A 2022 Review: THIS POST CONTAINS TRAUMA!

If I were to meet 2022 as a person... I don’t know what I would do. This year has been hard, difficult, stressful, and traumatic as well. There are some really good things that came out of this year as well. I graduated with my associates this year. I’m transferring to a university, the same university as my best friend. I’m excited for 2023, but I’m also nervous for what could potentially happen. 

This year, I’m left with a lot of conflicting feelings towards 2022. I’ve gone through something pretty traumatic this year. My brother and sister were in a car accident in April. We didn’t know if my brother was going to make it. I didn’t know if I was going to have to say goodbye, I didn’t know if he was going to remember me when he woke up because of his brain injury. It was horrible. I remember those raw emotions and feelings, and trying to keep them down, trying to keep them in check so I could be strong for everyone, and it was so hard. It was Hell. I remember thinking of all the things he was going to miss out, prom, his last performance in theater, his graduation. I didn’t know if he was going to be paralyzed or not. Everything changed in one day, and suddenly it was just me, my youngest brother, (I have three siblings) and my grandparents. I remember going to bed and falling asleep crying, hyperventilating, feeling so distraught because I didn’t know if my brother or sister were going to be okay. 

Things are so much better now though. My brother did end up going to his graduation in person, he’s no longer going to therapy. He’s doing things independently; he just finished his first semester in college. My sister just turned sixteen and is halfway finished with her sophomore year. But that doesn’t change the fact that all of us are affected by that one day in April. Everyone in the family has some sort of PTSD from it. 

But believe it or not, some good things came out of it. I learned a lot from this horrible experience, and it is that we are loved. The day that the accident happened, the community set up a prayer vigil at the school. Lots of people came in, and prayed over my brother and sister, lots of people donated money for medical expenses, and gave us blankets and care packages, and meal trains. Lots of people checked up on us, asking if we were okay. I have my best friend to thank. She helped me up when I couldn’t stand, she helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. She held me up when I wasn’t strong enough. We are loved, and we are supported. 

2022 was a very rough year for my family. For a time, I felt helpless, hopeless, and weak. But I learned that I don’t have to hold everything on my own. I am loved, I am supported, I am strong even when I am weak. 

I am ready to move on from this year, I’m nervous at the same time... I don’t want this year to repeat itself. So, here’s to 2023, may all your dreams come true! 

WIP debate: Should I do Friends to Lovers?

Okay, I don't know if it's because I've been feeling... a little lonely, but I have been SERIOUSLY debating on putting two of my characters in a romantic relationship. These characters are very good friends, they've been friends for a long time.

For some backstory or context, I am trying to write my first book. Life has gotten in the way of writing my first draft, but that isn't stopping me from planning out future books since I am writing a series. This romantic story would start in at least the fourth book. These people are best friends they do almost everything together. They are also the opposite gender.

This is what makes me debate on doing it. I don't see a lot of platonic friendships of the opposite gender, it's the whole reason on why I created them. I don't see a boy and girl being best friends to each other without it being sexual. It's something I want to see more of, which is why I created them. But I have been writing or creating scenes to see if it would work. I have these scenarios of these characters in my head. I've never written a good love story, but I think these two could be my first really good one.

I think it's a beautiful thing for two people to start out as friends and evolve to lovers. I think it's amazing and heartwarming to know someone so well, to know them at the back of your hand and realize that you love them, more than a friend. I love it when two people start out as really, really good friends, and evolve that friendship into a relationship.

I don't know why I love it so much, but I'm at a standstill. I have a lot of time to decide if I want to do it or not, but I'm not sure if I should go through with it.

Let's talk about Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach Part One

Before any of you say it, I know it isn't Halloween anymore. I have recently shown interest into the Five Nights at Freddy's franchise and I have to say, I love it. Although I've never played the games, I have seen the playthroughs, and the game theories. I know most of the context now and I realize why everyone likes it so much.

