly.

'Every time he touched Kiyoi, I can feel his every tremble, as he shudders
in surprise. Kiyoi is terribly easy to feel and I love that, when he touches his
ear it immediately turns red. When I get closer to neck just breathing, I can
feel as if I am invaded by electricity..... now I am reaching the bumps of his
chest while enjoying the soft texture of his skin, I knead fingertips with my
fingertips. two beautiful pink buttons he has there and I can feel his shed a
sweet sigh. I move even closer to him and I suck on them, I suck them gently
and then I bite them delicately, while Kiyoi squirms as if he doesn't like it
but his sighs always tell me otherwise.'

'A few days ago, Kiyoi seemed to be in trouble because he was asked to
show his chest for a recording after the weekend. But he said that it was hard
for him to show chest, since he had faint marks of our love. now his chest
was slightly reddish in the glow from just rubbing lightly against his shirt. I
like this, seeing it just for me. Let Kiyoi blush just for me.'

"You, when you start touching me like that, you are so persistent..." Kiyoi
once said

'I was ashamed of myself for what I had done to him. After that, I tried not
to touch it so much or bite or damage it, so it wouldn't interfere with Kiyoi's
work, but tonight I can't take it anymore. I let my tongue trail over the little
pink nubs on his chest and they quickly hardened, then my tongue turned
sharp and I just kept sucking and biting.'

"Not there...."

'While saying it's not good, his hand pushes me back but has almost no
strength. Then again, I crush it with my tongue, roll it up and suck on it hard.
Every time, I do that, my tongue can't hold the saliva and it drips down his
skin, making it look even shinier. I'm sweating. I love the feeling of Kiyoi's
wet, shiny red nipples. I feel like his skin drives me crazy. The texture of it
is fine and smooth, it sticks to me even more with my sweat. I feel like I don't
want to be away from him. I just want to touch it forever.'

"He Hira, no more, no, no."

'It is swollen. When I start rolling and rolling my tongue around his
nipples, Kiyoi's member swells. When I see him like this, I want to do even
more, I want to see his body writhe in tears of pleasure. As he trailed my hot
tongue all over his chest and pressed the nipples with my fingers pulling or
rolling them from side to side, Kiyoi's voice was suddenly breathless.'

"...Hmm, oh yeah."

"...I'm hurting you."

"Hmmm... awwwm..."

Kiyoi squeezes his eyes shut, as his body jerks as he sits up. After
stiffening his whole body on the sofa, he lies under Hira's body, slowly
relaxing.

"Maybe your chest...?"

"Because you are persistent..."

"Sorry, I feel uncomfortable with my clothes on. I'll take them off."

"Ahhh awwwmmm..."
 'Kiyoi hated it. However, after he ejaculated, he has almost no energy.
When I forcibly pulled down his pants, the front of the Gray underpants was
wet and the stain from him spread.'

"...Don't look at this!!! Don't look at me."

"Sorry, sorry, sorry."

'Kiyoi desperately tried to hide his bright red face. I hugged his body
violently and took off his underwear while he apologized and apologized to
me, I got angry with myself again because what he was saying was different
from what he was doing. I then used what Kiyoi had loosened from his
swollen member, using it as a lubricant and brought him back. Although I
touched him for the first time tonight, he was already hot and wet, so he
quickly accepted my finger. I love when this happens it's like his hole is
waiting for me. Only for me, since, only at my arrival does he open up for
me.'

'I've been dating Kiyoi for a month and we've been doing it every night
and more than once a lot of them. But I don't get tired, I don't get tired of
being with him like this, of seeing him in his maximum climax state. This is
something I would see all my life. There are moments when I am ashamed
of having become this person, but if before I did it in front of a photograph,
now I must fully enjoy his body, that is why I think that it is not enough every
day. I want to do it more and more.'

'I picked up Kiyoi's body and left it sit shallowly on the sofa. I put my
hands on his knee and open his legs, from this position I can clearly see the
place where my fingers are easily absorbed. However, his expression seems
to cry. Kiyoi is completely flushed. Seeing this wonderful image my centre
becomes more tense and swollen. Hastily hold my member and take it to that
wet and sticky place. As he moved forward, his hole opened and he accepted
my member'
 "Hmmmmm aaayyy" Kiyoi raises his eyebrows.

'Originally this place is not to accept like this, so I proceed slowly so as

not to burden you as much as possible. Even if everything is submerged, I
wait for a while until it becomes familiar. During this time, as I tried to plunge
everything inside Kiyoi, I felt terrible pain as a man, so I couldn't help but
drag my tongue across the nipples on his chest and bite them. I pressed my
twisted body and sucked again and again on the two small fruits from it. His
place that accepts my member gets too hot and begins to contract as if he is
sucking my member in. Kiyoi's entire body collapses, my head begins to boil,
and I begin to rock in and out slowly as if to reassure her. Now not only my
head is boiling, my whole body is like it's burning'

"...Hira, move fast, move at once"

'I couldn't resist his complaint as I rocked my hips. I lifted his body up and
pulled him back until the last minute and slowly inserted him back in.'

"Kiyoi, it's amazing, it's so hot in there…it's so tight…I like everything

Kiyoi."

'Under the strange lights in the living room, I can clearly see what I'm
doing and I'm going in and out, I'm terribly excited, because I can see that his
hole is getting hotter and pinker almost red. Kiyoi shyly shakes his head. he
tried to close his legs so I pushed all the way in and Kiyoi leaned back. he
rotated my hips in a round shape while I'm firmly connected to Kiyoi's hole
and squirms all the way. Kiyoi jerks irresistibly. From the tip of Kiyoi's
genitals he begins to squirt his thick, sticky liquid for the second time. And I
love seeing this, that I got completely wet from his ejaculation. I know it's
not healthy, but seeing Kiyoi in this state with my own eyes warms me
deeply, wanting to charge as quickly as possible.'
 'I lifted Kiyoi into my arms, but not taking my member from inside him. I
left it on the floor mat. I covered it with my hot tongue completely, I wanted
to lick it all, I wanted to have it all to myself while I was inside him and I
kept moving in and out, feeling that his hole was almost burning my member.
Now Kiyoi was already out of breath like a summer runner. It is also painful
for me, I lack oxygen. But I don't want to finish.'

"Sorry, I don't have any more." Kiyoi holds onto Hira tightly.

"Can I stay inside?"

'Kiyoi cried out sweetly as he jerked his hips into a shallow spot.'

"Ah, Hira, Hiira..."

'I couldn't stand it at all, I reached the end a bit later than Kiyoi.'

'Kiyoi fell asleep while kissing his hair and shoulders while holding him.
His body in my arms undulates slightly as he sleeps comfortably. Kiyoi
shrugged as he sank into the drowsiness and happiness in me, he was
completely released. I asked him if it was cold and searched for the air
conditioner remote, found it on the edge of the rug, reached out, and Kiyoi
clung to me. When I investigated if I woke him up...'

"Don't go too far..." Kiyoi muttered, eyes closed.

'Slowly, indescribable feelings rush like waves inside me. When I hugged
his head, Kiyoi snuggled up to fit into my hug and I was dying of happiness.
Kiyoi is so sweet and warm. I take him tightly in my arms. I stay watching it
for a long time, I feel that it is impossible that we were like this now, after
almost being abandoned long ago. It was strange that I was so happy now
even though he had gotten me into trouble hours ago'
 Hira was at a loss because he couldn't handle his feelings. He was sorry to
be Kiyoi's lover and come to embarrass him. He always felt that he should
act right for him. He didn't want to disappoint him anymore.

'But I can't stop getting more and more greedy. I don't want to give Kiyoi
to anyone. I don't want anyone to touch it. I don't even want anyone to look
at it. Now I am moved by a desire for ambition and exclusivity that I did not
have when I only admired. I like it, I like it, I like it too much, I'm not satisfied
with just this. I feel like I want more and more. In my arms, I murmur that
Kiyoi is not a word, he is everything to me.'

'This feeling is like the fourteenth lunar month will continue to make me
sad if something happens. In my arms, Kiyoi murmurs again.'

"Do not leave Me."

'I want him to be mine forever. Never ever leave it'

PS: holy mother!!!! I don't want any more stories by Hira😳😳😳 I don't
want to edit this book anymore😬😬

VOLUME 1. CHAPTER 5: "chestnut"

As happiness melted them and they did not want to be separated, their
dependence on each other was more unbreakable every day. Until one day
Hira received great news.

One day while he attended classes normally, while he had said goodbye to
Kiyoi in the morning. Hira received a phone call that left him stunned, he
didn't know how to react or what to do.
 Throughout the morning Hira was puzzled by that call, he kept looking for
possible solutions in what would come soon.

'Would it be the end of my relationship with Kiyoi?'

Hira was struck by a deep defeat, everything would now start to change.
Nothing would be the same anymore, his heart was heavy, he didn't want to
accept it, he didn't know if he wanted to cry or scream. His life would finally
go back to the way it was at the beginning, since everything was falling apart.

The call, which he received, told him that his cousin Naho had divorced,
therefore, she would return to his parents' house. Which means that Hira and
Kiyoi would no longer have a home, to belong to.

Naho's parents' house is the same one that Hira and Kiyoi live in right now.
If Naho comes back, he and Kiyoi should get out of there. Which meant that
Hira and Kiyoi's life was about to end.

After hanging up on her mother's call, Hira collapsed like a toy with its
dead battery. he just wanted to cry, cry and scream. His eyes darkened and
no longer sparkled.

'Ah, this day has finally come. Finally when Kiyoi, he had accepted to be
worshiped as a God, until the miracle happened and in the end I was able to
become his lover. I also thought that the true God existed, since, after a long
time, he was giving me the happiness that had been denied me for a long
time. But I believe, that God recognized his mistake and that he had given
me this happiness by mistake. Now, first of all, my life with Kiyoi is over.'

'But if there's a distance between us, Kiyoi can tell me why he's dating
another man....and.....No, she'll come back. I'm really frustrated, I won't have
him flitting next to me anymore. It's all over. I feel like he's being kicked
around by the feet of the Nioh demon. But even if for a short time, I became
Kiyoi's lover, I was really happy. If this is the price I have to pay for it, I must
happily accept it.'

In the evening, when he got home, he observed that Kiyoi was collapsed
in the living room with no power to even turn on the lights. So, Hira had to
express to him everything that had happened with the call from his mother,
without a doubt, he was devastated and desperate. But suddenly, Kiyoi said
something unexpected.

"We don't have to separate. We will continue to live together."

"But we are students and we have no money."

"But I'm a celebrity. We can both eat well." After those comments coming
out of Kiyoi's mouth very confidently, Hira was shocked.

Hira, feeling that he had been struck by a deep defeat, in common sense
for him, would no longer take care of Kiyoi.

From the next day, Hira rushed to find a part-time job, since Naho who
was abroad will return next month.

Kiyoi said to find a new house as soon as possible. So if all goes well, a
new life will start next month for both of them.

'Kiyoi said that they would look for a house with a formal cohabitation and
that he would buy a double bed for the two of them, I almost died of joy.
God's careless mistakes continue to be hailed and we will stick together. Lord
God, forgive me for all my previous thoughts.'

Hira was equally not happy. At this rate, the money Kiyoi earns will cover
the security deposit, money from furniture purchases, rent, and living
expenses.
 'So, will he go bankrupt? I can't complain even if captain duck comes
against me. He can stab me again. Also, I don't want to be a waste of living
together because of my parents' allowance. But will there be any company
that wants to hire me?'

' Then it's best to avoid the hospitality business because my stutter may
judge me against it. Since I have never been athletic in my life, I have no
confidence in a physical job. I'm not good enough to be a tutor, so what
should I do?'

Hira told his college classmates about looking for a part-time job, so they
recommended him to join a consignment store. Hira went to the company for
his registration, since it was something easy to do and he didn't have to
socialize too much.

