#1 Problem Facing Teenagers Today

Drugs Alcohol Pre-marital Sex Self-abuse, cutting Their lack of relationship with their parents

Do Any Of These Describe Your Situation

Your teenager hasnt initiated a conversation with you in weeks. They are embarrassed to be seen with you in public. They make a point to let you know how little your opinions & advice matter to them. You feel like instead of a parent, you simply function as a taxi driver, warden, landlord, and ATM.

Although they dont act like it, your kids really do desire a better relationship with you.

4 Hopes 4 Tonight
Let you eavesdrop what Im hearing your kids say Attempt to give you a few practical ways to have a better relationship with your teenager Let you know youre not alone Give you a next step

I've been blinded by Insecurity All the pain I feel Will be the death of me

I'm surrounded by Fear that won't let go If there's a way out Someone let me know

I'm Reaching out One last plea Is hope all gone? Somebody save me S.O.S. I'm lost at sea Is hope all gone? Somebody save me

I've seen traces of Joy that never ends Seems so far away If it's even real

There must be more than this Change me if it's true If you are for real Help me follow You

I'm Reaching out One last plea Is hope all gone? Somebody save me S.O.S. I'm lost at sea Is hope all gone? Somebody save me

Why do I do the things I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do, when all they do is hurt me (4x)

I'm Reaching out One last plea Is hope all gone? Somebody save me S.O.S. I'm lost at sea Is hope all gone? Somebody save me

I'm Reaching out One last plea Is hope all gone? Somebody save me S.O.S. I'm lost at sea Is hope all gone? Somebody save me

Twitter Tips
#= Hashtag (Way of categorizing tweets or a way to say something extra to end your tweet) #SMH= Shaking My Head >>>>= Greater Than (This is a very good thing) <<<<= Less Than (This sucks)

#Wake-n-Bake= Smoking weed before school

#FTP= F&*% the Police

Twitter Tips
#WWF= Words With Friends (Scrabble phone game) #420= National Pot Smoking Time #Hookah= Device used for smoking flavored tobacco. Warning: Vulgar language in these tweets

The Tweets that were shown at the parenting seminar have been removed to protect the privacy of the kids who wrote them.

I am hoping to do a repeat session of the seminar in May where I will show the tweets again.

What Are Your Kids Saying?

I desperately want a better relationship with you mom & dad, even when I dont act like it.

What Are Your Kids Saying?

I desperately want a better relationship with you mom & dad, even when I dont act like it. Your marriage affects me way more than you realize. More than anything, seriously, more than anything, I just want parents who really love one another.

What Are Your Kids Saying?

I desperately want a better relationship with you mom & dad, even when I dont act like it. Your marriage affects me way more than you realize. More than anything, seriously, more than anything, I just want parents who really love one another. Im stressed out and even though I act like I can handle everything, I cant. Thats why I do stupid stuff to help me cope.

Whats Stressing Them?

Whats Stressing Them?

GRADES: pressure to please you, to get into the right collegeso I cheatand then hope dont get caught.

Whats Stressing Them?

GRADES: pressure to please you, to get into the right collegeso I cheatand then hope dont get caught. SPORTS: Im at school sometimes 12 hrs/day and club sports take up even more time. I want to succeed to please you and others, but its just a lot on my plate.

Whats Stressing Them?

GRADES: pressure to please you, to get into the right collegeso I cheatand then hope dont get caught. SPORTS: Im at school sometimes 12 hrs/day and club sports take up even more time. I want to succeed to please you and others, but its just a lot on my plate. Im exhausted. FRIENDS: Its hard to find friends I can to trust. I feel so alone. Like no one understands me.

Whats Stressing Them?

MONEY: I hear you talk about it all the time and know it stresses you out, so it stresses me out. I dont want to be a burden on you, but I want to fit in so badly!

Whats Stressing Them?

MONEY: I hear you talk about it all the time and know it stresses you out, so it stresses me out. I dont want to be a burden on you, but I want to fit in so badly! SECRETS: Im carrying a heavy weight of secrets and guilt and want to tell you but Im afraid of how youll respond.

Whats Stressing Them?

