Little White Lies — a Patient Love AU (WIP)

Playlist | Subscribe on AO3 | support me on Ko-Fi

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternative Universe - Military, Established Dean/Castiel, soldier Dean Winchester, US Navy SEAL Dean Winchester, BAFM Dean Winchester, Nurse Castiel, War, Deployment, Military setting, Drug addiction, military base, hurt/comfort, heavy angst, whump, break up and make up, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Panic Attacks, Anxiety Attacks, the ever-growing issues of building a relationship when one is always leaving, especially to run across war zones all over the world, Castiel is not OK, to be fair neither is Dean, Sobriety, misunderstandings, Explicit Sexual Content, additional tags to be added

Summary: When Cas OD's, Jimmy decides that the only solution for his twin brother to quit using is that his family stays even closer together. But his plan is suddenly put in jeopardy when a guilt-stricken Dean decides to leave Lawrence to enlist in the US Navy, intending to become a Navy SEAL.

This time, though, Castiel follows him all the way to California once Dean is done with boot camp in Illinois, and then to Virginia where Petty Officer Winchester has to go through Green Team to earn his trident. When Dean is drafted to join Bravo Team, one of the most elite platoons of SEAL Team 6, neither he nor Cas knows what lies ahead.

Will they make it through deployments, loss, navigating injuries and PTSD? Can Castiel hold on to his shaky sobriety through it all? Or will the little white lies they keep from each other somehow make the life they’re building collapse around them?

TL;DR: what would’ve happened if the main plot that changed everything in Patient Love didn’t happen, and what would it mean for Dean and Cas and those they love?

Updates every Friday!

Chapter 5 — Time in a Bottle (7.1k)

This chapter is titled after "Time in a Bottle" by Jim Croce (x)

Welcome back to this story! This chapter concludes the first 'act' of Little White Lies that I have planned. Before we head into the next one, we will be taking a short two weeks-break to allow me to prepare the next couple of chapters exactly how I want them to be. Meaning I'll see you back there on April 11th!

I've added the awesome cover story that the equally-awesome MarzRM just finished to this chapter as well as the beginning of the story. I will be removing it in a few weeks, but I wanted you all to see it! Please go give it some love here: Instagram | Bluesky | Tumblr | Twitter

Beta'd once again by my friend Fluff (please also check out their art on Instagram and Bluesky) ❤️

No trigger warning for this chapter! Please let me know if you think anything should be added to this list!

✨ Your "Little White Lies" playlist ✨

jared: "the three of us were back in canada together"

jensen [joking]: "for season 16 of supernatural!!1!"

[x]

So I finished Ninety One Whiskey by komodobits and I want to write 100 loveletters to this story. Almost half a million words and I dreaded the last few pages because I just didn’t want it to end. What a wonderful story, what a talent, what a masterpiece, and it hasn’t left my mind once since starting it.

I had to emotionally digest everything by creating a bunch of fanart with some of the scenes that got seared into my mind - vividly and probably forever.

All of it is spoiler-y to the story, so please be aware!