"Kazunari Hira, a sophomore at the university. Well, will it be okay for

you to work the night shift?" The dispatch company staff asked him.

"Haha, yes," he agreed nervously.

Hira was nervous but happy, he already had a job. By which, he had started
to stutter, but tries to calm down, even though he was flushed all over.

"Here and here you can introduce yourself right away. While looking at
the computer screen, you can gather the company's materials, which you have
to deliver. You just have to do the photomontage that you are asked to do."

"Ah, that, I, I, I, I stutter, okay?" Hira explained the reality to him, so that
it wouldn't be overlooked.
 "Okay. We have a lot of people registered with some problems." said the
person in charge.

'If there is a job that meets the applicant's conditions, I will receive an email
with guidance from time to time, so, I was asked to select the date and place
I want to work from, but I wanted to work as soon as possible , so I decided
to introduce part-time work in the field of our sector.'

'That night, when I commented to Kiyoi that I had signed up for a part-
time job, Kiyoi rolled his eyes in surprise. He definitely didn't want me to do
something like that.'

"Is that what you were doing yesterday and today? And you didn't say
anything."

"I thought I wouldn't be able to make it on time if I rushed and you wouldn't
notice. I definitely don't want Kiyoi to keep me."

"But I also want to stay together with Kiyoi, I don't want to get away from
Kiyoi"

Kiyoi's face gradually slackens. However, the expression tightened on the

way.

"Probably, you will come across a client that catches your eye and grabs
you."

(PS: 🤦♀️🤦♀️ just like that!! Both of them couldn't be more toxic hahaha)

"Oh, no".
 "I don't want you to, you don't need it. If you think about it we're living
well now."

"But i have to do it."

"It's useless a workplace where there are a lot of women. You definitely
can't do it."

"I'll just do my job and go home. Nothing else, this is too serious for me."

"What kind of work do you do in the company?"

"I work a line job at a candy factory. I can do it without talking to anyone."
Kiyoi finally nodded, convinced.

"It's a sober part-time job, without great pressure, it may be suitable for my
temperament.

"Okay"

"Then I'll just do the Night Shift."

"What? Night shift?"

"Three days a week. From 10 pm to 5 the next morning"

"Are you going to be away three days a week?"

"Well, I thought it would be better to go to college during the day and focus
on working hours that get in the way of my studies so I don't run around, but
if you don't like Kiyoi, I'll find another place." Kiyoi lowers his gaze with
opaque eyes and doesn't say anything, he seems to be dissatisfied.

"Okay."
 "I'm going back to the shipping company tomorrow. That's why, I can stay
home for the night. I need a part-time job that can make a lot of money in a
short amount of time during the day and is compatible with college."

"Even if you don't have it, it's okay, you're with me."

"But I need the job, I need to find something even better. Because I don't
want Kiyoi to stop liking me."

"I see."

'At this moment my heart aches as if it were being squeezed. It is a miracle

that this beautiful man is by my side. Plus, he's always so cute.'

"Okay. I'm crazy in college now. I think it's easy for you to do assembly
line work. Even if I don't want to accept that I'll be without you for a few
nights, I have to. But if at any time you think it's not good and it's dangerous,
just stop."

'My heart is definitely addicted to my king's soft words, so I can only look
at him and admire him. His kind words made me lose my heart. Finally Kiyoi
is the master of my entire life.'

"Ki, ki, Kiyoi, oh, oh, I'll do my best. I'll do my best not to bother Kiyoi
and never become a burden to him or worry him. I won't do such a dangerous
job."

"But what if you vomit blood?"

"How can I vomit blood, if it's an assembly line job." Kiyoi hardened his
expression on the way.
 "Wait a minute. Why am I saying something like a stupid woman
surrendering to his master? Are you my owner? Why do I like you so much?"

"Don't know."

'Why did Kiyoi like me? It is a hundred percent involuntary mistake of

God, but surely one day that mistake will be corrected, but until that day
comes, I just want to drown in this happiness.'

"Damn, why am I so good?" he said with annoyance.

"Ki, Kiyoi, don't be loud. Shut up now!" Kiyoi turned to face his as he
looked at Hira and his lips connected softly.

'I was choking deep with his tongue inside my mouth, really his hot tongue
tastes addictive to me. I want to bite him whole and have it just for me. As
he continued to kiss me I opened my eyes to see Kiyoi's annoyed face.'

Meanwhile Kiyoi mutters regretfully.

"Regardless Hira, it's my trouble." he said as he kissed him many times

with a very disgusting face.

...............
 Hira is currently busy with his first part-time job in his life. He was nervous
at first, but then quickly got used to his tasks of putting a yellow chestnut on
Mont Blanc.

'I was worried that I might work part-time as a stutterer, but when I tried
it, I wasn't particularly scared. I was scared of the upcoming job search, but
at least I showed that I could do the job of putting chestnuts at Montblanc. It
is too modest and even fun, but even the Silk Road begins when you open
the front door. While being encouraged to work for the first time in my life,
I suddenly wanted to remember myself in the past. When were there
trampling people and trampled people in the world? When I'm nervous, I can
clearly be part of the latter.'

The world around Hira is neither bright nor beautiful nor kind, as he
stabilizes in an ever narrowing world he fears that one day he will lose his
balance and crash into the abyss. When he get to that day, it will be a scary
day.

The gray world ushered in spring. Kiyoi was beautiful. It was a light that
pierced the dull gray world of Hira.

On that day, that Kiyoi's name, which was stamped on Hira's forehead, still
shines brighter and stronger, even four years later. Finally, it was not washed
away by the sewage like garbage and is dominated by the noble and beautiful
King. Now he moves through the golden river of a beautiful kingdom. Hira's
world has been illuminated by Kiyoi, so now it's bright and beautiful.

Hira continues to work on the yellow Mont Blanc. The factory is full of
the smell of sweet and cheap confectionery, everyone is tired of working, but
Hira is happy and fun.

'This chestnut grain that I place daily in the photomontage is the rent for
the room where Kiyoi and I live together.'
 'This grain of this chestnut becomes the double bed, in which I sleep with
Kiyoi.'

'This chestnut grain becomes the rice that Kiyoi and I eat together.'

'This chestnut bean becomes a bath for two people with Kiyoi.'

The sweet aromas of the company where he worked were becoming a

golden and shining river for Hira, in which he could happily flow, creating
an irresistible feeling of well-being.

While carefully arranging chestnuts in the photo montage, Hira suddenly

remembered the student photo contest, where he was recommended by his
seniors. Hira had always refused to say anything about it, but now he was
thinking of requesting it, but then he remembered that he had no connection.
'I wonder who?'

(PS: well I know who... Koyama!!!! hahaha I always support you in

photography)

While Hira was laughing to himself about his life and happiness, he
suddenly raised his face, finding a man in front of him older, who was looking
at him suspiciously.

His happiness couldn't silence him and he just continued distracted and
smiling most of the time.

************** END ***************

VOLUME 1. EPILOGUE

'It's abrupt, but I like the attack of that nasty. I like to be optimistic, strong,
cute and have a bad personality, but who I like is really uncomfortable when
attacking. However, no matter how uncomfortable it feels, I will always be
there. He is super negative, but he is very pure and I am sorry, I cannot
determine when I am with him, although many times I blame myself for
being useless. I love the offense and being out of control in the direction of
the day after tomorrow.'

'Though I can't help but want to touch him, even if I'm not a good person
to deserve to touch him, it's even better to have the patience to stay within
his radar. I believe that little patience leads to a man's sexual attractiveness.
Well, I'd be in trouble if you ask me if Hira has the sex appeal of a man.
Because he's so... sonn...'

'I'm sorry to be persecuted by someone so unpleasant, but he's definitely a

soft and gentle type of personality, so I thought it would be good to have a
relentless negative with him, I tried my best to push him away, with all my
might, when I hit him and ordered him to do things. But... I finally finished
with "him".'
 'He was greedy in my hobby, so while studying, he was fun, but he had a
lot of problems. It's good to have the attack of my favourite Kimoi in my
centre, but I don't want to be cloudy, so I must always be alert not to lose
him, he is all my light, in the cloudiness of my days.'

(kimoi; it means disgusting or disgusting. This term appeared constantly

in Kiyoi's stories, but I didn't add it so as not to get confused in the wording.
But to make it clear, Kimoi was the concept used in Kiyoi to refer to Hira I
just changed it as disgusting or sick.)

'That is the light that I want to have by my side forever and never let it
escape.'

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::

Well this would be all. An epilogue only of a thought. By the way, a

beautiful thought from my beloved Kiyoi.

Sayoonara!!!
VOLUME 2. CHAPTER 1: "Lord Judge God"
part 1

'Naho, she just separated from her husband and will soon be coming home
with her children.'

As she walked home, were the words she couldn't get out of her mind.
By the time she got home, was completely defeated, so she could only fall
to the ground inside the pitch-black room. she apparently was anaemic.
'Finally, God's corrective work has begun. It's been about half a year since
Kiyoi and I have been together, I've always been afraid, that it's just a dream.
But, today I think that dream will end.' '

I have always been looked at strangely, my life has been lonely for most
of it, both in elementary school and high school, due to stuttering. Finally,
when I entered university, everything changed, I met friends and started my
relationship with Kiyoi, something I would never have imagined, since he
had become quite a popular celebrity. That is why I have always thought that
this is a mistake or an oversight of God. We are two opposite people in every
way. When does God notice this mistake and make corrections?'

When that moment finally came, Hira collapsed silently on the carpet on
the verge of giving up. He no longer had the energy to move a finger, he
simply curled up like a fetus on the soft living room carpet to bear the
sadness.
 'I have no grudge against God, he has given me a wonderful dream for half
a year. Let's go thank you and bye, thank you bye, thank you. In this dark
room where the night gradually overflowed, I repeated my thanks and
farewell lying on the carpet.'

Negative emotions were divided in Hira. On one hand he thanked God for
everything he had given him together with Kiyoi, but on the other hand he
was capable of going to hell to stay by his side. He had been pushed to
seventh heaven by Kiyoi's declaration of continued cohabitation.

'What is God doing? Without realizing it I am making more and more

mistakes, but I wonder if what I am living with him is just a nap, of what my
destiny has in store for me. At the moment, I sincerely hope to fall asleep
until my life runs out.'

Economic power was necessary to live with Kiyoi. Hira's parents had
already found out about Naho's separation, so her mother naturally thinks that
Hira will return home again. Hira's mother was very proud of her only son,
since he, despite his stuttering, had managed to enter the university and
would do everything for her son.

Even if Hira had a safe place to return to, living with Kiyoi was his priority.

'I'll have to get a part-time job, but talking to strangers makes me nervous,
that's something I want to avoid as much as possible, although as much as I
avoid it, I'll have to at some point. I also don't like suits and interviews, that
makes me so desperate that I could never say a single sentence. I'm sure there
will be a lot of ads that will reject me. I can only pray from the bottom of my
heart for some future success.'

'It's easy to imagine myself buried in the abyss and breathless. This is
horrible, my life is horrible. Maybe I'm just frustrated with the job search.
After graduating from college, I always thought I would be living on the
second floor of my parents' house and rotting away over the years. However,
that future is already impossible, I have to survive to be by Kiyoi's side.
Because in order to live with Kiyoi, I have to get rid of the things that scare
me and move towards a correct attitude. That I must face the world.'

"Well, you're Kazunsri Hira, you're a college student, and you're 20 years
old"

In front of Hira, stands a fat man with a badge on his chest that says store
manager and is muttering his resume that he holds in his hand.

'I'm currently being interviewed in the backyard of a convenience store,

my hands are shaking and I feel like I'm sweaty, I'll just psych myself up to
speak slowly.'

"What kind of part-time job have you done so far?"