MONEY: I hear you talk about it all the time and know it stresses you out, so it stresses me out. I dont want to be a burden on you, but I want to fit in so badly! SECRETS: Im carrying a heavy weight of secrets and guilt and want to tell you but Im afraid of how youll respond. ROMANCE: Am I loveable? Desirable? Beautiful? Will someone want me?

What Are Your Kids Saying?

I am afraid. Im afraid of lots of things, like:
Biggest fear: Being Abandoned You getting divorced Me disappointing you, being a failure Being alone Getting caught That this is the best it gets, and its not very good

What Are Your Kids Saying?

I dont know who I am??? Someone please help me figure it out. I need SOMEONE to be real with me. Someone to tell me the truth about life. I need someone to LISTEN to me. Do you even hear me? Do you even know me? I need someone to pay attention to me, to CHASE me.

www.ChasingTeenagers.com

CHASE ME
Immodest clothes: Chase me, tell me Im beautiful. Drugs: Chase me, tell me another way to cope with this pain and lonliness. Sports: Chase me, tell me Im worth something. Cheating: Chase me, tell me Im not dumb. Piercing, Tats, Breaking Curfew: Chase me, tell me why you care.

CHASE ME
I want my kids, when they learn about their Heavenly Father, to know that a Father pursues, even when things are hard, that a Fathers wont abandon their child.

www.ChasingTeenagers.com
Recommended Reading Downloadable Resources Helpful Sites Counselors

What Do They Need From You

What Do They Need From You

Remember Your Teenage Experience
Journals Talk to your parents Think about how rejection felt Remember the weird confusing years of puberty Did you want to go to church?

What Do They Need From You

Self-Awareness & Vulnerability
Your kids are very aware of your weaknesses, are you? What would happen if you admitted to them the areas where you are weak, the times you have failed. Do you see any of your own weaknesses that have been passed down to your kids?
Quick temper Insecurity, need for affirmation Etc..

What Do They Need From You

Confession & Apology
What would happen if you humbled yourself and confessed to your kids in areas where you have messed up. Have your kids ever heard you sincerely apologize? Do they see you live a life of integrity? The same in public as behind closed doors? Model confession for them. You want them to have a good relationship with you, but how is your relationship with your parents?

What Do They Need From You

Consistency
Life is busy, but if its too busy to have 1 on 1 time with your teenager each week, then something needs to go. Regular dates
Tuesday breakfast with dad Nightly or morning fam time

What Do They Need From You

Traditions & Celebrations
Fam camping trip in fall Summer vacation Rites of Passage: 13, 16, Grad, Prom Simeons Blessing Making their b-day a big deal
Not just celebrating accomplishments, but who they are.

Special tradition at Christmas

Memory of feeding poor

What Do They Need From You

Learn To Love What They Love, Be A Student of Your Teenager
Listen carefully, watch closely Learn what they love, and participate in it, but still give them space for it to be their thing
Ask them to teach you how to edit videos, shoot photography Ask them what their favorite song is and listen to it with them Mom, get your son to show you how to toss a Lax ball Go running with your XC daughter

What Do They Need From You

Celebrate & Encourage Their Character, Not Just Accomplishments
Do they know youre proud of them even if Parent Portal reveals bad grades? Do they know you love them even if they miss the winning shot? Do they just hear you criticize them or Have they heard you praise their character when they act wisely or kindly? Do they know you believe in them? Do you want them to be Great, or great at something?

What Do They Need From You

To Hear You Say I Love You
When is the last time your child heard you tell them those words My dads note to me Silence creates confusion Write a note in their lunch, theyre not too old, hide it tho. Sit on their bed and tell them before you go to sleep. Say it often, explain why you love them

(The clip from Blood Diamond has been removed)

You have the power to speak blessing or curses to your children.

What Do They Need From You

For Home To Be A Haven
Do they see/hear you arguing with your spouse? Do they know their friends are welcome there? Do they know your family is a place where they can be honest about their hurt and their tears are accepted and loved.

What Do They Need From You

You To Know Their Friends, Remember Their Friends Names, & Know Their Friends Parents
Is what is important to them, important to you? Take notes on who is who if you need to Teach them that their friends determine the quality and direction of their life.

