I made this, please feel free to use

I made this post a couple months ago, and I completely forgot that I made it

today has been one of the worst days of my entire life, and this post somehow made its way back to me, like a mental-health chef boyardee can.

it actually helped me a lot

have some more

I am sisyphus.

Every time I finish checking my goddamn notes, there's 50 more.

I got 108 notes in the time it took to make this post

That was meee:)

It was not

I now realize it was not me. But still 100+ reablogs be upon ye

:(

flashback to the time one of my posts got blazed

It's always funny to me when people assume that Batman employed a child when said child was like 'let me out there or I will start going out myself and biting ankles'

Citizen or whtv: what the hell batman

Batman: (helpless shrugging) look it was either this(gestures to traffic light child) or he goes out alone and dies ok what choice did I have

Day 5 of Billy Batson week, this one is dedicated to all the 12 year old Dad Billy AU’s out there, especially when Kon’s the one being adopted

Ok let’s do salary math

first let’s asssume these are payed, not just volunteers

so the average first responder paycheck is about 22 dollars per hour

but Bruce Wayne would probably round that up to like 30 dollars per hour

so assuming that they are heroing for like 4 hours a day

it would be 43800

but hazard pay can be like 250 a month and I think they deserve hazard pay

so we’re now at 46800

overtime for the bimonthly apocalypses they have probably lasting about 10 hours

so now we have 54000

plus Billy works as a radio person

So now we have 119,482

Fawcett city is in minisota

And I’m assuming that the tiny town of fawcett city is cheaper so…

i think they would be fine off Billy’s salary

The Justice League thinks Captain Marvel has Age Regression.

Okay think about it though? Like Cap definitely acts like a kid half the time (Cause he is) and because of the wisdom of Solomon he acts like an adult too. So imagine the Justice League thinking maybe Captain Marvel had a traumatic childhood or maybe something else causing him to age regress.

(I had more to say but I forgot)

@slysole

Tim: *explaining his woes about a problem that isn’t actually all that bad, basically just being a teenager(?)* -and I just don’t know what to do Dad…

Bruce: *didn’t have a lot of normal childhood experiences but still trying to connect to his child* Well… I had a similar dilemma when I was your age. Around this time I was kidnapped by a cult that worshipped this one demon, I can’t tell you the name or else he’ll know I’m still alive, but I found myself… why are you looking at me like that?

Tim: *squinting at Bruce and trying to figure out if he’s joking* Um, no, continue…

Bruce: *trying to figure out if he’s fucking up* Okay… I made the realization that only I could decide what was right for me. As I was strapped down at the altarpiece, about to be sacrificed by their priest, I- okay you’re looking at me like I’m insane.

Tim: *jaw dropped open, staring at Bruce in disbelief* You hear what you’re saying, don’t you? This is insane!

Bruce: *hurt* Tim, I understand that I’m not as emotionally available to you and your brothers as I want, but I am truly trying to help.

Tim: No B, I love that you’re trying to connect to me in your own… special Bruce way, but I am genuinely getting more concerned every word you say.

Bruce: *beyond confused, his only childhood friends being turned into villains and Oliver Queen (which are not great points of reference)* Why?

Whenever his kids are being little shits, more so than usual, Bruce will definitely go on social media and make problems

The public loves the batboys but Bruce Wayne will always be their #1

They rally around him immediately and in 2.5 seconds all the batboys being canceled is trending on Twitter

Bruce enjoys it a lot but shuts down any posts that are genuinely offensive, racist, or suggest that Bruce should’ve never adopted them

But other than that, he loves seeing his kids annoyed faces when people online are telling them to be nice to their Dad.

——

Bruce: *posts a video to Twitter. He’s sniffling and teary eyed with a wobbly smile on his face, obviously trying not to break down and cry* Hey Twitter… d-does anyone know how to make your kids n-nicer to you *sob* n-nothing happened… I just… never mind I’m sorry about this. T-they’ll be mad at me if they find out. I don’t want them mad again *phone falls onto the bed and muffled sobbing is heard before the video abruptly ends with the sound of the the batboys busting in and yelling at Bruce*

Dick: Bruce! I lost over 10 thousand followers! What did you do!?

Bruce: *wiping his tears away with a stoic face* What do you mean Chum? I haven’t done anything

Tim: *screech from the ether* BRUCE! WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Bruce: You’re all so mean to me *surpressing a grin*

Jason: This is exactly why I deleted my account

——

This happens like twice a year. Sometimes more if they’ve really been pissing him off.

