Difficult Convo

Collaboration & Trust
Squat Wolf Team Meeting

Team Values at Squat Wolf
 Be a no-ego doer & strive to create IMPACT!

 Listen, and then listen more
 Strive to improve your judgement and always do the right thing
 Focus on (always-on) self-improvement
 Be grateful
 Be innovative and creative
 Be Passionate and Courageous
What is your version of an ideal team?
Collaboration & Trust is at the heart of high-
performing teams
Transactional
Vs.
Relational Collaboration
Research published in Harvard Business Review suggests relational collaboration, in which seekers and solvers
build relational capital and trust over a longer period of time, is the most valuable form of collaboration.
What does Trust mean to you?
The Trust Equation
• Know your topic • Keep promises • Ensure transparency
• Be a credible leader of your • Walk your talk • Clarify expectations, limitations, etc.
function • Stay involved • Make yourself accessible
• Be honest about your own • No bad surprises, a certain • Open up opportunities to respond
limitations level of predictability
• Be present
CREDIBILITY X RELIABILITY X OPENNESS

TRUSTWORTHINESS =
SELF-ORIENTATION
If you have a real interest in the other person, you:

• Listen carefully and seek to fully understand the other person
• Fully respect the other person (with no judgment)
• Are really interested in serving their interest (as well as yours)
SOURCE: Maister, Green, Galford: The Trusted Advisor. Free Press 2000, McKinsey M&C Group
Key Stakeholder Matrix
High
Current level of
trust /
collaboration
Low
Low Importance of the business relationship High

“High-stakes” Conversations
The Conflict Curve
Crisis
Tension • Behavior is affected, normal functioning becomes difficult – often

results in a major event
Misunderstanding • You contemplate, or even execute, extreme behaviors
Incident • Relationships are weighed down by negative attitudes

• You find the relationship has become a source of worry or concern
Discomfort • Motives and facts are confused or misperceived

• You keep thinking back to the problem
• A short, sharp exchange occurs

• Your only lasting internal reaction is irritation
• Things do not feel right, even though nothing has been said
• You are not sure what the problem is, but you feel uncomfortable
Conditions for effective “high-stakes” conversations
Choose your moment:

▪ Time: ideally you have 10+ minutes
▪ Location: ideally you have a quiet, private place
Be well prepared:
▪ Be clear about your what you want to say and how you will say it
▪ Be able to deliver your message in 1 minute, as you want to be able to invite the other person to respond, (it is not a monologue)
Ensure you are in the right mindset:

▪ Have a positive intention towards the relationship!
What’s the difference between difficult vs courageous conversations?

▪ Intention as a courageous conversation wants to take the relationship to a higher level
▪ Difficult conversations are caused when I want something out of it for myself. This perspective creates a mindset of things not working
▪ Courageous conversations come from the heart
How to have a “high-stakes” conversation
“My intention for this relationship is…” or "what I would like to create is …”
This is shared at the beginning of the conversation. It determines your basic attitude towards the conversation and is therefore crucial.
“What I observe(d) …”
An observation is factual and non-judgmental. You can’t disagree with the facts.
“I feel / felt …”
Share a real feeling that you had, e.g., frustrated, disappointed or angry. Sharing this gives depth to the conversation and brings it from the mind to the
heart.
“Because I value / need …”

Sharing your needs and values clarifies why this situation triggered you. By expressing your need and values you deepen the relationship by opening up
about what is important for you. This promotes mutual understanding. So often we think that people know what we value or want, but they can only
guess if you do not tell them.
“My part in this situation is…."

This is helpful to add here, as it a key part in showing that you take ownership for part of this too. It is important to explore what our own behavior is and
what we can learn from this situation.
“What I would like to create is …”

This is a suggestion of what could be an outcome for you. It is not a demand. Do not center your conversation around the outcome. It is important to give
the other person an idea on what could work for you, but maybe the other person has different possibilities which you can explore together.

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Collaboration & Trust

Squat Wolf Team Meeting

 Be a no-ego doer & strive to create IMPACT!

CREDIBILITY X RELIABILITY X OPENNESS

If you have a real interest in the other person, you:

Low Importance of the business relationship High

Tension • Behavior is affected, normal functioning becomes difficult – often

Incident • Relationships are weighed down by negative attitudes

Discomfort • Motives and facts are confused or misperceived

• A short, sharp exchange occurs

Choose your moment:

Ensure you are in the right mindset:

What’s the difference between difficult vs courageous conversations?

“Because I value / need …”

“My part in this situation is…."

“What I would like to create is …”

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