A Man Is Known

By The Company
He Keeps

Ruhaifa Adil
 What’s your friendship style?
Discerning Friendship Style
 Few very close friends. Emotional closeness is
high.
 Long lasting friendships
 Less likely to form new friendships in mid-to-late
life.
Independent Friendship Style
 Socialize casually
 Not a lot of friends, not very emotionally close.
More like acquaintances
 Often their friendships are circumstantial, formed
with people they know from school or work, or as
neighbors, but not maintained if circumstances
change.
Selectively Acquisitive Friendship
Style
 Meeting new people all the time.
 Some in their circle are intimate friends, some are
much more casual, but they are all thought of as
“friends.”
 Somewhat choosy about which friendships they
maintain over longer periods of time
Unconditionally Acquisitive
Friendship Style
 This group has the largest number of friends of the
four types.
 Although the emotional closeness differs friend to
friend, it is, on average, relatively low.
 Overall, this group is more about socializing than
emotional support.
 Hadeeth
A person is upon the religion of their friend.”
(Tirmidhi)

 Another translation: “depends on the”

Ettiquette of learning
I know someone who’s like this

 How does this apply to me

Qareen – the luring friend
 The word Qareen - comes from the Arabic term
Qiraan, which means ‘a rope that ties two camels
together’.
 Qareen is a kind of friend who is always spending
time with you, and texting and dming you. Such a
friend is always around you.
The word has negative connotations
 When certain individuals achieve paradise, they
will remember their friends. They will say: “I used
to have this friend, this Qareen! I wonder what
happened to him?” They will remember that
Qareen used to lure them towards sin. Many a
times, they listened to their friend and did all that
they were invited to.
Surah As-Saffat (Q37:51-56):

“A speaker of them will say: “Verily, I had a companion (in the world)- A Qareen”
“Who used to say : Are you among those who bear witness to the truth (of the
Message)?”
“That when we die and become dust and bones, shall we indeed (be raised up to
receive reward or punishment (according to our deeds)?”
The speaker said: “Will you look down?
 “So he looked down and saw him in the midst of the Fire.” “


‫َقاَل َتٱِهَّلل ِإن ِكدَّت َلُتۡر ِد يِن‬
 “By Allah ! You have nearly ruined me.”
Introspection: Are you a Qareen?
 Gauge yourself;
What kind of role do you play among your friends?
Are you the person who always uses foul language to
get attention? Are you a Qareen who makes fun of
others, when they stop you from doing wrong?
Another type of Qareen
 Qareen are mentioned by name in the following Quran verses:
 Sūrat az-Zukhruf: "And whosoever turns away from
remembering and mentioning the Most Beneficent, we appoint
for him a Satan to be a Qareen to him."[4]
 Sūrat as-Saffat: "A speaker among them will say, 'Indeed, I had
a Qareen.'" [5]
 Sūrat an-Nisa: "And those who spend of their wealth to be seen
by the people and believe not in Allah nor in the Last Day. And
he to whom Satan is a Qareen - then evil is he as a Qareen." [6]
Qareen
Constant companion
Pushes you to do evil
and bad stuff
Khazool – the user
 Khazool is a kind of friend who only accompanies
one in good times, and when the friend needs him,
he simply vanishes. He poses to be sincere but
shows his true colours in difficult times.
 “Hi! I’m
Shaytaan”,
said no
The worst Khazool Khazool
ever!
 Allah (swt) mentions that Satan has always been a
Khazool for human beings.
 Satan deceives thousands of young people, because
he wants everyone to land in hellfire. He is a
Khazool, who will be with you in this life to
misguide you. However, on the Day of Judgement,
when people who follow him will be cursing him, he
will simply rebuke them, saying that they followed
him out of their own free will and he is not to be
blamed.
Surah Al- Furqan (25:29):

‫َلَقْد َأَض َّلِني َع ِن الِّذ ْك ِر َبْع َد ِإْذ َج اَءِني َو َك ان الَّش ْيَطاُن ِلِإْل ْنَس اِن َخ ُذ وًل‬
“He did lead me astray from the Message (of Allah)
after it had come to me! Ah! the Evil One is but a
traitor to man!”
Khazool
A friend who swears their
loyalty
but when its time that
you need them, they
walk away
Rafeeq- the reliable friend
 Rafeeq comes from the Arabic word Mirfaq which
means ‘a pillow; something on which you relax
when you are exhausted’.
 A Rafeeq is a kind of friend that you can count on
in the hour of need. Such a friend gives sincere
advice and is a source of comfort.
Who are the Rafeeq?
 Allah (swt) explains that a person’s Rufaqah are
Nabiyeen, Siddiqeen, Shuhada and Saliheen.

 Shuhada: those who bear witness of the truth.