On the downside, all of his kids refuse to go to any Gala with him, so he’s gotta suffer alone. They refuse to be in front of the media until it all dies down

Bruce makes them some brownies and allows them to pick their patrol route for the next week for forgiveness

[ID: A TikTok video by user @therealcodywebb showing a segment of a stand-up comedy performance, with text over the video at the beginning reading "Never tell a good trans joke on the internet". Captions appear as a pale-skinned man with dark hair and a mustache speaks. He is wearing an untucked white, button-down shirt covered in pink flowers, and a pink sweatshirt or hoodie is tied around his waist

"And it did really well. So well, in fact, that thousands of trans women started following me on TikTok. But they all made it Abundantly clear that they were there to watch me transition. Now, when this happened to me, I started having Legitimate doubts about my gender. Not because it like, unlocked something in me, but because I am a Really Big people pleaser. So (laughing a little), I decided to start experimenting, to see if these people were right. Y'know, hair, makeup, nails, all this sort of stuff, to see if I would like perceiving myself as a woman. And the answer? No, not really. But you know what, that's good. That's good to know. I tried it out; it's not for me. At least I can now confidently say that I am not a woman. So, am I a man? (sharply rising note of dubious inquiry, followed by a pause) Ehh? ("I don't know" vocalization threaded into the noise) Okay, here's the thing: I am a man, but in the same way that Kraft singles is cheese. Like, sure, it Kinda looks like cheese. A lot of people will call it cheese -- mainly out of convenience. But if you look inside, you'll find absolutely nothing of substance. Now I have told this joke before, and I've had people come up to me and say 'Hey, Cody! It sounds like you're probably nonbinary!', and I agree, it does Sound like that. But I will Never admit to that. Because I don't want the comments section to be right. You don't get to come into My comments section, give me an existential crisis, and then just get what you want. No! I am going to win gender! Which is a totally normal and manly thing to want. Also, i can't be non-binary; I'm a programmer, all my shit would break. The funny thing is I took that last punchline from the comment section. I will steal your jokes, but I will not validate you, in terms of my gender identity."

/end ID]

Tim Drake gets thrown forward in time and quickly gets adopted by his evil alternate future self Pheonix and his husband Phantom. The three of them live on a space station orbiting the Earth.

The real issue is that they think he's a clone and they are babying him. He doesn't know what they will do when they find out he isn't actually a clone.

They have been more than accommodating and have let him snoop around to his hearts content, even going so far and to come up behind him while he's trying to hack into thier computer and just casually putting in the passwords for him.

That was embarrassing. How is Phantom so stealthy??? He loves his future evil self as wierd as that sounds. He showed him how to use thier wierd coffee machine and made both of them ten shot espressos.

The entire time there was spent in domestic bliss. How are either of these people villains? The room went silent when asked.

Appearently older Tim's story began when he accidentally killed a pit raged Jason in self defense. The batfam took it way worse than anyone would have thought, especially when the Lazarus Pits failed to revive him again. He was treated coldly as they grieved and tried to find comfort in his friends at the time, but not many people were available.

He stayed in different places, not wanting to head back to the manor and face his family, eventually he caught a signal from a space station that supposedly didn't exist and went to investigate.

Inside he found numerous crumpled bodies, all in white suits. All dead. The station itself looked oddly in tact despite obvious signs of a struggle. Eventually he found Phantom bleeding out on the floor, the destroyed remains of a metal muzzle were still on the ghosts face and Tim made quick work of removing it so he could speak easier.

Tim nursed Phantom back to health in the station and the ghost made the bodies disappear. Tim never learned what he did with all of them.

Over time Danny revealed what he was and who the GIW were and began answering all his questions. They chose to stay in the station and Phantom began renovating it to be more of a home than a workplace.

The real problems arose when people discovered the station and by extention, Phantom. He defended himself using his powers which caught the attention of both the Justice League and many villains.

The Justice League offered him protection and wanted him to join them, the villains wanted his power and made no effort to hide that fact. Phantom saw them as one in the same. All Danny wanted was to stay in the space station with Tim, who he already had a massive crush on. He didn't mind the swirling darkness he sensed inside of Red Robin, he had it in himself too after all.

At some point the station was under attack and Phantom killed a whole bunch of people to defend himself and his home, something the JL didn't particularly like and Batman himself offered to take him under his wing and train him to fight without killing.

That's when Tim revealed himself and stood next to Phantom, "He already has a teacher"

Things only went downhill from there.

This is beautiful. I need a fic of this. Please.

Tim is just a bundle of stress and Phantom is trying to comfort him when he can but hes rarely awake cause his body is focusing on healing and Tim is nursing him back to health.

Luckily Tim only had to explain "time travel" and Danny was like "I gotcha" and rolled with it. Tim still explained the rest and Danny has been cuddly and purring for him whenever he gets the chance.

Its great for reducing Tim's stress levels.

The good news is that each time Danny wakes up his awake longer and asleep less, this combined with him being really sweet on Tim has calmed Tim a bit. Danny is now a bit overprotective of Tim and slightly hero worships him and has a crush on the guy who saved him.

The GIW are gone. Danny had completely wiped them out in his rampage, determined to make sure they could never hurt any other ghosts ever again. This has the unintended side effect of making it difficult to prove the GIW ever actually existed to the Justice League.

