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Spiteful Heart

@dellamortal

The home of original party banter - among other things

Earlier today I said to my best friend about Lucanis Dellamorte

"He's short. I can climb him."

Because y'know the thirst is strong with this one

And they replied

"He's even shorter lying down 😏"

So if anyone needs me I'll be gnawing at the bars of my enclosure and screaming like a feral horny goblin for the next 89 hours

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Thinking about how many people complain that Lucanis's romance doesn't give much and then how, in bad ends, Isabella remarks that he always looked at Rook like they were a fever dream. Thinking about how Lucanis is so blatantly afraid that he will lose Rook that those fleeting touches are all he allows himself, how he says that Rook is leaving their life in the hands of a killer. Thinking about how Lucanis desperately pulls Rook out of the Fade whether you romance him or not, but stumbles back and releases them when they finally slip through. Thinking about how Lucanis stands there near tears saying he thought he would never see them again, and only goes to Rook when it's clear that Rook is not okay, either by masking their pain again or saying they aren't even sure they're real. Thinking about how Spite's wings come out to protect Rook while they make love. Thinking about how Lucanis lays in their lap instead of Rook in his.

(After 'The Siege of Weisshaupt' is complete)

Zevran: You know, Davrin, you are not the first Grey Warden I have travelled with.

Davrin: Is that so?

Zevran: Although they only had to kill the Archdemon once. And they did not have griffons to help.

Davrin: (grumbles)

Zevran: Not saying you need tips, of course. But… forgive me, should you ever need any assistance--

Davrin: I think I’ll be fine.

Zevran: Just saying. The offer is there.

Davrin: (Grumbles) … Crows. Always the damn Crows.

Davrin: You travelled with the Hero of Ferelden, didn’t you? What were they like?

Shale: It talks about the Warden constantly. Is it always this tiresome?

Davrin: Oh, come on, Shale. They’re a legend! Give me something.

Shale: They were… tolerable, for a mortal. Rarely squishy, often resourceful, and surprisingly adept at not dying.

Davrin: Sounds like high praise, coming from you.

Shale: It should not get used to it. The Warden had a knack for earning admiration. It does not.

Davrin: Well. That’s humbling.

Spite doesn’t understand mortals. He knows what sex is, and how it works - but to him, it has a purpose: procreation.

So he can’t make sense of why Lucanis and Rook keep doing it when they clearly aren’t trying to reproduce.

Eventually, he decides to intervene. To correct their mistake. To show them what sex is meant to be for.

Table For Two, Ser?

Rook and Lucanis were absolutely definitely for certain NOT doing anything inappropriate in the kitchen. They're simply enjoying coffee. Looking flushed. Sitting very politely. Don’t mind the spilled honey. Or the crooked button. Or the scratch on the table. Everything is completely normal.

The Lighthouse was silent.

Not the kind of silence that came with peace, but the tense, held-breath quiet of a place too full of memories, of Fade-light humming behind the walls. Most of the others had long since gone to sleep, lulled into uneasy dreams.

Rook hadn’t.

She padded down the corridor barefoot, drawn by something she couldn’t name – maybe it was the soft flicker of golden light, or the faint, rich scent of something warm and spiced drifting under the door.

Or maybe it was the sound.

Low. Melodic. A hum, half-sung, half-breathed. Not in Common – Antivan, maybe? There was a lilt to it. A rhythm, slow and steady like a familiar heartbeat.

She opened the dining hall door and stopped.

Inside, Lucanis moved like water.

He stood at the counter, bathed in golden lamplight, sleeves rolled to the elbows, collar open, a knife dancing through something delicate on a worn wooden board. His hair was mussed – fresh from his fingers, not sleep. There was a smear of something dark on the edge of his jaw. His hips moved in a gentle rhythm as he stirred something in a pan, back turned to her, humming under his breath.

There was a bowl of strawberries on the table. A small pot of melted chocolate nestled in a ring of steam. A jar of honey, uncapped, golden and glistening in the dim light.

Rook didn’t speak.

She just… stood there. Let herself look.

Taash: So. How much do you think you weigh?

Shale: Enough to crush it in one step. Why does it ask?

Taash: Oh, just wondering if I could lift you. You know, in an emergency. Or for fun.

Shale: It would die trying.

Taash: Sounds like a challenge. I love challenges.

Shale: It would be less of a challenge and more of a lesson. A painful one. For it.

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Lucanis: You shouldn't have to deal with my messes.

Also Lucanis: *immediately proceeds to give you the biggest, wettest, most adorable puppy eyes ever*

Me: I am getting mixed signals here...

(If Rook is romancing Lucanis)

Shale: Another Antivan Crow. As if one wasn’t enough.

Lucanis: Oh? I take it you’ve had the pleasure of meeting another?

Shale: If “pleasure” means enduring endless smirking and insufferable flirting, then yes.

