i had lunch with my younger self today.

I had lunch with my younger self today. She’s in Year 4. I’m in Year 11.

Her teeth are still crooked. Mine were somewhat straight.

She’s struggling with math. I’m still struggling with it, too.

She lives in Dubai. I live in London.

She feels like a loner. I think I’m meant to be one.

She has a boyfriend, Hugo. I don’t, and now, thinking of Hugo... he was a pain.

She feels like a disappointment. I am the disappointment.

She plays for her swim team, ski team, and football team. I’m rotting in bed from anxiety.

She still does karate. I quit after I left Dubai.

She’s getting bullied. The bullying got somewhat better for me.

I had lunch with my younger self today. She’s in Year 6. I’m in Year 11.

She has no friends. I have some friends.

She feels out of place. I feel out of place, too.

She’s isolated in Italy with her brother, sister, and mom. I live in London with my whole family.

Her dad was in the hospital. My dad is better and out of the hospital now.

She misses Andrea. I miss Andrea.

She’s skinny. I’ve gained weight.

She doesn’t have anxiety and is still happy. I have anxiety and was diagnosed with depression.

I had lunch with my younger self today. She’s in Year 7. I’m in Year 11.

She doesn’t fit in. I don’t fit in either.

She’s discovering anxiety. Anxiety has taken over me.

She’s gaining extreme weight. I’ve lost some, but it’s still not enough.

The girls in her school think she drew her freckles. I hide mine.

She only wears mascara and eyeliner. I wear kilos of foundation and eyeshadow.

She started playing drums. I’m still playing them.

She’s never read a book. I’m in love with romance novels.

She’s still editing Marvel. I’m editing football players.

Her room is covered in posters. My room is white and plain.

I had lunch with my younger self today. She’s in Year 9. I’m in Year 11.

She’s getting bullied and harassed. I’m still haunted by all of it.

She stays in a tiny room all day. I go to classes.

She has panic attacks every day. I have my episodes once in a while.

Her brother abuses her. He’s stopped hitting me.

She keeps arguing with her mom. Me and my mom see eye to eye now.

She smokes heavily. I stopped, but when I need one, I’ll have it.

She can’t go a day sober. I’m still pushing through.

She yells and walks out of classes. I try to be reasonable.

I had lunch with my younger self today. She’s in Year 10. I’m in Year 11.

She’s left public school. I’m in a private school.

She doesn’t seem to fit in. I don’t fit in either.

She feels like a disappointment. I’ve accepted I can be one, sometimes.

She’s 6 months sober. I’m 4 weeks sober.

She’s in CAMHS for the third time. I’ve stopped going, and now do private therapy.

She can’t open up easily. I’m slowly opening up.

She has toxic friends. I’ve found some of my people.

She has no hope for herself. I have some hope for me.

She thinks she has no future. I see a future.

She doesn’t know what she wants to be. I want to be a sports journalist.