It hits him like a truck. No, that’s not entirely true. Consciousness hits him like a truck. This sneaks up on him like a predator, smooth velvet hiding knives, and clings like water in his lungs. He stares up at the ceiling, eyes wide, and he can feel the sweat beading on his temple; his whole body is trembling, fingers spasming, throat locked up in a choked half-sob. It’s dark in the room, no light coming in through the window, and he can’t even hear anything aside from his own ragged, shallow breaths. Closing his eyes does nothing but bring back the image of that leering face, burnt into the backs of his eyelids, and with it comes the smell of blood and a horrifying wave of nausea. Dean sits up and slides his legs over the side of the bed, runs a shaking hand down his face before attempting to take a breath and choking on it. He knows his eyes are wet and there’s nothing he can do about it except try to breathe, try to push Alistair’s laugh out of his brain. The faded scars on his left arm are burning. “Dean?” The covers rustle and fuck, Cas is awake now. He can’t even form a reply; the only thing that comes out of his throat is a strangled noise, something between a sob and a cough. Cas is by his side in an instant, eyes bleary but awake, hair tousled. “Dean, what’s wrong?” He just buries his face in his hands, still shaking, and lets Cas curl an arm around his shoulders. The echoes of screams are rattling around in his head and he can feel the give of flesh under his hands, smeared with blood and slippery, and then he finally breaks down and hunches himself over into Cas’s chest in a full-blown panic attack. Cas just sits there and holds him like the goddamn angel he is. He murmurs nonsense into Dean’s hairline, low and calm; those long fingers are carding slowly through his hair and finally, after what feels like hours, Dean’s throat unsticks, his breathing slows just enough to talk. “I had a nightmare,” he whispers, voice cracking. Cas presses a kiss to his temple. “I–” He swallows. “I dreamt about– you know, New Orleans, and– and Alistair.” He takes a shaky breath and digs his fingers into Cas’s back. “Cas, I don’t know how to live with myself. The shit I did, it’s inexcusable. I don’t know how you live with me.” Cas just sighs, takes Dean’s face between his hands, and kisses him on the forehead. “Dean,” he murmurs, “I don’t love you in spite of your past, I love you because you’re strong enough to overcome it. You’re only human.” “You love me?” Dean whispers, leaning back in disbelief, searching Cas’s eyes for anything other than absolute certainty. “I love you,” Cas repeats matter-of-factly, voice soft, and pushes a hand through Dean’s hair. “Do you want to go back to sleep or are we going to watch a movie?” “Cas, I–” Dean’s flabbergasted, he’s speechless, still shaking from the nightmare but his chest is filled with something incredible, warm and filling, chasing away the horrors that Alistair is whispering. He leans forward and kisses Cas, shamelessly urgent, eyelashes leaving wet trails on both their faces. “God, Cas, me–” He’s mumbling against Cas’s mouth, fumbling with words. “I do too, I lo–” And then Cas cuts him off with an open-mouthed kiss that leaves him dizzy, gasping, and he buries his nose in Cas’s neck and just breathes. It takes another ten minutes in slow kisses and gentle hands to get Dean’s heart rate back to normal; Cas is curled around him like a parenthesis, and isn’t that funny? Closing up all of his unspoken thoughts in a clean line, containing all of the things he can’t verbalize, and this is exactly where both of them belong. Dean never thought he’d feel like he’s part of someone but here he is, tracing lines down Cas’s skin, breathing deep against his throat, hoping with every atom in his body that Cas stays in his life, and it doesn’t even occur to him that thoughts like these used to be scary.

I haven’t struggled this much while outlining a story since fucking Patient Love

(which kinda makes sense, when you think about it)

(shut the fuck up)

honestly might fuck around and leave fandom and writing altogether once I’m done with this story because holy fuck why do I even do this to myself

@chaoticdean look what arrived today!!

I am ready to cry all over again and just look at the cover design!!

SHE WORKS HARD FOR THE MONEY SO YOU BETTER TREAT HER RIGHT!

@universalcas follower celebration: favourite song

They’re painting.

The sunroom is the last room left to be painted. Sam had suggested hiring someone to paint, but Dean insisted on doing it himself. This was his first real house—Cas’s first house—and he was going to do it right.

Cas reads a lot in the sunroom, so he chose the color—soft candlelight—a light yellow from the 2021 Colors of the Year collection. Dean couldn’t say he was surprised. It suited him.

They’ve only just finished cutting in the edges, and Dean already has paint all over his shirt. Good thing it’s an old one, from back when he thought it was cool to cut the sleeves off. Sometimes when he looks over at Cas, he catches him looking at the handprint on his shoulder.

