crying at the way my sibling obviously corrected my pronouns on this. i can hear it

You have incurred the wrath of Dr. Phil

I’ve had a tumblr for 4 years what the fuck am I doing with my life 

chuckles darkly

I ain’t saying shit no more

elfilis

The spam & ton

i’m not taking ANY CHANCES this time around!!!!!

THE VERY FIRST FUCKING VILLAGER TO MY CAMPSITE ARE YOU KIDDING ME

I wish every turtle who must cross a road a very safe journey.

I saw a box turtle crossing a highway this morning and my heart dropped. It’s that time of the year again.

If it’s safe for you to help a turtle cross the road, make sure to move them in the direction they were already going in.

If it’s a snapping turtle only touch the back 1/2 or 1/3 of its shell, you can pinch the carapace above their legs or put one hand on the plastron and one on the carapace (like a pizza box). Just don’t grab behind their head, not all snapping turtles are alligator snapping turtles and that’s a good way to lose a finger.

If you find a turtle on the side of the road that has been hit (even if it appears dead) please note your coordinates and check for local rehabbers. Turtles will survive things that no animal should. Even if it’s not survivable, they will stay alive and suffer a gruesome death without someone to help them go peacefully. Sometimes they look dead but aren’t. Either way, if you can bring them to someone to check them out and help, it’s worth it.

Turtles are too good for this world man. Please help keep them safe

Y'know what? I'll add a couple of pics of turtles I've scooped out of the road in the past couple years. It always makes my day a little better to help 💜 (along with pictures of where I set them back down in the grass, safely out of traffic)

When I was in vet school we had a Good Samaritan bring in a critically injured gopher tortoise that had been nearly crushed by a vehicle. Her injuries were severe enough that we were not able to save her and she passed away. However, one of the residents realized the turtle was gravid with a large number of eggs. We removed the that were viable and placed them in a medical incubator where they were checked on daily. A few weeks later we had dozens of baby gopher tortoises and were able to release them near where their momma had been headed to lay her eggs.

If you can, please always get that injured turtle to someone that can help. You never know what will happen when you give animals a fighting chance!

may i share with you the best video on the internet

Hardware store saturday

Coupons aren’t shit anymore.

“Oh our whole store is closing and we need to liquidate everything, the best we can do is 10% off!”

“2% off coupon clipped”

“$10 off when you spend $100!!!”

those dragon age origins mods that make the characters look like scene girls

someone take these girls back to hot topic

online posting is like military combat and im the brave general and you are all the footsoldiers fighting in the tranches

Tranch

Tranch

im sending you both on a mission into enemy territory and i dont expect either of you to return

You get a Goldfish

Did you just crunch a lettuce at me dude You are out of control lol

“The EQUUSIR BEST BOX combines modern high-end technology and current knowledge of quantum physics with the holistic body concept of the energy centers. The goal of the application is to meet the requirements: to maintain long-lasting physical health and to continuously increase the athletic performance.

The box supports the restoration and harmonization of the body’s own energy fields of the horse.“

it’s a horse microwave

scamming is ok when it’s objectively funny and aimed at hopelessly stupid rich people

Thanks for sending this in @meowiamkitty I’m …. Rarely speechless but this has got me in a chokehold I can’t talk around