What Do They Need From You

Patience
We all make parenting mistakes. We cant expect 17 years of teaching them one way to be reversed with one conversation & apology. If you have a sophomore in high school, you only have 114 weekends left with them before they go to college. Make them count, but be patient. My relationship with my parents/siblings didnt get better until I was in my 20s.

What Do They Need From You

Time > $
I constantly hear kids tell me that theyre parents try to buy their happiness If it means working less, and your kid not having a new car, in order for you to spend more time with them, work less Put your phone down, turn the TV off, and take a walk with your kid. You wont regret that.

What Do They Need From You

Care > Cure
Dont try to fix me, dont try to solve my problem, just love me, just listen to me. Dale House Reflect back what theyre feeling, dont try to solve their problem.

What Do They Need From You

To Lead Them To Live A Better Story
Donald Miller When is the last time your family has served somewhere together?

What Do They Need From You

Respond Slowly, Especially In Times Of Crisis
Deliberate vs React When they come home drunk When they wreck the car When they tell you their pregnant When they get caught cheating How you respond in those moments will determine the direction of your relationship with your teenager.

What Do They Need From You

To Not Always Rescue Them
If they want to be treated like an adult, encourage them to make decisions like an adult, give them consequences that adults in our society would get Ex: If you drink and drive- I take your keys. Im not punishing you, thats just how life works, trying to prepare you for adulthood Let them fail while theyre under your roof so its easier than when theyre on their own.

What Do They Need From You

To Give Them Natural Consequences
Difference in DISCIPLENE vs PUNISHMENT Discipline- turns them away from danger Slam the door: Door comes off Dont take your laundry down, do your own Throw a party while were out of town, you get grounded. We cant trust you so we need to keep you under our roof until you re-earn our trust Break Driving Contract, lose keys

What Do They Need From You

CLEAR EXPECTATIONS UP FRONT
-Since you have chosen to You have also chosen for us to -Privacy is a privilege not a right.

What Do They Need From You

To Realize The Difference in Normal Teenage Problems Versus Defiant Rebellion
Not getting out of bed Not wanting to do chores Putting off homework Speeding ticket Attitude, Deception, Dangerous choices

What Do They Need From You

To Know Your On The Same Team
Avoid Defensive Position I love you. For me to Win, is for you to win.

What Do They Need From You

For You To Pray For Them & With Them
When is the last time your kid heard you pray for them? When is the last time your family prayed together? Read Gods Word together?

Successful Parenting
What does being a successful parent look like to you? Your kid being successful? Or you loving them well?

BUT

YOU WILL FAIL

Thats why Good Friday & Easter are such a big deal

Teenagers, Sex & Technology

Teenagers & Technology

Teenagers have been abandoned by adults and forced to create their own world where they protect themselves from the dangers of the adult world, that world they have created often happens Online. Being a teenager today is WAY different than it was when you were a teenager.

Technology Tips
Avoid extremes, if you have total control, its not teaching them to make wise decisions on their own. If they have total freedom, youre setting them up for failure. Explain why you set these boundaries Encourage critical thinking as to why and what they post

 Digital history is permanent Remind them its a privilege Talk with them about what they think is appropriate boundaries of when & how long Preset consequences for misuse so they know what to expect Constantly remind them WHY Teach them to pause before hitting send, post, reply once its done, its done

Technology Tips
Facebook - multiple profiles - specified posts Twitter - multiple with different names, block users from following them

Technology Tips
Check their internet/iPhone web historysee if its been cleared- tell them youre going to do this to help hold them accountable, theyre smart and will use different browsers Share passwords as a guideline Text messages can be deleted, voxer Look at who theyre friends are

Sex & Technology

Cancel the Victoria Secret catalog Stop justifying the garbage you watch on TV Get Safe Eyes or X3 on your computer today Stop letting your kids lay on the couch/under the covers with their boyfriend/girlfriend, explain WHY. Talk to your kids about sex and masturbationdont let them figure it out on their own

Sexting Is Real & Prevalent

Parenting Teenagers Discussion Group Leaders

Jim & Alice Wolfe Larry & Lynne Bost

Recommended Greensboro Counselors for teenagers/families

Summer Estes Bill McCarthy Jayne Lessard Mike Grubbs (Fridays only) Restoration Place (women and girls over 13)

You can find their contact info on ChasingTeenagers.com