I'm not a big fan of horror, I don't think I ever was. I have enjoyed reading thriller and mystery books, but horror has never interested me. One thing that interested me in the beginning was the mysterious lore behind it all. I know watching the theories and playthroughs in 2022 almost takes away the mysterious aspect of it, since some of the big details have been discovered. But one thing I absolutely love about FNAF is that you're always left with more questions after you complete each game. In FNAF four we saw the bite of '83, and even thought that was a shocker, you're still left with questions like: Who are we playing? Who got bit? And what's in the locked box?

In a way, FNAF is like the Gravity Falls of video games. (Matpat's words not mine) In every game, you're left with mystery, and questions. Even in Security Breach.

I know Security Breach is not the best FNAF game, you're not left with a lot of horror. And we have enough context to know who Vanny is. Not to mention the endless bugs and glitches players have come across. In a way, we can see that the game was rushed in terms of production, even though it was pushed back several times. In terms of a story, I don't think it's the best.

For one thing, Vanny could have been presented more openly. Rather than, a mysterious rabbit coming out now and then, I think it would have been cool if the character, Gregory could confront her directly. It would have been neat if we could see them face to face. Or see Venessa/Vanny physically tamper with the animatronics. It would have given a clearer picture on who is the bad guy really was. It would have also been more tragic if we saw the animatronics interact with each other before they were violent.

I also have a problem with Burntrap, who we know is William Afton. I know the famous phrase, "I always come back". But I simply don't understand why he could still be in the game. William Afton was presented as a compelling, yet reckless villain, who killed innocent kids. And it was his recklessness that put him in the spring-bonnie suit that caused the spring locks to contract and turn him into SpringTrap. It looked like the story of William Afton was done after the Pizza Simulator, so how can he still be there? I don't understand that one detail of the game.

I have more to say about the game, but I don't want this to turn into a Ted Talk, so if you would like to hear more about my opinion, there will be a part two.

A Compelling Villian... The Hunchback of Notre Dame

I'm going to go ahead and say it, the Disney movie, the Hunchback of Notre Dame is underrated. The music is fantastic, the storytelling is phenomenal, and the villain, Frollo, is remarkably well written.

Why is Frollo terrifying? He's terrifying because he's realistic. Frollo is entitled, he thinks he's always right, and he uses religion as a tactic to justify what he's doing is right. As a Christian, it intrigues me how someone can do that so easily and get away with it. And since we're on the topic of religion, I think there are a lot of people who still have this mindset.

People will always use religion to justify what they're doing is right, people will aways think they are in the right. It's proven throughout history, Hitler was Catholic, and during the colonization in the early U.S. people came to the New World to express their religion freely, when they oppressed an entire group of people.

Frollo is also a creep, we see this when he grabs Esmerelda's neck and sniffs her. Not once, do we see Frollo think what he's doing is wrong, he sees the gypsies as inferior, and beneath him. He sees anyone who thinks differently or looks differently doesn't deserve his attention. Frollo is so far gone in the hole of thinking he's God's servant, that he's doing him a favor.

Frollo never shows compassion towards others, the only "compassion" he shows people is usually for his own benefit or gain. He manipulates or "comforts" Quasimodo only when he knows it gives him an advantage of something. Much like Mother Gothel in the movie Tangled.

I also love Mother Gothel as a villain almost the same way I love Frollo. They're both manipulative. In most Disney movies we see the villain is a witch, or has powers, or has great intelligence; but not Frollo and Gothel. What makes them terrifying as villains is they're just humans. Humans with manipulation techniques. They both want something, Gothel wants the flower to stay young, and Frollo wants power over the gypsies, he wants Esmeralda, and they use their power to get there.

What's terrifying is that there are still people like Frollo out there. There are still people who will use religion to justify a wrong, I won't deny it. There are people in the church who do unspeakable things to others today, it's something we can't ignore. I love Frollo as a villain because in a way, he's real.

