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Hello! I run a gimmick blog about dragons!

Feel free to send me asks.

Feel free to @ me in posts to summon me! I love it when I get summoned! However, I have a general rule that I can't find dragons in the actual word dragon or dragons, which makes it kinda hard when people summon me to posts that are explicitly about dragons already. Not saying you can't, just that I may not reply.

Please do not summon me to political posts though. I will delete the notification. I need at least one space in my life where I don't stress about politics.

I make heavy use of queue, so there is a processing vortex.

One of my goals is to find dragons in a post where it only works because of a typo in the original. If anyone happens to see a post like that ... well. Summon me asap.

Sincerely,

Dragons

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Hello! I run a gimmick blog about dragons!

Feel free to send me asks.

dragons

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(sorry I just had to)

I really should have expected this

Concept: a D&D adventure where the party stops to rest at a village inn where they seem to be the only guests. The village appears prosperous and well taken care of, but its inhabitants are strangely morose and blunt-spoken. Whether the party decides to investigate or attempts to move on, it quickly becomes apparent that something is terribly wrong: any effort to initiate violence or utter untruth fails as the offender is wracked with terrible pain, unkind words stick in the throat unspoken – and worst of all, anyone who attempts to leave the village becomes confused and finds themselves coming back the way they came. When (politely) questioned, the villagers will say only that the party must speak to the wizard whose tower lies to the east.

Upon reaching the wizard’s tower, the party is met by a slender, youthful-looking man with an unnaturally deep voice, who greets them with distracted courtesy, and – after making brief introductions – reveals that he knows why the party is there, and that it’s indeed all his fault. Thirty years ago, the wizard attempted to cast a blessing of peace and prosperity over the village, but the spell went awry: the enchantment proved to be much more powerful and long-lasting than intended, and its notion of what constitutes a breach of the peace far more expansive. Not only does it prohibit physical violence, but also insults, lies both overt and of omission, and simple failures of courtesy. Even leaving the village seems to be construed as an act of abandonment, and therefore of emotional violence.

Luckily, the wizard believes he’s discovered why the enchantment has become a curse. Though it was intended to ensure that people would be kind to one another, it ironically rendered its own fulfillment impossible, as the villagers began to treat each other well out of fear of reprisal rather than true good will. A sufficiently great act of genuine kindness, unalloyed by self-interest, would shatter the enchantment in an instant – but how can such a thing be brought about, in a place where all have been made strangers to love?

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Godelian jokes

A mathematician and a contrarian walk into a bar

Bartender: "So what'll you girls be having?" Mathematician: "The contrarian won't order anything." Contrarian: "I'll have a drink." Mathematician: "It's now obvious that she's having a drink."

The mathematician has contradicted herself. She is inconsistent.

-----

A mathematician and a contrarian walk into a bar

Bartender: "So what'll you girls be having?" Mathematician: "The contrarian will have a drink." Contrarian: *leaves* Mathematician: "She'll be back."

The contrarian never comes back. The mathematician is consistent, but unsound.

-----

A mathematician and a contrarian walk into a bar

Bartender: "So what'll you girls be having?" Contrarian: "I'll have the opposite of whatever the mathematician thinks I'll have". Bartender: "So... uh..." Mathematician: "If I'm consistent, then I won't speak for her and she won't order anything." Bartender: "Are you? Consistent, I mean?" Mathematician: "Let me have a drink while I think about it."

The mathematician never decides. She is consistent and sound, but doesn't know it. The contrarian doesn't have a drink.

---

Several hours later...

Bartender: "I'm pretty sure she's consistent. My shift is over, I'm going home."

The bartender has a higher consistency strength than the mathematician.

---

An infinite amount of time passes. An oracle walks into the bar.

Oracle: "The mathematician never decided, the contrarian never had a drink, and the Bartender was consistent too."

She speaks in an ancient and impossible tongue which nobody can understand. Everyone else is dead. The oracle is uncomputable.

A contrarian oracle walks into the bar....

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Big-budget sci fi epic where one of the principal alien characters is a puppet whose operator is clearly visible at all times. Like, it's a really good puppet, you can totally see where the hundred million dollar budget went, but the puppeteer is right there. You can see them. This is never acknowledged.

