THE BAU AS SEVERED LUMON EMPLOEES
(Sorry if you haven’t watched Severance but I could not resist this crossover)
AARON H. | Hotch’s innie is relentlessly cheerful. He is basically the Michael Scott of the severed floor, and the beloved supervisor of Macrodata Refinement. His outie decided to become severed to deal with the grief of his wife, Haley, being murdered, and is miserable on the outside. If only he’d take a trip down to the testing floor…
JENNIFER J. | JJ’s outie is a happily married mother of two—but her innie? Her innie is engaged in a torrid clandestine romance with fellow MDR refiner, Emily. Although, things become complicated when Mr. Milchick opens the new innie visitation center, and JJ meets her children and husband for the first time…
EMILY P. | Her innie spends most of her time playing with the baby goats at mammalian nurturable with JJ, and sneaking off to do the deed in the room with the purple tables. Her rebellious, curious spirit has had her sent to the break room countless times for trying to map the severed floor. She would certainly be disgusted to discover that her outie is the heir to the Lumon empire, a descendant of Kier himself…
SPENCER R. | After discovering that the severed procedure lowers the risk of developing schizophrenia by 23%, becoming a severed employee was a no-brainer. His innie has demonstrated an incredible affinity for macrodata refinement, and has five times as many finger traps as everyone else. Although after the first waffle party, he decided to pass on the rest… His innie can’t help but constantly wonder what exactly it is they are refining, and has a new theory every week. He has been refiner of the quarter for the last 5 quarters in a row.
JASON G. | Works in Wellness due to his smooth, calming voice and, according to Mr. Milchick, knows how to ‘make his eyes kind.’ Enjoys the nature sounds he plays for the innies, and is very vigilant about ensuring they enjoy each fact equally.
ELLE G. | Her outie’s hand was forced to become severed—after being at the center of a violent scandal at Lumon, her superiors gave her an ultimatum: become severed, or be shunned from Lumon. Elle’s innie spends most of her day procrastinating by the coffee machine and arguing with David R. about whether or not the 9 core principles are bullsh*t. Always completes her files by the skin of her teeth at the end of the quarter, and can often be seen smacking her monitor for being too slow.
DAVID R. | His outie invested a lot of money in Lumon, and decided to come out of retirement and join the severed floor to spice up his life: his innie believes in the mission of Lumon, has memorised the 9 principles, and has a Kier bobble head on his desk. He does however complain relentlessly about the quality of the food in the vending machine.
TARA L. | Her innie works her ass off—she wants that music dance experience, and she will fight tooth and nail to get it. She loves some defiant jazz. Her outie however has become suspicious of the company, and is undergoing the process of reintegration. She has spent a fair amount of time in Wellness recently because of all the strange flashes to her outie’s life she is secretly experiencing.
PENELOPE G. | Works tech support on the severed floor. Her outie is cheerful and positive, but her innie seems to be stuck in Penelope’s old ‘Black Queen’ days. She complains about the bright outfits she shows up to work in every day, and sighs each time Elle asks her to fix her slow computer. Is in a complicated love triangle with Derek M. And Luke A.
LUKE A. | His outie decided to become a severed employee to deal with the PTSD from his military days. His innie has had his eye on Penelope for a while now… He also has a secret baby goat named Emil, who he visits at mammalian nurturable every lunch break.
DEREK M. | His innie has been hired to work security under Mr. Milchick. He is responsible for taking people to the break room, and otherwise keeping them in line. But he quickly develops a soft spot for the refiners of MDR—especially Penelope G., making him particularly sour toward Luke M. Every day, he gets closer to becoming a double agent…
P.S. Erin Strauss is in charge of the severed floor.
Ok, so this is my favourite scenario I’ve ever written! Guys, should I make this a fanfic? 👀 I know this might be a niche combo but I love it. Anyway, if you enjoyed, you can find more BAU scenarios on my Masterlist!
