Pinned
Something about depression and suicide that I don't think people get is that it's not like you spend most of your time like "god I just really wanna STAB myself right fucking now" or something. It's more that the energy it takes to care about staying alive under hostile conditions causes such extreme burnout that you're like "man, I just wanna go to bed, kinda forever." I feel like most of suicidality isn't that active.
It’s easy to feel invisible, but if you disappeared so many people would notice and care. The neighbors who always see you walk by, the shop owner or the cashier at your grocery store, the dog next door that likes to bark at you, the person at work or school who’s still working up the courage to talk to you, the friends you think forgot about you when you lost track of each other, the babysitter you had when you were four. You have touched a million lives in perfect little ways. Do not underestimate your importance in this world, you deserve to be here and you are wanted here.
And when someone you care about has a mental health crisis, please keep in mind that it's not About You™️. They are not doing it to you, or because of you, or because they don't value your love. And they can't stop it because it's upsetting you or triggering you. Because it's just NOT about you. Don't make it about you
something i realized over the years is that despite wanting to kill myself, i don't actually wanna die. far from it actually. i want to live. i want to experience all the things i always wanted to do. i want to see the world. i want to look in the mirror one day and say "im happy i stayed". i want to get better. i want to live a life free from the shackles this mental illness has kept me in. but sometimes that darkness in my brain just overtakes that hope for a better future and all i'm left with is the thought that it will never get better.
God, I can't tell you how much the "there's not enough enrichment in my enclosure" joke has helped my mental health. Because, for some reason I can't comprehend, pretending that I'm a zoo keeper caring for an animal (which is also me) just makes everything easier to comprehend. Like "Your head gets screwey when you're apartment is messy" just doesn't carry as much resonance as "The tiger becomes agitated when its enclosure is cluttered" because then I'll be like, no shit? The tiger? I've gotta keep things nice and clean for the tiger.