Being able to parent your younger self/being parented by your older self is, like...the ultimate escapist fantasy for under-supported or parentified children. If Tim made his daring escape back to his own time, there's no guarantee Bigger!Tim wouldn't chase him all the way back to get his "clone" somewhere safe and sound.

Imagine you just ostracized your friends and family by going villain mode on an unknown government agency, only for your Older You/Parents to bust in and take control of the situation for you. I imagine it would be very bracing for a kid who'd hardly ever been cared about with that amount of dedication.

(...And I imagine Danny would find it sweet that his partner's younger self's first thought was to go rescue him in the past. All Tims just Have to be unhinged and so, so loyally dedicated.)

This is wonderful and makes me think of our other favorite parentified AdultTM in the DP universe, what if young Tim somehow brings along a young Jazz with him, she's got a mysterious green sticky note and a lunch box of ecto for Danny.

Cue the older Danny & Tim/Phoenix finding adult Jazz to bring into the group of parental is figures.

Danny & Tim are villains now? Cool, but are you coping with that well?

Tiny Tim and Tiny Jazz are here now? Neat, at least they're out of their horrible and or stressful living environments now.

If Big Jazz was still alive? She would already be in regular contact with her idiot little brothers. And making sure they don't go completely over the edge.

Can you imagine the JL reaction to adult!Villain! Tim and Danny rocking up like.... Yeah. Sorry bout this! Little Tim is making it so we don't end up being forced to be villains! Little Danny is NOT being a hero by the way! Too much PTSD. Press is on this? And we will show you how we earned the villain label while we protect him mmkay?

200% Villain!Tim at first sight of tiny Jazz is like: hold on, I gotta email your sister, do you think she needs a shuttle pickup, or do you wanna go get her?

Tiny jazz just nods, she's responsible & obviously the best choice to come help.

Meanwhile adult jazz is like 3x as feral as Danny on a good day, has gotten her doctorates but has embraced the Aunt-Alicia lifestyle and has flannels, a massive axe, and lives in a cottage in the woods of Northern Canada because the US govt. Abducted her brother and she's still mad. It was Canadian wilderness or overthrowing the government, and she's gonna give Sam a few years head start, especially after Danny checked in from his new space station

HI WHO WOULD LIKE TO SEE A BABY GOOSE

SCRATCH THAT IT WAS A PINECONE

APOLOGIES FOR THE FALSE ADVERTISING

NO ONE IS MORE DISAPPOINTED THAN ME

NO

I DON'T THINK YOU ARE

OH MY GOD

OKAY, Y'KNOW-

I DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS

THERE IS NO PINECONE IS THERE

WE TRUSTED YOU. GOOSEGATE 2024

I AM GOING TO SET THE PINECONE ON FIRE

oh no the -

it's time to take the power back from Big Pinecone and give it to the people

YOU DID NOT MAKE FUCKING FANART FOR THIS GODDAMN POST

OH MY GOD

Gail Simone I love you more than you will ever know

Listen, I love when Robin is the name and costume Dick choose almost purely as a homage to his parents and the circus, but I do think it is incredibly funny (and in character) when in Jeff Lemire’s Batman and Robin he chooses the costume design purely because it would piss Bruce off! 10/10 work and decision making, really sets the standard and expectations for every Robin going forward right here

Dick, answering Damian’s call: "Hey Dami, I'm sorry I'm almost done, I'll be there soon. You guys pick a movie?"

Damian: "We did. Out of curiousity, how would you feel if we also searched for a new apartment for you?"

Dick, rolling his eyes: "Okay, okay message received. I'm maybe ten minutes away, please don't burn my place down."

Dick, stringing up the bad guy: "Dami?"

Damian: "Jon and I found a really nice place by the water, pets are allowed too."

Dick, signing a note to stick on the guy: "Okay little wing that's pretty sweet, but I really-- what's that sound? Are those sirens? Damian?"

Dick: *sprints to his glider*

Jon, in the background: "It wasn't on purpose. Did you tell him that?"

Dick, covering his ear to listen better over the wind: "Sorry what? What wasn't on purpose? Why are you whispering?"

Damian: "It's technically Superman's fault."

Dick: "What? Give the phone to Jon."

Damian: "No--" *mild sounds of a scuffle* "--give it back!"

Jon: "Hey Dick. How are you?"

Dick: "What happened?"

Damian, muffled: "You think you're safe up there?! You're not--"

Jon: "So we were messing with your punching bag and Damian asked me how hard I could punch."

Dick: "Uh-huh." *squints as he sees his place in the distance*

Jon: "So I did it a little harder, and it kind of--"

Dick, on the opposite roof: "Went through the wall?"

Jon: "Yeah. What do we do? There's cops outside."

Dick: "Call a contractor maybe. On Bruce's dime."

Jon: "What?"

Dick: "Huh? Oh sorry. Fake an oven explosion. You were making popcorn."

Jon: "What? They're not going to buy that!"

Dick: "You got a better idea?"

Damian, barely audible: "How much popcorn?"

Dick, pinching the bridge of his nose:

Is this anything