Man i was such a good girlfriend

Re-reading all our messages and reminding myself of all the tough moments

I was sooooo good

Like i did so so well

I was almost close to perfect this time im so proud of myself

I know coltons gonna think i‘m a good girl

Colton. I read over our conversations today. Right now actually. I‘ve been depressed. With the breakup and among many other things. I think the distance really didnt help us. I don‘t think you‘re a bad guy. I look at our messages and how you treated me and I just cant seem to find that conclusion. I told you something similar to that when I broke up with you. But its true, you aren‘t able to meet me where I am. I was very heavily openly communicating with you over and over and you fell short every single time. And on top of that you didn‘t think you needed to go back to therapy. This really couldve worked. And i think thats why im having a hard time processing it. Im so used to making my ex‘s the bad guys and granted most of them are. They know what they did. However, this was just different. And I made the right choice for us both because I was growing resentment towards you and I genuinely don‘t know how to forgive that without immediate change. I no way in hell want to change you. And lately i‘ve felt resentment because you havent messaged me but at the same time i know its because i asked you for space. You still watch my ig stories and you like them and you said you‘d send out my postcards which was sweet. I know you care Colton. I know you were going to say I love you.

But I needed you to work on yourself. Thats something I just couldnt continue but I didnt want to do an ultimatum. Thats something Laz scared the fuck out of me about. I guess I should‘ve told you before we broke up but still i guess I also have my own fears to continue working on. Did i leave the door open? Yeah. You were genuinely the nicest guy i‘ve been with. But Chuchi taught me what I deserved. And he isnt or ever has been my boyfriend! Crazy what friends teach you. I‘m so depressed i could use a hug. I hope to see you in April for the concert and for NY. Maybe we need that. In the meantime I hope you‘re working on yourself….. and I hope I can get my shit together by then too. I miss you. I hope God brings us back together if its meant to be. I‘m glad for now that you are not angry at me at least not in the way Laz would treat me

Wheres the man that will make loving me seem so easy. Where is he god. Mom? Where is he. Im still waiting :(

How quickly his real colors came out when i was going through one of the toughest surgery recoveries ever. Men really shock me every single fking time. Fuck u Colton.