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Anchor Yourself Against the Tide

@drop4nchor / drop4nchor.tumblr.com

Hi, I'm Ali. 19. Nail Technician at 17. I'm just another girl trying to find her way. Sunshine State.

It's weird how months later and I still don't feel complete. Weird how it still doesn't seem real. I miss my best friend so much...

I had this girl in my class and she was considered to be like really dumb. She’d ask a ton of doubts and questions in class, which everybody would consider to be “stupid"and “silly” and even the teachers would often taunt her but she’d never stop asking. But the thing was that she’d almost always top the class examinations and everyone was like???? They all thought she was cheating and stuff and obviously even the teachers were very biased because she wasn’t so ‘smart’ in class, and she was regularly accused of cheating. But nobody could prove that she was actually cheating but the whole class and teachers totally believed that she did. I’m pretty socially awkward so I never really talked to her, but she was leaving school this year and I was genuinely curious about how she was so good during exams and how she didn’t let everyone’s remarks affect her. She always used to sit and hang out with only one girl, and she told me that that friend of hers was severely socially anxious and she’d lag in studies because she couldn’t bring herself to ask doubts in class or ask for help from others. So they had this system where during lectures her friend would write down any question she had, and she would ask them for her. And I was just so touched??? Idk but it really changed the way I looked at people?? This girl endured taunts and jeers and borderline bullying for being “stupid” when she was actually really smart and could easily have refused to ask such doubts for her friend but she did?? And brushed off everything others would throw at her for her friend?? I was just, idk it just really changed me in some way.

I mean, thats great and all, but if she understood the class so much why didn’t she just answer the questions the girl had? Why did she still ask in class?

Starting to get really sick of constantly walking on eggshells over my job... I feel like this probationary period is never going to end. Even when it does end I still don’t feel like I’ll be okay... I really just don’t feel okay. 

I never finished Weeds. I know you’ll never see this...but I just wanted you to know that. I’ll never get the courage to tell you this or to text you or to call you just to hear your voice. 

But I never finished weeds. Never felt right to finish the series. The draw to do things like that left when I did. 

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