These are the people who live Islam and are not
afraid to show it. Lastly, the Saliheen: the
righteous people are our Rafeeq. These are the
people upon whom one can depend.
 ‫َم ْن ُيِط ِع َهَّللا َو الَّرُس وَل َفُأوَلِئَك َم َع اَّلِذ يَن َأْنَعَم ُهَّللا َع َلْيِهْم ِم َن الَّنِبِّييَن َو الِّص ِّديِقيَن‬
‫َو الُّش َهَد اِء َو الَّص اِلِح يَن َو َح ُس َن ُأوَلِئَك َر ِفيًقا‬

“All who obey Allah and the Messenger are in the

company of those on whom is the Grace of Allah,- of the
prophets (who teach), the sincere (lovers of Truth), the
witnesses (who testify), and the Righteous (who do good):
Ah! what a beautiful fellowship!”
Rafeeq
You can count on
and turn to in your
hour of need
Introspection: What’s a good
measure?

 Are they making me a better person?

 Am I better off not being their friend?

But we’re Just kids- we’re having
fun!
 You’re an adult - the day you hit puberty.
 If prayer is binding upon you, then you have to
pray, you have to be responsible, and you cannot
do certain things that you could have done when
you were a kid. Hence, in this age, it is imperative
that one chooses friends wisely, so that they are
guided to the right path.
Wali – the friend who has your
back!
 Wali is a protective friend, who is there to watch
your back. You can rely on him/her whenever
there is a danger.
 Your first Wali is Allah (swt)
 … followed by His Messenger Muhammad (sa).
 .. Followed by all believing Muslims. Jews and
Christians can never be your wali
In Surah Al-Baqrah (2:257) Allah says,

‫ُهَّللا َو ِلُّي اَّلِذ يَن َء اَم ُنوا ُيْخ ِرُج ُهْم ِم َن الُّظُلَم اِت ِإَلى الُّنوِر َو اَّلِذ يَن َك َفُر وا َأْو ِلَياُؤ ُهُم‬
‫الَّطاُغ وُت ُيْخ ِرُج وَنُهْم ِم َن الُّنوِر ِإَلى الُّظُلَم اِت ُأوَلِئَك َأْص َح اُب الَّناِر ُهْم ِفيَها َخ اِلُد ون‬
“Allah is the Protector of those who believe: from the depths of
darkness He will lead them forth into light. Of those who reject
faith the patrons are evil ones; from light they will lead them
forth into the depths of darkness. They will be Companions of
the fire, to dwell therein (for ever)”
Wali
Protective friend
Watches your back
Siddique- the Sincere friend
 Siddique is the most sincere friend who will tell
you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not.
 Such a friend knows what is in your best interest
and does not shy away from expressing it.
Sometimes your friends will not say the right
thing, because they are afraid that your feelings
might get hurt – a Siddique will not do that. S/he
is a sincere friend who can point out your flaws
and help you change.
Siddique
Most sincere
They know what is good
for you
and don’t shy away
from saying so
Khaleel – the bosom friend
 Khaleel is a very close friend for whom you feel love
in your heart. Anything that hurts them hurts you; any
joy that comes to them gives you joy. This is the kind
of relationship that is so honoured in the Quran.
 Allah (swt) chose Ibrahim (as) as a Khaleel. Ibrahim
(as) shared a special relationship with Allah (swt).
Many a times, when he was afflicted with trials, he
relied only on Allah (swt), such as when he was thrown
in the fire and when he was in the middle of the desert.
 ‫ُهَّللا ِإْبَر اِهيَم َخ ِلياًل‬
“Who can be better in religion than one who submits
his whole self to Allah, does good, and follows the
way of Abraham the true in Faith? For Allah did take
Abraham for a friend.”
Khaleel
Intimate and very
close friend
You feel connected to
them
Their joy and pain
are your joy and pain
Hameem – the manifest friend
 Hameem is the one who is very close to you
through kindness and generosity. They are always
there, where you want them to be. Khaleel is in the
heart; Hameem is in the manifest, on the outside.
Hameem
May or may not be close
but acts like very close.
They are kind and generous
Yet..
 Allah says on the Day of Judgement, they wont be
even asking for each other. Allah
says, “Relationships on the Day of Judgement will
be chopped off.”
Waleejah – the trustworthy friend
 Waleejah is the friend whom you trust to the extent
of involving him/her in your private matters. They
help you out in business transactions or personal
relationships. They assist you in managing
problems and disputes in your life.
 Your Waleejah should only be a true believer. Allah
(swt) has strictly forbidden us to keep as Waleejah
other than Muslims, as they will employ every
means possible to harm you.
In Surah At-Taubah (9:16) Allah says,