Critically, this conceit extends outside the film. Commentaries and interviews include the puppet character, which everybody treats as a real performer. The movie wins an award for best special effects and the puppet goes up and gives a speech like it just won best actor. You can still see the puppeteer.

dragons

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Yeah I saw the lovecraftian horrors and didn’t succumb to madness. What- no I’m not a cultist, James. For Christ’s sake. What you’re forgetting my friend is that HP Lovecraft wasn’t a flexible man. His brain simply wasn’t stretchy enough to take it all in. I however, have short term memory issues. Flexibility is the name of the game when you can’t remember if you ate lunch or not. What’s the size of the universe? Big. You knew that already, James. Come on now. You don’t need to witness the terrifying ocean at the base of the entirety of reality itself to know that. Pass the brandy.

You must imagine the character I’ve created here wearing a suit and a monocle, by the way.

During a Eldritch Horrors based tabletop RPG my character was a young dandy who wasn't particularly interested in all this monster mystery stuff but his father (my brother's character) was a researcher who WAS very into it, so Bertie went along to make sure the old man didn't get into too much trouble. It was your average Eldritch Horrors RPG in that you don't make your characters with the expectation that they will survive for very long, both the game itself and the genre are very intent on turning your characters inside out, driving them insane, and blowing them up in no particular order.

The thing was, everything in this nightmare hellscape just seemed to keep coming up Bertie because the man was too stupid to realize what genre he was in. Every time he had to roll for a sanity check whenever he saw something crazy, the dice treated him so well that he just... didn't get it. Gee that sure is a funny costume. There's something wrong with that dog. These mean guys in stupid hats are trying to hurt that young lady, we can't have that! I had not built him this way, his intelligence stats weren't even that bad, random chance just made it so that this man was living a scooby doo adventure while everyone else was being consumed by The Horrors. The final straw was at the end of an adventure when Bertie escaped from the cultist headquarters by breaking out through the mansion's front window on a motorcycle with a hot rescued sacrificial maiden clinging to his back and leading the cultists on a merry chase through the hedge maze while the other adventurers escaped. His sanity score? HIGHER than when the adventure had begun. He had found the whole experience quite thrilling and felt very good about life in general! Bertie retired from adventuring to marry the maiden he rescued and care for his aging father and delight and bemuse his friends at the gentleman's club with stories of his 'wacky' adventures. I didn't want to risk breaking his ridiculous lucky streak.

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when i was a kid i would get a sick thrill from learning someones middle name now i dont feel anything at all ever and im no good for nobody

It’s because as a kid you knew you were a witch and could curse or bless them as you saw fit- so long as you had their middle name!

But you’ve forgotten who you are, you’ve forgotten your magic and stopped giving people the little curses and blessings.

You must remember who you are, and find your magic once again!

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annie steg gerard

@dragons-locator look at them!!

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[image id: four dragon wizards all dressed in wizard outfits. First one is green casting forest magic and has deer antlers. Second is silver and casting a spell out of a book. Third is blue with whiskers and holding a lantern in one hand and an orb of light in the other. Fourth has a pointy hat and is holding a bunch of scrolls.]

reblog this if your blog is a safe space on april fools and won’t have any jumpers, screamers, or anything scary or anxiety inducing

Luster

@dragons-locator

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[image id: shiny purple dragon in a stylized gold circle with phases of the moon and other decorations]

Nobody cares but I colored this adorable forest drake and I'm kinda happy with it.

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[image id: happy smiling dragon sitting in a forest. marker in i think a coloring book.]

Let’s Have Another Bullet Point Story, Courtesy of a Friend

every time this crosses my dash, all i can think is “i’d love to hear this from the perspective of the cashier who encountered some sort of demon buying a burrito on the night shift”

@danphanto

A very polite demon.

dragOnS

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Reverse ravenloft, characters from a grim nightmare world are good enough to be sucked to the cuddles and smile dimension

Also, through their grimdark training (plus years of compacted trauma), they're the only ones able to perceive the massive, horrifying inequalities in the cuddles and smile dimension.

"Wait, how long has King Sunshine ruled? How long does his species usually have? You... you have a "hug festival" every year, where everyone donates their hugs, because they love him? What the fuck. What the fuck."

