Reblogged eatyoursparkout
Stuff that actually happens in Bionicle:
- Sexy snakes invent capitalism and then face severe regulation by a bunch of demonic mad scientists.
- One of said mad scientists impersonated the mayor of a Frutiger Aero dystopia and put all of the citizens into The Pokéballs That Make You Smaller.
- There are six fish-themed warlords with (for the most part) really on-the-nose names. They weren't always fish-themed, they just happened to be in a prison that became flooded with The Water That Makes You A Fish. Their main underling is a four-armed squid-man, who is naturally immune to The Water That Makes You A Fish.
- The setting's equivalent of Hephaestus made a bunch of useful stuff, including but not limited: to the first six protagonists, the leader of the Bionicle CIA, some cool planes, and the Bionicle CIA's prison-warden robots.
- One of the Magic Frisbees that are the central macguffins of the 2004 arc was stuck between the teeth of the Bionicle equivalent of The Bloop.
- Some shark guys who were the antagonists of the 2006 arc got put into the Water That Makes You A Fish. They got turned into eels.
- There's an entire group of heroes who were brought together to protect the mad scientist I mentioned earlier, then got turned into tiny lizard creatures by one of the sexy snakes, and they didn't get turned back until thousands of years later.
- A random villager from an underwater city (which is directly next to the prison that got flooded with the Water That Makes You A Fish) was transformed by the main macguffin into said prison's jailer, who by that point had already been dead for several millenia after being shanked by the blue fish-themed warlord.
- There's a substance called Black Fire, which isn't literally black fire. The CIA's warden robots are filled with (and presumably powered by) it, and can shoot it out of their giant impractical swords.
- The Makuta devolution scene.
- Bionicle Frankenstein's name can also refer to his private island and also a giant plant monster.
- The reason the story even happens is because some tribes were fighting over oil. Said oil powers the universe the story takes place in.
- Frankenstein gave Lead Janitor Scientist a vision of what would happen if he failed in his plot. Said vision was so horrific he screamed.
- Despite the main author claiming love isn't canon, the characters obviously hit on each other. A lot.
- Mad Max, meet Ancient Rome.
- There is an island (not named after the mutagenic spiders) where there are beings that are not quite hobbit and not quite animal that freak even Sasquatch out. This happens late in the main story and is never touched on again. What happened there?
- You know how we have these shattered cyborg roombas sitting around? Let's rebuild ourselves from them! Surely this won't have horrifying implications the writers let us fill in the blanks on in five story years!
- Squids do squick that screws with Fish Lords' heads.
- A giant robot that can run around the Earth in 15 seconds based on in-universe measurements stands within the atmosphere of Mad Max Ancient Rome. How big is this planet?
- Robotic enforcers are generally a bad idea.
- A city's leader gets put in a Pokeball and replaced by the evil janitor scientist and the populace doesn't even notice.
- The most widespread civilian weapon are frisbees, usually just chucked by hand
- Basically Satan turns out his just really bad at his supposed job, wants to see what other people have been up to, and then ends up in the ocean containing Water That Makes You a Fish
- One of the shark guys from the 2006 arc was turned into bugs due to a botched execution
- An attempted coup that failed so hard the person responsible died several times in a row
- Multiverse travel happens multiple times but the only things brought over into the main timeline was a cool staff and a good version of the main antagonist
- The massive flesh blob that got fired from being god gets murdered in a serial that was then left unfinished
- The first Psionics guy had a temper so the Architects of the Universe decided Psionic people will be all women from then on
- Someone hits a piece of metal enough times that it becomes a fundamental part of the time space continuum. He then threatens to hit it more and break said time space continuum
- A child dies, has his body transformed into a weird mutated bug, is given a second chance at sentience as a villain, and then is launched into low orbit where he remains to this day
- Another child mutant evil bug is arc welded until he cannot move and then has his brain stolen
- Two janitor scientists fight and one of them ends up just fading out of existence
- The CIA puts thousands of children into witness protection and then covers their tracks by erasing the time period where they did it from everyones memories
- Sentient Mountain That Eats People
Oh you sweet summer child; you don't watch Bionicle.
You read it!
(And watch it, but like. Only a couple of online animations and four movies that only cover like four arcs out of ~10, with the fourth movie coming out like four years after the third and not providing any context for the intervening ~three arcs. Also there's like one game that's more than 50% canon.)