‫ٱۡل ُم ۡؤ ِمِنيَن َو‬ ‫َأۡم َحِس ۡب ُتۡم َأن ُتۡت َر ُك وْا َو َلَّم ا َيۡع َلِم ٱُهَّلل ٱَّلِذ يَن َٰج َهُد وْا ِم نُك ۡم َو َلۡم َيَّتِخ ُذ وْا ِم ن ُد وِن ٱِهَّلل َو اَل َر ُسوِلِهۦ َو اَل‬
‫ِبَم ا َتۡع َم ُلوَن‬ ‫ِليَج ۚٗة َو ٱُهَّلل َخ ِبيُۢر‬,

Do you think that you shall be left alone while Allah has not yet tested those
among you who have striven hard and fought and have not taken Walijah
[(Batanah – helpers, advisors and consultants from disbelievers, pagans, etc.)
giving openly to them their secrets] besides Allah and His Messenger, and
the believers. Allah is Well-Acquainted with what you do.
Waleejah
You trust them so
much
that you share all your
secrets with them
 Make sure you are friends with those who are
good role models, rather than those who open
doors to sins.
 The five hundred people on your Facebook or
insta are not your friends. Your true friends are
those who guide you to the right path.
Akhdam – the boyfriend/
girlfriend
 Akhdam are friends to whom you are attracted.
Nowadays, we call them boyfriend or girlfriend.
Allah (swt) speaks about them in the Quran, too.
 Allah (swt) guides that marriage should not be
based on some shallow infatuation.
 “oh she’s cute or he’s he has a six pack or is it
eight? I’ll marry him”, no! Don’t give into these
lowly standards and lower than animal standards
that has been put into your brains by the media
Akhdan
A friend you are attracted to
Imagine on the DOJ:
 “And (remember) the Day when the Zalim (wrong-doer,
oppressor, polytheist, etc.) will bite at his hands, he will
say: ‘Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger
(Muhammad). Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never
taken so-and-so as a Khalil (an intimate friend)! He indeed
led me astray from the Reminder (this Quran) after it had
come to me. And Satan is to man ever a deserter in the hour
of need.’ And the Messenger (Muhammad) will say: ‘O my
Lord! Verily, my people deserted this Quran (neither
listened to it, nor acted on its laws and teachings.’” (Al-
Furqan 25:27-30)
Reality check
 Friends will walk away in the day of judgement
 Most important thing is that we try to have the best
qualities of all these types of friends. Be the one with
whom others can find comfort and warmth. And your
friends? They should be one that make you straight in
Allah’s and the Messenger’s way. The ones that
keeps your speech sweet and not encouraging you to
be arrogant or have a foul language.
Hadeeth
 The Prophet of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him) said, “The example of a good companion and
bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the
one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows. So as for the
seller of musk then either he will grant you enjoy a
pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the
blacksmith’s bellows then either he will burn your
clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him.”
Assess youself
 Qareen – the luring friend
 Khazool – the user
 Rafeeq – the reliable
 Wali – the one who watches your back
 Siddique – the sincere friend
 Khaleel – the bosom friend
 Hameem – the manifest friend
 Waleejah – the trustworthy friend
 Akhdam – the boyfriend/ girlfriend
Assess your friends
 Qareen – the luring friend
 Khazool – the user
 Rafeeq – the reliable
 Wali – the one who watches your back
 Siddique – the sincere friend
 Khaleel – the bosom friend
 Hameem – the manifest friend
 Waleejah – the trustworthy friend
 Akhdam – the boyfriend/ girlfriend
 QUIZ
 At school you spent most of your lunchtimes:
 Helping others with their work
 At the chip shop with your friends
 Having a laugh with your gang
 Deep in conversation with your best friend
 What do you talk about with your friends?
 Work
 Your secrets
 Personal projects
 Ideas
 Your best friend is emigrating. You’ll be losing:
 The key to your social life
 Your right arm
 The person who keeps you grounded
 The person you confide in
 Your friend has done something you don’t like.
You:
 Stop calling them
 Let it go
 Tell them you are not happy with them
 Ask them to explain why they did it
 One of your friends hasn’t called you for a
couple of months. You:
 Don’t really worry about it
 Know this couldn’t happen. You’re in touch with
your friends every day
 Give her a ring to see what’s happened
 Assume she has her reasons. She’ll be in touch
eventually
 What do you and your friends have in
common?
 Your hobbies
 Practically everything
 Your sense of humour
 Your world view
 Which of the following would you most like to
be friends with?
 Someone dramatic and entertaining
 A fun and humorous type
 A sporty and adventurous type
 A great host and cook
 If you have one fault as a friend it is that you:
 Don’t always believe your group are real friends
 Are a bit nosey
 Always expect your friend to be in a good mood
 Are not always around when your friends need
you