Miraculous Ladybug: What I Think About Season Four

I've been a fan of Miraculous for about two years now. I've been watching it consistently on YouTube since the beginning of Season four and I got to say, I'm hooked. I knew when I started watching how Adrien felt about Marinette and I knew about Marinette's obsession for Adrien.

One thing that I really liked about season four was how they pushed the series forward. Marinette told Alya she was Ladybug, Luka found out Ladybug and Chat Noir's identities. Felix found Emilie's frozen corpse in the basement. They heavily confirmed the sentimonster theory, and Hawkmoth got all of the miraculouses.

The finale of season four was wild. Can we all say that? The animation in some of the episodes appeared rushed or unfinished (Chilen) but the finale was beautiful. Especially the end, when Ladybug is encouraged by Chat Noir in the rain.

They really raised the stakes and pushed the story forward. I've seen most of the episodes from seasons 1, 2, and 3, and each episode has the same plotline. Marinette is obsessed with Adrien, and plans on telling him, akuma happens, ladybug and Chat Noir save the day, Marinette doesn't tell Adrien. Now that the stakes are raised, the show is more entertaining. We're left more questions on what will happen next and how Ladybug and Chat Noir will defeat Gabriel.

There's also a lot of interesting angles or plot lines in the show, like Felix. Why does Felix want the peacock miraculous? What does he have to gain from it? Will Felix blackmail Gabriel in future episodes? That would be so cool! How will Adrien find out? How will Plagg feel about learning that the rest of the kwamis were living in his owner's house? What will happen to Adrien when Hawkmoth is defeated? Who will he stay with? It has been confirmed that season five will be the end of the Agreste story, and I'm very interested in how it ends.

Lets talk about Azula from Avatar: The Last Airbender

Like most of my favorite shows, I watch them when they are long gone or cancelled. Avatar is one of them, I love it. I love the story, the worldbuilding, the lore, character development, and villains. One of my favorites is Azula.

Azula is calm, calculative, and manipulative. She always seems like she is ten steps ahead of everyone else, she always has a plan to her own benefit. She's confident and a skilled fighter, you never know what she's going to say or do next and that is what makes her an entertaining character.

But one thing is overlooked and that's her downfall in the final episode. In the final episode when Azula is getting ready for her coronation, she grows increasingly paranoid and starts to see hallucinations of her mother. Azula is irritable and starts banishing everyone who makes minor mistakes. She even banishes Lo and Li, who have been supervising her since her pursuit of Aang in season two.

The first time I watched the ending I never understood why she was such a mess. When she battled Zuko in the (beautifully animated) Agni Kai, she wasn't the calculated fighter she always was. She wasn't giving Zuko a hard time, she seemed a lot more erratic. When she was defeated by Katara and finally broke down. I sat in shock and disbelief. I didn't understand why Azula, a confident, skilled, and amazing antagonist broke down like that.

I didn't notice it until I started watching the show again and found myself finding little bits and pieces why. For one thing, Azula is the polar opposite of Zuko and she prides herself in that. She doesn't want to be like Zuko in any way. She fears being her brother if I'm being honest, to tell the truth, she wants love and approval from her dad. Zuko was close to his mom, and Azula struggled to build a relationship with her. So she tried to impress and gain approval with her dad. But her dad never showed affection or love, her dad gave her missions. Missions like finding the Avatar, or taking in her traitorous brother.

It makes me think what could have happened differently if Azula had someone like Uncle Iroh in her life. I can't help but think how she would have turned out different. If it wasn't for Iroh, Zuko would have been different. The reason why Azula fell down as a character wasn't just for weakness, it was because she was a kid who wanted love, and affection. But instead, she was stuck with her father, a murderous tyrant, who only wanted power. Ozai used Azula for his own benefit, he used her to find and kill the avatar, he used her emotions. Like Azula, Ozai is manipulative, cool and calculated, but on a much larger scale. I think that's important to remember.

