oh dear. pour one out for @staff today folks

(for those of you who have been living under a rock since late 2019, automattic owns tumblr)

(This post is brought to you by the fact that tumblr are, hilariously, claiming that 50% of current users are gen z, and i wanna see how accurate claim that is.)

and with your help it can rack up 700k notes on tumblr in 2024

no tumblr this doesnt need tags im releasing it into the wild as god intended

Yeah okay, I'll rebark that!

really recommend getting a partner with a different religion than you and very little knowledge of your religion because the opportunities for explaining things to each other are just exquisite

yesterday she told me some story about the Buddha's wife and child and I was like. Wait. He fucked? And she was like yeah of course he fucked, why wouldn't he, he was the most attractive and loveable and and wise and etc. person who ever lived. why would he not fuck.

this morning she looked perplexed in the kitchen at me and said "did Jesus not fuck?"

Yall. I know there's a LOT of things happening all the time now. But do not stop watching this story.

The Trump administration is saying that they CANT return this man who was wrongly deported because of an "administrative error."

*can't*? Forgive me if this is tettering on conspiracy, but it feels like the only reason they *can't* is if this man is already dead. When was the last time anyone spoke with him? How sure are we that these people are actually ending up in these El Salvador prisons *alive*?

At the risk of doxxing myself, this was my old neighborhood. It's upsetting AND close to home. And I was just reading that his five year old son who has special needs has been comforting himself by smelling his dad's clothes and I just break down thinking about that.

you know it really isnt immoral, if you do it right, to raise cows and sheep for meat. so. well. i think there should be a story about, vampires who have a town of humans that they keep well-maintained, so long as the humans donate their blood once a month, like vampire blood farm stuff

but instead of antagonistic everyone's like. no he's a nice man you leave the count alone. he keeps us safe and cared for and he just needs a lil snack now and then, it dont hurt anyone. like a cow that loves the farmer and the farmer that loves the cow, even with both knowing one will end up on the other's table. because its like. its like. cows just have such pretty eyes, you know? they love you so much. i think it should be like that

literallyyyyyy

i want to be part of a vampire's herd. and i want him to pet me like a cow

It's only safe for humans to donate a full unit of blood every eight weeks (and even if they only manage to get a partial out of you, they still recommend you wait 2 months), so our hypothetical count would need to have 56 healthy, non-anemic humans in his pool, presuming he needs a full 500 mL of blood each feeding, and he needs to feed once per day.

Obviously, a vampire family will need a larger community to care for, scaling linearly with the number of adult members of the family, assuming the above blood intake.

This still lets a vampire build a healthy relationship with his herd, presuming that he has Traditional Human Dinner with his donor before feeding, or some other social bonding ritual, on a rotating basis.

official vampire post

top gun is great because tony scott was like “i want to make a movie about sunsets” and the us navy was like “No you’re gonna make recruitment propanganda for the navy” and val kilmer was like “the studio has tricked me, juilliard trained val kilmer, into being here, so i’m going to portray a closeted homosexual” and tom cruise was like “i’m in a ray bans commercial!”

weird as fuck living in a culture where it's considered more impolite to speak up and defend yourself against someone treating you unfairly than it is for someone to be rude to you in the first place

older family members, coworkers, customers, and strangers in general can say the most batshit insane things to your face and somehow you're considered to be the "rude" one if you say "hey that wasn't cool of you to say"

fuck it homebrew boop button. reblog this post to boop the person you reblogged from.

I lovingly boop you to fuck too, Demon

Smashed the record

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Cory Booker doing a talking filibuster for the last 17 HOURS is metal af

Dude he's gone, officially, 25 hours and beat Strom Thurmond 's (fuck that guy) record by a mile.

Thurmond's 24 hour 18 minute record was to protest against the 1957 voting rights bill