Ask The Sides

Ro: is that why he just walked by mumbling to himself about drywall and skittles? Hilarious! I thought he’d had a run in with my brother.

P: Now be nice kiddos, it’s not ok to ruffle Logan’s feathers just because you can.

Ro: But he makes it so easy! And then he does the angry glasses thing where he takes them off and pinches his nose

P: Yeeeaaah that is kinda fun..b-but still not nice!

L: That’s not science! That’s an advertising campaign!

V: Uh..hi. Ok I think maybe Logan needs some rest, yeah?

L: this is like when all the kids wanted to eat tide pods. Why are people determined to eat things that aren’t food?? There are so many kinds of foods!

V: I dunno man, let’s maybe just get you to bed or something, yeah?

L…sure. Only…only don’t because snorting sugar can cause chemical reactions anywhere from your nose to your throat to your chest leading to possible inflections, not to mention the nosebleeds. Also you cannot taste a rainbow, it’s fractured light striking water droplets and therefore contains no taste and I don’t know why this is happening.

V: Uhhhh Logan? You good bud? You’re pinching the bridge or your nose pretty hard there.

L: I suddenly have a headache.

L: No! I implore you, eat food! My God…is Remus somehow sending in questions now?? That ravel is mostly made of quartz I believe so I don’t know if it is toxic but..don’t eat gravel. If you like the look and color eat fruity pebbles or nerds candy. I’m usually not one to recommend such unhealthy food, but it’s at least a step above small rocks!!

Re: Oh sure! A great source of fiber, 10/10 mouth feel.m, and this special kinda umami flavor?

L: What?! No! What?! God! Remus get out of here, and give me back my tie. No, ignore all of that. The only fiber you’re going to potential find in there is fiberglass and should not be ingested! Depending on when and where the drywall was made it could even contain some mercury. PLEASE inform your friend that it has no health benefits when ingested. I do know that sometimes it does happen, specifically with individuals struggling with disorders such as pica, but should be avoided if possible.

P: Oh, the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh! Thomas loved that show when he was little, so many memories! For new shows I love that Bluey show!

V: That’s the Australian dog one you showed me?

L: He showed it to you too?

V: Yeah…honestly it was kinda calming?

L: While not what I would normally watch, it did do a good job illustrating so helpful techniques for children on how to handle possibly stressful events.

P: Soooo I didn’t catch you watching it by yourself the other day?

L: Excuse me? Absolutely not.

Ro: I like the mom, Chidi

L: It’s Chilli

Ro: Ha! Knew it!

L: …crap.

Ro: Anyway when it comes to the nostalgic, I loved the Aladdin tv series! Talk about a great line up of villains! But for more modern ones I have to go with Steven Universe. The songs, the character designs, the outfits? Chefs kiss.

P: Oh that’s the one with the pretty space ladies you always cry about.

Ro: I may have gotten emotional a few times…

V: I don’t know how nostalgic I can be…I wasn’t really around much when Thomas was a kid. I guess Invader Zim? For more modern maybe Venture Bros? Does that count? I know it isn’t on anymore. I dunno man, I’m messing this up..

Ro: No you’re not, that’s fine! Honestly surprised you didn’t pick one of those Helluva Hotel shows

V: They do have good music, you might like them.

L: Do I really have to choose? You know I don’t go in much for cartoons.

Ro: Yes you have to choose. I’m way too interested to know what you’re going to come up with.

L: Fine…I suppose I always appreciated the grounded nature of the character of Daria? For current I guess BoJack Horseman.

V: That show is depressing even for me.

L: It’s well written.

P: You’re allowed to pick Bluey you know..

L: I chose what I chose.

Re: Ren and Stimpy!!

J: No surprise there. Hmm…I did always enjoy Moral Orel, does stop motion count? For newer ones, I’m not much of a cartoon watcher but suppose I do have a soft spot for over the garden wall.

P: I know Roman sure is excited about him so that’s…that’s nice, yeah?

Ro: EXCITED?! Try elated! It’s only what we all, but especially me, have been waiting forever for!

V: For Thomas to talk to a cute guy?

Ro: FOR TRUE LOVE!

L: There’s no such thing as-

Ro: Logan, I swear to Cupid if you finish that sentence I will beat you over the head with a math book.

P: Easy there, kiddo. No need to threaten violence.

Ro: How am I the only person who’s excited???

V: I mean you know I am! I just can’t help thinking..you know…what if it goes wrong? What if we say or do something? Or DONT say or do something? There’s just a lot of ways it can go bad!

Ro: aaaand a lot of ways it can go right. Help me out here. Captain Sunshine.

P: Me? Oh..I mean…I’m sure he’s nice? We should probably just…you know take it slow.