Although he can’t really say anything since he keeps stealing glances at Cas, one of Dean’s old World’s Largest Ball of Twine shirts stretched across his shoulders. It’s a good look. And the worn pair of jeans Cas has on are definitely helping.

Dean isn’t looking when he goes to grab the paint roller, and he grabs the wrong end. He makes a face at the paint on his hand. That’s gonna be hard to wash off.

He starts to say something to Cas, but stops. Cas is looking at the handprint again. There’s a streak of paint on his cheek.

And that’s when Dean gets an idea.

He grins, ignoring Cas’s questioning gaze as he gets more paint on his hand and walks over to the angel.

Cas sighs. “Dean, if you put a handprint on my rear…”

He trails off as Dean pushes his sleeve up over his shoulder. The smile on Dean’s face faded as he concentrates, lining his hand up and carefully pressing it to Cas’s shoulder.

Stepping back, Dean smiles at his work. His own mark. His. The handprint on Cas’s shoulder a perfect replica of his own.

“Gotta stake my claim somehow. Now you’re mine, too.”

He meets Cas’s gaze and falters. The angel is staring at him with eyes wide and soft in that way that’s always disarming.

And then he grabs the front of Dean’s shirt and pulls him into a firm kiss. Dean startles into it but relaxes, pressing into him immediately. His arms wrap around the angel, hands sliding down to tug him closer, as Cas runs a hand up over the mark on Dean’s shoulder, gripping tight.

Cas draws back, ghosting his lips over Dean’s. “Was the wedding not enough?”

“Well, you’re a hot commodity, angel. I gotta do everything I can.”

Cas kisses him again. “I’ve always been yours, Dean.”

Dean flushes, but he doesn’t duck his head to look away, so Cas considers that a win. “Good. Yeah, uh, me too.”

Giving his arm a squeeze, Cas steps away and turns back to his side of the room, and Dean stifles a laugh.

Cas won’t be so amused later, but the yellow handprint on his butt is definitely worth it.

— writing tag list (ask to be added or removed)

the way give me novacaine/she’s a rebel is s4 dean’s perception of himself vs. how cas sees him. send post

Little White Lies — a Patient Love AU (WIP)

Playlist | Subscribe on AO3 | support me on Ko-Fi

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternative Universe - Military, Established Dean/Castiel, soldier Dean Winchester, US Navy SEAL Dean Winchester, BAFM Dean Winchester, Nurse Castiel, War, Deployment, Military setting, Drug addiction, military base, hurt/comfort, heavy angst, whump, break up and make up, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Panic Attacks, Anxiety Attacks, the ever-growing issues of building a relationship when one is always leaving, especially to run across war zones all over the world, Castiel is not OK, to be fair neither is Dean, Sobriety, misunderstandings, Explicit Sexual Content, additional tags to be added

Summary: When Cas OD's, Jimmy decides that the only solution for his twin brother to quit using is that his family stays even closer together. But his plan is suddenly put in jeopardy when a guilt-stricken Dean decides to leave Lawrence to enlist in the US Navy, intending to become a Navy SEAL.

This time, though, Castiel follows him all the way to California once Dean is done with boot camp in Illinois, and then to Virginia where Petty Officer Winchester has to go through Green Team to earn his trident. When Dean is drafted to join Bravo Team, one of the most elite platoons of SEAL Team 6, neither he nor Cas knows what lies ahead.

Will they make it through deployments, loss, navigating injuries and PTSD? Can Castiel hold on to his shaky sobriety through it all? Or will the little white lies they keep from each other somehow make the life they’re building collapse around them?

TL;DR: what would’ve happened if the main plot that changed everything in Patient Love didn’t happen, and what would it mean for Dean and Cas and those they love?

Updates every Friday!

Chapter 5 — Time in a Bottle (7.1k)

This chapter is titled after "Time in a Bottle" by Jim Croce (x)

Welcome back to this story! This chapter concludes the first 'act' of Little White Lies that I have planned. Before we head into the next one, we will be taking a short two weeks-break to allow me to prepare the next couple of chapters exactly how I want them to be. Meaning I'll see you back there on April 11th!