'I pictured the image of a captain duck flowing through sewage and
breathed slowly. He is my life teacher, whom I met right out of school when
he was in elementary school. If it weren't for Captain Duck, he would never
have flowed through the warm waters where I am now. Without him, he
would no doubt have continued to navigate the sewage of what was my life.
Every fact of my life was surpassed by the captain duck. Even being together
with Kiyoi today. -Be as flat as possible. Don't be sensitive to stimuli. Like
the captain duck who flowed through an artificial river with dirty water.'

'I've always cast a spell, it'll be a few thousand times already... Once, twice,
three times, I just need to take a deep breath to collect air under her abdomen
and suppress fluctuations so I don't rush or stutter. Come on, I can do it.'

The store manager is standing.

"I've never had a part-time job," he said after a long wait.

“I'm a college student, nowadays…”

 “Then why did I suddenly decide to work part time?” Hira solidified. he
didn't expect to be asked something so personal.

'I want to earn a living to live with my lover. The reason was simple. But
I can't say it. Why do I have to expose my secret like a treasure to a fat man
who steps on the ground in such a dusty place?'

"Did you think it would be fun to work at a convenience store?" They told
him something unexpected.

"That?"

The store manager was openly in a bad mood and shook Hira's resume,
saying that there are many such things.

"However, this is still quite difficult." The store manager narrowed his eyes
and laughed unpleasantly.

"Look, convenience stores are convenient, aren't they? The more

convenient it is for the customer, the greater the burden on the service
provider? Do you have a lot to remember? Can you do it? You can't talk at
all. Do you hate answering questions? Do you feel tired? You are the Satori
generation, passing through space. Is Mr. Nietzsche a manga, like that?"
'What is this person saying? What is he telling me because he doesn't really
understand?' "Ki, Ki, Ki, Ki, Ki, Kiki, Ki" is full of words.

'Oh, calm down, right now. Flatten your mind. Don't be sensitive to stimuli.
Remember the teachings of Captain Duck, even though he is no longer here.'

The store manager tells Hira he gives the answer to Hira with his stiff face.
 "Oh, sorry, I don't know what to say from the beginning, yes, that's all for
the interview. Thank you for your patience, I'll let you know the result within
three days." Hira lowered his shoulders and went back to the university,
saying that he had dropped 120 percent.

The interview he had taken was the worst of Hira's day. After, he headed
to the break room of the photography club, his mood sorely defeated. As soon
as he entered the club room, the director asked him:

"Oh, how was the interview?" It is a pity that they look at him like that,
since in his face you can foresee what happened.

"Maybe you stuttered?" Koyama asked as he sat down in his usual seat. He
will nod.

"If you want to quit, just reject it now."

"Yeah"

"Just do it" everyone nods.

Everyone in the circle knows that Hira stutters. That's why it's easy to
communicate with them and make them understand you. But in the same
way, Hira felt useless, despite being in a comfortable and pampered place.

"There are so many part-time jobs, you shouldn't worry," Koyama gave u
Pocky to comfort him. It was a lilac cream flavor that he had never seen.

"Enjoy it, it's a limited flavor. It was sent from my parents' house." It was
a flavour that I had not tried in the pocky.

'My relationship with Koyama, was something like that more than a friend,
but less than a lover. Kiyoi's existence did not lead to a formal relationship,
although there were times when I felt uncomfortable, but now I am somehow
returning to feel the comfort that he has always being as a friends.'

"Okay. My brother stutters too, but he always gets a job. You just have to
be patient."

'I failed when I took too long to take a deep breath so I didn't stutter one
bit. I thought the store manager's attitude was unpleasant, but since it was my
first interview, I just didn't know, that kind of response can be common.
Everyone says that the world is hard. If so, I just have to bear it.'

“How about a part-time job based on the record?” Koyama said.

'It seems that the system first goes to the record that also serves as an
interview, then enters a part-time job. It seemed nice that I could turn down
if I didn't like it. I searched for student recommended agents online and made
a booking for registration for the time being tomorrow.'

"Hira, in action"

"I myself am surprised, but I don't have time to do big things."

"'Naho san is coming back next month, so we've talked to Kiyoi about
finding a new house before then." Even everyone laughed mocking Hira.

"Hira will be a different person now with Kiyoi-kun."

"We will no longer be in his heart."

'The next day, I visited the agent's office at the time I had arranged. I
dressed in a suit, I felt uncomfortable because I feel out of place. He had the
sheet with the necessary information with me, but I told the person in charge
that I suffered from a stutter from the beginning. I was trying my best to be
relaxed and calm so as not to get stuck. When he was clenching my fist under
the table,
 "We have a wide variety of people and companies registered; we have a
wide variety of occupations. We present jobs that suit each one of us, so if
you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask us." With everything the
representative Hira said he could have a big smile on his face. 'Now I don't
feel unpleasant. On the contrary, I was relieved that this person was a proper
professional.' “There are some data I can enter right now. For example" The
person in charge operated a computer and collected some data to meet Hira's
wishes. Hira kept smiling, finally he could tell that he had a job.

When he got home, he told his lover that he had gone for an interview and
got it right away. he already had a part-time job. Kiyoi's eyes widened when
he reported that he had a part-time job.

"Did you decide today? Is it a suitable place?" Kiyoi said as he was sipping
a protein drink with a troubled face instead of dinner.

Although Kiyoi is not without a perfect style, he strives to stay in good

shape for work. The actors do hard work and must be kept in good condition.

"You shouldn't rush to look for a job, just try not to stay for a job in long
conversations."

"No".

"Stop if something happens. I don't want anything to happen to you later.

If there are a lot of women, you have to get out of there. Usually there's not
much you can do about it, because of your voice, but if you're serious about
it, It's great, well, there are several things that will be excellent for you".
Talking about the new job, Kiyoi searches his smartphone.

"So what kind of job?"

 "I work as a line worker in a candy factory. I can do it without speaking."
Kiyoi finally nodded, convinced.

"It's a sober part-time job with no shreds of youth, but it may be right for
me, with my temperament. I always use Photoshop to process my photos and
can handle the assembly line."

"I like it."

"I'll take the night shift."

"Three days a week. From 10 pm to 5 the next morning"

"Are you going to be away three days a week?"

"I have college during the day, I thought it would be better to focus on
working somewhere instead of hanging around. But if you don't like Kiyoi,
I'll do it somewhere else."

"I don't like." As he said, Kiyoi's thin and shapely lips are slightly sharp.

"Sorry. I can stay home at night and find a part-time job that can make a
lot of money in a short time on a schedule that's compatible with college."
Kiyoi's face was serious and flat, but to Hira's eyes it was perfectly beautiful,
that he fell more and more in love with him just looking at him.

"But I'm looking for it. I don't want Kiyoi not to like it."

"No, it's okay I'm in college and acting is crazy for me right now. I think
it's easy for you to do assembly line work, but you can't do it if you think you
can't do it, if you think you can't do it anymore." you like it just stop.” The
words of Kiyoi, who would normally have to look up, shook Hira's heart
violently,
 “Ki, Kiyoi, oh, I'll do my best. I will never be unemployed or a burden so
as not to upset Kiyoi. I'll do my best he can even die trying. Even if this body
breaks, I'll still do it for Kiyoi."

"Hey!!!" he said.

"I'll do it no matter what."

"Even if you vomit blood. I don't want you to." Kiyoi hardened her
expression on the way.

"It's a lie how I can vomit blood. I won't work like a carriage horse. But if
you bother, I'll throw it away on the spot."

'The Supreme King is trying to get along with me and even wants to
formally live with me. There is more happiness, I have no choice but to thank
God's involuntary mistakes. However, the mistake will be corrected one day
and we will have to part. That is the reason of the world. I am very afraid that
the time will come. However, Kiyoi is visible now and he is with me now,
but I know that he will end one day.'
(PS: someone dies... from the beginning Hira has been saying it. I feel
scared...)

Hira picked up his camera from the table and set it up naturally. Looking
through the viewfinder, Kiyoi is reflected in the space cut out in a square,
most of the images of him.

Cameras are Hira's only hobby. His parents had given it to him because he
had no friends or activities to do, due to his stuttering. However, Hira hates
people, he only photographs landscapes and liked to erase humans from the
landscapes he photographed. In other words, his parents' expectations of him
were disappointed, and photography became a means of escape for Hira.
 Kiyoi, it was him he wanted to take a portrait for the first time. In fact, he
has only taken pictures for Kiyoi except for his family members.

The shutter sound echoes. Kiyoi doesn't laugh when he points the lens at
him. However, he does not feel grumpy. When Hira is taking pictures, Kiyoi
is always doing what he likes. He watches TV, reads manga, and now he's
playing with his smartphone. His bangs fall down his cheeks, now he has
lighter hair than usual. His skin is soft, his prominent nose and his lips are
thin and perfect, despite only cold words coming out.

'Since I was in high school, I have been secretly photographing Kiyoi in

the music room and in the classroom after school to avoid the eyes of others.
Now I have thousands of them. I just hope they keep increasing, because one
day, I'm sure there will come a time when no more will be added. Just
thinking about it makes everything in my life harder.'
(PS: well don't think about it... don't you look scary!!! I want to hit you!!!)

"By the way, when are you going to start working part time?", Kiyoi asked
while playing with his smartphone, he answered from on Friday.

"Well, the day after tomorrow, right?" Kiyoi looked at him as if he was
surprised. While Hira was taking a picture of that face.

"It's after 10 o'clock and I can prepare dinner properly."

"Who said that?" Kiyoi walked around the table and approached with a
surly feeling.

Hira continued to take pictures of Kiyoi, who is getting closer little by

little. he through her viewfinder, watching as his hands slowly stretch out.
Kiyoi steals the camera just as he was, Hira scowls at the open field of view.

"What are you taking pictures of?"

 "I'm not carefree I just take pictures of Kiyoi. I'm always serious when I
take pictures of Kiyoi."

"I'm not saying that".

Kiyoi puts the camera that he took from him and leaves it on the table. He
gets closer and closer to Hira, making himself comfortable with him and
straddles his lap, facing each other. Face to face.

"

An arm hangs around Hira's neck and his heart is beating strangely.
Suddenly, he begins to throb strongly, while his body begins to heat up.

"We'll do it today." Kiyoi says looking at Hira, as he bites delicate lips.

' The moment the dizziness all over my body touched me, I suffered a
happy defeat.'

........

'On Friday night I set foot in a place called the factory for the first time.
After changing my hygiene white clothes and spraying disinfection lotion on
the whole body, I was taken to the lane where the food flowed and informed
of the work. It took me five minutes to get used to the work of putting a grain
of yellow chestnuts on top of the boxes. I was worried about stuttering, but
they didn't let me speak because I was taking care of the food, it also helped
me that I couldn't tell who was who with the mask I was wearing, the hat, the
gloves and the hygienic clothes.

Hira, not good at interacting with others, repeated the same movements as
if he were a robot. The first part-time job in his life freed Hira from one of
the many ghosts of the past. He has been afraid of the job search next year,
but at least he has shown that he can do the job of putting chestnuts at
Montblanc. He's humorously modest, but it's definitely a relief. 'When did I
know that there are people who trample and people who are trampled on in
the world? When I'm nervous, I can clearly be last, the world around me is
not bright, beautiful or gentle. This was a scary day. But Kiyoi is beautiful.
It is the light that crossed the opaque Gray of my days.'

On that day, Kiyoi seal stamped on Hira's forehead still glows, even more
so four years after it was washed away by sewage like garbage. Now he
moves in the kingdom ruled by a golden river. The world illuminated by
Kiyoi is achingly beautiful.

The yellow Mont Blanc flows over the line. The factory is full of the smell
of cheap sweets and everyone is tired of working. But Hira is amused.

'This chestnut grain will be the room where Kiyoi and I live together. This
chestnut grain becomes a bed where Kiyoi and I will sleep together. This
individual chestnut is the food that Kiyoi and I will eat together. A grain of
this chestnut is a bath water that Kiyoi and I can enter together.'

