Insert Clever Title Here

i will never stop reblogging this how the fuck did she slide against the wall so perfectly

SOMEONE HAS BEATEN MINECRAFT IN UNDER A MINUTE

I REPEAT. SOMEONE HAS BEATEN MINECRAFT IN UNDER A MINUTE

this is actually set seed glitchless, you’re thinking of random seed glitchless (which the wr for is actually 7 min 45 sec)! this basically means that they know everything about the seed going in and are picking the most perfect seed. (the previous set seed record was 1 min 47 sec)

also this record uses a really cool strat where it uses the dragons velocity against itself and if you line things up perfectly you’re able to kill the dragon with a single shot of an arrow!

here is the video!

if you've ever been launched into the void off the top of a pillar by the ender dragon before, you know that the dragon tends to fling things around like crazy. this is because it's center hitbox wants to push objects away really fast, proportional to how close it is to the center.

if you fire an arrow at the exact perfect spot (I'm talking insanely perfect - pixel and frame dependent, as well as needing the correct rng for the dragon's flight path) then you can exploit this to have the arrow be launched at incredible speeds directly into the dragon's hurtbox.

arrows in minecraft calculate their damage based on velocity. that's why barely charging a bow does very weak damage, while fully charging a bow does much more. however, there isn't a cap on this damage. you can theoretically one shot anything in the game no matter how strong, as long as you can get the arrow to travel fast enough. and that's exactly what happens here.

the final minute barrier being broken for ssg just shows how much dedication and commitment and knowledge and willpower the entire minecraft speedrunning community has.

that was everything I was hoping it would be. marvelous

I love this because you know exactly where it's going and you're not disappointed

I was so looking forward for the Jupiter gravity and it didn't disappoint and THEN THE SUN GRAVITY MADE ME HOLLER

i think you could reach escape velocity on pluto by just jumping really hard

Petition for a comic that’s just the Joker vs. a bunch of frighteningly competent normal arse clowns who have gone temporarily vigilante for the sole purpose of taking the Joker down for his repeated violations of the clown code.

since i doubt the joker ever copyrighted his makeup with a clown egg, they’re all wearing his ‘face’ 

“What are you so mad about, Joker? We’re technically not in costume; it’s not like this is a clown’s face. Show us a clown with this and we’ll respect his use of it.”

Please someone mock up a page of Joker running terrified through a hallway, as a dozen clowns chase him, all chanting “SHOW US YOUR EGG”  and Batman just watching from security monitors like “Huh. Thats new.”

Ask and you shall receive

All of this is the best but I think my favorite thing is that I understood “clown egg” without question. 

(For anyone who is confused, here is a super fun article about it from the Smithsonian, including photos of a eggs!)

Why is this post coming back, I thought it had died. I don’t even care about the Joker. I blame @chainsxwsmile-personal ‘s comic for continually bringing this back into my notes.

The Joker: ahahaaa Batman, it seems you caght me. Only not quite. You see I left a few party favors dotted throughout the city that I’m sure you’ll have a BLAST finding eheehaahaa-

*a car can engine can be heard outside the Joker’s lair shutting off followed by several car doors slamming*

*a very silly horn honks twice*

The Joker: *has gone very still, smile completely gone. He is noticable sweaty*okay. Scheme’s done. The bombs are at Fifth and Park. Scheme’s done, I’m going home.

*the joker walks quickly away. A series of muffled squeaks and honks can be heard in the distance. The joker walks faster.*

Btw much as I love to make fun of twitter and reddit's business decisions, I have 0% trust in tumblr's management to not go a similar route so this is your gentle reminder that you should regularly go to your blog settings to export your blog. That's a fancy way of saying you can download a backup of your blog so if everything goes down you'll still have a backup of your posts & convos.

It's gonna come as a surprise to most of you, but if you don't want to do that for whatever reason you're allowed to not reblog this post. I'm not holding a gun to your head here I'm just trying to spread the word for people who do want a backup of their stuff.

