@dreamskug / dreamskug.tumblr.com
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π³οΈββ§οΈ Happy TDOV! π³οΈββ§οΈ
This year with a freshly recruited Arasaka!Vince, and for a reason!
I'm sure I talked about it before in an OC questionnaire or answered asks, or random blorbo ramblings post, but one of the things I love and admire so much about Vince is how he was always true to himself and his identity from the moment he realized he was trans.
Yes, he'd had his moments of doubt, but more about all the obstacles in between where he was and where he wanted to be, and how to get there, less about how he felt on the inside. But even so, he never denied or hid who he was, and from the get-go he stood up for himself, more and more with every year that passed, and no matter how many people turned out to be obstacles in his path. His mother who did not have his back, exes who thought they knew better than himself, random agressive or belittling encounters, and so on... he was never deterred or faltered and knew exactly what he wanted. He learned to not give a shit about stupid opinions (sth I still gotta work on for myself irl).
Though after cutting ties with his family, money was always an issue and a problem, and, as we know, medical care in NC is basically unaffordable without (or even with) insurance. So when that Arasaka job offer came along seemingly out of nowhere, it was not only finally the chance and challenge he'd been yearning for career-wise. It also meant paying for top-surgery was no longer off the table for the near future. He never denied that that was one big incentive, and for enabling him to take that final step of his journey he is still grateful years later, even after getting fired and living through many other horrid experiences while working there.
So yeah, as a backstory for the pics above, picture that he's only just gotten his full work contract post-basic-training, it's his first night in his new, fancy company apartment, and he's realizing he is really finally getting there, despite the obstacles and hardships. One big step closer to fully becoming himself.
(And NPV-making sidenote, if you look closely, he doesn't have a lot of his signature tattoos yet bc those follow later uwu).
And now a final little tangent on my own life! My online presence and my freelance work and streaming etc etc over the past ten-ish years has in a way also been a stepping stone on becoming myself. I've tried my way through various names and pronouns until I was sure about what feels right and what doesn't when I couldn't really be my true self irl. Being [Elven (he/him)] online was escapism and wish-fulfillment at the same time, and while it made existing "in the real world" in the closet more bearable, it also made it more painful in a way. Last year I came out to some irl friends and my mom, and today I took the leap and also told everyone at my workplace - idek how long I've been putting it off, out of fear of judgement, rejection, etc etc. And it was exhausting and exciting, and stressful and scary but now it's also a big relief. It's gonna be a struggle in the future still for sure, because unlike Vince, I'm not quite as strong and have a harder time standing up for myself and daring to take up space and talk back and, as I said, cannot as easily brush aside stupid comments (even if they were made not out of malice, but simple unknowingly).
Leading a bit of a double life and carrying around a "secret" for over 15 years left its mark, and it's gonna need some work to bring online-me and irl-me closer back together (metaphorically speaking, I'm of course the same person... just been wearing a mask and protective armor for... yeah, more than half of my life at this point, which has worn me down quite a bit).
So yeh! Because of all that I'm always so happy to hear stories about young trans kids who have people in their surroundings that accept them, and I hope in the future fewer and fewer people will have to hide for whatever reason, and can be their true selves much sooner. And for my own journey forward I'll be thinking of Vince and try to be a little more like him - unapologetic, taking opportunities, and true to myself in every aspect of life, in all my colors!
(Also, thank you @pinkyjulien for the binder mod (and all your transmasc mods fr) uwu it was the last missing puzzle piece I needed for this VP idea, so perfect timing!)
Hey did I ever mention i'm a big enjoyer of the Sonic The Hedgehog video game series?
Shoutout to @pinkyjulien for the premium April Fuel to make these April Fools!
Ivarr by P R O G R Ξ S S