The slowly flowing candy lane resembles a sparkling golden river, an

irresistible feeling of happiness arises. As she carefully placed the chestnuts,
Hira couldn't help but laugh. The man who worked on the other side of him
was shaking his head. However, Hira didn't care.

'The first day of my part-time job ended with a strange feeling of freedom,
with a smile beneath the mask. While changing my clothes in the locker
room, I found a familiar face. He's a man I run into occasionally when I'm
waiting for Kiyoi, the man's target is not Kiyoi but Anna.'

Anna is an actress from Kiyoi's office, recently she has been co-starring
with Kiyoi more and more. Anna's fans talk that she will go after Kiyoi. Anna
always anticipates Kiyoi's breaks. Hira doesn't know what's really going on,
because she's not the type to ask about work. Hira doesn't talk about work
with Kiyoi so as not to upset him.
Hira took the bus from the factory to the station to catch the first train. Hira
walked to the edge of the platform and got on the last car. Nobody was there.
The carriage sways and the scenery begins to flow through the windows.

'Before dawn, I vaguely observed the strong orange light that blotted out
the darkness of the eastern side of the darkest world. The vibration that
follows the lightning stroke comes to mind after seven hours, it felt
comfortable. I stopped by a convenience store at the nearest station and
bought sandwiches and coffee.' 'Although it is early in the morning, there are
quite a few people walking. An old man walking a dog. I thought it would be
too early, but my grandfather who died also got up early. I remember when I
was growing up I couldn't sleep much. Maybe I like the city first thing in the
morning.'

When Hira got home the house was quiet. Hira used the shower quietly so
as not to cause trouble and as he gently climbed the stairs with his breakfast,
the stair step was creepy.
He stopped in front of Kiyoi's room. Kiyoi is sleeping.

'I want to open the door and see his sleeping face, but I can't open it. I don't
want to enter the beautiful world that I want to admire forever. Leaning
against the door, I sat in the corridor that seemed like the bottom of the depths
of the sea. I removed the cellophane sandwich and easily filled my stomach
with coffee. I exhaled and closed my eyes. There is a world of Kiyoi behind
the door. But I keep the dream that I am like a guardian for my king. No
matter who does not understand this joy. I am happy like this. I don't want to
be touched by anyone. This is my own paradise.'

.............
 Hira was at his parents' house visiting them, they had invited him to eat.
All of Hira's favorite dishes were lined up on the coffee table.

Hira's parents had invited him to dinner to talk about the situation of his
cousin Naho, since, according to the separation, she would be coming. So,
they were telling him, that it was time to go home.

"I won't go back to my parents' house"

The mother frowned and the father made a face saying.

"THAT!"

"I'm living with a friend" they were surprised but then they looked at each
other happily.

It was hard for Hira, who had been bullied since he was a child for
stuttering, but it was also hard for his parents to see how lonely he had been
all this time. Now the parents were simply pleased that their son finally had
friends and was confident enough to share a room with Hira.
(PS: gentlemen!!!! If I will tell you about the quality of your confidence
uffff!!!! They die hahahaha)

"A friend from the university?" The mother leans forward.

"I think you met before at aunt's house. Kiyoi. We're still living together"

"Oh, your friend from high school. The one who was a very beautiful boy."
'I am always happy when my lover is praised.'

"He's been very popular since high school. Now he's an actor." Hira starts
talking.
 "Last summer, he was in a soft drink commercial. The skinny guy who
runs on the beach with four or five people."

"I remember. Kiyoi-kun appeared in that?"

"Spring special. He was in that drama too."

"Hirofumi Sakai was in the role of a doctor. Kiyoi was in the role of a son.
I do remember" "

I saw that too. I thought I met the boy playing the doctor's son somewhere.
No way, I thought of Kiyoi." "kun. Oh, that's all clear, that was in the
magazine I read at the beauty salon last week. Even a young actor who is
rapidly gaining popularity, there was even a picture of him on a double page.
I saw it."

Hira was happy for her mother's behaviour, as she finally recognized how
wonderful his lover was.

"Yes, Kiyoi is really amazing. he has worked as a model since he was a

high school student, even though he is a college student, his office hopes that
he will break the world in the future." Hira said.

"he will be on this week's Fujiko Deluxe show. Next month, he will be
doing shoots in two magazines."

Hira took out the smartphone. Kiyoi's schedule is written on the calendar.
he looked it up on the net and on the fan sites, there are all the TV and radio
air dates, the magazine release dates.

Hira picks up any small items and puts them away. What he's most looking
forward to right now is the Starlight series footage DVD. A collectible card
with his autograph will be attached to the creation video as a privilege. Also,
there are three types. When he was murmuring with his smartphone they
spoke to him.
 "Kazu-kun" Hira looked up.

"He's more like a fan than a friend, isn't he?"

"I'm a fan."

"You're a fan, but are you friends?"

"Yes"

"They're not friends, look at you."

"Kiyoi and I are friends."

"But you didn't say friend before," the mother replied.

'oops!!! That is. At this point, Kiyoi and I were "friends". However, I am
also a fan is a creature that must make happy unconditionally when the
subject is flattered. And I want to explain in more detail how amazing my
passion is.'

"Yes, we're friends" Hira turned around and bit into the shrimp croquette,
thinking that he shouldn't talk anymore.

Her mother continued to listen to him, but Hira never looked at her. he
quickly finished dinner and got up saying that he was fine. Then when he
tried to pick up the bag he looked back.

"Wait, Kazu-kun."

"It's been a long time, so spends the night with us."

"Okay. I didn't tell Kiyoi that I was staying outside,

 The mother had a crying face and felt a terrible sign.

“Oh, then, let's stay...”

Hira decided that she should accept her request for now, he headed up the
stairs to escape. Even after he left home, her mother's cleaning room was still
the same as before. 'That I have to do?. I feel like I made a big mistake.'
Sitting on the bed, Hira pondered with one cheek tilted forward.

'I forgot myself and broke the fan talk. Personally, it's about being able to
touch it and have it to myself, but it may have seemed strange to my parents.
What if they ask me "Are you in a relationship?" Of course I deny it. The
relationship with Kiyoi is a mistake from God and when the mistake must be
made, I must quickly leave Kiyoi's front.' 'I shouldn't have left stains on
Kiyoi's bright life.' After thinking about thirty minutes and getting the
answer, he remembered and contacted Kiyoi. Advising him that he would
stay at his parents' house and he won't be able to make dinner tonight. He just
said and he understood the answer. Kiyoi does not show well and if he is
cold. Hira thinks, since, now they are in the freshness that resembles the cold
water of the winter solstice.

'Kiyoi is worth it just because it's Kiyoi. That night, when I got thirsty in
the middle of the night and went down to the kitchen, the room was lit. I
could hear my parents' voices.'

"I don't think he's a friend"

"If it's not a friend, then what kind of relationship does he have?"

After all, he was reviewing his relationship with Kiyoi. But it's okay. No
matter what, Hira would definitely cheat, since he was listening to
everything.
 "Kazu-kun, I wonder if he's being bullied by that boy."

"That's why he's not a normal college student."

"I want to think so, but why does a child in the beautiful world of
entertainment live with Kazu?"

"does he cook rice? The boy said that he did not cook anything when he
was at home? I don't want to think about it, but if it is used conveniently."

'At my parents' house, where I have a mother who is good at cooking, I

just didn't have the idea to stand in the kitchen. But living with Kiyoi, I
learned the joy of housework for the first time. I want to keep the inside of
the house clean so that I can spend comfortably in the dynasty with my king
and the food is delicious so that he is happy and enters Kiyoi's mouth.'
(PS: Hira, you're crazy!!!! Housework is so joyful... OMG!!!! I hate it!!!
And another thing, even if you didn't cook anything, Kiyoi would be happy
just to drink water with you! What envy!! 😭😭😭)

“I was talking. But he was denying that he wasn't a friend."

The concerned mother's voice overlapped with his father's thoughtful

voice.

"Leave him, he's not a child, so why don't parents limit his behaviour
unnecessarily? Just let him do what he likes and you'll see what happens from
time to time. If you have a problem, you'll know," the father said, making her
change her mind.

"I'm glad Kazu has become independent. Due to his stuttering, we've been
overprotective of Kazu for a long time, but I'm glad he's starting his job
search," Hira was relieved by his father's words.
 Surely at some point it will calm the mother's anxiety. As he hid his
footsteps and returned to his room he sighed to himself, for he was still
worried about his parents bullying him. He had always been worried about
his parents, especially his mother, who was overly concerned with every step
he took. It was like she made him despise himself for so much compassion.
'Although I apologize for the inconvenience, which I am causing with the
second beginning of my life together with Kiyoi. I am happy for my father's
words. They were so real and he will definitely calm my mother down.'

'Is it okay for a person like me to be so happy? It is said that the amount of
human happiness and unhappiness is predetermined. Is it true that everything
works from top to bottom repeatedly throughout life? But if I think of my
lower life up to now, my happiness has been too short.'

'.....then it will be fine if I can continue to enjoy a little more.'

VOLUME 2. CHAPTER 1: "Lord Judge God"

part 2
'Is it ugly, unpleasant? But I know that the happier I can be, the more debt
I will have. My happiness with Kiyoi surpasses all the misfortunes I've had
in the past.'

'Does that mean I'll go back to that nasty life someday?'

'That would be nice, because what I'm experiencing now is worth it. So it
may also be that I am living the moment in my life where I can die quickly.
So I can go to sleep today, but not wake up in the morning.'

Hira's body shudders on the bed at the thought.

 'My life and my time with Kiyoi are limited. If so, I have to live without
regrets to die at any time.'

This was the first time Hira had thought positively since he was born.

.......

"What's so good about that?"

The next day, Hira meets Kiyoi at the cafeteria to talk about hIS parents'
situation.

Kiyoi frowns in agreement with what Hira comments.

"No matter what you say, it's all negative things."

"I know. In my experience, there is always unhappiness at the end. So for

the good things, I can be sure that 20% more bad luck will come"

The debt will accrue interest as you get even happier. In life you always
have to pay for what you get. Nothing is ever free. So if I paid a little more
this way, that's fine.

So I think it's a level where unfortunate life can take 20% more than my
current happiness. So I don't regret it.

"I'll do my best every day so you don't have that kind of feeling," Kiyoi
tries to reassure him.

"Okay. You don't have to worry about anything because this will be my
debt."

Kiyoi quickly brings the matter up pertinently and leans forward.

 "For me it's more of a problem that your parents think I'm bullying you."

"My father doesn't think so. Because he's a rational person."

"But will you come with me to the new house?"

"Sure. Because I don't have intimidation and I'm by Kiyoi's side."

"Exact." Kiyoi leans back in his chair and takes a sip of his iced coffee.

"You are worried?"

"Well, I must be, since I'm interested in thinking about my boyfriend's

father."

Hearing these words, countless sparks of emotion fell under Hira's skin.
His whole body trembles.

As Hira endures indescribable astonishment, Kiyoi stares at him.

"What's wrong with you, what are you complaining about?"

Contrary to Hira's nervous eyes, Kiyoi's words are sure. Although he

shows earlobes that quickly blush as he talks, his shyness begins to show.

he almost bursts into tears when Kiyoi's cuteness outweighs his beauty.

It's useless to think about anything else, his look and smile are too
seductive and shy at the same time. Kiyo is perfect.

"I won't bother Kiyoi anymore."

Hira desperately calmed down as he remembered the image of the duck

captain.
 "Kiyoi, it's okay. My parents have nothing to do with Kiyoi. Don't worry
about them."

"Oh?" Kiyoi makes a surprised expression. "It doesn't matter?"

"Yes, this is what my parents and Kiyoi are into. I will always choose
Kiyoi, even if I won't see my parents for the rest of my life."

"It's true?"

"Yeah."