Also, made this guide for backup Tumblr blogs (ft. export blog method, and python 3 script method):

fic planning be like:

"doesn't this charater under insane stress going through extremely traumatic events realize how inconvenient their irrational emotional reactions are to the people around them?" well, see, you're not gonna believe this, but the thing is,

shinji ikari could have just locked in

I've noticed more and more in public bathrooms that people skip the handwash and just take a squirt of hand sanitizer from wall dispensers on the way out. hand sanitizer is NOT effective against most things that come out of your ass. i cannot stress this enough. i'm begging y'all. please. please please please please please use the soap.

i'm out here immunosupressed fighting for my life to not get naturally selected while people around me touch a public toilet handles and walk back to their tables to immediately eat a burger

Thank you for bringing this up! Many hand sanitizers and household cleaners proudly claim to "Kill 99.99% of germs."

In fact, this does not mean that the product kills 99.99% of all germs known to exist.

It means that, during product testing in a controlled environment, the product killed 99.99% of the germs it was specifically tested against. As you might imagine, Lysol isn't testing its kitchen disinfectant spray against millions and millions of unique microbes.

In the U.S., labeling laws usually require that companies actually identify somewhere else on the label which germs are being tested and killed. Next time you see a "kills 99.99% of germs" label, check out the rest of the label, and you'll find the small print which specifies that it kills 99.9% of one type of flu, or Covid, or E. Coli, etc. This is why many labels even include an asterisk, i.e.: "Kills 99.99% of Germs!*" Look for the companion asterisk elsewhere on the label for more info.

There are different kinds of germs, like Viruses; Bacteria, Fungi, and Protozoans.

The way we kill these germs to prevent infections varies based on the germs' structure. Essentially, we need different "weapons" (cleaning methods) to fight different microbes. A product that kills Flu Viruses and E. Coli can't necessarily destroy Norovirus or Giardia.

No product is effective against every type of germ, even common germs which regularly cause illness in households and communities.

Hand washing is effective against more germs, not only because it can destroy germs which hand sanitizer cannot, but because it simply washes them off your hands.

More on the many personal, community, & global benefits of hand washing.

People raising important notes here, like allergies to hand soaps in public toilets or the fact that public toilets often don't bother to refill their dispensers. My advice is to grab an empty little hand sanitizer bottle and put some hand soap in there. Or cut a small sliver of bar soap and keep it in a durable lil' ziploc bag. I'm not being funny. If access to soap is prohibitive to handwashing in your day 2 day life, bring the soap with you. You can take your fate into your own (clean) hands.

i don’t even need to know the context of this drawing

pussy game so strong it scared the devil

no but literally that is what is happening, there have been long periods of western history where spirits were said t be frightened by the site of lady business. Sailor’s wives used to flash their husbands ships (mind you this was a time before underwear so you just lifted your petticoats and BAM) in order to scare away the spirits and devils that made storms. A woman could flash her crops to keep away spirits that might ruin them.This was also back when the vagoo was seen as something taboo and horrible so literally looking directly at some labia was thought to be so scary the devil would poop himself. Misogyny so intense it gave the pussy superpowers. 

Anásyrma is the gesture of lifting the skirt or kilt and indeed has a whole history of supernatural effects both negative and positive. Here’s the wiki on it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anasyrma

Official Pussy Post

every so often I come across a kink post about like being kidnapped and tortured or held at gunpoint or begging for ones life for sexual purposes and I understand its going for a very haggard frail thing being taken advantage of vibe but in my mental image it really just comes off the same as that picture of wolverine strapped to a nuke

ideal sexual encounter for people whose username is something like snuffpuppy

This is the funniest image I’ve seen in years like this is probably the very worst thing that could possibly happen to anyone ever and the artist somehow perfectly conveyed the correct level of emotion he’d be feeling like dude it’s over but what else are you supposed to do

I wish this necklace was the real deal.

wh

…

Phoenix, it’s me. Believe in yourself.