Azula is a very cool character, but I think we shouldn't overlook her need for love and affection.

The BIGGEST Plot Hole in Gravity Falls

A few weeks ago, I was on my way to class, thinking how Gravity Falls has helped me deal with my present problems. I graduated around the same time when I started watching it and learned the show has saved me from a creative slump. I absolutely love the show so much I bought Gravity Falls merch, like Dipper's hat and journal 3. I am a dedicated fan to the show.

One of the things I like about it is how different all the characters are and how they complement each other. Mabel's friends have similar interests, but their characters are not the same. Grenda is much different than Candy. Stanford is different than Stanley, and despite Mabel and Dipper being the same age, they're both very different from each other and have different interests. Which is very realistic!

But as I'm thinking of this, I'm thinking of the episode. "Not What He Seems" the episode where all of Grunkle Stan's lies are revealed and the portal is opened to find the author of the journals. It's one of my favorite episodes, because it leans in very deeply on the mystery element. It's what the fans have been waiting for. And as I watch "A Tale of Two Stans" for the hundredth time. I finally remember something that left me with a lot of questions.

We all know that Stanford has a six fingered hand, and Stanley clearly doesn't. So how did Stanley get away with impersonating his brother, when he had a clear giveaway of who he really was? When Stanley has a medical emergency as Stanford could he be worried that the nurse or doctor have on file that he has six fingers? Although, depending on the emergency, or the type of injury, doctors might not even pay attention to that.

But what really bothers me about "Not What He Seems" is the government agents. We see throughout season two that Agent Trigger and Powers have kept a close eye on the Pines family. So if they were to pay attention to Stanley so closely that they sent agents to stalk him, wouldn't they look into his past, or even his medical records to find even the slightest hint on his past relating to the "doomsday device" they were looking for? They even take his fingerprints! So why wouldn't him not having that rare birth defect give him away? Especially if he was arrested by the U.S. government?

In addition, Stanley and Stanford speak very different from each other. Stanley speaks very bluntly and sometimes he offends people, while Stanford speaks much more intelligently with a lot of arrogance.

If Stanley were to visit his family as Stanford he would have to act exactly like his brother, not just imitating his physical features like his six fingered hand, but he would have to talk and act exactly like his brother without showing any remorse that he was lying.

I'm a bit irritated that Stan wasn't caught before the portal opened. If anyone should have figured it out, it should have been the government agents, who have unlimited resources and investigative tools. And I know that Mabel and Dipper found bits and pieces on their own, but they couldn't know that Stan wasn't Stanford, because they didn't have the full context.

What I'm saying is, the government agents, had all the resources to prove that Stan wasn't Stanford. Sure, it could have taken them a while to figure out that "Stanford" was actually Stanley. But they could have should have known that "Stanford" wasn't Stanford.

But even so, I still enjoy the show, and "Not What He Seems" is still my favorite episode. Even though Stan was never caught by anyone, I shouldn't really be surprised. Stanley has spent over half his life running away from the law. If anyone could get away with it for so long, it could be him. In addition, when Stanley has the proper motives, he will do whatever it takes to do what he wants. In this particular case, it's Stanley trying to save his brother. And he was determined to do whatever it takes to bring his brother back. Even if it meant spending thirty years using his identity. Because when Stanely's family is in danger he will do anything to protect them.

Sorry this is a long read, thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

Stan Pines: Appreciation Post.

One of my many, many favorite characters in my favorite Disney show, Gravity Falls, is Stanley Pines. Stanley Pines, the creator of the Mystery Shack, the brother of the mysterious author, a professional con man, who is obviously bad influence on children, and yet, he so lovable.

One thing that I love about this show is that Grunkle Stan obviously loves the pines twins. He loves Dipper and Mabel, but he doesn't show it. He doesn't take the effort to say, "I love you," because he says it through his actions.