"Your father won't have any relationship for the rest of your life?"

"No."

"Do you know how I feel right now?"

"Don't know."

"Don't answer right away. If you don't know, think about it and tell me
later."

Kiyoi's eyes build up pressure.

Hira was kicked under the table and suddenly broke out in a cold sweat.

"I don't know why you're angry."

"Oh?"

"Why shouldn't the star in the night sky and the person looking at it be the
same?"

"Stella, what a suddenly warped space, what are you talking about now?"
 As expected, Kiyoi looks at him scared. However, Hira struggles to
explain.

"That's why Kiyoi and I shouldn't have crossed each other by an inch.
We're not on the same line, we're in different dimensions, so the stars shine
even brighter. I dragged the stars to my level, it shouldn't be like this."

"What do you mean."

"In other words, I don't want Kiyoi to understand me."

'I've never been able to convey my feelings so well.'

"Enough! Kazanari!" Kiyoi gets up and says, "Let's go because it's time."
Leaving Hira with crazy thoughts of his and not knowing where to go.

After leaving the cafeteria, Kiyoi took Hira to a hair salon. Hira always
had his hair cut by a local barber near his parents' house.

It's a convenience store you've been going to since you were in elementary
school, just say "as usual", but today was a different situation.

After fixing his hair and putting on the clothes chosen by Kiyoi, Hira can
only see that another person appears in the mirror of the great hall, a modern
person who makes him want to ask:

"Who are you?"

"Well, that seems strange to me." Kiyoi snorts as Hira tries to play with his
hair.

"Don't be afraid. I already said it. You look great with your hair and
clothes."
 Kiyoi, who left the hall in a hurry, is heading for a date today, a previous
date from the new house.

.......

In front of the apartment, the president of Kiyoi's office looked at me up

and down.

"The apartment that I will show from now on is owned by Kiyoi's agency.
The office pays half the rent, LDK's security and everything, plus the office
knows that Kiyoi is gay, they told me that they asked to meet him before
living with him." him in a serious way."

'If I am not accepted today, there is no future with Kiyoi. Oh, Captain
Duck, you have to help me.'

"Hey, you were Kiyoi-kun's classmate." asks the president.

"Hira-kun, aren't you into show business?" Hira blinks.

"He's a different guy than Kiyoi-kun, but Hira-kun also has a very special
vibe. He's a guy who has an unusual taste for kids today, he has a very special
touch. He would be more suitable for movies than TV. Although you could
be a model because you seem to have a good physique."

Hira can only listen with a huge pain in his stomach.

"Hey, but you have the face of an actor. Oh, maybe your place is already
somewhere?"

'What is this person saying? Is he crazy ?'

"No I'm not."

 "I'm sure you're a rising star, Kiyoi-kun's lover, so I congratulate you.
Come to our office once. Let's eat rice and talk more calmly." Smiling, he
took a business card out of his pocket.

"President, Hira is not interested." Kiyoi stole his business card from the
side.

"Well, no problem. But think about it."

"Please give me the key because everything is fine. You are busy and need
to leave early." Kiyoi says.

"Why don't you have to be careful with this? I didn't know that Kiyoi-kun,
who is usually cold, was a yakimochi-yaki, but I get it."
(Yakimochi is rice on the grill or in a hot brazier...he tells him that he heats
up quickly and he is jealous.)

Kiyoi grinds his teeth.

"Excuse me." Kiyoi quickly turns around and jerks his chin at Hira.

"Sure, you can become a golden goose." The president says as he takes out
his business card again and quickly slips it into Hira's shirt pocket. He waves
and walks back to the parked car.

The president looks like a normal person, but he feels cheerful. He really
wants Hira as an actor, but for now, Hira can only feel relief that the office
has accepted him. Hira looks at Kiyoi who is already at the entrance.

Beyond the glass door, Kiyoi stands with his arms crossed. Hira points to
the door and asks him to open it, but Kiyoi doesn't and holds out his hand
pointing directly at him.
 When Hira takes a good look at it to understand what he meant, he realizes
that it is aimed at his chest. Which means he's asking for the president's
business card, which was just given to him.

Hira takes out the business card and inserts it into the hole under the door.
Kiyoi takes the business card and puts it in his back pocket, then opens the
door.

Hira finally walks into the room, Kiyoi looks at him annoyed.

"Why are you angry?"

"Shut up, you are a case in my life." Kiyoi says and gets on the elevator.

They both go up to the fourth floor, Kiyoi opens the large door and they
enter a large dining room directly with a large entrance of sun.

The balcony is L-shaped. The entire apartment had underfloor heating, the
kitchen is underfloor heating. The apartment had several rooms, impressive
since it is only for two students.

"This is our bedroom."

Kiyoi opens the door to a room that opens onto the balcony.

Hira opens a folding door at the back and sees that there is a huge closet.

"Hey, why don't we buy a new bed now?"

In an empty room, Kiyoi's profile, exposed to the dim sunlight, is beautiful,

Hira takes out his single-lens reflex camera that he always carries with him.

He starts to open the shutter quickly, Kiyoi turns to him.

 "What are you filming? This is the house you will live in. Look at him, not
me."

"I've seen it. It's a very nice place and I have nothing to complain about."

If I can live with Kiyoi for a while longer, it can be a cardboard house or
under the bridge, I don't care. I don't care about the room, but I want to record
the current situation.

Now I realize that our life in my uncle's house had become half a life
together. But this time there is a new beginning and a very clear one.

"Kiyoi confirms the new house. Kiyoi decides on the bedroom. Kiyoi tells
me to buy a new bed. If I don't film the first scene that may not happen again,
I'll definitely regret it later."

"..."

"Sorry. It's more likely that I'll be left with Kiyoi than die."

"Are you thinking of leaving me while you look at your new home?"

"I don't want to break up with Kiyoi, I never would. But God can start
righting his mistakes."

"So, do you collect photos?"

"Well, I collect our moments. It would be nice if one day I could get an
electric shock in the same place where Kiyoi left me."

"But it wouldn't be convenient."

"You can't kill yourself easily. But it's very painful and scary."

"I even said something decent about our life together."

 "Here, that's why I want to photograph my whole life with Kiyoi."

.......

Kiyoi, who had finished shopping, walks over to Hira and hands him the
magazine and says.

"Why don't you participate in this?" Kiyoi points to an advertisement for a

student photography contest.

"I was talking about the same thing with my group, but this is not a job for
me, it's just my hobby."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Oh."

"But you're really good."

"A picture of a city without humans, that's not cool, is it?"

"Hey, sign up soon."

"Yeah." hira nods like an obedient dog.

I am not interested in this type of business. However, Kiyoi's statement is

absolute and I have to do it. Kiyoi managed to steal the magazine from Hira.
Hira goes to the checkout to buy the magazine and participate.

"Okay. I'll buy it myself."

"Fine. Don't worry, I'll do it for you." Kiyoi paid for it.
 "You can make it to the Grand Prix and become a professional." Kiyoi
presses the bag containing the magazine against Hira.

'I don't know what that means, but I know that Kiyoi wants me to change.'

........

"Why are you so serious?"

Hira is looking at the data he's taken so far in the club room, Koyama is
looking at the computer screen. There are entry requirements for the photo
contest on a separate tab.

"Are you applying for 'Young Photographer'?" When he says yes, all eyes
turn to him at the same time.

"Hey Hira, what a joke, are you serious?"

"Do you want to receive an award?" asked the manager.

"Do you think you can do it?"

"Did you finally wake up from the dream?"

"Really, he thinks he can win."

They are all there, evaluating Hira's photos.

For Hira, the photographs are a means of escape from reality, there is
nothing in particular that he wants to convey.

That's why Hira's photos are closed from start to finish, because he doesn't
need to show them to anyone.
 On the contrary, it is embarrassing to be seen by someone else. Those are
pictures of Hira only.

"Participate in the Grand Prix and become a professional," said Kiyoi.

'Kiyoi and I are a deranged couple, I have the choice of being abandoned
early by Kiyoi or dying at a young age. But what if it could be done a little
better? Even if the so-called God wakes up and realizes his mistake, if I do
get better, he could just let it go. I don't even know the route to the top. But I
have to. I have to do it. I don't want to lose myself; I must be able to reach
my king's dynasty.'

"So which one are you going to send?" Koyama asks and Hira replies that
he hasn't decided yet.

So everyone starts discussing whether it's good or not. Hira examines the
data anyway.

"Did you send Kiyoi-kun's photo?" Koyama asks softly.

Only Koyama knew that he was dating Kiyoi. hira shakes his head.

All the members of the campus club began to vote on which photo to send.
The five candidate works that would be decided are close to Hira's standard.

"If all goes well, this is it."

"Well, it's a contest. I'm using Photoshop, but will it work right?"

"It is perfect."

Hira attaches one of the five documents selected by everyone to the

application page.
 'If I don't win, will Kiyoi be disappointed? I feel panic. But this time I can't
go back. So I have no choice but to start running before he scares me.'

'As I quickly walk down the hall, I check the time on my smartphone.'

'Good!'

'If I hurry, I'll make it to the place on the TV show where Kiyoi will appear
on time.'

While Hira was taking the train back, the weather gets worse and worse.
After leaving the station, it rains. Hira takes the folding umbrella out of his
bag and covers himself.

Today's show makes guests visit memorable places and stores with the host
of the entertainer. There were already many people at the starting point of the
place who checked in advance.

Kiyoi was wearing a light gray shirt that looks good in the rain. Next to
him is Anna Shu, an actress from the same office as Kiyoi. Her gray dress
with silver embroidery like raindrops complements Kiyoi, and the two of
them exude a brilliant artist aura.

The main guests of the show, Anna and Kiyoi, and the moderator animator
walk around while chatting and the cameras catch it all.

Hira walks far behind the usual followers following him, so much so that
he can barely see Kiyoi.

All this persecution was pointless. But that was Hira's style, so as not to
disturb his love. he just had to watch him and chase him to be with him. he
sometimes thought that he shouldn't do it anymore, but love is contradictory.

The group entered a store while pursuing them.

 A man he knew was standing next to Hira, away from the noisy circle. He
was a regular fan of Anna's. He was a boy like Hira, who always chases Anna,
but from afar, never getting close to her.

"Maybe you are the part-time factory worker?" He says to him, surprising
Hira.

"Yeah."

"Oh, I see. It's just that I only see your eyes, with the hat and mask on you
can't see anything else. Not like now. You're not a fan of Anna, are you?"

"No, I'm from Kiyoi-kun."

"Kiyoi-kun, it's fine. He's probably from the same office as Anna. That's
why they often make plans. Anna often praises Kiyoi-kun in magazine
interviews. She said that he had a good intuition to play with him." she said
he's his best friend now."

"Kiyoi-kun also says that Anna-san's acting is amazing and it will be a

learning experience."

"I'm Katsumi, Katsumi Shitara, 32 years old. I got sick at my previous job,
so I'm currently working at the factory."

Katsumi intends to stay at the factory until he becomes a full-time

employee, but he has had a crush on Anna ever since he saw her first movie
and has become a fan ever since. When he met Anna in that movie, it was the
worst moment of his life, he was really going through a difficult situation.
He now continues to work in the factory, where he can follow her freely
during the day.

"Anna's role is really stupid, all the boys she falls in love with are shit.
Anna's acting is really amazing, isn't it? At that time, he really wanted to die
every day. It was a good year for start a role. time in the factory, because i
was so disappointed by the bullying of the boss of the company that i was
fired and i was no longer qualified to work there. My parents did not accept
to be fired. They would never have accepted a part-time job, I had no friends
or anyone. So I just wanted to die."

"..."

“I met Anna at that time. She was fragile and beautiful, she was a perfect
being. A beautiful being who opened my eyes to another reality far from
suicide." Shitara says elated.

"Then Shitara's gray days were vividly repainted and his soul was
enraptured by this beautiful being."

