Blarghe!

Probably about time I made a post like this. ABOUT THIS BLOG:

This is an 18+, pretty much exclusively Dragon Age blog. I also do LOTR art sometimes. I reblog some NSFW and I write smutty fics, but have not (as yet) drawn any porn.

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unfortunately wrote that post instead of working on my fic and now idk when I'm gonna finish that chapter bc it's fairly political and I don't feel like articulating thoughts anymore.

I also really like dorian's kind of similar plot re: culture and family clashes due to essentially homophobia but really a more complex identity issue that doesn't fit within his rigid society. I don't not like that narrative. I've played around in that plot a whole lot actually, it pulls a certain very relatable heartstring. but I think the way it's presented with Taash felt a lot more like someone else's narrative pasted over their character, like the Qun as a culture was a secondary backdrop piece to a story that would be told anyway, and really better fits someone else. I don't want to make assumptions about the writer because I do think people are capable and largely should be allowed to write about experiences that aren't their own or that are influenced by cultures that aren't their own. but while Dorian remains staunchly Tevinter, reclaiming his identity and fighting for his place in his society, Taash's framing seems to imply that if a rigid culture won't have you, you need to identify outside of it entirely.

To me, this is a narrative I see most often from people whose experience with an identity crisis happened within modern (American) Christianity, where the cultural background is really only the kind of consumerist western secular Christianity we're all stuck with. Often, leaving the church is akin to leaving a cult, and dropping the philosophies and beliefs of your upbringing is a necessary part of accepting your own identity. To portray the Qun this way, which is an incredibly rigid society with very clear collectivist philosophies, does almost work, because there is a black and white frame at play from within that culture. Even though it's got clear ethnic roots, leaving the Qun makes you not Qunari in a very clear-cut way.

However, Taash and their mother specifically introduce the concept of deep cultural roots, ritual practices, and a personal connection to the heritage of the Qun even from outside its governance, which added a depth to that issue we hadn't yet seen. And then I as Rook get to be the one to say to Taash -- be an individual, actually. Who cares what anyone thinks? For a game that's really trying to talk like my counselling psychology textbooks, that's really not how you're supposed to address someone who clearly does still care about their cultural roots and the collective. And I don't know that I need to address Taash like a trained therapist who respects their respect for their mother, I can say "fuck your mom and her worldview" if I want, and many people might, I don't mind my non-Qunari character getting the option to have a bias and not understand the Qun, but that adopting that stance is the only way that Taash can be who they are feels telling of the bias this entire game is written with.

Additionally, the Qun being so preoccupied with role and purpose in previous lore actually gave it a kind of flexibility that feels entirely forgotten -- in Qunari philosophy, if you feel that you "are" something you are not "supposed" to be, then in gist it turns out that you are that thing. We see this in how elves are drawn to it because their aptitudes will be respected over their race, and in the discussion Bull gives us about how Krem's birth sex wouldn't matter in the Qun because he meets the criteria of male warrior first ("the Shadow Dragons have some fancy term for it", Taash tells me. Didn't the Qunari have one too? In fact, theirs is the only term I remember hearing.) There's a sense that place in the Qun is determined by essentially what the Qun sees your soul as being. How they would deal with a soul that's in two places at once or isn't one thing or another is an interesting question. Unfortunately it feels a lot like retconning to say "they just wouldn't answer it and would make you try to fit what you were born looking like". The Qun is this really interesting ultra-rational set of minimally spiritual governing philosophies that is flawed because by that very nature it is also oppressive, because people don't work on ultra rationalism and complete collectivism, and any iteration of a top-down governing body forcing order in a society begets corruption. It leaves a lot of room for potential stories about learning to break away and follow your own path without losing your respect for the better (egalitarian) principles that raised you. But Taash's isn't that story.

I do think an identity struggle narrative where someone has to figure out how to refuse to fit into something they're not is a compelling one, and one the Qun has given us before, but that's been in its flaws as being a deterministic society that doesn't allow for a lot of independent ambition. That looks different, I think, from what felt a lot more like run-of-the-mill (western) sexism. What exactly does the Qun say a woman should be? The Qun has previously presented as almost entirely sex-egalitarian. A nuturing person is a tammassarin, etc. And living outside the Qun while still attempting to keep its values and rituals alive shouldn't look, I think, like your mom insisting you be a girl even though you don't feel like one. What is a girl to Taash's mom? And why is it dresses? I'm just not really buying it in this context, even though its a relatable story that pulls a good heartstring, and may in fact be a very relatable thing to many nonwhite people or nonchristian cultures that do display gender essentialism and homophobia. gender essentialism and homophobia isn't just a white christian thing (though it was often the product of colonialism, that doesn't mean it hasn't taken on significantly entwined cultural precedence from there within nonchristian or nonwhite cultures), but combating it with fierce individualism and a rejection of culture and worldview...kinda is.

And it is disappointing, because the illustration of those feelings and the kindness of a likeminded response that you are able to give (if you play nonbinary as I do at least, but I assume even if not) is so novel and so heartfelt and so touchingly sweet. I think the personal discussion over these feelings and the insecurity, anger, and confusion that they come packaged with when your community doesn't allow for them is incredibly needed right now. I really like Taash's character, and I like their conflict with their mother. I just don't think it fits the context it's been put in, and I don't think its resolution is cognizant of its own worldbuilding, and that feeling of being slapped on does the whole thing a disservice.

And the part I don't think I have the time to get into right now, but which bears at least touching on, is that the cultures given these narratives of cult-adjacency and fighting for personal freedom are never the one that is very obviously based on Christianity/Catholicism and is the dominant one of the world. Tevinter is Andrastian, yes, but Dorian's homophobia narrative isn't religiously motivated, it's an issue of class and expectation. this is fine. but it becomes a lot more questionable when all the rigidity and homophobia in the world only happens to brown people or their cultural stand-ins. and when it happens, both times, in a way that is honestly very white.

the taash personal plot line feels very. western. it's not bad. it's heartfelt and tastefully done but in the context of what it is trying to be it feels. very weird.

lmao Gareth who asked you

apologies to the five people reading inbetweens for not posting yesterday the outline is done I just have to...write.