if parks and rec was still being made they’d do a bit where ron swanson has to wear a pronouns name tag and it’d just be “???/???” And it’d cut to a talking head of him going

“I’ve been a fool all this time. It’s bad enough the government knows my name, but now they want to know my gender? So I’m not letting them know my preferred pronouns. As far as I’m concerned, no one in this building should refer to me at all.”

Thoughts on magic words in fantasy settings.

I really like the idea of magic words as just a release pin on a trebuchet. The word itself is meaningless. A wizard makes a spell, winds it up to take effect, and designates a word to trigger that effect when spoken aloud, and the reason magic words are so weird is because you really really emphatically don’t want the trigger to be something that comes up in conversation.

This is different from magic rhymes. Everything sings, and old magic, truly old magic, wants to sing. The Kalevala tells us that Väinämöinen could sing the mountain cliffs to crumble, could sing a wooden sledge to turn back into budding branches. “Grandly sang wise Väinämöinen/Till the copper-bearing mountains/And the flinty rocks and ledges/Heard his magic tones and trembled.” Magic sings, and making a magic rhyme is to harmonize with magic itself.

And that includes “Skidaddle skidoodle your dick is now a noodle”

just got a notification from pinterest that this picture violates their TOS for nudity

I designed a new flag for Barntopia, because it’s the truth:

Haunts me to this day

google help me

the thing is, stephen king is generally pretty good at creating complex, well-rounded characters, which makes it all the more jarring when one of those characters abruptly comes out with what i'll term a "kingism". i don't know how best to define a kingism other than "you'll know it when you see it". it's the voice of the author intruding on the voice of the character, and in this case the voice of the author has a bad sense of humour and is ravenously, inexplicably horny

random example of a kingism aka "he would not fucking say that"

this too is a kingism

one of the hallmarks of a kingism is that when a character is being Horny On Main (or In Maine), they can never do it in a normal way. they have to come up with a sequence of words that nobody has ever said before in the history of the english language. here's another example:

i'm starting a collection

WHAT DO WE WANT?

I just realized that Heavy TF2 was edited into the background of this image.

legitimately no shade this is one of my favorite parts of furry art

i hope they never fix the minecraft glitch that causes you to beat the shit out of your dick whenever you get into bed

idk if its a minecraft thing or a replay mod thing i dont care whoever is responsible please never get rid of it

I want every family friendly minecraft youtuber to suffer when theyre rendering nice cinematic shots for videos and their sad little blocklet is forced to wack off face up shaders on

i work at pokemon and my dad said sobbles final stage evolution will look like gex but blue and aimed at onceler fuckers

just got fired from pokemon so i am leaking the concept art

elf sex: 3 to 12 effeminate twinks coo and giggle in a sensual pile in the woods. sometimes the elf queen joins and pretends they’re her baby birds

dwarf sex: a pair of strong able bodied warriors tacitly agree to mate as equals under a binding contract of tomelike thickness, with consent from the council

gnome sex: married couple of 200 years finally gives in to temptation and call upon the stork to deliver their child, then sleep in separate beds completely satisfied

I had a scientific theory I needed to sketch out.

You recently moved to the countryside. Your child was playing in the woods, and came back with a large green egg you thought was plastic, so you agreed they could keep it if no one claimed it. Your kid said it was a gift. You thought nothing of it. Then the egg hatched.

Cassowary

This is it. The perfect writing prompt response. We can all go home.

People on here were talking about mousegirls, so I offer you a ditzy 80's mall rat!

my favorite trope is the thing star trek does where when a character lists something and they’ll list real things/people but add 1 thats fictional, like “great writers such as shakespeare, robert frost, edgar allan poe and zaxar the giant rat man“

Idk anything about Star Trek and this trope is absolutely hilarious but I’m also a big fan of the opposite of this trope, where the character is listing things that aren’t real but they’ll add 1 thing that’s real at the end