The rain is getting stronger. Splashes of rain wet the hem of his pants. The
protruding shoulders of the collapsible umbrella change the colour of the shirt
that is getting wet. Hira feels cold. The feel of wet cloth against his skin.

"It's cold. Anna, I wonder if he's going to catch a cold. I'm worried."

"I'm glad you're worried. I'm worried too. But go home, Anna has already
left. We're alone."

.........

Hira was reading a book in a cafe, when a message from Kiyoi arrives.

[The staff is back, love]

Hira returns the tray and goes out to the store.

Today is the day they have to move into the new house. Hira had to do
some research and talk to the staff.
 Even if expected, moving is one of the most important precautions for
artists. Personal information is searched among identity documents and
family belongings, a non-professional worker cannot be hired. As a same-sex
couple, we have many secrets. I didn't have much to take out of my aunt's
house with furniture, so at first I was thinking of doing it myself, but then the
office president Kiyoi decided to rent the truck and send staff from the office.

Hira arrived at his new home, proud to be able to enter with his own key,
Kiyoi is preparing the bed, covered by the duvet, in whose corners they have
tied some linen towels. he exposes all of his long limbs and beautiful
buttocks.

Hira was holding the camera and started to release the shutter at the
beautiful scene in front of him, everything in Kiyoi's line shines. Kiyoi reacts
to the sound of the camera shutter.

His tousled hair looked beautiful, so Hira started taking another and
another photo.

"I'm sorry. But this is the best private room I can offer."

"First I have to make the bed. But that's all. Now I can't go in or out."

Kiyoi was trying to arrange soft silken fabrics that fell from the sky and all
over the edge of the big bed. The soft fabric fell from the centre of the ceiling
and tied it to the four corners of the bed.

Hira has a similar bed at his parents' house, so he can easily fix it.

"It's taped inside so it won't move," Hira says and ducks inside.

The white linen chosen by Kiyoi is a brilliant ash.

"If you tie it like this, it won't move even if you sleep badly."
 "You are really good at housework."

"Not really. I couldn't do anything when I was home. I've never been able
to do housework."

"But now you can do anything. Good food, cleaning and washing."

"I just want Kiyoi to feel comfortable. That's all I want."

Hira ties the bow tightly, Kiyoi's lips brush his cheeks. Ella hira jumps
nervously and tries to avoid looking at him.

"This is our house." Kiyoi laughs.

I feel happier than usual. I wish I was the only one who knew this
defenseless Kiyoi.

Hira approaches Kiyoi, covers his face with his big hands and kisses him
softly.

Kiyoi closes his eyes and puts his hands around Hira's neck. he holds on
tight and they both gently fall onto the bed.

The hands and feet were intricately intertwined, while the lips overlapped.
Hira and Kiyoi continued to kiss with more passion.

"I like it."

Hira's ear trembles from the soft, small voice whispering in his ear.

Hira kisses and slowly unbuttons Kiyoi's shirt, while unbuckling his belt.
Hira feels that they are both excited. As a result, his body heat rises rapidly.

Kiyoi's body also gets hotter and hotter, going into a total state of lust.
 'I like it, I like to see him blush when he receives my kisses. Every time I
touch him, his body shudders like he's on fire. I like to see Kiyoi in this
burning fragility...'

Hira continues kissing Kiyoi, from her clavicle to his chest, finishing at the
same time completely unbuttoning his shirt and taking off pants.

Hira covers him with soft and warm kisses at the same time, leaving slight
marks on that shiny white chest.

The breaths of both, which are already beginning to be heard in the new
room, flood both bodies on the soft bed. Hira then takes off his pants as his
dick starts to harden too.

'My hands run up and down his beautiful body, completely merging with
mine, I feel his cock getting thicker and wetter, it's as if I couldn't take the
heat anymore. I'm not good with my hands, but only in sex with Kiyoi, my
hands and feet move before thinking about anything. I just want to own it
like there's no tomorrow. My hand stopped halfway to reach his member.'

"Where's the lube?"

"No problem, I'll get it wet because you're already wet."

Hira grabs Kiyoi's already erect member and rubs it gently. Kiyoi's fingers
curl deeper, gripping the sheets that cover the bed, as Hira moves forward
touching his genitals. Hira keeps moving his hands faster and faster as he
kisses and sucks on his nipples, Kiyoi's heat begins to increase more and
more.

Hira's tongue swirls around Kiyoi's pink nipples, enveloping and brushing
them, and he dunks his saliva all over his chest, seeing a perfect image of
Kiyoi's luminous body next to a continuously moaning pleasure-filled face.
 "Hmmmm, mmmm aaah."

Suddenly, Kiyoi's member releases a little liquid from the glans and Hira
uses it to spread it all over Kiyoi's butt with gentle massages.

"Hmm."

'Kiyoi moans briefly as I insert my finger. He frowns, but I know it's not
pain anymore. Just by feeling my fingertips, everything always trembles. I
can only search for the point where Kiyoi's body completely collapses. It's a
small, shallow spot to his left. Every time I touch him, I see him moan over
and over again, it's something I never get tired of watching. It's like this, when
I find it I push myself towards that place, then Kiyoi's hips bounce.'

"Ahhhh."

'His eyebrows start to frown, his face is so fragile and warm at the same
time that it drives me crazy. Then I lift my fingers and his hole begins to
gently loosen, allowing another finger to enter. To keep it from shutting
down, I start to move faster, the sound coming in and out motivating me more
and more, echoing inside me. Kiyoi's breathing is stronger and faster now,
which makes me want to join him quickly.'

"Lift your hips", Hira soothes Kiyoi, making him lie comfortably on the
bed by spreading his legs, then Kiyoi follows the instructions like a good
educated boy.

'Kiyoi bites his lip, he's so sexy when he does it and even more so when
he's extremely sweaty. I stop and look at him for a moment. However, he
immediately turns his face away and lifts his hips to facilitate insertion. I
insert it into Kiyoi, who just cummed a moment ago but is already recovering.
With the first caress I press hard on the wet tip of my member. The small
mouth of his orifice loses pressure and opens slowly. The moment he
swallows the tip of my member, I suddenly hear a short voice.'
 'I enter his hole slowly and delicately, until I completely sink into it. It's
irresistible, it's an incredible feeling. Kiyoi's channel is so hot that it seems
to burn me and suck me deeper at the same time. After I have firmly buried
him completely, I stop moving and wait for him to feel comfortable. This is
a guilty moment for me, as I just want to move faster and faster. I imagine
the pleasure of breaking free and feel Kiyoi getting harder and harder.'

'Kiyoi's insides squeeze me hard, making my member grow even more, I

feel a pain that isn't painful, it's more of a burning pain. I want to move my
hips, I can't anymore.'

"Quick! Move now!" Kiyoi mutters between a sigh and a groan.

'Now my consciousness has evaporated. I slowly extract my member and

insert it all the way deeply, but this time with more force. So I start going in
and out, over and over again. I feel sweat running down my face, my eyes
cloud over, but I can't take my eyes off him. His face fills with pleasure, he
licks his lips and it makes me push harder.'

'Every time I rub his sensitive area along the way, Kiyoi exhales for a long
time. Then I repeat with simple movements many times. Inside, Kiyoi's
narrow channel gradually becomes moist from my rubbing. While Kiyoi
sighs heavily and is completely covered in sweat. Although it is June, it is as
if the rainy season has just begun, our bodies intertwine, dripping with sweat.'

'As he approaches the limit, Kiyoi clings to me. he begins to moan in a

tearful voice, over and over again, irrationally or intermittently. When he
hears it, something inside of me snaps. Kiyoi's member is getting more and
more swollen, and this makes me work harder, now our bodies make the
sound of meat colliding with each other. Kiyoi collapses and hugs my body
as I slide deeper into him and gasp madly.'

'Kiyoi moans in an agonized voice. But I can't stop myself, so I grab his
penis fully swollen and erect, starting to move it to the rhythm of my
movement. I try to fuck him hard and rub his member just as hard, faster and
faster. A moment later, Kiyoi releases his warm liquid between our
abdomens.'

"Sorry, are you a little better?"

Kiyoi rubs his face bright red and nods at the question as he moves.

"No, don't worry, go ahead."

"But it feels painful."

Kiyoi is frustrated, but fully clings to Hira's body, not just squeezing his
neck, but pulling his legs up and wrapping them around his waist.

"Okay, do it more." Kiyoi says with a distorted and whining voice.

'From then on, I'm completely inside him, like a stupid creature, I move to
stay inside him longer. The thought that I want to stay like this much longer
makes me lose my orgasm, so I continue with my rougher movements. But
on the other hand, I measure the time we're like this and I'm afraid Kiyoi will
get sick if I don't get out soon.'

'There are other rules I have to keep in mind in Kiyoi's work. One of the
reasons is not to kiss with signs and not to be so brutal as to not make him
sick. As my release approaches, Kiyoi moans more and more.'

"Because tomorrow is a holiday...ahhh", Hira looks at him while squirming

like crazy.

"Enters."

Hira is overwhelmed with emotion as hot blood pumps faster and faster
throughout his body, releasing into Kiyoi's channel.

'I can never experience greater pleasure than being inside Kiyoi.'
 "Kiyoi, Kiyoi, aaaahhh."

'As I shake with my hips already at their peak, I continue to release all my
liquid into him. The fully engorged hole of him continues to suck me. I
rocked my hips one last time, to get out.'

"Ah aaaah."

Tears make their way to the corners of his eyes and Kiyoi shakes his head
desperately.

"I like it."

"I'm sorry, Kiyoi, I'm sorry."

'I like it too much and I can't contain my desire. I want to make my a
beautiful king. I want to leave a mark of myself on it.

At that moment, still tied to him, I kiss his face, lips, cheeks, neck... then
the heat boils throughout my body and I penetrate it to take it a second time.

VOLUME 2. CHAPTER 1: "Lord Judge God"

part 3
Hira fell asleep staying inside Kiyoi, hugging him tightly with his strong
arms, while both bodies were completely relaxed.

"Oh, I fell asleep," Kiyoi mutters vaguely, his messy hair covering his
eyes.

"It's already night?"

"Maybe, it's dark."

 "Ah, don't clean up. Stay like that."

"It's true..."

"That?"

“Oh right,” Kiyoi mutters remembering that Hira is still inside him, then
he lets go of Hira's arms and everything.

'I was disappointed to see Kiyoi's soft butt sticking out of my member.
Kiyoi took his body off of me and lifted it off me to then turn around and
face me on top of my body, between my arms again.'

"And for you."

'When Kiyoi hands me an unwrapped vinyl box. When I open it, I realize
that it is a Captain Duck doll. My Captain Duck, who has been so reassuring
to me since high school. Now Kiyoi is giving it to me.'

"I didn't bother buying it. I saw it by accident and bought it for you."

"Thank you" I hug Kiyoi from behind.

"Would you like to take a bath together?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'll turn on the hot water."

"Well."

"I like Kiyoi. I love him."

 Hira buries his face in Kiyoi's soft light brown hair and nuzzles his head
against Kiyoi's earlobe.

"That sucks" Kiyoi blushes even more.

........

Hira received an unfortunate email. It is the result of the first selection of

"Young Photography" in which he previously participated. Hira stared at the
screen with a petrified face.

Suddenly, someone in the clubroom applauded " Approved !", while I

shield my heart with Captain Duck's teachings.

"Young Photographic" passed the first screening," they all said and turned
to Hira.

"You got good results, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, that's really unexpected. I'm happy with it."

............

"No, that job is already decided," Kiyoi says as he relaxes on the couch
after dinner.

He says that a role as a quasi-master of the serial drama I mentioned earlier

has already been decided upon. The heroine is Anna, this will be his first
leading role in a drama series.

"Wow. You're the lead, this is your first serial drama, congratulations! I'll
watch it a million times."
 "It's good to do it once. Anna is great."

