It just makes me so frustrated when people go “not all aroace people are romance- and sex-repulsed! Therefore it is WRONG to say THIS aroace character is romance- and sex-repulsed even though that is how it is consistently and clearly written!” (“Therefore it is wrong to say any aroace is sex- or romance-repulsed! Don’t you know aros and aces can still have sex and romance?”)

it doesn’t come across as respect for sex-favorable aces and romance-favorable aros, it comes across as a fundamental inability to believe that anybody could actually not want sex or romance.

Every so often you see some aroallo* on here saying that the aro and ace communities should be separate and I just. Have you never actually talked to an asexual? Have you never had a single conversation with one about your aspec identities?

Like, obviously there's the fact that so many people are aroace and so the two communities would still have a lot of overlap no matter what, but even if you're talking about people who are just asexual, we both say and feel the same exact things, just about romance instead of sex. Honestly sometimes it feels like I have more in common with alloaces than aroaces because we both have the same central frustration of "why the hell has society decided that these two things have to go together? Why is only wanting one such a hard concept?" They understand the struggle of how hard it is to find people who are willing to do one thing with you but don't expect you to do the other.

Like, I have had a conversation before with someone who was like "I know this is going to sound super weird, especially from someone who is ace" and I got to say "oh my god, no, not only is that not weird, I've done the exact same thing before but with romance." That's so cool! It's great that we can do that!

Whether you're aro, ace, another aspec identity (because let's not forget about atertiaries), or some combination of those, we all share the same frustration of "why is all media so obsessed with this one thing?" We all can't easily explain our identities to other people. We literally feel the exact same ways, just about different things. The aspec experience is the same across all identities, it's just in different fonts.

Saying we should be separate is like saying that lesbians and gay people shouldn't be in the same community, because lesbians know nothing about attraction to men and gay people know nothing about attraction to women. People have said that too, and I hope you all know how ridiculous that is. It's ignoring the common ground of being attracted to the same gender instead of the one you're supposed to be attracted to, and it's also ignoring how much defining those identities as not liking men/women is going to alienate the bi/pan/etc people who also share most of the same experiences.

Anyway. Hi aces. You are very cool. If anyone doesn't want you sitting with me, I'll make them leave instead.

*(Full disclosure that I'm sure there are aces who say this too, I just don't see it because I don't follow ace tags)

There's frustration over alloaro erasure and society's treatment of romance and sex being equated to a degree that's simply not true (there is overlap between alloaro and alloace experienced! There's also differences that some people won't acknowledge, and that can obviously be hurtful and frustrating! Both of these things can be true at the same time!)

And then there's whatever that one blogger's got going on.

i am not necessarily immune to this myself but sometimes i see folks arguing about the Variety of Representation and i'm like. WHAT representation. yes it is 100% objectively true that alloaros get the short end of the stick when it comes to both fictional representation and what limited public perception of aspec identities there are. this is important. but outside of that. why are we arguing over who gets scraps?

to in any way claim that aroace people have this great wealth of representation COMPARED TO ALLOACES, however little ace representation there is in mainstream media at all, is preposterous to me! as if aroace characters are popping up all over. as if aroace characters that do exist don't have their aromanticism erased! as if there isn't a substantial population of alloaces whose ace advocacy hinges on assuring the public that they're still capable of love like a Normal Person. as if aroace people haven't been shouting about being alienated from the ace community for years.

we can talk about what we want to see in our representation and i encourage that. but sometimes i see posts on this site and i'm like respectfully what the fuck are you guys talking about. show me the aro characters

don't want to derail the last post i reblogged so i'm putting a couple thoughts here. as an aroace, personally, for me they're like two parts of the same whole, and treating them as such is for me a way of pushing back against any expectation that i should have a concrete set of aro vs ace experiences such that i can leave one or the other at the door. that's part of why i'm so drawn to the sunset flag.

but at the same time, i relate to that post in part because i DO prioritize my aromanticism and see it as the more principal part of my identity (hello, aro blog here). and that's in large part due to social factors, because it affects my day to day life more acutely and yet is the identity other people are most likely to ignore or pretend is secondary by default. i think it's always important to leave room for those sorts of messy contradictions, so that there is never one "true" universal manifestation of aroace identity. i've written before, i think, about how i'm never interested in iterating on new labels or sublabels to "fix" what is really an issue of gatekeeping, stereotyping, and assumption-making.

that aside, i do reject any implication that everyone or even the majority of people who claim an aroace identity as a unified and non-separate identity are by default focusing more on the asexuality side of things. plenty of outside voices push that assumption onto us because they find our asexuality more palatable or normie to talk about than our aromanticism, and many of us have been pushing back against that for a number of years now (again, hi, aro blog here).

it's like, for me, i'm aro and i'm aroace, but i'm never JUST ace, if that makes sense. yes, i am asexual, but that is not the primary way i would choose to express my identity if asked in most cases.

aroace identity is not a monolith!! let us all be weird and contradictory forever!

welcome to "what relationship is it anyway" where the rules are made up and the points don't matter

When someone blows up a plane with their taco bell drink, they can make you dump it out

sorry, what the fuck are you talking about

welcome to "what relationship is it anyway" where the rules are made up and the points don't matter

people are ship/blorbotagging this which is fine i'm not a cop and i do discuss fandom culture stuff here often but just to remind you. this is also a thing you can do in real life. you can define your relationships however you want (or don't). in fact that was my intention with this post

ok now it is actually getting kind of annoying

Posting this here for other aros and aces as well as for myself, so that it doesn't slip my mind.

JFF Theater will be screening the Japanese film "I am what I am" (そばかす/Sobakasu) online for free from 1st February to 1st May 2025. Judging from the description they provided, it very much sounds like something that'll be right up our alley.

Taken from JFF Theater's official Twitter:

Just want to get the words out because it's so rare to come by media that discuss the topic of amatonormativity. And you can watch the film at any time during that 4 month time period for free after opening an account on JFF Theater's website. No, they don't ask for your credit card information or anything of the sort. Yes, they have English and other languages for subtitles. So don't miss this chance!

I'm quite looking forward to it.

welcome to "what relationship is it anyway" where the rules are made up and the points don't matter

people are ship/blorbotagging this which is fine i'm not a cop and i do discuss fandom culture stuff here often but just to remind you. this is also a thing you can do in real life. you can define your relationships however you want (or don't). in fact that was my intention with this post

Exciting news - Common Bonds is getting a sequel anthology! more aromantic & platonic stories!

The kickstarter will launch February 16 for #AroWeek. if you're interested in helping promote, sign up here!

the kickstarter is live!

ok time to cook. aromanticism is the coolest shit in the world and aro people are the coolest ever. if you're aro you're extremely cool

what's stopping you

i experience romantic attraction my guy

i'm very sorry for your loss

ok time to cook. aromanticism is the coolest shit in the world and aro people are the coolest ever. if you're aro you're extremely cool

what's stopping you

it's not just about love

The Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy is publishing a book! You can follow our progress here!

[Image Description: A square graphic that reads “Get excited about potential futures and possibilities for the aromantic community with our upcoming book, An Introduction to Aromanticism!” in bold letters. Beneath that is a quote that reads ““Can you imagine living in a community where the terms “aromanticism” and “romantic orientation” were common knowledge? Can you imagine living in a community where you would not be judged for being aromantic? What actions do we need to take to get there?” - Rachel Levi, Yumi Tak-Yin Wong, Jay Bradley, and Kerry Chin, authors”. The text is situated on a white text box with a dark green border. Underneath the text is the AUREA logo. In the bottom left corner of the graphic is clip art of two books, one closed and one open.]