I suffer only by my own hand I hate working I lost the sensual part of myself but not the profound one I wasn't chosen I cannot be my mother my heart was broken I do not want children most of all I want to be alone I am a primitive woman

I tried to sleep it away sexed it away I tried to work it away but that just made me even sadder

I can not find the source of my despicable mood I resent my mother bjt what else is new

The opposite of anxiety is not calmness, it is desire. Anxiety and desire are two, often conflicting, orientations to the unknown. Both are tilted toward the future. Desire implies a willingness, or a need, to engage this unknown, while anxiety suggests a fear of it. Desire takes one out of oneself, into the possibility of relationship, but it also takes one deeper into oneself. Anxiety turns one back on oneself, but only onto the self that is already known. There is nothing mysterious about the anxious state; it leaves one teetering in an untenable and all too familiar isolation. There is rarely desire without some associated anxiety: We seem to be wired to have apprehension about that which we cannot control, so in this way, the two are not really complete opposites. But desire gives one a reason to tolerate anxiety and a willingness to push through it.

Open to Desire

Mark Epstein

Back to my going to a cultural event every month regime any form of theatre concert cinema also need a walk in a forrest and spa day

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