"Yes, Anna-san is also the lead, which is great. It's a bit surprising because
for the first time I will have a lead role. The movie where Anna has the lead
role sold very well."

"Anna is a film actress. As a teenager, she won the leading actress award
at the Berlin film festival and immediately won the leading actress award in
Japan. The office also adhered to the policy that Anna not will be sold at
bargain prices. , has rejected every drama storyline I've talked about. So far."

"It's really amazing."

"Yeah, it's amazing. Thanks to this kind of plot for my almost leading role
this time."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, that's still an advantage for me."

"What's that?"

"I think I'll get other things after this."

"Okay. That's all Kiyoi deserves."

"How are you?"

"Hey?"

"Photography contest. The results of the first projection are already in."
 The Grand Prix ad ran in the magazine this winter, but the first, second and
third place results were written only in lower case on the entry forms. Kiyoi
turns to Hira, who shakes his head.

"I still have to wait."

"Correct."

"Don't you get mad if I don't win?"

"Why should I be angry?"

"I betrayed Kiyoi's expectations. Since then, Kiyoi has been saying to win
the Grand Prix and go pro."

"Doing it yourself for the first time, aren't you going to fail even once? Are
you God? So what's the next contest that's nearing its deadline?" Kiyoi takes
out his smartphone and starts searching online.

"I just have to search one after the other with enthusiasm, until I find the
right one."

Hira is silent, he doesn't have the courage to participate anymore, but if

Kiyoi wants him to do it, he has to.

"There are several. Just choose the one that suits you best."

Kiyoi shows the screen of his smartphone. It seems to be a site that

summarizes information about the contest.

"Don't hesitate. You just have to try, don't panic if you lose."

When Kiyoi asked me to go pro, I was thrilled to know that I could only
be close to Kiyoi.
 .......

Today Hira worked the night shift at the factory from 10 on.

I observed a corridor where the sweets flowed gently, with a sweetness

that fills the factory with a good aroma. He put golden chestnuts on the
golden Mont Blanc that flows into the golden river. How much will a grain
of happiness cost?

Hira's accrued salary became salary and sustains life with Kiyoi, for now.
But he occasionally wants to get a job outside the factory where he works.

'I am slightly aware that I am protecting myself from an inferiority

complex by denying that I can reach higher. I am the back of the back of a
ticket that I should have read. Kiyoi gave me the answer to get out of there.
Do the best he can. Maybe that's all I need and have been waiting for. I am a
second year college student. I'm looking for a job for next year.'

'No matter how many excuses I make and look away, there are times when
I have to do my best even if I don't like it. I have to get out of a warm, painless
and miserable world. I have to stop being scared, upset and even if I don't
like it, I have to do it. If I want to be close to Kiyoi, do your best.'

Hira arrived at the Omotesando station and everyone is already there. It's
been a while since summer vacation started and Hira met all the participants
in the photography class.

Today, a photo shoot had been arranged in cooperation with O University,

where a professional cameraman was invited. It was event that has been
decided before the summer vacation; Hira had not originally signed up to
participate, but changed her mind after a series of mishaps.

"Thank you all for coming today. At first I was thinking of Okutama, but
in the future I want to attend as many nature master classes as possible. Since
you are young, take pictures of the cityscape full of emotion that can only be
taken now. You can take what you want. Take what you want of what your
cameras are filming. Then choose the one that suits me best. Please send the
data to my address. If there is something I like with my sensitivity, I will get
contact you. It's not useless if I don't communicate with you. I want you to
take great care of your worldview."

Hira was strangely impressed.

'Is this kind of person a commercial photographer? Will he be too much to

aim for the Kimura Ihei Photography Award?' Hira wonders.

"Hira, what are you going to do?"

"I can't help it, I find something I like and I take a picture."

"You should."

"What should I take? It's a chance and I want to impress Mr. Noguchi as
much as possible."

"Oh, today I have to get something good."

"Hira, let's go to the building over there" Koyama points to the skyscraper
near the station.

The building has an unstable and interesting shape. However, Hira takes
out the single-lens reflex camera that has been slung over his shoulder, holds
it upright, and photographs the sky in the most appropriate way possible.

"I'm going home because I already took it. Besides, I have a part-time job."

"Hey Hira?" Hira turns towards the station.

It was a rainy season, but today it is sunny for the first time in a long time.
Hira didn't even put a filter on his camera to make the early summer sky bluer
and the white clouds whiter. Hira was very angry, but on the train on the way
home, he regains his composure.

He knows that Noguchi is a judge of "Young Photografic".

He reminds him that it was someone like him who decided that his photo
hadn't won the contest.

....

"Kiyoi will definitely breakthrough in terms of viewership when the drama

starts."

"May be."

"Are you OK?"

"Because?"

"You haven't been feeling well lately," Shitara said.

"Ah, there are so many things."

"I understand, isn't it scary to be able to get away from Kiyoi-kun?"

"Hey?"

"You didn't have that from the beginning, you're just a fan."

"Oh, what do you mean?"

"It isn't true?"

"No!" Hira says, then his phone rings. When Hira looks, he is the manager.
 [Hira list? It's me, I'm a little worried]

[What happen?]

[Did you send the data from the photo shoot the other day to Mr. Noguchi?]

[Oh no.]

'I only took a photo of the sky that day, I didn't send the data, and now
Noguchi was terribly angry, the director of O University who was in contact
with Noguchi complained.'

[Sorry, I'll send it to you at the end of the day.]

[No, sorry, I tell Hira to come directly to apologize] Hira frowns.

[He has a relationship with O University, so come here immediately.]

'I asked the manager for the address of Noguchi's workshop, and when I
was about to leave, I hung up the call.'

"Mr. Shitara, I have something to do, so that's all for today," Hira says, but
Shitara's eyes were locked on Anna.

.......

"Excuse me, I'm from the O University photography class." Hira says over
the intercom, he and a male voice agree and open.

While waiting in the elevator, Hira realized that he forgot to buy the sweets
that come with the apology visit.

'Do I have to buy them again?'

"It's Hira from photography class. I'm sorry about what happened."
 Hira bows deeply to Noguchi, who walks out while talking about his
business.

"So, who are you?" Hira raised his head, which had been lowered, cursing
in his heart.

"Oh, I was the only one who didn't send photos at the photo shoot the other
day."

"Oh, you came right away. Come in, come in." Hira invites with a smile.

Hira was now in the laboratory of a professional cameraman,

uncomfortable, tense and curious at the same time, so he looked down at the
room and everything around him.

"Wait a minute" Noguchi brings an iced coffee.

An iced coffee in a shiny copper mug he hands to Hira, who tilts his head
and takes a sip.

"I came here to apologize."

"Hey?"

"Sorry about the picture. I didn't send it because I couldn't get a good one.
I'm really a bad guy, so it's not the college principal's fault. I hope you'll
apologize, then."

Hira is relieved to apologize without stuttering.

"No, wait a minute. I'm not angry at all," Noguchi said suspiciously,
looking up.
 "Did you tell the director of the O University to come directly to apologize
to me?"

"I told him to come over because I'm too busy to do it myself. But not
because you haven't sent the photo."

"Oh, I thought it was because of the photos."

"So the main topic here is photography. Hey, why don't you become my
assistant?" Ella hira's eyes widen at those unexpected words.

"I've already explained my situation. I'm not a professional cameraman. I

only attend this college course during summer vacation," Hira replied.

"But you applied for 'Young Photographer'."

"You saw it?"

"That's because I'm a judge. Did you think I didn't see it?" Hira feels
uncomfortable.

"Let me tell you what I think," he said.

“It was a very childish photo. If you want to delete people, you can take a
picture of a landscape where there are no people, but deleting it afterwards
means you hate the world, so I was complaining in a very simple way. try to
understand."

"Childish, disgusting and very..."

"Come on, I think you've had a lot of bad things since you were little. That's
why they try to capture it in photographs, removing the human beings from
there."

"I heard that you have few friends, I'm sure you won't have a girlfriend."
 "That's where you're wrong," says Hira.

"Oh, lie."

"Real."

"Well, back to our story. What I sensed from your photos is that you were
so selfish and unambitious. Even if you haven't done anything yet, you have
misunderstood that you are doing it. Instead of showing yourself, you just
protect yourself with a vulgar shell, you are just a silly child who is afraid of
the highest achievements."

The image of Hira that Noguchi talks about was not far from reality. What
he just said looking at a photograph is like the backbone of it. As if he saw
him naked.

"Then why do you want to help me?"

"Why? Right now, it could be the headmaster of O University. And

because you look like me in the old days."

"What? I don't think we have anything in common."

"It doesn't look like that. But it is."

"I am a stutterer."

"Some of my friends have it too." Noguchi answers and then asks.

"When will you come with me?"

Hira quickly flips through the schedule in his head.

 "If it is possible to consult at a time other than 5 the following day after 10
at night."

"So you're the type to value sleep?"

"Not at all, I have a factory job on the night shift. I'm a hard worker. I'm
not entirely sure I can help a professional photographer."

No matter how negative it is, I know this is an opportunity.

Both the commercial photography award and the Kimura Ihei photography
award are up there with the summit of Everest, but this is a sure step to
becoming Noguchi's assistant.

I'm afraid because challenge and failure are a whole that always goes hand
in hand.

But if this is the only way to be close to Kiyoi, then I have to. So, I will
say that I will come to the workshop the day after tomorrow.

"Oh yeah, that's why you failed in the first round."

"What are you saying?"

"Hey, it's not about that, it's not because you're a student."

"Hey?"

"It was because the chairman of the adjudication committee, who was 68
years old, frowned," Nogochi said.

"He's crazy."

......
 "He is a very famous cameraman in the industry. Anna's first photobook
was also made by Noguchi. I am personally close to my president and I asked
Mr. Noguchi to make my photobook. He said he would." .

Noguchi's photo book, Kiyoi explained, is about famous actors and

singers. As well as other popular artists that are known.

"Kiyoi, are you going to release a photo album?"

"It's still in the planning stage. I'll do it when the drama ends."

"So, it will be done after the drama. That's a good thing."

I got excited just imagining a picture of my house.

"Anna's first photobook was very well received and sold very well. I wish
Noguchi had my photobook too."

'Kiyoi is an artist, it is natural for him to take pictures of a professional

cameraman. So what will become of me? A strong question exploded inside
me: "Me? Me? Don't you want me to take your picture?"

'We live together, I can share your bed and take private photos at any time.
It shouldn't be like this, but I'm jealous of a professional photographer Kiyoi
asked to take a photo. I don't know what's happening to me, but I'm getting
more and more greedy. It is dangerous.'

"Ah, I just hope that Mr. Noguchi can take pictures of me."

"Don't you hate it?"

"That?"

"Being photographed by another."

 “I don't hate him,” Kiyoi frowns.

"But it's not better that I photograph Kiyoi, the person who photographs
him best!" Kiyoi's eyes roll back.

'I am fascinated by Kiyoi's beauty, I like to see him behind the lens of my
camera. But the fact that he chose someone else to take his pictures makes
me feel guilty. I feel like my body is boiling, I feel nauseated.'

"What happen?"

"I feel a little uncomfortable."

"Hey, do you want to throw up?"

"Sorry, I'm going to the bathroom."

'Jealousy, the longing for exclusivity and the color of sour and bitter
emotions built up in my stomach before I knew it.'

"Hira, are you alright? Give me a signal not to open the door." The sound
of trying to turn the knob is heard.

"Sorry. I'm fine."

"You are not well. I have brought some water, so open quickly."

"Thank you. But I'm fine. I really am. Leave me alone."

.......