I've added the awesome cover story that the equally-awesome MarzRM just finished to this chapter as well as the beginning of the story. I will be removing it in a few weeks, but I wanted you all to see it! Please go give it some love here: Instagram | Bluesky | Tumblr | Twitter

Beta'd once again by my friend Fluff (please also check out their art on Instagram and Bluesky) ❤️

No trigger warning for this chapter! Please let me know if you think anything should be added to this list!

✨ Your "Little White Lies" playlist ✨

FIRST OF THE MONTH

MARCH 2025

It's that time again! as per usual, we have amazing art by @winchester-reload @lizleeships and @thefriendlypigeon

This morning, like most mornings, Dean woke up before Cas. Cas's face was wrinkled from sleep and still shadowed in the semi-darkness of early morning, but Dean stared anyway. Twelve years they had loved each other. And, for most of those years- if Dean was being honest- they had known. But knowing back then just meant longing with no hope, and now they knew. Now they knew, and the longing was different. Like there had always been an electric current buzzing between them, and six months ago they had finally turned on the light. Like somehow, impossibly, it had only gotten more intense.

Dean reached up to trace a finger behind Castiel's ear, almost tucking a lock of hair that wasn't quite long enough to stay put. He would cut it for him soon. Cas smiled- just the tiniest bit- in his sleep.

More intense, but sweeter, too.

Dean let his hand fall down behind Cas's shoulder, pulling him close and burying his face where Cas's neck met the pillow. He felt a small hum and then a hand on his own back.

"Good morning, Dean," Cas murmured, still thick with sleep. A lump started to form in Dean's throat; waking up together was still novel, especially today.

"Good morning," he said back. And then, "I love you."

Cas was suddenly very alert beside him. He never missed an I love you, always giving those moments his full attention. "Making up for lost time?", Dean had pretended to tease once. But Cas had only smiled in that way of his, radiant even in his sadness. "No," he'd answered, "it's just what you deserve."

Cas grabbed Dean's chin lightly with his thumb now, tilting his face up just enough to meet their eyes. "I love you," he said back.

Dean felt himself smile, but mostly he felt something swell and flutter inside his chest. He looked at Cas, thinking of how lucky he was. Of every moment he'd ever wanted to say it and thought he couldn't. Of how he would never not say it again.

(He didn't think about that day- or the week of hell that followed, leading up to the nightmare of a rescue. He got lost in it sometimes, in a way that cast a faraway look over his eyes. The first instance of this had prompted a worried Cas to say "Come back to me" and Dean to cling to his hand a little too hard in repsonse. "As long as you always come back to me.")

Dean brought his own hand up to Cas's cheek, lightly brushing dark hair from his temple again. He stared long, like he always did, and then kissed Cas sweet and firm, which still felt new and holy every time.

Every moment he'd ever wanted to and thought he couldn't.

"I love you," he said again.

This time it was Cas who pulled him in.

They haven't kissed.

When Dean rescued Cas from the empty, he had this big elaborate speech that mixed in how much of a dumbass Cas was and how in love Dean was. Of course, it was supposed to end with a big kiss. One that he imagined would have been the greatest kiss of his life, one that made it feel like fireworks like in those movies. Course that didn't happen, though.

Instead, Dean remembers running towards Cas, pulling him into a hug, and then zip. Fin. Nada. And there was an explanation for that. Dean passed out. It wasn't his greatest moment, but Sam says the mixture of adrenaline, relief, and lack of sleep must have just hit him all at once that he just passed out. And now Dean has yet to kiss the damn angel.

Maybe he would have tried again with the big romantic gesture, but Dean was embarrassed. Not only that, but he still has yet to figure out what they are now. Friends? Best friends? Definitely not lovers if the most Dean can make himself do is hold Cas's hand but then what?