Ro: Seriously?!

L: everything seems to be fine, I’m not sure if it’s worth too much excitement in either direction.

J: I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware I was hinting at anything. Also at no point did I say the a-word. If Patton were to be keeping secrets, I certainly wouldn’t be the one to spill them. I like collecting them, not spreading them.

V: Stay in my room till it goes away?

L: That does sound like the safest option.

Ro: Where’s your fool’s day spirit?!

V: That’s..not a thing.

L: I have to agree with Virgil, that is absolutely not a thing. As for what we usually do, mostly just keep our heads down until we’re inevitably confronted with whatever ridiculous thing Patton has planned happens to us.

Ro: The last few years since a certain brother of mine decided he was done hiding in the walls, things became a little more dangerous, but a truce was called this year. I was also thinking maaaaybe we could go in with Patton on a prank? He always wants to do one against Thomas but you two never agree and after the other day maybe the guy could use a win?

L: We’ll…I suppose if it would cheer him up.

V: Since when is cheering Patton up my job?

Ro: Since he does his best to do it for you basically constantly, put the pouting away for one day, Criss Angst-el and get with the program.

V: Not one of your better nicknames.

Ro: We’ll excuse me! I’m brainstorming here! Ooo maybe we could all switch places? That might be fun??

L:Mmmm

V:Mmm

Re: I had lots of GREAT ideas, but Janus keeps telling me No!

J: The rules of the truce were specific. No pranks that would be considered crimes.

Re: Ok, how about cyanide in Logan’s coff-

J: Crime

Re: Ugh! Oo! What if I replace Virgil’s mouthwash with sulfuric ac-

J: Crime

Re: Seriously?!? Ok…uhh…hit Roman with a car!!

J: Attempted vehicular manslaughter…which would be a crime.

Re: YOU DON’T LET ME DO ANYTHING!!

I feel like this would do nicely -Ro

Obviously any bedroom is fine, as long as there’s a bed…I suppose if I had to choose it would be a combo of these two -L

I might need a bigger bed for all my fluffed animals? But this looks nice to me -P

Is this too much? Would this be too much? I don’t know…-V

Eh, this would do I guess. Honestly I care more about the bathtub -J

I like fresh air -Re

V: I told them not to do that stuff and everyone acted like I was being paranoid, they always do that! But surprise! Sometimes I actually know what I’m talking about, only nobody bothers to realize that until it’s too late and then suddenly everything is my fault because I brought Patton onto this stupid website but it wouldn’t have happened if he had just listened to me!

Ro: …Virgil?

L: Nobody is saying any of this is your fault-

V: Well sure, they won’t say it but-

L: Nobody here believes this is your fault. Your warning was not heeded, and for that I apologize. Everything will be alright.

V: How do you know that?

L: Patton needed a moment to collect himself, just like you do sometimes when you get overwhelmed. This may not be his usual response to things but we will still give him the space to do so.

V: It’s fine. I don’t care. If he really gets that upset he can always go to his new bestie deciet for help.

Ro: I told him he could go hang out in the imagination for awhile. I hadn’t fully finished his area yet, but parts of it are completed. Mostly just playgrounds and stuff Thomas used to go to as a kid. If that’s not what he’s in the mood for I kinda put the place in safety mode in case he goes wandering.

L: Something sweet might not be a bad idea. I do find baking relaxes me and perhaps that would be nice for the both of us. I’ll enjoy the creating and he can later enjoy the creation.

V: I don’t have a thing to offer…I’m just going to go in my room for awhile.

Ro: oooor we could play cards? Look my room is being taken up and you know if I get bored I’ll start watching Logan in the kitchen for something to do and he hates that.

L: I do hate that

V:…fine, I guess.

V: Leaving the house?

L: They’re clearly their own entities and not aspects of an anxious man in his 30’s.

V: right. Got it.

Ro: And if I had my own body I would voluntarily be in the same zip code as my brother?

L: I do very much pity that me, I can only imagine what trying to get all of you to do one task in the outside world would be like.

V: Oh, I’m sure Patton would say hi to but he…he just needed some alone time. Will tell him you stopped in, though.

Re: they help with scurvy! You ever seen somebody with scurvy?? It’s so funny, first they just get tired but eventually their teeth will-

J: I don’t think that’s quite what they meant.

Re: Huh? Oh. Oooooooh! Hehehehe I get it!

J: Yes it does ring a few bells, I suppose.

Re: oooo boy he sure does leave an impression, and I mean like in the drywall. That guy causes structural damage! It’s awesome. Oh! I remember this one time when- Mmm!

J: Aaand that’s enough talking out of you. We may or may not be familiar. That’s all I have to say on the topic.