On the first day of part-time work, Hira goes to the lab and a man who isn't
Noguchi comes out.
 "I'm Koda, the assistant... Mr. Noguchi. He said you'd come over. Are you
the college student who will work during the summer vacation? Today he
plans to do two takes starting at noon, Mr. Noguchi will come directly to the
studio, so, we will prepare the equipment that he will use today. Then, Hira-
kun should learn how to use it at noon. We have all the equipment in the
studio, so we don't have much to prepare. But each studio has different
equipment, so that, some knowledge is needed. This is today's one. After that,
you will take a photo outdoors. Mr. Noguchi carries his camera with him, but
you can prepare another model. The camera lens and body are in this shelf.
The key is kept by Mr. Noguchi and his assistant. Don't lose it."

There were even medium and large format cameras that alone can buy two
new cars. Hira grips the key tightly, never wanting to lose it.

Hira has known cameras since he was a child, but this is the first time he
has seen such professional equipment. Koda is polite, but he explained
everything too fast.

Hira could afford to take notes, so he tried to focus on the details. At the
shooting location there are people with different occupations. Models,
directors, cameramen, stylists, hairdressers, assistants, magazine editors,
sponsors.

Hira was walking slowly trying not to interfere.

After a meeting with the director and Noguchi, shooting began.

"Hold the gauge in your hand and decide on the position and angle. A little
higher. To the right. Ah, too much. Put it back. Think about the standing
position of the model."

Hira could follow instructions in rapid succession, as Nogochi requested

everything too quickly.
 "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry," Hira stammers with impatience and
tension.

The rest of the staff were also professionals in their respective fields and
because they are focused on their work, they didn't even notice Hira's stutter.

While stuttering and saying "sorry" about 500 times, the test shot was
finally put into production.

The professionals were taking incredible amounts of photos. Hira began to

get dizzy from the noise of the blind, from the lights and from the shouts of
orders to the models.

"It's over?"

"The site is 80% done, I'll get rid of it quickly because I have the next
session."

Koda drove Noguchi's car parked in the parking lot and headed to the next
site, Odaiba.

They apparently took some sunset photos to get a background night view.

Noguchi always complains in the back seat, saying that it's corny and
boring. However, as soon as he arrived on the scene, he smiled.

"Cameraman, now I'm getting ready to set the mood for the site. Just
smile."

"Noguchi-kun, this is bad. Storms are coming." the producers hurry up.

Noguchi frowns at the sky.

 Capturing dusk, where the amount of light changes from one moment to
the next, is quite difficult. And then, what if it rains? Everything is a bigger
problem.

"What should I do, go to the studio?"

"Hmm, that's all."

As Noguchi and his colleagues talk among themselves, all the staff
members start to organize themselves.

Hira stopped working, he was surprised to see the person coming...he can't
believe he's there to photograph that person...photograph the big star of the
moment.

Hira paid special attention to the person who entered. It is as if that person
came slowly and step by step.

' It's...Anna.'

The great actress who came to be photographed is Anna, the person who
acts alongside Kiyoi.

Hira can only admire her splendour, her beauty is unique.

"After all, she has a world-class aura that's amazing," Koda yells, still
looking at Anna.

Anna sits on a chair and watches the approaching rain clouds. Koda
shrugged and returned to work, saying:

"I am now dating a great actress who is twenty-three years old and the
same age as me."
 Anna won the actress award at the Berlin International Film Festival as a
teenager and made it big as an actress at a young age. At twenty-three years
old, she is already recognized as a candidate for a future great actress.

While Hira was waiting for Kiyoi, he noticed that she always responds to
fans with a smile, contrary to the image created by the media. But when she
left her job, she is a normal girl.

Hira, while thinking about her, starts looking at the clouds, realizing that
it was probably going to rain hard.

Therefore, if they started taking pictures, a big storm would come soon.

"Noguchi-kun, I can't do this. Let's do it in a better studio."

However, after thinking with his arms crossed, Noguchi suddenly turned
to Anna.

"Anna, if it rains, is that okay?" Anna's eyes widen slightly and she nods
immediately.

"Well."

"Yeah, let's take a photo as we are. Koda, Hira, all the lights are off."

"Hey, Noguchi-kun, I'm asking you." The photographer seemed to have an

idea.

"Don't you think the downpour looks better on Anna than the sunset on her
back?"

"But there is also the intention to do it in the office."

"I'll tell the office. You know. I have Anna's first photo album."
 Noguchi attached a clip-on strobe light to the camera and attached a
waterproof cover. The shots start one after another, while Hira is shocked.

"We should take advantage of that. We need to start playing early. We all
go at the same time."

Nodding to Noguchi's voice, Anna walks along the beach with a firm step.
The setting sun is hidden by thick rain clouds, and the area becomes
increasingly dark. The narrow flashes of light hit Anna, who was looking
down.

'Is it possible to take a photo in this state?'

It was too complicated to illuminate the model directly with the light. Most
of the time Hira worked in the studio, so now things are getting complicated.

"Anna, laugh, move."

Noguchi trains Anna, who is in a terrible state. Anna was laughing without
hesitation, with a big smile as she directed. They were all impressed.

Finally, Anna was rolled onto the beach sand like a corpse and then it was
over.

After shooting, Noguchi went to another meeting, while Hira and Koda
took the equipment to the lab, and then organized the photos taken today.

The shots were pretty good, despite the stormy weather, but Anna's image
is truly extraordinary.

Her image is eccentric, direct light hits her beautifully, illuminating her
entire face.

The images taken are really of excellent quality.

 "It's unbelievably beautiful," Hira says, and Koda watches the computer
screen from behind.

"For a moment I remembered Terry Richardson."

"Oh, if you say so."

He was an American tycoon who takes terribly risqué photos in the direct
light of a strobe lamp. It is ironic and interesting that the style is not very
elaborate despite the lack of technology.

"Mr. Noguchi is strange. Although he is very popular, he does not have a

single Noguchi style, so he is completely attracted by the individuality of the
model. He is a self-deprecating 'Kaonashi'."

"Is that so?"

"I have photographed landscapes in the past."

"I can't believe it. So I wasn't born just to shoot models, I switched to
portraiture for something better."

"After that, it was well received."

"He's a talent." Hira turns to look at Koda, who nods smiling.

"See you tomorrow morning".

Koda has left because he has work to do.

Hira stays behind and, having finished organizing the data, prepares for his
return. he checked that the cameras and all the equipment were stored in the
closet and verified that everything was locked.
 As Hira was about to go home, he suddenly remembers something and
goes to the file shelf. he wanted to see the landscape photos that Noguchi has
taken. Existing numbered files date back to the last decade or so.

Hira tried to go through the older ones in order, but there were no landscape
photos. All portraits were created with meticulous attention to the
individuality of each sitter. Every piece is impressive. However, all the
photographs taken are wonderful.

Suddenly, Hira heard the sound of a small key.

"Oh, are you still here? You have the documents."

Noguchi, returning, calls Hira, who has the file.

"Sorry. I'm looking for it."

"Okay. I like what's here."

Hira turned away from Noguchi, who had sat down on the sofa wearily
and was putting the files back on the shelf.

"Ah, I'm hungry. Hira."

"Yeah?"

"Make the ramen. The pot and ramen are under the sink," he says as Hira
contemplates going home.

"The assistant's job is also to protect the training master."

'A man over thirty can't have lunch… do you think I'm the mother or the
wife?'
 Nagoshi sat on the sofa waiting to be served. What kind of company have
I gotten myself into? While quietly boiling water in the kitchen, Noguchi
took out the whiskey and a glass from under the sink. For some reason, he
drank it instantly and Hira continued to wait beside him as the pot boiled.

"How did it go?"

"Hey?"

"My photos".

"I think they are good."

Noguchi snatches the bag of ramen from Hira and dunks the noodles in hot
water.

"Anna's photos today are amazing."

"How can I take a picture like that?"

"You should study Terry Richardson. So what do you want to capture on

camera?"

If Hira were to be asked what he wanted to photograph now, Kiyoi would

answer, no matter what. But let's hesitate to say it.

Hira was now standing next to the cameraman Kiyoi wanted him to
photograph.

' Noguchi would be the one to photograph Kiyoi. But he is an extraordinary

person, he photographed Anna in the rain and the image of her was
extraordinary.'
 Noguchi is capable of capturing the best images in a single shot, regardless
of what is going on around him, but Hira believes that this is something he
could never achieve.

As much as he wanted to capture the best images of Kiyoi, he could never

beat Noguchi.

"I have nothing I want to capture."

Hira had to swallow his bitter feelings, jealousy and negative thoughts.

"But there has to be something you want to photograph."

"Ah, yes, yes. There is something I want to photograph so unbearably; I

must not deny it."

"That?"

"When I come across something that I really fall in love with, I want to
capture it for myself."

"Then be confident and do it."

"Trust?"

"If you feel safe, would you like to take photos?"

"This is what I want to photograph."

"When you were young, I also had the intensity to take photos just for
myself. I miss him. I was like that too. I was so confident, everything I saw
was boring, everyone was useless and every time I got angry I made the world
So you have afraid to take photos and show your skills".

.......
 At midnight, Hira is in the bathroom of his room, he has approached the
mirror, cleaning it with his hand, trying to smile, as if it were an exercise in
smiling for the cameras.

Suddenly, he was surprised to see Kiyoi's beautiful face through the mirror.

"Oh Kiyoi, I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

"What were you doing in the mirror in the middle of the night?"

"It's important to create an atmosphere on the photo site, so I was

practicing smiling in a refreshing way."

"Besides the repairing smile you can give me, I think you can do something
else" Kiyoi says and they go back to their room, lie down together and talk
for a while.

"Sorry, I'll apologize about 500 times."

"It's only the first day and he already feels so involved."

"I remembered the dark days of high school, Mr. Noguchi I think he was
very similar. But at the same time he gives me too much homework."

"What are you saying?"

"I didn't notice or didn't want to notice, but I think something happened to
him."

"It's better that way".

"Maybe I should stop."

"Are you going to resign? But if Noguchi's salary is not bad."

 "Yes, but I want to continue with the factory."

"You don't have the strength to face the situation."

"Exact."

'If I want to become a professional cameraman, I am incredibly lucky to

be able to work at Noguchi's, because everything is learned in that studio. On
the other hand, I envy Noguchi, because he is wanted by Kiyoi to photograph
him, I'm jealous, I'm tired and I'm exhausted from being jealous.'

'I want to return to neutrality and not know anything. I just have to get on
with my assembly line work, put chestnuts on the cake. Otherwise, I'll be
heartless and my jealousy will be even worse.'

"Why do you like the factory so much?"

"The factory looks like the river of gold that Captain Duck and I flowed
through."

"Alright."

'Living as a university student, working in a factory, being Noguchi's

assistant and especially being with Kiyoi. These are the most intense days of
my life. But most of all, I had time to breathe with Kiyoi.'

......

Kiyoi and Anna had to attend a variety show and Hira had already made
sure of the location of the venue. All the regular attendees were there.

"Ah Hira-kun, it's been a while", Shitara is in his seat and greets him.

"Hello, I've been busy with another part-time job besides the factory."
 "So I understand, you are a student but a hard worker."

They all look at Kiyoi and Anna in front of them. After filming, Kiyoi and
Anna did not immediately return to the location car, but were surrounded by
the staff and talked. Fans who wanted to capture the moment were looking
forward to greetings from the artists.

“The two of you have been on good terms lately,” a girl mutters diagonally
across from Hira.

A Kiyoi fan, who was nearby, responded.

"Look, I think so too. Recently, Anna and Kiyoi have been closer than ever
to cheer on the drama that will start in the fall."

"Kiyoi-kun and Anna are in the same office. I wonder if they usually talk
to each other every day."

"I don't know, but they don't talk much."

"You said you like acting."

"Maybe he's fond of her."

"Not in a relationship with Kiyoi-kun?"

Anna laughs and talks to Kiyoi, Kiyoi also shows a relaxed look. They are
both usually great characters.

Hira tries to stay calm, thinking that nothing they said is true.

.... Because it is he who lives and sleeps with Kiyoi every day.

………………………………..