"So the Lump-Rock Bugs work in the quarries and mines and sing about it, apparently. Has anyone actually noted the lyrics? The whole 'work all day, work all night, work in the dark, work in the light, work with our hands and our feetses too, there's nothing Lump-Rock Bugs won't do' thing? Has anyone ever... oh, they just love work? They want to do it because that's what they're for? No one ever looked at this critically? No one?"

"So I noticed that No-Fun Nora wasn't at the jelly-jam jamboree last night. Is she okay? Oh shit, really? What's the diagnosis? Wait, hang on, not wanting to be touched is considered a mental disorder here? What's the treatment? Hug therapy?! Where the fuck'd I leave my thieves' tools."

"So, funny story. I woke up today to find just a full-ass dude in my kitchen. Turns out the Dirty Word Detectives can just do that, y'now, let themselves into your house if they suspect you've been saying fuckwords. Also go through your mail. And no one thinks that's weird. So, y'now. Something to think about."

"Did any of you just have any weird dreams? Reminding you the hug festival was coming up? Yeah, so apparently there's a dream wizard who makes sure everyone has good dreams. Also apparently, he receives two chests of golden fairy apples from King Sunshine before every hug festival. And I know his f---ing address."

"So it took me a while to dig up - the librarian kept bursting into song about how 'you've got friends at the library' or something - but the only legal successor to King Sunshine was Princess Marmalade, and she was married off to Prince Starlight about seven years ago. Except I compared the dates and, apparently, she was 13 years old at the time. She stopped sending letters two years ago because she was 'too busy being in love'. Gas up the Teleportation Circle, we can't let this sit."

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what do people think about dragons. so far I have found nobody in my life who thinks dragons are cool. I am alone in the world of enjoying dragons. it's so sad. so I am sending this message out into the world, hoping to find maybe one person who also likes dragons

@dragons-locator

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i got tagged on this post at least 6 or 7 times

light was such a loser cuz he didnt just google the 100 richest people and start writing down names

how would you feel if you woke up tomorrow and find out exactly 100 of the world’s richest people died of heart attacks at exactly noon universal time. can you imagine the theories. light is absolutely a loser for not doing this

[ID: Reply from elumind that says: “Do the richest one every week and see next in line lose their shit and try to get rid of the money. I think of this almost daily.” /end ID.]

The notes on this are wild because people are legit passionately arguing about why this wouldn’t work. No one said it would work. They said he’s a loser for not doing it.

There has to be a *pattern* to it, though, to really get their attention. Like it has to be the same time of day, the same day, each week.

The first one stands up and draws a massive A on the nearest wall before dropping dead. 

Exactly one week later, Thursday at 3:13 PM, the next one looks up, blank-faced, and uses a car key to scratch the word ‘CAMEL’ into the side of their car. There are memes. 

The week after that, in the middle of an interview, the third victim turns to the camera and says ‘THROUGH.’ He drops dead. 

The man who writes “EYE” is in a private underground bunker. Enough radiation shielding to survive a direct nuclear strike. There are fifteen guards posted at the door- surveillance confirms not one of them left their post. 

By the time “NEEDLE” is scratched into the upholstery of a private yacht, people are starting to give money away. 

Like most of us I’ve thought extensively on this since I first saw Death Note and came to the conclusion that the most likely reaction would be people creating more byzantine ways of keeping hold of their resources while not technically counting them as personal resources and not technically being so rich. With enough shell companies, fake charities, and resources stashed in secret or illegal places or the bank accounts of relatives, people could keep most of what they have while dropping right off any list of wealthiest people. The wealthy are often experts at this for tax fraud reasons. Light’s response, of course, would be to start taking these things into account, seeking out hackers and accountants and various other experts to keep track of the actual wealthiest, and the wealthy (many of whom would be willing to risk their lives to stay that way) would use the dying as a metric for what the mysterious killer was using to score wealth and try to find ever more secret methods of resource hoarding. An accountancy arms race would be underway.

I’m not saying it’s a bad idea. I’m saying it would make a fantastic Death Note rewrite. Instead of Light making stupid mistakes against L, he could actually put his genius to work in Death Note: The Accountancy Wars.

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Oh! Can't forget! Also Pern series by Anne McCaffrey. One of the original people to ride seriously about people RIDING dragons. Also first woman to win Hugo award.