y'all. i found an account on twitter that posts funny fanfiction lines and its a fucking goldmine. here's some of my favourite sonic ones in particular because they're so adjalsirjalmsndns
and of course we can't forget the iconic
I love that River Cartwright's first instinct when getting the absolute shit kicked out of him is to go "my dad's going to pick me up!! any minute now my dad's going to come get me!!" and then five minutes later his dad does in fact pick him up
There should be library rules of "Hey can you watch my stuff" at the airport. Unfortunately you can't, due to what I can only assume is Woke,
My team of fact-checkers have informed me about something called "9/11"
Zac Oyama, the man that you are 😂
If Sherlock Holmes was Isekai'd to a fantasy world he would just deduce the rules of this world and get back to solving crimes. He'll find an elf girl sidekick,name her Watson, and pretend like nothing happened.
"If you look closely, you can see traces of chalk dust on the floor. Our murderer must have used a magic circle to kill our victim."
"Actually Holmes, this looks like salt. Quite unusual for a magic circle, since it can be scattered so easily..."
"It tastes like salt too. Good eye Watson. Let us start by visiting the fish mongers."
"Well I would enjoy some fried dragonfish, but how does this help our investigation?"
"A process of elimination, my long-eared friend. There're only two ways for the culprit to get salt in the city. They could have brought it in themselves-"
"But then they'd have to pay the tarrif!"
"Very astute! No, a much likelier option is that they bought it here. Either the docks or the meat market would be the place. And I have a hunch that our culprit is fishy in more ways than one."
"But Holmes, how did you know the merfolk ambassador was the killer?"
"An excellent question, the key was the footprints."
"But he doesn't even have feet!"
"He doesn't as of right now. But you forget, the magic circle."
"I see! The killing spell was a water spear, which normally requires a circle."
"But doesn't if you're already imbued with water magic like our scaly ambassador."
"So the circle..."
"To grant him a pair of feet. For just long enough to leave distinctive footprints in the scattered salt and to make us suspect a two-legged killer."
"By the Goddess, Holmes, you're a genius!"
Makes sense.
Anyway, getting sheer autism vibes from Holmes
Good. That means I wrote him in-character.
et tu, mblr?
most basic treatments for sickness involve some form of salt water (drinking electrolytes, gargling with warm salt water, epsom salt baths) as a way of microdosing going to the seaside
They call him loser boy
Alien pulling your sleeve to get your attention: and who is this Cunt you all serve
i love how the old jedi order spent three whole movies saying that once someone has embraced the dark side there’s no chance they can be redeemed, but luke skywalker looked at the man who chopped off his hand, participated in the torture of his twin sister and best friend, and pursued him and his friends across the galaxy with the intent to kill them and said “yeah i can fix this” and then he fucking did
Everyone likes to talk about how staid and archetypal Star Wars is. And it is. Sort of. It lives in those archetypes and understands them but them allows its characters to ignore them when it suits them or when its interesting to do so. The wise and noble Jedi are fallible and cowardly. The slick, suave cowboy is really more of an awkward screwball, the damsel in distress/love interest is also a major leadership figure in the rebellion who knows her way around a blaster and doesn’t take shit. The prophecy was either complete bullshit or totally correct … from two different certain points of view. It goes on like that. And I’d say that you can do that with most stories, and you can, except that it seems to be so consistent and intentional in Star Wars. It’s a film that’s designed to look like the perfect hero narrative from a distance and in retrospect … but that’s much more alive while you’re watching it. That comes alive in little ways.
It’s not a timeless universal archetypal relic … that’s just it’s chosen aesthetic.
this is straight up one of the best things that’s ever been added to this post
This is my discomfort character I want to see them in unimaginable pain
this is killing me he doesn't even gaf about the yuri behind him
cinephile? yeah i'd fuck a movie
i was getting ready for another day of assimilation, putting my ocular implant on over my piercing blue orbs. if i had hair it would be long and blonde but i’m a borg drone so i’m bald. just then, the borg queen came in. “pack your things.” she said. “i’ve sold you to pay our debts. meet your new owners, the crew of the uss voyager.”
i would like to propose a new accessibility feature for movies where every time a brown-haired white man comes on screen they tell me which one he is