Maybe it would be easier if Cas took the lead in this, but that little shit is acting like everything is fan-freaking-tastic. As if Dean is not in the background screaming for answers. Yeah, sure, maybe Dean should ask a question first, but Cas should know better than to expect that from him.

But maybe that's the fucking point. Maybe that's what Cas wanted. He already used his dying words to express his feelings, so he may just be waiting for Dean to do the same. That poor son of bitch better not hold his breath on that because the more time passes, the more Dean wishes a hole will open up and swallow him whole with no way to escape. The guilty pressure he is feeling to just admit his feelings out loud is just getting heavier, scaring him away from making any sort of confession. Maybe if Cas said something, he could respond, but if not...they are fucked. And not in the way Dean wanted.

He tried to show his feelings with dates and stuff, but Cas always acted like they were just hanging out. He even acts as if holding hands wasn't a big deal. Did he not understand? Maybe that's it. Maybe Cas just doesn't understand human emotion, as well as Dean has hoped, and maybe the confession wasn't of romantic love...maybe-

"Dean? Are you listening?"

Dean blinked and looked at his shoulder to see Cas glaring at him. How long has Cas been resting his head on Dean's shoulder? Who knows, but the question should be, when did Dean get so used to it that he didn't even notice?

"You know," Cas lifted his head up to look at Dean head-on. "If I am boring you, you can just tell me. I just thought you would enjoy the dinosaur story."

"Sorry. Sorry."

Cas frowns at that. "What were you thinking about?"

There is a lot of things Dean could answer this question with. Most importantly, he could answer it with a lie. A nice wonderful lie that won't show any of his true feelings or intentions. Making them continue to tiptoe around the subject of them.

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a great plan. The best plan, actually, but of course, Dean would find a way to ruin it.

Friends kiss each other in the mouth, right? Even if they are in their 40s? Or however old Cas is.

"Dean?"

Actions. He can do actions. It's the words that keep holding him back, but maybe, if he just knew for sure that Cas wanted him the same way, then maybe the words will spill out. He's just under a lot of pressure right now because this whole love thing is just not his playing field. Not romantic love, at least because he knew how this ends. The same way it did before.

Broken heart.

Fuck. He's scaring himself! He needs to stop because this is Cas. Castiel. Died for him one time too many Castiel. Always coming back to him Castiel. Always there for him Castiel. His best friend, who he can't live without because it felt like he'll go crazy. He has. Life without Cas is dark, but he had him now.

He just wanted to make sure Cas knew he had him.

"I missed you." Dean didn't know where those words came from, and it wasn't until they slipped out that he realized he never said them before. But, judging by Cas's complete shock, they were unexpected for him too.

"I'm...I'm back now." Cas looked at him, head angled in the way that would be perfect for kissing, but he looked worried. "Were you ignoring me cause you were missing me?"

He was teasing, but Dean heard the worried tone he was trying to hide.

Dean shook his head, gently reaching up to slide his hand to the back of Cas's neck. His fingers touching the growing hair at the back, feeling the warmth growing under his palm.

He could ask now. Ask all the questions that needed answering. Mostly the one he has been asking himself for weeks; what the fuck are they now to each other? What label could he give Cas? What label did he want to give Cas?

"Dean?" His voice was quiet this time, soft and hesitant but lacking patience.

Dean has been making the first moves on everything they have been doing so far. Just testing the waters, but Cas must have had enough of that bullshit because he now had a pair of stiff lips pressed against his.

The kiss sucked ass--they were nervous fuck off--but it sure as fuck did give Dean the kick in the ass that he needed to finally admit, "I love you."

Breathless. Like a teen nerdy girl confessing to the popular dude in school but lucky for him, the boy confessed back.

"I love you."

And the second kiss, he was sure he saw fireworks.

Some quiet fanart for @cuddlebabies (komodobits) superb fic novel, Ninety One Whiskey.