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@axolotlanarchy / axolotlanarchy.tumblr.com

ra ra rasputin, down the rockefeller street

Everybody talks about how Silver Age Superman is a dick, but a less remarked-upon quirk of the era’s writing is that Silver Age Lois Lane is obsessed with proving that Clark Kent is Superman specifically because she’s convinced if she does, he’ll be obligated to marry her.

Initially it’s implied to be a blackmail thing, but later Silver Age writers seem to have forgotten that and taken “Clark Kent must marry Lois Lane if she discovers his secret identity” as an axiomatic rule, to the point that Kent would often voice worries that he’d be forced to marry other characters who were close to putting the pieces together – regardless of whether they’d expressed any interest in the first place!

Now, do you know which character apart from Lois Lane has the best track record for figuring out that Clark Kent is Superman across all the various reboots, elseworlds, and miscellaneous adaptations?

That’s right: Batman.

So, logically

This particular chain of telephone game characterization fascinates me, because it’s such a clear a to b while still being so bizarre. Which is relatively par for the narrative restrictions put in place by the comics code, but I still wonder if there’s a way to sneak the idea into a modern telling. With the way the last couple decades worth of superhero movies have been ashamed of being superhero movies, probably not.

It really depends on which part of the idea you’re trying to resurrect. The initial “Lois Lane is a crazy stalker who’s trying to prove that Clark Kent is Superman because she plans to use the proof to blackmail him into marrying her” premise would probably fit right into the modern idiom, though it would obviously read very differently than it did in its original, more cartoony Silver Age context. The whole “Clark Kent is for unspecified reasons obligated to marry anyone who uncovers his secret identity” thing that it eventually evolved into would be trickier.

Disability is not a punishment, but I think the world would be genuinely improved if every person involved in writing or regulating ingredient labels was mysteriously inflicted with at least one food allergy falling under each of the following categories: "natural flavors," "modified food starch," "artificial flavors," "spices," and "color." Down with ingredient labels so vague that they defeat the entire fucking point.

If you don't have food allergies or other dietary restrictions, imagine you noticed that everything you buy at the grocery store had added "glunk" to its ingredient label, so you looked up what "glunk" was, and the first result was like: "Regulating agencies allow various food additives to be labeled as 'glunk.' The two most common types of glunk are delicious nutritious dietary fiber, and plutoniium-238."

There's a whole cottage industry of influencers who just read random Tumblr posts aloud (sometimes with AI voices) on TikTok and YouTube, and for reasons of their own they often alter or replace the usernames on the screenshotted posts. I've noticed recently that when this happens with my posts, they sometimes get folks in the comments hassling them for fucking with the username, because apparently YouTube commenters recognise my posting style on sight now. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Elf cooking show: First person helmetcam of a an elf hunting and killing a deer with their bare hands. They sing a lullabye to the deer before they snap it's neck and prepare a side salad.

Dwarf cooking show: America's Test Kitchen but even more rigorous. 20 minutes of discussing how to maintain precise heat just to boil water.

Halfling cooking show: Great British Bake Off with soap-opera levels of internal drama. Everyone is stoned off their ass.

Orc cooking show: Edible mythbusters. The contestants must make bbq with a live dragon. People straight up die sometimes.

Goblin cooking show: Goblins don't really understand the concept of restaurants, but they have a show like Diners Dive ins and Dives for rooting through people's trash.

people always make morgana a normal cat in persona 5 non-metaverse fanfics. stop doing this. morgana should not be a cat he should be joker's annoying younger brother who wears cat ears (but they are NOT cat ears, they are the ears of his epic OC Mona who is a PHANTOM THIEF and STEALS TREASURE) and who goes into Joker's room every night at 8pm to yell at him to read him a bedtime story before going to bed. It's also funnier this way because it means Ryuji has beef with an elementary schooler

do you see my vision...

i hate to admit this but i think if i were in a bad mood and spongebob were around i wouldnt be able to navigate that situation with the patience or grace it demands. and i worry he would blame himself

im no better than squidward

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