Lucanis: Sounds about right. Though, for the record, I’m much more subtle.

Shale: Hmph. I see it is just as insufferable.

Rook: He’s my insufferable Crow, thank you very much.

Shale: Then it can keep it.

(If Rook is an Antivan Crow and romancing Lucanis)

Shale: Another Crow. As if travelling with one years ago wasn’t enough.

Lucanis: Two, actually. Rook happens to be one as well.

Shale: Hmph. That explains the preening.

Rook: Preening? Hardly. I’m efficient. He’s the one who shows off.

Lucanis: A bit of flair never hurt anyone, tesoro.

Shale: Wonderful. Twice the insufferability. Shall I prepare the gravel pit now?

Lucanis (Spite): (inhales) Smells like. Gravel. Dust. And crushed feathers.

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Never have I ever wanted a coffee more than I do right now.

The way he inhales the scent of it first. This man savours everything. Coffee. Freedom. Time with Rook.

He is exquisite in the same way a storm is - slow to gather, but once it hits, you can't look away from it.

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Lucanis' Room

Theory time!

You know how it's weird that every companion's room changes over time, except for Lucanis' pantry?

That's because the pantry isn't really his space. The dining hall is.

Dining space before Lucanis.

Dining space immediately after Lucanis arrival.

Dining hall by the end of the game (notice the fucking chandelier and the art on the walls).

And that just ... does things to me.

Of course he wouldn't decorate the utalitarien space where he (refuses to) sleep. He adds his personal touch to a communal space instead, one that is warm and welcoming to everyone on the team. A space for good food and conversation, where he can do something he enjoys for people he cares about.

Shale: It’s staring. Why is it staring?

Bellara: What? Oh. No reason. Definitely not thinking about what’s inside you.

Shale: Of course. Because that’s not an unnerving response at all.

Bellara: I’m just curious! I mean, you’re walking, talking stone. How could I not wonder how it all works?

Shale: If it values its fingers, it will keep them far from me.

Bellara: Oh, come on! Not even a little look? I’d be careful. Mostly.

Shale: I’ll show it what’s inside me. Hint: it’s a lot of crushed things.

Neve: Don’t you ever get tired? Standing all day, walking, smashing things – seems exhausting.

Shale: It has mistaken me for a squishy mortal. I do not tire.

Neve: Must be nice. No aching foot, no sore shoulders… probably saves a fortune on boots, too.

Shale: Boots? For what purpose? They’d only be crushed, like everything else underfoot.

Neve: So modest. If I had feet like yours, I’d paint them. Little flowers. Maybe flames.

Shale: It should keep its artistic ambitions to itself unless it wishes to become a smear beneath them.

Neve: Everyone’s a critic.

Lucanis held back. Always. Wanting, but never reaching. So the demon inside him reached for her instead. And Rook, aching just as much, welcomed it.

Rook stirred in her sleep, hair spilling across the pillow in loose waves. The dim shimmer of Fade-light – that strange phosphorescence with darting shapes like fish behind glass – bathed her room in a faint, eerie glow. It hummed soft and constant, like a memory of lyrium, casting the Lighthouse in perpetual twilight. Hard to tell night from day here, but somehow, Rook had carved out a sleep rhythm that worked for her.

The room was warm. Safe. The Lighthouse seemed to mould itself to her comfort.

The door creaked.

She didn’t wake.

Exhaustion from the battle with the Gloom Howler had crushed her the moment she’d collapsed into bed, stopping only to strip out of her armour. She hadn’t even bothered to pull her hair down from its messy bun.

A shadow slipped into the room. It moved like Lucanis Dellamorte – broad shoulders, confident grace – but there was something off. His eyes glowed faintly, deep purple in the gloom. His steps were hesitant, hunched. Less predator, more… something uncertain. Caged.

Spite knew he shouldn’t be here.

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i think the real reason Lucanis has a coffee addiction is so the animators had an excuse to show just how good they are at making characters hold cups now.

like look at that. its not floating 6 inches away from his palms. it goes up and down with his hands. he's even got one hand on the handle itself! we've come so far since the hilarious joining chalice animation in Origins and Solas's cup of misery tea that floats 4 seconds behind his arm movements

Emmrich: You are a fascinating construct, Shale. Truly, a tremendous feat of dwarven engineering. I should love to study you further. Perhaps we could set up some resonance crystals around you. Have you noticed how the Veil shifts in your presence?

Shale: No, but I’ve noticed the air gets heavier in its presence. Likely from all the words it insists on using.

Emmrich: Hmph. Words are a means of discovery, Shale. If you’d only indulge them, you might find answers to questions you’ve never thought to ask.

Shale: It assumes I care for its answers. I do not. I prefer to crush things.

(If Rook is romancing Emmrich)

Rook: Be nice, Shale. I like the way he talks.

Shale: It’s welcome to like it. I will simply endure it.

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