I’ve had a tumblr for 4 years what the fuck am I doing with my life 

chuckles darkly

This is the magic lucky word count. Reblog for creativity juice. It might even work, who knows.

so. my wife came downstairs just as i took a bite out of the remaining half red onion on the counter. literally within seconds of just getting away with it. i looked at her, and she looked at me, and we both sat there a moment, all frozen, beforeshe said babs, what the fuck. i tried to say i can explain but it came out as or corn explorn because such was the onion in my mouth that there was no room for words. its honestly a miracle that she understood me at all. at least, i'm assuming that she understood me because she did let me get my bearings for a few moments. a smarter man would've used that time to think up a good lie, but instead i just chewed as fast as i could because i knew i was gonna have to tell a whopper and i really wanted to be able to use big words again.

big words are instrumental to telling a whopper.

anyway, i totally ran out of time. i barely got my first swallow of onion in before she said well?, and i did at least have an empty mouth to match my empty head. but also i had no lies. so i looked her dead in the face, opened my mouth and waited, every bit as curious as her, to hear what excuse my mouth was gonna come up with.

im pregnant, said my mouth.

great job, mouth, said my brain.

mmmmm onion, said my mouth.

better you than me, said my wife. then she went upstairs. it has been two hours she still refuses to kiss me. im devastated. im shook. im crying a little, i think.

(but that might just be the onion.)

Okay but now I have to know

What was the truth??

Because it simply cannot be as obvious as “what, I like onions”

It can’t

Because that would not need a lie

I know people who eat onions like apples simply for pleasure

I don’t understand them, but they say “what, I like onions”, and we both shrug, and they carry on

Also. Was. Was the plan to eat the whole thing? Just no more half red onion? Because the alternative form of “getting away with it” was you were planning to put it back with a bite taken out of it before she came in and that is if anything more unhinged

okay so i do this thing that i call tummy tacos where i put all the ingredients to a taco in front of me, but like, separate. and then i take big bites of all of them. but just one at a time. like one big mouthful of taco chicken and then swallow and then a separate big mouthful of chopped cabbage and then swallow and then a corn tortilla and you get the idea.

(my wife considers it Barbaric. she does not approve of tummy tacos.)

but yesterday i had this idea for stomach pico de gallo there i was gonna eat an onion and then a tomato and then a jalapeno and then some cilantro. thud achieving salsa internally. but i underestimated the call of the onion. i really could give a damn about everything else after the onion. i felt the love of jesus in that onion.

and thus i fell into folly.

Babs, were you going to just rawdog a jalapeno?

no i was planning on just eating it

@charyou-tree

picky eaters fear the eaty picker.

I will open the fucking TikTok app just to watch this video multiple times

TIKTOKER: I swear to God, no one tickles my testicles more than the people of my own fucking country. Okay, so like WHAT HAPPENED was this year, this summer, I was in Korea. And I linked up with a homie that I haven't met in a long time, just catching up. "Oh my God, how are you? You GRADUATED? That's insane, where do you work!?" Whatever. Okay.

So there was a conversation about like, food and preferences. So I just asked him! I just asked him: (in Korean, pronoucing "asparagus" as a Korean loan word) "Hey, when you eat steak, do you put asparagus?"

(in English) And this BITCH. He looks at me DEAD STRAIGHT IN THE FUCKING EYES. Has the AUDACITY to just.... degrade, I guess! Ask me: (in Korean) "HAH! Hey, aren't you from America? Why are you calling it (emphasizing the Korean pronunciation of asparagus) ASPARAGUS?"

(in English, in an exaggerated stereotypical American accent) OH, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY! Am I supposed to say ASS-PARA-GUSS? ASS-PARA-GUSS? DO I GO (says his question again in Korean, but breaks up the flow of the speech by pronouncing all the loan words with American pronunciation).

IT FUCKS THE FLOW!!! WHY ARE YOU BITCHING!? I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY! YOU MONOLINGUAL FUCK!!!!

1$ flea market score. Tiny glass 1960s perfume bottles. I love them.

Can you swap their heads ?

omg you can

chikorita's my friend. my funny animal. my houseplant with little nails that click on the kitchen tiles.