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Theon grabbed Jeyne about the waist and jumped.

@bartholinemoans / bartholinemoans.tumblr.com

i'm a fish called tungsteno / empress of all the russias

things that happened today: i came into class to see this professor who i don’t know setting up his stuff & i was like “well that’s weird” but all the students in my class were there so i shrugged it off and sat down. like five minutes later the guy starts writing on the board and none of it has to do with our class so a girl in the back asks “is this for women in america” and the professor guy looks shell shocked. at that exact moment my professor walks in and is like “can i help you” and so long story short this poor ass professor got the wrong classroom and half way through the semester couldn’t tell that none of the students in the room were his students

Ted Mosby, is that you?

There were some buildings… There were these really tall buildings, and they could walk. Then there were some vampires. And one of the vampires bit the tallest building, and his fangs broke off. Then all his other teeth fell out. Then he started crying. And then, all the other vampires said, “Why are you crying? Weren’t those just your baby teeth?” And he said, “No. Those were my grown-up teeth.” And the vampires knew he couldn’t be a vampire anymore, so they left him. The end.
Source: jackswhites

“im getting old” starter pack

  • “this is way too sweet”
  • “they’re remaking that movie already????”
  • “my back hurts”
  • “wait, people get mad about that now?”
  • “I can’t eat that, its gone fuck my stomach up”
  • “hold on let me check my calendar first”
  • **turns on the radio** [groans]

dobby and winky get bored working at hogwarts and instead try to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

it’s winky and the brain

professor: ...and this is your new student, professor, newton artemis fido scamander
albus percival wulfric brian dumbledore: i think i'm gonna like this kid.
sirius: hahahahaha my hogwarts days of breaking the rules and doing dangerous shit were the best
sirius: but siriusly harry don't break the rules or do dangerous shit, it's bad
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