Stanley spent thirty years learning quantum physics, trying to bring back Ford from the portal. He made the ultimate sacrifice in the last episode by getting hit by the memory gun. He fought zombies, punched a pterodactyl in the face, (lol) any many more.

One of the things that Alex Hirsch mentioned in the bonus material is. "If you want to know Stan's character, pay attention when he talks about family."

Alex Hirsch has quickly become one of my favorite characters, (next to Dan Povenmire) as someone who wants to create believable characters, I find myself going to Gravity Falls. I find myself watching Gravity Falls, listening to the commentary and the bonus material. I honestly wish I watched the show when it came on in Disney channel.

Let's talk about Steven's TRAUMA: Steven Universe/ Future

Now, I'm going to admit something... are you ready? I've never seen Steven Universe when it came out on Cartoon Network. I saw the advertisements when it came out, and I wasn't interested in it until a year ago when the series ended.

But now, I've seen most of the show and one thing I absolutely love is the story behind it. One thing I appreciate in kid shows is how complex they can be if the creators can put an effort into it. One thing that I appreciate is the issues they tackled. Consent, trauma, PTSD, toxic relationships, and dictatorship. As I started learning and watching the show more, the more I learned about Rose Quartz who later became Pink Diamond.

A lot of people hate Rose Quartz, and Pink mainly because of the suffering she left behind for Steven to clean up. The Diamonds wrath, Pearl's grief and secrets, Bismoth's disappearance, Spinel's abandonment, Volleyball's injury, the list goes on and on and on.

In the beginning of the show, Rose is seen as a great, war hero, who dedicated her whole life for gems. Rose was seen as healer, who swore to protect life on Earth, and swore to fight for gems. She gave her gem up to Steven, her son. Since Steven was born, he had been in her mother's shadow. Constantly being referred to her and not himself, not even his name.

Since Steven was little, he's always felt pressured to be as great as his mom. Until her secrets are uncovered, after some time he finds out that Rose shattered Pink Diamond to keep life on Earth secure. This makes Steven confused, because he'd never thought of his mom as a killer, or smatterer. And she isn't, because after constant searching, Steven finds out Rose was Pink Diamond, and this is when we start to see her full character arc come to life.

According to pink Pearl, (Volleyball) Pink Diamond was always short tempered, loud, and obnoxious, all because she wanted a colony. She had destructive powers and would sometimes hurt other gems with them. It wasn't until she got her own colony, she would stop her outbursts.

After she got her own colony, she was very excited to "create life from nothing" she was so excited she wanted to be with the other gems, but with her status it wouldn't look good. She changed her shape so she wouldn't be treated any different from the other gems, she saw and appreciated the life on Earth and realized. "We're not creating life from nothing, we're taking it, and leaving nothing behind." She tried to stop the colonization, but the diamonds wouldn't hear it. So as a last resort she became Rose Quartz.

I don't think Rose Quartz is a bad character, I don't think Pink Diamond is a bad character either. Both characters are compelling, their story is interesting. And everyone still hates her. Why?

Because despite all the good intentions, she still hurt a lot of other characters both directly and indirectly, including her son.

In the beginning of the show, Steven wants to be exactly like Rose Quartz, but when we look at future, we see the phycological problems that Steven has to deal with from solving her problems.

In future we hear from Volleyball that Pink had destructive powers, throwing tantrums left and right. And we see Steven do it, not from him being selfish, but him hearing about his mother. I've read comments all over the internet, and a couple of them have said that Steven was destructive in future, and it took away the enjoyment of the last series. I personally saw it as him being self-destructive. We see him have outbursts, sure, but none of them are intentional.

When we are stressed, depressed, or anxious, we tend to hurt people by accident. And the majority don't know how to ask for help. We see in Future, Steven clearly wants to ask for help, but doesn't know how. Steven doesn't know how to ask for help, because always the one helping. Does that make sense?

BEHOLD MY WIP!